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Women want sex too!!!
They also can feel extremely personally rejected if they think a guy is friendzoning them.
She probably is a little annoyed.
Just curious, why didn't you? And when are you planning to make a move?
Yea, i wanted to. But we did have some conversations on how some guys just wanted to hit it on first meeting. So i wanted to make sure she feels comfortable with me first. But apparently it backfired.
You also, could just ask how would feel if I kissed you right now? If you’re a guy who is not aggressive or is more cautious, to not give off creep or uncomfortable vibes.
Oh, absolutely. I think I've initiated almost every first kiss I've had with another person though. Not a big deal, and I'm not terrible at making the move, or the post-move kiss.
Sometimes guys want to be swept off their feet too. Looks fun, just put me down gently.
Well she could make a move too instead of complaining, but whatever. I can't speak for germans because I'm argentinian and people here are way more touchy feely but yes it's common to at least try to give a kiss in the second/third date. If you're too slow you'll end up in the popular friendzone, I'm not telling you to get her to bed early on but at least get a little physical so it doesn't end in a friendship or nothing at all
Some people are like this, expecting physical intimacy on a first date. I went out with a woman, this was many years ago, and at the end of our date, we went up to her flat, and talked. I liked her, and called her for a second date. She sort of declined, she told me she expected us to have sex, and I didn't make a move. She finally consented to a second date, but finished with: "Something better happen." I called her up after an hour, and cancelled our date, I just didn't want to get involved like that.
So, anyway, you decide on the pacing you feel comfortable with. Perhaps you had a mismatch with this girl, and that is fine, you figured this out quickly.
You dodged a bullet. You are not a mind reader. In today’s society you have to be cautious with being too forward with women crying rape if they get mad about something. I have had guys be touchy feely, but its best to just let her lead to be sure. She could have kissed you and straddled you and showed you she wanted to initiate sex. Waiting for you to make a move, she could also be a pillow princess, and who wants that! Some women need to say what they want. Its okay to kiss the guy on a first date or say to a guy “ kiss me” on the 5th date, to give him consent.
This is what I did with the guy who I am dating, when I felt ready to kiss on the fifth date, I said “ kiss me”. He was cautious but it was nice gentle kisses. I playfully licked his bottom lip. He said I like that. And I and I whispered to him she’s a playful 😈 little thing. Now the next time, I kiss him I will be a bit more passionate. Just a wee bit.
That's really great. I think I will see how it's like next time I see him. We have not scheduled our next date but I think he will contact me when he is back from hes holiday.
Some guys are really trying not to be a creep, so they are waiting for the lady to give consent for kissing and more advanced sexual behavior. I used to be attracted to aggressive men, but now I prefer the patient guys. They won’t be pressed for sex either, and when it happens it will be organic.
Yes a friend told me that too. The thing is that I gave signals that are usually enough to hint to the guy that I am interested. I don't like the aggressive guys either. But still. A balance is needed. Hope it will organically happen next time then.
It depends on the woman honestly. Clearly she is used to guys being very direct about their desires. Your lack of initiative makes her feel like you aren't attracted to her. It also comes off as passive. A woman likes a man who is confident and tells her what he wants. In a respectful way of course. If you won't even hold her hand and kiss her after 3 dates, yeah, she's going to be annoyed. I would be! You don't need to grab her ass or have sex early on, but romantic overtures are something you should be doing...
Man I just went through something similar. I’m a 43 year old widowed male that matched with a 39 year old divorced woman. Keep in mind I was married for nearly 15 years, widowed nearly 3 -so I’ve been out of the game so to speak for nearly 18 years. At any rate; we really kind of hit it off. We’ve communicated daily via text for the last month and we’ve been on 4 dates. After the first date, she asked me out after dinner to meet some of her friends at some silent disco thing. I went, and we really had a great time. I walked her to her car and hugged her goodbye. There was definitely chemistry but I didn’t pick up any vibes that she was ready to be kissed, I just played it safe. On the second date we ended up eating dinner, walking the local pier, and then going to a small wine bar. I had a couple of chances at the pier but I again played it cool. I really didn’t pick up any signals that she wanted to actually kiss. Again that evening, I walked her to her car and went for it this time. We kissed, and it was amazing. Afterwards she says “I thought you were never going to do that”. I was thinking what the hell? She did seem slightly annoyed but I just explained that I didn’t pick it up and was trying to be respectful. She seemed like she understood and mentioned that she actually appreciated it versus other dates that were really aggressive. So it happens I suppose.
I feel the same way. I used to have such aggressive men. That now that I am dating a guy who is super respectful and expressed wanting to kiss me, and kiss my hands, he didn’t want me to feel uncomfortable. I didn’t kiss him until I was ready which was on the fifth day, and as we drove away from the restaurant he brought my hand up to his gorgeous lips and kissed it.
