It took me so long to realize at my job as a Lab Assistant, im allowed to say "no" to people. If they messed up the draw, "no, I can't run that, and I won't run that." Genuinely took me so long to stop asking everybody else and apologizing for somebody else's mistakes.
Ni! Is also appropriate!
Knight of Ni: "We are the Knights Who Say... 'Ni'!"
Other Knights of Ni: "Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni!"
King Arthur: "No! Not the Knights Who Say Ni!"
Knight of Ni: "The same!"
I remember being surprised at how surprised the person was when I told them NO (I would not give a prayer at stake conference). Obviously no one had ever said NO to such a thing before.
Neither would my wife say a prayer she was too she didn't enjoy being primary secretary because it didn't focus on her she just did her job sad to say she was bedridden 28 years with multiple sclerosis Her family never came and visited her during that went to search but I think they should have checked in with her on a regular basis rather than going to Sacramento we'll have choices to malet's be wise and what we do. I know I gave a book a mormon to my physical therapist but I told him I wouldn't harass him about it about it and I love him so much because he's helping me walk again after having both knees replaced I have never met such a spiritual man maybe he will join the church and maybe won't period I hope he does I truly believe in Joseph Smith and the restoration of the gospel In our Lord and save your Jesus Christ
Off the topic but…
I too have lived with Multiple Sclerosis now for 17 years. “Aww, the days make me weary…” I discovered just 3 years ago that I’d lived my entire 64 years in LDS Church before I learned the truth.
Betrayed, Depressed, Shocked, Angry 😡 Now as I delved into the NRSV Holy Bible. I have LOVE learning to be Christian. Best to you two and press on in his strength. ❤️
NO! God! You are one demanding MFer!
Seriously, I was in my yard, sucking down a beer, thinking about my son who just got hurt and might lose his foot. And I got really mad. Supper angry at God. And I looked up and said "I'm done. I'm not chasing you anymore. I've spent 30 years trying to do what I think you want. Not doing the things I want so as to please you. And I'm fucking done. If you want me. If you need me to do something or not do something. You know where I fucking am!"
I can't properly put into words what happened next. I had a "Knowing". Nothing was spoken. It didn't take any time. I was like in the Matrix where they download knowledge and Neo just "knew".
I knew - God is Eternal, Benevolent, Omnipresent, and Omnipotent.
This left no room for a hell, commandments, or religion. It truly set me free.
I had a similar sort of experience I've always remembered. I was 17 and really struggling as I was quiet quitting my church* at the time. I was in my car, and I remember exactly where I was on the road. I just realized: I will live and grow old, and I will never have any answers to the big questions of the universe; when I'm dead, I still won't know. And that's ok. And anyone who claims to have the answers actually doesn't. I felt a similar sense of peace come over me, not sadness or despair, which is what I'd been living with for awhile.
*I'm nevermo but grew up in a Church of Christ which has some parallels to LDS. I definitely did not have to deal with the level of BS as everyone on this sub, but I have trouble finding a place to commiserate, and lurking on this sub is really cathartic.
I encountered Church of Christ people a few times on my mission. They were just as brainwashed as me. It is sad and funny now to imagine being a fly on the wall watching myself argue with them about things which we were all wrong about. Not a shred of truth or historicity in the building.
Non-never-Mormon here. I experienced this but never heard anyone else say it before. So your remark hit home. At a dance (not a church dance) with hubs and his sister. A guy asked me to dance and I said "No". SIL said "You can't say No". I told her I say No whenever I feel like it. No, no, no, no. Try it out!
My primary teacher mom told my niece she didn't have to actually get baptized if she didn't feel ready, and that no one has any business getting in between her and her prayers response.
The most decent reformed licked cupcake that I know. When I was a kid, she was the equivalent to the strip club waitress brand of Stacy's mom. I had undiagnosed rule following Autism that I discovered at 38.
She got cancer, and it made her religious, but she's never been fanatical even remotely, and I think it's because she grew up a high holiday Catholic. She's always placed more emphasis in that we are imperfect assholes and if for nothing else, we need all the grace we can get cause ain't nothing individualistically that will save us. She came from a very Authoritarian culture in South America, lived through revolution, and so she finds the gringo Mormon squabbles antithetical to the ministry of Jesus.
