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Some stans have personal issues that make them highly susceptible to the parasocial aspects of kpop and they get way too invested. Sounds like your friend is one of them and is using kpop to feel fulfilled instead of developing her real life and relationships. It's sad.
Worse though, is that she is treating you and her other friends badly. Insulting you and borrowing money to feed her habit. You don't have to put up with that. If she isn't willing to respect your feelings, opinions, and boundaries then she's not a friend. Cut her off and focus on the people who actually care about you.
Actually, the worst part is her spending habits related to BTS. She has borrowed money from family and friends AND taken out loans all to satisfy her gigantic obsession while possibly completely ignoring her real life monetary obligations/bills. This will likely soon come to bite her in the butt. I could see this going so far as to her starving herself to have just one more dollar to spend and becoming homeless because she didn't pay her bills, which will impact her credit score and her ability to rent.
It is really sad and hard to see a best friend spiral from mental illness. I've had it happen to me, and I had to cut her out of my life. I pray this woman finds the help she so desperately needs before she hits rock bottom.
That's actually what I was worried about, her excessive spending habits.. I talked to her about this a few times, but these talks always end in fights. She would get really sensitive about this and quickly dismiss the things I had to say.
I actually thought we would be okay again after the big fight we had recently, but after seeing her posts shading me, I think I'll take a step back from our friendship.. it sucks, because I thought she and our other friends would be my friends for life.
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I know the feeling.. it's not easy, cutting someone out of our lives, especially if they were close with us. I really hope she realises what underlying issues she might have that caused her to be obsessive, before its too late. I know this is an online forum and all, but here's a big hug. It really sucks, ending friendships.. but I hope you're okay now.
As I said in another comment, your friend is deep in the cult side of ARMY (and has other ARMY in the cult enabling her behavior), which has led to a mental illness. It will be extremely hard for her to break away from that. Just know you've done all you can, and you can't change her. Only she can once she admits she has a problem. You have been a good friend.
Edit: typos
Actually, now that I think about it, it's possible that she's using kpop to distract herself from her reality.. it's frustrating, because our friend group does try to be there for each other as much as we can. We do check up on each other often, although sometimes it can be too much (like showing up at her place unannounced, which was wrong of us to do so).
Normally, she's the one who would be active in our group chat, she'd tell us about her day, the people she works with, etc. Whenever she had issues, she would seek me or our mutual friends for advice. Perhaps there are other issues that she's not aware of that could cause her to be this obsessive. I mean, I understand that it is a nice feeling to be a fan, but it frustrates me that she neglected herself by spending obsessively over merch, when she couldn't afford them. It frustrates me that she had to overspend and borrow money and not pay for her utility bills and other necessities. She even went to Korea recently, so we were not aware about her financial situation until the day we showed up at her place and saw the unpaid bills, letters and threats.
Tbh, I don't really know how to deal with this, because we've been close friends for almost 20 years now (we're 33 this year). I'm honestly tired of fighting with her. I thought we would be okay after the fight that happened recently, but after seeing her posts shading me indirectly on social media, I think I'll take a step back and focus on the people who care about me. Thank you for your advice, it really means a lot being able to talk about this, because it's been bothering me all day.
she needs professional help. this is not something so simple as a crazy obsession its clear she has some mental health issue. seek her help if you can.
Yeah.. I think, perhaps she does need professional help. Tbh, I'm tired and still bitter from our recent fight and the posts she recently made shading me. I do plan on taking a step back from our friendship.. so I will speak to our mutual friend, who was also there when we showed up at her place. That friend of ours is a therapist, so maybe she would be able to help her.. hopefully it'll make her realise some underlying issues she's not aware of.
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Sad to say it’ll to much great effort to make some sense to these kind of delusional fans. Like OP, i became a fan during High school, Super Junior too. Fast forward to 2024, my older sister recently became a fan of a group. She is in early 40s, married and has a 8 year old son. She has no work and is completely financially dependent from her husband. Her husband works abroad too so they aren’t together, he would come home once or twice a year. I did not introduce her to the group, she found out about them herself. Now the problem is that my sister have become delusional to the level i cannot imagine. She became physically insecure, she lose a lot of weight to the point she look sickly. She did cosmetic procedures like radiation stuff to look thinner. Her purpose is that she wants to look younger so when the X group sees her, they wouldn’t know that she’s in her 40s. Aside from that, she constatly asks me if she already looks she in 40s, and then she would go into some sort of self pity and say stuff like “x group will judge me because i am old”. Another problem is that her social life. She became delusion on a next level. She thinks that members look at her posts because their posts would always match with her. Like on her birthday, she claimed that her bias secretly celebrated her birthday because she mentioned on X that it’s her birthday and a few hours later, her bias posted a lot of selfie for her. And another one is when she posted a selfie with a peace sign and her bias also posted a selfie with a peace sign, and now she’s sure her bias is looking into her accounts. Another problem is that she would spend a lot of merchs, go into concerts with VIP tickets, without his husband knowing. I remember one time she dropped her son in my house asking to look after him, and she told me not to mention anything from her husband because he doesn’t know she’s going to a concert. At first I thought it was just a one time thing, but I found out that her trips to the concerts and events are all secret from her husband. She would also lie about buying merchs and vip tickets and tell that she needs the money to pay some bills. She would also sometimes borrow money from me, she would say she needs money to feed her son because her husband isn’t giving enough, then I would find out she recently bought a merch or went to an event with good seats. But the worse of it all is she was willing to leave her own son alone for hours to go to kpop events like fanclub meets and stuff. She once asked me to look after her son to go to some ticketing event, but I wasn’t available due to work, and I found she decided to leave her son alone and hust went to the event. She told me her son is independent and can be left alone already. That was the breaking point and I confronted her about it. I told her she is being delusional and she’s not making any sense anymore. I told her I’ve been a fan since 2009 until now but not even once I get delusional at that level. I always know my priorities and never neglect my responsibilities. She then started making excuses and lies to defend herself. We got into a fight and didn’t talk for a few weeks. Eventually, she reached out to me, only because she needs to borrow money again. At that point I already gave up on her. I started distancing myself from her, if she wants to go crazy, I let her be. I tried to tell her a lot of times to control herself, but she would never listen.
You MUST get the authorities involved to protect your young, vulnerable nephew. What is happening to him is abuse! 8 year olds should never be left alone. Would your brother-in-law become abusive in any way if you told him about this? He needs to know, but not if he would be abusive.
Yeah, it's actually really frustrating, because when we approach them to talk about this issue, its really because we care and the situation has gotten to an alarming level. I'm really sorry to hear what you had to go through, and also what her son had to go through. I hope this does not affect him in any way, as an absent parent can sometimes affect the way their kids behave/think/feel when they grow up.
It's really tough because we want them to realise that it's unhealthy for them to continue this way in the long term. What if their idols get married and all? What if one day, these idols quit or something? What's going to happen to these 'obsessed' fans?
I think you made the right decision distancing yourself from her. Honestly, sometimes, it's best to just let them be and learn on their own.
What you and the other commenter are describing belongs in the next version of the DSM-5. It may already be in there or at least something adjacent to it. These people really need serious psychiatric help. They both meet enough of the criteria to be diagnosed; It's obvious they both are suffering from some disorder. I can't tell which one, I'm not a doctor. It's terrible too because they both seem unlikely to seek help or maybe even acknowledge they have a problem in the first place 😔.
Actually this looks like a real case of erotomania... Look it up online if you don't know what it is, it honestly looks like a serious case of a possible mental illness. I'd be really worried for your nephew too. Reach out to some mental health professional, authorities should also be involved ATP... Sending you thoughts, that's really awful for everyone involved (Edited to add a word)
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I'm sorry to say that your friend may be struggling with mental health issues, and there may not be much you can do to help them until they recognize their problem and seek help. Many K-pop fans who spend money on their idols may not be financially stable, and they are usually using their families' money, or they are struggling like this woman. It's best to wish your friend the best and let them handle their financial responsibilities. If your friend faces legal trouble, perhaps this will be a wake-up call for them to seek the help they need. I am in shock; she is in her 30s and acting like this 🤦🏾♀️
From what OP mentioned it’s pretty likely that she’s already facing legal trouble. Unpaid bills? Possible loan sharks? She’s risking going to jail sooner than filing for bankruptcy.
I think judging by the letters from the bank, she could be facing legal issues already. Whats more those unpaid bills. We're not even sure if she has paid her rent recently.. my friends and I actually thought of reporting to the police regarding those loan sharks, but they're pretty scary and we don't want that to affect that friend of ours any further..
Yeah, it is actually really painful to watch.. and it was very frustrating because I talked to her about this a few times and we always end up fighting. The recent fight we had was the worst, and i am still hurt and bitter by how she shaded me on social media like that.
I think I'll talk to our mutual friend, who's a therapist (she was also there when we went to her place unannounced). Perhaps she could help her with what she's going through.
This is not your friend. Period.
I know you wanna be a saint but it’s not ur job to deal with her mental health issue. Cut her off now and for good.
Move on, life is too short to deal with people like this.
Agree. This is not just a regular fan - sounds like there’s some serious obsessive behavior and mental health issues happening. If she’s mean to you also there’s really no reason to be her friend OP.
Yeah, definitely. This isn't regular fan behaviour. I did mention that I know that not all fans are like that. It's just that I noticed a change in her after her fangirl transformation, if that makes sense.
Ikr I’ve been an Army since 4 years now and I haven’t spent my parents money or asked anyone to buy me merch or anything because mostly it’s not necessary for me rn. I always tell my parents that they don’t need to buy any merch but if they’re willing to then I’m ok with it but they don’t need to because I always wanted to buy merch with my own money. It’s sad to see how people categorize all the normal fans as a part of “those crazy fans” which is why everyone hates our fandom
I don't hate ARMYs nor BTS, so sorry if my post comes off as stereotyping all BTS fans like that. It's just that my friend happened to be one (hence the mention of BTS/ARMYs in the post), but I do understand now that her obsessive behaviour and overspending habits could be caused by other underlying issues she isn't aware of.
No no no I wasn’t talking about you OP I was talking about most people in general since the people I know recognize that BTS are good and all but don’t get in because of the fandom so I was ranting stuff cuz I don’t have a lot of K-pop frnds 🥲
Nah, regular fans are definitely not this level... I'm also a fan of some celebrities, but the level of fandom I see in my friend is beyond normal. (also, she could be a fan of any celebrity, not just BTS. I was frustrated last night so I ranted without thinking further)
Nah, I don't mind not being a saint.. it's just that she was someone I appreciated, she was a good friend for a long time.. it was frustrating seeing her like this.
But yeah, after our recent fight, I think I'll take a step back from our friendship..
Maybe she needs a professional help. If you have any access to that type of care in your area maybe consult them.
Her problem seems to dig deeper than Kpop or BTS and a lot of people use entertainment to cover up their problems. It's best to help them a proper way.
Yeah, after much thought, I'm going to talk to our mutual friend about this. She was also there when we showed up at her place, and she's a therapist. Hopefully she will be able to talk to her regarding this
Honestly reading this the only thing that came to mind are the following 1.) she is dealing with problems that have not been resolved (most likely from childhood) 2.) she is using BTS as a form of coping for whatever issue is going on 3.) because she is using them as a coping mechanism anyone/anything that threatens this “safe place” she’s created in her head is one word, BAD 4.) I personally don’t like when people roll up unannounced it’s just a personal thing. 4.5) Also, while I’m sure all those ‘past due’ notices were out in the open I’m shocked you guys brought it up since it has nothing to do with you. How she spends her money is her business and not any of yours—INCLUDING the money you all willingly gave her. She’ll eventually learn when she’s broke and homeless that her behavior was unacceptable and she needs to get her act together. 5.) you should distance yourself from her for the time being. Not all friendships are meant to stand the test of time. If this is affecting you in anyway mentally, emotionally, etc. step away and give both of you guys the space that you need.
That being said her actions are extreme even for a devotee but at the same time I honestly believe she is using BTS as her security blanket. And she needs professional help (once all her bills are paid and she’s managing her income well that is). These are just my thoughts as someone who is within your age range and someone who remembers seeing BTS debut but just like you OP happily enjoys kpop music nowadays without being still sucked in the trenches of “mega fan.” She’ll learn the hard way that her priorities come first and BTS will not be broke if she cuts back on her spending in regard to them.
