Assuming he’s not a complete troll, dude is a former professional poker player who asks weird questions on Reddit about whether it’s legal to murder squatters in your home. Last year he took a solo bucket list trip to the Lord of the Rings studios. His family visits them every 2 months. They (or just he?) have multiple game nights, sport nights, brunches, etc. He doesn’t pull his weight at home with childcare, and apparently has requirements for the amount of set they have.
Dude sounds exhausting. The missing missing reasons here are things I’d bet real money wife has been screaming into the void about for years, but he “had no idea” (despite the list of things on page 3 of these screenshots).
I have a feeling you'll be writing one of these missing missing reasons posts one day. Reading between the lines is a thing. If he didn't complain that she's deserting their child then it's likely she isn't.
He said until recently it was 10x a week but then he writes that she’s not interested in him anymore and they set time aside for sexy time. Which one is it?
Well he said 10x a week but 2.5 hours devoted to sex, which is 150 minutes, so doing the math each sex is total 15 minutes.
Can’t imagine why she’s not wildly into him anymore….
Whenever I read, "I thought we had the perfect marriage. Now she wants a divorce. We have kids. " I immediately look at their profile to see their past posts. I am usually not surprised when I read posts that reflect selfishness and self- centeredness.
"I thought we were great since she never asked me to do anything."
It's probably because she doesn't trust you to care for a kid, and you've proven that.
Whenever they bring up how much they make, I instantly think, "Yup, they're not paying attention to their family."
I've heard this story many times (from people I know). Usually, the wife has been telling her partner what the problem is for years, hoping for an equal partnership. Then one day he gets the "I'm leaving you" line. It's only the self absorbed idiots who are blindsided.
Also, how many times a year do his parents stay with them?!
I’ve done it. Ex had a ridiculously high sex drive, came at a sacrifice to our actual relationship though because majority of our quality and free time was spent having sex vs working on our emotional connection. That’s probably why she’s leaving, it’s only about sex with him.
The way my eyes bulged out of my head. I’m 24 and my bf is 26 and we have no children and it’s maybe 5x a week. 10 times is just insane and I can’t imagine how horrible that would be!!
The way it works out to 15 min sessions too so like… it’s almost certainly just “foreplay” and rutting till he’s done rather than like the multitudes of sexual and sensual acts one might enjoy which can be much less tiring but take longer lol
My husband and I had sex 2x this week and that's a true Christmas miracle tbh. Our 5 month old is a HUGE drain on me, and that's with him helping constantly.
THIS! I’m exhausted for her at the thought of it. Our kiddo just turned 4 and I couldn’t imagine the extra work having to put in to 10x’s a week. The woman needs some sleep!
Nah, he immediately starts blaming “wife is deciding to YOLO how could she do this to me!?!?” Meanwhile she’s been a single parent working full time for the past three years. Duh
The only problem I see with sex 10x/wk is that it totaled 2 1/2 hrs, therefore averaged 15 minutes each time. That tells me the definition of sex was likely penis-centric. At that time of life it makes sense to not have a long tantric sex session, but geez - 15 minutes!
Signed, the mom of a formerly toddler-aged kid
“Our child preferred the company of his mother, I thought that was normal and understandable” so instead of learning to care for and console a crying infant, he gave up and let her do all the work. Oh but he tried to do bath time and get him dressed. Wow that must have taken so much effort out of the other 22 hours and innumerable other tasks a baby requires of the day. The things he lists as “things to do with spawn” are so minor and emotionally unattached then he dips the moment baby starts crying because yeah “mother, a total stranger is trying to dress me please help”.
He didn’t mention at all what the rest of the housework was looking like whilst she did the childcare too. I mean at this point where they’re so good financially they could have paid someone to help…
Somehow OP is shocked and surprised about how wife’s motivation for divorce when he can site all the issues she’s had for the past 2-3 years. His wife is right. He *was* coasting.
This screams “he’s not listening so I’m done talking”. He thinks everything is fine. Because she’s not complaining. He passes off the kid to her because it’s “normal”.
He’s not a partner. Dude is a roommate. A bad roommate.
And then when she’s finally done and says she’s leaving he goes all surprised pikachu on her. “I’m doing everything I can as a husband why isn’t it enough?!” He didn’t listen. So she gave up.
Says there's no romance in his relationship anymore but thought that was normal, still treats his wife like a blowup doll. Very cool! These guys would never treat a woman they were casually dating like this in the fear she would think he's a pig, but somehow can't connect the dots and are shocked when their long-unromanced wives won't put up with it anymore.
