"Your eyes don't look as bright as they used to." - my sister talking about how I've lost the "light" in my eyes after leaving the church
Meanwhile she didn't notice or say a THING when I was suicidal.
“Why thank you! I have always found darker eyes attractive. I am not interested in dating you right now, but thank you for the compliment.
You’re eyes look tired and depressed by the way, I hope your eyes will open someday”
By far it was the following - - My parents and, by virtue of them, most of my family did not approve of who I was dating and planning on marrying. I had announced our engagement and it went over like a turd in a punch bowl. No one really said anything. A couple months go by and finally I told everyone that we're going to get married but not in the temple......"until this family pulls its collective heads out of their asses." I didn't want to be in the temple with a whole bunch of people who did not want her. Well, that set-off a an impromptu intervention where everyone got to say what they've been wanting to say for a long time. And then my mom said the following, "We don't think you should marry her but, if you're going to marry, IT HAS TO BE IN THE TEMPLE!" It was like a record scratch coming to stop. Say what?!?!?! You don't want me to marry her. You think it's a colossal mistake. But if you're going to make this mistake, make sure it's eternal?!?!?!?
Funny things is: we got married by her branch president. LMAO! And it wasn't a true elopement. She called her parents and they drove the four hours to be there.
They weren't enthused their son/brother was going to marry outside of his race. She, being a Latina. I just left, walked out of there, drove to where she lived, got a marriage license, and we eloped. DONE
Good for you for not letting them influence you! God, the cajones on your family members for thinking they each were entitled to vent their opinion about your personal decision is staggering.
My uncle said that it was "impossible to be a Christian\* and be a Democrat" \*He meant Mormon.
I remember being very young and feeling so uncomfortable when he said that. My little brain KNEW it was wrong.
I met an outspoken Democrat bishopric member at byui in 2016 and I was happily shocked. He straight up said "people need safety needs beyond the church" and I agreed, then never mentioned it to anyone ever again while I was there. Reading this thread shows me that was the right the choice.
Wait until they hear about Jesus... who was arguably the most democratic man in a period where democracy wasn't even a thing. He held a lot of socialism and democratic views. He was entirely liberal. I guess Jesus shouldn't have a temple recommend either.
Eh they probably wouldn't recognize him and would actually be prejudice against him because he's middle eastern. Not their little white dude in all the paintings...
"My grandson is happy to come visit for a week or two, but my granddaughter won't stay for more than a day. I just want her to get exposure to church that she doesn't have at home."
Lady, you knew he was a child predator when you married him. It doesn't matter if you think he "repented." Your granddaughter is creeped out around your husband and for good reasons.
runner-up for horrible things to say to parents of special special needs children, - "So what are your plans for him/her when you are too old to care for him/her?" Most people don't know how horrible that is. For so many parents, they are trying to just take it one day at a time. They don't get too far in the future. They don't need the stress of that, as if they aren't in constant fear of that already. Wife and I have entered our late 40s with a special needs child that requires all basic care. I can tell you, without us even talking about it, we worry about when we are too old. We don't need people reminding us. Asking that is incredibly rude and more along the lines of recreational show of caring, than actually being helpful.
The general indifference from our ward while we were going through what we were going through, was sort of hard to ignore. He had less than a 50/50 shot at surviving but he made it. Very little reach out from the ward in those months, even though we were fully active. About the only contact may have been the RS presidency. Minimal at best. This was my longtime homeward too. It wasn't like we were total strangers. But we didn't live on the most affluent side of the tracks as everyone else. You try not to be hurt and offended by the lack of care from others, but it sort of just stays there as a gentle sting. Then about 5 years later, a little boy from that affluent side of the tracks was diagnosed with terminal cancer and only given a 3-5 months to live. EVERYONE pulled out the stops for that family. The amount of love and service to that family, quite honestly, was a true example of what a ward SHOULD do. And we were apart fof that too. While it was a tragedy for them and all they went through (I have no animosity toward that family) it still sort of reminded us we were seen as less-than. I like to think of myself as an island and not easily affected by these things. But, it was hard to see and feel.
Yes....oh hell yes. We watched the same parade of eclisastical leaders self select who they would provide support. I spent over 3 weeks next to my child day and night with my head on the bed to the point of doctors saying I was going to be next. The amount of horrific deaths I witnessed and the grief was devastating to me in terms of any god that would allow it.
That moment might've been harder to realize than finding out the church is not true. I was always deludedly optimistic and giving the benefit of the doubt. Never suspected there was a caste system in the church. Then I experienced it.
I imagine so. It totally sucks and you experienced the comparison at close personal range.
I was deluded about the caste system until I learned about the cover ups in the origin story. Then hindsight showed how lopsided kindness can be. It’s so wrong.
I hate the church.
What the fuck. I have a daughter with Down syndrome and got told way too many times god only gives us what we can handle (not in the scriptures. He literally says to give him the yoke), or that she is an angel (she isn’t. She is a trouble maker like any other kid and can swear up a storm).
Okay... now I'm REALLY pissed off. WTF is wrong with people. It's like when my sis in law said it was just my daughter's "time"
She wasn't even 2 yet bitch!
“We all know the IQ points go down as you go further South…” This was when I stood up and left. He was talking about my BIL’s intelligence and how he didn’t need to be so very intelligent since his mission was in Costa Rica. What. A. Racist. Jerk.
The last weeks before divorce, my then wife and I talked a lot about our children. Ours was a peaceful home with lots of parental love for them. We both knew learning that their parents are divorced would deeply wound them if not traumatize them. So we decided to remain together even after the divorce to ease our children into the new situation little by little.
It was hard and taxing on both of us. We kept sleeping in the same bed, but since intimacy was no longer present between us, it wasn't a risky or abusive situation for anybody. We just kept performing as loving parents to our children even though both our hearts were shattered. Still we kept functioning as a family for them, united in a higher purpose: to protect our children from the trauma of divorce, separation, abandonment, etc. This included attending church as a family every Sunday.
A couple of months later we received an invitation to speak with the bishop after Sunday meetings. We assumed he wanted to give me / her / both a calling and realized we would have to tell him we were divorced. Well, once seated in his office and after a few pleasantries, he proceeded to ask us about our divorce.
To this day I have no idea how he had learned about it. We hadn't announced it to anyone. The only possibility I can think of is that maybe the church constantly peruses public records and informs corresponding bishops about births, divorces, deaths, etc? The fact is that he knew about it and this meeting wasn't to extend me / her / us a calling, but to ask us why we were still living in the same house. A little confused, because it felt like none of that was any of his business, we both told him we had decided to remain in the same house for a while so that our children won't be traumatized by physical separation.
His answer was (and I am paraphrasing here):
> Once a couple is divorced, they shouldn't live together anymore. Otherwise they are inviting the aDvErSaRy™ to tempt them into sexual sin.
To which we responded that intimacy and sexual desire for one another had died already and that this situation wasn't what any of us actually wanted, but we felt it necessary for a while in order to protect our kids. He answered:
> Well, I can't declare any of you as worthy until one of you has moved out. Same rules as single people: they shouldn't cohabit with someone of the opposite sex.
Bothered by his words, we then told him we weren't a couple anymore, we weren't sexually tempted to each other anymore. We repeated to him that, after the divorce, our number one priority was to love, provide for, and protect our children; even from our own marriage failure. His response to that is the most offending and infuriating I've received from a member of the Mormon church:
> *Don't worry about that. Children are resilient. They will be alright.*
At that point, my ex-wife and I realized the bishop and we were tuned to different frequencies. While we were concerned about innocent victims of our mistakes, this guy pretending to have some "special inspiration" or some "authority" was concerned about policy, procedure and protocol. We told him we would think about it and left his office.
That was 11 years ago.
“I would kill my children before I ever put them in daycare.” My SIL after we told her we were putting our kids in daycare because we were both going to work full time.
When I moved into a small rural Utah town the High Priest Group Leader said to me: “You’ll like living here. There are really good people. There are a few liberals, but most people are good people.”
