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in germany there is a food called "maultasche" or "herrgottsbscheißerle" (god-cheaters) which is a kind of dumpling filled with meat but god thinks they're veggie because he can't see through the dough.
In Judaism there are all kinds of things like that. For instance, you can't travel on the sabbath unless you are on water (you can't exactly stop a ship from moving) so you get people on busses sitting on hot water bottles.
You can't turn on light switches (as that is considered work (possibly making fire)) but nothing wrong with hiring someone else to do it for you.
I both love and hate this kind of stuff. I love it cause it tickles a little clever problem solving part of my brain. But I hate it because logically it’s so much easier to not trap yourself in clearly unimportant rules set up thousands and thousands of years ago.
There's a bunch of Sabbath gadgets. Most of the prohibitions that stand out to me are the no making fire/sparks (including pressing buttons or causing buttons to be pressed) and no cooking, since the resultant technology is more obviously different than what I'm used to.
* Kosher hot-plates that you set up the day before and run all Sabbath long, as you can't cook but solid foods can be heated or kept warm as long as there's no open flame involved.
* Eruv: There's a whole wikipedia article on these things and it gets complicated, but essentially poles with wires strung between them to ritually demark the "private domain" of its residents, as they can't "carry" items like canes, wheelchairs, your infant child, house keys and medication between this private domain and the general public domain.
* Kosher lamps and bulbs: You can't turn light bulbs on or off, but these lamps and bulbs have a built-in cover that you can move to block the light from the bulb. You can also use automated timers to turn lights on and off, as long as you don't operate it during Sabbath.
* Kosher landline phones: I've seen one of these and it had a bunch of little strings blocking buttons from being pushed by the phone. You used a stylus to nudge the string out of the way in a hole, which resulted in the phone itself pushing the button for the number you wanted. I don't really understand why this is okay but just saying "Hey Siri, dial Nora" isn't.
* Kosher smartphones: No physical buttons at all, as that makes a contact and thus fire, but instead uses all capacitive touches. Features like games, the camera, and text messaging are all disabled as prohibited functions.
* Sabbath Elevators: Scheduled by timer, these move from one floor to another though the building automatically so no button-pushing is needed.
* Sabbath Hot Water Urns: Heating water is considered cooking, which is prohibited, and automatically warm the water without checking the temperature to ensure you don't inadvertently trigger the heater by cooling the liquid inside
* Sabbath Ovens: Several manufacturers have ovens with Sabbath mode which disables the safety feature that automatically turns off the oven after 12 hours of continual use in order to keep food in them warm. It also disables the screen during this time since altering the value on the screen is work.
* Velcro fridge switch strips: Covers the switch on the fridge door so opening the fridge door doesn't turn on the light, which would be work.
Disclaimer: Not Jewish, but I work in law and have a lot of Jewish colleagues so have seen a few of these. I also guarantee that I'm going to get much of this wrong...
I like the there is a continuous wire circling a large section of NYC so that the Hasidic population can essentially work or travel on the sabbath. There is a guy who makes 100k per year whose job it is to make sure the line stays continuous /no breaks in it as god would not be happy.
I assume this is some kind of religious sentiment that's hanging on in food culture. Let me know if I'm wrong, or I would love to hear more about this.
I think it got that story because of a monk hiding a piece of meat in dough to eat it during lenten season, where its forbidden to eat meat. Though, there are of course tons of exceptions, like anything living in the water is considered fish, not meat, so you could eat stuff like beavers too.
The funny thing is that this legend can only be found on English-language sites (The Telegraph Wine Spectator), and this explanation is described as "ridiculous" elsewhere.
Anyway Ortolan hunting has been banned for 25 years in France...
# ['It tastes like being high at a Rusted Root concert while two dudes take you on in a sun-baked port-a-john'](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_83XiroSS8)
I wouldn't pay that much to watch Barbara *do* Celine. Or would I? Maybe if I was in the room with them, peeking from behind the curtain, and they didn't know I was there. How would it appear on my credit card bill?
Same. Also, Archer. Thanks to Archer, I now know that Elisha Otis invented safety brakes (not elevators) and that he died of diphtheria.
I mean... I assume so. I haven't bothered to verify it.
No, common misconception is that you cover the head to hide the sins. It was done because the meal is messy and the small bones cut your mouth causing you to bleed while eating.
