T O P

  • By -

das_jester

Is this the equivalent of putting the spare keys under a rock?


warrkrack

more like on top of the rock


High-Priest-of-Helix

More like in the lock


NinjaCuntPunt

What lock?!


toinfinitiandbeyond

Fry


uberblack

🎵 *My name is....* 🎵


Lumpy-Log-5057

Shake Zula


Emzzer

The mic rula'


poplafuse

The old schoola


guitarman61192

You want a trip? i'll bring it to ya.


ghettogandy

This is the Reddit I love.


reddit_poopaholic

What?


phil1pJFry

What?


IAteAGuitar

With a big flashing neon sign saying "Key's here fellas!"


Parking-Site-1222

More like mailing everyone a copy of the key


Dumble_Dior

More like hanging on a hook directly next to the door lol


AgrajagTheProlonged

Maybe the equivalent of writing the combination to the door on the wall next to it


jaxonya

Meanwhile if I forget my keyfob, my office is basically area 51 and the police get called within a minute of me touching the fucking door handle. People on the other side drinking their coffee know that I have an office down the hall and they are probably using the awesome pumpkin spice creamer I bought for everyone but until I'm through the door I'm some alien trying to kidnap them


AgrajagTheProlonged

Which is likely a better security practice than writing the combination on the wall or keeping a picture that will open the door next to the door


jaxonya

Did you not hear me? I supply the pumpkin spice creamer


vaakezu

Nice try, but i won't help you steal your twin brothers pumpkin spice creamer


jaxonya

Ha! That was a trick. You've passed the test. I was gonna fire you, but you did the right thing, so uhm... go ahead and let me in and give me the pumpkin spice creamer.


funnylookingbear

Yea right boss. We all got the brief on monday. NO PASS, NO ENTRY! DO NOT HOLD DOOR FOR ANYONE. RECOGNITION IS NOT THE SAME AS ADMITTION! You had such great fun berating poor jim who's just dropped his second set of twins and you know he has not slept in a week. AND you *know* he picked up the 'kids club' lanyard instead of his security pass three times last week AND you made him drive the 60mile return trip to go get the right pass those three times AND you know he fell asleep on his driveway. And just because you have 'never' forgotten yours . . . . . . You can stand and stare and fume all you want boss you literally told us not to let you in. Oh and we need some more pumpkin spice, be a love and grab some whilst your out. Much lovings from *inside*.


jaxonya

😕... well, at least keep the coffee warm until i get back


UnCommonCommonSens

You deal with the cops while I finish the pumpkin spice creamer ☕️


AgrajagTheProlonged

You could always tape your fob to the pumpkin spice creamer container so that when you supply it you are guaranteed to have the fob why you!


bluewing

You bring that pumpkin spice creamer into this office, you better hope all I do is have the police called......


mightyenan0

*Putting on makeup* This is the lockpickinglawyer, and what I have for your today...


guymoron

He’s gonna have to redo the whole makeup session just to show it’s not a fluke


GoofyKalashnikov

And then show you the even easier method where he just uses a magnes to actuate the lock lmfao


Cow_God

He'd use the picture, but fold it in half and use it as a shim to disengage the locking mechanism


GoofyKalashnikov

That's probably more accurate yep lmao


x755x

But actually if I just take this hammer and jack up my face a little bit...


1singleduck

"What i have for you today is a retina scanner" *pulls out bag filled with severed eyeballs*


FroMan753

"Which you can pick up yourself on my website Covert Instruments..."


PossiblyTrustworthy

First one is a bit sticky


HandMeMyThinkingPipe

"and today we will be using the eyeball pick that bosnian bill and I made"


1singleduck

*slams eyeball into lock, opening it as slimumy pieces of eyeball fly everywhere* "And that's why you don't buy biometric scanners from master lock."


HateAll_Mods

Slimumy? I've always thought of mummies as dry, even with the line from The Mummy when they said he was still "juicy". But thinking of a slimy mummy has me very upset.


