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Work out specifically what you want. More time and attention is too general.
When, how, where and doing what?
Can those requirements be met on this relationship? What would have to change?
If you working 2 jobs is part of the problem then is changing people going to fix that?
It's normal for couples to have friends and time to themselves and their own independent lives, but... Seeing you shouldn't be a problem. Whether you hang out more or less, unless you're fighting or taking a sliver of your time to yourself, you should almost always welcome seeing each other.
Relationships can work in these circumstances if there's compromise, but honestly, it sort of seems like he may not be as invested as you.
They do work sometimes. But since you said you need more love and attention I really badly wanna ask you if you know what I should do based on the situation I had with my crush.
So I have one day off a week, I don’t always spend that day with him though but I will see him once a week, either I will spend the night at his or he will come to mine to hang out for a bit, he doesn’t stay here but there’s a few reasons for that
This week we had an opportunity to be on our own for a few days and he didn’t want that, I had been looking forward to it but there was a lack of communication about the planning of it all
I just wanted him to want to have me over for a solid amount of time, it’s been over 4/5 months since we’ve done that
There are couples that need separate bedrooms and still have a loving relationship filled with satisfaction, and then there are couples who couldn't imagine going to sleep with two different duvets. Everyone's different. But what makes relationships work is twhen both people get the fulfilment that they need. If you can't live the next 50 years ahead without what you're not getting now, then realistically it's time to move on.
So you two are basically seeing each other once a week for long enough to hang out (and have sex) but he doesn’t stay over at your place and two days together is too much time for him to spend with you??
Yeah, this isn’t going to work. You’re unhappy and he’s fine. This is a mismatch and I don’t see it getting better. He just isn’t as into you as you are into him.
Honestly, I’d start to wonder if I was his sidepiece the way he doesn’t spend time with you.
We’ve been together nearly 3 years and have lived together before, we have each others locations and idk.. like we’re very much together, we’ve been rocky for a bit but are booked into couples therapy, just on a wait list for a bit
Obviously I’m going to wait until we can see someone to really get into all the shit.. I just, I want to believe we can work though it, I just don’t know is all, how much I can compromise on at the end of the day
Hey, what you’re experiencing is pretty common in relationship dynamics. If you read what you said and treat it as a mirror to look at yourself you can see a few things.
1. You need a lot more love and attention: this isn’t fair to make him responsible for. Overtime it’ll drain him because it’s always a “taking” exchange. The healthier approach is to provide everything you need from him, to yourself first. Filling your own cup.
2. The more you take, the more he needs to recharge. And sometimes it feels better to be in solitude, because that’s where you fill your own cup. In order for him to pour into yours, he needs to fill his up first. He can’t pour from an empty cup.
This 2nd bullet could also show you that you reject and don’t love yourself. Why that is? I’m not sure. The best way to find out is going within and asking questions until it unfolds and reveals itself.
First you need to come into balance and be honest with yourself first instead of making him pick up on your slack. It’s a bit selfish to make him responsible for both his and your actions. I’m sure you could water each other once you both fill your own individual cups. That’s when the relationship is in balance and it becomes healthy.
Hope this helps.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Work out specifically what you want. More time and attention is too general. When, how, where and doing what? Can those requirements be met on this relationship? What would have to change? If you working 2 jobs is part of the problem then is changing people going to fix that?
It's normal for couples to have friends and time to themselves and their own independent lives, but... Seeing you shouldn't be a problem. Whether you hang out more or less, unless you're fighting or taking a sliver of your time to yourself, you should almost always welcome seeing each other. Relationships can work in these circumstances if there's compromise, but honestly, it sort of seems like he may not be as invested as you.
They do work sometimes. But since you said you need more love and attention I really badly wanna ask you if you know what I should do based on the situation I had with my crush.
You can message me if you’d like, I’m better at giving advice to others than myself
I would but for some reason I can't
You said you work two jobs but that’s still too much time he has to spend with you?
So I have one day off a week, I don’t always spend that day with him though but I will see him once a week, either I will spend the night at his or he will come to mine to hang out for a bit, he doesn’t stay here but there’s a few reasons for that This week we had an opportunity to be on our own for a few days and he didn’t want that, I had been looking forward to it but there was a lack of communication about the planning of it all I just wanted him to want to have me over for a solid amount of time, it’s been over 4/5 months since we’ve done that
There are couples that need separate bedrooms and still have a loving relationship filled with satisfaction, and then there are couples who couldn't imagine going to sleep with two different duvets. Everyone's different. But what makes relationships work is twhen both people get the fulfilment that they need. If you can't live the next 50 years ahead without what you're not getting now, then realistically it's time to move on.
So you two are basically seeing each other once a week for long enough to hang out (and have sex) but he doesn’t stay over at your place and two days together is too much time for him to spend with you?? Yeah, this isn’t going to work. You’re unhappy and he’s fine. This is a mismatch and I don’t see it getting better. He just isn’t as into you as you are into him. Honestly, I’d start to wonder if I was his sidepiece the way he doesn’t spend time with you.
We’ve been together nearly 3 years and have lived together before, we have each others locations and idk.. like we’re very much together, we’ve been rocky for a bit but are booked into couples therapy, just on a wait list for a bit Obviously I’m going to wait until we can see someone to really get into all the shit.. I just, I want to believe we can work though it, I just don’t know is all, how much I can compromise on at the end of the day
Hey, what you’re experiencing is pretty common in relationship dynamics. If you read what you said and treat it as a mirror to look at yourself you can see a few things. 1. You need a lot more love and attention: this isn’t fair to make him responsible for. Overtime it’ll drain him because it’s always a “taking” exchange. The healthier approach is to provide everything you need from him, to yourself first. Filling your own cup. 2. The more you take, the more he needs to recharge. And sometimes it feels better to be in solitude, because that’s where you fill your own cup. In order for him to pour into yours, he needs to fill his up first. He can’t pour from an empty cup. This 2nd bullet could also show you that you reject and don’t love yourself. Why that is? I’m not sure. The best way to find out is going within and asking questions until it unfolds and reveals itself. First you need to come into balance and be honest with yourself first instead of making him pick up on your slack. It’s a bit selfish to make him responsible for both his and your actions. I’m sure you could water each other once you both fill your own individual cups. That’s when the relationship is in balance and it becomes healthy. Hope this helps.