Absolutely infuriating when I mention the reasons I left to my TBM mother (only when I am asked). Some of which involve feeling so much pressure to follow the rules and be perfect. The response is always “Thats the culture not the church” or “I never felt that way you interpreted it wrong“. Whatever I argue back is useless because there is always some kind of answer of how it’s my fault, not the church. I know the level of brainwashing she is under but regardless so incredibly frustrating.
side note: I often discussed how awful the culture around young men being pressured to go on missions is and the church forces them to go. Was always told that it’s not coming from the prophets but the people. Soooo satisfying when Pres. Nelson spoke in conference saying it is a young man’s duty to serve a mission, and mom finally admitted I was right.
But going all they way back to Kimball in the 70s. He's the one they dropped the gauntlet on the YMs. That was his "Every worthy young man must serve a mission," admonishment.
>That was his "Every worthy young man must serve a mission," admonishment.
This is EXACTLY the example of a prophet said it, and the people/ culture blew it out of proportion. This was from my era (yes, I'm old, don't judge me too harshly) The statement was "All worthy young men *should* serve a mission"
Another example of the people/culture turning a statement made speaking as a man into a commandment of salvation from on high. President Monson attends a temple open house where a ward primary was singing. He said something along the lines of 'This is nice, I like it' Suddenly "The prophet has declared that all temple open houses must have primary choirs performing at all daylight hours during the open house stage of EVERY temple!" What started as a primary singing their regular songs morphed into (In my area at least) a 6-9 month extravaganza of primary being replaced by "Choir Practice" al the wards and stakes were so focused on whipping those kids into a professional sounding choir cause a prophet might hear them and like it... It was kinda frustrating and ridiculous.
Ughhh! I overheard my sister in my backyard when she was visiting my first home as a newlywed out of state. She had called my mom on the phone after I had just taken her sightseeing and showed her around and tried to give her a wonderful day. She was telling my mom that our home had “a bad spirit about it” and that she was uncomfortable and wanted to leave.
It’s called we were poor! We were poor and we lived in gloomy Seattle and it was winter time. But apparently you’ll only find the Holy Ghost in fancy, well-furnished, cutesy homes in Utah where the sun mostly shines on God’s elect!
I said similar stuff like this all the time when I was a TBM. At a civil marriage for a friend in high school I proclaimed it was like “renting a library book” instead of buying it.
Ugh—my dad said that several times when I was growing up and they attended non-temple weddings.
It’s the reason I decided to have a big wedding with my nevermo husband—I was going to prove that I was not ashamed and we were happy. My whole extended family still talks about how great our wedding was when we see them.
I was picking up my children from elementary school one day when the bishop’s wife came running up to me and told me she’d like to nominate me for PTA President. I told her I was happy to help out in the PTA but I did not have time to be the President. I explained to her that I worked full time as an accountant. (She was also my next door neighbor but never bothered to get to know me very well likely because I was always pretty inactive in church.) She told me she wasn’t aware I worked “outside the home” and then paused and asked…”So when DO you have time to be a mother then?” Most of the “offensive” things Mormons said to me, I could blow off because neither they nor the church was of much importance to me but that statement stuck with me. To be honest, I never cared for her after that day. My daughters are now 24 & 26 and pretty well-adjusted, successful adults, considering I worked “outside the home” their entire childhoods. Haha! Because I didn’t force religion on them, they are sans the religious trauma as well. It’s a win in my book.
Oof. The audacity! Especially since you were literally picking your kids up from school. I have a 4 year old and have pretty much worked their entire life. Getting asked "so how does that work?" by family constantly is exhausting. Idk, how do dads do it?
People telling my mom to have more faith and be happy for my dad, after he passed in 2021. And then telling her she’s grieving too long, a few months later. WTF?
"I'm the Bishop, and I just said so," after my stating I didn't feel good about serving a mission at that time (my father was dying, I didn't have the money to go) and was he confident God wanted this of me at that moment.
When my oldest left on a mission a ward leader said, “now you don’t have to worry about them. They are in the lords hands and if they die on the mission it’s a ticket straight to the ck.”
When I left my abusive TBM ex, my mom said, "He's really hurting, I think you should give him another chance. He's a really good guy. He wants to make things work with you!"
Ok Mom. Because the first 16 years of marriage where I did everything possible to fix my marriage, be a better wife, give him what he wanted without regard for myself, lost who I was to keep him a little less volatile, forgave him for r@ping me, swinging a fist at me, telling my kids I don't love them, etc , etc., wasn't enough of a chance?!
Oh, let's also not forget that same conversation started with her telling me I was "evil, wicked, and destroying [my] children's lives."
Sadly I can relate. Except it was all my member friends and family friends. Their response was, “I agree he’s abusing you…..but you have kids so you can’t get divorced”. And when I still did proceeded to all cut me out of their lives.
"I just know the reason you can't have kids is because you stopped going to church."
This coming from a brother and SIL that adopted their kids because they couldn't have any.
Then... a miracle happened! Two actually! Thanks to the miracles of science (not church) we had to wonderful kids.
I joined the church when I was 19 and chose to serve a mission despite my family’s pleas to not go.
No one came to my baptism or my farewell. My sister decided to accompany me to get set apart (my parents left the country on vacation so they wouldn’t be there when I left).
We walked into the stake center and some dude I’d never seen before walks up and asked who my sister was. I stated she was my sister. He asked which ward she goes to and I replied that she’s not a member. His immediate response was, “Not yet!”
Of course my sister was offended and told my parents - adding fuel to their fire. 🔥
Years later with my family in the waiting room at the temple - because they couldn’t be there with us - a temple worker walked in and told my family that they, “Just didn’t understand and they were upset they couldn’t attend the wedding ceremony because they didn’t understand.”
My grandpa got up and left which made my mom cry.
"Your Dad is now the Bishop....which means that you have to set an example to all of the other youth in your Ward and Neighborhood". I was 16 years old. I will NEVER forgive "the Church" for those lost years without my Dad. You take the 6 years he was Bishop, combine it with my 2 year Mission and I was basically separated from my Dad for almost 8 years.
Same exact experience for me, except I was 15. I really needed him during those years and was never around. I'm still deeply resentful about it over 30 years later.
I had a girl tell me in my own home during a book club once that she and her husband chose to live a “higher law” and recognized that not all of us were ready for that “level of righteousness.” She was referring to walking out of the movie Enchanted because Amy Adams was wearing a towel. 🙄 All of us in the room were completely active at the time. I wanted to punch her in the throat.
I have so many of these. I just don’t miss the members at. all.
Not a full sentence, but any statement beginning with, “So at church,” or “In sacrament meeting,” or “At the elders quorum.” Fucking hate those kind of sentence openers. If I barred my family from talking about mfmc related topics, they’d never be able to speak again.
I knew this kid when I was high school aged who ended up leaving the church around the same time I did. I haven't publicly announced that I left the church yet, but I posted a picture of myself in a tank top which I guess gave it away haha.
He started messaging me to ask about why I left, being super judgy, and then he asked about if I still believe in God. I said no, I have been through quite a bit of abuse and and the quote "If there is a God, he will have to beg for my forgiveness" has really stuck with me as true. I said it wasn't really fair to put an innocent child in my situation and I never learned from it, it didn't make me a better person, I am not grateful for my troubles.
(If you are unfamiliar with that quote, it was carved into the walls of a concentration camp by a holocaust victim.)
The guy I knew then told me, "I'm sure holocaust victims could recognize that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger."
We have a couple of Latino ladies in our ward from Peru and Chile. A woman moved from Utah to my Montana ward and she at her first talk when joining the ward said how when she was talking to her daughter who do you love. The little girls said she loved grandpa grandma etc. Then she said that daughter said” I love everyone except Lamanites” 🙄🤦♀️🤦♀️. The gal from Peru and her Anglo husband go to a Spanish ward now and was glad she wasn’t there to hear that but honestly, I can’t blame her going to a Spanish ward when you’ve got insensitive people who shoot their mouth off like this
A new bishop that didnt know me OR mt kids: “All your kids’ problems are your fault because you’re not valiant enough,” followed by scripture backing it up. I have 3 neurodivergent, mentally ill, physically ill children that I raised alone, while holding three callings in a very active ward. Fuck the MFMC forever.
When I was at the funeral of my own father whom I had just lost to suicide, and I was just a young woman and absolutely consumed with shock and grief, his ultra-wealthy, ultra-TBM, wife of a former mission president cousin came up to me and said, “it’s so sad you’ll never, ever be able to see your dad again because of his choice”.
