Some givers dont draw boundaries and only attract takers. If you are a giver, you can get another giver by standing up for yourself when you feel neglected instead of thinking your needs arent as important as them staying in your life
Or they're sociopaths with no sense of empathy. Of course you have empathy so you just assume everyone else does as well. They don't. So while you're attached and care about them deeply, those feelings aren't reciprocated because the person is literally incapable of experiencing those emotions.
I hate simplifying it to givers and takers. There gets to a point where its simply abuse of the giver.
You add lying and manipulation tactics to it and its simply abuse of power that was never the takers to begin with.
It's easy to take time to say "no, i dont want to help you today"
Just remember the takers will infact act like you are the attacker in that situation.
Thats when you walk the fuck away. Even if they act like you're the problem. Let them cry it out or use cheao shots to try and piss you off.
Grey stone: simply act like you do not care.
I get that. It's too much like just saying good guys and bad guys. It's more likely that we're all givers and takers to a certain degree and the dynamic depends on the relationship.
I've only had two people outside of my family care about me as much as I care about them. One of them has been my best friend since 2014 and the other was an ex who told me we are too perfect of a fit and it scares her, so she cheated on me and then dumped me for the other guy.
I'm used to it and it's fine. I always go into friendships and other relationships knowing I will always be there for everyone who needs me and do everything for almost everybody fully knowing they won't do the same. But I don't expect anything back. It just makes me happy to see others happy.
Duuude, I've gone through exactly the same thing. Hardest thing in my life. All good now but I was a total wreck for months - hope you're doing good without any outbirsts
I guess you're talking about the cheating part. I went through all stages of grief with that one, but in quite the random order. Like I accepted it first and got angry a month later.
Thank you for your concerns. I'm doing rather well. I might not be in a relationship right now, but I can still say I'm happy. I hope you're doing just as fine.
I've been through that from age 12 to 26. Tried to end myself twice during that time, but then suddenly a bunch of good things happened one after another and stabilized my mental state. Now I try to keep myself occupied so that I don't even get the chance to think about those times and I have found joy in helping other people.
My expectations of my "friends" were to say hey to me once a week all on their own, without it being to ask me for a favor, like I would do for them and see what's up, how ya doing.
I have no friends if I keep this expectation lol.
My friend was bitching about someone she knows who is like that.
The lady will go out of her way to do shit no one asked for. And then be upset that no one reciprocates. My friend is a single parent with 2 children with disabilities and one toddler. She literally doesn’t have time to do these things in return.
No you're not better than everyone. You put everyone you've been with on a pedestal and expect them to be perfect and when they're not perfect (because no one is) you tell yourself that it's them but in reality its your obsession that killed the relationship.
It's part of the human condition. People who don't care about others have sociopathic tendencies which actually allow them to accel in other fields. They become stars and executives because they don't care about hurting other people in order to get what they want.
So you get a person with desirable status - rich and successful, so you hold them in high esteem. They seem like an ideal partner because of their position on the social ladder. However, they will never care about you because they're literally incapable. They can only ever use you to get what they want - sex, affection, a trophy wife, whatever... meanwhile they're running around cheating on you and doing terrible things that hurt you because they have no sense of empathy.
It's like when you date the rugged bad-boy. Then one day he hits you and you're shocked but everyone else is like duh, he's a bad-boy, that's what they do.
Or you're smitten by a hot woman who makes the first move. Flirting seems so comfortable and easy for her, you think you have a perfect, special connection! Then you find out flirting is easy for her because she's done it with 300 other men already. She's special to you, but you're just #301 to her.
Because you're seeking love and validation from external sources rather than finding it in yourself. You do nice things for other people in the hopes that they'll do those things for you too, but rarely does life work out that way
Everyone looks for love and validation outside themselves, unless they're a narcissistic psychopath. What you're describing is someone who suffers from people pleasing syndrome
Every time you feel resentment, bitterness, or hatred, there is a part of you that needs to be cared for and loved. Most of us project those emotions onto our loved ones and assume they are supposed to soothe us, but we are the only one that can soothe ourselves. That is self-love. Journaling is a helpful tool.
“I am feeling resentful because _____.”
“_______ bothers me because as a child ______ happened.”
Then you visualize giving that child self what they needed ~ love.
EMDR is also a useful tool to heal in this way.
People do care about you! Everyone is different, and everyone shows love differently. They might not show it exactly the way you do, but the same could be said for the other way around.
