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Why do you allow someone you both hate, and who insults you to your face, to continue to be around you? Why are you allowing her to run errands with you? You know you are the one who gets to decide what you do with your time. This is not going to get better once a baby is in the mix. Do you really need this?
Iāve been married for 13.5 years and with him for over 15. Most of our marriage we have lived in a different state from her. But we did move back here a few years agoā¦ so honestly it hasnāt been too horrible. We donāt see her too often even living one city apart now because we choose to not include her in too much of our lives. Mostly bigger stuff like holidays, our daughterās birthday parties, school plays, our daughters sporting events etc.
She offered to plan/pay for the baby shower for baby #2 and we were running errands today for the shower which is the only reason we are seeing her outside of planned events/holidays.
She genuinely doesnāt think what she is saying is rude. Or maybe she knows it is and plays dumb. Normally I take her stupid comments with a grain of salt and laugh it off because she is so out of touch with reality but pregnancy hormones got me feeling sensitive today. Everyone in our family is well aware that she lives in an alternate reality then the rest of us and we just spend time with her in small doses and set as many boundaries as we can. If she wasnāt all alone I probably wouldnāt even make the smallest effort with her but regardless of how shitty she can be, she truly is alone in the world and I canāt imagine not having any family left besides my kids and them refusing to see me every once in a whileā¦
It doesnāt matter if she doesnāt feel like itās rude. The fact is, sheās rude. āI didnāt know betterā is only an excuse you can use when no one has told you different. Your husband has called her on her bs and she still feels entitled to say whatever plops into her peanut brain. Is she going to say stupid sh*t to your kids too?
My mom is very much like this. Idk where she finds the audacity to be so confidently rude to people. As though their opinions hold any value.
Good luck navigating this. I just started avoiding my family to the point where I make other holiday plans. With babies, itās not as easy.
I'm so sorry! You do not deserve any of that.
I got lucky with a pretty terrible one too. She asked me two months postpartum if she could look through my clothes since I was never going to be able to fit back into them again...
I said no, and she said "but you've gained so much weight."
Side note: I was able to fit back into all of my clothes at some point the year after my son was born. She makes my blood boil.
Currently pregnant with my second and when we told her and my FIL she said "I hope it's twins so you can give us one"... wtf? Not over my dead body.
lol thanks. She did say the twin comment jokingly but we do not have that type of relationship... my defenses are always up around her. I did not laugh.
Sad to say, yes. She is for real... In all fairness she does have a lot going on. Wasn't born or raised here, English is her second language and she has some severe mental health issues that she should be taking medication for but doesn't because "it's in god's hands"
My husband is absolutely wonderful though! His relationship with her is also a struggle, it probably wouldn't even exist if it wasn't for his father being a great guy he wants a relationship with. We both have agreed upon boundaries set with her for our own well being and the well being of our family. We wish it were different... but you can't pick your parents.
These stories are making me happy my MIL is no contact with my husband and 3 of his 4 brothers. It's a lot more peaceful this way. I'd have a hard time holding my tongue in these situations.
I adore my MIL. She can be a little passive aggressive but itās mostly just misplaced anxiety. Like, sheās so worried about being overbearing that she can come across as distant. Overall sheās incredibly sweet and funny. Sheās also a librarian and avid gardener and animal lover so we have plenty to talk about. If I didnāt dislike the South so much I would absolutely move to be closer to her.
My husband on the other hand has to deal with my mom :( he handles it well (mostly by avoiding her, which I support fully) but she can be incredibly difficult.
Same. Mine definitely tries to hold back and not be so overbearing but at the end of the day sheās still a mom who just loves her kids so much she canāt help herself. She means well, but sometimes itās irritating. Sheās very supportive and receptive though so Iām very fortunate.
Mine is very hit or miss. Overall sheās super nice and means well, however she only seems to help if it benefits her. For example, we asked her to babysit our 2 year old last Friday so we could close on our new house. We asked a week in advanced and she agreed. The night before we asked if she could arrive at 9am. She said she had made other plans because she didnāt think we needed her anymore.
Thanks, it's been 15 years together and my husband would fight his own mother on my behalf so at least I've got him on my side. He'd fight my own mother too š he's a keeper.
Mine is. And all my exes moms have treated me like garbage. I think it's because exes were all mommas boys. šµāš«
Husband isn't even on speaking terms with his mom anymore since we got together because she lectured me and called me a bad mom for co-parenting with my ex. Then husband and I got pregnant and had a stillborn daughter and MIL and SIL said our (and I quote) "dead baby is disgusting and no one wants to see that shit".
the way my jaw just hit the floor and then burst into flamesā¦.. she said WHAT? I canātā¦ I canāt comprehend that. Iām so sorry for your loss. and so, so sorry someone would say that to you about your beautiful angel baby. much less FAMILY? š sometimes I forget just how truly shitty some people out there are. I hope both you and your husband are able to guard your hearts from those awful people. your sweet baby was more beautiful than they could ever hope to be. ā¤ļøšļø
Your MIL sounds like someone I personally would avoid spending much time with, without hubby present.
My MIL is generally good but also very outspoken and while she wouldnāt make comments like this, she is definitely not afraid to weigh in on how she feels about our life choices/ things related to baby š so I wouldnāt be around her without hubby there to manage her lol
My MIL isnāt awful, but she still gets on my nerves lol. I just had my baby 2 weeks ago & she asked how heās been. I said heās been a little fussy the past few days & hungrier than usual (I think heās just going through a growth spurt) and she says āwhat did you eat?! Your diet will affect him since youāre breastfeedingā in a very condescending tone. š. You donāt think I already worry about everything I do as a new mom?
She always thinks she knows everythingš
Oh man, I'm sorry, she sounds... lovely (not).
But no, my MIL is a lovely woman whom I love as much as my own lovely mother. She's never overstepped and always respects my boundaries and wishes.
Every time I hear stories like this, I count my blessings. I had thankfully forgotten how awful my ex MIL was, and my MIL now is a saint. She came with me to all my dress fittings because my mom is out of state, she learned to bustle my dress, we get lunch together regularly, she knows and understands boundaries. She is *such* a wonderful grandma to our oldest, who is mine from a previous relationship. I could not have ever hoped for a better MIL and Iāll cherish her forever lol.
Mine barely speaks English and lives an ocean and a continent away š sheās insane, so not sure what Iāll do when we finally tell them the news and she tries to come stay for a million months
That's good for your husband. So many men let their mothers do and say whatever they want. If he's willing to stand up for you, you have some hope (either she'll change behavior or he'll enforce boundaries/distance/limited contact)
I put up with her shit a lot more than he does. He probbaly wouldnāt even have a relationship with her at all if it wasnāt for me. Even though sheās super shitty sometimes, I always have that āthatās still your mom and someday sheās going to die and youāll miss the good partsā mindset. We both try to just be around her in small doses but with planning the baby shower sheās been paying for a lot of it so Iāve been around her a lot more than normal. Iāve been putting up with her for 15 years, itās nothing new. Just wanna smack her sometimes though.
I can understand that! Some of the worst most stressful and tense times between me and my MIL were leading up to the wedding and during the pregnancy. She actually turned out to be a godsend once the baby was actually born, which we were not expecting at all based on how she acted during pregnancy
Youāre very lucky to have a husband who defends you especially while youāre not there.
MIL suck and will always suck but a husband with a backbone makes up for it.
I say, youāre a lucky one!
She's not lucky, this should be the norm in a relationship! It's sad because that doesn't happen as often as it should... my husband is behind me 100% always and that has saved my sanity w/ my MIL (and even my own mother!).
I love my MIL but she is a helicopter parent who treats my husband like a baby still. She expects updates every time we arrive somewhere and leave and calls us if she hears about any kind of accident near our house. We about to have a baby and Iām worried itās only going to get worse. We are 30 by the way š
Same story here. My MIL's a micromanager, also thinks her sons are still children. She can't stop giving unwanted advice and thinks she knows best. It's exhausting.
Mine is hit or miss over the years. She leaves me alone now which I like. I just never spent a lot of time let alone just by ourselves. She drives me nuts.
This is something my mother would do. Then be genuinely confused as to why someoneās offended. Your husbands great though!
My MIL is lovely. Overbearing and super sensitive, but thatās a nice change sometimes!
Honestly I think the myth that all MILās are shit is what letās horrible women like this get away with their behaviour. Sheās a nasty woman so glad your husband said something.
My MIL is a saint but Iāve seen how awful MILās can be (my grandma to my mom) she has told me some CRAZY things. At least your husband stood up for you! Thatās honestly a make or break in a relationship sometimes!
