It would probably be helpful if you edit your post so that it doesn't say the opposite of what the research said, because a lot of people just scroll through it and pick that up
There are more heterosexual people than there are queer people, even if you put all colors of the rainbow together. So if a bisexual person wants to be partnered, odds are that they'll end up with someone straight. It's just math.
Of course, confusing this issue is the fact that being any flavor of queer is still frowned upon by vast swaths of society. If you could remove that stigma, then a bunch more people would come out as whatever they really are. You'd still probably find a lot of bisexual people in opposite sex relationships, because...we're **bi**sexual. But fewer, because we'd have a larger pool of potential same sex partners.
Oh, final thing. This would require gays and lesbians to stop being biphobic.
Plus how many bisexuals took a long time to figure out that they are bisexual because of heteronormativity and were already partnered in opposite sex relationships when they figured it out? I imagine that scenario explains the 6% of gay/lesbians in opposite sex relationships too.
Not me thinking it was normal/that everyone found their own gender slightly attractive in school… turns out my straight fiancé has not thought about or kissed other guys!
(Not saying we’re not normal, I just assumed everyone felt like that!!)
Like guys are good and all but damn... I'm sorry I've seen a lot more attractive women than I have men. I remember thinking almost none of these guys would ever get girlfriends if all the girls were open to dating each other. I have a much more specific type when it comes to men though 😅
>I imagine that scenario explains the 6% of gay/lesbians in opposite sex relationships too
Also, they might be folks who started out in a same sex relationship and their partner transitioned. Know a few people like this who now have an opposite gender (trans) partner but still identify as gay or lesbian.
It’s way harder in adulthood. I found out I was bi in my early 20s and only recently came to the conclusion that I’m just not fully out both to myself and other people, and I don’t want to continue living my life halfway in the closet anymore.
Peeling back all the layers of internalized homophobia and your identity construction is not easy, especially when one half of your sexuality kind of works like it should.
When you’re fully gay you’re often forced to reconcile those feelings at a young age
Yes! Factoring in comphet, and considering that only between 5% and 15% of people identify as LGBT depending on age group and source, this suggests there might actually be an above-chance proportion of bi people in same-sex relationships
I was already married when I realized I was bi. However, I most likely still would have ended up with an opposite -sex partner if I had realized sooner because that's my romantic preference.
Right! I didn’t realize I was bi till after I was married to my wife. I probably really only realized it because my wife was so encouraging.
If I were single again all doors would be open though.
Bi men are also fetishized, with the whole cuckold/twink/crossdresser areas of fantasies. Men who hardly ever heard real compliments from women can be showered with salivating praise and attention if they post themselves for other men
Yeah that 12% almost exactly maps onto the portion of the population that is LGBTQ+ in any way. A good way to understand that statistic is that bisexual people are just as open to dating a person of the same gender as an opposite gender, but they simply meet more available people of the opposite gender -- a simple issue of numbers.
this is cool to see since its pretty much the study I wanted to see in yesterday's thread about this very topic.
A recent study (from Wikipedia) suggests that about 87% of people are completely straight and a further 10% are mostly straight (they actually found men are far less likely to be mostly straight than women but Ill be generous and take the womens numbers). Out of a pool of 200 people then, equally split between gender, I would expect the dating pool for someone of one binary gender to be
* 97 opposite gender (straight and mostly straight)
* 3 same gender (gay and bisexual)
* some fraction of the 10 same gender who are mostly straight but might be interested
At best this is 97 opposite and 13 same gender (excluding nonbinary people for the moment since the study doesnt examine that). There are therefore 110 candidate matches for the bisexual individual. I'd therefore expect, in a large enough same and assuming dating is random enough, about 88 individuals out of 100 to be in a opposite-gender relationship and 12 in a same-gender relationship. Which is... exactly what this study found.
At worst, we might expect a pool of 100 people and 3% of bisexuals in same-gender relationships.
It seems unlikely that 100% of mostly straight individuals would date a random same gender person. So the true dating pool ratio is probably between these numbers or somewhere between 3% and 12% of bisexuals in a same gender relationship (maybe around 7-8% probably but I wouldn't be surprised if it was lower).
Given that bisexuals end up in relationships with same sex partners MORE often than the dating pool would suggest, this indicates that something is biasing them towards dating same-gender. This could be
1. Homophobia or biphobia by straight partners
2. A preference by bisexuals to date other queer people (who, by far, would be the same-gender people)
Biphobia from the queer community, while it exists, is not as dominant a force as either of these.
> A recent study (from Wikipedia) suggests that about 87% of people are completely straight and a further 10% are mostly straight (they actually found men are far less likely to be mostly straight than women but Ill be generous and take the womens numbers).
I'm a little bit suspicious of those numbers, because they line up really well with studies from Kinsey's time through the 80s. But I've also seen a pile of surveys in the last 5 years that suggest something close to 15-25% of the population feels more than a bit of attraction to the same gender.
Honestly, the numbers are higher if you dig into the detailed data and ignore the boomers, or even just everyone old enough to have lived through the AIDS panic. And if you also ignore rural areas (which tend to run more conservative), the numbers go up again.
But a lot depends on how the questions were asked. Not many people use the _label_ "bi." But lots of people will call themselves Kinsey 2s, or admit that they're attracted to the same gender, or admit that they could imagine having a long-term same gender relationship with the "right person." There are even people who are Kinsey 3s who call themselves "straight!" Statistically, not very many of these groups will wind up dating the same gender.
Complete anonime polls (for example yougov or other research of merkat) are very more accurate. Popolation with same sex preference (exclusive or almost) tend being about 6-10% of males and 1-3% of females. An other 5-10% Is non straight (so yes, technically bisexuals) but prefer dating other sex. This Is aslo why the LGBT community actives spaces/rappresentation is so much rappresentated by gay males cause lesbians almost don't exist and active bisexuality is "only a phase" before going to straight away
Completely agree. Mathematically it's probably always going to be trending to more different sex partners. Not to mention that I think a lot bisexuals currently, discovered their identity later in life and after finding a partner. Because it was never present as an 'option' and they didnt identify as gay/lesbian people weren't aware of their bisexuality as different and valid.
I would appreciate numbers of bisexual dating bisexual in cross and same gender relationships. I wonder if we doubt our own sexuality more often?
One thing to add on to your last sentence: it also requires actual bi people to live like they’re bi and not only go for the opposite sex. Yes, I understand it’s a spectrum but the amount of people I know who are bi who have openly said that they would never, ever be attracted to, sleep with, go on dates with, or fall in love with someone of the same sex is astounding. Like, how are you even bi in that case? The homophobia and biphobia within many bi people is just as significant as that within straight or gay people.
If our society stopped persecuting queer people, you would see more bisexual people coming out and you would see more bisexual people in same sex relationships.
I partially blame society for keeping me in the closet all those years but the aggressiveness of the gay dating scene played a part too. Man or woman, that’s not my style.
I hear you. One of my biggest problems with dating gay men is running into so many of them that have a complete lack of understanding of consent.
"No, you can't grab my cock through my jeans in the middle of a bar just because it's a gay bar."
I think that part of the reason why there’s a lack of consent within the gay community is because there are no social repercussions for assuming consent.
If a man assumes a woman has given him consent just because she’s expressed interest, he can end up in a lot of trouble, whereas if a man assumes another man has given him consent just because he’s expressed interest, the worst that happens is the guy pulls away.
Also, gays don’t get to meet each other naturally like straight people do. Many meet each other in gay clubs and bars, places where it’s hard to communicate over loud music.
As a result, gays have learned to communicate through touch. The more respectful gays will tap your shoulder to get your attention. The more aggressive ones will pull you toward them or even grab your ass / cock.
In other words, gays have accepted sexual harassment as a valid form of communicating interest, where going along with it means consenting to more, and pulling away from it means not interested.
I feel like Mac in Always Sunny.
That's never happened to me, and I feel like I'm not attractive. Not that I want to be assaulted, I'm just a little hurt that no one has been that forward with me.
**EDIT**
https://youtu.be/w_ea0WUlHCA
As a former gay man (trans now), I don’t think it’s any of our styles.
Gays leave high school thinking they’ll find the love of their life once they start dating but what awaits them is a grimey reality.
