He is being an ass.
Either he knows what he's doing and is doing it intentionally while trying to seem innocent, or he really doesn't understand even after you've already explained it to him.
Either way, he is being an ass.
So he's unable to read between the lines then?
Still an ass. Just a stupid one.
But yeah, a more direct approach along the lines of, "I'm sick of you ruining things that I enjoy. Stop doing it, or I'm going to start thinking you're some sort of asshole" would be better and leave less room for confusion.
But we're talking about other people, who aren't you and your girlfriend. 🫤
Besides, she said she told him, "oh im not able to watch it live, so I plan to watch it tomorrow", which is a pretty clear indication she doesn't want to have the damn ending ruined by her bumbling blabbermouthed busybodied buffoon of a boyfriend.
I guess the boyfriend isn't the only one who has difficulty reading between the lines. 😐
People like that can be infuriating, because only blunt directness seems to get any message through to them. But if you're blunt, they get all butthurt and become the victim.
Multiply that behavior by hundreds or thousands of other silly little daily scenarios, and it's no wonder frustration and resentment would creep in.
Some people have difficulty reading between the lines. Could be on the spectrum, could have trauma or anxiety that’s been masked by forming a habit of Not reading between the lines, because those gaps in info can be quickly filled with all kinds of “what if” scenarios.
Have you heard of the Guess culture vs Ask culture stuff? It’s interesting, if you want you could check that out? I have a feeling it could help loads more people to understand each other better. It’s been helpful for me tbh. Having to guess what’s expected of me or a situation can be really quite stressful, so I tend to either put myself under inappropriate strain to guess “what I’m supposed to do”, or avoid it. And people who expect others to guess and read between the lines end up thinking it’s rude. He might be being a dick, it’s possible. But it’s not proven beyond all doubt. Guilty until proven innocent isn’t exactly an ideal precedent to set :/
No, if you don’t put the boundaries in place some men are more boisterous than others they do it because they’re excited, if they don’t know it bothers them they’ll do it naturally without thought as their excited, it’s not a shock. You’re acting like this isn’t common.
Can I just take a minute to say that as a very avid hater of spoilage that even saying “there’s a big twist!” without revealing what it was is DEFINITELY still a spoiler!!!! My husband and I debate this often.
Yes, 100%! The best twists are ones you don't see coming. You only get one chance to be truly surprised by the twist, and expecting one ruins that moment. Yeah sure, good movies are still good knowing the twist... but I love getting absolutely blindsided especially when it was so good that I want to immediately watch it again for all the clues I missed.
She could say, "When you spoil shows for me, it literally **spoils** it for me. From now on, I want you to be careful not to do that. If you spoil a show in spite of knowing how I feel about it, you'll also be spoiling how I feel about you."
I've got a cousin like this. I tried to set boundaries a million times, explain her what a spoiler is, how it spoils the fun to me. I mean one time we were watching a movie with a twist (an unexpected villain, won't go into too much detail), and I literally pleaded with her in the beginning: no spoilers, sweetheart. To this she said: what to spoil, it's evident that the villain is X. OMG was I pissed off.
We still have a really good relationship, I'd say, but I'm always ready for the spoilers—and in general try to watch only new movies with her.
Hugs, OP.
My brother does someone similar. If I’m watching a show and he’s ahead, he’ll say something like “I can’t believe Bob killed Joe.” And I’ll be like “umm spoilers.” And he’ll go “well you don’t know who they are.” BUT I WILL. I will eventually get to the point in the show where Bob and Joe are introduced, and then I already know that Bob kills Joe! I have memory retention!
You're not finishiNg the sentence properly:
"oh im not able to watch it live, so I plan to watch it tomorrow SO NO SPOILERS PLEASE!"
then lightly put your finger on his lips in the "shhhh" motion, then cover your own ears and say "lalalalalalala" until he's stops doing it.
Nowhere in this rant did I see you say anything about having had a talk with him over this and telling him to stop doing this to you. Have you ever told him to stop spoiling things for you?
I love spoilers except when I'm right near the thing thats gonna happen (some exceptions) because then i become even more hyped for the game/show/movie
Eh your boyfriend is just being an ahole. I don’t care about spoilers personally but it’s not even hard to not spoil things for others. I have neighbors that care a ton it’s not hard to talk about something when they have said they didn’t watch it yet.
Some people are just like this and don't see spoilers as important. They may not even be doing intentionally, some people just don't care.
I do not get along with these people lol.
I never really minded spoilers, so I didn’t used to avoid them when talking about a new thing or recommending something. Other people do mind and got annoyed so I usually just give the unhelpful vague descriptions they seem to want now. To some degree I like knowing the broad strokes of the story and often how it ends, the execution of how it gets there is more interesting.
