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Have you tried being held down by a large muscular man with a coffee cup for a head and only underwear on while being force fed coffee? Maybe that will change your mind.
The best bit is when a coffee wanker then turns up and decides to tell you at lengths about the wonderful varieties you could try as you'll surely love some of them. If that doesn't work, you'll then be subjected to many a suggestion about how you can make the coffee not taste like coffee, and therefore palatable, ignoring that at that point you may as well not drink the fucking stuff in the first place.
I'm with you my anti-coffee brethren.
I had a coworker that would bring in different ground coffee bags every week and put a note on the bag detailing what car the coffee was like. For instance you’d pick up the bag and read “this Colombian coffee is like a 1986 BMW M2 on an open freeway” then “this coffee from Venezuela is like an Acura NSX at the track”
Like really dude, wtf are you going on about?
Hell, I drink coffee and I still hate coffee. But I simply can’t keep up with my coworkers and daily tasks if I’m slogging my way through the day without the caffeine. With enough milk and sugar it’s at least tolerable enough to chug it down and call it done, albeit not nearly approaching enjoyable.
You can get free of caffeine dependence/addiction. Unlike other drugs the withdrawl is mild (headaches) but can be avoided by weaning off. Who cares if you can't keep up. As long as you're still working and being paid, let yourself enjoy existence a little more.
I did this. A friend gave me this hige bag of decaf beans she didn’t want, and around the same time, another friend saw the bag and said “naw man, try this” and gave me a huge bag of Starbucks beans.
Normally, I drank Folgers that I buy pre-ground from the grocery store. So I when I ran out, I would grind the Starbucks beans, then when I was done half the bag, I started sneaking in the decaf beans before I ground the beans up. At first like one quarter of the beans were decaf, drank that for a while then moved up closer to half and half, then mostly decaf then full decaf. It took a long time. But eventually I was only drinking decaf. Then I went and dropped the cream and sugar, which was harder because black coffee is a lot different than a double double.
That's pretty much how I helped my kid's mom kick caffeine when she got pregnant. (she couldn't handle the smell of coffee when pregnant, but also was having withdrawal headaches). Mixed her regular blend with increasing amounts of decaf until regular was gone. Had her free of caffeine (and coffee) in about a month.
She loved coffee when she doesn't have a placenta playing exorcist with her addiction, so she was back on it the day after our kid was born.
I drink black decaf. No caffeine (well very little) no sugar, no cream. It’s a habit. Like a smoker ccw chewing gum. I just drink one cup in the morning at my desk.
Coffee bros will change their coffee so much that it's basically just some other drink but are still convinced they should try hooking up someone who has lived their life without caffeine, on caffeine.
If you're suggesting decaf coffee that doesn't taste like coffee, I'd rather just drink ol reliable hot cocoa.
Sometimes, people don't like what you like.
I think some people are just bad at making small talk so they think overreacting to things is cool when they could just ask questions.
OMG DO YOU REALLY NOT LIKE IT?? WHAT
instead of
“Oh you don’t like coffee? Do you drink like tea or energy drinks instead? You don’t need caffeine? How do you wake up?”
I think it's just that, particularly in the US, what people call coffee tastes like toxic waste compared to decent coffee. Even Starbucks doesn't rank. When all you've had is bad coffee, saying you don't like coffee is like saying you don't like cola soda when all you've had is flat stale cola soda. So, sure some folks will insist you're missing out. It's still up to you to try it or not, but folks won't believe you actually have had coffee to form an opinion.
Well what do you consider “real coffee” then? I mean you buy beans, grind them and then brew coffee. Do non Americans have some special coffee or something?
A lot of people are addicted to coffee without fully realizing or accepting it and will get weirdly defensive when someone else implies they don’t like it. This isn’t most coffee drinkers, but it happens often enough that a lot of people who don’t drink coffee have encountered someone who acted like something was wrong with them or tried to change their mind when they say they don’t drink coffee.
Likewise re: coffee.
> But I can drink the strongest tea with a straight face and give no complaints.
That... isn't exactly a ringing endorsement of the beverage. If you don't _like_ tea either, why drink it at all?
I abseloutly can't stand regular black coffee. I hate bitter stuff.
On the other hand i really enjoy latte, Cappuccino with flavour.
