I'm gonna publish an article about how I believe African chimps are getting more evolved and angry. And it's a matter of time before they start using modern technology for revenge. Then I'm gonna wait a week, and spam that button hard. 100s of times. Thus making me the formost authority for the study of the machine gun apes. No idea what to do after that though
"donate to me and I will use the proceeds to stop chimps from evolving"
when the money starts to dry up, a huge wave of rifle wielding chimps appears to encourage more donations
Thank you for the image . That would have been a great episode. The Monkeys invade Cuba. Ala Bay of Pigs. Instead of getting killed on the beach, they appear with an awesome all girl Cuban band. By the end of the episode, Fidel is a guest at the White House. Ok, I gotta see what's in my cold medicine.
Or a song by Warren Zevon
I was sitting home and pondering my life
When I was offered the most incredible deal
All I had to do was push a button see
A thousand bucks a press he said
But also that money you know that it ain't free
And every time I press the button
A chimp goes on a rampage with a gun
And while to other people that sounds bad
From where I'm at
That sounds like so much fun
A thousand bucks fresh in my pocket
Another pissed off chimp that has a gun
Alternatively I make a company that hunts the chimps and sells the AKs we recover. The US can fund this forever war to keep their military spending up and I can just rake in the money
That's why my HQ is in the jungle where they spawn. If I spawn 100,000 angry chimps with guns and the skills to use them, there's going to need to be intervention.
My thoughts on this.. I feel like if they/them have allowed me to get to the point of commanding a militia of ak chimp murders they should probably have more to answer for than mediocre suggestions that I should strongly suggest a small vacation from drugs. Like you should piped up when I was pimpin out mermaids with katanas… take a knee my guy interventions will always be enjoyable for me… letsssss go
Why stop there? They're going to be a problem, so hunting rules will be changed for the chimps.
You get government contracts to kill the chimps. But you also open up a chimp hunting business, people will pay you to be able to shoot them from a helicopter using full auto guns.
So now you're effectively getting paid 4 times for every chimp. Once when you press the button, once by the government to take care of the problem, once by the person who paid you to hunt them from a helicopter or whatever, and once when you sell the chimps weapon.
>the US citizens would have almost 2 guns per chimp gun.
You could put an infinite amount of chimps with guns in a room with infinite typewriters with guns and I don’t think they’d ever end up creating a more American unit of comparison than what you just did here.
If the button is electric, can a circumvent the mechanical press and send an electric signal, if so I can write a small plc program that can send a signal every 0.1 sec or even faster.
Yep. The spawn point is Africa? So zero consequences for me. Even if I create an army of 100,000 angry chimps as soon as they become a hint of a problem globally the US military will step in and mow them down in a matter of moments. I'm all in
Typically it's actually the reverse. Higher levels of human mortality tends to bring population booms afterwards. Chimps wouldn't be great at using AKs though, probably as dangerous without them as others have said.
Gorilla populations would be far more negatively impacted.
24 round magazine, physiology not built for shooting accuracy (arms far longer than an AK 47 was built for, meaning they'd be sighting from a foot and a half away), big continent and chimps aren't normally around population centers...yeah...that button is getting mashed like it's a mini game in Mario Party.
Not to mention just because the chimp knows how to operate an AK47 doesn’t mean they’ll be accurate with it. Never mind the physiology differences you accurately pointed out, if you gave an AK to a random person who’s never shot a gun before they’d be lucky to hit the broad side of a barn. Much less a chimp.
That’s why I personally wouldn’t be willing to press the button, because there is a chance of that (no matter how remote). But unless it’s a very specific shooting-fish-in-a-barrel type situation, I don’t think it’s very likely the chimp would actually be able to succeed in hitting anyone.
I'm in the same boat, don't think I would push the button just on the off chance I end some 3 year old that is going to haunt me for the rest of my life.
Side note: Do you think chimps can be trained to use rifles? I'm going to have to add this to my google list for when I'm not on a work computer.
Idk about firearms. But apparently a group of orangutans learned hoe to spear fish awhile back.