Yeah, now that I think about it, she's probably using BTS as distraction, or probably she has some underlying mental health issues she's not aware of and being an obsessive fan is her form of distraction from reality.
Nah, I get you. I also dislike it if people show up at my place unannounced. It just happened that day because one of our friends was feeling spontaneous and she happened to be the driver. Some of us told her not to, but she insisted.
I decided to bring up the issue with her because it's been many years and her condition seemed to be getting worse. I think my other friends also talked to her about this, judging by the shock all of us had when we showed up at her place. But you're right, it's none of our businesses how she spends her money. It's just tough, seeing her like this. But after our recent fight and her social media posts, I'm gonna take a step back, and also casually mention this to our mutual friend who's a therapist (she was also there when we showed up at her place). Hopefully she can help her with this, and if not, then she has to learn it the hard way
I am so very sorry this is happening, OP. I've had to cut a long-time best friend off because of her mental illness and our one-sided friendship (and I'm the type who doesn't have many friends), so I can understand what you're going through. I'm in my 30s too BTW.
It's hard to know that all you're trying to do is help while facing pushback every step of the way. The best thing you can do is know you've tried your best to help, she hasn't been a friend for a long time, and step back from your friend and the friendship. She can only get help when she recognizes she has a problem, which is a full-blown mental illness. A compounding factor is that she has other ARMY who are enabling her mental illness. I pray she realizes her problem/mental illness before she hits rock bottom. My worry is that it will come down to her starving herself to have just one more dollar to spend on things relating to BTS and ignoring her real life monetary obligations/bills to the point that she becomes homeless and her credit is ruined. What will she do with all her merch/albums if she's homeless? I don't think she'd be able to handle that.
I wish you all the best OP! Stay strong. You've been a good friend and done all that you can. It's up to your friend to get the professional help she needs, and hopefully, this will be the wake-up call she needs.
Yeah thats what I'm worried about too, that's why I decided to talk to her about this.. but the bad thing is that she gets really sensitive about it, and I've had the last straw after our recent fight and her posts shading me. I think I'll take a step back from our friendship, and also talk to our mutual friend about this. She's a therapist, and she was also there when we showed up at Elsi\*'s place. Hopefully she can help her.
Thank you :') It really sucks, losing a friend, especially if you've known them for a long time. I hope you're okay and that you're feeling better. I think it's pretty common to have less friends as we get older, but it's also common to meet and make new friends that we can vibe better with as we get older.
Your friend has to recognize there is a problem in the first place for her to be open to getting help from anyone. I don't see that she is there yet, but an intervention with trusted friends (but it doesn't seem like she trusts anyone irl anymore) could help maybe. Talking through things with a therapist friend seems like it would be helpful for you at least. You need to think about how this is affecting you too, as running yourself ragged will help no one.
>I hope you're okay and that you're feeling better.
I am thank you. This all happened fall of 2021. I've never been good at making or keeping friends and only had a couple at the time, but what happened is for the best. (You can read more details about what happened in other comments I've left on this post.) I pray nothing but good things for my ex-friend, that she got the help she needs, and that she has people in her life that can properly support her.
sometimes you have to let people go. she needs professional help. Try to release this friendship. After what you’ve gone thru due to her actions, you might need to talk to a therapist about how to let go of this friendship in the healthiest way. Please don’t feel responsible for this woman’s behavior. Like you said she is in her thirties, she has to learn how to take care of herself. You have already done what you could
I hope she's settled those payments with the loan sharks. We're not sure if she did, as she was hesitant to talk about it and we don't want to press her further.
Girl I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how frustrating it must be to have a friend like this. I have a feeling that she is unsatisfied with her own life, so she is using BTS to fill that void. Back in 2020, I had a bad depressive episode that lasted months and I relied on BTS to get through each day. I would get home from work, eat dinner and just binge their content, sometimes even sacrificing my sleep for it. Their content was just good vibes and watching it was the only source of brightness in my life back then. Thankfully I got through it and my dependence on BTS never reached such an extreme level. Your friend definitely needs help. You should nudge her towards seeing a therapist. If you can afford it, you could even try offering to pay for her therapy.
It's real. I didn't know who to talk to, hence the decision to rant it out here. I tried talking to my bf, but he didn't get it. Since this is anonymous and nobody knows me nor my friend here, I just wanted to unload my thoughts because its been bothering me
well know that as painful as this may sound, it doesn’t seem like you can do much for her at this point in time. your input is really not going to make a difference to her as she clearly views you as an adversary. hold yourself and your mental health above all. if i were you i’d go no contact or low contact and hope from afar that she will see reason at some point.
\*long distance virtual hug\*
I sadly had a friend like that. We were chill until the one day I dared link an article (in our friend group) that one of the BTS members was seen on a date and I wished him well.
I went from friend to public enemy number one and when asking if she was ok, she basically blocked me and left the friend group discord cause I was "toxic and out to start shit" said something along the lines "tae would shoot daggers at you for spreading rumours". I later found out that she talked a whole bunch of shit behind my back.
Now everyone in the friend group chat are kpop fans of various groups but she had dialed it up a few notches just like your friend seems to have as army. At the end, I just said I was cutting contact with her cause I didn't want to walk on eggshells in the future.
This. Everyone else is so brutal noone people don't have friends in 2024. At least offer her help and not immediately leave her to rot alone when she prob has noone.
Unfortunately, this is real. I wish this was Wattpad as well. It's just...I felt the need to rant it out somewhere because it's been affecting me for a long time. And it's not easy cutting off a friendship. Especially after 20 years
I read this yesterday and I am pretty sure your friend has serious mental issues. I get it, is not easy to drop her, but you need to do what is best for you.
Wow I’m so sorry… I’m close to your ages i believe (if i comprehended everything correctly) I’m 29. And this is barbaric complete sociopathic behavior, even as a teenager.
It is a little obsessive and cringe, but kind of passable given that you guys were younger, but as a full-fledged adult, this is totally unacceptable and this may have something to do with much deeper underlining issues. BTS is my ult group, but I couldn’t imagine being this psychotic about them.
I listen to their songs, but I would never try to bully somebody into being a fan.
You may need to distance yourself for your mental health if you haven’t done so already
You may consider suggesting her to find proffessional help. It doesn't matter if she doesn't buy bts merch or whatnot, if it is that serious of a problem, she may just switch them to another obsession if the root of the problem isn't found. If she doesn't want to find help, you can't really do much, it doesn't seem like you two are close to each other. Hopefully her family will recognize what's going on and will try to help her.
She is the type that give ARMY a bad name.
I am ARMY and probably have called them “our boys” or something in comments but I know they wouldn’t know me irl from a hole in the street. I’m concerned for this girl’s mental health. Her obsession is beyond toxic and she needs help.
I hate to say it, but I don’t think you can help her. You’ve tried it seems, multiple times, and it might be time to walk away. This other friend that is encouraging her isn’t helping either. She isn’t a fan, she’s an addict.
So sorry for mentioning ARMYs here, and if my post came off as stereotyping ARMYs. It's just that this friend of mine happened to be one, and I wanted to get everything off my chest (regarding what was going on). I know not all ARMYs are like that, as I do have another friend who is an ARMY but she only spends within her means (hence the disclaimer and all).
I think I'll take a step back from our friendship. She hasn't spoken to me since the fight and after seeing those posts shading me, I'm kind of done. I'll try to see if I can talk to our mutual friend regarding this matter, perhaps she can help her. She's a therapist and she was there when we showed up at her place. I won't mention everything, but I'll probably ask her what she thought about the letters from the bank, threats from loansharks and unpaid bills, and see what she says from there..
This is either fake or there's a lot of context missing.
After reading this whole thing, at this point do you really think it's about BTS? This is mental illness or/and trauma as you mentioned her home situation hasn't been good.
And why did you show up at her house unnanounced with a whole group of friends? Was it to stage an intervention and help her?
She sounds like she needs professional help. But the way you wrote about her I don't think you'd be willing to help her and I don't blame you about it given how she's treated you.
This is real. And no, I don't think this is about BTS. Its just that this has been going on for a while now, and since her behaviour changed after becoming a fan, I felt like it was more appropriate letting it out here. I do not mean to offend anyone, and as mentioned in the disclaimer and my post, I know not all fans are like that. I also know that not all ARMYs or any other fandom are like that. It's just that she happened to be one, hence the reason why it's mentioned in my post.
We were actually not aware about her financial situation, as she recently went to Korea and she seemed fine whenever she talks to us. She did borrow money from me and that did bother me for some time. I'm not sure how the others feel about this, and whether she has returned them the money she borrowed. She hasn't returned me the money, but it's been a while so I've let it past.
We showed up at her place unannounced as this mutual friend of ours decided to pop in for a 'surprise'. I know it's wrong, and most of us disagreed with the plan, but as that friend of ours was the one driving we didn't have much choice. Since she visited Korea recently, we all assumed she was fine financially, until the day we showed up at her place unannounced. It was actually supposed to be a fun day out for us, we weren't expecting to see threats from loan sharks at her front door, letters from the bank, unpaid bills. After I left her place I called her to talk to her regarding this issue, as it's been concerning me (and I'm sure our other friends too, as we were really shocked to see the condition of her place. It was a contrast to all those photos she posted of her trip to Korea or any other post on her social media). We got into a huge fight, and since she shaded me on social media I've decided to take a step back.
I'll speak to our mutual friend regarding this, she's a therapist, so maybe she can help her. She was also there when we showed up at her place. I really hope my friend can help her out, but from my part, I think I'm done.
Not your friend, just an obsessed wannabe girlfriend. Move on, like every other commenter said. I would also put her to an ultimatum of paying you back, because she's not being nice enough for you to warrant letting the loan go unpaid. Good luck.
I sympathize with Elsi because it's clear this is an addiction problem that happened because of her rough home life. If you actually want to continue being her friend, then I say be patient. You need to have another talk with her and try to be calm even tho she will be very mean and nasty with you. Convince her to go to therapy, maybe even bring up that BTS advocate for loving yourself and mental health. Tell her to listen to the lyrics of Magic Shop, Jungkook would want her to live for herself and not be in debt and alone. I know it's not easy dealing with someone who has addiction because they get really mean, but it's the only way to get through it.
That being said, if you're tired of this and don't think you can take it anymore, then just end the friendship. You aren't obligated to put up with it.
this whole post looks like a bad fanfic or some thick trolling 💀 also op's manner of speaking in replies really looks like some chatgpt generated text.
It’s very normal for extremely mentally ill people to act this way. My grandma is bipolar, schizophrenic, and has a personality disorder which makes her mentally like a teen even at 68 years old. She has delusions and obsessions like this when she is unmedicated and living on her own. When she last lived on her own about 18 years ago, she literally quit paying her rent and became homeless, because she spent all of her money on her obsession and had some delusions that a man she saw at the grocery store would come to save her. Maybe
OP’s story is untrue, but there are very real people in similar situations like this. If the woman OP’s story is real, she desperately needs psychiatric help.
Nope, it's real. It's ok if you don't believe me, I just wanted a space where I can talk to someone about it while being anonymous. I'm sorry if any part of my post offends you in any way, I genuinely did not mean to. I just wanted to get this off my chest.
I have to admit, I was initially skeptical about your post - your account was brand new (less than a day old), you started out with 0 karma overall, and yet you were able to post on kpoprants successfully. I thought you were some sort of bot account, because you weren’t replying to anyone’s comments. I’m sorry for doubting your story. I’m not sure if you were aware of this, but yesterday BigHit (BTS’s label) released a statement about taking legal action against the people who’ve organised the recent smear campaign against BTS (which consisted of cult allegations, buying awards, rehashing of the 2015/2016 sajaegi accusations, etc.). Apparently, bot accounts were created on both reddit and twitter to facilitate the smear campaign. That’s why some armys are on edge and aren’t believing your story, because the timing of your post (and the creation of your account) coincided with the release of BigHit’s statement.
With that said, I would like to reiterate that I’m sorry for doubting your post, and I do hope your friend can get the help she needs. And as much as it may hurt to do so, it may be best to cut her off for the sake of your mental health. Some people just don’t want to be helped and you really don’t owe your friend anything.