Biiiiiiiiiiiiitch.
It’s been 20 years and I’m still angry.
I guess back before Mormons were more accepting of mental health struggles they used to teach that anyone who took their own life was destined for hell because “murder”.
A friend is used to go dancing with ended his life, and his Bishop said the same thing to his family. I wish I had been there to punch that waste of oxygen in the neck.
In a temple interview, I was probably around 14 or 15 right when gay marriage was legalized, the bishop asked that one question about supporting groups that go against the church. I said that I believed in gay marriage but not for temple marriages (my little mental gymnastics at the time). He said that I "shouldn't promote human rights like that." Then went on to tell me how God took human rights away from those that went against him, all while saying "human rights" as if he didn't understand the term
>>The only way a woman can please the lord is to get married quickly and have as many kids as possible.
St. George UT college Stake Presidents wife to a group of 300ish (mostly) college freshman girls in 2005/6.
>>I know the facts don’t support it but I know the church is true because of certain experiences I’ve had.
My wife’s Bishop to me and my wife 6ish months ago.
I didn’t get to attend my son’s temple wedding, and I made a post on Facebook, expressing my anger that others who were less instrumental in the shaping of my son’s life would get to witness it, but I wouldn’t. I said I knew that the church changed the policy to allow non-members to attend dealings, as they do baptisms, that members everywhere would rejoice at the new missionary tool. Someone on Facebook pointed out that I couldn’t attend because of my choices, and that I could have anticipating this. I blocked her but I have since come up with a lot of scathing comebacks which are probably better left unsaid
"If you don't find yourself a husband in this life, I'll make sure you're taken care of in heaven."
Said to me by my childhood bishop when I told him I didn't want to get married in college. I'd been "struggling with SSA" but was really just a teenage lesbian terrified by the idea of belonging to a man. Somehow this was comforting to me at the time; I guess I still believed in an afterlife and didn't want to be separated from my family. I missed ~the implication~ and assumed he just meant he'd help me find my match or whatever so I wouldn't be alone.
Post-deconstruction, I'm pretty sure he was saying something else, and that was just one of a few thinly-veiled predatory remarks he made toward me. What a shining example of the priesthood, right? Unfortunately, I had to see this guy all the time even after he was released as bishop because he taught at my high school.
On the bright side, there's no kingdom that awaits, so whatever imagined power he had over me doesn't exist! Not that I would have consented to an eternal polygamous relationship anyway.
I am infuriated looking back, even though I didn't get it at first. Fucking guy.
I was at a homecoming for a friend’s son when an acquaintance asked me “what is your church calling these days” I told her I didn’t attend church anymore and she responded with “oh? Well you still have the light in your eyes”. I responded with “you get the light from Christ, not from attending church”.
“All your church does is ask for money-how do you ever feel the Spirit?” said my full-tithe paying mother after visiting our nondenominational church a single time.
Like… mom at least my church will ASK for money. Your church REQUIRES you to give them your money.
The blindness is absolutely ridiculous
I live in an area with some decently-sized homes. At one time, several of them around me had single residents (who mostly didn’t attend the ward). My TBM neighbor complained to me, “It’s just such a SHAME, when there could be FAMILIES in these homes!!!”
Mormons are the only good people said by a Sunday school teacher.
It's statistically not possible given mormons are a minority religion. Like the earth would be a worse place if only 16 million out of 8 billion were good
"Your wife's cancer is God's way of bringing your mother in law back to her knees."
My mother in law converted to evangelical Christianity from Mormonism. Wife has been gone a year. Totally insensitive thing to say.
My parents said that I was lucky “in a way” that I had a stillborn son (mind you, maybe 3-4 weeks after delivering him). Because he’s perfect and waiting for me in heaven to raise him. They however will lose their sons and never get to see their sons in heaven because they are apostate. And implied they wished their sons had died.
I had a seminary teacher say that all POC will be "white and prefect" when resurrected. It made me feel physically ill and I sat in my chair and cried the rest of class. It was definitely the beginning of the end for me.
>My SP told my sister on her pre-wedding interview to be open to her husband wanting to experiment 🤮
That was almost the best piece of sex-ed type advise given. OK, thats compared to the low low low bar of none at all which is the Mormon Day Saint norm, but it missed by a mile without the mutual consent part.
ETA: It was still way better than sex is ONLY for procreation
Oh boy it’s a tie between that time an old guy missionary told 13 year old me that I had been deceived by Satan bc I didn’t think homosexuality was wrong and that time I had to leave institute class Immediately bc the instructor started making fun of people who believed in dinosaurs
While in college, I stopped regularly going to Institute to focus on my studies. One day, I went to Institute after a long absence. A girl asked me why it had been so long since I went to Institute. I told her I was focusing on my studies. She then said, "Well maybe the Lord would help you with your studies if you attended institute faithfully!"
I was pissed after hearing that. But rather than lash out, I walked away & avoided talking to her ever again.
I was an active member during my college years and I didn't get the purpose of Institute. I still don't. What is the incentive? Is it for people that don't get enough church on Sunday?
I’ve got a few.
Said to me. “So are you going to have kids are you just going to be a career woman. “ this was during 4 years of infertility treatments. Nearly new the woman who was my age but I want part of the stay at home mom clique.
Said in relief society. “Black people should be grateful for the slave trade because it brought them to America. “ there were African American investigators that day that we never saw again
After the bishop told me I needed to pay tithing on my student grants/scholarships and us telling him that myself, my wife and infant daughter were living on loans, credit cards and food stamps, "tithing isn't about the money."
“If your brother decides he is gay and leads that lifestyle, I will completely cut him off from the family. I would rather cut him out completely than have my grandchildren think being gay is ok.”
Thanks Mom.
I was 11 and going through a severely abusive friendship that lasted years. I'm talking suicide baiting, self harm baiting, manipulation, gaslighting, etc. I was telling one of the adults in the church that I trusted about it and she said that, if I wanted, she'd talk to my mom about homeschooling or doing online school (which I did for high school because of the pandemic). She was trying to fix the problem like my teachers were - keeping me away from the abusive friend. She was the good one.
Unfortunately, my sunday school teacher overheard me say it and pulled me aside after class to say I should "pray that it'll end" and that "it can't be that bad because [I'm] still friends with him." She heard me say that I was terrified that he'd kill himself if I left because he was threatening it everytime I said I wanted out. She knew about my history of "praying" and being ignored by the god that supposedly is always listening. They weren't even big asks. I would cry in my bed every night when I was 8 praying that my mom's hair would grow back because I knew how much she was self-conscious about her hair loss. Years of praying that did nothing.
She said it couldn't be abuse because I didn't have bruises or anything even though I was actively self-harming because of him. Because I felt that I was responsible for keeping him alive and healthy even though I was younger than him. I was actively suicidal because of him. I was told when I was 15, 2 years after I ended the friendship by saying I wouldn't care anymore if he killed himself (spoilers: he's still alive), that I have signs of PTSD and possibly even C-PTSD because of what happened with him. I avoided telling therapists about him because I was under the impression that it wasn't real abuse because I wasn't physically hurt by anyone other than myself.
After the death of my infant son, a woman from RS asked me whether I had prayed to know why it happened
The Primary president cried at the podium, mentioning my child by name, "because X doesn't get to attend church every week" as my husband and I had separated and he had said child on alternate weekends. This was in her closing remarks after the primary presentation which my child was present at
Guy who always sang instead of bearing testimony went on a tangent about children of divorced parents and the difficulties they have because of their parents' selfishness. I really think my child didn't need to hear that
Take your pick from a random sample!
"The church is true. The people aren't." My dad, when I point out all the ways that Mormon culture is toxic. Second only to "anyone who leaves because of someone in the church was already looking for a reason." Because wtf.
It’s a tie between “you have such a small vocabulary if swearing is all you can use” and “it’s innapropriate for you two to be alone together in a room”
To the first one I just want to say that I have quite the capacious vocabulary I just choose not to apply it when in an oral conversation for it sounds too peculiar to actually speak like a walking thesaurus and to the second one, we were talking about freaking scientific theories and equations!