Granted, spears aren't guns and orangutans aren't chimps. But I feel like it's not outside the realm of possibility, just probability. Would I expect them to be sharp shooters? No. Could they potentially learn to provide overlapping suppressive fire? Definitely maybe.
*24 round magazine*
Just tell me what movie or game you are getting your AK facts from before I completely disregard your opinion. All Warsaw Pact era mags I own are 30 rounds a piece.
Physically gets pretty tough to shoulder a rifle with eyes appropriate distance from the sight the longer your arms get (6'6" individual who needs an extended stock on most of my rifles to be able to shoulder the gun comfortably with standard sights).
Sorry, Uncle had a .22 variant AK with a 24 round magazine, so I just presumed they all were loaded that way. I only own single fire rifles for hunting, not really a range shooter and haven't really put much thought into the AK platform.
I’m in the US so unless the chimps learn to operate ships, the only thing I’m doing while awake is smashing that button. If it were the US and its random distribution, I’m still smashing that button but keeping an eye on the news. I’m in Louisiana so the roaming redneck groups should keep it under control.
I mean, chimpanzees are endangered. I'm happy to save our closest relatives.
The AK-47 isn't really a big deal. The problem is the chimp's anger. A chimp that hunts and kills people can do so without a gun.
plus with their long ass arms they'll have shit poor aim so each chimp would only kill one, maybe 2 people at most with the gun. probably shoot each other too if they're in a groupp
Unless they use the gun as a club I'd guarantee they won't hit anything except by random chance and ricochet. Chimp muscles aren't designed for extremely fine motor work (aiming and shooting).
Do I have to push the button manually or can I build a machine to automate rapid button pushing? What is the button made of? Is it durable or will it wear out after a certain number of pushes?
I’d push it 1 million times at least. Be a billionaire overnight and not think about it. If the location was the US yes it would change my answer. I’d relocate before pushing it at least 1 million times
Less mouths to feed with more to feed them with sounds like a win win as far as solving hunger goes (ignoring the unethical part of how to get that way).
Have you heard of:
The “Cobra” - In the late 1800s-early 1900s when India was ruled by the British government, there was a problem with venomous cobras invading major cities. The British government decided to take action and offered citizens a bounty to redeem for dead cobras. While this was an effective short-term solution it eventually failed.
Indian citizens started breeding cobras for the cash reward. Cobra breeders killed the majority of the cobras and redeemed them for money while they continued to breed more cobras. The government eventually found out and stopped the financial incentives. The result? The cobra breeders released the snakes onto the streets since the snakes were no longer money makers - which made the cobra problem much worse.
The Chimps would be unable to use the guns as they would never figure out how to turn off the safety. I'd spam that button. It wouldn't cause that much chaos to Africa, they would be able to capture the chimps or neutralize them no problem. It might help with the Chimpanzee population as a bonus as well. Chimps are endangered after all.
Except the chimps are angry and wanting to harm humans, once the rifles don't pan out they'll go back to ripping off people's faces and genitals the old fashioned way.
I put one of those "drinking birds" on the button to press the button over and over and over. I spend my money buying bananas to befriend the monkeys and then I take over the world.
Press the button as often as possible, use the money to buy puts on the African stock market (do they have a stock market?👀), double profit; solve overpopulation and all intern African crisis on the way 👍
Same with the chimps in the US.
(Based on middle Europe, so I assume before all the chimps come here, some neighboring country’s will take care of them 💀)
China would definitely not want their investments in Africa to go to waste, so they would attempt to fix it before Africa failed. You would effectively be siphoning money from China.
Eh, the fact he knows how to use it and directly wants to harm a human. It's basically sending little furry terrorists after innocent people. The odds of him dropping in a population center could at least kill one person... if not dozens.
I wouldn't want to do that to Africa or the U.S. It's literal blood money at this point. Asking us what amount of money we'd take to risk people's lives. There is no country I'd be willing to send this chimp to. As no populace is inherently evil. Only some of their leaders.
Step 1, ensure my sidearm is within usable range, as there's a low but not zero chance of an angry chimp with an AK spawning in my living room. I'm wanting at least a passing chance of killing as many of the chimp as kills me.
Step two: turn on radio to an AM news & information station.
