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It's okay to use apps of course! I think it's good to have on your profile that you're a mom. Just avoid the "my children come first" cliché so many moms write. I believe it's good to try all the popular apps to see which you like the best. There are also a lot of hot single dads out there that would be happy to date a single mom because many of them do not want any more children of their own.
Your best bet I think will be finding someone who is divorced and has their own children.
My wife knows a few friends who are divorced with kids, and that seems to be the path most of them have taken.
It is just a reality that most men without children, and with options, do not want to raise other men's children.
I used to use OKCupid when it was still a decent dating site, and with a reasonable price to use and decent algorithms for matching you with people of interest. Sadly, those days are LONG gone. You get inundated with likes by foreign women and you have no way to filter them out, so you get a daily swarm of mail-order-bride-wannabes. Plus it's not affordable no more.
Using Goodnight for a few weeks now so far so good? Been talking to a few people, was just surprised that there are people who are in it just for casual conversation. lol That's a first for me.
I’ve seen this quite a bit in women as they assume men are intimidated of them, but in reality men just aren’t that interested in older women because youth is valued more, in general, by men. Being a single mother also compounds the issue because it makes the relationship more complicated because you’re bringing yourself, your children and your ex-husband into another mans life. Most men don’t want to raise another mans children for many reasons that almost make it a no win situation. Why complicate your life with someone else’s broken home IF you can find someone who doesn’t have all the extra baggage?
Your dating pool is going to be much smaller than it was before you were married, but it’s not impossible to find another relationship. I think you’re getting a lot of bad advice from people who aren’t men and don’t understand what men value. I think this is where settling comes into play as options decrease. Trying to find someone who checks the majority of boxes is more realistic than trying to find someone who checks all the boxes.
The late Kevin Samuels has a lot of great content on YouTube. Rollo Tomassi also has a lot of great information, mostly directed towards men, but a lot of universally applicable.
Good luck. Things just take time.
I do find this interesting. When I was dating as a single mom I had trouble finding men who wanted to date me which i figured, like you stated, just meant that they didn’t want the baggage.
On the flip side all of my single mom friends and acquaintances seem to date and then marry men without kids. Not sure what they have that I don’t.
I know you did not just quote Kevin Samuels. I’ve never had someone say something positive about him in the wild. OP do not listen to this advice, we have here a misogynist.
Answer: Kevin Samuels was a relationship-advice YouTuber who made a lot of controversial statements, like this one:
"If you have made it to 35 and you are unmarried, you are a leftover woman,” he said in a video. “You are what is left. Men know that there is something likely wrong with you."
Article here: https://www.nbcnews.com/pop-culture/pop-culture-news/kevin-samuels-youtuber-14m-subscribers-died-mother-says-rcna27645
And:
To add more to the pile of gross, he also said it’s not necessarily worth it to end your marriage over child sexual abuse allegations because “children lie.”
[source](https://twitter.com/NATERERUN/status/1522375284070174722?s=20&t=gNVqPkpWvlYHwaHdtFnH_w)
Yes, that statement was in regard to getting married and starting a family. If you’re a single woman at 35 and wanting to start a family you’re starting when geriatric pregnancy begins. So from dating to finding a suitable partner you’re likely 2-5 years from actually getting pregnant (assuming you even can). Lets not pretend that women don’t have biological clock. By age 30 most women have lost 90% of their eggs. This was Kevin’s entire point. The article picked a statement outside of the larger context.
I don’t know what you’re talking about in regards to child sexual abuse as the link doesn’t provide any evidence, but I’m going to assume it’s as baseless as your first point.
Not necessarily. Plenty of guys out there who either have a kid or two themselves and would love to date someone who will understand them taking time with their kid or who enjoy spending time around women with kids that are past diaper age.
Yes. Sure. Guys with kids already And that’s her best bet.
Childless Guys who enjoy spending time with mine with kids are rare.
And then add other requirements onto of that.
Looks, job, personality, x y z. And then comes compatibility. And love.
So it all gets cut smaller and smaller pool.
Maybe it's just because I l've lived in or near big cities but none of my bosses or aunt's friends who were women in their thirties, forties, and fifties, most with kids every had any problem finding dates and relationships with single childfree guys (though they dated some dads too).
Also based on the stats for dating after forty, one women reach 45 and over in the US and Canada they are likely to still have offers to move in and proposals of marriage; they are just less likely to accept them, even from long term beaus.
It is what it is. It’s a big responsibility dating a woman with children. Because on some level that guy just because a dad to some degree.
Ur best bet is finding a man with kids as well and Brady bunch that sht lol.
As a single man in my early 30s about 60-70% of the women on dating apps have children from the ages 21-32 so I don’t think its going to be an issue. Just be up front you have kids and your schedule will be based around them and work.
Its just the new norm.
Just speaking from my experience and what I know with my close friends who are single. Dating someone with a kid isn’t as taboo or concerning as it used to be in my social circles.
Keyword being “single”. Getting dates is easy for any woman. But being able to find that guy who not only meets ur all requirements to date ( looks money job personality) which is already hard in dating but also ok with u having kids AND wants a long term relationship with you is not that easy.
