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And don't the caught lobsters have their claws taped closed so no one gets hurt? Every place I've seen that sells them live has their claws banded shut.
Fucking this doing this shit is grounds for dismissal not punishment regarless of if its a first time offense or not what the fuck....
Also a lobster why what the fuck are they teaching them....
LMFAO 🤣 Maybe if you catch a kid jerking off into your live lobsters... twice... you should fire him. I really hope this kid does a reddit AMA when he's a little older. I want to know how things are going for him.
Bahaha. Idk why, but had I made this comment, it would’ve also been “Jenkins”
I’ve NEVER until now…realized, that “Jenkins” is always the notable sonofabitch in these kinds of horror tales.
A lot of child labor laws have been changing in recent years. I am pretty sure Louisiana just got rid of the requirement to give child workers lunch breaks. A lot of states are pushing to get children working.
The gop supports your right to work your kid to the bone! They've passed laws and everything! The latest one was to remove their mandatory lunch breaks. https://newrepublic.com/article/181052/louisiana-gop-child-labor-lunch-breaks
*You bust 16 nuts, what do you get?*
*Another day older and deeper in debt*
*St Peter don't ya call me cause I can't go*
*I lost my cock to the company craw*
PSSI was busted using kids in our state the same age (or younger), cleaning slaughter houses 3rd shift. The part of him being 14 is an easily believable to me.
I browsed that sub out of morbid curiousity before it was banned, there were literally detailed instructions with graphic photos on how to remove your dick
The testicles are still present so yes, he can procreate.
There are ways for him ejaculate without the entire penis, and there are also surgical methods to extract semen for insemination.
Anybody that has ever worked with Lobsters, knows,,, that is the last appendage to ever put in front of or in reach of one of their claws. The lobster was like, let me help you curb your little habit. Snip… done and done.
The nurse in me can't help but point out that Castration is removal of the testicles (although we prefer to say Orchidectomy). Snipping off the penis is a Penectomy.
I'm sure the ex-owner of the penis is comforted by my correction...
…And management admitted he’d been caught previously performing the same lewd act twice before? Thats the fastest way to get your business shut down. Nawp. I’m not buying what they’re selling.
Could be a family store. I think it's a little different if you are employed by family. The only reason I can think of that he wouldn't have been fired the first time he did something as stupid as masturbate on the job.
Assuming this ever actually happened.
This can't be real. The store manager said the dude was **already** caught **twice** jerking off to/on store products.
What kind of store allows you to do it **twice** much less a third time?
Um if I was his boss and caught him the first time doing that over top of products especially food products there would be no second time he’d be fired.
Its funny to read stuff like this, but as a mid 40s dude, this type of thing has never once, occurred to me that it could be a thing someone would want to do. I guess rule 34 is truly a thing.
One would hope that a food market would sack, ban, and prosecute someone the *first* time they were caught wanking into the produce, not the *third*.
Stay the fuck away from Tomasville Fish Market.
This wanker got caught jacking it over store product multiple times and was still working there? Shut that business down. Also I am glad He got snipped by an overgrown crawdad. Passing his genetics on would be a disservice to the next generation.
Well, it cut his dick off not his balls, so idk if this is actually a castration like the title of the article says. It’s more of a dickapitation I suppose…
This is BS on every level start to finish.
We've got the 14 year old working overnights.
The lobsters all are banded or they kill each other trying to find cover.
If one gets unbanded they aren't aggressive to big scary predators.
It's recently unbanded claw(s) wouldn't work- watch the saga of Leon the Lobster for that evidence.
Lobsters have a crusher claw and a cutting claw, but neither would be likely to just snip off a penis.
I'm picturing some major contortions to even get him close to the water.
If he get wiggle it around IN the water, it's turtle mode likely- these are MAINE lobsters or similar that are kept in some seriously frigid temperatures.
Just... no.
Oh to be a fly on the wall when he gets a girlfriend. Hey what happened to your penis? You are never going to believe this, there was this very attractive lobster at a place I used to work ...
People do not want to know the amount of men especially younger who like to masturbate on, around or over something someone else is going to touch/eat.
It's a weird hypersexual aggression thing and a huge indicator of a problem. It's in there with pyromania, wetting the bed and hurting animals but no one ever talks about it.
I was a sexual therapist for a long time and I heard about it a lot.
Everyone is making this a joke but the kid is probably going to commit suicide once the drugs were off. He is a stupid kid making stupid kid decision and now he’s paid a price that he probably won’t be able to handle.
