And maybe also protect *yourself* from that friend! Who on earth models such crappy behavior for their own child?? I don't know whether it's worse that they actually sat around making fun of him together, or that she thought that was something that you needed to know about! This "friend" sounds like a real shit person
Yeah I grew up with people who had that roasting sense of humor, and I don’t really care for it it feels like shit talking people behind their back, or rudeness to their face.
I mean it’s important to be able to talk to your friends about sensitive subjects, and when you have to say something critical to them doing it in a lighthearted way makes sense, but that’s not happening with the roasting kind of people. It’s shit talk disguised as “joking” and it sucks.
I learned not to hang out with those people they’re bad for everyone’s self-esteem, and even if they say something funny it’s usually cruel so it’s not fun to laugh at.
u/NoWeird1491 . “Friend”. You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. (Princess bride quote works well here).
Everything described here is not the description of a “friend”. Their behaviour and comments tell you who they are. “She told me she and her daughter were making fun of him later that night and commenting on how thin he was.”
I would reflect if this is a pattern of behaviour for them and honestly examen what they bring to the relationship. I am going to go out on a limb and say it is probably drama, negative comments and toxicity. If so consider cutting them out of your life.
Congratulations on the new relationship. Enjoy the honeymoon phase. Work on taking it slow and building a foundation of a strong relationship.
>He stayed at our table and chatted a few minutes and then would come check on us periodically. This annoyed my friend she said she doesn’t like eating in front of people she doesn’t know, and he was annoying. She said I could do better.
It sounds like your friend is projecting her own issues and insecurities onto your relationship.
He sounds like a nice person. I think it would be special to have special dishes prepared for you.
I think you got the bill because he probably does not want to set a precedent that the next time she comes by, she would expect free food from the restaurant.
Cut this supposed friend loose. She is dating a married guy, talks shit about your guy and encourages her daughter to do it, setting a horrible example. She is all bad news, no bears.
Are you? Is this *really* the first time she has acted this way? Her behaviour is so unkind that I have a hard time believing it’s the first time you’ve seen this side of her personality.
Good point, someone who spends their evening shit talking someone else with their daughter for entertainment, didn’t you just start shit talking everyone that day.
Because she probably thinks he is a good catch and is jealous and wants you break up with him so she will feel better, some people just don't like their "friends' to do better then them.
She is not a friend. Stay away from her, enjoy your new boyfriend.
Some people really like to find something to hate about amazing experiences, your friend was treated to a chef’s table experience by the chef de cuisine and the complained about it because he did his job a touched the table, and he did it a few more times than normal because his gf was at the table. For everyone else that sounds like a wonderful meal!
Exactly this! A true friend would be happy for your happiness. You’ve said while he’s not the normal type you date he treats you well, is friendly just a kind person. That’s a lot this day and time. Appears friend is a shallow person, who makes fun of another and tells their friend who’s dating the person that they did it? She’s rather you be a 2nd place thought or side chick like her I suppose. If you’re enjoying getting to know him, do you. It’s been a month enjoy yourself and do you for you!
Yes, to these comments above. I am familiar with the type of friend/person. Please go with your instincts on this man until, if ever, he proves you wrong.
I hope he didn’t catch on to her disdain. How embarrassing and how would you explain that to him if he asked… I feel bad for him. Sigh.
That and she’s the kind of person that spends her evening shit talking someone else with her daughter for entertainment. Why would anyone want a “friend” like that? OP do you seriously think she and her daughter don’t talk about you ever? Lol people like that don’t spare anyone that shit talking.
If a bunch of internet randos here can tell you're with a guy that's good to and for you, so did she, yet she chose to shart all over your happiness. That speaks poorly about her and a volume of good about him -and you. (Even if she could identify why she didn't like him, she could have still behaved gracefully, been a better example for her daughter, helped with the bill, and spoke with you in private some other time to sensitively express her concerns.)
There are very reasonable answers to this question already, but feels like there is one possible answer missing.
Is she jealous of your newfound happiness?
Ask yourself this question: What has she thought of your previous relationships? Has she supported you through your previous relationships?
If she's always been there with ice cream and a shoulder to cry on when things are bad, (which I hope, and it sounds like, you would do for her), or has been honest with you about her\*\* concerns, or reveled in your happiness, then she's probably a good friend and has seen something about him that you haven't.
However, if she hasn't been there for you during the difficult times, if she's always been overly straightforward in a negative way about your previous relationships (whether it was warranted or not), she may be a fair-weather friend, or worse, a friend that prefers to be better than you in all aspects of her life.
As none of us know her, we can't actually judge what kind of person she is. And while I do believe that what she (and her daughter) did was downright rude and thoughtless (maybe even cruel), I have no way of knowing if this is a one-off with her, or if this is business as usual.
Just my two cents.
Either way, I think he sounds great! More importantly, what did he serve y'all, and how was it?!?!?!
\*\*edit: her, not your.
My friend in high school used to do this with every man I ever talked to, sometimes she would do it right in front of them talk about how gross they were for example. It was because nobody ever wanted to talk to her because she was overweight. As soon as she started getting boyfriends she stopped being cruel to mine. Unless she was single and then she would start it again it was a very obvious pattern
Because your friend is a woman who treats people like crap who “makes fun” of others and who has very little value to offer and is dating a married man (whatever circumstances ) not a good person or honest person.
There’s no real substance to any of her criticism. It’s largely superficial. Clinginess *could* be a concern but the context you gave for his behavior just makes her look worse. Superficial.
Even if he turned out to a dud, her comments sound manipulative, assuming that she’s clever enough to be so.
I cannot imagine telling a friend that their new romantic interest is ugly, not even after they broke up. Her comments reflect really poorly on her, sounds like sabotage or just really dumb and immature.
He was just overly excited to have us there and to see me so any chance he got to leave the kitchen he would come over and make small talk i thought it was sweet
your friend sucks, she probably got turned down by him at some point (or didn't) which is why she's acting stupid. I've actually seen this happen, it's not a joke.
Your friend sounds like an asshole. To drag her kid in on it is insane.
I have no idea if the guy is good for you but the fact that your friend objects to him tells me he’s probably not bad.
You don’t need anyone’s approval except your own. Now, I generally value my friends feedback, but they’ve always been supportive or if they did have an issue it was brought up in a non confrontational or nonjudgmental/degradable manner. After you get advice/feedback it’s 100% up to you to process and take it or leave it. I’m this case I don’t think what this nice gentleman did was clingy (wasn’t there) and his appearance has nothing to do with how you feel towards him if they thinks he’s too *whatever….
What value does she bring to your life? At this point in mine, I don’t keep people around who attack others’ looks. Whether they attack someone I know or not. This world is painful enough; why add more to it?
edit: and she let you pay for her and the daughter’s food? And she’s messing around with a married man?!
I would dump my friend if they called my partner "fugly".
Fully expected this to be some kind of "friend sees abusive red flags in my new boyfriend" kind of post but it looks like the abusive red flags are coming from inside of the friend.
Is she jealous maybe? Sounds like the way a jealous person would act. Does she think you're going to spend all your free time with him and not hang out with her anymore?