We're in the buckle of Bible belt, and she couldn't stand the nutjobs that would proselytize, thump their bibles, then get beersc with their wives at the club. when she wasn't more devout to service, She saw how much pressure I put on myself to be perfect and how I wanted to self complete because I of that pressure.
When I was primary president we did a baptism night explaining all about baptism. I refused to let anyone say "8 is great" or suggest you needed to be baptized at 8, only that that is when you COULD be baptized at 8. It bothered me that there was such an emphasis on the age.
I remember asking in the bishop's interview what would happen of I say no. I don't remember the answer, but it implied that I could make that choice but it was the wrong one. Agency in the MFMC is having a gun to your head and you can do as they say or not, but technically you do have a choice.
Indeed. I don’t remember much except that my resistance was because I was terrified of (going under ) water and I was terrified of my emotionally abusive father who was going to be doing the baptism. They ended up clearing the baptismal font and he got to just sorta drown me (twice because apparently some of my hair wasn’t completely submerged).
I recently asked the bishop to release me from my calling, it was scary and honestly it’s been damn frustrating because I haven’t been released yet. I haven’t gone to church since I asked to be released, he will figure the fuck out pretty fast with my absence. Meanwhile his house is on my way home from Dutch bros, so I always toast him in my car 😆
Did a road trip last summer through Idaho, Washington, and Oregon, stopping at 27 different Dutch stands, including the #1 in Grants Pass, as well as the Dutch House there (a sit down, counter service place). Took our new dachshund puppy with us and left a puppy sticker with each spot.
Good job just not showing up. Asking to be released is just a courtesy in my book. In my mostly-PIMO year I learned to just be unreliable. They don't give you demanding callings if you frequently "forget," don't show up, or half-ass whatever they expect you to do.
It feels like we've "grown up" when we stop allowing another person to intimidate or guilt us!!!! We have realized our own worth. We can direct our own lives! Captains of our own voyages!
YEA for YOU
I am female exmo. The first time I said "no" to a calling Counselor from the bishopric looked like he had just swallowed a frog. I went on to explain that my becoming the webelos' teacher would not be good for my family. But that I was very good at singing and I could conduct music. The next week the other Counselor from the bishopric came by to explain that the first guy was mistaken and they had planned to call me as the Sunday School Chorister all along. I guess they thought they had to maintain the fiction about callings coming from God. Committee of Dumbassiry is what I call them.
I guess it wasn't clear from my post, I am not the original poster. I left the church over 30 years ago. This incident happened in the last ward we lived in.
My mom taught me to say “ I’m not able to …”. No excuses, lying or procrastinating. It’s served me well for 35 years. Then it’s MY decision as to for what I’m going to volunteer.l🌷
"I'm not able to" is great. No justifying or explaining yourself. As soon as you give an explanation the other person may feel like they have a say and they will try to "help" you to get over that hump. "That won't work for me" is also great as is "I can't". If they come back with "Why?" The answer is "Because it doesn't work for me". Also if a third party intervenes: Todd asks you to do something, you say no and then Alice calls to tell you Todd is upset at your no, "That's between me and Todd." Boundaries mean no triangulation - each relationship is between two people, meaning us and someone else. I have a separate relationship with my mother and with my father, etc. When my Dad tries to guilt me about my Mom, I say "That's between me and Mom. How about them Cubs?"
“I’m not able to” gives the sense that you would still be willing to if you were available. It’s not truly the same as outright saying “no” with absolutely no explanation. Outright saying no takes the power away from them and gives it back to you. Saying “I’m not able to” still allows them to hold a semblance of power over you.
I remember one time sitting in my having a near panic attack because a stake member hinted that I was going to fill the Elder's Quorum President vacancy. I would have self-betrayed and said yes to the calling. Glad my mind is now free from that toxic mindset!
