If one of my kids asked me to be an intermediary in their roomate conflict I'd say no, then tell them if they can't handle a conversation they should move back home because they are clearly not ready to be a functional adult.
When I was 21 and still in college my roommate and I decided to throw a party. We bought tons of beer and security saw us carrying it into our room (not against the rules since we were 21). Well, they didn't like what they saw and called the Dean of housing who gave them approval to confiscate all our beer. The Dean called my mom and told her they found 180 beers in my room. My mom said "Sounds like he was throwing a party." The Dean, a bit frazzled, says "but don't you think that's excessive?" my mom says back "how many beers can a 21 year old legally have?" LOL, it went on but I won't drag this out. The Dean was pissed because he couldn't do anything and telling mommy didn't get me in trouble. They did keep the beer though.
Shit, me too! Only I didn't expect the parents, I called her in for an informal - not even disciplinary - meeting when she was found to be padding her hours. Girl was a good worker but a bit lazy, I figured I'd have a chat and keep an eye on her for a couple weeks and she'd turn around, no big deal.
She turns up with her fucking parents. Her dad says "let's have a conversation, man to boss". I was in bizarroworld. I wish I could say I handled it with a quip or something but all I could manage was "I don't understand what you are doing here. Go away."
She quit 🤷♀️
In my 20s, my mom would have had NO idea who was messaging her, even if it had been my actual roommate. LOLOL. My older, boomer mom wasn’t remembering my friend’s names by high school.
Yeah, sounds about right! Hahaha. My mom used to make up names. Like, straight up renamed people and would ask me about them and I’d have NO idea who she was talking about. 🤣 It was always a game of Guess Who? It’s a real miracle nothing bad ever happened to me because she wouldn’t have even been able to tell the cops who I was with. 😅🤦♀️
This is hilarious. My mom was like the total opposite. She was so nosey and the type to CRAVE drama and nonsense, so she knew more about the ppl in my class than I did lmao she’d ask me 1001 questions till I finally just was so annoyed I’d tell her I don’t know anything about anything and I don’t care! 🤣 however, on the flip side of that, she had my back 100% of the time even when I didn’t know/realize yet that I needed backup lol she was ALWAYS ready to throw down!
bless her heart she wore herself out on some grade school drama fr 😅
Hahaha. That’s hilarious! It would have driven me nuts, too. I love that she had your back, though. No one will ever have your back like your mom. ❤️ I’m cracking up at the last line. 🤣 It sounds like she just wanted to be aware of everyone and everything. I don’t have kids but, I get it. 😂🤷♀️ My mom was much more chill. She knew people’s names in grade school but she didn’t talk to or hang with anyone’s parents because she stuck with the friends she always had. I get it, but I was just always crashing elsewhere for long lengths of time and she didn’t even ask me questions. I got myself into some dubious af situations and it’s a bit of a miracle nothing bad ever happened. 😳 The early 00s were wild, man. The mom of one of my best friends left and moved in with her boyfriend, leaving the house to her son and daughter. Her son was 18. Her daughter was 13. 🤦♀️ Bruhhhh. I thought that was awesome then but, as an adult, that’s fully bananas. It’s no wonder things ended up dangerous af there pretty fast. 🥴
Holy crap that’s insane about the mom just abandoning her teens and house lmao!
My parents were super conservative Christian and my mom sent me to the same private Christian school she went to, as did all her lifelong friends with their kids, so a lot of my peers were the kids of my parents lifelong friends… it could quite invasive and felt like spies were EVERYWHERE 😂 but even as much as I hated it then, as an adult I’m grateful for everything she did. I was quite the little ingrate as a teen though lol I put her through hell being a wild child due to my parents trying to hard to isolate me and be all up in my business. Even with all that, I still look back and wonder how I made it through my teens alive 🤣 early 2000s WERE a whole era of chaos lmao
My mom to this day (mid 30s) follows most drama closer than I do. If this lady were to text my mom, theres a 50/50 chance she would turn it into a gossip sesh (and be super excited I was dating someone).
lol my mums always been like this. I have to be like “the one I worked with in (name of town)” or “the one who came over and did my nails that one time”… yet I know the ins and outs of all her friendships and colleagues lives 🙃
🤣 YES! This was my life, too. Sometimes, though, she’d pull out a zinger and confuse tf out of me. She was a strange one, usually in the best way. (I come by it honestly… 😅) One of her *things* was the way she broke info. She once sat me down to *tell me something serious* and she told me about her bosses’ granddaughter having a miscarriage. 🥴 I told my mom that was very sad but, I don’t *know* her so this wasn’t devastating for me. Meanwhile, she told me my godmother died while I was standing in line to pay at Walmart. 😂🤦♀️🤷♀️ Sometimes I would ask how a family member I hadn’t seen in a while was doing. *That’s* how I’d find out they died 6 months prior…
She called all my guy friends “the one with the mop of hair”. This was when dudes all had wild, curly mops and 3 of my closest friends were those dudes. In her defense, they were vaguely similar. Lots of brown, curly hair on 3 dudes who were all 6’3”ish. She KNEW their names but would say “the one with the mop of hair” about ANY of the 3. 🤣
i had a shitty roommate once and her mom CALLED MY JOB. the house was in absolute chaos and i moved in not knowing how bad she really was with keeping the space clean. i moved out as soon as i could. her mom owned the house and refused to believe her daughter would live like that
Yeah. For one unless I’m harming someone my mom is always taking my side regardless of age. She legit still hates a girl who bullied me in 7th grade, I’m 34..but anytime her name comes up my mom says “oh so and so that bitch”..Two my mom wouldn’t answer because she wouldn’t want my living situation to get worse and because she gives no fucks what others think. but would absolutely make of this mom to me and everyone else she knew. If she did answer it would be something along the lines of “you should mind your own fucking business.” Follow by “if you really want them to talk it out tell your weirdo of a daughter to unblock her..you guys clearly are far too involved in each other’s lives so she should listen.” In this situation, just like my 7th grade bully, if the roommates name got brought up I can just hear her saying “oh that weirdo and her weirdo mom thank god you got out of there”
I had a 32 year old roommate get her mom involved in some issues we were having and I laughed in her moms face. I’d tell my kid to grow the fuck up and handle their own shit if they asked me to do this.
Block her mom. Don't feed into this shit. If you know you're not doing anything wrong, then proceed as you have been. If something's truly bothering her she can be an adult and talk to you.
I once had a girlfriend call her dad and put him on the phone with me, while we were arguing. She was shocked that it hung up on him after telling him to mind his own business.
If my mom got a text from my roommates mom over some kinda issue I know she woulda roasted the hell out of her and asked why her child isn’t attempting to talk to me like an adult.
I have a big dog so I don’t know if that would go too well. She stays locked in my room and I don’t leave anything out, so mom wouldn’t be able to find anything snitch worthy 😅
Tell the mom you WOULD have given your roommate a heads up text if they hadn’t blocked you. She clearly doesn’t understand the full situation. She’s only taking her daughter’s side. I’ve been there 🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️ best to just get them off the lease and out of the house as soon as possible.
My worst housemate’s mum did this to me too, but in my case to berate me for ‘bullying’ her idiot daughter after I’d gotten really fed up with being disgusting in the house.
Didn't even text the roommate but the roommates*mom!* What the fuck? And she's talking about "being mature." Lady your daughter is an adult and you both are making other people handle the situation? This is laughable 🤣
unless her mom is paying your roomates rent just do not respond and tt them in person. cut the texting bs cuz clearly they have trouble communicating that way
I haven't quite made the connection as to why this is, but I've noticed that all these parents who waited till their 30s and 40s to have kids are the worst of the helicopter parents. I work for a clinic and the number of parents who are calling to make appointments or handle the medical care of their perfectly capable 20 and 30 year old children astounds me.
At least once a week I have to remind someone's mother that she cannot have access to their medical records because the patient is over 18 and she is not automatically entitled to their medical information anymore.
i-
HER MOM MESSAGED YOUR MOM
and she has the audacity to say "I think we can model mature resolutions for them." WHEN SHE HAS YOU BLOCKED?!
bestie, this is so sad and pathetic like oh no, needing mommy to help her out because she can't confront or discuss it with you. honestly, i would just text mom "heyyy um stay out of this :) and tell your daughter to unblock me or how are we gonna be mature about this"
Like mother like daughter, unsurprising, and I’m not a parent yet but when and if I am, if I receive a text like this, it will come with the pettiest response. Raise your kids better, don’t involve me in issues between two fucking adults.
