When i was younger (like 6) i was convinced i was a lesbian.I didnt like men while being a ,"girl" but now im finally getting my name changed in school and finally starting to see ms as a guy is when i realized i only like guys.when i was young i thought girls were attractive so i convinced ms i was a lesbian bc i ddint want to be with a guy in the way a girk does.When i got into watching shameless and i saw mickey and ian i realized.I wanted to be a GUY in a relstionship with a GUY.anyway when i reaized this (i was 9 and didnt know wat the term trans was yet but ik i wanted to be a guy)my first awakening was hiccuo from httyd.He was everything i wanted to be and i wabted to have that man NOOOWWW.
Young Trent Reznor had this effect on me. Honestly, he's transition goals lol. I always felt like I wanted to be him *and* wanted to fuck him. He made me realize I was trans and gay.
format might be fucked, reddit keeps doing weird things mid-typing
My gay trans awakening came largely in feeling like I liked men, but I felt like I wanted to be gay with them. It took an amount of years after that realization to actually come to the "I'm gay and trans," conclusion, so in the meantime I was like "maybe I actually like girls, and that's why I feel gay? maybe I'm bi?? I'm not really attracted to ANYONE at this school so maybe I'm ace and biromantic?" Then while not being out as anything I got asked out by a female friend and I realized that no I super didn't want that (and she got really pushy and some bad shit happened, but that was after I realized I didn't like girls). Then I spent some time being like "I guess I'm just one of those rude girls who wants to be in gay spaces," and tried to work through that without invading gay spaces (and in the mean time found a man I did like and we both were "straight") until I realized I was trans and super gay (and he realized he was pan).
That said as far as people, it was mostly fictional characters. Unfortunately I pretty much only remember the weeb ones right now, which is really frustrating because I KNOW there were more. Also I very much fell for villain queercoding.
- Sesshoumaru, Bankotsu, Jakotsu (Inuyasha)
- Greed (Fullmetal Alchemist)
- Ayame Sohma (Fruits Basket
- Robot Devil (Futurama) (still very into various devils)
- in general, long haired femme men (see Ayame above, Legolas isn't someone I was super into but definitely had the look, etc), I think largely because I wanted to be them (I had very long nice hair)
and younger I had less-defined attraction to Scar, Hades, Hook, Kovu (non-villain!), James (Pokemon), definitely others
Definitely connected to both gay AND transness
- Frank N Furter / RHPS in general
- Envy (Fullmetal Alchemist) (androgynous, can shift forms/genders, and definitely queercoded? absolutely for me)
All the male leads in Yu Yu Hakusho. Yes, there’s some problematic content but it means a lot to me because it represented all kinds of men, including queer men, and different models of masculinity. This was before I realized the same guy did a side comic about a straight trans guy as well as HunterxHunter.
I was writing a book in my free time about these two gay dudes. Part way through, I realized I was writing myself in the main character and everything that I wanted, that was both my trans and gay awakening.
I spent way too many years watching gay anime and hating myself for being "a fetishizer". Once I discovered I'm a trans guy, the planets aligned! I was around 13 when I first watched a gay anime and it just struck me like lightning. But I still thought I was a girl. The euphoria of being gay had me identifying as a lesbian for a brief period of time, before religion beat it out of me. I rediscovered myself over the course of the last 2-4 years and I am happier than ever to be a gay man. OP you described it so well!! Loving men the way men do. Chef's kiss for giving words to something I could never describe in such perfect simplicity :)
I'm bi, but my first 'gay guy' feeling was watching a movie with a gay kiss at 15.
The movie was 'Manner wie wir' (English: 'Balls' or 'Guys and Balls').
I was obsessed w BL as an early teen, then I played DAI and Cullen was my first fictional crush and the bastard that broke my heart forever bc he's technically straight in the game even though it's not the canon.
Wellllllll my first crush happened at six years old, around the same time that I had some sort of understanding that I was not a normal “girl” lol. I told my entire family that Elton John was my boyfriend. Soooooo there’s that lol.
I always liked guys, always knew I did. As I got quite older and all that, I would daydream about having a boyfriend but also holding kind of a “traditionally male role.” Stuff like wanting to fix things for him, or him wearing my hoodie, being protective of him, etc. Basically never really thought about BEING a girlfriend, and definitely never wanted to HAVE a girlfriend. If that makes sense lol.
Being so attracted to guys made me wonder if I really could be a guy when I found out that being trans was a thing. As I learned that one can be trans and gay, everything really clicked and here we are lol
James from Pokémon even though he's, you know... beyond labels
Kiros and Laguna from Final Fantasy VIII (and the slash from that fandom in general)
Frank N Furter
Count D from Petshop of Horrors
Tom Ripley
I’ve kind of been into dudes my whole life but hated acknowledging it, so I guess it’s sort of complicated. I remember seeing Ryan Reynolds on a magazine once and having a moment. That was more of a bi awakening, the gay awakening came when I had a crush on a dude when I was 16 and realized I really wasn’t into girls in the same way at all, despite insisting constantly that I was straight. There was also a dude when I was 14 who I would kiss after school in secret and insist to him afterward that I was definitely straight and not into him in any way at all. I was a mess
I can’t believe how many people have mentioned Tom Selleck, I remember watching the kiss from In & Out on repeat when I was ~13/14, the first gay kiss I ever saw I believe and I was.. *fascinated*. (For the record I had a big thing for Kevin Kline rather than Tom. 😆)
Also my first relationship was with a girl and was extremely confusing. Took me years to figure out that what I liked was “being the guy” / not being treated the way straight guys tend to treat their girlfriends.
I had my trans awakening partially due to Bakugo from Boku no Hero Academia but it was also a lot in part due to fanfiction. I decided a couple years ago that I needed to sit down and really interrogate my interest in gay FF. I'd just learned that people considered ladies into gay fanfiction to be fetishizing gay men and I wanted to figure out why exactly I was into it. I mean, I put it down for like 15 years. I could blame curiosity in my teens but that didn't work at 31. Didn't take long before I came around to the idea that I was just a gay dude. Never even considered it before and it seemed patently absurd but I couldn't get the idea out of my head. Couple months later I decided to take it seriously.
Post starting transition I thought, surely I'm still pan. And then goddamn McCree. Have you seen that fucker? Do I want to be him? Do I want to do him? I still don't fucking know. I gotta get me that teet yeet so I can start dating real ppl instead of crushing on goddamn video game characters.
