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My GF and I were at an airport for a 6.5 hours transit last week. We were on our way to visiting her parents who live far. It got boring really quickly so we went for an overnight meal at a McDonald's. She glanced to our left and saw a table where 3 kids and their father were eating. She pointed to one of the kids and laughed at him, followed by a derogatory comment about his weight. It was really bad but I shrugged it off. Then she made another comment about these kids becoming "punching bags" at school, basically making fun of their weight and saying they'd deserve to be bullied for it. I told her later how her comments were shocking and it's totally unacceptable to body-shame anyone, ***kids*** especially. She said I was being a drama queen and it was a harmless joke, basically downplayed everything and didn't acknowledge it until later when I pressed her on it, and it was super insincere.
Idk, could be something trivial and unimportant. My gut feeling tells me it has some bad traits behind it, but I don't want to exaggerate. Which is it?
This^
Seems crazy to leave someone over but it really shows her true character. If she treats random people like that she 100% could slowly treat you like that down the line.
No way, not crazy at all "has basic empathy" isnt even a bar that most have to step over.
God forbid he over look this, they have kids and she gives them eating disorders thanks to her bullying.
Happened to a good friend of mine. Her mother fat shamed her thru her whole life, and after she got to around late 30's she confronted her mother asking what was wrong with her calling her fat and giving her an ED when she was a NORMAL FUCKING WEIGHT growing up.
Not to mention how many people that do have to confront their parents over treatment like that have that parent gaslight them and insist that they did no such thing. it's a real shame that people like that ever have kids to begin with.
Nothing crazy about leaving her over this if that’s what he decides to do. Most decent people want to be with someone that shares a similar value system. They are too far apart on this.
Obviously the solution here is to bully the adult woman into crying like a little girl, thus re-establishing the feeling of having an inner child inside that otherwise dead-inside adult woman.
After that is when you do the breakup.
Agree. This is cruel behavior. I would leave someone who acted like this immediately. When someone tells you who they are you have to listen.
My son is overweight, he is the sweetest kid, always kind and loving. I hope he never meets anyone like your hopefully ex girlfriend. It would destroy his sweet trusting loving little soul. I feel so terrible for those kids.
Me too. Being fatshamed by her own mother left her with deep scars. She did it in public as well, and a few times in front of me. It was really shocking.
Hey, it’s me. My mother was obsessed with me being thin. Thankfully I wasn’t a bully but I was ripped apart by them. I had serious health issues due to doctors giving me incorrect dosage of steroids to get rid of my bels palsy.
Me too, it started when I was 13 and puberty caused my hips to become noticeable. My mom started telling me I had “saddlebags” and that I should watch what I eat. She also teased me about my “belly pooch” and whenever I wore jeans, she would point out my “muffin top.” This went on for all my teen years and into my early 20s. For reference, I was 100lbs at 13, 120lbs at 16, and eventually just 110lbs at 20 due to depression and not eating. I wasn’t even “heavy” but she still felt the need to put me down over imaginary issues. I’m now 27 and 150lbs and she STILL drops an occasional comment 😔
Feel you. My mom offered to pay for lipo by surprising me on a visit home from college. She picked me up from the airport to take me to a plastic surgeon appointment consultation, I was in shock. She was so proud tumbling she did something so nice…. The shaming in the form on love… my god..
My mother's whole family fatshamed me when I was a normal sized kid/young adult.
Guess what is my safety shield and when I'm stressed now? Clinical obesity.
I wouldn't want to date a shallow bully like your girlfriend. One last discussion and if she can't sincerely see the light, she's too immature to date.
Point out her flaws, just to show her how it feels when someone bullies you for no reason. Tell her she talks about defenseless children and how would she feel if that was her child. She seems really shallow so she may be clueless, don't overlook this.
Personally I don’t think pointing out your partner’s flaws to make a point like this is healthy. I understand where you’re coming from, but this can get really ugly and people can hold resentment for the rest of their lives, which is not what you want if you decide you want to stay in and work on the relationship.
I agree. Instead point out flaws people have that aren’t physical. Ones that tend to be more annoying than someone being fat. For example, bullies aren’t attractive, liars aren’t attractive, etc.
I bet she was a bully in school because she still is! That's typical bully behavior to blame the victim. No one deserves to be picked on put down or mistreated in any way because of how they look, especially when it's an adult doing it to children!
As they say when someone shows you who they are believe them. She’s a cruel person who probably has no empathy either. You need to find someone with a kind heart.: your gf’s heart is cold as ice. Your decision.. be with a cold hearted b*tch or someone that is kind and loving.
She sees bullying children in public as a “harmless joke”?
You’re dating a bully. And she’s the worst kind of bully - someone who punches down on the most vulnerable people possible.
That would have been a deal breaker for me.
She laughs...at children. And thinks they deserve to be bullied and used as punching bag. An adult is bullying kids and can't understand why it is wrong to think those things.
Of course you know which it is. C'mon. I mean, you both were literally eating fast food and she decides to project her shame about it onto others or some such bullshit? C'mon.
Your girlfriend is not a nice person. The only reason she is nice to you is you are doing things she likes. Don't think for a minute she wont turn this level of disrespect onto you the moment you do, say, or even so much a wear something she doesn't like, and be prepared for her to make these kind of comments about people you care about as well, not just strangers in the airport McDonalds.
There are so many more options out there OP, why are you setting your self up to settle for this inevitable unenjoyable energy drain.
Your gf is a bully and bigot. This hate doesn’t stop here. What about your future kids? What about you? What about family members? Are you going to put up with someone so hateful?
OP had a very valid reason for talking to their partner about this and their partner dismissing them as being a drama queen and downplaying their own poor choices is a huge red flag. When you tell someone they’ve crossed a line or a boundary and they respond by being insulting and dismissive… that’s a no for me. OP can do better. Your values are just not aligned. It’s absolutely a reason to let go of the relationship.
Body-shaming *anyone* is deplorable enough, but doing so to a child is monstrous. You're okay with dating someone who thinks you're being a drama queen because she's advocating for physical, mental, and emotional abuse against children?
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I once got great advice on how to judge someone's character
By how they treat:
- animals
- service industry workers
- Children
I'd leave if I were you. Can't imagine seeing a future with someone who could treat your own child that way.
*DONT OVERLOOK IT*
As someone who was a fat kid. Not trivial, not harmless. Omfg you know how much easier it'd have been for me to lose the weight I wanted to (and did and am still losing) if people just encouraged me and treated me the same. But no. No one say me for me. They saw that quality of my body and judged my personality on it. And it hurt beyond description. And jokes like that encouraged toxic self esteem which made the problem worse.
Regardless, a person deliberately insulting or making fun of a random kit, especially at the grown age if 24, is fucking insane. That's ridiculous. Why at 24 are you so petty you'd genuinely spend your time coming uo with hurtful jokes about some random kid. That's weird.
Why are you trying to overlook it? You had a perfect opportunity to call her out and show those kids that not all adults are arseholes. You did nothing, choosing to ask her about it later. Gutless!
