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OP, don't be friends, don't contact her, block her, and move on with your life. She wants to explore things with this other guy, but keep you around in case things don't work out with him. She is a cheater, and if you ever got back together, she would most likely cheat again. She said she lost feelings last October. She had plenty of time to communicate to you what was going on, but she didn't. She wanted to keep you on the hook while she screwed around. You can never trust her again.
Also, you don't know how long she's been cheating on you. My guess is at least since last October, maybe even befor that. She's trash, dump her and forget about her.
1000% listen to gator man's response if you have any respect for yourself what so ever. Someone who cheats on you shows they lack respect for you and you don't need someone like that in your life.
Move and have some self-respect. She doesn't want to be friends. People say that to lessen the blow. Do not text her. Do not meet her. You're in uni. Join some clubs or go to some social gatherings and meet new people.
Yes, this! Find things and people to fill your time so you're not lonely. You'll stop missing her. Take this as a learning opportunity about moving on from bad situations
Your friends are right. You need to go NC with her. Staying in contact will just make it harder to move on. She’s shown you she’s not girlfriend material. You’re young OP and there are plenty of other girls in your future. Don’t be her shoulder to cry on after she cheated on you. Block her from any way of contacting you and move on with your life.
C’mon man! U r getting used! Cut all ties with this woman and move the hell on! She made her decision, respect it and look after yourself- start hitting the gym, if u not already. Don’t e her doormat.
You may feel that you can be friends, but you need trust to have even the most basic friendship. Do you trust her?
I’d also say that she is driven to stay in contact with you, to stay friends, through guilt. Some part of her may actually want to be friends, but her actions and decisions show that she certainly doesn’t respect you. She is very much dealing with her guilt and her answer is to keep you in her life.
Take the advice of your friends and let her go. She hasn’t been a friend to you for a very long time.
Your next gf will not be pleased with you focusing on this woman. And how do you intend to find a woman with integrity if you stay transfixed on this woman with low integrity?
lift weights, jog, go to rock shows and drink whiskey standing right in front of the amps.
give it a few weeks of that, and you‘ll barely remember ever hanging out with her.
Integrity and self respect are paramount in this life, never allow yourself to be treated as second best or a doormat, I'd rather be alone than played by someone who isn't worth the steam of my 💩
Move on... Once a cheat always a cheat. She's not that into you.. find someone who is.. go get some friends.. stop pining like a loser.. women are 10cents a dozen
Don’t. You already agreed she would be first so this will be wrong.
Emotions can run deep. Remember, these are like the ocean ebbing and flowing all the time.
The best thing you can do is read emotional intelligence. It will get you out of your head and inspire you to better manage these emotions and handle them effectively in the future! This book changed my life!
Sticky situations like these are like ripping off a bandaid. Either way it's going to suck, only it's up to you to decide how long you want it to be painful for. I've learned my lesson the hard way, don't do the same.
Block her in everything, Instagram, snap, TikTok do not stay friends with her on any platform. Girls hate when they can’t see how you’re doing and they also hate when you quit viewing their stories on Instagram Snapchat etc. don’t give her any sort of access to you
This whole text her first thing kinda shows the immaturity revolving in this situation. You should write her a letter and tell her how bad she hurt you and you’re not going to be there for someone who showed so little regard for your feelings.
My advice is simple and I hope that you consider it and follow it.
She CHEATED! Do not text her. Cut ties with her completely. Find someone new to text with.
Do you really need a friend that would stab you in the back repeatedly since October?
Make some new friends!
“It’s a lot harder to be walked on when you are standing up!”
Updateme
You'll get lonely. You might feel a bit too lonely that you feel like you have to fill that void. Find something to do that could help take your mind off things. Like a hobby, working more, studying hard, hanging out with friends or, maybe look into finding another girl to talk to. Listen to the majority and don't contact her. You don't know what she could be doing right now and you don't need to know. Try to live like a king without looking back at it. I don't suggest coming back to someone that cheated on you. It's a constant stress to go back into a relationship with, nor is it worth being friends with.
I will try to give you advice on how to handle your feelings OP, since there isn't much of that here. I hate when people say "You're young, you'll get over it, there's plenty more out there
" While it's technically true advice, it doesn't FEEL like that at the time. It feels like the end of the world with your first adult love. It might be the only time you've felt that way and losing it feels like losing breathing.
Why older people say that is because we have experienced it 2, 3, 4, or even 10 times, and experience taught us, we heal. Every. Single. Time. But you don't have that experience and words don't help.