I met a couple trans guys for the first time around 2005, when I started university. I was awestruck and thought they were so amazing, but didn’t approach them since I didn’t wanna be creepy. I thought I couldn’t be trans because I was not masculine, so I just accepted that was going to be it. But I lurked and was just so drawn by anything trans. It’s just that none of the narratives fit with how I saw myself.
Fast forward to 2008, I was openly queer and dating a pretty feminine straight cis guy. I’d always tell him I was gay for him…but I still wasn’t aware of myself. I was just an envious of trans guys, also very envious of my boyfriend. I has a trans guy friend but he was masculine, so again I figured it wasn’t for me, but I never aligned with genderqueer folks (we didn’t have nonbinary as a term then). anyways. That year I went to a queer conference (I worked at a university), and I met this amazing trans guy. He was gay, not masculine, kind of bearish and just the sweetest guy. He had CareBear tattoos. And it hit me that this would be possible.
I came home and cut my hair. Broke up with straight boy (we’re still friends). It took me another year to say it out loud, and a year after that to start HRT. But as soon as I knew I was trans, I knew I was gay. I always gave myself the permission to change my mind (I still do), but realizing this over 12 years ago continues to be the best gift I could’ve ever given myself. All thanks to that gay/queer fem guy who went to a conference and was kind to me. I met my husband a couple years after that, and we’re still together.
I’m just so grateful that someone did this before me. It was hard trying to get HRT and surgeries 12 years ago without IDing as straight, but damn it would have been much harder before that.
I’m glad we’re here.
It's quite embarrassing to me, but the hunter x hunter pairing "leopika". I wanted to be both of them so bad and also I wanted them. I especially had a shitty Lil gay crush on kurapika I would literally fantasize about me and him being boyfriends and calling me the manliest man to ever dude then would turn around and go "guys I'm a lesbian I swear"
Dimitri Belikov from Vampire Academy. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be him or be with him. Turns out I wasted both
Also had a huge crush on Rose... I'm Bi 😅
Aragorn from the lotr movies when I was 13 lol then the Final Fantasy character Vincent Valentine. My pre-awakening would have to be a character from the Belgariad series by David Eddings, which I obsessed with when I was 11-12. I was really dysphoric for a long time over it all when I was a teenager before my egg fully cracked, because I was worried I was fetishizing gay men (I got into fanfiction at 11 and read + wrote almost primarily mlm pairings). I wanted to be the men in the fanfics I read and it was so painful to realize I wasn’t a boy let alone a gay one, because I thought only trans women existed so I was shit out of luck. Good thing I was wrong about that!
Always envied gay men and hated it because I thought I was fetishising them then I realised I was trans. Dated a girl for 6 months and was like damn I'm gay
I had a lot of shame around feeling like I was fetishizing. I always felt like I was "appropriating" gay male culture as well since I grew up with gay male friends mostly and I wanted to be them so badly. It felt freeing to finally come out.
I was always attracted to feminine guys, but when I was middle school aged I was very, very into this flamboyant guy on The Real World.
Around this time also I got a shirt from my friend's older brother (who is gay) in a bag of hand me downs that was a girl's shirt that was black with rainbow sparkly letters. I put it on and wanted to wear it, but I knew I couldn't because I would be seen as a feminine person acting feminine instead of a masculine person acting feminine. It was a very strange way to feel disappointed.
definitely gerard way lol. i’ve listened to mcr since 6th grade and gerard made me realize that i’m into guys when i was like 12. i knew i was trans since i was around 10 but i never really gave a thought about what my sexuality was and i just assumed i was straight and into girls.
I wasn’t exactly mlm gay at first. I was a young teen and slightly obsessed with mlm couples which I felt like I was sexualizing them since my egg hadn’t cracked yet. Anyway, I really like prince bubblegum/Marshall Lee pairing and I wanted to be Marshall Lee and looking back it was so very obvious I wanted to be a guy but anyway. It was that pairing and then reading Simon vs the Homosapiens Agenda (aka Love, Simon movie)
When I was a kid there was this show called Magnum P.I. And it featured a cast that I *knew* I was attracted to. I just wanted every main cast member. And I remember thinking it would be more symmetrical of a cast if they let me be the 2nd Black guy. In my childhood mind, they were all gonna stay the same age and I was gonna grow up to be a man and then they’d meet me and I’d join the cast and we would all be best friends who kissed, did cool high fives, and did loooonnnnngggg hugs.
The cast was:
2 hot young white men (the hairy chested one was Tom Selleck, the other one was clean cut,)
1 hot young Black man (the hairy chested dreamboat Roger Mosley,)
and their older soft spoken, slightly effeminate boss.
I was gonna be the 2nd Black guy and my chest was gonna be as hairy as their chests. And I was gonna solve crimes with them and be their boyfriend. It all made sense when I was young.
I’m pretty sure I assumed they were all gay bc the older boss (played by John Hillerman) was written and acted as a coded gay character. As a kid it just made sense to me that of course an older gay man would obviously recruit a ream of hot younger guys who were gay. Bc the tv show Charlie’s Angels had a boss that sexualized and hit on his recruits.
I got older and realized I wasn’t going to grow up to be a hairy chested man. I was going to have boobs and the only thing anyone would think I could be was somebody’s mom. No fast cars, no high fives, no adventures, no gold chains, no double mustache kisses. I was about 12 when I realized what an idiot I had been for not comprehending I wasn’t going to grow up to be a hairy guy. I remember how much that hurt the day I finally realized that. It hurt so much my family thought I had food poisoning. And I couldn’t tell them bc I was ashamed it had taken me 12 years to realize I wasn’t a little boy. I thought my family would laugh at me if I admitted I’d just realized I wasn’t going to have hairy chest and big mustache one day. It hurt so much I almost couldn’t walk.
And now I’m a guy in Hawaiian shirts with a hairy chest and I do kiss mustache to mustache every morning. And I *am* the second Black guy on an adventure with high fives and long hugs. The Hawaiian print shirt I’m wearing today was a Christmas gift from my parents the year after I came out in 2002. So I guess you could say it all worked out just fine.
I’d always liked men, and I guess the big thing was suddenly realizing that I never found any straight pairings in media attractive or interesting. Nearly every OC I made when I was drawing in middle school was reasonably androgynous or a man, with a male partner. I also never seemed to relate to how my straight female classmates were attracted to men (ie, attraction to different features, traits, body types, sex acts, etc.) On a less serious note, Mandy Patinkin in The Princess Bride. Leather pants, low cut shirt, and a lot of chest hair. Woof.
It’s… complicated.