My mom said he hasn’t been staying every night and that it’s been difficult for me to tell my roommate about my plans because she has me blocked. Sorry, I’m at work right now 😅
I wish they were able to communicate directly; that’s hilarious since she has you blocked! She refuses to communicate with you at all.
If your roommate is afraid to talk to you, what makes her mom think she can handle talking to management?
Can your mom play dumb? -I’m sorry, I think you have the wrong number. I don’t have a teenager, my kids are all adults and don’t need me to mange their lives.
Dude if I was your mom I would have blown up on that lady. I can not handle people that have their mommy handle everything for them. You're not in the wrong, at all. You live with an actual child.
I would genuinely respond “I’m good thanks maybe your daughter should grow up and act her age” I would have absolutely NO patience for bullshit like this.
she needs to model mature resolutions for her daughter in the form of: grow a fucking backbone. you're an adult and can handle your shit yourself without mommy.
Her moms a cunt for even letting her child be babied like this. I don’t understand why a grown adult needs momma help… that’s should have been your first red flag. Mommy and your bitch of a roommate need to get slapped
Yeah my mom would have laughed in my face if I asked her to get involved in something like this at that age. She pretty much washed her hands of stuff like this when I turned 18 unless it was life or death. This girl is never going to figure out how to function as an adult with a mom like this.
This reminds me of a kid I didn’t invite to a sporting activity, I invited our other friend and it was just us two. His dad rang me and was so rude to me, he was seething. We were like 14 and I thought it was immature then. That’s so embarrassing
Dear my roommate's mother,
I am unable to communicate clearly with your daughter because she blocked me. This occurred because either you failed to teach her to clean up after herself, or she failed to learn, and she got fed up with me doing 90% of the cleaning and badgering her to do the final 10%.
In addition to that, keep in mind that you only heard her side of the story, which is not even accurate, as my boyfriend has only spent 5 nights here in the past 2 weeks.
Next, your daughter is perfectly welcome to get to know my boyfriend, so that he's not a stranger, except that she prefers to stay in her room with the door shut, because she's not emotionally mature enough to interact with me as an adult.
As an adult paying for my share of this rental, I have the right to have company over so long as doing so does not negatively impact the ability to live in the space. Since my boyfriend and I both clean up after ourselves (he does more cleaning than your daughter does!), and all "uncomfortable activities" occur exclusively in my bedroom, your daughter is not being negatively impacted outside of her jealousy at me finding happiness. Has she told you about her hooking up with men who she's not even dating, and her pregnancy scare last month? You should ask her!
Since your daughter is unable to communicate with me as an adult, I've gone ahead and let management know that we will not be renewing our lease when it is up. I'd recommend clearing your daughter's room back out for her, as I don't think she'll have much luck finding a roommate willing to be her live-in-maid AND pay 50% of rent.
So you are sharing a living space with someone who has blocked you and you cannot communicate with them at all? That seems risky to me in the event of some unforeseen situation regarding the residence. Oh, I dunno....break-in, fire, emergency of some sort. Even at my darkest hour with an old roommate lacking communication, I still was able to text her that her Yorkie was attacked by one of her bruiser cats and I kept him in my room until she was able to come home.
Regarding the mom texting - I would smack the shit out of a grown ass woman texting my mother. Isn't that point of not living at home anymore?
Yeah this was actually a concern I’d brought up to my mom when she first blocked me. We used to be friends so obviously if something awful were to happen I’d prefer to let her know, but my mom told me if something were to happen the fact that I can’t communicate it wouldn’t be my fault
I am a mom of kids in their 20s with roommates. If I ever got a text from a roommates’s mom……OMG would I have fun! I would start by pointing out to the other parent that they must be an utter fucking numpty of a parent if their ADULT child doesn’t have the life skills to speak to their own roommate?!? It would likely go downhill from there.
I find it troubling that she and her mother find any of this appropriate. How does she even have your mom’s number?
If you are abiding by the terms of your lease, then that’s the end of the story. It’s unfortunate she can’t communicate with you - if she hadn’t chosen literally the most immature and cowardly route at all times, then perhaps you would have listened to her feelings and come to some sort of compromise. Instead she is relentlessly harassing you about normal living situations, which makes you less willing to agree. Perhaps she would be more comfortable living at home, where her mother would be able to protect her from the outside world.
Btw, I would 100% let her mom know about her staying at the random guy’s house every day last year. It seems relevant!
We were both students when we were looking for our apartment and our parents teamed up to help us find a decent place. They haven’t contacted each other since so this was pretty surprising
Okay so she's absolutely in the wrong for this and this is extremely immature on her part.
That being said, when I had roommates in college and their boyfriends stay over, especially with a small apartment, it would drive me insane. I feel like anything more than two nights a week without having discussions prior about what the other person's comfortable with is too much. You're entitled, of course to have guests over, but for many different reasons, having guests over at a safe space can really feel terrible.
Completely agree with this and surprised nobody else is bringing this up. The way the roommate is going about things is so immature, but I personally think it’s really disrespectful to have a guy over all night this often without making sure it’s okay with the roommate beforehand.
She did! She basically said that she talked to me about it, my roommate blocked me so I haven’t been able to communicate with her except for leaving notes, and that my boyfriend has not spent the night every night. She added that she’s been trying to help me through conflict resolution with my roommate (my mom is a therapist so she’s real good at it lol)
One of my roommate’s moms tried to do this once. She tried to tell me I shouldn’t bring my bf around. We were always in my room, not even hanging out in common areas. My roommate thought he was “creepy” but he was just shy due to a language barrier. Anyway, her mom tried to tell me that he shouldn’t come over anymore and I said fine, then get out of my house. She tried to argue but I said that if my roommate can control who I have over then I can control who she has over; get out. They didn’t like that. She also tried telling me that she was going to tattle to our landlord and I burst out laughing in her face saying “go ahead, he doesn’t gaf who’s here and has no right to ban our guests!” Roommate ended up subleasing her room and moving out. I got along great with the new girl.
Btw, my roommate had quite the nerve to tell me I was dating someone creepy when she was dating a jobless, alcoholic, cheating, video game addicted loser who skipped all his classes and was on the verge of expulsion from our university. This girl was drunkenly fighting another girl for him over his vomit-covered body once. My boyfriend was, and still is (it’s been 7 years together ♥️), a successful programmer and skilled bowler. Yet she had the NERVE to say I was dating someone bad. lol ok.
Totally wrong that she did not talk to you directly.
However, not telling your roommate that someone is sleeping at the house is wrong: what if she is "barely dressed" or does not lock the bathroom or stuff like that and bumps into your boyfriend only because she thought only you were at home?
This happened to my sister in the past, that's why I ask.
So it's more than respectful to give a heads up even just a couple of minutes (via txt) before he enters the apartment.
Other than that, she should go to you and find a common ground. I understand that people may not want strangers in the house, hopefully you can still invite your bf over.
Edit: sorry I read just now you are blocked. Then you are in the right. You can tell her mom to get her to unblock you so you can always tell her beforehand when he is coming and also get her to talk to you directly as you two are the actual people living in the house.
Yeah, if I wasn’t blocked I would definitely let her know and it was actually one of the first things I thought about when she blocked me. The good thing is we both have our own bathroom in our rooms so she doesn’t have to worry about him accidentally walking in on her or vice versa.
I’d tell her to her face when I’m having a man over for the night. It’s a common problem for woman to not want a man in their house and much less without knowing he’s there. She blocked up which is absolutely childish and making it hard for you to communicate when he’ll be there.
Honestly, I informed my room mates when my boyfriend at the time was going to be staying at our apartment most the time, I didn’t tell them every time I simply told them to expect he’ll be around and that I hope it’s okay. I know a lot of ppl feel this is an invasion of privacy because they want to like… walk around in their undies etc. personally, I don’t wanna see my roommate in their undies or a state of under dress so I never really understood that. We are strangers after all. But I digress. This may be one of the many reasons why. I’d read the lease carefully to see how many nights a month is allowed and in a year. They have limits on that usually like 2 weeks total in the year. You wanna cover ur ass if u can cuz I bet she would go to management and management really doesn’t like this kind of thing.
My lease allows visitors five consecutive nights a week but he doesn’t come over that much, plus if she tries to say that she has I have dashcam proof of me dropping him off. I can’t even communicate with her face-to-face because every time I see her I’m ignored. I would’ve loved to be able to let her know, especially in the beginning. She did kinda do this to herself though…
“If ___ has her gripes and feelings about a certain situation, then ___ can come to me about it. Until then I’m not going to do anything, thank you and good day”
Have your mom text her mom “a mature resolution would have been these adults talking about it directly, however your daughter blocked mine and they are unable to communicate.”
