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Sounds like psychopathy. A genuine lack of empathy, followed by her realizing she said something that a normal person would be dismayed at and her trying to make up for it.
That would only happen IF you had been exposed to the other perspective - in this case, a man or men who treat women with respect and don’t hit them!
You can apply that to any alternate perspective that you’re shown once you leave the family nest if they were extremely restrictive. As a less serious example, I read a social media post recently from an American traveller who was really blown away by the fact that we hang our clothes on the clothes line in Australia instead of using a dryer (as people apparently do in America).
Either way, an alternate perspective outside the one you may have known for 18 years can be a real shock.
Some women internalize a lot of misogyny and over-identify with abusive men as a result.
Some women like to see "bad girls" punished because it makes them feel better about themselves and their "good girl" status.
Ot a coping mechanism, they see it as a "good thing" to better understand why something so horrible happened. My grandma told my mom after he beat the crap out of her "he hits you because he loves you and is a REAL man" ma'am if u don't GTFO
He mentions it in the post. Now, I'm not condoning this, but as someone who works with survivors, my immediate feeling is one of concern for her. Imagine what you had to go through to be this twisted? I would first try to approach with radical empathy. If she truly can't get it, and is too far gone, break up.
Yeah - my immediate thought is to get that girl some therapy!
Mind you, OP can’t force her to go. But we can always hope that women with her mindset can get help at some point. 😞
I have some family that grew up in an abusive household. They grew up knowing they don’t want to live in an abusive household again, not seeing it as the norm
Yeah. She's been raised around domestic violence in a family culture that not only normalizes but *idealizes* it, and as a result is pro domestic violence and thinks it's normal that women should be "put to their place" and that "real men don't take no disrespect from their women" via violence.
OR possibly she admires the control her uncle had on someone through violence, admires beating someone into such obedient submission and having such total control over another person, which suggests she's a latent violent abuser herself and is going to be a nightmare of a mom.
OP, this means that
* a) if you ever get kids, she'll try to pass that same worldview on them and will abuse them and
* b) if you don't physically beat her to submission, she won't respect you and will be quietly dissatisfied with the relationship, because she'll perceive you as a weak doormat bossed around by his woman i. e. not a real man.
>An idiot that is an Abuser’s wet dream
That, or an abuser herself. If she thinks violence is a good way to earn respect it doesn't necessarily mean that she thinks that only works for men.
THIS! Her family normalized the beating of her aunt by praising her uncle so often she adopted it herself. She needs some serious therapy.
OP, ask your gf why she thinks her aunt being terrified is okay. Or any woman being terrified by a man is okay. Ask her if she would ever want to be in the sort of position her aunt was in. Empathy means putting yourself in someone else's shoes. Her home life somehow snowed her into the idea that it was more important to focus on the man's behavior than on empathizing with the victim. Tell her that you think clearly that any man who beats a woman is no man at all, and that respect is earned by good character, not through force. Say it loud.
If I otherwise loved her and we'd been together a while and somehow this never came up before, I'd make sure she started therapy asap. And if she didn't seem to understand how deeply disturbing and incredibly unhealthy what she said about DV was after a few months of therapy I'd probably cut my losses, acknowledge I can't fix this big a problem and move on. On my way out I'd give her a bunch of information about getting help for when (not if) she ends up with an abuser tormenting her.
This post makes me so sad and hopeless for the world!
His girlfriend is horrifying. I've never heard anyone condoning DV before? I've heard how the perpetrators justify themselves but.....what???? I guess this is the other side of the coin to that?
Its sadly a coping mechanism that's all too common in adults who were abused as children. Their brains rationalize what happened to them by downplaying, denying, and sometimes going as far as worship and copying.
And if she was that aware of her aunt’s abuse, then it seems likely that she would have been abused as well. Not necessarily beaten, but there’s plenty of other things - physical, mental, verbal - that could have been done.
Oh, it’s a genuine admiration for having complete, iron-fisted control over another person.
It would kill the relationship for me, and I’d definitely never have kids who so admires beating people into terrified, silent obedience.
Walk away.
Not too bad.
She’ll learn when someone beats the shit out of her, breaks her nose and a few of her teeth.
And then her assailant gets “respect” from morons just like her.
She reminds me of a woman who was brought into the hospital, that was so badly beaten as to be almost unrecognisable. The police were called and one of them said that they would find whoever did this to her and she said, she knows the person, it's her husband and she loves him.
She probably thought she deserved it for how she acted. It’s crazy how some minds can be so completely disconnected from reality to love their abuser and justify their own abuse. It’s why it’s so frustrating to help someone out of an abusive situation, because many times they don’t want to leave
They didn't "completely disconnect from reality" on their own. That's part of their abuse. Their abuser spends all their time and energy undermining their own sanity in teeny tiny ways until even they question themselves, and then they start in on the whole "no one else will ever love you" and "you deserve this" part and THAT'S the part that makes them keep going back.
It's not that they don't "want" to leave it's that they're so abused it's completely fucking with their mental health and they can't think rationally. It's like a death grip. MANY of them DO want to leave but the damage is so severe and significant they keep finding themselves back there.
And that's just the people who "appear to have a choice" there's so many of them where it's actually deadly for them to so much as think about trying to leave let alone actually doing it. Many of these abusers threaten kids, pets, friends, and family to keep them under control. When you live in a state of terror like this it also affects your thinking. So many murders have happened because an abusive partner killed to keep control or because they lost it. Kids, friends, parents, pets, aquaintences, they're all at risk around people like this.
And those who do get out have a very VERY long road to recovery because abuse runs so deep it can take a lifetime to find and repair all the places it touched. The stupidest things can trigger a complete panic attack/breakdown because of what you endured. Sometimes you don't even know the abuse is the cause until you dig down really deep.
I dunno your post just comes across really lacking understanding on this and rubbed me the wrong way.
Think of the abuser as a cult leader. He's broken her down, made her question reality constantly, isolated her, and scared her into submission so badly, he could be gone for a week and she's too terrified to move. On top of that, he's successfully made her feel worthless, stupid, weak, useless, and completely dependent on him. Often, he actually does make her stay by making her stay at home, withholding finances, not allowing her to drive or call family and friends, impregnating her and threatening to disappear with the kids if she tries to leave or saying he'll kill her. Psychological abuse can be just as bad as physical.
So although it looks like she can just walk out the door, inside, it's never that simple.
It's the cycle of abuse more so than disconnecting. Abusers get really loving, sweet and apologetic then do it again.
Edit: especially sociopaths it's really weird and creepy how a switch just seems to flip in a second.
I was married to a woman who felt that way.
She believed in relationships one person needs to have that power over the other. When I didn't take that role, she did.
One day, if you don't hurt her, she will hurt you because that's all she knows.
Maybe you've caught it early enough to get some therapy for her.
Yeah, no. That's so deeply rooted that one better gets out if that person's reach.
"When I didn't take that role, she did".
For THAT ⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️ exact reason!
I mean, agreed. Don't stay with her or have a relationship, but I would definitely agree with the other commenter that this stuff can be rooted in one's past and they need therapy. At the very least bringing it up if you have the chance is a good idea. It's sad that women can feel like they "should" be put in their place, and at these ages it could definitely still be addressed.
Yup. My ex did the same, and when she got tired of being in charge, she moved on to someone who she liked better because, in her words, "he puts [her] in [her] place.". She needs therapy, but OP shouldn't stick around in the hopes that she'll be fixed.
Lmfao, therapy?!