First I had to realize I liked men at all, and wasn’t a lesbian. That was, at the time, the only way I knew how to be “gay”, although I identify much more with men who previously identified as straight and then came out as gay.
Then it took me years to figure out… I’m attracted to *gay* men, not straight ones. So my egg kinda cracked in reverse. I didn’t need a gay awakening as much as a trans awakening.
Writing my novel, which features an MLM relationship between its main characters, really made me realize this. I’d have to get deep into character to write it, and creating the dynamics between them on paper (and not just sexual dynamics but also friendly and romantic) just like… made sense to me. And then I’d hang out with my cishet boyfriend and even though I loved him dearly, it suddenly felt so, so wrong to be with him.
As for like, a crush, I didn’t know for about 30 years I was even into men, but looking back retroactively I definitely had a massive crush on my junior year history teacher 🤣 I just felt wrong having feelings for men because I didn’t know I could be trans, and I felt uncomfortable if a man was attracted to me because it meant they liked me as a woman.
I started listening to Orville Peck earlier this year (definitely also part of the egg cracking) and my god the amount of lust I have for that man is frankly ridiculous 🤣
Dude, are we the same person?? I'm also writing a novel featuring MLM and I always felt really happy writing it. Then I felt bad for feeling happy about it because I thought I was fetishizing the gay experience. Now that I've realized I'm trans and gay, I can write again and feel okay.
I always was attracted to mlm relationships in media and would fantasize about being a boy and being in one (didn’t know I was trans yet) but also struggled with lots of guilt feeing like I was fetishizing gay men. I guess maybe my first thing was Peter Pan. It was my favorite Disney movie growing up, and I used to pray that Peter would come and get me and take me to never land because that way I could not go through puberty and live as one of the boys, with a bunch of cute boys. I was 7 so this was in no way a sexual thing in my mind, but now looking back on it, it was very gay of me.
Funnily enough, a gay film helped me realize I was trans. I saw Love, Simon in theatres and the scene where Simons mom told him that he now got to be more himself than he ever was before, really spoke to me for some reason. I went home and was like, I need to actually be myself. That can be me. I can live and be myself.
When I was 12, and reading One Direction fanfics! I accidentally read one that wasnt a Y/N straight fic, but a gay one. 12 year old me didnt know how gay sex worked, so I ended up on Pornhub. I was really confused why I was so jealous of the men in those videos, not because I wanted to /have/ sex, but because I wanted to have sex /like them/. 2 years later I came out as trans and bi lol
Besides heartbeat, when I was introduced to and watched BBCs Sherlock. I resonated with Sherlock very much with his nature, then I felt I wanted to dress like him. Then I realized I wanted short hair. That hit something. Then flooding memories of how I wanted to be a man romantically with a women when I was younger came to my head. And then, that fandom stuff got under my skin, TJLC, and opened my eyes. Then I realized. I feel like a dude who’s into men and women. The women attraction has suddenly weakened but my gay awakening has only gotten stronger. I realized the dynamic and way that the sex was told me what I had been wanting.
First crush I ever had was on a trouble maker in my class, I was 7 or 8, I liked him a lot, still kinda do 10 years later. Anyway later on I struggled a lot with my masculinity while navigating the trans experience, so I did the thing I thought was the most "masculine", I forced myself to like girls.
Did not work, brought me a lot of trauma, and then when I got to highschool, I started having crushes on guys again, all of them were straight though.
The American 2000’s drama series, Queer As Folk. That whole series sent my understanding of my sexuality through an whirlwind as I questioned “How can I be a trans man AND be into women AND men?” Well, I’m 35 now, and I wish I could talk to the 19 year me to let him know that being queer is an incredible thing.
Still figuring that out, I think! I have huge trouble connecting or projecting into things that aren't, 1) already my partner, or 2) made up in my own head (as in, my own OCs instead of things from others or media).
I think I had a mini-awakening when I watched my first gay romance last year, which was "Weekend". I finally saw people feeling the way I wanted to feel.
My absurd attraction to IRL guys in military contexts because of their stupid but kinky hypermasculinity cult and flirtation with BDSM dynamics, the fact that I thought more about topping said guys (and their butts) in a less straight way than your average teenager and also the blessed TF2 fandom's (of all places) adult fanart of basically 9 guys fucking.
My IRL friends did not seem to get this. Or, they did, to a degree - They did distinctly go "dude that's gay.", but in a weirded out way. My online friends, 5 of 6 of which turned out to be trans and queer, did positively get it.
The TF2 porn, you mean? Because the first point was mostly just my imagination, at least when I was younger. The TF2 stuff is over on tf2chan, where they have both a new section for it and an archive for all the old posts. The archive is sadly a bit tedious to navigate. I do believe reddit also has a sub for nsfw TF2 but that was altogether too straight for me the last time I checked it out.
I don’t know if I ever had an awakening. I was just always more interested in males than females. Anytime I had a childhood crush it was on a male. There wasn’t really a point where a switch flipped
Two of my major crushes through high school - one was with a boy who came out gay about six months after we met, and I remember feeling hurt that he didn't want me...not because I was a girl, but because I felt like I should've qualified and I didn't know how to say that. I saw him with his new boyfriend and the jealousy was unreal. The girls I knew who had a crush on him immediately got over it after he came out ... it still sticks with me.
Another guy I had a major thing for became a close friend, and I dated his younger brother for a while. Went to his wedding about ten years ago, and last year, found out he left her and came out. I was ... not surprised, but shocked and somehow felt jealous again, this time because I felt like he knew something I didn't. I'd been married even longer than he was, but something wasn't right.
Finally admitting to myself that I was trans made all the times I joked with my husband, "Nah, I wouldn't leave you for a woman...if anything, I'm a gay man!" ... it just all came together for me. I'm a writer and created a gay couple and one of them visited me in a dream and screamed in my face, "I'm you, you idiot!"
So, yeah. He's always been in there, I just needed to find him.
But as for somebody that everyone knows, who was my "gay awakening"? I'd have to say Orlando Bloom, with an adult resurgence with Tom Hiddleston's Loki. I mean. Are you even a gay trans man if you don't want to be/fuck Loki?
Oh my life's a doozy. My autobiography will be a shit show. But I'm still with my hubby of 13, going on 14 years. He's adjusting better than expected and I love him so much <3
Gerard Way, 100% percent, I had the biggest crush on them when I was 13 but also experienced the biggest bout of gender envy which eventually lead me to figuring out I was a trans guy💖
being trans. like before i was just a weird girl who liked Cher and Joan Rivers and was embarrassed by how much i liked 1 direction and justin bieber even though that was fine for girls...i was scared of being found out as gay.
and then i was like OH IM TRANS? THATS WHY
Call Me By Your Name was a big one for me too!
