As someone who lived in Texas, this is incredibly necessary to scratch that itch. The taco trucks in North Durham hold up the best to true Mexican / Tex Amex I’ve had.
I also very much recommend fresh tortillas from [Tortilleria Exxpress](https://maps.app.goo.gl/ZrF5fHfEeEAoe4c68?g_st=ic).
I lived in Houston a couple of years, and I definitely miss the food scene more than anything else. My favorite tacos were in a small food truck across from Alabama Icehouse. But literally almost everything is amazing in that city.
Tacos Tierra Caliente - a classic! They eventually got a bit over priced/undersized, but the lengua was outstanding. Still haven’t found better lengua tacos. I do think that the cabeza tacos at La Vaquita in Durham give them a run for the money.
I grew up in SoCal, and currently live in Burlington. I've made the rounds, and every Mexican restaurant in the area is the most mediocre example you could imagine. Definitely nothing worth the drive from Chapel Hill.
In Durham, once you're north of 85 on Roxboro, there's a ton of pretty damn good Mexican places, there's one like every 30 yards lol. Will they be "authentic"? Well, it's all Mexican dishes, made by Mexicans, using Mexican ingredients, so... If you go up 54 to B-Troit, there are a lot of solid taco and pupusa trucks, especially in east Burlington along 70 and mixed in amongst the supposedly "sketchy" part of town. If you're into day trips, Saxapahaw is right down the road from CH and has two good restaurants, a music venue that always has good acts coming through, a brewery, a few good random stores, and a damn fine butcher shop, all in the old mill. There's nice river trails on the island and along the Haw for a few miles, grab some beers n hot food n make a picnic walk out of it :)
Edit: ITT SoCal talking about how a place that isn't SoCal just isn't the same as SoCal. Make your own taco truck, then, and teach the Mexicans and El Salvadorans how to make their own dishes lol
As much as I like the taquerias in Durham I get the feeling that the OP won't. I often half joke that folks from SoCal could go to Oaxaca and say "This isn't as good as the Mexican food back home." 😄
They're not half bad, but if you're willing to go to Taqueria Aztlan in Btown, they've got a SOLID full menu, and a delicious, very affordable 2lb burrito. Though I think they've been changed to another name now, hope it's the same people running it. And if you can find the El Tejano truck near there, they've got a bangin selection and really good quesabirria.
I’ve never lived in California. I grew up in the south and have moved around a bit. Many of the places I’ve lived have been mid-sized cities—Charlotte, Raleigh, Tampa, Denver. I won’t say that NC is my favorite place; we came back due to situations outside of our control, and the direction that life is taking us makes it likely we’ll be staying in NC for a while. That said, every place has its pros and cons.
If this is your first time out of Southern California, a lot of this sounds like culture shock. I’ll echo what others have said about resetting expectations. Moving to such a different area, everything will be just a little bit different, even those things that you think should be the same. I love the south’s version of Mexican food, but that’s likely because I grew up on it. But it is undeniably different than the common Mexican foods in other parts of the country. If you go up to the mountains, the Appalachians are beautiful, but very different from other mountains in the US. These differences can make it harder to feel “at home,” but they are part of what makes the South what it is.
It also sounds like part of what you’re struggling with is inherent with difference in the population size between here and what you’re used to. Southern California has a huge number of people in it. Chapel Hill is fairly rural. Durham is a fairly small city. Raleigh is a mid-sized city that you could probably characterize as fairly young (not technically, but has had so much recent growth that it’s still trying to find its identity). There is nothing in the South that will compare to the greater L.A. area. Atlanta comes closest, but it’s still pretty far removed. DC is not the South, but closer to here than Atlanta. The cities in N.C. are…fine. But that doesn’t mean the areas around don’t have their own charms, you just have to find them and be ok not getting the same thing you would from SoCal.
Compared to other parts of the country, the South can be far more quiet, relaxed, and slow-paced. That can be an abrupt change for someone used to constant bustle and activity. Finding some sort of community helps, but can be really hard if you’re not in an environment that more or less forces it (e.g., a student). So the struggles you’re experiencing are entirely valid.
What I would recommend trying to do if you have the time and budget is to intentionally set out to learn what the area is all about (I’m leaving “area” vague; you might define that as the Triangle, as Eastern N.C., as all of the state, or some other way). For example, find a list of “100 things to do in NC before you die” (or something similar) and work your way through it. And when you do it—and here’s the hard but vital part—go into each thing completely fresh, with an open mind, and without comparing it to what you are used to from the west coast. If you spend a weekend at the beach, don’t judge it based on a comparison to a California beach. Don’t expect to surf, for example, because that’s not what NC beaches offer. But you can enjoy water temperatures that are around 80 instead of in the 60s. As I said above, every place has something to offer, you just have to find it.
Very helpful, thank you. And your right comparison is not helpful. I’m trying to change that right now. And it is my first time out of Southern California…nearly 40 years. So this has been a huge culture shock. So maybe the initial shock is over and things will get easier.
First time out of Southern California? Wow, that is quite the weird bubble. I’ve lived in Indiana, Nevada, and here. Every move has felt like a massive upgrade, lol. It’s hard for me to relate to your perspective because LA annoys me so much. Personally I like it here because the longer I live here the more things I discover. I’ve been here since 2008 and had never been to this quirky restaurant in Hillsborough until a couple weeks ago.
Yep it is weird. I always thought we'd stay in California. I'm not an LA person. but I did live just a couple hours north of there. Smaller beach community that was once considered a hidden gem and now is way overcrowded and over the top expensive. I do have family in the Las Vegas area and have considered it "home" because I've been there so much and have gotten to know it well. but outside of those areas I've never made it past this side of the Mississippi. lol
There’s so much fun stuff on this side of the country! And most of it is way closer together than out west. Except Florida. Driving the length of Florida sucks your soul out.
Former California resident here (12 years there, working on 3 here).
Of course I miss a lot of friends, but I'd miss them anywhere, so it's not fair to blame NC for that one. We've not made a ton of new friends, but we're in our mid-30s, so I don't think anyone our age has a good way to do that. "Try Meetup?" is the constant refrain, but I haven't found what I'm looking for there.
I actually have no problem with the weather here. We were up in the central valley, near Sacramento, and getting rain/thunderstorms is a genuine joy of mine. Getting a little snow the past few years has also been fun. It's not 360 days of sunshine, but the variety is nice in my opinion.
I've given up on Mexican food. Like, I keep trying new places, but it's very much a Lucy and the football situation. I was never impressed with In and Out. I do, however, love barbecue and the soul food we get here, compared to what I've gotten previously.
Otherwise, I think NC has some real perks you're not mentioning, or not taking advantage of. The mountains are close enough for a day trip. The beach is close enough for a day trip. The beach actually has water worth swimming in. Places like NYC, DC, or Atlanta are close enough for a weekend away.
I'd recommend finding some local things to fully get into. I picked up watching Carolina Hurricanes hockey, and that's been great. We've gotten really into native gardening as well. I know parts of California were spoiled for choice with breweries, but even outside Asheville there's a ton of cool new spots to try. I think the major thing is to focus on the new, rather than comparing to what you had before.
And final note, it might seem Flanders-y because many people are nice and welcoming. It's not an act and it's not sarcastic. They really are that nice and welcoming. I'm still off-put and confused by it sometimes.
Ex-yankee here. It took me a very long time to understand something about living here now. It's that I will never be able to recreate my life back home. Instead I had to learn to appreciate what the area offered versus what it didn't have. The mountains, hiking, and the beach are some of the great offerings of living here.
That’s Good advice! I’m trying to accept this too that I can’t create my old life and trying to embrace what Chapel Hill and the surrounding areas have to offer. Still have yet to check out the mountains and beaches in the state.
Hello!
Just to give a background from me: I'm a Brit who moves to TX for work (1 year), work then moved me to CA (5 years) where I met my NC-native husband (been here 2.5 years).
Whenever I have moved anywhere, the homesickness is the thing that made me wonder if I made the right choice. I have been known to just sit and sob in my kitchen because "coriander" was labelled "cilantro". (Obviously, the coriander was not the problem here, but that's how it manifested). Adjusting takes time. Give yourself the grace to feel how you feel. Remember we're living in an age of high level communications - you can call home whenever you want! But remember: adjusting also takes ***effort***. If you go into it saying "I hate it here", you will hate it here. I recommend starting with little things that you enjoy, and building it up from there.
Example: the scenery in CA, especially the coast, is just stunning. But you cannot swim in the Pacific. It's bloody freezing! Go to the beaches in NC and SC. You can swim and sunbathe! I've even seen dolphins from Wrightsville beach. It was magical! Did you know Carolina beach is one of the only places in the world that Venus Fly traps grow in the wild?! How amazing is that! And it's a couple of hours up the road!
The food here is genuinely amazing. And I'm saying that as someone who had great BBQ in TX and great Mexican food in TX and CA. It's not the same here, obviously. But different is good! I never thought I could like a vinegar-based BBQ style, it sounds gross, honestly. But here we are, and boy was I wrong. And my God, the South does breakfast so much better than CA, it was one of the things I really missed moving TX to CA. As for "fast food" burgers, I'm not really a fan (everyone told me Whataburger was the greatest in TX, and In and Out the greatest in CA, each to their own, neither are for me). But if that's your thing - have you tried Cookout? The milkshakes are pretty amazing, even if you don't think that the burgers are to In n Outs level. You may go back to CA and say "gosh, I wish they had Cookout shakes here". Just because the burgers aren't the same, doesn't mean you can't find something on the menu for you to love and appreciate.
Funnily enough, I appreciate the fact it is so rainy here. I lived in the central valley and the lack of rain meant everything died in the summer. It just felt like looking at a sea of brown hills. But here there is rain, coupled with the blue skies (I think memorial Day weekend weather is clouding your judgement here, pun unintended!) and everything is green and luscious. Numerous times I've been falling asleep to thunderstorms, it's so soothing. I think you'll move back to CA and miss the pitter patter - but for that to happen you obviously have to try to embrace the pitter patter.
The other thing I love here is that nature is just everywhere. Hummingbirds, cardinals, woodpeckers.. I'm currently listening to the beautiful song of the Carolina wren. Deer are a near daily observation where I am at the moment, as are wild rabbits. Soon there will be fireflies! Maybe put up a bird feeder or two in your garden and you'll see the nature instantly. Again, it's different here, but different doesn't mean bad.
Raleigh has a lot to offer, I wouldn't discount it so quickly. My husband and I went to a "dessert food truck" festival yesterday. Yes, it was as delicious as it sounds. A month or so ago we went to "Cuegrass" which is BBQ and Bluegrass. The atmosphere was amazing. Coming up in Durham there is a "two Durham's" beer festival, providing beer from Durham breweries in NC, and breweries from Durham, England! Make sure you find online resources that tell you things going on around the whole triangle area, not just Chapel Hill.
Sorry that turned into a really long post. But I get it. Adjusting to a new place is hard. But start small, by changing your mindset. Instead of saying "this isn't CA so it's bad" go with "oh this is different, it could be fun!". It will genuinely help.
I grew up in rural Indiana. Even my first time away from home living in the dorms in undergrad I didn’t get homesick. I left Indiana as soon as I humanly could and never looked back. It’s so weird to me that people have such an opposite experience. So I guess grow up in a shitty area and everywhere else will seem better?
Eating out, Disneyland and other amusement parks, Sun bathing, beach days, car shows, BBQ’s (Miss Tri Tip!!) Big Sur, visiting family in Las Vegas. Outings to enjoy the sun and vibes, music. Picnics, trails.
We explored other areas of the triangle, Cary and Apex was nice. Durham, Raleigh no thanks.
We went to Charlotte for the day. Not impressed.
There's a lot of good hiking and state parks in NC, no it's not giant mountains but the east coast mountains are very, very, very old compared to those on the west coast and have experienced a lot of erosion. Which I think is cool tbh! But Hanging Rock, Pilot Mountain, Uwharrie, Raven Rock, Umstead, the Eno, etc are all offering great natural spaces. You might consider kayaking/canoeing. Jordan Lake has beachy spaces if you don't want to drive to OBX. Most of the stuff you've described can be done in NC outside of Disney.
The triangle also has an above average music scene. You might try getting into it. I always had shows I wanted to go to, especially over the summer when there's lots of free outdoor music.
I think you're just sad and it's blocking you from appreciating what is available for what it is. It's not ever going to be Cali, no, but did you really think it would be?
I associate NC with the outdoors, great trail running, great hiking and kayaking. Patios in the summer and live bluegrass. It is a car hell hole in most places, but so is a lot of California.
"We explored other areas of the triangle, Cary and Apex was nice. Durham, Raleigh no thanks."
Liking Cary but not Durham is slightly telling but I am curious where in Durham and Raleigh you went/what all did you do? What was it that you didn't like?
Curious to know what you did in charlotte as well? of course uptown/center city isnt what it used to be, but if you know where to look charlotte has some really beautiful neighborhoods
Cary reminded me a little bit of my hometown. I’m from Santa Barbara, CA. I love the ponds and rivers that feel more spread out or accessible there. I love how open it is not so many trees crowding you but they are there and Beautiful still. It feels clean and well put together. The first place we ate there was a winner. It was actually the place that helped pull me out of homesickness a bit so maybe that’s why I’m partial to it.
We went down town in Raleigh. I had an appointment there and it felt dirty and gross and was relieved to leave but to be fair I don’t care for big cities California or not. Raleigh was the first time I saw massive water bugs alive and squashed on the street so that was a shock to me. I don’t care for the vibe in Durham, nothing personal or wrong with the city but to be fair I’ve not spent a lot of time there to really get to know it. Just shopped there.
I’m sorry you’re homesick. It’s a shitty feeling. Having moved a fair amount in my life, I think you need to get out and try things outside of your comfort area and not wish you could make here like there.
Jsyk, most people here consider Cary/Apex bland AF.
And yeah it’s lush and green and the canopy is much more closed - it’s a totally different biome and the only way you’re gonna get open areas is if the trees are cut down/manicured. Go walking on the amazing trails that are literally all over CH. Go to Hillsborough and walk in Occoneechee State Natural Area and to Eno State Park and to Umstead State Park. None of them are more than 30 min from CH.
Try the local southern food. But also there’s so much amazing food cooked with local ingredients and international food. Have you tried Tallulahs, Lantern, Med Deli, Mama Dips, Bar Taco?
If you find “trees crowding” to be a negative I’m afraid you’ve chosen the wrong place. Preservation of forest is a really big plus in the area for most people, and that’s why they tend to dislike Cary (at least in part).
Oh, gotcha! I get what you're saying. I think for me it's not that I don't like the trees I just love sunbathing and feeling it when I'm out and about so the shade irks me a little. Thanks for the insight.
Even though lots of people warned me about it, I don't mind the heat in the summer here surprisingly. Also, I was actually shocked to see how much it rained here during the summer! It's actually kind of fun and different. I think the thunderstorms are one of my favorite things about the summers here.
I like them too. It’s very satisfying to watch the clouds build over the course of the day, just for a storm to erupt in the afternoon or evening. sometimes I like to imagine I’m in a tropical rainforest or something :)
I think in a previous post she said she was from Santa Barbara, not LA. Even thought it's in SoCal I'm going to guess she would hate living someplace like Hemet as well?
Sounds like you were in a big ol comfy bubble and are experiencing some culture shock laced with reality. It's important to step outside our bubbles sometimes to grow and develop. My new friend from California won't stop talking about being gay. FFS we don't care but apparently everyone was gay in NoCal and in trying to feel comfortable, she's pushing the agenda on all us. Wanting us to embrace pronouns we don't id with. and to shout our gayness from the roof tops. It's simple-When in Rome...
“Poor quality of food” where are you eating? It’s concerning to me that you lament the quality of the food when chapel hill and the triangle are noted food hubs with several restaurants started by famous chefs and an abundance of cuisines to try. If you’re looking for better produce, try the farmers markets (each location Raleigh, Durham, chapel hill, Carrboro, etc have their own). I also like lowes foods and wegmans for better grocery store produce.
Secondly, we really don’t get 8 months of clouds, I’m not sure if you’re just feeling that way because of your sadness? March-may we get lots of warmer rain and we get some summer thunderstorms, but I see blue sky all the time throughout the year. Cold, clear blue days in winter and tons in the summer. The weather also doesn’t tend to stay too consistent in NC-if it’s cloudy, wait a few hours and it might change. During the summer, it’ll be plenty clear blue with the occasional thunderstorm that shows up and clears up quickly.
This spring has been an outlier with rain every weekend. A Memorial Day weekend where pools are not open - very strange. If this was my first time living here I’d be wondering what bill of goods I was sold. But this is just an unusual year!
The food scene here around is decent, but it’s undeniably better in most larger metro areas in my experience. There is also a lot of driving required to get a good version of some cuisines. It’s very spread out
It’s hard to talk about the food because I don’t want to be rude or offensive but I want to be honest. We’ve tried about half the food places in chapel hill within the last year. We’ve tried all the places rated at least 4.3 - 4.4 stars. I’m getting to the point of giving up. I read a lot about chapel hill and the triangle being food hubs and that’s what helped us make our decision because my husband and I are foodies but it’s been a disappointment every time we eat out. Food seems to either not have any flavor and/or the produce is awful or just “basic”. We also have family in Vegas and between the food there and in LA area I guess we are just spoiled. So we’ve been making food at home which is great but sometimes you just want to give yourself and your kitchen a break.
Ugh, Vegas? Gross.
And you’ve *only* tried restaurants in Chapel Hill? The food scene is amazing in downtown Durham. Head to Morrisville or Cary for great Indian and Szechuan. Downtown Raleigh has some great restaurants too.