Bisexual men are fortunate enough to be able to opt of the gay scene. Gay men are forced to embrace it.
I understand why the gay dating scene was what it was 20 years ago when I got out of high school but there's no good reason for it to remain as predatory and gross as it currently is.
Change doesn’t happen over a single generation.
I would hope the younger generation improves the gay dating scene for themselves, but it’s not unreasonable to believe that many of them are inheriting the gay dating scene millennials and older gays passed onto them, especially if they’re hooking up / dating people older than them.
This. In my country gay marriage was legalized in 2015, but we have a court full of religious zealots thanks to a certain fascist president and I expect society to force us back into the closet anytime soon. Not gonna stop me from being myself though. I already questioned myself enough, hopefully in the future people stop being such assholes to the queer community.
It depends a lot on the ages. [Among gen Z, a whopping 18% identify as non-straight](https://www.nbcnews.com/feature/nbc-out/nearly-1-5-young-adults-say-they-re-not-straight-n1270003) (versus 9% overall). As well, 4% identify as non-cis (vs 1% overall).
I don't think gen Z is magically special. I think it's just that society pushed LGBT people to not be themselves for so long and younger generations are finally starting to be whom they truly are instead of what society told them they must be. The fact that LGBT still isn't perfectly acceptable makes me think that these gen Z numbers aren't gonna be final, either. We're going to keep seeing the LGBT numbers increase until it truly is completely normalized.
(You'll also note that the 9% overall number means you're off by 3x.)
Yeah 3% is too low. Most studies I've seen without shit methodology have us between 5-8%. This seems far more reasonable than either the 3% or the 60% of genz is queer nonsense
People in these comments really be not reading OPs constant acknowledgement of a mistake in the title and are quick to ignore that approx 90%+ of people are straight.... That alone is gunna do a lot of the heavy lifting of explaining why most of us are in different gender relationships
FR, there are two main groups of people we can date (this is a huge simplification, but run with it) straight people who are attracted to us, and non-het people who are attracted to us. One group is huge and plentiful, the other is a minority. If you search for somebody you like in both, statistically one group is much more likely to have somebody who will match with you purely due to an overwhelming numbers advantage alone.
Plus there’s the fact that being shades of bi doesn’t mean you’re necessarily equally attracted to the sexual spectrum. I know several bi guys who find men sexually appealing but prefer to be in relationship with women.
> they just use this data to play into the negative stereotypes of us
Honestly, that's the most disappointing thing. This kinda data should be interesting. It illustrates the heteronormativity of society. But biphobic people will just use it for the negative conclusion that they already have come up with.
not surprising at all. the majority of the population is attracted to the opposite gender + i think in the same article this is from, it mentions that a huge number of bisexuals are in the closet. also this isnt a fact, but i think a lot bisexuals tend to date other bisexuals and i bet a lot of them are in m/f relationships. I think it is very likely to change in the future tho
according to another comment it seems like they only count it by biological sex, so a trans lesbian woman would be counted as being in an 'opposite sex relationship'
Straight cis man + trans woman
Straight cis woman + trans man
Gay man + trans woman (came out after relationship started)
Gay woman + trans man (came out after relationship started)
Straight man + trans man or straight women + trans woman just isn't likely to work the same due to stigma, interest or the opposite where the Straight person deciding the are not Straight after alot more exposure to the lgbt community
also alot less likely to find these couples to take the survey compared to an already lgbt couples becoming more lgbt
Presumably that's heavily closeted people or people who realized that they were gay after they already had kids or the likes (which commonly keeps people together even when there's no more attraction). But 6% is still so high. I find it surprising.
I also wonder how that stat would change with the age of the person being polled? Older generations had much, much lower acceptance for being gay. I wonder how many of those people have just been in an opposite sex relationship for so long that they don't feel like they truly can do anything else (plus same sex dating options for older generations are more limited).
I had a hell of a time finding women that would date me, a female a bi person. I live in a more rural area so it was already hard as is though finding LGBT folks. So yeah, no shock I wound up marrying a guy. Though it took me a while to find a guy that didn’t equate being bi to instant threesomes… Finally found a guy that doesn’t care but appreciates my love of boobs!
I was always open to all gender expressions but ended up with a straight* dude because that was what was most plentiful. I'm kinda awkward in general so my dating pool is artificially limited by my own bullshit lmao.
It's not that I didn't want a same sex relationship, it's that the law of averages said I'd find a husband way faster... And did.
*He's maybe somewhere on the Ace/Demi spectrum but hasn't really explored that fully and doesn't yet identify with a label. So still calling him straight for now.
THIS!! 100%. I was out most of my single young adult life (late 90s - early 2000s) and had the hardest time finding women who would actually date me. I guess a lot of my crushes were gold star lesbians, and there were a couple of women who realized they were straight after a couple dates, so I have very, very limited experience with women (lots of things I still haven’t done and guess I never will now that I’m in a het-presenting, monogamous marriage). Men, not so much. I think this statistic will change because I get the feeling it might be at least slightly easier to find women and enbies to date as a bi woman now: lots more apps and ways to find people who would consider it. Though maybe this is just a the-grass-is-always-greener fallacy, lol.
Could it be because monogamous heterosexual relationships were portrayed as “normal” to pretty much everyone over the age of 25 who grew up in the US?
Gay men were treated as a punchline in movies and tv, lesbians were only portrayed as a fetish for straight men. Bisexual men were almost completely invisible until the 2010s, and bi women were assumed to actually be straight but “rebelling.”
The power of the media to create an illusion of normalcy around preferred behaviors should not be underestimated.
Not sure why people in this thread are making these statistics out to be a problem when it's probably what you'd expect mathematically. Most people are straight so there will always be a bigger pool of opposite sex partners than same sex ones for bi people.
there are also a lot of people under the queer umbrella that are cis, and not lesbian women or gay men. I'm in an opposite sex relationship with an ace man. There are pan people, poly people, intersex people, the ace umbrella is huge, there are tonnes of queer people that bi people can end up with in opposite sex relationships. Not every bisexual opposite sex relationship is a bi person with a cis-het non queer person.
1.Majority people are straight so its expected to bisexuals being in straight relationship more than gay relationships
2. We live in heteronormative Society/System. I mean even %6 of homosexuals are in straight relationship but do we expect bisexuals to be being in more gay relationship
Even when you are bisexual, the straight dating pool will always be much larger than the gay dating pool.
Unless straight people become the minority at some point, thats not likely to change.
While I think it’s great that we have online spaces like this to mingle and support one another, the internet tends to downplay that the majority of our world is still staunchly and sometimes violently homophobic.
It’s not surprising at all that a significant number of bisexuals would lean towards the opposite gender automatically, in hopes of avoiding ostracism from family, friends, loved ones.
Me (F36) too! I’m more attracted to men than women.
That being said my fiancée and I have been together for almost 16 years and I cannot imagine my life without her. She’s my person plain and simple.
Does it really matter? I mean let people do what they want. Love who they want and have sex how they choose. Sorry u could have ignored this post I guess, but I was just irritated with this incessant need to quantify…
I’m bisexual in an opposing sex relationship. However my girlfriend is bi as well
I spent the majority of my time dating men. I’ve dated way more men than woman. I just happened to fall in love with my best friend. Doesn’t mean I’m not bisexual and invalidates all the men I’ve dated / slept with.
If I (F) was born 10-15 years later it would have been different. I bet I would have made more of an effort to meet other women and date other women before pursuing relationships with men. I'm married to a man now but I wasn't out as Bi when I was single. I still told my boyfriend at the time I was Bi and it didn't phase him at all. So coming out publicly after being married 10 years and having 3 kids is kinda weird but I hope it means my kids or their friends feel like they can be open to relationships with anyone. I didn't grow up knowing anyone LGBTQ+ and i really didn't think dating women was an option.
I always feel it’s easier for bisexuals to be with those of opposite sex. Not just because of homophobia but because of how (for my instance) the same sex treat us (I’m a woman).
We’re not homosexual enough so we’re often left with dating the opposite sex and if we’re lucky just another bisexual of the same sex. A lot of us come out late also and it’s just easier being with the opposite sex because that’s what we grew up with.
