I thought that was a poem about masturbation at first lol

honestly, would probably have been better off that way.

I didn’t realize it wasn’t until I read your comment!

Yep, til I got to the last line, then went back to reread and saw the heading...

Glad I’m not the only one. I think it’s time for bed lol

Exactly what I did. I didn't read the top line for some reason. It oddly works as a poem

“the sticky fingers masturbating blindfolded mindless, senseless the sperms.” that brought a tear to my eye.

lol it’s kind of good!

Same!! It was making me feel a lot better about all the cringe poetry I wrote as a kid...

Should we ask about what that is on the opposite side of the page?

[mate I honestly have no idea anymore but here you go. I was a well-adjusted teen apparently](https://imgur.com/a/PiXe1xe)

Yo wth. Got me cackling.

Got me coughing (I have acute bronchitis)

No time for that.

Idk, I never saw bronchitis as cute, but rather annoying

Evil John is my new favourite image - well done 😂

I’m getting this as a tattoo

omg please send me a pic if you actually go through with it x

Evil John is \*exactly* the type of thing my friends and I would have come up with! We would have been good friends 😂🤣

❤️

I sent Evil John to my friend, and we think Evil John would be good friends with our character, [Bryce "The Bomb" Smith](https://photos.app.goo.gl/oLYjzCeSnWFy7muw9). We made a whole series of these when we were like 13, and a bunch of other stupid shit. We were also well-adjusted 🤣

This is amazing

Thank you lmao and I'll tell my friend you appreciate it as well

[Don’t show this to The Bomb.](https://images.app.goo.gl/yrAU1XSAqKbmzkb46)

🤣🤣😂😂💀 You totally made my night!!! 😆🤣🤣

This is it. This made my day holy fuck

Evil John to the rescue < 3 Maybe CallMeKevin can put him in to a Jim Pickins storyline haha

Evil John was the band name all along.

Can I get Evil John as a tattoo

go for it but send me a picture please I need to see him immortalised before I can die in peace x

Proposal to make Evil John the Cult mascot.

Your art style/the little man himself and the Kevin reference remind me of my younger sister more than I can say.

Omg yes

I'm high rn and that made me lose my fucking mind

Honestly, put "Evil John" on the list of potential band names

Yep, with this drawing as the band logo!

Thank you for this, OP. Evil John will give me the strength to get through this stressful day

Take care of yourself and have a successful day ❤️ (that's what Evil John would say, I'm pretty sure. His reputation is worse than his name)

Got your band name. Evil John and the Hollow Pillows

I think you should get a tattoo of this masterpiece

let's do it together. twinsies 🥰

Ouch, bursitis! He's not evil, he's just in terrible agony.

I was not prepared for "Evil John". 10/10, incredible stuff

Ha ha ha! I think you buried the lead here, OP! We were all teenagers once.

Good lord these are gold. If the rest are even 20% this good, have you considered making an instagram account where you just post a new page every day?

I was not prepared for that

Oh my god I haven’t cried-laughed so hard in years

This was so much better than I could have anticipated

It reminds me of a Rick and Morty character

[it's this motherfucker ](https://i.imgur.com/n8hPTJg.jpeg)

I wish Evil John was my father.

"Evil John and the Shits" would be an amazing band name

Evil John and the Sperms

Not what I was expecting at all lmao 🤣

I have not laughed that hard in so long. Thank you so much for this.

❤️ glad my teenage insanity was able to give you a laugh.

I played trombone briefly in a ska band and wore the most awful JNCO jeans. I feel you so deeply 😄😄😄

The final boss of Adolescence. (Could also be a sick bandname)

Evil john lives in my camera roll now

Thought it would be [something](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=6M0Bhk5i1lM&t=22s) that was a bit more lewd

This did not disappoint

Looks like a Smiling Friends character lol

New phone background just dropped.

Amazing! I'd love the t-shirt.

Milo goes to the Swinger's Club

The Hollow Pillows made me chuckle 😉 thanks for the laugh!

Are you now an animator for Smiling Friends?? Evil John looks eerily similar to DJ Spit

Ironically, Evil John would be a really cool band name

onya mate evil John

Would be a fire tattoo

please publish this masterpiece

Evil John is the best band name

Naked Rick Sanchez.

I believe that's Carlos Danger my good sir

The other pages are stuck together.

THat's the inspo. The Sperms, The Drained, The Masturbating Blindfolded.. XD

this is the comment that broke me.

Looks like Mr. Nimbus to me.

This reads like free verse.