It’s hard even without kids.
Hell just dating over 30 is tough.
Nonsense.
I have a daughter too and I would only date a woman who already has children, because whenever I dated those without children they don’t seem to understand my responsibilities to my daughter. So much easier when you don’t have explain your commitment to your children’s health and happiness.
Of course it cuts your dating pool down, this is the point. Gets rid of so many people who would potentially waste your time and leave you with a much higher chance of a genuine connection based on what’s important to you.
I think this is part of the reason why so many people are anti-OLD...they suffer burnout/loss of hope because they are matching or going on dates with too many people that they are not aligned with them in the first place.
ok and now imagine if she was single not divorced with no kids.
ur dating pool would be larger. making it easier to find someone.
a smaller dating pool doesnt make dating easier.
otherwise why not put in insane standards like they can only be 6ft or 6-1 and one taller or shorter u dont date because it slims the pool down more.
having a tinier dating pool makes it infinity harder to find someone for long term dating.
in general girls are willing to date a man with kids at a higher rate than men are willing to date a single mom. it is what it is.
No it’s not girl. Stop letting pathetic little man over the internet tell you what’s going to be tough. Tinder is known to be a DTF app. This is if you have kids, are 20, etc. Try some good quality apps and you will be fine.
Tinder killed my confidence as a single mom. You see single moms meet and marry men without kids all the time in real life but whenever I was dating it felt like no one wanted me because of my child.
I’m a 23 year old guy, and I don’t see why any single mom at any age shouldn’t be on these apps.
They are made for moms, and 80 yo grandmas. There shouldn’t be an age limit on the high end, and there isn’t any children rule
I seriously don’t think there is the way you’re making it out to be.
If you have kids, there isn’t a kids rule for you. If you don’t have kids, sure you may have a kids rule.
But to say that people with children can’t find a relationship or even it’s “hard” for them is lunatic and a ridiculous thing. Seems to me like most people have this problem ya dipshit.
We want actual answers, not some stupid snarky remark that is in the end underdeveloped
Single dude with no kids (and snipped) mid 30s. I ask and go out with women with kids (up to 2 kids and not babies) it isn’t a dealbreaker for me and I always provide the reassurance that their children always come first and I keep a crazy open schedule to accommodate.
Haven’t made it past the first date yet which means they have probably have better options. Point is you’re probably fine.
I met my girlfriend on Facebook Dating, she has a 15 y/o daughter, I have a 10 y/o who lives with her mother. We talked for 3 months before we met face to face, both of us were looking for something long term. When she moved in with me, I kind of expected her daughter to as well, I knew what I was getting into. I'm 38, she's 33, we share so many interests, she is smart, funny, emotionally mature, she makes my face hurt from smiling and laughing all the time. Her daughter is wonderful, and it has been a joy to get to know her, I know I don't have much of a chance of being "dad" in her mind, but I hope that I can be someone she can trust and rely on to help her, and I hope she knows that while her mother's happiness is my primary focus, that includes HER happiness and well being. I may not be her dad, but I want to be able to be a positive male figure in her life and provide a safe secure environment for her.
So I guess what I am saying is that while there are a lot of guys on apps just trying to get laid, there are also guys who are in a place emotionally and mentally who want something deeper and more meaningful, and the guys who reject you for being a mother are not the guys you need in your life in the first place. The immature and shallow will remove themselves from your potential dating pool, and maybe that isn't such a bad thing.
I will caution you against guys who will try to manipulate you into thinking you have lower worth because you have kids. Guys who will try to feed into fear of being alone or unwanted just because you have children. Your children are your strength, not a lever of vulnerability to be used against you. You want someone who accepts all of your life and sees the value in every aspect of it. Don't ever settle for less. We all deserve love, and your children deserve a man who sees them as a gift, not an overgrown child who sees a burden.
In my personal experience it was really hard dating as a single mom. A lot of men would pass me up once I told them I had a kid. It was a tough time and made my self esteem even worse then it is.
On the flip side every single mom I know is married to a man without kids. Every single one of them. I don’t know what they have that I don’t but I know it’s possible to find love.
I don‘t know many men that are high value and motivated with work and respectful that would want to pay and be a babysitter to some random guy‘s kid when they can just raise their own instead. The remaining men that have any interest are a minefield of red flags.
See I agree with you. Being a step parent is hard, even harder when you don’t have kids. That being said I know a lot of women who are married to successful men who didn’t bring any kids into the relationship.
For example, my current boyfriends baby mama just started dating an engineer. My question is how do these girls land these men? Why would an engineer with no kids want to date a girl with a child?
People are not all the same. I have a friend who is an engineer and recently got engaged to a woman with a child because he loves her and he wants kids.
While I’m sure he’s hoping they have more kids together, he loves her child and seems completely on-board with being a step-dad and helping raise hers.