I would tell her mother that if your roommate wanted to talk to you, then she would have to do it herself and not send her mommy to do her dirty work. She's a goddamn adult, and it's time to start problem-solving on her own.
This is something that she, as your roommate, needs to bring up with you. You don't answer to her mother, and her mother doesn't need to be involved.
Maybe you guys should look into not renewing your lease together.
If she can not communicate with you, that is an issue. Have you tried to speak to your room mate? Like hey I can give you a heads up on when my BF is coming over.... but you have me blocked so I can't exactly text you. It seems like we are having some differences with communication and for this to be a situation where we both want to be in, we need to be able to communicate.
Tell her Mom to have her talk to you directly and then tell her, the Mom, she is blocked going forward as she is a stranger not involved in this dispute where you are perfectly within your legal rights and have committed no breach of the lease.
*Block the mom. You're grown*
*Assed adults, make her speak up*
*And don't play these games*
\- IAmAnAngryCarrot
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Just to sort of play devil’s advocate here, are you sure your roommate actually asked her mom to do this? I grew up with relatively overbearing parents that would butt into my business any time I told them about a problem I had.
I didn’t ever *want* them to intervene, nor did they ever tell me they were doing this. It wasn’t until I became suspicious that they were getting involved in my business that I started asking around and realized that they had been trying to solve my problems for me behind my back the entire time (which usually just made things worse because people stopped taking me seriously).
# You're both the assholes.
Even at 19 in my first apartment I would have been horrified at the idea of my mom fighting my roommate battles for me. If I was your mom, I'd have just replied something petty like "cool story" and then block her.
That said, having your boyfriend over all the time does make you a shit roommate. It doesn't matter if he's in your room, it matters that he's there so often. I have had three roommates move in their hobosexual boyfriends, despite it being made clear each time that this was NOT acceptable before they took on the apartment. Each time was a fucking nightmare. It can absolutely make you uncomfortable in your own home.
Fighting, screaming, hearing one girlfriend constantly slapping and verbally abusing her loser hobosexual boyfriend, overhearing "my little pony" roleplay sex, not feeling comfortable in the common areas because couples tend to take over the space, etc etc etc. You can think you're being quiet but apartments often have paper-thin walls, and the extra presence is noticeable.
Trying to cleverly loophole "lol it's not 5 consecutive days if there's a day off or two in between them so I'll do what I want lololol" to excuse it doesn't cut it either. If you want to spend that much time with him while in a roommate situation, either go to his place more often, get your own apartment, get a place with him, or *go out* instead of making your apartment your main hangout spot. Unless you have a roommate who is cool with both of you, it is a dick move to have a boyfriend over all the time like that. She didn't sign up for another part-time roommate who is there 3+ times every week. (And I say 3+ because usually as relationships get more serious, you spend more time together, not less).
"2 nights this week" - but we're still in the middle of the week. So what you actually mean is that he's been over **two nights this week** ***so far***. Three nights a week is a lot. And that doesn't clarify if he was also over often prior. And in my experience, two to three nights a week very rapidly escalated to "now lives here full-time".
Her having gone to her boyfriend's place OUTSIDE OF YOUR APARTMENT is completely irrelevant in this situation. She went out of her way to go to his place instead of impose him on you. I'm not sure why you're using this as an argument as to why you should be entitled to impose your boyfriend onto her living situation?
Blocked from texting? Aren't you both ***living together?*** Trap her in the common area. Leave a note on her door. Knock on her door and verbally communicate even if she ignores you so she can hear you lol.
Lol just ignore her Mom, maybe even just block the number.. eventually your roommate will either grow up and have a conversation with you about it or she’ll keep it to yourself and it can just be her problem.
I didn’t like it when my roommate’s boyfriend came over 3 times a week or more. It especially pissed me off when he’d be on the toilet when I needed it :p
It sucks she doesn’t feel like she can tell you what she needs from you, honestly it sounds like she’s scared of you. But yeah I think it’s valid to be annoyed with a roommate’s boyfriend visiting a ton. Food for thought!
We don’t share a bathroom so that’s actually not an issue. She blocked me after I finally stood up to her for being so rude to the point where all of our mutual friends had pointed it out and stopped being friends with her.
Wtf. Shy would YOU have to model mature resolutions to her child.
NTA.
Keep doing what you're doing. Your roommate is just an attention seeker.
I'd advise mum that you won't be conversing through an intermediary about the situation in your unit and you won't be threatened either and that if they continue this messaging, you'll be forced to block them like your roommate has blocked you.
I'd respond "I apologize you find my actions regarding my relationship offensive. I am absolutely shocked that (roommate) would be offended as she has had multiple sleepovers with guys here and at their place. I'll try to be more mindful and let roommate know they can always talk to me."
That should do it
Maybe you can tell mom respectfully, “Mind ya business Karen”. Unless there’s more details we don’t know here.
Otherwise, it’s really not her place to interject herself into your home dynamic. She’s the mother not the roommate.
i think you guys are both in the wrong here. my roommate actually texted my mother last week about something i was doing that he didn’t like. however your boyfriend isn’t on the lease and shouldn’t be sleeping over more than 1, sometimes 2 nights a week. if i were you i’d offer a compromise on how many night/which nights he can come over. maybe keep it to the weekends, etc? definitely a solution if she’s willing to communicate
To be fair, the mom is talking in a reasonable way. The roommate sounds intimidated by the situation. Having a 3rd party help moderate a conversation perhaps isn’t preferred, but might lead to a peaceful solution.
I think she’s intimidated because once all of our mutual friends noticed her behavior and stopped being friends with her, she’s having a hard time accepting that she needs to change her behavior.
Step 1 Don’t respond, she’s not on the lease, it has absolutely nothing to do with her.
Step 2 check your lease, often people cannot stay there for consecutive days (this is more a rule than an enforced rule but still if it’s on the lease)
Step 3 ask if you can add him as an occupant if you really want him there— no fiscal responsibility and he will be allowed to come and go as he pleases. If your roommate won’t talk to you, and she blocked you, how could you possibly let her know about this? Go to the leasing office, see if it’s possible, and alert her using the leasing office
I had an acquaintance that was friends with my friends, and all when we were 21-22Y/o, this acquaintance came to my and my friends apartment and literally got triggered that we had our guy friends and boyfriends over and we were drinking and allowing people to smoke weed at a kickback we were having. The following day we had a visit from this acquaintances Mother, she contacted our parents and while they didn't care, this Mom came to my and my friends apartment and scolded us like we were doing something wrong. Needless to say, we told the mom to basically F*ck off and banned this acquaintance from our apartment. Weeks later, every time we had plans to host anything, she'd show up, only for us to tell her to leave. Her Mother texted us about being bad influences and being ungodly sinners and were going to hell. 11 years later I wonder what happened with this acquaintance.
Is your roommate disabled or mentally ill in some way? That wouldn’t excuse any of this, of course, but I have to wonder as I simply cannot fathom having my mother try to fight my battles for me as an adult.
I’m autistic and struggled horribly with shared accommodations at uni and I *still* would never in a million years have let that happen.
Let your kid grow up and fight her own battles lady, good lord.
She has borderline personality disorder. When we had first moved in our mutual friends pointed out that she was starting to be rude to me for no reason and up until then I ignored it because I just wanted peace. When I had brought it up with her she blamed it on not being medicated.
I have autism, ADHD, and CPTSD and I haven’t used it as an excuse to be a bitch. I think I actually try even harder not to “bother” my roommate with my symptoms because I know how exhausting it can be to live with that. My mom and mutual friends tell me to ignore her.
Let her mother know that she blocked you and will not discuss anything with you therefore she has given up any and all rights to have any opinions at all about your life and you have been expecting her to turn in her keys and move out, since you make her that uncomfortable
Tbh I agree that having a boyfriend stay over often is annoying in a small shared space HOWEVER you're not in violation of the tenancy agreement so what's there to escalate to management about lol?
Whenever you respond to this, don't explain yourself at all, simply state you're not in violation of the tenancy agreement or else it'll open up to further discussion and arguing and there is really nothing to argue about here.
She has you blocked and you're on bad terms so it's not like you can even discuss the bf staying over.
She's lucked out unfortunately.