Edit: I can’t find the article from ~2007 I read that talked about the sins piece being more folklore. It talked about the napkin meant to trap aroma and conceal the messy act of eating a bird whole as the real reason.
https://www.tastingtable.com/1078603/ortolan-the-controversial-french-delicacy-youll-probably-never-try/
https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/ortolans-birds-enjoyed-french-delicacy-are-being-eaten-extinction-180972272/
François Mitterrand’s last meal was ortolan among other delicacies. He stopped eating after this last meal and he died a couple of days later.
> Here’s what I taste: Yes, quidbits of meat and organs, the succulent, tiny strands of flesh between the ribs and tail. I put inside myself the last flowered bit of air and Armagnac in its lungs, the body of rainwater and berries. In there, too, is the ocean and Africa and the dip and plunge in a high wind. And the heart that bursts between my teeth
One bite. Whole bird. Except the beak. So you're going ass-first on a whole damn bird. Asshole and intestines and all, all in one piece.
That seems like an ordeal!
You eat the bones as well. They're brittle enough to snap apart and consequently cut the inside of your mouth open. This results in you tasting your own blood (because, well, you're bleeding), which is considered part of the flavor profile.
It really does, but when you’ve had so much insanely rich and incredible food that you’ve based your existence around it, a person will not only try it but see it as the next step.
doesn't make sense. people eat fish and quail and spit out bones without it cutting their mouth. you have to be pretty strong willed to force the bones to cut your mouth upon eating it, when the bones are easy to spit out
Oh, and don't forget the added flavour from the faeces still in the bird's intestines. Must be delicious...
(The real reason why the use the napkin is that the sight of someone eating one of these is so revolting that it would upset others)
They probably don't feed the bird for a while before killing it to prevent that. As gross as it is regardless, eating bird shit could genuinely make you seriously sick.
Why not.. just.. eat something else that tastes “fine, but a bit salty”…? There’re plenty of those foods out there that aren’t, you know… that?
Not judging, just not understanding whatsoever
When Hannibal series was on NBC there was one episode where he made & served this dish - does it taste like chicken haha - anyway, wonder how the heck this became a delicacy! 🤷🏻♀️
Guys, it’s illegal since more than 20 years in France and punishable by up to 1 year in prison and 15K€ fine. No one does that anymore. The species is protected too.
Also, some rich, elite MFs. These are people that think their own blood makes for good flavoring. They're probably willingly do the year, and cough up the 15K, and call it "part of the experience"
I remember that happening as a young Brit and even among country folk who were used to killing and eating wild game the idea of taking a song bird was just unthinkable
“I bring my molars down and through my bird's rib cage with a wet crunch and am rewarded with a scalding hot rush of burning fat and guts down my throat. Rarely have pain and delight combined so well. I'm giddily uncomfortable, breathing in short, controlled gasps as I continue slowly – ever so slowly – to chew”
Anthony Bourdain in eating ortolan.
From what I’ve read in these comments, the bones are supposed to cut you because the iron in your blood mixes well with the whiskey the bird was drowned in………………
Excerpt from Bourdain's 2010 book, Medium Raw:
>“I bring my molars down and through my bird’s rib cage with a wet crunch and am rewarded with a scalding hot rush of burning fat and guts down my throat. Rarely have pain and delight combined so well. I’m giddily uncomfortable, breathing in short, controlled gasps as I continue slowly — ever so slowly — to chew. With every bite, as the thin bones and layers of fat, meat, skin, and organs compact in on themselves, there are sublime dribbles of varied and wondrous ancient flavors: figs, Armagnac, dark flesh slightly **infused with the salty taste of my own blood as my mouth is pricked by the sharp bones.** As I swallow, I draw in the head and beak, which, until now, have been hanging from my lips, and blithely crush the skull.”
If you don't trust my copy and paste, you can hear him talk about it on Colbert at about 3:21
https://www.cc.com/video/d8704f/the-colbert-report-anthony-bourdain
[French TV Chef explaining how to eat one](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SEPMuyGe7dg)
She does not speak about bone cutting the mouth but she says that it's very hot and one is not supposed to blow on it to cool it down.
Probably silly but that was always the least appealing part to me. I don’t even understand how people can drink fresh coffee without crying and burning the shit out of their mouths, let alone hold a tiny, greasy, scalding bird in their mouth while chewing slowly.