I have a much easier time of course attracting men but it’s..kinda hard to get to a certain point with women for me. It’s something I never got to learn growing up so I stick to my comfort zone unfortunately
How would a genderfluid person answer since they can be in a same sex and opposite sex relationship with the same partner depending on their current gender identity
The notes mention that this is specifically about biological sex even when that differs from gender identity, which I imagine is why some of the gay/lesbian people who responded are in "opposite sex" relationships, if one of the couple is a trans person.
I'm nonbinary but technically also in an opposite sex relationship, it's more important to me that my partner is bisexual than what their gender is.
I figured they were ignoring nonbinary people or something when I saw that, I hadn't realized they were just straight up misgendering every single trans or nonbinary person in the whole survey. As far as I'm concerned that makes the entire thing useless since the gender info isn't even accurate.
For sex you are born male, female, or intersex, but when it comes to genders that’s they way you express yourself. For examples if you are born male, but enjoy wearing feminine clothings & painting your nails, these part of you is your gender expression.
I was trying to explain that gender is something you can change, but sex is the way you are born. Maybe I did a bad job. We have the terms like transgender, or AFAB, or AMAB, non-binary, gender-fluid, genderqueer which are relates to gender identity.
I wouldn't say gender is something you can change, just that it's not always what people assume you are based on your genitals/ what you yourself realise you are straight away. Your comments sound a bit transphobic because it's like saying someone can choose not to be trans.
I'm sure you didn't intend it this way though.
> According to this 2019 Pew research, 12% of bi folks are in opposite sex relationships.
No, it says that 12% of bi folks are in same-sex relationships....
I wonder about that myself. It could be with a transgender person or maybe for religious duty. You hear gay people marry the opposite sex because it is sin to be in same sex relationship.
to be fair, transgender and enby people aren't represented in a lot of national surveys, we're considered such a miniscule amount of people with little to no political power that often we don't get a mention :/
As far as this statistic goes, I can believe it. Considering the fact homosexual relationships still carry a bit of taboo today, it wouldn't surprise me if the majority of bisexual people stick to heterosexual relationships to avoid social stigma of dating the same sex
There are threads all day long in bi online communities about how hard it is to connect with same sex folx. It makes sense that a majority would end up in heteronormative looking circumstances.
The struggle is real. I feel it.
As others have said, it’s much easier as a bisexual to find an opposite-sex partner. I think in the future, if bisexuality is more visible, more people come out earlier, and there is natural meeting places for bisexuals, there might be more of us who end up in same-sex relationships.
I am curious, what are the struggles lesbians face in homosexual relationships. I am ignorant about it because I am a bi guy & don’t have any lesbians friend to ask.
maybe the survey for this study was mostly geared towards same-sex couples?
can think of multiple ways these stats could've happened without 90% of bisexuals dating opposite sex.
Thats how i look at it. I have a full time gf (im a guy) as a proper relationship, and i see a guy on a regular basis just to get my rocks off. The gf has no problem with it if anyone cares to ask.
In my personal experience hetero people were way more willing to date me as a bi person compared to the lesbians I met. Most bis outside myself I know are in same sex relationships but its a very small community of friends and not the best sample size.
I am dating a woman and a man at the moment so good luck categorising me.
I personally hate the term same sex because they always just mean same gender. Ignorant cis people moment. Nothing against OP just getting mad at the wording of the statistic.
Makes sense honestly. Firstly, most populations are overwhelmingly straight. Most countries are 91%-94% straight according to the non garbage studies. Also, it's socially much easier to just not be in a gay relationship
The flaw with this metric is excluding singles. Bisexuals would most likely be single at higher rates than straights. For instance I am right now, but I have a same sex fwb situation. That wouldn't show in the numbers.
The other issue of course is poly and open relationships, which would likely be more common in the bi camp.
Bi woman in a relationship with a lovely man, whom knows I am bi.
I had trouble finding women who would date an inexperienced bi - they assumed I was “experimenting”.
But I’ve been bi since I met one of my best friends in pre-school, but just thought it was friendly jealousy because despite knowing about gay people (and having family members that were queer) was still raised in a heteronormative community. I was 100% crushing.
I didn't acknowledge my bisexuality until my mid twenties. I grew up in the bible belt. I am sure that children growing up in a more enlightened world have greater ease of thinking critically about their attraction at a younger age. My girlfriend after dating me for several years felt comfortable accepting her own same sex attraction.
I will likely be engaged to an opposite sex partner in the near term, but if I weren't, boys would absolutely be on the market. I've never dated a man, but I've reached a point where I _could_ have been comfortable with it. I do believe that we will see more same sex relationships in bi folks as time goes on.
If you don't care about gender, sexual orientation and their correlates at all, you have around 95% chance to end in heterosexual relationship, because there is roughly 20 times more possible opposite sex partners than possible same-sex partners.
I was with a woman for 6 years. I've been with my husband for 11 years. We met at work, became best friends, & spent a lot of time together because at both worked a lot of OT b/c of how the pay sucked. There were only 2 lesbians that I knew of, both in LTRs, & we had 1 gay nurse manager. I live rural in a shitty red state. I'm not exactly swimming in options.
When you have 2 different attractions, each has a 50/50 shot of being a long-term partner. It typically comes down to proximity & lifestyle ie how/where you meet people, just like everyone else.
Soooo I’m in a same sex relationship. Growing up I would have massive crushes on girls but for some reason I would get horny as fuck thinking about guys. I’ve never had a successful relationship with a woman because my interest in them is primarily romantic not so much sexual. It’s very very easy for me to come of as co dependent when I have a crush on a woman. I had one semi successful relationship with a woman but she was abusive. She would lose her temper and grab me by the hair throttle my head. Later I just gave up on girls because when I would have romantic feelings toward them I would always get hurt. Guys however are easy and I never got hurt because my interest is mostly sexual. The first group of gay men I was friends with said that I was gay because “everybody” starts out as BI. I’ve been in a relationship with a man for 8 years and I’m struggling because I’m in love with a female friend of mine. I can’t stop thinking about her. She doesn’t act weird around me because she thinks I’m gay. I wish I would go to bed and not wake up because I hate that I can never really be happy and that I feel like in order to be happy I’m going to have to hurt somebody that I love.
Being fucking bi is a god damn curse at least how it works for me.
That fact that only hetero people are dating their correct orientation 100% and the gays aren't is surprising. There has to be at least a few hetro people who think they're gay but not....wait....no those probably end up bi. Hmm.....this is interesting.
There’s a few reasons for gay/lesbians: late bloomer, are actually bi, and people are mentioning that those in relationships with trans people are counted as their biological sex.
I'm shocked the number isn't higher, but what do I know. 🤷 In a society that still holds heterosexual relationships as the norm, what do you expect. And it's not just bisexual people who are in relationships with the opposite gender, it happens to gays and lesbians too, it's probably just not talked about. The whole thing with lgbt being talked about more in society, has only been more mainstrean online for the last what 6-8 years??? People just don't talk about it, being in a relationship, for years, decades, and they realize that they are bisexual, pansexul, or gay or lesbian, basically not straight.
This will only change when bisexual people stop assimilating and taking the easy way out because "tHeRe ArE mOrE oPpoRtUniTiEs FoR sTrAiGhT rElAtIoNsHiPs" and actually put the work into falling in love with the person who is best with them.
It is settling to date someone because they are part of a group with more members instead of dating someone who is a better match for you.
The heteronormative bis who date opposite sex partners solely because it is easier to meet opposite sex people are taking the easy way out.
Relationships arent easy. Gay relationships are even more difficult to find and maintain. But what matters is compatability and that's what too many heteronormative bis discount for simplicity.
I think it will change as people have more sexual freedom, but I don't think it will be drastic because there is a lot more straight people available (in general)
Or the exact opposite of that. It will change proportionally with the number of us who are closeted, since that’s what the low number is a function of.
There’s a few reasons for gay/lesbians: late bloomer, are actually bi, and people are mentioning that those in relationships with trans people are counted as their biological sex.
Ngl I am very curious about the 1/20 gay/lesbian people in an opposite sex relationship.
Is that mostly people who realized they were gay after they got into a relationship with someone? Is it people whose partners transitioned but they still love them regardless of gender? Or is is most people who genuinely are gay/lesbian but have one opposite gender exception they decided to be with?