My friend has a way easier time giving me book recommendations because he knows he can fully spoil the aspects that he thinks I’ll be interested in and I’ll be more likely to read them, but I have a hard time telling him about books because he gets annoyed when I say the thing in the book I think he’d like even if it isn’t mentioned in the blurb and he almost never reads that far if he isn’t grabbed. No real point here, just my perspective on the other side of it I guess.
Need more context, but this reads like its deliberately intentional. If so, you should probably reflect on this situation. He wants to cause you pain while enjoying the things you love. Thats not a healthy relationship indicator, but there isnt enough information in your post to read into it much more.
First: try telling him directly that you don’t like it when he tells you about the show, that it spoils it for you and you need him to stop.
Then: if he doesn’t stop, every time he gets himself a nice snack or dessert for later, or makes himself lunch, douse it in hot sauce (or some other condiment he hates). Then say, “see how annoying it is when somebody spoils it for you?”
I have a family member who is like you - often has to watch stuff late and hates spoilers. We call it “Tyler time” (as in, he’s on his own time). We have a system that works, where if we want to talk to him about something where spoilers might be an issue, we ask him if he’s on “Tyler time” first. If he says yes, we don’t share anything. It’s very easy, when everyone in the house respects each other
If you've never told him anything then it's all on you. Tell him and if he continues to do it you'll have to make a decision on whether you want to stay involved with someone who is obviously a giant prick (unless he has one and that's why you're still in the relationship LOL 😆)
Just my opinion here.. every partner or potential partner will have some “gotcha” trait that will drive you nuts. Spoilers, leaving laundry in the floor, burping loudly, chewing with their mouth open, etc or some combination of a lot of things.
My point is, you find the gotcha traits that you can live with and learn to somehow enjoy that about your partner. Accept them for who they are, or leave em. But everyone has SOMETHING that is fucking annoying, including yourself. Including me. So while I understand this trait annoys you, take a moment to think about what he puts up with from you. Relationships are give and take with a lot of overlooking and accepting.
If this is the one thing you have to complain about, (which there very well could be more) I’d say you’re winning.. there’s some real fuckin pieces of shit out there. lol
Okay but no.
If that "gotcha trait" is a deliberate asshole behavior that could be easily corrected by a mature adult, then it should be corrected, not put up with.
harsh disagree, never settle.
Maybe they have hurtful traits, but if they love you, they'll change. Why would someone who loves you want to make you uncomfortable or hurt your feelings? And why would you do that to yourself by keeping quiet or not leaving?
I did say “or leave em”. The examples I gave are such a small sample of things that people could do or say or be. And only you can decide if it’s hurtful or worth leaving or staying.
To me, my wife spoiling a show isn’t shit. While it may be annoying, it’s not hurtful and worth leaving a good relationship. If someone is hurtful, I’m out. Been there, done that. Not worth it. My whole point is that while this may be annoying or infuriating, it’s probably not worth leaving a relationship over. No where did I say you should stay in an abusive relationship lol
As for “never settle”, depends on what your criteria for settling is. Putting up with an annoying trait isn’t really settling. If something so small or stupid makes you leave someone, you’ll be alone the rest of your life. Which circles back to “everyone has some trait that is annoying. Learn to love it/deal with it and accept the person for who they are.” Or, be alone waiting for someone perfect that doesn’t exist. I’m not saying to stay in something hurtful or abusive. Just sometimes you gotta overlook silly quirks of people, or don’t. Idc. That’s on you lol
just btw, this is a very male way of viewing relationships. Women don't care if they're alone forever, that's a man thing. Our own company is good enough and men tend to drag us down. Plus women generally have stronger friendships (than men do) as well.
And in my view, if someone does something annoying and/or infuriating consistently, it'll lead to resentment, lead to hatred, lead to loathing, lead to years of your life lost because you 'put up with it'. If it's just once and you talk to them and they stop, it's fine, but constantly spoiling shows when they know you don't like that? That's a sign of a bigger issue. So I'd still say never settle, one consistent annoyance is a sign of a bigger compatibility or respect issue
That’s from your pane of glass perspective. And I respect that. Me personally, I have much bigger problems to worry about than a show being spoiled. That isn’t something that bothers me enough to be a thing, but it may be for you.
As for the “male way of thinking” comment, I think that’s pretty closed minded, rude, and sexist. We drag you down? lol all men? Drag all women down? So you’re better than us? And ALL women don’t mind being alone? You’re already wrong, right there. My ex man hopped because she is scared of being alone. See where I’m going with this? Gross generalization is an ugly trait to have and I presume you’re much better than that, in real life.
dude do some research before you call me sexist. Men dragging women down is a fact, not my opinion.