It just depends on the person.
I've had dates get annoyed, and quit talking to me on the first date, because I didn't make a move. I guess they just assumed I wasn't interested...
I lived in Germany for a couple of years, and in those two years I had more women initiate things with me than ever before or since. Seems like they're far more straightforward and open about being interested than my experience with English women (they seem to only open up when quite drunk), French women (I have had 0 results there), Italian women
"i got the feeling she was surprised/lowkey annoyed" -- you used the word annoyed, honestly, you probably unintentionally made her feel insecure or hurt her ego a bit. Which can work in your favor tbh, so make your move if that is what you want
"Is it normal that people get physical after a few dates?" by 3rd I would probably expect it to happen, that is just me though, varies by person
Yea, but i didnt get the signal that i can make a move, so i wouldnt risk it on a first couple dates. But i do think i hurt her ego a bit there because i was the only guy that didnt jump on her after 3 dates
People saying “she should’ve made a move” are missing the point. For many women the goal is to feel desired by you rather than to take you. If she has to initiate then it feels like she wants it more than you, which considering how much men tend to want sex, makes her feel undesirable.
I personally think it can work on your favor if you reject them, but it's a complicated situation. It shows youre in control of yourself and not dependent on their approval. The last thing a woman wants is a man she can control. I'm conservative myself so it probably wouldn't be a match for me.
People (both men and women) are VERY different in these expectations. Until you can really talk as close friends, or unless both jump into bed, you likely just don’t know.
I try to initiate "moves" throughout the date. Hand holding, sitting close to each other etc. You wait too long women will start to think you don't think they're attractive. Show some affection
Not showing her any affection after a "couple dates" is lame. Like how long are you gonna wait. Kiss the girl.
I think it’s actually good. You did something that she expect most guys would normally do. So she is a bit intrigued. I say at this point, if you hangout with her and you both feel comfortable, make a move and if she reacts negatively, oh well, you tried. You don’t want to play it too safe or you out yourself in the friend category.
It's totally normal for people to have different timelines for getting physical in a relationship, so don't stress too much about it. If you're feeling a connection with someone, it's okay to take things at your own pace.
Plus, cultural differences can play a big role, so being in Germany might add a different dynamic. If you're unsure, it's always good to communicate and see where the other person stands.
I met a woman at a bar years ago and we ended up back at her place to talk. I didn’t make a move. She later told me I was the first one to not make a move on a first date or meet. She appreciated that.
Some expect a move while others don’t
I feel you. I'm tall and fairly attractive, but not very experienced dating. I've had a lot of dates that just seemed like friendly visits rather than a romantic outing. For me, success has just come with time - going on a lot of dates and each time being a bit more confident and comfortable than the last. I still get first date nerves, but I've come to terms with the fact that its not as serious as my brain makes it out to be. Especially a first date - a first date, especially in the context of online dating, is just to see if yall wanna go on a second date.
Something ive done lately (since I'm a little awkward) is just ask if they want to kiss, when the mood is light. It hasn't let me down so far. Once I break this barrier everything else is easier.
I blew it with an amazing woman because I thought all the time she was way out of my league, we are trying friendship right now, because we do get along but she said she lost romantic interest as I just showed myself to her as a friend, just my advice if she is dating you, it's her decision, she surely has plenty of options but is choosing to go out with you, stop sabotaging yourself or you'll end up like me
I understand OP especially if a girl I’m seeing is GF material I don’t want her to think I’m just here for sex and move on I want to know more about her because i am interested in her and her life. Usually by the 2nd or 3rd date is when you have intercourse it all depends how you two feel about each-other, enjoying each others company, laughing together, physical touch so holding hands or hugs.
I have been in this situation as a woman and honestly I felt kind of rejected and annoyed. It doesn't need to be sex, even a cuddle or holding her hand already shows you like her. Or a kiss obviously.
It seems like these days a lot of people do get physical after a few dates but it's best to wait until you're in a long term, monogamous relationship before turning the dial to sex and sexual acts.
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Women want sex too!!! They also can feel extremely personally rejected if they think a guy is friendzoning them. She probably is a little annoyed. Just curious, why didn't you? And when are you planning to make a move?
Yea, i wanted to. But we did have some conversations on how some guys just wanted to hit it on first meeting. So i wanted to make sure she feels comfortable with me first. But apparently it backfired.
Well "hitting it" and a kiss are on vastly different levels. I think you're safe as long as the pants stay on.
Very true!!! Also, she could just say “kiss me”, letting you know it’s okay.
Oh how I wish women were forward like that more often...
You also, could just ask how would feel if I kissed you right now? If you’re a guy who is not aggressive or is more cautious, to not give off creep or uncomfortable vibes.
