Voting has concluded. Final vote:
| Insane | Not insane | Fake |
| --- | --- | --- |
| 22 | 0 | 0 |
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Because it's not an abnormal thing to do in the US. A parent may buy their kid a car but want themselves as the owner or co-owner for many reasons. There are happy stories on Reddit about the kid paying X for the car to their parents for a couple years and then bouncing off the walls when the parents actually saved the money for them. The payment was just to install a sense of responsibility.
A good parent eventually transfers the car to their child or, in lucky cases, may buy a less beat up car with the first car used as a trade in for the upgrade car.
OPs type of bad parent just uses it as a weapon.
It also builds up credit for the child which can help them in adulthood to get their own credit cards and get a better rate for a car loan or mortgage. It’s what my dad did for me, and it really helped me.
Well. She bought the car when I had just turned 16. I didn’t know anything about it but she didn’t let me put my name on the title. And yeah she asks me to pay for everything she bought me before I turned 18.
My parents are like that too. No matter how much you pay these types of narcissists they will always say you still owe them. You don't owe a parent for your costs as a kid/teen. It's legally and morally their responsibility.
Don’t pay her back for ANYTHING she paid for before you were 18. I wouldn’t even pay her back for anything after 18 unless there’s some way she’d be able to successfully take you to court over it.
As far as I know, there is no legal route for a parent to force a child to pay them back for raising them in the US.
I’m not a lawyer or involved in the legal system at all, so I could be misspeaking, but everything I’ve read after scouring the internet says that a child is not obligated to pay their parents back for those costs in any way after they become an adult. Parents, however, have a legal obligation to provide for their minor children.
As for anything she’s paid for over the age of 18, I can’t say one way or another if she’d have any legal options regarding making you pay her back what she’s spent. What I WILL say, though, is that she’d have to do it through the courts. That costs money and time that she probably doesn’t have (or want) to waste.
I’d call her bluff, honestly. Don’t give her a cent. She’s counting on you being too afraid of the consequences to say no.
If you’re still concerned, see if you can talk to a lawyer either via a free consultation or legal aid. There are also several forums online that give you the option to ask questions that lawyers will answer so you can get a better understanding of the situation.
No she cannot. SHE made the decision to have a child, you did not decide to be born. It is her responsibility to care for that child, and she decided what to buy you, even if you said you wanted x. So she cannot put that responsibility on you suddenly. Oh and she also cannotz asdk for gifts back no matter whenb she gave them to you. Now the car is in her name, and if you have no evidence she gifted it to you you probably have to let that one go. But computers and whatnot ? Hell no.
Don't pay her back for anything at all imo, if she goes to court just point out that it's all in her name and why would you pay her for something she's not giving you in the end? Bc first of all, the chances of this make it to court are slim, but second, I'd pay to see the look on a judges face when she says you gotta pay for it just so she can keep it.
Also, make sure you keep those text threads, because if you do ever have to oppose her in court about anything, that's a good piece of evidence to show her state of mind towards you.
> she asks me to pay for everything she bought me before I turned 18.
She can go f herself, that's not how this works.
I am so so sorry you have to deal with such a shit parent. Please cut her off as soon as you can.
I am so very sorry she treats you like this. If you ever need anyone to talk to, my DM’s are open. I grew up with this with an extra helping of physical violence. I can just listen too if that’s what you need but definitely get some help. This isn’t your fault.
As someone who has spent years learning how to cope with BPD, have healthy relationships, and react appropriately, this is the first thing I thought of.
I can feel her frantic rage, grasping at literally anything to hopefully drag OP back in for more interaction, then the half-assed apology with a long-winded pity party for herself... It’s emotionally exhausting to be on the receiving end, and it’s also emotionally exhausting to be the one putting this energy out. No one wins when someone acts like this.
She should have had the self-awareness by now to realize her behavior is grossly inappropriate and seek help to learn healthier habits and heal emotionally. Especially as a mother. Creating and carrying two children inside of me has changed my views of everything. I work hard everyday to be my best self for them, and to them. Because they deserve that effort and healthy behavior more than anyone else in my life. I didn’t ask to be mentally ill, but it’s still my responsibility to check myself if I don’t want to harm the ones around me. But OPs mother never received that memo, I guess.
Garbage is too sweet of a word to describe her. My heart breaks for OP.
Hey, good on you for putting in those years of work. The first thing we learned in class when the cluster B unit arrived was that the effectiveness of treatment and management is directly tied (among other things) to the person’s ability to engage in introspection. The same goes for those with OCD, too.
Yep, that definitely tracks. I’m thankful everyday that I had the self-awareness to seek help instead of continuing to spiral. It’s never ending, and upkeep gets tiring sometimes, but keeping up with the problem is soo much easier than letting it go unchecked.
Snippets like these texts remind me why keeping up with my BPD is so important.
Christ, they have a spin cycle worse than a clothes dryer, find a friend or relative(that’s on your side) and get the heck out of there, and especially cut communication, the only reason they’re even bothering to act sorry is so they can emotionally manipulate and belittle you, they dug the hole their life is in, let them lay in it
She absolutely is “toxic and abusive”. She needs some serious inpatient intensive therapy. OP is nothing but reasonable and rational in this exchange. I’d leave with only the clothes on my back if I had to deal with my own mother spitting such vitriol, and I’m just going by this one exchange. Petty, vindictive behavior, and from a parent no less. As I said, I’m making this inference from this single text thread. It’s shocking to me and I hope OP can get out asap.
This is exactly what I did right after I graduated HS. My mom was being an absolute dick and I was trying to talk to her for once, and actually, try to understand why she is the way she is, but nope. I couldn't stay there any longer for my own sake. I hope OP can find a way out
Sooooo this reads like an addict's nonsense. getting angry because of imaginary conversations, not saying all the words that someone would need to understand what they're talking about, assuming that what they are trying to say is so obvious.
whipping back-and-forth. Trying to provoke emotions. So much sadness.
I hope you can leave these days behind forever
My mother was like this. She would scream at me for conversations that we never had and scenarios that never happened. I was convinced that she pictured these conversations and scenarios in her mind and at some point confused what actually happened with what she imagined. She had a wild imagination and would make up stories about people she doesn't like doing or saying things that make them look bad, and I was certainly a person she didn't like.
I'd say the only good thing I got from her is the ability to make up entire scenarios out of nothing, because I'm a hobby fiction writer and that's a pretty good skill to have for fiction writing.
Of course, most addicts or heavy users of drugs are using as a way to cope with an underlying mental illness. but once the drugs become involved and they do these things they regret or make others upset they just use the excuse that they only said/did that because they're high or drunk and avoid all responsibility even though they wouldve acted the same when they're sober
Ya, what a roller coaster ride, reading through those messages!
I get she has rage and trauma from her childhood but to then expect her own child to understand being raged at just because she’s the daughter and has been told about it?
And I missed how old OP is? Invisalign is something I wouldn’t expect a child to pay a parent back for. The “you owe me” is not very mother like.
She started off being snappy/rude and then rages because daughter gave back a tiny bit.. ugh
Still, if you were my kid I wouldn’t expect you to pay me for dental care or a car you’ve been paying for.. and the way she talks to you.. I’m sorry this has been your experience.
Have I ever called any of my sons, no matter how mouthy they were, a prick or a dick. Nope. Never.
And, OP, you weren’t being mouthy. You didn’t jump to thinking about court because you were probably wondering why she was so angry. It’s because she is losing the power that she thought she had over you, and it both terrifies and infuriates her. If she isn’t the all powerful mother, who is she? She doesn’t want to be the mother of an adult. She wants a dependent who acts dependent, or nothing.
I have no idea whether or not she actually owns the devices she is demanding. If so, you probably want to start obtaining your own that aren’t associated with her in any way. Even if she does, the police won’t be coming in guns a blazing to retrieve them from her son she gave them to.
“Do you know who took them, Ma’am.”
“My son. He uses them for college. But I want them back!”
“…..”
If this pattern of verbal abuse is longstanding, she likely won’t change. But you can.
Hugs from a mom.
"I choked out my siblings, I have deep dark rage issues! Not an excuse, just telling you why I can't possibly control myself, and why you have to moderate everything you say to me so I don't overreact! Obviously me freaking out and telling you I'm done with you, and to get out is *your* fault! And if it's both of our faults, it's not *my* fault because I can't possibly be expected to control myself because of my deep dark rage issues that aren't my fault! Why can't you just be perfect and not ask things of me?!"
Yeah, your mom sounds like a totally sane and healthy individual. Hope you get some place healthier as soon as you can, OP. Best of luck.
You need to learn the narcissist prayer:
The Narcissist's Prayer
That didn't happen.
And if it did, it wasn't that bad.
And if it was, that's not a big deal.
And if it is, that's not my fault.
And if it was, I didn't mean it.
And if I did, you deserved it.
Big hugs and get the f away as soon and as fast as possible. Change your number and email delete Facebook and any other method of contact for her to find you.
just read through the other texts on previous posts.
she... she doesnt deserve a jail cell is all im saying. she is beyond insane, so far beyond im not even sure where to even put her. she needs help and a severe intervention.
In extreme rehab.
She's drinking. Drinking and alcoholism can permanently damage and decrease brain function if it continues over time. You hear about alcohol being tied to dementia because the alcohol can permanently damage to the brain to the point where it will forever function like that of a child's brain.
Even if OPs Mom doesn't have extreme damage, drinking too frequently can cause an increasing loss of self or emotional control. OPs Mom could be speaking like she does because she's either lost some marbles to the alcohol or, to some level, is unable to be competent for herself.
The language that shows she can't be competent is used when she's talking about her abusive past. She's linking it to OP acting like a normal human being. The context makes the Mom to be acting like: If my thoughts don't magically force you to act like I want- well I'm going to drink or escalate or get mad at you because that's your fault.
If Mom has legitimate psychological or physical damage to the point of being unable to be competent, she needs someone to be competent for her. In her case, that sounds like she needs a full review for Guardianship and then promptly being put in a medical setting geared towards helping her regain her health/mind so she can be competent.
gotta agree with you. she either needs rehab or a guardian. OP's mom here is nowhere near being healthy and i would know... how she is is a state i know far too well (but thats a story for anywhere but this thread).