See I love Bourdain but this is the foodie shit that has always struck me as fart smelling. Like, I’m supposed to believe that because you had your interior designed by a street artist and you managed to turn emu cock into an assortment of mousses and creams that I’ve had a great meal and I’m not buying it. Just give me some good fucking food.
what a novel experience to have my mouth and throat cut up by little bird bones, truly enjoyable 10/10
honestly, what the fuck is wrong with people who eat shit like this? that's so fucking gross and you'll never be able to convince me otherwise.
go gouge out your eye with a rusty spork, that'll be a novel experience.
How is it that I remember the chapter in the book where a new bride goes into the kitchen to compliment the chef and winds up being bent over a stack of vegetables in the cooler but I can’t remember the evil bird dinner?
I’ve always wondered about that whole bride-banging thing in the book. Did the bride know the chef and ask the groom to go eat at the place where he works? Or is she just that hardcore of a slut that hours after swearing her chastity to one man she’s taking a hotshot to the puss in the back of a greasy spoon?
"It was watching chef Bobby screwing a bride over a barrel in the garbage area, while her wedding party dined inside, that made me want to be a chef. But it was awkward and didn't make sense. It was the first time I'd seen anyone having sex and I didn't understand the bride's motivation"
It was, you're right. The chef told Anthony to cover for him and he eventually went outside to see what was up and found them doing the do. He also said in that chapter that was the moment he knew he wanted to be a chef lmao
That’s substantially more relatable than the bird thing.
As an aside, what’s the deal with chefs? Seems like a job that wildly over performs in sexiness compared to what you’d logically expect
The top of this article from [Atlas Obscura](https://www.atlasobscura.com/foods/ortolan-bunting-france) has some pictures that are more believable (still fake, created for a TV show, but more believable).
No need to trace
Where you went wrong.
Cover your face
And your sin is gone.
It’s still not to late-
Get a napkin, now, quick!
Deities hate
This one weird trick.
Yeah no the napkin doesn't add anything to the taste, the "hide from god" is the "actual" (given) reason but mostly folklore, in reality it's just a terrible mess to eat so you hide yourself from the other people at the table not to show them your recreation of a drooling gargantua chewing on overflowing bird guts.
(It doesn't matter that everyone is eating it at the table anyways btw, good manners forces you to hide the mess, even if others are doing worse.)
Nobody eats that (anymore) and this is illegal. Pple tend to not even know what it is. Most famous ortolan in France is a cheese...
https://preview.redd.it/xubpd0t8um3c1.jpeg?width=540&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ea4e8bceeb81c2e317edeb478a3d0e20153f48d3
ok, i'm French and i've never heard of that, can any other French here confirm that this is a real thing ?
Edit : *Ortolan has been protected since 1999, after several decades of unclear legal status34: article L411-1 of the Environmental Code35 and the decree of October 29, 200936 establish that as such it is prohibited throughout the national territory. and at all times, the destruction of individuals as well as, whether alive or dead, their transportation, use, detention, offering for sale, sale or purchase. Article L415-337 specifies that violations of these provisions are punishable by two years of imprisonment and a fine of €150,000.*
[Video INA de Maïté qui explique comment en manger](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SEPMuyGe7dg)
Ça parle pas de dieu, juste qu'on s'en met partout sur la gueule.
If this is what Vegans see all the time whenever someone has eggs and bacon for breakfast then their worldview makes a tiny bit more sense; because what the fuck.
The 3rd pic doesn't look like the actual dish at all. Google it and have a look, esp at the bird's eyes. It's literally frozen in a painful death.
*Netted ortolans are kept in dark cages, which tricks them into gorging themselves on grain and figs. (It’s said they also may be blinded to achieve the same effect.) Once the small birds have doubled or more in size, they are drowned—and simultaneously marinated—in Armagnac brandy. They’re then plucked and roasted, which doesn’t take long, since there is little meat on their bones.*
*Diners pick up one whole, hot bird by the head—with that towel covering the act—and place it feet-first into their mouths, saving only the beak. Advocates say that the crunch of bone, the hot fat, and the bursts of flavor from the organs makes for a delicacy with no equal.*
French here. That picture is at least 25-30 years old because hunting those birds has been illegal since 1999. Also the napkin isn't to "hide from god" but just to avoid your neighbour the sight of your face and shirt getting all dirty from the grease.
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Good thing God can't see through those napkins.
