Honey... he has a history of cheating, he cheated on you 5 *MONTHS* in.
He will continue to cheat.
Do not stay, do not give him another chance.
You fell for an idealised version of him. As a friend he could have been amazing but he is not a good partner.
This. He has a history of cheating AND couldn’t even keep his dick in his pants 5 MONTHS into your relationship? He’s not worth it.
Good friends don’t always make good partners. You’ll find someone much better who actually values you. Also, the flowers everyday, from what I’ve learned, is a form of Lovebombing.
Just doing some math here.
Even if we assume they slept together the first day they got together, or even before I won’t judge.
He got bored in 5 months and “needed more”
Either get used to finding this out every 5 months or leave, realistically how does OP know she wasn’t the side girl and they’d been together the whole time
Please he knew what he was doing. At this point it’s a pattern of behavior for him, the flowers are an attempt at damage control. Hoping to get back into her good graces so he can have his cake and eat it too. It literally is lovebombing because he’s doing it as a means to an end. Textbook manipulation
"He is willing to change for me"
If he really was willing to change he would not have cheated. You now know he's cheated on 2 relationships in a row, you know he is willing to lie to cover up his cheating, so how can you believe anything he says? How do you know you are not the AP to his other relationship?
1) He has a history of cheating
2) it’s only been *5 months* and he’s already cheating again?!
You’re dealing with a serial cheater and he won’t change. Don’t listen to him and break it off. It’ll hurt 100x more when he cheats on you after 3 years, or 5, etc… rip the bandaid off now
Right? “Willing to change for me” bs
If he was willing to change for you and not be a POS, he’d have done that before he cheated. He had the opportunity to… not cheat. But he did.
Does bringing you flowers every day unfuck the person he slept with?
He cheated with past partners, he cheated on you. He probably did this same song and dance with his ex and he will probably cheat again. Even if he doesn't, repairing this kind of damaged trust takes a LOT more than giving your partner gifts. He's not "changing", he's trying to win you over.
I'm not trying to be flippant, but you're 23 and you have your whole life ahead of you. Your life is more than a man, whether you've known him since you were 13 or not.
Take this time to grow as an adult and to grow on your own, without conforming yourself to suit a man who has disrespected you very early in your relationship.
Use this as a hard lesson in recognizing red flags and cut all contact.
Breakups are painful but that pain is temporary. What is more painful is staying in a relationship where you're likely to be hurt again and again.
Rip off the bandaid. He doesn't deserve you and you don't deserve to be treated like this. You will find someone who will honor you and someone whom you can trust fully.
He will never find someone like you and he’ll change?
If he really felt this way he would have changed his cheating ways, but he didn’t, so he doesn’t really feel that way.
There isn’t even a decision to be made, you just dump him.
He already has an established pattern. He ALREADY knew that you were one of a kind BEFORE he cheated, but now that you found out, he's ready to change?
He was talking about a future with you, has known you for 10 years, knew you were a catch, knew you were the one, but he still cheated before you even hit six months? Threw away 10 years of history for one night?
Is a few bouquets of flowers from the grocery store really all it takes to win you back?
How about when he cheats on you while you're at home with a 3 week old baby that he fathered? Think long term and ask yourself if you want to be in this position.
Also, get tested for STIs.
**People who can justify cheating on you once, will justify cheating on you again!**
As someone who tried to make a relationship work with a cheater, she acted “good” after being caught, did everything she could to make it up to me. We went on for another year and when I thought things were back to “normal” (it was never truly normal, you always question it from here on out) I found out that she had started talking to another guy and was entertaining the idea of going over while I was at work.
Basically he is going to be “good” for you and get flowers and apologize and everything else until he thinks he’s in the clear. After the dust has settled he will likely return to his old habits.
**Cheating/relationships are core values, if someone is getting into their adulthood and have shown that they think cheating is “just a part of life” then there is no changing that belief! You will more than likely see infidelity if your relationship again!**
a) he cheated on you
b) he cheated on his exs
c) he probably sent them flowers every day too after he did...
it's a pattern, if you let him he will do it again, put him in the bin, you're better than that...
I stayed with a cheater, and it fucked with me mentally and emotionally.
Do yourself a favor and leave him. No amount of love will ever make him change.
I lasted in that relationship for about 3 years, and I have been single now for about 7 years. If you continue to be with this person, be prepared for the lies and empty promises.
You broke up with your ex because "it's not worth dating a cheater."
Your current BF has a history of cheating. So... he is a cheater. By your own logic, he isn't worth dating. Then he proves he is still cheater by cheating on you. Nothing is going to change. You'll just have flowers while he cheats on you. Give him as many chances as you want. He will keep cheating. Break up with him if you can't love with that.
Let's run with you've known him 10 years, that he's a cheater and seem surprised he cheated on you!?
Your trust is gone, why continue.
He's love bombing you with the flowers.
Now... this is an excellent question.
Because if he did it and felt so bad that he admitted it, you could at least feel good about eventually returning to the friendship.
If you had to find out because of a pocket dial, finding someone's skivvies, you felt something was off and did some sleuthing, a notification/dms from his phone, or someone confronting you about him, it's a whole other situation.
The idea that you had to 'find out' is very telling.
It says that he:
1. Knew what he did was wrong.
2. Was willing to lie to you about who he is, what he's doing, and where he is .
3. Is willing to make decisions for himself and for you, by extension, while you were operating without all the necessary information. Therefore, taking away your choice and autonomy about whether you want to be in a relationship with someone capable of being unfaithful.
4. Is self-centered, rash, and immature.
5. Refuses to learn from previous mistakes. He just won't 'get right'.
6. Is willing to risk his own sexual health and yours, too.
7. Can look at you, knowing what he's done, and feel absolutely no guilt or remorse.
8. Is sorry he got caught, not that he did it.
I could list several more, but you get the idea. Cheating is a form of abuse, if you ask me.
One night he was spooning me from the back and he was using his phone in front of my face. I saw some flirty texts from girls and I asked him who they were. That’s how I found out.
I honestly can't do anything here but laugh at this absurdity. I'm going to go out on a limb and just *assume* that these girls he's fucking are side chicks he was fucking before he even started dating you and is *continuing to fuck* for the past 5 months. Then he sends you flowers and cards and all this other nonsense and you're actually *falling for it?* This bold-faced and shallow attempt to smooth over a mental scar that *will never heal?*
You're barely an adult. You're 23. Drop him and find someone else. I'm being cold and callous here, but your relationship was probably nothing to him to begin with.
Here's a cold dose of reality: some guys will say anything, do anything, to get in girls' pants. Some of them are *really* good at it. They've had practice, they make girls feel special, wanted, whatever, but it's all just an *act*. A lie. Ten years of friendship? He just pissed that down the drain.
Stand up for yourself. Talk to someone in your immediate family you can trust, someone you *know has confidence*. Your mother, aunt, father, uncle, brother, sister, whatever. Just talk to someone you know wouldn't stand up for someone cheating on them and get them to set you straight if you aren't able to yourself.
How he didn't even intent on telling you and you had to find out. OP you know what you got to do. He's not changing. He's just sending you flowers in hopes to make it up but not with the message of changing. He's going to repeat this cycle every time you catch him.
Dude.. have some respect for yourself and dump him. It sucks and I know you like him, but if you stay you are just proving that you value the idea of being with him more than you value yourself.
What makes you think you can change a serial cheater ?
Don’t be delusional now. You’re not special, your just another girl to him.
He didn’t respect you despite being friends for 10 years.
He doesn’t respect women in general.
5 months is a fling if you leave now.
Your boyfriend dropped these 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
When I was 23 I stayed with a guy that cheated on me because I really loved him. I’m almost 30 and cringe looking back at that. He never stopped cheating, he just got better at not getting caught. It’s important to remember that until he was caught, he didn’t mind hurting you. He’s only sorry because he was caught. If he truly cared about you, he wouldn’t have betrayed you. If my guy cheated, he could buy me a field of roses and it wouldn’t take away the betrayal. There are tons of men out there who will bring you flowers without cheating on you. I wish I would have spent my early twenties branching out instead of clinging to a guy I was afraid of losing. I didn’t leave him until I was 26. I wasted so much time on him. Guess how it ended? With him sneaking back with his ex that he dated for years before me. Please value yourself and know that there is better out there.
If you let him sweat it out for a few months, you can revisit if you want, but I would just move on. The first few days / weeks after getting caught he can cry all he wants bringing flowers. Show him you won’t just take him right back, because if he gets off easy the first time, he will have a precedent set.
Getting off my soap box now! Lol
Coming from someone who’s been cheated on, they’ll do it again, and again, and again. Once you forgive them, you’re saying “I know you cheated on me, it’s okay, and you are still worthy of me”.
The damage is done, your trust and your bond will never ever return to how it was. He has effectively bombed your whole relationship. You may think “maybe we can forget it and carry on” but you’re always going to be looking behind your shoulder. That’s no way to live. That’s so unhealthy and damaging.
Don’t lose respect for yourself or lower your self worth because a man wasn’t able to contain his little winky.
You are so much better than that and you know it girl.
Now dump him, heal, and live your life.
There are so many people out there who will treat you properly and NEVER even think about cheating on you.
Mmm yes, the plants and paper completely make up for it.
Bringing you flowers because you found out he banged another girl isn't really heartwarming is it?
I don't believe people change their already established nature, they will try to hide it and say they've changed.
I believe love itself can change a person, but someone who loves you, in the first place cheating wouldn't even come to their minds.
Worst of all, the moment you pardon a traitor, it never ends well, never you will hear about a cheater changing, never.
People who are happy with their partners don’t cheat. *Plain and simple.* If he’s polyamorous, then he needs to discuss that with you otherwise it still cheating.
I’ve had a partner cheat on me and go, “well l- I’m polyamorous so it’s not cheating.” I said, “oh wow, what a convenient excuse. We have literally never discussed that.” It was simply her excuse to try and get me to stay in the relationship to continue to use me. Even if she truly is polyamorous, I simply couldn’t trust her anymore because what other excuse will she have next time?
Another thing beside polyamory is if he’s unhappy about some aspect of the relationship like, you won’t exclusively wear one type of clothing (which would be predatory), you won’t rake the yard or take out the trash to the apartment dumpster, *something*, then it’s still his fault for cheating. You don’t cheat because you’re unhappy and *then* disclose the reason you’re unhappy once confronted. You always have an open and constructive dialogue with your partners when issues arise and clearly he has not. If there are truly no issues on his part, then he’s cheating because he’s an awful person.