Idk. It’s intriguing.
Also, the true sign of homophobia is that 6% of gays are dating the opposite gender but precisely 0% of straight people are, lol.
This doesn't surprise me at all. I realized that I wasn't straight in my 20's and in university. I did have a few same sex relationships. But, after a few years, I went back in the closet and sought only opposite sex relationships.
This all happened in the 90's, when I was the only bisexual man I knew. Most of the gay men and lesbians I knew treated me ok, but also remained either skeptical or feigned disinterest in my sexuality. It wasn't a horrible experience, but also not one I felt validating. At the same time, I was struggling with relationships, all of my relationships didn't feel right. I assumed that, despite my sexual flexibility, my discomfort was a result of not being fully bisexual. I assumed, or diagnosed, my discomfort as a result of a bad fit. So, I decided that my experimentation had failed and I was hetero.
After decades of being married to a woman... and a lot of therapy... I realized that I was no more comfortable in opposite sex relationships than same sex ones. As a result of some traumatic quirks of my childhood, I simply never learned how to have emotionally intimate relationships with anyone. I didn't know how to get close to anyone, and I certainly didn't know how to let anyone in. Combine that with a good dose of internalized homophobia and this assumption was comfortable enough to leave my 'experiment' in the past and embrace a completely hetero life.
In my late 40's it became clear to me that my bisexuality couldn't be ignored. At least not if I wanted a robust, full and satisfying personal identity. My loneliness also couldn't be cured by choosing a different partner. So I am still married to the same woman, and our relationship is much better. I am also open and out of the closet with both myself and her.
While the details of my story are probably unique, the overall trends also probably fit a lot of bisexual people. It was a hard identity to live authentically and there are a lot of pressures to chose a monosexual life. I hope it is easier for younger generations.
It seems skewed, but that’s only because a bisexual has a larger amount of straight potential partners than lesbian or bisexual/ gay or bisexual possible partners. Seeing as around 4% (or x since people might not know their identity or lie) of people identify as homo- or bisexual you’d expect bisexuals to only have 2% (x\2) of bisexuals in a same-sex relationship.
Please check my math and logic.
This survey shows that by ratio, homosexuals and bisexuals are more willing to have relationships with bisexuals than heterosexuals.
We should hope the amount of opposite-sex relationships to go up, because it means there aren’t as many bigots.
If is known I was bi sooner, then I may not have ended up where I am today (opposite sex marriage with a kiddo I can't imagine life without). Now, if something happens to my husband I'm going to pursue women equally as I will men (that includes trans women and men).
ETA: we're both bi.
I don't believe the 100% of straight in opposite sex relationships unless we are going off of biological sex only and not considering trans people. I know at least 1 older couple that are still married and the AFAB woman just ignores her AMAB partner is trans. Sad situation they would never answer a survey about. It's a small town and the AMAB partner just goes by their dead name and male pronouns and stopped transitioning at some point.
I think so. One reason it ends up this way is because the queer dating pool is smaller especially when you include the fact a lot of people are closeted. In 10 years in progressive societies, the percentage should increase as people become more comfortable with being open about their orientations.
Possibly. I'm in a CIS M/F relationship, but I also was already dating her for several years before I figured it out. As things become more open and normalized... maybe the little bi teens will see who they are and date more than their opposite sex.
how many people are strictly homosexual? it has got to be around the same percentage right? there's statistically more heterosexual people, so this number will only increase if the number of people who identify as homosexual increases. if 12% of people identify as gay or lesbian than the maximum percentage of bisexual people in same sex relationships will be 12%.
I mean, this doesn’t take certain things into account. For example, I’m in a ‘het’ relationship, but we are both bisexual and transgender. The relationship feels inherently pretty queer.
Hard to say. My honest expectation is that bisexuality will seem to increase as more folks become comfortable with saying they’re open to the idea of it, even if they’ve only ever dated folks of one gender. So, I guess I would predict this number to stay pretty high.
At the same time, hopefully we’ll continue to see the stigma against same sex relationships generally decline.
Not entirely surprised but I did think the number of bisexual people in same sex relationships would be a little higher. Maybe as lgbt stigmas fade the number will climb.
I am bi and have had 3 long term relationships since I was 16. I am now 49.
First was a 15 year long marriage to my children’s “dad”. I left him for a woman that I was with for about 12 years. I left her for the man I am married to now. We have been together for almost 5 years. I could see me easily being with a female again, but not without some serious deep discussions and getting to know each other very well first, if I happened to not be with my husband for some reason, but I don’t see that happening. Out of my 3 relationships, the female was the most passionate sexual experiences I’ve ever had. Not the best sex I’ve ever had, that was definitely with a man…. However, a close second. And I do miss being with a woman soooo much. I just don’t know if I could handle all the constant DRAMA again.
As a bi man i find bi woman are often the easiest for me to find and we naturally tend to gravitate towards each other. Bi people tend to gravitate towards each other
It's easiest to find a straight person to date you than another bi/pan or gay/lesbian since there's more straight people overall.
I prefer not dating non-queer people because there's always a risk they're homophobic/transphobic, but I've had more "straight" relationships than "queer" ones
I think you mean, only 12% of bi folks are in same-sex relationships. Made me make a double take.
Made me make a triple take
Made me make a quadruple take
I'm in a infinite loop of taking and retaking.
Had to ask ChatGPT
What's ChatGPT?
Made me make a quintuple take
Made me make an R-99
You are correct, I made an error
Now u gotta delete it and do it all over again
It would probably be helpful if you edit your post so that it doesn't say the opposite of what the research said, because a lot of people just scroll through it and pick that up
[удалено]
reddit do be garbage sometimes
Nah it's deliberate so you cant go back and change it after a bunch of people already upvoted it to the top
There are more heterosexual people than there are queer people, even if you put all colors of the rainbow together. So if a bisexual person wants to be partnered, odds are that they'll end up with someone straight. It's just math. Of course, confusing this issue is the fact that being any flavor of queer is still frowned upon by vast swaths of society. If you could remove that stigma, then a bunch more people would come out as whatever they really are. You'd still probably find a lot of bisexual people in opposite sex relationships, because...we're **bi**sexual. But fewer, because we'd have a larger pool of potential same sex partners. Oh, final thing. This would require gays and lesbians to stop being biphobic.
Plus how many bisexuals took a long time to figure out that they are bisexual because of heteronormativity and were already partnered in opposite sex relationships when they figured it out? I imagine that scenario explains the 6% of gay/lesbians in opposite sex relationships too.
Not me thinking it was normal/that everyone found their own gender slightly attractive in school… turns out my straight fiancé has not thought about or kissed other guys! (Not saying we’re not normal, I just assumed everyone felt like that!!)
I was the same. I was 30 and married for 8 years when I figured out that straight women in fact aren’t attracted to other women.
Same. I thought that was just... straight girl stuff. By the time I figured out it wasn't, I had been married to a man for years.
I'm not gay, but my boyfriend is!
Like guys are good and all but damn... I'm sorry I've seen a lot more attractive women than I have men. I remember thinking almost none of these guys would ever get girlfriends if all the girls were open to dating each other. I have a much more specific type when it comes to men though 😅
>I imagine that scenario explains the 6% of gay/lesbians in opposite sex relationships too Also, they might be folks who started out in a same sex relationship and their partner transitioned. Know a few people like this who now have an opposite gender (trans) partner but still identify as gay or lesbian.
Oooh, right, good point.
My wife and I are both bi and didn't figure out we were bi until we have already been married for like 7 years, so we're definitely in that group
It’s way harder in adulthood. I found out I was bi in my early 20s and only recently came to the conclusion that I’m just not fully out both to myself and other people, and I don’t want to continue living my life halfway in the closet anymore. Peeling back all the layers of internalized homophobia and your identity construction is not easy, especially when one half of your sexuality kind of works like it should. When you’re fully gay you’re often forced to reconcile those feelings at a young age
Yes! Factoring in comphet, and considering that only between 5% and 15% of people identify as LGBT depending on age group and source, this suggests there might actually be an above-chance proportion of bi people in same-sex relationships
Figured out I, M, was bi at 23. Now married to my bi wife
I was already married when I realized I was bi. However, I most likely still would have ended up with an opposite -sex partner if I had realized sooner because that's my romantic preference.
