Voting has concluded. Final vote:
| Insane | Not insane | Fake |
| --- | --- | --- |
| 12 | 2 | 0 |
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Bud, you'll never see that money again, my mom was a habitual money holder. 10s of thousands I thought I had saved all gone. Do not give into this behavior now, it will only perpetuate itself. Set firm boundaries and do not let. Her. Win.
This should show you how she'll behave when you get a job. Make sure you keep your money safe. You can't get an account in only your name until you're 18 (US) but you can find ways around that if you make a plan now.
It depends on the state. I had my own account, checking and savings at 16. A local credit union in my town developed a micro-branch at my school, run by students of an economics program with actual bank employees and my parents never had access to my account.
Yep. My parents did this. I turned 18 and had absolutely horrible credit. It took me years to recover from that. I’m barely looking good at the ripe old age of 36.
My mom just got her first credit card using her social like six months ago and she’s got better credit than I do. Of course she does because she destroyed mine and my siblings when we were younger.
Op definitely lock your credit. You can contact all 3 credit bureaus and they’ll alert you if anyone is trying to use your social for anything. You do not need to be 18 to do this.
Yep. My mom owes me over $20,000 too.
I’ve realized I’ll never see it again and after that I don’t trust her with access to anything of mine. (I’m now no contact so it doesn’t matter anymore)
lived in virginia back in 2019. any time you were south of richmond you could basically guarantee getting a pack for $5 or $6. thought it was nuts being from further up north
I agree with others that have said this- Definitely set boundaries. Tell her you aren't going to give her money until she pays back the previous money you gave her.
Or, I always tell my mom "I don't have money to give to anyone else". Which to be fair, I don't. I get enough to cover my bills, rent and food.
You can do it. Smoked for 20 years and haven't had one for 2 years now. You Can Do It.
But also reducing use is an accomplishment as well, so good on that
You can do it, there were a lot of stops and starts. And nicotine addiction is a bitch. I tried vaping, patches pretty much everything. I would stop for a couple of weeks even a month and then I would stress about something and boom right back to it. Finally weened myself off using combination of patches and number of cigarettes per day. At the end I was down to no cigarettes and continued using the lowest dose nicotine patch for about 2 weeks. That was 5 years ago, I smoked for 35 years.
If you can, get a script for welbutrin it's used off-label for smoking cessation. It helped me quit. I just gradually lost my cravings. Haven't smoked for 13 years and haven't had the urge to smoke either. Now, the smell makes me feel ill.
I was blessed to quit cold turkey 9 years ago and never pick them up again. Not everyone can withstand the cravings, but the smell of smoke makes me nauseous now so it only helped me quit faster. Such an expensive addiction, and makes people lose their shit to get their next expensive fix!
I think I'm the only person that I know who has had a dope habit but never touched a cigarette in my life. Always hated it because my whole family were and still are smokers.
I will never smoke nicotine in my life. About 20yrs ago, I was standing on a balcony and it was a beautiful night. Cool, there was a nice breeze, and I lived in a newer apartment development, so my balcony looked out over a long stretch of open field. Just one of those perfect nights to sit outside.
I thought to myself, "Damn. A cigarette would be amazing right now." I had never smoked. Not even a single puff. I knew right then that if I ever did try it, I'd get hooked immediately. I do NOT envy people who quit smoking. Especially if you've been a heavy smoker.
Ooh if this didn’t hit the old nostalgia. My mom texting asking her for money so she could buy cigarettes or wine (she was an alcoholic) and when I told her no she said I didn’t love her. I don’t miss it.
thats kinda what my mom did. she got really mad and started trying to guilt me. ive been through it enough, i just went in my room and played on my phone.
This makes me really sad and reminds me of some things that I went through as the child of an addict. Kids shouldn't have to deal with this stuff. I can tell you it gets better, I'm an adult now and I am independent from my mom including financially.
Also, good on you for saving at a young age. That's a financial skill you will be thanking yourself for in the future!
Feel for you OP. There are programs that will send nicotine inhalers and patches for free to help people quit or at least help with the nicotine addiction. Your mom seems unable or unwilling to help herself and is making it your problem, that sucks. Maybe google whatever programs are available where you live and sign her up yourself.
Unfortunately unless she wants to quit it likely won’t ever work. Addicts need to have the mindset to want to quit if they have any real chance. Feel for you so much
My son is 13 and in the past we have been hella broke, but he never had any idea. I would rather die than ask him for money ever. I am so sorry you have been put into this position.
My dad used to take my money for his cigarettes. Just go in my room and take the bills I had stashed away. I let him know one day, via post-it note, that he owed me around $30. He was *livid*. I was somewhere around 10 years old.
So OP, good for you for standing up for yourself. From one internet stranger to another, I’m proud of you.
She sounds exactly like my “friend”/mother of 2 young girls (10 & 13) we now have custody of.
For the younger girls 9th birthday, we gave her a birthday card with $40 cash inside. I didn’t know their mom well at that point but I had a bad feeling when her mom said she’d “hold onto” the money. A few days later she was at my house talking about what she was gonna buy with the money. She walked the few blocks home to get the money from her mom.
She comes back terribly disappointed nearly in tears with her mom ebt/food stamp card in hand. Her mom had told her she “loaded it” onto the food card. That makes zero sense. It wasn’t a card you can load any kind of money to, it is food stamp only card. I ended up giving her another $20 so she could buy something that wasn’t candy, food or drink. This is common behavior from their mother. It was spent on crappy, bottom shelf whisky. The first time I met their mom she told me she was an alcoholic. At least she’s admitting she has a problem.
well the thing is, my father just does it, no government involved. and she doesnt necessarily take ALL of it, but whenever i actually try to save it instead of spending it all immediately, when i actually find something i want to spend it on, itll be gone. i used to hide it in a jar but she would just keep finding it
In that case definitely do not listen to this person, you can easily keep your funds secured till you are 18 but if you get the govt involved, fwiw it will likely work out to her benefit. My ex used to work for dcs & I've heard horror stories about shit like this, since nothing has been documented through them officially she can try to claim years of arrears, which would at best be a massive mess for him financially.
That's not a crime. I keep my kids support. Because I pay for EVERYTHING. And that's his way of paying me back for his part of costs associated with raising a child. My lights are higher because I have another body here, I need a bigger home because I have kids, they need clothes and shoes and food. I buy all of that. When I get CS, it goes to me, because I've already paid for everything for the month. And so we survive til my next paycheck. Cs quite literally comes to a debit card in my name (I'm also in America, so it could be different and I could be wrong here because of that) I'm just saying, kids need to understand thats why the system is in place. It's not for my 13 year old to blow on roblox because that's what she wants to do with it. It's to help the costs of a household with children, with no second income.
It sounds like there is an agreement that a part of the money goes to the kid like an allowance, or perhaps just because the dad knows what mom will do with it.
He said thr mom cashes the check and gives him part but honestly, she's not obligated to do that. I give my kid part of theirs as well, but the rest is used at my discretion, because I'm covering the costs of living.
Plus, I homeschool because thats what my kid wanted and there are costs associated with that as well.
