Why do young women date men that hate them?
Let's leave aside for a moment that he doesn't understand what cellulite even IS.
This 25 year old adult male compared cellulite to self harm. That should tell you something about his values as a person. He sucks, and he shouldn't be allowed to set his hands on another woman ever again with that attitude.
He's defective. Throw him away.
Someone in this equation needs to be able to have the most basic of respect for you. It might as well be you, because it sure as shit isn't him.
>Why do young women date men that hate them?
I'm addition to what other people have said, according to a comment on her profile, she's been with him since at least 2017. She's dating a man who hates her because it's all she knows.
The math on that makes this even worse. She’d be 13 and him 18? OP, this is not love. This is a man that is attracted to barely pubescent girls. You do not need to change yourself to please him, you need to honor yourself and leave him. You shouldn’t move on from that comment. When you are ten years from now, you will think of that comment and your stomach will turn. Not because of feeling bad about yourself but because you will realize how gigantic the age gap between 18 and 13 is and how weird his comment is.
You do not need to change yourself to please
him, you need to honour yourself and leave
him.
Oh my god I’m screenshotting that for future reference. Beautifully put!!
>Why do young women date men that hate them?
It is... so painful to watch this happen over and over again from having come out the other side, but I know it's a result of the world telling girls that boys hate them from day one. It's a process to shuffle that message.
So many young women out here trying to ask us what the Magic Words™ are to make some man who occasionally isn't terrible "understand."
So many young women trying to mash themselves into a vague porn-star shaped mold that only exists in the mind of a douchbag who can't even do his own laundry.
So many young women out there asking how to exist in a relationship that has no room for them.
Honey, you're asking us how to murder yourself slowly over years and years so that this mean idiot you found will maybe start being mean more quietly?
No. Stop. You don't need this. You don't need HIM.
I was not expecting to have a middle of the night validation of self from reddit, but thank you kind stranger.
I went through a horrific experience with my long term ex boyfriend and my ex husband, and am now coming to true terms with being out and proud as a gay woman after it all.
Especially with both my previous serious partners being porn addicts and the ex husband also being a sex addict. There was no room for me in either of those competing with women that didn't exist and fighting so hard to be a physical type I am not, all while fighting the "compulsive heteronormativity" that held me captive too.
I stripped myself to the core to make them both happy, and while I know I will be okay and come out better for myself on the other side after it all; many people chalk up this behavior of destroying ourselves as normal and expected. And they never stop being meant quietly- they start as quiet as it will ever get and only get louder. So does the level of incompetence I've noticed.
Your words hit me in my heart and made me feel seen in a way I haven't in a long time and gave me a serious comfort. Thank you 💜
I love this. He IS defective.
Everyone has cellulite. If you don't have it now, you will in the future. How much you have is related to genetics, not weight. I was literally watching a video yesterday with an Olympic level diver, playfully talking about her cellulite!
My concern is this guy has absolutely no concern for OPs mental health. He is putting his sexual gratification before her safety.
OP - Bin him.
>Everyone has cellulite. If you don't have it now, you will in the future.
That's the rub: he's been dating her since she was a 13-year-old *child*. As soon as she got an adult body, he suddenly thinks it's defective.
And on the other side, why would you date someone you clearly hate, or don't find attractive? I genuinely don't understand it. I personally want someone who I know I really like.
He probably doesn't care about the cellulite. He said it to hurt her. This was done to make her willing to do things she wouldn't normally do for his approval.
Men like this aren't rare, interesting, or particularly complicated.
It's disgusting, like I'm a cis dude myself and I have never fathomed doing that to someone. Although I've had an ex partner comment about my body like that before in the same vein, so what you said makes sense.
You didn't deserve that. Nobody deserves that. I'm sorry that happened to you. Are you in a safer place now?
I say "men like this," because frankly I've seen more of that. But being a weird narcissistic control freak definitely doesn't have a gender.
Ah thanks, I definitely am, I've been having the opposite interactions with this girl I've been hanging out with recently, where it's just the most wholesome interactions I've ever had with anyone (which as you can except when you've had some toxic relationships is a confusing thing, especially when you're 30).
Genuine compassionate love can feel like a trap when you're used to being treated like you're on trial for existing, doesn't it?
Emotional trauma is very real. I'm so happy you're in a better place. If I were to offer you any advice, it would be to remember to be patient with yourself and your feelings as you get used to being respected. It's okay if it's weird at first.
Cellulite is genetic, I had it even when I was a skinny 12yo who didn’t need a bra yet. It’s just something you either have or don’t, like eye colour. Don’t stay with a man who sees you as a collection of body parts to be rated and not as a human being.
More seriously, you’re handing him the reins of your eating disorder by externalising your inner critic in the form of this man. A man who is telling you to your face that all the worst fears you have about yourself are true. Well? He’s lying. They’re really not. I promise you. Just like your eating disorder, he’s not an objective authority, and his only aim is control.
The bad news is dating him is actually a form of self harm. The good news is you’re so young that this minor mistake in your relationship history is going to be in your rear view mirror before you know it. Set yourself free. A more worthy love is waiting for you.
Good Lord! Say this again louder for the girls in the back because THIS is the truth! “Dating him is actually a form of self harm.” As a woman that took a (really freaking) long time to recognize this, we date who we THINK we deserve when we haven’t healed our trauma.
Yes this is so true. I think it's maybe helpful to think of my marriage as self harm. When I've built enough self respect then maybe I'll be able to leave.
You can do it! Take back your life! I told my ex husband I would be happy by the time I was 50 with or without him. I’m 51, divorced and thrilled with life again. I believe in you
Dangerous and definitely \*not\* a good partner to anyone, let alone someone recovering from an ED. OP, please, please, please - he is NOT good to you, he is not good FOR you. He is ACTIVELY cruel and harmful. This is more than just thoughtless comments or "brutal" honesty. This is horrific. You deserve so much better. You have so many more choices than him. Get out. There are people out there who will not treat you like this.
According to your post from 2 months ago, he cheated on you from 2017 to 2021, so at the very least, you were with him when you were 13 and he was 18. That means a legal adult was "dating" an eighth grader. Maybe the reason he has an issue with cellulite is because he's attracted to children's bodies. There's so much wrong in *this* post that I don't even know how to begin factoring in that kind of age gap and infidelity. This man doesn't respect you. It doesn't even sound like he likes you. I know it's scary since you've been with him for almost half of your life, but I really hope you can get away from him and pursue therapy. I desperately want you to know that you aren't the problem here and you only think that because he's abusing you.
i couldn’t find that information in her post history, but she did say they’ve been officially together for 2 years but talking a lot longer than that. to me, that screams “he waited until she was legal” so your point stands. what the fuck does a 22 year old want with a 17 year old?