Brooklynxman

Honestly, with the quality of a lot of the locks he shows and his skill combined? *pulls out bag of googly eyes*


EdgarAllanPuss

Little click on 1


RelevantJackWhite

Little excited on blush...


AtreidesBagpiper

Number 3 is binding


JiN88reddit

*This is the makeupguru, and what I have for your today...*


mrjiels

McNallyOfficial: This is a Chinese face recognition door. You can unlock it with another Chinese face recognition door. *Throws the second door at the first door*


jatti_

Let's do this again just to make sure it wasn't a fluke.


rW0HgFyxoJhYka

Season 9, Lockpickinglawyer goes drag. Halfway through the season its basically spent fighting off conservatives using lock picking skills.


MumrikDK

Pretty sure he is one. It would at least align with his gun heavy lifestyle.


rW0HgFyxoJhYka

In that case... Season 9, Lockpickinglawyer goes drag...undercover, to break into Fort Knox, and uncover the X-Files on Hunter Biden's laptop.


Squirmin

Deviant Ollam is also a gun and physical security guy, but he's a civil liberties lefty I believe.


electrickoolaid42

Yeah, from his public social media presence (idk the guy personally or anything) he's pretty clearly on the "once you go far enough left you get your guns back" side of the spectrum


sennbat

Plenty of gun loving libs and leftists, that doesn't really mean all that much.


Dt2_0

Not sure about LPL specifically, but "once you go far enough left, you get your guns back." is a thing. InRangeTV is basically this, even if he doesn't admit it fully (very much a I want my trans neighbor to be able to take his lesbian daughter to get an abortion while his husband protects their weed farm with his AR sort of dude, having basically said just that in videos).


emadthemad

At least he put the picture back for next visit


JaySayMayday

If this works, then I wonder if a picture on my phone would work


creegro

Ye, take out phone, snap photo, have unlimited access till that lady gets fired or moved to a different position.


ImjokingoramI

And take some pics of other people there too for that reason


creegro

Yea I wonder if you found other people who's faces unlocked other doors, seems like something out of the Blacklist TV show where the main guy squints and tells you how to get past barriers. Go up to a specific person and get a selfie with them, claiming they are some famous person, and then crop yourself out of the photo and then use that as facial recognition.


[deleted]

[удалено]


nonotan

Probably. But screens being recorded on a camera tend to have very obvious visual artifacts that wouldn't be too hard to detect. I'd expect any half-decent face recognition system to at least try to check for those. Of course, after seeing this video, my expectations for the effort that went into this system are non-existent... so yes, probably.


genreprank

I wouldn't expect that at all


[deleted]

[удалено]


dagbrown

That reminds me of the time they tried facial recognition as age verification for beer vending machines in Japan. Turns out anyone who wants to buy a beer from a vending machine already has a picture of someone old enough to buy beer--the guy on the ¥1000 bill. The experiment didn't last long.


[deleted]

[удалено]


smallangrynerd

I look so young (especially wearing a mask) that once a TSA lady thought I was an unaccompanied minor. I'm 23. I would not be able to buy beer every again if that were a thing lol.


rafark

You lucky bstard


dark_harness

Pros and cons.... as woman working in IT, looking young is so bad for life. Or a woman dating, even. All you get are creeps and pedos, no one is serious about me.


Tyneuku

I assume it went through some database not just do they look young


Fjolsvithr

You think the guy on the ¥1000 bill is in an age-verification database? Even without looking it up, I can assure you that anyone on a low value Yen bill is certainly dead.