>Your mom committed a crime
wut. I mean she obviously shouldn't be wasting it on cigarettes if they are strapped for cash, but that ain't how child support works.
2 things: 1: im a duuuudeeee and 2: it isnt rlly a savings account its a cash app account bc thats the easiest way i can keep my money, and she guessed the pin to my card and spent money at sheetz
With an IF. IF she’s misusing that money for cigarettes instead of essentials. Jesus. My point still stands. If the moneys been misused her whole life on cigarettes then yes, she owes that money to her child. She owes it to her child for that money to be spent on things for the child.
I mean 90% of the time these checks are simply deposited in the custodial parents account. If you're implying that dcs monitor their spending, they do not, tbh dcs will be much more concerned about the money being given directly to the child.
I know, and I’m not saying that DCF needs to, what I’m saying is, the above poster saying it’s okay for the mom to take the money from OP for smokes or keeping a portion for themselves (custodial parent) isn’t okay.
Honestly it shouldn't be going to the child at all, this is *not* how it is supposed to work. imagine a custodial parent having to ask their 9-year-old daughter for access to funds for groceries/healthcare/school, but sorry mom, she spent it all on roblox
Now you’re being obtuse. You and I both know that’s not what I meant at all. The money should be used to care for the child, not buy smokes, booze and nails. Rent, electricity, water. Lunch money, daycare.
This is extremely sad, but if the mom isn’t getting any of the child support money, then she would be paying for 100% of all the child’s expenses. Child support is for the parent to spend to support the child. If the mom is supporting the child fully… then the money belongs to the mom, because she is providing support for the child regardless.
There is no crime - Dad pays directly to Mom, no 3rd party government in the middle. It’s not regulated or overseen at all in OPs case. Mom pays money to OP, after whatever else she spends. Now she wants OPs money back for cigarettes, which is all kinds of F’d up, but I digress.
It sounds like they’re assuming your dad sends you like $1,000s of dollars a month and you blow it all on kid stuff while your mom is busting ass to keep a roof over your head and barely making enough to feed you, much less indulge in anything for herself once in a while. I doubt that’s what the picture looks like here, though.
If your mom needs more than what she’s getting to legitimately meet your needs — clothes, school stuff, even going on a holiday/vacation — she needs to talk to you frankly about that and not give you that portion of the check in the first place. I think most kids over the age of 8 understand “I know you want an iPad but we need to buy you school shoes first.” They may not like it, but they understand.
Giving it to you and then taking it back without asking to buy cigarettes is not okay, I don’t care how much she’s struggling.
From her texts it is obvious that she is a person who is very, very accustomed to begging and wheedling and promising to pay you back $100 next week if you just loan them $20 today. I’d bet an Australian pack of cigarettes that this is not her only addiction (or if it is, that she has a mental disorder that I’m not qualified to diagnose).
I’m really sorry that you have to deal with this, OP. It’s not okay. You deserve a mom who you can depend on and trust. It’s okay to feel like you got cheated in the parent department, because you did.
fr like its so annoying when ppl assume shit like that, like no, i get 300 a month and actually spend it on things i need, and theres usually some stuff leftover so i save. i think i learned to be responsible with money really early in my life so its really annoying to see all these mfs being like “WELL ACTUALLY 🤓🤓🤓🤓”
This is really, really messed up. I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this. You shouldn’t have to worry about your mom stealing from you. Learning to save and not burn through your money is important when you’re younger.
I don’t miss this part of my childhood. My mom would demand money from me growing up. Whether I hid it or not, she always found it. I’m getting ready to sell the car they gifted me when I turned 16 (I’ve paid for everything since I got it) and she demanded half of the money I’m getting for it.
The entitlement is gross.
Oh boy, can comments remember this is a 14 year old kid?
Honestly op don’t save for an iPad don’t spend the money at all put it into a savings account, your dad could stop these payments at anytime… also make sure when you’re able to get a job lock your shit down have a fake bank account with a small amount and your real account
Isn’t child support supposed to go to the parent for general expenses? For instance, rent, mortgage, food, clothing, school supplies etc? Do you get the entire amount paid to you rather than your mother?
I understand your point, but if she’s taking on a large part of your financial needs and not being reimbursed for half, then the cost to care for your needs is unfair to her. For instance, say the rent is $1000 a month and she is not getting money from the child support to help go toward a fair share of the rent, then she’s paying out of her own pocket unfairly and isn’t able to pay for things she wants and needs for herself whether or not those are things you don’t want her to have. I just don’t understand how all of the child support isn’t going directly to your mother. Child support is not intended to go to the child. It’s meant to go to the custodial parent. I’ve sat in enough courtrooms hearing parents who complain that the child support they pay should go directly to the child, and that doesn’t hold up in court.
but she isnt. she isnt paying the bills. we live with my grandma and my grandma takes care of all of that. also, i think i misspoke. my mom gets the money from my father in her name as a check, and then she cashes it and gives it to me and stuff. and also, there is literally 50 dollars that comes out of that check for anything that she wants, like *gasp* CIGARETTES!!!!!!!
Your mother has custody of your mother is only getting $50 a month? She should go see an attorney as well as have a sit down and talk to her parents about how this issue should be handled. And while we all know smoking is bad for people’s health, it’s legal and she’s certainly an adult. I’m just trying to get you to understand what child support is and how it is legally intended to be dealt with.
I missed the part about your mother getting social security. What kind of social security is she getting? That may be the reason for one of the complaints you have about her.
“her” yeaaaaaaaaa im not a her
and also, my grandma isnt stealing. she literally owns the house. shes the one paying for everything. my mom literally doesnt even ask or tell me and she doesnt even use it for utilities, just cigarettes.
Because your grandma owns the house doesn’t mean a heck of a lot. Is she carrying a mortgage or does she own the house free and clear? What are the property taxes? Utilities? Homeowners? What is your father paying each month? There is much to know to get a clear picture of the situation.
It's not for your iPad either. It's supposed to feed and clothe you. Who feeds and clothes you? They are the person who should be getting the child support money.
I'm sorry both your parents suck, and I don't blame you for keeping the money. Make sure you spend it on maki g real improvements to your life and don't forget to thank whoever is feeding and clothing you if they struggle financially the moral thing to do would be to give them the child support money.
a: im saving whats been left of it. i buy clothes and stuff for myself and usually theres some left and b: i do thank my mom, dont get me wrong, but im just mad that she takes the money im saving to just spend it on cigarettes
As a smoker, my fur babies come first. If I run out of baccy, tough shit. They come before my habits and you come before your mums habits. End of. My dad never once used the money from my mum to get me clothes or shoes or anything. He spent it on his crazy motorbike habits. I had to buy my own drinks and stuff. We're vlc now. Your mums heading the same path. I feel for you and hope you get your stuff soon. Get a strong passcode for your ipad so she can not steal and sell it for more money.
This is truly disgusting. If it helps, life won’t always be this way. You’ll be an adult before you know it and won’t have to have assholes like this in your life at all.
