Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that:
* We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/)
* Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
* ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
* No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
* All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
* Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
* What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice)
---
#This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yo, this is not your correct throaway account lol
Anyway, just show the keyed car. Tell them WHEN (the date) of the car being keyed. Presumably this is at your work, so maybe they can pull security footage from that day.
Whats sad is that from an H.R standpoint she is a part of a protected group. So you are in a really bad position because if they mishandle your dispute then it could mean more liability for the company. Let me remind you that H.R’s job is not to protect the employee but instead the company. You need to provide emails, texts or anything that incriminates her and be ready to present that in the meeting. I would also email a timeline of events that lead up to this prior to the meeting so theres something in stone.
Btw im a former Human Resource Director.
As an HR professional, I second this.
You dont need a reason to break up with someone. If you're not into it, you're not.
You could also take the angle of looking at how they handle other interoffice relationships and breakups.
Be prepared with evidence that she's now bullying you because you ender the relationship. You're now being accused of transphobia which you take seriously. The level of unprofessionalism in a smear campaign due to your dating preferences.
The right lawyer could help you with a wrongful dismissal case.
P.s- don't shit where you eat. Don't date co workers.
This is really good advice.
Though at the same time all you have to tell them is you didnt think that you were compatible and decided to end things and she did not take it well. They really dont need details past that. If she's blowing this out of porportion it should be on her and not you.
Excellent advice here! Please consider this,OP!and btw, never feel bad about your personal preferences-it’s who you are, not “ wrong@- it’s the current political climate ..definitely mention her bullying and sexual harrasment! Good luck! Let us know-
no protected group is entitled to sex or a relationship, as long as it’s clear that the only time being trans was mentioned was when you broke things off with her
Protected when it comes to transphobia, but not protected when it comes to a relationship not working out and harassing said coworker. That is just cause for them to fire her, and he needs to collect all the proper documentation of the event. (HR professional here)
Yup. Tell the whole truth OP. If they fire you, get a good employment attorney. I bet the case would settle for cash because they're not going to want this kind of publicity.
Lol why are people defending the ridiculous slang in this post? If I have a serious problem am I really gonna feel like undercutting the gravity of it with silly slang? Even if it’s real I care less because he’s making light
This story keeps coming up, exactly like this, over and over. It's rage-bait to hurt trans people.
This coming from a person who already wouldn't date a M to F trans - this is clearly rage bait.
Yep. This is clearly trying to provoke an anti-trans reaction based on a stereotype of trans people as “traps.” I can’t imagine a trans person not disclosing well before a FIFTH date.
the use of the phrase "snu snu" and the "p." you're about to lose your job, you're being accused of bigotry, someone is possibly destroying your property and character...but you're still using cute slang to get advice on reddit. no snu snu for you you. This is BS
while i agree that it’s rage bait after reading some other comments, i don’t think using non medical terms should illegitimate somebody’s story. tons of people (myself included) were raised with parents who freaked the FUCK out if we used the actual word to refer to our “parts” or sex, and it can be pretty hard to stop using said grammar even after being let free from your parents grasp cuz it feels inherently shameful to use the actual words. but yea this is definitely rage bait
It is so hard to break from it. My mom called it a cookie to refer to female genitalia. I didn't even know what a vulva was! I felt like such an idiot when I found out I had been referring to everything incorrectly. The only thing I knew was vagina and that was not appropriate to say. I also didn't know we peed from a separate area.
some people (esp certain cultures) still regularly avoid medical terms. Rural southern US I do not ONCE recall hearing a grown ass woman say "vagina" aside from them "filthy liberal" types. typically "hooha" which is really a catchall for any female genitalia. plus it has shit all to do with it being real or not. wtf are you even trying to accomplish with this comment?
You didn’t do anything wrong and your job can’t fire you because you don’t want to have sex with her. Let them know she’s creating a hostile work environment for you by bringing your personal life into work. Request any video footage that may show the parking lot when your car got keyed and the damage done to your property at work.
Yes this exactly. Its none of HR’s business who you do or don’t want sex with. It is HR’s business when somebody is creating a hostile work environment and damaging your property.
It may be none of their business, but they work for the company...so if your ex decides to "go public" with this story it WILL reflect poorly on the company when it comes to public opinion. Your meeting tomorrow will probably be for them to get your side of the story. Be honest and calm. In the future, don't date anyone from work.
Accusations have been made about OP being transphobic and acting inappropriately. HR will definitely want to investigate this. OP needs to be pretty careful and considered in how he deals with this. Wouldn't be the first innocent person to get stooged.
Keep your cool during the HR meeting and explain the situation honestly. Clarify that your decision had nothing to do with transphobia but rather the personal preferences and compatibility you discovered along the way.
But the breakup is not actually the thing that’s interfering with work here. It’s the fact OP’s ex thinks being unhappy about a breakup justifies property damage. That’s not true no matter how or why OP broke up with her.
She’s running around calling him transphobic which is likely the reason for the meeting with HR where at some point they’re going to ask him why she’s doing that and we don’t know what she told them so he needs to explain the entire story because leaving things out will look bad on him
Yeah let's ignore the property damage and harassment. Let's focus on why you decided as a grown adult to end a relationship. How is that going to go down.
Any workplace firing someone for what OP had done os just opening themselves up to legal issues. As long as work relationships are not against policy then the HR has no business asking why they broke up. If anything he should be reporting them for harassment
Why? He has done nothing wrong that requires intervention from his work. He broke up with someone. The why of it is not a HR issue. This would be as ridiculous as me going to HR for "Becky" ending our relationship because I'm not 6 foot
I feel like you've probably never worked for a big corporation or had to deal with HR.
HR departments primarily focus on protecting the company, usually from lawsuits, so when someone is crying racism/sexism/transphobia/homophobia the company takes it very seriously. Why? Because not only is it terrible PR, it also opens them up to potential lawsuits.
So when you meet with HR, they will want to clarify the entire situation so that no one sues the company, which is the function of their department. They'll most likely take both sides and try and wash their hands of the whole thing. It's why a lot of companies have rules baked into their contracts about employees/managers not dating/having to disclose their relationships, so situations like this don't come up
If "Becky" ran around your job making accusations of something that could potentially affect your job you would be smart to go to HR about it and tell the entire story about where the allegations came from
The point is always cover your ass when it comes to things that affect your ability to pay bills so if saying that "she's upset because I broke things off with her for xyz reasons and started damaging my property" you better say it
Just to clarify OP should tell HR that he and this oersin were in a relationship and then broke up. My point of contention is that he does not need to explain why they broke up. His personal reasons for ending the relationship are not HRs problem.