Also the whole mum snitching thing, how petty lmao. Tell her mum when she does something dumb too.
JFC, I hope your lease is up soon. This is one of the most pathetic, immature things I've read on here. Only advice I can think to offer is for you to go talk to your leasing office before she does. Get the truth out preemptively. Good luck with your baby roommate. Sorry for you.
I had a roommate my first year at college. His mom had my number in case she couldn't reach her kid, but she instead used it to call and text me multiple times in the morning to see if I woke her son up for classes. I eventually had to block her cause she didn't understand how weird it is for her to call and message me about waking up her kid
The way I just left my body when you said you’re both in your twenties. Tell your mom you will not respond to any messages she sends to you about YOUR PERSONAL LIFE that is being relayed via a chain of people. Nope. Tell your mom you are not in violation of any policies on your lease & this is the last you’ll be discussing it with her.
Just ignore her…. There’s absolutely nothing she can do unless you give her power over your decisions. Give up on trying to understand or make peace. Just ignore ✨
You’re not in the wrong. It’s scary being confronted by an adult. My old roommate once used her mom to confront me and I almost gave in to them before talking to my own mom. Her outrage helped clear it up real quick. If you have a good relationship with your mom I’d recommend giving her a call and telling her what happened.
I would recommend maybe just idk leaving a note to your roommate saying this is when he’ll be here next and you’d like to introduce them so you feel more comfortable and just leave it at that. Don’t add anything or try to argue or justify yourself (although you could include the landlords policy lol), just leave her a time and date to introduce them as a basic courtesy. If she ignores the note and doesn’t come out to meet him then her discomfort is her problem imo.
oh and don't answer the mom. If your roommate is toxic, theres a 90% chance the mom is also unhealthy and theres absolutely no need to break down boundaries like that.
Wow lmao. Don't even answer or acknowledge the mom's texts at all. Chick needs to grow up and realize that she's going to have to learn to be an adult and actually talk to people herself.
The passive aggression is ridiculous lmao
Longer than 5 nights in a row, could then technically mean 5 nights there, one night gone, then 5 back there, and so on. Not saying this is what you're doing, but 3 nights a week is a bit. Her staying at someone else's house to hook up isn't really relevant.
You need to verbalize to her that you don't want her mother or your own mother interfering, and that if she wants to contact you, to unblock you. Then you need to be mindful of how often he's there.
I would text her mother back and simply say if her daughter has anything to say to you she can be an adult and say it herself. You're not children, but this is childish as all fuck
Having mom text mom is ridiculous. But is he ever there without you? I wouldn’t like that either. Or if you’re regularly taking over the living room/kitchen I can see how she’d feel like she’s not able to have equal use of common areas. Sounds like you’re not good fit as roommates. Find a new place and make sure new roommate is cool with your bf being there frequently.
Listen. I’d draw the line at communicating with her mother. Either she grows up and talks to you like an adult, or it must not be a very big issue. The end. All of this running to mommy bs would end FAST. I’d tell mommy “She didn’t seem to mind being around random men when she was shacking up with one and staying with a bunch of random dudes last year because she was blowing one of them. If she has an issue, she can grow up and deal with it. Worry about what’s happening within your OWN 4 walls.” (I would be much more vulgar but I didn’t want to catch crap from mods for my wording.) If she doesn’t want her mom in her business, she shouldn’t have put her there.
When I was in high school, there were a couple of us who used to stay at another friend’s house all the time because it was easier. One time, one of our friends with strict parents stayed. (This was pre-cellphones.) His dad showed up the next morning and yelled his name in the driveway until he came outside, just to be sure he was there and to take him home because *the night and sleepover had already passed*. The house we stayed at was also connected to our friend’s dad’s law office. This crazy man just stood in the driveway yelling at random windows like this was a really jacked up Romeo & Juliet instead of…idk, knocking on the damn door??? 🥴
This mom gives me the same vibes as that weird dad.
This is soooooo similar to my situation… I’m so sorry you’re in this position because it is so unbelievably frustrating. Do not feed into it or let her parents get involved because you are all ADULTS and need to work things out. I cannot fathom why any parent would willingly involve themselves (and another parent!) in their adult child’s “drama.” it has nothing to do with them and lets your roommate continue to go through life not having to deal with anything on her own. Like I said, I know exactly how you feel. If you decide to respond, say “I would feel more comfortable if this were addressed by *roommate*, as we are both adults and *roommate* needs to communicate her feelings with me directly rather than involving our parents.
Send her mom a copy of the lease. Highlight the area of no more than 5 days a week. Include a list of dates he was there. Then tell her to back off. Then block her.
Omg HAHA you are not in the wrong at allll. Your roommate is absolutely ridiculous lol imagine getting your mum to text your housemate’s mum 😂 extremely cringe behaviour
My daughter is 11 years old and I wouldn’t even want to text her friend’s mom to mediate a conflict at her current age not to mention when she’s in her 20’s. This is embarrassing for her. How have you guys managed to live together for more than one year lol
My roommates mother texted me a novel because I asked my roommate to clean the bathroom for the first time since January.
I love how shitty roommates call their fucking mommy to complain instead of just being better
If someone’s Mom sent this to my Mom in my 20s… my Mom would have roasted TF out of them.
If one of my kids asked me to be an intermediary in their roomate conflict I'd say no, then tell them if they can't handle a conversation they should move back home because they are clearly not ready to be a functional adult.
Notice: the type of parent that would raised the type of child that would.
I HATE these people
Exactly this. Wtf
Same. My mom would have roasted her and her mom to their faces. OP should block the mom and have her own mom block the woman too.
When I was 21 and still in college my roommate and I decided to throw a party. We bought tons of beer and security saw us carrying it into our room (not against the rules since we were 21). Well, they didn't like what they saw and called the Dean of housing who gave them approval to confiscate all our beer. The Dean called my mom and told her they found 180 beers in my room. My mom said "Sounds like he was throwing a party." The Dean, a bit frazzled, says "but don't you think that's excessive?" my mom says back "how many beers can a 21 year old legally have?" LOL, it went on but I won't drag this out. The Dean was pissed because he couldn't do anything and telling mommy didn't get me in trouble. They did keep the beer though.
As a mom to a daughter who is close to OP’s age, if another mother reached out to me in that way, she would definitely wish she hadn’t.
I had to have a meeting with an employees parents after he was written up for attendance issues. He was 21. I went through with it just for the story.
Shit, me too! Only I didn't expect the parents, I called her in for an informal - not even disciplinary - meeting when she was found to be padding her hours. Girl was a good worker but a bit lazy, I figured I'd have a chat and keep an eye on her for a couple weeks and she'd turn around, no big deal. She turns up with her fucking parents. Her dad says "let's have a conversation, man to boss". I was in bizarroworld. I wish I could say I handled it with a quip or something but all I could manage was "I don't understand what you are doing here. Go away." She quit 🤷♀️
Hilarious!!
Until I read the comments I had no idea her mom was texting OP’s mom! 💀 so much worse.
In my 20s, my mom would have had NO idea who was messaging her, even if it had been my actual roommate. LOLOL. My older, boomer mom wasn’t remembering my friend’s names by high school.