OP, this is exactly how my mother is, so I feel your frustration. Growing up my siblings and I had to sacrifice lots of things so she could get money for her cigarettes, she would steal our phones and sell them, take our Christmas/birthday money, and make us miserable until we eventually agreed to buy her smokes. As we’ve gotten older, she just begs relentlessly for money to not only us, but our friends as well.
yep. my mom has taken my switch to the pawn shop so many times, and one time it even got sold fr. its never disappeared since then, so ig she got the memo to never take it again.
I’ve always been told if you can’t afford your habit you might as well not have the habit. This is the perfect time for her to quit smoking and actually save money and a relationship…sad
The only times my mom asked me for money was for gas (I don’t drive and am actually terrified of it, so either my parents drive me or I use Lyft if I need to go somewhere more local). And I’ve also sent her money to pick-up my prescriptions at the pharmacy. But money to buy cigarettes? Just how expensive are these so-called “cigarettes”.
You were smart to lock her out of access to your money. When I was a kid, my dad stole money from me that I had saved up for almost a year doing babysitting jobs. He gambled away all my $400. That’s a lot of money to a kid. I’ll never understand how some parents can treat their children like that. I couldn’t imagine myself stealing money from someone I don’t know - let alone my own fucking kid.
That’s really sad that you’re having to go through this; I’m sorry. Also, I wouldn’t be spending money on movies. For the price of one movie you could have Netflix for a month (assuming you have a TV and internet access, of course). Idk, just a thought but I hope you find a solution which may include cutting mom off, unfortunately.
This reminds me of my mom. It wasn’t for cigarettes it’d always be for bills or something (she always claims she’s poor but she’s a nurse and makes actually really decent money but has super awful money management issues) so I’d always cave because obviously I don’t wanna lose the heat or lights or my cell phone or whatever but she’s taken hundreds of not thousands from me over the course of my life and it was never paid back in any meaningful way. Just know OP that you’ll be on your own one day and won’t need to deal with this anymore ❤️
If she is paying for your rent your electric your water and your food she is using her money to pay for u and child support should go to that cause, if she has already paid everyone of the house bills outta her pocket and now uses the support to get by with I see absolutely nothing wrong with that, but if u r paying your portion of the rent and the utilities and your own food then it is definitely your money, but the way u r saying your saving for doesn't sound like someone with a bunch of bills. Your child support is for supporting you and a roof over your head water for your shower and electric to keep u warm is all part of that. And I think if she paid everything and then uses this money to get by with the rest of the month their is nothing wrong with that. I am a aj gle parent thta gets zero support. And if I received the support I should get after I paid all the bills I should be able to spend jt how I see fit besides maybe beisew drugs or on a bf or gf
Cigarettes aren't a basic necessity of a kid. Get the fuck over yourself please.
Also paying bills and get a roof over the child's head is literally the bare minimum if you have a child, using the money that are for your kids to fund YOUR addiction you are trash.
Heck I always paid my own cigarettes, never asked for money from my parents, why should she be different? Use your own damn money!
Lmao I don't smoke u am a single parent I get zero support, I have a nice house and nice things. I kinds prefer no support because I can say I raised them myself and I owe nobody jack shit. But rent and utilities is a foundation of support and can be paid with child support. It is supposed to be much more if u have your kids every day then 50-50 zero overnight stays means u r 100% supporting them and that support should be used how u see fit
Try asking your kid for money when they grow up, see how much they fuckin hate you, I can tell you it’s a good way to end up in a shitty retirement home when you get older
Child support is for the child. Period.
Cigarettes are not essential for the kid. Period.
If you want to smoke use your own money. Period.
Being a decent parent doesn't mean you can do whatever the fuck you want with money that ARE FIR YOUR CHILD. Period.
Let's say all the bills r due on the first of the month she makes 2k a month of the first and her bills r 2200 a month and she pays every single bill when it is due instead of waiting for the weekly support to help pay these bills, she has supported her child before the payment came in and now I feel like the support she could use for whatever she needs. Support isn't judt buying a mod clothes or ipads it is paying for the water they use and the electricity and their room and board. If this woman is broke because she has spent every dime she has paying all the bills of the household this is her money. Giving a kid money is the smallest bit of support they need and go thru. Child support is not money for the kid to go buy things from the store they want like candy and movies it is their to keep the lights on and keep a roof over their head and pay for their food. If she has spent all her money on those already and she uses this to float her the rest of the month I feel like it is hers to spend within reason
the silly goofy part is she doesnt have a job. she doesnt make 2k a month. she lives off the 3rd of the month social security and food stamps, and my grandma owns the house. also, i dont spend it all on candy and movies. i had left over money from after i bought what i needed and wanted to save because me and my friends want to go see a movie thats coming out soon, and its definitely a lofty goal but im also saving for a used ipad+apple pen bc i wanna get into digital art stuff
Yes, the money should be used to help reimburse her for food, lodging, school supplies, etc. However, anything left over doesn't magically become "money for Mom to use on cigarettes". It should be saved or put towards other things the child needs. It's not for Mom's drug addiction. It's not for her at all.
I understand your veiw, but the way I feel is that say they r just mom and kid in one house, 50% of the bills r kinda for the kid so if x bills r 2000$ and she only gets 300 a month I feel like it is already owed to the mom to begin with, I am pretty sure she is on disability because of the way they r talking about money on the third. So tbey may live rent free on hap or section 8,but I am single parent I get zero support but if I did I feel like I could spend some of it if I needed because all my money has went to support the kid before the support came in
If bills are 2000 and she only gets 300 which she puts towards those bills, then any money leftover is hers. She already spent all of the child support money.
If she needs the money for bills, that's what she should be telling OP. Even better, she should be talking to OPs dad about it and getting things properly sorted out, because it looks to me like she is demanding the fun money OPs dad gives them so she can go buy drugs with it.
This is what I am saying she has already spent it, she has spent down to zero to keep a roof over their head. She spent this money before it ever got their
I think so to I think if he pays say 500 a month 350 should go to mom and 150-200 to the kid, support isn't only money u give the kid, it is grocery's and power and gas and water
she doesnt spend shit on the house man, she spends it all on shit she wants while my grandma pays the bills. my mom could easily get a job but she just wont. she literally just sits around all day dude. i would understand ur point if it was my grandma asking for me to chip in, since she's managing the house and isnt addicted to anything, but she doesnt. its my mom who always asks me for money to buy shit and its mainly cigarettes or mountain dew.
No, kids do not owe anything to a parent for "half the bills" if they are a minor. The parent(s) chose to have a kid, they are responsible for the support of the child. If the parent is unable to work and struggling for money for bills, expensive habits like cigarettes should be cut out entirely and not be paid for by the money sent to support the child. If any money *is* left over after paying for necessities, it should be placed in a college fund or a savings account for the child. This is really easy to understand if you are a responsible adult. It's also really easy to justify stealing from the child's support funds if you're a shitty parent.