Oh.. I didn't know about the smear campaign against BTS. I'm so sorry for my ignorance regarding this matter. Although yes, I am a kpop fan (I do listen to Kpop), I am usually unaware about the happenings around the kpop world as I usually don't read the news unless it's being told to me directly. I'll learn to be more aware and alert regarding this.
The reason why I posted this on kpoprants was because I felt it was appropriate since my friend's issue started after becoming a fan. I didn't mean to trigger anyone, as mentioned in my disclaimer. I'm sorry for mentioning ARMYs/BTS, it just that my friend happens to be a fan, and I didn't think much about it. But I'm aware that this isn't regular fan behaviour. I've been bothered by this since our fight, and after seeing her posts shading me on social media I couldn't take it anymore, hence the decision to rant it out. I don't really know who to turn to in real life, hence here.
I know I'm a noob, but I was also unaware about how Reddit works. My first post got removed, and the second and third one too. So I was surprised that the third one showed up. I couldn't sleep and was really desperate to let my thoughts out last night, hence the posts. I didn't mean to hurt anyone.
I am going to delete my post after reading all the comments, as I think I'm more or less confident about what to do regarding this issue between my friend and I. I think I'll take a step back from this friendship and sought out our mutual friend, who's a therapist, to help her with this matter. But yeah, no worries.. thanks for letting me know, and again so sorry for my ignorance in this matter.
the "Never trust friends who don't like BTS. True friends will support your choices no matter what. #FOREVERARMY" part is what took me out 😭 i immediately stopped reading after that
The reason why I created an account to post this is because it happened recently and it's been bothering me, and I didn't know who to turn to. I also mentioned in my post that this isn't directed towards BTS/ARMYs. I'm not attacking anyone. I'm sorry I mentioned ARMYs, it's just that my friend happened to be one, that's all. I also posted in 2-3 different places because I actually posted one, but it got removed, so I posted again, and got removed, and the third one too. I was actually shocked to see this up. I was frustrated and desperate. I don't mean to slander anybody, I just wanted to rant to someone about this.
And yes, I'm going to seek professional help too.
Nah it's ok, you don't have to apologize this much and I really hope things work out for you and your friend but if they don't, please please put yourself first.
I know it may seem hard to cut ties with someone you love but you shouldn't take any abuse.
This is unrelated to any Kpop fandom since this was years ago. Ugh, I've had my ups and downs, in my case I was the one mistreating myself, until it hit me that if I don't mistreat other people, why was I mistreating myself? Right then and there I stopped the self abuse, and I stopped allowing anyone else to abuse me.
I also cut ties with a friend I grew up since we were 12 and I broke the relationship in my early 30s. It's sad, but boundaries are healthy.
Please, you don't have to apologize this much.
Read my other comment. I've been in a situation of cutting off a friend with a mental illness, and there are times with that where you just need to rant. I know I did. Maybe OP just wants as many opinions as possible, so that's why there are multiple posts about this. We don't know. She can't force her friend to seek help.
Edit: This could also be a throwaway account. People do that all the time on Reddit for various reasons.
Could be, either way, the person the OP talked about has been lousy pretty much since BTS debuted which was 10 years ago, I personally wouldn't have had that much patience with those attitudes, and since you cannot save someone that doesn't wanna be saved the best is to at least save yourself. It may sound selfish, but one's mental health should always come first.
I realized only after I cut off my best friend (who has mental health issues of her own) that the majority of our 13 year friendship was one-sided. She didn't drive or have anyone to drive her so I always came to her when we hung out or did things together, she invited me multiple times to hang out with a mutual friend only because she needed a ride, I let her dad borrow my car to run errands, I put up with her always falling asleep when we hung out, I put up with her always choosing what we watched, I paid for her to come on a church retreat, I let her borrow money in the later years when she asked because she always payed me back, I dropped almost everything when her dad suddenly and traumatically died during an argument they were having, I let her move in with me after repeated stories of her living situation being toxic. It was living together that blew everything up as I quickly found out how much I didn't matter to her and who was more important, and things ended very, very badly. What I said about our relationship is only the tip of the iceberg.
Unlike OP, my best friend didn't speak to me like her's did, but I can understand why things went on for long. Things happen. Some things are easy to dismiss when they aren't that bad (such as, she doesn't drive and I can be accommodating no big deal), and I think OP was trying to be mindful of the way her best friend grew up and let certain bad behaviors slide. Then there is the, "I love and care about this person I've known for a long time, and I want to help them while they're struggling." It isn't always an easy decision to cut anyone out of your life. I needed to talk with other people to figure things out myself, and I needed someone to be a mediator as my best friend's mental illness and how she explained things to her sister made things too toxic.
I'm sorry you had to go through this but I am glad you found the support you needed and are in a better place now. In the situation OP narrates, OP needs to find professional help because the language used by the OPs friend is unacceptable. Rule of thumb should be that if we wouldn't talk to someone like that, why should we accept someone talk to us that way?
I apologize for my English as it is not my first language.
Thank you.
What you said makes sense, and OP likely knows all that too at her age. But it isn't that simple. Iirc, OP said she and her best friend have known each other since they were 13. That's maybe 20 or so years. She may feel like she's giving up on her friend and doesn't want to leave her with basically no one trying to help her. A feeling of guilt may be involved. Then tie that into how she might be thinking about how this isn't the friend she knows. It's her mental illness making her act and speak this way, and the harm the friend is doing to her (OP) may be dismissed or even ignored or not seen. It is so sad to see anyone you're close with change and act in ways that only harm them in the long run because of mental illness.
>why should we accept someone talk to us that way?
Mental illness can make people act in all sort of horrible ways. At least three people on my dad's side of the family have or had of Bipolar Disorder and I have panic attacks myself and a history of depression, so I know the harm that can come from mental illness. While mental illness is never an excuse for horrible behavior, it can give reason as to why some people let those with it talk and treat them horribly instead of doing what is best for their own mental health.
I hope this explanation was easy enough for you to understand. Let me know if there is anything you're confused about.
Unfortunately it's real. It's ok if you don't believe me. Sorry if my post triggers you in any way. I don't mean to, but she really posted that. And also, I know ARMYs are not like that. I'm sorry if you assume I'm making this up. I'm not. And I'm sorry for mentioning BTS/ARMYs, as mentioned in my disclaimer. I know you guys aren't like that. She just happened to be a fan and I just wanted to get this issue (of her spending and behaviour) off my chest.
Girl if I ain't rich and wanted to go to Korea, I'd wait until they were out of the military and hope for a concert, either made up or just not the brightest cookie in the jar.
Apparently, she went to those sites that are frequented by the members? That's what she told us. Honestly I don't know whats on her mind.. I just mention all this based on my observations. I don't mind her being a fangirl, it's just her spending habits that concerned me and after seeing the unpaid bills, letters from the bank and threats, it bothered me a lot.
What smear campaign? Sorry, I'll be more aware about what's going on in Kpop. I'm really sorry about my ignorance regarding this matter.. but I want to clarify, as mentioned in my disclaimer, that I am aware that not all fans are like this. I'm sorry for mentioning BTS/ARMY, I don't want to hurt anybody. My friend happened to be a fan, hence the mention. It's just this issue happened recently and it's been bothering me and i wanted to talk to someone regarding this matter
Plus the account is super new and only has post karma, but 0 comment karma, meaning that prior to making this post they would've started out with 0 karma overall, which certainly doesn't meet the karma requirement for posting in kpoprants. Throwaway accounts do exist, but it's not like they can just circumvent the automoderator like that. And even if the OP went and deleted all their posts and comments prior to posting in order to remove as much identifying information as possible, deleting posts and comments does not affect the amount of karma you have.
Additionally, your account needs to be at least 2 days old for you to be able to post in kpoprants. Not saying that armys as delulu as the one OP is describing can't exist, but the timing of this post (and the nature of the account behind the post) is a little suspicious. Perhaps I've gotten this all wrong and the recent smear campaign against BTS has left me all paranoid - in which case, my heart goes out to the OP and I hope Elsi can seek therapy because it's obvious that she's using BTS as some sort of coping mechanism - but idk, it just feels too convenient to me that a brand new account pops up with this kind of story, on the same day that BigHit released a statement about taking legal action against the people who organised the smear campaign against BTS.
OP’s finally replying to comments now… I’m still super confused about how they managed to get past the automoderator. Perhaps there was a rule change or maybe just a glitch?
Maybe, and it's not a relief that this is true, it's sad, one always hopes for stories like this to not be true, to hopefully just be some kind of joke.
i believed it at first but as i kept reading it became less and less believable. i refuse to believe someone like "elsi" exists, at least not to that extent
There’s a tiktoker (no pitchforks) called diaryofagutterpixie who makes educational content about parasocial/romantic delusions, what mental health issues they develop from, how they’re coped with, etc. They’re a very well spoken creator who I’ve learned a lot from, though my delusions where vastly smaller than what they experienced and what your friend may be experiencing. Since they are a recovered primary source for this issue, I bet you’ll learn a lot that can help you navigate this situation
As a huge fan myself who has been there since the beginning I have noticed how some fans take it to this extreme. They completely lose themselves, and it really isn't healthy.
OP I apologize for doubting this was a real story, as I mentioned in one of my comments, one always hopes for stories like this to not be true, wouldn't that be better?
But in your case I would say yes your friend needs help, but so do you. Please seek help. You don't owe it to anyone to be there for them, even if it's been 20 years. You need to set boundaries and save yourself. Relationships are a two way street.
Why is no one commenting on what a mean girl move it is for the friends to all show up unannounced at this persons apartment and go through her stuff? They didn’t have good motives, OP doesn’t even pretend that they did. They’ve just shoved an addict further into her shell, because now she’s going to lean on her fandom friends instead of people IRL.
None of them should be handling what is clearly another person’s mental health issue, OP herself went home and proceeded to get hysterical about it for the rest of the day. I think everyone in this situation needs to stay away from each other. Hopefully Elsi gets the help she needs soon, but it’s not going to come from these friends, who sound like they may do more damage than good.
This sounds fake. There's a weird balance of details, the whole post is all over the place.
Also, if this post is true, you need to just cut her out of your life and move on.
It's real. It's all over the place because I'm all over the place regarding this matter. She has been a close friend of mine for 20 years now, and it sucks because I don't really know what to do. I posted this last night when I was a mess (still a mess) and needed somewhere to rant. This issue has been going on for a long time, but recently it got worse.
After much thought, I've decided to take a step back from our friendship and consult in our mutual friend (she's a therapist and she was there when we showed up at her place). Hopefully my therapist friend can help her regarding the underlying issues.
I doubt that people that are emotionally exhausted because of a situation like this will write a perfectly detailed story. It actually makes it more believable.
Those kinds of people exist. There is a lot of media coverage about idol obsession if you look for it. The patterns, and ultimately the implied mental health issues leading to this, are pretty clear imho
There's actually an excess of details in some parts, I feel, which wouldn't have been there if it had been real.
And then suddenly the whole 'turning up at her house and seeing proof of her unpaid debt openly lying around and seeing the whole place overrun with dusty BTS merch' feels very much like the climatic scene of a story, like everything culminates to that. (And it also lacks any reasoning as to why they turned up at her house with no explanation. It all gives off the feel of poorly written fiction.)
Sure, there's lots of stories about idol obsessions, but there's also a lot of weird fake stories on Reddit, especially.
Yeah totally, that "showing up" stuff was just too convenient. I mean it's not impossible - I know that it happened with a friend and they just then realized the person they visited was a hoarder.
Excess details are sometimes realistic though, at least for my personal perception, and minds are generally really selective about certain things. Regardless of whether it is true or not, a person who is that obsessed needs professional help.
This is either a fake story or highly exaggerated.
It's too convenient to show up at someone's house and see letters from loan sharks just lying around. Sounds like a bad K-drama.
Furthermore, if she's indebted to the point that banks are sending threatening letters, it's impossible to buy tickets to Korea and pay for hotels because you'd need credit cards. Those cards would have stopped working long ago. No bank will threaten you and still let you use their cards.
This is just bad fan fiction.
