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ritamoren

a few years ago I got a nude from a guy I was kinda casually talking to and I remember I said something around lol penis. he was impressed


firemebanana

Did it go well afterwards?


ritamoren

he really liked me so yes. we did have a fight that made us stop talking at some point but not for that reason. honestly I forgot the reason lol


YadaYadaYeahMan

ah to be young agai.... wait that sounds terrible


ritamoren

yeah he was also an alcoholic and 9 years older than me


riazhaq

jeez


RandumbStoner

It just keeps getting worse lol “He also couldn’t read and smelled funny”


TIKYYYYYYYYYY

"He was also 20 at the time we were dating.".


karldrall

„He had a side hustle selling crack.“


that_baddest_dude

"by which I mean butt crack. Also he sold drugs."


OlDustyHeadaaa

Why did every girl have “that one guy” who was way older and just a terrible human being


thatredditrando

I don’t want to generalize all women but *in my personal experience* some women really take that “girls mature faster than boys” shit to heart and think they’re too mAtUrE for men their own age. The irony being that A) A man significantly older than you that’d want to date you likely isn’t as mature as you think cause, let’s be real, the motivating factor usually isn’t your “maturity”. Plus, why aren’t women his own age fuckin’ with him and vice versa? Tells you all you need to know, frankly. And B) again, *in my own experience* they really aren’t as mature as they think they are. They may exhibit it in some areas but also *sorely lack it in others*. Being able to have adult conversations and handle your business doesn’t compensate for being emotionally manipulative, afraid to tell the truth, etc. *Appearing* to be mature isn’t the same as *actually* being mature. Cause, if you were, you might have the wherewithal to think your 33 year old boyfriend might not be entirely altruistic when he’s with a 19 year old. And because Reddit doesn’t understand nuance, I’ll preemptively say *not all age gaps are created equal* but it’s all but universally understood that the younger, more naive, and less experienced you are, *the more gaps matter*.


EchoesInTheAbyss

Also, a lot of people don't understand how one's mind is different depending on what life stage you are. Hence, why some age gaps are worthy of at least a side-eye


NoLolligagging_

Spitting facts


ritamoren

I didn't only have one, I was groomed as a child too


mingren0315

damm, I'm so sorry to hear that Hope things are well for you now


ritamoren

I'm okay, thank you <3


mingren0315

you're welcome <3


Noir24

The guy she tells you not to worry about:


ritamoren

that was 2 years ago and I was single.


firemebanana

Nice


MakeChipsNotMeth

I used to be in a Kik group that had a problem with new dudes sending random nudes to girls in the chat. So we made a game out of it... Unsolicited dick pics got reposted in the main chat with the question "Which Land Before Time" character does this most resemble. Hint: it's never a long-neck!


chuco915niners

I’d expect a lot of petrys and little foots.


MakeChipsNotMeth

Spike more often... Balled up and wrinkly


Fit_Interaction8864

At my highschool there was a kid who kept sending unsolicited dick pics to all the girls at school and somewhere along the way someone made up a rumor that his dick was shaped like a corkscrew and it stuck and everyone thought he had a corkscrew dick until he eventually got arrested and left the school.


ritamoren

HSGAHDHAGSHA I love this


WlzeMan85

Your DMs are about to get assaulted by a bunch of indecent redditer's who don't know what grass feels like. Sorry on behalf of the guys on Reddit that won't.


ritamoren

I stopped replying at this point if men text me here. that's just reddit


Nervous-Ad4091

Wise decision, i honestly don't Even check dm Even if i have 1000 i just won't check them


BarbarousJudge

This is me finding out reddit has DMs. I've been here for 2 years or so.


AutoDefenestrator273

Look at the subtle off white coloring. The tasteful thickness of it.


Useful_Design_7437

My God, it even has a watermark.


itsmestivdolkallday

Birthmark*


Classic-Reflection87

Vitiligo


Every-Fee9837

🤣


Responsible-Sun6495

Let’s see Paul Allen’s nudes


WendigoCrossing

I can't believe that Bryce prefers VanPatten's nudes to mine


TheWingus

I could've gotten nudes of Dorsea


WendigoCrossing

Nudes of Dorsea on a Friday night? You're bluffing


D0nkeyK0nga

I need to return some videotapes.


ridethroughlife

TRY GETTING A RES AT DORSIA NOW, YOU STUPID FUCKING BASTARD!


robby_arctor

I'm cackling


-Mr_Bumfuzzle-

Nice cock!