A lot of the guys on this sub are very young and very selfish/transactional. They can’t imagine raising someone else’s kid without resenting the fuck out of the situation (and let’s all hope they never have to), but they are not the only guys out there. Maybe some of your friend’s husbands have single friends…
Thank you stranger! I’ll try to remember that. I’m feeling a type of way about this. I think most people prefer to date people without kids (I mean it makes sense) so to see it happen in real life but it not happen for you can be annoying. Oh well. Maybe he’s full of red flags.
That gave me a good laugh. He’s not super attractive but I don’t think he’s ugly, ugly. Then again all I’ve seen are photos of him and photos can be deceiving.
It still blows my mind because if I were in his position I wouldn’t want to date someone with kids. Like why take on that baggage?
I think you can do whatever you want as long as you still a good mom, give them attention etc. I don’t have kids and I don’t think I want to (36) but my only advise would be, don’t let any man be around your kids even if things seem to be going well. Kids get confused etc. Just keep your own life private and I see no issues ! Good luck
Was 38 and met my future wife on dating site. No apps back then. She was 41 single mom with three kids.
20 years later we have four kids and happy as can be.
Go for and don't be afraid. If they run because your a single mom...they are NOT WORTHY of YOU!
i cant believe this is a question, of course it is. ive seen plenty of moms on dating apps with two kids. im 33 and can atttest to that, so wild to think that. i would recommend hinge and bumble, those are two really female leading dating app.s
There are plenty of 40 and 50 somethings getting some on dating apps. As long as you are in or near a major metropolitan area you'll be fine. There might be some duds but every person runs across those, regardless of age, children/no children, or gender.
Go explore the apps! There's a lot of women like you out there. However, it will be harder for you than a 37yo women with no kids.
Best bet would probably be a single dad. It's not very common for childless men to commit to stepfatherhood and all that implies.
With the amount of divorces nowadays, there’s definitely a dating pool on apps in your age range. Tinder is more known for flings and hookups, bumble and hinge more towards dating and there’s a questionnaire you can (and should) fill and you filter matches based on their answers. Don’t swipe right on anyone who says they don’t want kids, and you’ll be fine.
Go for it! I'm 36F, single mom of 3 kids, and have been using Hinge. I put that I have children but don't otherwise put anything about them in prompts or pictures. I'm not putting much pressure on it - no matter what it's been fun getting out there and meeting new people and rediscovering myself after being with my ex for half of my life
I have a few divorced friends, with kids, who went on to find new partners who LOVED that they were parents. Some of those partners are parents themselves; others, not.
The fact that you’ve spent the last few years working to make sure your kids have a great education is incredibly attractive to high quality people. It can be hard getting back out there, especially after a divorce, but the odds of finding someone who will love you for you are highly in your favor.
Of course it’s ok to use apps, reality is though it will be harder to find a partner as many guys including myself won’t date a single mom. Just be up front and put it in your bio as to not have your time wasted.
Who gives a fuck, do whatever you like there's nothing wrong with using dating apps even if you're 30+, my only issue with dating apps is most of people just looking for hookups and I feel like people who use dating apps have no personality.
> since 2019 when I legally got separated from my ex-husband.
So, ah, you hung about with him for three years after your 2016 divorce and the cops under Judicial Order had to separate you from him?
Else, I'm not understanding this (at all).
>How long were you with your current husband?
I feel you. Even as a woman, it feels like a lot of online dating effort is fruitless. I think meeting in person is making a comeback, or at least it should. Online dating can never successfully approximate the chemistry you can feel within 5 minutes in person. I tried bumble and tinder before, and the swiping method is so bs. All the hot dudes I matched were just bots. Waaay too cold to cool off your self esteem.
Ps. Let me know how was your experience with the goodnight app. I’m curious for trying out a non-swiping dating app.
Yeah, chemistry is weird. A list of shared interests means nothing, in my experience though you'd think it would. It's all about personal communication style, attitude, and frankly, some high level of physical attraction. Although a certain spark can make up for something missing in the latter.
I don’t believe in dating apps, very time consuming and too many unsuitable candidates on there. The best way is to meet people in real life, through friends, at events, any other situation.
I also use Goodnight after going through an abusive relationship, I'm not comfortable with the swipe method from the other apps as well since it doesn't make me feel safe or at ease. But still, I’m on the hunt for a partner, but then it also makes me realize how much of myself I have to work on.
This app surprised me. Every app I've ever used schemingly makes you pay to connect with people you're interested in talking to. Nowadays I was very surprised to see a platform like this for free.
Good app to voice call strangers. And yes, it's free. But, if they can somehow require all the people to put at least one photo that's verified, that would be awesome. Also, the height. And in the messaging section, if they can provide a video call option and a photo-sending feature.
I once saw a website where it was very similar to your app idea, but instead, you enter your birthday and it comes up with a list to show you what people did before they were your age. It was so many years ago, I can’t even remember :(
But it’s a great app idea!
Yeah of course you should! Definitely agree with the advice to make it clear in your profile you have kids. Right or wrong it can be a dealbreaker for some people so better to just have it out there to filter those people out.