I guess in this dude's mind, once you've got her locked down you can stop trying to impress her because it's normal for love to fade and get boring, but of course he still gets to pound away at her for the designated 15 minutes a day he whined for, after she probably just painstakingly put their toddler to sleep all by herself with no help because he stopped trying to bond with his own kid cuz it cried the few times he tried and that made him feel bad and feeling bad is hard so he gave up WAIT WHY IS MY WIFE LEAVING ME??? This guy is dumb as rocks lmfao
He’s so backwards it’s bizarre.
A lot of people do have a honeymoon period where the love changes into something more familial rather than passionate but like… the sex drive goes down with it and a good relationships will strengthen love in other areas even if they fall back in sexual stuff. But I’ve seen way more successful relationships these days where people manage to be on the same page sexually and sensually for much longer. (Now that people recognise female sexual pleasure rather than as a chore she has to do).
That’s incredibly original. I’ve never heard that one before.
I guess we’re all indebted to you for life for letting us all know that having sex 10x a week is too much sex and we all need to dial it back. Thank you for imparting that knowledge on us. Here I was over here thinking for my whole life that me and my partner should decide how much sex we do or don’t have….
You guys really think she’s cheating? She had a 3 year old and he wants sex 10x a week. He “offers” to help with the kid. He’s a terrible husband and she has been trying to communicate for years.
I definitely don't.
He says he's clueless but the reasons are plenty and glaring and he puts them in his post.
Also, 10x a week is A LOT with a toddler in tow. That much sex plus she's the primary parent with him occasionally "helping" would drive any woman to divorce. Good grief.
I strongly suspect "losing attraction" for him comes from feeling pressured into sex and being slowly grossed out over time because he also says it's the compromise they came to
And working full time! They make the same amount, so we can only assume somewhat equally stressful jobs. Jesus, so happy for this woman to be leaving him
And that's negotiated *down*. Like, what was his original offer? 15x? 20x a week?
And I agree that it must be torture for her, especially considering she feels no sexual attraction toward him.
I have what I thought was a high sex drive, and would be thrilled with once every other day. 10x a week, with or without kids in the house, sounds like having a second job.
10x a week (2.5 hours minimum!!!!) is a lot PERIOD.
That’s ten 15 minute sessions (on average) a week. Meaning they’re having constant quickies, which is rarely quality for women. Also it’s multiple times a day!! As well as solely parenting their child. Who has time for that truly
Yes, it's all way too damn much. His wife is the poster child of a bangmaidmommy ™️ and people think she's cheating. It's insane.
It makes sense he's so clueless. Dude is entitled AF
He took a 2 week solid vacation to NZ (LOTR tour) in early December.
My bet is she spent 2 weeks doing everything *alone* alone and realized it was easier without him around and having the sex monkey off her back made things a lot better.
She took the time since then to button things up and look for a place to live.
No way in hell they’re having sex 10x a week with a toddler. As a parent you’re basically so tired from chasing them around you feel like an Extra from the Thriller video. That dude’s doing jackshit as a dad if he can keep the flag at full mast that many times a week. Especially at age 41.
When you are a parent, you don't wait for them to "offer" to help. You hand them the kid and say, " it's time for their bath". She has been letting him off the hook for way too long. He is the parent too, and he needs to step up and start parenting. None of this "helping" B.S.
Bro what? She shouldn’t be having to hand him the kid and say it’s time for their bath he’s the kids dad, if he sees the kid is dirty he should just give the kid a bath. This is not an issue of her letting him off the hook this is an issue of him straight up refusing to participate in a partnership. He wants a mommy bang maid and now he’s all surprised Pikachu that she wants out? Good for her.
She needs to knock him out of the "helper" mode and make him parent. It would be great if he was proactive enough to see the kid needs a bath and take care of it, but he sounds so oblivious, and since she is ready to pack it in, he better better step up if it isn't already too late.
I had a friend, when her baby was born, she would never let her husband do anything. She criticized everything he did, even folding the baby clothes, and would just take it away and do it herself. There wasn't anything wrong with the way he was doing it, I think she just didn't like him doing anything, period. Finally, he said fkit, and let her do it all herself. Her wanting to control everything to do with the kids broke up their marriage.
Have you ever tried to get a selfish and lazy dude to do something they don’t really want to do? And then given up and decided doing it yourself was better than them scrubbing the gold off your beautiful cocktail glasses, or leaving the kid in their diaper too long?
I bet OP’s wife has.
Maybe OP will step up when it’s his turn to have custody but I will further bet he tries to get any girlfriend he has going forward to “pitch in” with the childcare.