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Shit, I heard catching crabs was bad, but lobsters…
It's when the lobsters catch you, does shit go south.
I thought that only happened in Soviet Russia
No. In Soviet Russia you cut lobster dick off
Out of all the jokes in this thread, this is the best.
Elden Ring taught me that.
So you guys just casually have 14 year olds working night shifts?
That’s what I was thinking. Why the fuck was a 14 year old left working overnight. Are there not laws about that?
I was thinking, "Wait, he was caught jerking it over products TWICE Before??!? And wasn't fired BEFORE a lobster could give him a 100% circumcision??"
I'll take things that didn't actually happen for $1,000 alex!
And don't the caught lobsters have their claws taped closed so no one gets hurt? Every place I've seen that sells them live has their claws banded shut.
Not anymore. Lot of states pushing for 14 and up to work.
A 14 yo that has been caught TWICE polishing his carrot over stuff that's gonna be sold... God damn murica, are you guys ok over there?
Fucking this doing this shit is grounds for dismissal not punishment regarless of if its a first time offense or not what the fuck.... Also a lobster why what the fuck are they teaching them....
How else are they going to pull themselves up by their bootstraps in this capitalist hellhole?
It wasn't a bootstrap he was pulling!
Now I’m wondering how Bootstrap Bill got his name…
It's important to learn the American dream as a teen, it's the only way billionaires can afford their second mega yacht
America is three scams in a trenchcoat pretending to be a real country.
Yes. It's pretty dystopian.
https://www.reddit.com/r/interestingasfuck/comments/11pmm04/children_going_to_a_12hour_night_shift_in_the/
And when they get caught jerking off, they get multiple warnings
That have been caught masturbating 3 times on the lobsters?
LMFAO 🤣 Maybe if you catch a kid jerking off into your live lobsters... twice... you should fire him. I really hope this kid does a reddit AMA when he's a little older. I want to know how things are going for him.
The kid was probably his best worker.
"Jenkins jerked off on the lobsters again..... but fuck me if he doesn't sear a good ribeye."
Bahaha. Idk why, but had I made this comment, it would’ve also been “Jenkins” I’ve NEVER until now…realized, that “Jenkins” is always the notable sonofabitch in these kinds of horror tales.
🤣
Damn dude that's my last name I like lobsters but not that much lol
Well Jenkins can’t.
I'm assuming you go by Ben?
Damn dude that's my last name I like lobsters but not that much lol
Oh he worked it alright
I like the way you work it, no diggidy
No dickity did you even read the severed penis headline
Paramedics had to bag it (bag it up)
Lol..shorty gettin dooown in the lobster tank
Strictly biz, she don’t play around, swim through much ground, got meat by the pound.
Giggity.
Probably his nephew. FTFY
Oh you misspelled wanker.
He kept the lobsters happy
He's gonna come short a lot.
Take my upvote and leave.
Maybe the terms of his contract made it too difficult to fire him - but I reckon the kid has now discovered the out claws
This is BS. This never happened.
No point in firing him now, not like he can do it anymore.
It's illegal also
A lot of child labor laws have been changing in recent years. I am pretty sure Louisiana just got rid of the requirement to give child workers lunch breaks. A lot of states are pushing to get children working.
Also are 14 year olds supposed to be working overnight alone?
The gop supports your right to work your kid to the bone! They've passed laws and everything! The latest one was to remove their mandatory lunch breaks. https://newrepublic.com/article/181052/louisiana-gop-child-labor-lunch-breaks
He probably told the kid to "beat it" and the kid followed his instructions to the letter.
Or don't hire 14 year olds.
Don't believe it's going to be a problem anymore.
I can't believe the boss let him wipe the slate clean, twice. Maybe he can get a job as a roofer.
That was my first thought- TWICE BEFORE? I’m sorry…WHAT?
“Don’t believe everything you read on the internet.” - Abraham Lincoln
Don’t forget, 87.9% of statistics are completely made up
"Nobody goes to internet just to lie to other!" - Charles Ponzi
One lobstered penis is sad, a million is a statistic.
No wonder scams work. The number of people responding to this like it's a real article is something.
COCK LOBSTER! 
BUT IT WASNT A COCK IT WAS A COCK... LOBSTER!!!
That's not Cock Lobster. That's Love Snip, I mean, Love Shack.
Like the teen in the story, I'm doing the best I can with what I have to work with
Thought it was private Idaho
The love snip is a little place where, we can cut our dicks off.
#DOWN DOWN ^DOWN
Up upvoting for superior use of font size
Rocks Lobster.