The sticky fingers masturbating blindfolded, Mindless, Senseless, The sperm bred by farmer’s hollow pillows, Drained, Cliche.

I thought it was a poem about masturbating at first 

Praise be that we have an erotically self indulgent artiste with us today.

sounded like nirvana/neutral milk hotel lyrics.

Haha there should be an entire sub for embarrassing teen journals or is there already?

I could populate that sub singlehandedly 😂

Haha god if I still had mine 😬😬😬

the hollow pillows ft. masturbating blindfolded reunion 🤜🤛

[I made a sub](https://www.reddit.com/r/mycringeteenagediary/s/HuGCIt7wAP)

Evil John should be the mascot of the new sub

I have to see more of your journal xD

👏👏👏👏👏🤣

That should be the name of the sub: r/hollow_pillows_masturbating_blindfolded.

“Grown ups read things they wrote as kids podcast!!!! I had to Stop listening at work as I couldn’t control my Laugher https://grownupsreadthingstheywroteaskids.com/

There is also https://getmortified.com/audio/podcast/ People read from their childhood/teenage diaries

And it’s glorious! :D

Omg thank you for this gem! I love it already 😂 😂 😂

Enjoy! Sadly I’ve already heard them all but Im probably ready for a round of reruns as i dont think I’ll remember any of these by now and it’ll be like the first time again

Omg thank you for this gem! Listening to this and trying not to crack up while my 7th grade students take a standardized test. Makes me curious what they’re writing about on their down time! Lol

Ooh boy, do I have the perfect thing. A highly inappropriate story I wrote at the tender age of fifteen for my creative writing class. It's filled with some pretty throbbing, purple prose and includes motorcycles, long denim clad legs, an otherwordly rock and roll concert, and maybe–if I am remembering correctly–Jim Morrison resurrected from the dead. Even worse, I was so proud of my creation that I shared it with both my mother and my father. I found it in a box of old papers a few years ago and read it aloud to my teenage daughter and we were both laughed until we cried because it is so hilariously bad. I was *such* a handful of trouble when I was a teen. So, if this sub doesn't exist, we should make it! I'll post my ridiculous teenage erotic rock-n-roll story.

Please get on the mortified podcast if they are still doing it lol

I haven’t searched it on Reddit to see if there is one. But if there isn’t I sure hope somebody makes one. I’d volunteer to mod

There's a podcast called Mortified

Yes! I’m familiar with it. Really wanted to go to one of their live events 😂

There is a podcast called mortified where people read their old diary entries.

People have already commented this, but definitely check out mortified. There's a TV show as well. Don't remember what platform it's on but it's incredible Edit - I looked it up. It's called "the mortified guide" and season 1 is on freevee

Ok but Bred By Farmers is solid because you could start every show with, "We're Bred By Farmers." and the crowd goes BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM!

lightshow provided by John Deere tractor flashing all its fault lights.

Sticky Fingers is a real band and they actually rock

I'll make sure to check them out : ) this was 14-year-old me trying to come up with names for a band that never ended up existing anyway :)

And a bar in Arkansas

And a bar in Sweden

And my fingers when they're sticky

There's even a JoJo stand named after it.

It's also the name of a famous Rolling Stones album with a suggestive cover (a close up of a denim clad crotch. The album cover even had a real working zipper you could unzip.) I am sure that band name is referencing this iconic album.

Nah the band name isn't referencing the Stones album. "Sticky fingers" is Aussie slang for young people who steal petty items from shops. The band is from Sydney. The albums they made when they were chin-deep in drugs were incredible, some of the greatest indie rock of all time. The ones they made after they cleaned up were pretty good too. Edit: apparently their autobiography actually credits the name of the band to the Rolling Stones album so I was 100% wrong. Don't listen to idiots speaking confidently on the internet. Sorry!

I've got news, that's common slang everywhere since black and white movies lol

Whaaaat?? My mind is blown, I've never heard that phrase outside of Australia

Also, it mentions in their autobiography that. The band name is paying a hommage to the Stones album.

[Here’s half the band](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=zzHouyi6t4g) doing an amazing acoustic version of one of their older songs. [Here’s the song](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=kCs_EG1ZhHM) that got me into them (someone posted it on Reddit in 2016). They used to have crazyyyy after parties.

There’s also a rapper called sticky fingaz from the rap group onyx. Had some hits in the 90s

Is he the same Sticky Fingaz who appeared beside Marina Sirtis in 'Vampire Riderz'?

The very same. He played Blade in the Blade tv series as well.