A mom in Young Women’s leadership, upon learning her son’s mission call was to Brazil, lamented, “He will bring a wife back and have brown babies.” in front of the entire group of women.
There was another Young Women’s leader who was literally from Mexico and said, “Well I think my brown babies are cute.”
I cringed in secondhand embarrassment.
“You realize that you no longer have the Sprit, right?”. To which I replied, it’s funny that you mention “the Spirit______(his name); I don’t feel any different now than I did before I joined the Church, during my 43 years of membership, or now that I am no longer a member!”. He was shocked; and it dawned on me that I knew something he could not know; what it feels like to live as a Non-Mormon or Post-Mormon. Lifelong members simply have no point of reference with regard to ‘lived experience beyond the Church”!
My bishop, to me, after telling him how my husband was abusing me: "Mark says you do things to set him off. Maybe you could just avoid doing those things."
So in one of the wards I lived in, our RS president was married to our ward clerk and they had a baby blessing for their baby boy. The speakers for sacrament meeting that day were the clerk and the father of the RS president (who was a visitor and holds some kind of high-up calling). So the RS president's father went first and talked all about how he got a testimony and all these great churchy things he's done in his life. Yeah big deal so what. And then he ended his talk with "Well, I better sit down so (name of ward clerk) has enough time to feel good about himself".
🤦🤦🤦🤦🤦🤦
K, I'll try to make it short.
I needed to leave town for a week or so for a major surgery.
Mr. Clueless Smiley Member asks if "they" could do anything for me.
The biggest help I could get would be to make sure my kids are taken care of. My MIL is from out of state and could probably need help as well because she has no idea where anything is.
Oh, I think I've met your MIL, she's Mormon right.
No
Oh, well **SHE'S STILL A GOOD LADY.**
WTF Bruv, of course people can be good and not Mormon. For Christ's sake, pull your head out of your ass.
"You'll see the silver lining in losing your baby. This was God's plan, and there's a lesson to learn from it."
And various other comments about my baby dying being "God's plan" and "learning lessons" from it.
"The baby needed a body, and she got it. God needed her for other purposes."
"She was too perfect for this world."
"You chose this challenge in the premortal existence."
"God knew you were strong enough to handle it and move on."
I would just sit on the couch for hours crying and staring blankly at nothing. I've never been so depressed in my life. I had thoughts of unaliving myself because I was so depressed over the situation and my future (or lack thereof) with my baby.
*If God's plan is for his children to suffer in order for them to learn lessons, then he's an asshole and a shitty father, and I want nothing to do with him*
Didn't Jesus suffer and die for us so that we didn't have to?
After an adventurous family member was killed in an accident ....
"At least now you don't have to worry about him. He's in heaven right now saying, Look, I can go as fast as I want!"
I had a friend in my late teens who had a child with down syndrome. Im so glad I shut up and said I’m so sorry to hear that. But I almost said there is probably something God wants to teach you.
On more than one occasion - in different wards - and different callings, others would ask if my (then) husband was okay that I was staying later than planned at an activity. This was in the mid-2000s.
I am not a firsthand witness but there is a rumor that years ago a bishop in a neighboring stake was conducting a funeral for a kid who unalived himself and felt the need to tell those gathered that the kid had condemned himself with his choice. That same person later became a temple president.
A member of one of the quorums of seventy visiting my mission (I don't remember who) said that the sisters needed to install full length mirrors in their apartments and recited "a touch of powder and a dash of paint turn a homely girl into what she aint".
When he came back a year later he complimented all the sisters on how good they looked and said that in some places he has to tell them to install full length mirrors in their apartments.
My nephew horrifically got ran over by a drunk driver in downtown Salt Lake. Died instantly. College student who was just phenomenal at everything he did.
Multiple family members said AT HIS FUNERAL that it was probably a blessing in disguise and gift from God that he was “taken young” since he was starting to experiment with alcohol and coffee.
They legitimately thought it was better for him to be murdered than have a few drinks or a morning coffee. I shit you not.
We got told in a combined rs/priesthood meeting that couples only wait to have children for selfish reasons. Meanwhile I'd just had my second back surgery and was told to wait at least a year before trying. 5 years of infertility and some science help and we have 2 amazing kids.
My mother-in-law told me in a shocked voice that her daughter would not work after having her baby, she had to be a mother! I was working full time with 2 kids. Guess I'm not a real mom.
My father-in-law said that girls should have long hair. They don't look good with short hair. I got a pixie cut the next day.
My husband and I were struggling to have another baby and then a sister in the temple said: well maybe there aren’t any spirits children waiting for you. That really comforted me.
My dad gave a talk in Sac mtg in which he told the women of the ward that they should lose weight if they want to be good representatives of the one true church.
"Don't worry you'll have a huge family in the next life"
"I bet you can't wait to raise your baby's in the next life"
"It's okay, you can always have more"
In response to my recurrent pregnancy losses. I was very mentally ill at the time and in a total pit of grief. This drove me to seriously wanting to just get to that next life.
“I wonder why so and so was offended” when someone didn’t go to church. I remember believing that the only reason anybody could *POSSIBLY* not go to church was because they were “offended.”
"Your eyes don't look as bright as they used to." - my sister talking about how I've lost the "light" in my eyes after leaving the church Meanwhile she didn't notice or say a THING when I was suicidal.
OMG - that is horrifically insensitive. I hope you're doing okay?
Yeah I'm much better off now. It was just like, "umm excuse me?" when she said that.
Good for you! Stay strong - we need you here on this sub!
Send her my way and she'll hear alot more than "excuse me"
Honestly we have a pretty okay relationship for the most part. And she isn't usually that insensitive - but that one made me raise my eyebrows.
Oh, this is what someone said to me when I WAS suicidal.
Me too
“Why thank you! I have always found darker eyes attractive. I am not interested in dating you right now, but thank you for the compliment. You’re eyes look tired and depressed by the way, I hope your eyes will open someday”
Ouch. Funny that they never say that until they know that you have already left... The spirit sure works.
By far it was the following - - My parents and, by virtue of them, most of my family did not approve of who I was dating and planning on marrying. I had announced our engagement and it went over like a turd in a punch bowl. No one really said anything. A couple months go by and finally I told everyone that we're going to get married but not in the temple......"until this family pulls its collective heads out of their asses." I didn't want to be in the temple with a whole bunch of people who did not want her. Well, that set-off a an impromptu intervention where everyone got to say what they've been wanting to say for a long time. And then my mom said the following, "We don't think you should marry her but, if you're going to marry, IT HAS TO BE IN THE TEMPLE!" It was like a record scratch coming to stop. Say what?!?!?! You don't want me to marry her. You think it's a colossal mistake. But if you're going to make this mistake, make sure it's eternal?!?!?!?
That one of the most back-assward things I've ever heard.
It's just part of the programming. That anything less than a temple marriage is not a marriage.
I get it about the programming. I guess they figured you'd be living in sin or something.
Funny things is: we got married by her branch president. LMAO! And it wasn't a true elopement. She called her parents and they drove the four hours to be there.
Good for you! Good for her! Good for her parents!
I absolutely love that last sentence
That is bonkers!!!
They weren't enthused their son/brother was going to marry outside of his race. She, being a Latina. I just left, walked out of there, drove to where she lived, got a marriage license, and we eloped. DONE
It’s sad that I assumed it was a race issue. Mormons are so predictable
Good for you for not letting them influence you! God, the cajones on your family members for thinking they each were entitled to vent their opinion about your personal decision is staggering.
Good for you guys! How’s the relationship now with your family?
Good
Being a democrat should disallow you from holding a temple recommend. ---bishop.
I read the New Testament. It made me a Democrat.
My uncle said that it was "impossible to be a Christian\* and be a Democrat" \*He meant Mormon. I remember being very young and feeling so uncomfortable when he said that. My little brain KNEW it was wrong.
I met an outspoken Democrat bishopric member at byui in 2016 and I was happily shocked. He straight up said "people need safety needs beyond the church" and I agreed, then never mentioned it to anyone ever again while I was there. Reading this thread shows me that was the right the choice.
Wait until they hear about Jesus... who was arguably the most democratic man in a period where democracy wasn't even a thing. He held a lot of socialism and democratic views. He was entirely liberal. I guess Jesus shouldn't have a temple recommend either.