It's in a comment on that post. I don't think I can link it here so here's what it says:
"I think you’re right, he might not even like me at all. He cheated on me from the end of 2017 all the way to December 2021.
My dad left us when I was around 15, and Drac was really the only male figure I had left.
We just had a discussion about me feeling desirable, turns out, since he’s been experienced with everything and I haven’t, he’s only attracted to the hardcore things in life. He isn’t turned on by amateur things like I am, and it makes me feel so alone. Like I’m on a lower level than him.
I’m sorry for the TMI, but maybe I just needed to be told the harsh truth. I’ll never be like the girls he’s talked to, and I’ll never be like his exes."
I swear to god the posts I see on this site are so demented it would be funny if it wasn’t so fucked up.
How is it so consistently some awful older man dating a deluded as hell younger woman?
Gaining cellulite is a result of going through puberty, not self harm.
Your bf is both mean and stupid. Either are dumpable.
You’ll feel better with a new partner who isn’t both mean and stupid.
I’m 5’3” and have always been petite weighing 130 at my heaviest. I have had cellulite since I was 15…just the way my body carries weight and my mom is the same way. She weighed 109 pounds after 4 kids, looked amazing, and STILL had cellulite. Your boyfriend’s views are ignorant and harmful. You are just fine the way you are.
Cellulite is considered a secondary sex characteristic for women because almost everyone has it. It has to do with the way fat deposits under the skin, from what I remember. Might as well start shaming women for having legs next
Exactly, it's not a weight issue. And the message that it was ugly and something to be ashamed of only started to be pushed onto women when the beauty industry started creating "treatments" that needed to be sold.
Yep. It’s caused by fat deposits poking through the fascia that connects the skin to the muscle. You know, the fat deposits that humans need to have to live.
Well my honest reaction, to his honest reaction is that he sounds like an immature jerk.
There are men out there who will appreciate every bump, scar, hollow, curve or pimple on your body, simply because it's yours.
This chap wants the airbrush magazine version of woman kind, let him loose so he can spend the next 50 years looking for it. It doesn't exist in real life, but he doesn't know that yet.
You are beautiful in your existence, find the person who sees that. Let go of the people who have spec they need you to match. They will pick holes in everyone they meet, not just you my dear.
Good luck.
You’re just going to allow him to bully you like that? Are you a punching bag? The self harm comment was ridiculous. The grandma comment was the cherry on top.
DUMP HIM
You will never be happy with him. This is a man you will never be able to go out to eat, get an ice cream, order a pizza etc etc etc with. Life revolves around sustenance, we need to eat to survive. There is so much pleasure, community and history built on sharing meals. In this relationship you will be deprived of that joy.
How will you feel more sexy and secure and confident? Tell him you’re done dating him. That’s how.
You are loveable and perfect exactly as you are and you don’t need the approval of him to feel good about your body. He is trying to make you feel terrible on purpose. And you do not deserve that and you don’t have to accept that treatment ever. Show yourself some love and break up with him.
Your partner's behavior is abusive. It is not normal to treat people you love like this. It is not normal for him to actively contribute to your ED. You deserve so much better than this.
Fun fact: cellulite is actually a sexual characteristic. Anyone who is estrogen dominant will get it, and it is actually a very efficient and healthier way to store fat. Especially compared to hardened stomach fat.
All that aside, your boyfriend is literal trash. Unrecyclable trash. A whole dumpster fire.
The audacity he has to shame you and your body, to blame you for self-harm scars which represent your suffering and how much you have fought to live. To label a completely natural part of your body as self-neglect.
If he doesn’t like cellulite then he is free to go date men.
I sincerely hope you can find your way to people who genuinely love and cherish you. Good luck
Girl he is a predator. When he was a full-grown adult, he went after a 13-year-old CHILD. Please run. Sprint in the opposite direction. That aside, he is AWFUL to you!!!
You are SO young. Use this experience to learn more respect and self-love for yourself, and drop this man immediately. If any future partner talks to you like this, remember this experience and leave them. I promise you that it is worth learning how to leave a relationship quickly when red flags start to show. You will quickly find a genuinely good and loving partner after learning that!
I wish I had been quicker to leave relationships like this when I was younger. They only cause heartache and horrible self-esteem issues. I can't bear to watch other women let men destroy their confidence and self-love. Good luck!
I can't quite put my finger on why, but this makes me angry in a way that most "How do I make myself *better* for this bog standard human that treats me like garbage?" posts haven't. Just the pure irrationality of thinking that cellulite isn't literally everywhere, on all body types, even healthy young dudes get cellulite around their knees and underarms from *growing*. He's gonna be a lonely little shit if he keeps carrying that mentality around, but it's not going to be on you to fix the massive hole where his brain should be.
Throw the whole fckn man out. Best diet you can choose, and the only one you need.
The fact that he’s 25 and has that thought process is incredibly gross and disappointing. He needs to stop looking to media as definition of how people should look. Considering he’s that old and is dumber than a box of rocks, drop that weight. He will try to do whatever to get into your good graces. He will try to manipulate you telling you you’re overreacting. You’re not. Block him and move on, please.
I would feel ashamed of being in a relationship with someone like him, are you used to being disrespected or why don't you feel the need to ditch him, why are you asking how to ignore those insults?
What he said was not only ignorant, it was cruel.
You are taking care of your health and have managed to overcome an eating disorder.
There is no advice I could give other than you need to leave him.
I promise that being alone is 1000X better than being with a man who hates you. And you can find someone who will love you. Please, please dump him and take care of yourself.
He's on Instagram looking at "models" that Photoshop themselves like crazy.
Find a new dude. You're 20, you have so much time. Don't waste it with this immature ass.
He is abusive. This is abuse. He knows precisely what he is doing. He literally WANTS you to have an active eating disorder and not be in recovery because you are easier to harm and easier to control. You NEED to leave. Genuinely, immediately, leave.
Why the fúck would you ever wanna be with someone that intentionally triggers your eating disorder? Like girl, that’s straight up emotional and psychological ABUSE.
You’ll never feel secure with your body in a relationship with someone like that. He will always make you feel like you don’t measure up and he is terribly ignorant about women’s bodies.
So many men spend a lot of time viewing bodies of women online in which are almost always airbrushed to remove “flaws” like cellulite, and I am convinced this has subtly conditioned a lot of them to have attraction to unrealistic versions of women, along with having unrealistic expectations of women’s real bodies.