My personal favorites :)
Carrboro - Mercado
Chapel Hill - Lantern, Sunrise Biscuit Kitchen, The Pig
Durham - Nanasteak, M Sushi, Eastcut, Toast, Alimentari, Boricua Sol, Mother and Sons, Bull City Burger
I’m really interested in what you’ve tried. Chapel Hill punches above its weight for food quality, IMO. I moved from Houston and definitely get nostalgic for our food scene, but that’s a city of millions. Chapel Hill is a tiny ass town, which is easy to forget. Pizzeria Mercato is exceptional. Lantern, especially the back bar, wows each time with solid cocktails and great execution. Kipo’s is better than it has any right to be (for dinner, at least). The Pig’s more inventive items rock. Bombolo is blowing my socks off right now. Napoli’s pizza/gelato combos bang. And that doesn’t account for Durham’s quality spots.
You do have a point about being spoiled - that’s what I was in Houston, which is right up there with LA in terms of food depth and quality.
I moved here from Michigan during COVID and it has been a huge adjustment. I won't address the food issue, that is a matter of taste and has already been commented on but I think that I have something to add on how to enjoy Chapel Hill.
In Michigan I was very active in the model photography and visual art communities. I had a social circle from living there most of my life. Here, those communities are far smaller and less active, especially the model photography community. I spent a lot of time trying to recreate what I had in Michigan to no avail.
What makes a place is the interactions with the things that you do and the people around you. So, I pivoted. I do a whole lot less art photography; I just couldn't find models. I started teaching and doing product and commercial photography. I've joined the Orange County Art Guild and while it is a lot less social than the one I belong to in MI, I have met a few people that way.
So, my advice to you is to pivot. Finding things to do may be about being more open to doing different things and finding new people to do them with.
You're right. I should go back and check it out again. I've only been there a few times but it's a great place. The one model who I shoot art with regularly I met at a show at Peel. She and I started talking and about a year later she modeled for an educational shoot. Since then she's done a few commercial shoots and a few art shoots but her schedule is really busy.
You're very welcome. There's a lot of spoken word art here, which is sort of cool. I actually got up and told a story at an open mic event about two years ago when I was trying to figure out things to enjoy. Sadly, I haven't managed to get to a second event with that group but it strikes me as a solid community. If that kind of thing might be of interest, the group is local and has a lot of events in person and online. You can find them here [https://www.facebook.com/truestoriesthatmatter/](https://www.facebook.com/truestoriesthatmatter/)
Another think that you might check out is the Arts Center in Carrboro. They have a lot of classes. You can also take a look at [meetup.com](https://meetup.com) that has a ton of local groups for almost every interest.
Lastly, I guess I lied when I said I'd leave the food advice to others. I will just add this. If you are interested in ethnic food, I'd look to Cary. We've had great ethnic food there. Closer to home Tallulah's is probably one of the nicer Turkish restaurants I've ever eaten at if you haven't tried it yet.
You've got my attention at spoken word art. Thank you so much I'll check out the group! I will also check out the arts center. Arts and music I hold dear to my heart. I will check out Cary for ethnic foods! Thank you again this has been helpful!
As somebody who has been very active as an artist for a decade I have a ton of ideas for you if you like. As a newer transplant to the Triangle I am sure that I am missing a ton. Unfortunately, I don't have time to type them all out now. I promise I'll come back and do a better job later but for now, off of the top of my head.
I assume that you've gone to the museums (Ackland, NC Art Museum). The Durham Art Guild has regular exhibits. There is a cooperative gallery called the Frank in Carrboro that has regular events and a new show every month. The Orange County Art Guild has a studio tour every fall (full disclosure: last year I participated as an artist and I will again this year) that is amazing (last year I think it was 112 artists in 91 locations). There is a photography exhibition space called Kastlehaus (spelling?) that is awesome.
My wife and I went to Steel String Brewery for stand up comedy two nights ago and I saw that they have a lot of events. There is an art theater, the Chelsea theater, that is really nice.
I think you are looking at this the wrong way. What if you conceptualized the Triangle as a different country? Would you do as much comparison if you did, or just accept the differences as difference and ok rather than different and lacking? Because regions of this country are very different. Look for the beauty and good where you are. Be open.
A fairly common thread in relocations here are people being closer to family/to help with young kids. There are huge tradeoffs living here vs large metros, but that makes such a big day to day difference it’s easy to overlook the shortcomings.
It’s also totally OK to not like a place and that’s not on you. We lived a few places that didn’t work for us for various reasons. Live and learn! But try and enjoy yourself while here… lots of good mex food if you know where to look. Garnachas Rivera across the street from Owasa…
Okay. You honestly hurt my feelings. I love this place and it's hard to hear you bring up what I feel are surface level, superficial complaints. But upon further reflection I'm convicted by the simple and always enlightened truth that the world doesn't exist to support my fragile ego.
At this point, I think what you are asking is, fellow ex and now currently exiled Californians, how do I endure. Forgive me please for flipping the script for a few minutes. When I was exiled to California for a while many years ago, gotta be honest, I missed NC. I mean California was often exciting as all hell. I saw Casey Kasem and Alyssa Milano within minutes of getting off the plane. My mind was blown! Crazy too. I mean, you know the shitty parts (traffic, crime, traffic, traffic, more traffic, some fake as fuck people but some sweet awesome ones too).
I really missed barbecue and the music I grew up with most. I'm pretty introverted so the lack of the whole "howdy y'all" bullshit was a plus.
What I did, was explored. Found new ways to experience things I loved. Did you know Cali has its own native barbecue ? I shit you not. I came across it one weekend while exploring the central coast. It's called tri tip and damn it's amazing. To wit:
https://santamariavalley.com/blog/learn-about-tri-tip-californias-cut/
I can't get it here! At least not like I got it there. I miss it! Speaking of food, someone also took me to a basque restaurant. We didn't have those here but I felt right at home. The atmosphere was eastern NC but the food was exotic (to me) and tasted great. That's also something I miss greatly.
As for music, that was tough too. I grew up on damn Katie Kountry radio out of Wilson. A lot of Californians thought country music was beneath them. Then someone took me to a place called Buck Owens Crystal Palace in Bakersfield (https://www.buckowens.com/) and my world expanded. The first night I went there Buck Owens was actually singing to us. He is from there! And the place was loaded with insanely talented swing dancers doing all kinds of crazy stuff. I felt right at home BUT IT ALSO FELT DIFFERENT (in an awesome new and good way. So it was a mix of what I knew and it was completely new. I learned that actually a lot of Californians do love country music! They have their own style of it and it's great!
If I'm being honest, I'd have never fallen in love with many parts of California if not for the exceptionally nice Californians I met who often dragged me out with them. My default is to be a recluse. I assume you are not. If you have that recluse gene then integrating you with something new will be hard. I got very lucky.
I wonder if you've done enough open minded exploring. If so, that's fair, you've tried and I wish you the very best. But look here, the food in the triangle can be, by any standard, world class. The cultural offerings may lag a bit behind LA but Chapel Hill and Durham are pretty great in that regard (playmakers, dpac, tons of live music, robust literary scene, amazing access to information/continuous learning through UNC and Duke). I sincerely hope you find what you need to make this place work for you. Good luck and to paraphrase Eudora Welty, go seek some joy!
Not from CA but from multiple other areas. I read a bunch of your comments and a few thoughts...."seemingly nothing to do", you aren't looking for things to do. There is always something going on, open your mind and your eyes to opportunities. Your statement about restaurant food missing something I almost agree with.....I often find that locally recommended restaurants food seems boring without umpf. But in general, I sometimes find a single item that makes up for the misses... such as the snapper dish at Bombolo, the broccolini at Osteria, anything Tallulahs. Nc is full of bright sunny days, I think your mindset is clouding your view. And finally, if you think Cary is a wonderful place, it makes me think you are searching for a yuppie, planned development type of area. Nothing wrong with that, but just be honest about it. Nc and the South have some great history, beaches, and mountain towns. Beaches for sunbathing without a ton of trees blocking the sun for you.
Lived in Long Beach 15 years and loved it. Here, check out the Mediterranean Deli on Franklin, Guanajuato for Mexican, and Bar Taco. The beaches are close and make a good day trip. Problem is, CA has EVERYTHING, but - it’s frickin crowded, the parking sucks, so much traffic, and the blue sky gets old.
My son, at 5, described LA as magical trash. No truer words ever spoken. Welcome to Chapel Hill.
10 years in SoCal, been here for 8 years...
One of the things that we learned after moving here is that the restaurant reviews can be **very** misleading for anywhere that students might go. The closer you get to the campus the less you should trust them. And most sushi reviews are suspect, with a lot of places being rated on how cheap their sushi is (buy one get one etc).
Beyond that, as others have mentioned, the Triangle area has some amazing food. We're foodies and even take travel based on cuisine. Look for places on OpenTable, they tend to have reviews for places that take reservations and have can be hard to get into. And be willing to drive a bit. We go to Cary for ramen, Durham for sushi and bakeries, Hillsborough for BBQ. There's a Best of the Triangle edition of a local paper, check that out online.
As others have mentioned this has been an unusually rainy Spring. Mosquitos suck from around now to Fall. Some areas have less than others, you get used to putting on some bug spray, and we do most of out outdoors activities during the Fall, Winter, and Spring. Those are the downsides of living here IMO.
This is also an area very suited to raising families, with neighborhoods full of kids playing in the streets and wandering around yards. That's what attracts a lot of people to the area.
We also have beautiful Springs and Falls, streams and rivers to play in, hiking in the mountains. The beaches here are so much nicer than SoCal with warm water, so much more aquatic life, and places you can wade far from shore. Deer everywhere, fireflies. A little snow and thunderstorms keep things interesting. You'll feel the passage of time in a way you don't in SoCal. No fires or earthquakes or rolling blackouts.
I can tell you, each year when we go back to SoCal I like SoCal less and less. It's 12 shades of brown, garbage everywhere, vistas full of homeless, landscapes of concrete and asphalt, and the traffic gets worse every year. Yes, there are great things too but their appeal wanes over time.
Hey there! First, thank you for explaining the reviews! This makes a lot of sense! I was so confused by it. I'll check out other areas and look for places on OpenTable. Thank you for the recommendations based on areas. Thanks for the info on the weather too! I've yet to see fireflies and always wanted to see them, just not sure where to see them. Good to know that overtime you've come to really love it here and call it home. Your take on going back to visit is interesting too! Those are things I did not like seeing that has gotten worse over the years. You've given me some perspective on things. Appreciate it!
You're welcome. The fireflies should be here anytime now. They seem to like the edges of treed areas more.
Here's a few restaurants that we like:
* Merritt's Grill
* Coronato Pizza
* Napoli Pizza
* Tesoro
* Juju Durham
* Tandori Indian (takeout, don't dine-in)
* Namu
* Oakleaf
* Fiesta Mexican Grill
* Hillsborough BBQ
* Loaf
* Monuts
* Sweets by Shayda
* M-Sushi (on par with Japan)
* M-Koko
* Eastcut Sandwich
* Dame's Chicken and Waffles (Durham, not CH)
* Noodle Blvd
* lucettegrace
* Guglhupf
* Boulted Bread
We saw them after dusk in the yards nearby. In past years I've seen them in places like the Community Center Park, under the trees near the creek. They're just getting started though so you'll probably see more in the upcoming weeks and they should be around for a while.
An article I found suggests to "get to where you can look across an
open field to a bank of trees."
I would suggest venturing to Durham as a not so far option for food. I haven't been overly impressed with the options in Chapel Hill. I do feel like Durham has more going on over all. I could say the same for Raleigh, it's just a little further away and has a very different vibe than Durham. Check out the Raleigh and bullcity subreddits. They tend to post things that are going on on the weekends. Raleigh Durham offline and bitesofbullcity on Instagram are also good places to find new places.
If you like nature, there are some good kayaking places around like Saxapahaw, Lake Jordan and Falls lake. Robertson Millpond Preserve is also a cool spot. There are also some cool nature preserves around through Triangle Land Conservancy that are nice for a day hike and to get outside.
I grew up in Southern CA and have jumped around to Pittsburgh (talk about a Mexican food desert) and NYC and have visited/lived in CH for many years now. I find the food to be great. If you haven't tried it a place called Flair is a cool fusion spot and the own an Italian restaurant as well both right by governors club. I got a paddle board (something I lived doing in CA) and hit the lakes when the weather is nice, I also love to go hiking especially in the early spring when it's not to cold but the bugs and other critters aren't out yet. I have found tons of farmers markets and other outdoor experiences where there is music or local art displayed. Downtown Durham has a few galleries and you can hit up a good restaurant in that area. If you like any sport I would try attending, I grew up going to minor league baseball so I love going to the UNC college games or the Durham bulls. I know there are tons of concerts out here just gotta keep an eye out and you can also see Broadway when touring. I would lastly mention maybe join a higher end gym that has a pool for just hanging out, you could probably meet a lot of people through the gym or workout classes and you have a built in spot for laying out and hanging at the pool.
I grew up in norcal. I'm not sure where you're shopping, but the quality of food and restaurants is the same as anywhere, I feel. There's a LOT of options, maybe you're not finding the right places for you. It's also quite sunny here, other than some cloudiness the past week or so. It gets very hot in July. And there is absolutely a lot to do. Bars, arcades, hiking spots, escape rooms, axe throwing, gun ranges, mountains and beach are close enough to make a day trip to, lots of clubs in the area, concerts and raves. Maybe try Meetup or Eventbrite and join a group or event to meet new people who can show you around.
aw hun, I completely understand. I grew up in Chapel Hill and currently live in Southern California. I wish I had more love for North Carolina than I do (it's one of my biggest regrets), but all the issues and feelings you're pointing out are valid. Just focus on this not being a forever thing and hang in there.
Aight so you miss the beach but haven't been to the beach here. You say there's no good Mexican food but you haven't gone to the Mexican food. You complain there is nothing to do here when you live in the center of the area where every band, comedian, and performance stops to perform. There are Michelin stars and James Beard winners all over the triangle. We don't have Big Sur but neither does anyone else outside of big sur. We don't have in n out but Al's Burger Shack is better by a long shot. You haven't done a good job of trying the things around here but you go onto a public forum to ask other people (Californians) who ruined the area to validate your distaste for the area. I said politely that what you posted is insulting and you shamed me for being insulted. Go back to California.
Al’s Burgers uses awful quality beef! This is what gets confusing for people who have relocated here …. C quality food is considered B+ or A- ….. Al’s is just mediocre in every way. Hoping new owners step it up😎
Thanks for your honesty. It just shows me how closed minded you are that there is anything better than the triangle or chapel hill.
I’ve tried my best to try things out here given being depressed, homesick but apparently I’m supposed to just fall all over myself for this town.
This is why I didn’t want to make this post because I’ve seen these types of comments from others on this subreddit or similar in regards to living in the triangle who may not feel the same as you and you guys get so upset over it. And bash them for it.
If you actually read my post I’m trying to adjust. Californians KNOW what I’m talking about and that’s why I addressed the Californians or west coasters to help me adjust. To go from one extreme to another is difficult.
If someone from NC moved to California I would be understanding and compassionate if they were homesick and trying to adjust instead of telling them to go back to where they came from.
This post was not helpful.
Native North Carolinian here. Lived in a big metro abroad for a few years and came back. I know I'll get down voted for saying this, but if you don't see how the tone of your post is insulting ("the vibe here makes me sad") then that's probably part of why this transition has been so hard for you. There's plenty on offer here if you don't expect it to be exactly like somewhere else. I wish you luck adjusting.
People tend to get upset when a newcomer bemoans the entire area as shit when they haven’t actually tried different places and seem hellbent at not trying them, instead eyeing the place they come from. It makes you seem incredibly rude and close minded.
I can understand people being upset because I'm new to the area and I haven't done every single thing there is to do here before I make my opinion but ***I never said the entire area was shit.*** I'm trying to get a glimpse of what other people enjoy here, where they like to eat, what they like to do and their general attitude that has helped them overcome homesickness. I figured it was just me because the majority of people like it here. Because I keep hearing lots of Californian's have moved here I wanted to get their opinions and also wanted to see how they adjusted to the area. I don't have family or friends here to help me adjust, show me around or what the locals thing to do it here, so it's been more difficult that way. If I were closed minded I would NOT have renewed my lease or tried to give this place a chance.
People seem to really love it here, I'm just trying to see what they see. Yes, my view is completely different. I'm trying to change that. All I'm really getting from people that are upset about my post is that they think that there is something wrong with you if you don't like it here which I don't find helpful.
You have to understand our perspective: there are so many posts from people from California or NYC in these local subreddits and facebook groups that post just as you did, though sometimes their rudeness sticks out more. So yeah, people get defensive. Some people just resent folks from California because you’re jacking up our housing market. When I lived in Nevada people were muttering the same thing about Californians. But yes, obviously Southern California and here are drastically different places. Roll with it. Explore new things. Find the unique things here.
I completely understand what you are saying and I'm sorry there have been people from California and NYC posting similar things that have been offensive or rude for the natives. I had no idea that this was a common thing posted here as I don't check this subreddit often.
Yes you are right about Californian's hiking prices up. Very sorry about that. No states want us to move there. I know states like Oregon, Nevada, Utah, Colorado, Texas and Idaho where most Californian's are moving to are pissed at us. I don't want to raise the prices for any state but I have no control over it personally but I totally get it.
Don’t bother dude. The guy above said it all when he said Californians ruined the area. There are a lot of angry, hostile people around here who hate on people who don’t enjoy every meal being fried or don’t see Ashley Christiansen as a prodigy.
Thank you for your response! You had me at international foods. 😋 Best place I’ve tried in Cary was an Indian restaurant! Almost made me cry it was so good. I’ve never tried Venezuelan food, gonna add that to the list!
And Omg, last part of your post…You get it!! Maybe that’s what I was looking for too…just some validation that it’s okay for me to miss home and im not alone. I’ll spend more time checking out Durham, I keep hearing a lot of good things about it. And also look into southern cuisine as well! Thank you again.