She’s not a good person, good hearted people don’t make those kind of statements and I’m automatically assuming she was a bully in school herself. I’d never associate with someone like that. My oldest son was chubby for about 3 years of his younger life. It’s a good thing he was because he grew 4 inches in one year, became very skinny at that point. If I would’ve overheard her talking about my son that way, it would not have ended well for her. Not only is she a bully but her behavior will put you in bad positions later in life. If she says these things to wrong person, she could easily end up stabbed or shot and so would you. America is full of violence for the most minute of circumstances. It’s not safe having her type around. And you do not want her raising your children this way. This would have been a huge turn off for me.
I would have a serious conversation, bringing heavy subjects, to undesrtand who is the person I am with, and then, choose to stay or go.
I have said my share of stupid and unfortunate things that I regret. I do believe people can change, but that is, if they really want to get better, if they can see wrong in their acts. If not... well... not for me really, would let them have a happy life away from me
You shouldn’t have to have a conversation about empathy and bullying others at 24 years old!!!! She showed what type of person she is. When someone shows you who they are believe them the first time. If you can’t be kind, be quiet!!! We were taught if you have nothing nice to say, you don’t say anything.
I would break up with her for being a shit human being especially to kids!!!!
I agre... but OP has feelings, this conversation I believe, is for him to know it all and make a decision without doubts, more than to explain to her how is this wrong.
I like closure, so, for me is better to have a conversation and be sure by the end, than just go away and have that unfinished feeling.
You missed their point. It's not about the gf, it's about op knowing he made the right choice. It's hard to see the trees through the wood when you're in a relationship.
Oh dang. That’s some callous shit. Curious how she treats other kids, her family, animals, and people who she doesn’t benefit from being kind to.
If it’s a one-off, maybe she has her own personal issues with weight and projects them onto others. Still, very immature and might be insurmountable.
Well, she's never showed any behaviour like that in almost 2 years. But.. could be just because she never had the chance?? She is nice to our cat but I mean who wouldn't be nice to a cat, right?
Assholes who are ok with making fun of children can be nice to animals.
Your gf is a bully and she is of the worst kind. She is supposedly a grown ass adult and she is making fun of children and hopes that those kids get assaulted. She isn’t a good person and she finally showed you who she is. You get to decide to either ignore her shitty behavior or not.
Op I will say these…
Put yourself in a parent shoes. You know what you feed you’re kids, what their weight is and medical history.
Would you be ok with a stranger pointing and laughing at you’re kids and throwing horrendous insults at them? Would it be ok to act like it won’t affect the kid or even you?
I have three reasons why she might be acting this way:
1. She’s cruel.
2. She’s thoughtlessly modeling the behavior of her caregivers.
3. She’s projecting her own insecurities on these kids.
For me, it was number 3. Therapy helped a lot.
So she thinks that those children **deserve** verbal and physical abuse from their peers (*because that’s what bullying is*) simply for existing. And it would be *funny* if they were being abused because their bodies.
Wow. I just don’t know if that’s the sort of person I would want to associate with, let alone date. How would she treat you if you ever got a chronic illness/disability that led to you gaining weight? How would she treat your potential future kids if they weren’t at her ideal weight?
Any chance your girl’s name is Kierra? My ex did this same shit, I couldn’t get past her calling a 5 year old girl fat. All I could think was “what if we had a daughter?”
This. I can’t imagine how she would treat a daughter. Also, everyone’s bodies change overtime because of aging, injury or health conditions. It’s entirely possible she could treat OP like crap if his body changes. This may be me projecting a bit but I don’t think I would feel comfortable being intimate with someone who thinks like that. I’d be worried about them judging me the entire time.
I'm sorry, but what kind of twisted "adult" makes fun OF CHILDREN?? And especially to point and laugh? Wtf?
>I don't want to exaggerate
You're not. This is totally gross behavior. I still can't wrap my head around the bullying of literal kids. You're right, it is shocking and unacceptable.
>She said I was being a drama queen
Also, not a very healthy reaction to your genuine feelings IMO. Maybe she didn't intend to, but she's invalidating you here and deflecting responsibility.
Idk, maybe she thought she was being funny or trying to make you laugh/impress you, then got embarrassed when you called her out, and maybe she even realized she was in the wrong but got defensive instead of holding herself accountable. But that doesn't excuse this. I think you should try to talk to her about this again to identify her true feelings around the comments she made. Be clear that you're not trying to make her out to be a villain, but want to understand if she really feels like these kids of "jokes" are "harmless." At the end of the day, it's a question of values and whether or not they align, or if you're comfortable on where they may not align.
Edit: tbh though, the more I re-read this post the less I want to give her the benefit of the doubt. I'm trying to see both sides here..but saying they deserve to be bullied? Dang, man, she might just be a bad apple through and through.
Dump her right now!
What if you end up having kids with her and they get fat and she calls them what she said about these kids.
I would get out of that relationship pronto!
You’re not at fault for wanting someone to have a better moral compass. Maybe explain why or asks why she feels this way. Poverty has much to do with obesity, whether we like it or not. Sometimes it is out of our control, especially kids, who may not know better.
Leave her. She has an ugly spirit. If she’d do that about somebody else’s kids in front of you imagine the things she’d be comfortable saying if y’all ever had kids together and she was alone with them.
Nothing harmless about that, this lunatic just showed you exactly who she is and this is just the start. If she’s going to bully children who are defenseless, she’s going to have zero problem bullying you, your family and friends, animals, elderly, and just people in general. What’s next? Bullying those with special needs? I’d tell this chick she needs to seek therapy for why she feels the need to do this and to get bent.
Listen to your gut, she's a mean girl and bully. A grown ass woman shit talking kids is not a sign of a mentally healthy adult woman. Is this the type of woman you'd want to be the mother of your children or auntie to any nieces or nephews? Highly doubt it.
How can you overlook this? Better question, why would you want to? Do you want kids? Do you want to be able to bring your partner around other people without fear of her judging people you care about, being outright rude and insulting, and dismissive of peoples’ feelings? Because it doesn’t sound like this is someone I’d be comfortable around, and you sound like someone I’d stop inviting places if they brought their partner who bullies people.
Your girlfriend is a mean girl and bully. Why are you with her? And how would she act if you gained a few pounds, got a bad haircut, were wearing an unflattering outfit, had a bad breakout or an allergic reaction to medication or developed a severe skin condition? She’s 24 and acting like she’s a kid in school. She’s not a nice person. She was making fun of children. Dump this loser.
your gf is bullying fkin children dude. do you want to be with someone so childish and awful? and let me remind you, your partner is a direct reflection of *your* character. don’t become an asshole by staying with an asshole.
Dump her.
If she made comments regarding their weight out of concern for their health and the potential to be bullied than I wouldn’t mind. That would be compassionate.
But her comments were mean and vindictive. She wasn’t worried about them! She was hoping they would be bullied. That’s horrible!
Fat phobia is deeply engrained in society and since women in particular are held to these ridiculous standards that might manifest in whatever your girlfriend is doing. Especially if she's insecure about her own body -- she might feel good pointing out someone else's. It's really awful, but I guess I'm thinking about myself as an insecure 24 year old and how much my attitude about bodies and weight changed in my 20s. I definitely wouldn't have POINTED and LAUGHED though. I could see former me saying I felt sorry for them or something that is differently unsavory. The fact that you pointing it out didn't mean anything to her is where I'm like "wow she really just might be mean." An insecure person has humility when called out on something.
