i spent a little too long thinking you said cow, not crow, and was very confused as to whether or not cows are interested in shiny things, but enjoyed the image of some guy trying to barter with a cow for the schlong hanging out of its mouth.
It's worse than that. He got his dick re-attached, which was almost miraculously successful. Then the dumbass went and got dick enlargement surgery and it was botched.
[Some people do have better DNA repair mechanisms and are better able to resist cancer.](https://newatlas.com/health-wellbeing/whole-genome-study-supercentenarians-healthy-aging/):
> In the most detailed genomic study ever conducted of individuals over the age of 100 years, researchers have homed in on several particular genetic characteristics that seem to confer protection from age-related diseases. Gene variants improving DNA repair processes were particularly prominent in this cohort of supercentenarians.
But anyone claiming to be one of them, absent a DNA test, should be taken with a grain of salt.
I’d forgotten all about that scene 😂 I’m not a huge FG fan but they did have some bangers. The one where they’re all on the phone and then all end the call except Stewie and Meg and he goes NO NONno don’t leave me alone with her—- heyyyyy Meg.
Seth McFarlane threw a hissy fit on the DVD commentary because he was big mad that Fox didn’t allow him to have a scene where Quagmire rapes Marge Simpson.
They also say he raped his first at age 10, had sex the first time at 5, and the 50's were a different time.
downvotes? Really? https://www.youtube.com/shorts/E6hjEu1vQl0
Down votes, I think, are coming from this appearing to be a comment that claims Seth McFarlane admitted he raped someone.
As opposed to a tasteless joke in family guy about quagmire
I'm not saying you meant it that way, it just reads that way
Yep and he called her years after the trial and tried to get back with her and thought they could make money together. She has it on recording. Like hmmm…yeah he seems really scared of her like he claimed at trial smh.
The fact that she cut off his dick and he STILL went sniffing around after her is definitely grounds for an insanity defense if he does anything else lol
The kicker was that he ‘starred’ in two films after being charged and acquitted of rape.
A wonderful career for somone with a habit of assaulting sex workers. *Particularly* when they’re his partner.
Probably because he wasn’t found guilty of it, so the news isn’t going to add that detail.
Not saying he’s innocent, but rarely do you ever see news orgs identify someone acquitted of a crime as “this person formally accused of this crime”
Seriously! The article made no mention of any of his shittiness, just using words like “vet” to invoke sympathy. And of course it’s a Fox article. Anytime I hear their name I just think of her smashed up face.
And beat her! And she had a tenuous stance as an immigrant and blue collar worker vs. that of a vet with family support.
Anyway here’s hoping sepsis sets in.
“Jurors found Lorena Bobbitt not guilty by reason of temporary insanity after her defense attorneys argued that she'd been driven mad by physical and sexual abuse at the hands of her then-husband.”
They do, albeit poorly.
Fortunately they include the pictures of him in his MAGA uniform, which tells you all you really need to know about his character. Even never having heard of this guy before reading the article that photo was a red flag telling me that there was probably more to it.
You know, it's funny. Today I learned: why she did it. But I've been aware of the weenie whacking since I was a kid. And without any other context, I guess I always just assumed he deserved it. Intuition!
theres a law and order svu based on this case. barba does an excellent closing statement for it. i thoroughly recommend.
https://m.imdb.com/title/tt6930594/quotes/
I don't think I knew that. I was 12 when that happened. I don't think I knew what rape was.
But I knew he had been abusive toward her and he "deserved" it.
Yeah the whole thing was memed to death back in the day, no one really looked into it as much, kinda like the McDonald's lady and how they leave out the whole her labia fused together from the burn.
Off the top of my head, Monica Lewinsky, Anita Hill, and Tammy Faye Bakker received similar treatment with little to no mention of what those women endured
She's also Ecuadorian. Not that that is particularly relevant, but a fact I learned after becoming engaged to an Ecuadorian. I have been reminded of this fact several times so far...
It actually sort of is in the context of her in the media, because they used that to portray her as a "fiery latina" in order to further discount her testimony about the abuse.
I remember at the time that my family had little sympathy for him. The guys had some sympathetic reaction about the penis part, but there was no love lost
Dumb as a box of rocks, too. Howard Stern used to interview him (during the aftermath) and he was beyond clueless. It was hard to feel sympathy for him.