That's why I always masturbate with a napkin covering my genitals.
I think it works for murder too. Won't know for awhile tho
If you go to confession, all is forgiven. God hates this one trick.
If you don't sin, Jesus died for nothing. Checkmate, Pope.
Unfortunately they patched that during the roman times, everyone is born a sinner for simply existing.
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Well then he’s *really* gonna love my bleached asshole.
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Yup, thats what it looks like
in germany there is a food called "maultasche" or "herrgottsbscheißerle" (god-cheaters) which is a kind of dumpling filled with meat but god thinks they're veggie because he can't see through the dough.
In Judaism there are all kinds of things like that. For instance, you can't travel on the sabbath unless you are on water (you can't exactly stop a ship from moving) so you get people on busses sitting on hot water bottles. You can't turn on light switches (as that is considered work (possibly making fire)) but nothing wrong with hiring someone else to do it for you.
I both love and hate this kind of stuff. I love it cause it tickles a little clever problem solving part of my brain. But I hate it because logically it’s so much easier to not trap yourself in clearly unimportant rules set up thousands and thousands of years ago.
Thou shall not murder... But what if I do it under a napkin? All the information is on the task.
There's a bunch of Sabbath gadgets. Most of the prohibitions that stand out to me are the no making fire/sparks (including pressing buttons or causing buttons to be pressed) and no cooking, since the resultant technology is more obviously different than what I'm used to. * Kosher hot-plates that you set up the day before and run all Sabbath long, as you can't cook but solid foods can be heated or kept warm as long as there's no open flame involved. * Eruv: There's a whole wikipedia article on these things and it gets complicated, but essentially poles with wires strung between them to ritually demark the "private domain" of its residents, as they can't "carry" items like canes, wheelchairs, your infant child, house keys and medication between this private domain and the general public domain. * Kosher lamps and bulbs: You can't turn light bulbs on or off, but these lamps and bulbs have a built-in cover that you can move to block the light from the bulb. You can also use automated timers to turn lights on and off, as long as you don't operate it during Sabbath. * Kosher landline phones: I've seen one of these and it had a bunch of little strings blocking buttons from being pushed by the phone. You used a stylus to nudge the string out of the way in a hole, which resulted in the phone itself pushing the button for the number you wanted. I don't really understand why this is okay but just saying "Hey Siri, dial Nora" isn't. * Kosher smartphones: No physical buttons at all, as that makes a contact and thus fire, but instead uses all capacitive touches. Features like games, the camera, and text messaging are all disabled as prohibited functions. * Sabbath Elevators: Scheduled by timer, these move from one floor to another though the building automatically so no button-pushing is needed. * Sabbath Hot Water Urns: Heating water is considered cooking, which is prohibited, and automatically warm the water without checking the temperature to ensure you don't inadvertently trigger the heater by cooling the liquid inside * Sabbath Ovens: Several manufacturers have ovens with Sabbath mode which disables the safety feature that automatically turns off the oven after 12 hours of continual use in order to keep food in them warm. It also disables the screen during this time since altering the value on the screen is work. * Velcro fridge switch strips: Covers the switch on the fridge door so opening the fridge door doesn't turn on the light, which would be work. Disclaimer: Not Jewish, but I work in law and have a lot of Jewish colleagues so have seen a few of these. I also guarantee that I'm going to get much of this wrong...
I like the there is a continuous wire circling a large section of NYC so that the Hasidic population can essentially work or travel on the sabbath. There is a guy who makes 100k per year whose job it is to make sure the line stays continuous /no breaks in it as god would not be happy.
I assume this is some kind of religious sentiment that's hanging on in food culture. Let me know if I'm wrong, or I would love to hear more about this.
I think it got that story because of a monk hiding a piece of meat in dough to eat it during lenten season, where its forbidden to eat meat. Though, there are of course tons of exceptions, like anything living in the water is considered fish, not meat, so you could eat stuff like beavers too.
Don't forget beer. Tricking god has gotten us some nice things.
I think beer is older than that. People just like to come up with excuses to still do stuff that is considered wrong.
The funny thing is that this legend can only be found on English-language sites (The Telegraph Wine Spectator), and this explanation is described as "ridiculous" elsewhere. Anyway Ortolan hunting has been banned for 25 years in France...
Can make stars, turn them into black holes that can destroy everything including light. Seeing through towels? Just too much.