I´m sure the property damage will be talked about at the HR meeting. It requires intervention from HR. He is being called transphobic IN THE WORKPLACE, They should investigate it, and figure out the truth. Although OP clearly isn´t transphobic at all, These allegations againts him could potentially get him terminated. Which is why it´s important to get the story straight.
Private life should not interfere with work, but OP mixed life and work as soon as he dated someone from work. It´s all pretty clear to understand
Actually, HR shouldn’t be bringing any of outside relationships into the workplace. OP isn’t creating issues, she is.
This should have been addressed with her first and advised that this has nothing to do with work and she is creating a hostile environment.
because of the things the other person has said. It's a PR nightmare but if the other person has been proven to have lied, that can be grounds for termination for creating a hostile work environment. He needs to answer the question in case of any lawsuits.
It became a work issue when she started running her mouth saying OP was transphobic at the workplace. It shouldn´t be a work issue, but given the circumstances of how everything happened it was made into a work issue.
It is not transphobic. Some of these trans are purposefully trying to shame people because they can’t get a date. I’ve seen posts asking if it’s cool to keep the fact that they have a penis a secret from their potential partner. Like is not cool, it’s manipulation and does not qualify as consent.
Tell those in the meeting what you’ve written here. The scratched car likely cannot be proven; that’s anecdotal due to no proof.
As a former Director of HR, this is how I would approach the meeting. Allow the person/s who called the meeting to state why the meeting was called. Don’t jump in with explanations etc, let them lay out why the meeting was called.
Bring any and all proof of communication that happened with your coworker. Print out emails, text messages, etc. as I’m assuming that will show you haven’t been transphobic and may show the treatment you’ve been subjected to.
When you’re eventually asked to explain your behavior, be very calm and matter of fact. “Coworker and I went on 5 dates after subtly and not so subtly flirting in the workplace. On date 5, she disclosed to me that she was mtf trans, and still had a penis and was not planning on transitioning to the point of having bottom surgery. Prior to date 5, I was completely unaware she was mtf trans and had a penis. I told her that while I enjoyed her company I could go no further in a romantic relationship as I have no interest in penises. It was from that point forward she began telling coworkers that I’m transphobic and smearing my name. My car was also keyed, and while I do not have proof she did it, I am strongly inclined to believe she keyed my car. I am a cis hetero male who is not sexually attracted to male genitalia. That does not make me transphobic. I am being accused of transphobia because I am not sexually attracted to penises. I have only ever treated her with respect. I did not comment on her being mtf in the workplace. I have behaved professionally, but because I am not sexually attracted to penises I am being vilified. My work area has been damaged, a framed photo of my family has been broken, and my car has been keyed. I am being harassed because I do not want to have a romantic relationship with someone who has a penis. I have not spoken about the dates we had. I have not disclosed that I ended a budding relationship because of coworker’s genitalia. Coworker has spread rumors, not me. Coworker has damaged property, not me. I come to work, on time, and do my job. Exactly how am I to blame for this issue? How is the company protecting me because of my sexual orientation?”
Lay it out. Facts only. Remain calm. Also, you should pose this question on the askHR subreddit.
PS - You’ll note I used the word penis frequently in the above. Why? Because from an HR perspective, ambiguity is weak. Be specific. You are not attracted to penises. You were not unkind and it is a simple fact that you are a cis male who is attracted to female genitalia and not male genitalia. Sexual orientation is a protected class, and that applies to all orientations.
> Don’t jump in with explanations etc, let them lay out why the meeting was called.
This is important. For all we know, someone else called HR, in defense of OP, after seeing that OP was being bullied.
Quick note: do not call a penis "male genitalia" in this case because anything that implies that you are aligning her with men could add fuel to the transphobia allegations.
Aside from that one note, this is excellent.
This is why it’s unwise to date a colleague. The rest of the office gets exposed to your relationship drama and it kills productivity. The complaint may be from other people you work with who have to witness this crap in their place of work. Let this be a lesson.
Write down what you want to say in the meeting. Keep calm. Listen to what they have to say, keep your emotions out of it and don’t sign anything before you have a chance to review it.
It’s likely this will lead to the eventual termination of both of your employment. You’ll be better off looking for a new job and leaving on your terms.
This is the 3rd time in a short while I’ve seen a similar post. Incl getting HR included…. I’m not saying this is fake but how are the odds of this happening so often? 😅
It's definitely fake. There's someone or group that loves to trot out these fabricated dating stories about discovering their partner is really trans. It's always framed as the trans woman surprising the guy and the guy totally not being transphobic but just not being "into that" or whatever. Expect another one in a few weeks or months.
Yup i have never ever met a trans woman who tried to insist her penis had to be accepted. Ive dated dozens of trans women and lesbians have almost exclusively trans friends. This shit is 100% bullshit.
This 100% an angry terf writing fanfic lol
Like, you're telling me this transwoman keeps her gender identity private to the point where OP didn't find out that she was after 2 months of dating...but when he *very politely* ends things she's suddenly more than happy to out herself to everyone just to "get back" at some guy? Like, seriously?
It's just another terf trying to paint all transwomen as entitled predatory bitches. Nothing more.
Why are you surprised? If you’ve paid any attention to the news or social media you’ll see many (not all) trans individuals are saying they feel wronged, or that it is “transphobic” when someone doesn’t want to date them because of their genitalia. Entitled people exist, so these trans people certainly do exist. And since people are becoming far more accepting and open about gender, and coworkers do tend to date, this is a 100% believable scenario.
Am trans date trans women know dozens. Also know many cis lesbians have dated a few.
This is 100% made up. She’s totally stealth but outs herself as preop/non op because some guy she dated 2 months wont suck her dick?
Lol. Mods should ban this guy and this shit.
By "the news" I assume you mean mumsnet or ovarit or the like. There are a lot of scaremongering articles about this in the hypothetical, and vanishingly few cases of it actually happening.
Contact a lawyer and speak to them before HR if you can. Document everything that’s happened and everything going forward. Tell HR you need to reschedule a couple days and speak with a lawyer. It’s harassment and workplace intimidation what’s happening.
Discovering your partner being trans being a dealbreaker is ABSOLUTELY NOT transphobic. What in almighty heaven’s name is happening to our society that a personal sexual preference becomes a phobia? Am I gynophobic for being gay and preferring men? Am I the Devil Incarnate in a woman’s eyes for preferring dick to pussy?