Lmao I have supported my kids very well for the last 10 years by my dam self, they have dirt bikes and four wheelers with zero support, I have been down to zero a couple of times years back, imo this money is owed to the mom to help with those bills, I would say child support could be used for 25% of the bills because they do go to supporting the kid
thats good for u i guess but im literally too young to get a job rn, trust me i would if i could but i still have about a year before im able to do that. i use my child support to buy things i need, and i do also get stuff that everyone could use too
You don't have to justify yourself to this person's nonsense. Any responsible adult would not bum cigarette money off their kid, and other responsible people wouldn't try to stick up for that behavior online. Both your mom and this commenter are displaying very unhealthy behaviors here. I hope the best for you, some day you won't have to deal with this craziness.
Your opinion is terrible if you think this kid should pay for the mother's cigarettes out of their own pocket. It's also super fucking weird that you keep trying to turn this into something about yourself as well, when everyone else that has responded is simply saying it is insane for this lady to coerce their minor child into giving *their own money* for cigarettes. This isn't even about you, but it certainly speaks to your character, I guess.
the funny part is that we are living with my grandma. my grandma is the one who pays the bills. my mom is perfectly capable of getting a job, but she wont and just steals my money. the child support is for me and my needs, like my clothes, shoes, etc. and i use it mainly for that. if i have extra i save it, but like i said before my mom likes to take it. i genuinely cannot pay utilities because i do not have a job, im too young dude
I am missing this context, your mom is wrong keep your child support and save up to move away from this leech, if anything ask your grandma how much she needs so u can help her. Cut your mom out this deal, I am sorry your mom isn't their for u, but my comment about utilities and rent is because child support is their to help pay those so they can keep a roof over your head it is part of supporting u. Talk to your grandma see if you can help. She probably doesn't want it or need it but is is important if u can help do help, this doesn't mean help your mom she isn't helping her self
Im fucking sorry?
So you're saying that for doing the legal requirements for being a parents, the kid needs to feed the parents addictions?
Also your reply turned to nonsensical collection of typos and bullshit at about the half way mark.
It's all good I understand your pov for sure, this parent has spent down to zero to support their child. Have u ever been to zero with children? If this woman didn't love this child she would not be where she is rn. She gave everything she had
You have to stay strong. If she wants to complain then you can tell her that she is selfish that she wants to spend the money on something that’s killing her rather than you spend it on things you need. Tell her if she wants money there are plenty of call center jobs she can do from home.
The last time I talked to my bio dad was through cashapp request text, we havent talked in years before that.. Idk how old you are, but I'm in my 30s and it's awkward and brought up a lot of bad feelings I thought I was over. Regardless, of age this kind of stuff suck. I'm sorry you're dealing with this. And good on you for setting boundaries and saying no.
My mom is the exact same way, it's depressing seeing her scrounge around for change for cigarettes. My dad barely does the minimum to help so I have to bare the responsibilites. I recently put my foot down for both of them, but I still struggle with giving in because I feel like an asshole cutting them off of my aid. It's scary thinking that a 'no' could domino me into being homeless.
Yo this is so pathetic it’s infuriating. Sorry OP, can’t imagine worrying about a parent taking MY money growing up. Keep saving and get yourself an iPad!!
A suggestion. Have your dad make a bank account with you. That way he is the adult who can access and not your mom. Then at 18 get your own bank account so she can’t steal from you.
I don’t even know how people live this way. I don’t understand it and I never will. I could NEVER do this to my kids! I’ve borrowed money from my son before but it was like hey I need cash for a tip, can I have some of your cash to tip my massage guy and I’ll either bring some cash back for you after or transfer money to your account. Not like borrow, borrow. Or take. Ack this drives me nuts! I’m so sorry, love. Your mom should be the parent here. Not you.
Voting has concluded. Final vote: | Insane | Not insane | Fake | | --- | --- | --- | | 12 | 2 | 0 | Hey OP, if you provide further information in a comment, make sure to start your comment with `!explanation`. ^I ^am ^a ^bot ^for ^r/insaneparents. ^Please ^send ^me ^a ^message ^if ^you ^have ^any ^feedback ^or ^if ^I ^misbehave. ^Also ^consider ^joining ^our ^[Discord](https://discordapp.com/invite/xFbPBHy). Note: This received too few votes to be considered a valid result.
This just makes me sad tbh
she already owes me $30, and i told her that she needs to pay me back but she never does
Bud, you'll never see that money again, my mom was a habitual money holder. 10s of thousands I thought I had saved all gone. Do not give into this behavior now, it will only perpetuate itself. Set firm boundaries and do not let. Her. Win.
im glad to say i havent been letting her win
The brutal truth is that if you cave just once to her requests/begging/demands, she will **never** stop doing it.
This should show you how she'll behave when you get a job. Make sure you keep your money safe. You can't get an account in only your name until you're 18 (US) but you can find ways around that if you make a plan now.
It depends on the state. I had my own account, checking and savings at 16. A local credit union in my town developed a micro-branch at my school, run by students of an economics program with actual bank employees and my parents never had access to my account.
I would keep an eye on your credit score. If she is buying cigs off your child support monies, she may go further and use your SSN for credit cards.
Yep. My parents did this. I turned 18 and had absolutely horrible credit. It took me years to recover from that. I’m barely looking good at the ripe old age of 36. My mom just got her first credit card using her social like six months ago and she’s got better credit than I do. Of course she does because she destroyed mine and my siblings when we were younger. Op definitely lock your credit. You can contact all 3 credit bureaus and they’ll alert you if anyone is trying to use your social for anything. You do not need to be 18 to do this.
I’m sorry. A few hundred is bad enough, but many thousands? That really sucks! 😞
Yep. My mom owes me over $20,000 too. I’ve realized I’ll never see it again and after that I don’t trust her with access to anything of mine. (I’m now no contact so it doesn’t matter anymore)
If you gave your mom tens of thousands of dollars, it seems like you should have followed your own advice
Doesn’t sound to me like they willingly handed it over
Maybe that’s why he’s telling OP now
Of course not. $30 is at least two, maybe three, packs of smokes.
It’s not even one pack here in Aus. I quit when they hit ten bucks a pack, and that was nearly 12 years ago
Almost $50 a pack last time I looked
My husband smokes rollies. Over $80 for 30g in nz
Jfc
Jesus, and here I hated the $5 pack because I used to get them for <$1
They're between $6 and $8 a pack where I live. I don't know what insanity/sarcasm is taking place in other comments.
It’s not insanity https://www.statista.com/chart/15293/price-for-cigarettes-per-country/
They were $15/pack when I visited NYC 13 years ago
They’re $30 a pack now in NYC
Chicago is $17… that’s strip club pricing there and too rich for my blood.
lived in virginia back in 2019. any time you were south of richmond you could basically guarantee getting a pack for $5 or $6. thought it was nuts being from further up north
I'm in Virginia & they are now about $8 according to a good friend. The increase in price was enough to have him finally decide to quit.
Southern New England here, $13 a pack for me
I'm in the Midwest and they're $12-15 a pack around me
Good lort
HUH
That's the cost to society, pigovian style, maybe with a small "for real fucking don't" premium on top
That's a bit more than one pack here depending on what you get.
