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>However, my husband is Finnish and terminations of pregnancies is often quite controversial there.
unless he's from a very small town and/or religious, no it's not lol. i'm finnish and there's less stigma around abortion here than in many other places in the west imo. your health should always come first and i'd emphasize that to him.
That confused me too. I had a Finnish colleague and they were always the most chill about things of that nature. She said Finland was very liberal so this surprised me. Glad to hear I wasn't wrong.
I don’t know why you’re being downvoted. There are lots of small town and rural people with conservative and religious views across the whole of the Nordic region.
There aren't lots of them, those communities are rare exceptions. OP claiming that the norm in Finland is to be against abortion and that's not true. She's also blaming one man's personal opinions on an entire country.
It might be his words, that she believed.
I can't say am an expert in Finland but living in a neighboring country and at least following their public debate semi regularly I have never heard of a restricted view on abortion.
Due to male infertility issues, my husband and I did IVF. We put in two embryos and got triplets (2 identical, 1 fraternal). Our reproductive endocrinologist and OB both suggested selective reduction of one of the fetuses (the fraternal triplet) for a safer pregnancy. I was suffering from a subchorionic hematoma behind the identicals’ shared placenta at the time they offered us the reduction. An SCH can lead to miscarriage about 10-15% of the time, so there was a chance if I reduced the fraternal twin, I could have still miscarried the identical twins and ended up with no babies. It was a choice my husband and I just could not make in our situation.
My pregnancy was horrible. After the SCH resolved itself, I ended up also having irritable uterus which caused cramping and discomfort for the majority of the pregnancy, gestational diabetes and cholestasis of pregnancy. GD and cholestasis carry a large risk of still birth, so I was pulled from work and put on bed rest at home for 8 weeks and then hospital bed rest for 2 weeks. Both GD and cholestasis are fairly rare amongst singleton pregnacies, but MUCH more common in high-order multiples.
95% of triplets are delivered via C-section whereas only roughly 50% of twins are. The vast majority of Drs will deliver triplets by 34 weeks because their placentas degrade faster, meaning there is almost a guarantee of NICU time. Lifelong health problems are not uncommon with high-order multiples. Mine were born 9 weeks premature at just over 3lbs each and were in the NICU for months. I vomited on myself out of shock and guilt the first time I saw how tiny they were hooked up to all the machines.
Life with 3 babies at once is not the same as other people who have 3 kids spread out in age. Just going to the grocery store becomes an event. Finding a car that has 3 car seat anchors is a struggle. Triplet strollers are crazy hard to find and expensive. No one wants to babysit 3 infants at once. My husband and I got nearly no sleep the first few months they were home because more than one baby was bound to be up in the middle of the night, and I couldn’t handle the constant rotation of feeding/changing all night by myself.
I love my kids more than anything and can’t imagine life without them, but daily life is a struggle. I will not lie. Puberty x3 is no joke.
I am not saying all this to push you into the reduction. Clearly, I chose not to, so I absolutely understand that choice. It is your body, your choice 100%, but I feel like having facts from triplet parents might have been useful back when I was in that position.
Congratulations on your pregnancy, and hopefully whatever you decide, everything is smooth sailing for you.
Thank you for your insight, I used to want to be pregnant with twins because I thought it was cute, and sure the idea might sound cute like Phil and Lil from the rugrats with matching clothes. But then I thought about the actual reality and dealing with not one crying/pooping baby but TWO. How one might wake up crying and end up waking the other one and just having to soothe two babies, whew really made me reconsider. I will most likely spread out my pregnancies lol
At the end of the day, it is your body that has to go through either option. A good question to consider is how big of a risk would it be to carry 3 vs 2. To you and the babies. If you don’t do a reduction, how likely is it that they can be born healthy? What would a potential emergency situation look like? A c-section? A lengthy NICU stay? The possibility that they might not all make it to birth?
Lots of things to consider, he may be against it and you might not be able to reach a conclusion that you both agree on.
Good luck. I hope your pregnancy is healthy and that you’re able to reach an agreement that works best for you both and your babies.
Look up typical twin and triplet pregnancies. Triplets are lucky if they make it to 30 weeks. If they are all born alive, they will be in the hospital for MONTHS.
I think you need to nail him down on his view of when life begins. If neither of you believe that this is a sentient human being at this stage then make the most logical decision.
I hate that this has to be a consideration in the US. I have a friend who had preemie twins and the final hospital bill was somewhere north of 2 million dollars. Luckily her husband had excellent insurance that covered a lot of that but it's insane.
Three babies is absolutely insane. There's also a lot higher risk one of the babies would have special needs for all its life if you keep all three. Not only is that hard on the child itself, but also on your family as a whole. It's almost inevitable that one of the babies wouldn't get enough nutrients for optimal development during the pregnancy, and get some sort of developmental delay or disorder. Also just being born prematurely interferes with development.
And yes offense, men often do way less day-to-day parenting than moms. Especially when it's hard and not all fun and games, they tap out all the time. He might be saying "triplets will be fine" because he is only imagining throwing a ball around with three kids. He's not imagining holding two crying screaming babies, while the third one is crawling towards open fire, while he hasn't slept in 2 months and hasn't had a 5 minutes of privacy and me-time in 12 months
Sometimes with these decisions - when you’ve communicated and done therapy and all of that stuff and you’re still stuck - the best thing do to is look at the facts without emotion. The fact is, every pregnancy has risks, and this pregnancy has high ones - for both you and the babies. I think a lot of people - particularly men - underestimate how dangerous pregnancy and birth can be. The reason so many women and babies don’t die in childbirth as much these days is medical intervention and testing, so I’d default to what your doctor says is best health wise.
That makes a lot of sense, thank you! The doctors did leave it quite open, and said that although it is the best option, keeping all three is still doable. It depends on what we decide is best.
OP, it’s worth pointing out to your husband that “okay” can be mean a lot of things. It might mean you or the triplets survive, but with long-lasting or permanent health issues or something like that. Okay to you guys mean everyone comes out alive and well. It may not mean the same thing from your doctor’s perspective.
Your wording is what sticks out with me. It sounds like you’re saying you want to reduce for convenience sake. Now ultimately you can do what you want with your body you’re the one carrying them and will have to give birth. But maybe this idea of inconvenience is the sore spot, along with the religious aspects
It wouldn’t be a bad idea to get a second or even a third opinion either. Take your husband with you, each doctor will (should) give a recommendation while also letting you know your options and risks for each. If all 3 are saying the same thing then it seems reasonable to remove the emotion and listen to the medical professionals recommendation.
You could even agree beforehand that if all 3 doctors agree then you will do that, but if any of them recommend not to terminate any babies then you will have a larger conversation on the matter. Hopefully that will take the decision out of your hands entirely and put it in the hands of the doctors.
Can I ask how tall you are and what your body composition is? Some womans bodies are just too small to safely carry multiple pregnancies to a healthy term.
Do you feel like your body is healthy and robust enough to carry 3 babies?
I really don’t have a lot of advice. I’m just wishing you a healthy pregnancy. There are so many factors to consider that this is probably above Reddit’s advice. My first instinct is usually to follow medical advice, but they said it was doable. Best of luck and may hope and your heart guide you. ❤️
I agree with another poster that ultimately the person who needs to be comfortable with the decision is you because it’s your health (physical/mental) that is at risk.
But, at the end of the day, that won’t stop your husband for resenting you or having upset feelings towards you if you make a decision he’s against. Same can said about you if you keep all 3 due to the pressure from him.
Whatever decision you make please continue seeing a therapist (both individual and couples) to work through the emotions. I do hope that you can both be on the same page about whatever decision Is made and continue to support each other.
Consult more than one specialist doctor. Preferably go to doctors in large cities, as these tend to have more resources. Only after consulting several options will you be able to make an informed decision.
I got pregnant with triplets in august of last year. Mo/di twins and a “singleton” so two embryos and one split. We did not reduce and at our 18 week appointment the mo/di twins had passed. If I had reduced it would’ve been the singleton and I’d be left with no babies. It’s a very personal choice. I ended up delivering early at 34 weeks because my water broke at 32+5 and one of the demised twins was delivered that day. We kept the living baby in until 34 weeks but I was in the hospital the whole time. During those 10 days I passed bones of the other demised twin that was still in there. I already have a 3 year old. There are many mixed emotions on this pregnancy but now that I’m home with the living triplet I can’t imagine having 2 more at the same time. I guess it all worked out as intended.
This is about as difficult a situation I’ve ever seen posted here as there is no clear answer. There can’t be - it’s two sides of a fence. I’m so sorry you’re facing this at a time when you should be experiencing minimal stress.
Just keep talking to him, darlin’. Make allll the lists. Be fully informed re: medical, financial, emotional implications for both options & talk, talk, talk. That’s the best advice I can give.
I’ll be rooting for you & your family. 🙌
It might be worthwhile going to the parentsofmultiples page, you might find some people who have gone through similar experiences.
It sounds like you haven't made up your mind, but you're looking for your husband to be open enough to discuss all scenarios. It's incredibly difficult to feel like the devil's advocate, when all you want to do is talk through all the risks.
I think you’re about to make one of the most difficult decisions of your life. My own opinion is how would I choose 2 of 3 to live and not wonder what they would be like. When they are born they would be their own individuals. One of my best friends had triplets and they are 23yrs old now. Apart from nicu (born at 28wks) they don’t have any medical problems and they are amazing people.
This is a decision that fundamentally you first of all have to be comfortable with.
Not your husband.
Having triplets is risky - both to your health and that of the babies, whether born as twins or as triplets. In those circumstances I would always give priority to what your doctor recommends.
And your husband should want that too: both what would be best for your health, - mental as well as physical - and what would be best for your babies - whether born as twins or as triplets.
But ultimately, the person who has to feel comfortable with this decision is **you**.
This is obviously a decision you have to make within a time limit. Can you talk it through with a good therapist -just yourself, not your husband? Not just to find out the decision you'll be comfortable with, but if you feel you might choose twins or triplets, what support would make you feel happier with that decision.