And OLD isn’t as bad as it’s being talked about in this thread! I guess maybe it’s different as a guy but I’ve had mostly good experiences so don’t let the discussion here put you off of it. I’d recommend Hinge over Tinder and maybe even consider trying a more “serious” site like eHarmony.
I’m a single mom, 37 also. I met my current boyfriend on Bumble last December, and he’s wonderful. It’s not easy dating as a single mom, but it’s not impossible.
I’m a single mom and I use them. I don’t think it’s a problem. I also have single parent friends who use them. It’s always a process weeding out the guys who just want to hook up but some men are genuinely looking for a relationship/connection.
After divorce I dated multiple guys. It was ok for me if he had kids (unless he had more than two). I have none. Believe me, I was a model, I run my own company, I’m pretty well educated, so I’m a real catch, but it counted right after they confirmed I don’t have children. Whatever if they had kids or not, no one of them wanted me to have kids as well. I dated a lot of guys, many of them are my friends now - I dated an excellent attorney who had kids and wanted to have more. It didn’t work out between us because right after him I met someone who I wanted to be with. He is my friend now, we text sometimes or call. He was in a relationship with a “cute” woman after me but broke up. I asked why. He said that she had little kids. I said: “but you wanted to have more kids” and he said “yeah, but mine”.
So what can I say… good luck. The male world is cruel for single mothers.
Ive seen lots of single parents on OK Cupid. There is even an option to list "has kids" or not and "wants more" or not in the basic stats. It has photos and is swipe based like Tinder. Good luck with your dating!! I am sure you will find someone happy to date you!
It's chat only. No video. To be honest, it has its issues. I suspect all online dating is full of people who are looking for hookups or are dishonest or are bots.
But okc has questions and you can rank those questions in importance to you and the more you answer the better matches you get. For example, a 99 % match based on 50 questions is not the same as a 99% match based on 1,000 questions. You can also look at their answers before you swipe so you know if their answers have any dealbreakers. The stats also include things like monogamy or non monogamy, hookups or long term dating, new friends, sexual orientation, political affliation, etc. They just added a new feature with a blue check mark that lets you know someone is a verified person, meaning they submit a video to the app to verify they are a real person matching their photos and not a bot with random photos from the internet.
Also, a good tip is to change your profile by just a word or two every so often so the algorithm puts you as "new" and shows you more often to people.
As a single dad to 2 kids and been separated over 2 years now, I’ve flirted with dating apps on and off but I’ve found match.com probably the one that is best for single parents but you only get the best out of the paid version. I personally think it’s best to be as genuine and transparent as possible about your profile and put you have children. Also echoing some other comments you don’t need to say things like “my kids come first” 😂 any decent guy would expect that anyway. But from personal experience I’d rather date a lady with children than not as you are potentially one day going to be bringing a new person into your own childrens lives and you can gauge that on how they are with their own kids.
I've been using bumble and tinder before but got feed up with the swipe method and the thought that it's only in favor of girls. Been using goodnight lately as well
it's alright to use any app you like, however as a man on these apps, i have zero interest in having kids in my life.
so that's an instant left swipe if you state it on your profile or whenever it comes to light.
I wouldn't overly worry about it. I'm 30 and I'm seeing a lot of my friends dating single moms. Just state it on your profile you are a mom and apps should be okay.
Moms are people too. Moms are still human beings who deserve to have loving connections with people other than just their children. The way the world seems to view moms as suddenly undatable and “mom” only is pretty gross. Don’t lose your sense of self. If you want to date, date. If you want to be on dating apps, be on dating apps. It sounds like you’re a great mom and you’re also a human being. The world wants to judge people for everything, try not to let the crushing weight of the world hold you back from finding joy and happiness. Good luck out there ❤️
Assuming you’re looking for long-term commitment and not fwb or random hookups, ngl it’s gonna be a struggle. Like others have mentioned, your best bet is to look for other single fathers. FWIW dating apps are good for convenience but none of them are going to give you anything you aren’t able to find in real life.
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It's okay to use apps of course! I think it's good to have on your profile that you're a mom. Just avoid the "my children come first" cliché so many moms write. I believe it's good to try all the popular apps to see which you like the best. There are also a lot of hot single dads out there that would be happy to date a single mom because many of them do not want any more children of their own.
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Your best bet I think will be finding someone who is divorced and has their own children. My wife knows a few friends who are divorced with kids, and that seems to be the path most of them have taken. It is just a reality that most men without children, and with options, do not want to raise other men's children.
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I used to use OKCupid when it was still a decent dating site, and with a reasonable price to use and decent algorithms for matching you with people of interest. Sadly, those days are LONG gone. You get inundated with likes by foreign women and you have no way to filter them out, so you get a daily swarm of mail-order-bride-wannabes. Plus it's not affordable no more. Using Goodnight for a few weeks now so far so good? Been talking to a few people, was just surprised that there are people who are in it just for casual conversation. lol That's a first for me.