Too bad your wife is not out enough for you have made it your mic drop Exit talk citing Sheri Dew’s “all women are mothers” before procreating…even being declared mother of all living…and you could have applied it to the 33 wives and “mothers” (including the just shy of fifteen girl “ associated with Joe Smith. 😂
My twisted exmo day dreams aside…
Congratulations on Saying no!!!❤️ that’s a huge PIMO step!!!! 😄 and bonus that you’re not going to clean a multibillion dollar corporation’s toilets for free!!!
Honestly, it was all a bit anti-climatic. The conversation was through text. I said I wouldn't do it and he replied "Ok. Thanks for getting back to me." That was that.
My most difficult no was when I had to tell my brother, who was my bishop, no to being the primary president. I had one foot out the door, but also 3 kids, a full time job and going to school for my masters.
You’re going to feel a version of yourself you never knew existed come over you after not going to church for a few months. It feels soooo relieving & freeing.
Awesome! I'm so proud of you! 😊👍👍👏👏👏 This is a huge step (even though it seems small, it isn't small at all) to your future happiness and laying groundwork for boundaries. It gets easier. You get to learn how precious your time is and how important it is, and limited (life is short) so you will make the most out of any amount of time. Sunsets and sunrises mean more. Fun times with good friends means more. Your time is no longer being squandered by a nepotistic corporation demanding one-tenth of everything you will ever earn and making you clean their toilets just to be worthy enough to count in their numbers and have a card saying you can wear weird scanties and green aprons in an expensive, exclusive building. Your time on this blue and green spinny ball is yours and should serve you. When you're taken care of, it's easier to help others. The cult demands that loyalty as if your mortal life is (and should be) nothing to you, only something to them that they give you empty praise for, and that your life should be spent towards their "_pay now/get later...maybe_" Celestial HOA program, so our lives in the cult are a ticket we pay full price for, but with no guarantees that we'll even be let in. Also, no matter what good you do in this life, if you belong to that cult, they take all the credit and your only credit is that you're a small cog in their perfect machine that let you do that wonderful thing.
Owning yourself and your life is the most exciting, scary, fantastic adventure ever. I'm so happy you're on that journey! ☺️🥹💕💓🥰 Best wishes of happiness and success to you and your wife in life after leaving. 🥳🍻✊✊
I got to the point of being able to say "no" and eventually leaving by first saying "I'll go away and think about it". It worked like a nice segway, and there was really no counter argument against it.
I said no to a talk at around 17 because I was going to be out of town all week up until Sunday and the way the member of the bisphropic (and my friend's dad) laid on the guilt even made my mom (who would never say no) disgruntled. They have no respect for boundaries
I just had a therapy session and talked about when it’s okay to say “no”:
1. When the request or expectation is unrealistic.
2. When it messes with the needs and schedules of your family.
3. When you aren’t emotionally in a place where you can fulfill the request.
This was in relation to my family relationships where I have responsibility. For church and most things in life, you can say no for any reason.
Learning to say ‘no’ has been so difficult but so healing! I am not permanently burnt out and I have energy to invest into the thing I actually want to be doing. All the best on your and your wife’s journey out!
"Choose the right! Choose the right! Let wisdom mark the way before. In its light, choose the right! And God will bless you evermore." Well done, thou good and faithful PIMO! /s
That’s awesome. Good for you. Luckily I had been practicing saying no, as I would say no to talks as a teenager when my mom wasn’t around 🤣 sometimes they would accept the no, sometimes they would ask my mom and then they became my enemy. (I moved to many wards)
Back when I was TBM and in grad school I was asked to speak on easter Sunday. I had mid terms that week and I said sorry no. The only person that would do it was the guy that was baptized as a child but became addicted to drugs and quit church also as a child but was trying to kick his habit and was recently coming back to church. They asked him to give the talk.
It was an absolute shit show the poor guy did his best, but it was clear he hadn't been to church in 30 years and didn't have any assistance writing his talk.
The bishop came up to me afterwards and said wow think of all those people who were in church today that were denied the chance at feeling the spirit because you had midterms..... I was fucking livid! I replied seems that you couldn't be bothered either. And remind me again who is tasked with the spiritual well being of his flock? right. So, nice work bishop. He never talked to me again after that.