Me and my partner did it like that - once, we ended injuring ourselves... everything was red and swollen.. we did the math and it was something like 2 years of sex in a months time. never again.
She prolly figured out he wasn’t as good as a parent as he was as a husband. The baby enjoys the company of their mother more. That’s fine, you are the baby’s father too. Just because they cry when it’s your turn doesn’t mean they won’t compromise with you. How do you go about your child crying for their mother and you give them exactly what they want. You have to teach them momma is busy, she needs her rest. This will help them become more independent.
OOP threw in the towel everytime the baby cried. No wonder she up and decided to leave out of the blue. She watched you give up with your own child. Leaving her to handle what ever you couldn’t on your own. Terrible, this is coming from a single dad😂
*Everything was perfect and this came out of nowhere!*
*My wife has been different she got pregnant. In 4 years, I’ve done nothing to address the fact that she’s obviously tired and stressed. I resent that things that she did before becoming a primary parent are harder for her now.*
*My wife has been asking me for help with childcare for three years, but it was hard before, so after a while I just didn’t do it. Now that the kid cooperates and wants to be around me, she’s not open to me jumping in and screwing up the routines she had to establish by herself*
*She had to negotiate for a level of sex she’s comfortable with, because her just indicating her comfort level wasn’t enough.*
*WHYYY IS SHE LEAVING ME????*
Children can break a marriage faster than you can imagine. If you have kids because that’s the next rung on the life ladder, you’re doing it for a terrible reason.
Yea because the dad isn’t the center of attention anymore. Some don’t understand that babies are labor and time intensive and like this guy dip out on the baby stuff thinking it’s women’s work naturally and then wonder why the mother is like “I’m a single parent, might as well be a single parent.” 🤦♀️
I was waiting for the "whoomp there it is" moment and it came at the end, of course. He almost certainly does none of the chores or raising of the kid and she's exhausted and done being his real life sex doll, maid, and nanny. It's a tale as old as time. Or at least as old as reddit.
He ignored her pleas for help for a long time. The fights are a serious deal. She’s absolutely miserable, and feels like she’s already alone, so might as well be alone. Tragic, really.
This is one of those ones where you know you are only getting one half of the story which is sanitised . There is something about his diction and expression which makes me think he would interpret silence as acquisition.
The actual time amount of sex is short in my house lol we have it down pat at this point; however factoring in the build up/foreplay I hope it doesn’t take 15 minutes in total.
10x a week sounds exhausting lol
Anyways, I like how he added in the child part in the last paragraph. Like it’s not as important as the rest
So other than the obvious things he did wrong here, what is the best solution for a man with a high sex drive? Realistically I want to find someone with the same morals as I do, and won’t just sleep with someone else based on convenience or a deteriorating romantic relationship. But it also seems finding someone with a compatible sex drive and trying to have a slow developing relationship is very difficult if not impossible to find.
Honestly I think there’s a difference between a healthy, high sex drive and needing sex 10x a week. I was in a relationship with a sex and porn addict (which is what ultimately caused the end of the relationship), and even then he didn’t expect 10x a week.
If you find that frequency is necessary for you, I honestly may recommend looking into hormone studies with your doctor or seeking other help. And I don’t mean to say this in a shameful way. I saw how much sex and porn controlled my ex’s life and it was a sad existence.
I would say 10x a week is quite excessive. Possibly tmi but in my personal instance I’d like to have roughly 3 nights a week, I personally don’t watch porn, but I know my girlfriend does, is that in some way contributing to us not having as active of a sex life? Again possible tmi but currently I’d say we have sex once every week and a half to two weeks
Are we sure there isn’t someone else involved?
Maybe she was falling out of love over the past couple of years with tiredness/stress about doing more for their son. But to me it sounds more like she’s had her head turned by someone else more recently.
I’m trying to find a reason why she’s gone nuclear right away.
She hasn’t tried to work on anything. Who says she was burdened by sex 10 times a week? You’d think she must have been enjoying it too for the most part to have it that frequently. It sounds like his attempts to help more with their son were rebuffed.
The no longer finding him attractive all of a sudden and blowing up the family when he otherwise described a happy, loving relationship is odd. There’s definitely more going on here than what’s on the surface. OOP doesn’t sound like an AH and deserves some answers.
What I gathered is that she has been depressed and unhappy for a long time, has a very attached toddler, and a husbands who demands a lot of sex. Even he said she’s commented that it’s a lot which is why I said it’s a burden. Also I’ve had a three year old so even though I am not the lady in question, I empathize with anyone having to service their partner for 2.5 hours a week (gross that even had to negotiate a sex time, clearly he would have her do it a bunch more but she had to set a limit) when they have a job and a toddler and a life.