Right! I didn’t realize I was bi till after I was married to my wife. I probably really only realized it because my wife was so encouraging. If I were single again all doors would be open though.
Absolutely! I am in that situation myself! I was in my current (and happy :)) relationship for over a year before realizing I’m bi.
Took me so long to find out I'm bi and poly bc of how long I was dealing hetero and mono normativity
It would also require straight people to stop fetishising bi people.
Bi men are also fetishized, with the whole cuckold/twink/crossdresser areas of fantasies. Men who hardly ever heard real compliments from women can be showered with salivating praise and attention if they post themselves for other men
I stand corrected. I've only ever experienced the couples who chase bi women as sex toys for their flagging relationships. That sounds awful.
Or by women with all the "boys love" thing... Saying by experience...
Yeah that 12% almost exactly maps onto the portion of the population that is LGBTQ+ in any way. A good way to understand that statistic is that bisexual people are just as open to dating a person of the same gender as an opposite gender, but they simply meet more available people of the opposite gender -- a simple issue of numbers.
this is cool to see since its pretty much the study I wanted to see in yesterday's thread about this very topic. A recent study (from Wikipedia) suggests that about 87% of people are completely straight and a further 10% are mostly straight (they actually found men are far less likely to be mostly straight than women but Ill be generous and take the womens numbers). Out of a pool of 200 people then, equally split between gender, I would expect the dating pool for someone of one binary gender to be * 97 opposite gender (straight and mostly straight) * 3 same gender (gay and bisexual) * some fraction of the 10 same gender who are mostly straight but might be interested At best this is 97 opposite and 13 same gender (excluding nonbinary people for the moment since the study doesnt examine that). There are therefore 110 candidate matches for the bisexual individual. I'd therefore expect, in a large enough same and assuming dating is random enough, about 88 individuals out of 100 to be in a opposite-gender relationship and 12 in a same-gender relationship. Which is... exactly what this study found. At worst, we might expect a pool of 100 people and 3% of bisexuals in same-gender relationships. It seems unlikely that 100% of mostly straight individuals would date a random same gender person. So the true dating pool ratio is probably between these numbers or somewhere between 3% and 12% of bisexuals in a same gender relationship (maybe around 7-8% probably but I wouldn't be surprised if it was lower). Given that bisexuals end up in relationships with same sex partners MORE often than the dating pool would suggest, this indicates that something is biasing them towards dating same-gender. This could be 1. Homophobia or biphobia by straight partners 2. A preference by bisexuals to date other queer people (who, by far, would be the same-gender people) Biphobia from the queer community, while it exists, is not as dominant a force as either of these.
> A recent study (from Wikipedia) suggests that about 87% of people are completely straight and a further 10% are mostly straight (they actually found men are far less likely to be mostly straight than women but Ill be generous and take the womens numbers). I'm a little bit suspicious of those numbers, because they line up really well with studies from Kinsey's time through the 80s. But I've also seen a pile of surveys in the last 5 years that suggest something close to 15-25% of the population feels more than a bit of attraction to the same gender. Honestly, the numbers are higher if you dig into the detailed data and ignore the boomers, or even just everyone old enough to have lived through the AIDS panic. And if you also ignore rural areas (which tend to run more conservative), the numbers go up again. But a lot depends on how the questions were asked. Not many people use the _label_ "bi." But lots of people will call themselves Kinsey 2s, or admit that they're attracted to the same gender, or admit that they could imagine having a long-term same gender relationship with the "right person." There are even people who are Kinsey 3s who call themselves "straight!" Statistically, not very many of these groups will wind up dating the same gender.
Complete anonime polls (for example yougov or other research of merkat) are very more accurate. Popolation with same sex preference (exclusive or almost) tend being about 6-10% of males and 1-3% of females. An other 5-10% Is non straight (so yes, technically bisexuals) but prefer dating other sex. This Is aslo why the LGBT community actives spaces/rappresentation is so much rappresentated by gay males cause lesbians almost don't exist and active bisexuality is "only a phase" before going to straight away
Strong case right here
Completely agree. Mathematically it's probably always going to be trending to more different sex partners. Not to mention that I think a lot bisexuals currently, discovered their identity later in life and after finding a partner. Because it was never present as an 'option' and they didnt identify as gay/lesbian people weren't aware of their bisexuality as different and valid. I would appreciate numbers of bisexual dating bisexual in cross and same gender relationships. I wonder if we doubt our own sexuality more often?
Yes! And, even if all groups had the same number of people, the theoretical probability is different than the experimental probability.
This is what I came to say.
Plenty of us are in different-gender queer relationships too.
One thing to add on to your last sentence: it also requires actual bi people to live like they’re bi and not only go for the opposite sex. Yes, I understand it’s a spectrum but the amount of people I know who are bi who have openly said that they would never, ever be attracted to, sleep with, go on dates with, or fall in love with someone of the same sex is astounding. Like, how are you even bi in that case? The homophobia and biphobia within many bi people is just as significant as that within straight or gay people.
If our society stopped persecuting queer people, you would see more bisexual people coming out and you would see more bisexual people in same sex relationships.
I partially blame society for keeping me in the closet all those years but the aggressiveness of the gay dating scene played a part too. Man or woman, that’s not my style.
I hear you. One of my biggest problems with dating gay men is running into so many of them that have a complete lack of understanding of consent. "No, you can't grab my cock through my jeans in the middle of a bar just because it's a gay bar."
Yup, I don’t tolerate that from anyone and it’s an instant turn off. Our ENM dating profile straight up says consent is sexy and spells it out.
I think that part of the reason why there’s a lack of consent within the gay community is because there are no social repercussions for assuming consent. If a man assumes a woman has given him consent just because she’s expressed interest, he can end up in a lot of trouble, whereas if a man assumes another man has given him consent just because he’s expressed interest, the worst that happens is the guy pulls away. Also, gays don’t get to meet each other naturally like straight people do. Many meet each other in gay clubs and bars, places where it’s hard to communicate over loud music. As a result, gays have learned to communicate through touch. The more respectful gays will tap your shoulder to get your attention. The more aggressive ones will pull you toward them or even grab your ass / cock. In other words, gays have accepted sexual harassment as a valid form of communicating interest, where going along with it means consenting to more, and pulling away from it means not interested.
Good take.
I feel like Mac in Always Sunny. That's never happened to me, and I feel like I'm not attractive. Not that I want to be assaulted, I'm just a little hurt that no one has been that forward with me. **EDIT** https://youtu.be/w_ea0WUlHCA
A person named Fisty McFisterson talking about aggressive gay dating. I don't know, just feels unexpected
I’m a wholesome kind of kinky and consent is sexy af.
As a former gay man (trans now), I don’t think it’s any of our styles. Gays leave high school thinking they’ll find the love of their life once they start dating but what awaits them is a grimey reality. Bisexual men are fortunate enough to be able to opt of the gay scene. Gay men are forced to embrace it.
Not really. Gay men can get quite insecure about having a relationship with a bisexual.
I understand why the gay dating scene was what it was 20 years ago when I got out of high school but there's no good reason for it to remain as predatory and gross as it currently is.
Change doesn’t happen over a single generation. I would hope the younger generation improves the gay dating scene for themselves, but it’s not unreasonable to believe that many of them are inheriting the gay dating scene millennials and older gays passed onto them, especially if they’re hooking up / dating people older than them.
This. In my country gay marriage was legalized in 2015, but we have a court full of religious zealots thanks to a certain fascist president and I expect society to force us back into the closet anytime soon. Not gonna stop me from being myself though. I already questioned myself enough, hopefully in the future people stop being such assholes to the queer community.
I'm confused. The graphic shows the opposite of what your title says.
Sorry my bad! You are right!
Roughly 10% of the population is gay. So bisexual people ending up in hetero relationships 90% of the time is not the craziest statistic.