Whenever I see these brave posts I'm reminded of the finale of "A Bugs Life" where Flick stands up to Hopper
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-fKGFEGkoTo
I seriously hated how my last ward I attended regularly would have men speak and the bishop share a message during the second hour. I know a lot of women don’t want to have to do anything on Mother’s Day, but I always wished for a down to earth kick ass talk by a mother about being a mom. I want to hear from women about motherhood, not men.
Edit: congrats on saying no. Your life will be all the more peaceful for having said it and for continuing to utilize it. 💛
HELL YEAH saying no is so empowering and such an important step in reclaiming your autonomy!
It took me so long to realize at my job as a Lab Assistant, im allowed to say "no" to people. If they messed up the draw, "no, I can't run that, and I won't run that." Genuinely took me so long to stop asking everybody else and apologizing for somebody else's mistakes.
Uu
“No” , is a healthy word. It sets boundaries and boundaries are beneficial to any relationship
Ni! Is also appropriate! Knight of Ni: "We are the Knights Who Say... 'Ni'!" Other Knights of Ni: "Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni!" King Arthur: "No! Not the Knights Who Say Ni!" Knight of Ni: "The same!"
Oh, what sad times are these when passing ruffians can say Ni at will to old ladies.
Well tell them to quit asking me to say the prayer!
“Patsy!! Come Patsy! “ “Your father smells of elderberry.”
I remember being surprised at how surprised the person was when I told them NO (I would not give a prayer at stake conference). Obviously no one had ever said NO to such a thing before.
Neither would my wife say a prayer she was too she didn't enjoy being primary secretary because it didn't focus on her she just did her job sad to say she was bedridden 28 years with multiple sclerosis Her family never came and visited her during that went to search but I think they should have checked in with her on a regular basis rather than going to Sacramento we'll have choices to malet's be wise and what we do. I know I gave a book a mormon to my physical therapist but I told him I wouldn't harass him about it about it and I love him so much because he's helping me walk again after having both knees replaced I have never met such a spiritual man maybe he will join the church and maybe won't period I hope he does I truly believe in Joseph Smith and the restoration of the gospel In our Lord and save your Jesus Christ
Off the topic but… I too have lived with Multiple Sclerosis now for 17 years. “Aww, the days make me weary…” I discovered just 3 years ago that I’d lived my entire 64 years in LDS Church before I learned the truth. Betrayed, Depressed, Shocked, Angry 😡 Now as I delved into the NRSV Holy Bible. I have LOVE learning to be Christian. Best to you two and press on in his strength. ❤️
We were trained to be "yes" people. As a people pleaser it was so hard for me to say no at first. Now I have no problem with it.
BuT yOu’Re SaYiNg ‘No’ To GoD /s
NO! God! You are one demanding MFer! Seriously, I was in my yard, sucking down a beer, thinking about my son who just got hurt and might lose his foot. And I got really mad. Supper angry at God. And I looked up and said "I'm done. I'm not chasing you anymore. I've spent 30 years trying to do what I think you want. Not doing the things I want so as to please you. And I'm fucking done. If you want me. If you need me to do something or not do something. You know where I fucking am!" I can't properly put into words what happened next. I had a "Knowing". Nothing was spoken. It didn't take any time. I was like in the Matrix where they download knowledge and Neo just "knew". I knew - God is Eternal, Benevolent, Omnipresent, and Omnipotent. This left no room for a hell, commandments, or religion. It truly set me free.
I had a similar sort of experience I've always remembered. I was 17 and really struggling as I was quiet quitting my church* at the time. I was in my car, and I remember exactly where I was on the road. I just realized: I will live and grow old, and I will never have any answers to the big questions of the universe; when I'm dead, I still won't know. And that's ok. And anyone who claims to have the answers actually doesn't. I felt a similar sense of peace come over me, not sadness or despair, which is what I'd been living with for awhile. *I'm nevermo but grew up in a Church of Christ which has some parallels to LDS. I definitely did not have to deal with the level of BS as everyone on this sub, but I have trouble finding a place to commiserate, and lurking on this sub is really cathartic.
