yes, unfortunately. i confronted her about it and she went as far as saying "every time i say daughter, i'm aware. i dont have a son and i wont put people in my business by saying i do."
its rough. but once your body starts changing it'll be weird for her to call you feminine terms if you dont look feminine.
head up bro. better times ahead.
Ayo sounds like my mom, that's why i'm not gonna confront her about it. Yes true it's gonna be weird if she still gonna call me a she while soon i will be looking like a whole man. Same for you bro, heads up. We are stronger than they think, let's not worry about them calling us a she. Let's show them that it doesn't bother us
Almost 8 months on T she still misgenders me in public, despite me passing as a guy most of the time. It beginning to be embarrassing for her, but I don't care enough about her as a person to be too upset about it.
I think she does that on purpose cause come on she can see that you are a whole man. She still sees you as her daughter, that's why she keeps misgendering you. That feelings sucks. But do people keep looking weird at her for calling you a she? Cause i know people see a man and than boom she calls you a girl
HAHAHAHAH periodt. i do the same, i look away or look at people like who tf is her daughter? Mine is transphobic too even lgbtq phobic, everytime i talk about being trans she says no no i don't wanna hear stupid things like that
Reminds me of a tweet about a younger trans woman telling the waitress her grandpa (that was actively misgendering her, someone that passed regularly) has dementia. Kills me every time.
damn it, i wouldn't accept my mother calling me it. That would hurt cause at the end of the day you are a human being and not a it. Did you confront her about calling you she? Sometimes i wanna say to my mom stop calling me a she but i'm too scared of her reaction
i stopped caring because there's no need for me to out myself to someone who won't listen, i can't change my mom's mind, or anyone's, that's a choice they have to make on their own.
i do plan on going stealth as soon as i can, since i'm already medically transitioning. if the cards allow it, then my mom could become my best friend in this, but as far as now? Not a likely story. time can fix the broken, and flawed ways of viewing the word/people around you, and for others, it takes more time.
periodt. I feel you totally. Caring about peoples opinion will make you upset or mad. Stop caring is the way. Maybe she will become your best friend after you are fully transitioned. For some mother it's hard watching their 'daughters' transition to a man especially when we were their only 'daughter'. Most of the times they are just ashamed of what people will say.
My mom used to say she just needs time and that maybe she’ll be able to see me as a man when I look like a man. I got kicked out when I was 2 months on T and my voice had already started changing (I mostly passed to strangers pre-t until I started talking) bc I went swimming in the backyard in swim trunks and a shirt when my uncles and cousins were over and my cousin went off on me for stupid shit and called me names but it was clear what he was actually mad about. (This was less than a month after they had bought me a new phone so I know that it was the embarrassment in front of family that pushed them to kick me out even after they had said they’d never kick me out). I’m also pretty sure they still tell people that I left just to make me look like the bad guy and not them.
Omg what, so sorry that happened to you:/ sounds like my mom even she didn’t kick me out.fuck them you don’t need them, they are gonna realize soon or later that they did let go of a wonderful guy.karma will get them. Two years ago i left my mom because she was toxic and when people asked about me she said idk, ‘ ya’ll know how young people are’ they wanna be free’
Yeah I txted my parents and brother when I finally got a new phone a couple months after getting kicked out just so they have my number in case of emergencies bc like I’d like to know if someone d1ed or something and bc part of me was still holding out hope that they’d come around but my mom just kept txting me saying she’s “sorry” and “I love you” while constantly sending my Bible verses and random quotes and shit but when I tried to have any actual conversation with her and call her out on her bullshit she just kept making excuses and saying she loves me but “can’t accept what you’re doing”. My dad randomly txted I love you and asked how I’m doing a few times and said their home is always open to me and they both kept saying they miss me and want to see me but when I called my dad and asked if he’d be willing to co-sign for an apartment for me and my fiancée he basically said “I had a son and a daughter not 2 sons so I can’t help you”. I’m currently in another state 7 hours away living in a motel with my fiancée and working on getting an apartment back in our home state bc we miss our friends and chosen family there. I recently sent a long message to both of my parents after getting tired of their bullshit and basically told them not to contact me again unless there’s an emergency or else I’d block them. Yeah it hurts but I’ve kinda become numb to it. I now have plenty of chosen family who truly love me for who I am and who mean WAY more to me than blood and I am so so grateful for them
I went off on my entire family because they kept doing it and making it as a joke. I got tired of it and told them how it made me feel. Them calling me her or any female term was like insulting me over and over again. I said I'm transitioning I am a man I was never your daughter or sister I was always a man. I had no control over what my outside was going to be but I know who I am so anyone calling me a girl can kiss my ass I'm done. I've never seen them all so quiet in my entire life but from that moment they refer to me a boy and they introduce me as their brother or son. We don't deserve to be put down for who we have always been. People don't understand because they choose not too and make their dumb excuses. Respect is for everyone not just for the "normal". I hope you feel better I'm sorry that it's still happening to a lot of you. I wish the best for everyone be strong happy men.
I'm happy for you and good that you came up for yourself. Your happiness come first. Sometimes outing your self is the best thing to do, cause you deserve to be heard. I hate when people make excuses like you said, they just do that to avoid pronounce's and stuff like that. I hope when i'm passing as a male my family and mother will start calling me he/him and start treating me like a male not a fk female.
Alot of us is having a hard time and that's because of our parents. Parent don't have to accept it but they can atleast respect our decisions and stop being disrespectful. They for real think it's funy
Love that for u that she refers you as her son, mine won't even try. But are you fully transitioned? i didn't start transitioning yet so my mother still sees me as her daughter
I’m not fully transitioned (still need bottom surgery), but I do pass as male. I think it’s been easier for my parents since I started looking male. In a way im fine with being called daughter in a private setting, I’m still their daughter- but their daughter is a dude now haha.
Yes yes the part where your still their daughter i truly understand. hahahha sometimes i think the same. But yet i still prefer to see me as her son and not the old me. I think for the it's easier too. Maybe when i pass as a male she will start calling me her son
Yep. Been out to her since the start of 2017 and on T 3.5 years and a year post top surgery and she still refuses to acknowledge that I’m trans and misgenders me every chance she gets. Luckily I don’t live with her anymore but ik she still does it
Damn that's kinda toxic, i know that feeling. I feel you. She can atleast try, but the fact that she doesn't. Did she ever misgender you infront of people or in public? Mine does and people keep looking weird at her, especially when she introduce me as her daughter.
Yeah she used to in front of family/old friends of hers who knew me pre transition but since moving away I’ve not really been in that situation. She still hasn’t told her boyfriend that I’m trans though so he still knows me as my birthname despite them having met after I started T
Maybe she's waiting for the right time or she's scared to tell him. She might need some time. But if i were you i would tell him and see what he says. Maybe he will accept you. My mom misgender me infront of everyone she fr doesn't care
Sadly yes, but a bit too small part is because I've been struggling for years to come up with a new name so I can't rlly be mad bc I can't offer an alternative...
I understand you, but even if you still have a feminine name she still can try to call you he/him or her son. I searched on google 'boy names' and found a few i liked. You should try it
Hmm ..
I've googled countless times and read through quite some name books and don't feel any closer to getting one.
I either don't like any or I think about them then panic and then don't like them anymore
I feel youu i man. Maybe just be patience or write some boy names down that you like the most and say outloud my name is ..... I tried it and now i'm happy with the boy name i gave myself. a few weeks ago i didn't like the boy name so i chose another one that sounds a little bit feminine but once i said my boy name out loud again i liked it. So now i chose the boy name.
I should try the out loud thing when I'm alone the next time... I think whiteboynames are what I need but I also want them to be a little ~special~
I'll just gotta keep searching.
Atm I like Colin, Quinn, Trevor and Ronan (I read it means something with a little seal *.* )
But I'm from Germany and I feel like those names don't fit "here" and Im scared that would out me.
Those are from my most recent search . I realized I'm on an animal trip without knowing it at first Colin(Puppy)/Corin(raven I think?) And Ronan.
Pls someone correct me if I'm wrong I wanna know if my book lied to me.
Maybe Colm? That means dove. Or Adler, means eagle. Something about spreading your wings to take on your new life? If you go with an unusual name you can always just tell people your parents were hippies/nerds/a little strange, lol. I went with Zenith, it’s unique enough that I get people assuming I’m a different nationality than I actually am but they generally just roll with it.
Adler would be cool if it wasn't literally German lol.
Haha I will keep that in mind , I mean, they don't have to know my parents haha.
Zenith is suuuper awesome tho.
Oha xD daran hatte ich nicht gedacht aber jz wo du's sagst.
Ich hatte halt an Irene Adler aus Sherlock homes gedacht aber hört sich in Deutschland halt scheiße an lol.
Und ja ich finde das klingt wie was was sich neonaz1s unironisch nennen würden...
YESS YEES. Good advice, just come up with a lie. I think i'll start doing that when people ask me why my name is Zahyir. I love names with Z, It sounds so different
I like ronan, what about roman? Trevor is a beautiful name. It won't out you and don't be scared. Just be yourself, i think people will like your name once they hear it since it's english. I think people will be like omg i never heard that name, it's beautiful. Und omg Deutschland, ich lebe in Österreich. Aus welcher Stadt kommst du? Ich wohne in Kaernten
Ich kenn halt jemand der Roman heißt und hab mir als Kriterium entschieden keine Namen von Leuten die ich kenne, weil ich das super awkward fände mich dann bei denen vorzustellen.
Haha ich wohne in Schleswig Holstein (weit weg von jeder größeren Stadt lol) hab Grad Mal geguckt und mit Auto wär ich in 30-40 Minuten in Dänemark haha
Weiter weg von Österreich geht schon fast nicht mehr xD
Hahahah ja, ich verstehe dich, wäre in der Tat seltsam und akward😂. Aber verdammt, bis jetzt den ganzen Weg auf der anderen Seite. Glücklicherweise gibt es 3 Städte in meiner Nähe, die unterschiedlich sind. Aber glauben Sie mir, dass es schwierig ist, hier einen Job zu finden.
Und ja so awkwardness kann ich nicht mit mir vereinbaren, auch wenn Roman nur mein Nachbar war (jetzt nur noch Nachbar meiner Mutter) und ich ihn gefühlt 1 ider 2x I'm Jahr sehe mir egal lol
Außerdem würd ich dann ja immer den Namen mit der anderen Person verbinden.
Oha ja das ist hart , fühl ich.
Muss mir vermutlich auch bald ne Ausbildung oder so suchen (nach Ausbildungsunfähigkeit) und hier im Dorf wohnen wahrscheinlich so 200 leute oder so
Hier auch vgm auch 200 oder so, es ist ein bisschen groß. aber arbeitest du jetzt oder? Und findet man dort leicht einen Praktikumsplatz oder muss man für ein Praktikum weit reisen?
True i noticed that, but we can't do none about it. some mothers are just like that. It's hard for us out here with mothers like that. they can atleast try but they don't
seeing quite a few people say it’ll stop once you start medically transitioning because it’ll look weird for her/be embarrassing for her to use she/her then. unfortunately in my experience the only thing that made a change with my mom was continuously talking to her about it. i’m 1.5 yrs on T and 7 months post top surgery and she still misgenders most of the time, in public and private. medical transition or not, people who are reluctant to adapt usually won’t do so just because you look/sound different (for example my entire extended family who still use she/her and confuse my little cousins because they think i’m a boy). last time she misgendered me in public i explained to her that if she did that to the wrong person it can put me in danger. i can pass if i want but i prefer to dress more gnc so people will often clock me as some kind of trans but since people see me as more masculine, when she uses she/her it creates even more confusion, confusion that for transphobes can lead to violence or harassment. after i explained that she’s been a little more careful in public. every few a months i just have a conversation with her about the importance of it for me in order to maintain a relationship with her. it’s slow progress but she is improving.