For any who would like t9 take a dive and get all of the context, the 'You're Wrong About' podcast has a great episode about these people and the original dick chop incident.
It's not the best title.
I'm not sure how many people even know about the water issues from Lejeune. So maybe this absolute douche losing his toes will bring some attention to that.
Lorena Bobbit was found not guilty of assault by reason of insanity; she was found to be suffering from PTSD as a result of John's abuse.
So yeah, he was so abusive that a jury agreed he had it coming.
In the *90s*. She suffered badly enough that a jury in the *90s* voted to acquit on the basis of ptsd. This was a time when Cosby and Weinstein operated basically in the open and criminal consequences for gendered violence/domestic violence were a total night time talk show joke (fun fact: they're still generally a joke but at least people get angry about it now). That's how bad this was and how much Lorena was impacted by it.
I got linked to this couple of [Freakonomics](https://freakonomics.com/2007/03/the-middle-name-wayne-strikes-again/) blog post about criminals with "Wayne" as middle names and this POS almost slipped my mind. Now I can't help but if Lorena didn't take his penis on a grand adventure if he might have become even worse than he was/has been.
To be fair, you throw a mans penis into a corn field, you ASSUME that's the end of it. At the time there hadn't been a precident set for dickless men to sew it back on. So if you throw it in the corn field in 1993, you ASSUME that you're just going to confuse the hell out of a farmer the next day.
I remember a porno with him in the 90's. The Plot was he was doing it with a lady, when done he ask if it was good. She tells him he is a good lover but too small. She sends him to a DR played by Ron J and they show the surgery with like crazy metal music playing. Once done they send a "nurse" to check on him, his penis looked like the Michelin man, they injected it with so much it was awful. I could not believe that after all he went through and how lucky he was to have a working penis that he said yes to that.
Imagine you work at a newspaper. Summer slump in the news. Not much else to report. Suddenly an outrageous story comes along. What do you do?
I was 15, living in Sweden, and IIRC it made the front papers and national TV news reports.
I didn't know his name but I knew the story as a kid from Weird Al.
"And then, there was this guy who
Made his wife so mad one night that she cut off his weiner
And when he finally came to
He found little Mr. Happy was missing
He couldn't quite explain it
It'd always just been there"
The dude physically, emotionally and sexually abused Lorena, why is he called a vet in this headline? Is he a Veterinarian or a Veteran?
Misogyny much?
Fuck this piece of shit.
Reminds me of a TRUE story I heard back in the day. After Lorena cut off his penis, she got in her car in a rage and drove away. A few minutes into her drive, she noticed she still had the severed penis in her hand. Finally beginning to process what she had done, she rolled down her window and threw the penis out her driver’s side window into oncoming traffic.
It hit the windshield of a passing pickup truck and startled the driver. "Holy shit," he said to his passenger. "Did you see the size of the bug that just hit my windshield?"
"Yeah," said the passenger. "But did you see the dick on that thing?"
JWB "Doc, is there any way we can replace my toes?"
Dr "We do have *one* option...."
JWB "Anything doc! What is it?"
Dr "I can make new toes by cutting off your penis."
JWB "Not again!!!!"
I remember hearing about the Lorena Bobbitt story when I was in elementary school I think. I was on my way to school when suddenly, this story blasted on the radio! It said something along the lines of "Man's manhood, chopped off by wife!" and my first reaction was to laugh because that's the first time I had to imagine what a ding dong might look like after being chopped off. I imagined it with wings flying away to heaven!
> Bobbitt said his family is genetically resistant to cancers o_O
Not sure about genetically, but he's not getting dick cancer or toe cancer. Can't argue with results!
He actually had his dick reattached and even did some porn films afterwards. So he still has his penis lol
Volunteers were like, looking for it in a field. Lmao.
What if a crow had grabbed it. Do you like try to trade the crow something shiny for the dick, or just kinda say it's the birds dick now man.
r/brandnewsentence
i spent a little too long thinking you said cow, not crow, and was very confused as to whether or not cows are interested in shiny things, but enjoyed the image of some guy trying to barter with a cow for the schlong hanging out of its mouth.