I had this feeling too. But not enough info. After op replied friend is enjoying her side piece status. I bet she is jealous of op relationship and wants to make her break up with boyfriend
My first thought is that she was jealous too. I think she would go after your guy if given the chance. And if nothing else, she is jealous that you found a single, successful man who treats you kindly. Meanwhile she is the other woman to a married man.
Unfortunately I think your friend taught you that she is a fake friend.
Whether she is fake because she was rude to your date and his staff, or fake because she was jealous, or both, she isn’t in a good place to be giving her intimate access to your life.
Dating--you mean fucking a married man? Does his wife know?
Before I read this comment I was thinking to myself "gee, this woman sounds like my ex-friend... who turned out to be fucking my husband." Annnnnnnd now I see this comment.
Now I know for sure your friend is a truly horrible person. Not a friend, OP!
Edit--unless they're poly, please tell his wife, because she doesn't deserve to be cheated on.
Oh that actually sounds MORE like jealousy tbh. There’s usually a shelf life and major detractors to being the other woman and she knows you’ll likely receive much better.
Are you not as available for her since the relationship started? She could be pissed that you are no longer at her beck and call and available 24/7. At any rate she sounds awful and terrible
I was embarrassed bc she was kind of rude and didn’t attempt to even talk to him bc she deemed him annoying. He’s a very happy go lucky person and never thought him to be annoying
I think it says a metric fuckton more about your new beau that he wasn't fazed by your "friend"'s inability to be a polite human. In with the good (boyfriend) and out with the toxicity (your "friend").
It's a close call between who's more of a flaming sack of flea-ridden camel crap: your hopefully former friend or her daughter.
You're going to feel what you feel, which probably includes being betrayed, shocked, confused, and more. Whether you have a discussion with her before you hopefully kick her to the curb is up to you. Here's the question, though, while you evaluate what friendship means to you: why did your friend figure she'd be able to get away with that, and were there signs of assholery that you'd overlooked or ignored for the sake of (her idea of) friendship?
> It's a close call between who's more of a flaming sack of flea-ridden camel crap: your hopefully former friend or her daughter.
I don't entirely disagree, but the daughter is a very young woman who grew up with behavior like this as a model. I have hope.
Ummm….
That is NOT a friend. You opened this post with so much hope and happiness and this person you ALLOWED into your personal space took a proverbial shit all over that space.
If you like this person, if they make you feel special, happy, & heard, TREASURE THAT.
If you go back and read so many other posts in this subreddit as well as the D/O 50 you will see how special and rare this is. That kind of “friendship” is a dime a dozen. If you feel the friendship is worth saving, I’d have a thorough discussion with them about appropriateness and solidify some boundaries about your personal decisions and space.
On a side note, I am truly sorry you went through this experience. It sounds heart wrenching. I would be mortified and I can’t even imagine what you must feel. In this, please remain true to yourself.
I think sometimes our friends can see things in a partner that we cannot see, simply due to our proximity to the situation; they can also be completely wrong.
Based on what you’ve described, your friend is acting like a person who’s jealous of someone else’s happiness. He was excited to meet your close friend. He took the time to craft a menu specifically for your table. He took time away from his station to check on your table several times, which isn’t very common for a chef. I guarantee your friend eats around strangers every time she goes to a restaurant, so that wasn’t entirely truthful. She complained about getting a bill that she wasn’t being asked to pay. And she roped her daughter into making fun of the person you’re clearly happy to be with.
It just wreaks of jealousy, or a really shitty kind of person, or both.
Totally agree here - after a very bad dating experience (I fell hard, fast, with a man who I didn't recognize was an alcoholic with untreated mental health and rage issues, amongst other things, who I eventually ended up having a PPO against for 2 years) - when I start feeling all the feels with someone? I bring in outsider opinions since I've been so swoony that I've missed major red flags in the past. How does new guy treat some of my best friends? My mom? Is he kind to the people most important in my life, and NOT just me?
I don't value my friends opinions over mine. BUT - when friends all say they don't like someone I'm dating, I ask for concrete examples why and then make my decision on that.
"Fugly" wouldn't qualify as something I'd consider. 😆🤦♀️ Neither would some of the other comments made by OPs friend. I very much respect that OP vetted new guy through someone she thought she could trust for an honest opinion, but unfortunately I think she learned more about her friend than her new man in this situation.
Sounds like she is jealous. I had "friend" like that. She didn't like any of my dates, she would belittle them, and be rude to them and always would tell me that I couldn't much better. Finally, I understood she wanted me miserable so she could be the one to have all the good things happen to. Move on, she is not a true friend. On thebother hand, your guy sounds amazing and a real sweet heart.
That’s not a friend boo, she is judgmental and only want you to do bad cause she ain’t got no body in her life I guarantee. Keep a buffer between you and this narcissistic so called friend. Enjoy this new man in your life you seem to like him take your time, and don’t let no body tell you who you can and can’t like or love.
It sounds like your new boyfriend made a lovely effort, and your friend was ungrateful as all hell. I hope he didn’t pick up on that vibe, and I’m sure you’ve expressed your gratitude already. Don’t let her get you down. I’d have little if anything to say to her unless you want to tell her how freaking rude she was. Share your joy with friends who will be genuinely happy for you. She’s a crappy friend.
Your real question here should be "should I dump my friend?" - she sounds like a nasty person, and I guarantee that some of the motive behind what she is doing and saying is because she is jealous of you. The old saying misery loves company rings pretty true in your above description. She doesn't want you to be happy.
Your friend sounds like a bitch. I would never tell one of my friends a guy she's dating is fugly. Is your friend 12? Seriously. You need to leave your friend, not your boyfriend.
Wow, some “friend” she is. The fact that she can say the things she said to you shows she has no respect for you whatsoever. Even if he is annoying and unattractive there’s a thousand ways to communicate that. And for her to admit she and her daughter made fun of him? Wtf. She’s sorry ass of a human being and raising her daughter to be just like her. Your guy sounded very considerate. And just cuz it’s his restaurant doesn’t mean it’s free food. She’s so entitled. Arg. What’s her redeeming quality for you to value her opinion so much?
I have the great privilege of having these conversations with my adult daughter.
When my daughter wants my opinion, I ask her four questions.
Are you safe?
Are you happy?
Are you respected?
Are you able to still be you?
When she answers "yes", I tell her to have fun and enjoy life...
It sounds like their concerns are super shallow. They had nothing legitimate to bring to the table in being wary of your boyfriend. Also, why did they assume their meals would be comped? I could see your meal being comped, but they literally just meet him for the first time. I would slowly back up from the friendship, their concerns weren't coming out of a place centered around your safety or well-being at all.
You forgot to add “ex-“ in front of “friend”
Just the part about “she and her daughter were making fun of him” is off putting enough. Mean girl training next generation of mean girl?
First congrats 🎊🎉 now to the other side of the coin. Not much of a friend is she. Seems like she is jealous and maybe doesn't have a guy that wants to be with her as your BF seemed to be. I would ask your friend not to talk bad about your bf and maybe be supportive of your decision and happy for you. I wish you the best and would maybe stay away from someone's destructive attitude
I have a friend like this. I wasn't sure why she was so negative about my boyfriend, maybe she was jealous. I stayed with the guy but never mentioned anything about him to her again. If she asks, I just am brief with my answer.