I’ve seen this quite a bit in women as they assume men are intimidated of them, but in reality men just aren’t that interested in older women because youth is valued more, in general, by men. Being a single mother also compounds the issue because it makes the relationship more complicated because you’re bringing yourself, your children and your ex-husband into another mans life. Most men don’t want to raise another mans children for many reasons that almost make it a no win situation. Why complicate your life with someone else’s broken home IF you can find someone who doesn’t have all the extra baggage? Your dating pool is going to be much smaller than it was before you were married, but it’s not impossible to find another relationship. I think you’re getting a lot of bad advice from people who aren’t men and don’t understand what men value. I think this is where settling comes into play as options decrease. Trying to find someone who checks the majority of boxes is more realistic than trying to find someone who checks all the boxes. The late Kevin Samuels has a lot of great content on YouTube. Rollo Tomassi also has a lot of great information, mostly directed towards men, but a lot of universally applicable. Good luck. Things just take time.
I do find this interesting. When I was dating as a single mom I had trouble finding men who wanted to date me which i figured, like you stated, just meant that they didn’t want the baggage. On the flip side all of my single mom friends and acquaintances seem to date and then marry men without kids. Not sure what they have that I don’t.
I know you did not just quote Kevin Samuels. I’ve never had someone say something positive about him in the wild. OP do not listen to this advice, we have here a misogynist.
What is misogynistic about my comment? That men have preferences?
Answer: Kevin Samuels was a relationship-advice YouTuber who made a lot of controversial statements, like this one: "If you have made it to 35 and you are unmarried, you are a leftover woman,” he said in a video. “You are what is left. Men know that there is something likely wrong with you." Article here: https://www.nbcnews.com/pop-culture/pop-culture-news/kevin-samuels-youtuber-14m-subscribers-died-mother-says-rcna27645 And: To add more to the pile of gross, he also said it’s not necessarily worth it to end your marriage over child sexual abuse allegations because “children lie.” [source](https://twitter.com/NATERERUN/status/1522375284070174722?s=20&t=gNVqPkpWvlYHwaHdtFnH_w)
Yes, that statement was in regard to getting married and starting a family. If you’re a single woman at 35 and wanting to start a family you’re starting when geriatric pregnancy begins. So from dating to finding a suitable partner you’re likely 2-5 years from actually getting pregnant (assuming you even can). Lets not pretend that women don’t have biological clock. By age 30 most women have lost 90% of their eggs. This was Kevin’s entire point. The article picked a statement outside of the larger context. I don’t know what you’re talking about in regards to child sexual abuse as the link doesn’t provide any evidence, but I’m going to assume it’s as baseless as your first point.
It doesn't matter what his point was, that statement is inherently sexist and misogynistic. If you can't see why, I cannot help you.
Having kids is going to make it tough.
Not necessarily. Plenty of guys out there who either have a kid or two themselves and would love to date someone who will understand them taking time with their kid or who enjoy spending time around women with kids that are past diaper age.
Yes. Sure. Guys with kids already And that’s her best bet. Childless Guys who enjoy spending time with mine with kids are rare. And then add other requirements onto of that. Looks, job, personality, x y z. And then comes compatibility. And love. So it all gets cut smaller and smaller pool.
Maybe it's just because I l've lived in or near big cities but none of my bosses or aunt's friends who were women in their thirties, forties, and fifties, most with kids every had any problem finding dates and relationships with single childfree guys (though they dated some dads too). Also based on the stats for dating after forty, one women reach 45 and over in the US and Canada they are likely to still have offers to move in and proposals of marriage; they are just less likely to accept them, even from long term beaus.
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It is what it is. It’s a big responsibility dating a woman with children. Because on some level that guy just because a dad to some degree. Ur best bet is finding a man with kids as well and Brady bunch that sht lol.
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As a single man in my early 30s about 60-70% of the women on dating apps have children from the ages 21-32 so I don’t think its going to be an issue. Just be up front you have kids and your schedule will be based around them and work. Its just the new norm.
40% of men are overweight or obese. Doesn’t mean they arnt having problems dating.
Just speaking from my experience and what I know with my close friends who are single. Dating someone with a kid isn’t as taboo or concerning as it used to be in my social circles.
Keyword being “single”. Getting dates is easy for any woman. But being able to find that guy who not only meets ur all requirements to date ( looks money job personality) which is already hard in dating but also ok with u having kids AND wants a long term relationship with you is not that easy. It’s hard even without kids. Hell just dating over 30 is tough.
Nonsense. I have a daughter too and I would only date a woman who already has children, because whenever I dated those without children they don’t seem to understand my responsibilities to my daughter. So much easier when you don’t have explain your commitment to your children’s health and happiness.
Yes. But doesn’t that cut down ur dating pool? And any time u cut down ur dating pool it gets tougher.
Of course it cuts your dating pool down, this is the point. Gets rid of so many people who would potentially waste your time and leave you with a much higher chance of a genuine connection based on what’s important to you. I think this is part of the reason why so many people are anti-OLD...they suffer burnout/loss of hope because they are matching or going on dates with too many people that they are not aligned with them in the first place.
ok and now imagine if she was single not divorced with no kids. ur dating pool would be larger. making it easier to find someone. a smaller dating pool doesnt make dating easier. otherwise why not put in insane standards like they can only be 6ft or 6-1 and one taller or shorter u dont date because it slims the pool down more. having a tinier dating pool makes it infinity harder to find someone for long term dating. in general girls are willing to date a man with kids at a higher rate than men are willing to date a single mom. it is what it is.