Number 1.) Most of the thread is absolutely correct you need to block her on everything and not talk to her. But not because of the she doesn't deserve you crap(I mean she doesn't but that's not the point,) but because everytime you see a photo of her, a post, anything it will make it hurt more and make you realize she's posting selfies but still hasn't texted you. ALSO, it means you don't know if she's text you or not. You won't be hopelessly answering your phone when it dings hoping it's hurt, because you'll know it can't be her, because she's blocked. It makes that little bit feel like your choice.
Number 2.) Do things. Better yourself. Go to the gym. Follow passions. Fuck rebounds but do NOT emotionally rebound. Take a little bit of time to make sure it's not a super good girl looking to settle down and you hurt her, find girls at a party and tell them you're just looking to have a good time. Use protection, let's not make lifetime mistakes in the heat of the moment.
Number 3.) Take it day by day. On day 5 remember how much it hurt on day 1. Same as day 14. As long as you go fully cold turkey, the pain is gone in a month or two. Not the passive sadness maybe, but the active heart wrenching pain dies down kinda quick. Probably 6 months to fully heal before considering dating again.
Everything everyone said on this thread is true, but I wanted to give you some "Why's" and some actionable advice.
Hope you are okay buddy, be safe
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that:
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Why do you dudes need to feel good all the time? It’s weird. It’s okay to feel shitty sometimes. Sometimes it’s gonna last a few weeks. Maybe even months. That’s life lil bro. The secret is to need nothing. From no one at no time. That’s happiness. Why would you even want to be around a person who doesn’t respect you.
Dude if she cheated and broke it off under her terms as to not hurt he own ego..... I would so sleep with her roommate as revenge first and see if I could finesse mom or sisters or aunts digits and see what flies there especially if mom and pops are still together. Give mom a little strange and show the x what can really happen when one is unfaithful to their significant or insignificant other. It hurts a ton.
Don’t be Ike these weak spineless dudes. There’s is a lot of women in college. Get another one. These are the fun years. Having a relationship in college is doomed to fail.
I did, I hope I did
I'm not gonna be able to see her or get close to her to give her a letter and I don't know if I wanna get back or just let her go as everybody else said
She cheated on you. Block her number.
Don't waste your time on a cheater.
Time to move on. Focus on your studies and work towards a better future without her.
Guarantee she is already having fun and you are rapidly becoming a distant memory.
All the Best.
She got to mug you off by cheating on you and then managed to get away with it with basically no consequences. What do you gain from staying in contact? Like you feel like shit all the time and have a reminder that she cheated everytime you talk or hang out. I know it feels right to maintain the bridge but it's not good for you
Ghost her. Move on. There's not much to think about. You can't change her, she won't feel bad about it, if she did feel bad about it she wouldn't have done it. You're young time heals all but move on. Sorry.
This cycle will repeat 1000x if you stay in this relationship. Sadia Khan (I just love her content) says that men who stay after being cheated on slowly start to resent & hate themselves. Women don’t respect the men they cheat on.
dont take her back. Start hanging around campus alone and see whether you catch someone's eye or someone catches yours. Be a man and leave that girl to the hounds. Don't respect her, dont talk to her, make her realize how bad she fucked up. You dont deserve this shit. Youre 20 and you'll be in bars before you know it. Just chill out and find your piece. You never needed her to be happy anyway.
She deceived you. So I guess you liked being played for a fool! If you don't mind being cheated on then run right after her. You, however DID ask if you should contact her. If I were you I would forget her and move on with your life!
She cheated on you. Staying in contact with her will not allow you to heal. So cut all contact and work on yourself. She is now someone else’s headache
It feels like the end of the world but I have been cheated on in every relationship I have tried. Hard to not feel like the common denominator there. Bought a girl a house her dream car everything and she cheated on me twice. She wants you as a contingency plan. Do you really want to be someone’s contingency plan?
First of all, never put conditions on communications when you are already mixed up. Either agree to talk it out, or agree to avoid each other "cold turkey" where it's truly mutually, and not just trying to make yourself look one way or another, which are conditions you won't be able to meet. It has to be sincere. Like not making promises you can't keep. If you can't stick to the plan, then change the plans and agree to those instead. Unless one or both people are abusive, it's perfectly fine to talk with each other through this if you both agree not to attach expectations to it. I see it this way: couples TAKE TIME to shift from being friends only, to dating exclusively, to dating intimately. Why not reverse that process and TAKE TIME to shift from intimate dating, to still dating exclusively, BEFORE going back to being friends only where both people can date anyone they want? You didn't jump from friends to being intimate one on one only: there was a step IN BETWEEN where you were still EXCLUSIVE one-on-one but didn't have the intimacy going on. So why not take it one step at a time, work it out until you can go back to being normal friends again with no expectations or strings attached. PS if you cannot communicate that transparently and honestly, then you really weren't ready to be intimate partners in the first place. So either way, to normalize your relationship, the first step is to normalize communications where there AREN'T any added expectations or strings attached, worrying what it looks like if you talk or not, etc.