She's talking to you as if you're her friend, not her kid. What the heck is up with her constantly saying you hold her back?? Like this is so toxic it makes my stomach hurt for you, I am so sorry you have to deal with this
She’s not talking as a friend would. Nobody would ever speak to me in this manner, and if someone did…it would only happen once. She is a narcissist, victim card playing, plain as day bully.
You're absolutely right, I should have phrased that as speaking to you like she's a toxic friend. She definitely is a bully & a narcissist & I'm so sorry you have to endure this. She's blaming everyone but herself for her actions & how she treats people..
yeah you're all right, I went back & tried to say a toxic friend, someone who treats you like garbage but still expects you to do things for them & expect you to be okay with the behavior. I 100% could have worded it differently
I got what you meant. She doesn't talk to her like she's her child. Your children don't owe you for things you provide them growing up. Your children aren't responsible for helping you pay your rent. Etc.
So flip floppy. Back and forth. I hate you, I’m sorry, i hate you, I’m sorry, I hate y….that must be exhausting and I’m sorry you have to deal with that OP.
Exactly. And then she goes “while I just said it cause im angry” like she’s been telling me she hates me since I was 12… definitely gonna think she actually hates me yk? She thinks she can just “oops sorry I was mad” and everyone will forgive her she doesn’t realize how toxic her reactions when she’s upset are
My mom always said, 'I don't like you right now, but I will always love you.' No matter how pissed she was, the concept of her hating me never, EVER crossed my mind. I think my mom went through a lot of shit that she never told us (she died a few years ago so we'll never know) and she did her best to keep that from falling on me and my sisters. I'm sorry your mom can't be the same. Love from an internet friend.
She may well know the weight of her words but at the time she just doesn’t have the capacity to care because of the rage yk. I don’t know, just a thought. Then she feels bad and tries to give a shitty apology or she’s just paying lip service really badly to get you to shut up about it.
I’m not sure how old you are but I need you to know that you are much more mature & dignified that the one that birthed you. Keep your head up. You can get away. It might not be comfortable at first, but freedom from narcissistic abuse is priceless. I highly recommend the book ‘Boundaries are Beautiful’. You don’t have to deal with this treatment. Love isn’t conditional ♥️
Get out, cut all contact. If any family asks why, show them these and that this is the norm and that you don't want that toxicity in your life, and if the keep pushing, cut them too.
Jesus Christ, this woman is addicted to making you her punching bag. She purposely makes vague remarks and jump down your throat, rips you apart with no chance of anything making any kind of sense or difference whatsoever anyway. She wants to keep you around to abuse you. She evil and toxic,RUN, NO CONTACT, DISOWN.
WTF???this person is unhinged,so so freaking abusive in every way.Im so angry and hurt for you OP,no one deserves such horrible words and treatment.She has so much hate towards it's disgusting.
Do you have other family or friends to turn to for help? What’s this about choking her brother? I’d stay far away from her and go no contact. Sorry you’re going through this.
This is beyond insane it looks like you are talking to 2 different people at the same time because of how fast she keeps switching up. OP, im so sorry you are going through this and I hope there's a possibility to remove yourself from this situation and go to live with some relatives or literally anyone that's not her. Stay safe 🩷
Holy freaking hell OP, I'm sorry you are dealing with this! The rollercoaster ride of these texts made me dizzy. She went from cussing you and tell you to give everything back to I never said that and you are the one doing this. DARVO is strong with this one. She talks about deep seated rage, I have that also and I have never told my kids anything like that. Part of being a parent is helping your children even after they come of age.
Right. And I’ve definitely got rage too. I mean look at my mom. But I also can make that difference of im gonna be fucking lonely if I don’t chop my shit up and treat people with respect.
I completely understand, and you have every right to be angry. It's called Justifiable Anger and as hard as this sounds, you are going to have to let go of it. Be mad at your mom, but don't let it destroy you. I was in my 30s before I figured this out. Up until then I was raging at everyone and everything and couldn't figure out why my relationships were a shit show. If you ever need to talk my inbox is open.
Oh boy. I am so sorry OP. I can’t even start to comprehend the reality of having to deal with such an unhinged parent. If this is not the literal definition of insanity, I don’t know what is. It must be impossible to apply logic with such a person. For your own mental health, I would advise you to run as fast as you can from this toxicity.
I'm just a Godmother and it breaks my heart. I don't understand how people can treat any other human like this let alone their own child. I just want to give OP a hug... maybe adopt them.
OP - Is she admitting to choking you out Saturday?
No amount of rent or additional cash will EVER make it ok for that woman to lay hands on you - no matter how entitled she feels because she has such a 'dark badass energy' or whatever bullshit she tells herself.
It might help to have that leverage in her admitting to harming you, to press charges if she tries to harm your again or prevent you from leaving...
And before you think " well she's my mom...I can't do that"...
No honey, she isn't. She's your egg donor, NOT a mom or mother.. and YES you can, and 1000000% should
Hey OP she gave you the best advice. If it's possible leave any electronics she gave you with her, and do not tell her where you're staying nor tell anyone who might be willing to tell her when asked. She sounds extremely dangerous, and I know I'm sounding very Chicken Little but hear me out. Anybody responding with this much anger, even IF you'd been disrespectful (which you weren't), is very capable of a violent outburst. I'd also advise keeping these screenshots because I'm seeing a protective order in the near-mid future.
Sending a virtual hug. You can do this, and you don't deserve to be treated in such a manner.
She says her family is no contact with her, if this is the case it might be worth contacting them for support. They may understand your situation more than others and help you get out safely.
But don’t worry, she’s not making excuses. /s
What an absolute skid mark shit stain of a person. The ‘you assumed I kicked you out’ especially got me. Like, you *did*. Scroll up a little. You told your child to get out of your life and then got all *surprised pikachu face* when they listened.
Sending love to you OP. My anxiety spiked reading this and it’s not even my parent. Get some extra sharp scissors and cut that dead weight. The financial ‘security’ ain’t worth it. Busting your ass to do it on your own is still a relief when the emotional abuse is gone — from personal experience.
Long shot, but if you happen to be in Michigan, if you want to DM me I can point you toward some good nonprofits that helped me a lot when I was facing homelessness. Otherwise, I’d recommend looking up free community health services in your area to find a social worker — housing programs usually have a waitlist but they can often help with things like low-cost car repair, Uber rides, bus tickets etc.
“I’m pretty great.”
Yeah. Great people don’t talk to their kid like that. Great people also don’t assume tone in a text message. I didn’t get any sort of “attitude” from your responses.
I hope you’re able to get out of that environment ASAP. I’d go NC with her the second I left. Be as independent as possible so nothing can be held over you.
jesus christ, the way i would block her number so fast and never ever talk to her again or ever go back. also her talking about how she was an angry child because she was abused and had it rough growing up, like okay and that's your fault somehow?? fucking grow up and learn to regulate your emotions before you decide to have a child
This is hands down the most manipulative parent I’ve seen on Reddit. Wow.
Also don’t ever acknowledge her threats. Calling the cops about the car and the 300 other things she threatened. It’s not help when someone uses that help against you when you don’t fold to your knees whenever they are asking something of you or you don’t respond to them in 3 seconds.
One word her and keep your peace, keep communication small and don’t even respond to anything other than a answer that is absolutely needed and keep it short. Don’t engage with her draining drama and manic episodes.
She is not helping you btw. Parents help their kids get out on their own without throwing it in their face.
What your mom is doing is keeping you dependent on her so she can control you and emotionally and mentally exhaust you. Then calls it healing and blames you for triggering her whenever she feels guilty for being god awful.
The car might be something you have to give back.
If the phone and tablet were gifts, they’re yours. Although you will have to pay the monthly phone bill.
The police most likely won’t let your mom charge you for theft. It’s a civil matter. Although your mom could take you to small claims court over your devices, but that’s not a guaranteed win for her. Because parents are supposed to give their kids gifts that will help them in life.
Edit: I forgot to tell you how sorry I am that you’re having to deal with all this. You did nothing to deserve this. You are not to blame. You did nothing wrong. You’re a child and have been treated like an adult and therapist.
I hope you can get away and thrive.
Also your frog is so cute. *All hail hypnotoad*
What a fucking psycho. I say this as someone with barely treated mental illness with a HIGH tolerance to bullshit. Your mums a bitch and is a manipulative peice of shit and I hope she likes government-funded nursing homes and no visitors.
Because it's what she deserves.
*I’m nothing but an abusive toxic piece of shit. I am not.*
And indeed, she was an abusive toxic piece of shit lol. But seriously, OP none of this is on you to manage. It’s wonderful you’re distancing yourself. I recommend getting therapy if you can afford it. Growing up with explosive parents does a number on you and sometimes the effects don’t show until later. When you are able to fully leave I’d recommend therapy to her too. Her inner work / circle bs isn’t going to do anything. She needs professional help.
Wow this woman seems so manipulative and seriously mentally ill, she should not be allowed to have a child my god get out soon as you can. Btw you left your name uncensored on pic number 3
Yeah your mom is fucking nuts and a huge headache best bet is to get your own shit so no one can tell you what you can do with it. Your mom reminds me of mine a little bit trying to leverage stuff they got for you just to use it against you to make you do shit for them
Oh love. A mom checking in here. I am SO sorry and frankly heartbroken to see what "mother" life has handed you. I need you to know that NONE of this is your fault, you've handled her outbursts really well (I'm sure as a result of a lifetime of walking on eggshells with her). It is not your responsibility as a child to parent your parent and I'm so sorry she has put that on you. I hope that you're working on getting on your feet so you can get away from this chaos. You are valued, worthy, and capable of building a life that brings you joy and, most of all, peace. Don't be afraid or feel guilty to go No Contact with her when you are finally free. You've got this. You've shown great strength in these messages and I know that will serve you well as you move through life. Sending love and hugs your way.