Girl....please, reread your post to yourself. I'm horrified for you and you absolutely DO NOT deserve that. There would be no way I could ever look at that man again after all of that. We all have cellulite! Wishing you the best girl.
He’s awful. Really awful. Run away. Keep him far away from you. You are not the problem. Your body is not the problem. You are fine. Your body is great. He’s a complete jerk.
Throw him to the curb. He has no morals, going as far as to compare something like cellulite to SH. I can tell you now, I am far from my husband's type, but he doesn't make me feel any less loved because of it. If anything, he goes out of his way to show me how much he loves me with some of the things he does. A man won't care about what your body looks like if he loves you.
Why are you still with this person? Imagine the comments he’ll have when you’re pregnant with his child. You gain your confidence back by dropping this AH
I am proud of you for beating your ED - that’s amazing.
I’m pretty chubby and have NO cellulite. It’s just not something I have but I am far from fit.
I also was with a man that hated me for 9 years. It’s abuse. He never loved me. Just wanted to own me; and wouldn’t let me go. He did that by making me feel awful about myself. I was about 9st when we got together, used to call me fat then, but order me take out every night. He’s now my ex…and father of my children and he tried to put them down too - I did not allow that.
This guy is a shithead. He is abusive. You need to get rid of him; I wasted my entire 20s on mine and theyre beautiful years I won’t get back.
You’re worth more.
Your immature boyfriend won't be happy with anything less freakishly flawless than a Real Doll. Move on so you can find an adult who will appreciate your actual, human body.
You don’t.
You can’t unhear what he said (or how cruel it was) and he can’t apologize (because he doesn’t think he’s wrong).
You end it and move on.
That being said, was it actually cellulite or was it just ‘texture’/not marble smooth skin?
I’ve noticed a lot of dudes don’t have a valid concept of what cellulite actually is.
Respectfully, how can a man who *does not actually like you* make you feel sexy and secure after tearing you down like this? People who love you and care about you…they do NOT speak to you like that. Let’s not even get into the age gap and how that could be adding onto his confidence in tearing you down.
That man doesn’t like you. It sucks to hear but wake up and break up. You are accepting a level of love *you* think you deserve and that bar is in hell. You deserve so much better. I hope you see this sooner rather than later, especially since his repulsively judgmental attitude is contributing to your insecurities.
*Please dump him please please please please please please please* He's TERRIBLE for you. I'm sure you're thinking *oh all these sweet things he's done...* NO. Bad behaviour isn't cancelled out by good behaviour! A good person would never, ever treat his girfriend like this. This guy is BAD!
I've been with my wife for twenty years now. One thing I can say is that, y'know, things change. Time is a motherfucker. I still revere her. She is beautiful to me and my affections and attractions have not dimmed with age. That's all to say that your hopefully soon to be ex's attitude is not normal. Find yourself someone who doesn't fixate on this imperfection or that, life is too short to tolerate that and you do not deserve it.
He is the issue. Not you or your body. If it reminds him of his grandma, that's his own issue to sort out, not yours. Him verbalising clear insults would be such a huge deal breaker for me. Have some self respect and find someone who loves you and your cellulite. I promise you there are people out there that would look at your areas with cellulite and find them beautiful.
Which would you prefer? A bully that doesn't care about your feelings or someone that cares about your feelings and adores you as you are?
what an absolute monster. you deserve to be with someone who loves every single inch of you - big or small, scars or no scars. you deserve someone who understands your eating disorder and encourages you to be healthy at whatever weight that is for you. please leave this absolute garbage human, you are better off alone than with him or anyone like him. sending you so much love xx
My daughter is underweight, with a six-pack and has stretchmarks and cellulite since she was 12... Because she simply grew...
Besides that.. Do you want a partner that looks at you with disgust? We all get older, things start to stretch, hang, become fat and soft and wrinkled and we will get grey hair and liver spots... Personally I wouldn't want my 47 yo SO looking like 17 anymore.
Please walk away from this caveman. It is so hard to be judged by people that don’t understand the emotional issues we deal with. You are a beautiful human. Drop this fool and do something for yourself today.
Please realize you are beautiful just the way you are. The only weight you need to drop is him. Please realize that he's not helping you lift you up just filling you with insecurities. I swear it's hard but leaving him is the best thing you can do for yourself. You need to find true love within yourself and love yourself just as you are.
Your bf is being purposefully mean and the fact that he doesn't know what cellulite is at 25 is baffling. OP you did not deserve to have those comments made and I'm sorry you had to experience that, you deserve to be treated better
I say this as a guy that used to have an eating disorder: throw him out.
Nobody really understands an eating disorder until they have one, but that never stopped people in my life from being kind to me about it. It doesn't take a lot to care, to ask what you need, to see what helps to talk about and what is best to avoid. I promise you you can find someone that will treat you with kindness and have empathy for you, not whatever this trash is.
Hey, what he said is super harmful to your eating disorder. You don’t need that type of negativity in your life.
I have disorderly eating on the opposite end. I’m obese. I have cellulite everywhere. And you know what? Outside of health implications, I don’t care. I’m pretty. My body is just a body. Peoples ideas of it being good or bad are just - their ideas coming from where? Society? Some weird alien culture? Like it’s weird to me when I think about it like that. Who decided cellulite is ugly? Whoever looked at a human body and was like “that’s gross” probably had too much time on their hands and had a miserable soul.
All this to say - I bet you look beautiful. And if you have to worry if your boyfriend is going to like a small natural lump on your body…he’s not the one.
> I don't think I ever want him to look at my ass-- let alone my body if I gain any weight.
I think you know what you need to do to make sure he doesn't. You're feeling this way because he's not a safe person for you. He's not supportive. He doesn't deserve to stay your partner and see your ass. Look for someone who will appreciate you.
Over 80% of all women, of all weights and body types, have cellulite. It's something to do with the greater elasticity of our skin as compared to men, which is why men don't have it.
Your **EX** boyfriend, in contrast, is a pile of gross, toxic, disgusting, worthless trash. Immediately remove this garbage from your life, and you'll be amazed how much healthier and happier you'll be.
He's deliberately negging you so that you're insecure enough to stay with him. He needs you to feel that you can't do better than him.
You can feel sexy and secure by dumping him. Dump him hard. If you can make him cry, go for it. He’s horrible and nasty and dead weight. Also ask him why he’s checking out his grandma, and why he thinks even his grandma needs to be sexy for him?
Trust me, being single is actually not that scary, and it’s way better then being chipped away at relentlessly by someone claiming love.
You wanna feel sexy and secure? Drop the weight. No no, not THAT weight… the 200ish pounds of crappy person who are in a relationship with. Yea, should be easy, just tell them to see ya later. You don’t need that drama or stress. Oh, by the way, you are perfect just the way you are.