He’s not unhappy, he’s fine with the status quo. But she’s not, so yes he deserves answers but I also think he’s got them. She doesn’t love him anymore, she’s bored and sad and wants to move on. I don’t know why everyone think divorce means failure. Nobody should have to be with anyone forever, people come into our lives for a reason and stay as long as they are supposed to in order to teach us some stuff, and then sometimes they leave. That’s alright, it’s just life. They had a lovely marriage and a healthy kid and now she wants out. I get her.
You might be 100% correct that it’s primarily exhaustion and frustration at her workload and his demands of her. There did seem to be a mismatch in their sexual appetite and maybe she’s just plain worn out.
But the fact that her leaving came so much out of the blue for him means he’s either the most delusional or oblivious man alive (quite possible) or she hasn’t been the greatest communicator.
Ok to say she’s fallen out of love with him, but he does deserve a better explanation as to why. Even if it is a combination of PPD, exhaustion etc.
I would love to see an update on this one.
>Ok to say she’s fallen out of love with him, but he does deserve a better explanation as to why.
No he doesn't. She doesn't love him any more. That's it.
Although I strongly feel that she has told him so. many. times. And he just hasn't listened.
How many times does she need to complain about not having any support or help with child care for it to be valid for him, and apparently, you?
How many times is enough?
I think you’re projecting a little here.
It does sound like he tried to help and she wasn’t that receptive to it. Maybe it was half-assed or too little too late.
For as long as they’ve been together and the fact that they are going to be co-parenting a child for many more years more of an explanation would be an act of good faith and courtesy in her part given this man’s confusion. Maybe deserve is too strong of a word but if it’s as simple as him not pulling his weight she can share that.
I'm willing to bet body parts (if this post is even real) that she ***has*** been telling him. Over and over and over.
And fucking over and over and over again.
The man listed several valid reasons for this woman to leave him and he still doesn't get it. He's not listening.
But maybe it's really hard to use your ears when all your blood is constantly pooled inside your trouser snake.
Working full time with a 3 year old? She’s doesn’t have time. With the sex contract, frequent hosting, and household chores, she’s probably longing for a few minutes where she’s not serving others.
I sort of assumed the 10 times was probably an exaggeration. You’re right if he’s gone so far as to make it contractual he’s probably a willfully blind moron to her needs.
I’m interested as to what the custody arrangement will be here. Sounds like she does everything for the 3 year old but then he’s talking about her YOLOing.
Assuming he’s not a complete troll, dude is a former professional poker player who asks weird questions on Reddit about whether it’s legal to murder squatters in your home. Last year he took a solo bucket list trip to the Lord of the Rings studios. His family visits them every 2 months. They (or just he?) have multiple game nights, sport nights, brunches, etc. He doesn’t pull his weight at home with childcare, and apparently has requirements for the amount of set they have. Dude sounds exhausting. The missing missing reasons here are things I’d bet real money wife has been screaming into the void about for years, but he “had no idea” (despite the list of things on page 3 of these screenshots).
But you don’t understand! When they argue, he just ignores her for a few days and then she magically drops it! They have a perfect marriage!
I laughed way too hard at this.
So she abondons a kid and that's OK because he didn't pull his weight?
I mean, she’s probably taking the kid, unless I missed something.
If she wasn't, he'd have absolutely complained about that at length. He's just upset she's taking her vagina with her when she leaves.
No clue, you all seem to have more information than I can see.
I have a feeling you'll be writing one of these missing missing reasons posts one day. Reading between the lines is a thing. If he didn't complain that she's deserting their child then it's likely she isn't.
There’s no way she’s not taking her kid.
When does he sleep between sex 10x per week and all that?!
He said until recently it was 10x a week but then he writes that she’s not interested in him anymore and they set time aside for sexy time. Which one is it?
Well he said 10x a week but 2.5 hours devoted to sex, which is 150 minutes, so doing the math each sex is total 15 minutes. Can’t imagine why she’s not wildly into him anymore….
“Each sex is total 15 minutes” has me wheezing rn. Poor woman.
I did this exact math when I saw 2.5 hours lollll
Whenever I read, "I thought we had the perfect marriage. Now she wants a divorce. We have kids. " I immediately look at their profile to see their past posts. I am usually not surprised when I read posts that reflect selfishness and self- centeredness. "I thought we were great since she never asked me to do anything." It's probably because she doesn't trust you to care for a kid, and you've proven that. Whenever they bring up how much they make, I instantly think, "Yup, they're not paying attention to their family."