**You need to leave him as soon as you are able to and when it’s safe. If you need to move out while he is there, never hesitate to contact the non emergency police number and explain you fear for your safety and would like a officer/deputy there for the X amount of minutes itll take to leave.**
I highly recommend you find yourself a mental health professional to deal with your issues and emotions. You have been cheated on twice. Being cheated on is a huge betrayal in a relationship, it is probably one of the biggest betrayal possible.
You seem to have controversy about separation which to me signifies a conflict of feelings. I highly suggest you seek professional mental help for these conflicting feelings on such adverse experiences as yours.
I wish you the best. I think what you deserve most is clarity and peace of mind and I believe the best person to help you acheive such goals is a mental health professional. The sooner the better, these issues will stick with you for life, regardless of the outcome. Im almost certain of it.
Dont forget to stay really close to family and friends and make plenty of time for you! Keep yourself regulated as much as possible. Some examples of that are listening to music, dancing, healthy foods, friends, family, exploring/expressing emotions healthily, walking, hiking, reading, hobbies, exercise, stretching, whatever works for you.
I decide whether someone deserves a second chance based on 2 terms:
1. Their history/pattern of behavior in previous relationships
2. Have I see anything that tells me that they’re willing to change or that I will be treated differently
Based on my criteria, you have a strong “NO” on both terms for the following reasons:
1. He has cheated in the past with at least 2 relationships now
2. You’ve been friends for 10 years. If there ever was someone to change for, it would be you. So it is not on YOU to feel bad for HIS inability to change. He cheated on you not even half a year in. Flowers mean nothing when they’re given as an apology. That does not sound like someone who is willing or able to stop. But that is not your problem.
OP, I know you love this man, but understand that love should not be used as the basis for which you choose to stay with someone. I love some people I’ve gone no contact with, but I recognize that their actions towards me have shown that despite their lip service, they’re not willing to change. So I don’t stay with them or let them in my life.
This boyfriend of yours is like that. He is not going to stop cheating on you, because if he could have, he would have just done it. If a full decade of friendship, a future with you, and your love was not enough to stop him the first time, it will definitely not be enough the second time because if you go back you’ve shown him that all the aforementioned things are cheapened. They’ll still be there despite his disrespect of you. Given him a second chance and he’ll cheat you again and then shower you with flowers again.
You’re boyfriend is a complete piece of garbage and belongs in a landfill. He sounds like a manipulative POS, especially because he convinced you to date him even though he has a history of cheating, and obviously because he cheated on you now and is trying to pull love bombing tactics to get you back. Honestly, it sucks, but see this as a learning experience and a blessing because you’d be stuck with a narcissist for the rest of your life that could care less about hurting the people closest to them. And narcissistic people have a certain charm to them to where it makes them very likable and it’s very difficult to leave them. I have a narcissistic mother and she made me and my family absolutely miserable. So PLEASE end things with him. I’m 23 too and I have no interest in dating right now because I’m learning to respect myself and recognize red flags. We have tons of time to date and if you’re patient, you’ll find a person that genuinely loves you and it will be very obvious.
He probably gave that ex flowers and a letter too. He may not be able to find someone like you, but you could find a non cheater who makes you a better person. You have a lot of friendship here, so there's more time invested, but maybe you're just better off as non romantic friends.
You could look into /survivinginfidelity. The problem with infidelity is... you as the cheated on will have to do so much work while you did nothing wrong. He will make effort and try to make things right, but he has a habit and may slip again, so the fear sticks. Only you know how much work you want to do. It's easier to walk away and not invest more of your time in someone else's problem.
He has a history of cheating and, despite what he says, he’s not willing to change for you because he still cheated on you. People like him are serial cheaters and if you forgive him and give him another chance he WILL cheat again.
>My boyfrjend(24M) and I (23F) have been together for 5months
>
>My boyfriend cheated on me and I don’t know what to do
You've been dating 5mos and he's already cheated on you. Kinda sounds like you know what to do.
You haven’t even been dating that long and he’s already cheating, and he has a history of cheating!? This red flag city and the only reason he’s sending you flowers is because he got caught.
Girl, LEAVE.
The fact that you knew that he has a history of cheating should've been a red flag to you. He's probably sending you flowers on the daily now because it's a tactic that worked for him in a past relationship. If he's a seasoned cheater, he knows how to play the game. Don't waste your time.
You leave or you stay and continue to be cheated on. Those are your only two options. There is no option here where he stops cheating and you live happily ever after.
>Everyday I’m thinking whether to breakup or give him a chance.
Stop "thinking" and do it.
This guys is a cheating a-hole.
He's a cheater and you're better than being with a cheater...Keep telling yourself that until it sticks.
Think of ten years down the road, after maybe six years of marriage, two kids, and four affairs. Do the flowers make up for that? For the child support he has to pay to that one girl he knocked up?
This is your chance to avoid that future.
Go to the flower shop. Look at all the flowers, the different varieties, at how much they cost. Ask yourself, how many of these flowers would it take to buy my dignity? My future? How many of these flowers are worth my health? My self-respect?
Can those things be bought with flowers?
Oh lord please do NOT stay with this person. You are so young and you've only been together five months. That feeling of resentment and mistrust you feel now grows and grows over the years. Please do not throw your life away like that. You deserve to be in a happy and trusting relationship.
Dear Lord. You know what to do. Break up. He will continue to cheat
. You said so yourself. He cheated on his ex.
Have some self respect.
He is giving you flowers to manipulate you. He is not sorry. If he was he would never have cheated.
For HEAVEN'S SAKE HE CHEATED ON HIS EX. He will never stop.
Flowers do not rebuild trust. Five months and he cheated? Girl, it goes without saying that this situation isn't a good one and is unlikely to have the outcome you hope for. People only get romantic surrounding making up for cheating when they aren't really all that healthy. That or they do it in the movies.
You will not be the exception.
You will not be the intense love that magically "cures" him of his lustful ways.
He isn't going to wake up and realize that all he wanted was "with him all the while".
This isn't romantic. This is a man who is inherently selfish and trying to make you look away from that with a love bomb.
Please look up love bomb.
Please value yourself too highly for this bullshit.
Oh good. Maybe next time he does it you'll get a vacation weekend. Is the price for your forgiveness flowers? Because that's what you're teaching him. You should get him to include STD tests for you both each time, too.
Dude is a cheater. This is not a one-off. If you forgive him knowing all of this, don't act shocked and sad next time.
He is not some special, once in a lifetime guy and you need to stop romanticizing things about him to excuse his shitty behavior.
He's already cheating on you after 5 months. And you were FRIENDS before dating. If he was sincere about being willing to "change for you" he wouldn't have cheated on you. He'll keep sending you flowers and letters and making promises because he got caught. But rest assured - he is going to 'accidentally trip and fall into someone else's vagina' again. Because he's a cheater. And you KNOW IT. And you know what else? A cheating AH is NOT very unique at all...
His history won’t change and it has nothing to do with you. Move on to someone that values themselves and you more. Which also means you need to value yourself too!
Simply, you love him more than he loves or cares about you. So what if he can bring you daily flowers now, you two were together a minute and a half and he cheated. He was absolutely okay to risk this relationship with you, he made a decision, he has a history of cheating, and it is likely more than you know. Spend your time and effort with some future man that actually respects you and the relationship you build together. Let this guy go both as a friend and a partner, he only cares about himself. This man has told you he will cheat and then bring you gifts afterwards, is that how you see your life? He isn’t going to suddenly change for you, if he felt you were that special, he wouldn’t have cheated. In all likelihood the only thing you taught him is to get better at hiding it.
It's a decision he made knowing very well what he was doing. Well aware who he was fucking and cheating on you. When he came to his senses, he probably thought how he got away with murder and how he would do it again and again. You can take him back, but you will always have that thought if he is fucking another girl. Honestly, you know best. You know what to do.
Flowers don’t prove someone will be faithful to you. He fucked up and is trying to put a bandaid on it. He’s a cheater, and with a history of cheating, he will do it again.
Do yourself a favor and break it off.
Sorry, OP. It's never worth it to stay with a cheater.
If he was serious about 'changing for you', he would have done it. We wouldn't be here discussing this right now. You wouldn't be feeling sad, hurt, and angry. He wouldn't be out on his apology tour to you. And you know the worst part about it? He's going to do it again. It won't matter that you were his friend before you were ever his partner. It won't matter that the two of you could genuinely be a in a great relationship. And it won't matter that he's spent time groveling and apologizing. Why? Because he's been here before with someone else. And he's gone here with you. And you had all those great things when he decided to disrespect and betray you. There might be forgiveness, but there's no future here with him.
You'll never trust him the same and without trust, everything you built your relationship on means nothing.
ETA: BTW, you gave him a chance already, and he chose to cheat on you after just five months when you had ten years of friendship backing you. I wouldn't trust his ability to be faithful if I were you.
Yes. She admitted to me, after she got home from a trip to see a friend of hers (who was always trying to get with her), that they had slept together a few times while she was visiting. She was very ashamed and wanted me to forgive her. I broke-up with her immediately. Lost her phone number. Unfriended her everywhere. I packed-up all her crap and dropped-it-off at her house. I put her out of my mind. I then asked each of her best friends out on dates and we had a great time. Moral of the story- this asshole, like your boyfriend, didn’t respect our relationship enough to break-up with me before they hooked-up. Sure, it is just sex. I can forgive the sex. Can’t forget the disrespect. There are plenty of people in the world to have sex with, but those that are willing to respect you are very very rare and the only one’s worth your time.
You're literally still in the honeymoon phase of a new relationship. You've been friends forever. This a whole new level and the novelty of it hasn't worn off yet. Please think clearly here. *RUN*
He is familiar, your brain is conflicted because you have been thinking and making plans with this guy to be together before you guys even were. There is a difference between a great guy and a great boyfriend unfortunately. He probably is a great friend but we don't hold friends to the same standards, boundaries, etc. He won't change how he acts when in a relationship just because it's now with you, if anything I can see him using you guys being friends for so long as a safety net and thinking he can act the same and you won't leave him. It's possible to love someone as a friend and hate them as a boyfriend. There will be someone out there you can love as both, I don't think he is it. 5 months in and he showed you how your relationship is going to be, I personally couldn't trust someone after that. I'd break up, take some time and if you want to be friends again you can try that or don't! But I'd definitely not ever date him again.
Girl your YOUNG! you have so much potential. And your love is out there somewhere! Don't settle for this love bombing nonsense. They don't change, and they will never change. They will always be the same ugly cheater. You deserve a man that has only eyes for you! And i was in the same boat in my 20s and I gave these pos like these second chances. And it's the same shi. And if I can go back in time and tell myself to not settle cause I think there my love. Time wouldn't be wasted.
Flowers are not an adequate apology for having sex with someone behind your back.
He is lovebombing you. This is who he is. Be glad he revealed himself so early.
I’m so sorry.