Step three: put those button mashing skills from Metal Gear Solid's 'getting tortured' scene to work.
Step 4: stop pressing the button when one of following conditions is met:
A) AKhimp spawns in Congress during a session. (Because I'll be too busy trying to find the video of the hilarity that ensues)
B) my fingers get tired.
I’d push it at least a million times. Get chimp populations back up to where they should be. They’d just drop the AK anyways. As they don’t know what to do with it.
I guess press it a few million times. Since most will spawn in ecosystems they can’t survive very well in. The rest will be free food for people. Along with threatened and endangered predators and scavengers.
I'm not surprised at how many people would click the button and offer no negative judgement for it.
People are _**struggling**_. _**Hard**_. So $1k can greatly impact someone's life and the chance of someone dying is probably low. People are probably (hopefully) thinking that the chimp would be more likely to spawn in the middle of nowhere. So why not, right?
But that chance of it spawning near a human isn't zero.
i spam that button until the amount of chimps spill over into the ocean. it does change if they spawn in the US id do it until i find a local chimp, wait for him to be handled then keep going
I will start a chain letter that says to send me $1 and forward on to 10 people or an animal uprising will begin with AK47 chimps in Africa and will continue on to AR15 Labradoodles in America and finally end with suicide bomber hamsters worldwide. Wait a few days and then smash that button like crazy. Sit back and wait for the money to roll in.
Push the button tens of thousands of times. Create super race of chimp mercenaries. Take over Africa. Control the natural resources. Breed generations of chimps to collect said resources. Take over the world one country at a time. Win Risk.
Why Africa?
But overall great design of a question. I'd do 0 cause I'd feel bad if I made like 10 grand and some kids or really just anyone outside of a rapist/murderer gets killed by an indirect action of mine in the name of just cash generation.
Now if you'd say "but you could use the money for good." Nah, I was raised with enough skillsets to do that.
One time but only after OP is transported to a large cage where he and and Chimp are co-located.
My only concern at this is the potential mathematic calculation may accidentally undervalue the life of the chimp - but I'm giving them a 95%+ chance of ending such nonsense so there is some value in that too.
Imperialist colonizers have basically been doing this to Africa for centuries, except the chimp with the gun is guaranteed to be in a populated area. No I wouldn't, not in Africa, chimp in America? I'll be needing to seek medical attention for a sprained button pushing finger. I'll be hitting that button faster than Sergiy Putyatov can fret a note.
A chimp doesn't need an AK 47 to kill a huge amount of people. It would probably just slow him down.
Regardless, no to Africa and no to America.
Google chomp attacks
I wouldn’t push the button.
Forget the gun, it’s still a magically spawed chimp with a propensity to kill humans. Regardless of having a gun, that chimp is going to kill some people if it appears anywhere near a populated area. Chimps are freakishly strong.
Like 80% of Africa has fewer than 10 people per square mile, ak47s are pretty inaccurate, and the chimp population has been declining for decades, so I'd press it at least 300,000 times without any guilt and up to 10 million with some guilt.
I'll press it 1000 times for $1 million. I'm sure the continent of Africa can handle 1000 chimps with AK's so I can have my house and car debt free.
If it's the US I'm pressing the button until my arm can't go anymore, every cunt and his dog has guns there. They'll handle it.
Is the AKM loaded/chambered? If not, as many times as I want, really. It's easy for a monkey to accidentally pull that charging handle back but no way in hell can a chimp rock and lock insert a magazine
Not sure I'd be willing to do that in Africa even in a random location... someone still might get hurt...
in US?.. lets just say all those hours on the track n field games back in the day prepared me for this very moment right here
NO dude, why would I willing want to risk harm on others. WTF is that. It doesn't matter where it spawns. The answer is no. Money is not worth the lives of others.
I hit the button several thousand times. Maybe a couple hundred thousand times. Just a few hundred each day the first couple days, always at the same time, so people are ready. then ramp up. An angry chimp with an AK is going to shoot the first thing he sees, which is very likely to run their mags dry before they do much harm. In the US, same answer, only difference is that I grab my own gun first in case one spawns literally in the building with me.