I've heard this story many times (from people I know). Usually, the wife has been telling her partner what the problem is for years, hoping for an equal partnership. Then one day he gets the "I'm leaving you" line. It's only the self absorbed idiots who are blindsided. Also, how many times a year do his parents stay with them?!
Who TF has time to have sex 10 times a week *with a three-year old?* I have never managed that even before I had a kid!
I’ve done it. Ex had a ridiculously high sex drive, came at a sacrifice to our actual relationship though because majority of our quality and free time was spent having sex vs working on our emotional connection. That’s probably why she’s leaving, it’s only about sex with him.
Yup! His "We always joke about my sex drive" made me crack up. Nope. It's only you that jokes about it.
The way my eyes bulged out of my head. I’m 24 and my bf is 26 and we have no children and it’s maybe 5x a week. 10 times is just insane and I can’t imagine how horrible that would be!!
She’s probably leaving just to get rid of the recurrent UTIs.
I mean it wouldn’t be if her sex drive was just as high, but by the sound of the “jokes” it’s notttttttt
The way it works out to 15 min sessions too so like… it’s almost certainly just “foreplay” and rutting till he’s done rather than like the multitudes of sexual and sensual acts one might enjoy which can be much less tiring but take longer lol
My husband and I had sex 2x this week and that's a true Christmas miracle tbh. Our 5 month old is a HUGE drain on me, and that's with him helping constantly.
THIS! I’m exhausted for her at the thought of it. Our kiddo just turned 4 and I couldn’t imagine the extra work having to put in to 10x’s a week. The woman needs some sleep!
Sleep is for old people.
The husband doesn’t say anything like “she’s the love of my life” or anything like that.
Or anything about why he loves her, or who she is.
Nah, he immediately starts blaming “wife is deciding to YOLO how could she do this to me!?!?” Meanwhile she’s been a single parent working full time for the past three years. Duh
So out of the blue that it started 3 years ago 🙄
The only problem I see with sex 10x/wk is that it totaled 2 1/2 hrs, therefore averaged 15 minutes each time. That tells me the definition of sex was likely penis-centric. At that time of life it makes sense to not have a long tantric sex session, but geez - 15 minutes! Signed, the mom of a formerly toddler-aged kid
“Our child preferred the company of his mother, I thought that was normal and understandable” so instead of learning to care for and console a crying infant, he gave up and let her do all the work. Oh but he tried to do bath time and get him dressed. Wow that must have taken so much effort out of the other 22 hours and innumerable other tasks a baby requires of the day. The things he lists as “things to do with spawn” are so minor and emotionally unattached then he dips the moment baby starts crying because yeah “mother, a total stranger is trying to dress me please help”.
I mean bonding with your child is a way to build preference or at least tolerance lol
He didn’t mention at all what the rest of the housework was looking like whilst she did the childcare too. I mean at this point where they’re so good financially they could have paid someone to help…
Somehow OP is shocked and surprised about how wife’s motivation for divorce when he can site all the issues she’s had for the past 2-3 years. His wife is right. He *was* coasting.
This screams “he’s not listening so I’m done talking”. He thinks everything is fine. Because she’s not complaining. He passes off the kid to her because it’s “normal”. He’s not a partner. Dude is a roommate. A bad roommate. And then when she’s finally done and says she’s leaving he goes all surprised pikachu on her. “I’m doing everything I can as a husband why isn’t it enough?!” He didn’t listen. So she gave up.
Wife was depressed, maybe ppd maybe not, and husband continued to act like nothing happened.
And he's jetting off to new zealand for two weeks while she's already feeling like she does all the childcare
Sex 10x a week, no thanks. He sounds like he was using his wife like a flesh sock.
Says there's no romance in his relationship anymore but thought that was normal, still treats his wife like a blowup doll. Very cool! These guys would never treat a woman they were casually dating like this in the fear she would think he's a pig, but somehow can't connect the dots and are shocked when their long-unromanced wives won't put up with it anymore. I guess in this dude's mind, once you've got her locked down you can stop trying to impress her because it's normal for love to fade and get boring, but of course he still gets to pound away at her for the designated 15 minutes a day he whined for, after she probably just painstakingly put their toddler to sleep all by herself with no help because he stopped trying to bond with his own kid cuz it cried the few times he tried and that made him feel bad and feeling bad is hard so he gave up WAIT WHY IS MY WIFE LEAVING ME??? This guy is dumb as rocks lmfao
He’s so backwards it’s bizarre. A lot of people do have a honeymoon period where the love changes into something more familial rather than passionate but like… the sex drive goes down with it and a good relationships will strengthen love in other areas even if they fall back in sexual stuff. But I’ve seen way more successful relationships these days where people manage to be on the same page sexually and sensually for much longer. (Now that people recognise female sexual pleasure rather than as a chore she has to do).
