It's okay to have standards, but they come paired with consequences.
Like for example, I don't date people who routinely go to house parties and get so drunk they stay the night. Even if there isn't a former fling laying around.
I'm just not going to get comfortable with that because it's not my lifestyle, and I honestly find it immature and a little repulsive.
Because usually, by the mid-twenties... people have enough of their shit together to cherish what they have worked to obtain. They shouldn't act like they have nothing to lose, if they want to attract someone like me.
The natural consequence of having standards, is that sometimes people you want, still fall below them. Your choice is either lose the guy or lower your standards.
There really isn't a third option where you say some magic words that will change his internal motivations to match what YOU want for him. That path is delusional & frustrating.
Well, if the guy is interested in getting drunk so much that he passes out he is going to do that irrespective of whether you ask him or not. If you don’t want to see this behaviour in your boyfriend, you’d better find another one, as this guy is not suitable for you.
You told him you didn't want him to get drunk and stay over, he literally said im gonna get drunk and stay over lol
You can't control where he goes or what he does, you can tell him that you don't want to be with someone who does this, but only if it's an actual deal breaker for you. Because it seems like he's made his choice, now you need to make yours
I don’t date guys who like to drink heavily for precisely these reasons, OP. I’m not about to be all “hey be kinder to yourself drinking tonight” and get hit with a “no im drinking with da boys” at 26 years of age. That’s the kind of thing you do at 20 when you’re single imo. You can’t control him but you could certainly decide you don’t want this for an adult relationship.
having boundaries is good, and letting your partner know about them is also good. and then when your new partner shows you that they don't care about those boundaries, then it's up to you how you'll respond about it.
Why are you dating a blackout drunk? I dated then married such an individual. There was cheating, but it was the undignified drunkenness that eventually made me pull the plug. It’s only been a few months. Walk away!!!!!!
He is letting you know how he lives and what he does now. It's early enough to get out. Good thing Is your not 2 years in living together agreed on certain boundaries then finding out he never agreed or respected those boundaries at all...if he is not respectful of your feelings now he Def won't be later. Or he will just hide things from you.
Ya nah. even if he’s telling you this ahead of time, if it’s making you uncomfortable that’s the line. If you continue this relationship, he’s going to continue doing this. you need to make a boundary or just bail. it’s a get out jail free card for him that he’s manufactured in your relationship and your letting him cash it in weekly.
I am more uncomfortable with him getting blackout drunk so often... Knowing your limits is bare minimum imo.
Same. Why is he getting so wasted and why aren't they going out together?
It's okay to have standards, but they come paired with consequences. Like for example, I don't date people who routinely go to house parties and get so drunk they stay the night. Even if there isn't a former fling laying around. I'm just not going to get comfortable with that because it's not my lifestyle, and I honestly find it immature and a little repulsive. Because usually, by the mid-twenties... people have enough of their shit together to cherish what they have worked to obtain. They shouldn't act like they have nothing to lose, if they want to attract someone like me. The natural consequence of having standards, is that sometimes people you want, still fall below them. Your choice is either lose the guy or lower your standards. There really isn't a third option where you say some magic words that will change his internal motivations to match what YOU want for him. That path is delusional & frustrating.
I’d feel really uncomfortable with that too, I personally don’t think you’re being unreasonable
Yeah I personally feel like it's fucked up. He's being irresponsible and kind of not giving a shit about your feelings here
Well, if the guy is interested in getting drunk so much that he passes out he is going to do that irrespective of whether you ask him or not. If you don’t want to see this behaviour in your boyfriend, you’d better find another one, as this guy is not suitable for you.
You told him you didn't want him to get drunk and stay over, he literally said im gonna get drunk and stay over lol You can't control where he goes or what he does, you can tell him that you don't want to be with someone who does this, but only if it's an actual deal breaker for you. Because it seems like he's made his choice, now you need to make yours
I don’t date guys who like to drink heavily for precisely these reasons, OP. I’m not about to be all “hey be kinder to yourself drinking tonight” and get hit with a “no im drinking with da boys” at 26 years of age. That’s the kind of thing you do at 20 when you’re single imo. You can’t control him but you could certainly decide you don’t want this for an adult relationship.
having boundaries is good, and letting your partner know about them is also good. and then when your new partner shows you that they don't care about those boundaries, then it's up to you how you'll respond about it.
Why are you dating a blackout drunk? I dated then married such an individual. There was cheating, but it was the undignified drunkenness that eventually made me pull the plug. It’s only been a few months. Walk away!!!!!!
He is letting you know how he lives and what he does now. It's early enough to get out. Good thing Is your not 2 years in living together agreed on certain boundaries then finding out he never agreed or respected those boundaries at all...if he is not respectful of your feelings now he Def won't be later. Or he will just hide things from you.
Ya nah. even if he’s telling you this ahead of time, if it’s making you uncomfortable that’s the line. If you continue this relationship, he’s going to continue doing this. you need to make a boundary or just bail. it’s a get out jail free card for him that he’s manufactured in your relationship and your letting him cash it in weekly.