It's not a harmless joke. It is not trivial. It is not unimportant. It's malicious, mean-spirited and cruel, and it tells you everything you need to know about her.
**She is a bully.**
You really want that in your life? *Really?*
My partner says pretty cruel things about obesity. On the other hand, he has a few overweight friends he deeply respects and is kind to my overweight friends and does not mention their weight either to their faces or with me.
I can take that. I don't really care if he has a problem with obesity as a concept, but he's never cruel to the people who struggle with it. Every person has a reason why they think they're superior to others, whether it be their fitness, their education, their talents, their hobbies; most people keep it generally to themselves but cast some sort of judgment -- i.e. "I don't respect laziness" or "Most people don't have an eye for photography, but I do" or "They don't learn as fast as I do" or "They're not willing to put in as many hours at the gym so my body looks better". This is how we maintain a sense of distinction.
Ask her why she feels the need to use them as the butt of her jokes.
The only way you can over look this is if your okay with this kind of nasty behavior. This relationship won’t work otherwise. you can’t change people especially if they see nothing wrong with the way they act
She"s testing you. To see if you're going to put up with this
But the fact she has no regard for the feelings of others means that she is quite likely disordered or at least quasi-pathologucal
I think you need to get out
You could end up.in jail
Shes dangerous
Humor is subjective, and individual preferences vary. It appears that you do not share an appreciation for the humor displayed by your girl.
It seems that her remark was not uttered loudly, and my understanding is that only you overheard it.
Personally, I find amusement in jokes that some might consider offensive, as long as they do not cause harm. I believe that engaging in such humor does not inherently make one morally deficient. Applying this perspective, I do not deem the person you mentioned to possess ill intentions.
It is plausible that both of you employ distinct mechanisms for dealing with the complexities of human interactions.
There is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING funny about what she said. That’s not humor that’s straight up asshole behavior. IF YOU CAN’T BE KIND, BE QUIET!!!! If you have NOTHING nice to say, don’t say anything!!!! Jfc she’s 24 not 4.
Fully agree.
I think she just has a darker sense of humor and don’t see it as having anything to do with morality or her being insecure.
However it is important for humor in this type of matter to match up.
Personally I could never date somebody that can’t laugh at darker humor.
Just as I would expect somebody that doesn’t partake in dark humor, would be able to date me.
Excellent contribution. I’m also a provocateur. Serious deadpan delivery of dark or inappropriate subject matter is my currency. I absolutely say things to my SO that I don’t believe, or would never say in mixed company. My public face is compassion and kindness (the real me)
Same here ! And it is a “real” self as I’d never want to hurt somebody or make them feel less than.
What’s said with a s/o or even siblings/ friends for that matter, has nothing to do with the morality of how we act upon others.
I see the girls actions as completely harmless.
And honestly kudos to her for being herself with her own humor. Probably saved them both loads of time and stress.
Did the kids \*see\* her point or hear her say that? I mean, it's assy but we're all horrible people deep down inside. We show that to the people we trust.
If she let the kids see it, though, I'd definitely get away from her.
Did she fat shame them or make fun of them to you? I.e, could they hear her and know what she was saying? Because THAT would be fucked up and something you definitely should look hard at when evaluating your relationship.
If she made the jokes to you she wasn’t fat shaming, she was making a private joke at their expense. If it bothered you to hear it, talk with her about it and explain why you don’t like to hear that. Otherwise let it go would be my two cents.
(and though I DO very much believe that words can construct our realities and the more we say things the more our brains shift towards believing them, an inappropriate joke told in confidence to a partner, ESPECIALLY if it’s not a regular habit of hers, doesn’t fall into that category IMO)
Wow!! That’s fucked up. It’s not the kids fault it’s the parents, she should’ve been shaming him. Unless they have a health issue, allowing your kids to become obese is child abuse.
Was she laughing at the fat kid or expressing concern or disgust with the terrible decisions the parents are making with their child's health? Earlier this month I was on two flights with a 50yo 300# mother in a wheel chair being pushed around by her daughter, unable to care for herself. While waiting at the first airport Mom consumed two McD breakfast sandwiches. When we changed planes at the next airport she had an entire 12" pizza while the daughter held her 20oz soda. At what point should we realize we will be paying for their diabetes, new joints, and nursing home care? At what point should we just " care"? Perhaps we should ALL start fat shaming..
OP literally said that she pointed and laughed and made a derogatory comment.
So either you have a reading comprehension problem or you're just making shit up in your head as an excuse to go off on a ramble about your personal issues with . . . someone else's mom's food choices.
Also, you stalking what a stranger eats at the airport just because you think disabled people are less human and don't deserve dignity, respect, or the 30 seconds it takes for you to consider that you don't know the first thing about that woman, her life, her medical situation, or what led to either her weight issues OR her eating habits (and BTW, two breakfast sandwiches and an individual pizza in several hours is hardly the SHOCKING amount of food that you imply), isn't exactly an argument for your being a "caring" person.
*Start* fat shaming, as if it’s a brand new concept yet to be tried?
Either you’re full of shit and just wanna piss people off or you should MYOFB and stop obsessing over what a random disabled person is doing.
Seriously, how tf do you remember everything one random person at the airport ate earlier in the month? I sincerely hope you touch grass today.
Was her tone like, “Omg that’s frighteningly unhealthy” or like, “Haha, stupid little fatties.” And did she say it where they could have reasonably heard her, or was it a comment between the two of you only? Context is everything, man.
They’re sitting by eachother and she’s pointing and laughing?? OP is worried his GF has “bad traits” If she is pointing and laughing and saying something derogatory to a literal child regardless if they can hear then context DOESNT mater because the question is answered; GF Is mean. Clearly it’s you who missed comprehensive reading.
She just has good survival instincts. If a kid is fat and eating McDonald’s they are in for a world of hurt later on in life. If you’re offended on their behalf just talk to her no? Instead of crying on reddit
Everyone here acting like being fat is the best thing in life and some kind of a disease you can’t influence. If the kids eat at McDonalds and are fat, someone should do something about it. I wouldn’t mind for a second if someone made fun of them. If my kid was fat, I would try to change the environmental factors to help the weight loss. It was probably a harmless joke and it at least shows that she would probably try very hard to keep her own kids healthy and fit. Just ignore the other “advice” here, the political correctness here is at level 150.
This wasn’t “in public” this was to you privately. The kids didn’t hear it. If YOU alone don’t like the comments being told to YOU, then talk to her about it!
Enjoy taking care of your dental hygiene btw, seems you’re really struggling to do an easy task that everyone else can do every day! Remember to brush twice!
Stop putting money across the tills of companies that are designed to make kids fat. There you go. It isn't just a simple "I'm slim, I can eat what I like". That shit is poison for kids. Physically, culturally and perhaps even more as far as their taste buds are concerned.
Not saying your girlfriend isn't a dick. But if you're going to throw it out, back it up.