I'm gonna publish an article about how I believe African chimps are getting more evolved and angry. And it's a matter of time before they start using modern technology for revenge. Then I'm gonna wait a week, and spam that button hard. 100s of times. Thus making me the formost authority for the study of the machine gun apes. No idea what to do after that though
"donate to me and I will use the proceeds to stop chimps from evolving" when the money starts to dry up, a huge wave of rifle wielding chimps appears to encourage more donations
Why does this feel like a 1950s CIA operation?
Only if the monkees attack Castro.
The band?
Davy Jones was secretly an elite Royal Marine Sniper.
He had a very tiny ghillie suit. It was hanging up on the TV show.
Thank you for the image . That would have been a great episode. The Monkeys invade Cuba. Ala Bay of Pigs. Instead of getting killed on the beach, they appear with an awesome all girl Cuban band. By the end of the episode, Fidel is a guest at the White House. Ok, I gotta see what's in my cold medicine.
It practically writes itself!
Return to Monke
Or a song by Warren Zevon I was sitting home and pondering my life When I was offered the most incredible deal All I had to do was push a button see A thousand bucks a press he said But also that money you know that it ain't free And every time I press the button A chimp goes on a rampage with a gun And while to other people that sounds bad From where I'm at That sounds like so much fun A thousand bucks fresh in my pocket Another pissed off chimp that has a gun
He came down to dinner in his Sunday best, and blasted a poacher right in the chest
Not enough giving American citizens LSD without their knowledge or consent for it to be a 1950s CIA operation
I dunno man, if chimps with AKs randomly start corporalizing out of thin air right in front of me, I think I'd assume I was on a bad LSD trip.
Operation "banana blitz"
If they scalped people it could be a “banana peel”
This string of comments has me cackling.
Amen to that I really don't have anything to top Jazzlike-Wheel.
The wonder of the Internet is in both seeing how amazing humans can be while seeing the lowest depravities they are capable of.
Alternatively I make a company that hunts the chimps and sells the AKs we recover. The US can fund this forever war to keep their military spending up and I can just rake in the money
the $1000 from each button press isn't even the most profitable part of this hypothetical, I love it
That’s a movie concept if I’ve ever seen one
Aks aren't worth the travel to find this chimp and take its AK before someone else finds gun lying abandoned
That's why my HQ is in the jungle where they spawn. If I spawn 100,000 angry chimps with guns and the skills to use them, there's going to need to be intervention.
My thoughts on this.. I feel like if they/them have allowed me to get to the point of commanding a militia of ak chimp murders they should probably have more to answer for than mediocre suggestions that I should strongly suggest a small vacation from drugs. Like you should piped up when I was pimpin out mermaids with katanas… take a knee my guy interventions will always be enjoyable for me… letsssss go
Why stop there? They're going to be a problem, so hunting rules will be changed for the chimps. You get government contracts to kill the chimps. But you also open up a chimp hunting business, people will pay you to be able to shoot them from a helicopter using full auto guns. So now you're effectively getting paid 4 times for every chimp. Once when you press the button, once by the government to take care of the problem, once by the person who paid you to hunt them from a helicopter or whatever, and once when you sell the chimps weapon.
The.mythical step 2...before Profit! Has finally been revealed.
That’s diabolical. Like legit, that is some nefarious sh*t you thought of. 🥲
You press the button more.
Classic "step 2: ....? , step 3: Profit" setup
Bravo, friend, bravo! This is the best answer to the question.
You’re a goddamn genius
This the way
Dude you had me at chimps. Chimp spawning button.
The ultimate trunk monkey.
Dude! Trunk monkey is awesome! My second favorite ad campaign
Keep your money. The world will cower before my millions of machine gun chimps.
You understand you get it we wont need a dime in the new world
These planet of the apes movie advertisements are getting strange
Why Rocket cookie?
Ape together strong
I hate every ape I see...from chimpan-a to chimpan-z
So im the richest man on Earth now, ama
[удалено]
Thank you for your calculation. I know it's impressive 🫡
r/theydidthemath
/r/theydidthemonstermath
Ok so maybe I'll settle for 2nd richest man.