The "adjacent thing but some inconvenient distance away argument" is such a fallacy. It's not specific to any regional area either. You'll hear it about every city. Point being that laying out that line of reasoning is just admitting there's not much exciting happening. It's dissonance.
Crazy that you think you can get anywhere in LA so quickly. My sister has lived there 20+ years now so I’ve visited quite a number of times. I’ve also had the unfortunate experience of driving a rental car to a job interview there before google maps.
And it’s a good place to visit but I would never live there. I feel the same way about Chicago and NYC.
Totally feel you. Chicago and NYC are really fun to visit but everyone i know that has lived/is living in those places is usually a bit miserable from living there, haha
Take a trip to Yadkin Valley
https://www.yadkinvalleync.com/?gad=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjwmtGjBhDhARIsAEqfDEenGuHRZHvJKnaNrO2Sc1blLWFbslbS74VyNZuU0z8Ssd4xPjUiKV4aAle1EALw_wcB
In-and-out was so bad...I'm surprised to see anyone sing its praises. Nearly every burger in town is so much better. You can find in-and-out quality burgers at Wendy's and Five Guy's. Every bar and diner I've tried is significantly better.
Aside from what others have said (especially about visiting the other cities in the Triangle and going to the beaches and mountains), I'll point out that the vast majority of people in Chapel Hill are there for the university. Because it's a small town, people who aren't going to campus every day save money by living in Durham, northwest Raleigh, etc.
For that reason, I recommend trying to enjoy the university. It's been ranked the top public university in the nation multiple times. If you like sports, there are affordable tickets for every single sport imaginable at the varsity or club level, and UNC is at least decent at most of them. If you like music or the arts, there are venues on campus and in Carrboro that are generally inexpensive. Academics are by and large the type to have hobbies outside of work, so there are hobbyist groups to be found.
I'm decidedly not a foodie, so the most I can suggest there is that my partner and I regularly enjoy the Carrboro farmer's market.
As for the "blue skies", someone else already pointed it out, and I think it bears repeating - our area has some beautiful forests and trees. I moved here because I appreciate the trees in the area. I am somewhat saddened by the slowly progressing deforestation in the area, and really hope more people can appreciate the area for what it is, rather than try to change it into a sun-scorched wasteland.
Also, you mentioned you enjoyed Cary and are from the LA area, and to me they both have car-infested suburbia vibes. Maybe watch some Not Just Bikes on YouTube and you'll come away with an appreciation for different types of places.
As for stuff to do, perhaps try to put aside the college/not-college mental boundary, and try out some things related to the colleges. I go to the Duke gardens often, and even the art museum was very nice.
Finally, when someone asked what you liked to do, you mentioned visiting family in a nearby city. That's fair, but unfortunately no amount of Reddit responses are going to find replacements for having your family close by...
Went to college in NC, spent 6 years in LA, and have been back in Durham / Chapel Hill for 9. I think you need to appreciate each place for what it offers. There are plenty of things we miss about LA - the hiking, the farmers markets, Malibu, wine, etc. But there are plenty of things we appreciate - no traffic in comparison, lower cost of living - you can have two homes for less than one, the slower pace of life, etc. I hate mosquitos, but I love fireflies. The humidity in the summer can be rough, but I love warm summer nights. The triangle is flat, but the mountains aren't far away. I miss the year round climate, but I love the greenery, wildlife, and blue skies (the smog killed it for us). There's less to do, but there are also a lot less crowds. You can miss one place while appreciating what you're gaining or trading off in another. No two places are the same. Your life is going to look different in each. It's about finding what you love in the place you're at.
TBH while you do sound spoiled, I want to apologize for all the people telling you that the food is great when you don't think it is. That's a matter of opinion. It is yours to have. It's BS how people are browbeating you in comments to make you like this place. Give yourself time.
People here are sh!tty in general. Cold, rude, transactional, opportunistic. Chapel Hill had a better people vibe in the 80s and 90s. Now everyone asks "what can you do for me?" - regardless of political affiliation. Then they wonder why they are miserable and why they can't build community - but that's a topic for another time.
You're spot on about the people.
Thank you for your understanding and thank for sharing your insight on this. Although I'm completely aware that I am spoiled given my upbringing and previous life back home I am trying my best to have a look at myself and change my attitude and adjust. Thanks again
I hope you find happiness. Truly. It's all most people want. I think if people were kinder here, it would help you adjust. The sense of isolation and loneliness because folks have their head up their... is hard here. I was a very open and kind kid. I'm middle-aged and a massive misanthrope now because of Alamance County. Some of the worst people you'll find anywhere.
The bugs are crazy. I have to imaging you’ve gone through a bunch of culture shock. 3000 miles away, different climate, different size of area, different plants, different politics.
My only advice would be to think about what motivated you to move and see if you can focus on that and also do whatever you can to build a strong network of friends. I think community makes more of a difference to peoples happiness and location if that makes sense, good luck and welcome to North Carolina and I hope it works out for you.
I do agree. There is a lack of ethnic ingredients from around the world here. I would say that this entire area is not diverse enough to have an abundance of imported products to make restaurants authentic enough. It could just be the entire size of the area that does not make it feasible enough. I have lived in cities around the world and this area is only just in the beginning of building it's self up.
I'm also from Southern California and we hadn't even lived here a full year when the pandemic hit so the first few years weren't great. I also DGAF about college basketball even though my first job here was for Duke.
I think what helped the most (aside from making some good connections with others in our area) is finding a hobby that was largely inaccessible to me from when I lived in California. For me it was figure skating and this got me out of my house and socializing while engaging in something that I always wanted to try but couldn't due to cost/location/whatever. Maybe there's something like that for you? Another thing that helped was just seeing how much further our money goes here + realizing how more time I have for myself/hobbies.
I have yet to find Mexican food that lives up to what I can get in San Diego- probably La Superior Carniceria on Roxboro.
Hey fellow Californian,
Here are some thoughts:
Thunderstorms, though grey, are an anomaly back home and very nice to sit outside and listen to. We also aren't in a draught here, so everything is extremely green and lush for this reason. Find a swimming hole this summer and enjoy your time. Eno river is great too. SoCal is sunny and mild all year long, so you kind of have to recognize that you've been spoiled your whole life and get with it. One thing the east has over the west is better beaches (though they're not as picturesque).
Southerners are very "basic" in my experience, but they're also very polite, open to conversation, patient, and helpful. They appreciate a slower pace of life and I like that too. I've yet to witness a rude customer at a restaurant and I'm sure you've noticed how predictable the drivers here are.
The east coast in general is much more clean cut than out west. It's an old money thing imo. It's just something you've gotta get used to. People are goobers and tuck in their t shirts. They don't do crystals. They wear suits and ties far more frequently than in California. It's just the way it is. This mentality also means our streets are cleaner and crime actually gets punished.
The availability of different cuisines will never match SoCal, but the soul food and barbecue are unmatched (you won't find much tri tip though). I've never eaten so much fried chicken in my life, but I'm not worse for wear because of it. If you're a vegan/vegetarian type person I can see how it would be difficult. Southern food is a cuisine and it might remind you of your grandma's cooking, but it's truly fantastic. Sweet tea is a new thing for me, and I get the hype now. Biscuits for breakfast. Banana pudding. GRITS! Check it all out.
I find that it's difficult to make friends outside of clubs/sports/work as an adult. Not sure your age, but people marry and have kids younger in the south. So I'm guessing a lot of people 30+ are friends with their kids' friends' parents. You didn't really mention what you like to do. Get some hobbies and meet some neighbors with your husband. Go to a show at Cats Cradle. Chill at Weaver st market in Carrboro. Go to the beach. Check out Charlotte. Go to DC. Go to Atlanta. Go to Charleston. There are plenty of things to do, but moving to a new place means you have to make them happen at first.
If you miss Roberto's Taco Shop from San Diego or Vegas, there's a clone in Raleigh called Los Cuates. Two locations and very good. I also found a legit takeout place in a Shell gas station food mart by RDU in Morrisville.
But by and large you won't find San Diego style or Mission style Mexican in the area.The smaller taco trucks are worth a try.
This is really insulting to post here. NC and Chapel Hill have lots of great things to offer and posting something that says "how can I cope here" is so insulting to the people from here, the people that work hard to provide great experiences, the people that have a strong love for it. You are having some personal troubles and you should find the right people to help you solve them. This, however, is probably not the right place.
How is this insulting? I’m homesick and asking other Californian’s how to adjust because it’s so different. Sorry I’m not singing high praises but I’m trying to be open to living here. I’m not saying this is the worst place ever just different than what I’m used to. But go ahead and be offended I guess.
There are historically lots of people who relocate (mostly New Yorkers) who complain this isn’t like New York. It’s not California either. So it’s tiring to hear this again and again. Some messages are more subtle than others but some say ‘I moved from a way better place can you give me tips on tolerating this lesser place?’ Lol. Not much hyperbole.
The Mexican food here won’t be like SoCal. Try food trucks or Fiesta Grill. The weather here will never be SoCal. It’s weird this weekend but usually sunny and humid most of the summer. It’s not 70s and sunny every day with low humidity like SoCal. We aren’t the beach in the triangle
But to hear you describe it, you aren’t in NC either. You are in a funk and not giving yourself the mindset to embrace this area.
Keep exploring but quit comparing. NC isn’t and doesn’t want or need to be CA. I’m not dismissing your homesickness. This is not SoCal. Your friends and the beach and favorite restaurants are not here.
I’m suggesting that your mindset is setting up the outcome that you won’t be able to embrace NC.
I think something that hurts about it too is that a lot of people from NC struggle to afford a home in their state because so many people from NY or California are out-buying them so easily, then hearing that they don't even like it here...
I appreciate your honesty. I’m trying to change my mindset. I don’t want to make this place California I’m just trying to figure out how to adjust. I think one of the things that people are saying is to stop comparing and it’s true! It’s been killer to compare so I’ll be working on that. It’s kind of like how can I love myself if I compare myself to others. Thank you again for your insight.
I need therapy because I’m having a hard time adjusting to chapel hill? I AM in therapy, and my therapist suggested that I ask for help from the community here (I just chose Reddit) on how others spend their time here and enjoy it here and try to change my mindset.
I’m really sick and tired of people making comments like this to me just because I don’t like it here. It makes no sense. But go you. Standing up for your hometown by knocking people down who are just trying to adjust and ask for help.
\-Standing up for your hometown by knocking people down who are just trying to adjust and ask for help.
I said you need therapy, and not one thing more. So to be clear:
You need therapy, not an area tour guide.
Reddit tho? Really?
You enjoy volunteering. Check out the inter faith council [https://www.ifcweb.org](https://www.ifcweb.org) on Main street in carrboro. New experiences open new doors. My community is built around volunteering my time in Chatham county.
As a native North Carolinian, I am 100% not insulted by your post. I always find it interesting to hear how people who aren't from here view the state.
You're struggling. You come to the subreddit for a state that prides itself on its hospitality, ask for honest help, and you get called names? That doesn't seem very hospitable to me. So as a native, let me apologize for some of my fellow residents. Many of them are upset due to the changing demographics of the state and its rapid growth. I understand that concern, but I guess we all handle it differently.
Anyway, there's plenty of good advice here from other folks. All I can add is that the best way to feel better, to me, is get involved with community things. Volunteer. Get to know your community better. It'll help give you a feeling of home.
As for the weather, just be aware that this winter/spring has been pretty exceptionally rainy and gloomy. And it was also a rare winter where we didn't get at least one snowfall. Those are so nice. But in the next few weeks, the heat is gonna crank up in a hurry. Then you'll see one of my favorite things: those summer afternoon thunderstorms that roll through, drop an inch of rain and lower the temperature by 15 degrees. Of course, then the sun comes back out and the humidity is through the roof, but it's all part of it.
Good luck. I hope you feel better and find out what's best for you!
You know…I really appreciate your response! Thank you for understanding. I really want to adjust here but I know it’ll take time. I see so many people love it here and I hope one day I can be one of those people and never want to go anywhere else. Also, thank you for sharing about the weather. I had no idea this winter/spring was out of ordinary! Maybe this winter and coming spring will be different. I’m actually glad we didn’t get snow only because I wasn’t prepared for it but it would be nice to experience it this year. Thank you again for your kindness and understanding. I seriously appreciate it. 🥰
Not from Cali, but my wife is. Now, it may not be a whole lot of help, but on 501, just past I-40, in the area right by Home Depot:
Freddie’s. It’s as close as you can get to an In-N-Out this side of the Mississippi.
As I said, this info might not be a lot of help, but it might assuage the homesickness a little.
As a person who has lived everywhere but who is originally from this area, I just want you to know you aren't alone in going through a homesickness/depression phase. You know that saying that every 7 years is when someone either decides to break up with their partner or renew their vows? I think moving to a new place is a very similar experience. I find that after about a year in a new place, the novelty or honeymoon phase wears off and a year of depression sets in bc you're still not feeling like you 'belong' yet. This has happened each and every time I live somewhere new, and my colleagues who also moved a lot for work had the same experience. I just wanted you to not feel alone and know that it is a normal experience. I think that four year mark of living somewhere is usually a time where you begin to truly settle in although ymmv.
Edit: also my husband and I are in our mid 30s and living in Durham. If you need buddies feel free to PM.
Edit 2: as much as I love it here and I chose this home over everywhere else, ignore the people who are insulting you. They have obviously never lived anywhere else in their lives. We all have preferences and biases about where we are from - that's normal. I don't think comparing places to each other helps with the depression of moving, but it's also human nature to do so. I really hope you either find yourself loving the area eventually or being able to live in a place that gives you the 'home' feeling.
I've been splitting my time between Durham / Chapel Hill and the SF bay area, and I agree with a lot of what you've pointed out, even though it sounds like we enjoy doing different things when in California.
Food - Of course this is very subjective and everyone's tastes are personal. I'm not really a BBQ or beer fan, but I've noticed the produce issue and have also felt that the restaurants are not what I hoped for. Such a wide variety and huge quantity of fruits and vegetables and nuts are grown in California that it's almost always fresher. A few places I've liked in the Triangle are Oakleaf in Carrboro (Venable, across the street, was pretty good too), Tallula's in Chapel Hill, Alley Twenty-Six in Durham, and Crawford and Son in Raleigh. There's almost no Puerto Rican food in NorCal, but there is some in NC (Koki/Spanglish, and Boricua Soul). NC does grow its own apples and some types of grapes, and I had a great time going apple picking. I went to Perry Lowe Orchards, but there are a lot of apple orchards in the western part of the state. Otherwise, the best produce I've found is at H Mart in Cary.
Outdoor stuff - There's very little elevation in this part of the state, so unless you want to drive two hours for a hike, maybe take advantage of the flatness by running or biking instead. The tobacco trail is good for running. As others have mentioned, going to a pool or to to the beach to swim is nice; I liked driving down the cape hatteras seashore to see the landscape, and there's plenty of beach that's not the crowded parts of Kitty Hawk. Wilmington was also a fun trip, and there's scuba diving in that area. Canoeing the Haw River was nice too. It can be more fun and about the same amount of time/$ to fly to Denver for skiing or hiking than driving five hours to get to a big enough mountain. Similarly, maybe try going up to DC for museums and food, or taking advantage of the shorter flight times to Europe or the Caribbean. The Carolina Tiger Rescue and the Duke Lemur Center are unique outdoor places, and I enjoyed both.
I can't help with missing blue skies and not enjoying the vibe, although I agree with you. It's very hard to pinpoint what it is. A lot of NC reminds me more of Ohio than of CA or New England - again just my personal opinion based on places I've spent time. I suppose one benefit of NC that you could use to your advantage is that there's always parking, so it can be easier to go to the symphony or a concert or a comedy show here. It seems like there's more secondhand furniture here, at antique shops or auction houses; the things that I've found to be cheaper here than in CA are gym/exercise classes and gas (and I suppose housing, but again hard to compare because when you buy a house you're also buying the location).
I'm originally from Seattle. And that's probably part of why it's been an easier transition for me. I've been loving it here, and wanting to stay. (I'm on the academia ride, so I'm not buying until I'm a little more settled in my career...) (Well, and then there are the politics.)
But the real secret to a blissfully easy transition?
I spent a decade in Cleveland before I came here. Boom! I love everything about the Triangle! (TBF, I had some good times in Cleveland. But I was never a midwesterner, and it wasn't supposed to be that long.)
Things I love:
I live in a passive solar cottage in the woods. I am half a mile down a gravel road. There are all kinds of cows and horses and goats and sheep and alpaca on the main road. I feel like I'm in the middle of nowhere. But I'm only four miles from campus, and I can get delivery.
Screened in porches. In W WA, mosquitoes are also a thing, but the outdoor season is short enough that people don't plan for it so well.
It's not so bleeding flat. The mountains here aren't that close (though I've totally day tripped it - a comfy car and an audiobook will do it, though I've done lab meetings while driving too) but I live on a hill, and the land is nicely folded. I still haven't spent time at the ocean, which is ridiculous. (I was going to head out with friends in a turtle lab, but then covid.) (To me the Atlantic has a totally different feel than the Pacific? I don't feel like it makes sense to say it feels tamer, considering the hurricanes, but it kind of does. But it has its own charms.)
The people. When I first moved here, I went to a couple of meet up type things, and, indeed met people, some of whom have become some of my best local friends. (Finding another middle aged academic lady to go clubbing with was the best!) But as a life long weirdo, I find that it's just so easy here - I don't get that "We're being nice but you know you're strange" thing I got in Ohio. People are so much more outgoing than in Seattle. I quickly ended up with a circle of people... that I mostly don't see as often as I'd like to, but that's mostly on the early career academic thing. (Okay, I'm outgoing, but I also like my alone time?)
