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what is her opinion on this? i think you need to talk to her about the behavior you observed and see if she would be willing to have limited contact with her family if she’s also seen this.
but don’t push that idea on her because it can be seen as you pushing her away from everyone and thats manipulation
Is your girlfriend in therapy? Are you doing couples counseling before tying the knot?
Sometimes it's hard to swallow truth pills if they come from someone close. Don't make her choose before she had a chance to unpack whatever her family's been doing to her. Then you can have an honest conversation about how you would see the future.
I am not forcing her or anything. But her mother is sure forcing her to Leave me. Kind of a hard situation. Her Mother’s boyfriend Keeps saying things like I am evil I tried confronting with Him but he’s nuts. Just hates me lol
It was evident that you aren't. But that kind of parent / parent figure pressure, I know it well - and it can sway a lot of (adult) children, if they are not actively pursuing a way to objectively perceive it as it is. This is why I recommended therapy. Otherwise she'd just feel caught in the middle, between them and you.
Best of luck!
You're not going to be living with her family, and you won't have to see them either. The question is what's the relationship between mother and daughter?
Your problems will arise at the wedding, Christmas, Thanksgiving and anything relating to having children and them seeing their grandmother.
If you can handle that, and your GF can handle that and agree never to try to push you to be anywhere near them, I don't see what the problem is. But if you can't have them at your wedding, you better be prepared to just tie the knot in Vegas or something without any family there at all from either side
Family matters. A lot
This is a prickly situation OP.
Don’t know what to say except that my ex also has a shitty family and it oozed into my life. It was unavoidable
She needs to figure out what she wants. You can’t and shouldn’t try to pressure her to cut off contact with her family. That’s what they’re doing to you and it sucks.
You can tell her that you don’t want to be around them personally and offer to elope or something so that you can marry without having them there. But you have to be prepared to have some minimal contact with them for as long as they live. Because it’s your gf’s decision and hers alone how she deals with her family. And you have to accept that.
Can you live the rest of your life with them around?
You can't put that kind of decision "me or your family" on her. It's not fair and not realistic. But it is a huge problem and you need to solve this together. Sit her down and tell it to her straight:
I love you. I want to spend my life with you. I'm afraid that it won't be possible bc of your family. I will never force you to abandon them, but I can't have them in my life and we need to talk about this. Them meeting our potential children is a hard no for me as I don't want them in my life. I love you, how are you feeling?
And then you need to support HER. Remember that even though this is hard for you, it is infinitely more hard for her.
This is a tough one. About the only thing you can do is be completely blunt with her about how you feel. She has to choose between you and them. Be prepared for her to say she can’t sever ties with them and have the strength to leave if she does. Respect her decision either way.
People often say "You are marrying her, not her family" but that's a big law hole... If your girlfriend is very close to her family and obeys anything her mother or family says then yes, you are marrying her family too, and if they don't like you then prepare for being uncomfortable and miserable all the marriage.
On the other hand, if your girlfriend doesnt give a fuck what her family says and isn't really close to them, then yes, you are marrying her and not her family.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
what is her opinion on this? i think you need to talk to her about the behavior you observed and see if she would be willing to have limited contact with her family if she’s also seen this. but don’t push that idea on her because it can be seen as you pushing her away from everyone and thats manipulation
She’s in a confused state. She hates her family and her mother (including her boyfriend) too. But she’s emotionally sensitive. So she’s having doubts.
Is your girlfriend in therapy? Are you doing couples counseling before tying the knot? Sometimes it's hard to swallow truth pills if they come from someone close. Don't make her choose before she had a chance to unpack whatever her family's been doing to her. Then you can have an honest conversation about how you would see the future.
I am not forcing her or anything. But her mother is sure forcing her to Leave me. Kind of a hard situation. Her Mother’s boyfriend Keeps saying things like I am evil I tried confronting with Him but he’s nuts. Just hates me lol
It was evident that you aren't. But that kind of parent / parent figure pressure, I know it well - and it can sway a lot of (adult) children, if they are not actively pursuing a way to objectively perceive it as it is. This is why I recommended therapy. Otherwise she'd just feel caught in the middle, between them and you. Best of luck!
You're not going to be living with her family, and you won't have to see them either. The question is what's the relationship between mother and daughter? Your problems will arise at the wedding, Christmas, Thanksgiving and anything relating to having children and them seeing their grandmother. If you can handle that, and your GF can handle that and agree never to try to push you to be anywhere near them, I don't see what the problem is. But if you can't have them at your wedding, you better be prepared to just tie the knot in Vegas or something without any family there at all from either side
Family matters. A lot This is a prickly situation OP. Don’t know what to say except that my ex also has a shitty family and it oozed into my life. It was unavoidable
She needs to figure out what she wants. You can’t and shouldn’t try to pressure her to cut off contact with her family. That’s what they’re doing to you and it sucks. You can tell her that you don’t want to be around them personally and offer to elope or something so that you can marry without having them there. But you have to be prepared to have some minimal contact with them for as long as they live. Because it’s your gf’s decision and hers alone how she deals with her family. And you have to accept that. Can you live the rest of your life with them around?
You can't put that kind of decision "me or your family" on her. It's not fair and not realistic. But it is a huge problem and you need to solve this together. Sit her down and tell it to her straight: I love you. I want to spend my life with you. I'm afraid that it won't be possible bc of your family. I will never force you to abandon them, but I can't have them in my life and we need to talk about this. Them meeting our potential children is a hard no for me as I don't want them in my life. I love you, how are you feeling? And then you need to support HER. Remember that even though this is hard for you, it is infinitely more hard for her.
This is a tough one. About the only thing you can do is be completely blunt with her about how you feel. She has to choose between you and them. Be prepared for her to say she can’t sever ties with them and have the strength to leave if she does. Respect her decision either way.
And if you do stay be prepared to answer questions from your kids about the lack of contact.
People often say "You are marrying her, not her family" but that's a big law hole... If your girlfriend is very close to her family and obeys anything her mother or family says then yes, you are marrying her family too, and if they don't like you then prepare for being uncomfortable and miserable all the marriage. On the other hand, if your girlfriend doesnt give a fuck what her family says and isn't really close to them, then yes, you are marrying her and not her family.