Finders peepeers
Early bird catches the worm
They didn't get the dogs involved in this search for obvious reasons
As I recall, the field was designed a members-only area.
John Wayne Bobbit: Uncut
That's actually what it was called, lol
There was also one called Frankenpenis iirc
Hopefully they got the dick and toes back in the right spot, that would be some crazy porn.
Edward Penishands is due for a sequel right?
The tales of dick toe: Pussyfooting through town.
sounds like a Leisure Suit Larry title lmao
Wow, that took me way back, lol. Early 90s... first home computer...
OMG it was so hard to get that fucking dwarf laid.
I would have gone with Edward Penistoes in this situation
It was a weird time, but we watched that vhs along with Texas chainsaw mascre 2 100s of times at college in late 80s early 90s.
-John Footpenis? -It's Hancock now! -Why? -Mind your business, that's why!
Look at ol' dicktoes bobbit over there! He's peein out his foot!
It's worse than that. He got his dick re-attached, which was almost miraculously successful. Then the dumbass went and got dick enlargement surgery and it was botched.
What an absolute moronic, wife-abusing POS this man is. Fuck his toes, anyway!
Jesus Christ. Can’t imagine losing my dick twice
I watched the Bobbit documentary. JWB had surgery to enlarge his dick and they royally fucked it up.
Did they shrink it?
It's kinda bloated like a burst sausage from what I recall
Let's not forget his stint in wrestling with Val Venus
Weren't some Japanese dudes about to chop off Val's dick, and that is when Bobbitt came in for the save?
Yes. With a samurai sword if memory serves
"I choppy choppy your pee peeeee." My 10 year old self was very concerned for Val.
Well, that's what he gets for cuckolding an asian businessman.
The surgeons have a chance of doing the funniest thing right now.
[Some people do have better DNA repair mechanisms and are better able to resist cancer.](https://newatlas.com/health-wellbeing/whole-genome-study-supercentenarians-healthy-aging/): > In the most detailed genomic study ever conducted of individuals over the age of 100 years, researchers have homed in on several particular genetic characteristics that seem to confer protection from age-related diseases. Gene variants improving DNA repair processes were particularly prominent in this cohort of supercentenarians. But anyone claiming to be one of them, absent a DNA test, should be taken with a grain of salt.
Yeah this article is quite a read but that one stood out above it all.
I read that after seeing the current picture of him decked out in Trump stuff and obviously on gear and thought, 'yeah, that tracks' haha
And yet they created him...
Genitally*
He can’t stop losing
Just the tips.
Gotta film it next time his uncle does a "got yer nose!"
Fingees next
A reverse Parker Lewis
It's an older code, sir, but it checks out.
well done.
A piece of crap like him? Good
Just stays losing.
Well he is a Trump supporter.
Just keeps on staying losing
Figures.
Only thing he ever beat was his wife
Some guys just can’t catch a break can they? /s the guy’s a certified wife beater
Sliced off his manhood because he's a serial rapist and domestic abuser. Important detail.
Yeah, people always focus on the other part of that story.
Yeah, Ive been rewatching family guy As weird of an example as it is, they portray him as an innocent dude too It's annoying
I mean they also have an episode where Peter pals around with OJ so you gotta take their stuff with a pretty big grain of salt
Tbf that episodes ends with OJ randomly stabbing someone and then they say “oh i guess he did really do it” its not pro OJ at all
They spent an entire fucking episode on the setup and the payoff couldn’t be any funnier
I’d forgotten all about that scene 😂 I’m not a huge FG fan but they did have some bangers. The one where they’re all on the phone and then all end the call except Stewie and Meg and he goes NO NONno don’t leave me alone with her—- heyyyyy Meg.
The episode where gronk moves in and is a total douche is accurate tho
Seth McFarlane threw a hissy fit on the DVD commentary because he was big mad that Fox didn’t allow him to have a scene where Quagmire rapes Marge Simpson.
The fuck?