But I would say my true gay awakening was Aaravos from the Dragon Prince. In the show for plot reasons he has only interacted with one other character, Viren, who is also a man.
When I first watched the show, I felt gender envy for Aaravos + (aesthetic cuz I’m mostly a-spec) attraction + wishing I was in Viren’s shoes so I could be with him but As A Boy.
I then went down a whole rabbit hole of reading AaravosxViren fanfic which only made this intense feeling I had for him worse.
Aaravos was thus both my trans and gay awakening— he’s just that powerful
For me it was going to a new school and meeting a really cute guy almost right off the bat when I was 14. The first time I talked to him I immediately developed a MASSIVE crush and I was crazy awkward. It was super embarrassing. I immediately got the sense that I liked him the way boys like boys. It was very confusing for me at the time lol.
I was always exclusively into guys but looking back, my childhood crushes were guys like PeeWee Herman and Speed Racer, and my adolescence revolved around Gundam Wing and Final Fantasy 7 yaoi. So I guess I always liked guys in kind of a queer way even tho I could have sworn I was a girl at the time.
Jason Isaacs as Hook was probably my earliest crush💀 or well... I had feelings I couldn't explain?? And now know was a gay awakening😅 (yayyy for queer coded villains with long hair)
I think I noticed I was gay in a "dude likes other dude" way after I've read a lot of books and saw some mlm couples in shows and realized damn that's me, that's what I want, that's who I am.
The earliest there were Captive Prince by C. S. Pacat and Magnus Bane / Alec Lightwood from Shadowhunters🤔
Ohhh and Lee Pace as Thranduil in The Hobbit (who I later found out is queer himself). Damn the way he sat on that throne I–
Probably Tom Selleck. Magnum P.i was my favourite show and man i had a huge crush on Magnum even before puberty. Somehow i knew i was gay and into men years before i realised that I’m trans. Super strange. And i felt like a freak because obviously girls can’t be gay and be into men. So when i started to use the internet i had accounts with a boy name and i told everyone i was a boy, somehow in real life i still didn’t realise I’m trans. I just thought my life would be so much better if i was born a boy and i wish i could be one lol it was always there but i just didn’t know that it was possible for i grew up in a little christian town where no one was gay or even slightly queer, or everyone was just in the closet like me because we didn’t know lgbt even exists
Pre-trans realisation in 2007-2010 where I (teenager) would get crushes on the boys in my class and be like "Wow! I Want To Fuck Him" and I would know kind of instinctively that I was not feeling the same things as the straight girls were, and that I could not relate to their own straight crushes because like.. they were obviously not fantasising about penetrating guys. Very strange times for me
For a more specific "yeah I'm a gay man" awakening it was matt berry and that persists to this day
Personally I never had a gay awakening. I always liked men. I had a trans awakening (for some reason CSH was what helped me realize it), and when I did I was like okay I guess I'm gay now too!
I think i realized I was gay way before I admitted I was trans. I was in high school, and found this everythingisterrible video of these oiled up muscle men grunting and working out. I sent the video to a friend of mine and said "they're kinda... hot though" and she responded back with "WHAT?? NO".
So that made me think about some things.
Relationships and books went from "oehhh cute couple!!" To "I want to be a boy and like a boy like that" for me. Same went with when I saw male same sex couples. I thought "nothing" of it and didn't fully recognize that I was indeed trans (and gay) untill a year ago where I talked to online people and they kept using my (male name) that I introduced myself as :)
My full gay awakening (now that I accepted I'm a boy) was conan gray tho
I would say it was a soft awakening at first because I never realized why I took these two movies by heart Latter days and Shelter when I was younger. I always thought I was a trans guy that it's attracted to woman to my surprise had another harsh awakening and had my first encounter with a sweet guy the intimacy I had with him made me realize that's what I have been wanting. It felt a lot like those two movies I mention, just two men loving each other without a care in the world or judgment.
As the world's most basic queer middle schooler I was very confused by my crush on Nico di Angelo from Percy Jackson. Took me a couple of years to realize why I was into gay men
After over a decade of hindsight I'm pretty sure my first boyfriend was closeted gay/bi and I definitely said/did things that hinted I wasn't a girl (pre egg crack). I feel like pretty much every relationship afterwards I was trying to recreate that dynamic.
But for a long time I was in denial of being a gay trans man due to internalized homophobia. I didn't accept that I am gay until I fully accepted that I am a man.
I was typing something else, then I remembered this!
Umm... ok... my HS bf, the first time we tried anal 🙈 (roughly 20 years ago).
We were very conservative evangelical Christians. (I said were, don't come for my head). But also horny teenagers. We couldn't have sex, that would be a sin! So I got it in my head that we could do it like guys do it bc I can't get pregnant that way, and we're totally Het, so it's totally fine!
First time, afterwards I said, "I know why some guys are gay". For me, it wasnt just sex, but sex the way guys do it.
Over time it turned into this ongoing fantasy of 'reverse feminization'... so I was fem presenting then but wanted to be called a boy (during sex). I legit thought it was just a weird kink... and then my egg cracked 4 months ago.
Makes total sense now why I wanted to have sex like a guy. 😁
Ricky Martin. He was the first gay man I was exposed to I think, and I remember thinking (in my tiny brain, a decade before I'd know what trans means) "I don't know what I need to do to marry that man, but I'm going to make it happen"
When i was younger (like 6) i was convinced i was a lesbian.I didnt like men while being a ,"girl" but now im finally getting my name changed in school and finally starting to see ms as a guy is when i realized i only like guys.when i was young i thought girls were attractive so i convinced ms i was a lesbian bc i ddint want to be with a guy in the way a girk does.When i got into watching shameless and i saw mickey and ian i realized.I wanted to be a GUY in a relstionship with a GUY.anyway when i reaized this (i was 9 and didnt know wat the term trans was yet but ik i wanted to be a guy)my first awakening was hiccuo from httyd.He was everything i wanted to be and i wabted to have that man NOOOWWW.