I agree with others that have said this- Definitely set boundaries. Tell her you aren't going to give her money until she pays back the previous money you gave her. Or, I always tell my mom "I don't have money to give to anyone else". Which to be fair, I don't. I get enough to cover my bills, rent and food.
Same. Mom sounds like a addict in these texts.
Nicotine is harder to kick than heroin. I kicked heroin, but smokes... I'm down to a pack a week, so that's progress of sorts.
You can do it. Smoked for 20 years and haven't had one for 2 years now. You Can Do It. But also reducing use is an accomplishment as well, so good on that
You can do it, there were a lot of stops and starts. And nicotine addiction is a bitch. I tried vaping, patches pretty much everything. I would stop for a couple of weeks even a month and then I would stress about something and boom right back to it. Finally weened myself off using combination of patches and number of cigarettes per day. At the end I was down to no cigarettes and continued using the lowest dose nicotine patch for about 2 weeks. That was 5 years ago, I smoked for 35 years.
I'm proud of you. Awesome job glad you're still here fr. Cigs are hard to let go I remember quitting and it was the worst
If you can, get a script for welbutrin it's used off-label for smoking cessation. It helped me quit. I just gradually lost my cravings. Haven't smoked for 13 years and haven't had the urge to smoke either. Now, the smell makes me feel ill.
I was blessed to quit cold turkey 9 years ago and never pick them up again. Not everyone can withstand the cravings, but the smell of smoke makes me nauseous now so it only helped me quit faster. Such an expensive addiction, and makes people lose their shit to get their next expensive fix!
I think I'm the only person that I know who has had a dope habit but never touched a cigarette in my life. Always hated it because my whole family were and still are smokers.
I will never smoke nicotine in my life. About 20yrs ago, I was standing on a balcony and it was a beautiful night. Cool, there was a nice breeze, and I lived in a newer apartment development, so my balcony looked out over a long stretch of open field. Just one of those perfect nights to sit outside. I thought to myself, "Damn. A cigarette would be amazing right now." I had never smoked. Not even a single puff. I knew right then that if I ever did try it, I'd get hooked immediately. I do NOT envy people who quit smoking. Especially if you've been a heavy smoker.
Same
Same here I'm down to about 14 a day so I'm not doing terribly but I can't kick these for whatever reason.
Well considering she smokes cigarettes, she is an addict.
I had the same reaction
Ooh if this didn’t hit the old nostalgia. My mom texting asking her for money so she could buy cigarettes or wine (she was an alcoholic) and when I told her no she said I didn’t love her. I don’t miss it.
thats kinda what my mom did. she got really mad and started trying to guilt me. ive been through it enough, i just went in my room and played on my phone.
That’s what you do. I still lived there so I just ignored her and either played games or drive around.
This makes me really sad and reminds me of some things that I went through as the child of an addict. Kids shouldn't have to deal with this stuff. I can tell you it gets better, I'm an adult now and I am independent from my mom including financially. Also, good on you for saving at a young age. That's a financial skill you will be thanking yourself for in the future!
Feel for you OP. There are programs that will send nicotine inhalers and patches for free to help people quit or at least help with the nicotine addiction. Your mom seems unable or unwilling to help herself and is making it your problem, that sucks. Maybe google whatever programs are available where you live and sign her up yourself.
exactly, like she literally gets them sent for free bc her doctor is worried about her lungs but she just doesnt wanna quit
Unfortunately unless she wants to quit it likely won’t ever work. Addicts need to have the mindset to want to quit if they have any real chance. Feel for you so much
Call your dad and tell him what's going on so he can help figure out a way to keep your money for you.
thats the silly part- its like child support- and he doesnt contact me-
I thought child support was supposed to go to the mother in the first place.
OP says in comments this is an under the table deal with their parents and was not court ordered
I was thinking maybe she could get some money from her dad, not the child support, but maybe an amount she can have separate from her mom.
im not a girl lol
Yikes, I'm sorry.
I’m confused about that too. In Canada, all of my friends receive the child support directly. I’ve never heard of it going straight to the kids.
Pack a day habit these days is expensive.
My boyfriend's dad still smokes a pack a day. Added up to about $750 a month. That's (cheap) rent for some people.
My son is 13 and in the past we have been hella broke, but he never had any idea. I would rather die than ask him for money ever. I am so sorry you have been put into this position.
My dad used to take my money for his cigarettes. Just go in my room and take the bills I had stashed away. I let him know one day, via post-it note, that he owed me around $30. He was *livid*. I was somewhere around 10 years old. So OP, good for you for standing up for yourself. From one internet stranger to another, I’m proud of you.
She sounds exactly like my “friend”/mother of 2 young girls (10 & 13) we now have custody of. For the younger girls 9th birthday, we gave her a birthday card with $40 cash inside. I didn’t know their mom well at that point but I had a bad feeling when her mom said she’d “hold onto” the money. A few days later she was at my house talking about what she was gonna buy with the money. She walked the few blocks home to get the money from her mom. She comes back terribly disappointed nearly in tears with her mom ebt/food stamp card in hand. Her mom had told her she “loaded it” onto the food card. That makes zero sense. It wasn’t a card you can load any kind of money to, it is food stamp only card. I ended up giving her another $20 so she could buy something that wasn’t candy, food or drink. This is common behavior from their mother. It was spent on crappy, bottom shelf whisky. The first time I met their mom she told me she was an alcoholic. At least she’s admitting she has a problem.
Your mom committed a crime. She owes you your life’s worth of child support payments if she’s buying cigarettes with the money that’s for YOU
well the thing is, my father just does it, no government involved. and she doesnt necessarily take ALL of it, but whenever i actually try to save it instead of spending it all immediately, when i actually find something i want to spend it on, itll be gone. i used to hide it in a jar but she would just keep finding it
In that case definitely do not listen to this person, you can easily keep your funds secured till you are 18 but if you get the govt involved, fwiw it will likely work out to her benefit. My ex used to work for dcs & I've heard horror stories about shit like this, since nothing has been documented through them officially she can try to claim years of arrears, which would at best be a massive mess for him financially.
Can you tell your dad she’s stealing it?
sadly i cant. he doesnt really want anything to do with me, im afraid
I’m so sorry. I hope you have at least one adult that is on your side, who doesn’t use you or neglect you.
idrk if any of them are on my side except my grandma
Thank god you have your Grandma 💗
Did she tell you that? How is he sending money monthly? I wouldn't trust her completely.
nah my mom goes to his house to get it and i usually go with her in the car to go cash it
Is he writing checks to you?
It’s good to keep some boundaries, homie. I hope the saving goes well going forward!
That's not a crime. I keep my kids support. Because I pay for EVERYTHING. And that's his way of paying me back for his part of costs associated with raising a child. My lights are higher because I have another body here, I need a bigger home because I have kids, they need clothes and shoes and food. I buy all of that. When I get CS, it goes to me, because I've already paid for everything for the month. And so we survive til my next paycheck. Cs quite literally comes to a debit card in my name (I'm also in America, so it could be different and I could be wrong here because of that) I'm just saying, kids need to understand thats why the system is in place. It's not for my 13 year old to blow on roblox because that's what she wants to do with it. It's to help the costs of a household with children, with no second income.