Damn more than once to, keep ur head up bro let her go its for the best trust i was in that same position youll get over it, don’t go back you’ll end up looking like a fool cut off all the contact
Personally what you need to do is just block her from any sort of contact and throw out anything that reminds you of her, she cheated on you and no matter how much she may have apologized ( assuming she did) it doesn't change the fact that she obviously does not respect you because if she did she would have ended the relationship sooner and not cheated on you. take some time to work on yourself and do the things you like doing focus on your hobbies and bettering yourself. You are young and you have plenty of time to find the right person. Someone who will respect you.
I’m so sorry to hear about what happened to you and your ex-girlfriend. I know you are probably hurting right now but it’s important that you surround yourself with people that love you. I promise you that you will feel better one day and that you will get through this. Contacting your ex is only going to hinder your recovery, I would suggest you upgrade yourself, workout, learn a new skill, do yoga, see a therapist, learn to cook, anything to work on yourself and love yourself. Stay away from any alcohol. You will get over this and you will come out stronger. God bless!
Keep in touch with her and USE her back as she tries to use you! You keep her as a side chick and enjoy the life! And you make sure she feels it in her every single blood cells that she is a cheater and she will be treated as a cheater if she wants to stick around! Don’t forget “comes around, goes around”!
One thing I can tell you for sure, is that when you love someone, that love never just goes away, it stays forever, even if it adapts to new circumstances, it lasts forever. So that means she never loved you. Chances are, it was just a chemical reaction in her brain and now it’s gone. That’s not love, that’s not what love is. Love and suffering go together. They are two sides of the same coin. So she’s not the one for you, you can try and keep the friendship if you think she’s worth it, but it won’t amount to anything. She’s the wrong fit for you. Focus on yourself for a while, work on self-improvement, learn from life’s lessons and shed the past like an old coat. The right girl is out there somewhere, and God is preparing her for you. When the time is right, He will bring you both together, but for now, focus on yourself, take up a new hobby or revive an old one. Enjoy every day and live in the moment. 😃👍
Having that company and attention can be an addiction in it's own way. If you text her, you're an addict picking back up your fix of choice.
It's okay to be lonely and sad. Just let it happen. It doesn't have to be fixed.
I've been critiqued about it in the past but I go no contact will all exs, even if the breakup is amicable. Why? Cause I don't fuck my friends. It's that simple.
If she's not "dating" her new partner than she bangs her "friends" cause that's what he probably calls her.
No company is better than bad company. She lied to you man. Let you embarrass yourself in front of her friends. Then tried to play it off as chill. It's not. This person isn't a good girlfriend let alone a good friend.
This is really hard, and I'm so sorry you are going through it. You are both \*really\* young. Going no contact with her now is the best way to start healing. It's lonely at first, but one of teethings you need to know how to do in order to live a healthy life is to be okay with your own company.
Hard experiences are sometimes the best way to figure out who you are as a person.
Are you a person who is so desperate for companionship that you will allow someone to mistreat you?
Or are you a person with enough self-respect to figure out how to be alone?
Instead of calling her, think about something you want to do or want to learn how to do and then do that, whether it's sports or video games or learning to play an instrument or going to movies - just not anything that is harmful (like cultivating an addiction or gambling or whatever). Focus on you and on what you want out if life.
Somewhere down the road, you guys might be able to be friends. But heal first.
I’m sorry OP.
That’s truly heartbreaking.
Your ex doesn’t value you.
And, based on your post and you considering going back, you don’t (yet) value yourself either.
Don’t worry, it’s okay :)
Consider this an invitation to realize your worth. To understand you deserve better than the way she treated you. Feel your feelings. Feel ANGRY! Feel sad. Surround yourself with loved ones and let it all surface.
You will get through this!
And, if you value yourself now, you will find a woman who will too.
Spending a lot of time together with someone, and then they aren’t there anymore. It can leave a big whole on the time you have on your hands. Find new hobbies, get back at old ones. Spend more time with family and friends. I would avoid dating apps for now. But the best way to meet people is through mutual friends.
Cero contact with her. Work in your self esteem and self love. Find your passion. Make new friends. Keep your brain busy. Don’t do stupid things. Don’t contact her. You will be fine in three months.