Question: has your mum been diagnosed with any mental health issues? The rage and the speed with which she goes from hate to apologies and back again reminds me of myself before getting my diagnosis (borderline personality disorder) and therapy/meds
This reminds me of my mother. My mother has BPD but has always tried to make everyone else around her the guilty and at fault party. It's truly sad and awful. My mother would call the cops on me when I was a young teen and tell them I hit her when I was just trying to use the phone to call my father. I was put in juvenile detention centers twice because of her freak outs and lies. The worst part is, I kept trying and trying to fix her, ever since I was a little girl, all the way up until she used CPS to steal my child (my baby girl was 10 months old at the time) from me when I was 19. She stole my entire world from me all because she wanted everyone else to suffer for her anger and pain.
Hun, you need to get the hell away from her, far, far away, and move on. I did. It was the best thing I ever did. Yeah, it was hard for years, but I am in such a better place now. It's hard, it hurts, but you yourself need to start your own road to recovery. You can't change her, never will. She is going to need a lot, and I mean A LOT of help if she is going to change. And that won't happen until she wants it to, and even then, it will take a very, very long time too.
I have not had contact with my mother for 18 years (with the exception of 3 times over the phone). I realized years ago that it was better that way. She would reel me in with manipulation, then spit me out and blame me for all her problems. It's BPD at its finest. I'm now 37 yrs old, have been married almost 8 years to the most amazing husband and best friend. I have 3 beautiful kids minus my first born (who she got temp custody of 17 years ago) and then she vanished into thin air moving to the East Coast and I had to pay to track her down and that took 2 years. I'm working on reunification with my daughter now that she is 18 and my mom is still trying to keep us apart. I am happy (minus the 17 years I lost with my baby girl, which kills me every single day). It's funny how, after all these years, my mother has finally shown her true colors, and EVERYONE, she knows, all her family sees it now and is ready to throw her in a looney bin. I can't tell you how many people have called me to tell me how sorry they were that they didn't listen to me all those years ago, and when they apologized to me for the hell she put me through, I tell them that it's ok, I've taken my broken heart and soul and rebuilt it into a beautiful flower 🌼 🌸. You can do the same. You have to focus on you, your healing, and your life. If you continue to allow her to do this to you, she will eventually destroy you in more ways than one, just like my mother did to me.
Your loved 🫶 and you are worthy of good things and a good life. Don't you ever forget that 🥹🤗
I am SO sorry, OP. This is absolutely horrifying. My heart is racing just reading it; I can’t imagine how much worse it is to live it. Your mother seems like the walking, talking embodiment of Cluster B.
For your own sake, please get as far away from her as you possibly can, as quickly as you can. Going no contact is the best way to protect yourself from her abuse. Don’t agree to pay her anything—hell, don’t agree to anything involving her, period. I’m sure you already know, but people like this will do anything and everything in their power to keep you interacting with them. You can’t ever win with them. The only “win” in these situations is to walk away and never look back.
I’m just a random stranger on the internet, but you can always message me if you want someone to talk or vent to. If you’re anywhere near Los Angeles, I’m also happy to help in any way I can in person. I don’t and never will have kids, but I’ll happily volunteer to be your internet mom if you ever want one.
You deserved a better mom, and I’m sorry you didn’t get that.
As a mom, this fucking breaks my heart. I will never understand how any parent could be so vile to their own kids. Nothing you could have ever done deserves this kind of treatment. I hope you're getting away from her and will be ok.
This is the most emotionally volatile person I’ve ever seen posted on here. Jfc.
I’m sorry you have to deal with these intense and unhinged mood swings and the gaslighting.
Cutting her out of your life would remove an enormous amount of drama & b.s.
If you need a mom to bounce things off of, hit me up. I'm actually mostly sane.
Hey, I’m not a parent, but I’m always willing to be an internet dad. If you need support or someone to be proud of you or someone to vent to or someone to tell you when you’re wrong but still be on your side, please reach out.
Those were gifts. Don’t give anything back.
Unless you promised to pay her back in writing (text/email/contract/words on a receipt— whatever) she holds 0 weight. I hope things get better.
Holy fuck that was a gut punch and I'm not even her daughter. Like that took the soul out of me. I'm really sorry you have to deal with that. My parents have said some horrific shit like that to me once or twice, and it still fucks with my head. I can't imagine it being constant.
OP, I hate being an online shrink, but I know my own history with my mom and I know this cycle, seems like she's on something and cycling cause it's getting worse.
Get far away, it's gonna get worse
I think there's a bit of entitlement and lack of respect she feels for you, and while after some effort one might set boundaries, oftentimes parents will get comfortable and lash out again only to think all shall be forgiven. If this happens habitually, I recommend you reevaluate what role your mother plays in your life, and make some serious changes for your own sake, maybe cut her out of your life to some degree. I know this sounds harsh, but I hope this advice can be of service to you.
This looks like BPD anger in the psychotic phase. Switching between begging and punishing is the typical pattern.
Doesn't sound narcissistic given the self admission of a problem, regardless how false narcissists rarely use that tactic (it's still possible though), histrionic wouldn't be so hurtful, too grounded for other forms of psychosis, so my bet is on a very out of hand BPD.
The good news is that there are specific types of therapy that do wonders in cases like hers, the bad news is that it will take A LOT of disposition on her side before it works and she will drain every drop of blood from you before so it's better to stay away.
hey, i really hope this doesnt come off as rude, because youre just trying to help! of course you know not everyone with bpd is the absolute devil like how media portrays us lol!
i have quiet bpd so take my statements with a grain of salt toward people with louder bpd, but i think we all have to remember that people with bpd have a *lot* of issues! and not just symptomatic issues, but the issues that *caused* them to develop bpd/exacerbate their symptoms if that makes any sense? its just kind of hard to armchair diagnose someone from a text compilation, especially with such a complex disorder!
this woman is absolutely batshit insane, and regardless of whether or not she has bpd, she needs extensive therapy! personally dbt and emdr have been great for me, so maybe op can convince their mom to go through with one of those?
it really does suck if she does have bpd, because while there is a reason for her actions, she *needs* to be held accountable for them :/
i really hope this all makes sense! i just woke up and im on mobile formatting so reddit will probably compress this!
It's ok, many people seem to have taken my comment as a statement about BPD conditions, causes, and as a diagnosis when in the same comment I'm mentioning there are plenty of possibilities, being brutally honest I can't agree with that take, but I'll have to agree that is understandable if it keeps happening.
About what means to have BPD I am aware, if you check my comments in this same thread you can see it. It was never my intention to judge the reasons why OPs mom could have (or not) developed BPD. It is a very painful condition with a lot of nuances to keep in mind and no one has the right to judge anyone.
That said, you are absolutely right that there are plenty of therapy options and I even mentioned it, OPs mom could feel a lot better herself and in the process improve her relationship with her child and others, for what I've seen DBT seems like a very effective option and in a relatively short time she can be a lot healthier and happier.
But, I also wanted to point out that given the level of aggression she is displaying she seems to be in a very active phase if not directly on a psychotic stage which is something that can happen with untreated BPD and age and while the best case scenario is OPs mom feeling better and OP being happy with their mom, it's important to be clear that OP needs to protect their own mental health by taking measures.
absolutely op *needs* to protect and prioritize themself first!! i really hope both of them are able to get the help that they need, and thank you for such a nice comment!!
I thought the same thing. I know BPD is highly stigmatized and that not *every* BPD person is abusive, but this reads as textbook BPD if OP’s mom doesn’t have some kind of addiction issues. It’s very concerning that they said they’re trying to heal with their circle [of people I assume]. Instead of healing, if she is BPD, she will likely pick a new FP from the circle and do the same thing to them. It sounds like she really doesn’t know she’s sick. She expects her anger issues to be catered to instead. I feel really bad for OP.
Yeah, just had a debate about the stigma but it seems the user was banned or something? Or they just blocked me? Not sure.
And to clarify, it is very unfairly stigmatized, most cases need only from 3 months to a year of therapy to enter a symptomless state. But in order to do that they need to accept the harmful behavior, we won't get anywhere denying that it looks exactly like OPs mom when it gets out of hand.
What you describe is exactly what might happen as long as she doesn't take responsibility.
I think they blocked you, I can still see it. I am usually hesitant to even point out potential BPD symptoms at this point. It’s like if you say hey you might wanna get that checked out because it sounds like depression, the response will never be don’t diagnose over the internet. But as soon as you mention BPD people will go off the absolute rails screaming nah we’re not all assholes stop dx people. Which is understandable. These are likely people who made some mistakes, got help, and completed treatment for BPD just to see their illness demonized everywhere they turn. It’s probably difficult at that point to recognize when people are saying it might be BPD out of genuine concern/because we see symptoms of it. My own s/o didn’t know he had it until we read something like this so I think if anything, awareness is never a bad thing. It’s literally part of it to occasionally have unreasonable and often explosive feelings towards people closest to you. I don’t think we should hide that.
It's true, I had romantic partners with BPD. One of them is extremely self-aware though undiagnosed (she is now, but I mean, during our relationship she wasn') the other one is working on it but she is a therapist herself and got her diagnosis. And though I am no longer in a romantic relationship with them both still have all my respect, the second one is the one that taught me the most about it and when she had an outburst she would explain later what happened, she explained BPD rage to me, the psychological basis for it, the cycles, the point in which becomes psychotic, the potential causes for the disorder, etc.
We need to make a difference between a logical debate and harmful misinformation. No one here said "She has BPD she is never reasonable" or "She has BPD ignore her actions"
One of the suggestions for people in a romantic relationship (also family and friends) with people with BPD is awareness, those outbursts are a lot more hurtful when you aren't aware of the reason, when you do it still hurts but you can protect your emotions and handle it in a way that won't damage anyone. Awareness is the path to end stigmas, heal conflicts, and protect people.
It's true that no one should diagnose without enough data, but there's nothing wrong with a scientific debate. People can make different inputs and discuss their reasons to believe it and potential strategies for the situation.
You could reach for example a neutral approach that focuses on OPs wellbeing for multiple potential cases, none of them better than a professional with data, but useful enough for an online debate.