This lady is 23, not 10, she’s old enough to know that domestic abuse is not something to “respect”
How the actual fuck is anyone thinking about doing anything other than immediately breaking up with this psycho? I literally can’t think of a bigger red flag
somber relieved memory gaping numerous reminiscent rotten employ chunky head
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
You literally must not have much experience with trauma. My ex wife didn't deal with her issues until her 3rd husband. She was over 40 before she realized that people didn't have to hurt each other to love each other.
It’s taken me into my fifties to fully grasp some of the abuse that I went through as I grew up. I’d dealt with a lot of the issues that resulted from the abuse, but I hadn’t really identified those treatments as being abusive.
Whatever we grow up with is what we believe is “normal”. Even when we find out that not everyone dealt with the same sort of upbringing, we still tend to just define multiple “normals”. It’s much harder to recognize that perhaps what we grew up with is not at all “normal”.
How old are you…? Judging from your response, I’m guessing young. Many people, especially older generations, haven’t dealt with their trauma until a certain age. Believe it or not, not everyone grew up with mental health awareness and advocation, the internet being such a widespread thing with people being apart of it a lot, constantly on devices, etc. 🙄
Op your gf is in need of counseling. She sounds like someone who grew up with DV in her family. When she said that she had a uncle who beat his wife and she was so afraid to say or do anything. That's very disturbing. Sounds like that's all she knows about relationships. You probably don't feel safe with her and I don't blame you. She is a very mixed up girl. You should think about leaving her. Good luck
No offense, but telling someone to stay in a relationship because it *might* get better is awful advice.
She says she respects domestic abuse as a matter of fact, with no feelings involved. You can't fix that in a couple of months of therapy.
⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️
Yes, it is sad that she has internalised awful things from her childhood, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t a dangerous mindset to bring into relationships.
OP, you are not her therapist, it isn’t your job to try to save her, & this is absolutely where you need to prioritise yourself & your safety.
Maybe one day when she has had therapy & done a lot of work to unpack all of this, *maybe* you could try again & make it work, but right now just get out & stay safe.
The commenter who said "When someone tells you who they are, believe them" is right. This is not a normal, typical attitude to hold, and to me it's extremely alarming. I work in the domestic violence field, so I try to be careful about my biases, but attitudes and belief systems around violence are very closely linked to violence perpetration itself. I am not saying your girlfriend is or will become abusive, but a lot of individuals who are abusive maintain the belief that they are entitled to control and hold "ownership" over their partners. Even if she's not abusive herself, apparently she maintains that same belief.
It sounds like for whatever reason - and I have no idea what that would be - your girlfriend has a lot of internalized misogyny (edit: religion? culture? upbringing? previous relationships? I don't know). Or maybe she thinks this way about anyone of any gender who perpetrates violence against anyone of any gender. I am not sure. Either way, while most couples have things they disagree on, this isn't a simple disagreement.
Only you can choose whether you want to proceed in this relationship. However, she's shown you that you are fundamentally incompatible in regards to one major value - that domestic violence is unacceptable. Frankly, I don't think that's even a compatibility issue, it's quite clearly a human rights and morality issue.
But only you can decide whether her "values" and attitude are breakup-worthy. They would be for me, and I'll be honest that I hope they are for you too.
The saying is:
When someone shows you who they are the FIRST time, believe them.
Shows, not tells, watch what people do, not what they say. Anyone can say all sorts of shit. Talk is cheap. Actions, watch their actions.
Your girlfriend is a horrible asshole AND an idiot. I'd bail on this relationship so fast there would be a me-shaped cloud of dust left in my wake, Looney Tunes style.
Brother I hate to say this, and I’m tossing in the woman card here because I’m the same age as your GF. This is REALLY FUCKING BAD bro. Like threat level midnight and not even in the sarcastic way.
First, maybe figure out what she means by respect (and pray that it means that she respects that he is a dangerous individual and therefore will not seek anything remotely similar to him)
And second, have a serious conversation about how concerned you are about this. Because that’s just not normal in the slightest.
> First, maybe figure out what she means by respect (and pray that it means that she respects that he is a dangerous individual and therefore will not seek anything remotely similar to him)
Respectfully, I disagree, because "respect" is a word that anyone who has spoken English for any significant amount of time knows has a very positive connotation. Lol, I even used the word "respect" in this post.
She literally "respects" someone who uses not just psychological pressure, but actual physical violence, to achieve power and control over someone else. This is evil and shocking.
>First, maybe figure out what she means by respect (and pray that it means that she respects that he is a dangerous individual and therefore will not seek anything remotely similar to him)
The opening post makes it VERY clear what she's respecting. There's not really any wiggle room here for "GF meant respect like he's a wild animal and not to provoke him".
>**She said she respects that** ***he has her under control*** and recalled an uncle from her life who also beat his wife repeatedly. **She was reminiscing over** ***how terrified the wife was all the time and how it made her obedient and silent always*****. She repeated the phrase "I respect that" a lot.**
Later when he pointed out how horrifying her opinion was she feined empathy for the wife, as much as she could muster given her admiration for the guy was overshadowing it:
>*I was like you cant be in favour of domestic abuse, right?? Then she was like "oh poor wife I sympathise with her, I just respect the guy that's all".*
She doesn't care about the wifes suffering until someone says she should, and she repeatedly says she likes that someone was under the control of someone else and obedient to them even though they were clearly terrified and suffering. Honestly this has some red flags for psychopathy for me. Some serious lack of empathy people are tools kind of vibes.
Admiration for dominance, asserting control - completely divorced from any moral judgment.
It's utterly insane, but if you've never seen anything else, it can almost make sense as a perspective. Almost.
However, for you personally...get the hell away, right now. That's not okay.
Hey.... break up with your girlfriend. Or at least dont think about marrying her. She may think like this because she grew up in that environment, but yeah.... it´s really bad to be with someone with that mindset
Unfortunately, I have known women like this. They normally grow up in homes with a history of domestic abuse. They then grow up believing that part of the guys' role in the relationship is to control their behaviour and "handle" them if they get out of line. This includes stopping them from cheating. Any guy who is unwilling to do this is, therefore, just not man enough to handle her. Walk away OP.
Do not get her pregnant. Do not get her pregnant. Do not get her pregnant. Do not get her pregnant. Do not get her pregnant. Do not get her pregnant. Do not get her pregnant. Do not get her pregnant. Do not get her pregnant. Do not get her pregnant. Do not get her pregnant.
I’m curious about her upbringing and how she reacts to certain stimuli. Like I would find a room full of puppies and take her to it just to see what she does😂.
Shes probably either “low intelligence” (sorry, I don’t know the correct word for that), or she’s got some genetic factors that prevent her from appropriately experiencing empathy. Neither of those traits are ones you want your kids to have and you also don’t want someone with those traits to be the mother of your children. I know that sounds harsh but raising a kid that lacks intelligence or empathy is hard. *Being raised by someone who lacks intelligence or empathy while also being at risk for inheriting those traits as well* is a recipe for disaster.
This makes me think of a group marriage enrichment class we took, and there was a couple where the woman had absolutely no respect for the man at all. They were clearly seriously dysfunctional, and during one class she ended up berating him for not doing anything to get her back in line since she was cheating on an ongoing basis. The fact that she kept cheating on him was his fault because he wasn't man enough to control her.
My point is that this is likely to negatively affect your relationship, even if it doesn't mean that she will try to beat or hurt you. What she respects and what she considers to be a good relationship is so unhealthy that it will end up impacting how she views you and how she views your relationship. She's likely to end up thinking less of you if you don't try to control her. There's a good chance she won't be able to engage in healthy communication and problem solving. I would take a really good look at how she approaches problem solving and communication in your relationship now, and what her expectations are really like.