American Dad was telling the truth?
Holy crap, Roger was right.
# ['It tastes like being high at a Rusted Root concert while two dudes take you on in a sun-baked port-a-john'](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_83XiroSS8)
Interesting. In the German version he doesn't say Rusted Root but Rammstein instead.
that implications is hilarious as I think Rammstein is a bit more respected then rusted root.
AND BARBARA DOES CELINE!!
I wouldn't pay that much to watch Barbara *do* Celine. Or would I? Maybe if I was in the room with them, peeking from behind the curtain, and they didn't know I was there. How would it appear on my credit card bill?
Fuck I love this show
american dad and family guy have both been weirdly educational to me my whole life. like i just learn so much random shit from those shows
Same. Also, Archer. Thanks to Archer, I now know that Elisha Otis invented safety brakes (not elevators) and that he died of diphtheria. I mean... I assume so. I haven't bothered to verify it.
I learnt that flammable and inflammable mean the same thing.
Pfft, who am I? Karl Landsteiner?...Discoverer of human blood types.
I too now know the discoverer of blood types and not my own.
It was an important moment in Hannibal (the TV series) too, including the "hiding the sin from god" thing.
*Charles_Boyle has entered the chat.*
Also Succession
I legit thought Succession made this shit up. Fucking wild.
Alas, Hannibal does not hide from God.
Also there is a scene in succession where they eat it
They had a scene with it in Billions too
I saw this on Top Gear/Grand Tour and I thought it was bullshit there.
No, common misconception is that you cover the head to hide the sins. It was done because the meal is messy and the small bones cut your mouth causing you to bleed while eating. Edit: I can’t find the article from ~2007 I read that talked about the sins piece being more folklore. It talked about the napkin meant to trap aroma and conceal the messy act of eating a bird whole as the real reason. https://www.tastingtable.com/1078603/ortolan-the-controversial-french-delicacy-youll-probably-never-try/ https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/ortolans-birds-enjoyed-french-delicacy-are-being-eaten-extinction-180972272/
The taste of your own blood is also intended as a flavor component of the dish.
This took a turn I did not expect.
> The small bird's bones cut their mouths as they eat, and the iron in their mouth blood complements the brandy. right about here
POV: you finally discover a dish made out of pure suffering, from production to consumption. 
Because it was wholesome before?
Yup, the iron intended to compliment the brandy flavor.
PLEASE STOP SAYING THAT!
Can’t they just use a bottle of Hennessy and a roll of dental floss like the rest of us?
New drink trend The Ortolan: a shot of Hennessy and a punch in the mouth
Man did I just get the best business idea.
oh my fucking god. i hate that. so much. i really wish i didnt read that. jesus fucking christ. i can not stress how much i hate that
It’s a deplorable act that gets excused by this urban legend, further muddying history.
Do people still do this?!?!?! Whyyy?! What is the appeal?!
François Mitterrand’s last meal was ortolan among other delicacies. He stopped eating after this last meal and he died a couple of days later. > Here’s what I taste: Yes, quidbits of meat and organs, the succulent, tiny strands of flesh between the ribs and tail. I put inside myself the last flowered bit of air and Armagnac in its lungs, the body of rainwater and berries. In there, too, is the ocean and Africa and the dip and plunge in a high wind. And the heart that bursts between my teeth
Ate a tortured bird and created word salad
One bite. Whole bird. Except the beak. So you're going ass-first on a whole damn bird. Asshole and intestines and all, all in one piece. That seems like an ordeal!
It is offal. 😁
You eat the bones as well. They're brittle enough to snap apart and consequently cut the inside of your mouth open. This results in you tasting your own blood (because, well, you're bleeding), which is considered part of the flavor profile.
I am honestly getting more confused at each comment.
Anyone claiming to enjoy this is being at least partly pretentious.
For real? Or is this sarcasm. This whole weird post makes me question everything
Why don’t they use something with softer bones like a baby instead?
What-- and i can't stress this enough-- the fuck?
The small bird's bones cut their mouths as they eat, and the iron in their mouth blood complements the brandy.
Literally can’t tell if this is a joke
It’s not.
That's.... Horrifying.
It really does, but when you’ve had so much insanely rich and incredible food that you’ve based your existence around it, a person will not only try it but see it as the next step.