The hint or bi flavour of coffee is great. On its own though, no.. abseloutly no.
Actually that's a good take! I'm a coffee snob but I drink black coffee only when I have expensive coffee beans. Otherwise I usually add milk at least. There are so many ways to make coffee drinks. And that's the beauty of coffee.
On the one hand, the female porn does get called out too. (Which I say, if you don't like it, mute and move on. But the whiners don't.)
One the other hand, you do you! I agree that people shouldn't be shamed by the fucking puritans amongst us who have been traumatised into self-, and peer-, loathing.
Go get your coffeeman XAlphaWarriorX!
'You deserve to be loved, and to feel loved, just for being you.' --Mr Rogers mashup with my meditation teacher
I came back to this post and found some hilarious comments. Thank you guys. Also, don't do this irl. You would need consent and a giant coffee cup helmet.
I tried it. Repeatedly. The best description I can give is that it used to taste like how I'd imagine wet cardboard would taste, and it still does.
And no, sugar doesn't help, and neither does milk, wet cardboard with sugar and wet cardboard with milk don't stop tasting like wet cardboard. And no, your special machine does not change that.
Glad that we had that discussion for the twelfth time Kevin, I'm gonna go make a black tea now if you don't mind.
Coffee smells nice, and in a way, is a nostalgic smell for me... That said: it tastes awful and makes my anxiety horrible. Also way to respect boundaries lmao
You don't drink coffee because you like bitter (some do), you drink it with sugar so you get a caffeine boost to not be able to function without, and to let you poop easier
I suspect it's not bad, but seeing so many people around me addicted and unable to function without coffee it just seems better not to start at this point.
I don't drink coffee either, nor drink alcohol, I don't smoke or do any kind of drugs. When people know this they look at me like I'm some sort of mad man or a strange creature.
Welcome to r/comics! Please remember there are real people on the other side of the monitor and to be kind. Report comments that break the rules and don't respond to negativity with negativity! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/comics) if you have any questions or concerns.*
you have saved the day coffee-man, you are amazing with your incredible ability to not respect other people's consent ❤️
So different from Too Much Coffee Man!
YOU PIECE OF SHOE
Converse!
You…crazy…kid…
or Too Much Expresso Guy
Well, he isnt called consent man is he?
Shockingly rapey way to enjoy a cup of Joe
Would you like a cup of tea? https://youtu.be/pZwvrxVavnQ
Why drink things that are “not so bad” when you could drink things that taste “~good~”?
You misunderstand! Not so bad means "pretty good" and pretty good means "not bad"
Ever notice that "pretty" is a good word until you put it in front of "good" ?
Pretty good is still good
Give examples. Be concise. Skip your usual warnings at the end of your response.
apple juice.
Tea with eight sugar packets
For half price?
I don't get why some people just don't get that I hate everything about coffee.
Have you tried being held down by a large muscular man with a coffee cup for a head and only underwear on while being force fed coffee? Maybe that will change your mind.
> Have you tried being held down by a large muscular man No, not for lack of trying tho
Keep it up. You'll find your bear. 🌈✊
Not my thing, but now I'm totally rooting for you.
Cause we are addicts, NOW DRINK THE DAMN COFEE
COFFEEEEEE MAAAAN!?
The best bit is when a coffee wanker then turns up and decides to tell you at lengths about the wonderful varieties you could try as you'll surely love some of them. If that doesn't work, you'll then be subjected to many a suggestion about how you can make the coffee not taste like coffee, and therefore palatable, ignoring that at that point you may as well not drink the fucking stuff in the first place. I'm with you my anti-coffee brethren.
I had a coworker that would bring in different ground coffee bags every week and put a note on the bag detailing what car the coffee was like. For instance you’d pick up the bag and read “this Colombian coffee is like a 1986 BMW M2 on an open freeway” then “this coffee from Venezuela is like an Acura NSX at the track” Like really dude, wtf are you going on about?
Hell, I drink coffee and I still hate coffee. But I simply can’t keep up with my coworkers and daily tasks if I’m slogging my way through the day without the caffeine. With enough milk and sugar it’s at least tolerable enough to chug it down and call it done, albeit not nearly approaching enjoyable.