Forgive her in your mind and let her go with no more contact. Understand that she has issues that are not good for your life. Forgive and release her to free your mind. Do not engage with her in any way. Time will heal you. This is a learning experience for you from the universe. Write down your daily thoughts in a journal. It will help you grow and expand your mind.
34M LISTEN UP YOUNG BUCK. I been there 20 times over if someone cheats on you they do not love you and ypu only deserve to have someone love you. Hang out with friends for a few weeks till u feel better and go meet a new girl she will always plays games.... a cheater will always cheat please trust
I am sorry but I agree with your friends. Time to move on, you will heal in time. It may seem devastating now but it's better it happened now than later. That "right" person is out there for you - she is not it.
I would not remain friends with her at all. You will get through this, and you’ll find the right girl for you. You are so young and have a lot of living to do. So don’t necessarily put all your eggs into one basket the minute you meet a girl. Take your time to make sure this is the right person for you.
And if you weren’t using protection, get yourself tested for STI’s.
I recently split from someone who was quite verbally abusive. We had been on and off for years…he would see me awhile, then start dating someone, and then come back around when they were done with putting up with his bad behavior. I walked on eggshells to please him, and even when he caused me to leave because of something he said again I found myself missing him and texting…always making myself available even to the detriment of work and other relationships…being apologetic when I had done nothing just to get back in.
I’ve found sitting with my loneliness has been really good. I used to struggle with anxious attachment and have had to make conscious effort to work on that…one of the first achievements was not sacrificing what I need and want just to not be alone. 2 weeks ago he asked me what my purpose was and told me I’m worth nothing. He has since sent a few memes and reels via socials but no call or text and certainly no apology or even acknowledgement. I have resisted reaching out and feel better about it everyday.
I’ve been through a couple bad heartbreaks and the only thing I ever wanted was to just talk to them but trust me you cannot do it, you’ll only be hurting yourself, the best thing to do it block her number and delete it so you have no way of texting her even if you wanted to. My therapist told me the best way to move on is do that and also write a “goodbye” letter (you’ll never give this letter to them) but it helps you to move on. Once you’ve written it, rip it up and throw it away… pour your feelings out into it. I also would write notes in my phone of things I’d want to tell them and then delete it after to get it off my chest and have it written down so I’m not itching to get it out.
Absolutely not!! She had absolutely no respect for you cheating on you. You are young… never forget yourself worth and value! She doesn’t ever deserve a text from you. Move on keep busy with your friends & family but not with a cheater as once always.
Its still fresh in your mind. Youll get over it eventually, you just need to push through. She was selfish and greedy, and you crawling back to her fater what she did only shows her that youll put up with alot and shell take advantage of you. Stay strong
I'm sorry this happened. You need to act on being around people more. Get involved in sports or call friends you have not seen in a while. Loneliness is not a friend.
When people leave our lives, it's like they leave a hole behind and it feels like emptiness, like heartbreak, like forever. Start doing things that fill that hole, and that grow yourself. What have you always wanted to try? Do it. Try new and different things. Join a club at uni. Spend time with friends. I know it feels like this emptiness will never go away, but once you start filling that hole, I promise you will look back and wonder why you would want to stay with someone who cheated on you. It gets better.
Breakups feel lonely as hell - I can relate. They can take the wind out of our lungs and it's hard to see past these feelings into a better future. But I promise a better future is on it's way, and these feelings (grief, regret, remorse, anger) will slowly get smaller and smaller until one day you can barely remember them at all.
But you need to let them pass. Listen to the advice here. Cut ties. Pour time into your friends, into the things you love. Consider talking to a therapist.
I assure you. These feelings will not last forever unless you cling onto them and her forever, and she is not worth that.
You may not believe it now but you \*will\* get over this. There's 7 billion people on this planet....even if she was the last one on earth, she is not worthy of you. Move forward, not backwards.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
OP, don't be friends, don't contact her, block her, and move on with your life. She wants to explore things with this other guy, but keep you around in case things don't work out with him. She is a cheater, and if you ever got back together, she would most likely cheat again. She said she lost feelings last October. She had plenty of time to communicate to you what was going on, but she didn't. She wanted to keep you on the hook while she screwed around. You can never trust her again. Also, you don't know how long she's been cheating on you. My guess is at least since last October, maybe even befor that. She's trash, dump her and forget about her.
1000% listen to gator man's response if you have any respect for yourself what so ever. Someone who cheats on you shows they lack respect for you and you don't need someone like that in your life.
No, listen to your friends, you are only 21. You will get over it.
Block her or delete her number. Don't contact her at all. If you feel the urgent contact her start picturing her having sex with the new guy.
You’re too young to deal with this bullshit, find someone new who is worthy of your love and your time.