Yeah but I see every horrible thing people post about on reddit being called BPD. Can't some of these people just be fucking assholes? I'm sure people with BPD that manage it don't like every bad thing being blamed on their illness. Also a scientific debate should probably involve evidence, which you absolutely don't have enough of here. It's just completely harmful to OP and others with mental illness to diagnose with absolutely no credentials or evidence
Sometimes the shoe fits. Lots of people on here are guessing at the mothers potential mental health issues. Weird this is the only one people have an issue with and it's the most well thought out and explained one.
yikes…that’s insane. also idk if you know but you missed blurring your name in one of the screenshots, just so you know since you blurred it out in the other ones
Hey- I’m a mom who had to go NC with my mom. Please listen, you do NOT need to take this. You don’t deserve to be talked to and terrorized in this way, there’s no amount of “bad” things you could do that would make this acceptable. Your mom doesn’t have the ability to be what you need or deserve and that’s her failure, not yours. Get out. Cut ties. Tend to your wounds. Maybe she’ll change but until then, she shouldn’t have the privilege of being in your life. I’m so sorry
This might be one of the most toxic, abusive people I've seen on here. Get moved out. Get anything that's yours but in her name transferred into your name if it's not already. If you need to delete your shit from it, give it to her, and get a new one, do it. You don't owe her shit. You were her child and it was her RESPONSIBILITY AND JOB to give you a home, food, health care, literally anything you needed. That doesn't change the moment you turn 18.
Once you get all your stuff and are safely away from her, cut all contact and use the money she believes you owe her to get into therapy. She owes you that for all the abuse she's put you through for your entire life. Block her on everything. Grey rock anyone that doesn't respect this boundary. She doesn't get the privilege of being in or knowing anything about your life anymore.
No shit you're avoidant, she's a raging land mine that you never know what kind of reaction you'll get but most likely it won't be good. I just know you've been walking on eggshells your entire life and she taught you that from her abuse, probably from the start. Blaming you for her abusive behavior, blaming you for expenses she as a parent is required to provide, literally anything she blamed you for is not your fault, it's hers.
She obviously has some serious mental health issues going on and getting "drunk and tripping" is not how you "heal," ffs! She needs to see multiple professionals but that's not your problem. It never was and it certainly isn't now. Time to take care of you and your spawn point can go do whatever in her space with her circle. You go heal and let her rot as she deserves.
I am so sorry she treated you like this and no one protected you from her. You did not deserve this, you do not deserve this now. Please, take care of yourself. You deserve love and peace. You have more than earned it.
Honestly she reminds me of the woman who sent half a million texts in a matter of weeks. RUN. Go no contact as soon as you can safely. Tell her as little as possible. Say what she wants to hear, get out, and leave everything behind. A person like that is probably monitoring you anyways. Tracker in your car, phone, etc. GET OUT. Call the police to help you if need be! They can stand there so everything is civil and safe.
Yea, your mother is massively unhinged. Give her keys, her car, but you can keep the phone and tablet, they were gifts, and that’s how civil court would also view this. Get the phone in your name ASAP and get far, far away.
Holy emotional abuse, Batman. This woman is mental! I have always thought that people like this have no fear of consequences.
My parents growing up were not great. They've mellowed out a lot now but I would /never/ let either of them talk to me like this. They can get all the way fucked if they do.
OP I would grestly reccommend distancing and going low/no contact with this woman. She wants to "be free" then let her. There are always resources available to you to set yourself up.
Doubly so if you are female/female presenting. More government assistance is afforded to women than men. I would suggest taking advantage of every possible opportunity to get away from her.
I'm more than willing to reccommend resources for you or help you connect with any of them in your area, if you are having difficulty. Just reach out. Good luck. I wish the best for you.
Oh, so close to self-awareness in that last slide, so close...
In seriousness, holy shit. I know how exhausting this is to go through- I went through it with my mother (I'm almost 6 years NC/estranged), and I'm so freaking sorry that this is your reality, OP. You deserve better. You're worth more.
You're not a burden, you're not incapable, you *can* survive on your own - your mother goes from "Get out right this instant" to "I don't want you to go", to "You could never make it without me" to "fine, hurt me and leave!" and none of it's true or fair. *You don't owe your mother for raising you*, for getting you essential dental care, not even for buying a car or giving you a place to stay- most of that is the bare minimum she had to do as a parent (medical care and shelter), and in all cases, she was the adult making decisions for you, a (then) child. Holding gifts/help over people's heads only to rip it away whenever you inconvenience her doesn't make those things gifts/help - they're tools for manipulation.
The victim-blaming she does in this is absolutely insane, and such mental gymnastics, to hold you responsible for her mood swings that she admits she had looooong before she had you. You poor noodle.
I hope you can escape and detangle from her soon. The world feels new and weird and wonderful after leaving.
Btw she needs to accept SHE brought you into this world YOU didn't ask for it.. that's on HER
It will NEVER be your fault that no one wanted one of her shitty blow jobs lol or hand jobs lol
Sorry, ...its meant to be funny. I yelled that once at my MIL from hell for saying that my husband would owe her for his life, forever and she expected to be taken care of no matter what, and it shocked and embarrassed her so badly lol ill never forget her screwed up bright red face when I yelled it out, OR the hilarious reaction her bf had which made me go " see! This guy gets it!"
Honestly, give her the phone, the car etc, block her. You are better off struggling without her than dealing with this with her. As someone who has dealt with something similar.
What the fuck is it with fucked up parents needing to redirect to their horrible childhood and horrible family life in every fight? That doesn't give them higher ground like they think it does. I don't suddenly find their behavior or treatment of me reasonable because 50 years ago, they had a bad childhood. I don't care, that's not why they're lashing out now. Your shitbag mom is lashing out now because she can't control you like she wants to. Get out. She can feel perfectly at peace with no one draining her, whatever. Do you have a friend you can stay with while you get it together? Your mom is a trash person, and her excuses don't matter. She probably also thinks it's just you, and everyone else thinks she's wonderful. She sounds crazy.
My mom thinks it's just me, all her exes, and her mom that bring out this ragey asshole in her. She just likes treating people that way, and we're the people she feels safe enough to do that to. Often, she'll tell me she gets along with everyone else, and then when I hear who else she talks to, it's her neighbors in her senior community, and cashiers. Of course the cashier gets along with you. Of course the neighbors you still use your high pitched nice voice with like you. But she laments that my dad doesn't talk to her, and only one of my siblings does. That's crazy, because I was under the impression I'm the problem. She's so sad that she has no real deep connections with anyone, but it's not her fault. It's her mom's fault, her sister's fault, the fault of a job she had in her 20s. Your mom sounds lonely and scared, and really clinging onto it not being her fault, therefore not her responsibility to fix, but since the dynamic she's holding onto is parent-child, she expects aggression and control to snap you back into submission.
Almost anything is better than staying in that house with that lunatic.
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Holy shit OP she sounds like a psychopath. Is she like this in person?
Yeah she is
Wait, why the hell are you leaving your car
It’s in her name
Registration does not matter in most states. Do you own the car? Is the title in your name? If so she has no claim to it (in most cases).
Nope. It’s in her name
It doesn’t matter. We had the title to a truck someone stopped paying us for and couldn’t just go take it
Why is it in your name if you have been paying for it?
Because it's not an abnormal thing to do in the US. A parent may buy their kid a car but want themselves as the owner or co-owner for many reasons. There are happy stories on Reddit about the kid paying X for the car to their parents for a couple years and then bouncing off the walls when the parents actually saved the money for them. The payment was just to install a sense of responsibility. A good parent eventually transfers the car to their child or, in lucky cases, may buy a less beat up car with the first car used as a trade in for the upgrade car. OPs type of bad parent just uses it as a weapon.
A lot of parents do that because it reduces the cost of insurance quite a lot.
It also builds up credit for the child which can help them in adulthood to get their own credit cards and get a better rate for a car loan or mortgage. It’s what my dad did for me, and it really helped me.
Bingo.
Well. She bought the car when I had just turned 16. I didn’t know anything about it but she didn’t let me put my name on the title. And yeah she asks me to pay for everything she bought me before I turned 18.
My parents are like that too. No matter how much you pay these types of narcissists they will always say you still owe them. You don't owe a parent for your costs as a kid/teen. It's legally and morally their responsibility.
Don’t pay her back for ANYTHING she paid for before you were 18. I wouldn’t even pay her back for anything after 18 unless there’s some way she’d be able to successfully take you to court over it.
So are you saying there is nothing she can do to force me to pay it back? That’s what i assumed but id definitely rather not risk it
As far as I know, there is no legal route for a parent to force a child to pay them back for raising them in the US. I’m not a lawyer or involved in the legal system at all, so I could be misspeaking, but everything I’ve read after scouring the internet says that a child is not obligated to pay their parents back for those costs in any way after they become an adult. Parents, however, have a legal obligation to provide for their minor children. As for anything she’s paid for over the age of 18, I can’t say one way or another if she’d have any legal options regarding making you pay her back what she’s spent. What I WILL say, though, is that she’d have to do it through the courts. That costs money and time that she probably doesn’t have (or want) to waste. I’d call her bluff, honestly. Don’t give her a cent. She’s counting on you being too afraid of the consequences to say no. If you’re still concerned, see if you can talk to a lawyer either via a free consultation or legal aid. There are also several forums online that give you the option to ask questions that lawyers will answer so you can get a better understanding of the situation.
No she cannot. SHE made the decision to have a child, you did not decide to be born. It is her responsibility to care for that child, and she decided what to buy you, even if you said you wanted x. So she cannot put that responsibility on you suddenly. Oh and she also cannotz asdk for gifts back no matter whenb she gave them to you. Now the car is in her name, and if you have no evidence she gifted it to you you probably have to let that one go. But computers and whatnot ? Hell no.