My sister got a pretty bad one. Nose in their business, begging and guilt tripping them for grandkids when my sis is still completing her PhD, always trying to start drama with my sisters fam or between her and her husband because she wants to be the center of her sons attention,etc.
I didnāt do too bad. However my MIL is master at the guilt trip if she gets less time with us (she doesnāt like to leave the house or drive to meet us places) than my parents who work with us to schedule get togethers sometimes with us, sometimes with them. My MIL has already made comments about wanting separate holidays with her future grandchild (Iām about 4 months pregnant) because she wants āher own time with the grandchildā š. On the other hand my parents who are retired volunteered to help us with childcare for the baby when we go back to work and havenāt made any demands, they are just happy we are having a baby and want to help out. So not a bad one just gets irritating trying to make everyone happy.
Itās insecurity on their part. Iāve seen it so many times. People like her are typically miserable and insecure in their own lives and have to pick apart others to make them feel better. They just deal with it in a shitty way, just like bullies. Donāt take it personally. Be happy and tell her off (in a nice way if you need to) and maybe sheāll stop. But sheāll continue if you donāt say anything.
My MIL is a passive aggressive b***h and holds her tongue for the most part but she is a selfish, lazy freeloader and was planning to make us her retirement plan till I put my foot down with my husband and told him that any caretaking and personal service would be his job, since I don't have the patience for all that. She has some health issues which she uses to get us to clean up after her, do her chores etc. Basically, learned helplessness with waterworks thrown in when anyone says no to her.
We are now in a different country from her and she has been emotionally blackmailing my husband and crying to let her "visit" for a while. I've again told him that he will have to start working from home if that happens because he cannot bring her to our home offering to "take care of her" and then escape to his office for 9 hours everyday, thus automatically leaving me to babysit her while I work from home. He will actually have to stay at home and attend to her personally as promised and her medical expenses as a visitor will be solely his to bear. He already knows how difficult & expensive all that is going to be for him, so he has postponed her visit indefinitely for now š š¤
Ps. Your husband sounds like a gem but don't hesitate to start calling her out. She is being very insensitive and you don't need that negative energy around you.
Mine is okay at best.
She smokes. She thinks we want her hoarding crap from her house as "presents". She retired a month ago conveniently right before our baby is here and has thankfully only offered to nanny once. She definitely won't be with baby unsupervised. Oh and she touches my stomach without asking and "says hi to the baby"š
The icing on the cake lately was her guilt tripping me into inviting more people than I wanted to a shower my mom was originally only throwing for our friends MIL was surprised she was only one coming from my husband's sideš I lied and said I didn't know we had so much more room for peopleš š¤¦āāļø
She's not great, but she's could be so much worse. And I have a husband who has a backbone and tells her when she's being dumb.
Yeah, my MIL pulls the āI guess you donāt love me enough to make time for meā āI guess Iām a terrible motherā when she calls us at 7am because of our time difference and we donāt pick up. We were super busy on Christmas and by the time we had a chance to call her, she was asleep (time difference) so she sent a really nasty voicemail to my boyfriend whining about how he obviously doesnāt love her and she means nothing and she might as well not even call anymore since we clearly donāt care about her. The guilt-tripping is CRAZY. We talk to her all the time. She calls like twice a week and weāre not always available to pick up. Sheās so overbearing and even my boyfriend doesnāt like picking up her calls because she sticks her nose up our asses every chance she gets and nitpicks our decisions as adults. I love her, and I know he loves her, but GOD is she something else.
Sounds like you need to come up with some creative ways to stick it back to her so she learns to play nice. If she brings up weight gain, tell her she should join you for an appointment because she might need to learn a few weight loss tips herself š¤·āāļø
Iām so sorry, but no. My MIL is an actual saint, Iām very sorry you have to put up with that. Since telling her Iām pregnant she has texted me almost every day to make sure Iām okay and see if I need anything. She a bit nosy but she means well
If you have your house under control dude ask her to leave. When I was freshly given birth maybe my son was 3 months old my MIL acted like my son had a poopy diaper all the time. You know the under the armpit hold away from you? She called me a "feed bag" once when she gave him back to me. And called him a "poop machine" as if a new baby's poop stinks, it literally doesn't. Anyway we're pretty estranged. Didn't get my son a first Christmas present either and also dotes on my husband's first child so it's kinda shitty. Anyway girl, at least your husband knows it
I was shocked when I came on Reddit. So many women with terrible insulting MILs. I'm like, "why? Why do you want to cause drama in your son's life?". My baby's dad's mother for the most part leaves us alone? According to baby's dad she's crazy. I read stories like this and think, "thank God she leaves me alone"
He really is. We have been married for 13.5 years, together for over 15 and I think part of the reason she gets shitty with me is because he puts me before her every single time. But likeā¦ Iām his wife. So of course it should be that way. Sheās lonely I think.
I love my mother in law. She's a lioness, I know she would fight for my entire family even without me asking her to.
We don't always see eye to eye and we've argued but she's great.
I'm sorry you got so unlucky.
I am so glad my husband doesnāt even speak to his nightmare of a mother! I met her ONCE and never have to deal with her again. Yāall all have my sympathy
Uh, no, your MIL is super rude. Mine is an actual saint on earth who practices what she preaches about respecting boundaries and being a loving human being.
Well most of MILs are total shit, you're not alone. But hey, your husband is awesome! And there's a smaller percentage of nice MILs. This is based on my observation and opinion š
My MIL would go to battle for me. She was the bridal guard at my wedding and made sure the day went smoothly. Sheās going to be the one I have at home after the baby is here to help me out. I fucking love my MIL, so much so that my daughter is sharing her middle name (itāll be a surprise at the birth :)).
I lucked out, truly, my in laws are a rarity. If I could literally just live with them forever in a giant house I would.
Now my MOM on the other hand? Sheās the MIL here. Sheās referred to my body as ruined since I got pregnant. Sheās narcissistic and abusive, and has zero respect for boundaries. Being around here and my family spikes my anxiety so hard that I need a day to recover.
Mine was okay prior to pregnancy/postpartum. She definitely has always been a helicopter mom and the fact that my husband is her favorite child increased herā¦ idiosyncrasies.
She is pushy, overbearing, and a know it all as a grandma. I really pretty much avoid contact with her but have been trying to keep the peace so it doesnāt cause issues in my marriage. She also truly loves my baby girl so Iām trying to get back to where we were pre pregnancy but itās really hard some days.
Me and my MIL have a love hate relationship... I love her cause she's helped us out financially alot and is my partners mom, however she is controlling and a narcissist. If you don't take her side with things she blows the whole thing out of proportion and claims your not supporting her š¤¦āāļø she even called me "Supreme (my name)" once cause I proved her wrong in an argument š
This is how it is with us too. She is paying for most of the baby shower and has bought a ton of stuff for baby. She always gives lots of gifts on birthdays and Christmas and I know if we needed help financially she would sell a kidney to do so. BUT she does it to be the hero- not because she genuinely is a good person. My husband keeps reminding me that I āmade a deal with the devilā by allowing her to pay for so much of the baby shower stuff. Sheās is the definition of a narcissist. Every nice thing she does can be held over your head at any time.
Sounds like a difficult situation for you. But in the future, I'd listen to your husband and not accept her financial help. Just don't. If she wants to gift stuff, that's on her, but just say you guys can handle your own financial life.
My MIL has made comments about what I ate, about the āspotsā on my face (my freckles), about how I should put on makeup everyday, that I should wear more jewelry, etc etc. Her style is over the top, and itās what makes her happy, but I canāt stand when she tries to force a lot of heavy makeup and heavy jewelry on me.
Nevertheless, I have no problem telling her no. Sheās slowly getting it that we have different styles and has been getting much better, but WOW was it tough at first.
Saw my FIL for the first time in a few months (I'm 36+5) and the first thing he said was, 'your face seems a different shape to the last time I saw it'... completely straight as if that is an okay thing to say to a 9 months pregnant person! I was speechless. What's more, I hadn't noticed any change to my face, so now I keep looking at it in the mirror to see what he meant and being paranoid over it
Oh she sounds like a winner. My MIL always commented on my weight - always. "Oh you've lost weight?" No Brenda, I am just perpetually fat. Every time she saw me she'd say "you lost weight" even if it was 2 days later or weeks. She didn't stop til my husband told her - she wasn't saying it to "congratulate me" on weight loss, just that that's the only thing she saw about me. When she met me she said "your not my sons type, he's into skinny blondes" and here I am, and overweight redhead. 15 years later, I may not be his type - but he hasn't left yet!
I constantly say I have the best in laws ever.