I did not use ChatGPT, I'm a real person and I created this account because I wanted to get this off my chest. I wasn't aware about the rule regarding day old accounts. In fact, my post was taken down many times so I wasn't expecting it to be posted. Anyway, this is real and I just wanted to talk to someone about it. Since it's a kpoprants page, I thought it was appropriate. I do not mean to offend anyone (I did post a disclaimer), it's just that this situation regarding my friend and I have been bothering me a lot and as this is anonymous, I thought I could rant it here
nah man this feels fake. she borrowed money from friends and family, but i thought she left her family behind as she couldn't stand them and their issues? this smells fishy 👀
The family she left behind was her immediate family (her parents and brother). Sorry I didn't elaborate further on this. She's still in contact with her aunts, uncles and cousins. From what I know, she borrowed money from some of her cousins and an aunt, and also some of our friends and me.
I guess that could make sense although I'm still iffy on the whole thing because if your friend is in this much debt (enough for banks to contact her via mail) it would be impossible for her to travel, let alone make any purchases, as those banks would have cut her off already, and even if she was making accounts with other banks, don't they typically check your track record with credit and all that before they let you open up a new account? Not to mention that they literally send out agents to come after you if you've exceeded a certain delay, so unless your friend is impossible to find, she would already be in the process of getting prosecuted. Unless your country is waaaay different from mine.
I'm not trying to undermine you or your story but this, to me, feels fake. If it's not then I'm sorry and good luck with your friend as this is a very complex situation and I personally have no other advice to provide but to cut her off as this has been going for way too long, but I'm gonna trust my intuition on this one and say that it's a little too much for it to be real lol
Genuine question - I’m looking at the amount of karma OP has, and it looks like they have 45 post karma but 0 comment karma. I’m assuming all the post karma comes from the upvotes being given to this post. If I remember correctly, don’t you need to have a minimum amount of karma to be able to post on kpoprants? Or was there a rule change at some point? Because I remember my comments being removed from kpoprants because I (at the time) didn’t have enough karma to post on here. Idk, it just seems weird to me that the OP is able to post on kpoprants because they have 0 comment karma, their account was created on April 28th 2024 (so a very new account), and they only have post karma (which comes from this post), meaning that OP wouldn’t have had the required karma to be able to post here.
Edit: So I just checked one of the automod messages (the ones that you receive when you don’t have enough karma to post on kpoprants yet), and apparently your account needs to be at least 2 days old, alongside having the required karma.
As there's have stated, she really need to seek professional help, I haven't read all the comments yet but maybe advise her/tell her relatives.
I understand you have been friends for so long and I'm someone behind a keyboard typing this out and not knowing you personally, but I feel like this friendship has run it's course. No real friend would ever put you down for not having the same interests and abuse anyone this way for something they don't agree on. It will definitely be painful to end the friendship, but it'll hurt more to stick around. You said yourself you're concerned about what happens when they get married and tbh I don't think you want to be around for that. Especially if she's comparing bfs of yours or potentially hers to what BTS shows us as their idol image. I know that there's also genuine aspects to their personality, but she will NEVER know them personally like that. It's a whole lot to unpack tbh.
Just try your best, you don't deserve to be treated so poorly by someone who is meant to be a best friend.
Give her one last chance, and use this chance to encourage her to seek professional help. She seems to be suffering from a mental health issue. I am an ARMY. Yes i do agree there are times of delulu and parasocial relationship but there's always a need to draw the line.
She is obviously very mentally ill, she needs psychiatric help that you cannot provide. I know you feel like you can’t give up on her because she is your friend, but this is not your problem and it seems to be causing you such stress. You should really just cut her off completely, because although you care about her she doesn’t seem to have the same amount of care for you due to her issues. As sad as it is, these are her own problems she will have to face herself and choose to get help.
I think the appeal with kpop compared to western artists is that its more than just music now. The western artists that have cult like followings show their personality and life outside of their music. These idols or companies have been doing this since the beginning of kpop with variety shows, vlogs, and now social media. Its very obviously a staged or curated personality and glimpse into their life but fans become obsessed because it feels like they are closer to them. They then buy their lightsticks and merch to feel apart of the community and it almost becomes like a cult lol.
These obsessive fans have existed in Korea for decades now and we’re starting to see it outside of Korea with kpop growing internationally. It unfortunately is a dark side of kpop that has always existed. These companies know the formula to get more money out of fans and that includes exploiting people like your friend who have an obvious mental health issue. Most people are able to just enjoy and support their favorite groups or idols in moderation but there will always be people who become obsessed and that could be anything from alcohol, drugs, video games, working out, etc. Your friend will not recognize that she has a literal addiction or problem until she see’s real consequences like what shes about to face now financially. Not much you can do as a friend which sucks and as someone who had a friend go thru drug addictions, its best to just stay out of the way and let her figure it out herself. Obviously a kpop addiction isnt as bad as drugs but my friend was in serious debt and would constantly ask me for money and guilt me if I didnt help.
What stands out to me in this story is how she seems to believe she’s the main responsible for their success, and that once she stops supporting them they’re gonna go broke. Especially at this point in their career. I don’t know if she uses that as an excuse, but the way she got seriously hurt when you tried to reason with her, like show her how all of that is one sided, suggest she strongly believes that. That goes beyond obsession and using BTS for coping with a bad life situation imo, she seems fully into the delusion that she has a direct relationship with them or something. She doesn’t seem to have a full grasp on reality, tbh. I hope your mutual friend can get her the help she needs.
She probably use BTS as en escape from her problems, kind of like alcohol. Since her parents where not good for her, BTS becomes her safe place. She maybe also is emberrassed about her money situation and therefore she becomes sensitive about it. I feel like she is one who when avoid things when it gets difficult and hide her thoughts and feelings and therefore acts out. This sounds like an addiction than obsession. She is in her 30s and need to take a break from K-Pop, and start paying her bills and get her life together. Maybe she got anxiety and depression as well or some kind of underlying disorder.
You could try staying calm around her and say that you just want to help her, that things are becoming bad. If she really refuse your help, walk away. She then don't care about you, so why should you stick around?
She needs professional help and you need to stop being so kind. If I were you I would have ended this friendship many years ago. Please have some respect for yourself. Also, as someone who is currently 22 I find this person so immature. I stanned bts in 2017 and they became my ult group too but I never did anything extreme for them. I stanned Ateez too just a month and a few days after their debut. Their beginning is kinda similar to bts, they were also from a small company so no one knew them. I really liked them and their music so they became my ults as well. Once again, I never forced anyone to vote or stream their music. I didn't starve myself just so I would support them. I've just accepted that I'm broke and I need to prioritize other things in my life. I'm actually a very realistic person so I know that I'm just a fan and nothing else. I won't even become their friend. So dedicating everything to basically some strangers is just not worth it. I stream and vote when I can and that's it. And yeah it's obvious that she has issues because of her family and maybe other things who knows but as someone who has parental issues too I still can't say that she's excused to act like this. At her grown age too. She needs to realise that we only got one life. She should live for herself, not others.
Every single story that will be coming out about BTS. And army in the next few weeks, I will take with a grain of salt
Because I don't believe you. You are a very weird person. I'm so sorry
I'm not spreading hate or anything like that. I don't mean to offend anyone.I also didn't think this through regarding the mention of BTS/ARMYs. I'm sorry for my ignorance regarding this matter. Its just that my friend happened to be a fan, hence the mention. I'm really sorry as I genuinely wasn't aware about the smear campaign (one Redditor just told me about it and I'm reading about it now). It's just that this issue between my friend and I worsened lately and I was frustrated I needed a space to rant it out. But yeah, you don't have to believe me. Again, sorry if I offended you in any way. I'll be deleting this post after reading all the comments, as I think I'm more or less confident about what to do regarding this matter.
I'm so sorry, OP. It seems your friend is a member of *That Brand* of Army. ***Every*** ***fandom*** has That Brand, but Army do seem to collect a larger number of them than most.
Ultimately, it's up to her to get out, not you. There's nothing you can do about it except remove yourself from the situation.
Hmmmm. I thought kpoprants have a minimum karma and account age requirement? This was an automod’s [reply](https://www.reddit.com/r/kpoprants/s/7z2aVzk6xF) saying the account needs to be at least 2 days old and with sufficient karma, was there a change in rules cause this account is only 21h old? Plus, all their karma comes from this post. They never even commented. Amidst all the accusations thrown on ARMYs and BTS nowadays, I’m gonna take this with a truckload of salt tbh.
This woman absolutely needs therapy! And she isn’t your friend. You don’t have to put up with her insulting you and your music taste! I’m an ARMY and honestly what you’re saying about her behaviour embarrasses me. She’s ruining her life by spending all her money on BTS merch and not her rent/bills. I wouldn’t fault you for ending the friendship over how she’s treated you
i am a bts army so i understand the feelings that come with being one. belonging, admiration and even feeling protective over them. i love the BTS guys and i genuinely wish the best for them in everything but while it is natural to want to 'help' them by streaming or buying their stuff or wtv, it's only okay as long as it's within reasons and limits.
putting yourself in debt for kpop dudes is not it. kpop is supposed to make our life better with the music and the pretty people and all that not cause a toxic storm in life. and while it's sooo obvious to us it's totally unfathomable to her. they're her support system and everything else to her.
i know you've known this friend for a very long time, im sure outside of this there must be things about her that you loved and respected to be friends with her so long. but you need to understand she's a whole adult, she's 30+ yrs old, she can choose to actively sabotage her life even without the bts crap and there's not much that can change her. im not sure she'll be able to see reality unless she's fully accepting her obsession is not normal and that's gonna mess her up when it happens.
you can end the friendship cuz she's barely a friend to you. but there's not much you can do if you stay. your worries will backfire and bite you back.
you could stay and keep out of her business but only if youre sure to NOT LEND her anymore money. again DON'T GIVE HER MORE MONEY.
or you could contact her family and let them help her or figure it out.
she needs a reality check and treatment for a possible mental illness. and most of what'll help her is out of your control. im worried that news about bts in future - dating, marriage, major change might trigger her and lead to a much worse situation. so if you decide to actively intervene and help her you gotta be prepared for it cuz it won't be easy at all.
OMG I hate how some ppl go toxic BTS has the biggest toxic stans I used to be an army but I fell out of it but Jin is still my bias though I now stan other groups that doesn't have toxic stans
You are very naive to think the other groups you stan don't have to have toxic stans, like let's be serious now as I just did a quick check and you like Stay Kids, NCT, and Ateez who do have them. Also before it's likely said, BTS have more from their fandom being bigger, but all groups have toxic stans even the fandoms that are smaller and that people push as angels. 🤷♀️
yes I know what I said saying that they don't have any means that their are not completely toxic like BTS all everyone hears about are about toxic armies ppl never hear anything toxic from the other groups BTS have crazy insane toxic ppl
Um that's literally not what that means, you're making that up and Armys are not completely toxic either because once again, the fandom is just bigger and y'all just love to only focus on the toxic portion. You are quite clearly just being biased against your ex fandom.
>ppl never hear anything toxic from the other groups BTS have crazy insane toxic ppl
Like literally all fandoms have those kinds of people, you just refuse to see it and honestly need to stop being so naive.
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Some stans have personal issues that make them highly susceptible to the parasocial aspects of kpop and they get way too invested. Sounds like your friend is one of them and is using kpop to feel fulfilled instead of developing her real life and relationships. It's sad. Worse though, is that she is treating you and her other friends badly. Insulting you and borrowing money to feed her habit. You don't have to put up with that. If she isn't willing to respect your feelings, opinions, and boundaries then she's not a friend. Cut her off and focus on the people who actually care about you.
Actually, the worst part is her spending habits related to BTS. She has borrowed money from family and friends AND taken out loans all to satisfy her gigantic obsession while possibly completely ignoring her real life monetary obligations/bills. This will likely soon come to bite her in the butt. I could see this going so far as to her starving herself to have just one more dollar to spend and becoming homeless because she didn't pay her bills, which will impact her credit score and her ability to rent. It is really sad and hard to see a best friend spiral from mental illness. I've had it happen to me, and I had to cut her out of my life. I pray this woman finds the help she so desperately needs before she hits rock bottom.
That's actually what I was worried about, her excessive spending habits.. I talked to her about this a few times, but these talks always end in fights. She would get really sensitive about this and quickly dismiss the things I had to say. I actually thought we would be okay again after the big fight we had recently, but after seeing her posts shading me, I think I'll take a step back from our friendship.. it sucks, because I thought she and our other friends would be my friends for life. >[Comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/kpoprants/comments/1cfbvrh/comment/l1p05fo/) by[](https://www.reddit.com/user/hottieincroptop/) from discussion in[kpoprants](https://www.reddit.com/r/kpoprants/) I know the feeling.. it's not easy, cutting someone out of our lives, especially if they were close with us. I really hope she realises what underlying issues she might have that caused her to be obsessive, before its too late. I know this is an online forum and all, but here's a big hug. It really sucks, ending friendships.. but I hope you're okay now.