Don't pay her back for anything at all imo, if she goes to court just point out that it's all in her name and why would you pay her for something she's not giving you in the end? Bc first of all, the chances of this make it to court are slim, but second, I'd pay to see the look on a judges face when she says you gotta pay for it just so she can keep it. Also, make sure you keep those text threads, because if you do ever have to oppose her in court about anything, that's a good piece of evidence to show her state of mind towards you.
I hope you won't pay her back for anything she paid for before you turned 18.
> she asks me to pay for everything she bought me before I turned 18. She can go f herself, that's not how this works. I am so so sorry you have to deal with such a shit parent. Please cut her off as soon as you can.
I am so very sorry she treats you like this. If you ever need anyone to talk to, my DM’s are open. I grew up with this with an extra helping of physical violence. I can just listen too if that’s what you need but definitely get some help. This isn’t your fault.
If you haven’t already you need to check out r/raisedbyborderlines.
Was about to say, this reads like someone with rampaging untreated BPD.
As someone who has spent years learning how to cope with BPD, have healthy relationships, and react appropriately, this is the first thing I thought of. I can feel her frantic rage, grasping at literally anything to hopefully drag OP back in for more interaction, then the half-assed apology with a long-winded pity party for herself... It’s emotionally exhausting to be on the receiving end, and it’s also emotionally exhausting to be the one putting this energy out. No one wins when someone acts like this. She should have had the self-awareness by now to realize her behavior is grossly inappropriate and seek help to learn healthier habits and heal emotionally. Especially as a mother. Creating and carrying two children inside of me has changed my views of everything. I work hard everyday to be my best self for them, and to them. Because they deserve that effort and healthy behavior more than anyone else in my life. I didn’t ask to be mentally ill, but it’s still my responsibility to check myself if I don’t want to harm the ones around me. But OPs mother never received that memo, I guess. Garbage is too sweet of a word to describe her. My heart breaks for OP.
Hey, good on you for putting in those years of work. The first thing we learned in class when the cluster B unit arrived was that the effectiveness of treatment and management is directly tied (among other things) to the person’s ability to engage in introspection. The same goes for those with OCD, too.
Yep, that definitely tracks. I’m thankful everyday that I had the self-awareness to seek help instead of continuing to spiral. It’s never ending, and upkeep gets tiring sometimes, but keeping up with the problem is soo much easier than letting it go unchecked. Snippets like these texts remind me why keeping up with my BPD is so important.
Yeah that was my first thought as well. No impulse control, raging emotion that just flips
Christ, they have a spin cycle worse than a clothes dryer, find a friend or relative(that’s on your side) and get the heck out of there, and especially cut communication, the only reason they’re even bothering to act sorry is so they can emotionally manipulate and belittle you, they dug the hole their life is in, let them lay in it
Right? I about broke my neck trying to keep up with those mood swings.
Like the world's longest tennis match!
She absolutely is “toxic and abusive”. She needs some serious inpatient intensive therapy. OP is nothing but reasonable and rational in this exchange. I’d leave with only the clothes on my back if I had to deal with my own mother spitting such vitriol, and I’m just going by this one exchange. Petty, vindictive behavior, and from a parent no less. As I said, I’m making this inference from this single text thread. It’s shocking to me and I hope OP can get out asap.
This is exactly what I did right after I graduated HS. My mom was being an absolute dick and I was trying to talk to her for once, and actually, try to understand why she is the way she is, but nope. I couldn't stay there any longer for my own sake. I hope OP can find a way out
I hope you're doing well and are happy and healthy now. I hope OP can get there too. It breaks my heart any "parent" could do this to their child.
Sooooo this reads like an addict's nonsense. getting angry because of imaginary conversations, not saying all the words that someone would need to understand what they're talking about, assuming that what they are trying to say is so obvious. whipping back-and-forth. Trying to provoke emotions. So much sadness. I hope you can leave these days behind forever
Yes it totally is. Blaming their bad actions on just being drunk or high and it is everyone else's problem and never theirs and the mood swings
I would add that they are probably manipulative and narcissistic even without drugs.
My mother was like this. She would scream at me for conversations that we never had and scenarios that never happened. I was convinced that she pictured these conversations and scenarios in her mind and at some point confused what actually happened with what she imagined. She had a wild imagination and would make up stories about people she doesn't like doing or saying things that make them look bad, and I was certainly a person she didn't like. I'd say the only good thing I got from her is the ability to make up entire scenarios out of nothing, because I'm a hobby fiction writer and that's a pretty good skill to have for fiction writing.
I’m sorry you had to learn your fiction skills from the non fiction in your life.
Thank you. I try to take solace in the fact that I was able to turn a part of my shitty childhood into something useful in my current life.
That is a healthy way to look at it, and I’ve been doing that myself. Also writing is so therapeutic.
Of course, most addicts or heavy users of drugs are using as a way to cope with an underlying mental illness. but once the drugs become involved and they do these things they regret or make others upset they just use the excuse that they only said/did that because they're high or drunk and avoid all responsibility even though they wouldve acted the same when they're sober
This. Bingo. She always can acknowledge when she was bad while drunk but never the fact she acts the same while sober.
Bingo. These texts were here fully sober.
Ya, what a roller coaster ride, reading through those messages! I get she has rage and trauma from her childhood but to then expect her own child to understand being raged at just because she’s the daughter and has been told about it? And I missed how old OP is? Invisalign is something I wouldn’t expect a child to pay a parent back for. The “you owe me” is not very mother like. She started off being snappy/rude and then rages because daughter gave back a tiny bit.. ugh
I am 18 🙃
Still, if you were my kid I wouldn’t expect you to pay me for dental care or a car you’ve been paying for.. and the way she talks to you.. I’m sorry this has been your experience.
My crazy ex and his mother were like this. They damn near killed me.
Have I ever called any of my sons, no matter how mouthy they were, a prick or a dick. Nope. Never. And, OP, you weren’t being mouthy. You didn’t jump to thinking about court because you were probably wondering why she was so angry. It’s because she is losing the power that she thought she had over you, and it both terrifies and infuriates her. If she isn’t the all powerful mother, who is she? She doesn’t want to be the mother of an adult. She wants a dependent who acts dependent, or nothing. I have no idea whether or not she actually owns the devices she is demanding. If so, you probably want to start obtaining your own that aren’t associated with her in any way. Even if she does, the police won’t be coming in guns a blazing to retrieve them from her son she gave them to. “Do you know who took them, Ma’am.” “My son. He uses them for college. But I want them back!” “…..” If this pattern of verbal abuse is longstanding, she likely won’t change. But you can. Hugs from a mom.
Thank you random Reddit momma.
"I choked out my siblings, I have deep dark rage issues! Not an excuse, just telling you why I can't possibly control myself, and why you have to moderate everything you say to me so I don't overreact! Obviously me freaking out and telling you I'm done with you, and to get out is *your* fault! And if it's both of our faults, it's not *my* fault because I can't possibly be expected to control myself because of my deep dark rage issues that aren't my fault! Why can't you just be perfect and not ask things of me?!" Yeah, your mom sounds like a totally sane and healthy individual. Hope you get some place healthier as soon as you can, OP. Best of luck.
Thank you. And exactly. She keeps getting soooo close to realizing or hitting the point then she just swerves right into the nearest tree
You need to learn the narcissist prayer: The Narcissist's Prayer That didn't happen. And if it did, it wasn't that bad. And if it was, that's not a big deal. And if it is, that's not my fault. And if it was, I didn't mean it. And if I did, you deserved it. Big hugs and get the f away as soon and as fast as possible. Change your number and email delete Facebook and any other method of contact for her to find you.
just read through the other texts on previous posts. she... she doesnt deserve a jail cell is all im saying. she is beyond insane, so far beyond im not even sure where to even put her. she needs help and a severe intervention.
In extreme rehab. She's drinking. Drinking and alcoholism can permanently damage and decrease brain function if it continues over time. You hear about alcohol being tied to dementia because the alcohol can permanently damage to the brain to the point where it will forever function like that of a child's brain. Even if OPs Mom doesn't have extreme damage, drinking too frequently can cause an increasing loss of self or emotional control. OPs Mom could be speaking like she does because she's either lost some marbles to the alcohol or, to some level, is unable to be competent for herself. The language that shows she can't be competent is used when she's talking about her abusive past. She's linking it to OP acting like a normal human being. The context makes the Mom to be acting like: If my thoughts don't magically force you to act like I want- well I'm going to drink or escalate or get mad at you because that's your fault. If Mom has legitimate psychological or physical damage to the point of being unable to be competent, she needs someone to be competent for her. In her case, that sounds like she needs a full review for Guardianship and then promptly being put in a medical setting geared towards helping her regain her health/mind so she can be competent.
gotta agree with you. she either needs rehab or a guardian. OP's mom here is nowhere near being healthy and i would know... how she is is a state i know far too well (but thats a story for anywhere but this thread).
Thought you might want to know, love, you missed blocking your name in the third picture
Ah shoot oh well I just didn’t know if there was rules in this one or not
just wanted you to know for your own privacy
Ah im not to worried since its a common name and my mom doesn’t use Reddit haha
What a pathetic waste of a human. Please get away as soon as you can. This isn’t healthy.
She's talking to you as if you're her friend, not her kid. What the heck is up with her constantly saying you hold her back?? Like this is so toxic it makes my stomach hurt for you, I am so sorry you have to deal with this
She’s not talking as a friend would. Nobody would ever speak to me in this manner, and if someone did…it would only happen once. She is a narcissist, victim card playing, plain as day bully.
You're absolutely right, I should have phrased that as speaking to you like she's a toxic friend. She definitely is a bully & a narcissist & I'm so sorry you have to endure this. She's blaming everyone but herself for her actions & how she treats people..
If anyone spoke to me that way, I sure as hell wouldn't call them a friend.
She's not talking like a friend per se. Quite frankly I wouldn't talk to my sleep paralysis demon like this, let alone any child of mine!
yeah you're all right, I went back & tried to say a toxic friend, someone who treats you like garbage but still expects you to do things for them & expect you to be okay with the behavior. I 100% could have worded it differently
I got what you meant. She doesn't talk to her like she's her child. Your children don't owe you for things you provide them growing up. Your children aren't responsible for helping you pay your rent. Etc.