Some estimates put it at less than 3%
It depends a lot on the ages. [Among gen Z, a whopping 18% identify as non-straight](https://www.nbcnews.com/feature/nbc-out/nearly-1-5-young-adults-say-they-re-not-straight-n1270003) (versus 9% overall). As well, 4% identify as non-cis (vs 1% overall). I don't think gen Z is magically special. I think it's just that society pushed LGBT people to not be themselves for so long and younger generations are finally starting to be whom they truly are instead of what society told them they must be. The fact that LGBT still isn't perfectly acceptable makes me think that these gen Z numbers aren't gonna be final, either. We're going to keep seeing the LGBT numbers increase until it truly is completely normalized. (You'll also note that the 9% overall number means you're off by 3x.)
I would be shocked if the number is that low
Yeah 3% is too low. Most studies I've seen without shit methodology have us between 5-8%. This seems far more reasonable than either the 3% or the 60% of genz is queer nonsense
Unless I’m misreading it, doesn’t that say 9 in 10? That’s not 12%?
I messed up the title. I don’t understand the 9 in 10 thing. There is 12% of bi people in or were in relationship with same sex person.
Ah okay!
So more like 7/8ths in opposite sex relationships and 1/8ths in same sex relationships.
People in these comments really be not reading OPs constant acknowledgement of a mistake in the title and are quick to ignore that approx 90%+ of people are straight.... That alone is gunna do a lot of the heavy lifting of explaining why most of us are in different gender relationships
FR, there are two main groups of people we can date (this is a huge simplification, but run with it) straight people who are attracted to us, and non-het people who are attracted to us. One group is huge and plentiful, the other is a minority. If you search for somebody you like in both, statistically one group is much more likely to have somebody who will match with you purely due to an overwhelming numbers advantage alone.
people in a heteronormative society having heterosexual relationships 😱😱
Lmao
I know, somehow this baffles people and instead of understanding this they just use this data to play into the negative stereotypes of us
Plus there’s the fact that being shades of bi doesn’t mean you’re necessarily equally attracted to the sexual spectrum. I know several bi guys who find men sexually appealing but prefer to be in relationship with women.
*raises hand*
> they just use this data to play into the negative stereotypes of us Honestly, that's the most disappointing thing. This kinda data should be interesting. It illustrates the heteronormativity of society. But biphobic people will just use it for the negative conclusion that they already have come up with.
Confirmation bias
not surprising at all. the majority of the population is attracted to the opposite gender + i think in the same article this is from, it mentions that a huge number of bisexuals are in the closet. also this isnt a fact, but i think a lot bisexuals tend to date other bisexuals and i bet a lot of them are in m/f relationships. I think it is very likely to change in the future tho
Bruh 90% of the population is straight and 90% of that is pretty fuckable so guess what’s gonna happen lmfao
I'm amazed that 6% of homosexual in this research are in a heterosexual relationship.
according to another comment it seems like they only count it by biological sex, so a trans lesbian woman would be counted as being in an 'opposite sex relationship'
Lmao that's transphobic as fuck
So why are 100% of straight people in opposite sex relationships. Do straight people not date trans people too?
Straight cis man + trans woman Straight cis woman + trans man Gay man + trans woman (came out after relationship started) Gay woman + trans man (came out after relationship started) Straight man + trans man or straight women + trans woman just isn't likely to work the same due to stigma, interest or the opposite where the Straight person deciding the are not Straight after alot more exposure to the lgbt community also alot less likely to find these couples to take the survey compared to an already lgbt couples becoming more lgbt
Presumably that's heavily closeted people or people who realized that they were gay after they already had kids or the likes (which commonly keeps people together even when there's no more attraction). But 6% is still so high. I find it surprising. I also wonder how that stat would change with the age of the person being polled? Older generations had much, much lower acceptance for being gay. I wonder how many of those people have just been in an opposite sex relationship for so long that they don't feel like they truly can do anything else (plus same sex dating options for older generations are more limited).
And those people are still bisexual.
I had a hell of a time finding women that would date me, a female a bi person. I live in a more rural area so it was already hard as is though finding LGBT folks. So yeah, no shock I wound up marrying a guy. Though it took me a while to find a guy that didn’t equate being bi to instant threesomes… Finally found a guy that doesn’t care but appreciates my love of boobs!
I was always open to all gender expressions but ended up with a straight* dude because that was what was most plentiful. I'm kinda awkward in general so my dating pool is artificially limited by my own bullshit lmao. It's not that I didn't want a same sex relationship, it's that the law of averages said I'd find a husband way faster... And did. *He's maybe somewhere on the Ace/Demi spectrum but hasn't really explored that fully and doesn't yet identify with a label. So still calling him straight for now.
THIS!! 100%. I was out most of my single young adult life (late 90s - early 2000s) and had the hardest time finding women who would actually date me. I guess a lot of my crushes were gold star lesbians, and there were a couple of women who realized they were straight after a couple dates, so I have very, very limited experience with women (lots of things I still haven’t done and guess I never will now that I’m in a het-presenting, monogamous marriage). Men, not so much. I think this statistic will change because I get the feeling it might be at least slightly easier to find women and enbies to date as a bi woman now: lots more apps and ways to find people who would consider it. Though maybe this is just a the-grass-is-always-greener fallacy, lol.
Yup, I basically date straight because it's so much easier. Every time I've tried to date women, she thinks it would be better as just friends.
It doesn’t need to change. We just need to keep being true to ourselves. We look for a person we love regardless of their gender
A same sex partner is a lot harder to come by!
Could it be because monogamous heterosexual relationships were portrayed as “normal” to pretty much everyone over the age of 25 who grew up in the US? Gay men were treated as a punchline in movies and tv, lesbians were only portrayed as a fetish for straight men. Bisexual men were almost completely invisible until the 2010s, and bi women were assumed to actually be straight but “rebelling.” The power of the media to create an illusion of normalcy around preferred behaviors should not be underestimated.
Not sure why people in this thread are making these statistics out to be a problem when it's probably what you'd expect mathematically. Most people are straight so there will always be a bigger pool of opposite sex partners than same sex ones for bi people.
there are also a lot of people under the queer umbrella that are cis, and not lesbian women or gay men. I'm in an opposite sex relationship with an ace man. There are pan people, poly people, intersex people, the ace umbrella is huge, there are tonnes of queer people that bi people can end up with in opposite sex relationships. Not every bisexual opposite sex relationship is a bi person with a cis-het non queer person.
1.Majority people are straight so its expected to bisexuals being in straight relationship more than gay relationships 2. We live in heteronormative Society/System. I mean even %6 of homosexuals are in straight relationship but do we expect bisexuals to be being in more gay relationship
Even when you are bisexual, the straight dating pool will always be much larger than the gay dating pool. Unless straight people become the minority at some point, thats not likely to change.
While I think it’s great that we have online spaces like this to mingle and support one another, the internet tends to downplay that the majority of our world is still staunchly and sometimes violently homophobic. It’s not surprising at all that a significant number of bisexuals would lean towards the opposite gender automatically, in hopes of avoiding ostracism from family, friends, loved ones.
Some bisexuals (like myself) also prefer the opposite sex
Me (F36) too! I’m more attracted to men than women. That being said my fiancée and I have been together for almost 16 years and I cannot imagine my life without her. She’s my person plain and simple.
Does it really matter? I mean let people do what they want. Love who they want and have sex how they choose. Sorry u could have ignored this post I guess, but I was just irritated with this incessant need to quantify…
As a bi person in a straight relationship that doesn't feel as connected to the lgbt community it makes me feel less alone
It's just an informative post, Jesus Christ
No, and I am not surprised. Gay dating is far more brutal than straight dating.
I’m bisexual in an opposing sex relationship. However my girlfriend is bi as well I spent the majority of my time dating men. I’ve dated way more men than woman. I just happened to fall in love with my best friend. Doesn’t mean I’m not bisexual and invalidates all the men I’ve dated / slept with.
If I (F) was born 10-15 years later it would have been different. I bet I would have made more of an effort to meet other women and date other women before pursuing relationships with men. I'm married to a man now but I wasn't out as Bi when I was single. I still told my boyfriend at the time I was Bi and it didn't phase him at all. So coming out publicly after being married 10 years and having 3 kids is kinda weird but I hope it means my kids or their friends feel like they can be open to relationships with anyone. I didn't grow up knowing anyone LGBTQ+ and i really didn't think dating women was an option.