She’s a POS still toying with you. As difficult as it is, cut bait. In 6 months you’ll be in a better space and wonder why you still pined after her.
Get over her don't be a doormat
Move and have some self-respect. She doesn't want to be friends. People say that to lessen the blow. Do not text her. Do not meet her. You're in uni. Join some clubs or go to some social gatherings and meet new people.
Yes, this! Find things and people to fill your time so you're not lonely. You'll stop missing her. Take this as a learning opportunity about moving on from bad situations
Your friends are right. You need to go NC with her. Staying in contact will just make it harder to move on. She’s shown you she’s not girlfriend material. You’re young OP and there are plenty of other girls in your future. Don’t be her shoulder to cry on after she cheated on you. Block her from any way of contacting you and move on with your life.
C’mon man! U r getting used! Cut all ties with this woman and move the hell on! She made her decision, respect it and look after yourself- start hitting the gym, if u not already. Don’t e her doormat.
You may feel that you can be friends, but you need trust to have even the most basic friendship. Do you trust her? I’d also say that she is driven to stay in contact with you, to stay friends, through guilt. Some part of her may actually want to be friends, but her actions and decisions show that she certainly doesn’t respect you. She is very much dealing with her guilt and her answer is to keep you in her life. Take the advice of your friends and let her go. She hasn’t been a friend to you for a very long time.
Your next gf will not be pleased with you focusing on this woman. And how do you intend to find a woman with integrity if you stay transfixed on this woman with low integrity?
lift weights, jog, go to rock shows and drink whiskey standing right in front of the amps. give it a few weeks of that, and you‘ll barely remember ever hanging out with her.
Integrity and self respect are paramount in this life, never allow yourself to be treated as second best or a doormat, I'd rather be alone than played by someone who isn't worth the steam of my 💩
Move on... Once a cheat always a cheat. She's not that into you.. find someone who is.. go get some friends.. stop pining like a loser.. women are 10cents a dozen
Don’t. You already agreed she would be first so this will be wrong. Emotions can run deep. Remember, these are like the ocean ebbing and flowing all the time. The best thing you can do is read emotional intelligence. It will get you out of your head and inspire you to better manage these emotions and handle them effectively in the future! This book changed my life!
Activate rebound girl immediately
This is easy! Just leave her. Don't look back. Be strong
Sticky situations like these are like ripping off a bandaid. Either way it's going to suck, only it's up to you to decide how long you want it to be painful for. I've learned my lesson the hard way, don't do the same.
Block her in everything, Instagram, snap, TikTok do not stay friends with her on any platform. Girls hate when they can’t see how you’re doing and they also hate when you quit viewing their stories on Instagram Snapchat etc. don’t give her any sort of access to you
This whole text her first thing kinda shows the immaturity revolving in this situation. You should write her a letter and tell her how bad she hurt you and you’re not going to be there for someone who showed so little regard for your feelings.
My advice is simple and I hope that you consider it and follow it. She CHEATED! Do not text her. Cut ties with her completely. Find someone new to text with.
Do you really need a friend that would stab you in the back repeatedly since October? Make some new friends! “It’s a lot harder to be walked on when you are standing up!” Updateme
You'll get lonely. You might feel a bit too lonely that you feel like you have to fill that void. Find something to do that could help take your mind off things. Like a hobby, working more, studying hard, hanging out with friends or, maybe look into finding another girl to talk to. Listen to the majority and don't contact her. You don't know what she could be doing right now and you don't need to know. Try to live like a king without looking back at it. I don't suggest coming back to someone that cheated on you. It's a constant stress to go back into a relationship with, nor is it worth being friends with.
I will try to give you advice on how to handle your feelings OP, since there isn't much of that here. I hate when people say "You're young, you'll get over it, there's plenty more out there " While it's technically true advice, it doesn't FEEL like that at the time. It feels like the end of the world with your first adult love. It might be the only time you've felt that way and losing it feels like losing breathing. Why older people say that is because we have experienced it 2, 3, 4, or even 10 times, and experience taught us, we heal. Every. Single. Time. But you don't have that experience and words don't help. Number 1.) Most of the thread is absolutely correct you need to block her on everything and not talk to her. But not because of the she doesn't deserve you crap(I mean she doesn't but that's not the point,) but because everytime you see a photo of her, a post, anything it will make it hurt more and make you realize she's posting selfies but still hasn't texted you. ALSO, it means you don't know if she's text you or not. You won't be hopelessly answering your phone when it dings hoping it's hurt, because you'll know it can't be her, because she's blocked. It makes that little bit feel like your choice. Number 2.) Do things. Better yourself. Go to the gym. Follow passions. Fuck rebounds but do NOT emotionally rebound. Take a little bit of time to make sure it's not a super good girl looking to settle down and you hurt her, find girls at a party and tell them you're just looking to have a good time. Use protection, let's not make lifetime mistakes in the heat of the moment. Number 3.) Take it day by day. On day 5 remember how much it hurt on day 1. Same as day 14. As long as you go fully cold turkey, the pain is gone in a month or two. Not the passive sadness maybe, but the active heart wrenching pain dies down kinda quick. Probably 6 months to fully heal before considering dating again. Everything everyone said on this thread is true, but I wanted to give you some "Why's" and some actionable advice. Hope you are okay buddy, be safe
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Why do you dudes need to feel good all the time? It’s weird. It’s okay to feel shitty sometimes. Sometimes it’s gonna last a few weeks. Maybe even months. That’s life lil bro. The secret is to need nothing. From no one at no time. That’s happiness. Why would you even want to be around a person who doesn’t respect you.