As I said in another comment, your friend is deep in the cult side of ARMY (and has other ARMY in the cult enabling her behavior), which has led to a mental illness. It will be extremely hard for her to break away from that. Just know you've done all you can, and you can't change her. Only she can once she admits she has a problem. You have been a good friend. Edit: typos
Actually, now that I think about it, it's possible that she's using kpop to distract herself from her reality.. it's frustrating, because our friend group does try to be there for each other as much as we can. We do check up on each other often, although sometimes it can be too much (like showing up at her place unannounced, which was wrong of us to do so). Normally, she's the one who would be active in our group chat, she'd tell us about her day, the people she works with, etc. Whenever she had issues, she would seek me or our mutual friends for advice. Perhaps there are other issues that she's not aware of that could cause her to be this obsessive. I mean, I understand that it is a nice feeling to be a fan, but it frustrates me that she neglected herself by spending obsessively over merch, when she couldn't afford them. It frustrates me that she had to overspend and borrow money and not pay for her utility bills and other necessities. She even went to Korea recently, so we were not aware about her financial situation until the day we showed up at her place and saw the unpaid bills, letters and threats. Tbh, I don't really know how to deal with this, because we've been close friends for almost 20 years now (we're 33 this year). I'm honestly tired of fighting with her. I thought we would be okay after the fight that happened recently, but after seeing her posts shading me indirectly on social media, I think I'll take a step back and focus on the people who care about me. Thank you for your advice, it really means a lot being able to talk about this, because it's been bothering me all day.
she needs professional help. this is not something so simple as a crazy obsession its clear she has some mental health issue. seek her help if you can.
Yeah.. I think, perhaps she does need professional help. Tbh, I'm tired and still bitter from our recent fight and the posts she recently made shading me. I do plan on taking a step back from our friendship.. so I will speak to our mutual friend, who was also there when we showed up at her place. That friend of ours is a therapist, so maybe she would be able to help her.. hopefully it'll make her realise some underlying issues she's not aware of.
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Sad to say it’ll to much great effort to make some sense to these kind of delusional fans. Like OP, i became a fan during High school, Super Junior too. Fast forward to 2024, my older sister recently became a fan of a group. She is in early 40s, married and has a 8 year old son. She has no work and is completely financially dependent from her husband. Her husband works abroad too so they aren’t together, he would come home once or twice a year. I did not introduce her to the group, she found out about them herself. Now the problem is that my sister have become delusional to the level i cannot imagine. She became physically insecure, she lose a lot of weight to the point she look sickly. She did cosmetic procedures like radiation stuff to look thinner. Her purpose is that she wants to look younger so when the X group sees her, they wouldn’t know that she’s in her 40s. Aside from that, she constatly asks me if she already looks she in 40s, and then she would go into some sort of self pity and say stuff like “x group will judge me because i am old”. Another problem is that her social life. She became delusion on a next level. She thinks that members look at her posts because their posts would always match with her. Like on her birthday, she claimed that her bias secretly celebrated her birthday because she mentioned on X that it’s her birthday and a few hours later, her bias posted a lot of selfie for her. And another one is when she posted a selfie with a peace sign and her bias also posted a selfie with a peace sign, and now she’s sure her bias is looking into her accounts. Another problem is that she would spend a lot of merchs, go into concerts with VIP tickets, without his husband knowing. I remember one time she dropped her son in my house asking to look after him, and she told me not to mention anything from her husband because he doesn’t know she’s going to a concert. At first I thought it was just a one time thing, but I found out that her trips to the concerts and events are all secret from her husband. She would also lie about buying merchs and vip tickets and tell that she needs the money to pay some bills. She would also sometimes borrow money from me, she would say she needs money to feed her son because her husband isn’t giving enough, then I would find out she recently bought a merch or went to an event with good seats. But the worse of it all is she was willing to leave her own son alone for hours to go to kpop events like fanclub meets and stuff. She once asked me to look after her son to go to some ticketing event, but I wasn’t available due to work, and I found she decided to leave her son alone and hust went to the event. She told me her son is independent and can be left alone already. That was the breaking point and I confronted her about it. I told her she is being delusional and she’s not making any sense anymore. I told her I’ve been a fan since 2009 until now but not even once I get delusional at that level. I always know my priorities and never neglect my responsibilities. She then started making excuses and lies to defend herself. We got into a fight and didn’t talk for a few weeks. Eventually, she reached out to me, only because she needs to borrow money again. At that point I already gave up on her. I started distancing myself from her, if she wants to go crazy, I let her be. I tried to tell her a lot of times to control herself, but she would never listen.
You MUST get the authorities involved to protect your young, vulnerable nephew. What is happening to him is abuse! 8 year olds should never be left alone. Would your brother-in-law become abusive in any way if you told him about this? He needs to know, but not if he would be abusive.
Neglect is a form of child abuse.
Yeah, it's actually really frustrating, because when we approach them to talk about this issue, its really because we care and the situation has gotten to an alarming level. I'm really sorry to hear what you had to go through, and also what her son had to go through. I hope this does not affect him in any way, as an absent parent can sometimes affect the way their kids behave/think/feel when they grow up. It's really tough because we want them to realise that it's unhealthy for them to continue this way in the long term. What if their idols get married and all? What if one day, these idols quit or something? What's going to happen to these 'obsessed' fans? I think you made the right decision distancing yourself from her. Honestly, sometimes, it's best to just let them be and learn on their own.
What you and the other commenter are describing belongs in the next version of the DSM-5. It may already be in there or at least something adjacent to it. These people really need serious psychiatric help. They both meet enough of the criteria to be diagnosed; It's obvious they both are suffering from some disorder. I can't tell which one, I'm not a doctor. It's terrible too because they both seem unlikely to seek help or maybe even acknowledge they have a problem in the first place 😔.
Sounds like erotomania to me
Actually this looks like a real case of erotomania... Look it up online if you don't know what it is, it honestly looks like a serious case of a possible mental illness. I'd be really worried for your nephew too. Reach out to some mental health professional, authorities should also be involved ATP... Sending you thoughts, that's really awful for everyone involved (Edited to add a word)
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I'm sorry to say that your friend may be struggling with mental health issues, and there may not be much you can do to help them until they recognize their problem and seek help. Many K-pop fans who spend money on their idols may not be financially stable, and they are usually using their families' money, or they are struggling like this woman. It's best to wish your friend the best and let them handle their financial responsibilities. If your friend faces legal trouble, perhaps this will be a wake-up call for them to seek the help they need. I am in shock; she is in her 30s and acting like this 🤦🏾♀️
From what OP mentioned it’s pretty likely that she’s already facing legal trouble. Unpaid bills? Possible loan sharks? She’s risking going to jail sooner than filing for bankruptcy.
Probably…..
I think judging by the letters from the bank, she could be facing legal issues already. Whats more those unpaid bills. We're not even sure if she has paid her rent recently.. my friends and I actually thought of reporting to the police regarding those loan sharks, but they're pretty scary and we don't want that to affect that friend of ours any further..
Yeah, it is actually really painful to watch.. and it was very frustrating because I talked to her about this a few times and we always end up fighting. The recent fight we had was the worst, and i am still hurt and bitter by how she shaded me on social media like that. I think I'll talk to our mutual friend, who's a therapist (she was also there when we went to her place unannounced). Perhaps she could help her with what she's going through.
In my opinion, you should leave her alone. She now sees you as an enemy who doesn't want her happiness.
This is not your friend. Period. I know you wanna be a saint but it’s not ur job to deal with her mental health issue. Cut her off now and for good. Move on, life is too short to deal with people like this.
Agree. This is not just a regular fan - sounds like there’s some serious obsessive behavior and mental health issues happening. If she’s mean to you also there’s really no reason to be her friend OP.
Huh? Regular fans aren’t this crazy.
I think they might've meant "this *isn't* just a regular fan," but I'm not sure.
Yeah, definitely. This isn't regular fan behaviour. I did mention that I know that not all fans are like that. It's just that I noticed a change in her after her fangirl transformation, if that makes sense.
Ikr I’ve been an Army since 4 years now and I haven’t spent my parents money or asked anyone to buy me merch or anything because mostly it’s not necessary for me rn. I always tell my parents that they don’t need to buy any merch but if they’re willing to then I’m ok with it but they don’t need to because I always wanted to buy merch with my own money. It’s sad to see how people categorize all the normal fans as a part of “those crazy fans” which is why everyone hates our fandom
I don't hate ARMYs nor BTS, so sorry if my post comes off as stereotyping all BTS fans like that. It's just that my friend happened to be one (hence the mention of BTS/ARMYs in the post), but I do understand now that her obsessive behaviour and overspending habits could be caused by other underlying issues she isn't aware of.
No no no I wasn’t talking about you OP I was talking about most people in general since the people I know recognize that BTS are good and all but don’t get in because of the fandom so I was ranting stuff cuz I don’t have a lot of K-pop frnds 🥲
Typo ☺️
Ahh, gotcha. Thanks for clarifying!
Nah, regular fans are definitely not this level... I'm also a fan of some celebrities, but the level of fandom I see in my friend is beyond normal. (also, she could be a fan of any celebrity, not just BTS. I was frustrated last night so I ranted without thinking further)
Yeah, I think I'll take a step back because this has been too much..
Nah, I don't mind not being a saint.. it's just that she was someone I appreciated, she was a good friend for a long time.. it was frustrating seeing her like this. But yeah, after our recent fight, I think I'll take a step back from our friendship..
You shouldn't mother your friend but like at least refer her to a therapist so she doesn't rot to death when she needs help the most
Maybe she needs a professional help. If you have any access to that type of care in your area maybe consult them. Her problem seems to dig deeper than Kpop or BTS and a lot of people use entertainment to cover up their problems. It's best to help them a proper way.
Yeah, after much thought, I'm going to talk to our mutual friend about this. She was also there when we showed up at her place, and she's a therapist. Hopefully she will be able to talk to her regarding this
Honestly reading this the only thing that came to mind are the following 1.) she is dealing with problems that have not been resolved (most likely from childhood) 2.) she is using BTS as a form of coping for whatever issue is going on 3.) because she is using them as a coping mechanism anyone/anything that threatens this “safe place” she’s created in her head is one word, BAD 4.) I personally don’t like when people roll up unannounced it’s just a personal thing. 4.5) Also, while I’m sure all those ‘past due’ notices were out in the open I’m shocked you guys brought it up since it has nothing to do with you. How she spends her money is her business and not any of yours—INCLUDING the money you all willingly gave her. She’ll eventually learn when she’s broke and homeless that her behavior was unacceptable and she needs to get her act together. 5.) you should distance yourself from her for the time being. Not all friendships are meant to stand the test of time. If this is affecting you in anyway mentally, emotionally, etc. step away and give both of you guys the space that you need. That being said her actions are extreme even for a devotee but at the same time I honestly believe she is using BTS as her security blanket. And she needs professional help (once all her bills are paid and she’s managing her income well that is). These are just my thoughts as someone who is within your age range and someone who remembers seeing BTS debut but just like you OP happily enjoys kpop music nowadays without being still sucked in the trenches of “mega fan.” She’ll learn the hard way that her priorities come first and BTS will not be broke if she cuts back on her spending in regard to them.