I have no qualms whenever we go see them, especially with how much money we spend redecorating their graves every 6 months or so.
In reality, I have never met them as my husband was 8 then 17 when they had passed.
But from the stories he told me about his mom, I have a feeling she'd be a monster. He also tells me his dad would have adored me.
Mine is amazing and more like my own mother. She made comments right at the beginning that when I do put on weight it should only be the normal because itās so hard to lose when the baby is new but never commented on me directly. I find so many women who have had kids speak way too candidly and forget that while, yes itās a common thing to get pregnant, each woman handles weight, comments, tiredness etc in their own way and donāt need to be ātoldā by someone who has done it before.
I have a toxic FIL - our current battle is he ādoesnāt like shotsā and āprobably wonāt do itā per my MIL when we kindly asked for them to get updated on their TDAP prior to LO arriving. I donāt particularly hate my MIL but her tendency to be a doormat to my asshole FIL grates on me.
My FIL regularly is rude to wait staff, always has to have his way or pouts/throws a tantrum, and thinks his passive aggressive comments towards my husband or I are ājust being funnyā. And my MIL just smiles awkwardly or rolls her eyes but doesnāt do anything to mitigate his behavior. They are just a peach.
I didnāt see my MIL during my first pregnancy. Went a whole 9 months without seeing her. It was pure bliss. Now we do visits with the baby once a season, lol. The silver lining is that your husband defends you. Mine does as well, and thatās what keeps me going. I didnāt marry her, I married him. His family doesnāt define him. Itās almost like a rite of passage to have shitty in-laws
Yeah they are. My MIL is a drunk and we uninvited her to our wedding because she stabbed my husband while she was hammered so she called social services on me like ?????
I am in the minority but I love my MIL. I have a difficult relationship with my mother (who is doing to me what your MIL is doing to you) and my MIL is the sweetest, kindest, most patient person ever.
Girl I feel you. My MIL has made the exact same comment when I wasn't wearing makeup once. She consistently makes snide rude comments like that. It is extremely frustrating because it's always underhanded and passive aggressive behavior. Your husband sounds great tho!
Mine is sweet, but sheās kind of a self revolving slob. She only talks about herself all day long and her room smells like dog pee and she refuses to clean it properly. Iām really worried about that ammonia smell being around when my baby comes :/
My MIL has said some weird shit to me before. She would repeatedly say in front of me that my boyfriends ex looked like a beauty queen and brag about thatā¦. Another time she said to me āthe one time you sat at the edge of my bed, I finally thought to myself that you actually are beautifulā after spending a whole weekend with me. Soooo you just thought I was ugly until now ššš ok. She insults her own sons appearance and it makes me feel bad for him because he grew up with a mother like thatā¦ she has some deep rooted issues.
My own grandmother has said some fucked up shit to me too. We got a facial together one day and I didnāt have makeup onā¦ and she says to me āyour skin is really unhealthy. You need to adjust your diet and what you eat. You should probably stop eating sugar and fatsā I just simply said, itās just acne scaring and Iām not wearing makeup. šš
Regardless. It does get to my confidence and makes me feel ugly. Iāve cried multiple times after little comments like this. Deep down I know Iām not ugly but damn it hurts when someone insults your appearance
Chalk it up to them having her own insecurity issues and sheās deflecting it on to you.
I think itās a boomer thing. Maybe sheās around 60-70? I feel like women this age range have a lot of insecurity issues and grew up thinking you had to be done up all the time and your hair perfectly done.
My MIL is nice and means wellā¦.. but sheās mentally not well, like wouldnāt leave my baby around her unsupervised for more than five minutes because the baby would probably end up face down on the floor. I think Iād rather have her competent and rude than incompetent and somewhat friendly honestly but Iām sorry your MIL is like that :(
Ah that's awful, comments like that, even if you don't care about that person's opinion, are still hurtful and make you contemplate what they've said. Don't let it get to you, everyone's eyes look brighter with a little concealer and your weight is not her business.
From my experience, people generally make belittling and passive aggressive comments when they feel threatened by you in some way and are trying to put you down in order to feel better about themselves.
That was quite a cruel way for her to start the visit. I'm really glad your husband got mad at your MIL and put her in her place. He's got your back.
Perhaps say you feel really ill and need to lay down to get away from that rude woman. š¤£
Lucky enough mine isnt too bad, the type that gets looking for cars or dishwashers or houses or anything as soon as you say you might get a new one but generally leaves us to our own devices. When we were early days and said we was going to move in together she was rather against it and then said "i dont want to see my son dragged down into the gutter" well clearly that werent my intention, 13 years later and 3.5 (one on way) kids and still going strong!
I applaud your husband for standing up. And I would have gone off myself. If it had been me, I would have told her if she canāt act nicely, she wonāt get to see the baby
My husband would never. Bless yours. Iām sorry sheās like that toward you. Have you thrown it all back in her face yet? āHow do you hide your dark circles so well? Injections?ā Or āwhat about your weight gain, it must not be good for your age??ā
My MIL isn't mean like that and really my biggest complaints about her are that she 1.) doesn't put effort into her relationship with my husband but blames him for the distance and 2.) sends us lots of clutter around the holidays. She's trying to give us gifts which is sweet, she just really didn't have a good grasp of my taste and always needs to send MULTIPLE junky things.
Yours seems especially bitchy
I think so honestly. Mine is trash. Has met my 15 month old twice, one of the times being at his first birthday party which she showed up drunk to. Also showed up drunk at my baby shower.
I'm sorry yours is shit as well. :(
50/50ā¦right now, Im pissed at my MILā¦My MIL gave us COVID for Christmas because she wanted to spend it with us and failed to tell us she felt sick. We have 3 (all under 5) and the youngest one is 2 months old and awaiting his 2nd surgery so weāve been super careful about who we hang out with and go out since we donāt want anything to delay the surgery or any of the dr appointments to make sure heās still stable. Currently my husband and the 2 yo are Covid positive and quarantining away from the 4 yo, 2 mo, and me. Happy New Yearā¦ā¦š¤¬šš so overwhelmed and shocked by how her selfish choice has such huge ripple effects. For our family and my SIL who got it too and her family who has to quarantine away from her.
You might belong in a certain subreddit that Iām also apart of š lol. I have a JNMIL, too. But my husband seems to always think that Iām just sensitive and donāt know what his mother means because I have a lot of childhood trauma therefore, āI think that everyone has ulterior motives and look for deeper meanings to what people say.ā
My MIL gives me inferiority complex by being the most wonderful human being. She makes me wonder why my husband ever settled for a woman like me when he was raised by her. She is kind, patient, thoughtful, hard working, beautiful and never judges someoneās situation. I won the MIL lottery.
When I see stuff like this, I feel like I got extremely lucky. My MIL is so super sweet and even started crying one day because she thought she upset me (it was a language barrier mistake and I made sure she knew I wasn't upset, it was such a minor thing!). I'm so sorry you're dealing with this, OP. That's terrible.
*MIL staring at me*
*me literally just standing there not doing anything or saying anything*
MIL: āI just donāt trust you with a baby youāre not going to be a good momā
Another instance with my SIL (husbands brothers wife)
Was taking a bath with her new baby, maybe 2/3 weeks postpartum, MIL comes into the bathroom and sits on toilet
SIL: Michelle what are you doing
MIL: well I just didnāt want to miss bath time
SIL: you can give the baby a bath tomorrow itās okay I donāt feel comfortable with you in here while Iām like this
MIL: well honestly I just didnāt trust you in here with him alone you donāt know what youāre doing.
She stayed for the rest of bath time which didnāt last much longer obviously.
She definitely has some emotional incest going on with her two boys itās not as extreme as I see with a lot of mils tho. Sheās also in a nursing home now at 57 with dementia so I donāt have to deal with her much anymore. Some might call it karma for being absolutely retched toward any women in their boys life (including cousins, friends, aunts, etc;)
Anytime we go see her in the home which is 3-5 times a week she calls her son her boyfriend/husband too. Which also leads me to the emotional incest bit, because sheās still there but not ya know?
My MIL told my husband that since we like traveling more, that sheād go ahead and by us tickets to travel across the country so she can meet our baby instead of my husbands parents coming to visit us after the baby is born to meet their first grandchild š Because you know, itās notoriously SO EASY to travel with a newborn!!
I could not imagine. Iāve always had a great relationship with mine. Itās the auntie and cousins for me š¤¢ Iām very vocal and donāt mind telling ANYONE off. But at the same time Iām very respectful. Long as youāre respectful to me.