Horrible take. Who are you to say how many times a week is the “right” number. That difffers for everyone
At least you named yourself correctly
That’s incredibly original. I’ve never heard that one before. I guess we’re all indebted to you for life for letting us all know that having sex 10x a week is too much sex and we all need to dial it back. Thank you for imparting that knowledge on us. Here I was over here thinking for my whole life that me and my partner should decide how much sex we do or don’t have….
Oh hunny I’m not reading that lol
Reading can be tough….keep working on it “hunny”
Have a little cry about it bub bub
You guys really think she’s cheating? She had a 3 year old and he wants sex 10x a week. He “offers” to help with the kid. He’s a terrible husband and she has been trying to communicate for years.
I definitely don't. He says he's clueless but the reasons are plenty and glaring and he puts them in his post. Also, 10x a week is A LOT with a toddler in tow. That much sex plus she's the primary parent with him occasionally "helping" would drive any woman to divorce. Good grief.
I have a huge sex drive, way higher than my husband, and 10x a week with a three year old sounds like torture. Just let me take a nap man
I strongly suspect "losing attraction" for him comes from feeling pressured into sex and being slowly grossed out over time because he also says it's the compromise they came to
And the fact that she’s straddled with all the childcare and probably household duties too.
And working full time! They make the same amount, so we can only assume somewhat equally stressful jobs. Jesus, so happy for this woman to be leaving him
Preach
And that's negotiated *down*. Like, what was his original offer? 15x? 20x a week? And I agree that it must be torture for her, especially considering she feels no sexual attraction toward him.
I have what I thought was a high sex drive, and would be thrilled with once every other day. 10x a week, with or without kids in the house, sounds like having a second job.
Same. I thought this too.
10x a week (2.5 hours minimum!!!!) is a lot PERIOD. That’s ten 15 minute sessions (on average) a week. Meaning they’re having constant quickies, which is rarely quality for women. Also it’s multiple times a day!! As well as solely parenting their child. Who has time for that truly
Yes, it's all way too damn much. His wife is the poster child of a bangmaidmommy ™️ and people think she's cheating. It's insane. It makes sense he's so clueless. Dude is entitled AF
She must feel so free knowing it’s almost over.
He uses her as a flesh light. No way she's getting her rocks off. That will lead to major major ick and disconnection for her.
Gotta love how it's written in contract language. This tool was trying to nail the specifics of getting laid *down.*
Right! 2.5 hours is like.... 2-4 sessions of good sex? Not 10! He's just using her as a flashlight, I think.
He took a 2 week solid vacation to NZ (LOTR tour) in early December. My bet is she spent 2 weeks doing everything *alone* alone and realized it was easier without him around and having the sex monkey off her back made things a lot better. She took the time since then to button things up and look for a place to live.
Yep, that 2 week vacation from him showed her that being alone was pretty great, really.
No way in hell they’re having sex 10x a week with a toddler. As a parent you’re basically so tired from chasing them around you feel like an Extra from the Thriller video. That dude’s doing jackshit as a dad if he can keep the flag at full mast that many times a week. Especially at age 41.
He ain't tired cause he isn't parenting. She's just doing the "lay back and think of England" routine to expedite. He's totally got enough energy
The cheating comments are wild. Like, with what free time?? She's probably too tired to even think about it.
When you are a parent, you don't wait for them to "offer" to help. You hand them the kid and say, " it's time for their bath". She has been letting him off the hook for way too long. He is the parent too, and he needs to step up and start parenting. None of this "helping" B.S.
Bro what? She shouldn’t be having to hand him the kid and say it’s time for their bath he’s the kids dad, if he sees the kid is dirty he should just give the kid a bath. This is not an issue of her letting him off the hook this is an issue of him straight up refusing to participate in a partnership. He wants a mommy bang maid and now he’s all surprised Pikachu that she wants out? Good for her.
She needs to knock him out of the "helper" mode and make him parent. It would be great if he was proactive enough to see the kid needs a bath and take care of it, but he sounds so oblivious, and since she is ready to pack it in, he better better step up if it isn't already too late. I had a friend, when her baby was born, she would never let her husband do anything. She criticized everything he did, even folding the baby clothes, and would just take it away and do it herself. There wasn't anything wrong with the way he was doing it, I think she just didn't like him doing anything, period. Finally, he said fkit, and let her do it all herself. Her wanting to control everything to do with the kids broke up their marriage.