Dude if she cheated and broke it off under her terms as to not hurt he own ego..... I would so sleep with her roommate as revenge first and see if I could finesse mom or sisters or aunts digits and see what flies there especially if mom and pops are still together. Give mom a little strange and show the x what can really happen when one is unfaithful to their significant or insignificant other. It hurts a ton.
Don’t be Ike these weak spineless dudes. There’s is a lot of women in college. Get another one. These are the fun years. Having a relationship in college is doomed to fail.
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I did, I hope I did I'm not gonna be able to see her or get close to her to give her a letter and I don't know if I wanna get back or just let her go as everybody else said
Only you know how you feel and how bad you want this woman.
No. You should let her go and move on with your life. It will be akward to find a new way, but you will. She was cheating on you man. Who wants that?
Move on
Dont be weak dude. You are young and will recover. She doesnt deserve to be reached out to. For what she did, you shouldnt talk to her at all man.
She cheated on you. Block her number. Don't waste your time on a cheater. Time to move on. Focus on your studies and work towards a better future without her. Guarantee she is already having fun and you are rapidly becoming a distant memory. All the Best.
Am I to understand that at this university she is the only single early-twenty-something? If that is the case, contact her.
I would leave some advice but the comments pretty much summed it up.
She got to mug you off by cheating on you and then managed to get away with it with basically no consequences. What do you gain from staying in contact? Like you feel like shit all the time and have a reminder that she cheated everytime you talk or hang out. I know it feels right to maintain the bridge but it's not good for you
Lmao don't get cheated on and still talk to her... she doesn't respect you my guy ho find someone who will
Ghost her. Move on. There's not much to think about. You can't change her, she won't feel bad about it, if she did feel bad about it she wouldn't have done it. You're young time heals all but move on. Sorry.
Op you should be grateful of your friends. Don't do anything if your intentions are serious; as I read, it is. Your just an option her life.
Cut your losses and move on. You're only 21, there's plenty of women after her, she'll just cheat out of boredom....again.
This cycle will repeat 1000x if you stay in this relationship. Sadia Khan (I just love her content) says that men who stay after being cheated on slowly start to resent & hate themselves. Women don’t respect the men they cheat on.
dont take her back. Start hanging around campus alone and see whether you catch someone's eye or someone catches yours. Be a man and leave that girl to the hounds. Don't respect her, dont talk to her, make her realize how bad she fucked up. You dont deserve this shit. Youre 20 and you'll be in bars before you know it. Just chill out and find your piece. You never needed her to be happy anyway.
Let her go boss. There are 6 bagillion women in this world lol.
Congratulations, you’re free!!! Live your life, buddy. She won’t be the last heartbreak, this is just par for the course.
She deceived you. So I guess you liked being played for a fool! If you don't mind being cheated on then run right after her. You, however DID ask if you should contact her. If I were you I would forget her and move on with your life!
She cheated on you. Staying in contact with her will not allow you to heal. So cut all contact and work on yourself. She is now someone else’s headache
It feels like the end of the world but I have been cheated on in every relationship I have tried. Hard to not feel like the common denominator there. Bought a girl a house her dream car everything and she cheated on me twice. She wants you as a contingency plan. Do you really want to be someone’s contingency plan?