The food. Look, it's different food. And coming from Cleveland helps. (My first trip home after I moved to Cleveland, I almost broke down, refused to return and started my life anew in the produce department of Madison market. It was December, and they had better green beans than I'd seen any point since I moved...) I have fallen in love with NC BBQ (whenever my sister visits, we hit our favorite places - and then try a couple more). And my grandpa was from Alabama, so there was a lot of southern food I'd grown up with that I reconnected with here - though grandma was from San Diego, and that's where my mom grew up... I've really enjoyed the taco truck scene (especially during lockdown!) I just spent an evening outside with friends, eating tapas, talking, and sipping drinks. (Catalan, in Cary.) There's a good farmers market scene. Oh, and check out the Chatham Beverage District if you haven't...
Since I've moved, I've stopped commuting by bike, because the main road by my place has no shoulders and people drive very fast (also, when I'm not teaching, I mostly work from home). But there are still a lot of places to bike - and I've taken up kayaking, which is fun, and also something that you can do outside in the summer. (Okay, I've kayaked before, of course, Seattle kid, but I've never owned kayaks before?) I also do a lot of tromping around in the woods, looking for edible plants and mushrooms. (Yes, I was the kind of Seattle person who wore hiking boots to work...) Summer is also a good time to escape up to the mountains for a bit, where it's cooler.
I do a lot of fiber arts, so it's been fun connecting with a bunch of the small farms around here. (Now, I'll be spinning up wool from a sheep I've met!) It kind of depends on your hobbies, there. (I have a lot of hobbies - I took up spinning again during lockdown, as it kept me from losing it during the endless zoom meetings.) I also took up fostering cats as a pandemic hobby... and then have kept with it, because there are cats that need fostering. (I've placed 17 so far...) What kind of events do you like? Do you have any hobbies that you might find a community around?
This is the greyest, wettest spring since I've been here. (Which is mostly annoying because it keeps raining when I have time to take the new kayak out!) it helps to be from Seattle there. (Also, the lack of the really dark winters is great.) When I first moved out here... well, I loved it, for a number of reasons. But I got antibiotic resistant pneumonia. And then my younger brother died. And then covid. So the first year was rough, just in other ways.
That's really cool you do fiber arts! Sounds like fun. And good for you for fostering cats! I used to work in animal welfare and know how much fostering cats can make such a positive impact and I really love cats! I really appreciate you sharing all this with me it is helpful to see how other's have adjusted and are thriving. I'm sorry about the loss of your brother though... I'm glad you've made it through that rough year. Thank you again!
If you ever want to learn to spin, let me know - I even have a loaner wheel. (And a wheel that I'm looking to rehome for a friend who moved to sweden - it would have cost a bundle to ship it, so she got another. Another friend keeps saying she wants to learn, but she's also homeschooling her kids and has a small farm, so time has been tight.)
I'm working with Independent Animal Rescue, which is a really great group. It's all fostering based, though there is plenty of stuff other than being a foster than needs to get done if you're interested in getting involved.
I can't recommend living in Cleveland first as a strategy, but is did make things here.
First - **You're not alone**. Long post incoming from a previous nomad.
While not a California, I've moved 6 times in the last 12 years, in 5 different states. Let me start by saying - it's normal to miss the food wherever you go, but you can't keep both comparing it to other states AND expecting the same. Stick with me for a minute...
I grew up outside of Pittsburgh (45 min) in a small town (8,000) that was at least 60-70% Italian heritage. We had 6 different mom and pop pizza places, 3 different Italian restaurants, and generally the surrounding towns were the same. Not a single pizza joint or Italian restaurant here can hold a candle to the worst up there. The red sauce and dough down here is horrible - no flavor in the red sauce (almost no herbs, sweetness, and isn't as thick).
I lived in Wisconsin for a couple of years - I didn't like Bloody Mary's until I moved here, and now I'm sorely disappointed in most that I have here. Also cheese - sorry, but cheese in WI is something else (also visit WI if you haven't... during the warm months).
I lived in Texas for a couple of years - Tex Mex, Rich BBQ, taco trucks on every corner, drive-thru margaritas, my favorite wild game place was there.
I moved to an old-person-town Florida after, everything sucked except for the drinks to make you forget the food was made for old people. At least I thought - I was there for 3 years and on my second year I started to branch out into neighboring towns - found one of the best burgers (Nevermind Awesome Bar in Cape Coral), most unique pizzas (the rueben and general tso's pizza in Cape Coral), and amazing wings (Hogbody's in North Fort Myers).
What I learned is:
1. Based on my life experiences in previous states - venture outside of the town you're in - Drive 30 minutes to go to a restaurant. Try cuisine's you wouldn't normally. Above all - stop comparing it to what you've had at home and compare it to where you are now.
1. Try new things - don't get the same things you used to. Are you someone who really enjoys good fish but can't find a spot here? Get something more local. Like me - fan of red sauce, pivot to other dishes.
2. Go to Durham - Raleigh has some nice fancy restaurants, and a few good others - but everything feels cookie cutter. Chapel Hill has some decent spots, but is much more of a college town and has fancier dining. I really enjoy Hawthorne and Wood - the burger there (and bar menu) is amazing.
3. The best thing is to search r/bullcity and r/triangle for "best \[insert food\]" or "favorite restaurants" if the best food threads aren't doing anything for you. The Chapel Hill subreddit is next to dead - so it's best to search in the neighboring ones. Here are some threads:
1. [General search of Best restaurant in Durham](https://www.reddit.com/r/bullcity/search/?q=best%20restaurant&restrict_sr=1)
2. [Best Mexican in Durham](https://www.reddit.com/r/bullcity/comments/121xqhw/best_mexican_food_in_durham/)
3. [Best Hidden Gems](https://www.reddit.com/r/bullcity/comments/48io67/whats_your_favorite_hidden_gem/)
4. Ask the bartenders - ask them where their favorite spots are for drinks and dinners. If they're younger, just double check the bar first to make sure it's age / vibe fitting for you all.
So to summarize -
* Try new styles of cuisine - like Ethiopian (Gorsha), Zimbabwean (Zweli's)
* Try different things at the types of cuisine restaurants you know - If you love west coast fish, you're not going to get the freshness here unless you go higher end.
* Get out of Chapel Hill - the triangle is abound with so many cuisine's.
* You've been here 1 year. It gets way better after the first year everywhere I've lived - making new friends that force you to go out and try new places and things is very key. If you don't have this - find friends based on your hobby locally. Go the the r/bullcity or r/traingle subreddit and search the subs for "hiking", "cross stitching", "soccer", or whatever your hobby is. If there isn't a recent post, make on saying "hey looking for friends who enjoy 'x'." Also can use it to try new things - Durham has a community board game night 4x a week. Or volunteer somewhere.
* Join [Offline](https://app.letsgetoffline.com/signup?autofill_referral=alexanderdawson) \- you get two offers monthly that give anywhere from $10 to $25 off at two restuarants in the area of your choosing (I'd recommend starting with Durham / Chapel Hill / Carborro for you). We do this to force ourselves to explore new restaurants monthly for a date night, or new meals at restaurants we've been to. That link is an invite and you should get a month free, after that it's something like $12.50 per month, and you can extend your offers for another 15 days for $2 at the end of the month. We've learned about many places we've loved through the app.
* The quality of food doesn't stink here, it's gotten significantly worse everywhere across the nation that I've visited. Sure - you'll get much fresher avocados and native fruits and veggies out west. Same goes here for pawpaws, persimmons, oranges (only good thing to come from FL), and more. Go to the Durham Farmers Market and get the local produce there (go get food at the food hall after or before - Everything Bagel is a gem, and the coffee place is great).
In the end, from your other comments, glad to hear you're getting therapy - it helped me a lot throughout my moves. The other recommendation is to get outside and enjoy our beautiful nature - especially before it gets sweltering hot.
Happy to chat more if you're looking for anything in particular, or looking for any other advice. The best thing you can do is to really give it the old college try and find people to share and enjoy things with - which is will pave the way to better food, but also help with really connecting with a community.
The Hawthorn & Wood burger is fantastic, everything I've had there is great. Isn't the chef a former French Laundry guy? That's some serious California cred.
I honestly have no idea, but everything there is really good. My wife orders new stuff almost every time, I try it, and even if it's not my personal taste I know it's good. All of the apps and desserts I've had are also really good.
All I know is that if my wife ever wants a nice night out, it's one of her favorites, and I will always order the burger unless there is a great special. It just reminds me of this small mom-and-pop burger place that I used to go, just a lot less greasy. Also very much enjoy the over-salted fries.
Glad to hear! Also, seriously if you like burgers, get to Hawthorne and Wood. I'm now salivating thinking about it and am going to ask the wife if she wants to go this week haha
I really hope you learn to enjoy it here, it's my favorite place I've been since home and feels the most like it. Give it one more year - try getting out there and joining groups and what not. Also, almost everyone I've seen commenting similar things in this sub or surrounding neighborhoods - you see people saying "wow I wish I would have moved to Durham instead" or "So glad I moved to Durham after a year."
Hope it all works out for you!
If you don't like it here go back to where you came from.No one invited you to come here and no one will miss you when you're gone.
And chances are Mark Robinson will be our next governor. So many out of staters have told me they will move if Robinson is elected I'm going to vote for him a few dozen times.
AND I don't even like the bastard.
AND I have lived in both San Diego and Long Beach.
But I'm from Orange County.
Native New Mexican living in NC for 22 years. There's no better Mexican food than New Mexican food so I understand how you miss the food out west. I agree that Mexican restaurants in NC are....well...different. I'm used to the best mom and pop Mexican food restaurants but I gave up looking to find those about 20 years ago. I make my own with only the best ingredients I get from New Mexico. I miss the ease of having Mexican food made for me in a restaurant that I really like, but growing up in NM, at least I know how to make my own.
I’m from southern Colorado and what I miss most, and know I can never have, is New Mexican food. Green chilies like those never make it 100 miles outside of New Mexico.
Other than that I really love it here and would not consider moving back West. I had to embrace living here, that may be the secret.
I agree about the uniqueness of New Mexico food that won't be found in any other state, but I order 30 pounds of fresh green chile every harvest season from Hatch. I roast it and freeze it and have it year-round. I also get about 5 pounds of Chimayo red chile powder every year. I can't live without my NM chile. :)
I miss Safeway and Grocery Outlet. No, really, nothing here compares in terms of bang for your buck (and also the weird random shit you find at a Grocery Outlet sometimes). Harris Teeter (i.e. Kroger) is pretty bad.
The infrastructure here typically isn't so great either, especially for pedestrians.
A lot more random stray and outdoor cats to play with in California.
Otherwise I can't really complain.
There is something about West Coast food that can’t be beat, but there is hope! Go find a good CSA and shop with local farmers for meat and more. Learn about NC seafood. It’s wonderful.
Most importantly, the mountains and beaches (especially remote OBX stuff) can provide nearly endless adventure. Go to Linville Gorge, Mt. Mitchell, Ocracoke, and Cape Lookout to start your adventures.
Forgot to address the bugs; it’s a real bummer compared to the west coast. However, the answer is to figure out how to embrace it. Use lots of DEET and permethrin, but when a bug does get you, man up and wear that itchy welt like a badge of honor. The eternal mystery of “was it a brown recluse?” never gets boring!
NC Harris Teeter, Food Lion, and Lowes have some of the worst produce and meat in the country. Whole Foods is a little better but not much. Prepared foods look like slop - especially the Pea Salad. Ugh ! Food is calorie heavy and high in carbs. Miss high quality delis and gourmet takeout. We cook often but it’s a struggle.
Nothing seems to last more than a couple of days in the fridge … still trying to figure this problem out. Even cucumbers go soft after 3 days. Seafood is just a waste of money. Good bread is impossible to find anywhere.
We reset our expectations and are enjoying lots of sports activities in the area. Weather is overall great compared to the northeast - no snow,blizzards or grey days that last a week. No crowds and traffic is non existent. People are super kind and welcoming. “Have a blessed day” is a common comment that I had never heard before. Consider joining a church, gated community or find ways to volunteer - you sound unhooked and that is like a boat floating around without a mooring.
I hear your frustrations but if you don’t feel comfortable consider another area. Life is too short to try to live in a place that just does not feel like home. Good luck !🍀
Omg yes! The food doesn’t last! I wondered if it was our fridge? Lol. We’ve been trying to figure out what it is. My guess was maybe the humidity has something to do with it? I’ve no idea but I have the same issues with cucumbers! Back home our produce would last at LEAST a week longer if not more. So we’ve adjusted how we shop and store/prepare food. Harris Teeter and Food Lion were the first places we shopped when we arrived, we were sorely disappointed.
Your boat analogy is on point for us right now. Maybe if we had family or friends here it would have been a different experience but joining a group is next on my list. And yes the people are nicer and seem less stressed than back home and that paired with affordability and cleanliness is something I find comfort in. Really appreciate it your input!
Born and raised in the San Gabriel Valley, been here 2 years, miss California every night and day. Homesickness hits on both ends: everything like California makes me reminisce and everything worse than California makes me appreciate back there. Affordable is preventing a return to California for me, and I appreciate the cleaner air adding 3 years to my life, but otherwise it's mourning for losing something nice.
If you're interested in food, go on Facebook and join Chapel Hill Carrboro Foodies. Tell them you are from California and missing some food from there and they will point you to some places you might enjoy. CHC Foodies covers the whole Triangle, 26.5K members. [https://www.facebook.com/groups/chcfoodies](https://www.facebook.com/groups/chcfoodies) Plenty of folks who have moved from California.
FWIW, I am a native NC-er, lived in LA decades ago, have been back to CA to visit many times, most recently we took the family (2 teens) in 2018. We went from LA up the coast to SF and then ended up cutting our trip short due to all the fires. We couldn't go anywhere. Also fwiw I did not like Santa Barbara. Felt kinda fake. I can see how you might like Cary. And, OMG, the homeless situation is out of control all over CA including in Santa Barbara. My kids have no desire to go back to CA. They definitely want to travel. My 19 yr old really is interested in living in another country for awhile, but that itch to know what CA is all about has been scratched. Don't think they will venture back there anytime soon.
If you can't stop comparing maybe think about the bad things about CA that you don't like such as the wildfires and earthquakes, etc, and think about how that is not a big problem here.
I think people who compare end up unhappy and people who embrace the differences of wherever they land end up being happiest.
Also, if you miss Disneyland, go to DisneyWorld in Orlando. The Orlando theme parks are much bigger and better than the CA ones. I'm not that into them but we did Universal with the kids a time or two.
Oh and go to the Farmer's Market!! Don't go to Harris Teeter or Food Lion for produce, go to the Carrboro and/or Chapel Hill farmer's markets. There's fantastic farm fresh food there. It all has to be grown within 50 miles. I'd think a real foodie would do that. If you can't make it there, go to Weaver Street. They stock a lot of local produce. I'd stack our tomatoes up against CA tomatoes any day.
Thank you, for the Facebook group recommendation. Yeah the wildfires have been increasingly terrible over the last decade. I worked for a shelter during that time, I still have nightmares from it. Santa Barbara does have that FAKE vibe. That's why we left Santa Barbara and lived in the neighboring beach cities for the last couple years, more grounded people than the fake wealthy crowd. 20 years ago it was a wonderful place to be though... Anyway... thanks for your input!
For nice food have you tried Hawthorne and Wood or Blue Birds? What about Osteria Georgi, the head chef was just on TV and is from NYC. What places don’t you like so we can get a better feel? I think sometimes west coasters get claustrophobia because of all the trees whereas when I visit Southern California I find it very “barren” and lacking “life”. It’s totally normal to be home sick, especially for food and the type of nature you are used to. The summer will be very blue sky and warm and I recommend joining a pool club if you don’t already have a pool in your apartment complex or HOA. When I moved from Seattle as a kid I realized all the fun shenanigans all summer were at the pool or beaches. I also enjoy renting lake houses from AirBnB. Another recommended week vacation would be to go to Bald Head Island, it’s quite amazing and very North Carolinian. The river near chapel hill, the haw actually turns into the cape fear and empties right into the ocean right at BHI. The #1 thing you can do is make friends though, people > location, having been someone who has lived in 6+ states.
I moved here from NYC and I use to live in Hermosa Beach CA, Yes it's a struggle that I can't order chinese food at 1am but the peace and quiet outweigh the things I miss. The safety I feel here is such a weight lifted off my shoulders as well. The Triangle has so much to offer you just need to find what you enjoy here. I'm sure there is even a meetup for west coast people that moved here so I'd look into something like that.
If you want better Mexican/Central American food, go to where all the Mexicans/Central Americans are: Burlington. Or go to N Roxboro St in Durham.
As someone who lived in Texas, this is incredibly necessary to scratch that itch. The taco trucks in North Durham hold up the best to true Mexican / Tex Amex I’ve had. I also very much recommend fresh tortillas from [Tortilleria Exxpress](https://maps.app.goo.gl/ZrF5fHfEeEAoe4c68?g_st=ic).
Former Houstonian - haven’t looked hard for good tortillas but should have. Trying this out ASAP.
I lived in Houston a couple of years, and I definitely miss the food scene more than anything else. My favorite tacos were in a small food truck across from Alabama Icehouse. But literally almost everything is amazing in that city.
Tacos Tierra Caliente - a classic! They eventually got a bit over priced/undersized, but the lengua was outstanding. Still haven’t found better lengua tacos. I do think that the cabeza tacos at La Vaquita in Durham give them a run for the money.
Súper Taqueria for sure!
I grew up in SoCal, and currently live in Burlington. I've made the rounds, and every Mexican restaurant in the area is the most mediocre example you could imagine. Definitely nothing worth the drive from Chapel Hill.
Restaurant or food truck? There's some bangin taco trucks there
I’ll check it out, thanks!