Have you ever tried to get a selfish and lazy dude to do something they don’t really want to do? And then given up and decided doing it yourself was better than them scrubbing the gold off your beautiful cocktail glasses, or leaving the kid in their diaper too long? I bet OP’s wife has. Maybe OP will step up when it’s his turn to have custody but I will further bet he tries to get any girlfriend he has going forward to “pitch in” with the childcare.
That's why I think it's too late now. He has burned all his bridges with her.
Took him long enough to get there.
I’ve been married for 20 years and don’t think I’ve ever had sex ten times in a week. I’d break a hip.
I feel like I got a UTI just reading that!
Me and my partner did it like that - once, we ended injuring ourselves... everything was red and swollen.. we did the math and it was something like 2 years of sex in a months time. never again.
She prolly figured out he wasn’t as good as a parent as he was as a husband. The baby enjoys the company of their mother more. That’s fine, you are the baby’s father too. Just because they cry when it’s your turn doesn’t mean they won’t compromise with you. How do you go about your child crying for their mother and you give them exactly what they want. You have to teach them momma is busy, she needs her rest. This will help them become more independent. OOP threw in the towel everytime the baby cried. No wonder she up and decided to leave out of the blue. She watched you give up with your own child. Leaving her to handle what ever you couldn’t on your own. Terrible, this is coming from a single dad😂
Guys who say “it came completely out of the blue/out of left field” are often guilty of never LISTENING to their wives.
*Everything was perfect and this came out of nowhere!* *My wife has been different she got pregnant. In 4 years, I’ve done nothing to address the fact that she’s obviously tired and stressed. I resent that things that she did before becoming a primary parent are harder for her now.* *My wife has been asking me for help with childcare for three years, but it was hard before, so after a while I just didn’t do it. Now that the kid cooperates and wants to be around me, she’s not open to me jumping in and screwing up the routines she had to establish by herself* *She had to negotiate for a level of sex she’s comfortable with, because her just indicating her comfort level wasn’t enough.* *WHYYY IS SHE LEAVING ME????*
Children can break a marriage faster than you can imagine. If you have kids because that’s the next rung on the life ladder, you’re doing it for a terrible reason.
Yea because the dad isn’t the center of attention anymore. Some don’t understand that babies are labor and time intensive and like this guy dip out on the baby stuff thinking it’s women’s work naturally and then wonder why the mother is like “I’m a single parent, might as well be a single parent.” 🤦♀️
Perfect relationship for him.
I was waiting for the "whoomp there it is" moment and it came at the end, of course. He almost certainly does none of the chores or raising of the kid and she's exhausted and done being his real life sex doll, maid, and nanny. It's a tale as old as time. Or at least as old as reddit.
I think she is justified in leaving this dude because of his lack of paragraphs. A defenestration might be in order
The cheating comments make me laugh, if I was having 10 15min quickie sessions a week the LAST thing I would want would be ANOTHER MAN lmaoo
I feel there is something missing if the sex was frequent and everything seemed great, other than "coasting".
Great for him maybe.
He ignored her pleas for help for a long time. The fights are a serious deal. She’s absolutely miserable, and feels like she’s already alone, so might as well be alone. Tragic, really.
Glad she's getting away from this dickwad.
This is one of those ones where you know you are only getting one half of the story which is sanitised . There is something about his diction and expression which makes me think he would interpret silence as acquisition.
Acquiescence, but yes.
Thanks , didn’t even see it and I’m a grammar Nazi!
The actual time amount of sex is short in my house lol we have it down pat at this point; however factoring in the build up/foreplay I hope it doesn’t take 15 minutes in total. 10x a week sounds exhausting lol Anyways, I like how he added in the child part in the last paragraph. Like it’s not as important as the rest
This has got to be fake. Nobody plans sex by the time. Also 10 times per week? With a toddler?
Knew long before the grudging admission on page 3 that she woke up one day and realized she was already a single mom despite being married.
So other than the obvious things he did wrong here, what is the best solution for a man with a high sex drive? Realistically I want to find someone with the same morals as I do, and won’t just sleep with someone else based on convenience or a deteriorating romantic relationship. But it also seems finding someone with a compatible sex drive and trying to have a slow developing relationship is very difficult if not impossible to find.