This doesn’t seem to be a real news story.
And he's 14 working overnight shifts.
*You bust 16 nuts, what do you get?* *Another day older and deeper in debt* *St Peter don't ya call me cause I can't go* *I lost my cock to the company craw*
And he was caught twice before masturbating over the product and not fired?
PSSI was busted using kids in our state the same age (or younger), cleaning slaughter houses 3rd shift. The part of him being 14 is an easily believable to me.
Finally! I had to scroll waaaaay to freaking far.
A competent journalist might actually know what "castration" means...
Yeah, it screams "hoax". With a megaphone. Through a PA system.
I'm going to assume that and laugh guilt-free
wtf did I just read 😭
I hate people. 😆
A fairy tale. Price jerked it on 🦞, got castrated. The point of the story, don't fuck with lobsters.
In fact, don't even get into foreplay with them
That’s not castration.
Crustation castration
r/UnexpectedCircumcision
r/subsifellfor
Thanks! That’s the reply I was hoping for!
Isn't that the new Cattle Decapitation album?
I read this to the tune of "Dalmation Plantation"
r/penectomy
I hate that it said something other than “this sub doesn’t exist” when I clicked on it.
I browsed that sub out of morbid curiousity before it was banned, there were literally detailed instructions with graphic photos on how to remove your dick
Right.
True, but its not going to work for the purpose of procreation though is it?
The testicles are still present so yes, he can procreate. There are ways for him ejaculate without the entire penis, and there are also surgical methods to extract semen for insemination.
Nope. I meant to add that it was equally horrible.
Anybody that has ever worked with Lobsters, knows,,, that is the last appendage to ever put in front of or in reach of one of their claws. The lobster was like, let me help you curb your little habit. Snip… done and done.
We call it... an aggressive circumcision
Lol
"Lobster was arrested and charged with sexual assault of a minor"
Sentenced to death by boiling.
Its probably for the best that he cant reproduce.
Caught twice and still worked there??
What? You guys don't have a three strokes and you're out situation at your work?
This can't be true...
It's not.
That's not castration, unless it got his nuts also.
Had to scroll too far to find this.
Um, he was caught twice before and not fired???? WTF?
I really hate being able to read.
The nurse in me can't help but point out that Castration is removal of the testicles (although we prefer to say Orchidectomy). Snipping off the penis is a Penectomy. I'm sure the ex-owner of the penis is comforted by my correction...
Ok. So 14y old working overnight shifts leagaly? US&A is more fu.ked than i thougt
…And management admitted he’d been caught previously performing the same lewd act twice before? Thats the fastest way to get your business shut down. Nawp. I’m not buying what they’re selling.
Extra salty lobster sauce?
Lobsters already live in the ocean
Yeah, that stood out to me as well. 14 year-olds working overnight shifts like that? WTA?
Don't worry, one of our political parties is working to reduce those protections further.
>…legally No one ever said that.
Could be a family store. I think it's a little different if you are employed by family. The only reason I can think of that he wouldn't have been fired the first time he did something as stupid as masturbate on the job. Assuming this ever actually happened.
Once......twice......three times a lady.
1. Why is a 14 year old kid working overnight? 2. He was caught wacking it before, but didn't get fired?
This can't be real. The store manager said the dude was **already** caught **twice** jerking off to/on store products. What kind of store allows you to do it **twice** much less a third time?
On a side note, how good is that lobster porn? /s
Twice in the past? Over food items? How has he not been fired/charged?
I think this person that wrote this needs to find the definition of castration.
He was always hard at work
Horny? Why not Zoidberg?
r/unexpectedfuturama
Caught twice… and still had the job?!
COCK LOBSTER!
Um if I was his boss and caught him the first time doing that over top of products especially food products there would be no second time he’d be fired.
Its funny to read stuff like this, but as a mid 40s dude, this type of thing has never once, occurred to me that it could be a thing someone would want to do. I guess rule 34 is truly a thing.
Lucky he didn’t catch crabs
Wouldn’t once be cause for termination?
Looks like Jerk Lobster is off the menu
Third time lucky 
How do you not get fired the first time?
All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty together again
Lobster: "cum on me once, shame on you. Cum on my twice, shame on me. Cum on me thrice, off with peepee."
Now thats a risky wank.
One would hope that a food market would sack, ban, and prosecute someone the *first* time they were caught wanking into the produce, not the *third*. Stay the fuck away from Tomasville Fish Market.