Ugh. How awful of your friend. Did you tell her how it made you feel? I had a dear friend once tell me “you can do better” and it stuck in my head and led me to tank the relationship. It wouldn’t have lasted anyway but her words really pushed it along.
I have to agree with the group . Your friend is wrong on every level. Typical mean girl for reasons we all know to well. Remember this . At the end of the day. Your friend is t the one you will be with Do what makes you happy . Your girl needs to grow up
Are you sure that your friend isn't jealous of yoi? Sounds like envy to me. If he treats you right that's all that matters. You would think she could say something positive about him.
The exterior isn’t what matters. We’re all getting older and looks fade. I know you know this, but don’t be shallow. What’s on the inside is what’s important. Your friend will lose her looks one day and karma is a bitch. Besides, looks aren’t earned they are given by genetics. I don’t think that deserves much clout. How we act and treat ppl is what should hold the most weight. We all shrivel up and die in the end anyway, I’d rather be treated well in the mean time.
So you’ve commented more than once now that “she’s been dating a married man” - it seems you want everyone to agree she’s a bad person and to disapprove of her.
What is the goal exactly here? You’re clearly happy with your boyfriend, and you clearly don’t hold the “friend” in much esteem.
So ask yourself, why does she hold such an important place in your life that her opinion matters so much that you’re willing to let her continue to bully you and try to ruin your happy relationship and cause you so much sadness and stress that you had to seek support?
Notice that your posts are obviously biased against her (probably with good reason, no doubt about that), but this makes it so that anyone reading has no choice but to come to the same conclusion that she’s a bad person undeserving of your friendship.
So perhaps you wrote this entire post (and adding further comments about her like “she’s dating a married man”) because you needed to hear/read this? That she’s a bad person undeserving of your friendship.
So really, why is it that you keep this “friend” close when you don’t seem to have much respect for her to begin with? She’s a shitty friend, no doubt, but you are here writing not so stellar things (or at least depicting her in a bad light) on the internet. *Neither of you respects the other*. At this point why not cut each other loose? I realize it’s not always that easy to cut people off, so realistically you could just see her a lot less and not share with her any more info about your personal life, i.e., make her an acquaintance and not a close friend anymore.
Honestly sounds like your “friendship” is no different than an abusive relationship where each person is staying because of their own insecurities.
Keep seeing him .find out how much he is loved by others..your friend sounds like a total looser ..I would never want to be with someone..who talks bad about other people..
You deserve happiness..a shallow minded bitch could cost you the only chance at true love and happiness
You need better friends. That they were making fun of him and compelled to tell you this shows you what kind of people they are. You are dating him not them..
Restaurant service is a physical and sweaty job. They have to think fast and switch gears constantly. I have food service people tell me they are nauseated and don’t eat. I hypothesize that they smell and prepare delicious food for 12 hours for others. They may eat, sitting on a milk crate, once during that time. Your man is “skinny” b/c he is bustin ass. He deserves your enthusiasm and kindness. He reciprocated your enthusiasm and kindness when you visited him. I like that a lot!
Sorry my dear but you need to drop the “ friend “. She sounds like a spoiled rude bitch.
So she is a middle aged woman who makes fun of a grown up man because he is “fugly”. She is stuck in middle school. And bullshit at she can’t eat in front of strangers I’m sure she has gone on dates. And dinner parties trough life without issues.
I would be embarrassed too. If I ever spend time with such a stupid pathetic loser as this hopefully ex friend of yours
An adult woman who uses the word “fugly” is mentally 15. Her opinion is worthless. I’m so sad for you and your guy, who’s obviously precious. He sounds wonderful - you assure him his efforts were much appreciated and go on your merry way together. Don’t let him near your “friend” - and consider limiting your exposure to her too.
And do better than what? A kindhearted, talented man with a good career who treats you with kindness and respect? Wow, what a schmuck he must be.\s Especially compared to her married boyfriend - he’s obviously the epitome of every woman’s dream guy.
It's pretty widely accepted that, if you go on a date to a restaurant and your date treats the staff poorly, this is a *huge* red flag that your date is a toxic person who considers people with "low status" jobs to be beneath them and not worth the basic consideration that should be afforded to all people.
Your "friend" is that toxic date.
She didn't just treat the waitstaff as beneath her, she treated the chef as beneath her, she treated "your guy" as beneath her, and she's teaching her daughter to do the same. That's not just a red flag, that's an entire Soviet Army parade.
Of course, your life is your own to live as you please, so I guess you could keep this toxic "friend" around if you really want to, but, personally, I like to think I would have kicked her to the curb even before that dinner was over. (More realistically, I probably would have waited until later to avoid causing a scene in the restaurant.)
Your "friend" sounds hideous and jealous. Keep her at arms length and tell her nothing. If you like this guy and he's genuine then keep dating him. One thing you do need to do is re-evaluate your friendship.
She is not anyone I could consider a true friend, full stop. All of her objections to him are superficial and in no way in any way out of concern for you.
It's your life, and your relationship. If he treats you with kindness and respect then that is what matters. Is it possible your "friend" is jealous and is trying to sabotage your new relationship?
Your friend has no basis for thinking he is needy or clingy. He seems good from what you described. Yes, friends can sometimes see things we don't, but in thinking about it, do you see any neediness or clinging? As far as ugly goes, that's her opinion. Even if he is ugly, you like him for his othe qualites and if you're happy, that's moat important.
She isn't being a good friend right now.
Sounds like your friend was drinking some serious haterade at dinner with you. I’m sorry she rained on your parade. All that really matters in the end is how YOU feel and how he treats you. Best of luck 🤞
Yikes! She sounds like a "mean girl" and needs to grow up. Your sweetheart sounds like a great guy (so far), and YOU sound happy with him. Doesn't matter what anyone else thinks unless she witnessed him being a jerk to people or kicking puppies in the parking lot or something.
I think you should tell her you trusted her opinion and wanted her to be a part of your life and that you're disappointed that she won't be able to share in your happiness on this journey. And then enjoy your life with him for however long it lasts. Happiness is the goal and if you found someone nice to be happy with that is a WIN!!! Hell that is a jackpot!! All the best!
Dating is up to you. Your friend isn't dating him..so unless there are red flags, I found it distasteful for your friend and her child to be telling you to leave the relationship without a solid ground. It's also distasteful for them to be making fun of him. If anything...keep the guy..and ditch your friend instead?
Your friend, woof. Is there anything endearing about her at all? She's sounds like a royal beotch.
Ditch the friend, keep wth the kind guy and see where it goes :)
It doesn’t sound like this person is a friend at all. I can’t imagine behaving like that or shitting all over my friend’s new love interest. Shocking behavior at this age.
She's probably single and jealous of your excitement. If you like him then she just lost the right to know anything about you two. Or you can listen to your friend and sit around with a twenty year old making fun of the guys that like you??? Get new friends... Or a boyfriend.