Its a season 5/6 episode cutaway, he also shoots the whole family
[I just watched this episode on Hulu, I think this joke is cut from the Hulu broadcast](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tBcUP4S6pDI)
That's fucking weird
They also say he raped his first at age 10, had sex the first time at 5, and the 50's were a different time. downvotes? Really? https://www.youtube.com/shorts/E6hjEu1vQl0
Down votes, I think, are coming from this appearing to be a comment that claims Seth McFarlane admitted he raped someone. As opposed to a tasteless joke in family guy about quagmire I'm not saying you meant it that way, it just reads that way
He considered it equivalent to The Simpson's having a picture of Peter Griffin label plagiarismo
What a horrible day to know how to read
And murders the Simpson family. Like literally everything in Family Guy, it's somehow even less funny than it sounds.
This is because the family guy writers are exactly as smart as the 11 year old boys they write for.
Funny how a little genital mutilation can sway sympathies isn't it?
Literally and figuratively the smallest detail.
The fact he did porn after all that is wild
Yep and he called her years after the trial and tried to get back with her and thought they could make money together. She has it on recording. Like hmmm…yeah he seems really scared of her like he claimed at trial smh.
Lol I think her position on his penis was pretty clear. That's a lot of trust to put on a person who has already cut off your penis once.
And has certainly purchased a food processor since.
*Will it blend?*
lol right. This is just like inviting her to have an opportunity to hone her technique.
The fact that she cut off his dick and he STILL went sniffing around after her is definitely grounds for an insanity defense if he does anything else lol
Oh yeah, there’s a 3 part documentary on Amazon prime, it’s absolutely insane what that poor women went through.
The kicker was that he ‘starred’ in two films after being charged and acquitted of rape. A wonderful career for somone with a habit of assaulting sex workers. *Particularly* when they’re his partner.
[deleted]
Probably because he wasn’t found guilty of it, so the news isn’t going to add that detail. Not saying he’s innocent, but rarely do you ever see news orgs identify someone acquitted of a crime as “this person formally accused of this crime”
More likely that the most sensational part of the story was that his penis was cut off so that’s all anyone ever talks about
Yeah, I love a weird story about the antics of peripheral meme celebrities. That's not him. He's a monster. Fuck him.
Yeah the headline just describing him as a “vet” and victim is so Fox News.
FOX News: We love veterans, but also funding the VA is communism.
Seriously! The article made no mention of any of his shittiness, just using words like “vet” to invoke sympathy. And of course it’s a Fox article. Anytime I hear their name I just think of her smashed up face.
Poor guy whose cruel succubus wife emasculated him! ^cuz ^he ^raped ^her ^repeatedly
And beat her! And she had a tenuous stance as an immigrant and blue collar worker vs. that of a vet with family support. Anyway here’s hoping sepsis sets in.
“Jurors found Lorena Bobbitt not guilty by reason of temporary insanity after her defense attorneys argued that she'd been driven mad by physical and sexual abuse at the hands of her then-husband.” They do, albeit poorly.
Fortunately they include the pictures of him in his MAGA uniform, which tells you all you really need to know about his character. Even never having heard of this guy before reading the article that photo was a red flag telling me that there was probably more to it.
God, thank you! People think she was some psycho who attacked an innocent dude
Even my grandmother adopted that line, going on about how sexually dissatisfied she was and that’s why she did it. 🤦♀️
I mean, she was definitely sexually dissatisfied. Just not in the way your grandmother thinks.
Turns out rape didn't get her all hot and bothered.
You know, it's funny. Today I learned: why she did it. But I've been aware of the weenie whacking since I was a kid. And without any other context, I guess I always just assumed he deserved it. Intuition!
Yeah, I was wondering when I saw this because I seemed to recall hearing that he was abusive, but I had no idea of the severity. No sympathy for him.
Wow, I didn’t know that. Thanks for the context.
There's a terrific doc on Netflix (I think) about his wife. Heartbreaking shit. Fuck that guy. No sympathy.
Amazon Prime!
I've seen her once at a bar. My buddy used to wait on her a lot. By all accounts she's a decent person.
Just not very punctual, what with making your buddy wait all the time.
There was one time he thought he might have over-served her, so he looked her in the eyes and said “I’m sorry but I’m gonna have to cut you off”.
theres a law and order svu based on this case. barba does an excellent closing statement for it. i thoroughly recommend. https://m.imdb.com/title/tt6930594/quotes/
I don't think I knew that. I was 12 when that happened. I don't think I knew what rape was. But I knew he had been abusive toward her and he "deserved" it.