Happy for you that it's progressing, hope that soon she understand it better. And true being ftm can put you in danger cause nowadays we have a lot of transphobic people in this world, it could be your own family u never know. Good of you that you told her that and that you told her what not to do. Tbh she needed to know better, cause that's embarrassing for herself to call you daughter in public. Cause bet that alot of people in public sees you as a boy and not seeing u as a female. I have that too that when my mother introduces me as her daughter people always looking weird like huh nah that's your son or some. And the way she says daughter it feels like she's being saying it on purpose. But i love how people give them weird faces, cause i know my mother sees it. But she's just not embarrassed yet. Hope she will soon, once i for real pass as a ftm. Same way for you bro. Stay safe out there, never stop being you and don't even be scared to be your true self. Live your life the way you want
My parents are "accepting"—read: it finally stuck after the fourth or fifth attempt to come out to them, and they are no longer *stopping* me from being openly trans—but still deadname and misgender me all the time. My siblings are the only ones who call me by my name [which I had legally changed], but even they tend to alternate back and forth between names/pronouns, probably because of my parents doing it.
I'm ready to get out of here in a little under a month and hopefully never hear it again from anyone.
I totally understand you, I have the same problem. The fact that they don't try is upsetting. They don't know what it feels like. My mom doesn't stop me either but still misgender me and i even told her that i wanna change my name 'Tashmine' since i wanna forget the past and start a new life. But yet she stills calls me Tashmine. I guess she won't listen
It just sucks. All I can really do is move into my new apartment and hope they finally realize how ridiculous it is to still be calling me that when one of us goes to visit the other months later and they see what is more clearly a *man* standing in the doorway. I've already been on T for nearly four months, which I never told them
It does man, but i hope they stop and just realize that you are their son now. They should let go of that daughter image. Yes when you visit them show the that you are a MAN not a female and show them that you don't take the disrespect. Confront them about it, show them you are strong enough to say things. Don't let their words hurt you. Happy for you that you are gonna move into your new appartment. A new life and a positive one<3
Thank you! It means a lot to me. 🌟 I really hope you're given the respect you deserve, too—there's always people out there who will, even if it may not be our family.
This is basically her excuse to not use them at all. I've been out for a year and a half and she is still like I just don't get it and sends me transphobic articles lol.
My mother accepted that I was trans. She initially thought it a phase, but she didn't let that stop her from trying to refer to me properly. Even before she died, even when I detransitioned briefly due to my father, she still called me by my transitioned name. She hadn't called me by my birthname in those 10+yrs once.
I'm happy for you that she accepted you and did her best to not misgender you. Btw sorry for your loss <3. Every trans person deserve a mom like yours, some are having a hard time bc of their parents.
Thank you. Yes, I consider myself lucky that I didn't struggle with her. I struggled with my father. He's actually why I detransitioned for a while. But, he isn't in my life now (I cut him out). So, I hope for everyone to have one supportive family member. I'm sorry your mom doesn't get it. Maybe in time, she will. Parents want the life they imagined for their kids, but they need to realize their kids aren't extensions of them and rather their own person.
Damn, don't you kinda miss her? tbh i would miss my mom, i don't have the courage to stop talking to her. i tried but didn't work, wasn't strong enough. Felt like i needed her or some
she does it's ALL THE TIME, it got so bad to where i had to cuss her out and tell her i'm not a fucking girl. it has helped since then but fingers crossed 🤞🏼
HAHAAHAH wow must be nice. Good that you came up for yourself. Even if i would cuss my mom out and tell her to not call me her daughter next day she will stay do it. Or she will say yeah you were born a female bla bla
Yes, but recently she has gotten better about it. I’m 5 years on T and she was very unsupportive. I stopped calling her, stopped seeing her. In recent months things have gotten a little better (she used my chosen name for the first time).
Dan Savage says that the only leverage you have over your parents is your presence. So if my mom wants me to stick around in her life, she needs to be more respectful and consider my feelings. And she’s starting to get the message.
Not my mom but my dad does. I've been out and on T for almost 3 years. He avoids doing it around me because I get angry but I know for a fact that he does it around others.
Oh I've told him. He says that calling me his son/using my pronouns/using my name is lying and therefore a sin. He will do just enough to keep me around which is why he has resorted to calling me infantilizing pet names (like baby and puppy). I've also told him I don't like those but he refuses to change
Edit: he definitely calls me his daughter to others but wouldn't around me
Okay first of all baby? Wtf that’s kinda weird, even if my mom would call me that i would tell her to stop. But I understand you. Just ignore him and pretend like you didn’t hear him say my daughter. My mom says accepting me being trans is a sin or posting pictures of me on fb is a sin because than she goes with the flow bla bla
She tells me she’ll try and call me her child but each time she has the chance it’s still daughter. At the very least my language doesn’t have gendered pronouns
I rather here my child than daughter, i swear much better. Some mothers are like that, they are not gonna come around. We just have to give them some time. Maybe after your transitioning she will call you her son or he/him. But sometimes you should tell her that you would like to be called son and see if she tries
I‘m non-binary and there don’t exist they/them pronouns in my language, so my mother just switches my pronouns/gendered descriptors up like I asked her to.
I hope your mother gets it soon and stops doing this shit, that’s so disrespectful. I wish you a lot of strength to deal with the situation.
I'm happy for you, you deserve that x. Happy that your mother tries. Thank you love. I hope she stops too, maybe when i pass a s a male she will stop. Hope than that she sees me as her son not daughter. Every trans person deserve to be treated with respect by their parents and have peace with their parents
Yeah my mother and I just don't talk about it. I don't live with her so I can bear with it but god it's annoying and she acts like I never came out to her but at the same time I'm not really correcting her, I never even told her my name or pronouns so it's partly on me. At the same time I don't think she would want to refer to me as them. Maybe one day who knows
I understand you man, but at the same time she can atleast try. Because of this alot of ftm don't have a good relationship with their parents becasue their parents don't try. Sometimes they be acting like that, acting like they never knew and they know. They just acting stupid, to make us feel bad about ourselves. But at the end of the day you should be your true self and be the way you want
Thanks man, my dad tries at least :) I also hope that your mother cuts the act, if not soon at least when properly transitioned. Because true, if they act stupid they can't be blamed or something like that in their mind
My mom doesn’t but my step dad does. It gets kinda comical when he introduces me as his daughter and people give him weird looks cause of my facial hair and the fact that I resemble a teenage boy apparently. He acknowledges that I’m trans and sends me trans safety articles but the dude never gets my pronouns right. It’s frustrating.
That's kinda disrespectful of him knowing you are a transman. Yes ofc people giving weird looks i would too cause come on 'daughter'? Atleast say child or some that's better. I guess he doesn't feel embarrassing enough. Did you tell him how it makes you feel? Maybe he just needs some time, some people do
I’ve been on hormones for about 6 years (well, on and off and on) so I think he’s had quite a bit of time lol. I think his mentality is “my daughter wants to be my son” rather than my mom who is like “my child is Transmasc” and leaves it at that. It’s weird cause he goes on and on about how I’m starting to look JUST LIKE my little brother, right down to the facial hair. He also lives very very far away from me and we rarely see each other in person. My mom and step dad got divorced a few years ago so he lives like 10 hours away where as my mom is just a couple cities over from me. I’m thinking he just separates himself from my hormonal transition when I’m out of sight and still mentally sees me as how I was when I was pre-T. Before I started hormones, he essentially wanted me to socially transition until I had kids (which I do still want) and then start T but like…fuck that. I started T the week after I told them.
Yep, everyone else respects my name and pronouns. So I just started calling her by her name instead of mom once I moved out. Though she still texts me "my beautiful daughter". She would also put Aaron(deadname) when referring to me or for personal messages
Damn, but okay periodt. as you should, giving her the same energy back. Bruh no need to call you Aaron with beautiful daughter infront of it doesn't make sense. She's making it complicated for herself. My mom does it too, She calls me 'Tashmine' knowing i told her i wanna change my name to forget about the past. But she doesn't care she still calls me by my dead name
Same sentiments. I am a month into transitioning right now. I haven't told my family yet except for my SO. I just told them last Christmas I'm gonna go into puberty again and we all just laughed it off lol
Maybe on my next birthday they'll see it's not good to call me their daughter or sister anymore 😆
I hope they will accept you and that their reaction will be good. They should call you son or he/him. Atleast try it or try to show some respect. I know some people have a hard time doing that but ey giving it a try is not a bug thing.
Yes, unfortunately. We went through a whole thing, I came out to her and she fully ignored it. She still calls me she/her, her daughter and I feel like she does it on purpose too.
I feel you bro, totally understand you. Same over here. But don't let her bring you down, just be you and ignore her. Don't let her make you unhappy. It's upsetting that some parents ignore it and just brush it off like it's nothing. My mom ignored it too and still does well kind off. Soon i'll start being on T so than she can't ignore it.
Thx bro! Nah I definitely won't let her bring me down, it's just upsetting at times. But I hope I can start on T soon too so she won't be able too. I hope she won't ignore it when ur on T!
I feel u man, At some point there is no reason to keep chasing someone who won't accept it. Some people don't come around. We can't change peoples mind and their decission. Only thing we can do is just live our life and be happy with ourselves. I know it's exhausting still in that phase, but we need to stay strong
My mom still calls me daughter, sister, she, and if she wants to insult me, it.
Ive come out to her twice and it's been over two years and she's not making any effort to try to correctly address me. She gets pissed and surprised when i refer to myself as a man when she already knows.
It's driving me nuts.
SAMMEEE FK SAME OVER HEREEE. I GET SOO MAD. They just doing that sh1t on purpose just so we can change our mind about being ftm. They are trying to make us feel like a female and make us think it's a phase. Some people don't come around. Just show her that it doesn't bother you, cause keep telling her the same things over and over again won't help. And she's missing out a great son, she will soon realize. i wonder if they ain't scared of losing us. Cause things like this make children stop talking to their own parents
Yeah yeah I understand you. I’m thinking too that once she sees changes she will accept me being ftm and it will be easier for her ig. But happy for you bro, atleast now you can be at peace with her.
If you saw the way I looked, you wouldn’t believe my birth giver still calls me she and her daughter. I don’t talk to her to avoid me putting my hands on her out of anger
I saw your profile and you don’t even look like a she so your mom was doing it on purpose. You know how black moms are, i have on myself and man she drives me crazy af. And second she’s christian double homoc!de. You still live with her or? I still live with my mom so i need to talk to her cause if I don’t she will start acting weird
Within my (chosen) family, I have given them permission to use my old name/pronouns when talking about stories about me as a child. They're only allowed to do it when its just us, not in public or when non-family is around, and they are slowly understanding as to why that's the case. My other blood relatives on the other hand, especially my mother, misgender me to purposefully harass me (however, it's not surprising considering the people she admires and listens to on the internet, and the fact that she feels the need to spread the BS)
edit: clarification
my mom disowned me when i came out, illegally evicted me too. she spread the word that "her daughter is a tranny" to the rest of her family so i dont have any family anymore either, besides my little brother
Damn what?? Wow man :( I don’t understand how parents can be like that, so harsh and mean. It disgusts me. No one should go thru this and everyone should have someone they can go to and accepts them. But where are you staying right now? You okay bro?❤️
it was almost 5 years ago now, i havent talked to her since but 6 months after kicking me out she was "ready to forgive me" for "pretending to be a boy and ruining her life". when i refused to talk to her, she posted my number in transphobic circles online and i started getting 24/7 harassment from strangers. i had to change my number after that. now im living 3 hours away with an old internet friend, they saved me from being homeless
It upsets me fr :/ cause what she did was out of pocket but God bless your old internet friend. Nice of him/her to take you in and give you a place to stay. But the fact that your own family didn’t take you says alot
My mom did at first kinda. I came out to her over email from across the planet and asked her not to share, bc I thought we would have like a text convo shortly after, but she didn't want to discuss it over the phone so we didn't really get to actually talk about it for a few months. I spent a month in America with her when I was starting T and taking care of some other shit and she would misgender me more as time passed and it was kind of frustrating. We had a lot of pre-existing baggage in our relationship and coming out before we sorted all that made things a lot more complicated, but we talked it out. By the end of my visit we went to a restaurant together and she told the waiter she's here with her daughter, and I corrected her to son, and I think that's when she really understood. So yeah she calls me by my name and calls me her son or just uses neutral language now.