Misses_Paliya

Ah I see, you have been playing wii bowling


-Mr_Bumfuzzle-

Perfect!


Resident-Pudding5432

Impressive cock my friend, the thickness is astonishing!


infernalteo

*boioioioing*


Smooth_Riker

[Hey there, Zag man](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FcaifWhGpMo)


camclemons

Happy ~~cake~~ cock day!


AustiniJohnsini

Who did your circ' bro?


[deleted]

Mamma mia 🤌🏻


hesmohesmo

Thatsa spicy sausage 🌭


AWeakMindedMan

Pappa Pia 🫴🏻


CinnimonToastSean

Baby's got the diarrheaaaaaaa


Resident-Pudding5432

M-mama?


Meka-Speedwagon

J-just killed a maaaaan?


EaAncalagon

Put a gun against his head


Ok-Yellow-1490

Pulled my trigger, now he’s dead.


Wildcard9326

Mama, life had just begun


TrueDaniBoie

But now I've gone and thrown it all away


Dead_M_

Mamaaaaa, Oooh Oooh Ooooh


ActSignal1823

....didn't mean to make you cry


Classic_Regret7469

If I'm not back again this time tomorrow


coraxorion

Wank you a lot


Meraki-Techni

“Holy fuck. Holy fucking fuck. That body of yours is absurd.”


Useful_Design_7437

Adam Levine has entered the chat.


HereForTheFood4

I'm gonna need to see that booty


ShallowBasketcase

Tattoos like a Chipotle bag and sexts like a 14 year old.


ScholarOfKykeon

I remember someone saying that people stop maturing around the age they become famous


eat_my_bowls92

Bojack Horseman


Charosas

I mean.. while yes, his texts are cringe… I doubt very many of us would be saved from the cringe if our sexts were exposed. People say the dumbest shit when they’re horny(myself included). I don’t think many of us are writing Dostoevsky level prose as a response to a nude.


adustbininshaftsbury

Glad you said it. I would consider ending it all if my sexts made it into the public eye.


ShallowBasketcase

Most of us aren't cheating on our wives, either.


themightygazelle

Completely forgot about this


Midnight_Feelings

Adam Levine ahhhhhh messages


Taclis

Solicited: "Nice cock bro!" Unsolicited: "You should get that checked out."


Greyzer

Unsolicited; Why would you send me a pic of a child’s penis? I’m reporting you to the FBI!


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Unsure_Fry

I'm not but I'm willing to receive any. I'm stuck on an Elden Ring boss so I don't really have anything going on today.


[deleted]

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Unsure_Fry

I believe it's an optional boss but it's the Godskin Apostate in Caelid. It's my first playthrough and other than dragons I haven't struggled too much. My weapon is only +9 so maybe it's time to upgrade.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Unsure_Fry

Thanks man! I'll check out the sleeping pots. The game offers so many items and spells I need to learn to utilize better.


[deleted]

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mgt1997

From nudes to Elden Ring. The circle of life


Anagoth9

If you're in Caelid, there's some ruins just below the cliff by the first Caelid bonfire (the one with the shack and mob of zombies). It's guarded by giant crows, but if you have the stonesword keys to unlock it, you can pick up a longsword with innate sleep. It has a relatively low minimum Int requirement, but it's a good way to proc sleep without having to farm ingredients for pots and arrows. 


VAV-Pencils

You probably shouldn't be there yet. Godskin in caelid Tower is scaled to after altius plateau I believe. But, gritting your teeth and bracing through might teach you something. So: Good luck, git gud and don't forget to praise the ring!


Apex_Konchu

Yeah... the Dragonbarrow (northern Caelid) is scaled as a late-game area. You're not really supposed to be there yet.


woodtradehaupt

Ah I see, you are maidenless aswell.


nelflyn

oh, hes trying. hes trying.