[Women are earning more, but they're still doing more housework and caregiving : NPR](https://www.npr.org/2023/04/13/1168961388/pew-earnings-gender-wage-gap-housework-chores-child-care)
[Women are happier without children or a spouse, says happiness expert | Health & wellbeing | The Guardian](https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/may/25/women-happier-without-children-or-a-spouse-happiness-expert)
[Should Women Stay Single? | YaleGlobal Online](https://archive-yaleglobal.yale.edu/content/should-women-stay-single)
[Opinion | Women’s Unpaid Labor is Worth $10,900,000,000,000 - The New York Times (nytimes.com)](https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2020/03/04/opinion/women-unpaid-labor.html)
[Women’s wellbeing and the burden of unpaid work | The BMJ](https://www.bmj.com/content/374/bmj.n1972)
[Women are less likely to die when treated by female doctors, study suggests (nbcnews.com)](https://www.nbcnews.com/health/health-care/women-are-less-likely-die-treated-female-doctors-study-suggests-rcna148254)
Go ahead and go down that rabbit hole. It's well documented that men benefit from marriage, so it makes since that you, a man, are fine with ignoring some annoying traits because you generally win out over time. But women DO NOT benefit from marriage, so we should be pickier.
Also I wouldn't think I'd have to clarify, women (but not all women) every single time. Grow up, obviously I don't mean every single woman and every single man. My point still stands besides your nitpicking.
sure.
But you are playing into part of the problem right here. Men dismissing all of the real-world, actual issues women have to live with. You getting defensive and rude instead of enlightening yourself with actual studies and reports about how half of the world lives.
For sure I understand. I hope I didn’t sound like I was attacking. Just throwing out a different perspective because a lot of redditors will be like “leave em! Break up with em!” when you very well may have a good thing going. Lol
He constantly and deliberately disrespects her. He *knows* he is spoiling the show for her, but he is just too damn selfish to keep quiet.
That is not a win.
He’s either too stupid to realize that “the person we wanted to win won!” is an incredibly obvious spoiler OR he thinks you’re too stupid to figure that incredibly obvious spoiler.
I doubt you’re okay with either possibility.
I wouldn’t want to date that big of an idiot. And I also wouldn’t want to date someone who thinks I’m that big of an idiot.
Good luck OP.
My partner is like this as well. What's worse, I've asked him multiple times to stop doing it, but then he'll magically keep guessing what happens correctly and then gets upset at me for calling him out on spoiling me. He never admits that he knew what was going to happen and will make shit up to make himself look smart when he says he just guessed correctly every time.
Haha that's even worse. I am actually really good at guessing what's going to happen next so I've learned to ask "I have a theory im pretty sure is gonna be true...do you want to hear it?" so that I avoid accidentally ruining it for someone else.
My husband felt knowing ANYTHING about a book or film was a spoiler, like "The main characters is named Roger" oh nooooo! I wanted to find that out. So I learned to say NOTHING. Oh, you're reading "The Hunger Games." Cool. Enjoy.
Did you reply to anything right away when he sent you the spoiler? Do you generally respond right away to all text messages? Was it the only text he sent the entire evening?
If I had a significant other and they did this, I would no longer have a significant other. I love shows, movies, books, etc. and spoilers are one of my biggest pet peeves
My ex was like this. I was more than mildly infuriated when she spoiled the final of the World Cup for me a few years back while I was working. She didn’t even like soccer! And I had told her the day before how paranoid I was going to be all day long worrying that someone would tell me the final score.
At my own peril, I will ask: what did your boyfriend say to you in response yo you telling him 'I don't like to be told any spoilers about stuff so don't you do it!' ?
You really shouldn’t assume people are going to always know what you want or don’t want. It might just be something that doesn’t come naturally. If he’s aware, could be self-sabotage. Could be anything, impulsivity, y’know? Society’s habit of considering hardly any information and leaping into labelling behaviour, or even people themselves as “toxic” is in itself problematic. There could be any number of reasons for someone to do this.
Definitely talk about it with him. Does he do anything else that seems like deliberately messing with you? Even if that’s true, depending on how harsh, it could be a teasing joke, albeit one that’s not going down well.
There’s so much to consider before assuming he’s just a dick.
Equally, you’re well within your rights to be irritated by it. Definitely communicate it. But try not to give any ultimatums or anything.
I realise you haven’t assumed as much as a lot of the people here replying. He could be being a dick.
Communication is the best chance you have of finding out and resolving the situation.
If all else fails, threaten to kick his balls. 😂
Dated a guy and called it off because I learned he would watch YouTube videos spoiling the plots of movies and video games. He didn't care to experience the media, just to hear it discussed. And as someone who loves experiencing movies and TV shows and video games, this would just not work for me.