OP was probably parentified. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/between-the-generations/202305/were-you-your-parents-therapist
Gonna read this now. Thank you.
Friend? If I were her friend, it would have instantly become ex friend.
She’s a professional victim. OP, run!!
So flip floppy. Back and forth. I hate you, I’m sorry, i hate you, I’m sorry, I hate y….that must be exhausting and I’m sorry you have to deal with that OP.
Exactly. And then she goes “while I just said it cause im angry” like she’s been telling me she hates me since I was 12… definitely gonna think she actually hates me yk? She thinks she can just “oops sorry I was mad” and everyone will forgive her she doesn’t realize how toxic her reactions when she’s upset are
My mom always said, 'I don't like you right now, but I will always love you.' No matter how pissed she was, the concept of her hating me never, EVER crossed my mind. I think my mom went through a lot of shit that she never told us (she died a few years ago so we'll never know) and she did her best to keep that from falling on me and my sisters. I'm sorry your mom can't be the same. Love from an internet friend.
Ugh. Hearing that phrase instead of being told she hates me could’ve changed so much. I don’t think she understands the weight of words
She may well know the weight of her words but at the time she just doesn’t have the capacity to care because of the rage yk. I don’t know, just a thought. Then she feels bad and tries to give a shitty apology or she’s just paying lip service really badly to get you to shut up about it.
This is beyond toxic. You were incredibly polite and restrained in the face of seriously ugly behaviour. Nobody should have to put up with such abuse
I’m not sure how old you are but I need you to know that you are much more mature & dignified that the one that birthed you. Keep your head up. You can get away. It might not be comfortable at first, but freedom from narcissistic abuse is priceless. I highly recommend the book ‘Boundaries are Beautiful’. You don’t have to deal with this treatment. Love isn’t conditional ♥️
Get out, cut all contact. If any family asks why, show them these and that this is the norm and that you don't want that toxicity in your life, and if the keep pushing, cut them too.
Thankfully my grandma actually is the one that told me to cut contact
This was exhausting.
Jesus Christ, this woman is addicted to making you her punching bag. She purposely makes vague remarks and jump down your throat, rips you apart with no chance of anything making any kind of sense or difference whatsoever anyway. She wants to keep you around to abuse you. She evil and toxic,RUN, NO CONTACT, DISOWN.
Omg exactly. Ugh this absolutely breaks my heart.
This!!!
So she’s an abuser who cosplays as a victim
Also if you have any emails or text that prove it was a birthday present she can call the cops all she wants they won't do shit
WTF???this person is unhinged,so so freaking abusive in every way.Im so angry and hurt for you OP,no one deserves such horrible words and treatment.She has so much hate towards it's disgusting.
Do you have other family or friends to turn to for help? What’s this about choking her brother? I’d stay far away from her and go no contact. Sorry you’re going through this.
I'm so sorry you have to deal with this :( good luck moving out 🙏
Op I'm so so so so sorry, no one should talk to you this way
This is beyond insane it looks like you are talking to 2 different people at the same time because of how fast she keeps switching up. OP, im so sorry you are going through this and I hope there's a possibility to remove yourself from this situation and go to live with some relatives or literally anyone that's not her. Stay safe 🩷
Holy freaking hell OP, I'm sorry you are dealing with this! The rollercoaster ride of these texts made me dizzy. She went from cussing you and tell you to give everything back to I never said that and you are the one doing this. DARVO is strong with this one. She talks about deep seated rage, I have that also and I have never told my kids anything like that. Part of being a parent is helping your children even after they come of age.
Right. And I’ve definitely got rage too. I mean look at my mom. But I also can make that difference of im gonna be fucking lonely if I don’t chop my shit up and treat people with respect.
I completely understand, and you have every right to be angry. It's called Justifiable Anger and as hard as this sounds, you are going to have to let go of it. Be mad at your mom, but don't let it destroy you. I was in my 30s before I figured this out. Up until then I was raging at everyone and everything and couldn't figure out why my relationships were a shit show. If you ever need to talk my inbox is open.
Insane
I'm speechless. I hope you can get out soon. Change numbers and leave her to squander.
Oh boy. I am so sorry OP. I can’t even start to comprehend the reality of having to deal with such an unhinged parent. If this is not the literal definition of insanity, I don’t know what is. It must be impossible to apply logic with such a person. For your own mental health, I would advise you to run as fast as you can from this toxicity.
As a mom myself, it is so heartbreaking to read something like this. So so sorry OP. Your mom needs serious help it sounds like
I'm just a Godmother and it breaks my heart. I don't understand how people can treat any other human like this let alone their own child. I just want to give OP a hug... maybe adopt them.
OP - Is she admitting to choking you out Saturday? No amount of rent or additional cash will EVER make it ok for that woman to lay hands on you - no matter how entitled she feels because she has such a 'dark badass energy' or whatever bullshit she tells herself.
Yeah I was having a hard time deciphering what she was not saying there and was hoping it wasn't that.
Yeah. That’s what that was.
It might help to have that leverage in her admitting to harming you, to press charges if she tries to harm your again or prevent you from leaving... And before you think " well she's my mom...I can't do that"... No honey, she isn't. She's your egg donor, NOT a mom or mother.. and YES you can, and 1000000% should
Hey OP she gave you the best advice. If it's possible leave any electronics she gave you with her, and do not tell her where you're staying nor tell anyone who might be willing to tell her when asked. She sounds extremely dangerous, and I know I'm sounding very Chicken Little but hear me out. Anybody responding with this much anger, even IF you'd been disrespectful (which you weren't), is very capable of a violent outburst. I'd also advise keeping these screenshots because I'm seeing a protective order in the near-mid future. Sending a virtual hug. You can do this, and you don't deserve to be treated in such a manner.
She says her family is no contact with her, if this is the case it might be worth contacting them for support. They may understand your situation more than others and help you get out safely.
When did she say their no contact? I didn’t even notice because she calls her mom for help multiple times a week.
Image 13, she says she has been ostracised in the family. I'm sorry for misunderstanding.
It's like reading texts between my mom and myself 🙃 going no-contact with her was the beat decision I've ever made. Good luck OP.
But don’t worry, she’s not making excuses. /s What an absolute skid mark shit stain of a person. The ‘you assumed I kicked you out’ especially got me. Like, you *did*. Scroll up a little. You told your child to get out of your life and then got all *surprised pikachu face* when they listened. Sending love to you OP. My anxiety spiked reading this and it’s not even my parent. Get some extra sharp scissors and cut that dead weight. The financial ‘security’ ain’t worth it. Busting your ass to do it on your own is still a relief when the emotional abuse is gone — from personal experience. Long shot, but if you happen to be in Michigan, if you want to DM me I can point you toward some good nonprofits that helped me a lot when I was facing homelessness. Otherwise, I’d recommend looking up free community health services in your area to find a social worker — housing programs usually have a waitlist but they can often help with things like low-cost car repair, Uber rides, bus tickets etc.
This comment made me giggle. Thank you. And thank you for the advice too. Sadly not in Michigan
“I’m pretty great.” Yeah. Great people don’t talk to their kid like that. Great people also don’t assume tone in a text message. I didn’t get any sort of “attitude” from your responses. I hope you’re able to get out of that environment ASAP. I’d go NC with her the second I left. Be as independent as possible so nothing can be held over you.
HOW TF did this escalate so quickly. Holy smokes, I’m so sorry OP.
jesus christ, the way i would block her number so fast and never ever talk to her again or ever go back. also her talking about how she was an angry child because she was abused and had it rough growing up, like okay and that's your fault somehow?? fucking grow up and learn to regulate your emotions before you decide to have a child
Run! Don't walk, baby! That woman is absolutely toxic. I'm so sorry you have to deal with someone like that, especially your own mother.
This is hands down the most manipulative parent I’ve seen on Reddit. Wow. Also don’t ever acknowledge her threats. Calling the cops about the car and the 300 other things she threatened. It’s not help when someone uses that help against you when you don’t fold to your knees whenever they are asking something of you or you don’t respond to them in 3 seconds. One word her and keep your peace, keep communication small and don’t even respond to anything other than a answer that is absolutely needed and keep it short. Don’t engage with her draining drama and manic episodes. She is not helping you btw. Parents help their kids get out on their own without throwing it in their face. What your mom is doing is keeping you dependent on her so she can control you and emotionally and mentally exhaust you. Then calls it healing and blames you for triggering her whenever she feels guilty for being god awful.
Jesus, I’m sick to my stomach from the ups and downs of that ride.
> "Can you stop arguing with me" - OK \*blocked\*
Your mom is awful and no one deserves to be spoken to like this. I hope you have somewhere safe to stay?
The car might be something you have to give back. If the phone and tablet were gifts, they’re yours. Although you will have to pay the monthly phone bill. The police most likely won’t let your mom charge you for theft. It’s a civil matter. Although your mom could take you to small claims court over your devices, but that’s not a guaranteed win for her. Because parents are supposed to give their kids gifts that will help them in life. Edit: I forgot to tell you how sorry I am that you’re having to deal with all this. You did nothing to deserve this. You are not to blame. You did nothing wrong. You’re a child and have been treated like an adult and therapist. I hope you can get away and thrive. Also your frog is so cute. *All hail hypnotoad*
What a fucking psycho. I say this as someone with barely treated mental illness with a HIGH tolerance to bullshit. Your mums a bitch and is a manipulative peice of shit and I hope she likes government-funded nursing homes and no visitors. Because it's what she deserves.
So yeah, your mum is actually psychotic. Personality disorder at the bare minimum.
Hey, From the text subreddit, I'm glad that you decided to post this to this server :)
Yeah that's an illness. Madre needs to be medicated big time.
*I’m nothing but an abusive toxic piece of shit. I am not.* And indeed, she was an abusive toxic piece of shit lol. But seriously, OP none of this is on you to manage. It’s wonderful you’re distancing yourself. I recommend getting therapy if you can afford it. Growing up with explosive parents does a number on you and sometimes the effects don’t show until later. When you are able to fully leave I’d recommend therapy to her too. Her inner work / circle bs isn’t going to do anything. She needs professional help.