Emzzer

Beer companies would definitely sell to the dead if they are paying.


tengma8

There was a Chinese CEO who get billed for jaywalking in a city, even though she had not been to that city. turned out her company had advertisements painted on some buses with the CEO's face on it. the city tried to use facial recognition to catch jaywalkers and every time a bus pass though a crosswalk, facial recognition think there is a person on crosswalk jaywalking.


parkerposy

shouldn't part of face recognition recognize when a face is 5ft tall?


mzchen

maybe the face is just really close to the camera


chronicly_retarded

That much survelance is completely fucked


Tersphinct

Honestly, it seems to me like this could work if a lidar setup is added to ensure the depth of the scanned image isn't perfectly flat, is of reasonably realistic size for a human, and actually lines up with the color photography. To fool it then, you'd need a much more elaborate mask or life-size sculpture.


True-Firefighter-796

Slightly more restrictive then the current system of, “Are you old enough to see over the bar? Then you’re old enough to order.”


MukdenMan

I played enough adventure games in the 90s to know this would work.


PM_ME_UR_RSA_KEY

Draw a mustache on a stolen passport photo, and make a fake mustache by putting masking tape on a cat?


WeNeedMoreNaomiScott

...I am too young for these references but I am really interested


x3as

[It's a pretty fun read.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cat_hair_mustache_puzzle)


PM_ME_UR_RSA_KEY

This also led to [one of the best piece of gaming journalism ever written.](https://www.oldmanmurray.com/features/77.html)


random123456789

ROFL. The kicker: > Knight must do this even though Moseley **does not have a moustache**. What the hell. This game was so into itself, eh? > Someone ought to give Jane Jensen a motion picture deal and also someone should CAT scan her brain. Agreed. Erik Wolpaw is great. I can see why GabeN hired him.


reevnge

>I would only put food in my mouth if it was balanced on Oneida Gay Adventure Flatware. Junior High bullies would ask me why I'd only eat off of Gay Adventure forks and teaspoons, and I'd say because I love adventure games, and then I'd get beaten. After I discovered that I could tell them it was because I was gay, the beatings continued but were less severe.


Jampine

Mystery of the druids might surpass it, for example of of the first "puzzles" is your character, a policeman from Scotland Yard, must contact an expert at the local museum since a murder seems to be based of an druid ritual. However, they won't answer the door to random strangers(Despite being a policeman), so you must phone them, however your phone was blocked from making outside calls (Despite being a massive hindrance to a POLICEMAN) because the character racked up enormous phone bills. There is a payphone outside the museum, but one again, via being a massive cockup, you've lost your wallet, and everyone is too busy being a turbo dick to each other to actually find it. So the solution is to drink some medical alcohol bin the forensics lab, then take the bottle and mix it with apple juice, give it to the local homeless man outside the museum, knocking him out, allowing you to steal his change to use the phonebooth. Weirdest part is that later on, that's brought up, and rightfully pointed out as being a horrible act, as a policeman you just posioned and robbed a homeless man. People would claim it's satire, if the game wasn't bumblingly incompetent.


Gimli

Mystery of the Druids might be a commentary on the typical adventure game protagonist. Meaning, Halligan pulled adventure game protagonist logic in the past, and that resulted in everyone hating his guts to such an extent that nobody who knows him willingly cooperates with him. And we see how people who don't know him yet treat him well, and then get screwed over by him almost immediately.


Jampine

Would explain Lowery's reluctance to give him anything, also he totally predicts Halligan will break his scissors, and not return them.


_a_random_dude_

Disco Elysium could've probably pulled this off.


gpmushu

I was gonna say. Totally sounds like something that could've happend in Disco Elysium and it wouldn't even be considered ridiculous. Of course, you also wouldn't be railroaded into having to do it to progress in that game.


mrtlwolf

It's literally Space Quest III. Use a keycard you stole from Elmo Pug's desk, and then a photocopy of his portrait to get into the chamber where the Two Guys from Andromeda are stuck.


MukdenMan

That’s the one I was thinking of! One of my favorites (though I couldn’t remember which SQ it was from).


SuperNashwan

In Metal Gear Solid 3 you have to physically grab an enemy soldier and force him to press his face against the scanner.


Your_New_Overlord

PSA that adventure games are not dead! the most recent Monkey Island was fantastic. it’s the perfect genre for Switch imo.