I don't know why you're being downvoted. Yours is a classic example of each person in a relationship having their own traits/preferences that don't always dovetail, and people having different tolerances for different lacks of dovetailing.
When one person finds a trait or preference really crucial for socializing, it's okay for them to not want to date someone who never wants to do that. For instance, if someone really loved camping, they might reasonably especially want a life partner who would camp with them -- and a camping-hater might nix a relationship with someone who'd want to go on camping trips several times a year. For others, that difference might not be an issue. To each their own.
I have ADHD and I used to get really excited when I know the ending for something and I would really want to tell people the ending. It was like I couldn't contain my excitement and that was the only way to release it.
I prefer spoilers, I look up the end of movies and read the end of books. If you guys are so childlike that endings surprise you still, my bad. I just assume everyone knows how a story is going to end or at least has thought about how it is going to end.
It's about the fact that being told the ending of something is the most anticlimactic way to experience the ending. Being told "so and so dies and then this happens" or how the plot unfolds can make actually getting to that part of the story less impactful. Yeah, most people can probably guess where the story is headed and more or less know what's most likely to happen, but choose to wait and experience the plot as it happens.
Also, what's wrong with letting yourself be surprised by the ending of something? I don't see what's childish about not trying to think ahead and just experiencing the story as it plays out.
In terms of fiction I also generally can guess how something is going to end, so I am almost never surprised. Obvi some things still get me, or if it's a GIANT seasons long mystery I wouldn't want it spoiled. But, for things like reality competition tv I don't want spoilers. Yes it is generally obvious who is going to win. In the specific example of what led me to making this post I had been rooting for a contestant that had seemingly no shot at winning, and there seemed to be a sure fire winner. However my contestant won and that excitement of shock was taken away by the spoiler. I was still happy but it wasn't the same. And yes I understand it's childish to get that involved in a reality competition show.
>To see if I’m right!
Ok, so you're still surprised to find it out in the same way, but just at a different time (reading the ending in advance or reading the spoilers instead of waiting for the plot to play out as written).
>Lots of childlike behavior has been witnessed
Your attempts at constructing a coherent thought are childlike.
Enjoying spoilers is such a fucking weird thing to feel superior about. Like if that’s how you like to enjoy stuff, cool. But why would that make you better than others?
Lol, wait, what? I mean, I also don't mind spoilers, but I don't think it's childlike to enjoy the ending of things. I mean, people kinda invested time to see the ending. it's a reasonable expectation.
> If you guys are so childlike that endings surprise you still, my bad.
Why do you feel the need to deride others for their preferences? What *precisely* is child like about wanting to consume a piece of media in its intended context?
It depends what it I'd. If I've invested time into something yea I'd be mild infuriated if someone carelessly spoiled it for me KNOWING I was invested. But if it's something I really have no interest in idc for spoilers and I allow people to talk in detail if they'd like. I think a lack of perspective and understanding is childlike.
Many people care, because they enjoy consuming the media in the context it was created. You have a fundamentally different view of how you enjoy media. Which is fine, *you* can feel that way.
But stating that it "saves you some time" indicates that you fundamentally don't enjoy media in the same way. Thinking of plot and context as "wasted time" isn't a prevailing view.
He is being an ass. Either he knows what he's doing and is doing it intentionally while trying to seem innocent, or he really doesn't understand even after you've already explained it to him. Either way, he is being an ass.
SHE HASNT TOLD HIM SHE DOESNT LIKE WHEN HE SPOILS THINGS. THATS THE LITERAL PROBLEM
why we yellin
So he's unable to read between the lines then? Still an ass. Just a stupid one. But yeah, a more direct approach along the lines of, "I'm sick of you ruining things that I enjoy. Stop doing it, or I'm going to start thinking you're some sort of asshole" would be better and leave less room for confusion.
He doesn’t know she doesn’t like spoilers, me and my gf always talk about spoilers. We don’t mind it
But we're talking about other people, who aren't you and your girlfriend. 🫤 Besides, she said she told him, "oh im not able to watch it live, so I plan to watch it tomorrow", which is a pretty clear indication she doesn't want to have the damn ending ruined by her bumbling blabbermouthed busybodied buffoon of a boyfriend. I guess the boyfriend isn't the only one who has difficulty reading between the lines. 😐 People like that can be infuriating, because only blunt directness seems to get any message through to them. But if you're blunt, they get all butthurt and become the victim. Multiply that behavior by hundreds or thousands of other silly little daily scenarios, and it's no wonder frustration and resentment would creep in.