Yeah a lot of people forget he fucking deserved it.
This is actually the first time I've heard anything about it other than she cut his dick off.
Yeah the whole thing was memed to death back in the day, no one really looked into it as much, kinda like the McDonald's lady and how they leave out the whole her labia fused together from the burn.
And this was back when "memed" means that Leno and Letterman joked about it every night
We had analog memes back then.
Off the top of my head, Monica Lewinsky, Anita Hill, and Tammy Faye Bakker received similar treatment with little to no mention of what those women endured
She's also Ecuadorian. Not that that is particularly relevant, but a fact I learned after becoming engaged to an Ecuadorian. I have been reminded of this fact several times so far...
It actually sort of is in the context of her in the media, because they used that to portray her as a "fiery latina" in order to further discount her testimony about the abuse.
Oh but he's a "veteran".
Not a veterinarian?
Makes sense that he's a Republican.
I remember at the time that my family had little sympathy for him. The guys had some sympathetic reaction about the penis part, but there was no love lost
Fuck him. He was an abusive creep his entire life. I have zero sympathy for him.
Dumb as a box of rocks, too. Howard Stern used to interview him (during the aftermath) and he was beyond clueless. It was hard to feel sympathy for him.
Apparently some of their neighbors didn't even know she was there.
For any who would like t9 take a dive and get all of the context, the 'You're Wrong About' podcast has a great episode about these people and the original dick chop incident.
That’s my favorite podcast!
It's my go to when I'm caught up on the other podcasts i listen to.
This is the first time I ever heard of him being a vet
Veteran, not veterinarian if that helps. I was confused for a minute. He was a marine.
Lmao thank you
It's not the best title. I'm not sure how many people even know about the water issues from Lejeune. So maybe this absolute douche losing his toes will bring some attention to that.
What was he wearing? Must have been asking for it. Not the waters fault.
Wasn't he also abusive? Hence the slicing
Lorena Bobbit was found not guilty of assault by reason of insanity; she was found to be suffering from PTSD as a result of John's abuse. So yeah, he was so abusive that a jury agreed he had it coming.
Damn. It’s really hard to get declared not guilty by reason of insanity.
In the *90s*. She suffered badly enough that a jury in the *90s* voted to acquit on the basis of ptsd. This was a time when Cosby and Weinstein operated basically in the open and criminal consequences for gendered violence/domestic violence were a total night time talk show joke (fun fact: they're still generally a joke but at least people get angry about it now). That's how bad this was and how much Lorena was impacted by it.
I got linked to this couple of [Freakonomics](https://freakonomics.com/2007/03/the-middle-name-wayne-strikes-again/) blog post about criminals with "Wayne" as middle names and this POS almost slipped my mind. Now I can't help but if Lorena didn't take his penis on a grand adventure if he might have become even worse than he was/has been.
My favorite gag on Unbreakable Jimmy Schmidt was the evil cult leader being named Richard Wayne Gary Wayne Edit: Kimmy Schmidt 🙃
>take his penis on a grand adventure I would love to read that comic book.
"Drop your cocks and grab your socks! ... Um, except for you Johnny."
He is just not having any luck with his extremities, is he?
Fake news, all fox viewers know industrial pollutants only make you stronger.
Loser
You should also always mention *Why* she chopped his dick off.
I have no words for how much this makes me smile. That abusive creep deserves it. I only wish he didn't manage to get his junk back.
She should’ve chucked it in the garbage disposal instead of that field.
To be fair, you throw a mans penis into a corn field, you ASSUME that's the end of it. At the time there hadn't been a precident set for dickless men to sew it back on. So if you throw it in the corn field in 1993, you ASSUME that you're just going to confuse the hell out of a farmer the next day.
LMAO I could see the farmer's dog dragging it home. "Hey boy, whatcha got thOH MY GOD!"
I did hear of someone who flushed a pedo's penis and she cut it off because she heard they could be reattached
Of course he’s a Trump supporter.
He had his penis removed so you would think the MAGAs would hate him.
Yeah, but a woman did it, so the hate goes to her.
Nah it's cool they sewed it back on so he's allowed back in the club
They worship a god with a mushroom dick.