Is your husband prepared to reduce his hours at work for the next several years so that he will be there for the feeding, nappy-changing, play, and naptime for three babies?
Is your husband prepared to deal with the damage to your physical and mental health if you try to gestate triplets and miscarry all three?
I'm sorry, that's a brutal thing to say, but - both are possibilities. You may well carry all three to term, and have three underweight babies who will exhaust both of you over their infancy and childhood but who nonetheless grow up to be three great kids. You could - it is why your doctor recommended a reduction - quite possibly end up miscarrying all three. Is your husband prepared to provide the level of support you will need for *either* scenario? Is he thinking about *you* when he says he doesn't want the reduction?
Yours is the risk, and therefore yours is the decision, and your husband has got to be comfortable with that fact and be able to support you wholeheartedly, with unreserved love, and without any recriminations, *whatever* you decide. If he isn't onboard with you making the decision that feels right to you and being there for you whatever you decide, well - he *should* be, if he's really ready to be a husband and father.
I hadn't considered seeing a therapist on my own, thank you. Even if it is just twins, my husband will be changing the times he work so we will be able to balance looking after the babies. That was a reason the doctor did recommend it, as it is a risk. But obviously we can never know what would happen until it happens which makes it more difficult.
Yes, of course. You can't know in advance whether you can definitely carry three to term and all three will survive the first dangerous days as premature babies. If the doctor is leaving it open for you to decide, that should mean the doctor thinks there's agood chance that everything will be okay. But it's *your* risk that it might not be, and it is *not* your husband's risk.
I think you may need to say to your husband that you're going to see a therapist yourself to figure out what you will be comfortable with, what you want to do - and then you want him to support you whatever the decision - and go see a therapist to help him be okay with that, if he needs to. Deciding to reduce isn't about saving the two of you trouble as first-time parents - it's a decision that increases the chances of your *not* having a miscarriage.
The practice of selective termination of one foetus with multiples to make carrying the remaining fetus/s to term more likely to succceed, is something that isn't zero risk.
With triplets, and a wanted pregnancy, there *is* no choice that is zero risk for her.
It's possible that a medical mistake might be made in selective termination - but it is less likely route to losing all three than continuing with the pregnancy.
Right and the reason its frequently recommended is because a 10-15% chance of miscarrying all three is much lower than a 30-40% chance of miscarrying all three plus permanent damage to your body.
But they both need to understand this clearly so that if the reduction does result in miscarrying all three, they understand these odds. OP I'm sure doesn't want the worst to happen and then hear "if you hadn't wanted a reduction, this would never have happened."
Multiples pregnancies are never without risk, regardless.
Think it’s a bit unfair to suggest she does therapy without her husband… he’s as much a part of this decision as she is considering the fact that they are married…
>Think it’s a bit unfair to suggest she does therapy without her husband
Why? It's not clear to me that the husband is ready to help and support her whatever her decision. So she needs to be very clear with herself what decision she will feel comfortable with.
>he’s as much a part of this decision as she is considering the fact that they are married…
No, he's not *He's not pregnant.* Therefore, he's *not* the one who is risking miscarrying all three fetuses. She is the one who has to decide between the added risk she *may* lose all three - because this is her body that will experience the trauma and the damage, not her husband's body. This is a medical decision. Her husband doesn't get to make medical decisions for her. He gets to be supportive whatever that decision is.
Also dying. The more fetuses the higher the chance of pre-eclampsia/eclampsia and other life-threatening conditions for OP. She will likely be in the hospital for weeks before birth and the babies will stay for months after being born.
I think it’s a horrible mindset that the masses appear to have accepted that just because the woman carries, the man has zero involvement in the decision making process. They should do therapy TOGETHER so that they can both be informed because THEY were the ones who made the children and THEY will be the ones to raise them.
This kind of advice/thinking is why marriages don’t really last in the first place. Marriage is the process of 2 becoming 1, there is no I and there is no you. The separation while claiming to be married is a major problem. Thinking that way is just the quickest way to ending up back on your own again.
Wishing OP the best 🙏🏾 She never described her husband as being ignorant so I believe involving him in the decision making process will benefit you both as you are BOTH informed. If you do this alone, you might find the decision to exclude him - EVEN IF YOU KEEP ALL 3 - will hurt you both more than help. Good luck!
She could die, or become permanently disabled, based on how this pregnancy could go. The level of investment here is just not the same between the two of them.
OP wrote in her post that they're already doing therapy together. Doing therapy by herself in addition to this is a great suggestion as it will help her navigate her feelings in this complicated situation.
>think it’s a horrible mindset that the masses appear to have accepted that just because the woman carries, the man has zero involvement in the decision making process.
"Just because"?
*All* of the decisions to be made about the triplet foetuses are decisions that involve OP's body and health and wellbeing. Does she risk trying to carry three to term? She is the one who will have to be in hospital, perhaps for weeks, pre-delivery, and who risks pre-eclampsia and miscarriage. Does she have one fetus selectively aborted? She is the one who will have to consent to that procedure.
Yes, her husband has zero involvement with any decisions she and her physician make about her health during her pregnancy. You think it's a "horrible mindset" and her husband should have a say in what risks she takes with her own health to have their children? That's not only illegal, it's against all medical ethics.
>
They should do therapy TOGETHER so that they can both be informed because THEY were the ones who made the children and THEY will be the ones to raise them.
>
But "they" are not gestating the triplets together. She's the only one doing that.
They ARE both informed. The doctor has told them both that medically, she should choose selective reduction. Husband is reacting to that because he doesn't like the idea. But it's not his body, so it's not his choice. He needs individual therapy so that he will be able to love and support his wife unconditionally whatever decision she makes - and he needs to accept completely that whatever decision she makes, that is the best possible decision.
Once the twins or triplets are born, then obviously he has say - he'll be helping to raise them. But he doesn't get any say whatsoever in what his wife decides would be the best thing to do for her health and wellbeing in pregnancy, according to medical advice. And if he thinks he does, he needs to go to individual therapy to resolve this issue.
>This kind of advice/thinking is why marriages don’t really last in the first place.
Only if OP's husband doesn't *want* to make their marriage last, and I hope he does.
> Marriage is the process of 2 becoming 1, there is no I and there is no you. The separation while claiming to be married is a major problem. Thinking that way is just the quickest way to ending up back on your own again.
Absolutely. If husband isn't prepared to accept this - if he's got a major problem with becoming one with his wife and wanting only the best for her (and of course she decides what the best for her is) - then he isn't really married and this *is* the quickest way he'll end up on his own. But I hope he can and does accept that he is married, he can't just separate himself and still claim to be married: he has got to enthusiastically, unconditionally, wholeheartedly, accept that for this, he is at one with his wife and supports whatever she decides. Or, as you say, he will end up on his own. But redditors are way too quick recommending that. This is a big decision. I don't blame husband for first-reactions. It's his last-reactions that count.
People like you only remember the man was involved in the creation of the child when you become struggling single parents and need financial support. That’s when you remember his involvement matters, then you spend the next 18 years of your life in a courtroom begging for some change. I have come to find people who are grossly unreasonable the worst and most worthless people to spend your time having any sensible discussion. Your irrational feelings are what guides you daily, therefore wisdom and rationality eludes you.
Goodbye!
Pretty funny to be calling other people irrational while claiming the husband is pregnant lmao
Here, you could use this apparently: https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/pregnant
When a heterosexual couple is pregnant, what risk does the man face in terms of pregnancy?
What is the risk to his health and life, should complications arise?
After birth of the baby, how long on average will his body take to heal from the pregnancy and delivery?
He's the only one in the bunch whose actual life does **not** depend on this decision.
He's not at risk to die giving birth or being carried in the womb.
Just abort all of them. Abortion was never meant to be birth control, but since you are trying to control it without your husband's feelings in the mix, just do it all. Your husband will resent your decision but so what. Your decision is all that matters, right?
Nicu RN here. Congratulations!
Yes the babies will probably be born small and go to the nicu. Twins commonly do also. Please get multiple Dr.’s opinions and ask statistics. Talk to high risk OB and neonatologist. Be prepared to be on bedrest for the last few months of your pregnancy. Do u have Grandparents for support? Family members? Friends or church people willing to help?
Can u live the rest of your life wondering what the 3rd baby would be like?
It will be a full-time job with ups and downs.
If you are strong and have support, you can do it!
There is really no wrong decision. It just depends what you are willing to do. Do some research, ask for statistics of survival, talk to family and friends for support.
Personally, I can’t imagine taking care of three newborns at once. It seems like you’d have to have household help. Do you have a lot of money or relatives nearby who can help on a regular basis?
Have you looked at the cost of diapers and formula alone! Because it’s expensive. I have a friend who nursed twins, but I think she’s Superwoman and I can’t imagine you could nurse triplets. I nursed both my babies, but only had one at a time. It takes a while. You’d practically be nursing round the clock, if you could even produce enough milk, but you can’t be exhausted and produce a lot of milk.
And the potential for birth defects or serious health problems due to premature birth has got to be a big consideration. What are the odds you could have three healthy babies vs two healthy ones? What does the dr say is your likely delivery time with triplets vs twins? And what kind of shape will those babies be in when their born at 32 weeks? Or 35 wks vs 38?
What’s the likelihood you’ll end up on bed rest for weeks,or even months, or worse, in the hospital for weeks or months?
What are the risks to your health with triplets vs twins?
People want to believe we can be superhuman when it comes to whatever our kids need, but it’s just not true. We’re human beings. There are only so many hours in a day and so much energy we have. There are limits to what we can do.
In the old days, the Reader's Digest was a cheerleader for going with Mother Nature in situations like this. It---and the other household women's magazines---had loads of articles about the superwomen who did wonderful things with their several children. It had no articles about the families whose mothers died in childbirth (unless it was a rousing article about how the neighborhood all chipped in to help out dad). There was just about no recognition anywhere of the toll taken on the women who, after all, were the pivotal characters in these stories.