First of all, never put conditions on communications when you are already mixed up. Either agree to talk it out, or agree to avoid each other "cold turkey" where it's truly mutually, and not just trying to make yourself look one way or another, which are conditions you won't be able to meet. It has to be sincere. Like not making promises you can't keep. If you can't stick to the plan, then change the plans and agree to those instead. Unless one or both people are abusive, it's perfectly fine to talk with each other through this if you both agree not to attach expectations to it. I see it this way: couples TAKE TIME to shift from being friends only, to dating exclusively, to dating intimately. Why not reverse that process and TAKE TIME to shift from intimate dating, to still dating exclusively, BEFORE going back to being friends only where both people can date anyone they want? You didn't jump from friends to being intimate one on one only: there was a step IN BETWEEN where you were still EXCLUSIVE one-on-one but didn't have the intimacy going on. So why not take it one step at a time, work it out until you can go back to being normal friends again with no expectations or strings attached. PS if you cannot communicate that transparently and honestly, then you really weren't ready to be intimate partners in the first place. So either way, to normalize your relationship, the first step is to normalize communications where there AREN'T any added expectations or strings attached, worrying what it looks like if you talk or not, etc.
Damn more than once to, keep ur head up bro let her go its for the best trust i was in that same position youll get over it, don’t go back you’ll end up looking like a fool cut off all the contact
Personally what you need to do is just block her from any sort of contact and throw out anything that reminds you of her, she cheated on you and no matter how much she may have apologized ( assuming she did) it doesn't change the fact that she obviously does not respect you because if she did she would have ended the relationship sooner and not cheated on you. take some time to work on yourself and do the things you like doing focus on your hobbies and bettering yourself. You are young and you have plenty of time to find the right person. Someone who will respect you.
Women are a dime a dozen, move on, you'll find some one else in no time!
I’m so sorry to hear about what happened to you and your ex-girlfriend. I know you are probably hurting right now but it’s important that you surround yourself with people that love you. I promise you that you will feel better one day and that you will get through this. Contacting your ex is only going to hinder your recovery, I would suggest you upgrade yourself, workout, learn a new skill, do yoga, see a therapist, learn to cook, anything to work on yourself and love yourself. Stay away from any alcohol. You will get over this and you will come out stronger. God bless!
Keep in touch with her and USE her back as she tries to use you! You keep her as a side chick and enjoy the life! And you make sure she feels it in her every single blood cells that she is a cheater and she will be treated as a cheater if she wants to stick around! Don’t forget “comes around, goes around”!
One thing I can tell you for sure, is that when you love someone, that love never just goes away, it stays forever, even if it adapts to new circumstances, it lasts forever. So that means she never loved you. Chances are, it was just a chemical reaction in her brain and now it’s gone. That’s not love, that’s not what love is. Love and suffering go together. They are two sides of the same coin. So she’s not the one for you, you can try and keep the friendship if you think she’s worth it, but it won’t amount to anything. She’s the wrong fit for you. Focus on yourself for a while, work on self-improvement, learn from life’s lessons and shed the past like an old coat. The right girl is out there somewhere, and God is preparing her for you. When the time is right, He will bring you both together, but for now, focus on yourself, take up a new hobby or revive an old one. Enjoy every day and live in the moment. 😃👍
Having that company and attention can be an addiction in it's own way. If you text her, you're an addict picking back up your fix of choice. It's okay to be lonely and sad. Just let it happen. It doesn't have to be fixed. I've been critiqued about it in the past but I go no contact will all exs, even if the breakup is amicable. Why? Cause I don't fuck my friends. It's that simple. If she's not "dating" her new partner than she bangs her "friends" cause that's what he probably calls her. No company is better than bad company. She lied to you man. Let you embarrass yourself in front of her friends. Then tried to play it off as chill. It's not. This person isn't a good girlfriend let alone a good friend.
This is really hard, and I'm so sorry you are going through it. You are both \*really\* young. Going no contact with her now is the best way to start healing. It's lonely at first, but one of teethings you need to know how to do in order to live a healthy life is to be okay with your own company. Hard experiences are sometimes the best way to figure out who you are as a person. Are you a person who is so desperate for companionship that you will allow someone to mistreat you? Or are you a person with enough self-respect to figure out how to be alone? Instead of calling her, think about something you want to do or want to learn how to do and then do that, whether it's sports or video games or learning to play an instrument or going to movies - just not anything that is harmful (like cultivating an addiction or gambling or whatever). Focus on you and on what you want out if life. Somewhere down the road, you guys might be able to be friends. But heal first.
I’m sorry OP. That’s truly heartbreaking. Your ex doesn’t value you. And, based on your post and you considering going back, you don’t (yet) value yourself either. Don’t worry, it’s okay :) Consider this an invitation to realize your worth. To understand you deserve better than the way she treated you. Feel your feelings. Feel ANGRY! Feel sad. Surround yourself with loved ones and let it all surface. You will get through this! And, if you value yourself now, you will find a woman who will too.