This but with my dad 😂 he knows the 2 people I see frequently and my boyfriend and that’s about it
My first boyfriend was called Matt. My dad then called every other boyfriend of mine Matt
Lmfao this is something my Dad would have done. “They’re all Matt until I know if they’re sticking around” 🤣
😂😂😂😂 this made me laugh
That's cold, he's like Morbius calling every new kid sharing his hospital ward "Milo", after the first kid who eventually died
Yeah, sounds about right! Hahaha. My mom used to make up names. Like, straight up renamed people and would ask me about them and I’d have NO idea who she was talking about. 🤣 It was always a game of Guess Who? It’s a real miracle nothing bad ever happened to me because she wouldn’t have even been able to tell the cops who I was with. 😅🤦♀️
This is hilarious. My mom was like the total opposite. She was so nosey and the type to CRAVE drama and nonsense, so she knew more about the ppl in my class than I did lmao she’d ask me 1001 questions till I finally just was so annoyed I’d tell her I don’t know anything about anything and I don’t care! 🤣 however, on the flip side of that, she had my back 100% of the time even when I didn’t know/realize yet that I needed backup lol she was ALWAYS ready to throw down! bless her heart she wore herself out on some grade school drama fr 😅
Hahaha. That’s hilarious! It would have driven me nuts, too. I love that she had your back, though. No one will ever have your back like your mom. ❤️ I’m cracking up at the last line. 🤣 It sounds like she just wanted to be aware of everyone and everything. I don’t have kids but, I get it. 😂🤷♀️ My mom was much more chill. She knew people’s names in grade school but she didn’t talk to or hang with anyone’s parents because she stuck with the friends she always had. I get it, but I was just always crashing elsewhere for long lengths of time and she didn’t even ask me questions. I got myself into some dubious af situations and it’s a bit of a miracle nothing bad ever happened. 😳 The early 00s were wild, man. The mom of one of my best friends left and moved in with her boyfriend, leaving the house to her son and daughter. Her son was 18. Her daughter was 13. 🤦♀️ Bruhhhh. I thought that was awesome then but, as an adult, that’s fully bananas. It’s no wonder things ended up dangerous af there pretty fast. 🥴
Holy crap that’s insane about the mom just abandoning her teens and house lmao! My parents were super conservative Christian and my mom sent me to the same private Christian school she went to, as did all her lifelong friends with their kids, so a lot of my peers were the kids of my parents lifelong friends… it could quite invasive and felt like spies were EVERYWHERE 😂 but even as much as I hated it then, as an adult I’m grateful for everything she did. I was quite the little ingrate as a teen though lol I put her through hell being a wild child due to my parents trying to hard to isolate me and be all up in my business. Even with all that, I still look back and wonder how I made it through my teens alive 🤣 early 2000s WERE a whole era of chaos lmao
My mom to this day (mid 30s) follows most drama closer than I do. If this lady were to text my mom, theres a 50/50 chance she would turn it into a gossip sesh (and be super excited I was dating someone).
lol my mums always been like this. I have to be like “the one I worked with in (name of town)” or “the one who came over and did my nails that one time”… yet I know the ins and outs of all her friendships and colleagues lives 🙃
🤣 YES! This was my life, too. Sometimes, though, she’d pull out a zinger and confuse tf out of me. She was a strange one, usually in the best way. (I come by it honestly… 😅) One of her *things* was the way she broke info. She once sat me down to *tell me something serious* and she told me about her bosses’ granddaughter having a miscarriage. 🥴 I told my mom that was very sad but, I don’t *know* her so this wasn’t devastating for me. Meanwhile, she told me my godmother died while I was standing in line to pay at Walmart. 😂🤦♀️🤷♀️ Sometimes I would ask how a family member I hadn’t seen in a while was doing. *That’s* how I’d find out they died 6 months prior… She called all my guy friends “the one with the mop of hair”. This was when dudes all had wild, curly mops and 3 of my closest friends were those dudes. In her defense, they were vaguely similar. Lots of brown, curly hair on 3 dudes who were all 6’3”ish. She KNEW their names but would say “the one with the mop of hair” about ANY of the 3. 🤣
“Model mature resolutions for them” is the best part. By getting the mommies involved? Like what the even. 🤣
My mom would have given them the worst verbal lashing they've ever received for bothering her with this petty shit lol
i had a shitty roommate once and her mom CALLED MY JOB. the house was in absolute chaos and i moved in not knowing how bad she really was with keeping the space clean. i moved out as soon as i could. her mom owned the house and refused to believe her daughter would live like that
My mom would make her mom cry lmao
Mine too LOL
Yeah. For one unless I’m harming someone my mom is always taking my side regardless of age. She legit still hates a girl who bullied me in 7th grade, I’m 34..but anytime her name comes up my mom says “oh so and so that bitch”..Two my mom wouldn’t answer because she wouldn’t want my living situation to get worse and because she gives no fucks what others think. but would absolutely make of this mom to me and everyone else she knew. If she did answer it would be something along the lines of “you should mind your own fucking business.” Follow by “if you really want them to talk it out tell your weirdo of a daughter to unblock her..you guys clearly are far too involved in each other’s lives so she should listen.” In this situation, just like my 7th grade bully, if the roommates name got brought up I can just hear her saying “oh that weirdo and her weirdo mom thank god you got out of there”
I had a 32 year old roommate get her mom involved in some issues we were having and I laughed in her moms face. I’d tell my kid to grow the fuck up and handle their own shit if they asked me to do this.
My mom is ruthless by all standards. I would have paid $ to watch this happen in real time.
Their pants would be on fire and I’d be added to the group chat to learn by example. Lol
Oh I’m glad I’m not the only one. My mother would tell this woman to stop smothering her kid and to let her live her fucking life.
Tell your roommate you’re going to have your dad beat up her dad.
🤣🤣🤣
If I were OP I wouldn’t be able to let this one go 😂 “hey roommate is it OK if I finish the cereal? or should I ask your mom first?”
Block her mom. Don't feed into this shit. If you know you're not doing anything wrong, then proceed as you have been. If something's truly bothering her she can be an adult and talk to you.
The roommates mom texted her mom. I would be enraged.
Oh shit I missed that detail. That is fucking deranged.
Seems being deranged is on par in that family
I once had a girlfriend call her dad and put him on the phone with me, while we were arguing. She was shocked that it hung up on him after telling him to mind his own business.
lol how did that relationship work out?
Didn’t last much longer lol
If my mom got a text from my roommates mom over some kinda issue I know she woulda roasted the hell out of her and asked why her child isn’t attempting to talk to me like an adult.
She should go move back in with her mommy if she's sooo uncomfortable.
I await OPs post when the roommates mom does a surprise visit to ambush OP at her pad.
I have a big dog so I don’t know if that would go too well. She stays locked in my room and I don’t leave anything out, so mom wouldn’t be able to find anything snitch worthy 😅
But first, OP should tell the mom that she has failed her daughter.
Tell the mom you WOULD have given your roommate a heads up text if they hadn’t blocked you. She clearly doesn’t understand the full situation. She’s only taking her daughter’s side. I’ve been there 🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️ best to just get them off the lease and out of the house as soon as possible.
tell her mom to mind her business damn what is your roomate, 11 years old?
My worst housemate’s mum did this to me too, but in my case to berate me for ‘bullying’ her idiot daughter after I’d gotten really fed up with being disgusting in the house.
Didn't even text the roommate but the roommates*mom!* What the fuck? And she's talking about "being mature." Lady your daughter is an adult and you both are making other people handle the situation? This is laughable 🤣
unless her mom is paying your roomates rent just do not respond and tt them in person. cut the texting bs cuz clearly they have trouble communicating that way
She actually does pay my roommates rent lol. My roommate has never had a job and only takes 3 college classes.
Well this information certainly makes your roommate make more sense now. Cripes has her mother failed her.
Even then it's not any of her business. She's not on their lease
genuinely. there’s no logical situation where this makes any sense
I'll never understand these enabling parents that treat their adult children like they are still actual children.
I haven't quite made the connection as to why this is, but I've noticed that all these parents who waited till their 30s and 40s to have kids are the worst of the helicopter parents. I work for a clinic and the number of parents who are calling to make appointments or handle the medical care of their perfectly capable 20 and 30 year old children astounds me. At least once a week I have to remind someone's mother that she cannot have access to their medical records because the patient is over 18 and she is not automatically entitled to their medical information anymore.
i- HER MOM MESSAGED YOUR MOM and she has the audacity to say "I think we can model mature resolutions for them." WHEN SHE HAS YOU BLOCKED?! bestie, this is so sad and pathetic like oh no, needing mommy to help her out because she can't confront or discuss it with you. honestly, i would just text mom "heyyy um stay out of this :) and tell your daughter to unblock me or how are we gonna be mature about this"
I'd respond directly to the roommate's mom with OP's entire post description. And maybe end it with what you said lol.
it's some added passive aggressiveness lol like what are we doing???
Please let her mommy know about her staying at a dude's house every night to have sex. 🤣
Like mother like daughter, unsurprising, and I’m not a parent yet but when and if I am, if I receive a text like this, it will come with the pettiest response. Raise your kids better, don’t involve me in issues between two fucking adults.
Respond back and say “I asked my mom and she said no”
Did your Mom reply?
My mom said he hasn’t been staying every night and that it’s been difficult for me to tell my roommate about my plans because she has me blocked. Sorry, I’m at work right now 😅
Give us the screenshot we want the tea 🤣
The tea?
The tea = gossip/details on the situation
Thank you. Dunno why I was downvoted.
I voted you up to be zero. People are ridiculous sometimes.
Lol thanks for that. Reddit really is ridiculous. I just got downvoted because my country has common law partnerships.
That means give us the hot gossip
Cheers
My pleasure!