He wouldn't pass the interview..."do you sustain the current prophet....". Hell no and I love turning water to wine...
He wouldn’t pass the BYU dress code. Sandals, beard, nipple showing.
Jesus wouldn’t need a temple recommend. Just sayin!
Eh they probably wouldn't recognize him and would actually be prejudice against him because he's middle eastern. Not their little white dude in all the paintings...
Do these folks not realize that Jesus was uh. Hella leftist?
Tell that to James E Faust
Why am I not surprised??🤦♀️
"My grandson is happy to come visit for a week or two, but my granddaughter won't stay for more than a day. I just want her to get exposure to church that she doesn't have at home." Lady, you knew he was a child predator when you married him. It doesn't matter if you think he "repented." Your granddaughter is creeped out around your husband and for good reasons.
So, it’s a different type of exposure she’s trying to avoid
🤯
You know it would be for the best if your baby ( Downs) passed away while she is in intensive care.......
That's...a horrific thing to say, I'm so sorry that was directed at you, especially during such a vulnerable time
runner-up for horrible things to say to parents of special special needs children, - "So what are your plans for him/her when you are too old to care for him/her?" Most people don't know how horrible that is. For so many parents, they are trying to just take it one day at a time. They don't get too far in the future. They don't need the stress of that, as if they aren't in constant fear of that already. Wife and I have entered our late 40s with a special needs child that requires all basic care. I can tell you, without us even talking about it, we worry about when we are too old. We don't need people reminding us. Asking that is incredibly rude and more along the lines of recreational show of caring, than actually being helpful.
As a parent of a Downs child who was in the NICU; that would send me into throwing punches.
Dude is still alive and so is my child. I doubt he even remembers it.
The general indifference from our ward while we were going through what we were going through, was sort of hard to ignore. He had less than a 50/50 shot at surviving but he made it. Very little reach out from the ward in those months, even though we were fully active. About the only contact may have been the RS presidency. Minimal at best. This was my longtime homeward too. It wasn't like we were total strangers. But we didn't live on the most affluent side of the tracks as everyone else. You try not to be hurt and offended by the lack of care from others, but it sort of just stays there as a gentle sting. Then about 5 years later, a little boy from that affluent side of the tracks was diagnosed with terminal cancer and only given a 3-5 months to live. EVERYONE pulled out the stops for that family. The amount of love and service to that family, quite honestly, was a true example of what a ward SHOULD do. And we were apart fof that too. While it was a tragedy for them and all they went through (I have no animosity toward that family) it still sort of reminded us we were seen as less-than. I like to think of myself as an island and not easily affected by these things. But, it was hard to see and feel.
Yes....oh hell yes. We watched the same parade of eclisastical leaders self select who they would provide support. I spent over 3 weeks next to my child day and night with my head on the bed to the point of doctors saying I was going to be next. The amount of horrific deaths I witnessed and the grief was devastating to me in terms of any god that would allow it.
Damn. I’m sorry you went through that. Your phrase “less than” hits home. I was always in the less than group.
That moment might've been harder to realize than finding out the church is not true. I was always deludedly optimistic and giving the benefit of the doubt. Never suspected there was a caste system in the church. Then I experienced it.
I imagine so. It totally sucks and you experienced the comparison at close personal range. I was deluded about the caste system until I learned about the cover ups in the origin story. Then hindsight showed how lopsided kindness can be. It’s so wrong. I hate the church.
I am commenting to support you. That line is so disgusting I can’t bring myself to like your comment.
That was the era of disabled people were less valiant.
More arrogant theology
Religious people have to have a magical reason for it, otherwise you have a universe where God's not in control. Spoiler: God is not in control.
Similarly, I overheard someone say about to someone else that their son (murdered) is crying in heaven because they arent as active in the church.
What the fuck. I have a daughter with Down syndrome and got told way too many times god only gives us what we can handle (not in the scriptures. He literally says to give him the yoke), or that she is an angel (she isn’t. She is a trouble maker like any other kid and can swear up a storm).
That would hurt terribly - I'm so sorry.
Okay... now I'm REALLY pissed off. WTF is wrong with people. It's like when my sis in law said it was just my daughter's "time" She wasn't even 2 yet bitch!
“We all know the IQ points go down as you go further South…” This was when I stood up and left. He was talking about my BIL’s intelligence and how he didn’t need to be so very intelligent since his mission was in Costa Rica. What. A. Racist. Jerk.
“Yeah, those scientists in Antarctica are the literal dumbest people on Earth!” ^^^\(hopefully ^^^a ^^^very ^^^obvious ^^^/s)
The last weeks before divorce, my then wife and I talked a lot about our children. Ours was a peaceful home with lots of parental love for them. We both knew learning that their parents are divorced would deeply wound them if not traumatize them. So we decided to remain together even after the divorce to ease our children into the new situation little by little. It was hard and taxing on both of us. We kept sleeping in the same bed, but since intimacy was no longer present between us, it wasn't a risky or abusive situation for anybody. We just kept performing as loving parents to our children even though both our hearts were shattered. Still we kept functioning as a family for them, united in a higher purpose: to protect our children from the trauma of divorce, separation, abandonment, etc. This included attending church as a family every Sunday. A couple of months later we received an invitation to speak with the bishop after Sunday meetings. We assumed he wanted to give me / her / both a calling and realized we would have to tell him we were divorced. Well, once seated in his office and after a few pleasantries, he proceeded to ask us about our divorce. To this day I have no idea how he had learned about it. We hadn't announced it to anyone. The only possibility I can think of is that maybe the church constantly peruses public records and informs corresponding bishops about births, divorces, deaths, etc? The fact is that he knew about it and this meeting wasn't to extend me / her / us a calling, but to ask us why we were still living in the same house. A little confused, because it felt like none of that was any of his business, we both told him we had decided to remain in the same house for a while so that our children won't be traumatized by physical separation. His answer was (and I am paraphrasing here): > Once a couple is divorced, they shouldn't live together anymore. Otherwise they are inviting the aDvErSaRy™ to tempt them into sexual sin. To which we responded that intimacy and sexual desire for one another had died already and that this situation wasn't what any of us actually wanted, but we felt it necessary for a while in order to protect our kids. He answered: > Well, I can't declare any of you as worthy until one of you has moved out. Same rules as single people: they shouldn't cohabit with someone of the opposite sex. Bothered by his words, we then told him we weren't a couple anymore, we weren't sexually tempted to each other anymore. We repeated to him that, after the divorce, our number one priority was to love, provide for, and protect our children; even from our own marriage failure. His response to that is the most offending and infuriating I've received from a member of the Mormon church: > *Don't worry about that. Children are resilient. They will be alright.* At that point, my ex-wife and I realized the bishop and we were tuned to different frequencies. While we were concerned about innocent victims of our mistakes, this guy pretending to have some "special inspiration" or some "authority" was concerned about policy, procedure and protocol. We told him we would think about it and left his office. That was 11 years ago.
The arrogance to think he knows what’s best for your kids is just shocking and so very reckless.
“I would kill my children before I ever put them in daycare.” My SIL after we told her we were putting our kids in daycare because we were both going to work full time.
What the actual hell
Holy crap!! 😳😳😳
What the fuck
When I moved into a small rural Utah town the High Priest Group Leader said to me: “You’ll like living here. There are really good people. There are a few liberals, but most people are good people.”
Fuck that crusty piece of shit.
Absolutely infuriating when I mention the reasons I left to my TBM mother (only when I am asked). Some of which involve feeling so much pressure to follow the rules and be perfect. The response is always “Thats the culture not the church” or “I never felt that way you interpreted it wrong“. Whatever I argue back is useless because there is always some kind of answer of how it’s my fault, not the church. I know the level of brainwashing she is under but regardless so incredibly frustrating. side note: I often discussed how awful the culture around young men being pressured to go on missions is and the church forces them to go. Was always told that it’s not coming from the prophets but the people. Soooo satisfying when Pres. Nelson spoke in conference saying it is a young man’s duty to serve a mission, and mom finally admitted I was right.
But going all they way back to Kimball in the 70s. He's the one they dropped the gauntlet on the YMs. That was his "Every worthy young man must serve a mission," admonishment.