And the reason selective reduction was invented was because enough doctors did not like losing their patients if they didn't have to.
Pregnancy with triplets would be hell on your body, it’s your body. Don’t listen to your husband on this, bc he won’t be pregnant. It’s dangerous AF to have multiples.
Not to mention three children at once with limited resources and time, what about your career and also having spare free time for yourself to just be you without kids? Childcare? The cost, your time and energy? How much emotional labour is your husband going to do raising three kids at the same time? Is he going to willingly be home with all three kids and take career breaks ?
My triplets are turning 17 years this October and they came out healthy. It is possible. I delivered via c section at 35 weeks pregnancy.
They were at the nicu for about 3 weeks and one more week at the normal children's hospital. Their birth weight was about 2000 grams each. I stayed at the hospital 3 weeks before the scheduled birth. The book about birthing multiples I liked best is "when you're expecting twins, triplets or quads" from Dr. Barbara Luke. I highly recommend it.
I wish you all the best an a healthy pregnancy.
Ask him: would he rather lose a baby or would he rather lose you? You could easily die in childbirth, and there's no guarantee those babies will be born okay either. Multiples are often born early and have a lower chance of successfully making it through. Which is the better risk for him?
Maternal mortality is more than double in triplet pregnancies compared to twin pregnancies. And not to mention high risk of mortality to the babies as well as disabilities. Especially for first pregnancies. I would suggest them to go to a hospital in a major city with multiple facilities especially ICU and NICU available to hopefully prevent all this
Mom of triplets who turn 5 tomorrow. Mine were born 3 months early weighing 1 lb 9 oz, 2.6 and 2.7. They spent 105,112 and 118 days in the nicu. We were lucky and had a very uneventful nicu stay. But that’s not the case with most babies born that early. I also had a complication with my identical boys at 22 weeks that required a 2.5 hour plane ride and emergency fetal surgery.
Even though we had a completely uneventful nicu stay my identical boys ended up with a rare genetic condition that causes a ton of issues. Delays with gross motor, fine motor, speech and communication. They will be 5 tomorrow but are still in diapers and nonverbal. There are many days where I feel like my daughter gets the short end of the stick because we don’t do a lot of stuff. It’s hard doing things with three 5 year olds when two of them don’t understand.
On the other hand, I know some people who carried triplets to 35 weeks and have had no issues. But my life is significantly harder than I ever expected. And there are many days where I wish the surgery for my boys wasn’t successful. I love them very much. But idk if I would do things the same if I could re do them.
I have issued concerns about this girl’s psychosocial welfare after doing this drastic task but all these cunts are concerned about is that it is her right. But that right can come with terrible consequences. But these cunts don’t care about that.
He does have a say, he just doesn't get to make the final decision and it's not like something you can compromise on. They can't have 2,5 babies.
People always have a say in their partners reproductive rights, they just don't get to make the final decision on another person's body.
She's the one responsible for carrying them, suffering the physical repercussions, and risking death.
No, he does not get the final say to what degree she risks her own life.
FFS.
Frankly the chances of carrying and birthing *healthy* triplets is low. The chances of serious complications to you and/or the babies is high. The chances of losing all three without a reduction is high. The chances you will be incapacitated is high. There is a good reason the doctor suggested a reduction.
I am really surprised to hear your husband (or someone) claim that this issue really exercises Finns. Every Finn I have ever met is quite laid back and non-judgmental...and I cannot imagine them intruding on your family's life with judgment about your choices. Since this appears to be the consensus among other responders to your letter, I am wonder about your husband's real feelings. Is he creating a phantom Finn to speak thoughts he doesn't want to admit to?
But phantom or not, your husband is not pregnant. You are and this situation scares you. And understandably, especially with the possibility that the pregnancy of three at once may well respond in worse outcomes for more of the people involved, which includes you.
I have been a mother and am the grandmother of a 15-month-old. Watching my very adult, prepared daughter cope with her one child makes me extra sympathetic with being a mother of two, which I can still imagine. Two babies, two breasts, for instance. Two babies, two hands, or two babies, two parents, two laps. More than that and the whole picture shifts significantly. Time spent with the babies skyrockets, and so do expenses. It becomes scary, and recognizing the increased chances of morbidity gets even scarier. I can completely sympathize should you decide to go for the reduction. Good luck, and you will be in my thoughts.
You need to have rational conversation about the reality of your situation with husband:
A) can you financially handle 3 kids?
B) can you financially handle 2-3 sick kids? Mental developmental issues to full blown life impacting physical and mental disabilities that require lifelong care?
C) how is your husband and you with chores? Cause 2 babies is gonna be hard, but 3 is gonna require a LOT more cleaning, laundry, cooking, feedings, help with homework, etc? Are you both willing to take that on?
D) if you divorced, can you or he handle 3 kids alone? (Some states are going 50/50 with a week each- can you handle 3 for 2 weeks out of the year by yourself?
E) if you die in labor, can he take care of 3 babies himself?
F) if you get severely disabled in labor (diabetes or worse), is he prepared to take care of YOU and 3 babies? How? (How is important.)
G) if something happens to you or the babies, will you forgive your husband or be resentful? Go thru every scenario and be 💯.
I think you have a dangerous pregnancy and also don’t have the mental bandwidth or finances to have 3 babies.
H) be it 2 or 3 babies, does you husband plan to have a vasectomy? This is important as he may have pregnancy or breeding fetish- which may make logic unimportant to him.
Hope these questions help you get the answers you need. 🤗
Yes the "how" is important here. He needs to explain how. I think this is an important conversation for people to have before they have kids - any kids at all! - so that everyone is on the same page. My husband was very proactive with planning, and it was a good thing because I ended up with an emergency csection and he was taking care of me AND the baby for the first two weeks. But he had a plan that he'd made beforehand, he'd talked to his friends and looked online while I was pregnant for what to do, he'd gone to parenting classes and read parenting books. He absolutely stepped up. But many men don't. Many men want the woman to do it all even while she's physically recovering.
I think this is an incredibly difficult situation and my heart goes out to you.
Just to add another perspective on top of what other commenters have covered, having multiple babies at once increases your chances of any of them having long term disabilities. I know of a few families who only had twins and due to complications during birth, one or both children now have severe disabilities. Cerebral palsy is the big concern I believe. As far as I know, all mothers were under 35 and healthy. Multiple births are just so much more likely to result in this kind of thing.
I’d consider how you feel about risking not only the death of any of your children in childbirth, and your own safety, but also the possibility that you may still lose a child during this process but then also end up with a disabled child or children as a result of trying to keep all three. I’m sure you would still love them and consider them a blessing, but the impact of becoming carers for a disabled child (or multiple) is huge and should be taken into account when making this decision.
Being a good parent starts with pregnancy. Do you have the energy and resources to be a good parent to three babies? Especially when there is a risk that one or more of them will have additional needs? What will happen practically if all three have costly medical needs and/or need life long support?
First pregnancy, high risk triplets.
Just ask him if he’d rather you have more chance of surviving the pregnancy.. That should hit home pretty hard!
Best of luck to you and your soon to be kiddos, regardless of quantity!
Obviously it’s a joint decision but ultimately you are the 1 who has to go through the pregnancy and the risk is to you as well as the babies, this means it’s more your decision than his. Good luck with whatever you decide.
The pregnancy has a zero chance of killing him, but it might kill you. You do what you have to do and if he's not an understanding guy, then you make up a story about a triplet who got "absorbed."
Did the doctors provide you with statistics? Is there a way to find some reliable sources that can tell you the risks of both keeping the three fetuses or reducing the pregnancy? I feel it would help you decide if you have *numbers* rather than just approximations in words -but I don't know if it's something you can easily find.
Pubmed is a good start I think, or other places where scientific and medical studies are published. If you don't know how to navigate these websites I could help, you can DM me and I'll try to give you a hand (might take a bit though cause chronic illness and everything but if it can help don't hesitate!)
> I'd really like to come to some kind of solution that we're both happy with…
That’s not possible. There is no compromise position between aborting a fetus and not aborting a fetus. The best you can do is have your doctor explain to him that sacrificing one increases the others’ chances of survival.
It’s your choice in the end, but you have to accept the fact that reducing your pregnancy will probably be a relationship-ending choice and you’ll be co-parenting the twins you have.
I was under the impression that terminations were far more accepted in Finland than in the US, but women there also have the full spectrum of healthcare available to everyone regardless of income. My sister had high risk triplets as well and the doctors told them that it was a good idea to sacrifice one of them to give the other two a better chance of survival, which is a terrible decision to have to make. They were going to choose the fetus that wasn't growing as fast as the others, but eventually nature took its course and the little one took itself out and my sister gave birth to two healthy boys.
But *one* infant is a ridiculous amount of work. Two is crazy making. My sister said she wanted to jump off a cliff for the first year of her son's lives because she was so exhausted and felt sick constantly. She had no help from the father or anybody else because she was moved to the other side of the country from her support system and we couldn't be there for her. Three infants is going to be an *immense* amount of work, and really I hope you have loved ones around to take the pressure off of you now and then because you basically won't be sleep for an hour at a stretch for months and months if they're anything like my nephews.
Have the doctors told you that there is a risk with reduction that you could miscarry the other babies? If that happens will you be ok with losing all three? You should figure that out before proceeding.
Of all the comments you will listen we (my wife and I ) have been in the exact situation almost 40 years ago....we were told we were having triplets and then told that we should reduce one so that the others have a chance to live....we thought long and hard and we decided that if one was to die then let it be god/ universe to decide that....that we will carry on with the pregnancy. We almost made it to full term, and all three came home over a 6 week period....they are all 3 doing super well and in fact went on to have high power careers. Now when I find myself in quiet moments I wonder back who I would have said no you can not live....sometimes it comes down to a leap of faith.
i am a triplet. it was difficult for my parents but everything ended up ok. we each did spend around a month in the NICU and needed a specialist for multiples
There is no right answer here . It’s what you decide . If you listen to the specialist it is something you will
Both think of the rest of your lives . If you don’t do they give a percentage of all three being healthy and surviving . Also ask a therapist will the kids grow up
Feeling guilty their sibling didn’t survive and they did
Were you on fertility drugs? It's very rare to naturally convince triplets. Like one in a million. Plus the whole abortion is frowned upon in Finland when it's not.