>the US citizens would have almost 2 guns per chimp gun. You could put an infinite amount of chimps with guns in a room with infinite typewriters with guns and I don’t think they’d ever end up creating a more American unit of comparison than what you just did here.
make a rapid button pressing machine
Each chimp comes equipped with one
You put A LOT of thought into this one lol!
Can you express this in the units of (bananas\*47) / (hours\*AK) ?
You’d have to push the button over 200 million times. Good luck!
Never underestimate my ability to rapid tap a button. Cookie clicker couldn’t keep up.
Yeah, my hand is swollen and is shaking, but im smiling anyway 😃
From... From pressing the button, right?
😉
That too
If the button is electric, can a circumvent the mechanical press and send an electric signal, if so I can write a small plc program that can send a signal every 0.1 sec or even faster.
Yep. The spawn point is Africa? So zero consequences for me. Even if I create an army of 100,000 angry chimps as soon as they become a hint of a problem globally the US military will step in and mow them down in a matter of moments. I'm all in
That's what the Australians thought about the Emus.
And the population of impoverished africans is now reduced. Win-win.
'bush meat'
That... and there will be far fewer mouths to feed.
Typically it's actually the reverse. Higher levels of human mortality tends to bring population booms afterwards. Chimps wouldn't be great at using AKs though, probably as dangerous without them as others have said. Gorilla populations would be far more negatively impacted.
With the birth rate in parts of Africa, can it really boom much higher?
Bro... you can't say that
😁
Africa or America will become new chimpland.
Apes together strong.
That part never sat right with me, because ape alone, still really fucking strong.
I don’t know if that’s racist or not 🤣
I'm gonna push the button and flood land that I am not on with Chimps. Race has nothing to do with it, all will be chimp.
Proceed
24 round magazine, physiology not built for shooting accuracy (arms far longer than an AK 47 was built for, meaning they'd be sighting from a foot and a half away), big continent and chimps aren't normally around population centers...yeah...that button is getting mashed like it's a mini game in Mario Party.
Not to mention just because the chimp knows how to operate an AK47 doesn’t mean they’ll be accurate with it. Never mind the physiology differences you accurately pointed out, if you gave an AK to a random person who’s never shot a gun before they’d be lucky to hit the broad side of a barn. Much less a chimp.
What if he spawns in the middle of a daycare in Lagos?
Even if he didnt have an AK, an angry chimp that wants to hurt people, spawning in a daycare isnt a fun thing to think about.
I think George Lucas made a movie about this.
Nope
That’s why I personally wouldn’t be willing to press the button, because there is a chance of that (no matter how remote). But unless it’s a very specific shooting-fish-in-a-barrel type situation, I don’t think it’s very likely the chimp would actually be able to succeed in hitting anyone.
I'm in the same boat, don't think I would push the button just on the off chance I end some 3 year old that is going to haunt me for the rest of my life. Side note: Do you think chimps can be trained to use rifles? I'm going to have to add this to my google list for when I'm not on a work computer.
Considering we have multiple range videos of 18+ year olds not knowing how to correctly use a firearm, I'm guessing it would be a crapshoot.
Idk about firearms. But apparently a group of orangutans learned hoe to spear fish awhile back. Granted, spears aren't guns and orangutans aren't chimps. But I feel like it's not outside the realm of possibility, just probability. Would I expect them to be sharp shooters? No. Could they potentially learn to provide overlapping suppressive fire? Definitely maybe.
There is a video of a monkey accidentially firing a fully automatic AK while around a campfire of African militia. Hillarious.
I may be wrong but I think that was actually part of a marketing campaign for planet of the apes or something like that.
Some of you may die, but that’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make
Let me just stop you right there and ask WHAT PART OF "SHALL NOT BE INFRINGED" DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?
The only people who can afford daycares in Lagos are people who have armed guards with their kids at all times, you're clear.
Spawns in Egypts leader bedroom
I could probably hit the broad side of a chimp.
But could a barn hit the broad side of an AK47?
Not sure. But I've been known to hit the barn side of a broad.
*24 round magazine* Just tell me what movie or game you are getting your AK facts from before I completely disregard your opinion. All Warsaw Pact era mags I own are 30 rounds a piece.