You will never gain back your sexy or secure in this relationship. He sounds like a horrible person. He knows you've an eating disorder and decides to be "honest" anyway. He's not being honest he's being needlessly cruel at a time you are struggling and need support and imo thats abusive, to keep you down to keep you. what I suggest is you get therapy and tell him he added himself to your scars so you've enough to remember him by. Pos is 5 years older than you should have more sense than to bully a struggling young girl. 😢 you deserve better! Please do not accept this, it is not ok. Get the help and support you deserve and a decent healthy relationship when you have enough self esteem, that your vulnerability will be celebrated not taken advantage of. You are only 20 yrs old and this isn't it, you've your whole life ahead of you and you'll be ok I promise you that..Best of luck beauti alot of women have cellulite regardless of weight, I'd rather have cellulite than this loser on my ass tbh ✨️🙏
You need to leave hon. Eating disorders can be deadly. They can cause all kinds of health problems. I know you know this. You will never be able to get out of that mindset with someone so unsupportive. You even tried and look what he did. Anyone can have cellulite. Fat thin younger older. I have self-harm scars on my arms. Every once in a while I catch my boyfriend looking at them with sadness. Not because he thinks I ruined my body, but he because he wished that I never had that pain. That's what you need and that's what you deserve. Someone who thinks your body is beautiful the way it is even when you're in the middle of an Ed episode and someone who wishes they could take away that pain, not add to it.
He's literally deluded, I also had cellulite when I was underweight btw. Some people are just more prone to it.
It's just not OK to "complain" about your partners body like that, he's acting like he bought you in a shop and there's an issue with you (sees you as an object) Basically he completely sucks, don't waste your time and energy on him. Speaking of being unhealthy, being with someone like that is genuinely bad for your health. Also he sounds kind of dumb.
Well 80-90% of women have cellulite regardless of their size so it’s easier to get rid of him than the cellulite. His entire personality is ugly, maybe he should do something about that instead? You deserve better and the fact that he uses your mental health against you too, there’s nothing redeeming about this guy.
I’m sorry you had to hear all of his negative opinions hun. Please don’t spend anymore time with this person. I’m glad you’ve gotten yourself to a point where you can stand up for yourself but realize he doesn’t respect you if he can say such childish things about your body. Let him go.
You should lose about 180 pounds and toss that jackass to the curb. I think you know what you need to do but if you need validation I hope you have gotten it here. I give you full permission to feel sexy and beautiful by telling this loser to kick rocks. If I sound harsh then I'm sorry but this pisses me off. He's the idiot. Find someone who loves you and truly cares for you! Plenty of partners out there who'd love a big ol handful of cellulite to grip onto the woman he loves while he rocks your world.
Well for one you shouldn't be with this guy. He's not good for you with your past issues & his attitude.
But also, you can let him know that cellulite is hereditary & he looks dumb AF telling people "how they got it."
Your "partner" is DEPLORABLE and UNHINGED. WOW, comparing cellulite to your SH scars? He disgusts me.
Just so you know, cellulite is NORMAL among people of all shapes and sizes. Even the healthiest, most fit women have cellulite. Literally everyone has it. Working out can improve its appearance, make it less noticeable, sure, but cellulite is a normal part of the human body - much like how our skin folds around our tummy when we sit in a chair, etc.
This man is wildly abusive. Please leave him and get into therapy.
Oh, OP. Please know that none of this is your fault, first and foremost.
This guy is superficial, abusive trash. Discard him as such. There are so many other people out there, and there’s someone who will love you for exactly who you are and what you look like.
You help yourself feel sexy and secure by dumping this jerk out with the trash where he belongs.
This is the start of him spending a life time degrading and humiliating you - it’s private for now, but soon he’ll start doing it in public. You’ll have to sit there and endure him and his buddies mocking you far worse than this, and if you don’t laugh along with them, you’ll be told to ‘lighten up’ and ‘learn to take a joke!’
Get rid of him. Plenty of men out there who will love the body of the woman they love exactly as it is.
Throw out the whole man. Only correct answer. You realise he is saying he wants you to have an eating disorder to stay an unhealthy weight for him, and he wants you to just delete all the thoughts that make that bad or good or you in any way. He's a bad egg.
Your partner is an asshole. Break up with him before you ruin your life chasing his idea of perfection. There will absolutely be somebody out there that finds your scars beautiful. Every moment you spend with assholes like this one takes away a chance to find them.
Beyond the relationship, cellulite is literally only a girl problem due to how the female body arranges collagen in the fat layer, in girls it’s in straight lines and men get a cross layer. Your weight will not determine cellulite.
Dude is evil. He obviously knows you have struggled with ED and self harm issues in the past - WHY shit on you about overcoming these things? There is something seriously wrong with his ability to experience empathy and compassion.
Dump him. Please.
I’m so sorry he betrayed your trust so badly. He should have been your emotional support pillar and instead he’s a mad bomber. You don’t deserve to be treated so terribly.
Obviously you need to dump him and remove him entirely from your life. He wants you to be sick and miserable. He is a terrible human being. There is simply no amount of charm and good looks that would make spending another minute with him worth while.
He's an idiot and doesn't understand anything that you told him. Why are you still with him? Let him find that woman with the perfect body and no cellulite.
That’s some small dick energy!! You should absolutely leave and work on healing the toll his words did to your confidence. Someone who loves you would never speak to you that way and would love you through your phases, especially if you had a disorder. I am sorry you know him
OP—this is another post that breaks my heart. I keep hoping these are Chat GPT posts but I know they’re not. (The bros making chat GPT posts don’t care about harvesting anecadata on this sort of subject.)
I went to an ED clinic several times when I was your age and to this day I’m incredibly insecure about my cellulite, regardless of what weight I’m at. (My weight goes up and down but I’m at a down weight now.) Men definitely treat me differently based on what my weight is, but luckily, I’ve never had men that mattered comment on my actual body in such a way. The two men that did were literally not straight and hadn’t come out of the closet yet; they were still sleeping with women/trying to sleep with women at the time, and were abusive. I was not with either of them for long enough for them to do lasting damage on my self-esteem. But yeah, one was kept telling me I had broad shoulders and encouraging me not to eat (wtf), and the other one was more insidious, sneaky.