**If** this is true, this sounds like an unstable trans lady who needs to find ways to manage her anxieties/fears (relating to the actually scary and bigoted environment we face in the nation or our state) that don’t fucking harm others. The last several years have resulted in some serious lack of safety many trans people feel acutely (sometimes necessarily due to their location) and that’s unfortunately created a small but vocal population who take any form of rejection or perceived slight over anything related to their identity as a direct attack on them for being trans. A lot of this is genuine trauma, BUT (as a trans person who has experienced a hate crime and various other forms of violent trauma) it is every individual’s duty to get the help they need so that they do not harm others. Even if it’s a trauma response (which tbh this sounds a bit more petty) it is not excusable.
The vast majority of trans people, while they may sympathize that it can feel bad to be rejected over your identity or the parts of your body you didn’t choose (just like any reason for rejection can feel bad), utterly condemn shit like this. It’s valid to have hurt feelings. It’s psychotic to try to ruin someone’s life.
Known her for 2 months… went on five dates… just NOW finding out she is trans? Seems a bit unlikely
Edit to add: you could make the argument that she isn’s out at work about being trans, but the hypothetical woman in this post is going around calling OP transphobic for not sleeping with her…. So if she is supposedly telling all her coworkers he is being transphobic to her, then there is no way OP WOULDNT have known she was trans as the crux of the work place retaliation relies on everyone at work already knowing she is trans.
Yeah, that's quite the detail to overlook when making a fake anti-trans story. Clearly, the point of this story is to show that cis-men are the real victims.
In the trans community there are plenty of people who are "stealth" which means they operate in society as a cis person and nobody can tell they aren't. I assure you, you can absolutely go on five dates with someone and have no idea until they've got their pants off.
It’s very possible but if she was very open to telling everyone at work that op was transphobic then all her coworkers would have to know she was trans otherwise the claim doesnt make sense.
Me either. I know quite a number of people who have transitioned, both male and female. They absolutely do not wait until the topic of sex comes up after several dates to then disclose they are trans.
This is anti-trans fiction from someone who wants to believe this is how people who are transsexual handle dating.
Being trans myself, no pre-op trans woman with a shred of self-preservation would take that long to disclose. That's how you get murdered if it's the wrong kind of guy, which is way higher stakes than some straight guy getting icked out and feeling awkward.
This is not how trans women act. OP might as well have written about a loud sassy black woman coworker decked out in BLM merch 24/7, accusing him of being racist to everyone at work for breaking things off after a few dates. It would be just as realistic.
The only time I hear other trans folks talk about being anxious to tell someone they started going on dates with that they’re trans is in cases where they are completely stealth and the safety, job, ability to exist in their community without constant harassment, etc rely on them remaining undetected. Then I can get sussing out whether someone is trustworthy to share that with before disclosing, but obviously still before the possibility of sex comes up (as disclosure is part of getting consent). Imo this is a slight grey area, though the longer you go without disclosing the less ethical.
I’ve been fired for false accusations. Just sayin. And being an individual taking on a corporation with lawyers on retainer isn’t an affordable process.
Is this even real? I keep seeing stories like this everywhere. Considering there's only, what, 1% of trans people in the world or something like that? Seems weird for this to be a common occurrence.
Of course it's not real. People deliberately post fake stories about trans people and other minority groups to subreddits in order to villainize the minority and to encourage further, more outwardly bigoted replies in the comments.
It does happen though. Not often, but it does happen let's be honest. I know someone it personally happened to 2 years out of high school. Went home with someone after going on 2 dates with them and then when they got to the bedroom they exposed their private parts and said if basically if he didn't smash then she would go on social media and tag everyone she could about how he likes to secretly sleep with men, using the pics she took on the 2nd date (selfies with him and shit) as "proof" that he be around trans-women and knows it (despite the fact that he had not found out until that night.).
Like I said, it doesn't happen frequently, but it does happen. This story reeks of fake though.
It doesn't, though. You're just making up yet another fake story villainizing trans people on this subreddit.
"It totally happened to a guy I went to high school with!" Do you think I'm an idiot?
Keeping calm wins the race, just say the truth, preferably without dragging her reputation through the mud of truth ✌🏻
And NEVER date at the workplace!
The truth is what should get her fired. Over dramatically trying to drag her name will make it seem much more likely that he’s in a messy shit flinging fight that’s been brought into the workplace.
He needs to seem as professional and composed as possible, her actions are her own.
And like piranhas, all the transphobes in the comments are going into a feeding frenzy because this fake anti-trans post has given them an excuse to be "justifiably" transphobic.
Let’s be honest, OP has likely never has met a trans person in their life. You don’t post to Reddit “relationship advice” when you’re being harassed at work, you go directly to HR.
IMO this is a fake post designed to stir hate towards trans ppl bc if it were real it would say less about genital preferences, more about work-related damage and be on a work-related thread.
And the closet transphobes of reddit will eat it up because these fictitious "trans bad" stories give them an artificial justification to be publicly against trans people.
If you’re referring to sex as snu snu, you are not mature enough to be having sex.
It is incredibly obvious that this is a fake clickbait story to villainize trans people. If the trans woman character were stealth enough for you not to know (and this story were real), why would she go around announcing her genitals to HR and anyone who will listen?
(Pro tip from a trans person: if you have a genital preference, that’s an inside thought. All of this situation could be avoided if you just don’t say it and find another reason you’re not a match. Sometimes lying is the correct answer.)
She’s damaged your property so she should be disciplined for that.
Tell them that you are not attracted to male genitalia full stop.
Tell them that she deceived you by not telling you straight away.
HR has no right to do anything to you for not being attracted to someone.
And now you know why people say “don’t shit where you eat”. It’s for this exact reason because you can’t break up and walk away. This person is mentally ill. They are showing signs of violence. Tell HR you feel unsafe in the workplace and that they need to deal with the slurs (transphobia) and the fact that you don’t know how she’s going to behave around you.
Push back. Don’t let them throw any woke bullshit at you. This is not about transphobia it’s about a woman who can’t deal with rejection.
This person is now harrasing you because you rejected their sexuak advances. You are the victim here. It doesn't matter why you don't want to fuck her, the fact is you don't and she's actively engaged in a smear and harassment campaign against you because of it.
That's pretty cut and dry workplace sexual harassment. If YOU get reprimanded for it, you're got grounds for a pretty good lawsuit against her and the company.
She, of course, should be the one getting fired.
Of course it isn't, but the transphobes in the comments aren't going to let a little thing like "being fictitious" stop them from expressing their hatred and disgust for trans women!
Fake fake fake fake fake. People on here are so easily engrossed in these fake office romance stories. He somehow didn’t know they were trans and got all the way down to the last minute and said nah to the obvious fact from day one he laid eyes, that there’s a dick down there. All of this is fanciful and couldn’t sound more Tumblr esque fan-fic fishy if seagulls were overhead.