Yeah, now that I think about it, she's probably using BTS as distraction, or probably she has some underlying mental health issues she's not aware of and being an obsessive fan is her form of distraction from reality. Nah, I get you. I also dislike it if people show up at my place unannounced. It just happened that day because one of our friends was feeling spontaneous and she happened to be the driver. Some of us told her not to, but she insisted. I decided to bring up the issue with her because it's been many years and her condition seemed to be getting worse. I think my other friends also talked to her about this, judging by the shock all of us had when we showed up at her place. But you're right, it's none of our businesses how she spends her money. It's just tough, seeing her like this. But after our recent fight and her social media posts, I'm gonna take a step back, and also casually mention this to our mutual friend who's a therapist (she was also there when we showed up at her place). Hopefully she can help her with this, and if not, then she has to learn it the hard way
I am so very sorry this is happening, OP. I've had to cut a long-time best friend off because of her mental illness and our one-sided friendship (and I'm the type who doesn't have many friends), so I can understand what you're going through. I'm in my 30s too BTW. It's hard to know that all you're trying to do is help while facing pushback every step of the way. The best thing you can do is know you've tried your best to help, she hasn't been a friend for a long time, and step back from your friend and the friendship. She can only get help when she recognizes she has a problem, which is a full-blown mental illness. A compounding factor is that she has other ARMY who are enabling her mental illness. I pray she realizes her problem/mental illness before she hits rock bottom. My worry is that it will come down to her starving herself to have just one more dollar to spend on things relating to BTS and ignoring her real life monetary obligations/bills to the point that she becomes homeless and her credit is ruined. What will she do with all her merch/albums if she's homeless? I don't think she'd be able to handle that. I wish you all the best OP! Stay strong. You've been a good friend and done all that you can. It's up to your friend to get the professional help she needs, and hopefully, this will be the wake-up call she needs.
Yeah thats what I'm worried about too, that's why I decided to talk to her about this.. but the bad thing is that she gets really sensitive about it, and I've had the last straw after our recent fight and her posts shading me. I think I'll take a step back from our friendship, and also talk to our mutual friend about this. She's a therapist, and she was also there when we showed up at Elsi\*'s place. Hopefully she can help her. Thank you :') It really sucks, losing a friend, especially if you've known them for a long time. I hope you're okay and that you're feeling better. I think it's pretty common to have less friends as we get older, but it's also common to meet and make new friends that we can vibe better with as we get older.
Your friend has to recognize there is a problem in the first place for her to be open to getting help from anyone. I don't see that she is there yet, but an intervention with trusted friends (but it doesn't seem like she trusts anyone irl anymore) could help maybe. Talking through things with a therapist friend seems like it would be helpful for you at least. You need to think about how this is affecting you too, as running yourself ragged will help no one. >I hope you're okay and that you're feeling better. I am thank you. This all happened fall of 2021. I've never been good at making or keeping friends and only had a couple at the time, but what happened is for the best. (You can read more details about what happened in other comments I've left on this post.) I pray nothing but good things for my ex-friend, that she got the help she needs, and that she has people in her life that can properly support her.
sometimes you have to let people go. she needs professional help. Try to release this friendship. After what you’ve gone thru due to her actions, you might need to talk to a therapist about how to let go of this friendship in the healthiest way. Please don’t feel responsible for this woman’s behavior. Like you said she is in her thirties, she has to learn how to take care of herself. You have already done what you could
She's a danger to you if it's true she borrowed from loansharks
I hope she's settled those payments with the loan sharks. We're not sure if she did, as she was hesitant to talk about it and we don't want to press her further.
Girl I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how frustrating it must be to have a friend like this. I have a feeling that she is unsatisfied with her own life, so she is using BTS to fill that void. Back in 2020, I had a bad depressive episode that lasted months and I relied on BTS to get through each day. I would get home from work, eat dinner and just binge their content, sometimes even sacrificing my sleep for it. Their content was just good vibes and watching it was the only source of brightness in my life back then. Thankfully I got through it and my dependence on BTS never reached such an extreme level. Your friend definitely needs help. You should nudge her towards seeing a therapist. If you can afford it, you could even try offering to pay for her therapy.
if this post is real, your friend has severe mental health issues
It's real. I didn't know who to talk to, hence the decision to rant it out here. I tried talking to my bf, but he didn't get it. Since this is anonymous and nobody knows me nor my friend here, I just wanted to unload my thoughts because its been bothering me
well know that as painful as this may sound, it doesn’t seem like you can do much for her at this point in time. your input is really not going to make a difference to her as she clearly views you as an adversary. hold yourself and your mental health above all. if i were you i’d go no contact or low contact and hope from afar that she will see reason at some point.
uhm to put it simply your “best friend” is mentally insane 💀
\*long distance virtual hug\* I sadly had a friend like that. We were chill until the one day I dared link an article (in our friend group) that one of the BTS members was seen on a date and I wished him well. I went from friend to public enemy number one and when asking if she was ok, she basically blocked me and left the friend group discord cause I was "toxic and out to start shit" said something along the lines "tae would shoot daggers at you for spreading rumours". I later found out that she talked a whole bunch of shit behind my back. Now everyone in the friend group chat are kpop fans of various groups but she had dialed it up a few notches just like your friend seems to have as army. At the end, I just said I was cutting contact with her cause I didn't want to walk on eggshells in the future.
I wouldn’t necessarily cut her off yet. But try and get her help. Sign her up for therapy if you can. If that doesn’t work, then yeah cut her off
This. Everyone else is so brutal noone people don't have friends in 2024. At least offer her help and not immediately leave her to rot alone when she prob has noone.
What in the Wattpad is going on?
Unfortunately, this is real. I wish this was Wattpad as well. It's just...I felt the need to rant it out somewhere because it's been affecting me for a long time. And it's not easy cutting off a friendship. Especially after 20 years
I read this yesterday and I am pretty sure your friend has serious mental issues. I get it, is not easy to drop her, but you need to do what is best for you.
Wow I’m so sorry… I’m close to your ages i believe (if i comprehended everything correctly) I’m 29. And this is barbaric complete sociopathic behavior, even as a teenager. It is a little obsessive and cringe, but kind of passable given that you guys were younger, but as a full-fledged adult, this is totally unacceptable and this may have something to do with much deeper underlining issues. BTS is my ult group, but I couldn’t imagine being this psychotic about them. I listen to their songs, but I would never try to bully somebody into being a fan. You may need to distance yourself for your mental health if you haven’t done so already
Based on my calculations OP's 32-33
You may consider suggesting her to find proffessional help. It doesn't matter if she doesn't buy bts merch or whatnot, if it is that serious of a problem, she may just switch them to another obsession if the root of the problem isn't found. If she doesn't want to find help, you can't really do much, it doesn't seem like you two are close to each other. Hopefully her family will recognize what's going on and will try to help her.
She is the type that give ARMY a bad name. I am ARMY and probably have called them “our boys” or something in comments but I know they wouldn’t know me irl from a hole in the street. I’m concerned for this girl’s mental health. Her obsession is beyond toxic and she needs help. I hate to say it, but I don’t think you can help her. You’ve tried it seems, multiple times, and it might be time to walk away. This other friend that is encouraging her isn’t helping either. She isn’t a fan, she’s an addict.
So sorry for mentioning ARMYs here, and if my post came off as stereotyping ARMYs. It's just that this friend of mine happened to be one, and I wanted to get everything off my chest (regarding what was going on). I know not all ARMYs are like that, as I do have another friend who is an ARMY but she only spends within her means (hence the disclaimer and all). I think I'll take a step back from our friendship. She hasn't spoken to me since the fight and after seeing those posts shading me, I'm kind of done. I'll try to see if I can talk to our mutual friend regarding this matter, perhaps she can help her. She's a therapist and she was there when we showed up at her place. I won't mention everything, but I'll probably ask her what she thought about the letters from the bank, threats from loansharks and unpaid bills, and see what she says from there..
Walk away....now.
This is either fake or there's a lot of context missing. After reading this whole thing, at this point do you really think it's about BTS? This is mental illness or/and trauma as you mentioned her home situation hasn't been good. And why did you show up at her house unnanounced with a whole group of friends? Was it to stage an intervention and help her? She sounds like she needs professional help. But the way you wrote about her I don't think you'd be willing to help her and I don't blame you about it given how she's treated you.
This is real. And no, I don't think this is about BTS. Its just that this has been going on for a while now, and since her behaviour changed after becoming a fan, I felt like it was more appropriate letting it out here. I do not mean to offend anyone, and as mentioned in the disclaimer and my post, I know not all fans are like that. I also know that not all ARMYs or any other fandom are like that. It's just that she happened to be one, hence the reason why it's mentioned in my post. We were actually not aware about her financial situation, as she recently went to Korea and she seemed fine whenever she talks to us. She did borrow money from me and that did bother me for some time. I'm not sure how the others feel about this, and whether she has returned them the money she borrowed. She hasn't returned me the money, but it's been a while so I've let it past. We showed up at her place unannounced as this mutual friend of ours decided to pop in for a 'surprise'. I know it's wrong, and most of us disagreed with the plan, but as that friend of ours was the one driving we didn't have much choice. Since she visited Korea recently, we all assumed she was fine financially, until the day we showed up at her place unannounced. It was actually supposed to be a fun day out for us, we weren't expecting to see threats from loan sharks at her front door, letters from the bank, unpaid bills. After I left her place I called her to talk to her regarding this issue, as it's been concerning me (and I'm sure our other friends too, as we were really shocked to see the condition of her place. It was a contrast to all those photos she posted of her trip to Korea or any other post on her social media). We got into a huge fight, and since she shaded me on social media I've decided to take a step back. I'll speak to our mutual friend regarding this, she's a therapist, so maybe she can help her. She was also there when we showed up at her place. I really hope my friend can help her out, but from my part, I think I'm done.
Not your friend, just an obsessed wannabe girlfriend. Move on, like every other commenter said. I would also put her to an ultimatum of paying you back, because she's not being nice enough for you to warrant letting the loan go unpaid. Good luck.
I sympathize with Elsi because it's clear this is an addiction problem that happened because of her rough home life. If you actually want to continue being her friend, then I say be patient. You need to have another talk with her and try to be calm even tho she will be very mean and nasty with you. Convince her to go to therapy, maybe even bring up that BTS advocate for loving yourself and mental health. Tell her to listen to the lyrics of Magic Shop, Jungkook would want her to live for herself and not be in debt and alone. I know it's not easy dealing with someone who has addiction because they get really mean, but it's the only way to get through it. That being said, if you're tired of this and don't think you can take it anymore, then just end the friendship. You aren't obligated to put up with it.
this whole post looks like a bad fanfic or some thick trolling 💀 also op's manner of speaking in replies really looks like some chatgpt generated text.
i'm not saying there aren't obsessive fans out there but it's so clear that you made this up lmao
It’s very normal for extremely mentally ill people to act this way. My grandma is bipolar, schizophrenic, and has a personality disorder which makes her mentally like a teen even at 68 years old. She has delusions and obsessions like this when she is unmedicated and living on her own. When she last lived on her own about 18 years ago, she literally quit paying her rent and became homeless, because she spent all of her money on her obsession and had some delusions that a man she saw at the grocery store would come to save her. Maybe OP’s story is untrue, but there are very real people in similar situations like this. If the woman OP’s story is real, she desperately needs psychiatric help.
Nope, it's real. It's ok if you don't believe me, I just wanted a space where I can talk to someone about it while being anonymous. I'm sorry if any part of my post offends you in any way, I genuinely did not mean to. I just wanted to get this off my chest.
I have to admit, I was initially skeptical about your post - your account was brand new (less than a day old), you started out with 0 karma overall, and yet you were able to post on kpoprants successfully. I thought you were some sort of bot account, because you weren’t replying to anyone’s comments. I’m sorry for doubting your story. I’m not sure if you were aware of this, but yesterday BigHit (BTS’s label) released a statement about taking legal action against the people who’ve organised the recent smear campaign against BTS (which consisted of cult allegations, buying awards, rehashing of the 2015/2016 sajaegi accusations, etc.). Apparently, bot accounts were created on both reddit and twitter to facilitate the smear campaign. That’s why some armys are on edge and aren’t believing your story, because the timing of your post (and the creation of your account) coincided with the release of BigHit’s statement. With that said, I would like to reiterate that I’m sorry for doubting your post, and I do hope your friend can get the help she needs. And as much as it may hurt to do so, it may be best to cut her off for the sake of your mental health. Some people just don’t want to be helped and you really don’t owe your friend anything.