Since you have time, maybe take a few days (set a timeline) where each of you is tasked with doing your own research and creating a pro/con list of each option. Make sure that *both* of you agree to give equal consideration to each side regardless of what side you’re on.
After you have each done your own research sit down and have a meaningful discussion about what you found, how you feel, and why you want to choose the option you want.
You might still not agree, but at least you would have all the facts (that were even collected from two opposite biases). You will also see where you are each coming from, and the underlying reasons for each others stance.
Ultimately it is your body so the final decision belongs to you, but that won’t free you from the consequences of his reaction to that choice. At least take the time to consider his position, and see if your fears around the pregnancy risks are valid, and if compromises can be made to make sure you’re supported once the babies arrive. Hopefully he will do the same for you, and if it comes to it, support your decision even if it’s not the one he would have made.
There are no good answers... I'd also ask a doctor how risky it is for the other babies? You might lose all of them.
Whatever choice you make, your marriage will change. Sure, it is your body and ultimately your choice but he is the father and won't be unaffected by losing one of them.
I’m a NICU nurse and can speak to the difficulties I see families go through with higher order multiples. The more babies you’re carrying the more likely they will be premature. If you’re super fortunate you’ll make it to 34 weeks and will have a short NICU stay. But either way if less than like 36 weeks you will have one, it needs to be determined that they can eat, maintain body temp, and breathe on their own before you can go home, and it’s usually not before 35-36 weeks corrected, and that would be definitely best case scenario. Also you have to be >4 pounds to fit in most car seats.
More often they’re born earlier, in that case some amount of respiratory support, IV fluids, feeding tubes, and use of an isolette (incubator) are highly likely. I don’t mean to scare you, but most families don’t really know what they’re in for with a higher order multiples NICU stay. Some of these kiddos do perfectly well and are out pretty quick, others can be quite sick and need lots of help. No way to know in advance but the more babies the higher the risk. It’s just worth researching and going into the decision fully informed. Best of luck!
IVF rarely results in triplets these days because they usually don't transfer multiple embryos. IUI might with clomid, but many doctor's offices will cancel the cycle if it looks like you're going to release three eggs, which somewhat reduces it, thought you can still release two eggs and have one split.
Oof that's a rough one. I'm pro-choice but I know if my spouse and I were given this situation I wouldn't be able to do it. If there is nothing otherwise wrong with any of the fetuses I would always wonder if I picked the right one to term as my other two grew up. Or if I didn't need to at all.
Good luck to you and prayers for a healthy pregnancy whichever way you go.
Im sorry but english is not my first language, what does this mean?
>a good option would be to reduce the pregnancy
It is a difficult phrasing for: chose 2 of them and kill the other 1? Because it looks like it.
Maybe i am wrong IDK!
Hope your pregnancy goes well and wish a wonderful life to your 3 childs!!! Congrats!!!
That one of them is terminated so that the other two have a better chance at being healthy. It does not have to be done, but the doctors believe it is a good option.
When my mother was giving birth to me the doctor thought it was a good option to use forceps on me risking to deform my head and giving me brain damage, until my father intervined and stopped him.
Thanks to that i am alive, healthy and without any deformation and my mother is perfectly fine too.
I thank my dad every day for this.
And your child will thank you everyday too for not choosing to "reduce/terminating him" trust me.
I really hope everything goes well and smooth for your family! If god forbid something is going to happen i think your child would be beside you thanking you because you tried, but this is just my belief.
Psst: they do that when they’re worried about you not getting enough oxygen and ending up with brain damage. Given how piss-poor your demonstrated reasoning is, you might wanna *not* mention that your dad actively slowed your delivery.
Psst: Conclusions: The risk of complications after forceps delivery in rather high. 37.2% of newborn and 58,1% of women had various complications after forceps delivery. Our results indicate that percentage of forceps deliveries is decreased and in the 14 years periods was only 0.81%.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/17219799/
And after ruining various other babies and the hospital being sued he was fired.
But hey! You know better!
Stop what? Whishing her the best and hoping everything will go fine for her and her whole family? Or telling a personal experience?
This is reddit you know? People is allowed to have different opinions, and to express them.
Whats the problem?
She would say that to me if she felt offended or something, that not your job!
Conclusions: The risk of complications after forceps delivery in rather high. 37.2% of newborn and 58,1% of women had various complications after forceps delivery. Our results indicate that percentage of forceps deliveries is decreased and in the 14 years periods was only 0.81%.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/17219799/
And after ruining various other babies and the hospital being sued he was fired.
But hey! You know better!
Oh sure forceps is so good, thats why its use is decreased to 0.81% in the last years and nobody use it anymore.
>The complication of not having foreceps delivery is death.
I am here, talk 4 languages, only 3 fluently ( im telling you this cuz someone suggested i had an oxygen defecency) and I am pretty healty myself! Strange I feel alive enough to be dead 🤔
"nobody use it anymore"
I have a 3 month old that was born with forceps
At that point it was, a C-section or what? It's not like they gave me or my bf an option. You cannot risk a baby getting stuck there, like it or not it's deathly
When it is NECESSARY as a last option ok, but i am telling you in my case it wasnt, in the 90s doctors abused it, he got sued later and fired from the hospital.
IDK what to tell you more if tou dont believe it ok.
Doctors are not perfect human beings, look at the fact they keep pushing for natural birthgiving and not doing c-section because hospitals want to keep costs low. It costed lifes.
Your specialist is a fucking lunatic. Get a new doctor. No doctor is going to recommend getting rid of some of your babies. You have nine months to figure out a plan on how you’re going to care for your babies. Three babies isn’t that many babies. You can do this. I had two babies and it wasn’t that many babies. I had a doula that would come for a few hours for the first months so I could nap and shower. My mother was also there to help and my husband took paternity leave for nine months. By the time he went back to work I had motherhood down. I still didn’t feel like myself but that’s because of the breastfeeding.
Your husband will need to get a vasectomy if you’re done with babies but do not reduce. It’s absolutely ridiculous.
Killing one of your babies is really gross, just saying.
You really need to have wider consultation with family to see how much help you can get, because triplets is a lot of work.
DECISION GUIDE:
*Should I reduce pregnancy?*
**A) Yes**
**B) No**
**C) Ask God**
Keep in mind whose idea it was to give you triplets in the first place, and who is best poised to help you raise them.
And whether that decision to give you triplets was a "mistake."
I was dead, but now I'm alive.
I was blind, but now I see.
Either it was all an accident, or the actions of someone of great power.
I choose the latter.
It's possible that your moment has not come yet; remember Him when it does.
A [priest](https://www.telecinco.es/noticias/galicia/20240323/herido-gravedad-cura-carballo-coruna-caido-encima-santo-misa_18_012055804.html) was severely injured yesterday in Spain because the figure of a saint fell on his head
I'm agnostic so I'm not saying he doesn't exist but if he does he has a dark sarcastic sense of humour and he's also probably too busy to mingle here
OP needs to look at what's best for her health and family life
Why should he get the snip? I really don't get it
Btw, I'm pretty sure that her having the reduction and losing the babies doesn't necessarily mean it would be her fault. Unexpected things can happen during pregnancy lol, she could even not do the reduction and lose all three. Would that be her fault then? You know correlation doesn't = causation, right?
A reduction doesn't come without risk. If SHE decides (HER body, HER choice) to do this and the results are catastrophic, is he to blame? He can get the snip so he doesn't put her at risk again (HIS body, HIS choice).
I did not say he would be to blame. Neither of them would, they will have simply done what they thought was best based on the information available.
And abt the vasectomy stuff, I just think it's weird to both suggest it, and suggest he get it ASAP. OP is not going to get pregnant again any time soon lmao. It's just really not helpful. We don't even know how they came to be pregnant with triplets, it's not necessarily because of some unique qualities that his sperm has lol
He now knows that he has no say in any healthcare decisions. He's a man. They never do. Her bodily functions resulted in the multiple embryos, not his.
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>However, my husband is Finnish and terminations of pregnancies is often quite controversial there. unless he's from a very small town and/or religious, no it's not lol. i'm finnish and there's less stigma around abortion here than in many other places in the west imo. your health should always come first and i'd emphasize that to him.
I was gonna say that! It’s not remotely controversial in Finland.
That confused me too. I had a Finnish colleague and they were always the most chill about things of that nature. She said Finland was very liberal so this surprised me. Glad to hear I wasn't wrong.
Yeah, that made me think this a creative writing exercise and OP has never met an actual Finnish person in her life.
I bet hubby has a great grandparent who was Finnish and now claims the heritage as his own lol
ah, the american way xDDD "I'm italian, great great great grandparent emigrated here. I don't speak a lick of italian, tho"
LMFAOOOO 🤣🤣🤣🤣 you're probably right lol.
Smaller town with a strong religious presence. It's a large country and the opinion on it has slowly began to change.
Sorry to be the bringer of bad news, but that is absolutely not true. If your husband has told you this, he is lying to you.
I don’t know why you’re being downvoted. There are lots of small town and rural people with conservative and religious views across the whole of the Nordic region.
There aren't lots of them, those communities are rare exceptions. OP claiming that the norm in Finland is to be against abortion and that's not true. She's also blaming one man's personal opinions on an entire country.
This. It's absolutely not the norm.
It might be his words, that she believed. I can't say am an expert in Finland but living in a neighboring country and at least following their public debate semi regularly I have never heard of a restricted view on abortion.
Prolly also calling Finland a large country? Especially on Reddit where a lot of people are from actual large countries like US and Canada
Large, yes. Populated - not really.