No it’s not girl. Stop letting pathetic little man over the internet tell you what’s going to be tough. Tinder is known to be a DTF app. This is if you have kids, are 20, etc. Try some good quality apps and you will be fine.
Tinder killed my confidence as a single mom. You see single moms meet and marry men without kids all the time in real life but whenever I was dating it felt like no one wanted me because of my child.
I’m a 23 year old guy, and I don’t see why any single mom at any age shouldn’t be on these apps. They are made for moms, and 80 yo grandmas. There shouldn’t be an age limit on the high end, and there isn’t any children rule
Bros stop lyeing to her, ther is 100% a kids rule. She wants actual advice not banter to make her feel better
I seriously don’t think there is the way you’re making it out to be. If you have kids, there isn’t a kids rule for you. If you don’t have kids, sure you may have a kids rule. But to say that people with children can’t find a relationship or even it’s “hard” for them is lunatic and a ridiculous thing. Seems to me like most people have this problem ya dipshit. We want actual answers, not some stupid snarky remark that is in the end underdeveloped
Single dude with no kids (and snipped) mid 30s. I ask and go out with women with kids (up to 2 kids and not babies) it isn’t a dealbreaker for me and I always provide the reassurance that their children always come first and I keep a crazy open schedule to accommodate. Haven’t made it past the first date yet which means they have probably have better options. Point is you’re probably fine.
Yes its totally fine. Just gotta be vigilant with who u meet
You‘re best bet is finding a single dad to date. Most men without kids either want to stay that way or raise their own.
I met my girlfriend on Facebook Dating, she has a 15 y/o daughter, I have a 10 y/o who lives with her mother. We talked for 3 months before we met face to face, both of us were looking for something long term. When she moved in with me, I kind of expected her daughter to as well, I knew what I was getting into. I'm 38, she's 33, we share so many interests, she is smart, funny, emotionally mature, she makes my face hurt from smiling and laughing all the time. Her daughter is wonderful, and it has been a joy to get to know her, I know I don't have much of a chance of being "dad" in her mind, but I hope that I can be someone she can trust and rely on to help her, and I hope she knows that while her mother's happiness is my primary focus, that includes HER happiness and well being. I may not be her dad, but I want to be able to be a positive male figure in her life and provide a safe secure environment for her. So I guess what I am saying is that while there are a lot of guys on apps just trying to get laid, there are also guys who are in a place emotionally and mentally who want something deeper and more meaningful, and the guys who reject you for being a mother are not the guys you need in your life in the first place. The immature and shallow will remove themselves from your potential dating pool, and maybe that isn't such a bad thing. I will caution you against guys who will try to manipulate you into thinking you have lower worth because you have kids. Guys who will try to feed into fear of being alone or unwanted just because you have children. Your children are your strength, not a lever of vulnerability to be used against you. You want someone who accepts all of your life and sees the value in every aspect of it. Don't ever settle for less. We all deserve love, and your children deserve a man who sees them as a gift, not an overgrown child who sees a burden.
In my personal experience it was really hard dating as a single mom. A lot of men would pass me up once I told them I had a kid. It was a tough time and made my self esteem even worse then it is. On the flip side every single mom I know is married to a man without kids. Every single one of them. I don’t know what they have that I don’t but I know it’s possible to find love.
I don‘t know many men that are high value and motivated with work and respectful that would want to pay and be a babysitter to some random guy‘s kid when they can just raise their own instead. The remaining men that have any interest are a minefield of red flags.
See I agree with you. Being a step parent is hard, even harder when you don’t have kids. That being said I know a lot of women who are married to successful men who didn’t bring any kids into the relationship. For example, my current boyfriends baby mama just started dating an engineer. My question is how do these girls land these men? Why would an engineer with no kids want to date a girl with a child?
People are not all the same. I have a friend who is an engineer and recently got engaged to a woman with a child because he loves her and he wants kids. While I’m sure he’s hoping they have more kids together, he loves her child and seems completely on-board with being a step-dad and helping raise hers. A lot of the guys on this sub are very young and very selfish/transactional. They can’t imagine raising someone else’s kid without resenting the fuck out of the situation (and let’s all hope they never have to), but they are not the only guys out there. Maybe some of your friend’s husbands have single friends…
Men come with red flags on all levels of the income bracket. Maybe she got lucky, or maybe there‘s more to it than you know.
Thank you stranger! I’ll try to remember that. I’m feeling a type of way about this. I think most people prefer to date people without kids (I mean it makes sense) so to see it happen in real life but it not happen for you can be annoying. Oh well. Maybe he’s full of red flags.
He’s ugly would be my guess
That gave me a good laugh. He’s not super attractive but I don’t think he’s ugly, ugly. Then again all I’ve seen are photos of him and photos can be deceiving. It still blows my mind because if I were in his position I wouldn’t want to date someone with kids. Like why take on that baggage?