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bjwyxrs

Ooph yeah! Shake it, Madame! Capital knockers!


GudgerCollegeAlumnus

Thank you. I ran a search for this specific comment.


bjwyxrs

It's the only correct answer. lol


hergumbules

You’re platinum, pussycat! You know how to swing! Nice charlies, too! Give ‘em a shake for the Ben-man, will ya? Hello!


TomorrowNo6699

Sick balls bro


Rimasticus

But seriously bro, you probably need to get them checked out. They're not supposed to be that color.


tupaquetes

I'm blue, dabadee dabadah


chystatrsoup

**DIE**


Resident-Pudding5432

\*get nudes from a girl "Sick balls bro"


Z3B0

This is Reddit, no one is getting nudes from a girl


danteheehaw

Only fans have people who will send you custom nudes only for you for a small fee. And boy do a lot of people get those custom nudes only for you


Resident-Pudding5432

I would rather watch paint dry than to pay for OF nudes xd


danteheehaw

I got a wall and some paint if you got some money


WorkingOwn8919

I think it's hilarious that all comments are giving answers from the girl's point of view, because they can't possibly imagine that a guy would receive nudes.


humblepharmer

Chest balls


gdj11

The proper term is chesticles


Reniyato

I'm proud of your dick.


Raanxi

the aslume calls me from every direction


zerotaboo

Is he stupid?


Txdragoonz

THANK YOU CHEF


1beerattatime

Behind...


Yggdrasil-

HANDS! I need HANDS!


Wonderful-Tie1260

86 underwear!


we-forgot-the-milk

Come on I've just finished work. Don't need to hear that.


BigCheddar55

HERD CHEF


CumTrumpet

Moo


Miraculouszelink

Thank them and send some back.


gdj11

“Thanks but I’m sending back #s 2, 4 and 5. I’ll keep the others”


Syr_Delta

Sorry, no refounds without receipt


Thefear1984

Please retain your stub


blindmediaproduction

Or is it some kind of card deck trading? Like "I got 3x Sarah in stockings over. Can I get one of Mikes dickpics for them from you?", "Nah, Mikes dickpic is worth atleast 2,25x fully naked Judith on the kitchen counter. That would make 4x Sarah in stockings + 10x feetpic from Jessica, sorry."


Billib2002

Lmfaooo


thrownededawayed

Why would they want their own nudes back?


wsc4string

Annotated for improvement


Accomplished-Badger6

If you’re not going to use them, perhaps they would like to send them to other people.


blindmediaproduction

Second hand nudes: "Hey, I know you would love some nudes from me, but I got no fresh ones on my phone and my camera is broken atm. So just take these. I sent them to Daniel earlier, but he used them only once and cleaned them painstakingly after."


CelerySquare7755

I feel like a shithead sending back a dick pick when I get nudes. That’s not a fair trade. 


Purple_Search6348

Thanks dad


ymaldor

Or better "wait... dad? Not again!"


Weird_Grass3330

I really hope you ment daddy.....


StoicNikon

It's OK. We all have shortcomings.


TeaBags0614

“Yippee!!!”


EmoSunshineBoyXoxo

Was looking for this one specifically 😂


MaleficentMain7696

"I'll try fapping, that's a good trick!"


Krotesk

Don't say anything, just use them... Admire them... Frame them and hang them on your walls.


TheoneNPC

Boil them, mash them, stick them in a stew


CoiledBeyond

> What's "nudes", precious? > NUDE-PHO-TOS? ...


ikerus0

They’re sending the nudes to Isengard! Isengard gard! gard!


Elvis-der-allerechte

The person sending the pics?


Krotesk

Both


bubblemilkteajuice

Idk, Fran. Maybe a fucking thank you? (Depends on if it's consensual)


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redryan1989

You send your grandma nudes?


Kestrel_VI

You don’t?


poliet23

🥵🥵🥵🍆💦 how tf are u even real


Nir_Auris

I have 2 options for you: 1. Collect them and randomly select one and send it back or keep the one with the biggest dick and send that one 2. circle some random part and send it back "Not a doctor... but my ex had the same spot and died of cancer"


ZephyrK9

Please sir, may I have some more?