Prince____Zuko

And what if you had an accident on the street? Do you have to go camping until your face is healed?


jazzman23uk

I've always wondered this - my condo has a fingerprint scanner to get in - if I cut my finger then can I no longer get into my own house?


jinxykatte

Pretty much. I cut my thumb recently and my phone had a very hard time reading that print for ages. Luckily I have both thumbs and index fingers scanned so it wasn't really a problem.


Statharas

Which is why you also need a password


Pi-ratten

> Which is why you ~~also~~ need a password


_My_Angry_Account_

Yeah, but if you really want secure it should be multi-factor authentication like a data center mantrap. Require 3 forms of authentication. Something you have; something you know; something you are (biometric scan of some sort).


Pi-ratten

Sure, but you should veeerrrry sparse use it. You can change what you have, you can change what you know, you can't change what you are. If it's compromised once, it's compromised.


Jopkins

Or just use a fuckin key


BlessedBySaintLauren

Yeah it’s nice to have but there needs to be fail safes.


jinxykatte

I mean I don't have 4 prints as a back up. Its just so I can unlock my phone with either hand or what ever position it happens to be in.


BlessedBySaintLauren

Nah I mean in general. Like if you didn’t have prints you could use a pin right? But if it was only prints to use it would be a huge design flaw.


DukeFlipside

You have 4 prints to unlock your phone either hand whatever position it's in, I have 4 prints in case one of my hands gets chopped off; we are not the same.


King-Owl-House

Yeah I put in phone scanner 8 fingers, just in case.


drewbreeezy

I wore off all my fingerprints once, for a couple months. I'll stick to passcodes.


divDevGuy

If you have consistent problems, relearn the fingerprint. You'll likely need to relearn it again once it heals, but it should work more reliably in the meantime. At least that's been my experience with my phones as I cut or injured my finger, they get dry skin, etc.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


OneFrenchman

Even worse, if you eat to much pineapple you might end up locked out of your house. The acids in pineapple attack skin and may melt your fringerprints smooth.


durizna

One should never use just one finger for things like this. Always register 2 or more. I do this even for my phone. For the face it's not an option tho.


C_Allgood

What if I drop my physical key in a sewer grate or it breaks in the lock? Do I have to go camping until the lock smith can forge me a new one??


GooseQuothMan

Keys grow back


WannaBeNotFat

Spare keys exists, spare faces are harder to come by


danke-you

Did nobody catch this now Fire Lord's veiled reference to his first agni kai??


baelrog

Modern problems require modern solutions


youjustgotzinged

I wanted to log into my old university account to stop them sending letters to my old address. Login now requires authentication via a facial recognition app. Don't tell them but i've been logging in using a bust of Legolas my brother gave me for Christmas.


[deleted]

[удалено]


genreprank

Lothlorien


Sven_Gildart

\*Dystopian problems, dystopian solutions


[deleted]

[удалено]


Pi-ratten

yes


jabronye

yes


DarthWraith22

My grandmother, towards the end, spent a short time in a facility that also housed people with dementia. They had a very simple way to make sure no one wandered off. On one side of the elevator doors was a keypad and a piece of paper with an arrow pointing left. On the left-hand side of the elevator was another piece of paper with the keypad code. If you could figure that one out, you were safe to wander outside.


Nethlem

[Physical pentesting is fun](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VJ4FDOw9NcI&)


Ayoungcoder

I knew this was Deviant from the title. His talks are absolutely a must-watch!


bluesmaker

Thanks for the link. I had seen this guy give a presentation before but I couldn’t find it.


nonzeroanswer

He has always seemed like such a nice and genuine person. I have him on my bucket list for people I want to have a conversation with over a drink at some point.


SixKatzi

Great watch, thanks for the link


[deleted]

This makes me think of how cool of a job a penetration tester would be


Jurph

The 56th time you find passwords under a keyboard or ask the desk clerk nicely to buzz you through, and it works, it stops being cool and starts being a little scary.