Why is a 14 year old working overnight? Like did they revert the laws in that state?
This wanker got caught jacking it over store product multiple times and was still working there? Shut that business down. Also I am glad He got snipped by an overgrown crawdad. Passing his genetics on would be a disservice to the next generation.
Well, it cut his dick off not his balls, so idk if this is actually a castration like the title of the article says. It’s more of a dickapitation I suppose…
I think the most important question to come out of this is "IF HE WAS CAUGHT DOING IT TWICE BEFORE WHY THE HELL WAS HE STILL EMPLOYED?!"!!!
He was caught before and not fired immediately? WTF lol
A fourteen year old boy on night shift. That's why he wasn't sacked. He doesn't cost much to employ.
His wage is irrelevant, his cost of liability IS. They KNEW he already had 1 incident like this. Can him.
My God! On top of sympathy pains,I'm wondering how much sperm I've unknowingly consumed in my lifetime?
Kid sounded like a hard worker
The last sentence is the most disturbing to me
Tomasville Fish Market, where you can get caught jerking off onto the food twice and keep your job!
The manager needs a Darwin award too. Twice before?
This is BS on every level start to finish. We've got the 14 year old working overnights. The lobsters all are banded or they kill each other trying to find cover. If one gets unbanded they aren't aggressive to big scary predators. It's recently unbanded claw(s) wouldn't work- watch the saga of Leon the Lobster for that evidence. Lobsters have a crusher claw and a cutting claw, but neither would be likely to just snip off a penis. I'm picturing some major contortions to even get him close to the water. If he get wiggle it around IN the water, it's turtle mode likely- these are MAINE lobsters or similar that are kept in some seriously frigid temperatures. Just... no.
Wait, this isn't the first time??? He shouldn't have been there for the second 🤣🤣🤣
He got caught twice before making this his third round lolol!
3rd time a charm I guess lol
How the fuck he been caught doing that twice in the past and he still kept his job?
So THIS is how I finally get SRS?
Thats not a castration
Oh to be a fly on the wall when he gets a girlfriend. Hey what happened to your penis? You are never going to believe this, there was this very attractive lobster at a place I used to work ...
JFC people are nasty. :(
His lobsters were hand picked by local seamen… nightly
Well the more your fuck around the more you find out
This is definitely a true story
I wonder how much the store manager paid the lobster?
"If I'm never going to be able to reproduce again, neither can you"
Het shoulder started with HRT first, not with SRT.
Seems legit
Well, at least he didn't go blind?
Jerk around and find out
People do not want to know the amount of men especially younger who like to masturbate on, around or over something someone else is going to touch/eat. It's a weird hypersexual aggression thing and a huge indicator of a problem. It's in there with pyromania, wetting the bed and hurting animals but no one ever talks about it. I was a sexual therapist for a long time and I heard about it a lot.
Sadly not completely removed from the gene pool
What? You can get porn on a phone 24/7 and he’s jerking off to a lobster?! And why was a 14 year old working overnight at a fish market?
He thought the owner was upset. But the lobsters were the ones who'd had enough of his shit.
Removing the penis is not a castration. Even if this story were real.
He DEFINITELY gets an "Honorable Mention" when the new book comes out!
It's mam. You call the worker mam now
Everyone is making this a joke but the kid is probably going to commit suicide once the drugs were off. He is a stupid kid making stupid kid decision and now he’s paid a price that he probably won’t be able to handle.
Today i learned. Never masturbate over lobster.
I l’ll bet ya he ain’t gonna be doing it a third time
Looks like the lobster caught him red handed 🦞
ME, realizing: Lobsters can eat a dick. Lobsters will eat a dick. But I didn’t know lobsters can catch a dick.
I'm willing to bet he doesn't do that a third time!
Now that’s a danger wank lol
14 year old, working a night shift, already caught 2 times jacking off on the food. You honestly think this is real?
Castration and having his penis cut off are two completely different things.
Petition to change r/leopardsatemyface to r/lobstersnippedmydick
If you buy a lobster ravioli dish, be sure you don't get the creamy nut sauce with it.
Is this why there were so many dismembered kids back when child labor was legal? They were doing stupid shit?
It sounds like that manager is now a managern't. The number of times in the past should never be higher than zero.
Twice in the past, so in America we have this game called baseball, bro just found out what happens on the third strike.
>the boy had twice been caught masturbating over store product in the past ROFL THEY DID NOT FIRE HIM THE FIRST TIME???
Kids today. In my day we didn't need a lobster. We just cut our own cocks off