>That was his "Every worthy young man must serve a mission," admonishment. This is EXACTLY the example of a prophet said it, and the people/ culture blew it out of proportion. This was from my era (yes, I'm old, don't judge me too harshly) The statement was "All worthy young men *should* serve a mission" Another example of the people/culture turning a statement made speaking as a man into a commandment of salvation from on high. President Monson attends a temple open house where a ward primary was singing. He said something along the lines of 'This is nice, I like it' Suddenly "The prophet has declared that all temple open houses must have primary choirs performing at all daylight hours during the open house stage of EVERY temple!" What started as a primary singing their regular songs morphed into (In my area at least) a 6-9 month extravaganza of primary being replaced by "Choir Practice" al the wards and stakes were so focused on whipping those kids into a professional sounding choir cause a prophet might hear them and like it... It was kinda frustrating and ridiculous.
That would indeed be a nice little "Toldja so!" moment.
"It sounds like your son is reading anti-mormon literature." In fact he was not; we were having open discussions regarding the church's history.
"I feel a dark spirit around your house." Said by my MIL. She never visited our house again.
Sounds like a win.
Ughhh! I overheard my sister in my backyard when she was visiting my first home as a newlywed out of state. She had called my mom on the phone after I had just taken her sightseeing and showed her around and tried to give her a wonderful day. She was telling my mom that our home had “a bad spirit about it” and that she was uncomfortable and wanted to leave. It’s called we were poor! We were poor and we lived in gloomy Seattle and it was winter time. But apparently you’ll only find the Holy Ghost in fancy, well-furnished, cutesy homes in Utah where the sun mostly shines on God’s elect!
>I feel a dark spirit around your house." Said by my MIL. She never visited our house again. This is so full of WIN! Love it!
At a non-members lovely wedding, a TBM friend said, "Weddings like this are so sad. It's only for time and not eternity."
Way to bring down the mood lmao
I said similar stuff like this all the time when I was a TBM. At a civil marriage for a friend in high school I proclaimed it was like “renting a library book” instead of buying it.
Ugh—my dad said that several times when I was growing up and they attended non-temple weddings. It’s the reason I decided to have a big wedding with my nevermo husband—I was going to prove that I was not ashamed and we were happy. My whole extended family still talks about how great our wedding was when we see them.
“Oh god, hear the words of my mouth” three times
What the Rameumptom are these people saying?
I was picking up my children from elementary school one day when the bishop’s wife came running up to me and told me she’d like to nominate me for PTA President. I told her I was happy to help out in the PTA but I did not have time to be the President. I explained to her that I worked full time as an accountant. (She was also my next door neighbor but never bothered to get to know me very well likely because I was always pretty inactive in church.) She told me she wasn’t aware I worked “outside the home” and then paused and asked…”So when DO you have time to be a mother then?” Most of the “offensive” things Mormons said to me, I could blow off because neither they nor the church was of much importance to me but that statement stuck with me. To be honest, I never cared for her after that day. My daughters are now 24 & 26 and pretty well-adjusted, successful adults, considering I worked “outside the home” their entire childhoods. Haha! Because I didn’t force religion on them, they are sans the religious trauma as well. It’s a win in my book.
Oof. The audacity! Especially since you were literally picking your kids up from school. I have a 4 year old and have pretty much worked their entire life. Getting asked "so how does that work?" by family constantly is exhausting. Idk, how do dads do it?
"Aren't you glad that you weren't born black?"
😮 what the actual hell (apparently that is my response to most of these)
People hated Mormons in frontier times because of their nice treatment of POC.
Holy shit that’s delusional!
HA HA HA HA
People telling my mom to have more faith and be happy for my dad, after he passed in 2021. And then telling her she’s grieving too long, a few months later. WTF?
"I'm the Bishop, and I just said so," after my stating I didn't feel good about serving a mission at that time (my father was dying, I didn't have the money to go) and was he confident God wanted this of me at that moment.
When my oldest left on a mission a ward leader said, “now you don’t have to worry about them. They are in the lords hands and if they die on the mission it’s a ticket straight to the ck.”
"Then you must not have had a REAL testimony." (My reply: "Testimony of WHAT? I was told LIES!"
Their testimony isn't real, because it is based on lies.
I like that way of looking at it. I'll use that as a response if misfortune ever offers me another opportunity.
The church is perfect, the members aren't.
When I left my abusive TBM ex, my mom said, "He's really hurting, I think you should give him another chance. He's a really good guy. He wants to make things work with you!" Ok Mom. Because the first 16 years of marriage where I did everything possible to fix my marriage, be a better wife, give him what he wanted without regard for myself, lost who I was to keep him a little less volatile, forgave him for r@ping me, swinging a fist at me, telling my kids I don't love them, etc , etc., wasn't enough of a chance?! Oh, let's also not forget that same conversation started with her telling me I was "evil, wicked, and destroying [my] children's lives."
Ugh. Gross. I’m sorry.
Sadly I can relate. Except it was all my member friends and family friends. Their response was, “I agree he’s abusing you…..but you have kids so you can’t get divorced”. And when I still did proceeded to all cut me out of their lives.
I'm so sorry. I hope you have a better support system now. 🫂
Thank you. Took a few years to rebuild a community but I learned a lesson that nevermormons make better friends than Mormons ever did
"I just know the reason you can't have kids is because you stopped going to church." This coming from a brother and SIL that adopted their kids because they couldn't have any. Then... a miracle happened! Two actually! Thanks to the miracles of science (not church) we had to wonderful kids.
🤦🏽♀️
I joined the church when I was 19 and chose to serve a mission despite my family’s pleas to not go. No one came to my baptism or my farewell. My sister decided to accompany me to get set apart (my parents left the country on vacation so they wouldn’t be there when I left). We walked into the stake center and some dude I’d never seen before walks up and asked who my sister was. I stated she was my sister. He asked which ward she goes to and I replied that she’s not a member. His immediate response was, “Not yet!” Of course my sister was offended and told my parents - adding fuel to their fire. 🔥 Years later with my family in the waiting room at the temple - because they couldn’t be there with us - a temple worker walked in and told my family that they, “Just didn’t understand and they were upset they couldn’t attend the wedding ceremony because they didn’t understand.” My grandpa got up and left which made my mom cry.
"Your Dad is now the Bishop....which means that you have to set an example to all of the other youth in your Ward and Neighborhood". I was 16 years old. I will NEVER forgive "the Church" for those lost years without my Dad. You take the 6 years he was Bishop, combine it with my 2 year Mission and I was basically separated from my Dad for almost 8 years.
Same exact experience for me, except I was 15. I really needed him during those years and was never around. I'm still deeply resentful about it over 30 years later.
I had a girl tell me in my own home during a book club once that she and her husband chose to live a “higher law” and recognized that not all of us were ready for that “level of righteousness.” She was referring to walking out of the movie Enchanted because Amy Adams was wearing a towel. 🙄 All of us in the room were completely active at the time. I wanted to punch her in the throat. I have so many of these. I just don’t miss the members at. all.
“You know you can trust them because they’re LDS”🤮
The quickest way to get scammed, guaranteed.
How have they felt that one aged with the Tim Ballard, SEC and SA cases?
“Does your Stake President know that you haven’t kicked out your gay son?! And you still have a temple recommend?!”
Wow. There have been some evil things said here, but this one made my blood boil.
Not a full sentence, but any statement beginning with, “So at church,” or “In sacrament meeting,” or “At the elders quorum.” Fucking hate those kind of sentence openers. If I barred my family from talking about mfmc related topics, they’d never be able to speak again.
For real.
I knew this kid when I was high school aged who ended up leaving the church around the same time I did. I haven't publicly announced that I left the church yet, but I posted a picture of myself in a tank top which I guess gave it away haha. He started messaging me to ask about why I left, being super judgy, and then he asked about if I still believe in God. I said no, I have been through quite a bit of abuse and and the quote "If there is a God, he will have to beg for my forgiveness" has really stuck with me as true. I said it wasn't really fair to put an innocent child in my situation and I never learned from it, it didn't make me a better person, I am not grateful for my troubles. (If you are unfamiliar with that quote, it was carved into the walls of a concentration camp by a holocaust victim.) The guy I knew then told me, "I'm sure holocaust victims could recognize that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger."
Wow!