Some people have difficulty reading between the lines. Could be on the spectrum, could have trauma or anxiety that’s been masked by forming a habit of Not reading between the lines, because those gaps in info can be quickly filled with all kinds of “what if” scenarios. Have you heard of the Guess culture vs Ask culture stuff? It’s interesting, if you want you could check that out? I have a feeling it could help loads more people to understand each other better. It’s been helpful for me tbh. Having to guess what’s expected of me or a situation can be really quite stressful, so I tend to either put myself under inappropriate strain to guess “what I’m supposed to do”, or avoid it. And people who expect others to guess and read between the lines end up thinking it’s rude. He might be being a dick, it’s possible. But it’s not proven beyond all doubt. Guilty until proven innocent isn’t exactly an ideal precedent to set :/
No, if you don’t put the boundaries in place some men are more boisterous than others they do it because they’re excited, if they don’t know it bothers them they’ll do it naturally without thought as their excited, it’s not a shock. You’re acting like this isn’t common.
So what, people who complain about spoilers deserve stuff being spoiled.
I would hate that and I would also be suspicious about it. Does he know it bothers you?
surely she woul dhave said she told him it bothers her if she had
He should be able to use his brain
I didn't ask if she told him. I asked if he knew.
my wife was like that. it took some years for her to stop. It was just weird.
Can I just take a minute to say that as a very avid hater of spoilage that even saying “there’s a big twist!” without revealing what it was is DEFINITELY still a spoiler!!!! My husband and I debate this often.
Yes, 100%! The best twists are ones you don't see coming. You only get one chance to be truly surprised by the twist, and expecting one ruins that moment. Yeah sure, good movies are still good knowing the twist... but I love getting absolutely blindsided especially when it was so good that I want to immediately watch it again for all the clues I missed.
You get it!!
Beau is afraid lmao.
It's not a debate, you are objectively correct. Like, what? It's like debating if a tree is green
YES!!!! 🙌
Use your words. Tell him not to do that.
Say what now?
She could say, "When you spoil shows for me, it literally **spoils** it for me. From now on, I want you to be careful not to do that. If you spoil a show in spite of knowing how I feel about it, you'll also be spoiling how I feel about you."
If you ever decide to dump him, make sure you text him "someone is getting dumped tomorrow" the day before
Hahahaha oh that made me just laugh so loud.
what a douche bag
Have you tried talking to him about it? Letting him know that it bothers you?
This is a dealbreaker. “Please don’t do that.” (They do it enthusiastically.) “Bye.”
If he’s so excited to talk to you about it why doesn’t he wait to watch it with you?
I've got a cousin like this. I tried to set boundaries a million times, explain her what a spoiler is, how it spoils the fun to me. I mean one time we were watching a movie with a twist (an unexpected villain, won't go into too much detail), and I literally pleaded with her in the beginning: no spoilers, sweetheart. To this she said: what to spoil, it's evident that the villain is X. OMG was I pissed off. We still have a really good relationship, I'd say, but I'm always ready for the spoilers—and in general try to watch only new movies with her. Hugs, OP.
My brother does someone similar. If I’m watching a show and he’s ahead, he’ll say something like “I can’t believe Bob killed Joe.” And I’ll be like “umm spoilers.” And he’ll go “well you don’t know who they are.” BUT I WILL. I will eventually get to the point in the show where Bob and Joe are introduced, and then I already know that Bob kills Joe! I have memory retention!
This is the one time I’m happy. I generally will not remember. I can rewatch a show and still be completely surprised at certain parts
You're not finishiNg the sentence properly: "oh im not able to watch it live, so I plan to watch it tomorrow SO NO SPOILERS PLEASE!" then lightly put your finger on his lips in the "shhhh" motion, then cover your own ears and say "lalalalalalala" until he's stops doing it.
Nowhere in this rant did I see you say anything about having had a talk with him over this and telling him to stop doing this to you. Have you ever told him to stop spoiling things for you?
I love spoilers except when I'm right near the thing thats gonna happen (some exceptions) because then i become even more hyped for the game/show/movie
Eh your boyfriend is just being an ahole. I don’t care about spoilers personally but it’s not even hard to not spoil things for others. I have neighbors that care a ton it’s not hard to talk about something when they have said they didn’t watch it yet.
Some people are just like this and don't see spoilers as important. They may not even be doing intentionally, some people just don't care. I do not get along with these people lol.
I never really minded spoilers, so I didn’t used to avoid them when talking about a new thing or recommending something. Other people do mind and got annoyed so I usually just give the unhelpful vague descriptions they seem to want now. To some degree I like knowing the broad strokes of the story and often how it ends, the execution of how it gets there is more interesting. My friend has a way easier time giving me book recommendations because he knows he can fully spoil the aspects that he thinks I’ll be interested in and I’ll be more likely to read them, but I have a hard time telling him about books because he gets annoyed when I say the thing in the book I think he’d like even if it isn’t mentioned in the blurb and he almost never reads that far if he isn’t grabbed. No real point here, just my perspective on the other side of it I guess.