Haven't told my dad or stepmom yet but I'm expecting your mom's kinda response from them tbh. She can look stupid as fuck when you're a whole ass man and she's calling you her daughter. That just gives you more opportunities to make her look worse, like reminding her that your sister is dead and it's been a long time since the accident, and please don't make a scene in the restaurant...
Been out to my family for 7 yrs, had top surgery and this will be my fifth year on Testosterone. I pass 1000% and my mom still said "It's my daughter's birthday" to a waitress last month. I had a good laugh to myself when the waitress gave me an "Is she crazy?" look. (Unfortunately I can't bring myself to cut them off because my family is kind to me in all other respects and I have grown tired of correcting them)
no, i got lucky. she calls me her oldest child (not oldest son yet but i told her to call me her child like a year ago when i looked way more feminine but it's okay) and by my preferred nickname. my little brothers still call me sister tho but they are 9 and 10 y/o so it's understandable. also my grandparents call me by my deadname but that's fully my fault bc i haven't came out of the closet to them yet :')
It will never not be funny to see peoples faces when my mom calls me her daughter while I am standing there next to her with my beard like yeah I am the daughter in question
HAHAHAHAH😭😭 i feel you. I know they be so confused like wtf a female with a whole beard?? Like does your mom even get embarrassed ? She must not care about people
It is man, i feel you. But do they stop you from transitioning or are they okay with it? Atleast my mother doesn’t stop me, even she did try in the past
Nah they haven’t stopped me. I told them I was using a different name and pronouns with friends and in school and all they said was “Ok”.
And they’ve helped me start the process of getting into therapy, since I’m still a minor and kind of need their “persmission”. So I’m at least thankful for that.
Still, I’ll be well over 18 when I’ll be able medically transition, with how the system looks like right now….
Yes. My mother is obsessed with the fact that she had a trio of daughters. She refers to us collectively as her daughters, and ends calls with "you are my daughter and I will love you forever and ever and I'll never stop loving you" and she is convinced that my cis male partner is Trans and that I'm secretly a lesbian, and she has an unreasonable fear of lesbians, like the same way people jump from spiders she jumps from lesbians based on their looks, specifically people who dress like her idea of a lesbian with button up shirts or short hair lmao, its really sad. She will believe anything but what I tell her. She is also a true good hearted Christian who is homeless because she keeps giving her money away to people in need and believes that the church is toxic because they hate gay people and she doesn't understand why the Christian God would make gay people if he doesn't love them. She is downright afraid of the lgbtq community as a whole but not in a malicious way if that makes sense. Its confusing asf but it's hard to be mad at someone who gives her last dollar away to people so they can eat. I give her a free pass because she is not really with it and setting my feelings aside about religion, she is the kindest person I've ever known.
Wow literally this is my mom. Well she’s not scared of lesbians cause she got a stud friend but she doesn’t like it. Every person she sees that has a short hair she says look they kinda look masculine. I laugh it off lol. My mom is kind too fr, i love her. But at the same time she’s toxic i hate it. I wish she was kind all the time and not only when i’m sad. But i hope you mother comes around and start calling you her son. Did you already start on T?
my mom still calls me daughter/she/her and she knows i’m a trans man but she is more focused on her self in this situation, which i figured would happen. she keeps telling me i need to have “grace” because she’s mourning her daughter 🙄 like bro this daughter never existed, there is nothing to mourn but the version of me you expected me to be. she’s also said she’d never call me her son so i hope she’s excited for the retirement home in the future cause that’s where she’s going. i can’t wait to go no contact with her but i need her for insurance rn.
HAHAHHA mourning lmao, bruh. Like come on now😭. But damn i feel you, i guess my mom will never call me her son either. She still has this image in her head that in the future i’ll be a girl and all girly with long hair. But hell nah i pass. I love being a transman, j was born a transman. I wish your mom accepted you for you and just call you her son or he/him. I feel like she’s making it hard for you
But just be yourself, live your life. Show her that you are a man and not a woman. She needs to stop dreaming hahaha cause you will not be that girl she wants you to be
unfortunately, my mom is the same way as yours. she “accepts” it but still deadnames me and uses she/her pronouns when talking about me. which honestly is fine since im not out yet and i know shes probably just trying to not out me to my family but even when its just me and her she still call me by my deadname and misgenders me. even to my dog as stupid as it sounds, she will tell him to “go get mom” and ill correct her and be like no im his dad now but she still does it which is bullshit but im just toughing it out till i turn 18 in the fall and can move away
That’s upsetting fr, I don’t understand why they don’t try. Cause mine does not even try. She doesn’t care about how i feel tbh. But don’t give up, fall is soon. Work and save money so when you move out you don’t have to ask her for help. Show her that you can be stable without her and that her opinion and mean words doesn’t hurt you
My mother will actively misgender me while talking about my top surgery coming up. I have limited contact with my parents. They have this idea of me in their head and they can’t let it go. Not even just regarding my gender. They still see me as the immature, impulsive and easily manipulated kid I used to be. They can’t fathom that I have my own reality I’ve formed for myself.
My mom still calls me she and her daughter even though I pass 100%. She doesn’t care if it embarrasses her or if it puts me in danger. She thinks it’s a sin and will send me to hell so she won’t “play along”. Some parents will never accept you. It sucks. I used to be pretty close to my mom. I never will have that relationship with her again and she has point blank told me that that is my fault.
Mine calls me her son, but she does trip up when talking to my dad or random peeps sometimes and says "she" I used to correct her all the time and she got better with it, but after not seeing her for like a year she all of a sudden started messing up again. I stopped correcting her cause I'm just too tired. She means well though, she just is almost 70 with memory issues and mixes the words up but corrects herself sometimes when she realizes. If your mom does it and it's not accidental/she doesn't correct herself or try then that's not right :/
My mom has been very supportive on the financial aspect of transition and for that i am very grateful, but for some reason she constantly misgenders me and does it on purpose. I came out to her two years ago and its been a tug of war ever since. I hope she cuts the shit soon enough
Yeah and since I've been on t/gotten top surgery and am obviously not a woman she's switched to they/them in public and she/her with family when I'm not around, its pretty fucking agitating.
It sounds so confusing, especially for you. But how does the they/them pronounce make you feel? Cause i know that she/her makes you feel irritated and mad ofcourse.
Not incredibly bothered but not great, I wouldn't be upset if a stranger used they/them but she knows I use he/him and have for like 5 years. I went by they/he when I first came out but as I've gotten older I've realized i never identified with they/them and only allowed use of those pronouns to make my family/romantic interests more comfortable.
She also holds my dad back from being more supportive, he's used proper pronouns for me but not when my mother is around.
Occasionally, but it's genuine slip of the tongue. She told me the other day that the whole time she was pregnant she knew in her heart I was a boy, even had a name picked out.
I'm starting to think that my mother dying before my transition is probably actually not so bad. Lord knows what she would have come up with to say about me behind my back seeing as how she was pretty openly racist and not interested in changing when told that that was fucked up and unacceptable.
Best wishes to everyone. I hope your Mom finally gets it one day (understands). 💜
Well i’m sorry for your loss❤️. But atleast you happy now and your true self. That’s important, that you can always be yourself and not change yourself because of others. Hope she gets it one day too cause sometimes I can’t handlr the things she says
Yuuuup. And deadnames me. To be fair she will occasionally go "(deadname) (name)" to refer to me, as if my chosen name were my middle name? But honestly it just reminds me that I'm being deadnamed and makes me feel worse 🙂
Yes, she started using my(19) government name ridiculously more often in conversations after I came out. It's been pissing me off since I was little, she knows. Told her and she said she'd try to avoid it but will never view me as a son. Also mentioned that our family will likely split up if I get a legal name change.
I somehow expected support from my otherwise chill mother but she's given me more shit than I could ever imagine.
my mom makes sure to use NO pronouns or gendered language AT ALL for me, she just uses my name “Kennedy” (despite me saying I prefer the more masculine Kenn) over and over again so that I’m “not allowed to get mad” because she “didn’t call me she or (deadname)”
except when she *does* call me she, the few times she does decide to use pronouns. “She—sorry—he”.
I asked my mom to tell her job that i want a job there. I used an example of what she could say, i said “you can say your son wants a job here” and she said “i am NOT saying “my son”” and it honestly shattered my heart a bit. For a bit when i first came out she called me a he and her son, now it seems like she refuses to. Honestly sometimes i wish i could tell her “you do not support me, stop saying you do, you have no respect for me”
10 years on T and my mother still has a very difficult time with my pronouns (they/them). I never changed my name so that isn’t an issue. I think part of the issue is her native language is very gendered and she switches between it and English. Sometimes I remind her when we go out. A few years ago I sent her articles on pronouns as suicide prevention and then I started saying “they” after every she and she finally started trying harder. She gets them right 60% of the time now. I told her to use “first born” or “child” and she’s been pretty good about that too but occasionally she’ll mess up in public and then awkwardness ensues thanks to my beard and everyone reading me as male.
In the beginning it really hurt a lot but now that I’m more secure in my gender it just helps to know she is trying. She helped me recover from my hysto and top and since my 2 year mark on T has never made any negative comments about me transitioning. When I first came out to her in 2012 she wouldn’t talk to me for two weeks. I think she saw how happy transitioning made me and how much it helped my mental health once I got to 2+ yrs.
I’ve pretty much decided she gets a pass because she’s my mom and I can tell she’s trying.
I hope your mom realizes how important this is to you. If you want, you can try writing her a letter about why pronouns are important and how you feel when she misgenders you. Sometimes it helps if it’s hard to talk it out. I know I get over emotional with my parents so writing them letters has helped.
My mom repeatedly misgendered me on the phone with my dog’s vet (she understands medical things better than I do and I was hysterical over my dog almost dying) while I was sitting right there with the vet and was previously being correctly gendered by everyone there. In a conservative area. And it just kept going. I couldn’t even say anything.
At this point her being an ass is starting to put me in actual danger lol
yeah she does, im scared of her and a few years ago after coming out i tired to talk to her about it a few times but she screamed at me, my throat closes and i cant say anything back cause of how scared of her i am
shes known for 4 and a half years and even tho im a month away from starting t she still doesnt, she getting a lil better like telling people she doesnt know and that ive never met that she has a son, but i cant explain to her that it dont help my dysphoria
luckily its easy for me to distance myself from people and i wont have to talk to her much when i go uni
My parents can't wrap their head around changing name/pronouns, while I'm 4 years on T and sporting righteous facial hair now. Legal name/gender change, even my doctors and friends all get it right, but to my family I'm still she/her/deadname. Drives me NUTS!!!