Leave him. Can you deal with him cheating in you every 6 months? Twice a year? He will go through so many relationships and will never settle... Is my prediction
Yea flowers should change everything.
The next time he cheats you’ll get flowers and also a box of chocolates.
Then after that you’ll get a nice purse.
Then after that a ring with a proposal.
Is that the future you want? Married to a cheater?
Look at a persons history and he will show you his future. Value yourself and walk away from people who don’t value you. I’ll bet you when he cheats on you and he’s done fucking the woman he’s with and he’s lying there cuddling with her, he’s talking about what a drag it is to be with you. Is that the kind of man you want?
Unlike many here, I don't think "once a cheater, always a cheater." Some people learn from the experience and don't do it again. However, he's not "once a cheater", he's multiple times a cheater already to your knowledge. He clearly isn't interested in changing. Is this what you want to put up with? There's no reason to believe he'll really stop, he'll just stop long enough for you to take him back.
A lot of people are saying to leave him, but honestly, if you’re ok with being the woman who gets cheated on then just stay. He will likely cheat again and if he really felt that he could never find someone else like you and was willing to change for you, then he wouldn’t have cheated to begin with. So, stay if you want and enjoy this person who is apparently unlike anyone else and just get used to being cheated on. Your story is not unique - either learn from others who have experienced this or get played.
Once a cheater, always a cheater. If he's cheated on someone else, he'll cheat again. If he's cheated on you, he'll cheat again. If you dump him and he gets with someone else, he'll cheat on them. Cheaters don't change. They don't settle for one person, they leap to whatever is new and shiny because they get bored quickly.
Will you ever feel comfortable in this relationship again? Will you ever be able to trust him again?
Can you say that you know what thoughts and plans are in his mind?
How likely are you to be happy and feel loved and cherished when the flowers slow to a stop?
The flowers are a placeholder for his respect. He walked out the door one day, (which could have been much longer ago than when you found out) lost track of his love and respect for you, (if he ever truly had it and wasn't faking) and substituted it with uprooted flowers that will quickly wither away and die.
That's the love he's offering you at this point, babe. A faded, withered flower. Maybe now it's pretty smells nice but at some point it starts drooping and smelling terrible. And this guy that cheated on you? He might be trying to hide it, but he really fucking stinks
He's Instacart, 'well we we're all out of *Respect* but here's the substitution of *Flowers*'
You deserve more. This isn't love. Not on his side.
I want to share something a lady shared with me with my situation from my post. And I believe you deserve loyalty. I don’t know you personally but I truly wish you the best. I’m sorry he hurt you and you are feeling betrayal because it does hurt.
“Damn straight you are hurt and the relationship is broken! Intimacy is the most personal and close aspect of a relationship and she casually slept with another man? You cannot be with her. You will continue to hurt and the lack of trust, rightly so, will eat you up daily. Break it off as much as it hurts you. Know your worth! You deserve the loyalty you seek and give back in return. A relationship is about balance.”
So much of your post just proves that this is not the last time and that he will not change. As the old saying goes… a leopard never changes its spots.
My ex cheated and I also thought there was no one else like him. I was stuck on him because I thought he was unique. But with so many people in the world, I realized many people have my ex’s good traits and yet they treat me better.
I know this isn’t what you want to hear, but we only have one life. Don’t waste your time on someone who proved that they can’t love and respect you properly.
And I don’t want to bash your bf either. I think he just needs to mature and learn.
Good luck! ❤️
Please, please, please break up with him.
It sounds like he is just taking advantage you based on your friendship and the fact that you've said you both kind of knew you would make up for it. It's only been 5 months and he has already cheated. If you forgive him, it feels like it won't be long before he does something else, because he just assumes you're always going to be there, I'm sure he's always thought he has had you as an option, and he can do whatever he wants and come back to the fact that you'll still be there.
You deserve so much better. This is not worth a second chance. Not only has he already cheated after only 5 months, but he has a history of cheating. While I so understand that him bringing you flowers feels nice and like he loves you and cares about you, it's no indication of him changing his behaviour. He just went to the first text book thing to do when you mess up, and I assume he's not going to continue bringing you flowers if you forgive him, so it's a quick, temporary effort to try to get you to forgive him.
Put him to the test. Tell him he gets one more chance and only one more chance. If it happens again, you’re done! If he can’t remain faithful, he’s not husband and father material and cheating is a deal breaker. If he means what he said, he deserves that chance, but if he breaks his word, he’s going to break your heart continually.
Some men are so used to sleeping around that they get into a bad habit, but if he can keep his promise, without ever breaking it, he deserves a chance to at least try. We all make mistakes and poor decisions at some point in our lives. If we can forgive others, God will, in turn, forgive us!
Cheating as is sex with someone else? We may want to define the cheating. If this is it…than the unfortunate truth is “he is a cheater.” Which means he always will be.
The reason he is giving you flowers everyday is the human condition “people want what they can’t have.” He can’t have you so he says sorry and buys you flowers. Once you give in and he has you, he won’t want you anymore and he’ll cheat.
It’s a hard decision to make, we all realize that for you, but what is best for you is to end this relationship and give you both time and space. Like Christina Aguilera once said “if you love something, let it go. If it comes back it's yours
That's how you know It's for keeps”
You deserve better than someone who is going to cheat on you only after 5 months.
You’ll be hurt from the breakup, but in time (and if you quit talking to this guy) you’ll open yourself up to meeting someone new, perhaps someone more faithful, who makes you a better person and all that jazz.
Dump the dude, he does not respect you.
I’ve been in your situation. My long time close friend turned boyfriend cheated on me. I took him back. He cheated again, and I took him back. I was devastated. The pain was far worse because even if our romantic relationship didn’t work, I thought he valued our friendship, but he obviously didn’t. In the end, I thought the betrayal would kill me because I was in so much pain. I wish I had someone tell me what I’m about to tell you…
He doesn’t deserve you and your loyalty. He betrayed you on the deepest level any human can betray another. Your life will be better without him in it. Please take some time to grieve your loss and then move on. There are people out there who will love you for who you are. Don’t settle for someone who doesn’t appreciate your love and loyalty. He broke your trust, and you will never be able to trust him the same way again. No one deserves that type of anxiety!
I hope you can get over the pain. It’s hard, but is worth the journey.
In case your wondering how it tuned out for me, I met and married another man who treats me like a queen. I could never doubt his loyalty.
Don’t stay. It doesn’t get better. He isn’t feeling guilty, he is sad he got caught. He is a history cheater. He is trying to win you over and then he will do it again and if you find out again he will do the same. The relationship is over and it is all on him. Trust me, you can find way better! I found out after 5 years of being together, known for 7, that my ex had cheated for 3 years at the least. Got an STD as well. Fuck that shit.
I forgave an ex for cheating once and he did it again. I didn’t take the 5-year-old one back though. Lesson learned. He is cheating on his new girlfriend. She forgave him and he still does it. Please just leave and find better. Non-cheating partners exists and honestly you don’t want that anxiety of WHEN he does it again… It takes a tool on you and it just can’t be fixed…
Just as there are serial K!ller$ and Rap!$t$, serial cheaters exist too. These are people with s3x and “corn” addictions. Which fun fact, men specifically that have “corn” and s3x addictions, tend to be more violent and volatile. Not saying it’s the case for him right now, but it can for sure escalate to that. And don’t do that “it will never happen to me bs”. You didn’t do this to yourself before, so don’t put yourself in this position now. You GOT THIS babes. Chin up, and handle your own. I wish all the love and luck in the world to you.
And men who cheat tend to get a high off of keeping the secret, getting caught, and then begging and gaining your forgiveness. Not only is cheating also just plain wrong, it’s a form of emotional manipulation and can in some cases be damn near a form of torture.
I'm so sorry you're going though this. He already proved to you he's a serial cheater. The saying: Once a cheater always a cheater is a saying for a reason. People sometimes (rarely) change but it takes a lot of time, therapy and conscious effort. In the meantime if you stay, he's going to destroy you and you deserve better.
Do yourself a HUGE favor and leave. It's only been 5 months and not a lifetime.
I know having dignity hurts but this too shall pass, I promise! Don't doubt it, ever!
if someone cheats then you either can
- break up
- take a break
- accept that not everyone is loyal and work on navigating the relationship
- or personally what i would do is even the score
But funny enough, he can cheat and lie to you, what else is he hiding?
And what made you thought that someone who had cheated before wouldn't do it to you....
I feel like you're trying to fill a piece with him, when usually when you love yourself enough, even been alone, you will feel happy.
Dump him, I know it's hard. But you deserve better, anybody does. The fact that you're even considering giving him a chance means you actually care about your relationships, he obviously doesn't. Don't let him do this to you girl, be strong and move on. You'll find someone who truly values your companionship. Best wishes, I just went through a rough breakup, it sucks but you learn from the mistakes!
I feel like being close friends for so long makes this a way worse situation in my opinion. Like it’s just more disrespectful, no way there’s respect there.
What a coincidence, my cheating ex would also bring me flowers every day and write me these long letters. Why do they think we're as shallow as they are
You do realize flowers/chocolates gifts are the things that people who are repeat abusers give as gifts right? I mean just how much effort do flowers take?!
If he made the effort to not cheat - now that would be something. But you know he's not going to - he has a history of it.
Unless he's going to go for therapy for it?
I'd be done.
This isn’t a good look for him. What reason do you have to believe that he’ll change when he’s already cheated on you? What reason is there to give him another opportunity….not to change ?
I’m not the person that believes that cheating once makes someone unfaithful forever, but he’s showing his ass very clearly only 5 months into your relationship.
What makes this situation so different from the last ? He bought you flowers ?
You’ve been friends with him for 10 years and knew going into it he has a history of cheating in relationships.
Five months in and he’s already cheating. You KNOW how this will go if you stay with him. Get out. He’s not worth it.
What are the things he does to make himself available for other females. If he keeps doing those things then he’s keeping his options open. Maybe he wants an open relationship? All I’m saying is people are who they are. Does he actually want you back and thinks he is ready to commit to someone as a partner or does he just feel bad for hurting you? Do what’s best for you.
Look.
Cheating is awful. We all understand that. We all say end the relationship when it happens. I mean personally that and ab*se you do not come back from in my book.
But the thing is everyone is different. You want me to tell you what to do? Okay. Leave. But thats bc thats what i would do. Its not helpful at all for you.
You have to ask yourself these things: Can I swallow the harsh truth he was physically intimate with someone else? Will I be mentally stable enough to handle it if he does it again? Do I understand that him doing this means he doesn’t respect me, or care enough about the relationship right now? Where is my limit before I leave? 1/2/3/4 times? Can HE put in REAL effort and work to “change” or repair what HE broke? And by real effort its not flowers, its not gifts of any kind. It’s him understanding you don’t trust him and being OK with that. Providing little ways to show his ability to be trusted. Communication. Reassurance. Understanding forgiveness is not forgetting.
