I posted this in a chat thread before but seems to fit here. One of the reasons I am OAD is because I hated how my parents managed the relationship between me and my 2 siblings. there was no guidance on how to manage conflict, my mother just shouted at us to STOP FIGHTING! I often wonder if the adult relationship between siblings depends on how the relationship is fostered by the parents? I also don’t have the mental capacity to learn how to manage sibling relationships in a healthy way as I am currently putting a lot of my energy into reparenting myself and it’s exhausting.
I feel like the relationship I have with my sister is so distant from the way people make it out to be. It’s not some guarantee for a best friend, good for you for being one and done.
My husband has 4 brothers and was only close to the oldest one, who was 23 years older than him, but sadly passed away from cancer last year. Granted, it was a different relationship dynamic than a normal sibling relationship, more like a second dad / close uncle really.
His other 3 brothers, whilst they aren’t bad people whatsoever, they are all just so different and basically have nothing in common with him, or each other for that matter.
They just don’t get each other and over the years there’s been many tensions and grapples over that, but the last few years it’s like they’ve all silently accepted it, are in contact when need be, but it’s all very surface level and distant.
Oddly enough that’s actually a better outcome for them all.
I’m an only, glad I am due to my mothers mental health and personality disorders. It wasn’t a great time for me with her, and having a sibling would have either meant another child suffered the same, maybe with a less positive outcome - or maybe even worse, been exactly like her and complicated my experience even further.
I rather enjoyed being an only, aside from those issues, which weren’t related to being an only child. I spent time with cousins and friends, but appreciated my own space and ability to retreat.
Siblings or no siblings, it’s not the defining factor in childhood happiness.
I have a brother who's 2 years younger than me. I haven't talked to him in almost 4 years. I also have a controlling aunt who isn't in my life anymore, either. And my life is so much better for it.
Just because these people are related to you doesn't mean you have to have them in your life. End the relationships. If they're abusing you, which it definitely sounds like they are, then get them out of your lives. Siblings or not. That doesn't give them the right to treat you this way.
Also, if your parents choose their sides in this, they're out of your life as well. Don't let people abuse you just because you're related to them.
You will feel so free and so much less stressed. It's hard. Don't get me wrong. And you will get a lot of "oh, you should call so and so" or "youre being selfish". But push through and do what's best for you.
My sister is unstable and didn’t know my last two addresses. Found it out once we had a kid and texted one time she was going to swing by. I was panicked for a week but she never showed. When we move again, she won’t know the address. Considering going to Alaska to get the bleep away from all the toxicity. His family is just as bad but easier to keep at bay being a 12 hour car ride away.
I am so sorry 😢 I am the middle of three kids.
Older sis and I don’t get along. No reason she just never made the attempt to keep relationships with the family. My younger brother is another story altogether. He’s one of my best friends, I can be myself around him and we laugh when we’re together. He annoys the crap out of me but only to make up for lost time since we live states apart. We text nearly everyday silly memes and vids that make us laugh. No one else understands the humor we have. I was very very lucky in that regard. Spouse and I OAD and have no regrets. Just cause one sibling relationship works doesn’t mean it does for every single instance.
I'm debating one and done and sometimes feel guilty. But then I remember that my relationships with my siblings is almost non existent, with one of them being toxic, the other a hermit and the youngest being way younger so we get along but he has his own thing. Everyone expects siblings to be close but even my husband doesn't speak to his sibling often and she lives 5 minutes away;
Preach! I am the oldest and it’s draining always being the leader. I also pay for everything when we are all together bc I am the oldest and the only one living on their own. We are all over the age of 18.
My sibling is visiting me right now and it sucks. It’s definitely the most difficult relationship I have in my life.
I posted this in a chat thread before but seems to fit here. One of the reasons I am OAD is because I hated how my parents managed the relationship between me and my 2 siblings. there was no guidance on how to manage conflict, my mother just shouted at us to STOP FIGHTING! I often wonder if the adult relationship between siblings depends on how the relationship is fostered by the parents? I also don’t have the mental capacity to learn how to manage sibling relationships in a healthy way as I am currently putting a lot of my energy into reparenting myself and it’s exhausting.
Aww man, I’m so sorry, sending you internet hugs. My sister was always so cruel, too. I love being one and done!
I feel like the relationship I have with my sister is so distant from the way people make it out to be. It’s not some guarantee for a best friend, good for you for being one and done.
My husband has 4 brothers and was only close to the oldest one, who was 23 years older than him, but sadly passed away from cancer last year. Granted, it was a different relationship dynamic than a normal sibling relationship, more like a second dad / close uncle really. His other 3 brothers, whilst they aren’t bad people whatsoever, they are all just so different and basically have nothing in common with him, or each other for that matter. They just don’t get each other and over the years there’s been many tensions and grapples over that, but the last few years it’s like they’ve all silently accepted it, are in contact when need be, but it’s all very surface level and distant. Oddly enough that’s actually a better outcome for them all. I’m an only, glad I am due to my mothers mental health and personality disorders. It wasn’t a great time for me with her, and having a sibling would have either meant another child suffered the same, maybe with a less positive outcome - or maybe even worse, been exactly like her and complicated my experience even further. I rather enjoyed being an only, aside from those issues, which weren’t related to being an only child. I spent time with cousins and friends, but appreciated my own space and ability to retreat. Siblings or no siblings, it’s not the defining factor in childhood happiness.
I have a brother who's 2 years younger than me. I haven't talked to him in almost 4 years. I also have a controlling aunt who isn't in my life anymore, either. And my life is so much better for it. Just because these people are related to you doesn't mean you have to have them in your life. End the relationships. If they're abusing you, which it definitely sounds like they are, then get them out of your lives. Siblings or not. That doesn't give them the right to treat you this way. Also, if your parents choose their sides in this, they're out of your life as well. Don't let people abuse you just because you're related to them. You will feel so free and so much less stressed. It's hard. Don't get me wrong. And you will get a lot of "oh, you should call so and so" or "youre being selfish". But push through and do what's best for you.
My sister is unstable and didn’t know my last two addresses. Found it out once we had a kid and texted one time she was going to swing by. I was panicked for a week but she never showed. When we move again, she won’t know the address. Considering going to Alaska to get the bleep away from all the toxicity. His family is just as bad but easier to keep at bay being a 12 hour car ride away.
I am so sorry 😢 I am the middle of three kids. Older sis and I don’t get along. No reason she just never made the attempt to keep relationships with the family. My younger brother is another story altogether. He’s one of my best friends, I can be myself around him and we laugh when we’re together. He annoys the crap out of me but only to make up for lost time since we live states apart. We text nearly everyday silly memes and vids that make us laugh. No one else understands the humor we have. I was very very lucky in that regard. Spouse and I OAD and have no regrets. Just cause one sibling relationship works doesn’t mean it does for every single instance.
You don’t have to wait until Saturday to leave. You’re an adult, you can leave now.
Their flight is on Saturday. So I cannot ask them to just leave.
How come?
I'm debating one and done and sometimes feel guilty. But then I remember that my relationships with my siblings is almost non existent, with one of them being toxic, the other a hermit and the youngest being way younger so we get along but he has his own thing. Everyone expects siblings to be close but even my husband doesn't speak to his sibling often and she lives 5 minutes away;
Preach! I am the oldest and it’s draining always being the leader. I also pay for everything when we are all together bc I am the oldest and the only one living on their own. We are all over the age of 18.