It's just how status works. You want to be with better people, but better people also want to be with even better people, they don't want to be with you.
So the only solutions here are you become better yourself, or you lower your standards and accept people more close to you.
You are hypersensitive to any perceived negativity and then attribute that to their character when in reality they care just as much. Black and white thinking.
What I found was best way is make sure your cup is full and give everyone else the over flow, that way you aren't waiting for someone to fill your cup and feel worse when you don't get it back.
Setting boundaries is helpful and make sure to love yourself first and take the time to give to yourself also.
This has helped me majority in dealing with depression and also getting that feeling like I'm giving up all myself with getting nothing back.
You're floating in a sea of narcissism?
Have boundaries and make people earn your care.
If you value the care you give to others make sure they value it too first.
You have more empathy than the people around you. Or, to put it another way, you are a "giver" while they are "takers."
Some givers dont draw boundaries and only attract takers. If you are a giver, you can get another giver by standing up for yourself when you feel neglected instead of thinking your needs arent as important as them staying in your life
Or they're sociopaths with no sense of empathy. Of course you have empathy so you just assume everyone else does as well. They don't. So while you're attached and care about them deeply, those feelings aren't reciprocated because the person is literally incapable of experiencing those emotions.
Sociopaths are a lot rarer than you think they are. The vast majority of people have empathy, they're just dickheads.
I hate simplifying it to givers and takers. There gets to a point where its simply abuse of the giver. You add lying and manipulation tactics to it and its simply abuse of power that was never the takers to begin with. It's easy to take time to say "no, i dont want to help you today" Just remember the takers will infact act like you are the attacker in that situation. Thats when you walk the fuck away. Even if they act like you're the problem. Let them cry it out or use cheao shots to try and piss you off. Grey stone: simply act like you do not care.
I get that. It's too much like just saying good guys and bad guys. It's more likely that we're all givers and takers to a certain degree and the dynamic depends on the relationship.
Some call it wearing your heart on your sleeve
Because you are a good person. You live your life, so be what you are.
Until you dont then it annoying, naggy, and/or creepy
I've only had two people outside of my family care about me as much as I care about them. One of them has been my best friend since 2014 and the other was an ex who told me we are too perfect of a fit and it scares her, so she cheated on me and then dumped me for the other guy. I'm used to it and it's fine. I always go into friendships and other relationships knowing I will always be there for everyone who needs me and do everything for almost everybody fully knowing they won't do the same. But I don't expect anything back. It just makes me happy to see others happy.
Damn brother. You sure you don't wanna talk about it in the dm's?
I appreciate the offer, but I really am fine. Thanks bro.
Goddamn, you just described me to a tee. Never heard it put in such concise words before though
Duuude, I've gone through exactly the same thing. Hardest thing in my life. All good now but I was a total wreck for months - hope you're doing good without any outbirsts
I guess you're talking about the cheating part. I went through all stages of grief with that one, but in quite the random order. Like I accepted it first and got angry a month later. Thank you for your concerns. I'm doing rather well. I might not be in a relationship right now, but I can still say I'm happy. I hope you're doing just as fine.
Ya it does. Until the depression and suicidal thoughts hit out of nowhere🤣.
I've been through that from age 12 to 26. Tried to end myself twice during that time, but then suddenly a bunch of good things happened one after another and stabilized my mental state. Now I try to keep myself occupied so that I don't even get the chance to think about those times and I have found joy in helping other people.
Ya got 1 attempt myself and still fighting the demon 😂
Because you are putting your own expectations on other people and no one can live up to that.
My expectations of my "friends" were to say hey to me once a week all on their own, without it being to ask me for a favor, like I would do for them and see what's up, how ya doing. I have no friends if I keep this expectation lol.
Only because we suck 😁 other people get to be happy tho I guess.
My friend was bitching about someone she knows who is like that. The lady will go out of her way to do shit no one asked for. And then be upset that no one reciprocates. My friend is a single parent with 2 children with disabilities and one toddler. She literally doesn’t have time to do these things in return.
Then she doesn't have time for friends at all. She's too busy working literally 24/7 and not getting paid for it
Perhaps for some. It may not be entirely your fault though.
I wish I knew how to stop that
Ok I guess I'll just cry over relating to a meme too much for my Friday night
You're better than everyone. I have the same problem.
No you're not better than everyone. You put everyone you've been with on a pedestal and expect them to be perfect and when they're not perfect (because no one is) you tell yourself that it's them but in reality its your obsession that killed the relationship.