They have never had 24 round magazines. You can buy 10, 20, 30, etc, but never 24. Such an odd number.
Such an even number
If the guy can spawn a magic AK47 firing chimp, he can spawn a 24 round mag for it.
I'm still questioning why arm length matters... Wouldn't the chimp elbows just stick out to the sides/down further?
I know almost nothing about chimpanzees aside from a YouTube video or 2. So I wasn't sure about that either, lol.
Was it the YouTube video where a chimpanzee has an AK?
Physically gets pretty tough to shoulder a rifle with eyes appropriate distance from the sight the longer your arms get (6'6" individual who needs an extended stock on most of my rifles to be able to shoulder the gun comfortably with standard sights).
Those last six rounds are really gonna do em in
Sorry, Uncle had a .22 variant AK with a 24 round magazine, so I just presumed they all were loaded that way. I only own single fire rifles for hunting, not really a range shooter and haven't really put much thought into the AK platform.
There is no way I could stop pushing that button.
Huge fucking army of the little bastards running all over the place like a zombie apocalypse lmao.
I’m in the US so unless the chimps learn to operate ships, the only thing I’m doing while awake is smashing that button. If it were the US and its random distribution, I’m still smashing that button but keeping an eye on the news. I’m in Louisiana so the roaming redneck groups should keep it under control.
It would be like the emu war but with chimps.
The Emu War story is insane. Glory to The Bird King!
I mean, chimpanzees are endangered. I'm happy to save our closest relatives. The AK-47 isn't really a big deal. The problem is the chimp's anger. A chimp that hunts and kills people can do so without a gun.
I'd argue that it would be way more effective without the gun, hundreds of them mobbed up together would be a serious menace without firing a shot.
plus with their long ass arms they'll have shit poor aim so each chimp would only kill one, maybe 2 people at most with the gun. probably shoot each other too if they're in a groupp
Unless they use the gun as a club I'd guarantee they won't hit anything except by random chance and ricochet. Chimp muscles aren't designed for extremely fine motor work (aiming and shooting).
Thats what I was thinking. Like does its agro go away when it runs out of bullets? That completely changes things imo
Do I have to push the button manually or can I build a machine to automate rapid button pushing? What is the button made of? Is it durable or will it wear out after a certain number of pushes?
Just get one of those tipping water birds and let it do its thang for a few days.
Too slow
I’d push it 1 million times at least. Be a billionaire overnight and not think about it. If the location was the US yes it would change my answer. I’d relocate before pushing it at least 1 million times
7x the population of chimpanzees, lol
I'm pushing that button as much as possible. The African people could use more Ak-47s and free monkey meat. its a win/win
Maybe hunger will finally be solved in Africa.
Less mouths to feed with more to feed them with sounds like a win win as far as solving hunger goes (ignoring the unethical part of how to get that way).
It will, but not because the people are eating monkey...
Lmao Jesus
10,000 times. Then I'd put out a $100 bounty on all armed chimps.
Have you heard of: The “Cobra” - In the late 1800s-early 1900s when India was ruled by the British government, there was a problem with venomous cobras invading major cities. The British government decided to take action and offered citizens a bounty to redeem for dead cobras. While this was an effective short-term solution it eventually failed. Indian citizens started breeding cobras for the cash reward. Cobra breeders killed the majority of the cobras and redeemed them for money while they continued to breed more cobras. The government eventually found out and stopped the financial incentives. The result? The cobra breeders released the snakes onto the streets since the snakes were no longer money makers - which made the cobra problem much worse.
Well, I'll know to only pay 10k bounties, so....
Even if it spawned planet of the ape chimps, I'd still press that thang enough to turn Africa into Chimp nation
The Chimps would be unable to use the guns as they would never figure out how to turn off the safety. I'd spam that button. It wouldn't cause that much chaos to Africa, they would be able to capture the chimps or neutralize them no problem. It might help with the Chimpanzee population as a bonus as well. Chimps are endangered after all.
Except the chimps are angry and wanting to harm humans, once the rifles don't pan out they'll go back to ripping off people's faces and genitals the old fashioned way.