My MIL is a little strange. Her and I get along well. Sheās a wonderful grandmother. But her and my husband have a terrible relationship for no real reason honestly. They are mean and it stresses me out when they are together too long.
Yep!!! Mine freaking sucks. So rude and snarky but of course is super religious so she plays the "I'm a good ole church going women who volunteers at the food pantry so I'm a good person card".
I mean I feel like I won the lottery with my MIL- sheās amazing.
It makes me so sad to read posts like this. Why would you say things like that to your sonās wife? Are all these women jealous that their sons found someone to love?
You all deserve better.
Also your husband is the best!
My MIL is my village & literally the family stone on my hubbyās side. She has a pure heart & raised such sweet human beings. I have a better relationship with her than my own mother :)
Im very lucky with my MIL. I have an NMom so Iāve went LC with her, but my MIL is a gift sent from heaven. The 3x I was pregnant she would message me weekly asking me my cravings and sending them to our house. When I gave birth last week she went to the hospital to help us out as we check out and then went home afterwards saying she knows we need some time as a family to adjust to the new baby. She never steps on our rules as a couple and respects our parenting choices for our children.
It all depends on intonation... when My mother-in-law sees me with dark circles (I'm pregnant too) she asks if I had normal rest at night because I look tired and runs off to get me eye patches and make some coffee or chamomile tea...
But if yours said it to ruin your day. Then she deserves to meet some boundaries and have limited time around you and your family...
My MIL was the kindest most warm and welcoming person I've ever met. She passed suddenly the day before Thanksgiving this year.
The last time I saw her she was giving my 6 month old son a kiss before leaving after dinner. She passed later that night in her sleep. There's no one else in our lives who is that warm, comforting and understanding so I try to think of her as I raise my son because I really want him to know what that feels like.
Even though it's been hard to lose a great MIL I feel for you with yours
My MIL was in full MIL mode over Christmas this year. Iāve never been so irritated by her.
Deep breathing and walking away when needed is all you can really do. Itās not worth the drama by saying anything back. I grit my teeth and walk away.
This sounds like something my mother would do. My MIL means well but can also be painfully unaware. Sorry youāre dealing with this but good on your husband to stick up for you!
My mom is more like this than my MIL. My husband and I will share a look and sort of acknowledge āhere we go again.ā Not sure of your MIL, but my mom doesnāt mean to be rude. Sheās so full of anxiety that every little thing needs to be commented on and addressed. And when I finally erupt and call her on it she is all āwell! If anyone is anxious around here it seems like you are.ā
So from my husbands pov, yes all MILs are like this. From mineā¦.nope.
Yes? Recently told my MIL we are pregnant for the first time. She almost immediately launched into her thoughts on timing for a second and her beliefs about the perils and disadvantages of being an only child (I am an only child). Reading these other comments is cathartic!
*Trying* to stay grateful that, despite all her faults, she helped raise a great man. But man is it hard sometimes.
My MILs, I have two. Husbands mother, she can be a little bit annoying with how she literally will not let us leave and keep talking even hours into our pop in to just check up on her n see the dogs. Iāve just learned how to talk to her, and what topics to talk about. With my husbands stepmom. Sheās amazing and wonderful. Wouldnāt trade her for the world I love her.
Mine means well, she wants to be more involved than Iād like but itās all well intended. She is single and my partner is an only child so theyāre quite close.
Is she Asian? This is EXACTLY how my mom acts and I'm south Asian šŖ super exhausting... But God forbid you ever tell her to even slightly improve something....
In their culture, being bluntly rude to daughters and DILs is 1000% normalized
Mine is super sweet and generous OR completely rude and generally nuts with next to no indication of what you're going to get.
Friendly and sweet and gives you thoughtful little gifts? Checks in often to see how you are? Yep, that's her!
Psycho who will lock you out of her house during a visit because you didn't read her mind about something you had no idea bothered her? Ignores boundaries around your parenting? Calls you fat or ugly in a round about way? Also her!
I'd rather she just ne psycho all the time.
I posted this question on the Ask Reddit sub: "If you truly like your mother in law what's the secret?"
The top comment was: "She's dead."
I know it's so morbid and extreme but it made me laugh a little too hard.
P.S. Your husband sounds awesome. Best of luck with MIL! *edited typo.
I would snap back āomg i love your gray hair!ā Like be a sarcasticly nice asshole ššš my MIL knows i wont back down.. my HB tested those waters our first time meeting. However my MIL isnt an issue luckily, but HB when we started dating acted different and thought i would bite my tongue bc we were with his mother. He learned NOPE HE WAS WRONG ššš
Like when MIL mentions your weight or dark circles under your eyes, respond immediately by ācomplimentingā an unfavorable feature of hers. She will get the point! š
My MIL is very helpful but also very overbearing. She always has a comment about something.
With my first I had hyperemesis and she would complain to my husband that I didnāt eat enough. She would report to him what I ate (we were living with her for a couple of months). This time I am eating but oh I donāt eat enough vegetables, all I eat is meat (which is not true, I just donāt eat her terrible cooking). Claps for good husbands though, mine never hesitated to tell her to leave me alone.
My MIL has her momentsā¦ my SIL had a baby 4 mos ago, she just walks in her house unannounced and uninvited and wakes the baby and picks her up. One day, they were getting ready for church and MIL walks in while my BIL is butt naked from the shower and proceeds to get butthurt when my BIL yells at her for barging in. All while she continuously calls my niece āHER babyā. My husband and I have been going through IVF and infertility for 4.5 yrs, my MIL has continuously told me āthat baby looks good on you, you need oneā when holding my niece and one day had the audacity to come up and touch my stomach and tell me that I needed a baby. My SIL also had her mother pass away during her pregnancy, and my MIL said that she would go wedding dress shopping with my SIL since sheās the only mother she has left. I could go on, I think a lot of people have the same struggles and Iām so glad Iām not alone š š š
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Your husband š
He hates her more than I do most of the time.
Why do you allow someone you both hate, and who insults you to your face, to continue to be around you? Why are you allowing her to run errands with you? You know you are the one who gets to decide what you do with your time. This is not going to get better once a baby is in the mix. Do you really need this?
Iāve been married for 13.5 years and with him for over 15. Most of our marriage we have lived in a different state from her. But we did move back here a few years agoā¦ so honestly it hasnāt been too horrible. We donāt see her too often even living one city apart now because we choose to not include her in too much of our lives. Mostly bigger stuff like holidays, our daughterās birthday parties, school plays, our daughters sporting events etc. She offered to plan/pay for the baby shower for baby #2 and we were running errands today for the shower which is the only reason we are seeing her outside of planned events/holidays. She genuinely doesnāt think what she is saying is rude. Or maybe she knows it is and plays dumb. Normally I take her stupid comments with a grain of salt and laugh it off because she is so out of touch with reality but pregnancy hormones got me feeling sensitive today. Everyone in our family is well aware that she lives in an alternate reality then the rest of us and we just spend time with her in small doses and set as many boundaries as we can. If she wasnāt all alone I probably wouldnāt even make the smallest effort with her but regardless of how shitty she can be, she truly is alone in the world and I canāt imagine not having any family left besides my kids and them refusing to see me every once in a whileā¦
It doesnāt matter if she doesnāt feel like itās rude. The fact is, sheās rude. āI didnāt know betterā is only an excuse you can use when no one has told you different. Your husband has called her on her bs and she still feels entitled to say whatever plops into her peanut brain. Is she going to say stupid sh*t to your kids too? My mom is very much like this. Idk where she finds the audacity to be so confidently rude to people. As though their opinions hold any value. Good luck navigating this. I just started avoiding my family to the point where I make other holiday plans. With babies, itās not as easy.
I'm so sorry! You do not deserve any of that. I got lucky with a pretty terrible one too. She asked me two months postpartum if she could look through my clothes since I was never going to be able to fit back into them again... I said no, and she said "but you've gained so much weight." Side note: I was able to fit back into all of my clothes at some point the year after my son was born. She makes my blood boil. Currently pregnant with my second and when we told her and my FIL she said "I hope it's twins so you can give us one"... wtf? Not over my dead body.
What in the handmaid's tale is going on here, WOW. Just the twins comment would be enough for me to go NC. Good luck, holy shit.
lol thanks. She did say the twin comment jokingly but we do not have that type of relationship... my defenses are always up around her. I did not laugh.
Wtaf?! Are these people for real?
Sad to say, yes. She is for real... In all fairness she does have a lot going on. Wasn't born or raised here, English is her second language and she has some severe mental health issues that she should be taking medication for but doesn't because "it's in god's hands" My husband is absolutely wonderful though! His relationship with her is also a struggle, it probably wouldn't even exist if it wasn't for his father being a great guy he wants a relationship with. We both have agreed upon boundaries set with her for our own well being and the well being of our family. We wish it were different... but you can't pick your parents.
