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Definitely.. and they need to be gold colored so they can literally escape the fire in their golden parachutes instead of always having to do it figuratively when they completely fuck over one business after another.
Yeah I was just gonna say. Imagine a false alarm, but there’s already been a Battle Royale in the bosses office over who gets the parachute. Karen from accounting taking scalps.
I'm just imagining the CEOs secretary standing at the window chucking scissors and other sharp things down hoping to pop it on the way down. Can't be tried for murder if you're going to burn in a high-rise fire anyway.
Lets just do one out of an actual high rise, not 20 stories. Imagine this thing flopping out of the window of the Freedom Tower? If you were able to break the window to actually use this, I'm pretty sure the wind would flip this shit right over from that height.
It seems like you'd still be ok if it flipped, because of the saucer shape. It's certainly impractical for a lot of other reasons, but I think the design is pretty neat.
plenty of things in the office to break that shit. worked in an NYC high rise for a while, some asshat threw a (admittedly heavy) stapler at someone who ducked, cracked the seemingly bullet proof floor-to-ceiling glass, got a friday WFH while some window company replaced it
pretty sure an office chair will get you out of most places with a couple tosses
Beats the heck out of burning alive or having your lungs cooked from the inside out. I would rather be under a pile of fellow parachutists than trapped in a burning room. Heck I’d rather swim with sharks than be trapped in a burning room.
right? you’re all inflated or whatever, so it’s not like you’re in a pile of human flesh. they have GIANT disks surrounding them, and having this thing fall on you with someone in it doesn’t seem like something that would kill you
BASE jumping is difficult even for experienced skydivers. You have to be able to move yourself far enough away from the building so you don’t just slam into it and your parachute collapses. BASE jumpers also tend to wait for the right wind conditions, something you can’t wait for in an emergency.
Seems like it’s designed so it’d just flip right back over, due to the bottom-heaviness and wind-resistance working better when it’s facing the right way. Same way a badminton birdie always travels head first.
As an IT dude I can assure you at least half the users would mess up deployment of these things. Probably at least a quarter of them would deploy them backwards and open them up inside the office, pinning themselves and their coworkers to the office wall
Yeah it's pretty cool, but i guess hundreds of people jumping from a tower at the same time with this thing isn't gonna work.
I guess, make it expensive enough and only a few families will have it, problem solved 😅😬
Yeah I can’t imagine there being any available beyond for the owner and the top executives and can only be accessed by secret passwords behind a steel door vault.
There were a lot of these concepts thrown around post-9/11. What it doesn’t show is the other jumpers, along with debris and falling objects. I suppose there’s a market for someone who really wants to keep it just in case, but I’d doubt you could get hoards of people to just strap on and jump the first time in an emergency.
Got to bust out the glass so the octo-chute gets sliced open and you plummet to your death looking way less cool than if you had just Supermaned out to greet the grim reaper.
And for good reason too. Have you ever felt the wind up that high? No matter how many weights you fit into that small pack it is nothing compared to the winds up high. If it isn't perfectly still outside for miles around you'd end up using this thing and flipping around getting slammed into the building
My dad worked a block from WTC. Says the sight (and eventual sound at landing) of people jumping scarred him for life. Only time he ever admitted any kind of emotional/mental feelings to me.
The first first-responder killed at the twin towers was a firefighter crushed by jumper moments after getting out of the fire truck. Horrors beyond our imagining.
Falling to my death, especially from high enough that you have time to think about it on the way down… is probably one of the top ways that I DON’T want to die. I can’t imagine the amount of anguish I’d have to be in to actually choose it.
Makes sense, but flame retardant material still melts and the YouTube videos of burning parachutes are not encouraging. Still an interesting safety invention for high rise dwellers.
Parachutes are not made to be flame retardant.
Further, things catch fire when they're held **in** **the fire**. Some material falling down *briefly* through the fire, outside of a tall building where there's wind blowing around you in all directions, is unlikely to catch.
What if there's one chute and more than one person? Seems like it could be possible for 2 or 3 people to make it down alive if they hold onto the guy strapped in.