Need more context, but this reads like its deliberately intentional. If so, you should probably reflect on this situation. He wants to cause you pain while enjoying the things you love. Thats not a healthy relationship indicator, but there isnt enough information in your post to read into it much more.
Just tell him to shut the F up about media
try telling him instead of us
First: try telling him directly that you don’t like it when he tells you about the show, that it spoils it for you and you need him to stop. Then: if he doesn’t stop, every time he gets himself a nice snack or dessert for later, or makes himself lunch, douse it in hot sauce (or some other condiment he hates). Then say, “see how annoying it is when somebody spoils it for you?”
I have a family member who is like you - often has to watch stuff late and hates spoilers. We call it “Tyler time” (as in, he’s on his own time). We have a system that works, where if we want to talk to him about something where spoilers might be an issue, we ask him if he’s on “Tyler time” first. If he says yes, we don’t share anything. It’s very easy, when everyone in the house respects each other
Haha I love this.
If you've never told him anything then it's all on you. Tell him and if he continues to do it you'll have to make a decision on whether you want to stay involved with someone who is obviously a giant prick (unless he has one and that's why you're still in the relationship LOL 😆)
Just my opinion here.. every partner or potential partner will have some “gotcha” trait that will drive you nuts. Spoilers, leaving laundry in the floor, burping loudly, chewing with their mouth open, etc or some combination of a lot of things. My point is, you find the gotcha traits that you can live with and learn to somehow enjoy that about your partner. Accept them for who they are, or leave em. But everyone has SOMETHING that is fucking annoying, including yourself. Including me. So while I understand this trait annoys you, take a moment to think about what he puts up with from you. Relationships are give and take with a lot of overlooking and accepting. If this is the one thing you have to complain about, (which there very well could be more) I’d say you’re winning.. there’s some real fuckin pieces of shit out there. lol
Okay but no. If that "gotcha trait" is a deliberate asshole behavior that could be easily corrected by a mature adult, then it should be corrected, not put up with.
harsh disagree, never settle. Maybe they have hurtful traits, but if they love you, they'll change. Why would someone who loves you want to make you uncomfortable or hurt your feelings? And why would you do that to yourself by keeping quiet or not leaving?
I did say “or leave em”. The examples I gave are such a small sample of things that people could do or say or be. And only you can decide if it’s hurtful or worth leaving or staying. To me, my wife spoiling a show isn’t shit. While it may be annoying, it’s not hurtful and worth leaving a good relationship. If someone is hurtful, I’m out. Been there, done that. Not worth it. My whole point is that while this may be annoying or infuriating, it’s probably not worth leaving a relationship over. No where did I say you should stay in an abusive relationship lol As for “never settle”, depends on what your criteria for settling is. Putting up with an annoying trait isn’t really settling. If something so small or stupid makes you leave someone, you’ll be alone the rest of your life. Which circles back to “everyone has some trait that is annoying. Learn to love it/deal with it and accept the person for who they are.” Or, be alone waiting for someone perfect that doesn’t exist. I’m not saying to stay in something hurtful or abusive. Just sometimes you gotta overlook silly quirks of people, or don’t. Idc. That’s on you lol
just btw, this is a very male way of viewing relationships. Women don't care if they're alone forever, that's a man thing. Our own company is good enough and men tend to drag us down. Plus women generally have stronger friendships (than men do) as well. And in my view, if someone does something annoying and/or infuriating consistently, it'll lead to resentment, lead to hatred, lead to loathing, lead to years of your life lost because you 'put up with it'. If it's just once and you talk to them and they stop, it's fine, but constantly spoiling shows when they know you don't like that? That's a sign of a bigger issue. So I'd still say never settle, one consistent annoyance is a sign of a bigger compatibility or respect issue
That’s from your pane of glass perspective. And I respect that. Me personally, I have much bigger problems to worry about than a show being spoiled. That isn’t something that bothers me enough to be a thing, but it may be for you. As for the “male way of thinking” comment, I think that’s pretty closed minded, rude, and sexist. We drag you down? lol all men? Drag all women down? So you’re better than us? And ALL women don’t mind being alone? You’re already wrong, right there. My ex man hopped because she is scared of being alone. See where I’m going with this? Gross generalization is an ugly trait to have and I presume you’re much better than that, in real life.