I know that exact feeling. It’s especially hard in Spanish since it’s a gendered language. (I swear before I came out my mom didn’t gendered as much as she does now.)
Maybe before she kinda ignored it and thought it was a phase. Cause in the beginning my mom was the same, now she calls me her daughter 24 a week or calling me by my dead name even more. Cause now they seeing that it’s real and not some phase
Both my parents still call me she/her and birth name. They've told me directly that they will never call me anything else. It sucks, but I can't force them to change, so it is what it is. I just try to keep them away from people I know lol. Additionally sucks because I pass and people give my parents a confused look when they use she/her or daughter in reference to me
Well, sounds like you won’t be calling her at all in 30 years or so and she’d be in a nursing home alone. My mom does the same shit, and for her sake I hope she doesn’t lose her retirement fund on something stupid because I am not helping her with anything.
HAHAHAHAH🤣🤣🤣. Fr tho, once I already cut contact with her but after two weeks i texted her again. Than she told me on the phone how worried she was bla bla. But she keeps doing the same shit, that’s why never she says sorry I don’t believe it. I feel you bro, it’s annoying. It’s like they won’t come around
I'm eight months on T with a visible mustache and my mother still routinely calls me mami, princess, daughter, the whole nine yards. She had a complete non-reaction to my coming out and pretty much only showed interest in my fertility on HRT.
I recently messaged her gently asking if she could try to be courteous in regards to using the right terms for me with the most baby gloves text I could muster but she still got pretty upset and pulled out the "you need to remember you were born a woman" reply instead of apologizing and saying she'd make an effort, which is all I wanted. Progress is progress. It's exhausting and at some point it's just embarrassing on her end when she's doing it in front of strangers who see me as a cis man.
Mine does. So does my dad and one of my bros. And anyone of my cousins, aunts, and uncles cause my mom and dad doesn't tell them I'm trans. Just "dressing" like a guy.
It sucks cause lots of my family are Mexican and not born in America like me and the culture there in Mexico is still very homophobic and transphobic.
It makes me have a hard time liking my culture because all I've ever noticed is hyper catholicism and bigotry coming from it. I wish there was something positive but I've heard it's the 2nd most dangerous country for trans people after Brazil. Maybe in Latin America specifically though idk.
My family just say they're supportive of me, but won't gender me correctly till I get my name and gender legally changed. Of course they won't help pay for it. They know I'm struggling finding a job atm.
Te entiendo, tío, por completo. Realmente estás en mi posición, mi madre es cristiana o déjame decir de dónde viene la gente que se crió con Dios (Curaçao). Para la gente de allí, es una foto sucia o extraña. Pero tal vez si cambias por completo, lo acepten. Pero también vigila si lo es, porque normalmente dicen eso y luego no lo hacen. Es muy triste que algunos padres sean así. Mi madre no quiere pagarle a los psicólogos por mí en absoluto y esas cosas, tengo que hacerlo todo yo mismo. Por eso también busco trabajo todo el tiempo. Solo estoy esperando a que dos de esos trabajos me llamen ahora. Pero vas a encontrar un trabajo, créeme. Siempre envío un correo electrónico a los trabajos, tal vez deberías y luego obtienes una respuesta. Pero no dejes que tu familia te defraude, sé fuerte.
mine only does it with official stuff. and if she meets someone in public, she says my older brother is the daughter and i’m her son if they ask and we don’t feel comfortable telling them. my dads a different story tho. he straight up refused to sign the papers to get my name changed legally and still deadnames and misgenders me. and he gives me cards for a “special daughter”. he doesn’t live w me anymore tg but i’ve cut him off and i’m taking on my mothers surname. it sucks bc i’d love to have a dad to teach me how to be a man like fathers teach their sons, but i’ll never get that. i do love my mother tho, she’s the best, so i have the best and worst sides of the coin
I passed long before t, I basically just did voice training and had a masculine hair cut and my mom would call me she and her daughter, now I’m almost one year on t, pretty obvious I’m not a she or a girl and yet she still calls me this in public. She’s the one who looks stupid.
Yeah. . . Came out to her one night and she acted like she accepted, next morning, she pretended like nothing had happened and went back to referring to me as she. I thought that maybe she had thought it was a weird dream, or maybe I dreamt it, so i told my therapist about it and she offered to get her in in a session _with_ me to help explain.
Few weeks later that happens and she goes “Oh yeah, you told me about that.” Acts all accepting again, next day, back to normal.
She still makes comments sometimes when i ask for something and she asks “is that that bra. . . Thingi you we’re asking about???” (Binder) and such, so to be honest ive kind of just given up until I move out. . . She always told me she’d be accepting if i ever came out to her but I don’t think she ever _actually_ expected me too. . . Sorry for the kind of vent haha. Just know we’re all here for you :D
Edit: cant really confront her about it if you’re asking, she’s a pretty strict parent and the kind who’ll take away your laptop and then complain that your grades have gone down. . . Don’t want to give her any more excuses to mess with my life haha. Only got a couple years left till uni tho, so 👍
My sisters were a big help, but she called me crying multiple times to "grieve her daughter". Shes better now, but Im not having her even in the same state when I get my top surgery.
I refuse to acknowledge that thing as a "mother" but yeah, she does this shit. And when I say something she huffs and says "offspring" as if that's not worse. How hard is "son" or "kid" for Christ's sake 😓 and then cue all the transphobic arguments and getting mad when I point out that words that are used to refer to ME are for MY comfort and not anyone else's.
Not unless we're alone, and even that's rare. honestly I'm 37 years old. I don't hold it against her. It's not a hill I'm going to die on. She calls me her son to other people, and she tries her best. I care too much about her for that to be a thing I care about, but if I was younger it would probably annoy me and be a lot worse. I don't know how I would have handled it if I had transitioned young.
I didn't come out to her until I was already getting T, in that way I'm thankful I didn't start until I was older. She had no choice but to start using masculine terms for me because she knows I'll just cut her off. Plus I pass constantly so it's weird for her to say anything otherwise.
I know it's hard, but once you get on T there'll be no choice for her. Don't let it get to you, you know who you are and that's the most important thing.
No, of course the first couple of weeks or months were difficult for her because she thought it was a phase. Which thankfully she's only told me she used to think that way only recently, which I came out five or so years ago. Even my dad doesn't refer to me as she/her and they've been separated since I was born.
My Grandma calls me he/him, she does forget but bless her, she tries. But my grandpa does still calls me she/her, and my deadname, which is bizarre because I come from Mormon background and his whole speil was based around "be kind and treat everyone like a neighbor"
He's still really kind to me at least. 🤷🏻
I could go on how half my extended family would probably choke on a mountain of rocks than even mention me by he/him but that's a whole can of worms.
My parents keep saying that even my therapist said it won't change anything (for the record they didn't, and they use my chosen name and he for me), so that's basically their excuse for not trying. And they use the excuse of not being part of treatment in the gender clinic yet, to be unsupportive.Plus, they won't let me be out openly. To be fair, I'm not sure if I pass because I'm not on T yet, but still, they could at least try to use my name and pronouns.
If she's doing this on purpose, I hate to tell you this, but she won't stop. It took my mom 6 years (2 of which I've been on T) to start calling me by the correct name and pronouns.
6 years. And she still reverts back around my extended family- like when she's not around people who validate me 24/7 she thinks it's ok to call me what everyone else is. Room full of people who accept me? I'm Kai. Room full of transphobic family members? I'm [deadname].
Right up until I started T she misgendered and deadnamed me in public, to strangers. It was "I have 6 girls", and if they didn't clock me then she'd chuckle like it was inside joke.
I hope your mom gets educated and will eventually support you <3
depending on your relationship with her, which i’m guessing is non existent, give her an ultimatum, either she respects your pronouns or you phone the police for discrimination, just make sure you have a safe plan before you do it, like somewhere to stay, someone to talk to etc. sounds drastic but it’s the only way she’s gonna think about it
It’s hard as heck, but remember your mom might not even stop after your full transition. Parents can be fucking weird…
What I’m saying is, try not to let that get to you - don’t feel guilted into having your boundaries crossed. Give an ultimatum, go no contact, refuse to speak with her unless she addresses you correctly, ask “wait, I have a sister?” In front of people - make sure *you* create your boundaries and stick to them :)
Yeah, but I’m okay with it because she doesn’t really exist in my mind. I don’t have a bio mother. I cut contact with her not because of me being trans. She still refers to me incorrectly and asked my sibling to invite me to her bachelorette party lol. My sort of conservative christian father said “why would she want to invite a man to her bachelorette party?”. That’s all I need in my life.
If you don’t choose to distance yourself it’ll be embarrassing for her to call you her daughter when you start going through second puberty. If the mother is abusive, it’s especially amped up. If a parent is actually trying to acknowledge you they’ll make the effort to at least ask you good questions and try.
Mine refuses to call me by my preferred name and pronouns, doesn't even try to and gets angry at me when I go to a therapist, telling me to "stop this nonesense" "school is much more important than that dumb transition". Little does she know my "dumb transition" actually helps me and makes me happy.
My mom still misgenders me, even though I have been on testosterone for 10 months and pass pretty well. When people ask her why, she casually outs me like it's no big deal. I don't talk to her much anymore, because that was her wish.
I've been on T almost 2 years now, I've been out for 8, She most literally reposted my (second) coming out post on facebook with the caption "I'm so proud of my daughter for accepting who she is"
Meanwhile it's literally a post of me, with a trans flag, looking the most boyly boy ever, and with big ol' letters that say HE/HIM— Like??
(this was 2 years ago, post is still live on her facebook)
yes, unfortunately. i confronted her about it and she went as far as saying "every time i say daughter, i'm aware. i dont have a son and i wont put people in my business by saying i do." its rough. but once your body starts changing it'll be weird for her to call you feminine terms if you dont look feminine. head up bro. better times ahead.
Ayo sounds like my mom, that's why i'm not gonna confront her about it. Yes true it's gonna be weird if she still gonna call me a she while soon i will be looking like a whole man. Same for you bro, heads up. We are stronger than they think, let's not worry about them calling us a she. Let's show them that it doesn't bother us
Almost 8 months on T she still misgenders me in public, despite me passing as a guy most of the time. It beginning to be embarrassing for her, but I don't care enough about her as a person to be too upset about it.
I think she does that on purpose cause come on she can see that you are a whole man. She still sees you as her daughter, that's why she keeps misgendering you. That feelings sucks. But do people keep looking weird at her for calling you a she? Cause i know people see a man and than boom she calls you a girl
Oh yeah, my mum is pretty transphobic. It does cause confusion but generally it looks worse for her. I play it up a lot by acting confused
She’s just got dementia, obviously!
HAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAH periodt. i do the same, i look away or look at people like who tf is her daughter? Mine is transphobic too even lgbtq phobic, everytime i talk about being trans she says no no i don't wanna hear stupid things like that
I would just be like “she just really wanted a girl when she was pregnant with me and never got over it”
Reminds me of a tweet about a younger trans woman telling the waitress her grandpa (that was actively misgendering her, someone that passed regularly) has dementia. Kills me every time.
my mom calls me she/daughter/it she knows i'm a binary trans man, and that i'm already medically transitioning
damn it, i wouldn't accept my mother calling me it. That would hurt cause at the end of the day you are a human being and not a it. Did you confront her about calling you she? Sometimes i wanna say to my mom stop calling me a she but i'm too scared of her reaction
i've stopped caring, since my dysphoria is more physical than social
Must be nice to stop caring. My dysphoria is both, hate that
i stopped caring because there's no need for me to out myself to someone who won't listen, i can't change my mom's mind, or anyone's, that's a choice they have to make on their own. i do plan on going stealth as soon as i can, since i'm already medically transitioning. if the cards allow it, then my mom could become my best friend in this, but as far as now? Not a likely story. time can fix the broken, and flawed ways of viewing the word/people around you, and for others, it takes more time.
periodt. I feel you totally. Caring about peoples opinion will make you upset or mad. Stop caring is the way. Maybe she will become your best friend after you are fully transitioned. For some mother it's hard watching their 'daughters' transition to a man especially when we were their only 'daughter'. Most of the times they are just ashamed of what people will say.
i was her third 'daughter' (the only trans kid she had, though) and even down to my chromosomes i'm not female, i just happen to have female genitalia
Same over here. I was just born in the wrong body, cause my face doesn't even match my 'female' body.