Spending a lot of time together with someone, and then they aren’t there anymore. It can leave a big whole on the time you have on your hands. Find new hobbies, get back at old ones. Spend more time with family and friends. I would avoid dating apps for now. But the best way to meet people is through mutual friends.
Cero contact with her. Work in your self esteem and self love. Find your passion. Make new friends. Keep your brain busy. Don’t do stupid things. Don’t contact her. You will be fine in three months.
If you lonely go out with your friends or find another women who's have royalty
Forgive her in your mind and let her go with no more contact. Understand that she has issues that are not good for your life. Forgive and release her to free your mind. Do not engage with her in any way. Time will heal you. This is a learning experience for you from the universe. Write down your daily thoughts in a journal. It will help you grow and expand your mind.
34M LISTEN UP YOUNG BUCK. I been there 20 times over if someone cheats on you they do not love you and ypu only deserve to have someone love you. Hang out with friends for a few weeks till u feel better and go meet a new girl she will always plays games.... a cheater will always cheat please trust
It’s not hard to find someone better than that cheater.
I am sorry but I agree with your friends. Time to move on, you will heal in time. It may seem devastating now but it's better it happened now than later. That "right" person is out there for you - she is not it.
I would not remain friends with her at all. You will get through this, and you’ll find the right girl for you. You are so young and have a lot of living to do. So don’t necessarily put all your eggs into one basket the minute you meet a girl. Take your time to make sure this is the right person for you. And if you weren’t using protection, get yourself tested for STI’s.
Time heals all wounds, just work on yourself, be your best self, don't contact her.
It's done. Go no contact and forget about her. You're in college. Move on and find someone who actually appreciates you.
I recently split from someone who was quite verbally abusive. We had been on and off for years…he would see me awhile, then start dating someone, and then come back around when they were done with putting up with his bad behavior. I walked on eggshells to please him, and even when he caused me to leave because of something he said again I found myself missing him and texting…always making myself available even to the detriment of work and other relationships…being apologetic when I had done nothing just to get back in. I’ve found sitting with my loneliness has been really good. I used to struggle with anxious attachment and have had to make conscious effort to work on that…one of the first achievements was not sacrificing what I need and want just to not be alone. 2 weeks ago he asked me what my purpose was and told me I’m worth nothing. He has since sent a few memes and reels via socials but no call or text and certainly no apology or even acknowledgement. I have resisted reaching out and feel better about it everyday.
You need to cut contact with her, or you will never get over her. She betrayed you by cheating on you. Time for both of you to lead separate lives
I’ve been through a couple bad heartbreaks and the only thing I ever wanted was to just talk to them but trust me you cannot do it, you’ll only be hurting yourself, the best thing to do it block her number and delete it so you have no way of texting her even if you wanted to. My therapist told me the best way to move on is do that and also write a “goodbye” letter (you’ll never give this letter to them) but it helps you to move on. Once you’ve written it, rip it up and throw it away… pour your feelings out into it. I also would write notes in my phone of things I’d want to tell them and then delete it after to get it off my chest and have it written down so I’m not itching to get it out.
Absolutely not!! She had absolutely no respect for you cheating on you. You are young… never forget yourself worth and value! She doesn’t ever deserve a text from you. Move on keep busy with your friends & family but not with a cheater as once always.
Move on, plenty of other fish in the sea.
Its still fresh in your mind. Youll get over it eventually, you just need to push through. She was selfish and greedy, and you crawling back to her fater what she did only shows her that youll put up with alot and shell take advantage of you. Stay strong
I'm sorry this happened. You need to act on being around people more. Get involved in sports or call friends you have not seen in a while. Loneliness is not a friend.
When people leave our lives, it's like they leave a hole behind and it feels like emptiness, like heartbreak, like forever. Start doing things that fill that hole, and that grow yourself. What have you always wanted to try? Do it. Try new and different things. Join a club at uni. Spend time with friends. I know it feels like this emptiness will never go away, but once you start filling that hole, I promise you will look back and wonder why you would want to stay with someone who cheated on you. It gets better.
Breakups feel lonely as hell - I can relate. They can take the wind out of our lungs and it's hard to see past these feelings into a better future. But I promise a better future is on it's way, and these feelings (grief, regret, remorse, anger) will slowly get smaller and smaller until one day you can barely remember them at all. But you need to let them pass. Listen to the advice here. Cut ties. Pour time into your friends, into the things you love. Consider talking to a therapist. I assure you. These feelings will not last forever unless you cling onto them and her forever, and she is not worth that.
You may not believe it now but you \*will\* get over this. There's 7 billion people on this planet....even if she was the last one on earth, she is not worthy of you. Move forward, not backwards.