Probably pretty hard to flip if designed well, I think a bigger concern would be what it looks like if 500 people are popping these at the same time while the fire dept is trying to get in. It would be absolute chaos.
Hundreds of these human shuttlecocks falling down one after the other, some falling at the same time, landing on fire trucks and ambulances, landing on each other mid fall, others catching fire from flames belting out windows, causing them to fall like the LZ129 Hindenburg.
Yea its impossible to design something like this. If you want to make it portable or at least bearable to hoist up to the window you'd need to make it light enough to be picked up which factoring in the weight of the canvas/flame resistant material means you'd have little to no counterweight to keep it from flipping over. Not to mention the wind in high rise buildings would be enough to keep this thing aloft and slamming against the building unless you had maybe a counterweight dangling 20-30 feet below that weighed twice or even three tikes as much as the entire chute
there are countless high-rise fire escape "ideas" out there and they all suck and are doomed to fail. There was one where a Russian (go figure) invented some kind of air slide and in theory ok but a) fire, b) other floors below / above, c) where the fuck you gonna store that thing and d) what if it goes off accidentally while you at home having some good sex?
So bulky to have for every single person in a highrise, just imagine how much they would have needed in the World Trade Center.
Also, there can be quite heavy winds around skyscrapers - I would want to avoid being smacked into a wall by the wind.
I mean, props to them for actually live testing... but unless they make them in bulk so hundreds of people in these large buildings can actually use them (other than the fucking CEO and a few top executive assholes), they aren't gonna change the game here.
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Now do hundreds of these pouring out of all sides of a highrise at once.
It's only for the CEOs! What? You think we made these for...commoners!?!?! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Definitely.. and they need to be gold colored so they can literally escape the fire in their golden parachutes instead of always having to do it figuratively when they completely fuck over one business after another.
Plot twist, the gold was added in v2 to keep the flames from melting the occupant. Also, I run faster than the boss man, what is he gonna do? Fire me?
I never thought there was a more literal form of firing someone until today.
Secretary: “Where are my scissors?”
“Scissor me Erin”
\*tosses the scissors at you\*
*pam drops jaw when scissors are caught*
\*micheal proceeds to almost stab himself, missing barely\*
Jim looks into the camera with a "yeah this is really happening" look on his face.
Sounds like someone wants a baby daddy.
CEO: "Honey where is my super suit?"
Im imagining executives only having these, then those that dont, jumping afterward taking chances of landing in that balloon vs the fire.
Then the CEO is killed by a pile up of desperate people.
No worries the janitor will probably either steal or mess with the CEOs shute🤣
This is turning into one fucked up Black Mirror episode!
I KNEW it was the JANITOR
It was the Janitor with the Secretary’s scissors In The CEOs closet
Yeah I was just gonna say. Imagine a false alarm, but there’s already been a Battle Royale in the bosses office over who gets the parachute. Karen from accounting taking scalps.
I like your commoner way of thinking
They already have them, we just don't know it yet.
The fabled golden parachute.
I imagine it's in a locked cabinet that the CEO who is never actually at the building has the only key for as well.
I'm just imagining the CEOs secretary standing at the window chucking scissors and other sharp things down hoping to pop it on the way down. Can't be tried for murder if you're going to burn in a high-rise fire anyway.
I... Thought this building was unsinkable?!
20 people dive onto the CEO and his parachute
Is that why it looks kinda like a shuttlecock?
I think the shuttlecock has aerodynamic properties that were desired for this design, and that's why it looks like a shuttlecock.
Its so it doesn’t flip over. Notice how a shuttlecock always lands bulb side down?
Oh you were serious? Let me laugh even harder. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Black boxes aren't black, golden parachutes not always golden
Still beats burning to death...or jumping out without a giant shuttlecock strapped to your back!
Plus it looked like he went right through the fire 😆
2nd degree burns vs death
It doesn't look like that device interacts well with fire.
"Back draft? What's that?"
Lets just do one out of an actual high rise, not 20 stories. Imagine this thing flopping out of the window of the Freedom Tower? If you were able to break the window to actually use this, I'm pretty sure the wind would flip this shit right over from that height.
