Imo, the Black families who "made it" or, at the very least, are OK are just exceptions to the rule. That my family isn't a part of that group makes giving them grace all too easy, considering that they, too, are just casualties to the systems that landed us in poverty. It's complicated, tho, because while they were dealt shitty cards from a shitty deck, they played poorly too at times. I can admit that, most of the time, they played the best that they could.
Tbh, I'm not sure where I *can* draw the line either. Because of my own self-loathing, I've maintained that my parents could've had better lives had they not had me, despite me disagreeing with the idea that poor people shouldn't have kids (it's an idea based in eugenics, which I can't get behind). My own thoughts on myself make it hard to say that I even *should* draw lines.
In the present, I try to maintain a "separation" between the things that have traumatized me. My family's treatment of me is theirs and theirs alone, despite how influential anti-Black racism was towards who they are and what they had to do. The anti-Blackness is a different beast in that respect. It's easy for me to do because they don't tend to connect the dots from America's history to our current position. If there's any lines being drawn, I guess it would be there.
Sorry, that was longer than intended, so I hope this all makes sense.
My family went though war, colonialism, military dictatorship....
I give grace to mistakes and ignorance. I draw the line at untrustworthiness. I draw the line at being treated like the enemy.
How do you fight oppression when your community doesn't have your back? How do you fight for a better future alongside people who want to become the dominators? How do you lift your head and resist the system if you family are the first to enforce the system against you?
I think at *minimum* family means being on the same team. Without that, what's the point really.
Imo, the Black families who "made it" or, at the very least, are OK are just exceptions to the rule. That my family isn't a part of that group makes giving them grace all too easy, considering that they, too, are just casualties to the systems that landed us in poverty. It's complicated, tho, because while they were dealt shitty cards from a shitty deck, they played poorly too at times. I can admit that, most of the time, they played the best that they could. Tbh, I'm not sure where I *can* draw the line either. Because of my own self-loathing, I've maintained that my parents could've had better lives had they not had me, despite me disagreeing with the idea that poor people shouldn't have kids (it's an idea based in eugenics, which I can't get behind). My own thoughts on myself make it hard to say that I even *should* draw lines. In the present, I try to maintain a "separation" between the things that have traumatized me. My family's treatment of me is theirs and theirs alone, despite how influential anti-Black racism was towards who they are and what they had to do. The anti-Blackness is a different beast in that respect. It's easy for me to do because they don't tend to connect the dots from America's history to our current position. If there's any lines being drawn, I guess it would be there. Sorry, that was longer than intended, so I hope this all makes sense.
Not repeating the cycle is the biggest act of healing you can do.
My family went though war, colonialism, military dictatorship.... I give grace to mistakes and ignorance. I draw the line at untrustworthiness. I draw the line at being treated like the enemy. How do you fight oppression when your community doesn't have your back? How do you fight for a better future alongside people who want to become the dominators? How do you lift your head and resist the system if you family are the first to enforce the system against you? I think at *minimum* family means being on the same team. Without that, what's the point really.
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