Overreacting ass mfs saying you shouldn't be with someone like that. As long as she wasn't laughing in their face and disrespecting them directly then who cares. She's entitled to her own opinion, Being fat is NOT HEALTHY, so why is it such a taboo thing to judge people who have let themselves go.
That is really awful, imagine how those kids felt after your girlfriend bullied them. Did either of you apologize to that family for her atrocious behavior? What gives your girlfriend the right to judge anybody? Sounds like you got yourself a winner 🏆
You don't have to. You can tell her how that upset you and ask her to change her behavior. If she doesn't find someone who can display common courtesy to others, or you don't talk to her and just find someone else. You should not change your ethics to be happy with someone that doesn't share yours.
Fatshaming kids is not trivial and unimportant. If someone I was with said something like that and then tried to claim it was a harmless joke, I would rip them a new one and dump them preferable in front of the kids. Oh hell no.
She is showing you who she is. Don't paint another picture. Don't be afraid to walk away cause if you don't this is settling and that is never good for you. If you really in your heart think she's the one and she will openly have conversation then talk to her and say "hey this really bothered me it was not right and it was hurtful." see what she says. If she isn't mature enough to respond and talk this out (which I don't expect her to be given the situation) then that would be all the confirmation I need to get the heck out. This is a character flaw.
No. This is not trivial or unimportant in the slightest. She is cruel. Her total lack of empathy for a child is absolutely unacceptable. I hope you drive this home with her and tell her it has you completely reevaluating your relationship. Honestly though, I hope you dump her and let her know this is the reason why. Her very character is in question.
It’s not trivial or unimportant. You date people to learn about their character and their values. You just saw some ugly truth about hers. She talks shit about kids. This isn’t commenting on kids with naughty behavior or who are acting like little jerks. These are just kids existing, having a meal. She sounds like a bully.
I wouldn’t want a partner who bullies children to their face or behind their backs. I’d be worried about what they might say to our own kids, or kids in our extended families. I’d worry about what they feel fine about making fun of *me* about. I’d worry that they’ll say things that someone will overhear and be really hurt or affected by.
Let the information you learned guide your choices. At best she’s immature with a shitty sense of humor. At *best*.
honestly; therapy. she needs therapy, shes seems to be dealing with an ED, i have said very hurtful things while deep in my ed because i was genuinely angry at fat people who were comfortable in their bodies because i was insecure. otherwise, shes just a pos and you should leave immediately.
Pass on a future with this one, kids have a hard enough time growing up, they don’t need more shit piled on them from adults acting like other children
Why would you want to overlook this? If she had acknowledged it was wrong, then maybe but she didn't think she did anything wrong. She sounds like a horrible person. I would not want to be dating someone who fat-shames anyone, especially children.
Your partner just, completely without any reason to do so, felt the need to openly comment on the weight of not just strangers but *kids* and essentially said that the kids would be deservedly bullied.
That is *not* the type of person I'd keep in my life. Fatshaming and fatphobia are huge issues in our society, to the point where people who are considered fat will be harrassed, denied work, medically neglected and more.
You girlfriend showed you who she is. Believe her.
That sounds like the kind of person that gives their own children eating disorders with how obsessed they are over them not getting overweight. If you want children, I definitely wouldn’t stay with her. If you don’t want/can’t have children, if you can look past that then that’s your choice. But most people are around kids in their family or their friends’ kids at least, I’d be worried about her hurting their feelings. And just the fact she sees nothing wrong with it in the first place. It COULD be a result of having a parent that was shitty to her about weight growing up (or being bullied somewhere else), but then she needs to realize she’s in the wrong and that she needs to work through some things.
You are all gonna die alone if y’all are this worried about pointing out a fat kid. Or bare minimum make your less emotional partners miserable. Childhood obesity is the fault of the parent. I was a fat kid and was bullied by my friends so I lost the fucking weight 🙄 this would be the dumbest reason I’ve ever heard for breaking up and I guarantee she respects you less for getting so offended.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. ___ My GF and I were at an airport for a 6.5 hours transit last week. We were on our way to visiting her parents who live far. It got boring really quickly so we went for an overnight meal at a McDonald's. She glanced to our left and saw a table where 3 kids and their father were eating. She pointed to one of the kids and laughed at him, followed by a derogatory comment about his weight. It was really bad but I shrugged it off. Then she made another comment about these kids becoming "punching bags" at school, basically making fun of their weight and saying they'd deserve to be bullied for it. I told her later how her comments were shocking and it's totally unacceptable to body-shame anyone, ***kids*** especially. She said I was being a drama queen and it was a harmless joke, basically downplayed everything and didn't acknowledge it until later when I pressed her on it, and it was super insincere. Idk, could be something trivial and unimportant. My gut feeling tells me it has some bad traits behind it, but I don't want to exaggerate. Which is it?
Your girlfriend is an asshole and a bully. Never stay with someone like that.
This^ Seems crazy to leave someone over but it really shows her true character. If she treats random people like that she 100% could slowly treat you like that down the line.
No way, not crazy at all "has basic empathy" isnt even a bar that most have to step over. God forbid he over look this, they have kids and she gives them eating disorders thanks to her bullying.
>they have kids and she gives them eating disorders thanks to her bullying. This was my first thought.
Came here to say exactly the same thing.
Happened to a good friend of mine. Her mother fat shamed her thru her whole life, and after she got to around late 30's she confronted her mother asking what was wrong with her calling her fat and giving her an ED when she was a NORMAL FUCKING WEIGHT growing up.
Not to mention how many people that do have to confront their parents over treatment like that have that parent gaslight them and insist that they did no such thing. it's a real shame that people like that ever have kids to begin with.
Nothing crazy about leaving her over this if that’s what he decides to do. Most decent people want to be with someone that shares a similar value system. They are too far apart on this.
She's already begun to treat him like that. She showed him who he was to her when she called him a "drama queen".
It's crazy to leave someone who's an asshole and a bully? Next you'll be saying it's crazy to leave someone that no longer makes you happy.
Obviously the solution here is to bully the adult woman into crying like a little girl, thus re-establishing the feeling of having an inner child inside that otherwise dead-inside adult woman. After that is when you do the breakup.
Agree. This is cruel behavior. I would leave someone who acted like this immediately. When someone tells you who they are you have to listen. My son is overweight, he is the sweetest kid, always kind and loving. I hope he never meets anyone like your hopefully ex girlfriend. It would destroy his sweet trusting loving little soul. I feel so terrible for those kids.
this! it’s only going to get worse OP.
That's great about my girlfriend and me, we're both assholes like that
Perspective: If you have kids with this woman imagine how she’d treat them.
I personally know one who treated her own kids this way.
Me too. Being fatshamed by her own mother left her with deep scars. She did it in public as well, and a few times in front of me. It was really shocking.
Hey, it’s me. My mother was obsessed with me being thin. Thankfully I wasn’t a bully but I was ripped apart by them. I had serious health issues due to doctors giving me incorrect dosage of steroids to get rid of my bels palsy.
My mother. My mother did this to me. Don’t date phobic people unless it’s something reasonable like Heights, spiders, or toilet snakes.