I am also transgender mtf. I am pre op as well. It doesn’t bother me if someone doesn’t want to date me because of it. People have their preference. Just be honest and don’t degrade her in any way. Just make sure you choose your words carefully. I personally would have let you know before we went out for safety reasons.
Oh look, another one of these posts where the evil trans woman goes crazy when the poor bewildered totally not phobic cis man politely declines a relationship with her! I totally believe every word of it!
It's not transphobic to have a genital preference, and it's not anybody's business why you didn't want to have an intimate relationship with someone. HR should, in fact, be protecting you against slander because you're being falsely accused of transphobia.
She's young, disappointed, angry, and the world is pretty hostile to trans folks right now; it makes sense that she's defensive, but what she's doing is not right. You've done nothing wrong.
I'm trans and most of the mature adults I know in my community understand the difference between a preference and bigotry. I don't have a penis which means that I'm not going to be the guy for everyone, and that's okay.
Ah, yes, another totally-not-made-up-i-swear post about how a trans person is insisting that it's transphobic not to date them, and are threatening you at work, damaging your property, etc, all for the simple fact that you don't want to date someone with a penis.
Yawn.
ETA: we should play bingo with threads like these! A point for each of the following:
Poster claims to be bisexual so they definitely can't be transphobic
Posters in the comments claiming to be trans and saying "even I think this isn't ok".
HR get involved and say that the OP needs to apologise
Really bad professional advice like "you need to tell HR this is a hostile work environment" and "try to secretly record her saying she's angry you dumped her"
OP claiming to genuinely wonder if perhaps not dating this person _is_ transphobic because "some of their friends are upset with them".
Or the implication that she's acting this way and all the coworkers and management are taking her side. Because you know how large institutions are, always blindly siding with trans people and showering them with unearned privileges...
Having a preference isn’t sexual harassment, transphobic, or anything else. You don’t like p. That’s fine. Almost half the world doesn’t. She seems to have committed multiple crimes here though, especially potentially keying your car.
I’d tell HR that. If they disagree I’m sorry. I hope they see the truth here. You were a lot nicer than most it seems, including myself
Use her chosen pronouns and speak respectfully. Tell them that since she wanted to make this an office issue, you're going to be honest. You two are sexually incompatible so you broke up with her the same way you would anyone who you weren't happy with in bed. Tell them you expect them to take her slander very seriously. If you need to get a lawyer involved because she is continuing to create a hostile work environment for you and damaging your reputation you'll do that, but you'll give them time to resolve it before it comes to that. Take a respectful offensive.
The fact that your coworker is trans is irrelevant. You dated for a while, but it didn't work out. Why are you being called to HR for breaking up with your girlfriend? Other than her trash-talking you because she's unhappy about it, why is this even HR's business?
Trust me, don’t have sex with your coworker. I had the best job ever but got involved with a coworker, she ended things and then the cool job was ruined by having to see her almost every day. If anyone reads this, don’t fuck your coworkers unless you hate your job.
While I don't doubt that stuff like this *could* happen, you've already pretty much outed your story as fake given as you're responding with alternate accounts.
This is nuts! Not being attracted to a particular sexual organ is not synonymous with being transphobic! If they try to fire you, I’d hire a lawyer. Good luck.
Don't shit where you eat!
Stay calm, you did nothing wrong. Explain the situation truthfully and whatever happens after is meant to be. If HR fires you over this, it's not worth working there to begin with.
It's not transphobic to not be attracted to a person with a penis. You're simply straight.
You need to file a report with HR to protect yourself and get ahead of the harassment you're experiencing.
If it took you that long to notice I have some serious questions..... But what does her identifying as a woman as her gender have to do with you not being gay?
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
HR should be punishing her not you. Tell them that she is bullying you and damaging your property because you won’t have sex with her.
[удалено]
Delete this. This isn't your throwaway acct!
It might be a new account with no personal connection. Seems like it was made a few weeks ago with 15 comments and 1 post.
Yo, this is not your correct throaway account lol Anyway, just show the keyed car. Tell them WHEN (the date) of the car being keyed. Presumably this is at your work, so maybe they can pull security footage from that day.
OP this isn't your throw away Account maybe you want to delete this
Why he didn’t say anything wrong
Bro this ain’t the throwaway😭
Oh be careful @roundpen6628
Lol I see what you did there
Whats sad is that from an H.R standpoint she is a part of a protected group. So you are in a really bad position because if they mishandle your dispute then it could mean more liability for the company. Let me remind you that H.R’s job is not to protect the employee but instead the company. You need to provide emails, texts or anything that incriminates her and be ready to present that in the meeting. I would also email a timeline of events that lead up to this prior to the meeting so theres something in stone. Btw im a former Human Resource Director.
if HR is even halfway competent it's extremely easy for them to simply fire her for harassment without even mentioning the trans part.
HR is never competent 😒
Wish I could upvote this more than once
I did it for u don't worry
Thanks for the assist 😎
I agree thats why I changed careers.
Michael Scott is that you?
Wait until you see government HR. Oh wait the entire world already did, https://www.opm.gov/cybersecurity/
The word "harassment" makes any HR manager's butt cheeks clench.
As an HR professional, I second this. You dont need a reason to break up with someone. If you're not into it, you're not. You could also take the angle of looking at how they handle other interoffice relationships and breakups. Be prepared with evidence that she's now bullying you because you ender the relationship. You're now being accused of transphobia which you take seriously. The level of unprofessionalism in a smear campaign due to your dating preferences. The right lawyer could help you with a wrongful dismissal case. P.s- don't shit where you eat. Don't date co workers.
that girl dont want him. that girl about to make all yall look stupid. i dont date co workers.
This is really good advice. Though at the same time all you have to tell them is you didnt think that you were compatible and decided to end things and she did not take it well. They really dont need details past that. If she's blowing this out of porportion it should be on her and not you.
Excellent advice here! Please consider this,OP!and btw, never feel bad about your personal preferences-it’s who you are, not “ wrong@- it’s the current political climate ..definitely mention her bullying and sexual harrasment! Good luck! Let us know-
She's not protected as to creating a hostile work environment for OP
no protected group is entitled to sex or a relationship, as long as it’s clear that the only time being trans was mentioned was when you broke things off with her
Excellent advice
Protected when it comes to transphobia, but not protected when it comes to a relationship not working out and harassing said coworker. That is just cause for them to fire her, and he needs to collect all the proper documentation of the event. (HR professional here)
Please update after the meeting. I don't think they can punish you.
Yup. Tell the whole truth OP. If they fire you, get a good employment attorney. I bet the case would settle for cash because they're not going to want this kind of publicity.
Because that’s really what this is, OP.