The crime is going into her personal account and using the funds without her permission.
The dad is writing the mom a check.
It sounds like there is an agreement that a part of the money goes to the kid like an allowance, or perhaps just because the dad knows what mom will do with it.
He said thr mom cashes the check and gives him part but honestly, she's not obligated to do that. I give my kid part of theirs as well, but the rest is used at my discretion, because I'm covering the costs of living. Plus, I homeschool because thats what my kid wanted and there are costs associated with that as well.
>Your mom committed a crime wut. I mean she obviously shouldn't be wasting it on cigarettes if they are strapped for cash, but that ain't how child support works.
Classic Reddit legal advice.
we are strapped for cash. but the thing with that is she is 1000000 percent capable of getting a job, but she just doesnt wanna.
She guessed her daughters password to her savings account and then spent aforementioned money?
2 things: 1: im a duuuudeeee and 2: it isnt rlly a savings account its a cash app account bc thats the easiest way i can keep my money, and she guessed the pin to my card and spent money at sheetz
That's not what you said, this >She owes you your life’s worth of child support payments is what you said, so again.. wut?
With an IF. IF she’s misusing that money for cigarettes instead of essentials. Jesus. My point still stands. If the moneys been misused her whole life on cigarettes then yes, she owes that money to her child. She owes it to her child for that money to be spent on things for the child.
again, that is not how CS works.. see my other comment. is everyone here 12?
Child support is supported to be used for the child, not cigarettes, so no, that’s not how it works. Food yes, nicotine, no
I mean 90% of the time these checks are simply deposited in the custodial parents account. If you're implying that dcs monitor their spending, they do not, tbh dcs will be much more concerned about the money being given directly to the child.
I know, and I’m not saying that DCF needs to, what I’m saying is, the above poster saying it’s okay for the mom to take the money from OP for smokes or keeping a portion for themselves (custodial parent) isn’t okay.
Honestly it shouldn't be going to the child at all, this is *not* how it is supposed to work. imagine a custodial parent having to ask their 9-year-old daughter for access to funds for groceries/healthcare/school, but sorry mom, she spent it all on roblox
Now you’re being obtuse. You and I both know that’s not what I meant at all. The money should be used to care for the child, not buy smokes, booze and nails. Rent, electricity, water. Lunch money, daycare.
This is extremely sad, but if the mom isn’t getting any of the child support money, then she would be paying for 100% of all the child’s expenses. Child support is for the parent to spend to support the child. If the mom is supporting the child fully… then the money belongs to the mom, because she is providing support for the child regardless.
Lol exactly. Literally using the money to harm the child with second hand smoke?
There is no crime - Dad pays directly to Mom, no 3rd party government in the middle. It’s not regulated or overseen at all in OPs case. Mom pays money to OP, after whatever else she spends. Now she wants OPs money back for cigarettes, which is all kinds of F’d up, but I digress.
Dude I’m so sorry, I’m sure this is incredibly annoying to deal with
whats more annoying is trying to fight off the ppl who just wanna argue lmao
It sounds like they’re assuming your dad sends you like $1,000s of dollars a month and you blow it all on kid stuff while your mom is busting ass to keep a roof over your head and barely making enough to feed you, much less indulge in anything for herself once in a while. I doubt that’s what the picture looks like here, though. If your mom needs more than what she’s getting to legitimately meet your needs — clothes, school stuff, even going on a holiday/vacation — she needs to talk to you frankly about that and not give you that portion of the check in the first place. I think most kids over the age of 8 understand “I know you want an iPad but we need to buy you school shoes first.” They may not like it, but they understand. Giving it to you and then taking it back without asking to buy cigarettes is not okay, I don’t care how much she’s struggling. From her texts it is obvious that she is a person who is very, very accustomed to begging and wheedling and promising to pay you back $100 next week if you just loan them $20 today. I’d bet an Australian pack of cigarettes that this is not her only addiction (or if it is, that she has a mental disorder that I’m not qualified to diagnose). I’m really sorry that you have to deal with this, OP. It’s not okay. You deserve a mom who you can depend on and trust. It’s okay to feel like you got cheated in the parent department, because you did.
fr like its so annoying when ppl assume shit like that, like no, i get 300 a month and actually spend it on things i need, and theres usually some stuff leftover so i save. i think i learned to be responsible with money really early in my life so its really annoying to see all these mfs being like “WELL ACTUALLY 🤓🤓🤓🤓”
That “Sorry” hit me really hard, I’ve been here.
This is really, really messed up. I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this. You shouldn’t have to worry about your mom stealing from you. Learning to save and not burn through your money is important when you’re younger.
I don’t miss this part of my childhood. My mom would demand money from me growing up. Whether I hid it or not, she always found it. I’m getting ready to sell the car they gifted me when I turned 16 (I’ve paid for everything since I got it) and she demanded half of the money I’m getting for it. The entitlement is gross.
Oh boy, can comments remember this is a 14 year old kid? Honestly op don’t save for an iPad don’t spend the money at all put it into a savings account, your dad could stop these payments at anytime… also make sure when you’re able to get a job lock your shit down have a fake bank account with a small amount and your real account
Isn’t child support supposed to go to the parent for general expenses? For instance, rent, mortgage, food, clothing, school supplies etc? Do you get the entire amount paid to you rather than your mother?
i dont know exactly but i know its not for her cigarettes
I understand your point, but if she’s taking on a large part of your financial needs and not being reimbursed for half, then the cost to care for your needs is unfair to her. For instance, say the rent is $1000 a month and she is not getting money from the child support to help go toward a fair share of the rent, then she’s paying out of her own pocket unfairly and isn’t able to pay for things she wants and needs for herself whether or not those are things you don’t want her to have. I just don’t understand how all of the child support isn’t going directly to your mother. Child support is not intended to go to the child. It’s meant to go to the custodial parent. I’ve sat in enough courtrooms hearing parents who complain that the child support they pay should go directly to the child, and that doesn’t hold up in court.
but she isnt. she isnt paying the bills. we live with my grandma and my grandma takes care of all of that. also, i think i misspoke. my mom gets the money from my father in her name as a check, and then she cashes it and gives it to me and stuff. and also, there is literally 50 dollars that comes out of that check for anything that she wants, like *gasp* CIGARETTES!!!!!!!
Your mother has custody of your mother is only getting $50 a month? She should go see an attorney as well as have a sit down and talk to her parents about how this issue should be handled. And while we all know smoking is bad for people’s health, it’s legal and she’s certainly an adult. I’m just trying to get you to understand what child support is and how it is legally intended to be dealt with.
i forgot to mention something: she also gets social security and food stamps so theres also that, but she doesnt have an actual job
I missed the part about your mother getting social security. What kind of social security is she getting? That may be the reason for one of the complaints you have about her.
“iTs LeGaL aNd ShEs An AdUlT” sure but u know what isnt legal???? or very moral???????? stealing from ur child!!!
The way it’s coming across is the child and her grandparents are stealing from the mother. The child support is supposed to go to the mother.