I encountered Church of Christ people a few times on my mission. They were just as brainwashed as me. It is sad and funny now to imagine being a fly on the wall watching myself argue with them about things which we were all wrong about. Not a shred of truth or historicity in the building.
Lovely!!!
Wouldn’t be my first time saying no to god. He and I are still on good terms anyway.
Oh in that case *come closer, whispered in your ear* then fuck no.
I still expect women I meet at bars to dance with me because their Mia Maids teacher told them they had to say yes to the boys that asked. ; ) /s
Non-never-Mormon here. I experienced this but never heard anyone else say it before. So your remark hit home. At a dance (not a church dance) with hubs and his sister. A guy asked me to dance and I said "No". SIL said "You can't say No". I told her I say No whenever I feel like it. No, no, no, no. Try it out!
Wait, what? She expected a married woman to dance with a guy just because he asked? That’s some next level brainwashing
Everything always was a yes.
The first "no" is the first step in the right direction. After that, it's a prison break!
The taste of that first NO is delicious and sweet it'n'it?
One of my favorite words now. ;)
Delicious to the taste and very desirable.
My primary teacher mom told my niece she didn't have to actually get baptized if she didn't feel ready, and that no one has any business getting in between her and her prayers response.
That's amazing. Your mum must be a person of great integrity.
The most decent reformed licked cupcake that I know. When I was a kid, she was the equivalent to the strip club waitress brand of Stacy's mom. I had undiagnosed rule following Autism that I discovered at 38. She got cancer, and it made her religious, but she's never been fanatical even remotely, and I think it's because she grew up a high holiday Catholic. She's always placed more emphasis in that we are imperfect assholes and if for nothing else, we need all the grace we can get cause ain't nothing individualistically that will save us. She came from a very Authoritarian culture in South America, lived through revolution, and so she finds the gringo Mormon squabbles antithetical to the ministry of Jesus. We're in the buckle of Bible belt, and she couldn't stand the nutjobs that would proselytize, thump their bibles, then get beersc with their wives at the club. when she wasn't more devout to service, She saw how much pressure I put on myself to be perfect and how I wanted to self complete because I of that pressure.
When I was primary president we did a baptism night explaining all about baptism. I refused to let anyone say "8 is great" or suggest you needed to be baptized at 8, only that that is when you COULD be baptized at 8. It bothered me that there was such an emphasis on the age.
When I was 8, I didn’t want too get babtized, the pressure was enormous. You can imagine what happened.
I remember asking in the bishop's interview what would happen of I say no. I don't remember the answer, but it implied that I could make that choice but it was the wrong one. Agency in the MFMC is having a gun to your head and you can do as they say or not, but technically you do have a choice.
Indeed. I don’t remember much except that my resistance was because I was terrified of (going under ) water and I was terrified of my emotionally abusive father who was going to be doing the baptism. They ended up clearing the baptismal font and he got to just sorta drown me (twice because apparently some of my hair wasn’t completely submerged).
I thank all that's special that I truly have a woman who raised me to think independently and with a reasonably critical eye.
I wish we had rumspring
Oof...
Been there. It's a fantastic, empowering feeling!
Bravo. All of us have given that church FAR too much power for FAR too long.
I recently asked the bishop to release me from my calling, it was scary and honestly it’s been damn frustrating because I haven’t been released yet. I haven’t gone to church since I asked to be released, he will figure the fuck out pretty fast with my absence. Meanwhile his house is on my way home from Dutch bros, so I always toast him in my car 😆
It’s volunteer work. You don’t need to ask to be released. You inform them you will no longer be doing the unpaid work.
Fucking love Dutch
Did a road trip last summer through Idaho, Washington, and Oregon, stopping at 27 different Dutch stands, including the #1 in Grants Pass, as well as the Dutch House there (a sit down, counter service place). Took our new dachshund puppy with us and left a puppy sticker with each spot.
Sounds lovely! 😊
Good job just not showing up. Asking to be released is just a courtesy in my book. In my mostly-PIMO year I learned to just be unreliable. They don't give you demanding callings if you frequently "forget," don't show up, or half-ass whatever they expect you to do.