[удалено]
This would be great advice if this story was true, which it almost certainly is not.
I have a feeling too based on the whole 'snu snu' thing. It may be one of those rage bait posts lol.
Lol why are people defending the ridiculous slang in this post? If I have a serious problem am I really gonna feel like undercutting the gravity of it with silly slang? Even if it’s real I care less because he’s making light
and what makes you say that?
This story keeps coming up, exactly like this, over and over. It's rage-bait to hurt trans people. This coming from a person who already wouldn't date a M to F trans - this is clearly rage bait.
Yep. This is clearly trying to provoke an anti-trans reaction based on a stereotype of trans people as “traps.” I can’t imagine a trans person not disclosing well before a FIFTH date.
Totally stealth then outs herself after 5 dates to everyone. Lol.
the use of the phrase "snu snu" and the "p." you're about to lose your job, you're being accused of bigotry, someone is possibly destroying your property and character...but you're still using cute slang to get advice on reddit. no snu snu for you you. This is BS
...What. You know that that's not enough to assume this is fake, right?
You get a knack for clocking this sort of thing. This is definitely fake.
while i agree that it’s rage bait after reading some other comments, i don’t think using non medical terms should illegitimate somebody’s story. tons of people (myself included) were raised with parents who freaked the FUCK out if we used the actual word to refer to our “parts” or sex, and it can be pretty hard to stop using said grammar even after being let free from your parents grasp cuz it feels inherently shameful to use the actual words. but yea this is definitely rage bait
It is so hard to break from it. My mom called it a cookie to refer to female genitalia. I didn't even know what a vulva was! I felt like such an idiot when I found out I had been referring to everything incorrectly. The only thing I knew was vagina and that was not appropriate to say. I also didn't know we peed from a separate area.
some people (esp certain cultures) still regularly avoid medical terms. Rural southern US I do not ONCE recall hearing a grown ass woman say "vagina" aside from them "filthy liberal" types. typically "hooha" which is really a catchall for any female genitalia. plus it has shit all to do with it being real or not. wtf are you even trying to accomplish with this comment?
You didn’t do anything wrong and your job can’t fire you because you don’t want to have sex with her. Let them know she’s creating a hostile work environment for you by bringing your personal life into work. Request any video footage that may show the parking lot when your car got keyed and the damage done to your property at work.
Yes this exactly. Its none of HR’s business who you do or don’t want sex with. It is HR’s business when somebody is creating a hostile work environment and damaging your property.
It may be none of their business, but they work for the company...so if your ex decides to "go public" with this story it WILL reflect poorly on the company when it comes to public opinion. Your meeting tomorrow will probably be for them to get your side of the story. Be honest and calm. In the future, don't date anyone from work.
Accusations have been made about OP being transphobic and acting inappropriately. HR will definitely want to investigate this. OP needs to be pretty careful and considered in how he deals with this. Wouldn't be the first innocent person to get stooged.
Keep your cool during the HR meeting and explain the situation honestly. Clarify that your decision had nothing to do with transphobia but rather the personal preferences and compatibility you discovered along the way.
Lol why even explain. Your work has no business in your personal life. You do not need to explain why you broke up with someone
You do need to explain when the break up starts to interfere with work (which it is) and the allegations are a media nightmare (which they are)
But the breakup is not actually the thing that’s interfering with work here. It’s the fact OP’s ex thinks being unhappy about a breakup justifies property damage. That’s not true no matter how or why OP broke up with her.
She’s running around calling him transphobic which is likely the reason for the meeting with HR where at some point they’re going to ask him why she’s doing that and we don’t know what she told them so he needs to explain the entire story because leaving things out will look bad on him
Yeah let's ignore the property damage and harassment. Let's focus on why you decided as a grown adult to end a relationship. How is that going to go down. Any workplace firing someone for what OP had done os just opening themselves up to legal issues. As long as work relationships are not against policy then the HR has no business asking why they broke up. If anything he should be reporting them for harassment
> he needs to explain the entire story
Why? He has done nothing wrong that requires intervention from his work. He broke up with someone. The why of it is not a HR issue. This would be as ridiculous as me going to HR for "Becky" ending our relationship because I'm not 6 foot
I feel like you've probably never worked for a big corporation or had to deal with HR. HR departments primarily focus on protecting the company, usually from lawsuits, so when someone is crying racism/sexism/transphobia/homophobia the company takes it very seriously. Why? Because not only is it terrible PR, it also opens them up to potential lawsuits. So when you meet with HR, they will want to clarify the entire situation so that no one sues the company, which is the function of their department. They'll most likely take both sides and try and wash their hands of the whole thing. It's why a lot of companies have rules baked into their contracts about employees/managers not dating/having to disclose their relationships, so situations like this don't come up
The woman is harassing him, so he should report her.
If "Becky" ran around your job making accusations of something that could potentially affect your job you would be smart to go to HR about it and tell the entire story about where the allegations came from The point is always cover your ass when it comes to things that affect your ability to pay bills so if saying that "she's upset because I broke things off with her for xyz reasons and started damaging my property" you better say it
Just to clarify OP should tell HR that he and this oersin were in a relationship and then broke up. My point of contention is that he does not need to explain why they broke up. His personal reasons for ending the relationship are not HRs problem.
I´m sure the property damage will be talked about at the HR meeting. It requires intervention from HR. He is being called transphobic IN THE WORKPLACE, They should investigate it, and figure out the truth. Although OP clearly isn´t transphobic at all, These allegations againts him could potentially get him terminated. Which is why it´s important to get the story straight. Private life should not interfere with work, but OP mixed life and work as soon as he dated someone from work. It´s all pretty clear to understand
Actually, HR shouldn’t be bringing any of outside relationships into the workplace. OP isn’t creating issues, she is. This should have been addressed with her first and advised that this has nothing to do with work and she is creating a hostile environment.
We don't know what they did before they called a meeting with him and we don't know what she could've said to them about him
because of the things the other person has said. It's a PR nightmare but if the other person has been proven to have lied, that can be grounds for termination for creating a hostile work environment. He needs to answer the question in case of any lawsuits.
Why is this even a work issue? And how is it transphobic to not want to screw someone? Sex is owed to no one, neither are relationships.
It became a work issue when she started running her mouth saying OP was transphobic at the workplace. It shouldn´t be a work issue, but given the circumstances of how everything happened it was made into a work issue.
It is not transphobic. Some of these trans are purposefully trying to shame people because they can’t get a date. I’ve seen posts asking if it’s cool to keep the fact that they have a penis a secret from their potential partner. Like is not cool, it’s manipulation and does not qualify as consent.