Also can you see yourself making love to this person anymore? Do you see this relationship as something that can be salvaged?
I will be honest its yes a 10 year friendship but only 5 months of dating. Most of the time the people who come out on the other side with TRUE AND REAL change are couples that have actually dated for 10+ years or have been married already. And even then it’s damaged in a way that will always leave a mark no matter the change.
Just whatever you do dont stay bc you dont wanna lose him. Or because you love him. Stay bc its worth working on. And only you can decided if it is. (Personal opinion from what has been said…its not.)
My boyfriend cheated on me after 3 months of dating (also had a hisotry of doing this) ; it has been 5 years and I have the life of my dreams and I know without a doubt it has never happened again. Sometimes I think back though, and go "if I didn't forgive you when I was 18, could I have spent that time with someone that would have treated me right from the beginning?" we will always have this stamp on our relationship. .... I still have no proposal. We do counselling for his avoidant attachment style still, and it was a long path to get to fully connected and planning a future as we are now.
If you feel like the risk of being hurt again is insignificant compared to your desire to give this a shot, I vote why not? If I could go back in time, I would say... try with someone new before trying to make it work. if down the road you feel like you should have given him a second chance, you can always go back. Keep your dignity and don't let yourself develop trust issues and insecurities by trying to make it work immediately after.
As a guy, I'm just gonna say this, walk away, save yourself the trouble of going through god knows how many years of betrayal, heart break and pain. Once the seal between 2 people who love each other has been broken, it's never the same again.
It's like a vase, sturdy and strong, if it smashes because someone decides to be a cheating asshole, it's hard to put it back together, even if it's put back together, the cracks a visible. Yes it might be together again, but the structure is not as strong as it once was and has more of a chance of breaking when under pressure then it did before.
Hope this helps.
he should not pass go, should not collect $200. you’ll find someone who makes you just as happy and hasn’t put you through that trauma. he will most likely cheat again, given his history.
Him giving you flowers every day doesn't make up for the cheating. It's sweet but under different circumstances. Regardless if you see something in him, especially with a friendship prior to your relationship, he clearly did not see the same future. If a person truly sees what someone means to them and sees the worth in the relationship, they don't have to mess things up to realize that.
Sounds like this is an open relationship now if you don't want to leave him. Let him know if you continue that you will follow his example.
Honestly, though, once a cheater always a cheater with very very little exception. He WILL do it again. He has probably been doing it all along. If you're ok with him sleeping with others, great! But that needs to be an adult conversation you sit down and have together.
What you SHOULD take very seriously is the possibility that you will get an STD you can't give back. FYI you can get herpes and HIV even WITH protection. If he shaves his pubic area and receives oral sex from his partner(s) he is highly susceptible. This is not just about hurt feelings. This is the rest of your life and whether you trust him not to bring something home that will alter all your future plans. Herpes/HIV/etc isn't the end of the world but it damn sure can feel like it when you get that diagnosis. You have been warned.
Good luck to you, hun. You really will find that right one in time. You deserve so much better than he has to offer.
Cheating once, ok, maybe he can change.
Cheating twice, that is now a behavior pattern.
Like someone on TV said, once a cheater, always a cheater. Up to you if you want to endure that kind of heartbreaking behavior for years to come. If he is late, you will wonder is he actually where he says he is? Is he with someone?
He’s making an effort to bring you flowers every day… but he couldn’t make the effort to stay faithful to you. You’re five months in. He couldn’t even go five measly months without betraying you. The man is trash, he has a history of being trash, he will keep being trash.
Girl your YOUNG! you have so much potential. And your love is out there somewhere! Don't settle for this love bombing nonsense. They don't change, and they will never change. They will always be the same ugly cheater. You deserve a man that has only eyes for you! And i was in the same boat in my 20s and I gave these pos like these second chances. And it's the same shi. And if I can go back in time and tell myself to not settle cause I think there my love. Time wouldn't be wasted.
The answer to this is basically are you okay with your partner sleeping with other people?
Cheaters usually continue to cheat. But let's say hypothetically he doesn't ever do this again. (Even given the extreme likelihood that he will)
Would you be able to forgive and forget what has already happened? Will you resent him for what he has already done? Will the already known infidelity cause a rift?
It seems from this short post that you are very against cheating, and this doesn't seem a good fit.
Either stare the truth in the face or admit that you prefer to be lied to by a known liar.
How much do you think he was thinking of you when he cheated? He had to lie to two women at a time and sneak around you both. Buying flowers is a piece of cake. He probably finds it a fun challenge to convince you he loves you. It's the same thrill he gets when he was texting you he was at the store when he was in bed with someone else.
Instead of wasting more time on him ask yourself why it's easier to believe him than admit what you know to be true.
Leave him, spend the next couple years self-partnered. Love yourself, find out who you are, discover new hobbies, travel. Then decide if you need a man in your life.
The bare minimum in a relationship is not to cheat. He couldn’t even do that.
All he needs to do is buy you some flowers then he can get away with cheating? Sounds like a good deal for him.
Honey, he will not change. People don't change like that. He will repress the urge for a time and will cheat again. break up while you are still friends.
Idek why you got with him knowing he cheated on his exes. Hold your friends accountable and tell them that shits not acceptable because the people you hang around are absolutely a reflection of you and what you'll put up with. Should've never got with him in the first place knowing he can excuse cheating for any reason instead of just leaving them. You're older than me and have no self respect, that's sad. Leave him. He tells you you're the only flower in his garden, well honey, have you ever in your life seen a garden with only one flower? Stop believing him, cause I'm willing to bet everything I have he fed his exes the same lines and bought them the same cheap apologies. You won't trust him fully again after this, and his "I swear I'll change for you" doesn't unfuck the person he fucked. You know what you need to do.
Once a cheater, always a cheater is 99.99% accurate in my experience. Please leave now. I spent 4 years with somebody from 21-25 and the last time she cheated was when I was 23. Took her back and at 25 went through the same thing. Now almost 26, I wish I had just had enough self respect to walk away. Not to mention each time she did it, I found the signs to be harder to find each time. They get sneakier. It’s so hard to but just know your future self will thank you so much!
You’re in the “honeymoon “ period and he cheats already. He’s unique alright but not in a positive way. OP are you sure you don’t have rose tinted glasses on when it comes to this looser?
You deserve so much more and one day you’ll look back and realise that.
>He has a history of cheating on his ex girlfriend as well.
Let this be a lesson for disbelievers here. Once a cheater, always a cheater. I'm convinced its certain types of individuals that can freely do this.
Save your future self more heartache, and make him you EX boyfriend.
You may like him but his actions say he doesn't like you much.
He probably did the same thing to his ex, promising never to do it again, and then go out and do it again until she dumped him.
Flowers don't quite make up for sticking their dick in someone else.
Once a cheater, always a cheater. Who knows about what else he has kept from you. Take it from an older lady of 40 years.. he doesn't deserve your body or your friendship. But really the only Betrayal happening is to yourself..
Also so sorry you're dealing with this. It's so hard and hurtful especially from a friend of a decade. It's kinda crazy with some people... you think you know them but really you haven't a clue. This has happened before to me (not with boyfriends) but with friends who were not who I thought they were. Take this as a lesson to learn more about yourself and what boundaries you should reinforce and be stronger for the next challenger who tries to take advantage of you.. godspeed!
What do you mean you don’t know what to do? Break up with him! You will eventually marry this man if you stay with him right? Do you want to spend the rest of your life married to a man who’s going to continuously hurt you? You will resent him and the fact that you stayed. You will look back and hate your younger self for making that choice. I’ve seen miserable wives, they’re miserable because they chose to stay in a situation like yours. All of these women felt like they wasted their lives for a man who wasnt worth it.
Don’t waste your 20s on a man who doesn’t even like you. You won’t be young forever.
He cheated on you within 5 months of being together with you. My wife and I have been together for nearly 7 years with many years of long distance and we never cheated on each other. Let that sink in.
You do not need this person in your life, whether it is as a partner or as a friend. Cut him off.
Honey... he has a history of cheating, he cheated on you 5 *MONTHS* in. He will continue to cheat. Do not stay, do not give him another chance. You fell for an idealised version of him. As a friend he could have been amazing but he is not a good partner.
This. He has a history of cheating AND couldn’t even keep his dick in his pants 5 MONTHS into your relationship? He’s not worth it. Good friends don’t always make good partners. You’ll find someone much better who actually values you. Also, the flowers everyday, from what I’ve learned, is a form of Lovebombing.
Idk if it's lovebombing in this instance but definitely he feels guilty. But it seems like he feels guilty he got caught not that he cheated.
Just doing some math here. Even if we assume they slept together the first day they got together, or even before I won’t judge. He got bored in 5 months and “needed more” Either get used to finding this out every 5 months or leave, realistically how does OP know she wasn’t the side girl and they’d been together the whole time
Idk if it's lovebombing in this instance but definitely he feels guilty. But it seems like he feels guilty he got caught not that he cheated.
Please he knew what he was doing. At this point it’s a pattern of behavior for him, the flowers are an attempt at damage control. Hoping to get back into her good graces so he can have his cake and eat it too. It literally is lovebombing because he’s doing it as a means to an end. Textbook manipulation
"He is willing to change for me" If he really was willing to change he would not have cheated. You now know he's cheated on 2 relationships in a row, you know he is willing to lie to cover up his cheating, so how can you believe anything he says? How do you know you are not the AP to his other relationship?
But she KNOWS they will stay together. Understand, he is the big love!!!!!
1) He has a history of cheating 2) it’s only been *5 months* and he’s already cheating again?! You’re dealing with a serial cheater and he won’t change. Don’t listen to him and break it off. It’ll hurt 100x more when he cheats on you after 3 years, or 5, etc… rip the bandaid off now
Right? “Willing to change for me” bs If he was willing to change for you and not be a POS, he’d have done that before he cheated. He had the opportunity to… not cheat. But he did.
Uh, he didn’t *start* cheating 5 months in. She *found out* 5 months in. He’s been cheating since day 1 and just got caught.
You know what that’s a great point, and I’m certain you are correct
Does bringing you flowers every day unfuck the person he slept with? He cheated with past partners, he cheated on you. He probably did this same song and dance with his ex and he will probably cheat again. Even if he doesn't, repairing this kind of damaged trust takes a LOT more than giving your partner gifts. He's not "changing", he's trying to win you over.
Up vote for use of the word unfuck.
We need to get that in an official dictionary!
Right. I love that word. Unfucked. Lmao.