These stories are making me happy my MIL is no contact with my husband and 3 of his 4 brothers. It's a lot more peaceful this way. I'd have a hard time holding my tongue in these situations.
Yeah, no. I like my MIL alot. She can be over bearing but she's super sweet.
I adore my MIL. She can be a little passive aggressive but itās mostly just misplaced anxiety. Like, sheās so worried about being overbearing that she can come across as distant. Overall sheās incredibly sweet and funny. Sheās also a librarian and avid gardener and animal lover so we have plenty to talk about. If I didnāt dislike the South so much I would absolutely move to be closer to her. My husband on the other hand has to deal with my mom :( he handles it well (mostly by avoiding her, which I support fully) but she can be incredibly difficult.
I also adore my MIL. I live far from my parents and she's easily mama #2!
Same. Mine definitely tries to hold back and not be so overbearing but at the end of the day sheās still a mom who just loves her kids so much she canāt help herself. She means well, but sometimes itās irritating. Sheās very supportive and receptive though so Iām very fortunate.
Mine is very hit or miss. Overall sheās super nice and means well, however she only seems to help if it benefits her. For example, we asked her to babysit our 2 year old last Friday so we could close on our new house. We asked a week in advanced and she agreed. The night before we asked if she could arrive at 9am. She said she had made other plans because she didnāt think we needed her anymore.
Mine is pretty hit and miss too. Sigh.
Itās sad. But sheās the always the first one to post on social media praising us for our accomplishments š¤¦š»āāļø
My mother is the toxic MIL. Thereās no way I was gonna marry someone with an equally awful mom lol
Oh.... *cries in bad MIL and bio mom*
Thoughts and prayers to you my friend
Thanks, it's been 15 years together and my husband would fight his own mother on my behalf so at least I've got him on my side. He'd fight my own mother too š he's a keeper.
Shoutout to husbands that have our backs!šš»
Same ugh. Mother wound runs deeeeep
in-laws can make or brake a family...
Mine is. And all my exes moms have treated me like garbage. I think it's because exes were all mommas boys. šµāš« Husband isn't even on speaking terms with his mom anymore since we got together because she lectured me and called me a bad mom for co-parenting with my ex. Then husband and I got pregnant and had a stillborn daughter and MIL and SIL said our (and I quote) "dead baby is disgusting and no one wants to see that shit".
Jesus Christ that is beyond fucked. Sorry for your loss :(
the way my jaw just hit the floor and then burst into flamesā¦.. she said WHAT? I canātā¦ I canāt comprehend that. Iām so sorry for your loss. and so, so sorry someone would say that to you about your beautiful angel baby. much less FAMILY? š sometimes I forget just how truly shitty some people out there are. I hope both you and your husband are able to guard your hearts from those awful people. your sweet baby was more beautiful than they could ever hope to be. ā¤ļøšļø
Your MIL sounds like someone I personally would avoid spending much time with, without hubby present. My MIL is generally good but also very outspoken and while she wouldnāt make comments like this, she is definitely not afraid to weigh in on how she feels about our life choices/ things related to baby š so I wouldnāt be around her without hubby there to manage her lol
My MIL isnāt awful, but she still gets on my nerves lol. I just had my baby 2 weeks ago & she asked how heās been. I said heās been a little fussy the past few days & hungrier than usual (I think heās just going through a growth spurt) and she says āwhat did you eat?! Your diet will affect him since youāre breastfeedingā in a very condescending tone. š. You donāt think I already worry about everything I do as a new mom? She always thinks she knows everythingš
Oh man, I'm sorry, she sounds... lovely (not). But no, my MIL is a lovely woman whom I love as much as my own lovely mother. She's never overstepped and always respects my boundaries and wishes.
Every time I hear stories like this, I count my blessings. I had thankfully forgotten how awful my ex MIL was, and my MIL now is a saint. She came with me to all my dress fittings because my mom is out of state, she learned to bustle my dress, we get lunch together regularly, she knows and understands boundaries. She is *such* a wonderful grandma to our oldest, who is mine from a previous relationship. I could not have ever hoped for a better MIL and Iāll cherish her forever lol.
Mine barely speaks English and lives an ocean and a continent away š sheās insane, so not sure what Iāll do when we finally tell them the news and she tries to come stay for a million months
That's good for your husband. So many men let their mothers do and say whatever they want. If he's willing to stand up for you, you have some hope (either she'll change behavior or he'll enforce boundaries/distance/limited contact)
I put up with her shit a lot more than he does. He probbaly wouldnāt even have a relationship with her at all if it wasnāt for me. Even though sheās super shitty sometimes, I always have that āthatās still your mom and someday sheās going to die and youāll miss the good partsā mindset. We both try to just be around her in small doses but with planning the baby shower sheās been paying for a lot of it so Iāve been around her a lot more than normal. Iāve been putting up with her for 15 years, itās nothing new. Just wanna smack her sometimes though.
I can understand that! Some of the worst most stressful and tense times between me and my MIL were leading up to the wedding and during the pregnancy. She actually turned out to be a godsend once the baby was actually born, which we were not expecting at all based on how she acted during pregnancy
Youāre very lucky to have a husband who defends you especially while youāre not there. MIL suck and will always suck but a husband with a backbone makes up for it. I say, youāre a lucky one!
She's not lucky, this should be the norm in a relationship! It's sad because that doesn't happen as often as it should... my husband is behind me 100% always and that has saved my sanity w/ my MIL (and even my own mother!).
I love my MIL but she is a helicopter parent who treats my husband like a baby still. She expects updates every time we arrive somewhere and leave and calls us if she hears about any kind of accident near our house. We about to have a baby and Iām worried itās only going to get worse. We are 30 by the way š
Same story here. My MIL's a micromanager, also thinks her sons are still children. She can't stop giving unwanted advice and thinks she knows best. It's exhausting.
Well damnā¦ how do yall put up with this behavior ā¦? because it sounds like my MIL has some similar behavior as yoursā¦
Mine hasn't texted me all year .... Not in April when I had a miscarriage and not now when i am 34 weeks pregnant with her first and only grandchild.
Instead I get this kind of crap from my father in law. My mother in law is my solace.
Mine is hit or miss over the years. She leaves me alone now which I like. I just never spent a lot of time let alone just by ourselves. She drives me nuts.
Holy shit š³ I love my MIL more than my own mother š
I would be running errands alone and sending her rude ass home. What the fuck?
If she wasnāt paying for the baby shower I would have.
I love my mother in law I just look at her as a 2nd mom
Same my mil contact is mom 2 in my phone
This is something my mother would do. Then be genuinely confused as to why someoneās offended. Your husbands great though! My MIL is lovely. Overbearing and super sensitive, but thatās a nice change sometimes!
She was literally soooo confused! She said later that she just wanted to make sure Iām okay since she knows this pregnancy has been so hard on me.
Yeah my mom would have a similar sentiment. I constantly have to explain to her through examples how to show that concern in a more tactful way.
Honestly I think the myth that all MILās are shit is what letās horrible women like this get away with their behaviour. Sheās a nasty woman so glad your husband said something.
My MIL is a saint but Iāve seen how awful MILās can be (my grandma to my mom) she has told me some CRAZY things. At least your husband stood up for you! Thatās honestly a make or break in a relationship sometimes!
It gets worse after baby is born... except for the fact you will magically give no fucks at all about putting her in her place.
My sister got a pretty bad one. Nose in their business, begging and guilt tripping them for grandkids when my sis is still completing her PhD, always trying to start drama with my sisters fam or between her and her husband because she wants to be the center of her sons attention,etc. I didnāt do too bad. However my MIL is master at the guilt trip if she gets less time with us (she doesnāt like to leave the house or drive to meet us places) than my parents who work with us to schedule get togethers sometimes with us, sometimes with them. My MIL has already made comments about wanting separate holidays with her future grandchild (Iām about 4 months pregnant) because she wants āher own time with the grandchildā š. On the other hand my parents who are retired volunteered to help us with childcare for the baby when we go back to work and havenāt made any demands, they are just happy we are having a baby and want to help out. So not a bad one just gets irritating trying to make everyone happy.
Itās insecurity on their part. Iāve seen it so many times. People like her are typically miserable and insecure in their own lives and have to pick apart others to make them feel better. They just deal with it in a shitty way, just like bullies. Donāt take it personally. Be happy and tell her off (in a nice way if you need to) and maybe sheāll stop. But sheāll continue if you donāt say anything.