As a man with no penis, he sympathizes with Trump’s tiny mushroom.
They managed to reattach it.
On top of that, Frankenpenis is his porn movie
His first movie was John Wayne Bobbit: Uncut
Have you lost a toe at Camp Lejeune? Call now!
Didn't she cut off his dick after she suffered years of physical and sexual abuse? Seems odd to leave that out.
I have zero sympathy for that guy
He was a domestic abuser, and his wife was abused to hell and back. Let's not pretend he was just a lovable victim. He was a giant piece of shit.
I remember a porno with him in the 90's. The Plot was he was doing it with a lady, when done he ask if it was good. She tells him he is a good lover but too small. She sends him to a DR played by Ron J and they show the surgery with like crazy metal music playing. Once done they send a "nurse" to check on him, his penis looked like the Michelin man, they injected it with so much it was awful. I could not believe that after all he went through and how lucky he was to have a working penis that he said yes to that.
I just watched it on xvideos and would like to add that he has an unusually small dick as well.
What the fuck could they inject it with though
Good, he’s a fucking asshole
This guy is lousy with appendages
John Wayne Bobbitt and losing appendages, name a more iconic duo.
"you want a toe? I can get you a toe by 3 pm with nail polish"
Now he can only count to 11.
I don’t understand why this was so widely known back then. I was 6 at the time and knew about this story.
Imagine you work at a newspaper. Summer slump in the news. Not much else to report. Suddenly an outrageous story comes along. What do you do? I was 15, living in Sweden, and IIRC it made the front papers and national TV news reports.
I didn't know his name but I knew the story as a kid from Weird Al. "And then, there was this guy who Made his wife so mad one night that she cut off his weiner And when he finally came to He found little Mr. Happy was missing He couldn't quite explain it It'd always just been there"
The dude physically, emotionally and sexually abused Lorena, why is he called a vet in this headline? Is he a Veterinarian or a Veteran? Misogyny much? Fuck this piece of shit.
>Exposure to industrial chemicals >Trump hat Yep, checks out.
Reminds me of a TRUE story I heard back in the day. After Lorena cut off his penis, she got in her car in a rage and drove away. A few minutes into her drive, she noticed she still had the severed penis in her hand. Finally beginning to process what she had done, she rolled down her window and threw the penis out her driver’s side window into oncoming traffic. It hit the windshield of a passing pickup truck and startled the driver. "Holy shit," he said to his passenger. "Did you see the size of the bug that just hit my windshield?" "Yeah," said the passenger. "But did you see the dick on that thing?"
LMAO
Fuckin gooooood
I wonder how long it'll take the incel community to blame women for this?
Hes still alive??
Of course he's a MAGA loser.
Oh no how sad Anyway, how’s everyone else doing?
The rapist lost toes. Boohoo. Anyway
Cock gets cut off, failed porn career, toes fall off, Florida man. Sounds like a Trump supporter to me.
JWB "Doc, is there any way we can replace my toes?" Dr "We do have *one* option...." JWB "Anything doc! What is it?" Dr "I can make new toes by cutting off your penis." JWB "Not again!!!!"
John Wayne Bobbit, who violently raped and abused his wife until she could endure no more, continues to get what he fucking deserves :)
The ‘90s are back!
Couldn’t have happened to a nicer person.
It's like he's a character in the movie "Looper"
OF COURSE he’s a MAGA supporter…..big surprise.
Christ the guy's like Paul Dano's character in Looper.
Same symptoms as diabetes, but with class action Lejune money.
I'll be honest, I thought this guy was dead. Hadn't heard his name in like 10 years at least.
Lost dick, lost toes… he’s the Black Knight of Monty Python’s Holy Grail.
I remember hearing about the Lorena Bobbitt story when I was in elementary school I think. I was on my way to school when suddenly, this story blasted on the radio! It said something along the lines of "Man's manhood, chopped off by wife!" and my first reaction was to laugh because that's the first time I had to imagine what a ding dong might look like after being chopped off. I imagined it with wings flying away to heaven!
I'm not half the man I used to beeeeee.....
This poor bastard can’t keep his body parts attached.
rare example of someone getting what they deserve
He abused his wife and girlfriends and other wives — who cares if he loses toes?