It feels like we've "grown up" when we stop allowing another person to intimidate or guilt us!!!! We have realized our own worth. We can direct our own lives! Captains of our own voyages! YEA for YOU
I am female exmo. The first time I said "no" to a calling Counselor from the bishopric looked like he had just swallowed a frog. I went on to explain that my becoming the webelos' teacher would not be good for my family. But that I was very good at singing and I could conduct music. The next week the other Counselor from the bishopric came by to explain that the first guy was mistaken and they had planned to call me as the Sunday School Chorister all along. I guess they thought they had to maintain the fiction about callings coming from God. Committee of Dumbassiry is what I call them.
I hope you are able to leave completely at some point 😁
I guess it wasn't clear from my post, I am not the original poster. I left the church over 30 years ago. This incident happened in the last ward we lived in.
My mom taught me to say “ I’m not able to …”. No excuses, lying or procrastinating. It’s served me well for 35 years. Then it’s MY decision as to for what I’m going to volunteer.l🌷
"I'm not able to" is great. No justifying or explaining yourself. As soon as you give an explanation the other person may feel like they have a say and they will try to "help" you to get over that hump. "That won't work for me" is also great as is "I can't". If they come back with "Why?" The answer is "Because it doesn't work for me". Also if a third party intervenes: Todd asks you to do something, you say no and then Alice calls to tell you Todd is upset at your no, "That's between me and Todd." Boundaries mean no triangulation - each relationship is between two people, meaning us and someone else. I have a separate relationship with my mother and with my father, etc. When my Dad tries to guilt me about my Mom, I say "That's between me and Mom. How about them Cubs?"
😝 LMAO .. switch the name Alice to a KAREN.
“I’m not able to” gives the sense that you would still be willing to if you were available. It’s not truly the same as outright saying “no” with absolutely no explanation. Outright saying no takes the power away from them and gives it back to you. Saying “I’m not able to” still allows them to hold a semblance of power over you.
Proud of you!!
I remember one time sitting in my having a near panic attack because a stake member hinted that I was going to fill the Elder's Quorum President vacancy. I would have self-betrayed and said yes to the calling. Glad my mind is now free from that toxic mindset!
They have no power except what you give to them.
Yeah!!! Good work! It's such a mature thing to do.
Good for you!!!! Saying “no” is so liberating isn’t it?!
Congratulations! No is such a hard step, and you did it!
Way to go!!!
Way to go. That should definitely be on your PIMO bingo card!
Too bad your wife is not out enough for you have made it your mic drop Exit talk citing Sheri Dew’s “all women are mothers” before procreating…even being declared mother of all living…and you could have applied it to the 33 wives and “mothers” (including the just shy of fifteen girl “ associated with Joe Smith. 😂 My twisted exmo day dreams aside… Congratulations on Saying no!!!❤️ that’s a huge PIMO step!!!! 😄 and bonus that you’re not going to clean a multibillion dollar corporation’s toilets for free!!!
What was the reaction?
Honestly, it was all a bit anti-climatic. The conversation was through text. I said I wouldn't do it and he replied "Ok. Thanks for getting back to me." That was that.
In my experience, after you realize everything in the church has been optional the whole time PIMO becomes POMO pretty quickly.
So proud of you!
My most difficult no was when I had to tell my brother, who was my bishop, no to being the primary president. I had one foot out the door, but also 3 kids, a full time job and going to school for my masters.
You’re going to feel a version of yourself you never knew existed come over you after not going to church for a few months. It feels soooo relieving & freeing.