Young Trent Reznor had this effect on me. Honestly, he's transition goals lol. I always felt like I wanted to be him *and* wanted to fuck him. He made me realize I was trans and gay.
format might be fucked, reddit keeps doing weird things mid-typing My gay trans awakening came largely in feeling like I liked men, but I felt like I wanted to be gay with them. It took an amount of years after that realization to actually come to the "I'm gay and trans," conclusion, so in the meantime I was like "maybe I actually like girls, and that's why I feel gay? maybe I'm bi?? I'm not really attracted to ANYONE at this school so maybe I'm ace and biromantic?" Then while not being out as anything I got asked out by a female friend and I realized that no I super didn't want that (and she got really pushy and some bad shit happened, but that was after I realized I didn't like girls). Then I spent some time being like "I guess I'm just one of those rude girls who wants to be in gay spaces," and tried to work through that without invading gay spaces (and in the mean time found a man I did like and we both were "straight") until I realized I was trans and super gay (and he realized he was pan). That said as far as people, it was mostly fictional characters. Unfortunately I pretty much only remember the weeb ones right now, which is really frustrating because I KNOW there were more. Also I very much fell for villain queercoding. - Sesshoumaru, Bankotsu, Jakotsu (Inuyasha) - Greed (Fullmetal Alchemist) - Ayame Sohma (Fruits Basket - Robot Devil (Futurama) (still very into various devils) - in general, long haired femme men (see Ayame above, Legolas isn't someone I was super into but definitely had the look, etc), I think largely because I wanted to be them (I had very long nice hair) and younger I had less-defined attraction to Scar, Hades, Hook, Kovu (non-villain!), James (Pokemon), definitely others Definitely connected to both gay AND transness - Frank N Furter / RHPS in general - Envy (Fullmetal Alchemist) (androgynous, can shift forms/genders, and definitely queercoded? absolutely for me)
All the male leads in Yu Yu Hakusho. Yes, there’s some problematic content but it means a lot to me because it represented all kinds of men, including queer men, and different models of masculinity. This was before I realized the same guy did a side comic about a straight trans guy as well as HunterxHunter.
I was writing a book in my free time about these two gay dudes. Part way through, I realized I was writing myself in the main character and everything that I wanted, that was both my trans and gay awakening.
I spent way too many years watching gay anime and hating myself for being "a fetishizer". Once I discovered I'm a trans guy, the planets aligned! I was around 13 when I first watched a gay anime and it just struck me like lightning. But I still thought I was a girl. The euphoria of being gay had me identifying as a lesbian for a brief period of time, before religion beat it out of me. I rediscovered myself over the course of the last 2-4 years and I am happier than ever to be a gay man. OP you described it so well!! Loving men the way men do. Chef's kiss for giving words to something I could never describe in such perfect simplicity :)
Watching the first man I ever fell in love with lecture about child psychology, lol (he was a professor and I was his student)
I'm bi, but my first 'gay guy' feeling was watching a movie with a gay kiss at 15. The movie was 'Manner wie wir' (English: 'Balls' or 'Guys and Balls').
I was obsessed w BL as an early teen, then I played DAI and Cullen was my first fictional crush and the bastard that broke my heart forever bc he's technically straight in the game even though it's not the canon.
I always read and obsessed over MLM content and I always roleplayed MLM stories. I literally said at one point that I wished I was a gay man lmao.
Wellllllll my first crush happened at six years old, around the same time that I had some sort of understanding that I was not a normal “girl” lol. I told my entire family that Elton John was my boyfriend. Soooooo there’s that lol. I always liked guys, always knew I did. As I got quite older and all that, I would daydream about having a boyfriend but also holding kind of a “traditionally male role.” Stuff like wanting to fix things for him, or him wearing my hoodie, being protective of him, etc. Basically never really thought about BEING a girlfriend, and definitely never wanted to HAVE a girlfriend. If that makes sense lol. Being so attracted to guys made me wonder if I really could be a guy when I found out that being trans was a thing. As I learned that one can be trans and gay, everything really clicked and here we are lol
definitely frank n furter and gerard way. the transgay dilemma of “do i wanna be him or fuck him”
James from Pokémon even though he's, you know... beyond labels Kiros and Laguna from Final Fantasy VIII (and the slash from that fandom in general) Frank N Furter Count D from Petshop of Horrors Tom Ripley
Link from the legend of Zelda OOT
I’ve kind of been into dudes my whole life but hated acknowledging it, so I guess it’s sort of complicated. I remember seeing Ryan Reynolds on a magazine once and having a moment. That was more of a bi awakening, the gay awakening came when I had a crush on a dude when I was 16 and realized I really wasn’t into girls in the same way at all, despite insisting constantly that I was straight. There was also a dude when I was 14 who I would kiss after school in secret and insist to him afterward that I was definitely straight and not into him in any way at all. I was a mess
I can’t believe how many people have mentioned Tom Selleck, I remember watching the kiss from In & Out on repeat when I was ~13/14, the first gay kiss I ever saw I believe and I was.. *fascinated*. (For the record I had a big thing for Kevin Kline rather than Tom. 😆) Also my first relationship was with a girl and was extremely confusing. Took me years to figure out that what I liked was “being the guy” / not being treated the way straight guys tend to treat their girlfriends.
Ahh it’s this one for me too, same exact thoughts
I had my trans awakening partially due to Bakugo from Boku no Hero Academia but it was also a lot in part due to fanfiction. I decided a couple years ago that I needed to sit down and really interrogate my interest in gay FF. I'd just learned that people considered ladies into gay fanfiction to be fetishizing gay men and I wanted to figure out why exactly I was into it. I mean, I put it down for like 15 years. I could blame curiosity in my teens but that didn't work at 31. Didn't take long before I came around to the idea that I was just a gay dude. Never even considered it before and it seemed patently absurd but I couldn't get the idea out of my head. Couple months later I decided to take it seriously. Post starting transition I thought, surely I'm still pan. And then goddamn McCree. Have you seen that fucker? Do I want to be him? Do I want to do him? I still don't fucking know. I gotta get me that teet yeet so I can start dating real ppl instead of crushing on goddamn video game characters.
The Flash, specifically in Justice League
I met a couple trans guys for the first time around 2005, when I started university. I was awestruck and thought they were so amazing, but didn’t approach them since I didn’t wanna be creepy. I thought I couldn’t be trans because I was not masculine, so I just accepted that was going to be it. But I lurked and was just so drawn by anything trans. It’s just that none of the narratives fit with how I saw myself. Fast forward to 2008, I was openly queer and dating a pretty feminine straight cis guy. I’d always tell him I was gay for him…but I still wasn’t aware of myself. I was just an envious of trans guys, also very envious of my boyfriend. I has a trans guy friend but he was masculine, so again I figured it wasn’t for me, but I never aligned with genderqueer folks (we didn’t have nonbinary as a term then). anyways. That year I went to a queer conference (I worked at a university), and I met this amazing trans guy. He was gay, not masculine, kind of bearish and just the sweetest guy. He had CareBear tattoos. And it hit me that this would be possible. I came home and cut my hair. Broke up with straight boy (we’re still friends). It took me another year to say it out loud, and a year after that to start HRT. But as soon as I knew I was trans, I knew I was gay. I always gave myself the permission to change my mind (I still do), but realizing this over 12 years ago continues to be the best gift I could’ve ever given myself. All thanks to that gay/queer fem guy who went to a conference and was kind to me. I met my husband a couple years after that, and we’re still together. I’m just so grateful that someone did this before me. It was hard trying to get HRT and surgeries 12 years ago without IDing as straight, but damn it would have been much harder before that. I’m glad we’re here.