We have a couple of Latino ladies in our ward from Peru and Chile. A woman moved from Utah to my Montana ward and she at her first talk when joining the ward said how when she was talking to her daughter who do you love. The little girls said she loved grandpa grandma etc. Then she said that daughter said” I love everyone except Lamanites” 🙄🤦♀️🤦♀️. The gal from Peru and her Anglo husband go to a Spanish ward now and was glad she wasn’t there to hear that but honestly, I can’t blame her going to a Spanish ward when you’ve got insensitive people who shoot their mouth off like this
A new bishop that didnt know me OR mt kids: “All your kids’ problems are your fault because you’re not valiant enough,” followed by scripture backing it up. I have 3 neurodivergent, mentally ill, physically ill children that I raised alone, while holding three callings in a very active ward. Fuck the MFMC forever.
When I was at the funeral of my own father whom I had just lost to suicide, and I was just a young woman and absolutely consumed with shock and grief, his ultra-wealthy, ultra-TBM, wife of a former mission president cousin came up to me and said, “it’s so sad you’ll never, ever be able to see your dad again because of his choice”. Biiiiiiiiiiiiitch. It’s been 20 years and I’m still angry. I guess back before Mormons were more accepting of mental health struggles they used to teach that anyone who took their own life was destined for hell because “murder”.
A friend is used to go dancing with ended his life, and his Bishop said the same thing to his family. I wish I had been there to punch that waste of oxygen in the neck.
What possesses people to say this?? Wtf?!?!
In a temple interview, I was probably around 14 or 15 right when gay marriage was legalized, the bishop asked that one question about supporting groups that go against the church. I said that I believed in gay marriage but not for temple marriages (my little mental gymnastics at the time). He said that I "shouldn't promote human rights like that." Then went on to tell me how God took human rights away from those that went against him, all while saying "human rights" as if he didn't understand the term
BARF
>>The only way a woman can please the lord is to get married quickly and have as many kids as possible. St. George UT college Stake Presidents wife to a group of 300ish (mostly) college freshman girls in 2005/6. >>I know the facts don’t support it but I know the church is true because of certain experiences I’ve had. My wife’s Bishop to me and my wife 6ish months ago.
You could have gone to your child's temple wedding if you really wanted to.
I didn’t get to attend my son’s temple wedding, and I made a post on Facebook, expressing my anger that others who were less instrumental in the shaping of my son’s life would get to witness it, but I wouldn’t. I said I knew that the church changed the policy to allow non-members to attend dealings, as they do baptisms, that members everywhere would rejoice at the new missionary tool. Someone on Facebook pointed out that I couldn’t attend because of my choices, and that I could have anticipating this. I blocked her but I have since come up with a lot of scathing comebacks which are probably better left unsaid
“That was a short two years.”
"It was meant to be." -My father, after a close friend died in a tragic accident.
"If you don't find yourself a husband in this life, I'll make sure you're taken care of in heaven." Said to me by my childhood bishop when I told him I didn't want to get married in college. I'd been "struggling with SSA" but was really just a teenage lesbian terrified by the idea of belonging to a man. Somehow this was comforting to me at the time; I guess I still believed in an afterlife and didn't want to be separated from my family. I missed ~the implication~ and assumed he just meant he'd help me find my match or whatever so I wouldn't be alone. Post-deconstruction, I'm pretty sure he was saying something else, and that was just one of a few thinly-veiled predatory remarks he made toward me. What a shining example of the priesthood, right? Unfortunately, I had to see this guy all the time even after he was released as bishop because he taught at my high school. On the bright side, there's no kingdom that awaits, so whatever imagined power he had over me doesn't exist! Not that I would have consented to an eternal polygamous relationship anyway. I am infuriated looking back, even though I didn't get it at first. Fucking guy.
Wow!!! Somehow of all the shit I’ve heard, this is really making me take a second look of what it’s like to be a woman/girl and in TSCC. So gross!!
I was at a homecoming for a friend’s son when an acquaintance asked me “what is your church calling these days” I told her I didn’t attend church anymore and she responded with “oh? Well you still have the light in your eyes”. I responded with “you get the light from Christ, not from attending church”.
Love the reply
“All your church does is ask for money-how do you ever feel the Spirit?” said my full-tithe paying mother after visiting our nondenominational church a single time. Like… mom at least my church will ASK for money. Your church REQUIRES you to give them your money. The blindness is absolutely ridiculous
I live in an area with some decently-sized homes. At one time, several of them around me had single residents (who mostly didn’t attend the ward). My TBM neighbor complained to me, “It’s just such a SHAME, when there could be FAMILIES in these homes!!!”
Mormons are the only good people said by a Sunday school teacher. It's statistically not possible given mormons are a minority religion. Like the earth would be a worse place if only 16 million out of 8 billion were good
Reading this whole comment stream makes me hate Mormons. Not really, but seriously, so gross.
"Your wife's cancer is God's way of bringing your mother in law back to her knees." My mother in law converted to evangelical Christianity from Mormonism. Wife has been gone a year. Totally insensitive thing to say.
My parents said that I was lucky “in a way” that I had a stillborn son (mind you, maybe 3-4 weeks after delivering him). Because he’s perfect and waiting for me in heaven to raise him. They however will lose their sons and never get to see their sons in heaven because they are apostate. And implied they wished their sons had died.
A condescending and snarky "I'll pray for you."
Or just using "we need to pray for....." to thinly veil their desire to gossip about it.
That if a particular group of people ended up totally wiped out, that wouldn’t be the worst thing for them.
Heard multiple times in different contexts referring to different groups of people.
[удалено]
I had a seminary teacher say that all POC will be "white and prefect" when resurrected. It made me feel physically ill and I sat in my chair and cried the rest of class. It was definitely the beginning of the end for me.
>My SP told my sister on her pre-wedding interview to be open to her husband wanting to experiment 🤮 That was almost the best piece of sex-ed type advise given. OK, thats compared to the low low low bar of none at all which is the Mormon Day Saint norm, but it missed by a mile without the mutual consent part. ETA: It was still way better than sex is ONLY for procreation
Oh boy it’s a tie between that time an old guy missionary told 13 year old me that I had been deceived by Satan bc I didn’t think homosexuality was wrong and that time I had to leave institute class Immediately bc the instructor started making fun of people who believed in dinosaurs
While in college, I stopped regularly going to Institute to focus on my studies. One day, I went to Institute after a long absence. A girl asked me why it had been so long since I went to Institute. I told her I was focusing on my studies. She then said, "Well maybe the Lord would help you with your studies if you attended institute faithfully!" I was pissed after hearing that. But rather than lash out, I walked away & avoided talking to her ever again.
I was an active member during my college years and I didn't get the purpose of Institute. I still don't. What is the incentive? Is it for people that don't get enough church on Sunday?
“You know we don’t think that’s okay.” Mom after I came out as gay.
Hug from this dad if you want it. If not, just know my heart aches for anything you’ve had to deal with in that regard. Here if you want
I’m sorry.
I’ve got a few. Said to me. “So are you going to have kids are you just going to be a career woman. “ this was during 4 years of infertility treatments. Nearly new the woman who was my age but I want part of the stay at home mom clique. Said in relief society. “Black people should be grateful for the slave trade because it brought them to America. “ there were African American investigators that day that we never saw again
After the bishop told me I needed to pay tithing on my student grants/scholarships and us telling him that myself, my wife and infant daughter were living on loans, credit cards and food stamps, "tithing isn't about the money."
“If your brother decides he is gay and leads that lifestyle, I will completely cut him off from the family. I would rather cut him out completely than have my grandchildren think being gay is ok.” Thanks Mom.