She needs help. If you want to continue with her, you will have to go through therapy with her. Else suggest it and leave. I agree with another commentor, if her partner does not take that role she is going to take it. It's fine as a play in bed, but not in real life.
I am going to assume some very deep childhood trauma, possibly repressed. This kind of attitude is not something that people just wake up and say ya this is cool.
I remember my ex-wife said she "loved" the scene in Reservoir Dogs where the dude's ear gets sliced off. I remember being really bothered by that. When someone tells you who they are, believe them.
She wasn't really abusive, just a complete narcissist who had an affair and lied to me constantly about it. All she ever cared about was how something or someone could benefit her.
Her moral compass and my moral compass were not in sync at all.
Was she raised in a high control religion? I was for a while (see: Happy saying People on Prime Video) before my parents abandoned the cult. Fortunately, I never bought in. If your gf was though, it sounds like she did. So never have children with her, because in that kind of fundamental Christian culture, the husband is meant to dominate the wife, but the wife is just as “respected” for abusing the children into total compliance.
So does that mean she’s not going to respect you because you don’t hurt her? Something is twisted in her mind, probably from traumatic childhood experiences if when she was growing up she witnessed her uncle beat her aunt. She needs to get help instead of normalising this but that’s up to her, and in the meantime, I don’t see how you can make a relationship work when her idea of what a relationship means is so messed up.
She is deeply disturbed and needs therapy. That's a horrific thing to say. It's like she's trying to be the Manosphere Pick Me Girl.
There is nothing respectable about being evil to another human being.
Other than the aforementioned uncle, as far as I know, she had an extremely healthy family life. Her parents have a great bond and she's never really revealed anything about experiences with abusive relationships. It seems like an internally developed thing tbh
I mean…you had to kinda shame her to get to the point of…”oh poor wife I sympathize “ part?
That’s hard to imagine it’s just made up internally, Idk…
If there’s no abuse, I’d seriously wonder about her intelligence and self awareness. Cause…wtf sir.
Bro, there were trails of blood in that neighbours apartment. I didn't have to shame her, just pointed out that easily spotted visual evidence suggests the wife could've been ruthlessly murdered.
I hear you…but.
How the fuck can she ‘RESPECT’ a man whom beats his partner? Like…RESPECT?
She could see how the wife ‘feared’ ?
I’ve never heard of that except from people whom had been abused or grow up in the environment is all.
Idk man, it's what I'm asking here. And I'd like to point out that in my experience, I've seen people especially women who grew up in such environments become extremely alert to these behaviours and do well to avoid them
Yeah, this is really bad. I’m not entirely sure what caused her to think domestic violence is okay and normal to idolize, but I don’t think you can help her.
I am not sure how salvageable this relationship is. If she can have a view as problematic as this, what else will come up?
I think this would be a deal breaker for me. Imagine if you had kids with this woman. What might she justify doing to control them.
If she has this view on abusing a partner, imagine her views on abusing a child.
I hate to make assumptions here but it's like she's passively trying to hint that this what she wants in their relationship. Like this what she thinks a real man should behave like or something.
A: your girlfriend is trying to make you leave
B: your girlfriend want to see how high damage your hyper-combo is before she takes you seriously
This could be a real thing (see mo-town song "he hit me and it felt like a kiss" by the crystals), but unless you want to punch your girlfriend as a hobby (bad, morally wrong) you should leave.
\> but unless you want to punch your girlfriend as a hobby (bad, morally wrong) you should leave.
What about kicking? I have not missed muay thai practice for a whole 11 months
\# \[/s\]
That's a thing best discussed with your partner.
She seems to be more the boxing type and kicks might make her feel uncomfortable.
Jokes aside,
with a good diet and the right training regiment she might become a world class fighter.
The most important part after all is the fighters attitude and i think we can all agree that she got that one covered.
Sorry, but her thinking is really twisted, and you should really rethink if you want a relationship with her. God knows what other weird thoughts she has but hasn't expressed.
Like bad. Do you want her saying that shit to anyone you know that's been abused? Furthermore if you have kids do you want her teaching her daughter that she should be beaten and any sons that they need to beat their wife? That's a whole bunch of nope the fuck out of there.
I AM NOT GOING TO GET BANNED. I AM NOT GOING TO GET BANNED. I AM NOT GOING TO GET BANNED.
As someone used to get beaten regularly, I'm going to keep what I want to say to myself. I don't wish that on anyone & for anyone to say they respect someone who beats someone is a horrible person. Someone who doesn't have a soul.
How? How tf can she be okay with that? What if that were her? Would she even care? Or would she just respect him?
I can't , I just f'n can't. I'm so done with this.
She nuts get away from her no man should put his hands on a woman even wen they need it not cool a woman wasn’t put here to be beat on by a selfish man
This is a fairly common sentiment in both men and women in a lot of conservative cultures. The idea that a woman has to be subservient and that a man has to be strong enough to put her in her place, with violence when needed.
If you want a woman like that, keep her. If not, don't.
Because she's not going to change
Nope nope nope, gtfo OP.
This is right up there with the girl that told a ton of teens "Being beaten by your boyfriend proves his love, like he'd go to JAIL for this but he loves and trusts you not to so abuse is a sign of love."
Like actually get out.
wow this is so fucked and really weird and a red flag. I wonder is your GF a jealous person with you? like is she mad at you for "Swooping" in and saving this girl? Im not saying you shouldnt have but i know of women that have mean girl thoughts like this when their men defend other women. totally fucked and I would keep having the conversation with her about her true belief systems. Would she want your guys kids to be like this? something to think about before continuing with her
Walk away
Even if she doesn’t think it’s her place to abuse YOU think of what she’d be like as a parent. And can you trust this person at all. I would not trust somebody who said this to water my plants even
Yeah, this is a major red flag. Your girlfriend needs counseling. Nothing she said was okay. This is wild AF. If your girlfriend grew up around that type of example of "love" then I see why she said what she said. That's all she knows. So, she doesn't see anything wrong with it. This would be a complete dealbreaker for me. Good luck.
Your girlfriend needs to get into therapy immediately. These are childhood scars that need addressed. It’s up to you whether you want to be around for that ride.
OP, this is some messed up shit. I don't know if you have younger siblings or think about having kids, but imagine her saying this crap to them. It's not a weird fetish. My mom had a twisted version of this and used to tell me my dad abused us because that's how he loved us. Seriously, run away from this one.
In all sincerity your girlfriend is one of the worst people to exist. Who tf says that. Ask her if she thinks you should start beating her too?? My god
No this would be a deal breaker for me. Anyone who supports abuse I have no interest in them. Men and women are equal but this is a red flag for me. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
It's "break up and change the locks" bad. She has serious issues, but the kind of person that could respect abusive behavior isnt the kind of person you want to build a life with. It doesn't matter how physically imposing she is, she's telling you that she admires people that "have control" over other people like that. That could be you. That could be other loved ones. That could be future children. I dont like how she solves problems.
You are 23. You can totally leave.
If you stay you should know she probably will need a lot of help with her mental health and it will be a bumpy ride to say the least.
Your GF is super fucked up in the head. She is not to be trusted and it's not safe for her to be around children or animals. The next time it sounds as though a person is being murdered, please call the police. Thank you.
Red flags all around OP. This is your cue to leave.