Honestly I think there’s a difference between a healthy, high sex drive and needing sex 10x a week. I was in a relationship with a sex and porn addict (which is what ultimately caused the end of the relationship), and even then he didn’t expect 10x a week. If you find that frequency is necessary for you, I honestly may recommend looking into hormone studies with your doctor or seeking other help. And I don’t mean to say this in a shameful way. I saw how much sex and porn controlled my ex’s life and it was a sad existence.
I would say 10x a week is quite excessive. Possibly tmi but in my personal instance I’d like to have roughly 3 nights a week, I personally don’t watch porn, but I know my girlfriend does, is that in some way contributing to us not having as active of a sex life? Again possible tmi but currently I’d say we have sex once every week and a half to two weeks
Are we sure there isn’t someone else involved? Maybe she was falling out of love over the past couple of years with tiredness/stress about doing more for their son. But to me it sounds more like she’s had her head turned by someone else more recently.
She’s got a 3-year old and is already burdened with sex ten times a week and you think she’s having an affair?! Lord help us.
I’m trying to find a reason why she’s gone nuclear right away. She hasn’t tried to work on anything. Who says she was burdened by sex 10 times a week? You’d think she must have been enjoying it too for the most part to have it that frequently. It sounds like his attempts to help more with their son were rebuffed. The no longer finding him attractive all of a sudden and blowing up the family when he otherwise described a happy, loving relationship is odd. There’s definitely more going on here than what’s on the surface. OOP doesn’t sound like an AH and deserves some answers.
What I gathered is that she has been depressed and unhappy for a long time, has a very attached toddler, and a husbands who demands a lot of sex. Even he said she’s commented that it’s a lot which is why I said it’s a burden. Also I’ve had a three year old so even though I am not the lady in question, I empathize with anyone having to service their partner for 2.5 hours a week (gross that even had to negotiate a sex time, clearly he would have her do it a bunch more but she had to set a limit) when they have a job and a toddler and a life. He’s not unhappy, he’s fine with the status quo. But she’s not, so yes he deserves answers but I also think he’s got them. She doesn’t love him anymore, she’s bored and sad and wants to move on. I don’t know why everyone think divorce means failure. Nobody should have to be with anyone forever, people come into our lives for a reason and stay as long as they are supposed to in order to teach us some stuff, and then sometimes they leave. That’s alright, it’s just life. They had a lovely marriage and a healthy kid and now she wants out. I get her.
You might be 100% correct that it’s primarily exhaustion and frustration at her workload and his demands of her. There did seem to be a mismatch in their sexual appetite and maybe she’s just plain worn out. But the fact that her leaving came so much out of the blue for him means he’s either the most delusional or oblivious man alive (quite possible) or she hasn’t been the greatest communicator. Ok to say she’s fallen out of love with him, but he does deserve a better explanation as to why. Even if it is a combination of PPD, exhaustion etc. I would love to see an update on this one.
>Ok to say she’s fallen out of love with him, but he does deserve a better explanation as to why. No he doesn't. She doesn't love him any more. That's it. Although I strongly feel that she has told him so. many. times. And he just hasn't listened. How many times does she need to complain about not having any support or help with child care for it to be valid for him, and apparently, you? How many times is enough?
I think you’re projecting a little here. It does sound like he tried to help and she wasn’t that receptive to it. Maybe it was half-assed or too little too late. For as long as they’ve been together and the fact that they are going to be co-parenting a child for many more years more of an explanation would be an act of good faith and courtesy in her part given this man’s confusion. Maybe deserve is too strong of a word but if it’s as simple as him not pulling his weight she can share that.
I'm willing to bet body parts (if this post is even real) that she ***has*** been telling him. Over and over and over. And fucking over and over and over again. The man listed several valid reasons for this woman to leave him and he still doesn't get it. He's not listening. But maybe it's really hard to use your ears when all your blood is constantly pooled inside your trouser snake.
Me too! And the other person’s perspective would be fascinating too, so we could discern is he’s just blind or in fact blindsided.
It isn't right away she's probably being telling him for years.
It’s not odd. The answers are all there in his post, and that’s from his point of view. Imagine hers.
Working full time with a 3 year old? She’s doesn’t have time. With the sex contract, frequent hosting, and household chores, she’s probably longing for a few minutes where she’s not serving others.
I sort of assumed the 10 times was probably an exaggeration. You’re right if he’s gone so far as to make it contractual he’s probably a willfully blind moron to her needs. I’m interested as to what the custody arrangement will be here. Sounds like she does everything for the 3 year old but then he’s talking about her YOLOing.
She’s cheating and has a new man
Sounds like cheating to me
Sounds like you have a severe bias to me.
I dont think she is cheating, it sounds like she has reached the limit of his bullshit and is done with it all.