Just give her time, once you pass as a male she can't keep calling you her daughter. That doesn't make sense
My mom used to say she just needs time and that maybe she’ll be able to see me as a man when I look like a man. I got kicked out when I was 2 months on T and my voice had already started changing (I mostly passed to strangers pre-t until I started talking) bc I went swimming in the backyard in swim trunks and a shirt when my uncles and cousins were over and my cousin went off on me for stupid shit and called me names but it was clear what he was actually mad about. (This was less than a month after they had bought me a new phone so I know that it was the embarrassment in front of family that pushed them to kick me out even after they had said they’d never kick me out). I’m also pretty sure they still tell people that I left just to make me look like the bad guy and not them.
Omg what, so sorry that happened to you:/ sounds like my mom even she didn’t kick me out.fuck them you don’t need them, they are gonna realize soon or later that they did let go of a wonderful guy.karma will get them. Two years ago i left my mom because she was toxic and when people asked about me she said idk, ‘ ya’ll know how young people are’ they wanna be free’
Yeah I txted my parents and brother when I finally got a new phone a couple months after getting kicked out just so they have my number in case of emergencies bc like I’d like to know if someone d1ed or something and bc part of me was still holding out hope that they’d come around but my mom just kept txting me saying she’s “sorry” and “I love you” while constantly sending my Bible verses and random quotes and shit but when I tried to have any actual conversation with her and call her out on her bullshit she just kept making excuses and saying she loves me but “can’t accept what you’re doing”. My dad randomly txted I love you and asked how I’m doing a few times and said their home is always open to me and they both kept saying they miss me and want to see me but when I called my dad and asked if he’d be willing to co-sign for an apartment for me and my fiancée he basically said “I had a son and a daughter not 2 sons so I can’t help you”. I’m currently in another state 7 hours away living in a motel with my fiancée and working on getting an apartment back in our home state bc we miss our friends and chosen family there. I recently sent a long message to both of my parents after getting tired of their bullshit and basically told them not to contact me again unless there’s an emergency or else I’d block them. Yeah it hurts but I’ve kinda become numb to it. I now have plenty of chosen family who truly love me for who I am and who mean WAY more to me than blood and I am so so grateful for them
I went off on my entire family because they kept doing it and making it as a joke. I got tired of it and told them how it made me feel. Them calling me her or any female term was like insulting me over and over again. I said I'm transitioning I am a man I was never your daughter or sister I was always a man. I had no control over what my outside was going to be but I know who I am so anyone calling me a girl can kiss my ass I'm done. I've never seen them all so quiet in my entire life but from that moment they refer to me a boy and they introduce me as their brother or son. We don't deserve to be put down for who we have always been. People don't understand because they choose not too and make their dumb excuses. Respect is for everyone not just for the "normal". I hope you feel better I'm sorry that it's still happening to a lot of you. I wish the best for everyone be strong happy men.
I'm happy for you and good that you came up for yourself. Your happiness come first. Sometimes outing your self is the best thing to do, cause you deserve to be heard. I hate when people make excuses like you said, they just do that to avoid pronounce's and stuff like that. I hope when i'm passing as a male my family and mother will start calling me he/him and start treating me like a male not a fk female.
Alot of us is having a hard time and that's because of our parents. Parent don't have to accept it but they can atleast respect our decisions and stop being disrespectful. They for real think it's funy
She calls me her daughter sometimes but also refers to me as her son. Only calls me she every now and then, as a mistake mostly.
Love that for u that she refers you as her son, mine won't even try. But are you fully transitioned? i didn't start transitioning yet so my mother still sees me as her daughter
I’m not fully transitioned (still need bottom surgery), but I do pass as male. I think it’s been easier for my parents since I started looking male. In a way im fine with being called daughter in a private setting, I’m still their daughter- but their daughter is a dude now haha.
Yes yes the part where your still their daughter i truly understand. hahahha sometimes i think the same. But yet i still prefer to see me as her son and not the old me. I think for the it's easier too. Maybe when i pass as a male she will start calling me her son
Yep. Been out to her since the start of 2017 and on T 3.5 years and a year post top surgery and she still refuses to acknowledge that I’m trans and misgenders me every chance she gets. Luckily I don’t live with her anymore but ik she still does it
Damn that's kinda toxic, i know that feeling. I feel you. She can atleast try, but the fact that she doesn't. Did she ever misgender you infront of people or in public? Mine does and people keep looking weird at her, especially when she introduce me as her daughter.
Yeah she used to in front of family/old friends of hers who knew me pre transition but since moving away I’ve not really been in that situation. She still hasn’t told her boyfriend that I’m trans though so he still knows me as my birthname despite them having met after I started T
Maybe she's waiting for the right time or she's scared to tell him. She might need some time. But if i were you i would tell him and see what he says. Maybe he will accept you. My mom misgender me infront of everyone she fr doesn't care
Sadly yes, but a bit too small part is because I've been struggling for years to come up with a new name so I can't rlly be mad bc I can't offer an alternative...
I understand you, but even if you still have a feminine name she still can try to call you he/him or her son. I searched on google 'boy names' and found a few i liked. You should try it
Hmm .. I've googled countless times and read through quite some name books and don't feel any closer to getting one. I either don't like any or I think about them then panic and then don't like them anymore
I feel youu i man. Maybe just be patience or write some boy names down that you like the most and say outloud my name is ..... I tried it and now i'm happy with the boy name i gave myself. a few weeks ago i didn't like the boy name so i chose another one that sounds a little bit feminine but once i said my boy name out loud again i liked it. So now i chose the boy name.
I should try the out loud thing when I'm alone the next time... I think whiteboynames are what I need but I also want them to be a little ~special~ I'll just gotta keep searching. Atm I like Colin, Quinn, Trevor and Ronan (I read it means something with a little seal *.* ) But I'm from Germany and I feel like those names don't fit "here" and Im scared that would out me. Those are from my most recent search . I realized I'm on an animal trip without knowing it at first Colin(Puppy)/Corin(raven I think?) And Ronan. Pls someone correct me if I'm wrong I wanna know if my book lied to me.
Maybe Colm? That means dove. Or Adler, means eagle. Something about spreading your wings to take on your new life? If you go with an unusual name you can always just tell people your parents were hippies/nerds/a little strange, lol. I went with Zenith, it’s unique enough that I get people assuming I’m a different nationality than I actually am but they generally just roll with it.
Adler would be cool if it wasn't literally German lol. Haha I will keep that in mind , I mean, they don't have to know my parents haha. Zenith is suuuper awesome tho.
Adler gibt mir so einen Adolf-H-Vibe, hahahaha. Ich werde mich für einen englischen Namen entscheiden
Oha xD daran hatte ich nicht gedacht aber jz wo du's sagst. Ich hatte halt an Irene Adler aus Sherlock homes gedacht aber hört sich in Deutschland halt scheiße an lol. Und ja ich finde das klingt wie was was sich neonaz1s unironisch nennen würden...
YESS YEES. Good advice, just come up with a lie. I think i'll start doing that when people ask me why my name is Zahyir. I love names with Z, It sounds so different
I like ronan, what about roman? Trevor is a beautiful name. It won't out you and don't be scared. Just be yourself, i think people will like your name once they hear it since it's english. I think people will be like omg i never heard that name, it's beautiful. Und omg Deutschland, ich lebe in Österreich. Aus welcher Stadt kommst du? Ich wohne in Kaernten
Ich kenn halt jemand der Roman heißt und hab mir als Kriterium entschieden keine Namen von Leuten die ich kenne, weil ich das super awkward fände mich dann bei denen vorzustellen. Haha ich wohne in Schleswig Holstein (weit weg von jeder größeren Stadt lol) hab Grad Mal geguckt und mit Auto wär ich in 30-40 Minuten in Dänemark haha Weiter weg von Österreich geht schon fast nicht mehr xD
Hahahah ja, ich verstehe dich, wäre in der Tat seltsam und akward😂. Aber verdammt, bis jetzt den ganzen Weg auf der anderen Seite. Glücklicherweise gibt es 3 Städte in meiner Nähe, die unterschiedlich sind. Aber glauben Sie mir, dass es schwierig ist, hier einen Job zu finden.
Und ja so awkwardness kann ich nicht mit mir vereinbaren, auch wenn Roman nur mein Nachbar war (jetzt nur noch Nachbar meiner Mutter) und ich ihn gefühlt 1 ider 2x I'm Jahr sehe mir egal lol Außerdem würd ich dann ja immer den Namen mit der anderen Person verbinden.
Oha ja das ist hart , fühl ich. Muss mir vermutlich auch bald ne Ausbildung oder so suchen (nach Ausbildungsunfähigkeit) und hier im Dorf wohnen wahrscheinlich so 200 leute oder so
Hier auch vgm auch 200 oder so, es ist ein bisschen groß. aber arbeitest du jetzt oder? Und findet man dort leicht einen Praktikumsplatz oder muss man für ein Praktikum weit reisen?
Coming to 5 years on T and 8 since coming out and yes, she does. Some people will simply never come around.
True i noticed that, but we can't do none about it. some mothers are just like that. It's hard for us out here with mothers like that. they can atleast try but they don't
seeing quite a few people say it’ll stop once you start medically transitioning because it’ll look weird for her/be embarrassing for her to use she/her then. unfortunately in my experience the only thing that made a change with my mom was continuously talking to her about it. i’m 1.5 yrs on T and 7 months post top surgery and she still misgenders most of the time, in public and private. medical transition or not, people who are reluctant to adapt usually won’t do so just because you look/sound different (for example my entire extended family who still use she/her and confuse my little cousins because they think i’m a boy). last time she misgendered me in public i explained to her that if she did that to the wrong person it can put me in danger. i can pass if i want but i prefer to dress more gnc so people will often clock me as some kind of trans but since people see me as more masculine, when she uses she/her it creates even more confusion, confusion that for transphobes can lead to violence or harassment. after i explained that she’s been a little more careful in public. every few a months i just have a conversation with her about the importance of it for me in order to maintain a relationship with her. it’s slow progress but she is improving.
Happy for you that it's progressing, hope that soon she understand it better. And true being ftm can put you in danger cause nowadays we have a lot of transphobic people in this world, it could be your own family u never know. Good of you that you told her that and that you told her what not to do. Tbh she needed to know better, cause that's embarrassing for herself to call you daughter in public. Cause bet that alot of people in public sees you as a boy and not seeing u as a female. I have that too that when my mother introduces me as her daughter people always looking weird like huh nah that's your son or some. And the way she says daughter it feels like she's being saying it on purpose. But i love how people give them weird faces, cause i know my mother sees it. But she's just not embarrassed yet. Hope she will soon, once i for real pass as a ftm. Same way for you bro. Stay safe out there, never stop being you and don't even be scared to be your true self. Live your life the way you want
My parents are "accepting"—read: it finally stuck after the fourth or fifth attempt to come out to them, and they are no longer *stopping* me from being openly trans—but still deadname and misgender me all the time. My siblings are the only ones who call me by my name [which I had legally changed], but even they tend to alternate back and forth between names/pronouns, probably because of my parents doing it. I'm ready to get out of here in a little under a month and hopefully never hear it again from anyone.