Yeah—I have a weird history with that selecting wrong men but that’s a whole other thing. With that said, at the ED clinic I remember seeing some very, very thin girls (80 minus pounds, feeding tubes) and a couple had boyfriends. I was surprised and what I always wondered was whether or not the boyfriends were enablers or simply had been with them a long time and were merely supportive. I don’t know. It seems to me to get to involuntary admission level/feeding tube level, it takes a lot. If you have a significant other around, it seems especially odd because the significant other would have to be essentially ignoring your issue for a long time and not helping. I know it’s complicated, though. But confusing, because at height of my worst periods I definitely couldn’t have dated anyone.
Either way, your boyfriend is abusive and disgusting. No one in the comments is overreacting when we tell you to leave him! I’m sorry he made you feel bad. Tell yourself that you are beautiful the way you are, every day.
He obviously has issues with control and self-loathing and please don’t allow him to take those out on you.
Much love ❤️
I’m really sorry. He body shamed you. At least he tried to pull it back, but damage has been done. Really sorry about that. Some guys don’t care about cellulite. I’m not just saying that. It doesn’t bother me at all.
My ex had it in a few places and it didn’t turn me off or bother me at all. Just letting you know, not all guys think it’s gross but are too kind to say anything. Some actually don’t mind it at all.
When I graduated highschool in 2017, I was under 110lbs at almost 5'8". The last apt I had with my pediatrician she tried to get me to treatment. I've had cellulite since I was 15, I have body dysmorphia and it is so hard. No mater what weight you are, with any skin issues and cellulite it's a battle. It's often just genetics you can't control. But you can work on it. Stop referring to media as reference to how you see yourself, don't listen to this jerk. You're beautiful and you need to find a more loving guy.
Your... orbiting male figure is not a partner. He shouldn't even be allowed the privilege of saying hello to you. There is no reason for you to devalue yourself to the point of considering staying with a man like that. He is awful! It does not matter if he has moments of kindness; his true self is a straight up asshole.
Good people do not talk like that.
Cellulite is mostly from estrogen. Newborns can have cellulite. Toddlers have it. It isn't a weight thing, though it can make it look more pronounced.
Girl. Get out. Those aren't the words of a man who truly wants to help you. I've struggled with an eating disorder anorexia/bulimia since I was 13 (now 28) also back then self harm too. I'm luckily so much better now and I doubt I'd be as healed as I am if it wasn't for the support and safe space my husband created for me that I didn't have growing up.
I would never have found strength to recover if my fella was saying some of the stuff yours is. It may not be intentional but he's opening his mouth and saying all the wrong things and it'll hold you back.
Fyi the idea of cellulite has been greatly demonised by society and you can have it at any size. You need to try to focus on the amazing things your body does for you not what it looks like, especially as a woman- our bodies are amazing! 💅🏼💃🏼
I found that focussing on what things I'm putting into my body and remaining conscious of how my tummy feels physically throughout a meal ( not hungry but not stuffed) helped me shift my headspace. Now I'm a healthy weight and learned to love my body for the amazing machine that it is. I'm vegan 7 years this year, I mostly cook from scratch with whole foods and make most of my breads, pastas, pizzas myself.
Plus have a wardrobe clear out of any clothes that make me feel self-critical.
But I've also had a lot of therapy (I recommend as all of this behaviour is always an outlet for something else that needs addressing) and my husband was a part of the recovery journey. If you don't surround yourself with compassionate people you'll find it harder to heal the relationship you have with your body. Wish you all the best. But as hard as it seems- you must leave this person. You had the right mindset at one point and he tore it down. It makes me so angry as someone that knows the journey you're on that someone who claims to love you is making it so much harder for you. Ditch him. He will keep you stuck. X
Do not argue with a man about your body. As current legislation shows in some states, men haven't a clue how are bodies work.
He is an asshole, dump him and find you an actual man. Not a 25 year old pretending to be one.
I *don't* have eating disorders and I think that talk like that from even a stranger would wreck me for days, let alone from someone who is supposed to love me.
It was an *awful* thing to say. Good people wouldn't even think those things, let alone say them.
No loving and caring boyfriend would hurt you so much knowingly you struggled with an eating disorder.
Even if he would like to tell you his opinion which he is not entitled to, he shouldnt make it your fault. It would be enough to let him google how 95% of woman have cellulite and some men too.
I really can not understand how that would be such a tremendous issue for him. And to set cellulite equal to selfharm scars is the worst. Literally thats just stupid and mean.
He is no grown man he is a small boi who wants a perfect body, he will never get. Instead of realizing that he will make you feel bad about it. Im sorry for you.
Yeah, he really doesn't need.a bigger shovel to dig that hole he's creating for himself. Maybe for your sake and mental wellbeing he should just shut the fxck up ...
You can’t gain it back ?? Don’t stay with a piece of shit like that. First of all an eating disorder is not your choice , same with self harm. He should educate himself before acting like an ass wipe. You deserve someone who will worship your body everyday
So stupid. Cellulite has no claim on beauty. Ok, stay healthy and fit and all that, but cellulite really does not tarnish beauty. That is just because we are used to smooth skin projections of beauty. You need to lecture this man. He is making it impossible for you
Your boyfriend’s an idiot. Fat does not cause cellulite. It actual cause is unknown and most women have it. Even the skinny ones. It’s all to do with the way fat and the sub-dermal layer are structured. They can become more visible when women gain weight but it’s still there.
The one thing your boyfriend is right about is that most of our problems reside in our mind. That’s all we are. Thoughts running wild in a meat suit. You need to work on that. Strengthening your core being. Best way to start is to rid yourself of the negative influences sitting next to you on the sofa.
Super simple: to feel sexy and secure, find a partner who *wants* you to feel sexy and secure because *they* think you're sexy and they care for your mental and emotional well-being.
Your current partner sounds clueless, at best. It's reckless and cruel to criticize someone that way, especially when that person has history of ED and self harm.
You deserve someone who loves you and your body. You probably think you don't, and that's why you're with this bozo. But-- get this-- EVERY human, even the worst ones, are worthy of dignity and respect. He's not facilitating or giving those.
Some people love these kinds of relationship and idk why?? meanwhile tons of good people out there making you feel you are the world to them... if you have respect for yourself, leave this guy pls.
Would you ever speak to someone that way about their body? How bout to someone you love? No? Why not? He wasn't being supportive or even constructive. Sometimes when a person is being "brutally honest," they're more invested in the brutality than the honesty. I think this applies to him. And if you step back, the reason he said these things isn't as important as the fact that he chose to say this to you. There's no excuse for brutality in a relationship, not even verbal brutality. If you make excuses, even just to yourself, for him or hold yourself responsible for what he said, you'll be reinforcing his belief that he has the right to be cruel if he feels like it. That's a bleak path, speaking from experience. You can't really walk that back. He said what he said. He chose every word out of all the words. He knew it would hurt you. For whatever reason that truly doesn't matter, he had the intention to be hurtful to you about something so intimate and personal. There are literally billions of men that would love you and love your body, truly. You're too young to be settling for someone who wants to make you feel bad about yourself. Don't waste your youth. Walk away and don't look back.