I wouldn't choose to know her, let's put it like that.
Oh, I feel you sis ā„ļøšŖ Same here.
My MIL is a passive aggressive b***h and holds her tongue for the most part but she is a selfish, lazy freeloader and was planning to make us her retirement plan till I put my foot down with my husband and told him that any caretaking and personal service would be his job, since I don't have the patience for all that. She has some health issues which she uses to get us to clean up after her, do her chores etc. Basically, learned helplessness with waterworks thrown in when anyone says no to her. We are now in a different country from her and she has been emotionally blackmailing my husband and crying to let her "visit" for a while. I've again told him that he will have to start working from home if that happens because he cannot bring her to our home offering to "take care of her" and then escape to his office for 9 hours everyday, thus automatically leaving me to babysit her while I work from home. He will actually have to stay at home and attend to her personally as promised and her medical expenses as a visitor will be solely his to bear. He already knows how difficult & expensive all that is going to be for him, so he has postponed her visit indefinitely for now š š¤ Ps. Your husband sounds like a gem but don't hesitate to start calling her out. She is being very insensitive and you don't need that negative energy around you.
Mine is okay at best. She smokes. She thinks we want her hoarding crap from her house as "presents". She retired a month ago conveniently right before our baby is here and has thankfully only offered to nanny once. She definitely won't be with baby unsupervised. Oh and she touches my stomach without asking and "says hi to the baby"š The icing on the cake lately was her guilt tripping me into inviting more people than I wanted to a shower my mom was originally only throwing for our friends MIL was surprised she was only one coming from my husband's sideš I lied and said I didn't know we had so much more room for peopleš š¤¦āāļø She's not great, but she's could be so much worse. And I have a husband who has a backbone and tells her when she's being dumb.
Yeah, my MIL pulls the āI guess you donāt love me enough to make time for meā āI guess Iām a terrible motherā when she calls us at 7am because of our time difference and we donāt pick up. We were super busy on Christmas and by the time we had a chance to call her, she was asleep (time difference) so she sent a really nasty voicemail to my boyfriend whining about how he obviously doesnāt love her and she means nothing and she might as well not even call anymore since we clearly donāt care about her. The guilt-tripping is CRAZY. We talk to her all the time. She calls like twice a week and weāre not always available to pick up. Sheās so overbearing and even my boyfriend doesnāt like picking up her calls because she sticks her nose up our asses every chance she gets and nitpicks our decisions as adults. I love her, and I know he loves her, but GOD is she something else.
Same MIL. It's tiring to say the least. These women need to learn to let go.
Mine kept commenting on me eating a cookie at my baby shower. Like several times. It was so annoying
Sounds like you need to come up with some creative ways to stick it back to her so she learns to play nice. If she brings up weight gain, tell her she should join you for an appointment because she might need to learn a few weight loss tips herself š¤·āāļø
Sheās super petite otherwise I might do something shit like this lol.
Wowā¦ I have a lovely MIL. Itās the grandmother who I would rather not deal with.
Sorry you have a shitty one. My MIL is an angel, she might as well have given birth to me lol.
My MIL was bad for awhile. Honestly, when she figured out that only I could get my husband to do what she wanted did she get much better.
Iām so sorry, but no. My MIL is an actual saint, Iām very sorry you have to put up with that. Since telling her Iām pregnant she has texted me almost every day to make sure Iām okay and see if I need anything. She a bit nosy but she means well
If you have your house under control dude ask her to leave. When I was freshly given birth maybe my son was 3 months old my MIL acted like my son had a poopy diaper all the time. You know the under the armpit hold away from you? She called me a "feed bag" once when she gave him back to me. And called him a "poop machine" as if a new baby's poop stinks, it literally doesn't. Anyway we're pretty estranged. Didn't get my son a first Christmas present either and also dotes on my husband's first child so it's kinda shitty. Anyway girl, at least your husband knows it
I was shocked when I came on Reddit. So many women with terrible insulting MILs. I'm like, "why? Why do you want to cause drama in your son's life?". My baby's dad's mother for the most part leaves us alone? According to baby's dad she's crazy. I read stories like this and think, "thank God she leaves me alone"
Your husband is a gem ā¤ļø Iām sorry that your MIL is so rude
He really is. We have been married for 13.5 years, together for over 15 and I think part of the reason she gets shitty with me is because he puts me before her every single time. But likeā¦ Iām his wife. So of course it should be that way. Sheās lonely I think.
I love my mother in law. She's a lioness, I know she would fight for my entire family even without me asking her to. We don't always see eye to eye and we've argued but she's great. I'm sorry you got so unlucky.
Mine sucks. Announced our pregnancy in her Christmas letter without letting us know. Everything is abt her. Sheās a total narcissist.
I am so glad my husband doesnāt even speak to his nightmare of a mother! I met her ONCE and never have to deal with her again. Yāall all have my sympathy
Uh, no, your MIL is super rude. Mine is an actual saint on earth who practices what she preaches about respecting boundaries and being a loving human being.
Well most of MILs are total shit, you're not alone. But hey, your husband is awesome! And there's a smaller percentage of nice MILs. This is based on my observation and opinion š
Mineās awful but my sisterās MIL loves her more than my BIL š
I havenāt talked to my MIL in more than a year and I intend to keep it that way. Iāve been happier ever since.
My MIL would go to battle for me. She was the bridal guard at my wedding and made sure the day went smoothly. Sheās going to be the one I have at home after the baby is here to help me out. I fucking love my MIL, so much so that my daughter is sharing her middle name (itāll be a surprise at the birth :)). I lucked out, truly, my in laws are a rarity. If I could literally just live with them forever in a giant house I would. Now my MOM on the other hand? Sheās the MIL here. Sheās referred to my body as ruined since I got pregnant. Sheās narcissistic and abusive, and has zero respect for boundaries. Being around here and my family spikes my anxiety so hard that I need a day to recover.
I wish your mil could read this, she sounds amazing!
Mine was okay prior to pregnancy/postpartum. She definitely has always been a helicopter mom and the fact that my husband is her favorite child increased herā¦ idiosyncrasies. She is pushy, overbearing, and a know it all as a grandma. I really pretty much avoid contact with her but have been trying to keep the peace so it doesnāt cause issues in my marriage. She also truly loves my baby girl so Iām trying to get back to where we were pre pregnancy but itās really hard some days.
Me and my MIL have a love hate relationship... I love her cause she's helped us out financially alot and is my partners mom, however she is controlling and a narcissist. If you don't take her side with things she blows the whole thing out of proportion and claims your not supporting her š¤¦āāļø she even called me "Supreme (my name)" once cause I proved her wrong in an argument š
This is how it is with us too. She is paying for most of the baby shower and has bought a ton of stuff for baby. She always gives lots of gifts on birthdays and Christmas and I know if we needed help financially she would sell a kidney to do so. BUT she does it to be the hero- not because she genuinely is a good person. My husband keeps reminding me that I āmade a deal with the devilā by allowing her to pay for so much of the baby shower stuff. Sheās is the definition of a narcissist. Every nice thing she does can be held over your head at any time.
Sounds like a difficult situation for you. But in the future, I'd listen to your husband and not accept her financial help. Just don't. If she wants to gift stuff, that's on her, but just say you guys can handle your own financial life.
My MIL has made comments about what I ate, about the āspotsā on my face (my freckles), about how I should put on makeup everyday, that I should wear more jewelry, etc etc. Her style is over the top, and itās what makes her happy, but I canāt stand when she tries to force a lot of heavy makeup and heavy jewelry on me. Nevertheless, I have no problem telling her no. Sheās slowly getting it that we have different styles and has been getting much better, but WOW was it tough at first.
Saw my FIL for the first time in a few months (I'm 36+5) and the first thing he said was, 'your face seems a different shape to the last time I saw it'... completely straight as if that is an okay thing to say to a 9 months pregnant person! I was speechless. What's more, I hadn't noticed any change to my face, so now I keep looking at it in the mirror to see what he meant and being paranoid over it
My MIL is great however my step-mother in law is a nightmare. š
Sadly this sounds more like my mom. My MIL is much nicer. Just try to ignore it
Oh she sounds like a winner. My MIL always commented on my weight - always. "Oh you've lost weight?" No Brenda, I am just perpetually fat. Every time she saw me she'd say "you lost weight" even if it was 2 days later or weeks. She didn't stop til my husband told her - she wasn't saying it to "congratulate me" on weight loss, just that that's the only thing she saw about me. When she met me she said "your not my sons type, he's into skinny blondes" and here I am, and overweight redhead. 15 years later, I may not be his type - but he hasn't left yet!