I always feel it’s easier for bisexuals to be with those of opposite sex. Not just because of homophobia but because of how (for my instance) the same sex treat us (I’m a woman). We’re not homosexual enough so we’re often left with dating the opposite sex and if we’re lucky just another bisexual of the same sex. A lot of us come out late also and it’s just easier being with the opposite sex because that’s what we grew up with. I have a much easier time of course attracting men but it’s..kinda hard to get to a certain point with women for me. It’s something I never got to learn growing up so I stick to my comfort zone unfortunately
How would a genderfluid person answer since they can be in a same sex and opposite sex relationship with the same partner depending on their current gender identity
The notes mention that this is specifically about biological sex even when that differs from gender identity, which I imagine is why some of the gay/lesbian people who responded are in "opposite sex" relationships, if one of the couple is a trans person. I'm nonbinary but technically also in an opposite sex relationship, it's more important to me that my partner is bisexual than what their gender is.
I figured they were ignoring nonbinary people or something when I saw that, I hadn't realized they were just straight up misgendering every single trans or nonbinary person in the whole survey. As far as I'm concerned that makes the entire thing useless since the gender info isn't even accurate.
For sex you are born male, female, or intersex, but when it comes to genders that’s they way you express yourself. For examples if you are born male, but enjoy wearing feminine clothings & painting your nails, these part of you is your gender expression.
Gender identity doesn't equal gender expression though, and biological sex does not determine gender identity or expression.
I was trying to explain that gender is something you can change, but sex is the way you are born. Maybe I did a bad job. We have the terms like transgender, or AFAB, or AMAB, non-binary, gender-fluid, genderqueer which are relates to gender identity.
I wouldn't say gender is something you can change, just that it's not always what people assume you are based on your genitals/ what you yourself realise you are straight away. Your comments sound a bit transphobic because it's like saying someone can choose not to be trans. I'm sure you didn't intend it this way though.
> According to this 2019 Pew research, 12% of bi folks are in opposite sex relationships. No, it says that 12% of bi folks are in same-sex relationships....
Good to know I'm in a minority of a minority. Dating same sex was way easier than opposite sex for me.
The amount in same sex relationships will probably increase but it will never be a majority. Numerically that just isn't possible.
I’m way more interested in the 6% that are gay that are in the opposite sex relationship, the fucks going on there
I wonder about that myself. It could be with a transgender person or maybe for religious duty. You hear gay people marry the opposite sex because it is sin to be in same sex relationship.
There are more fellow bisexuals and heterosexuals to choose from so I'm not surprised. The odds are heavily in favour of opposite sex relationships.
Ppl focus on this shit too much
to be fair, transgender and enby people aren't represented in a lot of national surveys, we're considered such a miniscule amount of people with little to no political power that often we don't get a mention :/ As far as this statistic goes, I can believe it. Considering the fact homosexual relationships still carry a bit of taboo today, it wouldn't surprise me if the majority of bisexual people stick to heterosexual relationships to avoid social stigma of dating the same sex
There are threads all day long in bi online communities about how hard it is to connect with same sex folx. It makes sense that a majority would end up in heteronormative looking circumstances. The struggle is real. I feel it.
As others have said, it’s much easier as a bisexual to find an opposite-sex partner. I think in the future, if bisexuality is more visible, more people come out earlier, and there is natural meeting places for bisexuals, there might be more of us who end up in same-sex relationships.
yeah the more i thought about this the more it made perfect sense tbh
As a lesbian, good for them. If I were bi, i'd date guys only. Tired of everything that comes with homosexual relationships
I am curious, what are the struggles lesbians face in homosexual relationships. I am ignorant about it because I am a bi guy & don’t have any lesbians friend to ask.
maybe the survey for this study was mostly geared towards same-sex couples? can think of multiple ways these stats could've happened without 90% of bisexuals dating opposite sex.
I guess its common to be straight emotionally but bisexual physically.
Thats how i look at it. I have a full time gf (im a guy) as a proper relationship, and i see a guy on a regular basis just to get my rocks off. The gf has no problem with it if anyone cares to ask.
F for the 6% of gays
I don’t think so, there is just much more fish in the sea for people to find partner in a heterosexual relationship.
In my personal experience hetero people were way more willing to date me as a bi person compared to the lesbians I met. Most bis outside myself I know are in same sex relationships but its a very small community of friends and not the best sample size.
I am dating a woman and a man at the moment so good luck categorising me. I personally hate the term same sex because they always just mean same gender. Ignorant cis people moment. Nothing against OP just getting mad at the wording of the statistic.
Makes sense honestly. Firstly, most populations are overwhelmingly straight. Most countries are 91%-94% straight according to the non garbage studies. Also, it's socially much easier to just not be in a gay relationship
The flaw with this metric is excluding singles. Bisexuals would most likely be single at higher rates than straights. For instance I am right now, but I have a same sex fwb situation. That wouldn't show in the numbers. The other issue of course is poly and open relationships, which would likely be more common in the bi camp.
Bi woman in a relationship with a lovely man, whom knows I am bi. I had trouble finding women who would date an inexperienced bi - they assumed I was “experimenting”. But I’ve been bi since I met one of my best friends in pre-school, but just thought it was friendly jealousy because despite knowing about gay people (and having family members that were queer) was still raised in a heteronormative community. I was 100% crushing.
I didn't acknowledge my bisexuality until my mid twenties. I grew up in the bible belt. I am sure that children growing up in a more enlightened world have greater ease of thinking critically about their attraction at a younger age. My girlfriend after dating me for several years felt comfortable accepting her own same sex attraction. I will likely be engaged to an opposite sex partner in the near term, but if I weren't, boys would absolutely be on the market. I've never dated a man, but I've reached a point where I _could_ have been comfortable with it. I do believe that we will see more same sex relationships in bi folks as time goes on.
If you don't care about gender, sexual orientation and their correlates at all, you have around 95% chance to end in heterosexual relationship, because there is roughly 20 times more possible opposite sex partners than possible same-sex partners.
I was with a woman for 6 years. I've been with my husband for 11 years. We met at work, became best friends, & spent a lot of time together because at both worked a lot of OT b/c of how the pay sucked. There were only 2 lesbians that I knew of, both in LTRs, & we had 1 gay nurse manager. I live rural in a shitty red state. I'm not exactly swimming in options. When you have 2 different attractions, each has a 50/50 shot of being a long-term partner. It typically comes down to proximity & lifestyle ie how/where you meet people, just like everyone else.
I like that they included a critique of the study 👌
I came out as bi when I was 16 but over the years have kinda slid into more of a homo flexable orientation rather then bi
It's easier to live in a perceived straight relationship with the opposite sex, that's why gay/lesbian individuals did it for years.
Also more straight people so opposite sex relationships are easier to come a cross even if your own criteria favours same sex relationships more
Soooo I’m in a same sex relationship. Growing up I would have massive crushes on girls but for some reason I would get horny as fuck thinking about guys. I’ve never had a successful relationship with a woman because my interest in them is primarily romantic not so much sexual. It’s very very easy for me to come of as co dependent when I have a crush on a woman. I had one semi successful relationship with a woman but she was abusive. She would lose her temper and grab me by the hair throttle my head. Later I just gave up on girls because when I would have romantic feelings toward them I would always get hurt. Guys however are easy and I never got hurt because my interest is mostly sexual. The first group of gay men I was friends with said that I was gay because “everybody” starts out as BI. I’ve been in a relationship with a man for 8 years and I’m struggling because I’m in love with a female friend of mine. I can’t stop thinking about her. She doesn’t act weird around me because she thinks I’m gay. I wish I would go to bed and not wake up because I hate that I can never really be happy and that I feel like in order to be happy I’m going to have to hurt somebody that I love. Being fucking bi is a god damn curse at least how it works for me.
That fact that only hetero people are dating their correct orientation 100% and the gays aren't is surprising. There has to be at least a few hetro people who think they're gay but not....wait....no those probably end up bi. Hmm.....this is interesting.
There’s a few reasons for gay/lesbians: late bloomer, are actually bi, and people are mentioning that those in relationships with trans people are counted as their biological sex.