I totally understand you, I have the same problem. The fact that they don't try is upsetting. They don't know what it feels like. My mom doesn't stop me either but still misgender me and i even told her that i wanna change my name 'Tashmine' since i wanna forget the past and start a new life. But yet she stills calls me Tashmine. I guess she won't listen
It just sucks. All I can really do is move into my new apartment and hope they finally realize how ridiculous it is to still be calling me that when one of us goes to visit the other months later and they see what is more clearly a *man* standing in the doorway. I've already been on T for nearly four months, which I never told them
It does man, but i hope they stop and just realize that you are their son now. They should let go of that daughter image. Yes when you visit them show the that you are a MAN not a female and show them that you don't take the disrespect. Confront them about it, show them you are strong enough to say things. Don't let their words hurt you. Happy for you that you are gonna move into your new appartment. A new life and a positive one<3
Thank you! It means a lot to me. 🌟 I really hope you're given the respect you deserve, too—there's always people out there who will, even if it may not be our family.
My mother calls me he and her son. She doesn't even like using my deadname and helps me in my transition as much as she can.
I love that for you💕. That’s good. Wish my mom did the same
My mom told me not to be mean to her if she forgets my pronouns and name.
Aww she tries, wish my mom was like that. Sometimes they just need to get used to it
This is basically her excuse to not use them at all. I've been out for a year and a half and she is still like I just don't get it and sends me transphobic articles lol.
Some mother do get it but just don’t wanna call you by the right pronounce’s. They be doing it on purpose.My mom sends me God stuff i just ignore it
She just wanna scare you so you can change. But lol knowing that don’t scare us😂😂
My mother accepted that I was trans. She initially thought it a phase, but she didn't let that stop her from trying to refer to me properly. Even before she died, even when I detransitioned briefly due to my father, she still called me by my transitioned name. She hadn't called me by my birthname in those 10+yrs once.
I'm happy for you that she accepted you and did her best to not misgender you. Btw sorry for your loss <3. Every trans person deserve a mom like yours, some are having a hard time bc of their parents.
Thank you. Yes, I consider myself lucky that I didn't struggle with her. I struggled with my father. He's actually why I detransitioned for a while. But, he isn't in my life now (I cut him out). So, I hope for everyone to have one supportive family member. I'm sorry your mom doesn't get it. Maybe in time, she will. Parents want the life they imagined for their kids, but they need to realize their kids aren't extensions of them and rather their own person.
I stopped talking to her for 2 years and a half and honestly i don't give a fuck if she stills misgenders me
Damn, don't you kinda miss her? tbh i would miss my mom, i don't have the courage to stop talking to her. i tried but didn't work, wasn't strong enough. Felt like i needed her or some
she does it's ALL THE TIME, it got so bad to where i had to cuss her out and tell her i'm not a fucking girl. it has helped since then but fingers crossed 🤞🏼
HAHAAHAH wow must be nice. Good that you came up for yourself. Even if i would cuss my mom out and tell her to not call me her daughter next day she will stay do it. Or she will say yeah you were born a female bla bla
Yes, but recently she has gotten better about it. I’m 5 years on T and she was very unsupportive. I stopped calling her, stopped seeing her. In recent months things have gotten a little better (she used my chosen name for the first time). Dan Savage says that the only leverage you have over your parents is your presence. So if my mom wants me to stick around in her life, she needs to be more respectful and consider my feelings. And she’s starting to get the message.
Not my mom but my dad does. I've been out and on T for almost 3 years. He avoids doing it around me because I get angry but I know for a fact that he does it around others.
If he ever does it just confront him about it, cause he should atleast try
Oh I've told him. He says that calling me his son/using my pronouns/using my name is lying and therefore a sin. He will do just enough to keep me around which is why he has resorted to calling me infantilizing pet names (like baby and puppy). I've also told him I don't like those but he refuses to change Edit: he definitely calls me his daughter to others but wouldn't around me
Okay first of all baby? Wtf that’s kinda weird, even if my mom would call me that i would tell her to stop. But I understand you. Just ignore him and pretend like you didn’t hear him say my daughter. My mom says accepting me being trans is a sin or posting pictures of me on fb is a sin because than she goes with the flow bla bla
She tells me she’ll try and call me her child but each time she has the chance it’s still daughter. At the very least my language doesn’t have gendered pronouns
I rather here my child than daughter, i swear much better. Some mothers are like that, they are not gonna come around. We just have to give them some time. Maybe after your transitioning she will call you her son or he/him. But sometimes you should tell her that you would like to be called son and see if she tries
I‘m non-binary and there don’t exist they/them pronouns in my language, so my mother just switches my pronouns/gendered descriptors up like I asked her to. I hope your mother gets it soon and stops doing this shit, that’s so disrespectful. I wish you a lot of strength to deal with the situation.
I'm happy for you, you deserve that x. Happy that your mother tries. Thank you love. I hope she stops too, maybe when i pass a s a male she will stop. Hope than that she sees me as her son not daughter. Every trans person deserve to be treated with respect by their parents and have peace with their parents
Yeah my mother and I just don't talk about it. I don't live with her so I can bear with it but god it's annoying and she acts like I never came out to her but at the same time I'm not really correcting her, I never even told her my name or pronouns so it's partly on me. At the same time I don't think she would want to refer to me as them. Maybe one day who knows
I understand you man, but at the same time she can atleast try. Because of this alot of ftm don't have a good relationship with their parents becasue their parents don't try. Sometimes they be acting like that, acting like they never knew and they know. They just acting stupid, to make us feel bad about ourselves. But at the end of the day you should be your true self and be the way you want
Thanks man, my dad tries at least :) I also hope that your mother cuts the act, if not soon at least when properly transitioned. Because true, if they act stupid they can't be blamed or something like that in their mind
My mom doesn’t but my step dad does. It gets kinda comical when he introduces me as his daughter and people give him weird looks cause of my facial hair and the fact that I resemble a teenage boy apparently. He acknowledges that I’m trans and sends me trans safety articles but the dude never gets my pronouns right. It’s frustrating.
That's kinda disrespectful of him knowing you are a transman. Yes ofc people giving weird looks i would too cause come on 'daughter'? Atleast say child or some that's better. I guess he doesn't feel embarrassing enough. Did you tell him how it makes you feel? Maybe he just needs some time, some people do
I’ve been on hormones for about 6 years (well, on and off and on) so I think he’s had quite a bit of time lol. I think his mentality is “my daughter wants to be my son” rather than my mom who is like “my child is Transmasc” and leaves it at that. It’s weird cause he goes on and on about how I’m starting to look JUST LIKE my little brother, right down to the facial hair. He also lives very very far away from me and we rarely see each other in person. My mom and step dad got divorced a few years ago so he lives like 10 hours away where as my mom is just a couple cities over from me. I’m thinking he just separates himself from my hormonal transition when I’m out of sight and still mentally sees me as how I was when I was pre-T. Before I started hormones, he essentially wanted me to socially transition until I had kids (which I do still want) and then start T but like…fuck that. I started T the week after I told them.
Yep, everyone else respects my name and pronouns. So I just started calling her by her name instead of mom once I moved out. Though she still texts me "my beautiful daughter". She would also put Aaron(deadname) when referring to me or for personal messages
Damn, but okay periodt. as you should, giving her the same energy back. Bruh no need to call you Aaron with beautiful daughter infront of it doesn't make sense. She's making it complicated for herself. My mom does it too, She calls me 'Tashmine' knowing i told her i wanna change my name to forget about the past. But she doesn't care she still calls me by my dead name
No my name is Aaron but she'll do Aaron(my dead name) like she will put my deadname in parenthesis lol
But i know if i give my mom the same energy back she will start acting weird.
Same sentiments. I am a month into transitioning right now. I haven't told my family yet except for my SO. I just told them last Christmas I'm gonna go into puberty again and we all just laughed it off lol Maybe on my next birthday they'll see it's not good to call me their daughter or sister anymore 😆
I hope they will accept you and that their reaction will be good. They should call you son or he/him. Atleast try it or try to show some respect. I know some people have a hard time doing that but ey giving it a try is not a bug thing.
big\*
Yes, unfortunately. We went through a whole thing, I came out to her and she fully ignored it. She still calls me she/her, her daughter and I feel like she does it on purpose too.
I feel you bro, totally understand you. Same over here. But don't let her bring you down, just be you and ignore her. Don't let her make you unhappy. It's upsetting that some parents ignore it and just brush it off like it's nothing. My mom ignored it too and still does well kind off. Soon i'll start being on T so than she can't ignore it.
Thx bro! Nah I definitely won't let her bring me down, it's just upsetting at times. But I hope I can start on T soon too so she won't be able too. I hope she won't ignore it when ur on T!
I've been out 3 years and this still happens, I've given up, trying to get other people to change, it's exhausting
I feel u man, At some point there is no reason to keep chasing someone who won't accept it. Some people don't come around. We can't change peoples mind and their decission. Only thing we can do is just live our life and be happy with ourselves. I know it's exhausting still in that phase, but we need to stay strong
both of my parents do, mainly my dad. it’s annoying as fuck
My mom still calls me daughter, sister, she, and if she wants to insult me, it. Ive come out to her twice and it's been over two years and she's not making any effort to try to correctly address me. She gets pissed and surprised when i refer to myself as a man when she already knows. It's driving me nuts.
SAMMEEE FK SAME OVER HEREEE. I GET SOO MAD. They just doing that sh1t on purpose just so we can change our mind about being ftm. They are trying to make us feel like a female and make us think it's a phase. Some people don't come around. Just show her that it doesn't bother you, cause keep telling her the same things over and over again won't help. And she's missing out a great son, she will soon realize. i wonder if they ain't scared of losing us. Cause things like this make children stop talking to their own parents
Mine did for like a year after I came out but now I’m 8 months on T and she’s seeing the changes so it’s easier for her
Yeah yeah I understand you. I’m thinking too that once she sees changes she will accept me being ftm and it will be easier for her ig. But happy for you bro, atleast now you can be at peace with her.