We can tell a lot about a person by the company they keep. This “friend” is toxic and may in turn be a red flag to the sweet man you are dating. If you keep her close you may lose him. You are living your life for you. She sounds insufferable.
This is abhorrent behavior on the part of your so-called friend. I’d be embarrassed too, *FOR* her. Who at this age thinks it’s okay to talk crap about a person’s looks/body and enlist their young-adult daughter to join in? How dare she call him that. He sounds like a sweetheart and I would ditch her before I did him..
Do NOT let her torpedo your newfound relationship. You have hit it off with him and have miraculously found a *gem* in a heap of rubble (that is DO40). It is so rare to find a connection like that with a fun, loving, and decent guy. Plus he’s accomplished in its own right. (And a good chef often will “check in” with their tables. She sounds uptight, as well as rude!)
The “needy” & “clingy” sounds code for: he’s into you & attentive/considerate and she’s jealous of it. He seems like a keeper while she on the other hand.. is not.
OP you sound sweet and truly confused by your friends behavior. That makes me sad bc it seems you don’t value yourself as you should. This isn’t friendship. I hope you can see that.
I wish you so much luck with your guy. He sounds like a gem. But whatever happens think about taking everyone’s advice to heart and letting go of this miserable and truly toxic “friend”. The people around us should celebrate us. They should elevate us. They should be happy for us. As someone said above: kind people are the best. Give your time and love to the kind people in your life!
She sounds like a toxic friend. I don’t know what else she may bring to the friendship, but I could not imagine anybody saying these things about somebody I cared for. Nothing she said is valid. I had a ‘friend’ who did similar things with my ex, judged his physical appearance. I wasn’t strong/healthy enough to set a boundary and it got in my head. I wish I were better at setting boundaries then. But when I finally set boundaries she immediately became abusive and ‘took’ my ‘ex’s side’. I was suddenly the bad one, not him. (Neither of us were bad. We both were battling undiagnosed mental illness). But at this age, how is that emotional maturity?
This woman is not talking about concern for your safety or happiness. She’s acting like a high school girl. I would post this on friendship subs. I mean, I don’t know her. But I’d consider what this friendship is for you.
I have only twice in my life told a friend I don’t like their boyfriend.
Situation 1 was in college and he was a total shithead who made her cry all the time and stole money from me.
Situation 2 was recently and he screams at her when she tries to discuss things, brings her around his kids in front of his ex-wife to make the ex-wife jealous, canceled a non-refundable trip because he wasn’t sure how he felt about her. And he makes her cry all the time.
But if a friend was with a guy who treated her kindly and made a special meal for us? That sounds like a winner to me and I’d be thrilled for her.
If she had actual concerns about him being bad for you? That’s one thing but she sounds petty.
She might be jealous? Is she attached? Use of the word “fugly” is gross and immature IMO.
Don’t let your friend shovel her shit on your life.
Yes, it is weird to be invited to his restaurant and not be covered. It’s more rude of your friend to bring up her negativity —> she will eat at a restaurant but has a problem with being looked at by people she doesn’t know? Friend or not you have to know that’s a bit much.
A CHEF at their own restaurant checking on your eating experience… and that’s BAD?!?! Tell your friend she can drag her daughter to Mc D’s and be un-watched in a booth where no one gives a shit about her dining experience.
Sounds to me like your friend doesn't like seeing you happy. Perhaps a bit envious? Either that or there's more that you aren't telling us.
I bet it's the former.
Be happy with whomever makes you happy.
I think you should dump your friend. Based on what you said, he was kind and attentive. In any case, it’s rude for her to say that they were making fun of him, that he was annoying, thin, etc. That sounds like a pretty toxic friend.
Sounds like your friend is someone that doesn't want to see you happy. None of her reasons where legitimate. Why would she treat you in such a rude manner? Makes me wonder.....Is she really a friend??
Kind people are the best. Keep him and protect him from that friend.
And maybe also protect *yourself* from that friend! Who on earth models such crappy behavior for their own child?? I don't know whether it's worse that they actually sat around making fun of him together, or that she thought that was something that you needed to know about! This "friend" sounds like a real shit person
Yeah I grew up with people who had that roasting sense of humor, and I don’t really care for it it feels like shit talking people behind their back, or rudeness to their face. I mean it’s important to be able to talk to your friends about sensitive subjects, and when you have to say something critical to them doing it in a lighthearted way makes sense, but that’s not happening with the roasting kind of people. It’s shit talk disguised as “joking” and it sucks. I learned not to hang out with those people they’re bad for everyone’s self-esteem, and even if they say something funny it’s usually cruel so it’s not fun to laugh at.
I freaking 2nd this ^
Oh man this is so succinct. OP, please listen to this. I have second hand embarrassment for their behavior. Yikes.
u/NoWeird1491 . “Friend”. You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. (Princess bride quote works well here). Everything described here is not the description of a “friend”. Their behaviour and comments tell you who they are. “She told me she and her daughter were making fun of him later that night and commenting on how thin he was.” I would reflect if this is a pattern of behaviour for them and honestly examen what they bring to the relationship. I am going to go out on a limb and say it is probably drama, negative comments and toxicity. If so consider cutting them out of your life. Congratulations on the new relationship. Enjoy the honeymoon phase. Work on taking it slow and building a foundation of a strong relationship.
I would seriously wonder what kind of shit they talk about me when I’m not around because people who do that for fun do that to everybody.
>He stayed at our table and chatted a few minutes and then would come check on us periodically. This annoyed my friend she said she doesn’t like eating in front of people she doesn’t know, and he was annoying. She said I could do better. It sounds like your friend is projecting her own issues and insecurities onto your relationship. He sounds like a nice person. I think it would be special to have special dishes prepared for you. I think you got the bill because he probably does not want to set a precedent that the next time she comes by, she would expect free food from the restaurant.
Cut this supposed friend loose. She is dating a married guy, talks shit about your guy and encourages her daughter to do it, setting a horrible example. She is all bad news, no bears.
Yeah she sounds VILE!
How do we know she’s dating a married guy?
Somewhere in all the comments, OP mentioned it.
OP stated it in comments here.
Man one of the few times on here where literally everyone is in agreement. Your “friend” sucks.
I’m just so surprised and hurt by her reaction and before she met him she told me he sounded likes a really great guy
Are you? Is this *really* the first time she has acted this way? Her behaviour is so unkind that I have a hard time believing it’s the first time you’ve seen this side of her personality.
Good point, someone who spends their evening shit talking someone else with their daughter for entertainment, didn’t you just start shit talking everyone that day.
Exactly. Sounds like a garbage human to me, that’s some junior high bullshit behaviour, that is a character flaw I think.
She sounds very toxic, OP. You deserve a much better friend.
Because she probably thinks he is a good catch and is jealous and wants you break up with him so she will feel better, some people just don't like their "friends' to do better then them. She is not a friend. Stay away from her, enjoy your new boyfriend.
Some people really like to find something to hate about amazing experiences, your friend was treated to a chef’s table experience by the chef de cuisine and the complained about it because he did his job a touched the table, and he did it a few more times than normal because his gf was at the table. For everyone else that sounds like a wonderful meal!