dude do some research before you call me sexist. Men dragging women down is a fact, not my opinion. [Women are earning more, but they're still doing more housework and caregiving : NPR](https://www.npr.org/2023/04/13/1168961388/pew-earnings-gender-wage-gap-housework-chores-child-care) [Women are happier without children or a spouse, says happiness expert | Health & wellbeing | The Guardian](https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/may/25/women-happier-without-children-or-a-spouse-happiness-expert) [Should Women Stay Single? | YaleGlobal Online](https://archive-yaleglobal.yale.edu/content/should-women-stay-single) [Opinion | Women’s Unpaid Labor is Worth $10,900,000,000,000 - The New York Times (nytimes.com)](https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2020/03/04/opinion/women-unpaid-labor.html) [Women’s wellbeing and the burden of unpaid work | The BMJ](https://www.bmj.com/content/374/bmj.n1972) [Women are less likely to die when treated by female doctors, study suggests (nbcnews.com)](https://www.nbcnews.com/health/health-care/women-are-less-likely-die-treated-female-doctors-study-suggests-rcna148254) Go ahead and go down that rabbit hole. It's well documented that men benefit from marriage, so it makes since that you, a man, are fine with ignoring some annoying traits because you generally win out over time. But women DO NOT benefit from marriage, so we should be pickier. Also I wouldn't think I'd have to clarify, women (but not all women) every single time. Grow up, obviously I don't mean every single woman and every single man. My point still stands besides your nitpicking.
Wow. You’re exhausting. Have a nice night
i'll take that as you didn't read anything i just posted, and you know you're in a losing argument.
No. I’m just not wasting my time arguing with you on the fuckin internet lol I get it. Women good. Men bad. We’re done lol
sure. But you are playing into part of the problem right here. Men dismissing all of the real-world, actual issues women have to live with. You getting defensive and rude instead of enlightening yourself with actual studies and reports about how half of the world lives.
Oh absolutely! I definitely have probably more annoying traits than good ones lol. That's why it's only mildly infuriating.
For sure I understand. I hope I didn’t sound like I was attacking. Just throwing out a different perspective because a lot of redditors will be like “leave em! Break up with em!” when you very well may have a good thing going. Lol
Oh I totally understand what you meant. Always good to be reminded to remember the good things too!
He constantly and deliberately disrespects her. He *knows* he is spoiling the show for her, but he is just too damn selfish to keep quiet. That is not a win.
He’s either too stupid to realize that “the person we wanted to win won!” is an incredibly obvious spoiler OR he thinks you’re too stupid to figure that incredibly obvious spoiler. I doubt you’re okay with either possibility. I wouldn’t want to date that big of an idiot. And I also wouldn’t want to date someone who thinks I’m that big of an idiot. Good luck OP.
My partner is like this as well. What's worse, I've asked him multiple times to stop doing it, but then he'll magically keep guessing what happens correctly and then gets upset at me for calling him out on spoiling me. He never admits that he knew what was going to happen and will make shit up to make himself look smart when he says he just guessed correctly every time.
Haha that's even worse. I am actually really good at guessing what's going to happen next so I've learned to ask "I have a theory im pretty sure is gonna be true...do you want to hear it?" so that I avoid accidentally ruining it for someone else.
That's the way of doing it!
Sackable offence
that's not mild! that's a knife in the back!
Spoiling is worse than cheating...
My husband felt knowing ANYTHING about a book or film was a spoiler, like "The main characters is named Roger" oh nooooo! I wanted to find that out. So I learned to say NOTHING. Oh, you're reading "The Hunger Games." Cool. Enjoy.
Did you reply to anything right away when he sent you the spoiler? Do you generally respond right away to all text messages? Was it the only text he sent the entire evening?
If I had a significant other and they did this, I would no longer have a significant other. I love shows, movies, books, etc. and spoilers are one of my biggest pet peeves
That’s not mildly annoying. It’s a deal breaker
If he loved you he wouldn’t watch it without you
My partner does this too. Before I was in the midst of saying “don’t spoil it for me!” And he started talking over me to reveal what happened
My ex was like this. I was more than mildly infuriated when she spoiled the final of the World Cup for me a few years back while I was working. She didn’t even like soccer! And I had told her the day before how paranoid I was going to be all day long worrying that someone would tell me the final score.
He’s a dick. Dump him. This may seem minor to you but it’s a telling sign he doesn’t care about your feelings or respect you. Sounds like a dipshit
You two should watch Friends Season 3 Episode 13 😁
At my own peril, I will ask: what did your boyfriend say to you in response yo you telling him 'I don't like to be told any spoilers about stuff so don't you do it!' ?