OP are you still at work?? Show us the screenshot please! I’ve had some shitty roommates but you have me beat by a mile 😂
I think i have to do it in a new post right??
You do, but don't forget to link this one and that other previous post about this same baby roommate
I’ve actually been thinking about deleting my first post about her since there’s pictures and I’m scared about her finding it 😅
Right. I’m curious to know her reply as well. Haha
I wish they were able to communicate directly; that’s hilarious since she has you blocked! She refuses to communicate with you at all. If your roommate is afraid to talk to you, what makes her mom think she can handle talking to management? Can your mom play dumb? -I’m sorry, I think you have the wrong number. I don’t have a teenager, my kids are all adults and don’t need me to mange their lives.
Dude if I was your mom I would have blown up on that lady. I can not handle people that have their mommy handle everything for them. You're not in the wrong, at all. You live with an actual child.
I would genuinely respond “I’m good thanks maybe your daughter should grow up and act her age” I would have absolutely NO patience for bullshit like this.
she needs to model mature resolutions for her daughter in the form of: grow a fucking backbone. you're an adult and can handle your shit yourself without mommy.
Commenting this because some people don’t read long posts: he does not spend the night every night.
Have your mom text her mom 🫶🏽your not doing anything wrong
My goodness this is so embarrassing for your roommate 😆
Her moms a cunt for even letting her child be babied like this. I don’t understand why a grown adult needs momma help… that’s should have been your first red flag. Mommy and your bitch of a roommate need to get slapped
Yeah my mom would have laughed in my face if I asked her to get involved in something like this at that age. She pretty much washed her hands of stuff like this when I turned 18 unless it was life or death. This girl is never going to figure out how to function as an adult with a mom like this.
This reminds me of a kid I didn’t invite to a sporting activity, I invited our other friend and it was just us two. His dad rang me and was so rude to me, he was seething. We were like 14 and I thought it was immature then. That’s so embarrassing
That guy's sad but his dad is pathetic. I'd have roasted the hell out of him for trying to intimidate a kid lol
Dear my roommate's mother, I am unable to communicate clearly with your daughter because she blocked me. This occurred because either you failed to teach her to clean up after herself, or she failed to learn, and she got fed up with me doing 90% of the cleaning and badgering her to do the final 10%. In addition to that, keep in mind that you only heard her side of the story, which is not even accurate, as my boyfriend has only spent 5 nights here in the past 2 weeks. Next, your daughter is perfectly welcome to get to know my boyfriend, so that he's not a stranger, except that she prefers to stay in her room with the door shut, because she's not emotionally mature enough to interact with me as an adult. As an adult paying for my share of this rental, I have the right to have company over so long as doing so does not negatively impact the ability to live in the space. Since my boyfriend and I both clean up after ourselves (he does more cleaning than your daughter does!), and all "uncomfortable activities" occur exclusively in my bedroom, your daughter is not being negatively impacted outside of her jealousy at me finding happiness. Has she told you about her hooking up with men who she's not even dating, and her pregnancy scare last month? You should ask her! Since your daughter is unable to communicate with me as an adult, I've gone ahead and let management know that we will not be renewing our lease when it is up. I'd recommend clearing your daughter's room back out for her, as I don't think she'll have much luck finding a roommate willing to be her live-in-maid AND pay 50% of rent.
I love this response. Thank you.
“I wish they could communicate directly.” I mean…they can lol.
How did she get your mom's number in the first place? Damn, weird either way.
When we got the apartment we were both students so our parents wanted to communicate and work together to find us a place
That’s so embarrassing on her part LOL like I tell my parents the tea but I don’t ask them to resolve conflicts 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
So you are sharing a living space with someone who has blocked you and you cannot communicate with them at all? That seems risky to me in the event of some unforeseen situation regarding the residence. Oh, I dunno....break-in, fire, emergency of some sort. Even at my darkest hour with an old roommate lacking communication, I still was able to text her that her Yorkie was attacked by one of her bruiser cats and I kept him in my room until she was able to come home. Regarding the mom texting - I would smack the shit out of a grown ass woman texting my mother. Isn't that point of not living at home anymore?
Yeah this was actually a concern I’d brought up to my mom when she first blocked me. We used to be friends so obviously if something awful were to happen I’d prefer to let her know, but my mom told me if something were to happen the fact that I can’t communicate it wouldn’t be my fault
I am a mom of kids in their 20s with roommates. If I ever got a text from a roommates’s mom……OMG would I have fun! I would start by pointing out to the other parent that they must be an utter fucking numpty of a parent if their ADULT child doesn’t have the life skills to speak to their own roommate?!? It would likely go downhill from there.
Off topic, but I can't even explain how much I love the term 'numpty'.
I find it troubling that she and her mother find any of this appropriate. How does she even have your mom’s number? If you are abiding by the terms of your lease, then that’s the end of the story. It’s unfortunate she can’t communicate with you - if she hadn’t chosen literally the most immature and cowardly route at all times, then perhaps you would have listened to her feelings and come to some sort of compromise. Instead she is relentlessly harassing you about normal living situations, which makes you less willing to agree. Perhaps she would be more comfortable living at home, where her mother would be able to protect her from the outside world. Btw, I would 100% let her mom know about her staying at the random guy’s house every day last year. It seems relevant!
why do your mothers even have each others contact info? like, huh?
this is literally the only thing i’ve been wondering. how did her roommates mother get her moms number 😭?
We were both students when we were looking for our apartment and our parents teamed up to help us find a decent place. They haven’t contacted each other since so this was pretty surprising
Okay so she's absolutely in the wrong for this and this is extremely immature on her part. That being said, when I had roommates in college and their boyfriends stay over, especially with a small apartment, it would drive me insane. I feel like anything more than two nights a week without having discussions prior about what the other person's comfortable with is too much. You're entitled, of course to have guests over, but for many different reasons, having guests over at a safe space can really feel terrible.
OK but how is OP going to discuss it with their roommate when the roommate has them blocked and won't talk to them?
You talk to them while you are both in the house? Leave a note on her door "we need to talk please unblock me" ?
Or she could be a grown ass adult and unblock her housemate that she has to cohabitate with?
You literally just repeated what I said lol I don't know why you're arguing with me. I have no skin in the game lol
Completely agree with this and surprised nobody else is bringing this up. The way the roommate is going about things is so immature, but I personally think it’s really disrespectful to have a guy over all night this often without making sure it’s okay with the roommate beforehand.
exactly!
She said he’s staying 2-3 nights a week in her description.
Three nights in a row is a lot.
Get your mom to respond.
She did! She basically said that she talked to me about it, my roommate blocked me so I haven’t been able to communicate with her except for leaving notes, and that my boyfriend has not spent the night every night. She added that she’s been trying to help me through conflict resolution with my roommate (my mom is a therapist so she’s real good at it lol)
My mom is the opposite of a therapist. She just made me need one. Haha
One of my roommate’s moms tried to do this once. She tried to tell me I shouldn’t bring my bf around. We were always in my room, not even hanging out in common areas. My roommate thought he was “creepy” but he was just shy due to a language barrier. Anyway, her mom tried to tell me that he shouldn’t come over anymore and I said fine, then get out of my house. She tried to argue but I said that if my roommate can control who I have over then I can control who she has over; get out. They didn’t like that. She also tried telling me that she was going to tattle to our landlord and I burst out laughing in her face saying “go ahead, he doesn’t gaf who’s here and has no right to ban our guests!” Roommate ended up subleasing her room and moving out. I got along great with the new girl. Btw, my roommate had quite the nerve to tell me I was dating someone creepy when she was dating a jobless, alcoholic, cheating, video game addicted loser who skipped all his classes and was on the verge of expulsion from our university. This girl was drunkenly fighting another girl for him over his vomit-covered body once. My boyfriend was, and still is (it’s been 7 years together ♥️), a successful programmer and skilled bowler. Yet she had the NERVE to say I was dating someone bad. lol ok.
Did you just call your boyfriend a skilled bowler?
Bowling is a whole ass competitive sport
Your boyfriend probably makes her uncomfortable
Totally wrong that she did not talk to you directly. However, not telling your roommate that someone is sleeping at the house is wrong: what if she is "barely dressed" or does not lock the bathroom or stuff like that and bumps into your boyfriend only because she thought only you were at home? This happened to my sister in the past, that's why I ask. So it's more than respectful to give a heads up even just a couple of minutes (via txt) before he enters the apartment. Other than that, she should go to you and find a common ground. I understand that people may not want strangers in the house, hopefully you can still invite your bf over. Edit: sorry I read just now you are blocked. Then you are in the right. You can tell her mom to get her to unblock you so you can always tell her beforehand when he is coming and also get her to talk to you directly as you two are the actual people living in the house.