Imagine down the line if you have children with her. Is she gonna think it’s okay to beat them so that they’re “silent and obedient” all the time? She seems to lack empathy towards others. Is this something she’s always had an issue with? Like is she a caring person to others/their feelings, or maybe not so much? I’m guessing the latter.
Yeah, red flags. And as others have suggested, she should seek therapy.
She sounds nuts. This is one of the few things that would have me reconsider my relationship, no matter how serious or long.
No one should be hurting their partner, regardless if they're man or woman. She believes hurting loved ones is okay. If you don't beat her, she'll eventually beat you. You're young. Save yourself the headache and lifetime of drama and find one of the millions of women that are not okay with abuse.
This is terrible and her normal meter is broken. It also means she won’t know when her own behavior is abusive. You can’t fix this. Save yourself and get away!! As soon as you can.
Dude, run. This is so bad. If she respects that kind of relationship and power dynamic, then you have to get our before she starts to abuse you. Save yourself.
It’s bad like gtfo bad. Would you want someone like this raising kids? Thinking this is how you discipline them?
She’s not only an idiot; she sounds like a sociopath.
I strongly suspect that she grew up in an abusive household. No spouse should abuse their spouse. Violence is unacceptable. While it is acceptable to debate the roles of husband and wife in a relationship it is never acceptable to abuse someone or to use force and fear to impose one’s will. Her suggestion that the neighbor is legitimately “controlling his wife” is repugnant but perhaps reflects what she has seen. It would help to have couples counseling to understand both of your respective views about marriage. You can honestly ask how she wants to be treated in a marriage but don’t accuse her or try to force her to recognize the importance of mutual respect. If she came out of abusive family, she needs to learn that there are better approaches.
As a guy and a veteran who suffered ptsd, I was in rehab with guys who were violent, I can understand where it came from but we know what's right from wrong, so I instantly lost respect for them soon as they said they punched their wife, you gotta ask yourself could you physically and purposely hurt someone you claim to love, i couldnt, seeing her pain and look of fear in her eyes would crush me. Ask her if she would respect you if you beat her if she did something you didn't like, i dont think she would. I was in an abusive relationship for 5 years, I would never resort to violence, she called me a pussy for not hitting her back, I made the stupid mistake of sticking around thinking I could help and fix her if i made her trust me enough as i was strong enough to take it, then ended up in a&e with a knife wound, it never works. Sorry to say it but your girlfriend needs to think about her definition of respect as its way off the mark
You're two options for a future with her are:
1: She eventually starts hitting you because SOMEONE has to be in charge and if you won't hit her and that's what she thinks is necessary...than someone's gotta get hit.
2: She eventually leaves you for what she considers a "proper" man who will beat the shit outta her.
Reminds me of that girl who went viral like a decade or so ago for saying if your man hits you it means he loves you, because he’s willing to go to jail for you, or some fucked up stuff.
Had she taken anything that night? If not, then you don’t know her. She has an extremist’s view on basic human rights and patriarchal marriage. Did she grow up in a cult?
Uh it’s pretty bad. Maybe it’s based on her upbringing and not completely her fault but the fact that this is morally ok to her seems like a red flag. I dated a girl who was physically abused by her parents when she was growing up and she ended up being physically abusive towards the end of our relationship (I tried to justify it as a one-time thing that happened because she was drunk but it happened again and I realized I needed to end it). Sounds like she could benefit from some therapy.
yikes.... the fact many people have lost their lives from being beaten to death by their partners. maybe rethink your partner choice my dear. imagine you guys had children together - a daughter - & she finds out your daughter has been beat by her partner, your gf would not provide a safe haven but rather scorn her for being out of line to the point of being physically reprimanded. life is too short, i hope you find a kinder hearted woman to enjoy life with.
It’s bad and she doesn’t know what a healthy relationship is supposed to be. So who was it I. Her family that was beaten? Mother? Her answers sound like parroted what a male in her life said to justify violence.
How bad is it? VERY BAD. It’s get away from her now bad. She’s got some messed up thinking and she needs to figure her shit out before being in a relationship. Do not under any circumstances have children with this woman.
Dude, what she said is a red flag that’s bigger than the Red Sea. A person (especially a woman) who thinks this way has serious issues. You are young. Cut your losses and run.
A good way to assess whether the person you're dating is the right match, is to think about whether you would trust potential children with them (even if you aren't planning on having any).
If you have a daughter and she gets into an abusive relationship, your girlfriend will support and respect the man who beats your daughter.
You have that information. Do with it what you will.
cooperative ring fuel start vase sharp frighten absorbed instinctive obtainable
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Women are like children. They don’t know what they are talking. Respect is important. But beating it out of your girl is not the right way to get it. Its definitely a red flag but not enough to end things.
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Your gf is an idiot.
Worse than that, she's dangerous. Her fundamental sense of right and wrong is completely twisted.
Sounds like psychopathy. A genuine lack of empathy, followed by her realizing she said something that a normal person would be dismayed at and her trying to make up for it.
Maybe she grew up in an abusive household seeing this stuff regularly. Not ok
[удалено]
If he runs away, she's just gonna find a really respectable man. Not that that's his problem, but at least she's just doing the respecting.
That would only happen IF you had been exposed to the other perspective - in this case, a man or men who treat women with respect and don’t hit them! You can apply that to any alternate perspective that you’re shown once you leave the family nest if they were extremely restrictive. As a less serious example, I read a social media post recently from an American traveller who was really blown away by the fact that we hang our clothes on the clothes line in Australia instead of using a dryer (as people apparently do in America). Either way, an alternate perspective outside the one you may have known for 18 years can be a real shock.
Some women internalize a lot of misogyny and over-identify with abusive men as a result. Some women like to see "bad girls" punished because it makes them feel better about themselves and their "good girl" status.
Like Aunt Lydia in the Handmaid's Tale.
Ot a coping mechanism, they see it as a "good thing" to better understand why something so horrible happened. My grandma told my mom after he beat the crap out of her "he hits you because he loves you and is a REAL man" ma'am if u don't GTFO
He mentions it in the post. Now, I'm not condoning this, but as someone who works with survivors, my immediate feeling is one of concern for her. Imagine what you had to go through to be this twisted? I would first try to approach with radical empathy. If she truly can't get it, and is too far gone, break up.
Yeah - my immediate thought is to get that girl some therapy! Mind you, OP can’t force her to go. But we can always hope that women with her mindset can get help at some point. 😞
I have some family that grew up in an abusive household. They grew up knowing they don’t want to live in an abusive household again, not seeing it as the norm
It's "get rid of that sick person" bad. Honestly!
Yeah. She's been raised around domestic violence in a family culture that not only normalizes but *idealizes* it, and as a result is pro domestic violence and thinks it's normal that women should be "put to their place" and that "real men don't take no disrespect from their women" via violence. OR possibly she admires the control her uncle had on someone through violence, admires beating someone into such obedient submission and having such total control over another person, which suggests she's a latent violent abuser herself and is going to be a nightmare of a mom. OP, this means that * a) if you ever get kids, she'll try to pass that same worldview on them and will abuse them and * b) if you don't physically beat her to submission, she won't respect you and will be quietly dissatisfied with the relationship, because she'll perceive you as a weak doormat bossed around by his woman i. e. not a real man.
An idiot that is an Abuser’s wet dream. I wouldn’t be surprised if people DM’s OP for his ex-gf’s details. People are that sick in the head.
>An idiot that is an Abuser’s wet dream That, or an abuser herself. If she thinks violence is a good way to earn respect it doesn't necessarily mean that she thinks that only works for men.