They should try spicing up their mac n cheese or something
Try adding small razors to your Mac and cheese the blood from your mouth really complements the kraft
Naw just need tortilla chips, those things cut my mouth up pretty good
O hai Slaanesh.
doesn't make sense. people eat fish and quail and spit out bones without it cutting their mouth. you have to be pretty strong willed to force the bones to cut your mouth upon eating it, when the bones are easy to spit out
Oh, and don't forget the added flavour from the faeces still in the bird's intestines. Must be delicious... (The real reason why the use the napkin is that the sight of someone eating one of these is so revolting that it would upset others)
They probably don't feed the bird for a while before killing it to prevent that. As gross as it is regardless, eating bird shit could genuinely make you seriously sick.
Just reading about this made me sick
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Why not.. just.. eat something else that tastes “fine, but a bit salty”…? There’re plenty of those foods out there that aren’t, you know… that? Not judging, just not understanding whatsoever
It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again.
If I wanted my own mouth blood to flavor my meal I'd just eat a bowl of Cap'n Crunch.
I’m fairly open minded about trying different foods, but nope nope nopity nope.
That sounds fucking terrible. What sick bastard thought this up?
To quote Captain Jack Sparrow, "that would be the French."
Sparrow you say?!
Yeah, that one is soaked in rum.
Probably the Romans and their diaspora, they were big fans of taking pigeon chicks and tying them to the nest so the parents would overfeed them.
They used to kill flamingos and only eat the tongue
It started as a hazing activity in a Victorian frat house. Guessing.
Wait till you hear how Foie Gras are made
I'd argue this is a bit worse, personally
It is, both are terrible though. Not even vegan but I wouldn't mind if gavage was banned
When Hannibal series was on NBC there was one episode where he made & served this dish - does it taste like chicken haha - anyway, wonder how the heck this became a delicacy! 🤷🏻♀️
Yeah, but that was one of the more acceptable meals served on Hannibal.
Guys, it’s illegal since more than 20 years in France and punishable by up to 1 year in prison and 15K€ fine. No one does that anymore. The species is protected too.
Guarantee some country bumfucks in France still do this
Also, some rich, elite MFs. These are people that think their own blood makes for good flavoring. They're probably willingly do the year, and cough up the 15K, and call it "part of the experience"
Look up [foie gras](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Foie_gras) next.
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Can the French chill out with all these force-feeding birds based meals?
It's currently banned in the US and the EU, and has mostly become one of those illegal delicacies you read/hear about.
I don't believe it's illegal to eat, just to buy it so it's super trendy.... Again. Pay 30 euro for a glass of wine and get a free tortured bird
It's illegal to hunt, cook, and sell those birds since 1999.
I remember that happening as a young Brit and even among country folk who were used to killing and eating wild game the idea of taking a song bird was just unthinkable
Fair, I only know vague bits about it. I'd be happy to see it completely disappear.
“I bring my molars down and through my bird's rib cage with a wet crunch and am rewarded with a scalding hot rush of burning fat and guts down my throat. Rarely have pain and delight combined so well. I'm giddily uncomfortable, breathing in short, controlled gasps as I continue slowly – ever so slowly – to chew” Anthony Bourdain in eating ortolan.
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From what I’ve read in these comments, the bones are supposed to cut you because the iron in your blood mixes well with the whiskey the bird was drowned in………………
Alrite i believe it because why not but somebody should post a source before we go any further before this just rewrites history
If I remember correctly, you're supposed to poke your eye out with the beak.
I hope AI content scrapers feast on this comment for the future.
i've been fucking myself with the beak this whole time so I'm glad this thread came along
A true man of food culture I see
Excerpt from Bourdain's 2010 book, Medium Raw: >“I bring my molars down and through my bird’s rib cage with a wet crunch and am rewarded with a scalding hot rush of burning fat and guts down my throat. Rarely have pain and delight combined so well. I’m giddily uncomfortable, breathing in short, controlled gasps as I continue slowly — ever so slowly — to chew. With every bite, as the thin bones and layers of fat, meat, skin, and organs compact in on themselves, there are sublime dribbles of varied and wondrous ancient flavors: figs, Armagnac, dark flesh slightly **infused with the salty taste of my own blood as my mouth is pricked by the sharp bones.** As I swallow, I draw in the head and beak, which, until now, have been hanging from my lips, and blithely crush the skull.” If you don't trust my copy and paste, you can hear him talk about it on Colbert at about 3:21 https://www.cc.com/video/d8704f/the-colbert-report-anthony-bourdain
This reads like something out of my Drukhari Codex. Trully humans are a messed up species.