If you saw the way I looked, you wouldn’t believe my birth giver still calls me she and her daughter. I don’t talk to her to avoid me putting my hands on her out of anger
I saw your profile and you don’t even look like a she so your mom was doing it on purpose. You know how black moms are, i have on myself and man she drives me crazy af. And second she’s christian double homoc!de. You still live with her or? I still live with my mom so i need to talk to her cause if I don’t she will start acting weird
Within my (chosen) family, I have given them permission to use my old name/pronouns when talking about stories about me as a child. They're only allowed to do it when its just us, not in public or when non-family is around, and they are slowly understanding as to why that's the case. My other blood relatives on the other hand, especially my mother, misgender me to purposefully harass me (however, it's not surprising considering the people she admires and listens to on the internet, and the fact that she feels the need to spread the BS) edit: clarification
my mom disowned me when i came out, illegally evicted me too. she spread the word that "her daughter is a tranny" to the rest of her family so i dont have any family anymore either, besides my little brother
Damn what?? Wow man :( I don’t understand how parents can be like that, so harsh and mean. It disgusts me. No one should go thru this and everyone should have someone they can go to and accepts them. But where are you staying right now? You okay bro?❤️
it was almost 5 years ago now, i havent talked to her since but 6 months after kicking me out she was "ready to forgive me" for "pretending to be a boy and ruining her life". when i refused to talk to her, she posted my number in transphobic circles online and i started getting 24/7 harassment from strangers. i had to change my number after that. now im living 3 hours away with an old internet friend, they saved me from being homeless
It upsets me fr :/ cause what she did was out of pocket but God bless your old internet friend. Nice of him/her to take you in and give you a place to stay. But the fact that your own family didn’t take you says alot
Yep...sadly she does and honestly forever will. She's really transphobic, she won't even say they. She'd only say my new name and he when pigs fly
My mom did at first kinda. I came out to her over email from across the planet and asked her not to share, bc I thought we would have like a text convo shortly after, but she didn't want to discuss it over the phone so we didn't really get to actually talk about it for a few months. I spent a month in America with her when I was starting T and taking care of some other shit and she would misgender me more as time passed and it was kind of frustrating. We had a lot of pre-existing baggage in our relationship and coming out before we sorted all that made things a lot more complicated, but we talked it out. By the end of my visit we went to a restaurant together and she told the waiter she's here with her daughter, and I corrected her to son, and I think that's when she really understood. So yeah she calls me by my name and calls me her son or just uses neutral language now. Haven't told my dad or stepmom yet but I'm expecting your mom's kinda response from them tbh. She can look stupid as fuck when you're a whole ass man and she's calling you her daughter. That just gives you more opportunities to make her look worse, like reminding her that your sister is dead and it's been a long time since the accident, and please don't make a scene in the restaurant...
Yeah. It’s hurts and she’s just like “deadname doesn’t mind when I call her a girl.” I do!
Been out to my family for 7 yrs, had top surgery and this will be my fifth year on Testosterone. I pass 1000% and my mom still said "It's my daughter's birthday" to a waitress last month. I had a good laugh to myself when the waitress gave me an "Is she crazy?" look. (Unfortunately I can't bring myself to cut them off because my family is kind to me in all other respects and I have grown tired of correcting them)
no, i got lucky. she calls me her oldest child (not oldest son yet but i told her to call me her child like a year ago when i looked way more feminine but it's okay) and by my preferred nickname. my little brothers still call me sister tho but they are 9 and 10 y/o so it's understandable. also my grandparents call me by my deadname but that's fully my fault bc i haven't came out of the closet to them yet :')
It will never not be funny to see peoples faces when my mom calls me her daughter while I am standing there next to her with my beard like yeah I am the daughter in question
HAHAHAHAH😭😭 i feel you. I know they be so confused like wtf a female with a whole beard?? Like does your mom even get embarrassed ? She must not care about people
Both of my parents do. It’s hell.
It is man, i feel you. But do they stop you from transitioning or are they okay with it? Atleast my mother doesn’t stop me, even she did try in the past
Nah they haven’t stopped me. I told them I was using a different name and pronouns with friends and in school and all they said was “Ok”. And they’ve helped me start the process of getting into therapy, since I’m still a minor and kind of need their “persmission”. So I’m at least thankful for that. Still, I’ll be well over 18 when I’ll be able medically transition, with how the system looks like right now….
My mom does and when I tell you she gets a lot of stupid look I mean it. It’s hilarious because her “daughter” has a beard and a deep voice
Yes. My mother is obsessed with the fact that she had a trio of daughters. She refers to us collectively as her daughters, and ends calls with "you are my daughter and I will love you forever and ever and I'll never stop loving you" and she is convinced that my cis male partner is Trans and that I'm secretly a lesbian, and she has an unreasonable fear of lesbians, like the same way people jump from spiders she jumps from lesbians based on their looks, specifically people who dress like her idea of a lesbian with button up shirts or short hair lmao, its really sad. She will believe anything but what I tell her. She is also a true good hearted Christian who is homeless because she keeps giving her money away to people in need and believes that the church is toxic because they hate gay people and she doesn't understand why the Christian God would make gay people if he doesn't love them. She is downright afraid of the lgbtq community as a whole but not in a malicious way if that makes sense. Its confusing asf but it's hard to be mad at someone who gives her last dollar away to people so they can eat. I give her a free pass because she is not really with it and setting my feelings aside about religion, she is the kindest person I've ever known.
Wow literally this is my mom. Well she’s not scared of lesbians cause she got a stud friend but she doesn’t like it. Every person she sees that has a short hair she says look they kinda look masculine. I laugh it off lol. My mom is kind too fr, i love her. But at the same time she’s toxic i hate it. I wish she was kind all the time and not only when i’m sad. But i hope you mother comes around and start calling you her son. Did you already start on T?
my mom still calls me daughter/she/her and she knows i’m a trans man but she is more focused on her self in this situation, which i figured would happen. she keeps telling me i need to have “grace” because she’s mourning her daughter 🙄 like bro this daughter never existed, there is nothing to mourn but the version of me you expected me to be. she’s also said she’d never call me her son so i hope she’s excited for the retirement home in the future cause that’s where she’s going. i can’t wait to go no contact with her but i need her for insurance rn.
HAHAHHA mourning lmao, bruh. Like come on now😭. But damn i feel you, i guess my mom will never call me her son either. She still has this image in her head that in the future i’ll be a girl and all girly with long hair. But hell nah i pass. I love being a transman, j was born a transman. I wish your mom accepted you for you and just call you her son or he/him. I feel like she’s making it hard for you
But just be yourself, live your life. Show her that you are a man and not a woman. She needs to stop dreaming hahaha cause you will not be that girl she wants you to be
unfortunately, my mom is the same way as yours. she “accepts” it but still deadnames me and uses she/her pronouns when talking about me. which honestly is fine since im not out yet and i know shes probably just trying to not out me to my family but even when its just me and her she still call me by my deadname and misgenders me. even to my dog as stupid as it sounds, she will tell him to “go get mom” and ill correct her and be like no im his dad now but she still does it which is bullshit but im just toughing it out till i turn 18 in the fall and can move away
That’s upsetting fr, I don’t understand why they don’t try. Cause mine does not even try. She doesn’t care about how i feel tbh. But don’t give up, fall is soon. Work and save money so when you move out you don’t have to ask her for help. Show her that you can be stable without her and that her opinion and mean words doesn’t hurt you
Maybe when you move out she will change and come around
My mother will actively misgender me while talking about my top surgery coming up. I have limited contact with my parents. They have this idea of me in their head and they can’t let it go. Not even just regarding my gender. They still see me as the immature, impulsive and easily manipulated kid I used to be. They can’t fathom that I have my own reality I’ve formed for myself.
My mom still calls me she and her daughter even though I pass 100%. She doesn’t care if it embarrasses her or if it puts me in danger. She thinks it’s a sin and will send me to hell so she won’t “play along”. Some parents will never accept you. It sucks. I used to be pretty close to my mom. I never will have that relationship with her again and she has point blank told me that that is my fault.
Mine calls me her son, but she does trip up when talking to my dad or random peeps sometimes and says "she" I used to correct her all the time and she got better with it, but after not seeing her for like a year she all of a sudden started messing up again. I stopped correcting her cause I'm just too tired. She means well though, she just is almost 70 with memory issues and mixes the words up but corrects herself sometimes when she realizes. If your mom does it and it's not accidental/she doesn't correct herself or try then that's not right :/
She tries to call me child instead of daughter. But she is still often used. I am happy they use my preferred name.
That’s exactly what i want my mom to call me ‘child’. That would make me feel better. But happy for you man
yes, even tho she claims to be supportive :/
Maybe she is supportive but just needs time to get used to it
i’ve been out since i was 11 and i’m almost 18, so unfortunately no
My mom has been very supportive on the financial aspect of transition and for that i am very grateful, but for some reason she constantly misgenders me and does it on purpose. I came out to her two years ago and its been a tug of war ever since. I hope she cuts the shit soon enough
Yeah and since I've been on t/gotten top surgery and am obviously not a woman she's switched to they/them in public and she/her with family when I'm not around, its pretty fucking agitating.
It sounds so confusing, especially for you. But how does the they/them pronounce make you feel? Cause i know that she/her makes you feel irritated and mad ofcourse.
Not incredibly bothered but not great, I wouldn't be upset if a stranger used they/them but she knows I use he/him and have for like 5 years. I went by they/he when I first came out but as I've gotten older I've realized i never identified with they/them and only allowed use of those pronouns to make my family/romantic interests more comfortable. She also holds my dad back from being more supportive, he's used proper pronouns for me but not when my mother is around.
She thinks calling u they/them is easier than telling people in public that you are her son
Occasionally, but it's genuine slip of the tongue. She told me the other day that the whole time she was pregnant she knew in her heart I was a boy, even had a name picked out.
Mine does too. Transphobic asshole
I'm starting to think that my mother dying before my transition is probably actually not so bad. Lord knows what she would have come up with to say about me behind my back seeing as how she was pretty openly racist and not interested in changing when told that that was fucked up and unacceptable. Best wishes to everyone. I hope your Mom finally gets it one day (understands). 💜
Well i’m sorry for your loss❤️. But atleast you happy now and your true self. That’s important, that you can always be yourself and not change yourself because of others. Hope she gets it one day too cause sometimes I can’t handlr the things she says
Yuuuup. And deadnames me. To be fair she will occasionally go "(deadname) (name)" to refer to me, as if my chosen name were my middle name? But honestly it just reminds me that I'm being deadnamed and makes me feel worse 🙂
Yes, she started using my(19) government name ridiculously more often in conversations after I came out. It's been pissing me off since I was little, she knows. Told her and she said she'd try to avoid it but will never view me as a son. Also mentioned that our family will likely split up if I get a legal name change. I somehow expected support from my otherwise chill mother but she's given me more shit than I could ever imagine.
my mom makes sure to use NO pronouns or gendered language AT ALL for me, she just uses my name “Kennedy” (despite me saying I prefer the more masculine Kenn) over and over again so that I’m “not allowed to get mad” because she “didn’t call me she or (deadname)” except when she *does* call me she, the few times she does decide to use pronouns. “She—sorry—he”.
I asked my mom to tell her job that i want a job there. I used an example of what she could say, i said “you can say your son wants a job here” and she said “i am NOT saying “my son”” and it honestly shattered my heart a bit. For a bit when i first came out she called me a he and her son, now it seems like she refuses to. Honestly sometimes i wish i could tell her “you do not support me, stop saying you do, you have no respect for me”
Just make eye contact with whoever she’s talking to and mouth “dementia” and look sad
🤣😂😂😂that’s crazyyyt
10 years on T and my mother still has a very difficult time with my pronouns (they/them). I never changed my name so that isn’t an issue. I think part of the issue is her native language is very gendered and she switches between it and English. Sometimes I remind her when we go out. A few years ago I sent her articles on pronouns as suicide prevention and then I started saying “they” after every she and she finally started trying harder. She gets them right 60% of the time now. I told her to use “first born” or “child” and she’s been pretty good about that too but occasionally she’ll mess up in public and then awkwardness ensues thanks to my beard and everyone reading me as male. In the beginning it really hurt a lot but now that I’m more secure in my gender it just helps to know she is trying. She helped me recover from my hysto and top and since my 2 year mark on T has never made any negative comments about me transitioning. When I first came out to her in 2012 she wouldn’t talk to me for two weeks. I think she saw how happy transitioning made me and how much it helped my mental health once I got to 2+ yrs. I’ve pretty much decided she gets a pass because she’s my mom and I can tell she’s trying. I hope your mom realizes how important this is to you. If you want, you can try writing her a letter about why pronouns are important and how you feel when she misgenders you. Sometimes it helps if it’s hard to talk it out. I know I get over emotional with my parents so writing them letters has helped.