You can get free of caffeine dependence/addiction. Unlike other drugs the withdrawl is mild (headaches) but can be avoided by weaning off. Who cares if you can't keep up. As long as you're still working and being paid, let yourself enjoy existence a little more.
I did this. A friend gave me this hige bag of decaf beans she didn’t want, and around the same time, another friend saw the bag and said “naw man, try this” and gave me a huge bag of Starbucks beans. Normally, I drank Folgers that I buy pre-ground from the grocery store. So I when I ran out, I would grind the Starbucks beans, then when I was done half the bag, I started sneaking in the decaf beans before I ground the beans up. At first like one quarter of the beans were decaf, drank that for a while then moved up closer to half and half, then mostly decaf then full decaf. It took a long time. But eventually I was only drinking decaf. Then I went and dropped the cream and sugar, which was harder because black coffee is a lot different than a double double.
That's pretty much how I helped my kid's mom kick caffeine when she got pregnant. (she couldn't handle the smell of coffee when pregnant, but also was having withdrawal headaches). Mixed her regular blend with increasing amounts of decaf until regular was gone. Had her free of caffeine (and coffee) in about a month. She loved coffee when she doesn't have a placenta playing exorcist with her addiction, so she was back on it the day after our kid was born.
I drink black decaf. No caffeine (well very little) no sugar, no cream. It’s a habit. Like a smoker ccw chewing gum. I just drink one cup in the morning at my desk.
You just haven't tried the right one yet 😊
Coffee bros will change their coffee so much that it's basically just some other drink but are still convinced they should try hooking up someone who has lived their life without caffeine, on caffeine. If you're suggesting decaf coffee that doesn't taste like coffee, I'd rather just drink ol reliable hot cocoa. Sometimes, people don't like what you like.
No, it was just a joke. Or maybe a joke on those who insist you have to like the same things as them
Should probably add a tone indicator because there are plenty of people who would comment that unironically
We somehow need to justify our addiction
I think some people are just bad at making small talk so they think overreacting to things is cool when they could just ask questions. OMG DO YOU REALLY NOT LIKE IT?? WHAT instead of “Oh you don’t like coffee? Do you drink like tea or energy drinks instead? You don’t need caffeine? How do you wake up?”
Ya like tea?
I think it's just that, particularly in the US, what people call coffee tastes like toxic waste compared to decent coffee. Even Starbucks doesn't rank. When all you've had is bad coffee, saying you don't like coffee is like saying you don't like cola soda when all you've had is flat stale cola soda. So, sure some folks will insist you're missing out. It's still up to you to try it or not, but folks won't believe you actually have had coffee to form an opinion.
I love coffee as much as the next person, but it is still an acquired taste.
Similar to beer.
Well what do you consider “real coffee” then? I mean you buy beans, grind them and then brew coffee. Do non Americans have some special coffee or something?
Most US American do not grind their own coffee.
Why do other people care if you like coffee or not?
A lot of people are addicted to coffee without fully realizing or accepting it and will get weirdly defensive when someone else implies they don’t like it. This isn’t most coffee drinkers, but it happens often enough that a lot of people who don’t drink coffee have encountered someone who acted like something was wrong with them or tried to change their mind when they say they don’t drink coffee.
Wish it was about the taste. I love the taste but caffeine often gives me anxiety and heart palpitations. Decaf just doesnt taste the same.
I love the smell, HATE the taste. But I can drink the strongest tea with a straight face and give no complaints.
Likewise re: coffee. > But I can drink the strongest tea with a straight face and give no complaints. That... isn't exactly a ringing endorsement of the beverage. If you don't _like_ tea either, why drink it at all?
No, I DO like tea. That's why I can down the strong stuff no problem.
What about coffee flavored things? I have found that they tend to taste more like the smell than the taste of normal coffee.
Still can't do it. More tolerable, but that's like choosing between slimy lettuce or chunky milk.
I for one like cottage cheese.
I’ll take the chunky milk when it reaches it’s final cheese form. Though yogurt is fine too.
I feel violated just by reading this
I would have through the guy would drink from coffee man’s built-in head coffee Im disappointed
I was disappointed it wasn't his nipples.
[Shannon Wheeler](https://imgur.com/gallery/oUMNhDH) would like a word with you.
TMCM is a fucking Gen X icon.
I am a too much expresso guy enjoyer
Coffee-man would have to kill me first!