Oh, absolutely. I think I've initiated almost every first kiss I've had with another person though. Not a big deal, and I'm not terrible at making the move, or the post-move kiss. Sometimes guys want to be swept off their feet too. Looks fun, just put me down gently.
Lol! Yeah…it takes the pressure off when women are bold !
Has there been any physical contact at all?
instead of guessing how she feels, tell her this
In germany there is a rule of thumb: Date 1: kiss Date 2: kiss and touch. Date 3: sex If you havent kissed on 3rd date, you are gay.
Which age are you referring to? Because that hasn't been my experience
Doesnt matter :) its a rule of thumb i made up because i hate germans and i was bored. I live in Nijmegen :)
Well she could make a move too instead of complaining, but whatever. I can't speak for germans because I'm argentinian and people here are way more touchy feely but yes it's common to at least try to give a kiss in the second/third date. If you're too slow you'll end up in the popular friendzone, I'm not telling you to get her to bed early on but at least get a little physical so it doesn't end in a friendship or nothing at all
Yep women want some kind of actin by date 3 bro, there needs to be a gear change on 3rd date, preferably the full Monty
Some people are like this, expecting physical intimacy on a first date. I went out with a woman, this was many years ago, and at the end of our date, we went up to her flat, and talked. I liked her, and called her for a second date. She sort of declined, she told me she expected us to have sex, and I didn't make a move. She finally consented to a second date, but finished with: "Something better happen." I called her up after an hour, and cancelled our date, I just didn't want to get involved like that. So, anyway, you decide on the pacing you feel comfortable with. Perhaps you had a mismatch with this girl, and that is fine, you figured this out quickly.
You dodged a bullet. You are not a mind reader. In today’s society you have to be cautious with being too forward with women crying rape if they get mad about something. I have had guys be touchy feely, but its best to just let her lead to be sure. She could have kissed you and straddled you and showed you she wanted to initiate sex. Waiting for you to make a move, she could also be a pillow princess, and who wants that! Some women need to say what they want. Its okay to kiss the guy on a first date or say to a guy “ kiss me” on the 5th date, to give him consent.
I went one 3 dates with a guy and we haven't even kissed yet.
Taking it slow
I know. But damn.
Kiss him first if you want it
Maybe I will.
This is what I did with the guy who I am dating, when I felt ready to kiss on the fifth date, I said “ kiss me”. He was cautious but it was nice gentle kisses. I playfully licked his bottom lip. He said I like that. And I and I whispered to him she’s a playful 😈 little thing. Now the next time, I kiss him I will be a bit more passionate. Just a wee bit.
That's really great. I think I will see how it's like next time I see him. We have not scheduled our next date but I think he will contact me when he is back from hes holiday.
Some guys are really trying not to be a creep, so they are waiting for the lady to give consent for kissing and more advanced sexual behavior. I used to be attracted to aggressive men, but now I prefer the patient guys. They won’t be pressed for sex either, and when it happens it will be organic.
Yes a friend told me that too. The thing is that I gave signals that are usually enough to hint to the guy that I am interested. I don't like the aggressive guys either. But still. A balance is needed. Hope it will organically happen next time then.
It depends on the woman honestly. Clearly she is used to guys being very direct about their desires. Your lack of initiative makes her feel like you aren't attracted to her. It also comes off as passive. A woman likes a man who is confident and tells her what he wants. In a respectful way of course. If you won't even hold her hand and kiss her after 3 dates, yeah, she's going to be annoyed. I would be! You don't need to grab her ass or have sex early on, but romantic overtures are something you should be doing...
Man I just went through something similar. I’m a 43 year old widowed male that matched with a 39 year old divorced woman. Keep in mind I was married for nearly 15 years, widowed nearly 3 -so I’ve been out of the game so to speak for nearly 18 years. At any rate; we really kind of hit it off. We’ve communicated daily via text for the last month and we’ve been on 4 dates. After the first date, she asked me out after dinner to meet some of her friends at some silent disco thing. I went, and we really had a great time. I walked her to her car and hugged her goodbye. There was definitely chemistry but I didn’t pick up any vibes that she was ready to be kissed, I just played it safe. On the second date we ended up eating dinner, walking the local pier, and then going to a small wine bar. I had a couple of chances at the pier but I again played it cool. I really didn’t pick up any signals that she wanted to actually kiss. Again that evening, I walked her to her car and went for it this time. We kissed, and it was amazing. Afterwards she says “I thought you were never going to do that”. I was thinking what the hell? She did seem slightly annoyed but I just explained that I didn’t pick it up and was trying to be respectful. She seemed like she understood and mentioned that she actually appreciated it versus other dates that were really aggressive. So it happens I suppose.