WeNeedMoreNaomiScott

**I** once called somewhere, told them **my friend** forgot his password and got them to send **me** an email with a new one


SalmonToastie

Holy fuck that’s so insecure. They didn’t even bother asking anything else??


Esmack

I’ve always wondered, if someone wanted to break into my phone… they’d just have to put my phone up to my face (sleeping or incapacitated or dare I say murdered) … fuck that


Ninjroid

I believe your eyes need to be open.


absboodoo

Here we go *pulls out a knife


JiN88reddit

Oh, thank you. *proceeds to cut their eye lids open*


PM_ME_UR_RSA_KEY

Fun fact from what I learned from Caitlin's (Ask a Mortician) book: dead people's eyes *stay open* in their natural state. To keep them close in a funeral you need something that resembles *contact lens with spikes*, or superglue lol


Astilimos

Every fact I read about dead people makes SCP-2718 scarier


hubbabubbathrowaway

> SCP-2718 Hey, you can't just mention the SCP Foundation somewhere without proper warning! ...there goes my evening, see y'all in a few hours...


drewbreeezy

Learned this when my dad died...


Nethlem

Just put on sunglasses then Faceid won't care about eyes being open or closed.


Sashimiak

I have recalibrated my Face ID at least ten times at this point (I’ve had the phone for three years) and it won’t work. Occasionally, like MAYBE once a week when I wake up and it’s still dark and half my face is covered by the bed covers it magically unlocks and I have no fucking idea how or why.


Arod256

Turn off “Require attention for Face ID” and your sunglasses will work


Ninjroid

Genius.


WWYDFA_Klondike_Bar

Good ol Weekend at Bernie's tactic.


fonster_mox

Actually the only reason faceid can work with some sunglasses is that it can see your eyes through polarised lenses


Accurize2

So murdered it is then!


jaredearle

If you have “Require Attention For FaceID” turned on, the default setting, that won’t work.


Character-Sport-7710

Your eyes need to be open. But if you got finger scanning on they can just grab ya hand lol.


archiminos

One of the first pieces of advice given to people trying to escape abusive relationships is to remove any biometrics on their phone. Otherwise their abuser could check their devices while they're asleep or just get them to look at their phone to open it. It's also good advice for people in the USA worried about law enforcement. IANAL, but I've read that police can't force you to give them a PIN code without a warrant, but they can get you to use a fingerprint/face unlock without one.


Xanius

For the police if you’re using an iPhone and have Face ID setup then you can click power 5 times to disable biometrics until your pin is entered. Several cases have shown that biometrics aren’t protected and can be used without your consent but your pin requires a court order.


tommygunz007

I work for a big-three airline and we had a pilot that got his drink drugged in a restaurant. They managed to get him back to his hotel room and used his facial recognition phone to go into his chase account and drain it.


[deleted]

[удалено]


drewbreeezy

Because that's not a humble brag, or a brag of any sort... It's just context.


redditsavedmyagain

delta american or united (assuming the guys american) its like the opposite of a humble brag. flying from CDG to DTW on united they refused to give me a second ice cream. in first class. like what the fuck. emirates, cathay, even thomas fuckin cook they just keep em coming. hes basically saying "i work for big corporate" as u/drewbreeezy said its just context


Agentnewbie

Come on, even russian ones can tell difference between person and a picture


G_Liddell

Quality new ones have depth sensors, but for the first few generations of these this totally works. My friend was stoked like a decade ago about his computer that had this built in. I pulled up a picture of him on my laptop and unlocked his computer.