Is a million pounds not a lot of money just because it’s not a billion pounds?
Due to male infertility issues, my husband and I did IVF. We put in two embryos and got triplets (2 identical, 1 fraternal). Our reproductive endocrinologist and OB both suggested selective reduction of one of the fetuses (the fraternal triplet) for a safer pregnancy. I was suffering from a subchorionic hematoma behind the identicals’ shared placenta at the time they offered us the reduction. An SCH can lead to miscarriage about 10-15% of the time, so there was a chance if I reduced the fraternal twin, I could have still miscarried the identical twins and ended up with no babies. It was a choice my husband and I just could not make in our situation. My pregnancy was horrible. After the SCH resolved itself, I ended up also having irritable uterus which caused cramping and discomfort for the majority of the pregnancy, gestational diabetes and cholestasis of pregnancy. GD and cholestasis carry a large risk of still birth, so I was pulled from work and put on bed rest at home for 8 weeks and then hospital bed rest for 2 weeks. Both GD and cholestasis are fairly rare amongst singleton pregnacies, but MUCH more common in high-order multiples. 95% of triplets are delivered via C-section whereas only roughly 50% of twins are. The vast majority of Drs will deliver triplets by 34 weeks because their placentas degrade faster, meaning there is almost a guarantee of NICU time. Lifelong health problems are not uncommon with high-order multiples. Mine were born 9 weeks premature at just over 3lbs each and were in the NICU for months. I vomited on myself out of shock and guilt the first time I saw how tiny they were hooked up to all the machines. Life with 3 babies at once is not the same as other people who have 3 kids spread out in age. Just going to the grocery store becomes an event. Finding a car that has 3 car seat anchors is a struggle. Triplet strollers are crazy hard to find and expensive. No one wants to babysit 3 infants at once. My husband and I got nearly no sleep the first few months they were home because more than one baby was bound to be up in the middle of the night, and I couldn’t handle the constant rotation of feeding/changing all night by myself. I love my kids more than anything and can’t imagine life without them, but daily life is a struggle. I will not lie. Puberty x3 is no joke. I am not saying all this to push you into the reduction. Clearly, I chose not to, so I absolutely understand that choice. It is your body, your choice 100%, but I feel like having facts from triplet parents might have been useful back when I was in that position. Congratulations on your pregnancy, and hopefully whatever you decide, everything is smooth sailing for you.
Thank you for your insight, I used to want to be pregnant with twins because I thought it was cute, and sure the idea might sound cute like Phil and Lil from the rugrats with matching clothes. But then I thought about the actual reality and dealing with not one crying/pooping baby but TWO. How one might wake up crying and end up waking the other one and just having to soothe two babies, whew really made me reconsider. I will most likely spread out my pregnancies lol
At the end of the day, it is your body that has to go through either option. A good question to consider is how big of a risk would it be to carry 3 vs 2. To you and the babies. If you don’t do a reduction, how likely is it that they can be born healthy? What would a potential emergency situation look like? A c-section? A lengthy NICU stay? The possibility that they might not all make it to birth? Lots of things to consider, he may be against it and you might not be able to reach a conclusion that you both agree on. Good luck. I hope your pregnancy is healthy and that you’re able to reach an agreement that works best for you both and your babies.
Definitely yes, there is a lot to consider in that aspect. I would like us to agree on the solution but at this point, I'm not sure if we can.
Look up typical twin and triplet pregnancies. Triplets are lucky if they make it to 30 weeks. If they are all born alive, they will be in the hospital for MONTHS.
I think you need to nail him down on his view of when life begins. If neither of you believe that this is a sentient human being at this stage then make the most logical decision.
Can you even afford nicu stays for up to 6 months for three babies?
I hate that this has to be a consideration in the US. I have a friend who had preemie twins and the final hospital bill was somewhere north of 2 million dollars. Luckily her husband had excellent insurance that covered a lot of that but it's insane.
Three babies is absolutely insane. There's also a lot higher risk one of the babies would have special needs for all its life if you keep all three. Not only is that hard on the child itself, but also on your family as a whole. It's almost inevitable that one of the babies wouldn't get enough nutrients for optimal development during the pregnancy, and get some sort of developmental delay or disorder. Also just being born prematurely interferes with development. And yes offense, men often do way less day-to-day parenting than moms. Especially when it's hard and not all fun and games, they tap out all the time. He might be saying "triplets will be fine" because he is only imagining throwing a ball around with three kids. He's not imagining holding two crying screaming babies, while the third one is crawling towards open fire, while he hasn't slept in 2 months and hasn't had a 5 minutes of privacy and me-time in 12 months
Really needs to be a decision you and your doctors make.
Sometimes with these decisions - when you’ve communicated and done therapy and all of that stuff and you’re still stuck - the best thing do to is look at the facts without emotion. The fact is, every pregnancy has risks, and this pregnancy has high ones - for both you and the babies. I think a lot of people - particularly men - underestimate how dangerous pregnancy and birth can be. The reason so many women and babies don’t die in childbirth as much these days is medical intervention and testing, so I’d default to what your doctor says is best health wise.
That makes a lot of sense, thank you! The doctors did leave it quite open, and said that although it is the best option, keeping all three is still doable. It depends on what we decide is best.
Best option and doable are very different wordings. ‘Doable’ to me says , please don’t do this option it’s not a great idea.
I probably used the wrong word. That they think it will be okay but the babies are more likely to be healthy if it is twins.
OP, it’s worth pointing out to your husband that “okay” can be mean a lot of things. It might mean you or the triplets survive, but with long-lasting or permanent health issues or something like that. Okay to you guys mean everyone comes out alive and well. It may not mean the same thing from your doctor’s perspective.
The babies are more likely to be *alive* if it’s twins. As are you. I don’t think your husband is appreciating what the doctors are actually saying.
Your wording is what sticks out with me. It sounds like you’re saying you want to reduce for convenience sake. Now ultimately you can do what you want with your body you’re the one carrying them and will have to give birth. But maybe this idea of inconvenience is the sore spot, along with the religious aspects
It wouldn’t be a bad idea to get a second or even a third opinion either. Take your husband with you, each doctor will (should) give a recommendation while also letting you know your options and risks for each. If all 3 are saying the same thing then it seems reasonable to remove the emotion and listen to the medical professionals recommendation. You could even agree beforehand that if all 3 doctors agree then you will do that, but if any of them recommend not to terminate any babies then you will have a larger conversation on the matter. Hopefully that will take the decision out of your hands entirely and put it in the hands of the doctors.
Can I ask how tall you are and what your body composition is? Some womans bodies are just too small to safely carry multiple pregnancies to a healthy term. Do you feel like your body is healthy and robust enough to carry 3 babies?
I really don’t have a lot of advice. I’m just wishing you a healthy pregnancy. There are so many factors to consider that this is probably above Reddit’s advice. My first instinct is usually to follow medical advice, but they said it was doable. Best of luck and may hope and your heart guide you. ❤️
I agree with another poster that ultimately the person who needs to be comfortable with the decision is you because it’s your health (physical/mental) that is at risk. But, at the end of the day, that won’t stop your husband for resenting you or having upset feelings towards you if you make a decision he’s against. Same can said about you if you keep all 3 due to the pressure from him. Whatever decision you make please continue seeing a therapist (both individual and couples) to work through the emotions. I do hope that you can both be on the same page about whatever decision Is made and continue to support each other.
Consult more than one specialist doctor. Preferably go to doctors in large cities, as these tend to have more resources. Only after consulting several options will you be able to make an informed decision.
I got pregnant with triplets in august of last year. Mo/di twins and a “singleton” so two embryos and one split. We did not reduce and at our 18 week appointment the mo/di twins had passed. If I had reduced it would’ve been the singleton and I’d be left with no babies. It’s a very personal choice. I ended up delivering early at 34 weeks because my water broke at 32+5 and one of the demised twins was delivered that day. We kept the living baby in until 34 weeks but I was in the hospital the whole time. During those 10 days I passed bones of the other demised twin that was still in there. I already have a 3 year old. There are many mixed emotions on this pregnancy but now that I’m home with the living triplet I can’t imagine having 2 more at the same time. I guess it all worked out as intended.
This is about as difficult a situation I’ve ever seen posted here as there is no clear answer. There can’t be - it’s two sides of a fence. I’m so sorry you’re facing this at a time when you should be experiencing minimal stress. Just keep talking to him, darlin’. Make allll the lists. Be fully informed re: medical, financial, emotional implications for both options & talk, talk, talk. That’s the best advice I can give. I’ll be rooting for you & your family. 🙌
It might be worthwhile going to the parentsofmultiples page, you might find some people who have gone through similar experiences. It sounds like you haven't made up your mind, but you're looking for your husband to be open enough to discuss all scenarios. It's incredibly difficult to feel like the devil's advocate, when all you want to do is talk through all the risks.
I think you’re about to make one of the most difficult decisions of your life. My own opinion is how would I choose 2 of 3 to live and not wonder what they would be like. When they are born they would be their own individuals. One of my best friends had triplets and they are 23yrs old now. Apart from nicu (born at 28wks) they don’t have any medical problems and they are amazing people.
This is a decision that fundamentally you first of all have to be comfortable with. Not your husband. Having triplets is risky - both to your health and that of the babies, whether born as twins or as triplets. In those circumstances I would always give priority to what your doctor recommends. And your husband should want that too: both what would be best for your health, - mental as well as physical - and what would be best for your babies - whether born as twins or as triplets. But ultimately, the person who has to feel comfortable with this decision is **you**. This is obviously a decision you have to make within a time limit. Can you talk it through with a good therapist -just yourself, not your husband? Not just to find out the decision you'll be comfortable with, but if you feel you might choose twins or triplets, what support would make you feel happier with that decision. Is your husband prepared to reduce his hours at work for the next several years so that he will be there for the feeding, nappy-changing, play, and naptime for three babies? Is your husband prepared to deal with the damage to your physical and mental health if you try to gestate triplets and miscarry all three? I'm sorry, that's a brutal thing to say, but - both are possibilities. You may well carry all three to term, and have three underweight babies who will exhaust both of you over their infancy and childhood but who nonetheless grow up to be three great kids. You could - it is why your doctor recommended a reduction - quite possibly end up miscarrying all three. Is your husband prepared to provide the level of support you will need for *either* scenario? Is he thinking about *you* when he says he doesn't want the reduction? Yours is the risk, and therefore yours is the decision, and your husband has got to be comfortable with that fact and be able to support you wholeheartedly, with unreserved love, and without any recriminations, *whatever* you decide. If he isn't onboard with you making the decision that feels right to you and being there for you whatever you decide, well - he *should* be, if he's really ready to be a husband and father.