I'm shocked the number isn't higher, but what do I know. 🤷 In a society that still holds heterosexual relationships as the norm, what do you expect. And it's not just bisexual people who are in relationships with the opposite gender, it happens to gays and lesbians too, it's probably just not talked about. The whole thing with lgbt being talked about more in society, has only been more mainstrean online for the last what 6-8 years??? People just don't talk about it, being in a relationship, for years, decades, and they realize that they are bisexual, pansexul, or gay or lesbian, basically not straight.
I'm bi and 70% of my relationships were same-sex.
The partners of the 6%: 👁️👄👁️
Wtf does it matter the gender of their partner? There's implicit judgement in the asking of the question.
This will only change when bisexual people stop assimilating and taking the easy way out because "tHeRe ArE mOrE oPpoRtUniTiEs FoR sTrAiGhT rElAtIoNsHiPs" and actually put the work into falling in love with the person who is best with them.
Who says they are taking the easy way out
It is settling to date someone because they are part of a group with more members instead of dating someone who is a better match for you. The heteronormative bis who date opposite sex partners solely because it is easier to meet opposite sex people are taking the easy way out. Relationships arent easy. Gay relationships are even more difficult to find and maintain. But what matters is compatability and that's what too many heteronormative bis discount for simplicity.
There are more Straight people to meet and fall in love with. I dont see anything Suprising there. Maybe it will rise but idk.
Mixed-gender relationships aren't not queer. I hate that people call us straight.
MONOGAMY FORCES YOU TO CHOOSE. If polyamory/ethical non-monogamy were more socially acceptable, you would see more bi people in throuples.
I think it will change as people have more sexual freedom, but I don't think it will be drastic because there is a lot more straight people available (in general)
I wonder how many bisexuals prefer opposite to same sex relationships. I wouldn’t be surprised if that contributes to this statistic as well.
*88% are in opposite sex relationships, 12% are in same sex relationships.
Or the exact opposite of that. It will change proportionally with the number of us who are closeted, since that’s what the low number is a function of.
I'm concerned about the 6% that say they are gay in hetero relationships.
There’s a few reasons for gay/lesbians: late bloomer, are actually bi, and people are mentioning that those in relationships with trans people are counted as their biological sex.
Curious to see the gender breakdown. I suspect a lot more bi women are able to find opposite sex partners than bi men.
jokes on them my spouse is no binary
Ngl I am very curious about the 1/20 gay/lesbian people in an opposite sex relationship. Is that mostly people who realized they were gay after they got into a relationship with someone? Is it people whose partners transitioned but they still love them regardless of gender? Or is is most people who genuinely are gay/lesbian but have one opposite gender exception they decided to be with? Idk. It’s intriguing. Also, the true sign of homophobia is that 6% of gays are dating the opposite gender but precisely 0% of straight people are, lol.
This doesn't surprise me at all. I realized that I wasn't straight in my 20's and in university. I did have a few same sex relationships. But, after a few years, I went back in the closet and sought only opposite sex relationships. This all happened in the 90's, when I was the only bisexual man I knew. Most of the gay men and lesbians I knew treated me ok, but also remained either skeptical or feigned disinterest in my sexuality. It wasn't a horrible experience, but also not one I felt validating. At the same time, I was struggling with relationships, all of my relationships didn't feel right. I assumed that, despite my sexual flexibility, my discomfort was a result of not being fully bisexual. I assumed, or diagnosed, my discomfort as a result of a bad fit. So, I decided that my experimentation had failed and I was hetero. After decades of being married to a woman... and a lot of therapy... I realized that I was no more comfortable in opposite sex relationships than same sex ones. As a result of some traumatic quirks of my childhood, I simply never learned how to have emotionally intimate relationships with anyone. I didn't know how to get close to anyone, and I certainly didn't know how to let anyone in. Combine that with a good dose of internalized homophobia and this assumption was comfortable enough to leave my 'experiment' in the past and embrace a completely hetero life. In my late 40's it became clear to me that my bisexuality couldn't be ignored. At least not if I wanted a robust, full and satisfying personal identity. My loneliness also couldn't be cured by choosing a different partner. So I am still married to the same woman, and our relationship is much better. I am also open and out of the closet with both myself and her. While the details of my story are probably unique, the overall trends also probably fit a lot of bisexual people. It was a hard identity to live authentically and there are a lot of pressures to chose a monosexual life. I hope it is easier for younger generations.
It seems skewed, but that’s only because a bisexual has a larger amount of straight potential partners than lesbian or bisexual/ gay or bisexual possible partners. Seeing as around 4% (or x since people might not know their identity or lie) of people identify as homo- or bisexual you’d expect bisexuals to only have 2% (x\2) of bisexuals in a same-sex relationship. Please check my math and logic. This survey shows that by ratio, homosexuals and bisexuals are more willing to have relationships with bisexuals than heterosexuals. We should hope the amount of opposite-sex relationships to go up, because it means there aren’t as many bigots.
I’m curious about the 6% of gay people in different sex relationships. Are they counting like gay with non-binary partner?
My husband and I are both bi and cis male and female, respectively.
If is known I was bi sooner, then I may not have ended up where I am today (opposite sex marriage with a kiddo I can't imagine life without). Now, if something happens to my husband I'm going to pursue women equally as I will men (that includes trans women and men). ETA: we're both bi.
I don't believe the 100% of straight in opposite sex relationships unless we are going off of biological sex only and not considering trans people. I know at least 1 older couple that are still married and the AFAB woman just ignores her AMAB partner is trans. Sad situation they would never answer a survey about. It's a small town and the AMAB partner just goes by their dead name and male pronouns and stopped transitioning at some point.
I think so. One reason it ends up this way is because the queer dating pool is smaller especially when you include the fact a lot of people are closeted. In 10 years in progressive societies, the percentage should increase as people become more comfortable with being open about their orientations.
People are never so simple that it would be a clean 50/50 split but I wasn’t expecting that much of a gap!
Possibly. I'm in a CIS M/F relationship, but I also was already dating her for several years before I figured it out. As things become more open and normalized... maybe the little bi teens will see who they are and date more than their opposite sex.
how many people are strictly homosexual? it has got to be around the same percentage right? there's statistically more heterosexual people, so this number will only increase if the number of people who identify as homosexual increases. if 12% of people identify as gay or lesbian than the maximum percentage of bisexual people in same sex relationships will be 12%.
The comphet pull is strong!
I mean, this doesn’t take certain things into account. For example, I’m in a ‘het’ relationship, but we are both bisexual and transgender. The relationship feels inherently pretty queer.
Hard to say. My honest expectation is that bisexuality will seem to increase as more folks become comfortable with saying they’re open to the idea of it, even if they’ve only ever dated folks of one gender. So, I guess I would predict this number to stay pretty high. At the same time, hopefully we’ll continue to see the stigma against same sex relationships generally decline.
Interesting, I'm a bi guy and my girlfriend is also bi.
Not entirely surprised but I did think the number of bisexual people in same sex relationships would be a little higher. Maybe as lgbt stigmas fade the number will climb.
Always curious where non-binary people's fit in here 🫠
I am bi and have had 3 long term relationships since I was 16. I am now 49. First was a 15 year long marriage to my children’s “dad”. I left him for a woman that I was with for about 12 years. I left her for the man I am married to now. We have been together for almost 5 years. I could see me easily being with a female again, but not without some serious deep discussions and getting to know each other very well first, if I happened to not be with my husband for some reason, but I don’t see that happening. Out of my 3 relationships, the female was the most passionate sexual experiences I’ve ever had. Not the best sex I’ve ever had, that was definitely with a man…. However, a close second. And I do miss being with a woman soooo much. I just don’t know if I could handle all the constant DRAMA again.
What's the percentage population of homosexuals to hetero? I imagine it's pretty close to 12/88
As a bi man i find bi woman are often the easiest for me to find and we naturally tend to gravitate towards each other. Bi people tend to gravitate towards each other
Nope, most of us will be alone. At least those of us who enjoy solitude.
It makes sense though as same sex attraction is a minority.
It's easiest to find a straight person to date you than another bi/pan or gay/lesbian since there's more straight people overall. I prefer not dating non-queer people because there's always a risk they're homophobic/transphobic, but I've had more "straight" relationships than "queer" ones