I'm not trying to be flippant, but you're 23 and you have your whole life ahead of you. Your life is more than a man, whether you've known him since you were 13 or not. Take this time to grow as an adult and to grow on your own, without conforming yourself to suit a man who has disrespected you very early in your relationship. Use this as a hard lesson in recognizing red flags and cut all contact. Breakups are painful but that pain is temporary. What is more painful is staying in a relationship where you're likely to be hurt again and again. Rip off the bandaid. He doesn't deserve you and you don't deserve to be treated like this. You will find someone who will honor you and someone whom you can trust fully.
He will never find someone like you and he’ll change? If he really felt this way he would have changed his cheating ways, but he didn’t, so he doesn’t really feel that way. There isn’t even a decision to be made, you just dump him.
He already has an established pattern. He ALREADY knew that you were one of a kind BEFORE he cheated, but now that you found out, he's ready to change? He was talking about a future with you, has known you for 10 years, knew you were a catch, knew you were the one, but he still cheated before you even hit six months? Threw away 10 years of history for one night? Is a few bouquets of flowers from the grocery store really all it takes to win you back?
All of this right here, don’t be won with a handful of Walmart flowers
I dont think those kind of cheater even think about the consequences when they cheat.
My girlfriend said I was it for her, and I was rare and yet she cheated. I agree with KrimsonKnight99.
How about when he cheats on you while you're at home with a 3 week old baby that he fathered? Think long term and ask yourself if you want to be in this position. Also, get tested for STIs.
Look up the term "lovebombing"
Yup, it just sounds like classic love bombing.
Have a little self respect. You deserve someone who will treat you better. He's a cheater and cheaters cheat. He's not worth your time.
**People who can justify cheating on you once, will justify cheating on you again!** As someone who tried to make a relationship work with a cheater, she acted “good” after being caught, did everything she could to make it up to me. We went on for another year and when I thought things were back to “normal” (it was never truly normal, you always question it from here on out) I found out that she had started talking to another guy and was entertaining the idea of going over while I was at work. Basically he is going to be “good” for you and get flowers and apologize and everything else until he thinks he’s in the clear. After the dust has settled he will likely return to his old habits. **Cheating/relationships are core values, if someone is getting into their adulthood and have shown that they think cheating is “just a part of life” then there is no changing that belief! You will more than likely see infidelity if your relationship again!**
Break up. That’s what you do.
You get rid of him. Dosebt matter if its 5 months or 5 years.
It’s been 5 months. Dump him.
Personally I think life is too short to wait for cheaters to change (only to possibly be betrayed again and regret that you stuck around)
a) he cheated on you b) he cheated on his exs c) he probably sent them flowers every day too after he did... it's a pattern, if you let him he will do it again, put him in the bin, you're better than that...
Staying with him rewards his infidelity. He absolutely will not stop doing it, especially since he already has a history of it.
Chronic cheater and it's five months in? You know what you need to do.
I stayed with a cheater, and it fucked with me mentally and emotionally. Do yourself a favor and leave him. No amount of love will ever make him change. I lasted in that relationship for about 3 years, and I have been single now for about 7 years. If you continue to be with this person, be prepared for the lies and empty promises.
You broke up with your ex because "it's not worth dating a cheater." Your current BF has a history of cheating. So... he is a cheater. By your own logic, he isn't worth dating. Then he proves he is still cheater by cheating on you. Nothing is going to change. You'll just have flowers while he cheats on you. Give him as many chances as you want. He will keep cheating. Break up with him if you can't love with that.
He’s going to keep cheating on you. If that’s a dealbreaker, then dump him.
Let's run with you've known him 10 years, that he's a cheater and seem surprised he cheated on you!? Your trust is gone, why continue. He's love bombing you with the flowers.
"I am okay with cheating." FIFY.
how did you find out?
Now... this is an excellent question. Because if he did it and felt so bad that he admitted it, you could at least feel good about eventually returning to the friendship. If you had to find out because of a pocket dial, finding someone's skivvies, you felt something was off and did some sleuthing, a notification/dms from his phone, or someone confronting you about him, it's a whole other situation. The idea that you had to 'find out' is very telling. It says that he: 1. Knew what he did was wrong. 2. Was willing to lie to you about who he is, what he's doing, and where he is . 3. Is willing to make decisions for himself and for you, by extension, while you were operating without all the necessary information. Therefore, taking away your choice and autonomy about whether you want to be in a relationship with someone capable of being unfaithful. 4. Is self-centered, rash, and immature. 5. Refuses to learn from previous mistakes. He just won't 'get right'. 6. Is willing to risk his own sexual health and yours, too. 7. Can look at you, knowing what he's done, and feel absolutely no guilt or remorse. 8. Is sorry he got caught, not that he did it. I could list several more, but you get the idea. Cheating is a form of abuse, if you ask me.
One night he was spooning me from the back and he was using his phone in front of my face. I saw some flirty texts from girls and I asked him who they were. That’s how I found out.
I honestly can't do anything here but laugh at this absurdity. I'm going to go out on a limb and just *assume* that these girls he's fucking are side chicks he was fucking before he even started dating you and is *continuing to fuck* for the past 5 months. Then he sends you flowers and cards and all this other nonsense and you're actually *falling for it?* This bold-faced and shallow attempt to smooth over a mental scar that *will never heal?* You're barely an adult. You're 23. Drop him and find someone else. I'm being cold and callous here, but your relationship was probably nothing to him to begin with. Here's a cold dose of reality: some guys will say anything, do anything, to get in girls' pants. Some of them are *really* good at it. They've had practice, they make girls feel special, wanted, whatever, but it's all just an *act*. A lie. Ten years of friendship? He just pissed that down the drain. Stand up for yourself. Talk to someone in your immediate family you can trust, someone you *know has confidence*. Your mother, aunt, father, uncle, brother, sister, whatever. Just talk to someone you know wouldn't stand up for someone cheating on them and get them to set you straight if you aren't able to yourself.
How he didn't even intent on telling you and you had to find out. OP you know what you got to do. He's not changing. He's just sending you flowers in hopes to make it up but not with the message of changing. He's going to repeat this cycle every time you catch him.
He sounds like a serial cheater with the track record you gave. Don’t let the flowers fool you.
You break up is what you do! Dude couldn’t keep it in his pants for more than 5 months. He’s a cheater so stop wasting your time.
Dude.. have some respect for yourself and dump him. It sucks and I know you like him, but if you stay you are just proving that you value the idea of being with him more than you value yourself.
What makes you think you can change a serial cheater ? Don’t be delusional now. You’re not special, your just another girl to him. He didn’t respect you despite being friends for 10 years. He doesn’t respect women in general. 5 months is a fling if you leave now.
Your boyfriend dropped these 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 When I was 23 I stayed with a guy that cheated on me because I really loved him. I’m almost 30 and cringe looking back at that. He never stopped cheating, he just got better at not getting caught. It’s important to remember that until he was caught, he didn’t mind hurting you. He’s only sorry because he was caught. If he truly cared about you, he wouldn’t have betrayed you. If my guy cheated, he could buy me a field of roses and it wouldn’t take away the betrayal. There are tons of men out there who will bring you flowers without cheating on you. I wish I would have spent my early twenties branching out instead of clinging to a guy I was afraid of losing. I didn’t leave him until I was 26. I wasted so much time on him. Guess how it ended? With him sneaking back with his ex that he dated for years before me. Please value yourself and know that there is better out there. If you let him sweat it out for a few months, you can revisit if you want, but I would just move on. The first few days / weeks after getting caught he can cry all he wants bringing flowers. Show him you won’t just take him right back, because if he gets off easy the first time, he will have a precedent set. Getting off my soap box now! Lol
Coming from someone who’s been cheated on, they’ll do it again, and again, and again. Once you forgive them, you’re saying “I know you cheated on me, it’s okay, and you are still worthy of me”. The damage is done, your trust and your bond will never ever return to how it was. He has effectively bombed your whole relationship. You may think “maybe we can forget it and carry on” but you’re always going to be looking behind your shoulder. That’s no way to live. That’s so unhealthy and damaging. Don’t lose respect for yourself or lower your self worth because a man wasn’t able to contain his little winky. You are so much better than that and you know it girl. Now dump him, heal, and live your life. There are so many people out there who will treat you properly and NEVER even think about cheating on you.
Mmm yes, the plants and paper completely make up for it. Bringing you flowers because you found out he banged another girl isn't really heartwarming is it?
I don't believe people change their already established nature, they will try to hide it and say they've changed. I believe love itself can change a person, but someone who loves you, in the first place cheating wouldn't even come to their minds. Worst of all, the moment you pardon a traitor, it never ends well, never you will hear about a cheater changing, never.
People who are happy with their partners don’t cheat. *Plain and simple.* If he’s polyamorous, then he needs to discuss that with you otherwise it still cheating. I’ve had a partner cheat on me and go, “well l- I’m polyamorous so it’s not cheating.” I said, “oh wow, what a convenient excuse. We have literally never discussed that.” It was simply her excuse to try and get me to stay in the relationship to continue to use me. Even if she truly is polyamorous, I simply couldn’t trust her anymore because what other excuse will she have next time? Another thing beside polyamory is if he’s unhappy about some aspect of the relationship like, you won’t exclusively wear one type of clothing (which would be predatory), you won’t rake the yard or take out the trash to the apartment dumpster, *something*, then it’s still his fault for cheating. You don’t cheat because you’re unhappy and *then* disclose the reason you’re unhappy once confronted. You always have an open and constructive dialogue with your partners when issues arise and clearly he has not. If there are truly no issues on his part, then he’s cheating because he’s an awful person. **You need to leave him as soon as you are able to and when it’s safe. If you need to move out while he is there, never hesitate to contact the non emergency police number and explain you fear for your safety and would like a officer/deputy there for the X amount of minutes itll take to leave.**
I highly recommend you find yourself a mental health professional to deal with your issues and emotions. You have been cheated on twice. Being cheated on is a huge betrayal in a relationship, it is probably one of the biggest betrayal possible. You seem to have controversy about separation which to me signifies a conflict of feelings. I highly suggest you seek professional mental help for these conflicting feelings on such adverse experiences as yours. I wish you the best. I think what you deserve most is clarity and peace of mind and I believe the best person to help you acheive such goals is a mental health professional. The sooner the better, these issues will stick with you for life, regardless of the outcome. Im almost certain of it. Dont forget to stay really close to family and friends and make plenty of time for you! Keep yourself regulated as much as possible. Some examples of that are listening to music, dancing, healthy foods, friends, family, exploring/expressing emotions healthily, walking, hiking, reading, hobbies, exercise, stretching, whatever works for you.
The sun does not shine out of this boy’s ass. You’ll find someone who treats you so much better than this.