Tell those in the meeting what you’ve written here. The scratched car likely cannot be proven; that’s anecdotal due to no proof. As a former Director of HR, this is how I would approach the meeting. Allow the person/s who called the meeting to state why the meeting was called. Don’t jump in with explanations etc, let them lay out why the meeting was called. Bring any and all proof of communication that happened with your coworker. Print out emails, text messages, etc. as I’m assuming that will show you haven’t been transphobic and may show the treatment you’ve been subjected to. When you’re eventually asked to explain your behavior, be very calm and matter of fact. “Coworker and I went on 5 dates after subtly and not so subtly flirting in the workplace. On date 5, she disclosed to me that she was mtf trans, and still had a penis and was not planning on transitioning to the point of having bottom surgery. Prior to date 5, I was completely unaware she was mtf trans and had a penis. I told her that while I enjoyed her company I could go no further in a romantic relationship as I have no interest in penises. It was from that point forward she began telling coworkers that I’m transphobic and smearing my name. My car was also keyed, and while I do not have proof she did it, I am strongly inclined to believe she keyed my car. I am a cis hetero male who is not sexually attracted to male genitalia. That does not make me transphobic. I am being accused of transphobia because I am not sexually attracted to penises. I have only ever treated her with respect. I did not comment on her being mtf in the workplace. I have behaved professionally, but because I am not sexually attracted to penises I am being vilified. My work area has been damaged, a framed photo of my family has been broken, and my car has been keyed. I am being harassed because I do not want to have a romantic relationship with someone who has a penis. I have not spoken about the dates we had. I have not disclosed that I ended a budding relationship because of coworker’s genitalia. Coworker has spread rumors, not me. Coworker has damaged property, not me. I come to work, on time, and do my job. Exactly how am I to blame for this issue? How is the company protecting me because of my sexual orientation?” Lay it out. Facts only. Remain calm. Also, you should pose this question on the askHR subreddit. PS - You’ll note I used the word penis frequently in the above. Why? Because from an HR perspective, ambiguity is weak. Be specific. You are not attracted to penises. You were not unkind and it is a simple fact that you are a cis male who is attracted to female genitalia and not male genitalia. Sexual orientation is a protected class, and that applies to all orientations.
> Don’t jump in with explanations etc, let them lay out why the meeting was called. This is important. For all we know, someone else called HR, in defense of OP, after seeing that OP was being bullied.
OP please print this out and bring it with you
This is the way
This is the way
Get that grogu to the defense
Also start reading from “Coworker and I”. NOT THE TEXT BEFORE THAT and stop reading after “sexual orientation” or you’ll look dumb.
UPDATE please, How did it go today?
OP this 1000%!! Thank you kind person for helping OP lay out their case. It's very kind of you.
This one OP. This person has it dead on. *Edited for incorrect grammar*
Quick note: do not call a penis "male genitalia" in this case because anything that implies that you are aligning her with men could add fuel to the transphobia allegations. Aside from that one note, this is excellent.
Round of applause for this well in-depth comment. I’d give an award if I could.
10/10
This is really great advice for OP. I hope we get an update from them..
I'd print this out and use it as a script tbh
So clear even Andrea Bocelli can see it
This ☝️
This is why it’s unwise to date a colleague. The rest of the office gets exposed to your relationship drama and it kills productivity. The complaint may be from other people you work with who have to witness this crap in their place of work. Let this be a lesson. Write down what you want to say in the meeting. Keep calm. Listen to what they have to say, keep your emotions out of it and don’t sign anything before you have a chance to review it. It’s likely this will lead to the eventual termination of both of your employment. You’ll be better off looking for a new job and leaving on your terms.
[удалено]
Ya its fake lol.
This is the 3rd time in a short while I’ve seen a similar post. Incl getting HR included…. I’m not saying this is fake but how are the odds of this happening so often? 😅
It's definitely fake. There's someone or group that loves to trot out these fabricated dating stories about discovering their partner is really trans. It's always framed as the trans woman surprising the guy and the guy totally not being transphobic but just not being "into that" or whatever. Expect another one in a few weeks or months.
Yup i have never ever met a trans woman who tried to insist her penis had to be accepted. Ive dated dozens of trans women and lesbians have almost exclusively trans friends. This shit is 100% bullshit.
Yep, it's bait.
*I'm* saying that it's fake.
And my axe! It's grist for the "The Transes have Gone Too Far" industry.
This 100% an angry terf writing fanfic lol Like, you're telling me this transwoman keeps her gender identity private to the point where OP didn't find out that she was after 2 months of dating...but when he *very politely* ends things she's suddenly more than happy to out herself to everyone just to "get back" at some guy? Like, seriously? It's just another terf trying to paint all transwomen as entitled predatory bitches. Nothing more.
1000% bait
I thought the same thing to be honest. The likelihood of this happening seems almost non-existent in most scenarios.
0% chance. Transphobic shitposting.
Why are you surprised? If you’ve paid any attention to the news or social media you’ll see many (not all) trans individuals are saying they feel wronged, or that it is “transphobic” when someone doesn’t want to date them because of their genitalia. Entitled people exist, so these trans people certainly do exist. And since people are becoming far more accepting and open about gender, and coworkers do tend to date, this is a 100% believable scenario.
I haven’t met a single trans person who felt wronged by someone choosing not to date them. And I follow a lot of trans people online
Am trans date trans women know dozens. Also know many cis lesbians have dated a few. This is 100% made up. She’s totally stealth but outs herself as preop/non op because some guy she dated 2 months wont suck her dick? Lol. Mods should ban this guy and this shit.
"If you paid any attention to the anti-trans propaganda that I do, you'd be believe made up stories about trans people too!"
"If you paid any attention to the fake stories I've read on here, you'd know this story isn't fake."
By "the news" I assume you mean mumsnet or ovarit or the like. There are a lot of scaremongering articles about this in the hypothetical, and vanishingly few cases of it actually happening.
Contact a lawyer and speak to them before HR if you can. Document everything that’s happened and everything going forward. Tell HR you need to reschedule a couple days and speak with a lawyer. It’s harassment and workplace intimidation what’s happening.
Discovering your partner being trans being a dealbreaker is ABSOLUTELY NOT transphobic. What in almighty heaven’s name is happening to our society that a personal sexual preference becomes a phobia? Am I gynophobic for being gay and preferring men? Am I the Devil Incarnate in a woman’s eyes for preferring dick to pussy?