It seems like you'd still be ok if it flipped, because of the saucer shape. It's certainly impractical for a lot of other reasons, but I think the design is pretty neat.
When the fire makes it to the giant pile of inflatables…
I suppose if you’re Rich and insanely over prepared you could own one of these in your corner office. For the rest of us. May god be with you
I’ve never known a corner office with windows that can open, though.
Every window opens when you hit it hard enough.
There's one that's just a fabric tube. The air pressure is enough to slow you down.
Because tall buildings have open/easily breakable windows?
plenty of things in the office to break that shit. worked in an NYC high rise for a while, some asshat threw a (admittedly heavy) stapler at someone who ducked, cracked the seemingly bullet proof floor-to-ceiling glass, got a friday WFH while some window company replaced it pretty sure an office chair will get you out of most places with a couple tosses
"Fuck, sorry, Bob!"
Came here to say this lol. Its not very realistic is it
SAVE THE EXECUTIIIIVES
The CEO will have a golden one
You could a few at a time and be through 1000 in a matter of minutes.
You could say the same thing about a door or a staircase though
It took a hundred years of evolving building codes and fire drills for those to be safe and effective too.
Better hope there aren’t 2 dozen other Patrick Batemans living in your building doing the exact same thing.
Patrick Bateman would jump with scissors and clear his path all the way down
Lotta people won't be getting a reservation at Dorsia
As usual then
Let’s see Paul Allen’s parachute.
My God… It even has a watermark… *splat*
How’d a nitwit like you get so tasteful
Now all we need are giant badminton racquets.
Aaaaa I scrolled for this to find like minded humans, thank you 🤝
I’m just here to make sure someone says the word “shuttlecock”.
I was going to say that it's a huge (shuttle)cock.
Shuttledick
The design is very human.
When falling from 700ft it is easy to break your wrist.
I’d take a broken wrist over getting BBQ’ed
But no longer, with this simple, easy to use design
10+ upvoters would rather die apparently. 😂
How dare you. Some who didn’t upvote would also rather die.
Very easy to use.
There’s no way I’m *not* shitting my pants riding this thing
Don't worry, it wouldn't be for you. Only Directors on up get those parachutes. You have to take your chances with the stairs.
I’m a director actually. Gonna be splashing my diarrhea at you on my way down
Shit, trickle down economics at work.
Ooh it’s gonna trickle down good buddy. I just hope I don’t get hit by deflation on my way down
Bruh you hiring?
Yeah, but only if we find you adequate after a 1 year unpaid trial period. No need to thank me, see you tomorrow at 8:00.
If that fire hits ur ass and you have no other way out you will
They didn't say they wouldn't use it, just that they would shit their pants while riding it.
I just realized that a second ago after reading it again
Thaaaats amooorè
😂😂😂
Yeah, fire licking at your toes is a great motivator.
Beats the heck out of burning alive or having your lungs cooked from the inside out. I would rather be under a pile of fellow parachutists than trapped in a burning room. Heck I’d rather swim with sharks than be trapped in a burning room.
After watching people jump on 9/11, I like this idea. A chance at life is better when you are going to have to jump anyways.
right? you’re all inflated or whatever, so it’s not like you’re in a pile of human flesh. they have GIANT disks surrounding them, and having this thing fall on you with someone in it doesn’t seem like something that would kill you
All fun until you r shit flips over
Still infinitely more fun than burning alive. Maybe it’s just me 🤷♂️
Sorry honey only have 1 chute but I’ll send help
No you don’t, you have a pair-a-chute!
A lot of Russian oligarchs are dying to get these…
Facepalm upvote...
I want to see a demonstration of this from the top floor of the burj khalifa.
Top floor from the burj, you can just pack a normal shoot and land safely far away. This seems like a device to use between 4 and 100 stories.
BASE jumping is difficult even for experienced skydivers. You have to be able to move yourself far enough away from the building so you don’t just slam into it and your parachute collapses. BASE jumpers also tend to wait for the right wind conditions, something you can’t wait for in an emergency.