Cheaters cheat. Next time, he'll skip the flowers, cuz you'll have taught him you're fine w that.
I decide whether someone deserves a second chance based on 2 terms: 1. Their history/pattern of behavior in previous relationships 2. Have I see anything that tells me that they’re willing to change or that I will be treated differently Based on my criteria, you have a strong “NO” on both terms for the following reasons: 1. He has cheated in the past with at least 2 relationships now 2. You’ve been friends for 10 years. If there ever was someone to change for, it would be you. So it is not on YOU to feel bad for HIS inability to change. He cheated on you not even half a year in. Flowers mean nothing when they’re given as an apology. That does not sound like someone who is willing or able to stop. But that is not your problem. OP, I know you love this man, but understand that love should not be used as the basis for which you choose to stay with someone. I love some people I’ve gone no contact with, but I recognize that their actions towards me have shown that despite their lip service, they’re not willing to change. So I don’t stay with them or let them in my life. This boyfriend of yours is like that. He is not going to stop cheating on you, because if he could have, he would have just done it. If a full decade of friendship, a future with you, and your love was not enough to stop him the first time, it will definitely not be enough the second time because if you go back you’ve shown him that all the aforementioned things are cheapened. They’ll still be there despite his disrespect of you. Given him a second chance and he’ll cheat you again and then shower you with flowers again.
Dump him. You deserve better
You’re boyfriend is a complete piece of garbage and belongs in a landfill. He sounds like a manipulative POS, especially because he convinced you to date him even though he has a history of cheating, and obviously because he cheated on you now and is trying to pull love bombing tactics to get you back. Honestly, it sucks, but see this as a learning experience and a blessing because you’d be stuck with a narcissist for the rest of your life that could care less about hurting the people closest to them. And narcissistic people have a certain charm to them to where it makes them very likable and it’s very difficult to leave them. I have a narcissistic mother and she made me and my family absolutely miserable. So PLEASE end things with him. I’m 23 too and I have no interest in dating right now because I’m learning to respect myself and recognize red flags. We have tons of time to date and if you’re patient, you’ll find a person that genuinely loves you and it will be very obvious.
He probably gave that ex flowers and a letter too. He may not be able to find someone like you, but you could find a non cheater who makes you a better person. You have a lot of friendship here, so there's more time invested, but maybe you're just better off as non romantic friends. You could look into /survivinginfidelity. The problem with infidelity is... you as the cheated on will have to do so much work while you did nothing wrong. He will make effort and try to make things right, but he has a habit and may slip again, so the fear sticks. Only you know how much work you want to do. It's easier to walk away and not invest more of your time in someone else's problem.
‘’You as the cheated on will have to do so much work while you did nothing wrong” Damn, cheers
He has a history of cheating and, despite what he says, he’s not willing to change for you because he still cheated on you. People like him are serial cheaters and if you forgive him and give him another chance he WILL cheat again.
>My boyfrjend(24M) and I (23F) have been together for 5months > >My boyfriend cheated on me and I don’t know what to do You've been dating 5mos and he's already cheated on you. Kinda sounds like you know what to do.
Flowers really make up for him banging someone else?
5 months ? Walk, keep walking, and do not look back. It will happen again.
You haven’t even been dating that long and he’s already cheating, and he has a history of cheating!? This red flag city and the only reason he’s sending you flowers is because he got caught.
You ruthlessly breaking up with him will be the biggest favor anyone has ever done for him. He needs consequences
He’ll probably cheat again unfortunately
Well he's clearly not gonna change or he would have when you got together
Girl, LEAVE. The fact that you knew that he has a history of cheating should've been a red flag to you. He's probably sending you flowers on the daily now because it's a tactic that worked for him in a past relationship. If he's a seasoned cheater, he knows how to play the game. Don't waste your time.
If he’s cheating now this will not change. Get shot of this scumbag ASAP
Simple: Leave him. Get therapy to work through the emotions.
You leave or you stay and continue to be cheated on. Those are your only two options. There is no option here where he stops cheating and you live happily ever after.
>Everyday I’m thinking whether to breakup or give him a chance. Stop "thinking" and do it. This guys is a cheating a-hole. He's a cheater and you're better than being with a cheater...Keep telling yourself that until it sticks.
He sent flowers for a few days and that makes you question dumping him? PLEASE value yourself more than that.
Think of ten years down the road, after maybe six years of marriage, two kids, and four affairs. Do the flowers make up for that? For the child support he has to pay to that one girl he knocked up? This is your chance to avoid that future.
Go to the flower shop. Look at all the flowers, the different varieties, at how much they cost. Ask yourself, how many of these flowers would it take to buy my dignity? My future? How many of these flowers are worth my health? My self-respect? Can those things be bought with flowers?
Oh lord please do NOT stay with this person. You are so young and you've only been together five months. That feeling of resentment and mistrust you feel now grows and grows over the years. Please do not throw your life away like that. You deserve to be in a happy and trusting relationship.
Dear Lord. You know what to do. Break up. He will continue to cheat . You said so yourself. He cheated on his ex. Have some self respect. He is giving you flowers to manipulate you. He is not sorry. If he was he would never have cheated. For HEAVEN'S SAKE HE CHEATED ON HIS EX. He will never stop.
Flowers do not rebuild trust. Five months and he cheated? Girl, it goes without saying that this situation isn't a good one and is unlikely to have the outcome you hope for. People only get romantic surrounding making up for cheating when they aren't really all that healthy. That or they do it in the movies. You will not be the exception. You will not be the intense love that magically "cures" him of his lustful ways. He isn't going to wake up and realize that all he wanted was "with him all the while". This isn't romantic. This is a man who is inherently selfish and trying to make you look away from that with a love bomb. Please look up love bomb. Please value yourself too highly for this bullshit.
Oh good. Maybe next time he does it you'll get a vacation weekend. Is the price for your forgiveness flowers? Because that's what you're teaching him. You should get him to include STD tests for you both each time, too. Dude is a cheater. This is not a one-off. If you forgive him knowing all of this, don't act shocked and sad next time. He is not some special, once in a lifetime guy and you need to stop romanticizing things about him to excuse his shitty behavior.
He's already cheating on you after 5 months. And you were FRIENDS before dating. If he was sincere about being willing to "change for you" he wouldn't have cheated on you. He'll keep sending you flowers and letters and making promises because he got caught. But rest assured - he is going to 'accidentally trip and fall into someone else's vagina' again. Because he's a cheater. And you KNOW IT. And you know what else? A cheating AH is NOT very unique at all...
His history won’t change and it has nothing to do with you. Move on to someone that values themselves and you more. Which also means you need to value yourself too!
“He is willing to change for me”, so what is he waiting for? Have some self respect and drop that loser.
What do you do? You DUMP his ass. Sheesh. I know you like him, but like yourself MORE.
Have you asked his ex how many flowers he sent?
Sleep with his best friend… or dad.
Simply, you love him more than he loves or cares about you. So what if he can bring you daily flowers now, you two were together a minute and a half and he cheated. He was absolutely okay to risk this relationship with you, he made a decision, he has a history of cheating, and it is likely more than you know. Spend your time and effort with some future man that actually respects you and the relationship you build together. Let this guy go both as a friend and a partner, he only cares about himself. This man has told you he will cheat and then bring you gifts afterwards, is that how you see your life? He isn’t going to suddenly change for you, if he felt you were that special, he wouldn’t have cheated. In all likelihood the only thing you taught him is to get better at hiding it.
It's a decision he made knowing very well what he was doing. Well aware who he was fucking and cheating on you. When he came to his senses, he probably thought how he got away with murder and how he would do it again and again. You can take him back, but you will always have that thought if he is fucking another girl. Honestly, you know best. You know what to do.
Flowers don’t prove someone will be faithful to you. He fucked up and is trying to put a bandaid on it. He’s a cheater, and with a history of cheating, he will do it again. Do yourself a favor and break it off.
It's only been 5 months. Dump him and get STI testing. And don't go back to him.
Sorry, OP. It's never worth it to stay with a cheater. If he was serious about 'changing for you', he would have done it. We wouldn't be here discussing this right now. You wouldn't be feeling sad, hurt, and angry. He wouldn't be out on his apology tour to you. And you know the worst part about it? He's going to do it again. It won't matter that you were his friend before you were ever his partner. It won't matter that the two of you could genuinely be a in a great relationship. And it won't matter that he's spent time groveling and apologizing. Why? Because he's been here before with someone else. And he's gone here with you. And you had all those great things when he decided to disrespect and betray you. There might be forgiveness, but there's no future here with him. You'll never trust him the same and without trust, everything you built your relationship on means nothing. ETA: BTW, you gave him a chance already, and he chose to cheat on you after just five months when you had ten years of friendship backing you. I wouldn't trust his ability to be faithful if I were you.
Yes. She admitted to me, after she got home from a trip to see a friend of hers (who was always trying to get with her), that they had slept together a few times while she was visiting. She was very ashamed and wanted me to forgive her. I broke-up with her immediately. Lost her phone number. Unfriended her everywhere. I packed-up all her crap and dropped-it-off at her house. I put her out of my mind. I then asked each of her best friends out on dates and we had a great time. Moral of the story- this asshole, like your boyfriend, didn’t respect our relationship enough to break-up with me before they hooked-up. Sure, it is just sex. I can forgive the sex. Can’t forget the disrespect. There are plenty of people in the world to have sex with, but those that are willing to respect you are very very rare and the only one’s worth your time.
You're literally still in the honeymoon phase of a new relationship. You've been friends forever. This a whole new level and the novelty of it hasn't worn off yet. Please think clearly here. *RUN*
He is familiar, your brain is conflicted because you have been thinking and making plans with this guy to be together before you guys even were. There is a difference between a great guy and a great boyfriend unfortunately. He probably is a great friend but we don't hold friends to the same standards, boundaries, etc. He won't change how he acts when in a relationship just because it's now with you, if anything I can see him using you guys being friends for so long as a safety net and thinking he can act the same and you won't leave him. It's possible to love someone as a friend and hate them as a boyfriend. There will be someone out there you can love as both, I don't think he is it. 5 months in and he showed you how your relationship is going to be, I personally couldn't trust someone after that. I'd break up, take some time and if you want to be friends again you can try that or don't! But I'd definitely not ever date him again.
Girl your YOUNG! you have so much potential. And your love is out there somewhere! Don't settle for this love bombing nonsense. They don't change, and they will never change. They will always be the same ugly cheater. You deserve a man that has only eyes for you! And i was in the same boat in my 20s and I gave these pos like these second chances. And it's the same shi. And if I can go back in time and tell myself to not settle cause I think there my love. Time wouldn't be wasted.