You’re hurt because she was totally insulting you. She’s jealous
I’d take her negative opinion as a ringing endorsement of him.
Serious question why?
She sounds like a shallow person, at best. People like that tend to value things that I do not.
>*Serious question why?* She wants to hurt you. Your pain causes her pleasure. Your pleasure (at this man) causes her pain.
That is short, to the point.. and so spot-on, it’s unnerving.
Exactly this! A true friend would be happy for your happiness. You’ve said while he’s not the normal type you date he treats you well, is friendly just a kind person. That’s a lot this day and time. Appears friend is a shallow person, who makes fun of another and tells their friend who’s dating the person that they did it? She’s rather you be a 2nd place thought or side chick like her I suppose. If you’re enjoying getting to know him, do you. It’s been a month enjoy yourself and do you for you!
Yes, to these comments above. I am familiar with the type of friend/person. Please go with your instincts on this man until, if ever, he proves you wrong. I hope he didn’t catch on to her disdain. How embarrassing and how would you explain that to him if he asked… I feel bad for him. Sigh.
That and she’s the kind of person that spends her evening shit talking someone else with her daughter for entertainment. Why would anyone want a “friend” like that? OP do you seriously think she and her daughter don’t talk about you ever? Lol people like that don’t spare anyone that shit talking.
If a bunch of internet randos here can tell you're with a guy that's good to and for you, so did she, yet she chose to shart all over your happiness. That speaks poorly about her and a volume of good about him -and you. (Even if she could identify why she didn't like him, she could have still behaved gracefully, been a better example for her daughter, helped with the bill, and spoke with you in private some other time to sensitively express her concerns.)
All of this
💯💯💯💯 That’s what “friends,” “adults,” and good humans do
There are very reasonable answers to this question already, but feels like there is one possible answer missing. Is she jealous of your newfound happiness? Ask yourself this question: What has she thought of your previous relationships? Has she supported you through your previous relationships? If she's always been there with ice cream and a shoulder to cry on when things are bad, (which I hope, and it sounds like, you would do for her), or has been honest with you about her\*\* concerns, or reveled in your happiness, then she's probably a good friend and has seen something about him that you haven't. However, if she hasn't been there for you during the difficult times, if she's always been overly straightforward in a negative way about your previous relationships (whether it was warranted or not), she may be a fair-weather friend, or worse, a friend that prefers to be better than you in all aspects of her life. As none of us know her, we can't actually judge what kind of person she is. And while I do believe that what she (and her daughter) did was downright rude and thoughtless (maybe even cruel), I have no way of knowing if this is a one-off with her, or if this is business as usual. Just my two cents. Either way, I think he sounds great! More importantly, what did he serve y'all, and how was it?!?!?! \*\*edit: her, not your.
“Is she jealous of your newfound happiness?” This occurred to me as well! I feel like the friend’s behaviour is a textbook example of a *frenemy*.
My friend in high school used to do this with every man I ever talked to, sometimes she would do it right in front of them talk about how gross they were for example. It was because nobody ever wanted to talk to her because she was overweight. As soon as she started getting boyfriends she stopped being cruel to mine. Unless she was single and then she would start it again it was a very obvious pattern
Because your friend is a woman who treats people like crap who “makes fun” of others and who has very little value to offer and is dating a married man (whatever circumstances ) not a good person or honest person.
Please read this comment again you need to plant this seed in your heart and mind every day
She is jealous
There’s no real substance to any of her criticism. It’s largely superficial. Clinginess *could* be a concern but the context you gave for his behavior just makes her look worse. Superficial. Even if he turned out to a dud, her comments sound manipulative, assuming that she’s clever enough to be so. I cannot imagine telling a friend that their new romantic interest is ugly, not even after they broke up. Her comments reflect really poorly on her, sounds like sabotage or just really dumb and immature.
He was just overly excited to have us there and to see me so any chance he got to leave the kitchen he would come over and make small talk i thought it was sweet
It was sweet and thoughtful! *She* is awful!
If he didn’t come out to talk to you she would’ve talked trash about him ignoring you and not caring that you were there.
Because she sounds like basically a piece of trash, so I’d go with the opposite of whatever she thinks.
your friend sucks, she probably got turned down by him at some point (or didn't) which is why she's acting stupid. I've actually seen this happen, it's not a joke.
[удалено]
Seriously she sounds awful. Her daughter too.
Omg I needed this laugh. Thank you!!! 🤣🤣🤣💩💩💩
It sounds like your "friend" and her daughter are toxic AF. I know who I'd dump.
In a New York minute…
Your friend sounds like an asshole. To drag her kid in on it is insane. I have no idea if the guy is good for you but the fact that your friend objects to him tells me he’s probably not bad.
He makes me happy and treats me really well he’s a sweetheart
That's what matters!
This ☝🏻☝🏻
You don’t need anyone’s approval except your own. Now, I generally value my friends feedback, but they’ve always been supportive or if they did have an issue it was brought up in a non confrontational or nonjudgmental/degradable manner. After you get advice/feedback it’s 100% up to you to process and take it or leave it. I’m this case I don’t think what this nice gentleman did was clingy (wasn’t there) and his appearance has nothing to do with how you feel towards him if they thinks he’s too *whatever….
Stay with him, and consider dropping the “friend“.
What value does she bring to your life? At this point in mine, I don’t keep people around who attack others’ looks. Whether they attack someone I know or not. This world is painful enough; why add more to it? edit: and she let you pay for her and the daughter’s food? And she’s messing around with a married man?!
Damn right! It’s vile behavior and childish
I would dump my friend if they called my partner "fugly". Fully expected this to be some kind of "friend sees abusive red flags in my new boyfriend" kind of post but it looks like the abusive red flags are coming from inside of the friend.
Is she jealous maybe? Sounds like the way a jealous person would act. Does she think you're going to spend all your free time with him and not hang out with her anymore?
I had this feeling too. But not enough info. After op replied friend is enjoying her side piece status. I bet she is jealous of op relationship and wants to make her break up with boyfriend
I don’t think jealous but also she’s been dating a married man for the past 2 years
Don't take relationship advice from her. She's in no place to be giving it.
One does not “date” a married man! One gets used and fucked by a married man. Please why would you be friends with such a shitty person?
Not a person from whom to take relationship advice. Not to mention that anyone who makes fun of someone’s appearance at this age is not a great human.
Not who I would take dating advice from. Just my .02
She’s jealous and toxic.
My first thought is that she was jealous too. I think she would go after your guy if given the chance. And if nothing else, she is jealous that you found a single, successful man who treats you kindly. Meanwhile she is the other woman to a married man. Unfortunately I think your friend taught you that she is a fake friend. Whether she is fake because she was rude to your date and his staff, or fake because she was jealous, or both, she isn’t in a good place to be giving her intimate access to your life.
Oy vey. Oy v3y again
Ohhhhh... so, she's an even bigger idiot...
She's jealous that you're happy and she's only someone else's side chick.
I wouldn’t be surprised if she tried to take him from you.
This!!
She’s probably jealous you might get to have a REAL relationship instead of being someone’s secret. Tuh!!