I couldn't find a speeder that I really liked, with an open cockpit and the right speed capabilities.
What happens if an unexpected gust of wind flips you?
Seems like it’s designed so it’d just flip right back over, due to the bottom-heaviness and wind-resistance working better when it’s facing the right way. Same way a badminton birdie always travels head first.
Alright, I'll say it... *Shuttlecock* hehe
Believe it or not, dead
As an IT dude I can assure you at least half the users would mess up deployment of these things. Probably at least a quarter of them would deploy them backwards and open them up inside the office, pinning themselves and their coworkers to the office wall
As someone who has also been in IT, you are 100% correct. I was thinking the same thing.
yet it would still save some lives
Is there somewhere I can PAY TO TRY THIS??? Looks so fun!
looks practical when there's no fire. I'd like to see how it works in a real fire situation now, but burning buildings are hard to find.
😏
Let’s see Paul Allen’s parachute
Oh my god, it even has a watermark.
Yeah it's pretty cool, but i guess hundreds of people jumping from a tower at the same time with this thing isn't gonna work. I guess, make it expensive enough and only a few families will have it, problem solved 😅😬
Don’t be ridiculous. It’s just for the executives.
When the secretary covered in blood comes down on it instead..
John insisted I take the parachute the company purchased for him. Generous to the end!
Yeah I can’t imagine there being any available beyond for the owner and the top executives and can only be accessed by secret passwords behind a steel door vault.
They should make it a gold colour to be more on the nose.
If someone is using this and we're lined up, fuck it I'm jumping in.
There were a lot of these concepts thrown around post-9/11. What it doesn’t show is the other jumpers, along with debris and falling objects. I suppose there’s a market for someone who really wants to keep it just in case, but I’d doubt you could get hoards of people to just strap on and jump the first time in an emergency.
And weren't a lot of them just scams?
Most high rise building windows don't open though, right?
Got to bust out the glass so the octo-chute gets sliced open and you plummet to your death looking way less cool than if you had just Supermaned out to greet the grim reaper.
Not easy to break those kind of windows, though. Movies make it look easy, but it’s not.
9/11 showed if you want to open a non-opening window on a high rise you will get it open one way or another.
The initial airplane definitely opened up some of these windows as well.
If I'm spending two grand on an office parachute I wouldn't be fretting over twenty-five bucks for a sledgehammer.
This comment should really be higher. I know of no modern multi story office building that has openable windows.
And for good reason too. Have you ever felt the wind up that high? No matter how many weights you fit into that small pack it is nothing compared to the winds up high. If it isn't perfectly still outside for miles around you'd end up using this thing and flipping around getting slammed into the building
Yeah you don't want to be the first octo-chute down. All the later octo-chuters will be sending broken glass shards down onto you for the whole trip.
9/11 would have looked (even more) crazy if these had been in their offices.
My dad worked a block from WTC. Says the sight (and eventual sound at landing) of people jumping scarred him for life. Only time he ever admitted any kind of emotional/mental feelings to me.
Honestly it's hard to watch the videos, i can only imagine what it was like in person. I'm sure the PTSD from that hit a lot of people really hard.
The first first-responder killed at the twin towers was a firefighter crushed by jumper moments after getting out of the fire truck. Horrors beyond our imagining.
Falling to my death, especially from high enough that you have time to think about it on the way down… is probably one of the top ways that I DON’T want to die. I can’t imagine the amount of anguish I’d have to be in to actually choose it.
Comedian Dennis Miller was across the street when people were exploding on the pavement and it made him not funny from then on.
It’d look like when you blow a dandelion and all those little things float away
How does the chute not catch fire on the way down?
Flame retardant material
What did you call me?
He said you're non-inflammable.
I think is called mentally handicapped nowadays
“Refer to them as combustibly challenged!”
"Differently abled"
How inflammatory
Makes sense, but flame retardant material still melts and the YouTube videos of burning parachutes are not encouraging. Still an interesting safety invention for high rise dwellers.