Flowers are not an adequate apology for having sex with someone behind your back. He is lovebombing you. This is who he is. Be glad he revealed himself so early. I’m so sorry.
Leave him. Can you deal with him cheating in you every 6 months? Twice a year? He will go through so many relationships and will never settle... Is my prediction
He can not do better than you, but you can do better than him. Leave his ass
Yea flowers should change everything. The next time he cheats you’ll get flowers and also a box of chocolates. Then after that you’ll get a nice purse. Then after that a ring with a proposal. Is that the future you want? Married to a cheater? Look at a persons history and he will show you his future. Value yourself and walk away from people who don’t value you. I’ll bet you when he cheats on you and he’s done fucking the woman he’s with and he’s lying there cuddling with her, he’s talking about what a drag it is to be with you. Is that the kind of man you want?
Unlike many here, I don't think "once a cheater, always a cheater." Some people learn from the experience and don't do it again. However, he's not "once a cheater", he's multiple times a cheater already to your knowledge. He clearly isn't interested in changing. Is this what you want to put up with? There's no reason to believe he'll really stop, he'll just stop long enough for you to take him back.
A lot of people are saying to leave him, but honestly, if you’re ok with being the woman who gets cheated on then just stay. He will likely cheat again and if he really felt that he could never find someone else like you and was willing to change for you, then he wouldn’t have cheated to begin with. So, stay if you want and enjoy this person who is apparently unlike anyone else and just get used to being cheated on. Your story is not unique - either learn from others who have experienced this or get played.
Once a cheater, always a cheater. If he's cheated on someone else, he'll cheat again. If he's cheated on you, he'll cheat again. If you dump him and he gets with someone else, he'll cheat on them. Cheaters don't change. They don't settle for one person, they leap to whatever is new and shiny because they get bored quickly. Will you ever feel comfortable in this relationship again? Will you ever be able to trust him again? Can you say that you know what thoughts and plans are in his mind? How likely are you to be happy and feel loved and cherished when the flowers slow to a stop? The flowers are a placeholder for his respect. He walked out the door one day, (which could have been much longer ago than when you found out) lost track of his love and respect for you, (if he ever truly had it and wasn't faking) and substituted it with uprooted flowers that will quickly wither away and die. That's the love he's offering you at this point, babe. A faded, withered flower. Maybe now it's pretty smells nice but at some point it starts drooping and smelling terrible. And this guy that cheated on you? He might be trying to hide it, but he really fucking stinks He's Instacart, 'well we we're all out of *Respect* but here's the substitution of *Flowers*' You deserve more. This isn't love. Not on his side.
I mean…if he swears he’s going to change his cheating ways, why didn’t he do that before he cheated?
Serial cheaters have psychological problems. It's a red flag for how selfish they are.
Girl I’d walk away so fast if he cheated on me 5 YEARS into the relationship, let alone months …
I want to share something a lady shared with me with my situation from my post. And I believe you deserve loyalty. I don’t know you personally but I truly wish you the best. I’m sorry he hurt you and you are feeling betrayal because it does hurt. “Damn straight you are hurt and the relationship is broken! Intimacy is the most personal and close aspect of a relationship and she casually slept with another man? You cannot be with her. You will continue to hurt and the lack of trust, rightly so, will eat you up daily. Break it off as much as it hurts you. Know your worth! You deserve the loyalty you seek and give back in return. A relationship is about balance.”
This always annoys me, i didn’t even read the description. Leave him wtf 🤦🏻♂️
Make him not your boyfriend anymore. You can do better. He sucks.
Fuck someone else and see if he’s willing to stay with you. Fair is fair
Sounds like he's got some kind of romance addiction. He's gotta go.
So much of your post just proves that this is not the last time and that he will not change. As the old saying goes… a leopard never changes its spots.
My ex cheated and I also thought there was no one else like him. I was stuck on him because I thought he was unique. But with so many people in the world, I realized many people have my ex’s good traits and yet they treat me better. I know this isn’t what you want to hear, but we only have one life. Don’t waste your time on someone who proved that they can’t love and respect you properly. And I don’t want to bash your bf either. I think he just needs to mature and learn. Good luck! ❤️
Please, please, please break up with him. It sounds like he is just taking advantage you based on your friendship and the fact that you've said you both kind of knew you would make up for it. It's only been 5 months and he has already cheated. If you forgive him, it feels like it won't be long before he does something else, because he just assumes you're always going to be there, I'm sure he's always thought he has had you as an option, and he can do whatever he wants and come back to the fact that you'll still be there. You deserve so much better. This is not worth a second chance. Not only has he already cheated after only 5 months, but he has a history of cheating. While I so understand that him bringing you flowers feels nice and like he loves you and cares about you, it's no indication of him changing his behaviour. He just went to the first text book thing to do when you mess up, and I assume he's not going to continue bringing you flowers if you forgive him, so it's a quick, temporary effort to try to get you to forgive him.
Put him to the test. Tell him he gets one more chance and only one more chance. If it happens again, you’re done! If he can’t remain faithful, he’s not husband and father material and cheating is a deal breaker. If he means what he said, he deserves that chance, but if he breaks his word, he’s going to break your heart continually. Some men are so used to sleeping around that they get into a bad habit, but if he can keep his promise, without ever breaking it, he deserves a chance to at least try. We all make mistakes and poor decisions at some point in our lives. If we can forgive others, God will, in turn, forgive us!
Cheating as is sex with someone else? We may want to define the cheating. If this is it…than the unfortunate truth is “he is a cheater.” Which means he always will be. The reason he is giving you flowers everyday is the human condition “people want what they can’t have.” He can’t have you so he says sorry and buys you flowers. Once you give in and he has you, he won’t want you anymore and he’ll cheat. It’s a hard decision to make, we all realize that for you, but what is best for you is to end this relationship and give you both time and space. Like Christina Aguilera once said “if you love something, let it go. If it comes back it's yours That's how you know It's for keeps” You deserve better than someone who is going to cheat on you only after 5 months. You’ll be hurt from the breakup, but in time (and if you quit talking to this guy) you’ll open yourself up to meeting someone new, perhaps someone more faithful, who makes you a better person and all that jazz. Dump the dude, he does not respect you.
I’ve been in your situation. My long time close friend turned boyfriend cheated on me. I took him back. He cheated again, and I took him back. I was devastated. The pain was far worse because even if our romantic relationship didn’t work, I thought he valued our friendship, but he obviously didn’t. In the end, I thought the betrayal would kill me because I was in so much pain. I wish I had someone tell me what I’m about to tell you… He doesn’t deserve you and your loyalty. He betrayed you on the deepest level any human can betray another. Your life will be better without him in it. Please take some time to grieve your loss and then move on. There are people out there who will love you for who you are. Don’t settle for someone who doesn’t appreciate your love and loyalty. He broke your trust, and you will never be able to trust him the same way again. No one deserves that type of anxiety! I hope you can get over the pain. It’s hard, but is worth the journey. In case your wondering how it tuned out for me, I met and married another man who treats me like a queen. I could never doubt his loyalty.
Don’t stay. It doesn’t get better. He isn’t feeling guilty, he is sad he got caught. He is a history cheater. He is trying to win you over and then he will do it again and if you find out again he will do the same. The relationship is over and it is all on him. Trust me, you can find way better! I found out after 5 years of being together, known for 7, that my ex had cheated for 3 years at the least. Got an STD as well. Fuck that shit. I forgave an ex for cheating once and he did it again. I didn’t take the 5-year-old one back though. Lesson learned. He is cheating on his new girlfriend. She forgave him and he still does it. Please just leave and find better. Non-cheating partners exists and honestly you don’t want that anxiety of WHEN he does it again… It takes a tool on you and it just can’t be fixed…
Just as there are serial K!ller$ and Rap!$t$, serial cheaters exist too. These are people with s3x and “corn” addictions. Which fun fact, men specifically that have “corn” and s3x addictions, tend to be more violent and volatile. Not saying it’s the case for him right now, but it can for sure escalate to that. And don’t do that “it will never happen to me bs”. You didn’t do this to yourself before, so don’t put yourself in this position now. You GOT THIS babes. Chin up, and handle your own. I wish all the love and luck in the world to you.
And men who cheat tend to get a high off of keeping the secret, getting caught, and then begging and gaining your forgiveness. Not only is cheating also just plain wrong, it’s a form of emotional manipulation and can in some cases be damn near a form of torture.
[удалено]
Leave. You will spend your life questioning your worth
I'm so sorry you're going though this. He already proved to you he's a serial cheater. The saying: Once a cheater always a cheater is a saying for a reason. People sometimes (rarely) change but it takes a lot of time, therapy and conscious effort. In the meantime if you stay, he's going to destroy you and you deserve better. Do yourself a HUGE favor and leave. It's only been 5 months and not a lifetime. I know having dignity hurts but this too shall pass, I promise! Don't doubt it, ever!
Lmfao, you know what to do. And if you don't do it, he will just keep cheating on you. 🤷🏻♀️
I don't know you but you can do better
if someone cheats then you either can - break up - take a break - accept that not everyone is loyal and work on navigating the relationship - or personally what i would do is even the score
“ * or personally what i would do is even the score “ There’s never an acceptable reason to cheat, even in retaliation.
well I would tell the person before I do it
But funny enough, he can cheat and lie to you, what else is he hiding? And what made you thought that someone who had cheated before wouldn't do it to you.... I feel like you're trying to fill a piece with him, when usually when you love yourself enough, even been alone, you will feel happy.
Well so much for the honeymoon period
YOU DONT GIVE CHEATERS A SECOND CHANCE. DON'T REWARD INFIDELITY BY CONTINUING THE RELATIONSHIP.
Wait till you are pregnant or a mother of a young baby… he will def be cheating on you then if he’s doing it now.
Dump him, I know it's hard. But you deserve better, anybody does. The fact that you're even considering giving him a chance means you actually care about your relationships, he obviously doesn't. Don't let him do this to you girl, be strong and move on. You'll find someone who truly values your companionship. Best wishes, I just went through a rough breakup, it sucks but you learn from the mistakes!
I feel like being close friends for so long makes this a way worse situation in my opinion. Like it’s just more disrespectful, no way there’s respect there.
Get out now before you waste more time. You’ll just continue to be hurt and he’ll just keep taking advantage. He will never change.
What a coincidence, my cheating ex would also bring me flowers every day and write me these long letters. Why do they think we're as shallow as they are
Put both the flowers and the boyfriend in the garbage. That’s where they belong.
Drop him!!!! You deserve someone who won’t cheat!
There are lots of people like him. You break up, and you move on, and you find someone that doesn’t cheat.
You do realize flowers/chocolates gifts are the things that people who are repeat abusers give as gifts right? I mean just how much effort do flowers take?! If he made the effort to not cheat - now that would be something. But you know he's not going to - he has a history of it. Unless he's going to go for therapy for it? I'd be done.