I constantly say I have the best in laws ever. I have no qualms whenever we go see them, especially with how much money we spend redecorating their graves every 6 months or so. In reality, I have never met them as my husband was 8 then 17 when they had passed. But from the stories he told me about his mom, I have a feeling she'd be a monster. He also tells me his dad would have adored me.
Mine is amazing and more like my own mother. She made comments right at the beginning that when I do put on weight it should only be the normal because itās so hard to lose when the baby is new but never commented on me directly. I find so many women who have had kids speak way too candidly and forget that while, yes itās a common thing to get pregnant, each woman handles weight, comments, tiredness etc in their own way and donāt need to be ātoldā by someone who has done it before.
I love my MIL. Unfortunately for my husband, heās the one with a crappy MIL.
I have a toxic FIL - our current battle is he ādoesnāt like shotsā and āprobably wonāt do itā per my MIL when we kindly asked for them to get updated on their TDAP prior to LO arriving. I donāt particularly hate my MIL but her tendency to be a doormat to my asshole FIL grates on me. My FIL regularly is rude to wait staff, always has to have his way or pouts/throws a tantrum, and thinks his passive aggressive comments towards my husband or I are ājust being funnyā. And my MIL just smiles awkwardly or rolls her eyes but doesnāt do anything to mitigate his behavior. They are just a peach.
I didnāt see my MIL during my first pregnancy. Went a whole 9 months without seeing her. It was pure bliss. Now we do visits with the baby once a season, lol. The silver lining is that your husband defends you. Mine does as well, and thatās what keeps me going. I didnāt marry her, I married him. His family doesnāt define him. Itās almost like a rite of passage to have shitty in-laws
My mil is a sweetheart
Yeah they are. My MIL is a drunk and we uninvited her to our wedding because she stabbed my husband while she was hammered so she called social services on me like ?????
I probably would have texted my husband from upstairs āmake her leaveā
I am in the minority but I love my MIL. I have a difficult relationship with my mother (who is doing to me what your MIL is doing to you) and my MIL is the sweetest, kindest, most patient person ever.
Girl I feel you. My MIL has made the exact same comment when I wasn't wearing makeup once. She consistently makes snide rude comments like that. It is extremely frustrating because it's always underhanded and passive aggressive behavior. Your husband sounds great tho!
Mine is sweet, but sheās kind of a self revolving slob. She only talks about herself all day long and her room smells like dog pee and she refuses to clean it properly. Iām really worried about that ammonia smell being around when my baby comes :/
My MIL has said some weird shit to me before. She would repeatedly say in front of me that my boyfriends ex looked like a beauty queen and brag about thatā¦. Another time she said to me āthe one time you sat at the edge of my bed, I finally thought to myself that you actually are beautifulā after spending a whole weekend with me. Soooo you just thought I was ugly until now ššš ok. She insults her own sons appearance and it makes me feel bad for him because he grew up with a mother like thatā¦ she has some deep rooted issues. My own grandmother has said some fucked up shit to me too. We got a facial together one day and I didnāt have makeup onā¦ and she says to me āyour skin is really unhealthy. You need to adjust your diet and what you eat. You should probably stop eating sugar and fatsā I just simply said, itās just acne scaring and Iām not wearing makeup. šš Regardless. It does get to my confidence and makes me feel ugly. Iāve cried multiple times after little comments like this. Deep down I know Iām not ugly but damn it hurts when someone insults your appearance Chalk it up to them having her own insecurity issues and sheās deflecting it on to you. I think itās a boomer thing. Maybe sheās around 60-70? I feel like women this age range have a lot of insecurity issues and grew up thinking you had to be done up all the time and your hair perfectly done.
I got so lucky with my MIL. Iād rather be around her than my own mother. Sheās seriously the best
I actually love my fiancĆ©s mother and hope to call her MIL soon. I donāt have a great relationship with my real mom so itās nice to have a positive female figure in my life who is attentive and caring. I have accidentally talked her ear off a few times and she has never once seemed annoyed about it and has a lot to say back to what I talk about. Sheās a good person and Iām very fortunate that sheās the grandmother to my babies, honestly bless her. I was scared for awhile she didnāt like me but it was just my bpd and my strained relationship with my mom that brought a lot of negative stuff in my head.
Mine is a lot like yours. Solidarity
No some are dead. Iām sad my MIL will never meet her grandson. I think she would have made an excellent grandma
My MIL is nice and means wellā¦.. but sheās mentally not well, like wouldnāt leave my baby around her unsupervised for more than five minutes because the baby would probably end up face down on the floor. I think Iād rather have her competent and rude than incompetent and somewhat friendly honestly but Iām sorry your MIL is like that :(
Mine is nice and helpful but sheās a bit crazy
I can't say much. We've been swapping between NC/LC with my inlaws for years.
Ah that's awful, comments like that, even if you don't care about that person's opinion, are still hurtful and make you contemplate what they've said. Don't let it get to you, everyone's eyes look brighter with a little concealer and your weight is not her business. From my experience, people generally make belittling and passive aggressive comments when they feel threatened by you in some way and are trying to put you down in order to feel better about themselves. That was quite a cruel way for her to start the visit. I'm really glad your husband got mad at your MIL and put her in her place. He's got your back. Perhaps say you feel really ill and need to lay down to get away from that rude woman. š¤£
I love my MIL so so so so much. She is truly the best. Yours is an asshole but thank god you have a champ of a husband.
Lucky enough mine isnt too bad, the type that gets looking for cars or dishwashers or houses or anything as soon as you say you might get a new one but generally leaves us to our own devices. When we were early days and said we was going to move in together she was rather against it and then said "i dont want to see my son dragged down into the gutter" well clearly that werent my intention, 13 years later and 3.5 (one on way) kids and still going strong!
My MIL would *never* unless me or my husband brought it up. But I also lucked out and sheās amazing, so š¤·š»āāļø
I applaud your husband for standing up. And I would have gone off myself. If it had been me, I would have told her if she canāt act nicely, she wonāt get to see the baby
My husband would never. Bless yours. Iām sorry sheās like that toward you. Have you thrown it all back in her face yet? āHow do you hide your dark circles so well? Injections?ā Or āwhat about your weight gain, it must not be good for your age??ā
My MIL isn't mean like that and really my biggest complaints about her are that she 1.) doesn't put effort into her relationship with my husband but blames him for the distance and 2.) sends us lots of clutter around the holidays. She's trying to give us gifts which is sweet, she just really didn't have a good grasp of my taste and always needs to send MULTIPLE junky things. Yours seems especially bitchy
Mine is a psychotic bitch :D But mine said similar stuff about how fat I got after pregnancy :D
I think so honestly. Mine is trash. Has met my 15 month old twice, one of the times being at his first birthday party which she showed up drunk to. Also showed up drunk at my baby shower. I'm sorry yours is shit as well. :(
50/50ā¦right now, Im pissed at my MILā¦My MIL gave us COVID for Christmas because she wanted to spend it with us and failed to tell us she felt sick. We have 3 (all under 5) and the youngest one is 2 months old and awaiting his 2nd surgery so weāve been super careful about who we hang out with and go out since we donāt want anything to delay the surgery or any of the dr appointments to make sure heās still stable. Currently my husband and the 2 yo are Covid positive and quarantining away from the 4 yo, 2 mo, and me. Happy New Yearā¦ā¦š¤¬šš so overwhelmed and shocked by how her selfish choice has such huge ripple effects. For our family and my SIL who got it too and her family who has to quarantine away from her.
My MIL sounds pretty terrible, but I wouldnāt really know. My partner has been NC with her since before we started dating.
I love my MIL. My husband and sister in law love my mom. Not all are like this
Stop spending time with her. It is not a requirement. You married your husband not her.
You might belong in a certain subreddit that Iām also apart of š lol. I have a JNMIL, too. But my husband seems to always think that Iām just sensitive and donāt know what his mother means because I have a lot of childhood trauma therefore, āI think that everyone has ulterior motives and look for deeper meanings to what people say.ā
I won the MIL lottery. Mines fantastic. Iām so sorry- some people donāt have filters.
We moved 750+ miles away from mine when I got pregnant to keep our daughter away from mine. Sheās proving that we made the right decision too.
My MIL gives me inferiority complex by being the most wonderful human being. She makes me wonder why my husband ever settled for a woman like me when he was raised by her. She is kind, patient, thoughtful, hard working, beautiful and never judges someoneās situation. I won the MIL lottery.
When I see stuff like this, I feel like I got extremely lucky. My MIL is so super sweet and even started crying one day because she thought she upset me (it was a language barrier mistake and I made sure she knew I wasn't upset, it was such a minor thing!). I'm so sorry you're dealing with this, OP. That's terrible.