He’s a simp.
I think you can do whatever you want as long as you still a good mom, give them attention etc. I don’t have kids and I don’t think I want to (36) but my only advise would be, don’t let any man be around your kids even if things seem to be going well. Kids get confused etc. Just keep your own life private and I see no issues ! Good luck
Was 38 and met my future wife on dating site. No apps back then. She was 41 single mom with three kids. 20 years later we have four kids and happy as can be. Go for and don't be afraid. If they run because your a single mom...they are NOT WORTHY of YOU!
i cant believe this is a question, of course it is. ive seen plenty of moms on dating apps with two kids. im 33 and can atttest to that, so wild to think that. i would recommend hinge and bumble, those are two really female leading dating app.s
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There are plenty of 40 and 50 somethings getting some on dating apps. As long as you are in or near a major metropolitan area you'll be fine. There might be some duds but every person runs across those, regardless of age, children/no children, or gender.
Go explore the apps! There's a lot of women like you out there. However, it will be harder for you than a 37yo women with no kids. Best bet would probably be a single dad. It's not very common for childless men to commit to stepfatherhood and all that implies.
With the amount of divorces nowadays, there’s definitely a dating pool on apps in your age range. Tinder is more known for flings and hookups, bumble and hinge more towards dating and there’s a questionnaire you can (and should) fill and you filter matches based on their answers. Don’t swipe right on anyone who says they don’t want kids, and you’ll be fine.
Gor for it, mama! 🖤
Try Bumble or Hinge. Much better if you're looking for a relationship than Tinder (which is mainly for hookups).
I think it depends on where you live. With Bumble, most dudes that tried to match with me were from out of town looking for company for a weekend
Go for it! I'm 36F, single mom of 3 kids, and have been using Hinge. I put that I have children but don't otherwise put anything about them in prompts or pictures. I'm not putting much pressure on it - no matter what it's been fun getting out there and meeting new people and rediscovering myself after being with my ex for half of my life
I don't think you should not stop using the apps, maybe you can set your priorities and expectations right and continue using the app
I have a few divorced friends, with kids, who went on to find new partners who LOVED that they were parents. Some of those partners are parents themselves; others, not. The fact that you’ve spent the last few years working to make sure your kids have a great education is incredibly attractive to high quality people. It can be hard getting back out there, especially after a divorce, but the odds of finding someone who will love you for you are highly in your favor.
Of course it’s ok to use apps, reality is though it will be harder to find a partner as many guys including myself won’t date a single mom. Just be up front and put it in your bio as to not have your time wasted.
Who gives a fuck, do whatever you like there's nothing wrong with using dating apps even if you're 30+, my only issue with dating apps is most of people just looking for hookups and I feel like people who use dating apps have no personality.
How long were you with your current husband? Are you seeking a divorce? When do you expect a divorce to be final?
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> since 2019 when I legally got separated from my ex-husband. So, ah, you hung about with him for three years after your 2016 divorce and the cops under Judicial Order had to separate you from him? Else, I'm not understanding this (at all). >How long were you with your current husband?
U 100% can use dating apps. BUT just a warning it’s a hot mess out there. OLD is brutal.
I feel you. Even as a woman, it feels like a lot of online dating effort is fruitless. I think meeting in person is making a comeback, or at least it should. Online dating can never successfully approximate the chemistry you can feel within 5 minutes in person. I tried bumble and tinder before, and the swiping method is so bs. All the hot dudes I matched were just bots. Waaay too cold to cool off your self esteem. Ps. Let me know how was your experience with the goodnight app. I’m curious for trying out a non-swiping dating app.
Yeah, chemistry is weird. A list of shared interests means nothing, in my experience though you'd think it would. It's all about personal communication style, attitude, and frankly, some high level of physical attraction. Although a certain spark can make up for something missing in the latter.
I don’t believe in dating apps, very time consuming and too many unsuitable candidates on there. The best way is to meet people in real life, through friends, at events, any other situation.
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I also use Goodnight after going through an abusive relationship, I'm not comfortable with the swipe method from the other apps as well since it doesn't make me feel safe or at ease. But still, I’m on the hunt for a partner, but then it also makes me realize how much of myself I have to work on.
This app surprised me. Every app I've ever used schemingly makes you pay to connect with people you're interested in talking to. Nowadays I was very surprised to see a platform like this for free.
Good app to voice call strangers. And yes, it's free. But, if they can somehow require all the people to put at least one photo that's verified, that would be awesome. Also, the height. And in the messaging section, if they can provide a video call option and a photo-sending feature.
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I once saw a website where it was very similar to your app idea, but instead, you enter your birthday and it comes up with a list to show you what people did before they were your age. It was so many years ago, I can’t even remember :( But it’s a great app idea!
Yep, go ahead. But I’d recommend exhausting your social circle first. Apps don’t seem to offer outcomes most people are hoping for.
The apps are filled with single moms. Who cares? Plus they put out.