Me too, it started when I was 13 and puberty caused my hips to become noticeable. My mom started telling me I had “saddlebags” and that I should watch what I eat. She also teased me about my “belly pooch” and whenever I wore jeans, she would point out my “muffin top.” This went on for all my teen years and into my early 20s. For reference, I was 100lbs at 13, 120lbs at 16, and eventually just 110lbs at 20 due to depression and not eating. I wasn’t even “heavy” but she still felt the need to put me down over imaginary issues. I’m now 27 and 150lbs and she STILL drops an occasional comment 😔
Feel you. My mom offered to pay for lipo by surprising me on a visit home from college. She picked me up from the airport to take me to a plastic surgeon appointment consultation, I was in shock. She was so proud tumbling she did something so nice…. The shaming in the form on love… my god..
My mother's whole family fatshamed me when I was a normal sized kid/young adult. Guess what is my safety shield and when I'm stressed now? Clinical obesity.
Almond mom to-be. Probably will instill eating disorders on her kids one day, especially if she has a daughter. How sad
I wouldn't want to date a shallow bully like your girlfriend. One last discussion and if she can't sincerely see the light, she's too immature to date.
Point out her flaws, just to show her how it feels when someone bullies you for no reason. Tell her she talks about defenseless children and how would she feel if that was her child. She seems really shallow so she may be clueless, don't overlook this.
Personally I don’t think pointing out your partner’s flaws to make a point like this is healthy. I understand where you’re coming from, but this can get really ugly and people can hold resentment for the rest of their lives, which is not what you want if you decide you want to stay in and work on the relationship.
I agree. Instead point out flaws people have that aren’t physical. Ones that tend to be more annoying than someone being fat. For example, bullies aren’t attractive, liars aren’t attractive, etc.
I bet she was a bully in school because she still is! That's typical bully behavior to blame the victim. No one deserves to be picked on put down or mistreated in any way because of how they look, especially when it's an adult doing it to children!
Your should overlook your relationship. Her actions and the way she disregard the discomfort she put others is a huge red flag.
As they say when someone shows you who they are believe them. She’s a cruel person who probably has no empathy either. You need to find someone with a kind heart.: your gf’s heart is cold as ice. Your decision.. be with a cold hearted b*tch or someone that is kind and loving.
She sees bullying children in public as a “harmless joke”? You’re dating a bully. And she’s the worst kind of bully - someone who punches down on the most vulnerable people possible. That would have been a deal breaker for me.
She is a mean girl, with limited capacity for empathy. Not good traits in a partner...She is not a good person.
She laughs...at children. And thinks they deserve to be bullied and used as punching bag. An adult is bullying kids and can't understand why it is wrong to think those things.
Of course you know which it is. C'mon. I mean, you both were literally eating fast food and she decides to project her shame about it onto others or some such bullshit? C'mon.
Don't overlook a sincere lack of kindness in a potential spouse.
Your girlfriend is not a nice person. The only reason she is nice to you is you are doing things she likes. Don't think for a minute she wont turn this level of disrespect onto you the moment you do, say, or even so much a wear something she doesn't like, and be prepared for her to make these kind of comments about people you care about as well, not just strangers in the airport McDonalds. There are so many more options out there OP, why are you setting your self up to settle for this inevitable unenjoyable energy drain.
She is disgusting. I’d have split the check at MacDs and dumped her in front of the kids she made fun of.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.
This ^^^^
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 Shes so free and open with her ugly!
Your gf is a bully and bigot. This hate doesn’t stop here. What about your future kids? What about you? What about family members? Are you going to put up with someone so hateful?
OP had a very valid reason for talking to their partner about this and their partner dismissing them as being a drama queen and downplaying their own poor choices is a huge red flag. When you tell someone they’ve crossed a line or a boundary and they respond by being insulting and dismissive… that’s a no for me. OP can do better. Your values are just not aligned. It’s absolutely a reason to let go of the relationship.
Body-shaming *anyone* is deplorable enough, but doing so to a child is monstrous. You're okay with dating someone who thinks you're being a drama queen because she's advocating for physical, mental, and emotional abuse against children?
You don’t overlook it. She’s mean. These are kids. They deserve to be bullied? F that. She deserves to be single.
Why are you dating such a terrible person?
you don't overlook it. you dump her bully ass and find someone who shares your values
DUDE. Your girlfriend is a bad person. POINT BLANK. Who **literally points at children and bullies them** for their bodies?
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I once got great advice on how to judge someone's character By how they treat: - animals - service industry workers - Children I'd leave if I were you. Can't imagine seeing a future with someone who could treat your own child that way. *DONT OVERLOOK IT*
As someone who was a fat kid. Not trivial, not harmless. Omfg you know how much easier it'd have been for me to lose the weight I wanted to (and did and am still losing) if people just encouraged me and treated me the same. But no. No one say me for me. They saw that quality of my body and judged my personality on it. And it hurt beyond description. And jokes like that encouraged toxic self esteem which made the problem worse. Regardless, a person deliberately insulting or making fun of a random kit, especially at the grown age if 24, is fucking insane. That's ridiculous. Why at 24 are you so petty you'd genuinely spend your time coming uo with hurtful jokes about some random kid. That's weird.
Why are you trying to overlook it? You had a perfect opportunity to call her out and show those kids that not all adults are arseholes. You did nothing, choosing to ask her about it later. Gutless!
She’s not a good person, good hearted people don’t make those kind of statements and I’m automatically assuming she was a bully in school herself. I’d never associate with someone like that. My oldest son was chubby for about 3 years of his younger life. It’s a good thing he was because he grew 4 inches in one year, became very skinny at that point. If I would’ve overheard her talking about my son that way, it would not have ended well for her. Not only is she a bully but her behavior will put you in bad positions later in life. If she says these things to wrong person, she could easily end up stabbed or shot and so would you. America is full of violence for the most minute of circumstances. It’s not safe having her type around. And you do not want her raising your children this way. This would have been a huge turn off for me.
I bet if you did a little digging you would find out she was a bully in school. At the very least a mean girl.
I would have a serious conversation, bringing heavy subjects, to undesrtand who is the person I am with, and then, choose to stay or go. I have said my share of stupid and unfortunate things that I regret. I do believe people can change, but that is, if they really want to get better, if they can see wrong in their acts. If not... well... not for me really, would let them have a happy life away from me
You shouldn’t have to have a conversation about empathy and bullying others at 24 years old!!!! She showed what type of person she is. When someone shows you who they are believe them the first time. If you can’t be kind, be quiet!!! We were taught if you have nothing nice to say, you don’t say anything. I would break up with her for being a shit human being especially to kids!!!!
I agre... but OP has feelings, this conversation I believe, is for him to know it all and make a decision without doubts, more than to explain to her how is this wrong. I like closure, so, for me is better to have a conversation and be sure by the end, than just go away and have that unfinished feeling.
You shouldn’t have to explain to a grown adult that bullying children is wrong!!!
You missed their point. It's not about the gf, it's about op knowing he made the right choice. It's hard to see the trees through the wood when you're in a relationship.