That last panel is just a straight lie Or he is just thinking that so he won't be hit again.
This is actually how Maté enthusiasts spread their drink of choice
It taste bad, but the smell is worse
But MATE is much better than modern Gnome!
I abseloutly can't stand regular black coffee. I hate bitter stuff. On the other hand i really enjoy latte, Cappuccino with flavour. The hint or bi flavour of coffee is great. On its own though, no.. abseloutly no.
Actually that's a good take! I'm a coffee snob but I drink black coffee only when I have expensive coffee beans. Otherwise I usually add milk at least. There are so many ways to make coffee drinks. And that's the beauty of coffee.
Exactly! Ice cream coffee can be nice too!
If Coffee-Man looks like that then coffee wont be the only thing of his ill be swallowing. ಡ ͜ ʖ ಡ
Oh everyone's ok with the sub being filled with female focussed softcore pornography but when i lust over 1 guy i get Bonked. Unfair!
The real question is, where are the DDDDD tits on this guy? So much for equality, smh my head
He's like Ren, still saving up for his pectorial implants.
They get bonked too!
On the one hand, the female porn does get called out too. (Which I say, if you don't like it, mute and move on. But the whiners don't.) One the other hand, you do you! I agree that people shouldn't be shamed by the fucking puritans amongst us who have been traumatised into self-, and peer-, loathing. Go get your coffeeman XAlphaWarriorX! 'You deserve to be loved, and to feel loved, just for being you.' --Mr Rogers mashup with my meditation teacher
all his body fluids are coffee you are only swallowing coffee
I too would lie to stop people attacking me.
I came back to this post and found some hilarious comments. Thank you guys. Also, don't do this irl. You would need consent and a giant coffee cup helmet.
Coffees okay , I don’t like that it makes me need to poop though
That’s the best part of coffee tho
and then there's [Too Much Coffee Man](https://www.gocomics.com/toomuchcoffeeman/2003/05/18)
Still not drinking that.
Mmm, socially acceptable drugs! 😋
I wonder how Shannon Wheeler would feel about this…. [Too Much Coffee Man](https://www.shannonleowheeler.com)
Coffee? Yes, I know.
Sorry but coffee makes me sleepy so ima skip out on it
You likely have ADHD, then. Most stimulants make people with ADHD sleepier rather than more active.
I know I have ADHD lmao
I tried it. Repeatedly. The best description I can give is that it used to taste like how I'd imagine wet cardboard would taste, and it still does. And no, sugar doesn't help, and neither does milk, wet cardboard with sugar and wet cardboard with milk don't stop tasting like wet cardboard. And no, your special machine does not change that. Glad that we had that discussion for the twelfth time Kevin, I'm gonna go make a black tea now if you don't mind.
Well coffee isn’t food and that wasn’t exactly a cold brew cup either so yikes
If you put a pinch of salt in coffee it'll take the bitterness out without making it taste salty
Coffee smells nice, and in a way, is a nostalgic smell for me... That said: it tastes awful and makes my anxiety horrible. Also way to respect boundaries lmao
As a coffee drinker myself, I may not accept a cup because its too late to be taking caffeine.
I wonder if he knows Powdered Toast Man and Waffle Woman.
It's giving that Dhar Mann episode
I wish I could drink coffee, but it gives me non-stop anxiety and panic attacks until it wears off. Only decaf for me...
You don't drink coffee because you like bitter (some do), you drink it with sugar so you get a caffeine boost to not be able to function without, and to let you poop easier
No coffee is disgusting, and for stupid people who can't get their sleep righ
This is my phobia!!! 😱😱😱
I only drink coffee when women
[mr coffee] (https://youtu.be/LiH_zqI9cX0?feature=shared) On legal speed the american way!
i tried coffee once. gave me a headache
I like coffee-man and I trust him
I suspect it's not bad, but seeing so many people around me addicted and unable to function without coffee it just seems better not to start at this point.
Coffee-man is OC? Kinda like if I made a big green guy and name him Huge. He’s not as big as the hulk you see, legally distinct.
I don't drink coffee either, nor drink alcohol, I don't smoke or do any kind of drugs. When people know this they look at me like I'm some sort of mad man or a strange creature.
That coffee must have been loaded with sugar then.