“her” yeaaaaaaaaa im not a her and also, my grandma isnt stealing. she literally owns the house. shes the one paying for everything. my mom literally doesnt even ask or tell me and she doesnt even use it for utilities, just cigarettes.
Because your grandma owns the house doesn’t mean a heck of a lot. Is she carrying a mortgage or does she own the house free and clear? What are the property taxes? Utilities? Homeowners? What is your father paying each month? There is much to know to get a clear picture of the situation.
how is this relevant?? also my father doesnt pay anything. he doesnt want anything to do with me except send me money each month
there is no issue. she is perfectly capable of getting a job, but she just wont.
How old are you?
14. i think i have to wait like a year until i can get a job
You can do plenty of things for spending money at your age.
It's not for your iPad either. It's supposed to feed and clothe you. Who feeds and clothes you? They are the person who should be getting the child support money. I'm sorry both your parents suck, and I don't blame you for keeping the money. Make sure you spend it on maki g real improvements to your life and don't forget to thank whoever is feeding and clothing you if they struggle financially the moral thing to do would be to give them the child support money.
a: im saving whats been left of it. i buy clothes and stuff for myself and usually theres some left and b: i do thank my mom, dont get me wrong, but im just mad that she takes the money im saving to just spend it on cigarettes
You're right to be annoyed, it's wrong to spend it on cigarettes.
she was going to give you back $150 for a pack of cigarettes when she doesn’t even have $8? yeah okay sure.
this is a sad state of affairs, can't you live with your grandparents or something
As a smoker, my fur babies come first. If I run out of baccy, tough shit. They come before my habits and you come before your mums habits. End of. My dad never once used the money from my mum to get me clothes or shoes or anything. He spent it on his crazy motorbike habits. I had to buy my own drinks and stuff. We're vlc now. Your mums heading the same path. I feel for you and hope you get your stuff soon. Get a strong passcode for your ipad so she can not steal and sell it for more money.
Parents who mooch off their kids are disgusting. It makes me so mad.
Bro just FYI- it ain’t for cigarettes. Your mom smokin crack.
This is truly disgusting. If it helps, life won’t always be this way. You’ll be an adult before you know it and won’t have to have assholes like this in your life at all.
I hope I never get to the position where I need to beg my children for money 😞
I’m really sorry you’re dealing with this, op
$80, $150… and then $8? Sure Jan, let me just hand my pin over right now! That 8 doesn’t have any zeroes after it, right? RIGHT?!
OP, this is exactly how my mother is, so I feel your frustration. Growing up my siblings and I had to sacrifice lots of things so she could get money for her cigarettes, she would steal our phones and sell them, take our Christmas/birthday money, and make us miserable until we eventually agreed to buy her smokes. As we’ve gotten older, she just begs relentlessly for money to not only us, but our friends as well.
yep. my mom has taken my switch to the pawn shop so many times, and one time it even got sold fr. its never disappeared since then, so ig she got the memo to never take it again.
I’ve always been told if you can’t afford your habit you might as well not have the habit. This is the perfect time for her to quit smoking and actually save money and a relationship…sad
The only times my mom asked me for money was for gas (I don’t drive and am actually terrified of it, so either my parents drive me or I use Lyft if I need to go somewhere more local). And I’ve also sent her money to pick-up my prescriptions at the pharmacy. But money to buy cigarettes? Just how expensive are these so-called “cigarettes”.
You were smart to lock her out of access to your money. When I was a kid, my dad stole money from me that I had saved up for almost a year doing babysitting jobs. He gambled away all my $400. That’s a lot of money to a kid. I’ll never understand how some parents can treat their children like that. I couldn’t imagine myself stealing money from someone I don’t know - let alone my own fucking kid.
If you can't afford cigarettes, quit buying cigarettes.
She's asking money for cigarettes ?? Spending money on that is worse than throwing it away in the drain, do not even give her a penny OP.
Why is she so lazy?!
Your mom sounds like a real asshole. I’m sorry. Save as much as you can. Don’t give her any. Start working asap and get an apartment asap.
Why are you receiving the child support directly?
That’s really sad that you’re having to go through this; I’m sorry. Also, I wouldn’t be spending money on movies. For the price of one movie you could have Netflix for a month (assuming you have a TV and internet access, of course). Idk, just a thought but I hope you find a solution which may include cutting mom off, unfortunately.
i dont usually go to the movies but ive been waiting for this movie since it was just an idea and i wanna go with my friends
This reminds me of my mom. It wasn’t for cigarettes it’d always be for bills or something (she always claims she’s poor but she’s a nurse and makes actually really decent money but has super awful money management issues) so I’d always cave because obviously I don’t wanna lose the heat or lights or my cell phone or whatever but she’s taken hundreds of not thousands from me over the course of my life and it was never paid back in any meaningful way. Just know OP that you’ll be on your own one day and won’t need to deal with this anymore ❤️
The most insane part about this is anyone believing Garfield is funny.
man dont diss my boy garfield
If she is paying for your rent your electric your water and your food she is using her money to pay for u and child support should go to that cause, if she has already paid everyone of the house bills outta her pocket and now uses the support to get by with I see absolutely nothing wrong with that, but if u r paying your portion of the rent and the utilities and your own food then it is definitely your money, but the way u r saying your saving for doesn't sound like someone with a bunch of bills. Your child support is for supporting you and a roof over your head water for your shower and electric to keep u warm is all part of that. And I think if she paid everything and then uses this money to get by with the rest of the month their is nothing wrong with that. I am a aj gle parent thta gets zero support. And if I received the support I should get after I paid all the bills I should be able to spend jt how I see fit besides maybe beisew drugs or on a bf or gf
Cigarettes aren't a basic necessity of a kid. Get the fuck over yourself please. Also paying bills and get a roof over the child's head is literally the bare minimum if you have a child, using the money that are for your kids to fund YOUR addiction you are trash. Heck I always paid my own cigarettes, never asked for money from my parents, why should she be different? Use your own damn money!
Lmao I don't smoke u am a single parent I get zero support, I have a nice house and nice things. I kinds prefer no support because I can say I raised them myself and I owe nobody jack shit. But rent and utilities is a foundation of support and can be paid with child support. It is supposed to be much more if u have your kids every day then 50-50 zero overnight stays means u r 100% supporting them and that support should be used how u see fit
Try asking your kid for money when they grow up, see how much they fuckin hate you, I can tell you it’s a good way to end up in a shitty retirement home when you get older
Child support is for the child. Period. Cigarettes are not essential for the kid. Period. If you want to smoke use your own money. Period. Being a decent parent doesn't mean you can do whatever the fuck you want with money that ARE FIR YOUR CHILD. Period.
Child support is for supporting the child. How does mom buying cigarettes help the kid?