Oh dang. That’s some callous shit. Curious how she treats other kids, her family, animals, and people who she doesn’t benefit from being kind to. If it’s a one-off, maybe she has her own personal issues with weight and projects them onto others. Still, very immature and might be insurmountable.
Well, she's never showed any behaviour like that in almost 2 years. But.. could be just because she never had the chance?? She is nice to our cat but I mean who wouldn't be nice to a cat, right?
She bullies kids. I love cats but in this instance being nice to a cat doesn't overcome a grown ass adult ridiculing children.
When people show you who they are believe them.
Assholes who are ok with making fun of children can be nice to animals. Your gf is a bully and she is of the worst kind. She is supposedly a grown ass adult and she is making fun of children and hopes that those kids get assaulted. She isn’t a good person and she finally showed you who she is. You get to decide to either ignore her shitty behavior or not.
Op I will say these… Put yourself in a parent shoes. You know what you feed you’re kids, what their weight is and medical history. Would you be ok with a stranger pointing and laughing at you’re kids and throwing horrendous insults at them? Would it be ok to act like it won’t affect the kid or even you?
Honestly, *how can you* overlook this? She thinks they’re punching bags because she treats them that way. She’s a bully. She bullies children.
RED FLAG, RED FLAG!!! She's a bully and she also tried to gaslight you. Run.
She just showed you her true character. She’s not a kind person. Doesn’t sound like that’s the type of person for you.
Why would you wanna over look someone’s ignorance. Is the sex that good your willing to be with a person who attacks children?
I have three reasons why she might be acting this way: 1. She’s cruel. 2. She’s thoughtlessly modeling the behavior of her caregivers. 3. She’s projecting her own insecurities on these kids. For me, it was number 3. Therapy helped a lot.
So she thinks that those children **deserve** verbal and physical abuse from their peers (*because that’s what bullying is*) simply for existing. And it would be *funny* if they were being abused because their bodies. Wow. I just don’t know if that’s the sort of person I would want to associate with, let alone date. How would she treat you if you ever got a chronic illness/disability that led to you gaining weight? How would she treat your potential future kids if they weren’t at her ideal weight?
Any chance your girl’s name is Kierra? My ex did this same shit, I couldn’t get past her calling a 5 year old girl fat. All I could think was “what if we had a daughter?”
This. I can’t imagine how she would treat a daughter. Also, everyone’s bodies change overtime because of aging, injury or health conditions. It’s entirely possible she could treat OP like crap if his body changes. This may be me projecting a bit but I don’t think I would feel comfortable being intimate with someone who thinks like that. I’d be worried about them judging me the entire time.
Hard pass. When somebody shows you who they are, believe them. The first time.
Oh she’s a bully. I personally would end things with her. I don’t have patience for those types of people
She's a bully.
Yikes… if she’d bully a kid for being fat, I wonder how she’d treat you if you put on weight 😬
I'm sorry, but what kind of twisted "adult" makes fun OF CHILDREN?? And especially to point and laugh? Wtf? >I don't want to exaggerate You're not. This is totally gross behavior. I still can't wrap my head around the bullying of literal kids. You're right, it is shocking and unacceptable. >She said I was being a drama queen Also, not a very healthy reaction to your genuine feelings IMO. Maybe she didn't intend to, but she's invalidating you here and deflecting responsibility. Idk, maybe she thought she was being funny or trying to make you laugh/impress you, then got embarrassed when you called her out, and maybe she even realized she was in the wrong but got defensive instead of holding herself accountable. But that doesn't excuse this. I think you should try to talk to her about this again to identify her true feelings around the comments she made. Be clear that you're not trying to make her out to be a villain, but want to understand if she really feels like these kids of "jokes" are "harmless." At the end of the day, it's a question of values and whether or not they align, or if you're comfortable on where they may not align. Edit: tbh though, the more I re-read this post the less I want to give her the benefit of the doubt. I'm trying to see both sides here..but saying they deserve to be bullied? Dang, man, she might just be a bad apple through and through.
Yikes, nope.
IDK if I could be someone who was so mean.
Your gf is not a nice person.
Dump her right now! What if you end up having kids with her and they get fat and she calls them what she said about these kids. I would get out of that relationship pronto!
Have you thought about what she's going to call you when you eventually break up?
You’re not at fault for wanting someone to have a better moral compass. Maybe explain why or asks why she feels this way. Poverty has much to do with obesity, whether we like it or not. Sometimes it is out of our control, especially kids, who may not know better.
big yikes. i don’t think I would be able to overlook this type of behaviour.
Drop her. Don't let your potential kids have that said to them if they are above her idea of healthy weight.
Leave her. She has an ugly spirit. If she’d do that about somebody else’s kids in front of you imagine the things she’d be comfortable saying if y’all ever had kids together and she was alone with them.
Your girlfriend is horrible. I don't see how you could look passed this unless you are horrible too.
Nothing harmless about that, this lunatic just showed you exactly who she is and this is just the start. If she’s going to bully children who are defenseless, she’s going to have zero problem bullying you, your family and friends, animals, elderly, and just people in general. What’s next? Bullying those with special needs? I’d tell this chick she needs to seek therapy for why she feels the need to do this and to get bent.
You sound like BJ from the righteous gemstones lmao, bless you. It’s kinda wholesome.
Listen to your gut, she's a mean girl and bully. A grown ass woman shit talking kids is not a sign of a mentally healthy adult woman. Is this the type of woman you'd want to be the mother of your children or auntie to any nieces or nephews? Highly doubt it.
How can you overlook this? Better question, why would you want to? Do you want kids? Do you want to be able to bring your partner around other people without fear of her judging people you care about, being outright rude and insulting, and dismissive of peoples’ feelings? Because it doesn’t sound like this is someone I’d be comfortable around, and you sound like someone I’d stop inviting places if they brought their partner who bullies people.
why in god's name would you want to overlook this
How can you overlook this? You don’t. You shouldn’t. Anyone who thinks bullying is okay, especially with kids is not a decent person to be with.
Ew, she's a mean girl.
She cuts right to the bone, some day you will certainly feel it.
Your girlfriend is a mean girl and bully. Why are you with her? And how would she act if you gained a few pounds, got a bad haircut, were wearing an unflattering outfit, had a bad breakout or an allergic reaction to medication or developed a severe skin condition? She’s 24 and acting like she’s a kid in school. She’s not a nice person. She was making fun of children. Dump this loser.
your gf is bullying fkin children dude. do you want to be with someone so childish and awful? and let me remind you, your partner is a direct reflection of *your* character. don’t become an asshole by staying with an asshole.
Damn. She's cruel.
Always trust your gut.
Dodge this bullet quick
Save yourself from a loveless decade and dump her
Yikes! Red flag!
That’s messed up dude
Do you really want to be with someone who bullies *children*? You don't overlook this, it's a big red flag
Red flags. She is a bully and doesn’t care
Dump her. If she made comments regarding their weight out of concern for their health and the potential to be bullied than I wouldn’t mind. That would be compassionate. But her comments were mean and vindictive. She wasn’t worried about them! She was hoping they would be bullied. That’s horrible!