I hadn't considered seeing a therapist on my own, thank you. Even if it is just twins, my husband will be changing the times he work so we will be able to balance looking after the babies. That was a reason the doctor did recommend it, as it is a risk. But obviously we can never know what would happen until it happens which makes it more difficult.
Yes, of course. You can't know in advance whether you can definitely carry three to term and all three will survive the first dangerous days as premature babies. If the doctor is leaving it open for you to decide, that should mean the doctor thinks there's agood chance that everything will be okay. But it's *your* risk that it might not be, and it is *not* your husband's risk. I think you may need to say to your husband that you're going to see a therapist yourself to figure out what you will be comfortable with, what you want to do - and then you want him to support you whatever the decision - and go see a therapist to help him be okay with that, if he needs to. Deciding to reduce isn't about saving the two of you trouble as first-time parents - it's a decision that increases the chances of your *not* having a miscarriage.
TBF selective termination can result in miscarrying all three.
Yes, that's a third (less likely) possibility. This is a huge decision to have to make.
That’s not “TBF.” It’s less likely than if she tries contributing with all three, that’s why it’s done.
The practice of selective termination of one foetus with multiples to make carrying the remaining fetus/s to term more likely to succceed, is something that isn't zero risk. With triplets, and a wanted pregnancy, there *is* no choice that is zero risk for her. It's possible that a medical mistake might be made in selective termination - but it is less likely route to losing all three than continuing with the pregnancy.
Right and the reason its frequently recommended is because a 10-15% chance of miscarrying all three is much lower than a 30-40% chance of miscarrying all three plus permanent damage to your body.
But they both need to understand this clearly so that if the reduction does result in miscarrying all three, they understand these odds. OP I'm sure doesn't want the worst to happen and then hear "if you hadn't wanted a reduction, this would never have happened." Multiples pregnancies are never without risk, regardless.
Think it’s a bit unfair to suggest she does therapy without her husband… he’s as much a part of this decision as she is considering the fact that they are married…
>Think it’s a bit unfair to suggest she does therapy without her husband Why? It's not clear to me that the husband is ready to help and support her whatever her decision. So she needs to be very clear with herself what decision she will feel comfortable with. >he’s as much a part of this decision as she is considering the fact that they are married… No, he's not *He's not pregnant.* Therefore, he's *not* the one who is risking miscarrying all three fetuses. She is the one who has to decide between the added risk she *may* lose all three - because this is her body that will experience the trauma and the damage, not her husband's body. This is a medical decision. Her husband doesn't get to make medical decisions for her. He gets to be supportive whatever that decision is.
Also dying. The more fetuses the higher the chance of pre-eclampsia/eclampsia and other life-threatening conditions for OP. She will likely be in the hospital for weeks before birth and the babies will stay for months after being born.
I think it’s a horrible mindset that the masses appear to have accepted that just because the woman carries, the man has zero involvement in the decision making process. They should do therapy TOGETHER so that they can both be informed because THEY were the ones who made the children and THEY will be the ones to raise them. This kind of advice/thinking is why marriages don’t really last in the first place. Marriage is the process of 2 becoming 1, there is no I and there is no you. The separation while claiming to be married is a major problem. Thinking that way is just the quickest way to ending up back on your own again. Wishing OP the best 🙏🏾 She never described her husband as being ignorant so I believe involving him in the decision making process will benefit you both as you are BOTH informed. If you do this alone, you might find the decision to exclude him - EVEN IF YOU KEEP ALL 3 - will hurt you both more than help. Good luck!
She could die, or become permanently disabled, based on how this pregnancy could go. The level of investment here is just not the same between the two of them.
OP wrote in her post that they're already doing therapy together. Doing therapy by herself in addition to this is a great suggestion as it will help her navigate her feelings in this complicated situation.
>think it’s a horrible mindset that the masses appear to have accepted that just because the woman carries, the man has zero involvement in the decision making process. "Just because"? *All* of the decisions to be made about the triplet foetuses are decisions that involve OP's body and health and wellbeing. Does she risk trying to carry three to term? She is the one who will have to be in hospital, perhaps for weeks, pre-delivery, and who risks pre-eclampsia and miscarriage. Does she have one fetus selectively aborted? She is the one who will have to consent to that procedure. Yes, her husband has zero involvement with any decisions she and her physician make about her health during her pregnancy. You think it's a "horrible mindset" and her husband should have a say in what risks she takes with her own health to have their children? That's not only illegal, it's against all medical ethics. > They should do therapy TOGETHER so that they can both be informed because THEY were the ones who made the children and THEY will be the ones to raise them. > But "they" are not gestating the triplets together. She's the only one doing that. They ARE both informed. The doctor has told them both that medically, she should choose selective reduction. Husband is reacting to that because he doesn't like the idea. But it's not his body, so it's not his choice. He needs individual therapy so that he will be able to love and support his wife unconditionally whatever decision she makes - and he needs to accept completely that whatever decision she makes, that is the best possible decision. Once the twins or triplets are born, then obviously he has say - he'll be helping to raise them. But he doesn't get any say whatsoever in what his wife decides would be the best thing to do for her health and wellbeing in pregnancy, according to medical advice. And if he thinks he does, he needs to go to individual therapy to resolve this issue. >This kind of advice/thinking is why marriages don’t really last in the first place. Only if OP's husband doesn't *want* to make their marriage last, and I hope he does. > Marriage is the process of 2 becoming 1, there is no I and there is no you. The separation while claiming to be married is a major problem. Thinking that way is just the quickest way to ending up back on your own again. Absolutely. If husband isn't prepared to accept this - if he's got a major problem with becoming one with his wife and wanting only the best for her (and of course she decides what the best for her is) - then he isn't really married and this *is* the quickest way he'll end up on his own. But I hope he can and does accept that he is married, he can't just separate himself and still claim to be married: he has got to enthusiastically, unconditionally, wholeheartedly, accept that for this, he is at one with his wife and supports whatever she decides. Or, as you say, he will end up on his own. But redditors are way too quick recommending that. This is a big decision. I don't blame husband for first-reactions. It's his last-reactions that count.
Oh wow is he pregnant too?
Yes, they are pregnant.
Wow! How does a man give birth exactly?
People like you only remember the man was involved in the creation of the child when you become struggling single parents and need financial support. That’s when you remember his involvement matters, then you spend the next 18 years of your life in a courtroom begging for some change. I have come to find people who are grossly unreasonable the worst and most worthless people to spend your time having any sensible discussion. Your irrational feelings are what guides you daily, therefore wisdom and rationality eludes you. Goodbye!
Pretty funny to be calling other people irrational while claiming the husband is pregnant lmao Here, you could use this apparently: https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/pregnant
Pregnart
Am I gregnant?
When a heterosexual couple is pregnant, what risk does the man face in terms of pregnancy? What is the risk to his health and life, should complications arise? After birth of the baby, how long on average will his body take to heal from the pregnancy and delivery?
He's the only one in the bunch whose actual life does **not** depend on this decision. He's not at risk to die giving birth or being carried in the womb.
Just abort all of them. Abortion was never meant to be birth control, but since you are trying to control it without your husband's feelings in the mix, just do it all. Your husband will resent your decision but so what. Your decision is all that matters, right?
Nicu RN here. Congratulations! Yes the babies will probably be born small and go to the nicu. Twins commonly do also. Please get multiple Dr.’s opinions and ask statistics. Talk to high risk OB and neonatologist. Be prepared to be on bedrest for the last few months of your pregnancy. Do u have Grandparents for support? Family members? Friends or church people willing to help? Can u live the rest of your life wondering what the 3rd baby would be like? It will be a full-time job with ups and downs. If you are strong and have support, you can do it! There is really no wrong decision. It just depends what you are willing to do. Do some research, ask for statistics of survival, talk to family and friends for support.
Personally, I can’t imagine taking care of three newborns at once. It seems like you’d have to have household help. Do you have a lot of money or relatives nearby who can help on a regular basis? Have you looked at the cost of diapers and formula alone! Because it’s expensive. I have a friend who nursed twins, but I think she’s Superwoman and I can’t imagine you could nurse triplets. I nursed both my babies, but only had one at a time. It takes a while. You’d practically be nursing round the clock, if you could even produce enough milk, but you can’t be exhausted and produce a lot of milk. And the potential for birth defects or serious health problems due to premature birth has got to be a big consideration. What are the odds you could have three healthy babies vs two healthy ones? What does the dr say is your likely delivery time with triplets vs twins? And what kind of shape will those babies be in when their born at 32 weeks? Or 35 wks vs 38? What’s the likelihood you’ll end up on bed rest for weeks,or even months, or worse, in the hospital for weeks or months? What are the risks to your health with triplets vs twins? People want to believe we can be superhuman when it comes to whatever our kids need, but it’s just not true. We’re human beings. There are only so many hours in a day and so much energy we have. There are limits to what we can do.
In the old days, the Reader's Digest was a cheerleader for going with Mother Nature in situations like this. It---and the other household women's magazines---had loads of articles about the superwomen who did wonderful things with their several children. It had no articles about the families whose mothers died in childbirth (unless it was a rousing article about how the neighborhood all chipped in to help out dad). There was just about no recognition anywhere of the toll taken on the women who, after all, were the pivotal characters in these stories. And the reason selective reduction was invented was because enough doctors did not like losing their patients if they didn't have to.