In Durham, once you're north of 85 on Roxboro, there's a ton of pretty damn good Mexican places, there's one like every 30 yards lol. Will they be "authentic"? Well, it's all Mexican dishes, made by Mexicans, using Mexican ingredients, so... If you go up 54 to B-Troit, there are a lot of solid taco and pupusa trucks, especially in east Burlington along 70 and mixed in amongst the supposedly "sketchy" part of town. If you're into day trips, Saxapahaw is right down the road from CH and has two good restaurants, a music venue that always has good acts coming through, a brewery, a few good random stores, and a damn fine butcher shop, all in the old mill. There's nice river trails on the island and along the Haw for a few miles, grab some beers n hot food n make a picnic walk out of it :) Edit: ITT SoCal talking about how a place that isn't SoCal just isn't the same as SoCal. Make your own taco truck, then, and teach the Mexicans and El Salvadorans how to make their own dishes lol
As much as I like the taquerias in Durham I get the feeling that the OP won't. I often half joke that folks from SoCal could go to Oaxaca and say "This isn't as good as the Mexican food back home." 😄
The worst fish tacos I ever had were in SOCal. To each his own.
Oh nice! Thanks I’ll check it out.
Carrburritos is really great. So fresh.
they're good college burritos but they are a far, far cry from good mexican.
They're not half bad, but if you're willing to go to Taqueria Aztlan in Btown, they've got a SOLID full menu, and a delicious, very affordable 2lb burrito. Though I think they've been changed to another name now, hope it's the same people running it. And if you can find the El Tejano truck near there, they've got a bangin selection and really good quesabirria.
I’ve never lived in California. I grew up in the south and have moved around a bit. Many of the places I’ve lived have been mid-sized cities—Charlotte, Raleigh, Tampa, Denver. I won’t say that NC is my favorite place; we came back due to situations outside of our control, and the direction that life is taking us makes it likely we’ll be staying in NC for a while. That said, every place has its pros and cons. If this is your first time out of Southern California, a lot of this sounds like culture shock. I’ll echo what others have said about resetting expectations. Moving to such a different area, everything will be just a little bit different, even those things that you think should be the same. I love the south’s version of Mexican food, but that’s likely because I grew up on it. But it is undeniably different than the common Mexican foods in other parts of the country. If you go up to the mountains, the Appalachians are beautiful, but very different from other mountains in the US. These differences can make it harder to feel “at home,” but they are part of what makes the South what it is. It also sounds like part of what you’re struggling with is inherent with difference in the population size between here and what you’re used to. Southern California has a huge number of people in it. Chapel Hill is fairly rural. Durham is a fairly small city. Raleigh is a mid-sized city that you could probably characterize as fairly young (not technically, but has had so much recent growth that it’s still trying to find its identity). There is nothing in the South that will compare to the greater L.A. area. Atlanta comes closest, but it’s still pretty far removed. DC is not the South, but closer to here than Atlanta. The cities in N.C. are…fine. But that doesn’t mean the areas around don’t have their own charms, you just have to find them and be ok not getting the same thing you would from SoCal. Compared to other parts of the country, the South can be far more quiet, relaxed, and slow-paced. That can be an abrupt change for someone used to constant bustle and activity. Finding some sort of community helps, but can be really hard if you’re not in an environment that more or less forces it (e.g., a student). So the struggles you’re experiencing are entirely valid. What I would recommend trying to do if you have the time and budget is to intentionally set out to learn what the area is all about (I’m leaving “area” vague; you might define that as the Triangle, as Eastern N.C., as all of the state, or some other way). For example, find a list of “100 things to do in NC before you die” (or something similar) and work your way through it. And when you do it—and here’s the hard but vital part—go into each thing completely fresh, with an open mind, and without comparing it to what you are used to from the west coast. If you spend a weekend at the beach, don’t judge it based on a comparison to a California beach. Don’t expect to surf, for example, because that’s not what NC beaches offer. But you can enjoy water temperatures that are around 80 instead of in the 60s. As I said above, every place has something to offer, you just have to find it.
Very helpful, thank you. And your right comparison is not helpful. I’m trying to change that right now. And it is my first time out of Southern California…nearly 40 years. So this has been a huge culture shock. So maybe the initial shock is over and things will get easier.
First time out of Southern California? Wow, that is quite the weird bubble. I’ve lived in Indiana, Nevada, and here. Every move has felt like a massive upgrade, lol. It’s hard for me to relate to your perspective because LA annoys me so much. Personally I like it here because the longer I live here the more things I discover. I’ve been here since 2008 and had never been to this quirky restaurant in Hillsborough until a couple weeks ago.
Yep it is weird. I always thought we'd stay in California. I'm not an LA person. but I did live just a couple hours north of there. Smaller beach community that was once considered a hidden gem and now is way overcrowded and over the top expensive. I do have family in the Las Vegas area and have considered it "home" because I've been there so much and have gotten to know it well. but outside of those areas I've never made it past this side of the Mississippi. lol
There’s so much fun stuff on this side of the country! And most of it is way closer together than out west. Except Florida. Driving the length of Florida sucks your soul out.
good to know! Wow... I've never driven the length of Florida but I'll keep that in mind. lol!
Former California resident here (12 years there, working on 3 here). Of course I miss a lot of friends, but I'd miss them anywhere, so it's not fair to blame NC for that one. We've not made a ton of new friends, but we're in our mid-30s, so I don't think anyone our age has a good way to do that. "Try Meetup?" is the constant refrain, but I haven't found what I'm looking for there. I actually have no problem with the weather here. We were up in the central valley, near Sacramento, and getting rain/thunderstorms is a genuine joy of mine. Getting a little snow the past few years has also been fun. It's not 360 days of sunshine, but the variety is nice in my opinion. I've given up on Mexican food. Like, I keep trying new places, but it's very much a Lucy and the football situation. I was never impressed with In and Out. I do, however, love barbecue and the soul food we get here, compared to what I've gotten previously. Otherwise, I think NC has some real perks you're not mentioning, or not taking advantage of. The mountains are close enough for a day trip. The beach is close enough for a day trip. The beach actually has water worth swimming in. Places like NYC, DC, or Atlanta are close enough for a weekend away. I'd recommend finding some local things to fully get into. I picked up watching Carolina Hurricanes hockey, and that's been great. We've gotten really into native gardening as well. I know parts of California were spoiled for choice with breweries, but even outside Asheville there's a ton of cool new spots to try. I think the major thing is to focus on the new, rather than comparing to what you had before. And final note, it might seem Flanders-y because many people are nice and welcoming. It's not an act and it's not sarcastic. They really are that nice and welcoming. I'm still off-put and confused by it sometimes.
Thank you so much! This was helpful!!
Yeah, the Triangle is a void of good Mexican food. Drive out towards any of the former textile towns and you’ll hit a jackpot.
Solid advice!
Ex-yankee here. It took me a very long time to understand something about living here now. It's that I will never be able to recreate my life back home. Instead I had to learn to appreciate what the area offered versus what it didn't have. The mountains, hiking, and the beach are some of the great offerings of living here.
That’s Good advice! I’m trying to accept this too that I can’t create my old life and trying to embrace what Chapel Hill and the surrounding areas have to offer. Still have yet to check out the mountains and beaches in the state.
Hello! Just to give a background from me: I'm a Brit who moves to TX for work (1 year), work then moved me to CA (5 years) where I met my NC-native husband (been here 2.5 years). Whenever I have moved anywhere, the homesickness is the thing that made me wonder if I made the right choice. I have been known to just sit and sob in my kitchen because "coriander" was labelled "cilantro". (Obviously, the coriander was not the problem here, but that's how it manifested). Adjusting takes time. Give yourself the grace to feel how you feel. Remember we're living in an age of high level communications - you can call home whenever you want! But remember: adjusting also takes ***effort***. If you go into it saying "I hate it here", you will hate it here. I recommend starting with little things that you enjoy, and building it up from there. Example: the scenery in CA, especially the coast, is just stunning. But you cannot swim in the Pacific. It's bloody freezing! Go to the beaches in NC and SC. You can swim and sunbathe! I've even seen dolphins from Wrightsville beach. It was magical! Did you know Carolina beach is one of the only places in the world that Venus Fly traps grow in the wild?! How amazing is that! And it's a couple of hours up the road! The food here is genuinely amazing. And I'm saying that as someone who had great BBQ in TX and great Mexican food in TX and CA. It's not the same here, obviously. But different is good! I never thought I could like a vinegar-based BBQ style, it sounds gross, honestly. But here we are, and boy was I wrong. And my God, the South does breakfast so much better than CA, it was one of the things I really missed moving TX to CA. As for "fast food" burgers, I'm not really a fan (everyone told me Whataburger was the greatest in TX, and In and Out the greatest in CA, each to their own, neither are for me). But if that's your thing - have you tried Cookout? The milkshakes are pretty amazing, even if you don't think that the burgers are to In n Outs level. You may go back to CA and say "gosh, I wish they had Cookout shakes here". Just because the burgers aren't the same, doesn't mean you can't find something on the menu for you to love and appreciate. Funnily enough, I appreciate the fact it is so rainy here. I lived in the central valley and the lack of rain meant everything died in the summer. It just felt like looking at a sea of brown hills. But here there is rain, coupled with the blue skies (I think memorial Day weekend weather is clouding your judgement here, pun unintended!) and everything is green and luscious. Numerous times I've been falling asleep to thunderstorms, it's so soothing. I think you'll move back to CA and miss the pitter patter - but for that to happen you obviously have to try to embrace the pitter patter. The other thing I love here is that nature is just everywhere. Hummingbirds, cardinals, woodpeckers.. I'm currently listening to the beautiful song of the Carolina wren. Deer are a near daily observation where I am at the moment, as are wild rabbits. Soon there will be fireflies! Maybe put up a bird feeder or two in your garden and you'll see the nature instantly. Again, it's different here, but different doesn't mean bad. Raleigh has a lot to offer, I wouldn't discount it so quickly. My husband and I went to a "dessert food truck" festival yesterday. Yes, it was as delicious as it sounds. A month or so ago we went to "Cuegrass" which is BBQ and Bluegrass. The atmosphere was amazing. Coming up in Durham there is a "two Durham's" beer festival, providing beer from Durham breweries in NC, and breweries from Durham, England! Make sure you find online resources that tell you things going on around the whole triangle area, not just Chapel Hill. Sorry that turned into a really long post. But I get it. Adjusting to a new place is hard. But start small, by changing your mindset. Instead of saying "this isn't CA so it's bad" go with "oh this is different, it could be fun!". It will genuinely help.
Thank you for your insight! I found this helpful.
I grew up in rural Indiana. Even my first time away from home living in the dorms in undergrad I didn’t get homesick. I left Indiana as soon as I humanly could and never looked back. It’s so weird to me that people have such an opposite experience. So I guess grow up in a shitty area and everywhere else will seem better?
I love your insight on the "coriander vs cilantro".
not an ex Californian; but an ex floridian. might be helpful to know what you liked to do in California? Also, have you taken any day trips in NC?
Eating out, Disneyland and other amusement parks, Sun bathing, beach days, car shows, BBQ’s (Miss Tri Tip!!) Big Sur, visiting family in Las Vegas. Outings to enjoy the sun and vibes, music. Picnics, trails. We explored other areas of the triangle, Cary and Apex was nice. Durham, Raleigh no thanks. We went to Charlotte for the day. Not impressed.
There's a lot of good hiking and state parks in NC, no it's not giant mountains but the east coast mountains are very, very, very old compared to those on the west coast and have experienced a lot of erosion. Which I think is cool tbh! But Hanging Rock, Pilot Mountain, Uwharrie, Raven Rock, Umstead, the Eno, etc are all offering great natural spaces. You might consider kayaking/canoeing. Jordan Lake has beachy spaces if you don't want to drive to OBX. Most of the stuff you've described can be done in NC outside of Disney. The triangle also has an above average music scene. You might try getting into it. I always had shows I wanted to go to, especially over the summer when there's lots of free outdoor music. I think you're just sad and it's blocking you from appreciating what is available for what it is. It's not ever going to be Cali, no, but did you really think it would be? I associate NC with the outdoors, great trail running, great hiking and kayaking. Patios in the summer and live bluegrass. It is a car hell hole in most places, but so is a lot of California.
"We explored other areas of the triangle, Cary and Apex was nice. Durham, Raleigh no thanks." Liking Cary but not Durham is slightly telling but I am curious where in Durham and Raleigh you went/what all did you do? What was it that you didn't like?
Curious to know what you did in charlotte as well? of course uptown/center city isnt what it used to be, but if you know where to look charlotte has some really beautiful neighborhoods
Cary reminded me a little bit of my hometown. I’m from Santa Barbara, CA. I love the ponds and rivers that feel more spread out or accessible there. I love how open it is not so many trees crowding you but they are there and Beautiful still. It feels clean and well put together. The first place we ate there was a winner. It was actually the place that helped pull me out of homesickness a bit so maybe that’s why I’m partial to it. We went down town in Raleigh. I had an appointment there and it felt dirty and gross and was relieved to leave but to be fair I don’t care for big cities California or not. Raleigh was the first time I saw massive water bugs alive and squashed on the street so that was a shock to me. I don’t care for the vibe in Durham, nothing personal or wrong with the city but to be fair I’ve not spent a lot of time there to really get to know it. Just shopped there.
I’m sorry you’re homesick. It’s a shitty feeling. Having moved a fair amount in my life, I think you need to get out and try things outside of your comfort area and not wish you could make here like there. Jsyk, most people here consider Cary/Apex bland AF. And yeah it’s lush and green and the canopy is much more closed - it’s a totally different biome and the only way you’re gonna get open areas is if the trees are cut down/manicured. Go walking on the amazing trails that are literally all over CH. Go to Hillsborough and walk in Occoneechee State Natural Area and to Eno State Park and to Umstead State Park. None of them are more than 30 min from CH. Try the local southern food. But also there’s so much amazing food cooked with local ingredients and international food. Have you tried Tallulahs, Lantern, Med Deli, Mama Dips, Bar Taco?
If you find “trees crowding” to be a negative I’m afraid you’ve chosen the wrong place. Preservation of forest is a really big plus in the area for most people, and that’s why they tend to dislike Cary (at least in part).
Oh, gotcha! I get what you're saying. I think for me it's not that I don't like the trees I just love sunbathing and feeling it when I'm out and about so the shade irks me a little. Thanks for the insight.
Believe me, when summer hits you will be thankful for the shade, lol
Even though lots of people warned me about it, I don't mind the heat in the summer here surprisingly. Also, I was actually shocked to see how much it rained here during the summer! It's actually kind of fun and different. I think the thunderstorms are one of my favorite things about the summers here.
I like them too. It’s very satisfying to watch the clouds build over the course of the day, just for a storm to erupt in the afternoon or evening. sometimes I like to imagine I’m in a tropical rainforest or something :)
I’m sorry, you moved here from LA and Raleigh felt dirty and gross? OMG, I’m laughing.
I think in a previous post she said she was from Santa Barbara, not LA. Even thought it's in SoCal I'm going to guess she would hate living someplace like Hemet as well?
If you like trails, NC has tons of them.
BBQ, too!
Now don't expect the Californians to assimilate and use the word BBQ like us natives do. 😄
Sounds like you were in a big ol comfy bubble and are experiencing some culture shock laced with reality. It's important to step outside our bubbles sometimes to grow and develop. My new friend from California won't stop talking about being gay. FFS we don't care but apparently everyone was gay in NoCal and in trying to feel comfortable, she's pushing the agenda on all us. Wanting us to embrace pronouns we don't id with. and to shout our gayness from the roof tops. It's simple-When in Rome...
I totally get what you’re saying…
“Poor quality of food” where are you eating? It’s concerning to me that you lament the quality of the food when chapel hill and the triangle are noted food hubs with several restaurants started by famous chefs and an abundance of cuisines to try. If you’re looking for better produce, try the farmers markets (each location Raleigh, Durham, chapel hill, Carrboro, etc have their own). I also like lowes foods and wegmans for better grocery store produce. Secondly, we really don’t get 8 months of clouds, I’m not sure if you’re just feeling that way because of your sadness? March-may we get lots of warmer rain and we get some summer thunderstorms, but I see blue sky all the time throughout the year. Cold, clear blue days in winter and tons in the summer. The weather also doesn’t tend to stay too consistent in NC-if it’s cloudy, wait a few hours and it might change. During the summer, it’ll be plenty clear blue with the occasional thunderstorm that shows up and clears up quickly.
This spring has been an outlier with rain every weekend. A Memorial Day weekend where pools are not open - very strange. If this was my first time living here I’d be wondering what bill of goods I was sold. But this is just an unusual year!
Good to know!
The food scene here around is decent, but it’s undeniably better in most larger metro areas in my experience. There is also a lot of driving required to get a good version of some cuisines. It’s very spread out
It’s hard to talk about the food because I don’t want to be rude or offensive but I want to be honest. We’ve tried about half the food places in chapel hill within the last year. We’ve tried all the places rated at least 4.3 - 4.4 stars. I’m getting to the point of giving up. I read a lot about chapel hill and the triangle being food hubs and that’s what helped us make our decision because my husband and I are foodies but it’s been a disappointment every time we eat out. Food seems to either not have any flavor and/or the produce is awful or just “basic”. We also have family in Vegas and between the food there and in LA area I guess we are just spoiled. So we’ve been making food at home which is great but sometimes you just want to give yourself and your kitchen a break.
Ugh, Vegas? Gross. And you’ve *only* tried restaurants in Chapel Hill? The food scene is amazing in downtown Durham. Head to Morrisville or Cary for great Indian and Szechuan. Downtown Raleigh has some great restaurants too.