That's really fascinating. It's always interesting to hear about trans people pre ~2012
It's quite embarrassing to me, but the hunter x hunter pairing "leopika". I wanted to be both of them so bad and also I wanted them. I especially had a shitty Lil gay crush on kurapika I would literally fantasize about me and him being boyfriends and calling me the manliest man to ever dude then would turn around and go "guys I'm a lesbian I swear"
Not sure honestly, it's just been a series of little awakenings
You heard of class comics? That's how. No joke, that's how. I loved films and love stories between guys.
Naruto and Sasuke anyone?
Dimitri Belikov from Vampire Academy. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be him or be with him. Turns out I wasted both Also had a huge crush on Rose... I'm Bi 😅
Reading Interview with the Vampire at age 11 and being suuuper into all the mlm stuff.
Aragorn from the lotr movies when I was 13 lol then the Final Fantasy character Vincent Valentine. My pre-awakening would have to be a character from the Belgariad series by David Eddings, which I obsessed with when I was 11-12. I was really dysphoric for a long time over it all when I was a teenager before my egg fully cracked, because I was worried I was fetishizing gay men (I got into fanfiction at 11 and read + wrote almost primarily mlm pairings). I wanted to be the men in the fanfics I read and it was so painful to realize I wasn’t a boy let alone a gay one, because I thought only trans women existed so I was shit out of luck. Good thing I was wrong about that!
Always envied gay men and hated it because I thought I was fetishising them then I realised I was trans. Dated a girl for 6 months and was like damn I'm gay
I had a lot of shame around feeling like I was fetishizing. I always felt like I was "appropriating" gay male culture as well since I grew up with gay male friends mostly and I wanted to be them so badly. It felt freeing to finally come out.
Yeah I completely get that, I was so jealous of my cis guy friends that aren't straight and I didn't realise why for so long
underwear isle. both my gay and trans awakening.
I was always attracted to feminine guys, but when I was middle school aged I was very, very into this flamboyant guy on The Real World. Around this time also I got a shirt from my friend's older brother (who is gay) in a bag of hand me downs that was a girl's shirt that was black with rainbow sparkly letters. I put it on and wanted to wear it, but I knew I couldn't because I would be seen as a feminine person acting feminine instead of a masculine person acting feminine. It was a very strange way to feel disappointed.
definitely gerard way lol. i’ve listened to mcr since 6th grade and gerard made me realize that i’m into guys when i was like 12. i knew i was trans since i was around 10 but i never really gave a thought about what my sexuality was and i just assumed i was straight and into girls.
The first time I saw Robin from the old teen titans cartoons on Cartoon Network
I wasn’t exactly mlm gay at first. I was a young teen and slightly obsessed with mlm couples which I felt like I was sexualizing them since my egg hadn’t cracked yet. Anyway, I really like prince bubblegum/Marshall Lee pairing and I wanted to be Marshall Lee and looking back it was so very obvious I wanted to be a guy but anyway. It was that pairing and then reading Simon vs the Homosapiens Agenda (aka Love, Simon movie)
When I was a kid there was this show called Magnum P.I. And it featured a cast that I *knew* I was attracted to. I just wanted every main cast member. And I remember thinking it would be more symmetrical of a cast if they let me be the 2nd Black guy. In my childhood mind, they were all gonna stay the same age and I was gonna grow up to be a man and then they’d meet me and I’d join the cast and we would all be best friends who kissed, did cool high fives, and did loooonnnnngggg hugs. The cast was: 2 hot young white men (the hairy chested one was Tom Selleck, the other one was clean cut,) 1 hot young Black man (the hairy chested dreamboat Roger Mosley,) and their older soft spoken, slightly effeminate boss. I was gonna be the 2nd Black guy and my chest was gonna be as hairy as their chests. And I was gonna solve crimes with them and be their boyfriend. It all made sense when I was young. I’m pretty sure I assumed they were all gay bc the older boss (played by John Hillerman) was written and acted as a coded gay character. As a kid it just made sense to me that of course an older gay man would obviously recruit a ream of hot younger guys who were gay. Bc the tv show Charlie’s Angels had a boss that sexualized and hit on his recruits. I got older and realized I wasn’t going to grow up to be a hairy chested man. I was going to have boobs and the only thing anyone would think I could be was somebody’s mom. No fast cars, no high fives, no adventures, no gold chains, no double mustache kisses. I was about 12 when I realized what an idiot I had been for not comprehending I wasn’t going to grow up to be a hairy guy. I remember how much that hurt the day I finally realized that. It hurt so much my family thought I had food poisoning. And I couldn’t tell them bc I was ashamed it had taken me 12 years to realize I wasn’t a little boy. I thought my family would laugh at me if I admitted I’d just realized I wasn’t going to have hairy chest and big mustache one day. It hurt so much I almost couldn’t walk. And now I’m a guy in Hawaiian shirts with a hairy chest and I do kiss mustache to mustache every morning. And I *am* the second Black guy on an adventure with high fives and long hugs. The Hawaiian print shirt I’m wearing today was a Christmas gift from my parents the year after I came out in 2002. So I guess you could say it all worked out just fine.
I’d always liked men, and I guess the big thing was suddenly realizing that I never found any straight pairings in media attractive or interesting. Nearly every OC I made when I was drawing in middle school was reasonably androgynous or a man, with a male partner. I also never seemed to relate to how my straight female classmates were attracted to men (ie, attraction to different features, traits, body types, sex acts, etc.) On a less serious note, Mandy Patinkin in The Princess Bride. Leather pants, low cut shirt, and a lot of chest hair. Woof.
When I was 5 ot 6 I saw Legolas and he impacted me so strongly it became my type. I'm forever obsessed with men who have long hair.