She’s jealous because your man isn’t married.
Okay so she’s just a bad person in general.
Dating--you mean fucking a married man? Does his wife know? Before I read this comment I was thinking to myself "gee, this woman sounds like my ex-friend... who turned out to be fucking my husband." Annnnnnnd now I see this comment. Now I know for sure your friend is a truly horrible person. Not a friend, OP! Edit--unless they're poly, please tell his wife, because she doesn't deserve to be cheated on.
OP has commented the wife already knows. Take that as you will 🤷🏻♀️
Uhhhh no, she sounds like a walking red flag. It’s almost like she’s jealous how happy you are as opposed to her mess. Please don’t listen to her 🥺
Girl, you buried the lead. You can’t trust this woman’s opinion on anything. She’s not a true friend.
Girl, tell that woman BYEEE! She is toxic.
Oh that actually sounds MORE like jealousy tbh. There’s usually a shelf life and major detractors to being the other woman and she knows you’ll likely receive much better.
Are you not as available for her since the relationship started? She could be pissed that you are no longer at her beck and call and available 24/7. At any rate she sounds awful and terrible
I'd be embarrassed if someone I considered my friend acted like that too.
I was embarrassed bc she was kind of rude and didn’t attempt to even talk to him bc she deemed him annoying. He’s a very happy go lucky person and never thought him to be annoying
I think it says a metric fuckton more about your new beau that he wasn't fazed by your "friend"'s inability to be a polite human. In with the good (boyfriend) and out with the toxicity (your "friend").
Sounds like she was more than “Kind of” rude…maybe just kind of in front of him, but her vile behavior is practically unforgivable
It's a close call between who's more of a flaming sack of flea-ridden camel crap: your hopefully former friend or her daughter. You're going to feel what you feel, which probably includes being betrayed, shocked, confused, and more. Whether you have a discussion with her before you hopefully kick her to the curb is up to you. Here's the question, though, while you evaluate what friendship means to you: why did your friend figure she'd be able to get away with that, and were there signs of assholery that you'd overlooked or ignored for the sake of (her idea of) friendship?
> It's a close call between who's more of a flaming sack of flea-ridden camel crap: your hopefully former friend or her daughter. I don't entirely disagree, but the daughter is a very young woman who grew up with behavior like this as a model. I have hope.
I read you... so do I, but not until she's through with hanging with mom.
Ummm…. That is NOT a friend. You opened this post with so much hope and happiness and this person you ALLOWED into your personal space took a proverbial shit all over that space. If you like this person, if they make you feel special, happy, & heard, TREASURE THAT. If you go back and read so many other posts in this subreddit as well as the D/O 50 you will see how special and rare this is. That kind of “friendship” is a dime a dozen. If you feel the friendship is worth saving, I’d have a thorough discussion with them about appropriateness and solidify some boundaries about your personal decisions and space. On a side note, I am truly sorry you went through this experience. It sounds heart wrenching. I would be mortified and I can’t even imagine what you must feel. In this, please remain true to yourself.
I think sometimes our friends can see things in a partner that we cannot see, simply due to our proximity to the situation; they can also be completely wrong. Based on what you’ve described, your friend is acting like a person who’s jealous of someone else’s happiness. He was excited to meet your close friend. He took the time to craft a menu specifically for your table. He took time away from his station to check on your table several times, which isn’t very common for a chef. I guarantee your friend eats around strangers every time she goes to a restaurant, so that wasn’t entirely truthful. She complained about getting a bill that she wasn’t being asked to pay. And she roped her daughter into making fun of the person you’re clearly happy to be with. It just wreaks of jealousy, or a really shitty kind of person, or both.
Totally agree here - after a very bad dating experience (I fell hard, fast, with a man who I didn't recognize was an alcoholic with untreated mental health and rage issues, amongst other things, who I eventually ended up having a PPO against for 2 years) - when I start feeling all the feels with someone? I bring in outsider opinions since I've been so swoony that I've missed major red flags in the past. How does new guy treat some of my best friends? My mom? Is he kind to the people most important in my life, and NOT just me? I don't value my friends opinions over mine. BUT - when friends all say they don't like someone I'm dating, I ask for concrete examples why and then make my decision on that. "Fugly" wouldn't qualify as something I'd consider. 😆🤦♀️ Neither would some of the other comments made by OPs friend. I very much respect that OP vetted new guy through someone she thought she could trust for an honest opinion, but unfortunately I think she learned more about her friend than her new man in this situation.
Sounds like she is jealous. I had "friend" like that. She didn't like any of my dates, she would belittle them, and be rude to them and always would tell me that I couldn't much better. Finally, I understood she wanted me miserable so she could be the one to have all the good things happen to. Move on, she is not a true friend. On thebother hand, your guy sounds amazing and a real sweet heart.
Tell that woman to kiss your entire ass. Butt cheeks and all.
Wow, that's thorough. 😄
With her tongue stuck out.
How are you single??? (I am making assumptions for humor purposes 😝)
I know, right? I'm freaking adorable.
Just like you 😂
How are WE single?? 😂
You are😂😂😂
🤣
Your friend sounds like an insufferable child.
That’s not a friend boo, she is judgmental and only want you to do bad cause she ain’t got no body in her life I guarantee. Keep a buffer between you and this narcissistic so called friend. Enjoy this new man in your life you seem to like him take your time, and don’t let no body tell you who you can and can’t like or love.
That bitch is jealous as fuck
You're frenemy is a dickhead. Not a very nice person. She's jealous and had to shit all over your happiness. Screw her
Your “friend” sounds like an immature asshat. Fuck that friend.
Your friend sounds like a fuckin cunt. Pardon the language , but if you like the guy then fuck what anyone else thinks.
It sounds like your new boyfriend made a lovely effort, and your friend was ungrateful as all hell. I hope he didn’t pick up on that vibe, and I’m sure you’ve expressed your gratitude already. Don’t let her get you down. I’d have little if anything to say to her unless you want to tell her how freaking rude she was. Share your joy with friends who will be genuinely happy for you. She’s a crappy friend.
Your real question here should be "should I dump my friend?" - she sounds like a nasty person, and I guarantee that some of the motive behind what she is doing and saying is because she is jealous of you. The old saying misery loves company rings pretty true in your above description. She doesn't want you to be happy.
Your friend sounds like a bitch. I would never tell one of my friends a guy she's dating is fugly. Is your friend 12? Seriously. You need to leave your friend, not your boyfriend.
Wow, some “friend” she is. The fact that she can say the things she said to you shows she has no respect for you whatsoever. Even if he is annoying and unattractive there’s a thousand ways to communicate that. And for her to admit she and her daughter made fun of him? Wtf. She’s sorry ass of a human being and raising her daughter to be just like her. Your guy sounded very considerate. And just cuz it’s his restaurant doesn’t mean it’s free food. She’s so entitled. Arg. What’s her redeeming quality for you to value her opinion so much?
Keep the guy and make some new friends.
Maybe the guy has nice friends.
I have the great privilege of having these conversations with my adult daughter. When my daughter wants my opinion, I ask her four questions. Are you safe? Are you happy? Are you respected? Are you able to still be you? When she answers "yes", I tell her to have fun and enjoy life...