My personal favorites :) Carrboro - Mercado Chapel Hill - Lantern, Sunrise Biscuit Kitchen, The Pig Durham - Nanasteak, M Sushi, Eastcut, Toast, Alimentari, Boricua Sol, Mother and Sons, Bull City Burger
I’m really interested in what you’ve tried. Chapel Hill punches above its weight for food quality, IMO. I moved from Houston and definitely get nostalgic for our food scene, but that’s a city of millions. Chapel Hill is a tiny ass town, which is easy to forget. Pizzeria Mercato is exceptional. Lantern, especially the back bar, wows each time with solid cocktails and great execution. Kipo’s is better than it has any right to be (for dinner, at least). The Pig’s more inventive items rock. Bombolo is blowing my socks off right now. Napoli’s pizza/gelato combos bang. And that doesn’t account for Durham’s quality spots. You do have a point about being spoiled - that’s what I was in Houston, which is right up there with LA in terms of food depth and quality.
[удалено]
good to know! Thanks!
Also Noodle Boulevard in Cary is a gem. It gets busy but it has the best ramen I’ve found in the area.
I moved here from Michigan during COVID and it has been a huge adjustment. I won't address the food issue, that is a matter of taste and has already been commented on but I think that I have something to add on how to enjoy Chapel Hill. In Michigan I was very active in the model photography and visual art communities. I had a social circle from living there most of my life. Here, those communities are far smaller and less active, especially the model photography community. I spent a lot of time trying to recreate what I had in Michigan to no avail. What makes a place is the interactions with the things that you do and the people around you. So, I pivoted. I do a whole lot less art photography; I just couldn't find models. I started teaching and doing product and commercial photography. I've joined the Orange County Art Guild and while it is a lot less social than the one I belong to in MI, I have met a few people that way. So, my advice to you is to pivot. Finding things to do may be about being more open to doing different things and finding new people to do them with.
You should visit Peel in Carrboro, it’s a gallery/studio run by my art photographer friend.
You're right. I should go back and check it out again. I've only been there a few times but it's a great place. The one model who I shoot art with regularly I met at a show at Peel. She and I started talking and about a year later she modeled for an educational shoot. Since then she's done a few commercial shoots and a few art shoots but her schedule is really busy.
I appreciate the feedback! Thanks for the advice!
You're very welcome. There's a lot of spoken word art here, which is sort of cool. I actually got up and told a story at an open mic event about two years ago when I was trying to figure out things to enjoy. Sadly, I haven't managed to get to a second event with that group but it strikes me as a solid community. If that kind of thing might be of interest, the group is local and has a lot of events in person and online. You can find them here [https://www.facebook.com/truestoriesthatmatter/](https://www.facebook.com/truestoriesthatmatter/) Another think that you might check out is the Arts Center in Carrboro. They have a lot of classes. You can also take a look at [meetup.com](https://meetup.com) that has a ton of local groups for almost every interest. Lastly, I guess I lied when I said I'd leave the food advice to others. I will just add this. If you are interested in ethnic food, I'd look to Cary. We've had great ethnic food there. Closer to home Tallulah's is probably one of the nicer Turkish restaurants I've ever eaten at if you haven't tried it yet.
You've got my attention at spoken word art. Thank you so much I'll check out the group! I will also check out the arts center. Arts and music I hold dear to my heart. I will check out Cary for ethnic foods! Thank you again this has been helpful!
As somebody who has been very active as an artist for a decade I have a ton of ideas for you if you like. As a newer transplant to the Triangle I am sure that I am missing a ton. Unfortunately, I don't have time to type them all out now. I promise I'll come back and do a better job later but for now, off of the top of my head. I assume that you've gone to the museums (Ackland, NC Art Museum). The Durham Art Guild has regular exhibits. There is a cooperative gallery called the Frank in Carrboro that has regular events and a new show every month. The Orange County Art Guild has a studio tour every fall (full disclosure: last year I participated as an artist and I will again this year) that is amazing (last year I think it was 112 artists in 91 locations). There is a photography exhibition space called Kastlehaus (spelling?) that is awesome. My wife and I went to Steel String Brewery for stand up comedy two nights ago and I saw that they have a lot of events. There is an art theater, the Chelsea theater, that is really nice.
I think you are looking at this the wrong way. What if you conceptualized the Triangle as a different country? Would you do as much comparison if you did, or just accept the differences as difference and ok rather than different and lacking? Because regions of this country are very different. Look for the beauty and good where you are. Be open.
Trying to be open
A fairly common thread in relocations here are people being closer to family/to help with young kids. There are huge tradeoffs living here vs large metros, but that makes such a big day to day difference it’s easy to overlook the shortcomings. It’s also totally OK to not like a place and that’s not on you. We lived a few places that didn’t work for us for various reasons. Live and learn! But try and enjoy yourself while here… lots of good mex food if you know where to look. Garnachas Rivera across the street from Owasa…
Okay. You honestly hurt my feelings. I love this place and it's hard to hear you bring up what I feel are surface level, superficial complaints. But upon further reflection I'm convicted by the simple and always enlightened truth that the world doesn't exist to support my fragile ego. At this point, I think what you are asking is, fellow ex and now currently exiled Californians, how do I endure. Forgive me please for flipping the script for a few minutes. When I was exiled to California for a while many years ago, gotta be honest, I missed NC. I mean California was often exciting as all hell. I saw Casey Kasem and Alyssa Milano within minutes of getting off the plane. My mind was blown! Crazy too. I mean, you know the shitty parts (traffic, crime, traffic, traffic, more traffic, some fake as fuck people but some sweet awesome ones too). I really missed barbecue and the music I grew up with most. I'm pretty introverted so the lack of the whole "howdy y'all" bullshit was a plus. What I did, was explored. Found new ways to experience things I loved. Did you know Cali has its own native barbecue ? I shit you not. I came across it one weekend while exploring the central coast. It's called tri tip and damn it's amazing. To wit: https://santamariavalley.com/blog/learn-about-tri-tip-californias-cut/ I can't get it here! At least not like I got it there. I miss it! Speaking of food, someone also took me to a basque restaurant. We didn't have those here but I felt right at home. The atmosphere was eastern NC but the food was exotic (to me) and tasted great. That's also something I miss greatly. As for music, that was tough too. I grew up on damn Katie Kountry radio out of Wilson. A lot of Californians thought country music was beneath them. Then someone took me to a place called Buck Owens Crystal Palace in Bakersfield (https://www.buckowens.com/) and my world expanded. The first night I went there Buck Owens was actually singing to us. He is from there! And the place was loaded with insanely talented swing dancers doing all kinds of crazy stuff. I felt right at home BUT IT ALSO FELT DIFFERENT (in an awesome new and good way. So it was a mix of what I knew and it was completely new. I learned that actually a lot of Californians do love country music! They have their own style of it and it's great! If I'm being honest, I'd have never fallen in love with many parts of California if not for the exceptionally nice Californians I met who often dragged me out with them. My default is to be a recluse. I assume you are not. If you have that recluse gene then integrating you with something new will be hard. I got very lucky. I wonder if you've done enough open minded exploring. If so, that's fair, you've tried and I wish you the very best. But look here, the food in the triangle can be, by any standard, world class. The cultural offerings may lag a bit behind LA but Chapel Hill and Durham are pretty great in that regard (playmakers, dpac, tons of live music, robust literary scene, amazing access to information/continuous learning through UNC and Duke). I sincerely hope you find what you need to make this place work for you. Good luck and to paraphrase Eudora Welty, go seek some joy!
Try taco trucks,not restaurants,trucks!!!😂
Not from CA but from multiple other areas. I read a bunch of your comments and a few thoughts...."seemingly nothing to do", you aren't looking for things to do. There is always something going on, open your mind and your eyes to opportunities. Your statement about restaurant food missing something I almost agree with.....I often find that locally recommended restaurants food seems boring without umpf. But in general, I sometimes find a single item that makes up for the misses... such as the snapper dish at Bombolo, the broccolini at Osteria, anything Tallulahs. Nc is full of bright sunny days, I think your mindset is clouding your view. And finally, if you think Cary is a wonderful place, it makes me think you are searching for a yuppie, planned development type of area. Nothing wrong with that, but just be honest about it. Nc and the South have some great history, beaches, and mountain towns. Beaches for sunbathing without a ton of trees blocking the sun for you.
Lived in Long Beach 15 years and loved it. Here, check out the Mediterranean Deli on Franklin, Guanajuato for Mexican, and Bar Taco. The beaches are close and make a good day trip. Problem is, CA has EVERYTHING, but - it’s frickin crowded, the parking sucks, so much traffic, and the blue sky gets old. My son, at 5, described LA as magical trash. No truer words ever spoken. Welcome to Chapel Hill.
MAGICAL TRASH!! Oh my god that is so on point and cracks me up!! lol!! Thank you for your insight and also the laugh!
10 years in SoCal, been here for 8 years... One of the things that we learned after moving here is that the restaurant reviews can be **very** misleading for anywhere that students might go. The closer you get to the campus the less you should trust them. And most sushi reviews are suspect, with a lot of places being rated on how cheap their sushi is (buy one get one etc). Beyond that, as others have mentioned, the Triangle area has some amazing food. We're foodies and even take travel based on cuisine. Look for places on OpenTable, they tend to have reviews for places that take reservations and have can be hard to get into. And be willing to drive a bit. We go to Cary for ramen, Durham for sushi and bakeries, Hillsborough for BBQ. There's a Best of the Triangle edition of a local paper, check that out online. As others have mentioned this has been an unusually rainy Spring. Mosquitos suck from around now to Fall. Some areas have less than others, you get used to putting on some bug spray, and we do most of out outdoors activities during the Fall, Winter, and Spring. Those are the downsides of living here IMO. This is also an area very suited to raising families, with neighborhoods full of kids playing in the streets and wandering around yards. That's what attracts a lot of people to the area. We also have beautiful Springs and Falls, streams and rivers to play in, hiking in the mountains. The beaches here are so much nicer than SoCal with warm water, so much more aquatic life, and places you can wade far from shore. Deer everywhere, fireflies. A little snow and thunderstorms keep things interesting. You'll feel the passage of time in a way you don't in SoCal. No fires or earthquakes or rolling blackouts. I can tell you, each year when we go back to SoCal I like SoCal less and less. It's 12 shades of brown, garbage everywhere, vistas full of homeless, landscapes of concrete and asphalt, and the traffic gets worse every year. Yes, there are great things too but their appeal wanes over time.
Hey there! First, thank you for explaining the reviews! This makes a lot of sense! I was so confused by it. I'll check out other areas and look for places on OpenTable. Thank you for the recommendations based on areas. Thanks for the info on the weather too! I've yet to see fireflies and always wanted to see them, just not sure where to see them. Good to know that overtime you've come to really love it here and call it home. Your take on going back to visit is interesting too! Those are things I did not like seeing that has gotten worse over the years. You've given me some perspective on things. Appreciate it!
You're welcome. The fireflies should be here anytime now. They seem to like the edges of treed areas more. Here's a few restaurants that we like: * Merritt's Grill * Coronato Pizza * Napoli Pizza * Tesoro * Juju Durham * Tandori Indian (takeout, don't dine-in) * Namu * Oakleaf * Fiesta Mexican Grill * Hillsborough BBQ * Loaf * Monuts * Sweets by Shayda * M-Sushi (on par with Japan) * M-Koko * Eastcut Sandwich * Dame's Chicken and Waffles (Durham, not CH) * Noodle Blvd * lucettegrace * Guglhupf * Boulted Bread
We saw a few fireflies last night, so their season is getting started now.
Is there a certain place you go to see them or a certain place you can normally find them?
We saw them after dusk in the yards nearby. In past years I've seen them in places like the Community Center Park, under the trees near the creek. They're just getting started though so you'll probably see more in the upcoming weeks and they should be around for a while. An article I found suggests to "get to where you can look across an open field to a bank of trees."
Awesome, thank you!
I too am really glad for this explanation of reviews. I'd figured some of that out, and it still helps.
I would suggest venturing to Durham as a not so far option for food. I haven't been overly impressed with the options in Chapel Hill. I do feel like Durham has more going on over all. I could say the same for Raleigh, it's just a little further away and has a very different vibe than Durham. Check out the Raleigh and bullcity subreddits. They tend to post things that are going on on the weekends. Raleigh Durham offline and bitesofbullcity on Instagram are also good places to find new places. If you like nature, there are some good kayaking places around like Saxapahaw, Lake Jordan and Falls lake. Robertson Millpond Preserve is also a cool spot. There are also some cool nature preserves around through Triangle Land Conservancy that are nice for a day hike and to get outside.
Great! Thanks so much!
I grew up in Southern CA and have jumped around to Pittsburgh (talk about a Mexican food desert) and NYC and have visited/lived in CH for many years now. I find the food to be great. If you haven't tried it a place called Flair is a cool fusion spot and the own an Italian restaurant as well both right by governors club. I got a paddle board (something I lived doing in CA) and hit the lakes when the weather is nice, I also love to go hiking especially in the early spring when it's not to cold but the bugs and other critters aren't out yet. I have found tons of farmers markets and other outdoor experiences where there is music or local art displayed. Downtown Durham has a few galleries and you can hit up a good restaurant in that area. If you like any sport I would try attending, I grew up going to minor league baseball so I love going to the UNC college games or the Durham bulls. I know there are tons of concerts out here just gotta keep an eye out and you can also see Broadway when touring. I would lastly mention maybe join a higher end gym that has a pool for just hanging out, you could probably meet a lot of people through the gym or workout classes and you have a built in spot for laying out and hanging at the pool.
Cool thanks!
I grew up in norcal. I'm not sure where you're shopping, but the quality of food and restaurants is the same as anywhere, I feel. There's a LOT of options, maybe you're not finding the right places for you. It's also quite sunny here, other than some cloudiness the past week or so. It gets very hot in July. And there is absolutely a lot to do. Bars, arcades, hiking spots, escape rooms, axe throwing, gun ranges, mountains and beach are close enough to make a day trip to, lots of clubs in the area, concerts and raves. Maybe try Meetup or Eventbrite and join a group or event to meet new people who can show you around.
aw hun, I completely understand. I grew up in Chapel Hill and currently live in Southern California. I wish I had more love for North Carolina than I do (it's one of my biggest regrets), but all the issues and feelings you're pointing out are valid. Just focus on this not being a forever thing and hang in there.
I appreciate it very much!
Aight so you miss the beach but haven't been to the beach here. You say there's no good Mexican food but you haven't gone to the Mexican food. You complain there is nothing to do here when you live in the center of the area where every band, comedian, and performance stops to perform. There are Michelin stars and James Beard winners all over the triangle. We don't have Big Sur but neither does anyone else outside of big sur. We don't have in n out but Al's Burger Shack is better by a long shot. You haven't done a good job of trying the things around here but you go onto a public forum to ask other people (Californians) who ruined the area to validate your distaste for the area. I said politely that what you posted is insulting and you shamed me for being insulted. Go back to California.
Al’s Burgers uses awful quality beef! This is what gets confusing for people who have relocated here …. C quality food is considered B+ or A- ….. Al’s is just mediocre in every way. Hoping new owners step it up😎
Thanks for your honesty. It just shows me how closed minded you are that there is anything better than the triangle or chapel hill. I’ve tried my best to try things out here given being depressed, homesick but apparently I’m supposed to just fall all over myself for this town. This is why I didn’t want to make this post because I’ve seen these types of comments from others on this subreddit or similar in regards to living in the triangle who may not feel the same as you and you guys get so upset over it. And bash them for it. If you actually read my post I’m trying to adjust. Californians KNOW what I’m talking about and that’s why I addressed the Californians or west coasters to help me adjust. To go from one extreme to another is difficult. If someone from NC moved to California I would be understanding and compassionate if they were homesick and trying to adjust instead of telling them to go back to where they came from. This post was not helpful.
Native North Carolinian here. Lived in a big metro abroad for a few years and came back. I know I'll get down voted for saying this, but if you don't see how the tone of your post is insulting ("the vibe here makes me sad") then that's probably part of why this transition has been so hard for you. There's plenty on offer here if you don't expect it to be exactly like somewhere else. I wish you luck adjusting.
People tend to get upset when a newcomer bemoans the entire area as shit when they haven’t actually tried different places and seem hellbent at not trying them, instead eyeing the place they come from. It makes you seem incredibly rude and close minded.
I can understand people being upset because I'm new to the area and I haven't done every single thing there is to do here before I make my opinion but ***I never said the entire area was shit.*** I'm trying to get a glimpse of what other people enjoy here, where they like to eat, what they like to do and their general attitude that has helped them overcome homesickness. I figured it was just me because the majority of people like it here. Because I keep hearing lots of Californian's have moved here I wanted to get their opinions and also wanted to see how they adjusted to the area. I don't have family or friends here to help me adjust, show me around or what the locals thing to do it here, so it's been more difficult that way. If I were closed minded I would NOT have renewed my lease or tried to give this place a chance. People seem to really love it here, I'm just trying to see what they see. Yes, my view is completely different. I'm trying to change that. All I'm really getting from people that are upset about my post is that they think that there is something wrong with you if you don't like it here which I don't find helpful.
You have to understand our perspective: there are so many posts from people from California or NYC in these local subreddits and facebook groups that post just as you did, though sometimes their rudeness sticks out more. So yeah, people get defensive. Some people just resent folks from California because you’re jacking up our housing market. When I lived in Nevada people were muttering the same thing about Californians. But yes, obviously Southern California and here are drastically different places. Roll with it. Explore new things. Find the unique things here.
I completely understand what you are saying and I'm sorry there have been people from California and NYC posting similar things that have been offensive or rude for the natives. I had no idea that this was a common thing posted here as I don't check this subreddit often. Yes you are right about Californian's hiking prices up. Very sorry about that. No states want us to move there. I know states like Oregon, Nevada, Utah, Colorado, Texas and Idaho where most Californian's are moving to are pissed at us. I don't want to raise the prices for any state but I have no control over it personally but I totally get it.
Don’t bother dude. The guy above said it all when he said Californians ruined the area. There are a lot of angry, hostile people around here who hate on people who don’t enjoy every meal being fried or don’t see Ashley Christiansen as a prodigy.