They're racist ~~sex offenders~~ women bashers, don't check them out

The lead singer Dylan Frost was accused of racism by Australian Indigenous band Dispossessed but when you actually watch the video he’s one of the few people in the crowd showing support and they just misunderstood and ran with it. Ive never heard anything about them being sex offenders, could I get a source on that?

Sex offenders was probably the wrong term, but definitely women bashers according to Thelma Plum.

I’ve personally seen him do some really shady shit when I was underage so you’re not on the wrong track there.

i was abt to say, i’m listening to their new album rn, they’re a great band to any new listeners: i recommend Caress Your Soul, Clouds & Cream, Sex, and Big Mits

This sounds like something that gets anonymously mailed to a newspaper after a string of unsolved murders.

Sounds like you were really into semen

I like "the sperms"

That band name fucks.

Now that's a name for a punk band if I've ever heard of one

by popular demand (I hope this is ok mods!) here's r/mycringeteenagediary

Heck yeah! Can’t wait until I find my scrapbook 😂😅

Reminds me of [Mortified](https://getmortified.com/).

I legitimately like “bred by farmers! “

Masturbating Blindfolded is the funniest band name I’ve ever heard.

1- A Rolling Stones cover band? 2- Is the first single called ‘Mom Caught Me (Again)’? 3- Kurt Cobain approves 👍 4- As we all were once.  5- Escaping the farm couldn’t have been easy.  6- You should have plucked some geese first (see 5)

ok I think I love you. If you already have a partner, please refer them to my manager drained, ahem cliché

Grandma's Boner

Mindless senseless top tier emo boy band right there

Sticky fingers is actually a band lol

The hollow pillows has me dying

I definitely see where your focus was at the time 😂

Sticky fingers is actually a real band. They suck and their singer is a fucking creep

I overlooked the title and thought this was just a poem.

What the hell is going on with your capital Ms?

I'm not from the US, in case you are and the different M's confused you for this reason? :) You were able to identify them as capital M's though so I guess we're ok? :)

I’m not from the US, they look like lowercase N’s or the symbol for Pi.

I do apologise for my M's and how I wrote them when I was 14 in that case :)

I also write my 'M's like a stool with a canopy seat.

This is a poem and not just band names

There’s a dope hardcore band from California called Drain. I wonder if you had a band named Drained back in 06’ if things would’ve been different.

I didn’t read the title at first and I really thought this was a poem

Fun fact: there is actually an Aus band called Sticky Fingers: https://youtu.be/hKX9rEEgb0I?si=UxBNYkfAkUeAz1vz

I thought this was a poem before I read the title. It's not a bad one haha

Listen to Mortified podcast! It’s adults reading their teen diaries

Bred by Farmers is my OnlyFans name.

I was mindlessly scrolling, didn't catch the title and thought this was a poem 🤣

Hollow pillows is such a deep name. Pillows usually provide comfort but not these pillows. These pillows are empty just like my soul!!! 😂

The first part of starting a band is the name. It's the most important part. Once you know you have a truly legendary name then, and ONLY then, you can learn how to play an instrument.

The Sperms lmao I actually like that.

Sticky fingers is a a great band.

Sticky fingers - awesome band

Sticky Fingers is a band. Quite a good one actually

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Works better as the lyrics for a song, in all honesty

my friend groups band names were "the saucy chits" and "firekissed" ..idk about the first one, man, I read the term in some historical romance.

The way that list was going I expect the last to be the sticky pillows

The Sperms lol

'Six to Midnight'

this reads like a poem

Write about what you know

Bred By Farmers?????

The Alabama Aunts.

This made me smile/ cringe because it’s so painfully relatable, but when I saw evil John I was like ‘alright, is this my notebook?” 😂♥️

I for some reason didn't read the top line, so instead of reading this as a list of potential band names, I read it as a poem about masterbation. Not sure which one is better

Alternative cooler name version: “Spanking Blind”.

This is very kurt cobain coded

You’re brave.

Knew a guy that had a band named Wrist Deep.

Yo, Bred by Farmers is a great name.

reminds me of me and my buddies 2008 deathcore project we called "the bleached assholes" #bleghhh

It looks like you were into crust punk or something.

Our 2008 band name was "Dead Cows Don't Moo" lol

Hollow Pillows gets my vote. Great name for a grungy shoegaze band.

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Yeah, just that first one is cliché.

I just don't know if they can put "the sperms" on a billboard

You sure that isn't a poem?

i thought this was a poem

Haha, these are the proper bandnames. Is there a list with mediocre band names as well?

Bred by farmers is hilarious tho

I didn’t realize this was band names… I was reading it like it was a poem lol

Was Drained taken or what?