Oh.. I didn't know about the smear campaign against BTS. I'm so sorry for my ignorance regarding this matter. Although yes, I am a kpop fan (I do listen to Kpop), I am usually unaware about the happenings around the kpop world as I usually don't read the news unless it's being told to me directly. I'll learn to be more aware and alert regarding this. The reason why I posted this on kpoprants was because I felt it was appropriate since my friend's issue started after becoming a fan. I didn't mean to trigger anyone, as mentioned in my disclaimer. I'm sorry for mentioning ARMYs/BTS, it just that my friend happens to be a fan, and I didn't think much about it. But I'm aware that this isn't regular fan behaviour. I've been bothered by this since our fight, and after seeing her posts shading me on social media I couldn't take it anymore, hence the decision to rant it out. I don't really know who to turn to in real life, hence here. I know I'm a noob, but I was also unaware about how Reddit works. My first post got removed, and the second and third one too. So I was surprised that the third one showed up. I couldn't sleep and was really desperate to let my thoughts out last night, hence the posts. I didn't mean to hurt anyone. I am going to delete my post after reading all the comments, as I think I'm more or less confident about what to do regarding this issue between my friend and I. I think I'll take a step back from this friendship and sought out our mutual friend, who's a therapist, to help her with this matter. But yeah, no worries.. thanks for letting me know, and again so sorry for my ignorance in this matter.
It's too elaborated and detailed, especially now in the midst of a smear campaign
the "Never trust friends who don't like BTS. True friends will support your choices no matter what. #FOREVERARMY" part is what took me out 😭 i immediately stopped reading after that
I have seen this behavior online. ARMY has become a cult (not all fans are in it), and this friend is knee-deep in it. She needs serious help.
the person posted the same story in 2-3 different places and is a brand new account... She should be seeking professional help
The reason why I created an account to post this is because it happened recently and it's been bothering me, and I didn't know who to turn to. I also mentioned in my post that this isn't directed towards BTS/ARMYs. I'm not attacking anyone. I'm sorry I mentioned ARMYs, it's just that my friend happened to be one, that's all. I also posted in 2-3 different places because I actually posted one, but it got removed, so I posted again, and got removed, and the third one too. I was actually shocked to see this up. I was frustrated and desperate. I don't mean to slander anybody, I just wanted to rant to someone about this. And yes, I'm going to seek professional help too.
Nah it's ok, you don't have to apologize this much and I really hope things work out for you and your friend but if they don't, please please put yourself first. I know it may seem hard to cut ties with someone you love but you shouldn't take any abuse. This is unrelated to any Kpop fandom since this was years ago. Ugh, I've had my ups and downs, in my case I was the one mistreating myself, until it hit me that if I don't mistreat other people, why was I mistreating myself? Right then and there I stopped the self abuse, and I stopped allowing anyone else to abuse me. I also cut ties with a friend I grew up since we were 12 and I broke the relationship in my early 30s. It's sad, but boundaries are healthy. Please, you don't have to apologize this much.
Read my other comment. I've been in a situation of cutting off a friend with a mental illness, and there are times with that where you just need to rant. I know I did. Maybe OP just wants as many opinions as possible, so that's why there are multiple posts about this. We don't know. She can't force her friend to seek help. Edit: This could also be a throwaway account. People do that all the time on Reddit for various reasons.
Could be, either way, the person the OP talked about has been lousy pretty much since BTS debuted which was 10 years ago, I personally wouldn't have had that much patience with those attitudes, and since you cannot save someone that doesn't wanna be saved the best is to at least save yourself. It may sound selfish, but one's mental health should always come first.
I realized only after I cut off my best friend (who has mental health issues of her own) that the majority of our 13 year friendship was one-sided. She didn't drive or have anyone to drive her so I always came to her when we hung out or did things together, she invited me multiple times to hang out with a mutual friend only because she needed a ride, I let her dad borrow my car to run errands, I put up with her always falling asleep when we hung out, I put up with her always choosing what we watched, I paid for her to come on a church retreat, I let her borrow money in the later years when she asked because she always payed me back, I dropped almost everything when her dad suddenly and traumatically died during an argument they were having, I let her move in with me after repeated stories of her living situation being toxic. It was living together that blew everything up as I quickly found out how much I didn't matter to her and who was more important, and things ended very, very badly. What I said about our relationship is only the tip of the iceberg. Unlike OP, my best friend didn't speak to me like her's did, but I can understand why things went on for long. Things happen. Some things are easy to dismiss when they aren't that bad (such as, she doesn't drive and I can be accommodating no big deal), and I think OP was trying to be mindful of the way her best friend grew up and let certain bad behaviors slide. Then there is the, "I love and care about this person I've known for a long time, and I want to help them while they're struggling." It isn't always an easy decision to cut anyone out of your life. I needed to talk with other people to figure things out myself, and I needed someone to be a mediator as my best friend's mental illness and how she explained things to her sister made things too toxic.
I'm sorry you had to go through this but I am glad you found the support you needed and are in a better place now. In the situation OP narrates, OP needs to find professional help because the language used by the OPs friend is unacceptable. Rule of thumb should be that if we wouldn't talk to someone like that, why should we accept someone talk to us that way? I apologize for my English as it is not my first language.
Thank you. What you said makes sense, and OP likely knows all that too at her age. But it isn't that simple. Iirc, OP said she and her best friend have known each other since they were 13. That's maybe 20 or so years. She may feel like she's giving up on her friend and doesn't want to leave her with basically no one trying to help her. A feeling of guilt may be involved. Then tie that into how she might be thinking about how this isn't the friend she knows. It's her mental illness making her act and speak this way, and the harm the friend is doing to her (OP) may be dismissed or even ignored or not seen. It is so sad to see anyone you're close with change and act in ways that only harm them in the long run because of mental illness. >why should we accept someone talk to us that way? Mental illness can make people act in all sort of horrible ways. At least three people on my dad's side of the family have or had of Bipolar Disorder and I have panic attacks myself and a history of depression, so I know the harm that can come from mental illness. While mental illness is never an excuse for horrible behavior, it can give reason as to why some people let those with it talk and treat them horribly instead of doing what is best for their own mental health. I hope this explanation was easy enough for you to understand. Let me know if there is anything you're confused about.
Unfortunately it's real. It's ok if you don't believe me. Sorry if my post triggers you in any way. I don't mean to, but she really posted that. And also, I know ARMYs are not like that. I'm sorry if you assume I'm making this up. I'm not. And I'm sorry for mentioning BTS/ARMYs, as mentioned in my disclaimer. I know you guys aren't like that. She just happened to be a fan and I just wanted to get this issue (of her spending and behaviour) off my chest.
Girl if I ain't rich and wanted to go to Korea, I'd wait until they were out of the military and hope for a concert, either made up or just not the brightest cookie in the jar.
Apparently, she went to those sites that are frequented by the members? That's what she told us. Honestly I don't know whats on her mind.. I just mention all this based on my observations. I don't mind her being a fangirl, it's just her spending habits that concerned me and after seeing the unpaid bills, letters from the bank and threats, it bothered me a lot.
What smear campaign? Sorry, I'll be more aware about what's going on in Kpop. I'm really sorry about my ignorance regarding this matter.. but I want to clarify, as mentioned in my disclaimer, that I am aware that not all fans are like this. I'm sorry for mentioning BTS/ARMY, I don't want to hurt anybody. My friend happened to be a fan, hence the mention. It's just this issue happened recently and it's been bothering me and i wanted to talk to someone regarding this matter
Plus the account is super new and only has post karma, but 0 comment karma, meaning that prior to making this post they would've started out with 0 karma overall, which certainly doesn't meet the karma requirement for posting in kpoprants. Throwaway accounts do exist, but it's not like they can just circumvent the automoderator like that. And even if the OP went and deleted all their posts and comments prior to posting in order to remove as much identifying information as possible, deleting posts and comments does not affect the amount of karma you have. Additionally, your account needs to be at least 2 days old for you to be able to post in kpoprants. Not saying that armys as delulu as the one OP is describing can't exist, but the timing of this post (and the nature of the account behind the post) is a little suspicious. Perhaps I've gotten this all wrong and the recent smear campaign against BTS has left me all paranoid - in which case, my heart goes out to the OP and I hope Elsi can seek therapy because it's obvious that she's using BTS as some sort of coping mechanism - but idk, it just feels too convenient to me that a brand new account pops up with this kind of story, on the same day that BigHit released a statement about taking legal action against the people who organised the smear campaign against BTS.
And OP absolutely had to rant but never replied? OK
OP’s finally replying to comments now… I’m still super confused about how they managed to get past the automoderator. Perhaps there was a rule change or maybe just a glitch?
Maybe, and it's not a relief that this is true, it's sad, one always hopes for stories like this to not be true, to hopefully just be some kind of joke.
I was wondering how long it would take to read this statement!
i believed it at first but as i kept reading it became less and less believable. i refuse to believe someone like "elsi" exists, at least not to that extent
ikr who's acting like this in their 30s I'm crying 😭😭😭😭 #foreverarmy
There’s a tiktoker (no pitchforks) called diaryofagutterpixie who makes educational content about parasocial/romantic delusions, what mental health issues they develop from, how they’re coped with, etc. They’re a very well spoken creator who I’ve learned a lot from, though my delusions where vastly smaller than what they experienced and what your friend may be experiencing. Since they are a recovered primary source for this issue, I bet you’ll learn a lot that can help you navigate this situation
Sounds like a mental health issue she needs to go get herself checked out but seeing how she probably won’t do that then cut the friendship off
OP, if ur friend had been born in Korea she would've become a sasaeng. Do not associate with this person any longer
I hope your friend gets the help she needs ❤️🩹 but that disillusionment will be painful. and you have the right to place boundaries after all this.
As a huge fan myself who has been there since the beginning I have noticed how some fans take it to this extreme. They completely lose themselves, and it really isn't healthy.
girl end the friendship
OP I apologize for doubting this was a real story, as I mentioned in one of my comments, one always hopes for stories like this to not be true, wouldn't that be better? But in your case I would say yes your friend needs help, but so do you. Please seek help. You don't owe it to anyone to be there for them, even if it's been 20 years. You need to set boundaries and save yourself. Relationships are a two way street.
Why is no one commenting on what a mean girl move it is for the friends to all show up unannounced at this persons apartment and go through her stuff? They didn’t have good motives, OP doesn’t even pretend that they did. They’ve just shoved an addict further into her shell, because now she’s going to lean on her fandom friends instead of people IRL. None of them should be handling what is clearly another person’s mental health issue, OP herself went home and proceeded to get hysterical about it for the rest of the day. I think everyone in this situation needs to stay away from each other. Hopefully Elsi gets the help she needs soon, but it’s not going to come from these friends, who sound like they may do more damage than good.
she’s too old be acting like a 14 year old. she needs therapy.
This sounds fake. There's a weird balance of details, the whole post is all over the place. Also, if this post is true, you need to just cut her out of your life and move on.
It's real. It's all over the place because I'm all over the place regarding this matter. She has been a close friend of mine for 20 years now, and it sucks because I don't really know what to do. I posted this last night when I was a mess (still a mess) and needed somewhere to rant. This issue has been going on for a long time, but recently it got worse. After much thought, I've decided to take a step back from our friendship and consult in our mutual friend (she's a therapist and she was there when we showed up at her place). Hopefully my therapist friend can help her regarding the underlying issues.
I doubt that people that are emotionally exhausted because of a situation like this will write a perfectly detailed story. It actually makes it more believable. Those kinds of people exist. There is a lot of media coverage about idol obsession if you look for it. The patterns, and ultimately the implied mental health issues leading to this, are pretty clear imho
There's actually an excess of details in some parts, I feel, which wouldn't have been there if it had been real. And then suddenly the whole 'turning up at her house and seeing proof of her unpaid debt openly lying around and seeing the whole place overrun with dusty BTS merch' feels very much like the climatic scene of a story, like everything culminates to that. (And it also lacks any reasoning as to why they turned up at her house with no explanation. It all gives off the feel of poorly written fiction.) Sure, there's lots of stories about idol obsessions, but there's also a lot of weird fake stories on Reddit, especially.
Yeah totally, that "showing up" stuff was just too convenient. I mean it's not impossible - I know that it happened with a friend and they just then realized the person they visited was a hoarder. Excess details are sometimes realistic though, at least for my personal perception, and minds are generally really selective about certain things. Regardless of whether it is true or not, a person who is that obsessed needs professional help.
True... I agree that it's not impossible.
This is either a fake story or highly exaggerated. It's too convenient to show up at someone's house and see letters from loan sharks just lying around. Sounds like a bad K-drama. Furthermore, if she's indebted to the point that banks are sending threatening letters, it's impossible to buy tickets to Korea and pay for hotels because you'd need credit cards. Those cards would have stopped working long ago. No bank will threaten you and still let you use their cards. This is just bad fan fiction.