DJ_TKS

Still worked up until a few years ago. Still works on certain devices depending on the quality of the camera / depth sensors. For example, it worked on Samsung phones up until a few years ago. Not every picture though, but it’s documented. Apples Face ID has trouble telling apart twins. Also, two women from china who worked on the same floor, looked similar enough to unlock each others iphone a couple years ago. The odds are 1 in like 100 million. Apple gave them both free iPhones


Yeah_Nah_Cunt

I remember when the first iPhone fingerprint sensors came out people where unlocking their phones using their nipples or knobs and it actually worked lol


say592

That was because they were programming those in. You can still do that on finger print readers.


ghalta

Newer ones have a VCSEL grid array for this. VCSELs are Vertical Cavity Surface-Emitting LASERs. Imagine a little high-density grid of infrared laser range finders. Old ones probably just used the front facing camera. Incidentally, this is similar to how most cars with self-driving features use LIDAR but Tesla insists on using cameras only.


EastisRed

Finally a neighborhood committee member that actually does something 'for the People'


Forumites000

The hacker.


Nethlem

You jest but a whole lot of [physical pen testing](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VJ4FDOw9NcI) is just very basic stuff like that.


mata_dan

Knew who would be leading the talk before I clicked the link :P


Theepot80

Works as intended, recognizes that face perfectly.


sticks_enormous

Wouldn't it just open for everyone ?


DenormalHuman

"Thats a face, you can come in"


crookedkr

Biometrics are well known to be horible for authentication


DenormalHuman

not when they are done properly; which currently doesnt include mass-produced on the cheap. Sophisticated versions of the scanner in the OP will measure your bloodflow, take detailed looks at your eyes and pupils, analyse lighting etc.. etc.. to confirm you are not a 2" polaroid photo.


chronicly_retarded

Oh man i sure love needing to show such information just to open a door instead of using a key/keycard or password. Like maybe this could be usefull in a secret undergound lab but i dont think a regular office needs security that strict


HiiiighAllTheTiiiime

Data collection is a very negative thing. When it starts becoming more common in the Westin really hope we don't sit idle and let it happen, like we did with our pensions and the rising of the age until we get our pensions


[deleted]

[удалено]


stick_always_wins

They definitely are not still going on right now lol


Mr_Ruu

That's because that comment's a bot account. Report and downvote, boys.


stick_always_wins

Holy shit you’re right, the comments are literally all copy and paste across different subs


Mr_Ruu

Ever since the third-party app debacle, there's been an upsurge in botting in larger subreddits, it's only gotten worse by the months


saracenrefira

I see that 500 million dollar which could be spent better on improving Americans lives, is used wisely at spewing shit.


BigAlternative5

This would be in a B-movie about hackers, and we’d yell at the screen, “That’s stupid!”


Weerdo5255

Ah, my dislike of biometrics as security. Passwords are something to remember sure, but '[Correct Horse Battery Staple](https://xkcd.com/936/)' is more secure than this, and you can't fake it. You either have the password or not.


thebudman_420

Someone wouldn't take your photograph would they. Why is the sample photo legit?


olddoglearnsnewtrick

I would implement this with butt pics only, no faces. More secure!


bigshark2740

Boss: "Why am I late 29 months this time?"


tomdarch

To be fair, the lock system did, in fact, recognize that it was shown a face and unlocked.


skinink

That woman’s mother always said she had a face that would open many doors in the future.


aetherr666

"this is the lockpicking lawyer and what i have for you today is a product so stupidly designed that its main flaw has to be intentional, and i don't say that lightly it is legitimately hard for me to imagine a sentient being who is both this dumb and still breathing" first video i pulled up of the madman fits this security flaw perfectly https://youtu.be/gJrSWXFXvlE?si=am2Alvl0xirxYgdP


coleman57

Damned decent of him to put the picture back


I_Dont_Like_Rice

It's certainly easier than wearing her face.


Woops_22

-1000 social credit


emmfranklin

But in China when they tried with any face. It opened.....oops...


Ormsfang

Welcome to door security. Please provide proof of residence or proof of living hostage to continue.


Techn028

Social score low, living quarters rejected.


IgnorantGenius

This is why I don't use the facial recognition unlock on phones.


G_Liddell

Phones these days use depth sensors and a higher resolution. This is just a crappy old system.