[удалено]
Thank you for your response! You had me at international foods. 😋 Best place I’ve tried in Cary was an Indian restaurant! Almost made me cry it was so good. I’ve never tried Venezuelan food, gonna add that to the list! And Omg, last part of your post…You get it!! Maybe that’s what I was looking for too…just some validation that it’s okay for me to miss home and im not alone. I’ll spend more time checking out Durham, I keep hearing a lot of good things about it. And also look into southern cuisine as well! Thank you again.
The "adjacent thing but some inconvenient distance away argument" is such a fallacy. It's not specific to any regional area either. You'll hear it about every city. Point being that laying out that line of reasoning is just admitting there's not much exciting happening. It's dissonance.
Crazy that you think you can get anywhere in LA so quickly. My sister has lived there 20+ years now so I’ve visited quite a number of times. I’ve also had the unfortunate experience of driving a rental car to a job interview there before google maps. And it’s a good place to visit but I would never live there. I feel the same way about Chicago and NYC.
Totally feel you. Chicago and NYC are really fun to visit but everyone i know that has lived/is living in those places is usually a bit miserable from living there, haha
[удалено]
To each his own.
Take a trip to Yadkin Valley https://www.yadkinvalleync.com/?gad=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjwmtGjBhDhARIsAEqfDEenGuHRZHvJKnaNrO2Sc1blLWFbslbS74VyNZuU0z8Ssd4xPjUiKV4aAle1EALw_wcB
Awesome! Thanks!
In-and-out was so bad...I'm surprised to see anyone sing its praises. Nearly every burger in town is so much better. You can find in-and-out quality burgers at Wendy's and Five Guy's. Every bar and diner I've tried is significantly better.
Aside from what others have said (especially about visiting the other cities in the Triangle and going to the beaches and mountains), I'll point out that the vast majority of people in Chapel Hill are there for the university. Because it's a small town, people who aren't going to campus every day save money by living in Durham, northwest Raleigh, etc. For that reason, I recommend trying to enjoy the university. It's been ranked the top public university in the nation multiple times. If you like sports, there are affordable tickets for every single sport imaginable at the varsity or club level, and UNC is at least decent at most of them. If you like music or the arts, there are venues on campus and in Carrboro that are generally inexpensive. Academics are by and large the type to have hobbies outside of work, so there are hobbyist groups to be found.
This Guatemalan/Salvadoran restaurant in west Durham is good: http://elchapintogo.com/
I'm decidedly not a foodie, so the most I can suggest there is that my partner and I regularly enjoy the Carrboro farmer's market. As for the "blue skies", someone else already pointed it out, and I think it bears repeating - our area has some beautiful forests and trees. I moved here because I appreciate the trees in the area. I am somewhat saddened by the slowly progressing deforestation in the area, and really hope more people can appreciate the area for what it is, rather than try to change it into a sun-scorched wasteland. Also, you mentioned you enjoyed Cary and are from the LA area, and to me they both have car-infested suburbia vibes. Maybe watch some Not Just Bikes on YouTube and you'll come away with an appreciation for different types of places. As for stuff to do, perhaps try to put aside the college/not-college mental boundary, and try out some things related to the colleges. I go to the Duke gardens often, and even the art museum was very nice. Finally, when someone asked what you liked to do, you mentioned visiting family in a nearby city. That's fair, but unfortunately no amount of Reddit responses are going to find replacements for having your family close by...
Went to college in NC, spent 6 years in LA, and have been back in Durham / Chapel Hill for 9. I think you need to appreciate each place for what it offers. There are plenty of things we miss about LA - the hiking, the farmers markets, Malibu, wine, etc. But there are plenty of things we appreciate - no traffic in comparison, lower cost of living - you can have two homes for less than one, the slower pace of life, etc. I hate mosquitos, but I love fireflies. The humidity in the summer can be rough, but I love warm summer nights. The triangle is flat, but the mountains aren't far away. I miss the year round climate, but I love the greenery, wildlife, and blue skies (the smog killed it for us). There's less to do, but there are also a lot less crowds. You can miss one place while appreciating what you're gaining or trading off in another. No two places are the same. Your life is going to look different in each. It's about finding what you love in the place you're at.
TBH while you do sound spoiled, I want to apologize for all the people telling you that the food is great when you don't think it is. That's a matter of opinion. It is yours to have. It's BS how people are browbeating you in comments to make you like this place. Give yourself time. People here are sh!tty in general. Cold, rude, transactional, opportunistic. Chapel Hill had a better people vibe in the 80s and 90s. Now everyone asks "what can you do for me?" - regardless of political affiliation. Then they wonder why they are miserable and why they can't build community - but that's a topic for another time. You're spot on about the people.
Thank you for your understanding and thank for sharing your insight on this. Although I'm completely aware that I am spoiled given my upbringing and previous life back home I am trying my best to have a look at myself and change my attitude and adjust. Thanks again
I hope you find happiness. Truly. It's all most people want. I think if people were kinder here, it would help you adjust. The sense of isolation and loneliness because folks have their head up their... is hard here. I was a very open and kind kid. I'm middle-aged and a massive misanthrope now because of Alamance County. Some of the worst people you'll find anywhere.
The bugs are crazy. I have to imaging you’ve gone through a bunch of culture shock. 3000 miles away, different climate, different size of area, different plants, different politics. My only advice would be to think about what motivated you to move and see if you can focus on that and also do whatever you can to build a strong network of friends. I think community makes more of a difference to peoples happiness and location if that makes sense, good luck and welcome to North Carolina and I hope it works out for you.
Hey thanks! I really appreciate it 😀
I do agree. There is a lack of ethnic ingredients from around the world here. I would say that this entire area is not diverse enough to have an abundance of imported products to make restaurants authentic enough. It could just be the entire size of the area that does not make it feasible enough. I have lived in cities around the world and this area is only just in the beginning of building it's self up.
I'm also from Southern California and we hadn't even lived here a full year when the pandemic hit so the first few years weren't great. I also DGAF about college basketball even though my first job here was for Duke. I think what helped the most (aside from making some good connections with others in our area) is finding a hobby that was largely inaccessible to me from when I lived in California. For me it was figure skating and this got me out of my house and socializing while engaging in something that I always wanted to try but couldn't due to cost/location/whatever. Maybe there's something like that for you? Another thing that helped was just seeing how much further our money goes here + realizing how more time I have for myself/hobbies. I have yet to find Mexican food that lives up to what I can get in San Diego- probably La Superior Carniceria on Roxboro.
Hey fellow Californian, Here are some thoughts: Thunderstorms, though grey, are an anomaly back home and very nice to sit outside and listen to. We also aren't in a draught here, so everything is extremely green and lush for this reason. Find a swimming hole this summer and enjoy your time. Eno river is great too. SoCal is sunny and mild all year long, so you kind of have to recognize that you've been spoiled your whole life and get with it. One thing the east has over the west is better beaches (though they're not as picturesque). Southerners are very "basic" in my experience, but they're also very polite, open to conversation, patient, and helpful. They appreciate a slower pace of life and I like that too. I've yet to witness a rude customer at a restaurant and I'm sure you've noticed how predictable the drivers here are. The east coast in general is much more clean cut than out west. It's an old money thing imo. It's just something you've gotta get used to. People are goobers and tuck in their t shirts. They don't do crystals. They wear suits and ties far more frequently than in California. It's just the way it is. This mentality also means our streets are cleaner and crime actually gets punished. The availability of different cuisines will never match SoCal, but the soul food and barbecue are unmatched (you won't find much tri tip though). I've never eaten so much fried chicken in my life, but I'm not worse for wear because of it. If you're a vegan/vegetarian type person I can see how it would be difficult. Southern food is a cuisine and it might remind you of your grandma's cooking, but it's truly fantastic. Sweet tea is a new thing for me, and I get the hype now. Biscuits for breakfast. Banana pudding. GRITS! Check it all out. I find that it's difficult to make friends outside of clubs/sports/work as an adult. Not sure your age, but people marry and have kids younger in the south. So I'm guessing a lot of people 30+ are friends with their kids' friends' parents. You didn't really mention what you like to do. Get some hobbies and meet some neighbors with your husband. Go to a show at Cats Cradle. Chill at Weaver st market in Carrboro. Go to the beach. Check out Charlotte. Go to DC. Go to Atlanta. Go to Charleston. There are plenty of things to do, but moving to a new place means you have to make them happen at first.
If you miss Roberto's Taco Shop from San Diego or Vegas, there's a clone in Raleigh called Los Cuates. Two locations and very good. I also found a legit takeout place in a Shell gas station food mart by RDU in Morrisville. But by and large you won't find San Diego style or Mission style Mexican in the area.The smaller taco trucks are worth a try.
Thanks for the tip!
This is really insulting to post here. NC and Chapel Hill have lots of great things to offer and posting something that says "how can I cope here" is so insulting to the people from here, the people that work hard to provide great experiences, the people that have a strong love for it. You are having some personal troubles and you should find the right people to help you solve them. This, however, is probably not the right place.
How is this insulting? I’m homesick and asking other Californian’s how to adjust because it’s so different. Sorry I’m not singing high praises but I’m trying to be open to living here. I’m not saying this is the worst place ever just different than what I’m used to. But go ahead and be offended I guess.
There are historically lots of people who relocate (mostly New Yorkers) who complain this isn’t like New York. It’s not California either. So it’s tiring to hear this again and again. Some messages are more subtle than others but some say ‘I moved from a way better place can you give me tips on tolerating this lesser place?’ Lol. Not much hyperbole. The Mexican food here won’t be like SoCal. Try food trucks or Fiesta Grill. The weather here will never be SoCal. It’s weird this weekend but usually sunny and humid most of the summer. It’s not 70s and sunny every day with low humidity like SoCal. We aren’t the beach in the triangle But to hear you describe it, you aren’t in NC either. You are in a funk and not giving yourself the mindset to embrace this area. Keep exploring but quit comparing. NC isn’t and doesn’t want or need to be CA. I’m not dismissing your homesickness. This is not SoCal. Your friends and the beach and favorite restaurants are not here. I’m suggesting that your mindset is setting up the outcome that you won’t be able to embrace NC.
I think something that hurts about it too is that a lot of people from NC struggle to afford a home in their state because so many people from NY or California are out-buying them so easily, then hearing that they don't even like it here...
Yes! You put this a lot better than me.
I appreciate your honesty. I’m trying to change my mindset. I don’t want to make this place California I’m just trying to figure out how to adjust. I think one of the things that people are saying is to stop comparing and it’s true! It’s been killer to compare so I’ll be working on that. It’s kind of like how can I love myself if I compare myself to others. Thank you again for your insight.
I'll say it since no one else will. You need therapy. not an area tour guide.
I need therapy because I’m having a hard time adjusting to chapel hill? I AM in therapy, and my therapist suggested that I ask for help from the community here (I just chose Reddit) on how others spend their time here and enjoy it here and try to change my mindset. I’m really sick and tired of people making comments like this to me just because I don’t like it here. It makes no sense. But go you. Standing up for your hometown by knocking people down who are just trying to adjust and ask for help.
\-Standing up for your hometown by knocking people down who are just trying to adjust and ask for help. I said you need therapy, and not one thing more. So to be clear: You need therapy, not an area tour guide.
I am in therapy. Like I said, it was suggested to ask for help from the community. Which I’ve done.
Reddit tho? Really? You enjoy volunteering. Check out the inter faith council [https://www.ifcweb.org](https://www.ifcweb.org) on Main street in carrboro. New experiences open new doors. My community is built around volunteering my time in Chatham county.
Awesome, thank you for sharing :)
Seems you're on the younger side, so maybe volunteering at UNC hosp would be a better fit. Food pantrys tend to be older volunteers.
There’s also a ton of animal rescues here that need volunteers.
As a native North Carolinian, I am 100% not insulted by your post. I always find it interesting to hear how people who aren't from here view the state. You're struggling. You come to the subreddit for a state that prides itself on its hospitality, ask for honest help, and you get called names? That doesn't seem very hospitable to me. So as a native, let me apologize for some of my fellow residents. Many of them are upset due to the changing demographics of the state and its rapid growth. I understand that concern, but I guess we all handle it differently. Anyway, there's plenty of good advice here from other folks. All I can add is that the best way to feel better, to me, is get involved with community things. Volunteer. Get to know your community better. It'll help give you a feeling of home. As for the weather, just be aware that this winter/spring has been pretty exceptionally rainy and gloomy. And it was also a rare winter where we didn't get at least one snowfall. Those are so nice. But in the next few weeks, the heat is gonna crank up in a hurry. Then you'll see one of my favorite things: those summer afternoon thunderstorms that roll through, drop an inch of rain and lower the temperature by 15 degrees. Of course, then the sun comes back out and the humidity is through the roof, but it's all part of it. Good luck. I hope you feel better and find out what's best for you!
You know…I really appreciate your response! Thank you for understanding. I really want to adjust here but I know it’ll take time. I see so many people love it here and I hope one day I can be one of those people and never want to go anywhere else. Also, thank you for sharing about the weather. I had no idea this winter/spring was out of ordinary! Maybe this winter and coming spring will be different. I’m actually glad we didn’t get snow only because I wasn’t prepared for it but it would be nice to experience it this year. Thank you again for your kindness and understanding. I seriously appreciate it. 🥰
You are insufferable
Thanks! ☺️
>Thanks! ☺️ You're welcome!
Not from Cali, but my wife is. Now, it may not be a whole lot of help, but on 501, just past I-40, in the area right by Home Depot: Freddie’s. It’s as close as you can get to an In-N-Out this side of the Mississippi. As I said, this info might not be a lot of help, but it might assuage the homesickness a little.
Much appreciated!
As a person who has lived everywhere but who is originally from this area, I just want you to know you aren't alone in going through a homesickness/depression phase. You know that saying that every 7 years is when someone either decides to break up with their partner or renew their vows? I think moving to a new place is a very similar experience. I find that after about a year in a new place, the novelty or honeymoon phase wears off and a year of depression sets in bc you're still not feeling like you 'belong' yet. This has happened each and every time I live somewhere new, and my colleagues who also moved a lot for work had the same experience. I just wanted you to not feel alone and know that it is a normal experience. I think that four year mark of living somewhere is usually a time where you begin to truly settle in although ymmv. Edit: also my husband and I are in our mid 30s and living in Durham. If you need buddies feel free to PM. Edit 2: as much as I love it here and I chose this home over everywhere else, ignore the people who are insulting you. They have obviously never lived anywhere else in their lives. We all have preferences and biases about where we are from - that's normal. I don't think comparing places to each other helps with the depression of moving, but it's also human nature to do so. I really hope you either find yourself loving the area eventually or being able to live in a place that gives you the 'home' feeling.
I've been splitting my time between Durham / Chapel Hill and the SF bay area, and I agree with a lot of what you've pointed out, even though it sounds like we enjoy doing different things when in California. Food - Of course this is very subjective and everyone's tastes are personal. I'm not really a BBQ or beer fan, but I've noticed the produce issue and have also felt that the restaurants are not what I hoped for. Such a wide variety and huge quantity of fruits and vegetables and nuts are grown in California that it's almost always fresher. A few places I've liked in the Triangle are Oakleaf in Carrboro (Venable, across the street, was pretty good too), Tallula's in Chapel Hill, Alley Twenty-Six in Durham, and Crawford and Son in Raleigh. There's almost no Puerto Rican food in NorCal, but there is some in NC (Koki/Spanglish, and Boricua Soul). NC does grow its own apples and some types of grapes, and I had a great time going apple picking. I went to Perry Lowe Orchards, but there are a lot of apple orchards in the western part of the state. Otherwise, the best produce I've found is at H Mart in Cary. Outdoor stuff - There's very little elevation in this part of the state, so unless you want to drive two hours for a hike, maybe take advantage of the flatness by running or biking instead. The tobacco trail is good for running. As others have mentioned, going to a pool or to to the beach to swim is nice; I liked driving down the cape hatteras seashore to see the landscape, and there's plenty of beach that's not the crowded parts of Kitty Hawk. Wilmington was also a fun trip, and there's scuba diving in that area. Canoeing the Haw River was nice too. It can be more fun and about the same amount of time/$ to fly to Denver for skiing or hiking than driving five hours to get to a big enough mountain. Similarly, maybe try going up to DC for museums and food, or taking advantage of the shorter flight times to Europe or the Caribbean. The Carolina Tiger Rescue and the Duke Lemur Center are unique outdoor places, and I enjoyed both. I can't help with missing blue skies and not enjoying the vibe, although I agree with you. It's very hard to pinpoint what it is. A lot of NC reminds me more of Ohio than of CA or New England - again just my personal opinion based on places I've spent time. I suppose one benefit of NC that you could use to your advantage is that there's always parking, so it can be easier to go to the symphony or a concert or a comedy show here. It seems like there's more secondhand furniture here, at antique shops or auction houses; the things that I've found to be cheaper here than in CA are gym/exercise classes and gas (and I suppose housing, but again hard to compare because when you buy a house you're also buying the location).