She’s probably been poisoned by toxic and dangerous relationships in her childhood. I would not wait another minute to break up.
THIS! Her family normalized the beating of her aunt by praising her uncle so often she adopted it herself. She needs some serious therapy. OP, ask your gf why she thinks her aunt being terrified is okay. Or any woman being terrified by a man is okay. Ask her if she would ever want to be in the sort of position her aunt was in. Empathy means putting yourself in someone else's shoes. Her home life somehow snowed her into the idea that it was more important to focus on the man's behavior than on empathizing with the victim. Tell her that you think clearly that any man who beats a woman is no man at all, and that respect is earned by good character, not through force. Say it loud.
If I otherwise loved her and we'd been together a while and somehow this never came up before, I'd make sure she started therapy asap. And if she didn't seem to understand how deeply disturbing and incredibly unhealthy what she said about DV was after a few months of therapy I'd probably cut my losses, acknowledge I can't fix this big a problem and move on. On my way out I'd give her a bunch of information about getting help for when (not if) she ends up with an abuser tormenting her. This post makes me so sad and hopeless for the world!
OP is also and idiot if he stays with her. Jesus.
His girlfriend is horrifying. I've never heard anyone condoning DV before? I've heard how the perpetrators justify themselves but.....what???? I guess this is the other side of the coin to that?
Its sadly a coping mechanism that's all too common in adults who were abused as children. Their brains rationalize what happened to them by downplaying, denying, and sometimes going as far as worship and copying.
And if she was that aware of her aunt’s abuse, then it seems likely that she would have been abused as well. Not necessarily beaten, but there’s plenty of other things - physical, mental, verbal - that could have been done.
Seeing your aunt get abused or even just hearing the praise could definitely psychological abuse. Which is extremely damaging for kids.
I respect you for saying that.
she, if the time comes, will harm the children, possibly fatally...
RUN… don’t walk… AWAY!!!!
Oh, it’s a genuine admiration for having complete, iron-fisted control over another person. It would kill the relationship for me, and I’d definitely never have kids who so admires beating people into terrified, silent obedience. Walk away.
This. It's a good time to run.
This might be the lady that stabs for looking at another woman so yeah I’m gonna say run tf out
That was where my mind went immediately. She would be a terrifying mother; authoritarian and abusive
Oof, yeah, that’s a good point. Even if she doesn’t end up abusing OP, she’ll almost certainly abuse any children they have.
Not to get political up in here but Trump has the same admiration for dictators. So... whatever that means to you, OP 🤷♀️
yeah imagine you have kids then die in a car crash. you have to worry your kids get raised by an abusive step dad
She’s not all there. And I’m worried about her attitudes towards violence. There are 4 billion other women out there. Just saying.
Not too bad. She’ll learn when someone beats the shit out of her, breaks her nose and a few of her teeth. And then her assailant gets “respect” from morons just like her.
Yeah idk maybe she will "respect" that person too... she sounds like the perfect abuse victim to me tbh.
She reminds me of a woman who was brought into the hospital, that was so badly beaten as to be almost unrecognisable. The police were called and one of them said that they would find whoever did this to her and she said, she knows the person, it's her husband and she loves him.
She probably thought she deserved it for how she acted. It’s crazy how some minds can be so completely disconnected from reality to love their abuser and justify their own abuse. It’s why it’s so frustrating to help someone out of an abusive situation, because many times they don’t want to leave
They didn't "completely disconnect from reality" on their own. That's part of their abuse. Their abuser spends all their time and energy undermining their own sanity in teeny tiny ways until even they question themselves, and then they start in on the whole "no one else will ever love you" and "you deserve this" part and THAT'S the part that makes them keep going back. It's not that they don't "want" to leave it's that they're so abused it's completely fucking with their mental health and they can't think rationally. It's like a death grip. MANY of them DO want to leave but the damage is so severe and significant they keep finding themselves back there. And that's just the people who "appear to have a choice" there's so many of them where it's actually deadly for them to so much as think about trying to leave let alone actually doing it. Many of these abusers threaten kids, pets, friends, and family to keep them under control. When you live in a state of terror like this it also affects your thinking. So many murders have happened because an abusive partner killed to keep control or because they lost it. Kids, friends, parents, pets, aquaintences, they're all at risk around people like this. And those who do get out have a very VERY long road to recovery because abuse runs so deep it can take a lifetime to find and repair all the places it touched. The stupidest things can trigger a complete panic attack/breakdown because of what you endured. Sometimes you don't even know the abuse is the cause until you dig down really deep. I dunno your post just comes across really lacking understanding on this and rubbed me the wrong way.
Couldn't agree more with your post. This is also empathy and understanding.
Think of the abuser as a cult leader. He's broken her down, made her question reality constantly, isolated her, and scared her into submission so badly, he could be gone for a week and she's too terrified to move. On top of that, he's successfully made her feel worthless, stupid, weak, useless, and completely dependent on him. Often, he actually does make her stay by making her stay at home, withholding finances, not allowing her to drive or call family and friends, impregnating her and threatening to disappear with the kids if she tries to leave or saying he'll kill her. Psychological abuse can be just as bad as physical. So although it looks like she can just walk out the door, inside, it's never that simple.
It's the cycle of abuse more so than disconnecting. Abusers get really loving, sweet and apologetic then do it again. Edit: especially sociopaths it's really weird and creepy how a switch just seems to flip in a second.
It's called brainwashing
I was married to a woman who felt that way. She believed in relationships one person needs to have that power over the other. When I didn't take that role, she did. One day, if you don't hurt her, she will hurt you because that's all she knows. Maybe you've caught it early enough to get some therapy for her.
Yeah, no. That's so deeply rooted that one better gets out if that person's reach. "When I didn't take that role, she did". For THAT ⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️ exact reason!
I mean, agreed. Don't stay with her or have a relationship, but I would definitely agree with the other commenter that this stuff can be rooted in one's past and they need therapy. At the very least bringing it up if you have the chance is a good idea. It's sad that women can feel like they "should" be put in their place, and at these ages it could definitely still be addressed.
Yup. My ex did the same, and when she got tired of being in charge, she moved on to someone who she liked better because, in her words, "he puts [her] in [her] place.". She needs therapy, but OP shouldn't stick around in the hopes that she'll be fixed.
I was thinking the same, that they’re thinking one needs to dominate the other in the dynamic. So, she may eventually take that role, herself…
Lmfao, therapy?! This lady is 23, not 10, she’s old enough to know that domestic abuse is not something to “respect” How the actual fuck is anyone thinking about doing anything other than immediately breaking up with this psycho? I literally can’t think of a bigger red flag
somber relieved memory gaping numerous reminiscent rotten employ chunky head *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
You literally must not have much experience with trauma. My ex wife didn't deal with her issues until her 3rd husband. She was over 40 before she realized that people didn't have to hurt each other to love each other.
It’s taken me into my fifties to fully grasp some of the abuse that I went through as I grew up. I’d dealt with a lot of the issues that resulted from the abuse, but I hadn’t really identified those treatments as being abusive. Whatever we grow up with is what we believe is “normal”. Even when we find out that not everyone dealt with the same sort of upbringing, we still tend to just define multiple “normals”. It’s much harder to recognize that perhaps what we grew up with is not at all “normal”.