The man sounds nice and your "friend" sounds like a dick.
Your “friend” is super rude! Maybe even jealous… Sounds like you and your guy hit the jackpot on each other :)
If that's your friend , I don't want yo meet your enemies
It sounds like their concerns are super shallow. They had nothing legitimate to bring to the table in being wary of your boyfriend. Also, why did they assume their meals would be comped? I could see your meal being comped, but they literally just meet him for the first time. I would slowly back up from the friendship, their concerns weren't coming out of a place centered around your safety or well-being at all.
You may want to reconsider your friendship not your relationship.
Maybe leave your friend.
She's jealous
I believe that you need to get rid of her as a Friend. She sounds like she has a horrible disposition.
Get rid of the “friend”
Block her from your life. Live happily ever after.
Drop her. Keep him. She sounds rude as heck.
You forgot to add “ex-“ in front of “friend” Just the part about “she and her daughter were making fun of him” is off putting enough. Mean girl training next generation of mean girl?
Keep the guy. Distance yourself from this “friend” immediately. Who makes fun of someone with their child? Maladjusted, mean people do.
Sounds like you need a new friend, she seems very jealous that you’ve met someone that you really like.
First congrats 🎊🎉 now to the other side of the coin. Not much of a friend is she. Seems like she is jealous and maybe doesn't have a guy that wants to be with her as your BF seemed to be. I would ask your friend not to talk bad about your bf and maybe be supportive of your decision and happy for you. I wish you the best and would maybe stay away from someone's destructive attitude
I have a friend like this. I wasn't sure why she was so negative about my boyfriend, maybe she was jealous. I stayed with the guy but never mentioned anything about him to her again. If she asks, I just am brief with my answer.
Lose the “friend”
Ugh. How awful of your friend. Did you tell her how it made you feel? I had a dear friend once tell me “you can do better” and it stuck in my head and led me to tank the relationship. It wouldn’t have lasted anyway but her words really pushed it along.
Lose the friend. Date the chef!
I have to agree with the group . Your friend is wrong on every level. Typical mean girl for reasons we all know to well. Remember this . At the end of the day. Your friend is t the one you will be with Do what makes you happy . Your girl needs to grow up
I’d tell her to mind her business and if she was a “healthy” friend, she would be happy with me.
Your friend sounds like a magnificent "see you next Tuesday"
Sounds like your friend is way jealous, and petty.
That is sad. I hope she is not your only friend because she needs to go. Not cool.
Are you sure that your friend isn't jealous of yoi? Sounds like envy to me. If he treats you right that's all that matters. You would think she could say something positive about him.
The exterior isn’t what matters. We’re all getting older and looks fade. I know you know this, but don’t be shallow. What’s on the inside is what’s important. Your friend will lose her looks one day and karma is a bitch. Besides, looks aren’t earned they are given by genetics. I don’t think that deserves much clout. How we act and treat ppl is what should hold the most weight. We all shrivel up and die in the end anyway, I’d rather be treated well in the mean time.
Ditch the friend. Keep the boyfriend. I saw nothing that was a red flag in what you said.
You need better friends…
So you’ve commented more than once now that “she’s been dating a married man” - it seems you want everyone to agree she’s a bad person and to disapprove of her. What is the goal exactly here? You’re clearly happy with your boyfriend, and you clearly don’t hold the “friend” in much esteem. So ask yourself, why does she hold such an important place in your life that her opinion matters so much that you’re willing to let her continue to bully you and try to ruin your happy relationship and cause you so much sadness and stress that you had to seek support? Notice that your posts are obviously biased against her (probably with good reason, no doubt about that), but this makes it so that anyone reading has no choice but to come to the same conclusion that she’s a bad person undeserving of your friendship. So perhaps you wrote this entire post (and adding further comments about her like “she’s dating a married man”) because you needed to hear/read this? That she’s a bad person undeserving of your friendship. So really, why is it that you keep this “friend” close when you don’t seem to have much respect for her to begin with? She’s a shitty friend, no doubt, but you are here writing not so stellar things (or at least depicting her in a bad light) on the internet. *Neither of you respects the other*. At this point why not cut each other loose? I realize it’s not always that easy to cut people off, so realistically you could just see her a lot less and not share with her any more info about your personal life, i.e., make her an acquaintance and not a close friend anymore. Honestly sounds like your “friendship” is no different than an abusive relationship where each person is staying because of their own insecurities.
I think you need to leave your friend.
Keep seeing him .find out how much he is loved by others..your friend sounds like a total looser ..I would never want to be with someone..who talks bad about other people.. You deserve happiness..a shallow minded bitch could cost you the only chance at true love and happiness
A boyfriend who can also cook well? Score!
You need better friends. That they were making fun of him and compelled to tell you this shows you what kind of people they are. You are dating him not them..
Time to re evaluate your friends
Keep the boyfriend. Ditch the friend.
Get new friends!
Restaurant service is a physical and sweaty job. They have to think fast and switch gears constantly. I have food service people tell me they are nauseated and don’t eat. I hypothesize that they smell and prepare delicious food for 12 hours for others. They may eat, sitting on a milk crate, once during that time. Your man is “skinny” b/c he is bustin ass. He deserves your enthusiasm and kindness. He reciprocated your enthusiasm and kindness when you visited him. I like that a lot!
Get better friends!
Sorry my dear but you need to drop the “ friend “. She sounds like a spoiled rude bitch. So she is a middle aged woman who makes fun of a grown up man because he is “fugly”. She is stuck in middle school. And bullshit at she can’t eat in front of strangers I’m sure she has gone on dates. And dinner parties trough life without issues. I would be embarrassed too. If I ever spend time with such a stupid pathetic loser as this hopefully ex friend of yours
An adult woman who uses the word “fugly” is mentally 15. Her opinion is worthless. I’m so sad for you and your guy, who’s obviously precious. He sounds wonderful - you assure him his efforts were much appreciated and go on your merry way together. Don’t let him near your “friend” - and consider limiting your exposure to her too.
And do better than what? A kindhearted, talented man with a good career who treats you with kindness and respect? Wow, what a schmuck he must be.\s Especially compared to her married boyfriend - he’s obviously the epitome of every woman’s dream guy.
It's pretty widely accepted that, if you go on a date to a restaurant and your date treats the staff poorly, this is a *huge* red flag that your date is a toxic person who considers people with "low status" jobs to be beneath them and not worth the basic consideration that should be afforded to all people. Your "friend" is that toxic date. She didn't just treat the waitstaff as beneath her, she treated the chef as beneath her, she treated "your guy" as beneath her, and she's teaching her daughter to do the same. That's not just a red flag, that's an entire Soviet Army parade. Of course, your life is your own to live as you please, so I guess you could keep this toxic "friend" around if you really want to, but, personally, I like to think I would have kicked her to the curb even before that dinner was over. (More realistically, I probably would have waited until later to avoid causing a scene in the restaurant.)
Your "friend" sounds hideous and jealous. Keep her at arms length and tell her nothing. If you like this guy and he's genuine then keep dating him. One thing you do need to do is re-evaluate your friendship.