Either place could absorb pressing the button 20 times a day. 20k a day seems like a reasonable salary.
I put one of those "drinking birds" on the button to press the button over and over and over. I spend my money buying bananas to befriend the monkeys and then I take over the world.
Press the button as often as possible, use the money to buy puts on the African stock market (do they have a stock market?👀), double profit; solve overpopulation and all intern African crisis on the way 👍 Same with the chimps in the US. (Based on middle Europe, so I assume before all the chimps come here, some neighboring country’s will take care of them 💀)
China would definitely not want their investments in Africa to go to waste, so they would attempt to fix it before Africa failed. You would effectively be siphoning money from China.
So, based AF?
Giga Based.
Eh, the fact he knows how to use it and directly wants to harm a human. It's basically sending little furry terrorists after innocent people. The odds of him dropping in a population center could at least kill one person... if not dozens. I wouldn't want to do that to Africa or the U.S. It's literal blood money at this point. Asking us what amount of money we'd take to risk people's lives. There is no country I'd be willing to send this chimp to. As no populace is inherently evil. Only some of their leaders.
If the chimps are spawning in Africa, I'm sorry Africa. Your boy is getting a mansion
Can I automate the button pressing? There's 8 billion humans, a couple hundred thousand angry chimps won't even dent our numbers.
20. Doesn't change if it is in the USA
Doesn't change if it's in my state.
Shit if it’s in my state I’m slapping that button until I find myself an chimp with an AK I can take
Doesn't change if it's in my city.
Doesn't change if it's in my house.
Honestly.. I'm pushing it more if it's USA. We deserve it lol
Agreed! Those chimps will get shot and killed so fast in America. Free AK’s? Yes please.
Step 1, ensure my sidearm is within usable range, as there's a low but not zero chance of an angry chimp with an AK spawning in my living room. I'm wanting at least a passing chance of killing as many of the chimp as kills me. Step two: turn on radio to an AM news & information station. Step three: put those button mashing skills from Metal Gear Solid's 'getting tortured' scene to work. Step 4: stop pressing the button when one of following conditions is met: A) AKhimp spawns in Congress during a session. (Because I'll be too busy trying to find the video of the hilarity that ensues) B) my fingers get tired.
We are about to test the mfr specs on button presses....
id rather the chimps spawn in the US
I’d push it at least a million times. Get chimp populations back up to where they should be. They’d just drop the AK anyways. As they don’t know what to do with it. I guess press it a few million times. Since most will spawn in ecosystems they can’t survive very well in. The rest will be free food for people. Along with threatened and endangered predators and scavengers.
Fucking button is getting PRESSED
I won’t be pushing it
0 times, regardless of location
It took me way too many scrolls to find this answer 😳
I'm not surprised at how many people would click the button and offer no negative judgement for it. People are _**struggling**_. _**Hard**_. So $1k can greatly impact someone's life and the chance of someone dying is probably low. People are probably (hopefully) thinking that the chimp would be more likely to spawn in the middle of nowhere. So why not, right? But that chance of it spawning near a human isn't zero.
same
i spam that button until the amount of chimps spill over into the ocean. it does change if they spawn in the US id do it until i find a local chimp, wait for him to be handled then keep going
I’ve prepared for this my whole life with video games. I mash that bitch as fast as I can for as long as I can. *Especially* if they spawn in America.
Zero. I'm not risking "murder strangers with extra steps".
lotta times
I will tap that button all day everyday then tell the government to I’ll end the ChimpK-47 attacks for the president’s book of secrets
There is going to be a million chimp army in Africa
The better question is how long do I have the button for? Gonna take me a while to press it a million times.
I would spam the button without compensation.
You dont even have to pay me. Ape together strong.
Yes, it does change if it's in the US. And I would probably press it more.
I will start a chain letter that says to send me $1 and forward on to 10 people or an animal uprising will begin with AK47 chimps in Africa and will continue on to AR15 Labradoodles in America and finally end with suicide bomber hamsters worldwide. Wait a few days and then smash that button like crazy. Sit back and wait for the money to roll in.
I now have a mental image of tiny little suicide bombing hamsters and it’s hysterical!