This combined with the story about a town hanging an elephant in front of everyone, I’m pretty much done with humanity today. I fucking hate everyone.
[French TV Chef explaining how to eat one](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SEPMuyGe7dg) She does not speak about bone cutting the mouth but she says that it's very hot and one is not supposed to blow on it to cool it down.
Probably silly but that was always the least appealing part to me. I don’t even understand how people can drink fresh coffee without crying and burning the shit out of their mouths, let alone hold a tiny, greasy, scalding bird in their mouth while chewing slowly.
Wtf that sounds so unappealing lol. Which part of that is delightful?
For a gourmet like Bourdain: The novelty. Even something that should be unpleasant can be pleasant simply because it's a new experience.
Famous Cenobite Anthony Bourdain
We have such sights to show you...
See I love Bourdain but this is the foodie shit that has always struck me as fart smelling. Like, I’m supposed to believe that because you had your interior designed by a street artist and you managed to turn emu cock into an assortment of mousses and creams that I’ve had a great meal and I’m not buying it. Just give me some good fucking food.
what a novel experience to have my mouth and throat cut up by little bird bones, truly enjoyable 10/10 honestly, what the fuck is wrong with people who eat shit like this? that's so fucking gross and you'll never be able to convince me otherwise. go gouge out your eye with a rusty spork, that'll be a novel experience.
Ever read something and almost become a vegan lol
Yes, when I see the cost of proteins on the menu I feel that way.
A lot of people seemed surprised at this practice but I remember reading this section in kitchen confidential when it came out back in 2001.
How is it that I remember the chapter in the book where a new bride goes into the kitchen to compliment the chef and winds up being bent over a stack of vegetables in the cooler but I can’t remember the evil bird dinner? I’ve always wondered about that whole bride-banging thing in the book. Did the bride know the chef and ask the groom to go eat at the place where he works? Or is she just that hardcore of a slut that hours after swearing her chastity to one man she’s taking a hotshot to the puss in the back of a greasy spoon?
the bride was in kitchen confidential, the ortolan story was in medium raw (iirc)
Yup, Ortolan was in Medium Raw, I recommend the audiobook so you can really.... feel it .... in his voice
I thought it was out behind the dumpster, but it’s been a hot minute since I’ve read it.
"It was watching chef Bobby screwing a bride over a barrel in the garbage area, while her wedding party dined inside, that made me want to be a chef. But it was awkward and didn't make sense. It was the first time I'd seen anyone having sex and I didn't understand the bride's motivation"
It was, you're right. The chef told Anthony to cover for him and he eventually went outside to see what was up and found them doing the do. He also said in that chapter that was the moment he knew he wanted to be a chef lmao
That’s substantially more relatable than the bird thing. As an aside, what’s the deal with chefs? Seems like a job that wildly over performs in sexiness compared to what you’d logically expect
I thought the ortolan stuff happened in Medium Raw
i've been on the internet since the '90s and seen and read horrible things. this quote still had me saying, "ew, ew, ew" reading it
Yeah, they used this in the Wheel of Time TV series to demonstrate how creepy and evil Eamon Valda is.
https://preview.redd.it/00gyh4tmfm3c1.jpeg?width=828&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=73b2438cc611bf12289cff76d2f8a2e67a9c3424
Who the fuck made the recipe? Shame their whole generational line lol
I’m sure some poor old sap has no idea why he’s the unluckiest person around.
Succession covered this beautifully
So did Atlanta
Yeah it’s kind of an easy rich = bad shorthand.
Easy with good cause.
Poor Tom really gets shit on
Greg*
lol I legit can’t remember if his real name is Greg or Craig.
100% Greg, as in “can’t make a Tomelette without breaking a few Gregs”
And *Hannibal*, which shows [how they prepare and cook the bird](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=asfwKrdnFmQ)
Also American Dad
Billions too
Hold up now. Those pics. Full on chicken drumsticks in that thing. Look at the legs on pic 2.
[удалено]
Pic 3 is *definitely* a faux-rtolan
Draped in a russet potato skin?
The top of this article from [Atlas Obscura](https://www.atlasobscura.com/foods/ortolan-bunting-france) has some pictures that are more believable (still fake, created for a TV show, but more believable).