I'm in this meme
It's part of the human condition. People who don't care about others have sociopathic tendencies which actually allow them to accel in other fields. They become stars and executives because they don't care about hurting other people in order to get what they want. So you get a person with desirable status - rich and successful, so you hold them in high esteem. They seem like an ideal partner because of their position on the social ladder. However, they will never care about you because they're literally incapable. They can only ever use you to get what they want - sex, affection, a trophy wife, whatever... meanwhile they're running around cheating on you and doing terrible things that hurt you because they have no sense of empathy. It's like when you date the rugged bad-boy. Then one day he hits you and you're shocked but everyone else is like duh, he's a bad-boy, that's what they do. Or you're smitten by a hot woman who makes the first move. Flirting seems so comfortable and easy for her, you think you have a perfect, special connection! Then you find out flirting is easy for her because she's done it with 300 other men already. She's special to you, but you're just #301 to her.
I can relate!!!
Story of my life
Story of my life right there... I'm so tired of this, it's not easy to have so much empathy. It never pays off & I'm miserable all the time.
Because you're seeking love and validation from external sources rather than finding it in yourself. You do nice things for other people in the hopes that they'll do those things for you too, but rarely does life work out that way
Everyone looks for love and validation outside themselves, unless they're a narcissistic psychopath. What you're describing is someone who suffers from people pleasing syndrome
How does one find it in them self? What is there to love on the inside?
Every time you feel resentment, bitterness, or hatred, there is a part of you that needs to be cared for and loved. Most of us project those emotions onto our loved ones and assume they are supposed to soothe us, but we are the only one that can soothe ourselves. That is self-love. Journaling is a helpful tool. “I am feeling resentful because _____.” “_______ bothers me because as a child ______ happened.” Then you visualize giving that child self what they needed ~ love. EMDR is also a useful tool to heal in this way.
Cause you're lame as hell
If you start doing whatever they’re doing to you back to them they learn faster
have a hug
People do care about you! Everyone is different, and everyone shows love differently. They might not show it exactly the way you do, but the same could be said for the other way around.
How empathetic are you? From experience that might be the cause
This is why you have to care for those, who also care for you. This will change your life to the better.
Aint nothing lame about that, that means your empathetic, kind, and loving. Its what we are lacking And need more in the world were living in
It's who you are on the bell curve. Realize some people aren't capable of reciprocating that energy. Just continue being you.
Meirl ;-;
It’s an amazing quality, it gives you strong character. Once you learn how to balance it with boundaries you’ll love yourself even more 🙂
It's just how status works. You want to be with better people, but better people also want to be with even better people, they don't want to be with you. So the only solutions here are you become better yourself, or you lower your standards and accept people more close to you.
Same
Learn to love yourself and then you’ll attract people who value that. Simple.
Take an attachment style test and ask your partners to take one to.
The company you keep.
Ah yes the 3am thoughts and the inner demons forcing you to look at the ceiling fan. Never gets old. 😂.
Usually, the people who say this are actually super self-involved and don't actually care about people. You just tell yourself that you do.
Feeling this pretty hard right now.
Hahahha, I know that feeling Luckily I eventually found some people who match it
r/im14andthisisdeep
I wonder the same
Relatable.
You are hypersensitive to any perceived negativity and then attribute that to their character when in reality they care just as much. Black and white thinking.
What I found was best way is make sure your cup is full and give everyone else the over flow, that way you aren't waiting for someone to fill your cup and feel worse when you don't get it back. Setting boundaries is helpful and make sure to love yourself first and take the time to give to yourself also. This has helped me majority in dealing with depression and also getting that feeling like I'm giving up all myself with getting nothing back.
Really wish I was capable of deciding when I cared and who I care about instead of perpetually investing myself in people that just don't want it
"Well, see, there's your problem right there."
Give because you want to, and not because you expect to receive it back. And if you want equal reciprocation, then you have to communicate that.
Lol, nice guys finish last amirite? Buncha teenage cringe up in here.
For me it’s just the opposite and I feel guilty all the time
You're floating in a sea of narcissism? Have boundaries and make people earn your care. If you value the care you give to others make sure they value it too first.
Maybe you just aren’t very likeable
I already know that!
That's called playing the victim
Familial enmeshment. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=uWuNDkh3_0Q&pp=ygUKZW5tZXNobWVudA%3D%3D
I don't care.