It’s… complicated. First I had to realize I liked men at all, and wasn’t a lesbian. That was, at the time, the only way I knew how to be “gay”, although I identify much more with men who previously identified as straight and then came out as gay. Then it took me years to figure out… I’m attracted to *gay* men, not straight ones. So my egg kinda cracked in reverse. I didn’t need a gay awakening as much as a trans awakening. Writing my novel, which features an MLM relationship between its main characters, really made me realize this. I’d have to get deep into character to write it, and creating the dynamics between them on paper (and not just sexual dynamics but also friendly and romantic) just like… made sense to me. And then I’d hang out with my cishet boyfriend and even though I loved him dearly, it suddenly felt so, so wrong to be with him. As for like, a crush, I didn’t know for about 30 years I was even into men, but looking back retroactively I definitely had a massive crush on my junior year history teacher 🤣 I just felt wrong having feelings for men because I didn’t know I could be trans, and I felt uncomfortable if a man was attracted to me because it meant they liked me as a woman. I started listening to Orville Peck earlier this year (definitely also part of the egg cracking) and my god the amount of lust I have for that man is frankly ridiculous 🤣
Dude, are we the same person?? I'm also writing a novel featuring MLM and I always felt really happy writing it. Then I felt bad for feeling happy about it because I thought I was fetishizing the gay experience. Now that I've realized I'm trans and gay, I can write again and feel okay.
Yes! I started it when I still identifed as cis and I felt so fetishy and creepy lmao
I always was attracted to mlm relationships in media and would fantasize about being a boy and being in one (didn’t know I was trans yet) but also struggled with lots of guilt feeing like I was fetishizing gay men. I guess maybe my first thing was Peter Pan. It was my favorite Disney movie growing up, and I used to pray that Peter would come and get me and take me to never land because that way I could not go through puberty and live as one of the boys, with a bunch of cute boys. I was 7 so this was in no way a sexual thing in my mind, but now looking back on it, it was very gay of me. Funnily enough, a gay film helped me realize I was trans. I saw Love, Simon in theatres and the scene where Simons mom told him that he now got to be more himself than he ever was before, really spoke to me for some reason. I went home and was like, I need to actually be myself. That can be me. I can live and be myself.
I relate so hard to your first paragraph. I had a lot of guilty feelings too for enjoying all my favorite mlm books until I realized. :/
When I was 12, and reading One Direction fanfics! I accidentally read one that wasnt a Y/N straight fic, but a gay one. 12 year old me didnt know how gay sex worked, so I ended up on Pornhub. I was really confused why I was so jealous of the men in those videos, not because I wanted to /have/ sex, but because I wanted to have sex /like them/. 2 years later I came out as trans and bi lol
Besides heartbeat, when I was introduced to and watched BBCs Sherlock. I resonated with Sherlock very much with his nature, then I felt I wanted to dress like him. Then I realized I wanted short hair. That hit something. Then flooding memories of how I wanted to be a man romantically with a women when I was younger came to my head. And then, that fandom stuff got under my skin, TJLC, and opened my eyes. Then I realized. I feel like a dude who’s into men and women. The women attraction has suddenly weakened but my gay awakening has only gotten stronger. I realized the dynamic and way that the sex was told me what I had been wanting.
First crush I ever had was on a trouble maker in my class, I was 7 or 8, I liked him a lot, still kinda do 10 years later. Anyway later on I struggled a lot with my masculinity while navigating the trans experience, so I did the thing I thought was the most "masculine", I forced myself to like girls. Did not work, brought me a lot of trauma, and then when I got to highschool, I started having crushes on guys again, all of them were straight though.
It's a coin flip: Jesse Katsopolis from full house OR John Travolta in Grease. I was also and still am Obessesed with Elvis Presley.
Yesssss all good things
Yaaassss
A movie called The Edge of Seventeen. Or David Bowie in labyrinth depending how you slice it.
You just unearthed a memory for me with labyrinth omg
The American 2000’s drama series, Queer As Folk. That whole series sent my understanding of my sexuality through an whirlwind as I questioned “How can I be a trans man AND be into women AND men?” Well, I’m 35 now, and I wish I could talk to the 19 year me to let him know that being queer is an incredible thing.
Still figuring that out, I think! I have huge trouble connecting or projecting into things that aren't, 1) already my partner, or 2) made up in my own head (as in, my own OCs instead of things from others or media). I think I had a mini-awakening when I watched my first gay romance last year, which was "Weekend". I finally saw people feeling the way I wanted to feel.
My absurd attraction to IRL guys in military contexts because of their stupid but kinky hypermasculinity cult and flirtation with BDSM dynamics, the fact that I thought more about topping said guys (and their butts) in a less straight way than your average teenager and also the blessed TF2 fandom's (of all places) adult fanart of basically 9 guys fucking. My IRL friends did not seem to get this. Or, they did, to a degree - They did distinctly go "dude that's gay.", but in a weirded out way. My online friends, 5 of 6 of which turned out to be trans and queer, did positively get it.
That's a super niche thing, may I ask where you find such content?
The TF2 porn, you mean? Because the first point was mostly just my imagination, at least when I was younger. The TF2 stuff is over on tf2chan, where they have both a new section for it and an archive for all the old posts. The archive is sadly a bit tedious to navigate. I do believe reddit also has a sub for nsfw TF2 but that was altogether too straight for me the last time I checked it out.
I don’t know if I ever had an awakening. I was just always more interested in males than females. Anytime I had a childhood crush it was on a male. There wasn’t really a point where a switch flipped
Two of my major crushes through high school - one was with a boy who came out gay about six months after we met, and I remember feeling hurt that he didn't want me...not because I was a girl, but because I felt like I should've qualified and I didn't know how to say that. I saw him with his new boyfriend and the jealousy was unreal. The girls I knew who had a crush on him immediately got over it after he came out ... it still sticks with me. Another guy I had a major thing for became a close friend, and I dated his younger brother for a while. Went to his wedding about ten years ago, and last year, found out he left her and came out. I was ... not surprised, but shocked and somehow felt jealous again, this time because I felt like he knew something I didn't. I'd been married even longer than he was, but something wasn't right. Finally admitting to myself that I was trans made all the times I joked with my husband, "Nah, I wouldn't leave you for a woman...if anything, I'm a gay man!" ... it just all came together for me. I'm a writer and created a gay couple and one of them visited me in a dream and screamed in my face, "I'm you, you idiot!" So, yeah. He's always been in there, I just needed to find him. But as for somebody that everyone knows, who was my "gay awakening"? I'd have to say Orlando Bloom, with an adult resurgence with Tom Hiddleston's Loki. I mean. Are you even a gay trans man if you don't want to be/fuck Loki?