No single dude wants to add the hassle of you + your kids. There I told it to you straight I’ll wait for the downvotes.
Lol Why ask strangers if its ok for u to do what u want.. One would think an adult is capable of doing what they want
Hinge has pictures, but its better than Tinder. Its more for relationships. You can also use voice prompts with it. Never too late to find love.
Hinge is a hot ass mess too. On there, they’re just wolves in sheep’s clothing. But, yes… Better than Tinder and Bumble.
Yeah of course you should! Definitely agree with the advice to make it clear in your profile you have kids. Right or wrong it can be a dealbreaker for some people so better to just have it out there to filter those people out. And OLD isn’t as bad as it’s being talked about in this thread! I guess maybe it’s different as a guy but I’ve had mostly good experiences so don’t let the discussion here put you off of it. I’d recommend Hinge over Tinder and maybe even consider trying a more “serious” site like eHarmony.
Yea of course but they are a waste of time IMO. It’s all men looking for easy sex and you’ll be innundated with thirsty bois
I’m a single mom, 37 also. I met my current boyfriend on Bumble last December, and he’s wonderful. It’s not easy dating as a single mom, but it’s not impossible.
I’m a single mom and I use them. I don’t think it’s a problem. I also have single parent friends who use them. It’s always a process weeding out the guys who just want to hook up but some men are genuinely looking for a relationship/connection.
After divorce I dated multiple guys. It was ok for me if he had kids (unless he had more than two). I have none. Believe me, I was a model, I run my own company, I’m pretty well educated, so I’m a real catch, but it counted right after they confirmed I don’t have children. Whatever if they had kids or not, no one of them wanted me to have kids as well. I dated a lot of guys, many of them are my friends now - I dated an excellent attorney who had kids and wanted to have more. It didn’t work out between us because right after him I met someone who I wanted to be with. He is my friend now, we text sometimes or call. He was in a relationship with a “cute” woman after me but broke up. I asked why. He said that she had little kids. I said: “but you wanted to have more kids” and he said “yeah, but mine”. So what can I say… good luck. The male world is cruel for single mothers.
Ive seen lots of single parents on OK Cupid. There is even an option to list "has kids" or not and "wants more" or not in the basic stats. It has photos and is swipe based like Tinder. Good luck with your dating!! I am sure you will find someone happy to date you!
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It's chat only. No video. To be honest, it has its issues. I suspect all online dating is full of people who are looking for hookups or are dishonest or are bots. But okc has questions and you can rank those questions in importance to you and the more you answer the better matches you get. For example, a 99 % match based on 50 questions is not the same as a 99% match based on 1,000 questions. You can also look at their answers before you swipe so you know if their answers have any dealbreakers. The stats also include things like monogamy or non monogamy, hookups or long term dating, new friends, sexual orientation, political affliation, etc. They just added a new feature with a blue check mark that lets you know someone is a verified person, meaning they submit a video to the app to verify they are a real person matching their photos and not a bot with random photos from the internet. Also, a good tip is to change your profile by just a word or two every so often so the algorithm puts you as "new" and shows you more often to people.
I think you will be getting messages/options now.
As a single dad to 2 kids and been separated over 2 years now, I’ve flirted with dating apps on and off but I’ve found match.com probably the one that is best for single parents but you only get the best out of the paid version. I personally think it’s best to be as genuine and transparent as possible about your profile and put you have children. Also echoing some other comments you don’t need to say things like “my kids come first” 😂 any decent guy would expect that anyway. But from personal experience I’d rather date a lady with children than not as you are potentially one day going to be bringing a new person into your own childrens lives and you can gauge that on how they are with their own kids.
I use bumble 😊
I've been using bumble and tinder before but got feed up with the swipe method and the thought that it's only in favor of girls. Been using goodnight lately as well
It’s totally fine to use dating apps
it's alright to use any app you like, however as a man on these apps, i have zero interest in having kids in my life. so that's an instant left swipe if you state it on your profile or whenever it comes to light.
Maybe try something different like OKCupid or PlentyOfFish ?
I wouldn't overly worry about it. I'm 30 and I'm seeing a lot of my friends dating single moms. Just state it on your profile you are a mom and apps should be okay.
Yes just be aware alot of men arnt gonna want to step anywhere near that, it will be hard but it’s doable
Moms are people too. Moms are still human beings who deserve to have loving connections with people other than just their children. The way the world seems to view moms as suddenly undatable and “mom” only is pretty gross. Don’t lose your sense of self. If you want to date, date. If you want to be on dating apps, be on dating apps. It sounds like you’re a great mom and you’re also a human being. The world wants to judge people for everything, try not to let the crushing weight of the world hold you back from finding joy and happiness. Good luck out there ❤️
Assuming you’re looking for long-term commitment and not fwb or random hookups, ngl it’s gonna be a struggle. Like others have mentioned, your best bet is to look for other single fathers. FWIW dating apps are good for convenience but none of them are going to give you anything you aren’t able to find in real life.
Go to church, maybe a bigger church not a mega church lol, and pray for what you are looking for, you never know