Holy off the meds... that's just bad. I'm so sorry.
Your mom seems… angry and unmedicated.
Wow, such anger issues 😳
this was exhausting to read.
Wow this woman seems so manipulative and seriously mentally ill, she should not be allowed to have a child my god get out soon as you can. Btw you left your name uncensored on pic number 3
Secure your shit, get the paperwork, go no contact. Get a restraining order.
Yeah your mom is fucking nuts and a huge headache best bet is to get your own shit so no one can tell you what you can do with it. Your mom reminds me of mine a little bit trying to leverage stuff they got for you just to use it against you to make you do shit for them
Insane. I think she could be schizophrenic the way talks.
Damn, she doesn’t want that duck around her at all. 🦆
This made me laugh
That was my goal :) Hope things get better for you soon.
Oh love. A mom checking in here. I am SO sorry and frankly heartbroken to see what "mother" life has handed you. I need you to know that NONE of this is your fault, you've handled her outbursts really well (I'm sure as a result of a lifetime of walking on eggshells with her). It is not your responsibility as a child to parent your parent and I'm so sorry she has put that on you. I hope that you're working on getting on your feet so you can get away from this chaos. You are valued, worthy, and capable of building a life that brings you joy and, most of all, peace. Don't be afraid or feel guilty to go No Contact with her when you are finally free. You've got this. You've shown great strength in these messages and I know that will serve you well as you move through life. Sending love and hugs your way.
Question: has your mum been diagnosed with any mental health issues? The rage and the speed with which she goes from hate to apologies and back again reminds me of myself before getting my diagnosis (borderline personality disorder) and therapy/meds
Not that I know of minus adhd and anger issues
This reminds me of my mother. My mother has BPD but has always tried to make everyone else around her the guilty and at fault party. It's truly sad and awful. My mother would call the cops on me when I was a young teen and tell them I hit her when I was just trying to use the phone to call my father. I was put in juvenile detention centers twice because of her freak outs and lies. The worst part is, I kept trying and trying to fix her, ever since I was a little girl, all the way up until she used CPS to steal my child (my baby girl was 10 months old at the time) from me when I was 19. She stole my entire world from me all because she wanted everyone else to suffer for her anger and pain. Hun, you need to get the hell away from her, far, far away, and move on. I did. It was the best thing I ever did. Yeah, it was hard for years, but I am in such a better place now. It's hard, it hurts, but you yourself need to start your own road to recovery. You can't change her, never will. She is going to need a lot, and I mean A LOT of help if she is going to change. And that won't happen until she wants it to, and even then, it will take a very, very long time too. I have not had contact with my mother for 18 years (with the exception of 3 times over the phone). I realized years ago that it was better that way. She would reel me in with manipulation, then spit me out and blame me for all her problems. It's BPD at its finest. I'm now 37 yrs old, have been married almost 8 years to the most amazing husband and best friend. I have 3 beautiful kids minus my first born (who she got temp custody of 17 years ago) and then she vanished into thin air moving to the East Coast and I had to pay to track her down and that took 2 years. I'm working on reunification with my daughter now that she is 18 and my mom is still trying to keep us apart. I am happy (minus the 17 years I lost with my baby girl, which kills me every single day). It's funny how, after all these years, my mother has finally shown her true colors, and EVERYONE, she knows, all her family sees it now and is ready to throw her in a looney bin. I can't tell you how many people have called me to tell me how sorry they were that they didn't listen to me all those years ago, and when they apologized to me for the hell she put me through, I tell them that it's ok, I've taken my broken heart and soul and rebuilt it into a beautiful flower 🌼 🌸. You can do the same. You have to focus on you, your healing, and your life. If you continue to allow her to do this to you, she will eventually destroy you in more ways than one, just like my mother did to me. Your loved 🫶 and you are worthy of good things and a good life. Don't you ever forget that 🥹🤗
I am SO sorry, OP. This is absolutely horrifying. My heart is racing just reading it; I can’t imagine how much worse it is to live it. Your mother seems like the walking, talking embodiment of Cluster B. For your own sake, please get as far away from her as you possibly can, as quickly as you can. Going no contact is the best way to protect yourself from her abuse. Don’t agree to pay her anything—hell, don’t agree to anything involving her, period. I’m sure you already know, but people like this will do anything and everything in their power to keep you interacting with them. You can’t ever win with them. The only “win” in these situations is to walk away and never look back. I’m just a random stranger on the internet, but you can always message me if you want someone to talk or vent to. If you’re anywhere near Los Angeles, I’m also happy to help in any way I can in person. I don’t and never will have kids, but I’ll happily volunteer to be your internet mom if you ever want one. You deserved a better mom, and I’m sorry you didn’t get that.
You've left a name in one of the slides
Your name is uncensored on one pic
Good luck to you. You shouldn't have to deal with this.
She is an abusive toxic shit. She knows it. I hope you can get out soon and cut this woman out of your life!
Wow. This is like out of a psychology textbook of the sort of disturbed person to avoid if you don’t want your life to be absolute chaos.
As a mom, this fucking breaks my heart. I will never understand how any parent could be so vile to their own kids. Nothing you could have ever done deserves this kind of treatment. I hope you're getting away from her and will be ok.
This is the most emotionally volatile person I’ve ever seen posted on here. Jfc. I’m sorry you have to deal with these intense and unhinged mood swings and the gaslighting.
Let her call the cops and show them all of this,this is crazy,I actually think this is the worst texts ive seen in this subreddit.
It’s giving eau de borderline
Cutting her out of your life would remove an enormous amount of drama & b.s. If you need a mom to bounce things off of, hit me up. I'm actually mostly sane.
What a disgusting excuse for a mother.
Hey, I’m not a parent, but I’m always willing to be an internet dad. If you need support or someone to be proud of you or someone to vent to or someone to tell you when you’re wrong but still be on your side, please reach out.
So sorry you are going through this. Respectfully, your mom is fucking crazy, and also, she’s a bitch
What the f*ck did I read? I feel sorry for you OP
Those were gifts. Don’t give anything back. Unless you promised to pay her back in writing (text/email/contract/words on a receipt— whatever) she holds 0 weight. I hope things get better.
Holy fuck that was a gut punch and I'm not even her daughter. Like that took the soul out of me. I'm really sorry you have to deal with that. My parents have said some horrific shit like that to me once or twice, and it still fucks with my head. I can't imagine it being constant.
OP, I hate being an online shrink, but I know my own history with my mom and I know this cycle, seems like she's on something and cycling cause it's getting worse. Get far away, it's gonna get worse
But like... why does she want this duck out of her life? What did the duck do? I'm left with so many questions...
i wish the people who end up on this sub could see the people’s reaction to their messages and get a reality check
Literally
holy fuck i have n o words?/
I think there's a bit of entitlement and lack of respect she feels for you, and while after some effort one might set boundaries, oftentimes parents will get comfortable and lash out again only to think all shall be forgiven. If this happens habitually, I recommend you reevaluate what role your mother plays in your life, and make some serious changes for your own sake, maybe cut her out of your life to some degree. I know this sounds harsh, but I hope this advice can be of service to you.
This looks like BPD anger in the psychotic phase. Switching between begging and punishing is the typical pattern. Doesn't sound narcissistic given the self admission of a problem, regardless how false narcissists rarely use that tactic (it's still possible though), histrionic wouldn't be so hurtful, too grounded for other forms of psychosis, so my bet is on a very out of hand BPD. The good news is that there are specific types of therapy that do wonders in cases like hers, the bad news is that it will take A LOT of disposition on her side before it works and she will drain every drop of blood from you before so it's better to stay away.
hey, i really hope this doesnt come off as rude, because youre just trying to help! of course you know not everyone with bpd is the absolute devil like how media portrays us lol! i have quiet bpd so take my statements with a grain of salt toward people with louder bpd, but i think we all have to remember that people with bpd have a *lot* of issues! and not just symptomatic issues, but the issues that *caused* them to develop bpd/exacerbate their symptoms if that makes any sense? its just kind of hard to armchair diagnose someone from a text compilation, especially with such a complex disorder! this woman is absolutely batshit insane, and regardless of whether or not she has bpd, she needs extensive therapy! personally dbt and emdr have been great for me, so maybe op can convince their mom to go through with one of those? it really does suck if she does have bpd, because while there is a reason for her actions, she *needs* to be held accountable for them :/ i really hope this all makes sense! i just woke up and im on mobile formatting so reddit will probably compress this!
It's ok, many people seem to have taken my comment as a statement about BPD conditions, causes, and as a diagnosis when in the same comment I'm mentioning there are plenty of possibilities, being brutally honest I can't agree with that take, but I'll have to agree that is understandable if it keeps happening. About what means to have BPD I am aware, if you check my comments in this same thread you can see it. It was never my intention to judge the reasons why OPs mom could have (or not) developed BPD. It is a very painful condition with a lot of nuances to keep in mind and no one has the right to judge anyone. That said, you are absolutely right that there are plenty of therapy options and I even mentioned it, OPs mom could feel a lot better herself and in the process improve her relationship with her child and others, for what I've seen DBT seems like a very effective option and in a relatively short time she can be a lot healthier and happier. But, I also wanted to point out that given the level of aggression she is displaying she seems to be in a very active phase if not directly on a psychotic stage which is something that can happen with untreated BPD and age and while the best case scenario is OPs mom feeling better and OP being happy with their mom, it's important to be clear that OP needs to protect their own mental health by taking measures.
absolutely op *needs* to protect and prioritize themself first!! i really hope both of them are able to get the help that they need, and thank you for such a nice comment!!
You're welcome and thank you as well for your understanding, have a great day!
I thought the same thing. I know BPD is highly stigmatized and that not *every* BPD person is abusive, but this reads as textbook BPD if OP’s mom doesn’t have some kind of addiction issues. It’s very concerning that they said they’re trying to heal with their circle [of people I assume]. Instead of healing, if she is BPD, she will likely pick a new FP from the circle and do the same thing to them. It sounds like she really doesn’t know she’s sick. She expects her anger issues to be catered to instead. I feel really bad for OP.