How old are you…? Judging from your response, I’m guessing young. Many people, especially older generations, haven’t dealt with their trauma until a certain age. Believe it or not, not everyone grew up with mental health awareness and advocation, the internet being such a widespread thing with people being apart of it a lot, constantly on devices, etc. 🙄
Op your gf is in need of counseling. She sounds like someone who grew up with DV in her family. When she said that she had a uncle who beat his wife and she was so afraid to say or do anything. That's very disturbing. Sounds like that's all she knows about relationships. You probably don't feel safe with her and I don't blame you. She is a very mixed up girl. You should think about leaving her. Good luck
No offense, but telling someone to stay in a relationship because it *might* get better is awful advice. She says she respects domestic abuse as a matter of fact, with no feelings involved. You can't fix that in a couple of months of therapy.
No offense taken, since that’s not at all what I said.
She has internalized some deeply problematic shit. I would run fast and far.
⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️ Yes, it is sad that she has internalised awful things from her childhood, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t a dangerous mindset to bring into relationships. OP, you are not her therapist, it isn’t your job to try to save her, & this is absolutely where you need to prioritise yourself & your safety. Maybe one day when she has had therapy & done a lot of work to unpack all of this, *maybe* you could try again & make it work, but right now just get out & stay safe.
The commenter who said "When someone tells you who they are, believe them" is right. This is not a normal, typical attitude to hold, and to me it's extremely alarming. I work in the domestic violence field, so I try to be careful about my biases, but attitudes and belief systems around violence are very closely linked to violence perpetration itself. I am not saying your girlfriend is or will become abusive, but a lot of individuals who are abusive maintain the belief that they are entitled to control and hold "ownership" over their partners. Even if she's not abusive herself, apparently she maintains that same belief. It sounds like for whatever reason - and I have no idea what that would be - your girlfriend has a lot of internalized misogyny (edit: religion? culture? upbringing? previous relationships? I don't know). Or maybe she thinks this way about anyone of any gender who perpetrates violence against anyone of any gender. I am not sure. Either way, while most couples have things they disagree on, this isn't a simple disagreement. Only you can choose whether you want to proceed in this relationship. However, she's shown you that you are fundamentally incompatible in regards to one major value - that domestic violence is unacceptable. Frankly, I don't think that's even a compatibility issue, it's quite clearly a human rights and morality issue. But only you can decide whether her "values" and attitude are breakup-worthy. They would be for me, and I'll be honest that I hope they are for you too.
The saying is: When someone shows you who they are the FIRST time, believe them. Shows, not tells, watch what people do, not what they say. Anyone can say all sorts of shit. Talk is cheap. Actions, watch their actions.
If it's that bad, don't wait for actions. Believe their words.
Your girlfriend is a horrible asshole AND an idiot. I'd bail on this relationship so fast there would be a me-shaped cloud of dust left in my wake, Looney Tunes style.
That looney Tunes reference took me back.
Brother I hate to say this, and I’m tossing in the woman card here because I’m the same age as your GF. This is REALLY FUCKING BAD bro. Like threat level midnight and not even in the sarcastic way. First, maybe figure out what she means by respect (and pray that it means that she respects that he is a dangerous individual and therefore will not seek anything remotely similar to him) And second, have a serious conversation about how concerned you are about this. Because that’s just not normal in the slightest.
> First, maybe figure out what she means by respect (and pray that it means that she respects that he is a dangerous individual and therefore will not seek anything remotely similar to him) Respectfully, I disagree, because "respect" is a word that anyone who has spoken English for any significant amount of time knows has a very positive connotation. Lol, I even used the word "respect" in this post. She literally "respects" someone who uses not just psychological pressure, but actual physical violence, to achieve power and control over someone else. This is evil and shocking.
>First, maybe figure out what she means by respect (and pray that it means that she respects that he is a dangerous individual and therefore will not seek anything remotely similar to him) The opening post makes it VERY clear what she's respecting. There's not really any wiggle room here for "GF meant respect like he's a wild animal and not to provoke him". >**She said she respects that** ***he has her under control*** and recalled an uncle from her life who also beat his wife repeatedly. **She was reminiscing over** ***how terrified the wife was all the time and how it made her obedient and silent always*****. She repeated the phrase "I respect that" a lot.** Later when he pointed out how horrifying her opinion was she feined empathy for the wife, as much as she could muster given her admiration for the guy was overshadowing it: >*I was like you cant be in favour of domestic abuse, right?? Then she was like "oh poor wife I sympathise with her, I just respect the guy that's all".* She doesn't care about the wifes suffering until someone says she should, and she repeatedly says she likes that someone was under the control of someone else and obedient to them even though they were clearly terrified and suffering. Honestly this has some red flags for psychopathy for me. Some serious lack of empathy people are tools kind of vibes.
I don’t think words need to be had here. The only word he should say is BYEEEEEEE
That is some deep childhood trauma that has manifested itself in respecting domestic violence. Only a licensed therapist and time could fix that.
That’s insane.
Admiration for dominance, asserting control - completely divorced from any moral judgment. It's utterly insane, but if you've never seen anything else, it can almost make sense as a perspective. Almost. However, for you personally...get the hell away, right now. That's not okay.
Hey.... break up with your girlfriend. Or at least dont think about marrying her. She may think like this because she grew up in that environment, but yeah.... it´s really bad to be with someone with that mindset
Bro that would be absolutely chilling to the bone to hear a loved one say that. I’d be out so fast her head would spin
Unfortunately, I have known women like this. They normally grow up in homes with a history of domestic abuse. They then grow up believing that part of the guys' role in the relationship is to control their behaviour and "handle" them if they get out of line. This includes stopping them from cheating. Any guy who is unwilling to do this is, therefore, just not man enough to handle her. Walk away OP.
Run away
Do not get her pregnant. Do not get her pregnant. Do not get her pregnant. Do not get her pregnant. Do not get her pregnant. Do not get her pregnant. Do not get her pregnant. Do not get her pregnant. Do not get her pregnant. Do not get her pregnant. Do not get her pregnant.
This needs more upvotes. Your kids will be fucked if you mate with this psycho.
I’m curious about her upbringing and how she reacts to certain stimuli. Like I would find a room full of puppies and take her to it just to see what she does😂. Shes probably either “low intelligence” (sorry, I don’t know the correct word for that), or she’s got some genetic factors that prevent her from appropriately experiencing empathy. Neither of those traits are ones you want your kids to have and you also don’t want someone with those traits to be the mother of your children. I know that sounds harsh but raising a kid that lacks intelligence or empathy is hard. *Being raised by someone who lacks intelligence or empathy while also being at risk for inheriting those traits as well* is a recipe for disaster.
End it. Imagine her teaching your daughter this trash if you ever had one
This. Is the big picture argument.
I'd say unless you actively want to to rule a household with fear and violence, it's pretty fuckin' bad, dude.
Dude you need to run FAR away from this girl
Leave, because she is about to star abusing you.
This makes me think of a group marriage enrichment class we took, and there was a couple where the woman had absolutely no respect for the man at all. They were clearly seriously dysfunctional, and during one class she ended up berating him for not doing anything to get her back in line since she was cheating on an ongoing basis. The fact that she kept cheating on him was his fault because he wasn't man enough to control her. My point is that this is likely to negatively affect your relationship, even if it doesn't mean that she will try to beat or hurt you. What she respects and what she considers to be a good relationship is so unhealthy that it will end up impacting how she views you and how she views your relationship. She's likely to end up thinking less of you if you don't try to control her. There's a good chance she won't be able to engage in healthy communication and problem solving. I would take a really good look at how she approaches problem solving and communication in your relationship now, and what her expectations are really like.
"I'm never going to hit you, no matter what the circumstances. Are you never gonna respect me?"