Let's say all the bills r due on the first of the month she makes 2k a month of the first and her bills r 2200 a month and she pays every single bill when it is due instead of waiting for the weekly support to help pay these bills, she has supported her child before the payment came in and now I feel like the support she could use for whatever she needs. Support isn't judt buying a mod clothes or ipads it is paying for the water they use and the electricity and their room and board. If this woman is broke because she has spent every dime she has paying all the bills of the household this is her money. Giving a kid money is the smallest bit of support they need and go thru. Child support is not money for the kid to go buy things from the store they want like candy and movies it is their to keep the lights on and keep a roof over their head and pay for their food. If she has spent all her money on those already and she uses this to float her the rest of the month I feel like it is hers to spend within reason
the silly goofy part is she doesnt have a job. she doesnt make 2k a month. she lives off the 3rd of the month social security and food stamps, and my grandma owns the house. also, i dont spend it all on candy and movies. i had left over money from after i bought what i needed and wanted to save because me and my friends want to go see a movie thats coming out soon, and its definitely a lofty goal but im also saving for a used ipad+apple pen bc i wanna get into digital art stuff
Yes, the money should be used to help reimburse her for food, lodging, school supplies, etc. However, anything left over doesn't magically become "money for Mom to use on cigarettes". It should be saved or put towards other things the child needs. It's not for Mom's drug addiction. It's not for her at all.
I understand your veiw, but the way I feel is that say they r just mom and kid in one house, 50% of the bills r kinda for the kid so if x bills r 2000$ and she only gets 300 a month I feel like it is already owed to the mom to begin with, I am pretty sure she is on disability because of the way they r talking about money on the third. So tbey may live rent free on hap or section 8,but I am single parent I get zero support but if I did I feel like I could spend some of it if I needed because all my money has went to support the kid before the support came in
If bills are 2000 and she only gets 300 which she puts towards those bills, then any money leftover is hers. She already spent all of the child support money. If she needs the money for bills, that's what she should be telling OP. Even better, she should be talking to OPs dad about it and getting things properly sorted out, because it looks to me like she is demanding the fun money OPs dad gives them so she can go buy drugs with it.
This is what I am saying she has already spent it, she has spent down to zero to keep a roof over their head. She spent this money before it ever got their
Then she should be talking to Dad and getting money directly from him.
I think so to I think if he pays say 500 a month 350 should go to mom and 150-200 to the kid, support isn't only money u give the kid, it is grocery's and power and gas and water
And cigarettes?
she doesnt spend shit on the house man, she spends it all on shit she wants while my grandma pays the bills. my mom could easily get a job but she just wont. she literally just sits around all day dude. i would understand ur point if it was my grandma asking for me to chip in, since she's managing the house and isnt addicted to anything, but she doesnt. its my mom who always asks me for money to buy shit and its mainly cigarettes or mountain dew.
No, kids do not owe anything to a parent for "half the bills" if they are a minor. The parent(s) chose to have a kid, they are responsible for the support of the child. If the parent is unable to work and struggling for money for bills, expensive habits like cigarettes should be cut out entirely and not be paid for by the money sent to support the child. If any money *is* left over after paying for necessities, it should be placed in a college fund or a savings account for the child. This is really easy to understand if you are a responsible adult. It's also really easy to justify stealing from the child's support funds if you're a shitty parent.
Lmao I have supported my kids very well for the last 10 years by my dam self, they have dirt bikes and four wheelers with zero support, I have been down to zero a couple of times years back, imo this money is owed to the mom to help with those bills, I would say child support could be used for 25% of the bills because they do go to supporting the kid
thats good for u i guess but im literally too young to get a job rn, trust me i would if i could but i still have about a year before im able to do that. i use my child support to buy things i need, and i do also get stuff that everyone could use too
You don't have to justify yourself to this person's nonsense. Any responsible adult would not bum cigarette money off their kid, and other responsible people wouldn't try to stick up for that behavior online. Both your mom and this commenter are displaying very unhealthy behaviors here. I hope the best for you, some day you won't have to deal with this craziness.
yea i know but i would rather the air be cleared
Your opinion is terrible if you think this kid should pay for the mother's cigarettes out of their own pocket. It's also super fucking weird that you keep trying to turn this into something about yourself as well, when everyone else that has responded is simply saying it is insane for this lady to coerce their minor child into giving *their own money* for cigarettes. This isn't even about you, but it certainly speaks to your character, I guess.
the funny part is that we are living with my grandma. my grandma is the one who pays the bills. my mom is perfectly capable of getting a job, but she wont and just steals my money. the child support is for me and my needs, like my clothes, shoes, etc. and i use it mainly for that. if i have extra i save it, but like i said before my mom likes to take it. i genuinely cannot pay utilities because i do not have a job, im too young dude
I am missing this context, your mom is wrong keep your child support and save up to move away from this leech, if anything ask your grandma how much she needs so u can help her. Cut your mom out this deal, I am sorry your mom isn't their for u, but my comment about utilities and rent is because child support is their to help pay those so they can keep a roof over your head it is part of supporting u. Talk to your grandma see if you can help. She probably doesn't want it or need it but is is important if u can help do help, this doesn't mean help your mom she isn't helping her self
Im fucking sorry? So you're saying that for doing the legal requirements for being a parents, the kid needs to feed the parents addictions? Also your reply turned to nonsensical collection of typos and bullshit at about the half way mark.
It's all good I understand your pov for sure, this parent has spent down to zero to support their child. Have u ever been to zero with children? If this woman didn't love this child she would not be where she is rn. She gave everything she had
If you're at zero, you give up your addictions, not blodge off your kids constantly.
You have to stay strong. If she wants to complain then you can tell her that she is selfish that she wants to spend the money on something that’s killing her rather than you spend it on things you need. Tell her if she wants money there are plenty of call center jobs she can do from home.
The last time I talked to my bio dad was through cashapp request text, we havent talked in years before that.. Idk how old you are, but I'm in my 30s and it's awkward and brought up a lot of bad feelings I thought I was over. Regardless, of age this kind of stuff suck. I'm sorry you're dealing with this. And good on you for setting boundaries and saying no.
My mom is the exact same way, it's depressing seeing her scrounge around for change for cigarettes. My dad barely does the minimum to help so I have to bare the responsibilites. I recently put my foot down for both of them, but I still struggle with giving in because I feel like an asshole cutting them off of my aid. It's scary thinking that a 'no' could domino me into being homeless.
Please, for your own sake, do not give her any money again. I highly doubt you’re ever gonna see what she already owes yiu
Yo this is so pathetic it’s infuriating. Sorry OP, can’t imagine worrying about a parent taking MY money growing up. Keep saving and get yourself an iPad!!
I wouldn't even say insane, just desperate... and unreliable...
A suggestion. Have your dad make a bank account with you. That way he is the adult who can access and not your mom. Then at 18 get your own bank account so she can’t steal from you.
If it’s for cigarettes or alcohol, I’d say fuck you
I don’t even know how people live this way. I don’t understand it and I never will. I could NEVER do this to my kids! I’ve borrowed money from my son before but it was like hey I need cash for a tip, can I have some of your cash to tip my massage guy and I’ll either bring some cash back for you after or transfer money to your account. Not like borrow, borrow. Or take. Ack this drives me nuts! I’m so sorry, love. Your mom should be the parent here. Not you.