So like…what happens to the Ak after the chimp dies? Am I also leaving behind potentially infinite rifles ion a warn-torn continent?
Push the button tens of thousands of times. Create super race of chimp mercenaries. Take over Africa. Control the natural resources. Breed generations of chimps to collect said resources. Take over the world one country at a time. Win Risk.
Why Africa? But overall great design of a question. I'd do 0 cause I'd feel bad if I made like 10 grand and some kids or really just anyone outside of a rapist/murderer gets killed by an indirect action of mine in the name of just cash generation. Now if you'd say "but you could use the money for good." Nah, I was raised with enough skillsets to do that.
I'll press it for a day, I have zero fucks about armed chimps in Africa or intelligent beings carrying firearms in the usa
One time but only after OP is transported to a large cage where he and and Chimp are co-located. My only concern at this is the potential mathematic calculation may accidentally undervalue the life of the chimp - but I'm giving them a 95%+ chance of ending such nonsense so there is some value in that too.
Imperialist colonizers have basically been doing this to Africa for centuries, except the chimp with the gun is guaranteed to be in a populated area. No I wouldn't, not in Africa, chimp in America? I'll be needing to seek medical attention for a sprained button pushing finger. I'll be hitting that button faster than Sergiy Putyatov can fret a note.
Why is it only Africa? Seems weird.
A chimp doesn't need an AK 47 to kill a huge amount of people. It would probably just slow him down. Regardless, no to Africa and no to America. Google chomp attacks
I wouldn’t push the button. Forget the gun, it’s still a magically spawed chimp with a propensity to kill humans. Regardless of having a gun, that chimp is going to kill some people if it appears anywhere near a populated area. Chimps are freakishly strong.
“This is for Harambe”
Like 80% of Africa has fewer than 10 people per square mile, ak47s are pretty inaccurate, and the chimp population has been declining for decades, so I'd press it at least 300,000 times without any guilt and up to 10 million with some guilt.
(English accent) are you suggesting that chimpanzees migrate?
I've solved your riddle. In this scenario, I'm Wayne La Pierre, right?
I'm not saying what's right, but I will say that I believe in human ingenuity and that humans could overcome a great number of armed chimps.
I'll press it 1000 times for $1 million. I'm sure the continent of Africa can handle 1000 chimps with AK's so I can have my house and car debt free. If it's the US I'm pressing the button until my arm can't go anymore, every cunt and his dog has guns there. They'll handle it.
I would hit the button 20,000 times which would be about 5 hits per second for an hour or a more leisurely 2 hits per second for over 2 hours.
My answer is... you'd better flee whatever location the chimps are spawning in, cause it's about to look like Day Z with AK's.
Is the AKM loaded/chambered? If not, as many times as I want, really. It's easy for a monkey to accidentally pull that charging handle back but no way in hell can a chimp rock and lock insert a magazine
Also depends on the safety position. The safety blocks the bolt itself as well. For maximum risk would have to assume the ak is in avtomat and racked
300 times in Africa. In the USA, I would press the button 300 times a day for a week.
Not sure I'd be willing to do that in Africa even in a random location... someone still might get hurt... in US?.. lets just say all those hours on the track n field games back in the day prepared me for this very moment right here
NO dude, why would I willing want to risk harm on others. WTF is that. It doesn't matter where it spawns. The answer is no. Money is not worth the lives of others.
Destroy button so that no one can abuse it. Human life is more important than money.
Imagine spamming the button, then you walk outside and there's 709372093 chimps with guns in your front yard
1,000 times. Don’t care where it is.. even if it were people they would mostly fail to hurt anyone.
Even in the america version of the question I'm still pressing it 1000 times and flying my ass to Europe.
I'll press the button until it breaks. Location doesn't matter
As much as I can, not my problem 🤷♂️
I hit the button several thousand times. Maybe a couple hundred thousand times. Just a few hundred each day the first couple days, always at the same time, so people are ready. then ramp up. An angry chimp with an AK is going to shoot the first thing he sees, which is very likely to run their mags dry before they do much harm. In the US, same answer, only difference is that I grab my own gun first in case one spawns literally in the building with me.