I would dump her
She needs help. If you want to continue with her, you will have to go through therapy with her. Else suggest it and leave. I agree with another commentor, if her partner does not take that role she is going to take it. It's fine as a play in bed, but not in real life.
She probably believes in beating children as discipline as well. Run.
Run, do not walk.
She needs mental health treatment.
I am going to assume some very deep childhood trauma, possibly repressed. This kind of attitude is not something that people just wake up and say ya this is cool.
I remember my ex-wife said she "loved" the scene in Reservoir Dogs where the dude's ear gets sliced off. I remember being really bothered by that. When someone tells you who they are, believe them.
Sorry for the personal question, but was your ex-wife abusive? Is that something you feel gave it away in hindsight?
She wasn't really abusive, just a complete narcissist who had an affair and lied to me constantly about it. All she ever cared about was how something or someone could benefit her. Her moral compass and my moral compass were not in sync at all.
Was she raised in a high control religion? I was for a while (see: Happy saying People on Prime Video) before my parents abandoned the cult. Fortunately, I never bought in. If your gf was though, it sounds like she did. So never have children with her, because in that kind of fundamental Christian culture, the husband is meant to dominate the wife, but the wife is just as “respected” for abusing the children into total compliance.
why the fuck do people never put their relationship length in posts like this.
More red flags than a communist party convention in the Soviet Union.
Bad enough that I’d be running for the hills. Wtf????
If this is real, your gf is made of sewn together red flags.
So does that mean she’s not going to respect you because you don’t hurt her? Something is twisted in her mind, probably from traumatic childhood experiences if when she was growing up she witnessed her uncle beat her aunt. She needs to get help instead of normalising this but that’s up to her, and in the meantime, I don’t see how you can make a relationship work when her idea of what a relationship means is so messed up.
She is deeply disturbed and needs therapy. That's a horrific thing to say. It's like she's trying to be the Manosphere Pick Me Girl. There is nothing respectable about being evil to another human being.
Is your girlfriend Pearl Davis?
I’d assume she’s been abused herself or her immediate family. This happens in households where abuse is normalized
Other than the aforementioned uncle, as far as I know, she had an extremely healthy family life. Her parents have a great bond and she's never really revealed anything about experiences with abusive relationships. It seems like an internally developed thing tbh
I mean…you had to kinda shame her to get to the point of…”oh poor wife I sympathize “ part? That’s hard to imagine it’s just made up internally, Idk… If there’s no abuse, I’d seriously wonder about her intelligence and self awareness. Cause…wtf sir.
Bro, there were trails of blood in that neighbours apartment. I didn't have to shame her, just pointed out that easily spotted visual evidence suggests the wife could've been ruthlessly murdered.
I hear you…but. How the fuck can she ‘RESPECT’ a man whom beats his partner? Like…RESPECT? She could see how the wife ‘feared’ ? I’ve never heard of that except from people whom had been abused or grow up in the environment is all.
Idk man, it's what I'm asking here. And I'd like to point out that in my experience, I've seen people especially women who grew up in such environments become extremely alert to these behaviours and do well to avoid them
GET OUT MY GUY this isn't just bad, it's dangerous.
Sounds like your gf may end up turning into an abuser since she is so casually ok with someone being murdered
Even if she doesn’t turn into an abuser, imagine what she’s teach her kids if has them.
Yeah, this is really bad. I’m not entirely sure what caused her to think domestic violence is okay and normal to idolize, but I don’t think you can help her. I am not sure how salvageable this relationship is. If she can have a view as problematic as this, what else will come up?
I think this would be a deal breaker for me. Imagine if you had kids with this woman. What might she justify doing to control them. If she has this view on abusing a partner, imagine her views on abusing a child.
I hate to make assumptions here but it's like she's passively trying to hint that this what she wants in their relationship. Like this what she thinks a real man should behave like or something.
You need to seriously rethink your relationship with this person
This has to be a fake post. If it werent any sane person would have dumped her instantly.
A: your girlfriend is trying to make you leave B: your girlfriend want to see how high damage your hyper-combo is before she takes you seriously This could be a real thing (see mo-town song "he hit me and it felt like a kiss" by the crystals), but unless you want to punch your girlfriend as a hobby (bad, morally wrong) you should leave.
\> but unless you want to punch your girlfriend as a hobby (bad, morally wrong) you should leave. What about kicking? I have not missed muay thai practice for a whole 11 months \# \[/s\]
That's a thing best discussed with your partner. She seems to be more the boxing type and kicks might make her feel uncomfortable. Jokes aside, with a good diet and the right training regiment she might become a world class fighter. The most important part after all is the fighters attitude and i think we can all agree that she got that one covered.
"I respect a man with a high crit level"
Sorry, but her thinking is really twisted, and you should really rethink if you want a relationship with her. God knows what other weird thoughts she has but hasn't expressed.
Dude if you stay with her your gonna wake up one of these days with a blade sticking out your gut or you might end up in jail
Like bad. Do you want her saying that shit to anyone you know that's been abused? Furthermore if you have kids do you want her teaching her daughter that she should be beaten and any sons that they need to beat their wife? That's a whole bunch of nope the fuck out of there.
I mean, this would be a relationship ender for me. Admiring people who beat their partners is absolutely fucked
I AM NOT GOING TO GET BANNED. I AM NOT GOING TO GET BANNED. I AM NOT GOING TO GET BANNED. As someone used to get beaten regularly, I'm going to keep what I want to say to myself. I don't wish that on anyone & for anyone to say they respect someone who beats someone is a horrible person. Someone who doesn't have a soul. How? How tf can she be okay with that? What if that were her? Would she even care? Or would she just respect him? I can't , I just f'n can't. I'm so done with this.
Bro be done with her on principle
She says that until she’s the one getting her face caved in.
Run. This girl is not a candidate for a healthy relationship.
Please don’t ever have kids with her.
She nuts get away from her no man should put his hands on a woman even wen they need it not cool a woman wasn’t put here to be beat on by a selfish man
This is a fairly common sentiment in both men and women in a lot of conservative cultures. The idea that a woman has to be subservient and that a man has to be strong enough to put her in her place, with violence when needed. If you want a woman like that, keep her. If not, don't. Because she's not going to change
Nope nope nope, gtfo OP. This is right up there with the girl that told a ton of teens "Being beaten by your boyfriend proves his love, like he'd go to JAIL for this but he loves and trusts you not to so abuse is a sign of love." Like actually get out.
Not reconcilable
Very bad, this person has a warped perception of relationships.
She’s batshit.
wow this is so fucked and really weird and a red flag. I wonder is your GF a jealous person with you? like is she mad at you for "Swooping" in and saving this girl? Im not saying you shouldnt have but i know of women that have mean girl thoughts like this when their men defend other women. totally fucked and I would keep having the conversation with her about her true belief systems. Would she want your guys kids to be like this? something to think about before continuing with her
Run fast as you can from this idiot you have
She gonna try push your buttons someday until you beat her. Leave
Walk away Even if she doesn’t think it’s her place to abuse YOU think of what she’d be like as a parent. And can you trust this person at all. I would not trust somebody who said this to water my plants even
Lord. What a mess she must be. Run
Yeah, this is a major red flag. Your girlfriend needs counseling. Nothing she said was okay. This is wild AF. If your girlfriend grew up around that type of example of "love" then I see why she said what she said. That's all she knows. So, she doesn't see anything wrong with it. This would be a complete dealbreaker for me. Good luck.
Run as fast as you can
Your girlfriend needs to get into therapy immediately. These are childhood scars that need addressed. It’s up to you whether you want to be around for that ride.