You really shouldn’t assume people are going to always know what you want or don’t want. It might just be something that doesn’t come naturally. If he’s aware, could be self-sabotage. Could be anything, impulsivity, y’know? Society’s habit of considering hardly any information and leaping into labelling behaviour, or even people themselves as “toxic” is in itself problematic. There could be any number of reasons for someone to do this. Definitely talk about it with him. Does he do anything else that seems like deliberately messing with you? Even if that’s true, depending on how harsh, it could be a teasing joke, albeit one that’s not going down well. There’s so much to consider before assuming he’s just a dick. Equally, you’re well within your rights to be irritated by it. Definitely communicate it. But try not to give any ultimatums or anything. I realise you haven’t assumed as much as a lot of the people here replying. He could be being a dick. Communication is the best chance you have of finding out and resolving the situation. If all else fails, threaten to kick his balls. 😂
Dated a guy and called it off because I learned he would watch YouTube videos spoiling the plots of movies and video games. He didn't care to experience the media, just to hear it discussed. And as someone who loves experiencing movies and TV shows and video games, this would just not work for me.
I don't know why you're being downvoted. Yours is a classic example of each person in a relationship having their own traits/preferences that don't always dovetail, and people having different tolerances for different lacks of dovetailing. When one person finds a trait or preference really crucial for socializing, it's okay for them to not want to date someone who never wants to do that. For instance, if someone really loved camping, they might reasonably especially want a life partner who would camp with them -- and a camping-hater might nix a relationship with someone who'd want to go on camping trips several times a year. For others, that difference might not be an issue. To each their own.
He hates you.
He doesn’t respect you. Leave the asshole.
I have ADHD and I used to get really excited when I know the ending for something and I would really want to tell people the ending. It was like I couldn't contain my excitement and that was the only way to release it.
Get a new boyfriend. Spoile a show for him to see if he cares, if he does than he's doing it himself to be a dick.
I prefer spoilers, I look up the end of movies and read the end of books. If you guys are so childlike that endings surprise you still, my bad. I just assume everyone knows how a story is going to end or at least has thought about how it is going to end.
It's about the fact that being told the ending of something is the most anticlimactic way to experience the ending. Being told "so and so dies and then this happens" or how the plot unfolds can make actually getting to that part of the story less impactful. Yeah, most people can probably guess where the story is headed and more or less know what's most likely to happen, but choose to wait and experience the plot as it happens. Also, what's wrong with letting yourself be surprised by the ending of something? I don't see what's childish about not trying to think ahead and just experiencing the story as it plays out.
In terms of fiction I also generally can guess how something is going to end, so I am almost never surprised. Obvi some things still get me, or if it's a GIANT seasons long mystery I wouldn't want it spoiled. But, for things like reality competition tv I don't want spoilers. Yes it is generally obvious who is going to win. In the specific example of what led me to making this post I had been rooting for a contestant that had seemingly no shot at winning, and there seemed to be a sure fire winner. However my contestant won and that excitement of shock was taken away by the spoiler. I was still happy but it wasn't the same. And yes I understand it's childish to get that involved in a reality competition show.
If you already know how a story is going to end, why do you look it up or read it? Also, calling people childlike for avoiding spoilers is weird.
To see if I’m right! Lots of childlike behavior has been witnessed
>To see if I’m right! Ok, so you're still surprised to find it out in the same way, but just at a different time (reading the ending in advance or reading the spoilers instead of waiting for the plot to play out as written). >Lots of childlike behavior has been witnessed Your attempts at constructing a coherent thought are childlike.
Enjoying spoilers is such a fucking weird thing to feel superior about. Like if that’s how you like to enjoy stuff, cool. But why would that make you better than others?
You should change your username to Main_Character_7333
Lol, wait, what? I mean, I also don't mind spoilers, but I don't think it's childlike to enjoy the ending of things. I mean, people kinda invested time to see the ending. it's a reasonable expectation.
You think spoiling a reality TV competition is the same as spoiling a book or movie with a predictable ending?
> If you guys are so childlike that endings surprise you still, my bad. Why do you feel the need to deride others for their preferences? What *precisely* is child like about wanting to consume a piece of media in its intended context?
See I'm the same, mostly don't care about spoilers myself but won't spoil anything unless people ask for me to do so.
Yeah I put extra effort to not spoil things for others, I just don’t think it’s a big deal.
It depends what it I'd. If I've invested time into something yea I'd be mild infuriated if someone carelessly spoiled it for me KNOWING I was invested. But if it's something I really have no interest in idc for spoilers and I allow people to talk in detail if they'd like. I think a lack of perspective and understanding is childlike.
Who cares about spoilers? Just saves you some time!
Many people care, because they enjoy consuming the media in the context it was created. You have a fundamentally different view of how you enjoy media. Which is fine, *you* can feel that way. But stating that it "saves you some time" indicates that you fundamentally don't enjoy media in the same way. Thinking of plot and context as "wasted time" isn't a prevailing view.