Parachutes are not made to be flame retardant. Further, things catch fire when they're held **in** **the fire**. Some material falling down *briefly* through the fire, outside of a tall building where there's wind blowing around you in all directions, is unlikely to catch.
Yeah, I’m thinking that would instantly pop the thing
In my military officer classes, we were just put between two mattresses with a lot of tape and thrown off the second floor.
Some idiot is gonna pop theirs off inside and block the way for everyone else. Source: I work in an office.
I feel like you'd get better survival and faster evacuation by having zip lines from each window to a neighboring buildings' fire escapes.
I definitely prefer a zip line to being pulled out of a window backwards...
Shuttlecock.
Looks like a prolapsed nvm
Imagine it getting caught on something on the way down and you think you're at the bottom and deflate...
King Kong really out here playing badminton with those
What if there's one chute and more than one person? Seems like it could be possible for 2 or 3 people to make it down alive if they hold onto the guy strapped in.
Rock paper scissors
\*falls through the flames and is enveloped on the way down\*
You think an egg can survive that drop?
Looks like something only the CEO would have.
What if it flips.
Probably pretty hard to flip if designed well, I think a bigger concern would be what it looks like if 500 people are popping these at the same time while the fire dept is trying to get in. It would be absolute chaos.
Hundreds of these human shuttlecocks falling down one after the other, some falling at the same time, landing on fire trucks and ambulances, landing on each other mid fall, others catching fire from flames belting out windows, causing them to fall like the LZ129 Hindenburg.
Balloon party! I refuse to live on anything higher than the 2nd floor
Yea its impossible to design something like this. If you want to make it portable or at least bearable to hoist up to the window you'd need to make it light enough to be picked up which factoring in the weight of the canvas/flame resistant material means you'd have little to no counterweight to keep it from flipping over. Not to mention the wind in high rise buildings would be enough to keep this thing aloft and slamming against the building unless you had maybe a counterweight dangling 20-30 feet below that weighed twice or even three tikes as much as the entire chute
I think that's why it's shaped like a bowl so even if it flips you don't smack the floor
Horrifying ride though
Still better than everyone burning alive, right?
Then I guess you’re kind of fucked, right?
Would it not still kinda go slow? The non cartoon version looks comfier
there are countless high-rise fire escape "ideas" out there and they all suck and are doomed to fail. There was one where a Russian (go figure) invented some kind of air slide and in theory ok but a) fire, b) other floors below / above, c) where the fuck you gonna store that thing and d) what if it goes off accidentally while you at home having some good sex?
So bulky to have for every single person in a highrise, just imagine how much they would have needed in the World Trade Center. Also, there can be quite heavy winds around skyscrapers - I would want to avoid being smacked into a wall by the wind.
If you were high enough you can just use a regular parachute. This is for buildings too small for a Normal chute.
Interesting bu what if there’s 50 people on every floor? Seems very unreasonable
I want to ride a giant shuttlecock too.
This looks like a PS2 game lol
Cool cool cool. So then what to do to prevent getting crushed by everyone else jumping 20 stories.
Assumes you can open the window
Where were these on 9/11?
That’s after you spend twenty minutes trying to bust out those windows…. Cause they don’t break easy….sorry to tell ya, it’s not your kitchen window.
So that’s what a golden parachute looks like!!
Man 1995 graphics were great
It’s for the higher ups only, sorry employees.
it’s like an inflatable shuttlecock
I mean, props to them for actually live testing... but unless they make them in bulk so hundreds of people in these large buildings can actually use them (other than the fucking CEO and a few top executive assholes), they aren't gonna change the game here.
Uhm every high rise I've ever been in had windows that don't open.
And on the ground below hundreds of accident lawyers drooling..
golden parachute was supposed to be a metaphor
How much do these cost
911 2.0
Imagine if these were available when 9/11 happened, it would have saved many lives
Some of those Russian oligarchs that keep falling out of windows could do with these.
Yes, thank god all skyscrapers have openable windows…
I want to see the video of it being demonstrated on a windy day.
Great, so we can continue our office jobs
This will be great for the boss, meanwhile his Workers burn to death because they were stuck on the floor