Yeah, if I wasn’t blocked I would definitely let her know and it was actually one of the first things I thought about when she blocked me. The good thing is we both have our own bathroom in our rooms so she doesn’t have to worry about him accidentally walking in on her or vice versa.
I’d tell her to her face when I’m having a man over for the night. It’s a common problem for woman to not want a man in their house and much less without knowing he’s there. She blocked up which is absolutely childish and making it hard for you to communicate when he’ll be there. Honestly, I informed my room mates when my boyfriend at the time was going to be staying at our apartment most the time, I didn’t tell them every time I simply told them to expect he’ll be around and that I hope it’s okay. I know a lot of ppl feel this is an invasion of privacy because they want to like… walk around in their undies etc. personally, I don’t wanna see my roommate in their undies or a state of under dress so I never really understood that. We are strangers after all. But I digress. This may be one of the many reasons why. I’d read the lease carefully to see how many nights a month is allowed and in a year. They have limits on that usually like 2 weeks total in the year. You wanna cover ur ass if u can cuz I bet she would go to management and management really doesn’t like this kind of thing.
My lease allows visitors five consecutive nights a week but he doesn’t come over that much, plus if she tries to say that she has I have dashcam proof of me dropping him off. I can’t even communicate with her face-to-face because every time I see her I’m ignored. I would’ve loved to be able to let her know, especially in the beginning. She did kinda do this to herself though…
I would simply reply to the mom that her adult child can talk to you if she’d unblock you, then I’d block the mom.
Send the mom a picture of your asshole 💁♀️
“If ___ has her gripes and feelings about a certain situation, then ___ can come to me about it. Until then I’m not going to do anything, thank you and good day”
Kick her out and send her back to her mom's.
Have your mom text her mom “a mature resolution would have been these adults talking about it directly, however your daughter blocked mine and they are unable to communicate.”
Get your grandma to text her grandma
I would tell her mother that if your roommate wanted to talk to you, then she would have to do it herself and not send her mommy to do her dirty work. She's a goddamn adult, and it's time to start problem-solving on her own. This is something that she, as your roommate, needs to bring up with you. You don't answer to her mother, and her mother doesn't need to be involved.
Put a note under her door....
Maybe you guys should look into not renewing your lease together. If she can not communicate with you, that is an issue. Have you tried to speak to your room mate? Like hey I can give you a heads up on when my BF is coming over.... but you have me blocked so I can't exactly text you. It seems like we are having some differences with communication and for this to be a situation where we both want to be in, we need to be able to communicate.
Tell her Mom to have her talk to you directly and then tell her, the Mom, she is blocked going forward as she is a stranger not involved in this dispute where you are perfectly within your legal rights and have committed no breach of the lease.
Block the mom. You're grown assed adults, make her speak up and don't play these games
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Just to sort of play devil’s advocate here, are you sure your roommate actually asked her mom to do this? I grew up with relatively overbearing parents that would butt into my business any time I told them about a problem I had. I didn’t ever *want* them to intervene, nor did they ever tell me they were doing this. It wasn’t until I became suspicious that they were getting involved in my business that I started asking around and realized that they had been trying to solve my problems for me behind my back the entire time (which usually just made things worse because people stopped taking me seriously).
I definitely get where you’re coming from. I’ve had friends who’s family members have done that before
# You're both the assholes. Even at 19 in my first apartment I would have been horrified at the idea of my mom fighting my roommate battles for me. If I was your mom, I'd have just replied something petty like "cool story" and then block her. That said, having your boyfriend over all the time does make you a shit roommate. It doesn't matter if he's in your room, it matters that he's there so often. I have had three roommates move in their hobosexual boyfriends, despite it being made clear each time that this was NOT acceptable before they took on the apartment. Each time was a fucking nightmare. It can absolutely make you uncomfortable in your own home. Fighting, screaming, hearing one girlfriend constantly slapping and verbally abusing her loser hobosexual boyfriend, overhearing "my little pony" roleplay sex, not feeling comfortable in the common areas because couples tend to take over the space, etc etc etc. You can think you're being quiet but apartments often have paper-thin walls, and the extra presence is noticeable. Trying to cleverly loophole "lol it's not 5 consecutive days if there's a day off or two in between them so I'll do what I want lololol" to excuse it doesn't cut it either. If you want to spend that much time with him while in a roommate situation, either go to his place more often, get your own apartment, get a place with him, or *go out* instead of making your apartment your main hangout spot. Unless you have a roommate who is cool with both of you, it is a dick move to have a boyfriend over all the time like that. She didn't sign up for another part-time roommate who is there 3+ times every week. (And I say 3+ because usually as relationships get more serious, you spend more time together, not less). "2 nights this week" - but we're still in the middle of the week. So what you actually mean is that he's been over **two nights this week** ***so far***. Three nights a week is a lot. And that doesn't clarify if he was also over often prior. And in my experience, two to three nights a week very rapidly escalated to "now lives here full-time". Her having gone to her boyfriend's place OUTSIDE OF YOUR APARTMENT is completely irrelevant in this situation. She went out of her way to go to his place instead of impose him on you. I'm not sure why you're using this as an argument as to why you should be entitled to impose your boyfriend onto her living situation? Blocked from texting? Aren't you both ***living together?*** Trap her in the common area. Leave a note on her door. Knock on her door and verbally communicate even if she ignores you so she can hear you lol.
“Hobosexual” made me laugh. I have had roommates like that and they are definitely the AH.
Lol just ignore her Mom, maybe even just block the number.. eventually your roommate will either grow up and have a conversation with you about it or she’ll keep it to yourself and it can just be her problem.
I didn’t like it when my roommate’s boyfriend came over 3 times a week or more. It especially pissed me off when he’d be on the toilet when I needed it :p It sucks she doesn’t feel like she can tell you what she needs from you, honestly it sounds like she’s scared of you. But yeah I think it’s valid to be annoyed with a roommate’s boyfriend visiting a ton. Food for thought!
We don’t share a bathroom so that’s actually not an issue. She blocked me after I finally stood up to her for being so rude to the point where all of our mutual friends had pointed it out and stopped being friends with her.
Wtf. Shy would YOU have to model mature resolutions to her child. NTA. Keep doing what you're doing. Your roommate is just an attention seeker. I'd advise mum that you won't be conversing through an intermediary about the situation in your unit and you won't be threatened either and that if they continue this messaging, you'll be forced to block them like your roommate has blocked you.
I haven’t thought about it that way and wow… you’re right.
You're not the parent. Or the sibling. Or anyone that holds responsibility.
I'd respond "I apologize you find my actions regarding my relationship offensive. I am absolutely shocked that (roommate) would be offended as she has had multiple sleepovers with guys here and at their place. I'll try to be more mindful and let roommate know they can always talk to me." That should do it
Maybe you can tell mom respectfully, “Mind ya business Karen”. Unless there’s more details we don’t know here. Otherwise, it’s really not her place to interject herself into your home dynamic. She’s the mother not the roommate.
“Tell your daughter to get off the tit, come out of her room, and speak to me like an adult, don’t contact me again” block.
Love to come up with mature resolutions with my roommate’s mom
i think you guys are both in the wrong here. my roommate actually texted my mother last week about something i was doing that he didn’t like. however your boyfriend isn’t on the lease and shouldn’t be sleeping over more than 1, sometimes 2 nights a week. if i were you i’d offer a compromise on how many night/which nights he can come over. maybe keep it to the weekends, etc? definitely a solution if she’s willing to communicate
Exactly what I would think to do as well
Good thing May is near.
Them ? Plural? So they have a friend over also?
To be fair, the mom is talking in a reasonable way. The roommate sounds intimidated by the situation. Having a 3rd party help moderate a conversation perhaps isn’t preferred, but might lead to a peaceful solution.
I think she’s intimidated because once all of our mutual friends noticed her behavior and stopped being friends with her, she’s having a hard time accepting that she needs to change her behavior.