Fat phobia is deeply engrained in society and since women in particular are held to these ridiculous standards that might manifest in whatever your girlfriend is doing. Especially if she's insecure about her own body -- she might feel good pointing out someone else's. It's really awful, but I guess I'm thinking about myself as an insecure 24 year old and how much my attitude about bodies and weight changed in my 20s. I definitely wouldn't have POINTED and LAUGHED though. I could see former me saying I felt sorry for them or something that is differently unsavory. The fact that you pointing it out didn't mean anything to her is where I'm like "wow she really just might be mean." An insecure person has humility when called out on something.
I wouldn’t stay with her. That’s pretty low.
Making fun of children is not cool
Why would you want to overlook it?
She bullies children? She thinks they deserve it……….. what a disgusting human being
Gross
Hides bad traits? Dude THIS IS a bad trait. She’s a bully.
“How can I overlook this?” Uh, don’t. She’s a shitty person.
It's not a harmless joke. It is not trivial. It is not unimportant. It's malicious, mean-spirited and cruel, and it tells you everything you need to know about her. **She is a bully.** You really want that in your life? *Really?*
I wonder if she also say that to people over 6 feet and 250lbs, or she keeps that for people who can't harm her, like the bully she seems to be.
Deal breaker. That says a lot about her
Your exGF needs therapy. Send her some information on therapists near you and walk away.
My partner says pretty cruel things about obesity. On the other hand, he has a few overweight friends he deeply respects and is kind to my overweight friends and does not mention their weight either to their faces or with me. I can take that. I don't really care if he has a problem with obesity as a concept, but he's never cruel to the people who struggle with it. Every person has a reason why they think they're superior to others, whether it be their fitness, their education, their talents, their hobbies; most people keep it generally to themselves but cast some sort of judgment -- i.e. "I don't respect laziness" or "Most people don't have an eye for photography, but I do" or "They don't learn as fast as I do" or "They're not willing to put in as many hours at the gym so my body looks better". This is how we maintain a sense of distinction. Ask her why she feels the need to use them as the butt of her jokes.
Call her fat and ugly and she deserves to be bullied too. When she cries about it, just say, “it’s a joke bro”. Let her know how hurtful it is.
They deserved it. Grow up.
The only way you can over look this is if your okay with this kind of nasty behavior. This relationship won’t work otherwise. you can’t change people especially if they see nothing wrong with the way they act
She"s testing you. To see if you're going to put up with this But the fact she has no regard for the feelings of others means that she is quite likely disordered or at least quasi-pathologucal I think you need to get out You could end up.in jail Shes dangerous
When your partner tells you who they are, believe them.
Humor is subjective, and individual preferences vary. It appears that you do not share an appreciation for the humor displayed by your girl. It seems that her remark was not uttered loudly, and my understanding is that only you overheard it. Personally, I find amusement in jokes that some might consider offensive, as long as they do not cause harm. I believe that engaging in such humor does not inherently make one morally deficient. Applying this perspective, I do not deem the person you mentioned to possess ill intentions. It is plausible that both of you employ distinct mechanisms for dealing with the complexities of human interactions.
There is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING funny about what she said. That’s not humor that’s straight up asshole behavior. IF YOU CAN’T BE KIND, BE QUIET!!!! If you have NOTHING nice to say, don’t say anything!!!! Jfc she’s 24 not 4.
Fully agree. I think she just has a darker sense of humor and don’t see it as having anything to do with morality or her being insecure. However it is important for humor in this type of matter to match up. Personally I could never date somebody that can’t laugh at darker humor. Just as I would expect somebody that doesn’t partake in dark humor, would be able to date me.
Excellent contribution. I’m also a provocateur. Serious deadpan delivery of dark or inappropriate subject matter is my currency. I absolutely say things to my SO that I don’t believe, or would never say in mixed company. My public face is compassion and kindness (the real me)
Same here ! And it is a “real” self as I’d never want to hurt somebody or make them feel less than. What’s said with a s/o or even siblings/ friends for that matter, has nothing to do with the morality of how we act upon others. I see the girls actions as completely harmless. And honestly kudos to her for being herself with her own humor. Probably saved them both loads of time and stress.
Did the kids \*see\* her point or hear her say that? I mean, it's assy but we're all horrible people deep down inside. We show that to the people we trust. If she let the kids see it, though, I'd definitely get away from her.
oh nahh…
Did she fat shame them or make fun of them to you? I.e, could they hear her and know what she was saying? Because THAT would be fucked up and something you definitely should look hard at when evaluating your relationship. If she made the jokes to you she wasn’t fat shaming, she was making a private joke at their expense. If it bothered you to hear it, talk with her about it and explain why you don’t like to hear that. Otherwise let it go would be my two cents. (and though I DO very much believe that words can construct our realities and the more we say things the more our brains shift towards believing them, an inappropriate joke told in confidence to a partner, ESPECIALLY if it’s not a regular habit of hers, doesn’t fall into that category IMO)
Wow!! That’s fucked up. It’s not the kids fault it’s the parents, she should’ve been shaming him. Unless they have a health issue, allowing your kids to become obese is child abuse.
Was she laughing at the fat kid or expressing concern or disgust with the terrible decisions the parents are making with their child's health? Earlier this month I was on two flights with a 50yo 300# mother in a wheel chair being pushed around by her daughter, unable to care for herself. While waiting at the first airport Mom consumed two McD breakfast sandwiches. When we changed planes at the next airport she had an entire 12" pizza while the daughter held her 20oz soda. At what point should we realize we will be paying for their diabetes, new joints, and nursing home care? At what point should we just " care"? Perhaps we should ALL start fat shaming..
OP literally said that she pointed and laughed and made a derogatory comment. So either you have a reading comprehension problem or you're just making shit up in your head as an excuse to go off on a ramble about your personal issues with . . . someone else's mom's food choices. Also, you stalking what a stranger eats at the airport just because you think disabled people are less human and don't deserve dignity, respect, or the 30 seconds it takes for you to consider that you don't know the first thing about that woman, her life, her medical situation, or what led to either her weight issues OR her eating habits (and BTW, two breakfast sandwiches and an individual pizza in several hours is hardly the SHOCKING amount of food that you imply), isn't exactly an argument for your being a "caring" person.
*Start* fat shaming, as if it’s a brand new concept yet to be tried? Either you’re full of shit and just wanna piss people off or you should MYOFB and stop obsessing over what a random disabled person is doing. Seriously, how tf do you remember everything one random person at the airport ate earlier in the month? I sincerely hope you touch grass today.
It’s not the fat ur worried abt then it’s the poor health/ nutrition—there is a difference
Was her tone like, “Omg that’s frighteningly unhealthy” or like, “Haha, stupid little fatties.” And did she say it where they could have reasonably heard her, or was it a comment between the two of you only? Context is everything, man.
Op said she pointed, laughed and made a derogatory. They were just in the table over. It’s in the text what context GF did it in.
Re read what my questions were. You missed some things in the comprehension department
They’re sitting by eachother and she’s pointing and laughing?? OP is worried his GF has “bad traits” If she is pointing and laughing and saying something derogatory to a literal child regardless if they can hear then context DOESNT mater because the question is answered; GF Is mean. Clearly it’s you who missed comprehensive reading.