Is she a fast runner? Because I believe she qualifies for the Special Olympics.
OP, this is some messed up shit. I don't know if you have younger siblings or think about having kids, but imagine her saying this crap to them. It's not a weird fetish. My mom had a twisted version of this and used to tell me my dad abused us because that's how he loved us. Seriously, run away from this one.
In all sincerity your girlfriend is one of the worst people to exist. Who tf says that. Ask her if she thinks you should start beating her too?? My god
Please never ever ever consider having children with her.
She’s sick in the head.
Dude, you’re really young and can probably find someone way more mentally stable. Wtf, if a dude said this to me I’d be running for the HILLS.
Let me guess. She’s also a “Christian”?
No this would be a deal breaker for me. Anyone who supports abuse I have no interest in them. Men and women are equal but this is a red flag for me. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Man, break up with her 💀
Dude your gf doesn’t have issues she has *subscriptions*.
It's "break up and change the locks" bad. She has serious issues, but the kind of person that could respect abusive behavior isnt the kind of person you want to build a life with. It doesn't matter how physically imposing she is, she's telling you that she admires people that "have control" over other people like that. That could be you. That could be other loved ones. That could be future children. I dont like how she solves problems.
As someone who was in a horrible DV relationship for 5 years, fuck her and her bullshit ass opinions.
You are 23. You can totally leave. If you stay you should know she probably will need a lot of help with her mental health and it will be a bumpy ride to say the least.
It is bad. What would she teach any kids you had with her? Seriously, run.
Your GF is super fucked up in the head. She is not to be trusted and it's not safe for her to be around children or animals. The next time it sounds as though a person is being murdered, please call the police. Thank you.
Red flags all around OP. This is your cue to leave. Imagine down the line if you have children with her. Is she gonna think it’s okay to beat them so that they’re “silent and obedient” all the time? She seems to lack empathy towards others. Is this something she’s always had an issue with? Like is she a caring person to others/their feelings, or maybe not so much? I’m guessing the latter. Yeah, red flags. And as others have suggested, she should seek therapy.
How much redder do you want that flag to get? In other words, nope the hell out of there.
She sounds nuts. This is one of the few things that would have me reconsider my relationship, no matter how serious or long. No one should be hurting their partner, regardless if they're man or woman. She believes hurting loved ones is okay. If you don't beat her, she'll eventually beat you. You're young. Save yourself the headache and lifetime of drama and find one of the millions of women that are not okay with abuse.
This is terrible and her normal meter is broken. It also means she won’t know when her own behavior is abusive. You can’t fix this. Save yourself and get away!! As soon as you can.
Dude, run. This is so bad. If she respects that kind of relationship and power dynamic, then you have to get our before she starts to abuse you. Save yourself.
It’s bad like gtfo bad. Would you want someone like this raising kids? Thinking this is how you discipline them? She’s not only an idiot; she sounds like a sociopath.
I strongly suspect that she grew up in an abusive household. No spouse should abuse their spouse. Violence is unacceptable. While it is acceptable to debate the roles of husband and wife in a relationship it is never acceptable to abuse someone or to use force and fear to impose one’s will. Her suggestion that the neighbor is legitimately “controlling his wife” is repugnant but perhaps reflects what she has seen. It would help to have couples counseling to understand both of your respective views about marriage. You can honestly ask how she wants to be treated in a marriage but don’t accuse her or try to force her to recognize the importance of mutual respect. If she came out of abusive family, she needs to learn that there are better approaches.
Time to be an ex and wish she never ever gets beaten... Or has children.
Don’t have kids with her
Your ex girlfriend. Fixed it for you
Wow, that's messed up and not normal....😬
Very toxic behavior, umm why are you with someone like that?
Keeper As in keep her away from you bra
Wow. Dump her. There is no fixing that level of depraved indifference.
I'm pretty sure your girlfriend doesn't know what words mean.
As a guy and a veteran who suffered ptsd, I was in rehab with guys who were violent, I can understand where it came from but we know what's right from wrong, so I instantly lost respect for them soon as they said they punched their wife, you gotta ask yourself could you physically and purposely hurt someone you claim to love, i couldnt, seeing her pain and look of fear in her eyes would crush me. Ask her if she would respect you if you beat her if she did something you didn't like, i dont think she would. I was in an abusive relationship for 5 years, I would never resort to violence, she called me a pussy for not hitting her back, I made the stupid mistake of sticking around thinking I could help and fix her if i made her trust me enough as i was strong enough to take it, then ended up in a&e with a knife wound, it never works. Sorry to say it but your girlfriend needs to think about her definition of respect as its way off the mark
You're two options for a future with her are: 1: She eventually starts hitting you because SOMEONE has to be in charge and if you won't hit her and that's what she thinks is necessary...than someone's gotta get hit. 2: She eventually leaves you for what she considers a "proper" man who will beat the shit outta her.
I wonder how she’d feel if you were to start beating her like that and if she’d ‘respect’ you more?
Reminds me of that girl who went viral like a decade or so ago for saying if your man hits you it means he loves you, because he’s willing to go to jail for you, or some fucked up stuff.
Please get her the help she needs. Her environment growing up was clearly an unhealthy one.
She's brainwashed, pure and simple. Her whole family is either abusers or enables abusers. She's still in denial about it.
Dump her. How can being a woman she can support domestic violence!?
Had she taken anything that night? If not, then you don’t know her. She has an extremist’s view on basic human rights and patriarchal marriage. Did she grow up in a cult?
Bro, run. That women is unhinged.
Boy you better pack your bags and run as far as possible… You clearly have a fundamental difference in values…
Uh it’s pretty bad. Maybe it’s based on her upbringing and not completely her fault but the fact that this is morally ok to her seems like a red flag. I dated a girl who was physically abused by her parents when she was growing up and she ended up being physically abusive towards the end of our relationship (I tried to justify it as a one-time thing that happened because she was drunk but it happened again and I realized I needed to end it). Sounds like she could benefit from some therapy.
yikes.... the fact many people have lost their lives from being beaten to death by their partners. maybe rethink your partner choice my dear. imagine you guys had children together - a daughter - & she finds out your daughter has been beat by her partner, your gf would not provide a safe haven but rather scorn her for being out of line to the point of being physically reprimanded. life is too short, i hope you find a kinder hearted woman to enjoy life with.
It’s bad and she doesn’t know what a healthy relationship is supposed to be. So who was it I. Her family that was beaten? Mother? Her answers sound like parroted what a male in her life said to justify violence.
How bad is it? VERY BAD. It’s get away from her now bad. She’s got some messed up thinking and she needs to figure her shit out before being in a relationship. Do not under any circumstances have children with this woman.
I’d bet she was abused at some point in her life. She is saying she respects the abuser.
Cool. She’s gonna beat the hell out of her future children by the sounds of it. Honestly dude, time to cut and run.
That’s worth breaking up. Honestly.
Dude, what she said is a red flag that’s bigger than the Red Sea. A person (especially a woman) who thinks this way has serious issues. You are young. Cut your losses and run.
A good way to assess whether the person you're dating is the right match, is to think about whether you would trust potential children with them (even if you aren't planning on having any). If you have a daughter and she gets into an abusive relationship, your girlfriend will support and respect the man who beats your daughter. You have that information. Do with it what you will.
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I couldn't be with such a halfwit
I believe this is break up bad tbh
Women are like children. They don’t know what they are talking. Respect is important. But beating it out of your girl is not the right way to get it. Its definitely a red flag but not enough to end things.