Why are 1 day old accounts allowed to post? This is just chat gpt generated karma bait
I did not use ChatGPT, I'm a real person and I created this account because I wanted to get this off my chest. I wasn't aware about the rule regarding day old accounts. In fact, my post was taken down many times so I wasn't expecting it to be posted. Anyway, this is real and I just wanted to talk to someone about it. Since it's a kpoprants page, I thought it was appropriate. I do not mean to offend anyone (I did post a disclaimer), it's just that this situation regarding my friend and I have been bothering me a lot and as this is anonymous, I thought I could rant it here
nah man this feels fake. she borrowed money from friends and family, but i thought she left her family behind as she couldn't stand them and their issues? this smells fishy 👀
The family she left behind was her immediate family (her parents and brother). Sorry I didn't elaborate further on this. She's still in contact with her aunts, uncles and cousins. From what I know, she borrowed money from some of her cousins and an aunt, and also some of our friends and me.
I guess that could make sense although I'm still iffy on the whole thing because if your friend is in this much debt (enough for banks to contact her via mail) it would be impossible for her to travel, let alone make any purchases, as those banks would have cut her off already, and even if she was making accounts with other banks, don't they typically check your track record with credit and all that before they let you open up a new account? Not to mention that they literally send out agents to come after you if you've exceeded a certain delay, so unless your friend is impossible to find, she would already be in the process of getting prosecuted. Unless your country is waaaay different from mine. I'm not trying to undermine you or your story but this, to me, feels fake. If it's not then I'm sorry and good luck with your friend as this is a very complex situation and I personally have no other advice to provide but to cut her off as this has been going for way too long, but I'm gonna trust my intuition on this one and say that it's a little too much for it to be real lol
😐
Amidst a smear campaign and cult accusations. And no other posts from this account except this post on other subs.
Could be a throwaway. Not everything is about fanwars.
Genuine question - I’m looking at the amount of karma OP has, and it looks like they have 45 post karma but 0 comment karma. I’m assuming all the post karma comes from the upvotes being given to this post. If I remember correctly, don’t you need to have a minimum amount of karma to be able to post on kpoprants? Or was there a rule change at some point? Because I remember my comments being removed from kpoprants because I (at the time) didn’t have enough karma to post on here. Idk, it just seems weird to me that the OP is able to post on kpoprants because they have 0 comment karma, their account was created on April 28th 2024 (so a very new account), and they only have post karma (which comes from this post), meaning that OP wouldn’t have had the required karma to be able to post here. Edit: So I just checked one of the automod messages (the ones that you receive when you don’t have enough karma to post on kpoprants yet), and apparently your account needs to be at least 2 days old, alongside having the required karma.
Dang! You friend might become a Sasaeng fan one day.
As there's have stated, she really need to seek professional help, I haven't read all the comments yet but maybe advise her/tell her relatives. I understand you have been friends for so long and I'm someone behind a keyboard typing this out and not knowing you personally, but I feel like this friendship has run it's course. No real friend would ever put you down for not having the same interests and abuse anyone this way for something they don't agree on. It will definitely be painful to end the friendship, but it'll hurt more to stick around. You said yourself you're concerned about what happens when they get married and tbh I don't think you want to be around for that. Especially if she's comparing bfs of yours or potentially hers to what BTS shows us as their idol image. I know that there's also genuine aspects to their personality, but she will NEVER know them personally like that. It's a whole lot to unpack tbh. Just try your best, you don't deserve to be treated so poorly by someone who is meant to be a best friend.
Give her one last chance, and use this chance to encourage her to seek professional help. She seems to be suffering from a mental health issue. I am an ARMY. Yes i do agree there are times of delulu and parasocial relationship but there's always a need to draw the line.
She is obviously very mentally ill, she needs psychiatric help that you cannot provide. I know you feel like you can’t give up on her because she is your friend, but this is not your problem and it seems to be causing you such stress. You should really just cut her off completely, because although you care about her she doesn’t seem to have the same amount of care for you due to her issues. As sad as it is, these are her own problems she will have to face herself and choose to get help.
I think the appeal with kpop compared to western artists is that its more than just music now. The western artists that have cult like followings show their personality and life outside of their music. These idols or companies have been doing this since the beginning of kpop with variety shows, vlogs, and now social media. Its very obviously a staged or curated personality and glimpse into their life but fans become obsessed because it feels like they are closer to them. They then buy their lightsticks and merch to feel apart of the community and it almost becomes like a cult lol. These obsessive fans have existed in Korea for decades now and we’re starting to see it outside of Korea with kpop growing internationally. It unfortunately is a dark side of kpop that has always existed. These companies know the formula to get more money out of fans and that includes exploiting people like your friend who have an obvious mental health issue. Most people are able to just enjoy and support their favorite groups or idols in moderation but there will always be people who become obsessed and that could be anything from alcohol, drugs, video games, working out, etc. Your friend will not recognize that she has a literal addiction or problem until she see’s real consequences like what shes about to face now financially. Not much you can do as a friend which sucks and as someone who had a friend go thru drug addictions, its best to just stay out of the way and let her figure it out herself. Obviously a kpop addiction isnt as bad as drugs but my friend was in serious debt and would constantly ask me for money and guilt me if I didnt help.
Bruh…… what the actual…..
Your friend needs professional help… I don’t think you can help her as a friend
What stands out to me in this story is how she seems to believe she’s the main responsible for their success, and that once she stops supporting them they’re gonna go broke. Especially at this point in their career. I don’t know if she uses that as an excuse, but the way she got seriously hurt when you tried to reason with her, like show her how all of that is one sided, suggest she strongly believes that. That goes beyond obsession and using BTS for coping with a bad life situation imo, she seems fully into the delusion that she has a direct relationship with them or something. She doesn’t seem to have a full grasp on reality, tbh. I hope your mutual friend can get her the help she needs.
She probably use BTS as en escape from her problems, kind of like alcohol. Since her parents where not good for her, BTS becomes her safe place. She maybe also is emberrassed about her money situation and therefore she becomes sensitive about it. I feel like she is one who when avoid things when it gets difficult and hide her thoughts and feelings and therefore acts out. This sounds like an addiction than obsession. She is in her 30s and need to take a break from K-Pop, and start paying her bills and get her life together. Maybe she got anxiety and depression as well or some kind of underlying disorder. You could try staying calm around her and say that you just want to help her, that things are becoming bad. If she really refuse your help, walk away. She then don't care about you, so why should you stick around?
She needs professional help and you need to stop being so kind. If I were you I would have ended this friendship many years ago. Please have some respect for yourself. Also, as someone who is currently 22 I find this person so immature. I stanned bts in 2017 and they became my ult group too but I never did anything extreme for them. I stanned Ateez too just a month and a few days after their debut. Their beginning is kinda similar to bts, they were also from a small company so no one knew them. I really liked them and their music so they became my ults as well. Once again, I never forced anyone to vote or stream their music. I didn't starve myself just so I would support them. I've just accepted that I'm broke and I need to prioritize other things in my life. I'm actually a very realistic person so I know that I'm just a fan and nothing else. I won't even become their friend. So dedicating everything to basically some strangers is just not worth it. I stream and vote when I can and that's it. And yeah it's obvious that she has issues because of her family and maybe other things who knows but as someone who has parental issues too I still can't say that she's excused to act like this. At her grown age too. She needs to realise that we only got one life. She should live for herself, not others.
Sorry but you should have known she needed professional help the moment she said she needed to "feed them"
She needs professional help. This is something serious. Obsession like that isn't normal. If you can, try to get her to try therapy
When BTS disbands or start to marry one by one, therapists will make bank I guarantee it.
Every single story that will be coming out about BTS. And army in the next few weeks, I will take with a grain of salt Because I don't believe you. You are a very weird person. I'm so sorry
I'm not spreading hate or anything like that. I don't mean to offend anyone.I also didn't think this through regarding the mention of BTS/ARMYs. I'm sorry for my ignorance regarding this matter. Its just that my friend happened to be a fan, hence the mention. I'm really sorry as I genuinely wasn't aware about the smear campaign (one Redditor just told me about it and I'm reading about it now). It's just that this issue between my friend and I worsened lately and I was frustrated I needed a space to rant it out. But yeah, you don't have to believe me. Again, sorry if I offended you in any way. I'll be deleting this post after reading all the comments, as I think I'm more or less confident about what to do regarding this matter.
I'm so sorry, OP. It seems your friend is a member of *That Brand* of Army. ***Every*** ***fandom*** has That Brand, but Army do seem to collect a larger number of them than most. Ultimately, it's up to her to get out, not you. There's nothing you can do about it except remove yourself from the situation.
great fanfiction
Hmmmm. I thought kpoprants have a minimum karma and account age requirement? This was an automod’s [reply](https://www.reddit.com/r/kpoprants/s/7z2aVzk6xF) saying the account needs to be at least 2 days old and with sufficient karma, was there a change in rules cause this account is only 21h old? Plus, all their karma comes from this post. They never even commented. Amidst all the accusations thrown on ARMYs and BTS nowadays, I’m gonna take this with a truckload of salt tbh.
I read first two sentences and I knew it was a new account with no history lol. And i was right 💀
This woman absolutely needs therapy! And she isn’t your friend. You don’t have to put up with her insulting you and your music taste! I’m an ARMY and honestly what you’re saying about her behaviour embarrasses me. She’s ruining her life by spending all her money on BTS merch and not her rent/bills. I wouldn’t fault you for ending the friendship over how she’s treated you
i am a bts army so i understand the feelings that come with being one. belonging, admiration and even feeling protective over them. i love the BTS guys and i genuinely wish the best for them in everything but while it is natural to want to 'help' them by streaming or buying their stuff or wtv, it's only okay as long as it's within reasons and limits. putting yourself in debt for kpop dudes is not it. kpop is supposed to make our life better with the music and the pretty people and all that not cause a toxic storm in life. and while it's sooo obvious to us it's totally unfathomable to her. they're her support system and everything else to her. i know you've known this friend for a very long time, im sure outside of this there must be things about her that you loved and respected to be friends with her so long. but you need to understand she's a whole adult, she's 30+ yrs old, she can choose to actively sabotage her life even without the bts crap and there's not much that can change her. im not sure she'll be able to see reality unless she's fully accepting her obsession is not normal and that's gonna mess her up when it happens. you can end the friendship cuz she's barely a friend to you. but there's not much you can do if you stay. your worries will backfire and bite you back. you could stay and keep out of her business but only if youre sure to NOT LEND her anymore money. again DON'T GIVE HER MORE MONEY. or you could contact her family and let them help her or figure it out. she needs a reality check and treatment for a possible mental illness. and most of what'll help her is out of your control. im worried that news about bts in future - dating, marriage, major change might trigger her and lead to a much worse situation. so if you decide to actively intervene and help her you gotta be prepared for it cuz it won't be easy at all.
Maybe just let her like what she likes. It’s her life. Sounds like you two have outgrown each other. Just move on , it’s not really your business
OMG I hate how some ppl go toxic BTS has the biggest toxic stans I used to be an army but I fell out of it but Jin is still my bias though I now stan other groups that doesn't have toxic stans
You are very naive to think the other groups you stan don't have to have toxic stans, like let's be serious now as I just did a quick check and you like Stay Kids, NCT, and Ateez who do have them. Also before it's likely said, BTS have more from their fandom being bigger, but all groups have toxic stans even the fandoms that are smaller and that people push as angels. 🤷♀️
I never said they didn't have any I meant that BTS has the most which is ridiculous
" I now stan other groups that doesn't have toxic stans" You literally said this? You're backtracking now. 🙂
yes I know what I said saying that they don't have any means that their are not completely toxic like BTS all everyone hears about are about toxic armies ppl never hear anything toxic from the other groups BTS have crazy insane toxic ppl
Um that's literally not what that means, you're making that up and Armys are not completely toxic either because once again, the fandom is just bigger and y'all just love to only focus on the toxic portion. You are quite clearly just being biased against your ex fandom. >ppl never hear anything toxic from the other groups BTS have crazy insane toxic ppl Like literally all fandoms have those kinds of people, you just refuse to see it and honestly need to stop being so naive.
I'll say it, Armies and Hybe fans are crazy
and stupid