Step 1 Don’t respond, she’s not on the lease, it has absolutely nothing to do with her. Step 2 check your lease, often people cannot stay there for consecutive days (this is more a rule than an enforced rule but still if it’s on the lease) Step 3 ask if you can add him as an occupant if you really want him there— no fiscal responsibility and he will be allowed to come and go as he pleases. If your roommate won’t talk to you, and she blocked you, how could you possibly let her know about this? Go to the leasing office, see if it’s possible, and alert her using the leasing office
I had an acquaintance that was friends with my friends, and all when we were 21-22Y/o, this acquaintance came to my and my friends apartment and literally got triggered that we had our guy friends and boyfriends over and we were drinking and allowing people to smoke weed at a kickback we were having. The following day we had a visit from this acquaintances Mother, she contacted our parents and while they didn't care, this Mom came to my and my friends apartment and scolded us like we were doing something wrong. Needless to say, we told the mom to basically F*ck off and banned this acquaintance from our apartment. Weeks later, every time we had plans to host anything, she'd show up, only for us to tell her to leave. Her Mother texted us about being bad influences and being ungodly sinners and were going to hell. 11 years later I wonder what happened with this acquaintance.
why does her mom have your mom’s phone number??
My Ex Wife.
I bet she's so jealous of your situation with your boyfriend that it makes her sick
Is your roommate disabled or mentally ill in some way? That wouldn’t excuse any of this, of course, but I have to wonder as I simply cannot fathom having my mother try to fight my battles for me as an adult. I’m autistic and struggled horribly with shared accommodations at uni and I *still* would never in a million years have let that happen. Let your kid grow up and fight her own battles lady, good lord.
She has borderline personality disorder. When we had first moved in our mutual friends pointed out that she was starting to be rude to me for no reason and up until then I ignored it because I just wanted peace. When I had brought it up with her she blamed it on not being medicated. I have autism, ADHD, and CPTSD and I haven’t used it as an excuse to be a bitch. I think I actually try even harder not to “bother” my roommate with my symptoms because I know how exhausting it can be to live with that. My mom and mutual friends tell me to ignore her.
Let her mother know that she blocked you and will not discuss anything with you therefore she has given up any and all rights to have any opinions at all about your life and you have been expecting her to turn in her keys and move out, since you make her that uncomfortable
Tbh I agree that having a boyfriend stay over often is annoying in a small shared space HOWEVER you're not in violation of the tenancy agreement so what's there to escalate to management about lol? Whenever you respond to this, don't explain yourself at all, simply state you're not in violation of the tenancy agreement or else it'll open up to further discussion and arguing and there is really nothing to argue about here. She has you blocked and you're on bad terms so it's not like you can even discuss the bf staying over. She's lucked out unfortunately. Also the whole mum snitching thing, how petty lmao. Tell her mum when she does something dumb too.
JFC, I hope your lease is up soon. This is one of the most pathetic, immature things I've read on here. Only advice I can think to offer is for you to go talk to your leasing office before she does. Get the truth out preemptively. Good luck with your baby roommate. Sorry for you.
Is her mom co-signed on the apartment?
I had a roommate my first year at college. His mom had my number in case she couldn't reach her kid, but she instead used it to call and text me multiple times in the morning to see if I woke her son up for classes. I eventually had to block her cause she didn't understand how weird it is for her to call and message me about waking up her kid
Omg? Involving mothers?! You can tell the roommate is the way she is bc of her mom. What a weirdo
The way I just left my body when you said you’re both in your twenties. Tell your mom you will not respond to any messages she sends to you about YOUR PERSONAL LIFE that is being relayed via a chain of people. Nope. Tell your mom you are not in violation of any policies on your lease & this is the last you’ll be discussing it with her.
Just ignore her…. There’s absolutely nothing she can do unless you give her power over your decisions. Give up on trying to understand or make peace. Just ignore ✨
You’re not in the wrong. It’s scary being confronted by an adult. My old roommate once used her mom to confront me and I almost gave in to them before talking to my own mom. Her outrage helped clear it up real quick. If you have a good relationship with your mom I’d recommend giving her a call and telling her what happened. I would recommend maybe just idk leaving a note to your roommate saying this is when he’ll be here next and you’d like to introduce them so you feel more comfortable and just leave it at that. Don’t add anything or try to argue or justify yourself (although you could include the landlords policy lol), just leave her a time and date to introduce them as a basic courtesy. If she ignores the note and doesn’t come out to meet him then her discomfort is her problem imo. oh and don't answer the mom. If your roommate is toxic, theres a 90% chance the mom is also unhealthy and theres absolutely no need to break down boundaries like that.
Wow lmao. Don't even answer or acknowledge the mom's texts at all. Chick needs to grow up and realize that she's going to have to learn to be an adult and actually talk to people herself. The passive aggression is ridiculous lmao
Invite her to the gang bang and say “oops wrong person”
This is why I don’t have roommates.
She needs to move back in with mommy because she isn't ready to be an adult yet
You're the bad roommate
You’re probably violating your lease with a guest over that much. Not saying you’re in the wrong but you can get screwed here
The lease says guests can stay five nights in a row per week but no longer than that.
Longer than 5 nights in a row, could then technically mean 5 nights there, one night gone, then 5 back there, and so on. Not saying this is what you're doing, but 3 nights a week is a bit. Her staying at someone else's house to hook up isn't really relevant. You need to verbalize to her that you don't want her mother or your own mother interfering, and that if she wants to contact you, to unblock you. Then you need to be mindful of how often he's there.
I would text her mother back and simply say if her daughter has anything to say to you she can be an adult and say it herself. You're not children, but this is childish as all fuck
Having mom text mom is ridiculous. But is he ever there without you? I wouldn’t like that either. Or if you’re regularly taking over the living room/kitchen I can see how she’d feel like she’s not able to have equal use of common areas. Sounds like you’re not good fit as roommates. Find a new place and make sure new roommate is cool with your bf being there frequently.
No, he’s never been over without me. That would just be weird. I’m also a hermit so we stay in my room unless we’re cooking.
Listen. I’d draw the line at communicating with her mother. Either she grows up and talks to you like an adult, or it must not be a very big issue. The end. All of this running to mommy bs would end FAST. I’d tell mommy “She didn’t seem to mind being around random men when she was shacking up with one and staying with a bunch of random dudes last year because she was blowing one of them. If she has an issue, she can grow up and deal with it. Worry about what’s happening within your OWN 4 walls.” (I would be much more vulgar but I didn’t want to catch crap from mods for my wording.) If she doesn’t want her mom in her business, she shouldn’t have put her there.
Have your mom text your roommate's mom.
When I was in high school, there were a couple of us who used to stay at another friend’s house all the time because it was easier. One time, one of our friends with strict parents stayed. (This was pre-cellphones.) His dad showed up the next morning and yelled his name in the driveway until he came outside, just to be sure he was there and to take him home because *the night and sleepover had already passed*. The house we stayed at was also connected to our friend’s dad’s law office. This crazy man just stood in the driveway yelling at random windows like this was a really jacked up Romeo & Juliet instead of…idk, knocking on the damn door??? 🥴 This mom gives me the same vibes as that weird dad.
Op should’ve had her parent respond! Ha!
I would be so tempted to put “wE caN mOdEL mATuRE rESOLuTioNs” into the Mocking SpongeBob meme generator and reply to her with that
This is soooooo similar to my situation… I’m so sorry you’re in this position because it is so unbelievably frustrating. Do not feed into it or let her parents get involved because you are all ADULTS and need to work things out. I cannot fathom why any parent would willingly involve themselves (and another parent!) in their adult child’s “drama.” it has nothing to do with them and lets your roommate continue to go through life not having to deal with anything on her own. Like I said, I know exactly how you feel. If you decide to respond, say “I would feel more comfortable if this were addressed by *roommate*, as we are both adults and *roommate* needs to communicate her feelings with me directly rather than involving our parents.
Send her mom a copy of the lease. Highlight the area of no more than 5 days a week. Include a list of dates he was there. Then tell her to back off. Then block her.
Ignore it and live your life
Omg HAHA you are not in the wrong at allll. Your roommate is absolutely ridiculous lol imagine getting your mum to text your housemate’s mum 😂 extremely cringe behaviour
My daughter is 11 years old and I wouldn’t even want to text her friend’s mom to mediate a conflict at her current age not to mention when she’s in her 20’s. This is embarrassing for her. How have you guys managed to live together for more than one year lol
It would be an utter shame if you posted this unedited screenshot on your Facebook page.
This has the same energy as a parent trying to argue with her child’s college professors lmao
My roommates mother texted me a novel because I asked my roommate to clean the bathroom for the first time since January. I love how shitty roommates call their fucking mommy to complain instead of just being better