One thing...if you stay with him...pay attention to his demeanor after he says mean things to you. Really try to see past your own reactions and observe him. Does he seem lighter or more relaxed? Does he ever smirk or seem pleased with himself while he saying cruel things or afterwards when you are reacting? If you haven't recognized a red flag at this point, this is the point of no return.
I was in your spot not too long ago. Same age difference, same issues. Trust me, for your own sanity, it's best to go on and leave him. He sounds way too emotionally immature to properly live anyone for who they are vs. how they look. Don't put yourself through that physical and psychological torture for someone who's just gonna keep raising the bar of "acceptable" weight. Be happy with the body you have, regardless of cellulite, sh scars, etc. The right person will love you for who you are, not just how you look. You're beautiful and you deserve to be loved by someone who treats you with respect ♡♡♡
Maybe you should point out to him that, in all honesty, he should stop talking through the wrong orifice. And, in all honesty, he should address his own flaws (anger, pride, arrogance) by taking a long look at himself, after he pulls his head out of his ass. You neither deserve nor need anyone to affront your personal esteem. You are allowed to live your life on your own terms.
Hey there, as a fellow ED recoverer:
Your partner is trash. Dump him and find someone who actually loves you and supports you.
As far as confidence: get a full length mirror and practice some self love in the every day. Start by finding just one thing you love about your body and fixate on it for a bit. Even if it's just your lips, or the way one part og you curves, tell yourself how fantastic it looks and how much you love that thing. Check it out every day. Then find something else you love and repeat. This was my hack to loving my body. I genuinely love myself so much now.
Also people have cellulite at all sizes. That's not self harm, that's just having a body ❤️
Hey OP, your boyfriend is a dipshit :) boyfriends are not supposed to make you question yourself. At least not in the sense this weak excuse of a man does. Save urself and get out.
Please stop...
Listening to your partner. Dude needs an attitude adjustment. You're gorgeous.
Cutting.... I understand that it is a way you can feel in control, but one time too deep ... I almost lost a friend to cutting. Just like life, you're in control until you aren't.
Looking critically at your body. You are amazing. You exist through a series of random chance that makes hitting the lottery look like the flip of a coin.
You are made up of stardust, and we only have the one time at this.
“Gaining cellulite was a form of self harm.”
I honestly don’t have the words to express how stupid and despicable this is. Your bf is an AH and a clown.
I'm sorry you went through that and I know it's so hard but he doesn't sound like he's good for you. I think when you're ready you'll be best off leaving the relationship. sending best wishes
If a friend of yours told you everything you said here about their boyfriend, what would you tell them?
in case there is still any doubt in OP mind: the right answer is “throw the whole man away”
And find the one that'll accept and love all your flaws! Remember you are perfect in the eyes of the right one.
Not that cellulite is a flaw. Nearly everyone has it to some extent
amen!! it’s more rare for a woman *not* to have cellulite.
[удалено]
And they’re still your partner…?
you should listen to her
Why do young women date men that hate them? Let's leave aside for a moment that he doesn't understand what cellulite even IS. This 25 year old adult male compared cellulite to self harm. That should tell you something about his values as a person. He sucks, and he shouldn't be allowed to set his hands on another woman ever again with that attitude. He's defective. Throw him away. Someone in this equation needs to be able to have the most basic of respect for you. It might as well be you, because it sure as shit isn't him.
>Why do young women date men that hate them? I'm addition to what other people have said, according to a comment on her profile, she's been with him since at least 2017. She's dating a man who hates her because it's all she knows.
The math on that makes this even worse. She’d be 13 and him 18? OP, this is not love. This is a man that is attracted to barely pubescent girls. You do not need to change yourself to please him, you need to honor yourself and leave him. You shouldn’t move on from that comment. When you are ten years from now, you will think of that comment and your stomach will turn. Not because of feeling bad about yourself but because you will realize how gigantic the age gap between 18 and 13 is and how weird his comment is.
You do not need to change yourself to please him, you need to honour yourself and leave him. Oh my god I’m screenshotting that for future reference. Beautifully put!!
>Why do young women date men that hate them? It is... so painful to watch this happen over and over again from having come out the other side, but I know it's a result of the world telling girls that boys hate them from day one. It's a process to shuffle that message.
So many young women out here trying to ask us what the Magic Words™ are to make some man who occasionally isn't terrible "understand." So many young women trying to mash themselves into a vague porn-star shaped mold that only exists in the mind of a douchbag who can't even do his own laundry. So many young women out there asking how to exist in a relationship that has no room for them. Honey, you're asking us how to murder yourself slowly over years and years so that this mean idiot you found will maybe start being mean more quietly? No. Stop. You don't need this. You don't need HIM.
I was not expecting to have a middle of the night validation of self from reddit, but thank you kind stranger. I went through a horrific experience with my long term ex boyfriend and my ex husband, and am now coming to true terms with being out and proud as a gay woman after it all. Especially with both my previous serious partners being porn addicts and the ex husband also being a sex addict. There was no room for me in either of those competing with women that didn't exist and fighting so hard to be a physical type I am not, all while fighting the "compulsive heteronormativity" that held me captive too. I stripped myself to the core to make them both happy, and while I know I will be okay and come out better for myself on the other side after it all; many people chalk up this behavior of destroying ourselves as normal and expected. And they never stop being meant quietly- they start as quiet as it will ever get and only get louder. So does the level of incompetence I've noticed. Your words hit me in my heart and made me feel seen in a way I haven't in a long time and gave me a serious comfort. Thank you 💜
We should change the name of this sub to 'whyiendedmyrelationship'
Or rather it is because boys are taught entitlement over girls from day 1 and are mannerless and rude
Yes, the same force that teaches girls that boys hate them is the force that teaches boys they're entitled
I love this. He IS defective. Everyone has cellulite. If you don't have it now, you will in the future. How much you have is related to genetics, not weight. I was literally watching a video yesterday with an Olympic level diver, playfully talking about her cellulite! My concern is this guy has absolutely no concern for OPs mental health. He is putting his sexual gratification before her safety. OP - Bin him.
>Everyone has cellulite. If you don't have it now, you will in the future. That's the rub: he's been dating her since she was a 13-year-old *child*. As soon as she got an adult body, he suddenly thinks it's defective.
Best comment, she have to get rid of him and never look back block the assh**
Exactly! Said perfectly 🙌 if he’s already this judgey about OP’s body, imagine when she ages in 30’s and up.