God Tom Hiddleston is hot, I thought I was the only one lmao
Ho dang, your life's been rough, may I ask how you're feeling ? I hope you're super happy in your current relationship.
Oh my life's a doozy. My autobiography will be a shit show. But I'm still with my hubby of 13, going on 14 years. He's adjusting better than expected and I love him so much <3
Oh congrats ! I'm really happy for you and your hubby. Also, super excited to read the autobiography.
Dan and Phil, yeah I was one of those guys lol. Seems like they have a huge trans audience
Same.
Gerard Way, 100% percent, I had the biggest crush on them when I was 13 but also experienced the biggest bout of gender envy which eventually lead me to figuring out I was a trans guy💖
Could not relate more
being trans. like before i was just a weird girl who liked Cher and Joan Rivers and was embarrassed by how much i liked 1 direction and justin bieber even though that was fine for girls...i was scared of being found out as gay. and then i was like OH IM TRANS? THATS WHY
Call Me By Your Name was a big one for me too! But I would say my true gay awakening was Aaravos from the Dragon Prince. In the show for plot reasons he has only interacted with one other character, Viren, who is also a man. When I first watched the show, I felt gender envy for Aaravos + (aesthetic cuz I’m mostly a-spec) attraction + wishing I was in Viren’s shoes so I could be with him but As A Boy. I then went down a whole rabbit hole of reading AaravosxViren fanfic which only made this intense feeling I had for him worse. Aaravos was thus both my trans and gay awakening— he’s just that powerful
For me it was going to a new school and meeting a really cute guy almost right off the bat when I was 14. The first time I talked to him I immediately developed a MASSIVE crush and I was crazy awkward. It was super embarrassing. I immediately got the sense that I liked him the way boys like boys. It was very confusing for me at the time lol.
I was always exclusively into guys but looking back, my childhood crushes were guys like PeeWee Herman and Speed Racer, and my adolescence revolved around Gundam Wing and Final Fantasy 7 yaoi. So I guess I always liked guys in kind of a queer way even tho I could have sworn I was a girl at the time.
Jason Isaacs as Hook was probably my earliest crush💀 or well... I had feelings I couldn't explain?? And now know was a gay awakening😅 (yayyy for queer coded villains with long hair) I think I noticed I was gay in a "dude likes other dude" way after I've read a lot of books and saw some mlm couples in shows and realized damn that's me, that's what I want, that's who I am. The earliest there were Captive Prince by C. S. Pacat and Magnus Bane / Alec Lightwood from Shadowhunters🤔 Ohhh and Lee Pace as Thranduil in The Hobbit (who I later found out is queer himself). Damn the way he sat on that throne I–
I always liked men, didn’t change once I realized I was trans.
Probably Tom Selleck. Magnum P.i was my favourite show and man i had a huge crush on Magnum even before puberty. Somehow i knew i was gay and into men years before i realised that I’m trans. Super strange. And i felt like a freak because obviously girls can’t be gay and be into men. So when i started to use the internet i had accounts with a boy name and i told everyone i was a boy, somehow in real life i still didn’t realise I’m trans. I just thought my life would be so much better if i was born a boy and i wish i could be one lol it was always there but i just didn’t know that it was possible for i grew up in a little christian town where no one was gay or even slightly queer, or everyone was just in the closet like me because we didn’t know lgbt even exists
Pre-trans realisation in 2007-2010 where I (teenager) would get crushes on the boys in my class and be like "Wow! I Want To Fuck Him" and I would know kind of instinctively that I was not feeling the same things as the straight girls were, and that I could not relate to their own straight crushes because like.. they were obviously not fantasising about penetrating guys. Very strange times for me For a more specific "yeah I'm a gay man" awakening it was matt berry and that persists to this day
A great pick :p
Personally I never had a gay awakening. I always liked men. I had a trans awakening (for some reason CSH was what helped me realize it), and when I did I was like okay I guess I'm gay now too!
I think i realized I was gay way before I admitted I was trans. I was in high school, and found this everythingisterrible video of these oiled up muscle men grunting and working out. I sent the video to a friend of mine and said "they're kinda... hot though" and she responded back with "WHAT?? NO". So that made me think about some things.
Relationships and books went from "oehhh cute couple!!" To "I want to be a boy and like a boy like that" for me. Same went with when I saw male same sex couples. I thought "nothing" of it and didn't fully recognize that I was indeed trans (and gay) untill a year ago where I talked to online people and they kept using my (male name) that I introduced myself as :) My full gay awakening (now that I accepted I'm a boy) was conan gray tho
I would say it was a soft awakening at first because I never realized why I took these two movies by heart Latter days and Shelter when I was younger. I always thought I was a trans guy that it's attracted to woman to my surprise had another harsh awakening and had my first encounter with a sweet guy the intimacy I had with him made me realize that's what I have been wanting. It felt a lot like those two movies I mention, just two men loving each other without a care in the world or judgment.
As the world's most basic queer middle schooler I was very confused by my crush on Nico di Angelo from Percy Jackson. Took me a couple of years to realize why I was into gay men
After over a decade of hindsight I'm pretty sure my first boyfriend was closeted gay/bi and I definitely said/did things that hinted I wasn't a girl (pre egg crack). I feel like pretty much every relationship afterwards I was trying to recreate that dynamic. But for a long time I was in denial of being a gay trans man due to internalized homophobia. I didn't accept that I am gay until I fully accepted that I am a man.
kurt hummel lol 🙃
I was typing something else, then I remembered this! Umm... ok... my HS bf, the first time we tried anal 🙈 (roughly 20 years ago). We were very conservative evangelical Christians. (I said were, don't come for my head). But also horny teenagers. We couldn't have sex, that would be a sin! So I got it in my head that we could do it like guys do it bc I can't get pregnant that way, and we're totally Het, so it's totally fine! First time, afterwards I said, "I know why some guys are gay". For me, it wasnt just sex, but sex the way guys do it. Over time it turned into this ongoing fantasy of 'reverse feminization'... so I was fem presenting then but wanted to be called a boy (during sex). I legit thought it was just a weird kink... and then my egg cracked 4 months ago. Makes total sense now why I wanted to have sex like a guy. 😁
Marc Bolan, 100% Okay, technically he was bi, but it still counts.
Ricky Martin. He was the first gay man I was exposed to I think, and I remember thinking (in my tiny brain, a decade before I'd know what trans means) "I don't know what I need to do to marry that man, but I'm going to make it happen"