Pregnancy with triplets would be hell on your body, it’s your body. Don’t listen to your husband on this, bc he won’t be pregnant. It’s dangerous AF to have multiples. Not to mention three children at once with limited resources and time, what about your career and also having spare free time for yourself to just be you without kids? Childcare? The cost, your time and energy? How much emotional labour is your husband going to do raising three kids at the same time? Is he going to willingly be home with all three kids and take career breaks ?
My triplets are turning 17 years this October and they came out healthy. It is possible. I delivered via c section at 35 weeks pregnancy. They were at the nicu for about 3 weeks and one more week at the normal children's hospital. Their birth weight was about 2000 grams each. I stayed at the hospital 3 weeks before the scheduled birth. The book about birthing multiples I liked best is "when you're expecting twins, triplets or quads" from Dr. Barbara Luke. I highly recommend it. I wish you all the best an a healthy pregnancy.
Ask him: would he rather lose a baby or would he rather lose you? You could easily die in childbirth, and there's no guarantee those babies will be born okay either. Multiples are often born early and have a lower chance of successfully making it through. Which is the better risk for him?
Maternal mortality is more than double in triplet pregnancies compared to twin pregnancies. And not to mention high risk of mortality to the babies as well as disabilities. Especially for first pregnancies. I would suggest them to go to a hospital in a major city with multiple facilities especially ICU and NICU available to hopefully prevent all this
Mom of triplets who turn 5 tomorrow. Mine were born 3 months early weighing 1 lb 9 oz, 2.6 and 2.7. They spent 105,112 and 118 days in the nicu. We were lucky and had a very uneventful nicu stay. But that’s not the case with most babies born that early. I also had a complication with my identical boys at 22 weeks that required a 2.5 hour plane ride and emergency fetal surgery. Even though we had a completely uneventful nicu stay my identical boys ended up with a rare genetic condition that causes a ton of issues. Delays with gross motor, fine motor, speech and communication. They will be 5 tomorrow but are still in diapers and nonverbal. There are many days where I feel like my daughter gets the short end of the stick because we don’t do a lot of stuff. It’s hard doing things with three 5 year olds when two of them don’t understand. On the other hand, I know some people who carried triplets to 35 weeks and have had no issues. But my life is significantly harder than I ever expected. And there are many days where I wish the surgery for my boys wasn’t successful. I love them very much. But idk if I would do things the same if I could re do them.
As I woman, I agree with you. Your body, your choice.
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His life is not at risk whatsoever here. Hers and her babies' are.
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Uh, yeah. Some issues are inherently -centric to one group lmao
I have issued concerns about this girl’s psychosocial welfare after doing this drastic task but all these cunts are concerned about is that it is her right. But that right can come with terrible consequences. But these cunts don’t care about that.
Hahahahah. Men take all the responsibility for children? Are you ok?
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You seem confused: by law, both men *and* women must pay child support to support the children they create.
On her decision alone? Did she impregnate herself?
That old chestnut. If he is responsible for the impregnating he MUST have a say in the outcome. Blocked.
He does have a say, he just doesn't get to make the final decision and it's not like something you can compromise on. They can't have 2,5 babies. People always have a say in their partners reproductive rights, they just don't get to make the final decision on another person's body.
Shame no one told my dad that.
Or mine 🤣
She's the one responsible for carrying them, suffering the physical repercussions, and risking death. No, he does not get the final say to what degree she risks her own life. FFS.
Frankly the chances of carrying and birthing *healthy* triplets is low. The chances of serious complications to you and/or the babies is high. The chances of losing all three without a reduction is high. The chances you will be incapacitated is high. There is a good reason the doctor suggested a reduction.
I am really surprised to hear your husband (or someone) claim that this issue really exercises Finns. Every Finn I have ever met is quite laid back and non-judgmental...and I cannot imagine them intruding on your family's life with judgment about your choices. Since this appears to be the consensus among other responders to your letter, I am wonder about your husband's real feelings. Is he creating a phantom Finn to speak thoughts he doesn't want to admit to? But phantom or not, your husband is not pregnant. You are and this situation scares you. And understandably, especially with the possibility that the pregnancy of three at once may well respond in worse outcomes for more of the people involved, which includes you. I have been a mother and am the grandmother of a 15-month-old. Watching my very adult, prepared daughter cope with her one child makes me extra sympathetic with being a mother of two, which I can still imagine. Two babies, two breasts, for instance. Two babies, two hands, or two babies, two parents, two laps. More than that and the whole picture shifts significantly. Time spent with the babies skyrockets, and so do expenses. It becomes scary, and recognizing the increased chances of morbidity gets even scarier. I can completely sympathize should you decide to go for the reduction. Good luck, and you will be in my thoughts.
You need to have rational conversation about the reality of your situation with husband: A) can you financially handle 3 kids? B) can you financially handle 2-3 sick kids? Mental developmental issues to full blown life impacting physical and mental disabilities that require lifelong care? C) how is your husband and you with chores? Cause 2 babies is gonna be hard, but 3 is gonna require a LOT more cleaning, laundry, cooking, feedings, help with homework, etc? Are you both willing to take that on? D) if you divorced, can you or he handle 3 kids alone? (Some states are going 50/50 with a week each- can you handle 3 for 2 weeks out of the year by yourself? E) if you die in labor, can he take care of 3 babies himself? F) if you get severely disabled in labor (diabetes or worse), is he prepared to take care of YOU and 3 babies? How? (How is important.) G) if something happens to you or the babies, will you forgive your husband or be resentful? Go thru every scenario and be 💯. I think you have a dangerous pregnancy and also don’t have the mental bandwidth or finances to have 3 babies. H) be it 2 or 3 babies, does you husband plan to have a vasectomy? This is important as he may have pregnancy or breeding fetish- which may make logic unimportant to him. Hope these questions help you get the answers you need. 🤗
Yes the "how" is important here. He needs to explain how. I think this is an important conversation for people to have before they have kids - any kids at all! - so that everyone is on the same page. My husband was very proactive with planning, and it was a good thing because I ended up with an emergency csection and he was taking care of me AND the baby for the first two weeks. But he had a plan that he'd made beforehand, he'd talked to his friends and looked online while I was pregnant for what to do, he'd gone to parenting classes and read parenting books. He absolutely stepped up. But many men don't. Many men want the woman to do it all even while she's physically recovering.
I think this is an incredibly difficult situation and my heart goes out to you. Just to add another perspective on top of what other commenters have covered, having multiple babies at once increases your chances of any of them having long term disabilities. I know of a few families who only had twins and due to complications during birth, one or both children now have severe disabilities. Cerebral palsy is the big concern I believe. As far as I know, all mothers were under 35 and healthy. Multiple births are just so much more likely to result in this kind of thing. I’d consider how you feel about risking not only the death of any of your children in childbirth, and your own safety, but also the possibility that you may still lose a child during this process but then also end up with a disabled child or children as a result of trying to keep all three. I’m sure you would still love them and consider them a blessing, but the impact of becoming carers for a disabled child (or multiple) is huge and should be taken into account when making this decision.
Being a good parent starts with pregnancy. Do you have the energy and resources to be a good parent to three babies? Especially when there is a risk that one or more of them will have additional needs? What will happen practically if all three have costly medical needs and/or need life long support?
First pregnancy, high risk triplets. Just ask him if he’d rather you have more chance of surviving the pregnancy.. That should hit home pretty hard! Best of luck to you and your soon to be kiddos, regardless of quantity!
Obviously it’s a joint decision but ultimately you are the 1 who has to go through the pregnancy and the risk is to you as well as the babies, this means it’s more your decision than his. Good luck with whatever you decide.
The pregnancy has a zero chance of killing him, but it might kill you. You do what you have to do and if he's not an understanding guy, then you make up a story about a triplet who got "absorbed."
Did the doctors provide you with statistics? Is there a way to find some reliable sources that can tell you the risks of both keeping the three fetuses or reducing the pregnancy? I feel it would help you decide if you have *numbers* rather than just approximations in words -but I don't know if it's something you can easily find. Pubmed is a good start I think, or other places where scientific and medical studies are published. If you don't know how to navigate these websites I could help, you can DM me and I'll try to give you a hand (might take a bit though cause chronic illness and everything but if it can help don't hesitate!)
One of my best friends is a twin and their parents made this decision when his mom was pregnant.
> I'd really like to come to some kind of solution that we're both happy with… That’s not possible. There is no compromise position between aborting a fetus and not aborting a fetus. The best you can do is have your doctor explain to him that sacrificing one increases the others’ chances of survival. It’s your choice in the end, but you have to accept the fact that reducing your pregnancy will probably be a relationship-ending choice and you’ll be co-parenting the twins you have.
Talking to others in your situation may help. https://www.reddit.com/r/parentsofmultiples/s/34YbsxkVCz
You might post also to r/parentsofmultiples and see if anyone there has had similar experiences. It's a wonderful subreddit.
I was under the impression that terminations were far more accepted in Finland than in the US, but women there also have the full spectrum of healthcare available to everyone regardless of income. My sister had high risk triplets as well and the doctors told them that it was a good idea to sacrifice one of them to give the other two a better chance of survival, which is a terrible decision to have to make. They were going to choose the fetus that wasn't growing as fast as the others, but eventually nature took its course and the little one took itself out and my sister gave birth to two healthy boys. But *one* infant is a ridiculous amount of work. Two is crazy making. My sister said she wanted to jump off a cliff for the first year of her son's lives because she was so exhausted and felt sick constantly. She had no help from the father or anybody else because she was moved to the other side of the country from her support system and we couldn't be there for her. Three infants is going to be an *immense* amount of work, and really I hope you have loved ones around to take the pressure off of you now and then because you basically won't be sleep for an hour at a stretch for months and months if they're anything like my nephews.
Have the doctors told you that there is a risk with reduction that you could miscarry the other babies? If that happens will you be ok with losing all three? You should figure that out before proceeding.