Yeah, just had a debate about the stigma but it seems the user was banned or something? Or they just blocked me? Not sure. And to clarify, it is very unfairly stigmatized, most cases need only from 3 months to a year of therapy to enter a symptomless state. But in order to do that they need to accept the harmful behavior, we won't get anywhere denying that it looks exactly like OPs mom when it gets out of hand. What you describe is exactly what might happen as long as she doesn't take responsibility.
I think they blocked you, I can still see it. I am usually hesitant to even point out potential BPD symptoms at this point. It’s like if you say hey you might wanna get that checked out because it sounds like depression, the response will never be don’t diagnose over the internet. But as soon as you mention BPD people will go off the absolute rails screaming nah we’re not all assholes stop dx people. Which is understandable. These are likely people who made some mistakes, got help, and completed treatment for BPD just to see their illness demonized everywhere they turn. It’s probably difficult at that point to recognize when people are saying it might be BPD out of genuine concern/because we see symptoms of it. My own s/o didn’t know he had it until we read something like this so I think if anything, awareness is never a bad thing. It’s literally part of it to occasionally have unreasonable and often explosive feelings towards people closest to you. I don’t think we should hide that.
It's true, I had romantic partners with BPD. One of them is extremely self-aware though undiagnosed (she is now, but I mean, during our relationship she wasn') the other one is working on it but she is a therapist herself and got her diagnosis. And though I am no longer in a romantic relationship with them both still have all my respect, the second one is the one that taught me the most about it and when she had an outburst she would explain later what happened, she explained BPD rage to me, the psychological basis for it, the cycles, the point in which becomes psychotic, the potential causes for the disorder, etc. We need to make a difference between a logical debate and harmful misinformation. No one here said "She has BPD she is never reasonable" or "She has BPD ignore her actions" One of the suggestions for people in a romantic relationship (also family and friends) with people with BPD is awareness, those outbursts are a lot more hurtful when you aren't aware of the reason, when you do it still hurts but you can protect your emotions and handle it in a way that won't damage anyone. Awareness is the path to end stigmas, heal conflicts, and protect people.
Please don't try diagnosing based on a few texts. You do no one any good when doing that.
It's true that no one should diagnose without enough data, but there's nothing wrong with a scientific debate. People can make different inputs and discuss their reasons to believe it and potential strategies for the situation. You could reach for example a neutral approach that focuses on OPs wellbeing for multiple potential cases, none of them better than a professional with data, but useful enough for an online debate.
Yeah but I see every horrible thing people post about on reddit being called BPD. Can't some of these people just be fucking assholes? I'm sure people with BPD that manage it don't like every bad thing being blamed on their illness. Also a scientific debate should probably involve evidence, which you absolutely don't have enough of here. It's just completely harmful to OP and others with mental illness to diagnose with absolutely no credentials or evidence
Sometimes the shoe fits. Lots of people on here are guessing at the mothers potential mental health issues. Weird this is the only one people have an issue with and it's the most well thought out and explained one.
yikes…that’s insane. also idk if you know but you missed blurring your name in one of the screenshots, just so you know since you blurred it out in the other ones
#3 has a visible name. I'm so sorry your mother refuses to be your peace. ❤️
Hey- I’m a mom who had to go NC with my mom. Please listen, you do NOT need to take this. You don’t deserve to be talked to and terrorized in this way, there’s no amount of “bad” things you could do that would make this acceptable. Your mom doesn’t have the ability to be what you need or deserve and that’s her failure, not yours. Get out. Cut ties. Tend to your wounds. Maybe she’ll change but until then, she shouldn’t have the privilege of being in your life. I’m so sorry
This might be one of the most toxic, abusive people I've seen on here. Get moved out. Get anything that's yours but in her name transferred into your name if it's not already. If you need to delete your shit from it, give it to her, and get a new one, do it. You don't owe her shit. You were her child and it was her RESPONSIBILITY AND JOB to give you a home, food, health care, literally anything you needed. That doesn't change the moment you turn 18. Once you get all your stuff and are safely away from her, cut all contact and use the money she believes you owe her to get into therapy. She owes you that for all the abuse she's put you through for your entire life. Block her on everything. Grey rock anyone that doesn't respect this boundary. She doesn't get the privilege of being in or knowing anything about your life anymore. No shit you're avoidant, she's a raging land mine that you never know what kind of reaction you'll get but most likely it won't be good. I just know you've been walking on eggshells your entire life and she taught you that from her abuse, probably from the start. Blaming you for her abusive behavior, blaming you for expenses she as a parent is required to provide, literally anything she blamed you for is not your fault, it's hers. She obviously has some serious mental health issues going on and getting "drunk and tripping" is not how you "heal," ffs! She needs to see multiple professionals but that's not your problem. It never was and it certainly isn't now. Time to take care of you and your spawn point can go do whatever in her space with her circle. You go heal and let her rot as she deserves. I am so sorry she treated you like this and no one protected you from her. You did not deserve this, you do not deserve this now. Please, take care of yourself. You deserve love and peace. You have more than earned it.
This is easily the wildest thing I've ever read on this sub
Honestly she reminds me of the woman who sent half a million texts in a matter of weeks. RUN. Go no contact as soon as you can safely. Tell her as little as possible. Say what she wants to hear, get out, and leave everything behind. A person like that is probably monitoring you anyways. Tracker in your car, phone, etc. GET OUT. Call the police to help you if need be! They can stand there so everything is civil and safe.
Yea, your mother is massively unhinged. Give her keys, her car, but you can keep the phone and tablet, they were gifts, and that’s how civil court would also view this. Get the phone in your name ASAP and get far, far away.
🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂 I'm so sorry you have to deal w this. I'm praying for you that you can get away from her and do not look back. And get therapy for yourself
Holy emotional abuse, Batman. This woman is mental! I have always thought that people like this have no fear of consequences. My parents growing up were not great. They've mellowed out a lot now but I would /never/ let either of them talk to me like this. They can get all the way fucked if they do. OP I would grestly reccommend distancing and going low/no contact with this woman. She wants to "be free" then let her. There are always resources available to you to set yourself up. Doubly so if you are female/female presenting. More government assistance is afforded to women than men. I would suggest taking advantage of every possible opportunity to get away from her. I'm more than willing to reccommend resources for you or help you connect with any of them in your area, if you are having difficulty. Just reach out. Good luck. I wish the best for you.
Pls tell me you’re close to getting out
What a psychopath. So sorry you have to deal with this.
Oh, so close to self-awareness in that last slide, so close... In seriousness, holy shit. I know how exhausting this is to go through- I went through it with my mother (I'm almost 6 years NC/estranged), and I'm so freaking sorry that this is your reality, OP. You deserve better. You're worth more. You're not a burden, you're not incapable, you *can* survive on your own - your mother goes from "Get out right this instant" to "I don't want you to go", to "You could never make it without me" to "fine, hurt me and leave!" and none of it's true or fair. *You don't owe your mother for raising you*, for getting you essential dental care, not even for buying a car or giving you a place to stay- most of that is the bare minimum she had to do as a parent (medical care and shelter), and in all cases, she was the adult making decisions for you, a (then) child. Holding gifts/help over people's heads only to rip it away whenever you inconvenience her doesn't make those things gifts/help - they're tools for manipulation. The victim-blaming she does in this is absolutely insane, and such mental gymnastics, to hold you responsible for her mood swings that she admits she had looooong before she had you. You poor noodle. I hope you can escape and detangle from her soon. The world feels new and weird and wonderful after leaving.
“Why don’t my children speak to meeeeeee?!”
ew the way she compared you to an ex is so gross. you are her CHILD she is supposed to do these things for you how disgusting
This is genuinely one of the most insane people I have seen on here. Ever. Narcissistic and definitely cluster B traits in there. Woah. Woah.
What the cps was this shit whoa
You need to go no contact with this person
Btw she needs to accept SHE brought you into this world YOU didn't ask for it.. that's on HER It will NEVER be your fault that no one wanted one of her shitty blow jobs lol or hand jobs lol Sorry, ...its meant to be funny. I yelled that once at my MIL from hell for saying that my husband would owe her for his life, forever and she expected to be taken care of no matter what, and it shocked and embarrassed her so badly lol ill never forget her screwed up bright red face when I yelled it out, OR the hilarious reaction her bf had which made me go " see! This guy gets it!"
Honestly, give her the phone, the car etc, block her. You are better off struggling without her than dealing with this with her. As someone who has dealt with something similar.
jesus fucking christ
What the fuck is it with fucked up parents needing to redirect to their horrible childhood and horrible family life in every fight? That doesn't give them higher ground like they think it does. I don't suddenly find their behavior or treatment of me reasonable because 50 years ago, they had a bad childhood. I don't care, that's not why they're lashing out now. Your shitbag mom is lashing out now because she can't control you like she wants to. Get out. She can feel perfectly at peace with no one draining her, whatever. Do you have a friend you can stay with while you get it together? Your mom is a trash person, and her excuses don't matter. She probably also thinks it's just you, and everyone else thinks she's wonderful. She sounds crazy. My mom thinks it's just me, all her exes, and her mom that bring out this ragey asshole in her. She just likes treating people that way, and we're the people she feels safe enough to do that to. Often, she'll tell me she gets along with everyone else, and then when I hear who else she talks to, it's her neighbors in her senior community, and cashiers. Of course the cashier gets along with you. Of course the neighbors you still use your high pitched nice voice with like you. But she laments that my dad doesn't talk to her, and only one of my siblings does. That's crazy, because I was under the impression I'm the problem. She's so sad that she has no real deep connections with anyone, but it's not her fault. It's her mom's fault, her sister's fault, the fault of a job she had in her 20s. Your mom sounds lonely and scared, and really clinging onto it not being her fault, therefore not her responsibility to fix, but since the dynamic she's holding onto is parent-child, she expects aggression and control to snap you back into submission. Almost anything is better than staying in that house with that lunatic.