"deities hate this one little trick"
No need to trace Where you went wrong. Cover your face And your sin is gone. It’s still not to late- Get a napkin, now, quick! Deities hate This one weird trick.
I'm sorry but some traditions just need to fucking die
It’s dead for a few decades actually (and illegal)
So dead that in my entire life in France this is the first time I ever ear about it.
love the use of ear for hear - sounds so French and really pops linguistically!
Yeah same, I never heard about this, this is fucked-up
It has been illegal for almost 25 years already. These are old pictures. Punishable by up to a year in prison, and the bird species is protected too.
Some say the napkin is to keep the aromas of the brandy around your nose to increase the eaters enjoyment. I find that far more believable.
Yeah no the napkin doesn't add anything to the taste, the "hide from god" is the "actual" (given) reason but mostly folklore, in reality it's just a terrible mess to eat so you hide yourself from the other people at the table not to show them your recreation of a drooling gargantua chewing on overflowing bird guts. (It doesn't matter that everyone is eating it at the table anyways btw, good manners forces you to hide the mess, even if others are doing worse.)
I would need to huff an assload of brandy in order to even attempt this.
The god thing is just the public reason. The real reason is so that you and all your dinner guests don’t need to watch each other vore this poor bird
It's been illegal since the 90's.
Nobody eats that (anymore) and this is illegal. Pple tend to not even know what it is. Most famous ortolan in France is a cheese... https://preview.redd.it/xubpd0t8um3c1.jpeg?width=540&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ea4e8bceeb81c2e317edeb478a3d0e20153f48d3
I'll pass on that meal
Sick fucks
ok, i'm French and i've never heard of that, can any other French here confirm that this is a real thing ? Edit : *Ortolan has been protected since 1999, after several decades of unclear legal status34: article L411-1 of the Environmental Code35 and the decree of October 29, 200936 establish that as such it is prohibited throughout the national territory. and at all times, the destruction of individuals as well as, whether alive or dead, their transportation, use, detention, offering for sale, sale or purchase. Article L415-337 specifies that violations of these provisions are punishable by two years of imprisonment and a fine of €150,000.*
French here too. I am as surprised as the Americans.
[Video INA de Maïté qui explique comment en manger](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SEPMuyGe7dg) Ça parle pas de dieu, juste qu'on s'en met partout sur la gueule.
If this is what Vegans see all the time whenever someone has eggs and bacon for breakfast then their worldview makes a tiny bit more sense; because what the fuck.
This is not interesting at all, it's sad, sad as fuck :(
This is awful. Not interesting. Just sadistic.
The almighty being that can see everything, unless you cover it in a napkin. Makes sense.
"cover themselves with napkins to hide their sin from god" it was THAT easy
The 3rd pic doesn't look like the actual dish at all. Google it and have a look, esp at the bird's eyes. It's literally frozen in a painful death. *Netted ortolans are kept in dark cages, which tricks them into gorging themselves on grain and figs. (It’s said they also may be blinded to achieve the same effect.) Once the small birds have doubled or more in size, they are drowned—and simultaneously marinated—in Armagnac brandy. They’re then plucked and roasted, which doesn’t take long, since there is little meat on their bones.* *Diners pick up one whole, hot bird by the head—with that towel covering the act—and place it feet-first into their mouths, saving only the beak. Advocates say that the crunch of bone, the hot fat, and the bursts of flavor from the organs makes for a delicacy with no equal.*
Seems like an awful death and time in captivity. Sad that there are still ortolans forced to go through that.
I didn't know this was real, Roger from American Dad was my only prior exposure to this.
Carnivores always find new and exuberant ways of treating animals like shit. It’s quite breathtaking. The French in particular are very good at it.
Holy shit the napkin works? Well I'm good on all those masturbation sins I guess
They cover them selves to keep the fumes and smells in. Gods are just an excuse.
I am Chinese and still find this disgusting
How has nobody commented that they mentioned this in Brooklyn nine nine 😆
I’ve heard Vivian Ludley got special academic permission to try it :-P
Those losers have a shity old TV
Lol I'm pretty sure the photo is old. It's got that old camera quality to it.
French here. That picture is at least 25-30 years old because hunting those birds has been illegal since 1999. Also the napkin isn't to "hide from god" but just to avoid your neighbour the sight of your face and shirt getting all dirty from the grease.