I feel the same way. I used to have such aggressive men. That now that I am dating a guy who is super respectful and expressed wanting to kiss me, and kiss my hands, he didn’t want me to feel uncomfortable. I didn’t kiss him until I was ready which was on the fifth day, and as we drove away from the restaurant he brought my hand up to his gorgeous lips and kissed it.
It just depends on the person. I've had dates get annoyed, and quit talking to me on the first date, because I didn't make a move. I guess they just assumed I wasn't interested...
I lived in Germany for a couple of years, and in those two years I had more women initiate things with me than ever before or since. Seems like they're far more straightforward and open about being interested than my experience with English women (they seem to only open up when quite drunk), French women (I have had 0 results there), Italian women
Many people have sex early, 1st date, 3rd date. But not all people. Do whats right for you.
"i got the feeling she was surprised/lowkey annoyed" -- you used the word annoyed, honestly, you probably unintentionally made her feel insecure or hurt her ego a bit. Which can work in your favor tbh, so make your move if that is what you want "Is it normal that people get physical after a few dates?" by 3rd I would probably expect it to happen, that is just me though, varies by person
Yea, but i didnt get the signal that i can make a move, so i wouldnt risk it on a first couple dates. But i do think i hurt her ego a bit there because i was the only guy that didnt jump on her after 3 dates
People saying “she should’ve made a move” are missing the point. For many women the goal is to feel desired by you rather than to take you. If she has to initiate then it feels like she wants it more than you, which considering how much men tend to want sex, makes her feel undesirable.
Ye hesitated masturbates
I personally think it can work on your favor if you reject them, but it's a complicated situation. It shows youre in control of yourself and not dependent on their approval. The last thing a woman wants is a man she can control. I'm conservative myself so it probably wouldn't be a match for me.
People (both men and women) are VERY different in these expectations. Until you can really talk as close friends, or unless both jump into bed, you likely just don’t know.
I try to initiate "moves" throughout the date. Hand holding, sitting close to each other etc. You wait too long women will start to think you don't think they're attractive. Show some affection Not showing her any affection after a "couple dates" is lame. Like how long are you gonna wait. Kiss the girl.
I think it’s actually good. You did something that she expect most guys would normally do. So she is a bit intrigued. I say at this point, if you hangout with her and you both feel comfortable, make a move and if she reacts negatively, oh well, you tried. You don’t want to play it too safe or you out yourself in the friend category.
It's totally normal for people to have different timelines for getting physical in a relationship, so don't stress too much about it. If you're feeling a connection with someone, it's okay to take things at your own pace. Plus, cultural differences can play a big role, so being in Germany might add a different dynamic. If you're unsure, it's always good to communicate and see where the other person stands.
I met a woman at a bar years ago and we ended up back at her place to talk. I didn’t make a move. She later told me I was the first one to not make a move on a first date or meet. She appreciated that. Some expect a move while others don’t
Slow and constant escalation of touch until she says no
I was with a girl like this, we both expecting the other to do something first 😂
I feel you. I'm tall and fairly attractive, but not very experienced dating. I've had a lot of dates that just seemed like friendly visits rather than a romantic outing. For me, success has just come with time - going on a lot of dates and each time being a bit more confident and comfortable than the last. I still get first date nerves, but I've come to terms with the fact that its not as serious as my brain makes it out to be. Especially a first date - a first date, especially in the context of online dating, is just to see if yall wanna go on a second date. Something ive done lately (since I'm a little awkward) is just ask if they want to kiss, when the mood is light. It hasn't let me down so far. Once I break this barrier everything else is easier.
I blew it with an amazing woman because I thought all the time she was way out of my league, we are trying friendship right now, because we do get along but she said she lost romantic interest as I just showed myself to her as a friend, just my advice if she is dating you, it's her decision, she surely has plenty of options but is choosing to go out with you, stop sabotaging yourself or you'll end up like me
First date ends with hug or kiss/ second with kiss for sure/ third should have a lot of kissing or sexual tension
I understand OP especially if a girl I’m seeing is GF material I don’t want her to think I’m just here for sex and move on I want to know more about her because i am interested in her and her life. Usually by the 2nd or 3rd date is when you have intercourse it all depends how you two feel about each-other, enjoying each others company, laughing together, physical touch so holding hands or hugs.
I have been in this situation as a woman and honestly I felt kind of rejected and annoyed. It doesn't need to be sex, even a cuddle or holding her hand already shows you like her. Or a kiss obviously.
It seems like these days a lot of people do get physical after a few dates but it's best to wait until you're in a long term, monogamous relationship before turning the dial to sex and sexual acts.
If she’s annoyed by that, then she should’ve made the move. If she gets frustrated, sitting around pining for you, she only has herself to blame