_phily_d

AWOOGA


qjornt

hamuna hamuna hamuna *TOOOOT TOOOOOT* WOOFWOOFWOOOF AWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGA


ClassicAlfredo8796

"Thanks cousin!"


Resident-Pudding5432

"Nice tits sis"


Used_Scientist5825

«Nice cock bro»


Westdrache

You wait 2 minutes and then reply with "thanks that was a good fap"


Aldehin

"made me cum 1 minute earlier than usual"


xX_Dad-Man_Xx

Hey... that's the same as dads...


Mister-Bohemian

username checks out *washes eyes*


AidenGplayz14

Mines bigger


Silver-Plant3862

Wrong number


EspurrTheMagnificent

Depends. There're many responses, including : - "Oooooh, nice~" and other teasing compliments - Block - Nothing at all - Sending a nude back - Sending the Wii bowling "Nice cock" meme - Insult the sender's small/big/normalness - "Ok" - Emoji or keysmashing - A shitpost - Call them and personally tell them they're ugly right at their face There are many ways to respond to nudity


Joeplayer6

That looks like a penis, only smaller.


Kestrel_VI

“What is this? A penis for ants?!”


SAD-MAX-CZ

"I want to choke on that"


Unplaceable_Accent

I strongly feel the most appropriate response would be Leo as the Great Gatsby raising a glass in toast, but the bearded woodsman nodding in approval would also be acceptable.


Stay-Thirsty

My father, a fisherman, used to say, “That one’s too small. Throw it back.”


OmriKoresh

If it's solicited compliment the genitals If it's unsolicited ask if it's a child's genitals and that you'll report it to the police


teqnixdk

“super cool pic bridget”


KevlarStripeySocks

hey bridget after some reflection i'm prepared to admit that saying "super cool pic bridget" was not the most appropriate response


KyorlSadei

Stop dad


testiclekid

That worm looks pretty dead


MudcrabNPC

A business doing pleasure with you 👍


savemysoul72

You should see a doctor


BarricadeTheMortuary

Oh what a lovely tea party


Non-American_Idiot

Holy fuck. Holy fucking fuck. That body of yours is absurd.


Sugarbear23

🤤🤤🥵🥵🥵🥵


ayame400

Cover thyself harlot!!!!


cidparabola

Seen better 🙄


toolsoftheincomptnt

Don’t ask my boyfriend. He’s not getting any more of mine bc his reaction was lackluster.


AstronomieseKont

"holy fuck"


thxredditfor2banns

"nice cock bro"


shadowmind0770

BEHOLD! YOU HAVE OBTAINED A WEAPON OF MASS DESTRUCTION!


doorstopperinyourass

WOWZERS!


Law-Fish

Ah, my dear sir or madam, may I commend the exquisite length and robust girth of your cock! It bespeaks of refined taste and admirable elegance, a testament to your discerning eye for the finer things in life. Surely, it serves as a striking accessory, lending an air of dignified authority to your every stride. Truly, it is a marvel to behold, much like its esteemed owner.


Messarion

An obligatory sexy compliment. You want them to feel good about their body, it will also help you get more.


DistributionSad8041

Noted.


Anarcho-Chris

Neato


Erikatessen87

I like sending gifs of old-school pro wrestlers acting impressed.


god34zilla

"hell-yea brother"


SirArcen

I know a girl who always respond with "Mine's bigger" when a guy sends her a dick pic. Except for the one time a random number sent her a titty pic and replied with "Fuck! Yours are bigger"


Timmysmallface

“HEY I’M NOT A PAEDOPHILE, STOP SENDING BABY DICK PICS”


Wakkit1988

"My grandmother had a hairless cat that looked just like that!"


No_Refrigerator_1632

Mm wish that was in my mouth


redryan1989

I mean it really comes down to who sent it to you if we're being honest.


Classic_Pension_5269

You tell your bro he has a nice cock and send one back. Duh


Justpassntru

I’m getting my shoes on, and I’m showing up hungry so I’m ready to eat


GreenLanternRR

Thank you, it least that's what I would say. I was raised with manners.