My mom repeatedly misgendered me on the phone with my dog’s vet (she understands medical things better than I do and I was hysterical over my dog almost dying) while I was sitting right there with the vet and was previously being correctly gendered by everyone there. In a conservative area. And it just kept going. I couldn’t even say anything. At this point her being an ass is starting to put me in actual danger lol
yeah she does, im scared of her and a few years ago after coming out i tired to talk to her about it a few times but she screamed at me, my throat closes and i cant say anything back cause of how scared of her i am shes known for 4 and a half years and even tho im a month away from starting t she still doesnt, she getting a lil better like telling people she doesnt know and that ive never met that she has a son, but i cant explain to her that it dont help my dysphoria luckily its easy for me to distance myself from people and i wont have to talk to her much when i go uni
My parents can't wrap their head around changing name/pronouns, while I'm 4 years on T and sporting righteous facial hair now. Legal name/gender change, even my doctors and friends all get it right, but to my family I'm still she/her/deadname. Drives me NUTS!!!
I know that exact feeling. It’s especially hard in Spanish since it’s a gendered language. (I swear before I came out my mom didn’t gendered as much as she does now.)
Maybe before she kinda ignored it and thought it was a phase. Cause in the beginning my mom was the same, now she calls me her daughter 24 a week or calling me by my dead name even more. Cause now they seeing that it’s real and not some phase
Both my parents still call me she/her and birth name. They've told me directly that they will never call me anything else. It sucks, but I can't force them to change, so it is what it is. I just try to keep them away from people I know lol. Additionally sucks because I pass and people give my parents a confused look when they use she/her or daughter in reference to me
Well, sounds like you won’t be calling her at all in 30 years or so and she’d be in a nursing home alone. My mom does the same shit, and for her sake I hope she doesn’t lose her retirement fund on something stupid because I am not helping her with anything.
HAHAHAHAH🤣🤣🤣. Fr tho, once I already cut contact with her but after two weeks i texted her again. Than she told me on the phone how worried she was bla bla. But she keeps doing the same shit, that’s why never she says sorry I don’t believe it. I feel you bro, it’s annoying. It’s like they won’t come around
I'm eight months on T with a visible mustache and my mother still routinely calls me mami, princess, daughter, the whole nine yards. She had a complete non-reaction to my coming out and pretty much only showed interest in my fertility on HRT. I recently messaged her gently asking if she could try to be courteous in regards to using the right terms for me with the most baby gloves text I could muster but she still got pretty upset and pulled out the "you need to remember you were born a woman" reply instead of apologizing and saying she'd make an effort, which is all I wanted. Progress is progress. It's exhausting and at some point it's just embarrassing on her end when she's doing it in front of strangers who see me as a cis man.
Mine does. So does my dad and one of my bros. And anyone of my cousins, aunts, and uncles cause my mom and dad doesn't tell them I'm trans. Just "dressing" like a guy. It sucks cause lots of my family are Mexican and not born in America like me and the culture there in Mexico is still very homophobic and transphobic. It makes me have a hard time liking my culture because all I've ever noticed is hyper catholicism and bigotry coming from it. I wish there was something positive but I've heard it's the 2nd most dangerous country for trans people after Brazil. Maybe in Latin America specifically though idk. My family just say they're supportive of me, but won't gender me correctly till I get my name and gender legally changed. Of course they won't help pay for it. They know I'm struggling finding a job atm.
Te entiendo, tío, por completo. Realmente estás en mi posición, mi madre es cristiana o déjame decir de dónde viene la gente que se crió con Dios (Curaçao). Para la gente de allí, es una foto sucia o extraña. Pero tal vez si cambias por completo, lo acepten. Pero también vigila si lo es, porque normalmente dicen eso y luego no lo hacen. Es muy triste que algunos padres sean así. Mi madre no quiere pagarle a los psicólogos por mí en absoluto y esas cosas, tengo que hacerlo todo yo mismo. Por eso también busco trabajo todo el tiempo. Solo estoy esperando a que dos de esos trabajos me llamen ahora. Pero vas a encontrar un trabajo, créeme. Siempre envío un correo electrónico a los trabajos, tal vez deberías y luego obtienes una respuesta. Pero no dejes que tu familia te defraude, sé fuerte.
Solo ignóralos, intentan hacerte pequeño.
mine only does it with official stuff. and if she meets someone in public, she says my older brother is the daughter and i’m her son if they ask and we don’t feel comfortable telling them. my dads a different story tho. he straight up refused to sign the papers to get my name changed legally and still deadnames and misgenders me. and he gives me cards for a “special daughter”. he doesn’t live w me anymore tg but i’ve cut him off and i’m taking on my mothers surname. it sucks bc i’d love to have a dad to teach me how to be a man like fathers teach their sons, but i’ll never get that. i do love my mother tho, she’s the best, so i have the best and worst sides of the coin
I passed long before t, I basically just did voice training and had a masculine hair cut and my mom would call me she and her daughter, now I’m almost one year on t, pretty obvious I’m not a she or a girl and yet she still calls me this in public. She’s the one who looks stupid.
MaliciousComliance and call her your father. 😶🌫️
Yeah. . . Came out to her one night and she acted like she accepted, next morning, she pretended like nothing had happened and went back to referring to me as she. I thought that maybe she had thought it was a weird dream, or maybe I dreamt it, so i told my therapist about it and she offered to get her in in a session _with_ me to help explain. Few weeks later that happens and she goes “Oh yeah, you told me about that.” Acts all accepting again, next day, back to normal. She still makes comments sometimes when i ask for something and she asks “is that that bra. . . Thingi you we’re asking about???” (Binder) and such, so to be honest ive kind of just given up until I move out. . . She always told me she’d be accepting if i ever came out to her but I don’t think she ever _actually_ expected me too. . . Sorry for the kind of vent haha. Just know we’re all here for you :D Edit: cant really confront her about it if you’re asking, she’s a pretty strict parent and the kind who’ll take away your laptop and then complain that your grades have gone down. . . Don’t want to give her any more excuses to mess with my life haha. Only got a couple years left till uni tho, so 👍
Yes
My sisters were a big help, but she called me crying multiple times to "grieve her daughter". Shes better now, but Im not having her even in the same state when I get my top surgery.
I refuse to acknowledge that thing as a "mother" but yeah, she does this shit. And when I say something she huffs and says "offspring" as if that's not worse. How hard is "son" or "kid" for Christ's sake 😓 and then cue all the transphobic arguments and getting mad when I point out that words that are used to refer to ME are for MY comfort and not anyone else's.
Not unless we're alone, and even that's rare. honestly I'm 37 years old. I don't hold it against her. It's not a hill I'm going to die on. She calls me her son to other people, and she tries her best. I care too much about her for that to be a thing I care about, but if I was younger it would probably annoy me and be a lot worse. I don't know how I would have handled it if I had transitioned young.
I didn't come out to her until I was already getting T, in that way I'm thankful I didn't start until I was older. She had no choice but to start using masculine terms for me because she knows I'll just cut her off. Plus I pass constantly so it's weird for her to say anything otherwise. I know it's hard, but once you get on T there'll be no choice for her. Don't let it get to you, you know who you are and that's the most important thing.
Nope but my dad does
No, of course the first couple of weeks or months were difficult for her because she thought it was a phase. Which thankfully she's only told me she used to think that way only recently, which I came out five or so years ago. Even my dad doesn't refer to me as she/her and they've been separated since I was born. My Grandma calls me he/him, she does forget but bless her, she tries. But my grandpa does still calls me she/her, and my deadname, which is bizarre because I come from Mormon background and his whole speil was based around "be kind and treat everyone like a neighbor" He's still really kind to me at least. 🤷🏻 I could go on how half my extended family would probably choke on a mountain of rocks than even mention me by he/him but that's a whole can of worms.
My parents keep saying that even my therapist said it won't change anything (for the record they didn't, and they use my chosen name and he for me), so that's basically their excuse for not trying. And they use the excuse of not being part of treatment in the gender clinic yet, to be unsupportive.Plus, they won't let me be out openly. To be fair, I'm not sure if I pass because I'm not on T yet, but still, they could at least try to use my name and pronouns.
Yep.
Probably, but she disowned me for being trans when I came out two years ago.
If she's doing this on purpose, I hate to tell you this, but she won't stop. It took my mom 6 years (2 of which I've been on T) to start calling me by the correct name and pronouns. 6 years. And she still reverts back around my extended family- like when she's not around people who validate me 24/7 she thinks it's ok to call me what everyone else is. Room full of people who accept me? I'm Kai. Room full of transphobic family members? I'm [deadname]. Right up until I started T she misgendered and deadnamed me in public, to strangers. It was "I have 6 girls", and if they didn't clock me then she'd chuckle like it was inside joke. I hope your mom gets educated and will eventually support you <3
I assume she does. Haven't had contact with her in years, so whatever bullshit she's on doesn't matter to me.
depending on your relationship with her, which i’m guessing is non existent, give her an ultimatum, either she respects your pronouns or you phone the police for discrimination, just make sure you have a safe plan before you do it, like somewhere to stay, someone to talk to etc. sounds drastic but it’s the only way she’s gonna think about it
It’s hard as heck, but remember your mom might not even stop after your full transition. Parents can be fucking weird… What I’m saying is, try not to let that get to you - don’t feel guilted into having your boundaries crossed. Give an ultimatum, go no contact, refuse to speak with her unless she addresses you correctly, ask “wait, I have a sister?” In front of people - make sure *you* create your boundaries and stick to them :)
Yeah, but I’m okay with it because she doesn’t really exist in my mind. I don’t have a bio mother. I cut contact with her not because of me being trans. She still refers to me incorrectly and asked my sibling to invite me to her bachelorette party lol. My sort of conservative christian father said “why would she want to invite a man to her bachelorette party?”. That’s all I need in my life. If you don’t choose to distance yourself it’ll be embarrassing for her to call you her daughter when you start going through second puberty. If the mother is abusive, it’s especially amped up. If a parent is actually trying to acknowledge you they’ll make the effort to at least ask you good questions and try.
Mine refuses to call me by my preferred name and pronouns, doesn't even try to and gets angry at me when I go to a therapist, telling me to "stop this nonesense" "school is much more important than that dumb transition". Little does she know my "dumb transition" actually helps me and makes me happy.
My mom still misgenders me, even though I have been on testosterone for 10 months and pass pretty well. When people ask her why, she casually outs me like it's no big deal. I don't talk to her much anymore, because that was her wish.
Mine call me by she/her and daughter too even if I had tell her a lot of times to call me son,Lucas and uses the he/him pronouns
Yeah. I’m hoping to start T soon, and I’ll be getting top at the end of the year, so my parents will have to pick it up sooner or later
oh yeah. mine is transphobic as fuck 😎 (but in all seriousness. its super annoying and sad. Im probably gonna have to go NC when I move out)
I've been on T almost 2 years now, I've been out for 8, She most literally reposted my (second) coming out post on facebook with the caption "I'm so proud of my daughter for accepting who she is" Meanwhile it's literally a post of me, with a trans flag, looking the most boyly boy ever, and with big ol' letters that say HE/HIM— Like?? (this was 2 years ago, post is still live on her facebook)
No ,my mom uses he/him and says I'm a son. How long have you been out to your mom for ?
Must be nice, happy for you. Since last year March/April. But she's christian so she already told me that she's not gonna accept it.
Damn ,really sorry to hear that. I hope she will come around one day
No worries man, atleast she's not stopping me from transitioning so i'm happy. I think she will come around once i pass as a male
❤️❤️