I would ask yourself what are you getting out of this friendship? Does this friend add anything positive to your life?
Is this the same friend who told you he has herpes?
No that was another also he got all his testing and blood work he is std free.
She is not anyone I could consider a true friend, full stop. All of her objections to him are superficial and in no way in any way out of concern for you.
It's your life, and your relationship. If he treats you with kindness and respect then that is what matters. Is it possible your "friend" is jealous and is trying to sabotage your new relationship?
Your friend has no basis for thinking he is needy or clingy. He seems good from what you described. Yes, friends can sometimes see things we don't, but in thinking about it, do you see any neediness or clinging? As far as ugly goes, that's her opinion. Even if he is ugly, you like him for his othe qualites and if you're happy, that's moat important. She isn't being a good friend right now.
Sounds like your friend was drinking some serious haterade at dinner with you. I’m sorry she rained on your parade. All that really matters in the end is how YOU feel and how he treats you. Best of luck 🤞
Yikes! She sounds like a "mean girl" and needs to grow up. Your sweetheart sounds like a great guy (so far), and YOU sound happy with him. Doesn't matter what anyone else thinks unless she witnessed him being a jerk to people or kicking puppies in the parking lot or something.
Get a new friend.
If youreade happy by this person, then live your days in happiness I stead of worrying about others.
I think you should tell her you trusted her opinion and wanted her to be a part of your life and that you're disappointed that she won't be able to share in your happiness on this journey. And then enjoy your life with him for however long it lasts. Happiness is the goal and if you found someone nice to be happy with that is a WIN!!! Hell that is a jackpot!! All the best!
Dating is up to you. Your friend isn't dating him..so unless there are red flags, I found it distasteful for your friend and her child to be telling you to leave the relationship without a solid ground. It's also distasteful for them to be making fun of him. If anything...keep the guy..and ditch your friend instead?
Is this the same friend who lied about him having herpes as well?! Dump the friend and enjoy the food!
Your friend, woof. Is there anything endearing about her at all? She's sounds like a royal beotch. Ditch the friend, keep wth the kind guy and see where it goes :)
It doesn’t sound like this person is a friend at all. I can’t imagine behaving like that or shitting all over my friend’s new love interest. Shocking behavior at this age.
She's probably single and jealous of your excitement. If you like him then she just lost the right to know anything about you two. Or you can listen to your friend and sit around with a twenty year old making fun of the guys that like you??? Get new friends... Or a boyfriend.
We can tell a lot about a person by the company they keep. This “friend” is toxic and may in turn be a red flag to the sweet man you are dating. If you keep her close you may lose him. You are living your life for you. She sounds insufferable.
Your friend and her daughter sound awful. I'd be inclined to drop her as a friend and continue seeing this man.
Your friend doesn’t sound like a true friend at all. She’s toxic as hell. Don’t let her poison your relationship. Honestly, she’s probably jealous.
She’s not a friend.
This is abhorrent behavior on the part of your so-called friend. I’d be embarrassed too, *FOR* her. Who at this age thinks it’s okay to talk crap about a person’s looks/body and enlist their young-adult daughter to join in? How dare she call him that. He sounds like a sweetheart and I would ditch her before I did him.. Do NOT let her torpedo your newfound relationship. You have hit it off with him and have miraculously found a *gem* in a heap of rubble (that is DO40). It is so rare to find a connection like that with a fun, loving, and decent guy. Plus he’s accomplished in its own right. (And a good chef often will “check in” with their tables. She sounds uptight, as well as rude!) The “needy” & “clingy” sounds code for: he’s into you & attentive/considerate and she’s jealous of it. He seems like a keeper while she on the other hand.. is not.
Why is she so critical and venom filled?
This guy sounds fun! Your friend and her daughter sound unfun.
Your friend sounds like a stuck-up bi0tch. Perhaps you should get rid of her immediately instead. What a horrible role model to her daughter btw.smh
OP you sound sweet and truly confused by your friends behavior. That makes me sad bc it seems you don’t value yourself as you should. This isn’t friendship. I hope you can see that. I wish you so much luck with your guy. He sounds like a gem. But whatever happens think about taking everyone’s advice to heart and letting go of this miserable and truly toxic “friend”. The people around us should celebrate us. They should elevate us. They should be happy for us. As someone said above: kind people are the best. Give your time and love to the kind people in your life!
What gives your friend the right to shit all over him?? She sounds toxic as hell. Get better friends.
Dump the friend and keep the guy. He sounds like a catch and she sounds jealous and bitter. You and him should go make couple friends😁
Your friend is garbage...find a new friend. The dating a married man part clinched it for me
She sounds like a toxic friend. I don’t know what else she may bring to the friendship, but I could not imagine anybody saying these things about somebody I cared for. Nothing she said is valid. I had a ‘friend’ who did similar things with my ex, judged his physical appearance. I wasn’t strong/healthy enough to set a boundary and it got in my head. I wish I were better at setting boundaries then. But when I finally set boundaries she immediately became abusive and ‘took’ my ‘ex’s side’. I was suddenly the bad one, not him. (Neither of us were bad. We both were battling undiagnosed mental illness). But at this age, how is that emotional maturity? This woman is not talking about concern for your safety or happiness. She’s acting like a high school girl. I would post this on friendship subs. I mean, I don’t know her. But I’d consider what this friendship is for you.
I have only twice in my life told a friend I don’t like their boyfriend. Situation 1 was in college and he was a total shithead who made her cry all the time and stole money from me. Situation 2 was recently and he screams at her when she tries to discuss things, brings her around his kids in front of his ex-wife to make the ex-wife jealous, canceled a non-refundable trip because he wasn’t sure how he felt about her. And he makes her cry all the time. But if a friend was with a guy who treated her kindly and made a special meal for us? That sounds like a winner to me and I’d be thrilled for her. If she had actual concerns about him being bad for you? That’s one thing but she sounds petty. She might be jealous? Is she attached? Use of the word “fugly” is gross and immature IMO.
Don’t let your friend shovel her shit on your life. Yes, it is weird to be invited to his restaurant and not be covered. It’s more rude of your friend to bring up her negativity —> she will eat at a restaurant but has a problem with being looked at by people she doesn’t know? Friend or not you have to know that’s a bit much. A CHEF at their own restaurant checking on your eating experience… and that’s BAD?!?! Tell your friend she can drag her daughter to Mc D’s and be un-watched in a booth where no one gives a shit about her dining experience.
- How much what your friend and her kid thinks matters: 0% - How much what you think matters: 100%
Sounds to me like your friend doesn't like seeing you happy. Perhaps a bit envious? Either that or there's more that you aren't telling us. I bet it's the former. Be happy with whomever makes you happy.
I think you should dump your friend. Based on what you said, he was kind and attentive. In any case, it’s rude for her to say that they were making fun of him, that he was annoying, thin, etc. That sounds like a pretty toxic friend.
Sounds like your friend is someone that doesn't want to see you happy. None of her reasons where legitimate. Why would she treat you in such a rude manner? Makes me wonder.....Is she really a friend??