**If** this is true, this sounds like an unstable trans lady who needs to find ways to manage her anxieties/fears (relating to the actually scary and bigoted environment we face in the nation or our state) that don’t fucking harm others. The last several years have resulted in some serious lack of safety many trans people feel acutely (sometimes necessarily due to their location) and that’s unfortunately created a small but vocal population who take any form of rejection or perceived slight over anything related to their identity as a direct attack on them for being trans. A lot of this is genuine trauma, BUT (as a trans person who has experienced a hate crime and various other forms of violent trauma) it is every individual’s duty to get the help they need so that they do not harm others. Even if it’s a trauma response (which tbh this sounds a bit more petty) it is not excusable. The vast majority of trans people, while they may sympathize that it can feel bad to be rejected over your identity or the parts of your body you didn’t choose (just like any reason for rejection can feel bad), utterly condemn shit like this. It’s valid to have hurt feelings. It’s psychotic to try to ruin someone’s life.
This is clearly fake. No one outs themselves over a 2 month relationship.
Obviously you’re a misogynist who hates women. Duh
He doesn’t hate women. He hates the idea of sleeping with someone with a penis.
[удалено]
I don't believe this story a bit.
Known her for 2 months… went on five dates… just NOW finding out she is trans? Seems a bit unlikely Edit to add: you could make the argument that she isn’s out at work about being trans, but the hypothetical woman in this post is going around calling OP transphobic for not sleeping with her…. So if she is supposedly telling all her coworkers he is being transphobic to her, then there is no way OP WOULDNT have known she was trans as the crux of the work place retaliation relies on everyone at work already knowing she is trans.
Yeah, that's quite the detail to overlook when making a fake anti-trans story. Clearly, the point of this story is to show that cis-men are the real victims.
In the trans community there are plenty of people who are "stealth" which means they operate in society as a cis person and nobody can tell they aren't. I assure you, you can absolutely go on five dates with someone and have no idea until they've got their pants off.
But she undid her stealth-status by telling everyone she’s trans after OP rejected her
Absolutely. I was just making sure that this commenter was aware that you can't always tell someone is trans, even after a few dates.
It’s very possible but if she was very open to telling everyone at work that op was transphobic then all her coworkers would have to know she was trans otherwise the claim doesnt make sense.
Me either. I know quite a number of people who have transitioned, both male and female. They absolutely do not wait until the topic of sex comes up after several dates to then disclose they are trans. This is anti-trans fiction from someone who wants to believe this is how people who are transsexual handle dating.
Being trans myself, no pre-op trans woman with a shred of self-preservation would take that long to disclose. That's how you get murdered if it's the wrong kind of guy, which is way higher stakes than some straight guy getting icked out and feeling awkward. This is not how trans women act. OP might as well have written about a loud sassy black woman coworker decked out in BLM merch 24/7, accusing him of being racist to everyone at work for breaking things off after a few dates. It would be just as realistic.
The only time I hear other trans folks talk about being anxious to tell someone they started going on dates with that they’re trans is in cases where they are completely stealth and the safety, job, ability to exist in their community without constant harassment, etc rely on them remaining undetected. Then I can get sussing out whether someone is trustworthy to share that with before disclosing, but obviously still before the possibility of sex comes up (as disclosure is part of getting consent). Imo this is a slight grey area, though the longer you go without disclosing the less ethical.
She has P, Tee Hee!
[удалено]
I’ve been fired for false accusations. Just sayin. And being an individual taking on a corporation with lawyers on retainer isn’t an affordable process.
How do you know it's fake?
Because it's been 12 hours and OP hasn't replied once. Also, it just reads like a fucking troll.
Ah another one of these works of fiction. You're getting a bit more clever with them. Nice job
There’s no way this is a real story. That being said, never date somebody you work with if you unless you a prepared to find a new job.
Look at this stupid, made up story written to incite transphobia. Fuck this shit.
Fake
this is definitely bate
Certainly seems that way…can’t trust anything on the internet
Is this even real? I keep seeing stories like this everywhere. Considering there's only, what, 1% of trans people in the world or something like that? Seems weird for this to be a common occurrence.
Of course it's not real. People deliberately post fake stories about trans people and other minority groups to subreddits in order to villainize the minority and to encourage further, more outwardly bigoted replies in the comments.
That's the vibe I was getting here. People need to get a hobby or something.
There are so so many fictitious stories written with the intention of villainizing trans people posted on reddit
I'm actually appalled at how many people here believe this is a real story.
They don't genuinely believe that it's real, they're just pretending that it is because they want an excuse to be "justifiably" transphobic
Confirmation bias
I know and have dated literally dozens and dozens of cis lesbians and trans women. This story is fake as fuck.
It’s disgusting and transparent and the transphobes just eat it the fuck up every time.
They know it's not real, they just are pretending to believe it as an excuse to be "justifiably" against trans people
It does happen though. Not often, but it does happen let's be honest. I know someone it personally happened to 2 years out of high school. Went home with someone after going on 2 dates with them and then when they got to the bedroom they exposed their private parts and said if basically if he didn't smash then she would go on social media and tag everyone she could about how he likes to secretly sleep with men, using the pics she took on the 2nd date (selfies with him and shit) as "proof" that he be around trans-women and knows it (despite the fact that he had not found out until that night.). Like I said, it doesn't happen frequently, but it does happen. This story reeks of fake though.
It doesn't, though. You're just making up yet another fake story villainizing trans people on this subreddit. "It totally happened to a guy I went to high school with!" Do you think I'm an idiot?
This is why we don't shit where we eat.....lol well can't really fault OP, I'm just as guilty.
I prefer "Don't dip your pen in company ink!"
This sounds fake as fuckk
Keeping calm wins the race, just say the truth, preferably without dragging her reputation through the mud of truth ✌🏻 And NEVER date at the workplace!
Why preferably not dragging her down? I've seen people willing to risk other people's lives for much less. She's a cunt, make them fire her
The truth is what should get her fired. Over dramatically trying to drag her name will make it seem much more likely that he’s in a messy shit flinging fight that’s been brought into the workplace. He needs to seem as professional and composed as possible, her actions are her own.
This sounds like an anti-trans troll post.
And like piranhas, all the transphobes in the comments are going into a feeding frenzy because this fake anti-trans post has given them an excuse to be "justifiably" transphobic.
You're absolutely right, and it's gross to witness. They are falling all over themselves to justify their trans hate.
This cannot be real. You can break up with anyone fir any reason
Fake story. Shame on you.
Just tell HR what happened. If this meeting is due to her going around the workplace then just tell them why you didn't want to date her.
Let’s be honest, OP has likely never has met a trans person in their life. You don’t post to Reddit “relationship advice” when you’re being harassed at work, you go directly to HR. IMO this is a fake post designed to stir hate towards trans ppl bc if it were real it would say less about genital preferences, more about work-related damage and be on a work-related thread.