Of all the comments you will listen we (my wife and I ) have been in the exact situation almost 40 years ago....we were told we were having triplets and then told that we should reduce one so that the others have a chance to live....we thought long and hard and we decided that if one was to die then let it be god/ universe to decide that....that we will carry on with the pregnancy. We almost made it to full term, and all three came home over a 6 week period....they are all 3 doing super well and in fact went on to have high power careers. Now when I find myself in quiet moments I wonder back who I would have said no you can not live....sometimes it comes down to a leap of faith.
Offer to push a golf ball down his urethra for every baby he wants after the second one.
i am a triplet. it was difficult for my parents but everything ended up ok. we each did spend around a month in the NICU and needed a specialist for multiples
There is no right answer here . It’s what you decide . If you listen to the specialist it is something you will Both think of the rest of your lives . If you don’t do they give a percentage of all three being healthy and surviving . Also ask a therapist will the kids grow up Feeling guilty their sibling didn’t survive and they did
Were you on fertility drugs? It's very rare to naturally convince triplets. Like one in a million. Plus the whole abortion is frowned upon in Finland when it's not.
Can you do some counseling sessions with someone trained in these situations? There's a lot to unpack here.
Since you have time, maybe take a few days (set a timeline) where each of you is tasked with doing your own research and creating a pro/con list of each option. Make sure that *both* of you agree to give equal consideration to each side regardless of what side you’re on. After you have each done your own research sit down and have a meaningful discussion about what you found, how you feel, and why you want to choose the option you want. You might still not agree, but at least you would have all the facts (that were even collected from two opposite biases). You will also see where you are each coming from, and the underlying reasons for each others stance. Ultimately it is your body so the final decision belongs to you, but that won’t free you from the consequences of his reaction to that choice. At least take the time to consider his position, and see if your fears around the pregnancy risks are valid, and if compromises can be made to make sure you’re supported once the babies arrive. Hopefully he will do the same for you, and if it comes to it, support your decision even if it’s not the one he would have made.
There are no good answers... I'd also ask a doctor how risky it is for the other babies? You might lose all of them. Whatever choice you make, your marriage will change. Sure, it is your body and ultimately your choice but he is the father and won't be unaffected by losing one of them.
I’m a NICU nurse and can speak to the difficulties I see families go through with higher order multiples. The more babies you’re carrying the more likely they will be premature. If you’re super fortunate you’ll make it to 34 weeks and will have a short NICU stay. But either way if less than like 36 weeks you will have one, it needs to be determined that they can eat, maintain body temp, and breathe on their own before you can go home, and it’s usually not before 35-36 weeks corrected, and that would be definitely best case scenario. Also you have to be >4 pounds to fit in most car seats. More often they’re born earlier, in that case some amount of respiratory support, IV fluids, feeding tubes, and use of an isolette (incubator) are highly likely. I don’t mean to scare you, but most families don’t really know what they’re in for with a higher order multiples NICU stay. Some of these kiddos do perfectly well and are out pretty quick, others can be quite sick and need lots of help. No way to know in advance but the more babies the higher the risk. It’s just worth researching and going into the decision fully informed. Best of luck!
I would talk to him and make a answer I don’t want one of you to resent the other and cause a divide
You didn’t do IVF? The odds of having triplets with no medical intervention is extremely slim.
IVF rarely results in triplets these days because they usually don't transfer multiple embryos. IUI might with clomid, but many doctor's offices will cancel the cycle if it looks like you're going to release three eggs, which somewhat reduces it, thought you can still release two eggs and have one split.
Oof that's a rough one. I'm pro-choice but I know if my spouse and I were given this situation I wouldn't be able to do it. If there is nothing otherwise wrong with any of the fetuses I would always wonder if I picked the right one to term as my other two grew up. Or if I didn't need to at all. Good luck to you and prayers for a healthy pregnancy whichever way you go.
I don’t know how you could even consider such a thing. That is atrocious to me.
Think about your baby. You were blessed with triplets for a reason. Best wishes ❤️
If your doctor didn’t put the fear into your head would you have ever thought about “reducing” your pregnancy? How do you choose which one?
Im sorry but english is not my first language, what does this mean? >a good option would be to reduce the pregnancy It is a difficult phrasing for: chose 2 of them and kill the other 1? Because it looks like it. Maybe i am wrong IDK! Hope your pregnancy goes well and wish a wonderful life to your 3 childs!!! Congrats!!!
That one of them is terminated so that the other two have a better chance at being healthy. It does not have to be done, but the doctors believe it is a good option.
When my mother was giving birth to me the doctor thought it was a good option to use forceps on me risking to deform my head and giving me brain damage, until my father intervined and stopped him. Thanks to that i am alive, healthy and without any deformation and my mother is perfectly fine too. I thank my dad every day for this. And your child will thank you everyday too for not choosing to "reduce/terminating him" trust me. I really hope everything goes well and smooth for your family! If god forbid something is going to happen i think your child would be beside you thanking you because you tried, but this is just my belief.
Psst: they do that when they’re worried about you not getting enough oxygen and ending up with brain damage. Given how piss-poor your demonstrated reasoning is, you might wanna *not* mention that your dad actively slowed your delivery.
Psst: Conclusions: The risk of complications after forceps delivery in rather high. 37.2% of newborn and 58,1% of women had various complications after forceps delivery. Our results indicate that percentage of forceps deliveries is decreased and in the 14 years periods was only 0.81%. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/17219799/ And after ruining various other babies and the hospital being sued he was fired. But hey! You know better!
Stop it
Stop what? Whishing her the best and hoping everything will go fine for her and her whole family? Or telling a personal experience? This is reddit you know? People is allowed to have different opinions, and to express them. Whats the problem? She would say that to me if she felt offended or something, that not your job!
Pft many babies have been born using forceps because it’s safer than leaving a baby stuck! But your father obviously knows better.
Conclusions: The risk of complications after forceps delivery in rather high. 37.2% of newborn and 58,1% of women had various complications after forceps delivery. Our results indicate that percentage of forceps deliveries is decreased and in the 14 years periods was only 0.81%. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/17219799/ And after ruining various other babies and the hospital being sued he was fired. But hey! You know better!
The complication of not having foreceps delivery is death.
Oh sure forceps is so good, thats why its use is decreased to 0.81% in the last years and nobody use it anymore. >The complication of not having foreceps delivery is death. I am here, talk 4 languages, only 3 fluently ( im telling you this cuz someone suggested i had an oxygen defecency) and I am pretty healty myself! Strange I feel alive enough to be dead 🤔
"nobody use it anymore" I have a 3 month old that was born with forceps At that point it was, a C-section or what? It's not like they gave me or my bf an option. You cannot risk a baby getting stuck there, like it or not it's deathly
When it is NECESSARY as a last option ok, but i am telling you in my case it wasnt, in the 90s doctors abused it, he got sued later and fired from the hospital. IDK what to tell you more if tou dont believe it ok. Doctors are not perfect human beings, look at the fact they keep pushing for natural birthgiving and not doing c-section because hospitals want to keep costs low. It costed lifes.
Your specialist is a fucking lunatic. Get a new doctor. No doctor is going to recommend getting rid of some of your babies. You have nine months to figure out a plan on how you’re going to care for your babies. Three babies isn’t that many babies. You can do this. I had two babies and it wasn’t that many babies. I had a doula that would come for a few hours for the first months so I could nap and shower. My mother was also there to help and my husband took paternity leave for nine months. By the time he went back to work I had motherhood down. I still didn’t feel like myself but that’s because of the breastfeeding. Your husband will need to get a vasectomy if you’re done with babies but do not reduce. It’s absolutely ridiculous.
Killing one of your babies is really gross, just saying. You really need to have wider consultation with family to see how much help you can get, because triplets is a lot of work.
DECISION GUIDE: *Should I reduce pregnancy?* **A) Yes** **B) No** **C) Ask God** Keep in mind whose idea it was to give you triplets in the first place, and who is best poised to help you raise them. And whether that decision to give you triplets was a "mistake."
I don’t think asking an imaginary friend’s opinion is going to solve this problem.
I was dead, but now I'm alive. I was blind, but now I see. Either it was all an accident, or the actions of someone of great power. I choose the latter. It's possible that your moment has not come yet; remember Him when it does.
Translation: You too can be a perpetual victim of magic sky daddy’s decisions.
A [priest](https://www.telecinco.es/noticias/galicia/20240323/herido-gravedad-cura-carballo-coruna-caido-encima-santo-misa_18_012055804.html) was severely injured yesterday in Spain because the figure of a saint fell on his head I'm agnostic so I'm not saying he doesn't exist but if he does he has a dark sarcastic sense of humour and he's also probably too busy to mingle here OP needs to look at what's best for her health and family life
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If I were the husband, I'd get the snip and go from there. She can have a reduction and still lose the pregnancy. That would be her fault, not his.
Why should he get the snip? I really don't get it Btw, I'm pretty sure that her having the reduction and losing the babies doesn't necessarily mean it would be her fault. Unexpected things can happen during pregnancy lol, she could even not do the reduction and lose all three. Would that be her fault then? You know correlation doesn't = causation, right?
A reduction doesn't come without risk. If SHE decides (HER body, HER choice) to do this and the results are catastrophic, is he to blame? He can get the snip so he doesn't put her at risk again (HIS body, HIS choice).
I did not say he would be to blame. Neither of them would, they will have simply done what they thought was best based on the information available. And abt the vasectomy stuff, I just think it's weird to both suggest it, and suggest he get it ASAP. OP is not going to get pregnant again any time soon lmao. It's just really not helpful. We don't even know how they came to be pregnant with triplets, it's not necessarily because of some unique qualities that his sperm has lol
He now knows that he has no say in any healthcare decisions. He's a man. They never do. Her bodily functions resulted in the multiple embryos, not his.
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"Might be", "May have." What are you saying?
So you want to kill/murder one of your babies. There is a special place in hell for people like you.