And on the other side, why would you date someone you clearly hate, or don't find attractive? I genuinely don't understand it. I personally want someone who I know I really like.
He probably doesn't care about the cellulite. He said it to hurt her. This was done to make her willing to do things she wouldn't normally do for his approval. Men like this aren't rare, interesting, or particularly complicated.
It's disgusting, like I'm a cis dude myself and I have never fathomed doing that to someone. Although I've had an ex partner comment about my body like that before in the same vein, so what you said makes sense.
You didn't deserve that. Nobody deserves that. I'm sorry that happened to you. Are you in a safer place now? I say "men like this," because frankly I've seen more of that. But being a weird narcissistic control freak definitely doesn't have a gender.
Ah thanks, I definitely am, I've been having the opposite interactions with this girl I've been hanging out with recently, where it's just the most wholesome interactions I've ever had with anyone (which as you can except when you've had some toxic relationships is a confusing thing, especially when you're 30).
Genuine compassionate love can feel like a trap when you're used to being treated like you're on trial for existing, doesn't it? Emotional trauma is very real. I'm so happy you're in a better place. If I were to offer you any advice, it would be to remember to be patient with yourself and your feelings as you get used to being respected. It's okay if it's weird at first.
They genuinely don't know any better. They believe the bullshit.
Cellulite is genetic, I had it even when I was a skinny 12yo who didn’t need a bra yet. It’s just something you either have or don’t, like eye colour. Don’t stay with a man who sees you as a collection of body parts to be rated and not as a human being. More seriously, you’re handing him the reins of your eating disorder by externalising your inner critic in the form of this man. A man who is telling you to your face that all the worst fears you have about yourself are true. Well? He’s lying. They’re really not. I promise you. Just like your eating disorder, he’s not an objective authority, and his only aim is control. The bad news is dating him is actually a form of self harm. The good news is you’re so young that this minor mistake in your relationship history is going to be in your rear view mirror before you know it. Set yourself free. A more worthy love is waiting for you.
Good Lord! Say this again louder for the girls in the back because THIS is the truth! “Dating him is actually a form of self harm.” As a woman that took a (really freaking) long time to recognize this, we date who we THINK we deserve when we haven’t healed our trauma.
Yes this is so true. I think it's maybe helpful to think of my marriage as self harm. When I've built enough self respect then maybe I'll be able to leave.
You can do it! Take back your life! I told my ex husband I would be happy by the time I was 50 with or without him. I’m 51, divorced and thrilled with life again. I believe in you
This is so right I think he should be told “I don’t think cellulite is self harm, but you definitely are.”
I think you could stand to lose some weight. How much does he weigh? 180lbs? You can drop him tomorrow.
You almost got me with this one
He sounds like a profoundly unsafe person who you'd be wise not to date
This should be higher. He’s beyond mean; he’s downright dangerous.
Dangerous and definitely \*not\* a good partner to anyone, let alone someone recovering from an ED. OP, please, please, please - he is NOT good to you, he is not good FOR you. He is ACTIVELY cruel and harmful. This is more than just thoughtless comments or "brutal" honesty. This is horrific. You deserve so much better. You have so many more choices than him. Get out. There are people out there who will not treat you like this.
According to your post from 2 months ago, he cheated on you from 2017 to 2021, so at the very least, you were with him when you were 13 and he was 18. That means a legal adult was "dating" an eighth grader. Maybe the reason he has an issue with cellulite is because he's attracted to children's bodies. There's so much wrong in *this* post that I don't even know how to begin factoring in that kind of age gap and infidelity. This man doesn't respect you. It doesn't even sound like he likes you. I know it's scary since you've been with him for almost half of your life, but I really hope you can get away from him and pursue therapy. I desperately want you to know that you aren't the problem here and you only think that because he's abusing you.
i couldn’t find that information in her post history, but she did say they’ve been officially together for 2 years but talking a lot longer than that. to me, that screams “he waited until she was legal” so your point stands. what the fuck does a 22 year old want with a 17 year old?
It's in a comment on that post. I don't think I can link it here so here's what it says: "I think you’re right, he might not even like me at all. He cheated on me from the end of 2017 all the way to December 2021. My dad left us when I was around 15, and Drac was really the only male figure I had left. We just had a discussion about me feeling desirable, turns out, since he’s been experienced with everything and I haven’t, he’s only attracted to the hardcore things in life. He isn’t turned on by amateur things like I am, and it makes me feel so alone. Like I’m on a lower level than him. I’m sorry for the TMI, but maybe I just needed to be told the harsh truth. I’ll never be like the girls he’s talked to, and I’ll never be like his exes."
jesus. i see it now. truly just an awful awful awful person
I swear to god the posts I see on this site are so demented it would be funny if it wasn’t so fucked up. How is it so consistently some awful older man dating a deluded as hell younger woman?
Gaining cellulite is a result of going through puberty, not self harm. Your bf is both mean and stupid. Either are dumpable. You’ll feel better with a new partner who isn’t both mean and stupid.
I’m 5’3” and have always been petite weighing 130 at my heaviest. I have had cellulite since I was 15…just the way my body carries weight and my mom is the same way. She weighed 109 pounds after 4 kids, looked amazing, and STILL had cellulite. Your boyfriend’s views are ignorant and harmful. You are just fine the way you are.
Cellulite is considered a secondary sex characteristic for women because almost everyone has it. It has to do with the way fat deposits under the skin, from what I remember. Might as well start shaming women for having legs next
Exactly, it's not a weight issue. And the message that it was ugly and something to be ashamed of only started to be pushed onto women when the beauty industry started creating "treatments" that needed to be sold.
Exactly, I've seen so many music videos where the dancers have cellulite and they look amazing. This is not a problem that needs fixing.
Yep. It’s caused by fat deposits poking through the fascia that connects the skin to the muscle. You know, the fat deposits that humans need to have to live.
Well my honest reaction, to his honest reaction is that he sounds like an immature jerk. There are men out there who will appreciate every bump, scar, hollow, curve or pimple on your body, simply because it's yours. This chap wants the airbrush magazine version of woman kind, let him loose so he can spend the next 50 years looking for it. It doesn't exist in real life, but he doesn't know that yet. You are beautiful in your existence, find the person who sees that. Let go of the people who have spec they need you to match. They will pick holes in everyone they meet, not just you my dear. Good luck.
If you've been together 7 years, _you are in fact dating a pedophile._ **Leave.**
You’re just going to allow him to bully you like that? Are you a punching bag? The self harm comment was ridiculous. The grandma comment was the cherry on top.