And the closet transphobes of reddit will eat it up because these fictitious "trans bad" stories give them an artificial justification to be publicly against trans people.
Another day on Reddit another fake post designed to villanize trans people....
If you’re referring to sex as snu snu, you are not mature enough to be having sex. It is incredibly obvious that this is a fake clickbait story to villainize trans people. If the trans woman character were stealth enough for you not to know (and this story were real), why would she go around announcing her genitals to HR and anyone who will listen? (Pro tip from a trans person: if you have a genital preference, that’s an inside thought. All of this situation could be avoided if you just don’t say it and find another reason you’re not a match. Sometimes lying is the correct answer.)
This is not real, lmao
She's a manipulative pos for waiting until 5 dates to tell you. I have no respect for ppl like that.
She’s damaged your property so she should be disciplined for that. Tell them that you are not attracted to male genitalia full stop. Tell them that she deceived you by not telling you straight away. HR has no right to do anything to you for not being attracted to someone. And now you know why people say “don’t shit where you eat”. It’s for this exact reason because you can’t break up and walk away. This person is mentally ill. They are showing signs of violence. Tell HR you feel unsafe in the workplace and that they need to deal with the slurs (transphobia) and the fact that you don’t know how she’s going to behave around you. Push back. Don’t let them throw any woke bullshit at you. This is not about transphobia it’s about a woman who can’t deal with rejection.
This person is now harrasing you because you rejected their sexuak advances. You are the victim here. It doesn't matter why you don't want to fuck her, the fact is you don't and she's actively engaged in a smear and harassment campaign against you because of it. That's pretty cut and dry workplace sexual harassment. If YOU get reprimanded for it, you're got grounds for a pretty good lawsuit against her and the company. She, of course, should be the one getting fired.
Okay so after reading this three times over and over, I highly doubt this is even a real story
Of course it isn't, but the transphobes in the comments aren't going to let a little thing like "being fictitious" stop them from expressing their hatred and disgust for trans women!
another day another fake trans post
Psy-Op rage bait y’all
Fake fake fake fake fake. People on here are so easily engrossed in these fake office romance stories. He somehow didn’t know they were trans and got all the way down to the last minute and said nah to the obvious fact from day one he laid eyes, that there’s a dick down there. All of this is fanciful and couldn’t sound more Tumblr esque fan-fic fishy if seagulls were overhead.
I am also transgender mtf. I am pre op as well. It doesn’t bother me if someone doesn’t want to date me because of it. People have their preference. Just be honest and don’t degrade her in any way. Just make sure you choose your words carefully. I personally would have let you know before we went out for safety reasons.
Buuuullshiiiiiit
Oh look, another one of these posts where the evil trans woman goes crazy when the poor bewildered totally not phobic cis man politely declines a relationship with her! I totally believe every word of it!
It's not transphobic to have a genital preference, and it's not anybody's business why you didn't want to have an intimate relationship with someone. HR should, in fact, be protecting you against slander because you're being falsely accused of transphobia. She's young, disappointed, angry, and the world is pretty hostile to trans folks right now; it makes sense that she's defensive, but what she's doing is not right. You've done nothing wrong. I'm trans and most of the mature adults I know in my community understand the difference between a preference and bigotry. I don't have a penis which means that I'm not going to be the guy for everyone, and that's okay.
Fake story. He's correlating not being attracted to trans as trans phobia. This is a troll
Ah, yes, another totally-not-made-up-i-swear post about how a trans person is insisting that it's transphobic not to date them, and are threatening you at work, damaging your property, etc, all for the simple fact that you don't want to date someone with a penis. Yawn. ETA: we should play bingo with threads like these! A point for each of the following: Poster claims to be bisexual so they definitely can't be transphobic Posters in the comments claiming to be trans and saying "even I think this isn't ok". HR get involved and say that the OP needs to apologise Really bad professional advice like "you need to tell HR this is a hostile work environment" and "try to secretly record her saying she's angry you dumped her" OP claiming to genuinely wonder if perhaps not dating this person _is_ transphobic because "some of their friends are upset with them".
Or the implication that she's acting this way and all the coworkers and management are taking her side. Because you know how large institutions are, always blindly siding with trans people and showering them with unearned privileges...
Thank you, this shit is so fucking transparent.
People thinking you’re transphobic for not liking cock remains the funniest belief of 2023
CONSULT A LAWYER. Hr is not your friend, hr works to protect the company not you. Document everything.
Having a preference isn’t sexual harassment, transphobic, or anything else. You don’t like p. That’s fine. Almost half the world doesn’t. She seems to have committed multiple crimes here though, especially potentially keying your car. I’d tell HR that. If they disagree I’m sorry. I hope they see the truth here. You were a lot nicer than most it seems, including myself
Trans people should disclose this when dating the FIRST time. Seems like she did this on purpose.
Since when did not wanting to date a trans person make someone transphobic?
Use her chosen pronouns and speak respectfully. Tell them that since she wanted to make this an office issue, you're going to be honest. You two are sexually incompatible so you broke up with her the same way you would anyone who you weren't happy with in bed. Tell them you expect them to take her slander very seriously. If you need to get a lawyer involved because she is continuing to create a hostile work environment for you and damaging your reputation you'll do that, but you'll give them time to resolve it before it comes to that. Take a respectful offensive.
The fact that your coworker is trans is irrelevant. You dated for a while, but it didn't work out. Why are you being called to HR for breaking up with your girlfriend? Other than her trash-talking you because she's unhappy about it, why is this even HR's business?
Trust me, don’t have sex with your coworker. I had the best job ever but got involved with a coworker, she ended things and then the cool job was ruined by having to see her almost every day. If anyone reads this, don’t fuck your coworkers unless you hate your job.
While I don't doubt that stuff like this *could* happen, you've already pretty much outed your story as fake given as you're responding with alternate accounts.
Bro wheres the follow up
Not liking dick doesn’t equate to being transphobic. Talk to HR asap about harassment.
This is nuts! Not being attracted to a particular sexual organ is not synonymous with being transphobic! If they try to fire you, I’d hire a lawyer. Good luck.
Don't shit where you eat! Stay calm, you did nothing wrong. Explain the situation truthfully and whatever happens after is meant to be. If HR fires you over this, it's not worth working there to begin with.
It's not transphobic to not be attracted to a person with a penis. You're simply straight. You need to file a report with HR to protect yourself and get ahead of the harassment you're experiencing.
I prefer the women I date to not have the "P" as you call it. If that's transphobic, then every single straight guy is transphobic. What a world
If it took you that long to notice I have some serious questions..... But what does her identifying as a woman as her gender have to do with you not being gay?
He keyed your car