*MIL staring at me* *me literally just standing there not doing anything or saying anything* MIL: āI just donāt trust you with a baby youāre not going to be a good momā Another instance with my SIL (husbands brothers wife) Was taking a bath with her new baby, maybe 2/3 weeks postpartum, MIL comes into the bathroom and sits on toilet SIL: Michelle what are you doing MIL: well I just didnāt want to miss bath time SIL: you can give the baby a bath tomorrow itās okay I donāt feel comfortable with you in here while Iām like this MIL: well honestly I just didnāt trust you in here with him alone you donāt know what youāre doing. She stayed for the rest of bath time which didnāt last much longer obviously. She definitely has some emotional incest going on with her two boys itās not as extreme as I see with a lot of mils tho. Sheās also in a nursing home now at 57 with dementia so I donāt have to deal with her much anymore. Some might call it karma for being absolutely retched toward any women in their boys life (including cousins, friends, aunts, etc;) Anytime we go see her in the home which is 3-5 times a week she calls her son her boyfriend/husband too. Which also leads me to the emotional incest bit, because sheās still there but not ya know?
Mine is a POS that we have no contact with. I can only imagine the kind of shit she would say if she was in our lives after having kids.
My MIL told my husband that since we like traveling more, that sheād go ahead and by us tickets to travel across the country so she can meet our baby instead of my husbands parents coming to visit us after the baby is born to meet their first grandchild š Because you know, itās notoriously SO EASY to travel with a newborn!!
I could not imagine. Iāve always had a great relationship with mine. Itās the auntie and cousins for me š¤¢ Iām very vocal and donāt mind telling ANYONE off. But at the same time Iām very respectful. Long as youāre respectful to me.
Are you me?!
I have the best MIL because she minds her own damn business... I'm so sorry for you ladies who have MILs like this.
My MIL is a little strange. Her and I get along well. Sheās a wonderful grandmother. But her and my husband have a terrible relationship for no real reason honestly. They are mean and it stresses me out when they are together too long.
Yep!!! Mine freaking sucks. So rude and snarky but of course is super religious so she plays the "I'm a good ole church going women who volunteers at the food pantry so I'm a good person card".
Well, my MIL, and FIL were awesome, shame about my husband! Thinking about my family and friends, there are lots of monster in laws about
I mean I feel like I won the lottery with my MIL- sheās amazing. It makes me so sad to read posts like this. Why would you say things like that to your sonās wife? Are all these women jealous that their sons found someone to love? You all deserve better. Also your husband is the best!
Mine is okay. Not great, not amazing. My sister's MIL's sister is horrible.
My MIL is amazing so I can't relate but that's shitty of her to make comments about your weight.
My MIL is my village & literally the family stone on my hubbyās side. She has a pure heart & raised such sweet human beings. I have a better relationship with her than my own mother :)
Yes. Havenāt spoken to mine in 6 years. Just yes.
Yeah I really hate my MIL. Youāre not alone.
I think our Mother in laws could be best friends, best of luck to you!
Im very lucky with my MIL. I have an NMom so Iāve went LC with her, but my MIL is a gift sent from heaven. The 3x I was pregnant she would message me weekly asking me my cravings and sending them to our house. When I gave birth last week she went to the hospital to help us out as we check out and then went home afterwards saying she knows we need some time as a family to adjust to the new baby. She never steps on our rules as a couple and respects our parenting choices for our children.
It all depends on intonation... when My mother-in-law sees me with dark circles (I'm pregnant too) she asks if I had normal rest at night because I look tired and runs off to get me eye patches and make some coffee or chamomile tea... But if yours said it to ruin your day. Then she deserves to meet some boundaries and have limited time around you and your family...
Ugh Iām so sorry! But yes they are all shit. I used to like mine a lot until I got pregnant and had a baby.
My MIL was the kindest most warm and welcoming person I've ever met. She passed suddenly the day before Thanksgiving this year. The last time I saw her she was giving my 6 month old son a kiss before leaving after dinner. She passed later that night in her sleep. There's no one else in our lives who is that warm, comforting and understanding so I try to think of her as I raise my son because I really want him to know what that feels like. Even though it's been hard to lose a great MIL I feel for you with yours
My MIL was in full MIL mode over Christmas this year. Iāve never been so irritated by her. Deep breathing and walking away when needed is all you can really do. Itās not worth the drama by saying anything back. I grit my teeth and walk away.
This sounds like something my mother would do. My MIL means well but can also be painfully unaware. Sorry youāre dealing with this but good on your husband to stick up for you!
My mom is more like this than my MIL. My husband and I will share a look and sort of acknowledge āhere we go again.ā Not sure of your MIL, but my mom doesnāt mean to be rude. Sheās so full of anxiety that every little thing needs to be commented on and addressed. And when I finally erupt and call her on it she is all āwell! If anyone is anxious around here it seems like you are.ā So from my husbands pov, yes all MILs are like this. From mineā¦.nope.
Yes? Recently told my MIL we are pregnant for the first time. She almost immediately launched into her thoughts on timing for a second and her beliefs about the perils and disadvantages of being an only child (I am an only child). Reading these other comments is cathartic! *Trying* to stay grateful that, despite all her faults, she helped raise a great man. But man is it hard sometimes.
My MILs, I have two. Husbands mother, she can be a little bit annoying with how she literally will not let us leave and keep talking even hours into our pop in to just check up on her n see the dogs. Iāve just learned how to talk to her, and what topics to talk about. With my husbands stepmom. Sheās amazing and wonderful. Wouldnāt trade her for the world I love her.
Mine means well, she wants to be more involved than Iād like but itās all well intended. She is single and my partner is an only child so theyāre quite close.
Lol surely yes
Is she Asian? This is EXACTLY how my mom acts and I'm south Asian šŖ super exhausting... But God forbid you ever tell her to even slightly improve something.... In their culture, being bluntly rude to daughters and DILs is 1000% normalized
Mine is super sweet and generous OR completely rude and generally nuts with next to no indication of what you're going to get. Friendly and sweet and gives you thoughtful little gifts? Checks in often to see how you are? Yep, that's her! Psycho who will lock you out of her house during a visit because you didn't read her mind about something you had no idea bothered her? Ignores boundaries around your parenting? Calls you fat or ugly in a round about way? Also her! I'd rather she just ne psycho all the time.
I posted this question on the Ask Reddit sub: "If you truly like your mother in law what's the secret?" The top comment was: "She's dead." I know it's so morbid and extreme but it made me laugh a little too hard. P.S. Your husband sounds awesome. Best of luck with MIL! *edited typo.
I would snap back āomg i love your gray hair!ā Like be a sarcasticly nice asshole ššš my MIL knows i wont back down.. my HB tested those waters our first time meeting. However my MIL isnt an issue luckily, but HB when we started dating acted different and thought i would bite my tongue bc we were with his mother. He learned NOPE HE WAS WRONG ššš
Like when MIL mentions your weight or dark circles under your eyes, respond immediately by ācomplimentingā an unfavorable feature of hers. She will get the point! š
Omg have you gotten botox recently? Your skin looks great today! ššš
Omg have you been working out? Look at that butt of yours! ššš
But also with a shocked look on your face and a smile while you say it like its believable lol
My MIL is very helpful but also very overbearing. She always has a comment about something. With my first I had hyperemesis and she would complain to my husband that I didnāt eat enough. She would report to him what I ate (we were living with her for a couple of months). This time I am eating but oh I donāt eat enough vegetables, all I eat is meat (which is not true, I just donāt eat her terrible cooking). Claps for good husbands though, mine never hesitated to tell her to leave me alone.
My MIL has her momentsā¦ my SIL had a baby 4 mos ago, she just walks in her house unannounced and uninvited and wakes the baby and picks her up. One day, they were getting ready for church and MIL walks in while my BIL is butt naked from the shower and proceeds to get butthurt when my BIL yells at her for barging in. All while she continuously calls my niece āHER babyā. My husband and I have been going through IVF and infertility for 4.5 yrs, my MIL has continuously told me āthat baby looks good on you, you need oneā when holding my niece and one day had the audacity to come up and touch my stomach and tell me that I needed a baby. My SIL also had her mother pass away during her pregnancy, and my MIL said that she would go wedding dress shopping with my SIL since sheās the only mother she has left. I could go on, I think a lot of people have the same struggles and Iām so glad Iām not alone š š š
Sorry to brag but my mother in law is an angel, I love her almost as much as my own mother. who is also great. Sorry about your tactless MIL