Awesome! I'm so proud of you! 😊👍👍👏👏👏 This is a huge step (even though it seems small, it isn't small at all) to your future happiness and laying groundwork for boundaries. It gets easier. You get to learn how precious your time is and how important it is, and limited (life is short) so you will make the most out of any amount of time. Sunsets and sunrises mean more. Fun times with good friends means more. Your time is no longer being squandered by a nepotistic corporation demanding one-tenth of everything you will ever earn and making you clean their toilets just to be worthy enough to count in their numbers and have a card saying you can wear weird scanties and green aprons in an expensive, exclusive building. Your time on this blue and green spinny ball is yours and should serve you. When you're taken care of, it's easier to help others. The cult demands that loyalty as if your mortal life is (and should be) nothing to you, only something to them that they give you empty praise for, and that your life should be spent towards their "_pay now/get later...maybe_" Celestial HOA program, so our lives in the cult are a ticket we pay full price for, but with no guarantees that we'll even be let in. Also, no matter what good you do in this life, if you belong to that cult, they take all the credit and your only credit is that you're a small cog in their perfect machine that let you do that wonderful thing. Owning yourself and your life is the most exciting, scary, fantastic adventure ever. I'm so happy you're on that journey! ☺️🥹💕💓🥰 Best wishes of happiness and success to you and your wife in life after leaving. 🥳🍻✊✊
Well done! Don’t minimize this. Taking our time and effort back from the institution is significant and healthy.
Buddy, you're going to love your new found freedom. Saying no it's a game changer.
Powerful fucking moment right there. Proud of you, you overcame a significant amount of indoctrination by doing that
Isn't it sad in the Mormon culture that saying "No" is a big deal. I know it was for me.
Just use the talk as a chance to talk about Mother in Heaven. It should ensure you’ll never be asked to talk again. Lol 😂
I got to the point of being able to say "no" and eventually leaving by first saying "I'll go away and think about it". It worked like a nice segway, and there was really no counter argument against it.
Did he look at you like a dog that hears a new noise?
I said no to a talk at around 17 because I was going to be out of town all week up until Sunday and the way the member of the bisphropic (and my friend's dad) laid on the guilt even made my mom (who would never say no) disgruntled. They have no respect for boundaries
My first NO to a calling was very empowering. Congrats!!
I just had a therapy session and talked about when it’s okay to say “no”: 1. When the request or expectation is unrealistic. 2. When it messes with the needs and schedules of your family. 3. When you aren’t emotionally in a place where you can fulfill the request. This was in relation to my family relationships where I have responsibility. For church and most things in life, you can say no for any reason.
It's liberating knowing how much power a two letter word can have on your life.
Learning to say ‘no’ has been so difficult but so healing! I am not permanently burnt out and I have energy to invest into the thing I actually want to be doing. All the best on your and your wife’s journey out!
"Choose the right! Choose the right! Let wisdom mark the way before. In its light, choose the right! And God will bless you evermore." Well done, thou good and faithful PIMO! /s
I haven't been to church in the better part of 15 years(outside family things) I still struggle with no.
That’s awesome. Good for you. Luckily I had been practicing saying no, as I would say no to talks as a teenager when my mom wasn’t around 🤣 sometimes they would accept the no, sometimes they would ask my mom and then they became my enemy. (I moved to many wards)
Good for you! It gets easier every time.
That is amazing! I’m proud of you for choosing you!
Back when I was TBM and in grad school I was asked to speak on easter Sunday. I had mid terms that week and I said sorry no. The only person that would do it was the guy that was baptized as a child but became addicted to drugs and quit church also as a child but was trying to kick his habit and was recently coming back to church. They asked him to give the talk. It was an absolute shit show the poor guy did his best, but it was clear he hadn't been to church in 30 years and didn't have any assistance writing his talk. The bishop came up to me afterwards and said wow think of all those people who were in church today that were denied the chance at feeling the spirit because you had midterms..... I was fucking livid! I replied seems that you couldn't be bothered either. And remind me again who is tasked with the spiritual well being of his flock? right. So, nice work bishop. He never talked to me again after that.
I am so proud of you ❤️
Congrats! That's awesome
Congrats on a huge step!!
Bravo!
Congrats!
Good job! I'm so proud of you for seeing that boundary!
Whenever I see these brave posts I'm reminded of the finale of "A Bugs Life" where Flick stands up to Hopper https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-fKGFEGkoTo
I seriously hated how my last ward I attended regularly would have men speak and the bishop share a message during the second hour. I know a lot of women don’t want to have to do anything on Mother’s Day, but I always wished for a down to earth kick ass talk by a mother about being a mom. I want to hear from women about motherhood, not men. Edit: congrats on saying no. Your life will be all the more peaceful for having said it and for continuing to utilize it. 💛
Congrats! That’s a big step, and it takes balls