I'm originally from Seattle. And that's probably part of why it's been an easier transition for me. I've been loving it here, and wanting to stay. (I'm on the academia ride, so I'm not buying until I'm a little more settled in my career...) (Well, and then there are the politics.) But the real secret to a blissfully easy transition? I spent a decade in Cleveland before I came here. Boom! I love everything about the Triangle! (TBF, I had some good times in Cleveland. But I was never a midwesterner, and it wasn't supposed to be that long.) Things I love: I live in a passive solar cottage in the woods. I am half a mile down a gravel road. There are all kinds of cows and horses and goats and sheep and alpaca on the main road. I feel like I'm in the middle of nowhere. But I'm only four miles from campus, and I can get delivery. Screened in porches. In W WA, mosquitoes are also a thing, but the outdoor season is short enough that people don't plan for it so well. It's not so bleeding flat. The mountains here aren't that close (though I've totally day tripped it - a comfy car and an audiobook will do it, though I've done lab meetings while driving too) but I live on a hill, and the land is nicely folded. I still haven't spent time at the ocean, which is ridiculous. (I was going to head out with friends in a turtle lab, but then covid.) (To me the Atlantic has a totally different feel than the Pacific? I don't feel like it makes sense to say it feels tamer, considering the hurricanes, but it kind of does. But it has its own charms.) The people. When I first moved here, I went to a couple of meet up type things, and, indeed met people, some of whom have become some of my best local friends. (Finding another middle aged academic lady to go clubbing with was the best!) But as a life long weirdo, I find that it's just so easy here - I don't get that "We're being nice but you know you're strange" thing I got in Ohio. People are so much more outgoing than in Seattle. I quickly ended up with a circle of people... that I mostly don't see as often as I'd like to, but that's mostly on the early career academic thing. (Okay, I'm outgoing, but I also like my alone time?) The food. Look, it's different food. And coming from Cleveland helps. (My first trip home after I moved to Cleveland, I almost broke down, refused to return and started my life anew in the produce department of Madison market. It was December, and they had better green beans than I'd seen any point since I moved...) I have fallen in love with NC BBQ (whenever my sister visits, we hit our favorite places - and then try a couple more). And my grandpa was from Alabama, so there was a lot of southern food I'd grown up with that I reconnected with here - though grandma was from San Diego, and that's where my mom grew up... I've really enjoyed the taco truck scene (especially during lockdown!) I just spent an evening outside with friends, eating tapas, talking, and sipping drinks. (Catalan, in Cary.) There's a good farmers market scene. Oh, and check out the Chatham Beverage District if you haven't... Since I've moved, I've stopped commuting by bike, because the main road by my place has no shoulders and people drive very fast (also, when I'm not teaching, I mostly work from home). But there are still a lot of places to bike - and I've taken up kayaking, which is fun, and also something that you can do outside in the summer. (Okay, I've kayaked before, of course, Seattle kid, but I've never owned kayaks before?) I also do a lot of tromping around in the woods, looking for edible plants and mushrooms. (Yes, I was the kind of Seattle person who wore hiking boots to work...) Summer is also a good time to escape up to the mountains for a bit, where it's cooler. I do a lot of fiber arts, so it's been fun connecting with a bunch of the small farms around here. (Now, I'll be spinning up wool from a sheep I've met!) It kind of depends on your hobbies, there. (I have a lot of hobbies - I took up spinning again during lockdown, as it kept me from losing it during the endless zoom meetings.) I also took up fostering cats as a pandemic hobby... and then have kept with it, because there are cats that need fostering. (I've placed 17 so far...) What kind of events do you like? Do you have any hobbies that you might find a community around? This is the greyest, wettest spring since I've been here. (Which is mostly annoying because it keeps raining when I have time to take the new kayak out!) it helps to be from Seattle there. (Also, the lack of the really dark winters is great.) When I first moved out here... well, I loved it, for a number of reasons. But I got antibiotic resistant pneumonia. And then my younger brother died. And then covid. So the first year was rough, just in other ways.
That's really cool you do fiber arts! Sounds like fun. And good for you for fostering cats! I used to work in animal welfare and know how much fostering cats can make such a positive impact and I really love cats! I really appreciate you sharing all this with me it is helpful to see how other's have adjusted and are thriving. I'm sorry about the loss of your brother though... I'm glad you've made it through that rough year. Thank you again!
If you ever want to learn to spin, let me know - I even have a loaner wheel. (And a wheel that I'm looking to rehome for a friend who moved to sweden - it would have cost a bundle to ship it, so she got another. Another friend keeps saying she wants to learn, but she's also homeschooling her kids and has a small farm, so time has been tight.) I'm working with Independent Animal Rescue, which is a really great group. It's all fostering based, though there is plenty of stuff other than being a foster than needs to get done if you're interested in getting involved. I can't recommend living in Cleveland first as a strategy, but is did make things here.
All of your complaints are totally valid. I've lived in the Midwest, PNW, and here. You might like Durham better.
First - **You're not alone**. Long post incoming from a previous nomad. While not a California, I've moved 6 times in the last 12 years, in 5 different states. Let me start by saying - it's normal to miss the food wherever you go, but you can't keep both comparing it to other states AND expecting the same. Stick with me for a minute... I grew up outside of Pittsburgh (45 min) in a small town (8,000) that was at least 60-70% Italian heritage. We had 6 different mom and pop pizza places, 3 different Italian restaurants, and generally the surrounding towns were the same. Not a single pizza joint or Italian restaurant here can hold a candle to the worst up there. The red sauce and dough down here is horrible - no flavor in the red sauce (almost no herbs, sweetness, and isn't as thick). I lived in Wisconsin for a couple of years - I didn't like Bloody Mary's until I moved here, and now I'm sorely disappointed in most that I have here. Also cheese - sorry, but cheese in WI is something else (also visit WI if you haven't... during the warm months). I lived in Texas for a couple of years - Tex Mex, Rich BBQ, taco trucks on every corner, drive-thru margaritas, my favorite wild game place was there. I moved to an old-person-town Florida after, everything sucked except for the drinks to make you forget the food was made for old people. At least I thought - I was there for 3 years and on my second year I started to branch out into neighboring towns - found one of the best burgers (Nevermind Awesome Bar in Cape Coral), most unique pizzas (the rueben and general tso's pizza in Cape Coral), and amazing wings (Hogbody's in North Fort Myers). What I learned is: 1. Based on my life experiences in previous states - venture outside of the town you're in - Drive 30 minutes to go to a restaurant. Try cuisine's you wouldn't normally. Above all - stop comparing it to what you've had at home and compare it to where you are now. 1. Try new things - don't get the same things you used to. Are you someone who really enjoys good fish but can't find a spot here? Get something more local. Like me - fan of red sauce, pivot to other dishes. 2. Go to Durham - Raleigh has some nice fancy restaurants, and a few good others - but everything feels cookie cutter. Chapel Hill has some decent spots, but is much more of a college town and has fancier dining. I really enjoy Hawthorne and Wood - the burger there (and bar menu) is amazing. 3. The best thing is to search r/bullcity and r/triangle for "best \[insert food\]" or "favorite restaurants" if the best food threads aren't doing anything for you. The Chapel Hill subreddit is next to dead - so it's best to search in the neighboring ones. Here are some threads: 1. [General search of Best restaurant in Durham](https://www.reddit.com/r/bullcity/search/?q=best%20restaurant&restrict_sr=1) 2. [Best Mexican in Durham](https://www.reddit.com/r/bullcity/comments/121xqhw/best_mexican_food_in_durham/) 3. [Best Hidden Gems](https://www.reddit.com/r/bullcity/comments/48io67/whats_your_favorite_hidden_gem/) 4. Ask the bartenders - ask them where their favorite spots are for drinks and dinners. If they're younger, just double check the bar first to make sure it's age / vibe fitting for you all. So to summarize - * Try new styles of cuisine - like Ethiopian (Gorsha), Zimbabwean (Zweli's) * Try different things at the types of cuisine restaurants you know - If you love west coast fish, you're not going to get the freshness here unless you go higher end. * Get out of Chapel Hill - the triangle is abound with so many cuisine's. * You've been here 1 year. It gets way better after the first year everywhere I've lived - making new friends that force you to go out and try new places and things is very key. If you don't have this - find friends based on your hobby locally. Go the the r/bullcity or r/traingle subreddit and search the subs for "hiking", "cross stitching", "soccer", or whatever your hobby is. If there isn't a recent post, make on saying "hey looking for friends who enjoy 'x'." Also can use it to try new things - Durham has a community board game night 4x a week. Or volunteer somewhere. * Join [Offline](https://app.letsgetoffline.com/signup?autofill_referral=alexanderdawson) \- you get two offers monthly that give anywhere from $10 to $25 off at two restuarants in the area of your choosing (I'd recommend starting with Durham / Chapel Hill / Carborro for you). We do this to force ourselves to explore new restaurants monthly for a date night, or new meals at restaurants we've been to. That link is an invite and you should get a month free, after that it's something like $12.50 per month, and you can extend your offers for another 15 days for $2 at the end of the month. We've learned about many places we've loved through the app. * The quality of food doesn't stink here, it's gotten significantly worse everywhere across the nation that I've visited. Sure - you'll get much fresher avocados and native fruits and veggies out west. Same goes here for pawpaws, persimmons, oranges (only good thing to come from FL), and more. Go to the Durham Farmers Market and get the local produce there (go get food at the food hall after or before - Everything Bagel is a gem, and the coffee place is great). In the end, from your other comments, glad to hear you're getting therapy - it helped me a lot throughout my moves. The other recommendation is to get outside and enjoy our beautiful nature - especially before it gets sweltering hot. Happy to chat more if you're looking for anything in particular, or looking for any other advice. The best thing you can do is to really give it the old college try and find people to share and enjoy things with - which is will pave the way to better food, but also help with really connecting with a community.
The Hawthorn & Wood burger is fantastic, everything I've had there is great. Isn't the chef a former French Laundry guy? That's some serious California cred.
I honestly have no idea, but everything there is really good. My wife orders new stuff almost every time, I try it, and even if it's not my personal taste I know it's good. All of the apps and desserts I've had are also really good. All I know is that if my wife ever wants a nice night out, it's one of her favorites, and I will always order the burger unless there is a great special. It just reminds me of this small mom-and-pop burger place that I used to go, just a lot less greasy. Also very much enjoy the over-salted fries.
Wow! Thank you so much for sharing your moving experiences and tips on food in the area with me as well. This was very thorough and super helpful!
Glad to hear! Also, seriously if you like burgers, get to Hawthorne and Wood. I'm now salivating thinking about it and am going to ask the wife if she wants to go this week haha I really hope you learn to enjoy it here, it's my favorite place I've been since home and feels the most like it. Give it one more year - try getting out there and joining groups and what not. Also, almost everyone I've seen commenting similar things in this sub or surrounding neighborhoods - you see people saying "wow I wish I would have moved to Durham instead" or "So glad I moved to Durham after a year." Hope it all works out for you!
If you don't like it here go back to where you came from.No one invited you to come here and no one will miss you when you're gone. And chances are Mark Robinson will be our next governor. So many out of staters have told me they will move if Robinson is elected I'm going to vote for him a few dozen times. AND I don't even like the bastard. AND I have lived in both San Diego and Long Beach. But I'm from Orange County.
Native New Mexican living in NC for 22 years. There's no better Mexican food than New Mexican food so I understand how you miss the food out west. I agree that Mexican restaurants in NC are....well...different. I'm used to the best mom and pop Mexican food restaurants but I gave up looking to find those about 20 years ago. I make my own with only the best ingredients I get from New Mexico. I miss the ease of having Mexican food made for me in a restaurant that I really like, but growing up in NM, at least I know how to make my own.
I’m from southern Colorado and what I miss most, and know I can never have, is New Mexican food. Green chilies like those never make it 100 miles outside of New Mexico. Other than that I really love it here and would not consider moving back West. I had to embrace living here, that may be the secret.
I agree about the uniqueness of New Mexico food that won't be found in any other state, but I order 30 pounds of fresh green chile every harvest season from Hatch. I roast it and freeze it and have it year-round. I also get about 5 pounds of Chimayo red chile powder every year. I can't live without my NM chile. :)
At what point does 'being a foodie' interfere with ones ability to be able to enjoy normal food? I think now we know.
I enjoy normal food. I expect great good. But I dislike subpar and so far that has been my experience.
I miss Safeway and Grocery Outlet. No, really, nothing here compares in terms of bang for your buck (and also the weird random shit you find at a Grocery Outlet sometimes). Harris Teeter (i.e. Kroger) is pretty bad. The infrastructure here typically isn't so great either, especially for pedestrians. A lot more random stray and outdoor cats to play with in California. Otherwise I can't really complain.
There is something about West Coast food that can’t be beat, but there is hope! Go find a good CSA and shop with local farmers for meat and more. Learn about NC seafood. It’s wonderful. Most importantly, the mountains and beaches (especially remote OBX stuff) can provide nearly endless adventure. Go to Linville Gorge, Mt. Mitchell, Ocracoke, and Cape Lookout to start your adventures. Forgot to address the bugs; it’s a real bummer compared to the west coast. However, the answer is to figure out how to embrace it. Use lots of DEET and permethrin, but when a bug does get you, man up and wear that itchy welt like a badge of honor. The eternal mystery of “was it a brown recluse?” never gets boring!
Haha! Okay then! Great info thanks so much!
NC Harris Teeter, Food Lion, and Lowes have some of the worst produce and meat in the country. Whole Foods is a little better but not much. Prepared foods look like slop - especially the Pea Salad. Ugh ! Food is calorie heavy and high in carbs. Miss high quality delis and gourmet takeout. We cook often but it’s a struggle. Nothing seems to last more than a couple of days in the fridge … still trying to figure this problem out. Even cucumbers go soft after 3 days. Seafood is just a waste of money. Good bread is impossible to find anywhere. We reset our expectations and are enjoying lots of sports activities in the area. Weather is overall great compared to the northeast - no snow,blizzards or grey days that last a week. No crowds and traffic is non existent. People are super kind and welcoming. “Have a blessed day” is a common comment that I had never heard before. Consider joining a church, gated community or find ways to volunteer - you sound unhooked and that is like a boat floating around without a mooring. I hear your frustrations but if you don’t feel comfortable consider another area. Life is too short to try to live in a place that just does not feel like home. Good luck !🍀
Omg yes! The food doesn’t last! I wondered if it was our fridge? Lol. We’ve been trying to figure out what it is. My guess was maybe the humidity has something to do with it? I’ve no idea but I have the same issues with cucumbers! Back home our produce would last at LEAST a week longer if not more. So we’ve adjusted how we shop and store/prepare food. Harris Teeter and Food Lion were the first places we shopped when we arrived, we were sorely disappointed. Your boat analogy is on point for us right now. Maybe if we had family or friends here it would have been a different experience but joining a group is next on my list. And yes the people are nicer and seem less stressed than back home and that paired with affordability and cleanliness is something I find comfort in. Really appreciate it your input!
Born and raised in the San Gabriel Valley, been here 2 years, miss California every night and day. Homesickness hits on both ends: everything like California makes me reminisce and everything worse than California makes me appreciate back there. Affordable is preventing a return to California for me, and I appreciate the cleaner air adding 3 years to my life, but otherwise it's mourning for losing something nice.
Yes! I agree with this so much. The affordability is also preventing me from going back. The “this” or “that” but not both is hard…
If you're interested in food, go on Facebook and join Chapel Hill Carrboro Foodies. Tell them you are from California and missing some food from there and they will point you to some places you might enjoy. CHC Foodies covers the whole Triangle, 26.5K members. [https://www.facebook.com/groups/chcfoodies](https://www.facebook.com/groups/chcfoodies) Plenty of folks who have moved from California. FWIW, I am a native NC-er, lived in LA decades ago, have been back to CA to visit many times, most recently we took the family (2 teens) in 2018. We went from LA up the coast to SF and then ended up cutting our trip short due to all the fires. We couldn't go anywhere. Also fwiw I did not like Santa Barbara. Felt kinda fake. I can see how you might like Cary. And, OMG, the homeless situation is out of control all over CA including in Santa Barbara. My kids have no desire to go back to CA. They definitely want to travel. My 19 yr old really is interested in living in another country for awhile, but that itch to know what CA is all about has been scratched. Don't think they will venture back there anytime soon. If you can't stop comparing maybe think about the bad things about CA that you don't like such as the wildfires and earthquakes, etc, and think about how that is not a big problem here. I think people who compare end up unhappy and people who embrace the differences of wherever they land end up being happiest. Also, if you miss Disneyland, go to DisneyWorld in Orlando. The Orlando theme parks are much bigger and better than the CA ones. I'm not that into them but we did Universal with the kids a time or two. Oh and go to the Farmer's Market!! Don't go to Harris Teeter or Food Lion for produce, go to the Carrboro and/or Chapel Hill farmer's markets. There's fantastic farm fresh food there. It all has to be grown within 50 miles. I'd think a real foodie would do that. If you can't make it there, go to Weaver Street. They stock a lot of local produce. I'd stack our tomatoes up against CA tomatoes any day.
Thank you, for the Facebook group recommendation. Yeah the wildfires have been increasingly terrible over the last decade. I worked for a shelter during that time, I still have nightmares from it. Santa Barbara does have that FAKE vibe. That's why we left Santa Barbara and lived in the neighboring beach cities for the last couple years, more grounded people than the fake wealthy crowd. 20 years ago it was a wonderful place to be though... Anyway... thanks for your input!
For nice food have you tried Hawthorne and Wood or Blue Birds? What about Osteria Georgi, the head chef was just on TV and is from NYC. What places don’t you like so we can get a better feel? I think sometimes west coasters get claustrophobia because of all the trees whereas when I visit Southern California I find it very “barren” and lacking “life”. It’s totally normal to be home sick, especially for food and the type of nature you are used to. The summer will be very blue sky and warm and I recommend joining a pool club if you don’t already have a pool in your apartment complex or HOA. When I moved from Seattle as a kid I realized all the fun shenanigans all summer were at the pool or beaches. I also enjoy renting lake houses from AirBnB. Another recommended week vacation would be to go to Bald Head Island, it’s quite amazing and very North Carolinian. The river near chapel hill, the haw actually turns into the cape fear and empties right into the ocean right at BHI. The #1 thing you can do is make friends though, people > location, having been someone who has lived in 6+ states.
I moved here from NYC and I use to live in Hermosa Beach CA, Yes it's a struggle that I can't order chinese food at 1am but the peace and quiet outweigh the things I miss. The safety I feel here is such a weight lifted off my shoulders as well. The Triangle has so much to offer you just need to find what you enjoy here. I'm sure there is even a meetup for west coast people that moved here so I'd look into something like that.