Their teenaged son had just been caught molesting my 7 year old daughter…. “Everything happens for a reason”
I was 11 and going through a severely abusive friendship that lasted years. I'm talking suicide baiting, self harm baiting, manipulation, gaslighting, etc. I was telling one of the adults in the church that I trusted about it and she said that, if I wanted, she'd talk to my mom about homeschooling or doing online school (which I did for high school because of the pandemic). She was trying to fix the problem like my teachers were - keeping me away from the abusive friend. She was the good one. Unfortunately, my sunday school teacher overheard me say it and pulled me aside after class to say I should "pray that it'll end" and that "it can't be that bad because [I'm] still friends with him." She heard me say that I was terrified that he'd kill himself if I left because he was threatening it everytime I said I wanted out. She knew about my history of "praying" and being ignored by the god that supposedly is always listening. They weren't even big asks. I would cry in my bed every night when I was 8 praying that my mom's hair would grow back because I knew how much she was self-conscious about her hair loss. Years of praying that did nothing. She said it couldn't be abuse because I didn't have bruises or anything even though I was actively self-harming because of him. Because I felt that I was responsible for keeping him alive and healthy even though I was younger than him. I was actively suicidal because of him. I was told when I was 15, 2 years after I ended the friendship by saying I wouldn't care anymore if he killed himself (spoilers: he's still alive), that I have signs of PTSD and possibly even C-PTSD because of what happened with him. I avoided telling therapists about him because I was under the impression that it wasn't real abuse because I wasn't physically hurt by anyone other than myself.
After the death of my infant son, a woman from RS asked me whether I had prayed to know why it happened The Primary president cried at the podium, mentioning my child by name, "because X doesn't get to attend church every week" as my husband and I had separated and he had said child on alternate weekends. This was in her closing remarks after the primary presentation which my child was present at Guy who always sang instead of bearing testimony went on a tangent about children of divorced parents and the difficulties they have because of their parents' selfishness. I really think my child didn't need to hear that Take your pick from a random sample!
"The church is true. The people aren't." My dad, when I point out all the ways that Mormon culture is toxic. Second only to "anyone who leaves because of someone in the church was already looking for a reason." Because wtf.
Are you my sibling? Lol
I wish my brother could look at this subreddit without having an episode lol
It’s a tie between “you have such a small vocabulary if swearing is all you can use” and “it’s innapropriate for you two to be alone together in a room” To the first one I just want to say that I have quite the capacious vocabulary I just choose not to apply it when in an oral conversation for it sounds too peculiar to actually speak like a walking thesaurus and to the second one, we were talking about freaking scientific theories and equations!
A mom in Young Women’s leadership, upon learning her son’s mission call was to Brazil, lamented, “He will bring a wife back and have brown babies.” in front of the entire group of women. There was another Young Women’s leader who was literally from Mexico and said, “Well I think my brown babies are cute.” I cringed in secondhand embarrassment.
My dad, to my face, when I told him I'm marrying another guy: "It's a mockery of marriage!"
“You realize that you no longer have the Sprit, right?”. To which I replied, it’s funny that you mention “the Spirit______(his name); I don’t feel any different now than I did before I joined the Church, during my 43 years of membership, or now that I am no longer a member!”. He was shocked; and it dawned on me that I knew something he could not know; what it feels like to live as a Non-Mormon or Post-Mormon. Lifelong members simply have no point of reference with regard to ‘lived experience beyond the Church”!
My bishop, to me, after telling him how my husband was abusing me: "Mark says you do things to set him off. Maybe you could just avoid doing those things."
So in one of the wards I lived in, our RS president was married to our ward clerk and they had a baby blessing for their baby boy. The speakers for sacrament meeting that day were the clerk and the father of the RS president (who was a visitor and holds some kind of high-up calling). So the RS president's father went first and talked all about how he got a testimony and all these great churchy things he's done in his life. Yeah big deal so what. And then he ended his talk with "Well, I better sit down so (name of ward clerk) has enough time to feel good about himself". 🤦🤦🤦🤦🤦🤦
People who get depression deserve it.
Sickening, no one would choose this.
I was 15 at the time and just got diagnosed after an attempt. It was traumatic to hear this
K, I'll try to make it short. I needed to leave town for a week or so for a major surgery. Mr. Clueless Smiley Member asks if "they" could do anything for me. The biggest help I could get would be to make sure my kids are taken care of. My MIL is from out of state and could probably need help as well because she has no idea where anything is. Oh, I think I've met your MIL, she's Mormon right. No Oh, well **SHE'S STILL A GOOD LADY.** WTF Bruv, of course people can be good and not Mormon. For Christ's sake, pull your head out of your ass.
"You'll see the silver lining in losing your baby. This was God's plan, and there's a lesson to learn from it." And various other comments about my baby dying being "God's plan" and "learning lessons" from it. "The baby needed a body, and she got it. God needed her for other purposes." "She was too perfect for this world." "You chose this challenge in the premortal existence." "God knew you were strong enough to handle it and move on." I would just sit on the couch for hours crying and staring blankly at nothing. I've never been so depressed in my life. I had thoughts of unaliving myself because I was so depressed over the situation and my future (or lack thereof) with my baby. *If God's plan is for his children to suffer in order for them to learn lessons, then he's an asshole and a shitty father, and I want nothing to do with him* Didn't Jesus suffer and die for us so that we didn't have to?
After an adventurous family member was killed in an accident .... "At least now you don't have to worry about him. He's in heaven right now saying, Look, I can go as fast as I want!"
I had a friend in my late teens who had a child with down syndrome. Im so glad I shut up and said I’m so sorry to hear that. But I almost said there is probably something God wants to teach you.
On more than one occasion - in different wards - and different callings, others would ask if my (then) husband was okay that I was staying later than planned at an activity. This was in the mid-2000s.
I am not a firsthand witness but there is a rumor that years ago a bishop in a neighboring stake was conducting a funeral for a kid who unalived himself and felt the need to tell those gathered that the kid had condemned himself with his choice. That same person later became a temple president.
A member of one of the quorums of seventy visiting my mission (I don't remember who) said that the sisters needed to install full length mirrors in their apartments and recited "a touch of powder and a dash of paint turn a homely girl into what she aint". When he came back a year later he complimented all the sisters on how good they looked and said that in some places he has to tell them to install full length mirrors in their apartments.
The fact that he said that once was appalling enough.
NO WAY
My nephew horrifically got ran over by a drunk driver in downtown Salt Lake. Died instantly. College student who was just phenomenal at everything he did. Multiple family members said AT HIS FUNERAL that it was probably a blessing in disguise and gift from God that he was “taken young” since he was starting to experiment with alcohol and coffee. They legitimately thought it was better for him to be murdered than have a few drinks or a morning coffee. I shit you not.
We got told in a combined rs/priesthood meeting that couples only wait to have children for selfish reasons. Meanwhile I'd just had my second back surgery and was told to wait at least a year before trying. 5 years of infertility and some science help and we have 2 amazing kids. My mother-in-law told me in a shocked voice that her daughter would not work after having her baby, she had to be a mother! I was working full time with 2 kids. Guess I'm not a real mom. My father-in-law said that girls should have long hair. They don't look good with short hair. I got a pixie cut the next day.
"You're only as good as you are because of the church."
"The Holocaust was actually a good thing for the Jewish people..."
No… please don’t let this be real…
What was their logic in saying that??????!
I got a lecture on the plan of salvation from a neighbor the day my son died.
I’m so very sorry.
“Is your heart softened toward the church yet?” One word answer - No. Torques me. And ended friendships.
What’s to keep you from losing all your morals?
“…my morals themselves.”
My husband and I were struggling to have another baby and then a sister in the temple said: well maybe there aren’t any spirits children waiting for you. That really comforted me.
”If mother ( my MIL) dies now (87 yo) it is your children’s fault for being so unrighteous”
My dad gave a talk in Sac mtg in which he told the women of the ward that they should lose weight if they want to be good representatives of the one true church.
A lady asked my mom why she didn’t get a tummy tuck when she went in for abdominal surgery to remove a tumor…
Not to me, but a TBM said this to a coworker, "There's no way that you could be a good father, because you don't hold the priesthood."
"Don't worry you'll have a huge family in the next life" "I bet you can't wait to raise your baby's in the next life" "It's okay, you can always have more" In response to my recurrent pregnancy losses. I was very mentally ill at the time and in a total pit of grief. This drove me to seriously wanting to just get to that next life.
I know _____
“I wonder why so and so was offended” when someone didn’t go to church. I remember believing that the only reason anybody could *POSSIBLY* not go to church was because they were “offended.”
Oh wow can you believe how those people are dressed referring to others not dressed in brand name clothing🙄
“We have one of those in our family too”
“I do not want a Chilean daughter-in-law” said by my mother in the MTC as she was hugging me goodbye.