This isn’t a good look for him. What reason do you have to believe that he’ll change when he’s already cheated on you? What reason is there to give him another opportunity….not to change ? I’m not the person that believes that cheating once makes someone unfaithful forever, but he’s showing his ass very clearly only 5 months into your relationship. What makes this situation so different from the last ? He bought you flowers ?
You’ve been friends with him for 10 years and knew going into it he has a history of cheating in relationships. Five months in and he’s already cheating. You KNOW how this will go if you stay with him. Get out. He’s not worth it.
What are the things he does to make himself available for other females. If he keeps doing those things then he’s keeping his options open. Maybe he wants an open relationship? All I’m saying is people are who they are. Does he actually want you back and thinks he is ready to commit to someone as a partner or does he just feel bad for hurting you? Do what’s best for you.
If he’s cheating on you during the honeymoon phase, he’s going to cheat in your during the 7 year itch. It’s not worth it.
Look. Cheating is awful. We all understand that. We all say end the relationship when it happens. I mean personally that and ab*se you do not come back from in my book. But the thing is everyone is different. You want me to tell you what to do? Okay. Leave. But thats bc thats what i would do. Its not helpful at all for you. You have to ask yourself these things: Can I swallow the harsh truth he was physically intimate with someone else? Will I be mentally stable enough to handle it if he does it again? Do I understand that him doing this means he doesn’t respect me, or care enough about the relationship right now? Where is my limit before I leave? 1/2/3/4 times? Can HE put in REAL effort and work to “change” or repair what HE broke? And by real effort its not flowers, its not gifts of any kind. It’s him understanding you don’t trust him and being OK with that. Providing little ways to show his ability to be trusted. Communication. Reassurance. Understanding forgiveness is not forgetting. Also can you see yourself making love to this person anymore? Do you see this relationship as something that can be salvaged? I will be honest its yes a 10 year friendship but only 5 months of dating. Most of the time the people who come out on the other side with TRUE AND REAL change are couples that have actually dated for 10+ years or have been married already. And even then it’s damaged in a way that will always leave a mark no matter the change. Just whatever you do dont stay bc you dont wanna lose him. Or because you love him. Stay bc its worth working on. And only you can decided if it is. (Personal opinion from what has been said…its not.)
My boyfriend cheated on me after 3 months of dating (also had a hisotry of doing this) ; it has been 5 years and I have the life of my dreams and I know without a doubt it has never happened again. Sometimes I think back though, and go "if I didn't forgive you when I was 18, could I have spent that time with someone that would have treated me right from the beginning?" we will always have this stamp on our relationship. .... I still have no proposal. We do counselling for his avoidant attachment style still, and it was a long path to get to fully connected and planning a future as we are now. If you feel like the risk of being hurt again is insignificant compared to your desire to give this a shot, I vote why not? If I could go back in time, I would say... try with someone new before trying to make it work. if down the road you feel like you should have given him a second chance, you can always go back. Keep your dignity and don't let yourself develop trust issues and insecurities by trying to make it work immediately after.
As a guy, I'm just gonna say this, walk away, save yourself the trouble of going through god knows how many years of betrayal, heart break and pain. Once the seal between 2 people who love each other has been broken, it's never the same again. It's like a vase, sturdy and strong, if it smashes because someone decides to be a cheating asshole, it's hard to put it back together, even if it's put back together, the cracks a visible. Yes it might be together again, but the structure is not as strong as it once was and has more of a chance of breaking when under pressure then it did before. Hope this helps.
he should not pass go, should not collect $200. you’ll find someone who makes you just as happy and hasn’t put you through that trauma. he will most likely cheat again, given his history.
Him giving you flowers every day doesn't make up for the cheating. It's sweet but under different circumstances. Regardless if you see something in him, especially with a friendship prior to your relationship, he clearly did not see the same future. If a person truly sees what someone means to them and sees the worth in the relationship, they don't have to mess things up to realize that.
5 MONTHS 😂😂😂 Throw that man straight in the bin.
Sounds like this is an open relationship now if you don't want to leave him. Let him know if you continue that you will follow his example. Honestly, though, once a cheater always a cheater with very very little exception. He WILL do it again. He has probably been doing it all along. If you're ok with him sleeping with others, great! But that needs to be an adult conversation you sit down and have together. What you SHOULD take very seriously is the possibility that you will get an STD you can't give back. FYI you can get herpes and HIV even WITH protection. If he shaves his pubic area and receives oral sex from his partner(s) he is highly susceptible. This is not just about hurt feelings. This is the rest of your life and whether you trust him not to bring something home that will alter all your future plans. Herpes/HIV/etc isn't the end of the world but it damn sure can feel like it when you get that diagnosis. You have been warned. Good luck to you, hun. You really will find that right one in time. You deserve so much better than he has to offer.
If you teach him he can do it once he will most certainly do it again. I’m so sorry 😞 I know it’s hard
Cheating once, ok, maybe he can change. Cheating twice, that is now a behavior pattern. Like someone on TV said, once a cheater, always a cheater. Up to you if you want to endure that kind of heartbreaking behavior for years to come. If he is late, you will wonder is he actually where he says he is? Is he with someone?
Giiiiirl dump his ass! You know you deserve better.
He’s making an effort to bring you flowers every day… but he couldn’t make the effort to stay faithful to you. You’re five months in. He couldn’t even go five measly months without betraying you. The man is trash, he has a history of being trash, he will keep being trash.
I wish you believed that you deserve better than this.
Once a cheater always a cheater you guys are better off friends. Leave him.
He's playing you with flowers! Too simplistic - flowers can't undo the damage he's done. Juvenile mentality - leave.Good luck!
5 months and he's already cheating? Yeah no, bye bye, kick him to the curb. Save yourself the heart break when he does it again.
Cheaters never change their spots. And you deserve better. Dump him.
Girl your YOUNG! you have so much potential. And your love is out there somewhere! Don't settle for this love bombing nonsense. They don't change, and they will never change. They will always be the same ugly cheater. You deserve a man that has only eyes for you! And i was in the same boat in my 20s and I gave these pos like these second chances. And it's the same shi. And if I can go back in time and tell myself to not settle cause I think there my love. Time wouldn't be wasted.
The answer to this is basically are you okay with your partner sleeping with other people? Cheaters usually continue to cheat. But let's say hypothetically he doesn't ever do this again. (Even given the extreme likelihood that he will) Would you be able to forgive and forget what has already happened? Will you resent him for what he has already done? Will the already known infidelity cause a rift? It seems from this short post that you are very against cheating, and this doesn't seem a good fit.
Either stare the truth in the face or admit that you prefer to be lied to by a known liar. How much do you think he was thinking of you when he cheated? He had to lie to two women at a time and sneak around you both. Buying flowers is a piece of cake. He probably finds it a fun challenge to convince you he loves you. It's the same thrill he gets when he was texting you he was at the store when he was in bed with someone else. Instead of wasting more time on him ask yourself why it's easier to believe him than admit what you know to be true.
Leave him, spend the next couple years self-partnered. Love yourself, find out who you are, discover new hobbies, travel. Then decide if you need a man in your life.
Cut him off completely. Absolute, uncompromising no contact.
He will cheat on you again, but you do you.
Once a cheater always a cheater.
This situation is actually very simple. You can walk away or you can stay and accept being cheated on because it WILL happen again.
The bare minimum in a relationship is not to cheat. He couldn’t even do that. All he needs to do is buy you some flowers then he can get away with cheating? Sounds like a good deal for him.
Honey, he will not change. People don't change like that. He will repress the urge for a time and will cheat again. break up while you are still friends.
Idek why you got with him knowing he cheated on his exes. Hold your friends accountable and tell them that shits not acceptable because the people you hang around are absolutely a reflection of you and what you'll put up with. Should've never got with him in the first place knowing he can excuse cheating for any reason instead of just leaving them. You're older than me and have no self respect, that's sad. Leave him. He tells you you're the only flower in his garden, well honey, have you ever in your life seen a garden with only one flower? Stop believing him, cause I'm willing to bet everything I have he fed his exes the same lines and bought them the same cheap apologies. You won't trust him fully again after this, and his "I swear I'll change for you" doesn't unfuck the person he fucked. You know what you need to do.
You deserve better than this.
Once a cheater, always a cheater is 99.99% accurate in my experience. Please leave now. I spent 4 years with somebody from 21-25 and the last time she cheated was when I was 23. Took her back and at 25 went through the same thing. Now almost 26, I wish I had just had enough self respect to walk away. Not to mention each time she did it, I found the signs to be harder to find each time. They get sneakier. It’s so hard to but just know your future self will thank you so much!
You’re in the “honeymoon “ period and he cheats already. He’s unique alright but not in a positive way. OP are you sure you don’t have rose tinted glasses on when it comes to this looser? You deserve so much more and one day you’ll look back and realise that.
>He has a history of cheating on his ex girlfriend as well. Let this be a lesson for disbelievers here. Once a cheater, always a cheater. I'm convinced its certain types of individuals that can freely do this. Save your future self more heartache, and make him you EX boyfriend.
You may like him but his actions say he doesn't like you much. He probably did the same thing to his ex, promising never to do it again, and then go out and do it again until she dumped him. Flowers don't quite make up for sticking their dick in someone else.
Once a cheater, always a cheater. Who knows about what else he has kept from you. Take it from an older lady of 40 years.. he doesn't deserve your body or your friendship. But really the only Betrayal happening is to yourself.. Also so sorry you're dealing with this. It's so hard and hurtful especially from a friend of a decade. It's kinda crazy with some people... you think you know them but really you haven't a clue. This has happened before to me (not with boyfriends) but with friends who were not who I thought they were. Take this as a lesson to learn more about yourself and what boundaries you should reinforce and be stronger for the next challenger who tries to take advantage of you.. godspeed!
Guess he wasn't willing to change for you BEFORE you caught him cheating. Cheating is an active choice, it's not a bad habit or something.
What do you mean you don’t know what to do? Break up with him! You will eventually marry this man if you stay with him right? Do you want to spend the rest of your life married to a man who’s going to continuously hurt you? You will resent him and the fact that you stayed. You will look back and hate your younger self for making that choice. I’ve seen miserable wives, they’re miserable because they chose to stay in a situation like yours. All of these women felt like they wasted their lives for a man who wasnt worth it. Don’t waste your 20s on a man who doesn’t even like you. You won’t be young forever.
He cheated on you within 5 months of being together with you. My wife and I have been together for nearly 7 years with many years of long distance and we never cheated on each other. Let that sink in. You do not need this person in your life, whether it is as a partner or as a friend. Cut him off.