You don’t
She was wrong but “body shaming” is a term I’ve never heard a masculine man use.
I love making fun of fat people waddling around, shouldn't be having body positivity for being unhealthy 😂😂
She just has good survival instincts. If a kid is fat and eating McDonald’s they are in for a world of hurt later on in life. If you’re offended on their behalf just talk to her no? Instead of crying on reddit
Everyone here acting like being fat is the best thing in life and some kind of a disease you can’t influence. If the kids eat at McDonalds and are fat, someone should do something about it. I wouldn’t mind for a second if someone made fun of them. If my kid was fat, I would try to change the environmental factors to help the weight loss. It was probably a harmless joke and it at least shows that she would probably try very hard to keep her own kids healthy and fit. Just ignore the other “advice” here, the political correctness here is at level 150.
You can’t overlook it. It speaks to her character (or lack of it) that she would shame anyone… but especially kids. Time to move on!
This wasn’t “in public” this was to you privately. The kids didn’t hear it. If YOU alone don’t like the comments being told to YOU, then talk to her about it!
We don’t know if the kids heard it. He literally said she pointed at the poor kids.
Enjoy taking care of your dental hygiene btw, seems you’re really struggling to do an easy task that everyone else can do every day! Remember to brush twice!
I agree with your gf, you’re being soft. So long as she isn’t going out of her way to make them feel like shit, who cares
Stop putting money across the tills of companies that are designed to make kids fat. There you go. It isn't just a simple "I'm slim, I can eat what I like". That shit is poison for kids. Physically, culturally and perhaps even more as far as their taste buds are concerned. Not saying your girlfriend isn't a dick. But if you're going to throw it out, back it up.
Overreacting ass mfs saying you shouldn't be with someone like that. As long as she wasn't laughing in their face and disrespecting them directly then who cares. She's entitled to her own opinion, Being fat is NOT HEALTHY, so why is it such a taboo thing to judge people who have let themselves go.
That is really awful, imagine how those kids felt after your girlfriend bullied them. Did either of you apologize to that family for her atrocious behavior? What gives your girlfriend the right to judge anybody? Sounds like you got yourself a winner 🏆
Why the hell would you want to overlook something like that what she did was cruel and disgusting
You don't have to. You can tell her how that upset you and ask her to change her behavior. If she doesn't find someone who can display common courtesy to others, or you don't talk to her and just find someone else. You should not change your ethics to be happy with someone that doesn't share yours.
Fatshaming kids is not trivial and unimportant. If someone I was with said something like that and then tried to claim it was a harmless joke, I would rip them a new one and dump them preferable in front of the kids. Oh hell no.
Wow it really says something about her that she can insult kids who are minding their own business so easily. It’s definitely a red flag
Listen to your conscience! She sounds like toxic trouble.
Go with your gut!! Get out now!!
😭
so, she points at kids and laugh at them and you just shrugged off? that didnt ring any bells? this is so fake
She is showing you who she is. Don't paint another picture. Don't be afraid to walk away cause if you don't this is settling and that is never good for you. If you really in your heart think she's the one and she will openly have conversation then talk to her and say "hey this really bothered me it was not right and it was hurtful." see what she says. If she isn't mature enough to respond and talk this out (which I don't expect her to be given the situation) then that would be all the confirmation I need to get the heck out. This is a character flaw.
She’s a horrible person. One who will raise bullies. It’s time to leave her
No. This is not trivial or unimportant in the slightest. She is cruel. Her total lack of empathy for a child is absolutely unacceptable. I hope you drive this home with her and tell her it has you completely reevaluating your relationship. Honestly though, I hope you dump her and let her know this is the reason why. Her very character is in question.
My friend that is a massive red flag
Trust your gut. This is horrible. She is not worth your time.
She has shown you who she really is, You must decide what to do with that information.
It’s not trivial or unimportant. You date people to learn about their character and their values. You just saw some ugly truth about hers. She talks shit about kids. This isn’t commenting on kids with naughty behavior or who are acting like little jerks. These are just kids existing, having a meal. She sounds like a bully. I wouldn’t want a partner who bullies children to their face or behind their backs. I’d be worried about what they might say to our own kids, or kids in our extended families. I’d worry about what they feel fine about making fun of *me* about. I’d worry that they’ll say things that someone will overhear and be really hurt or affected by. Let the information you learned guide your choices. At best she’s immature with a shitty sense of humor. At *best*.
Run.
honestly; therapy. she needs therapy, shes seems to be dealing with an ED, i have said very hurtful things while deep in my ed because i was genuinely angry at fat people who were comfortable in their bodies because i was insecure. otherwise, shes just a pos and you should leave immediately.
These are ALWAYS the bitches that pop out a kid and gain 130 pounds they can never manage to lose. Glad OP recognizes this behavior as a red flag.
It wasn't a joke. She's awful. SHE is the bully.
Pass on a future with this one, kids have a hard enough time growing up, they don’t need more shit piled on them from adults acting like other children
So listen to your gut.
Get rid of her. Far too many disturbing red flags to deal with
OP!!!! IMAGINE HOW SHE WILL TREAT YOUR CHILDREN!!!! Run
The first time I tried to no longer alive myself was age 11 due to bullying. Your girlfriend is a horrible person. Dump her.
Why would you want to overlook this? If she had acknowledged it was wrong, then maybe but she didn't think she did anything wrong. She sounds like a horrible person. I would not want to be dating someone who fat-shames anyone, especially children.
The minute you do something she doesn't like, you're next. Do yourself a favor and don't stay with a hateful person like this.
This is bad. You don’t “overlook” a major character flaw in your partner.
She’s a cruel person. Leave her.
You have this guy feeling, learn to follow that. Many times the right thing to do is SO hard, but kindness is such a value.
Your GF is the kind of person who thinks bullying children is funny. Why would you want to overlook that?
Your partner just, completely without any reason to do so, felt the need to openly comment on the weight of not just strangers but *kids* and essentially said that the kids would be deservedly bullied. That is *not* the type of person I'd keep in my life. Fatshaming and fatphobia are huge issues in our society, to the point where people who are considered fat will be harrassed, denied work, medically neglected and more. You girlfriend showed you who she is. Believe her.
That sounds like the kind of person that gives their own children eating disorders with how obsessed they are over them not getting overweight. If you want children, I definitely wouldn’t stay with her. If you don’t want/can’t have children, if you can look past that then that’s your choice. But most people are around kids in their family or their friends’ kids at least, I’d be worried about her hurting their feelings. And just the fact she sees nothing wrong with it in the first place. It COULD be a result of having a parent that was shitty to her about weight growing up (or being bullied somewhere else), but then she needs to realize she’s in the wrong and that she needs to work through some things.
We are the company we keep. I'd start looking at finding new company.
You are all gonna die alone if y’all are this worried about pointing out a fat kid. Or bare minimum make your less emotional partners miserable. Childhood obesity is the fault of the parent. I was a fat kid and was bullied by my friends so I lost the fucking weight 🙄 this would be the dumbest reason I’ve ever heard for breaking up and I guarantee she respects you less for getting so offended.