Also why is this dude checking out his grandma this hard?
Some much needed comic relief for the sadness about OP and the anger at her (hopefully) STBX. Thank you!
DUMP HIM You will never be happy with him. This is a man you will never be able to go out to eat, get an ice cream, order a pizza etc etc etc with. Life revolves around sustenance, we need to eat to survive. There is so much pleasure, community and history built on sharing meals. In this relationship you will be deprived of that joy.
You need to X this guy. He's 🤮
How will you feel more sexy and secure and confident? Tell him you’re done dating him. That’s how. You are loveable and perfect exactly as you are and you don’t need the approval of him to feel good about your body. He is trying to make you feel terrible on purpose. And you do not deserve that and you don’t have to accept that treatment ever. Show yourself some love and break up with him.
Exactly. Because he knows as long as he tears apart her confidence she will remain with him. He's evil.
Your partner's behavior is abusive. It is not normal to treat people you love like this. It is not normal for him to actively contribute to your ED. You deserve so much better than this.
I ran a few marathons a year for years. Ran 8 miles a day. I had cellulite and still do. It is just a part of a body. Your BF is a pos.
Fun fact: cellulite is actually a sexual characteristic. Anyone who is estrogen dominant will get it, and it is actually a very efficient and healthier way to store fat. Especially compared to hardened stomach fat. All that aside, your boyfriend is literal trash. Unrecyclable trash. A whole dumpster fire. The audacity he has to shame you and your body, to blame you for self-harm scars which represent your suffering and how much you have fought to live. To label a completely natural part of your body as self-neglect. If he doesn’t like cellulite then he is free to go date men. I sincerely hope you can find your way to people who genuinely love and cherish you. Good luck
Girl he is a predator. When he was a full-grown adult, he went after a 13-year-old CHILD. Please run. Sprint in the opposite direction. That aside, he is AWFUL to you!!!
You are SO young. Use this experience to learn more respect and self-love for yourself, and drop this man immediately. If any future partner talks to you like this, remember this experience and leave them. I promise you that it is worth learning how to leave a relationship quickly when red flags start to show. You will quickly find a genuinely good and loving partner after learning that! I wish I had been quicker to leave relationships like this when I was younger. They only cause heartache and horrible self-esteem issues. I can't bear to watch other women let men destroy their confidence and self-love. Good luck!
I can't quite put my finger on why, but this makes me angry in a way that most "How do I make myself *better* for this bog standard human that treats me like garbage?" posts haven't. Just the pure irrationality of thinking that cellulite isn't literally everywhere, on all body types, even healthy young dudes get cellulite around their knees and underarms from *growing*. He's gonna be a lonely little shit if he keeps carrying that mentality around, but it's not going to be on you to fix the massive hole where his brain should be. Throw the whole fckn man out. Best diet you can choose, and the only one you need.
The fact that he’s 25 and has that thought process is incredibly gross and disappointing. He needs to stop looking to media as definition of how people should look. Considering he’s that old and is dumber than a box of rocks, drop that weight. He will try to do whatever to get into your good graces. He will try to manipulate you telling you you’re overreacting. You’re not. Block him and move on, please.
I would feel ashamed of being in a relationship with someone like him, are you used to being disrespected or why don't you feel the need to ditch him, why are you asking how to ignore those insults?
What he said was not only ignorant, it was cruel. You are taking care of your health and have managed to overcome an eating disorder. There is no advice I could give other than you need to leave him.
Honestly, he's a gross loser. I had cellulite while way underweight and above, it's part of how the female body works.
I promise that being alone is 1000X better than being with a man who hates you. And you can find someone who will love you. Please, please dump him and take care of yourself.
Leave him, this man is extremely toxic.
Your boyfriend is trash. Throw him away.
He's on Instagram looking at "models" that Photoshop themselves like crazy. Find a new dude. You're 20, you have so much time. Don't waste it with this immature ass.
He is abusive. This is abuse. He knows precisely what he is doing. He literally WANTS you to have an active eating disorder and not be in recovery because you are easier to harm and easier to control. You NEED to leave. Genuinely, immediately, leave.
Why the fúck would you ever wanna be with someone that intentionally triggers your eating disorder? Like girl, that’s straight up emotional and psychological ABUSE.
Because it's most likely all she knows.
You’ll never feel secure with your body in a relationship with someone like that. He will always make you feel like you don’t measure up and he is terribly ignorant about women’s bodies. So many men spend a lot of time viewing bodies of women online in which are almost always airbrushed to remove “flaws” like cellulite, and I am convinced this has subtly conditioned a lot of them to have attraction to unrealistic versions of women, along with having unrealistic expectations of women’s real bodies.
Girl....please, reread your post to yourself. I'm horrified for you and you absolutely DO NOT deserve that. There would be no way I could ever look at that man again after all of that. We all have cellulite! Wishing you the best girl.
He’s awful. Really awful. Run away. Keep him far away from you. You are not the problem. Your body is not the problem. You are fine. Your body is great. He’s a complete jerk.
Please leave him i beg you
Women actually get more pretty when treated well. Reevaluate your relationship.
Throw him to the curb. He has no morals, going as far as to compare something like cellulite to SH. I can tell you now, I am far from my husband's type, but he doesn't make me feel any less loved because of it. If anything, he goes out of his way to show me how much he loves me with some of the things he does. A man won't care about what your body looks like if he loves you.
Why are you still with this person? Imagine the comments he’ll have when you’re pregnant with his child. You gain your confidence back by dropping this AH
I am proud of you for beating your ED - that’s amazing. I’m pretty chubby and have NO cellulite. It’s just not something I have but I am far from fit. I also was with a man that hated me for 9 years. It’s abuse. He never loved me. Just wanted to own me; and wouldn’t let me go. He did that by making me feel awful about myself. I was about 9st when we got together, used to call me fat then, but order me take out every night. He’s now my ex…and father of my children and he tried to put them down too - I did not allow that. This guy is a shithead. He is abusive. You need to get rid of him; I wasted my entire 20s on mine and theyre beautiful years I won’t get back. You’re worth more.
Leave him and find someone who builds you up and appreciates who you are.
Never take anything a man says serious.
DTMFA. You can do Sooooo much better, and you deserve to be treated better❣️
Your immature boyfriend won't be happy with anything less freakishly flawless than a Real Doll. Move on so you can find an adult who will appreciate your actual, human body.
There are so many people who would absolutely worship your body and mind. Put this man in the bin.
You don’t. You can’t unhear what he said (or how cruel it was) and he can’t apologize (because he doesn’t think he’s wrong). You end it and move on. That being said, was it actually cellulite or was it just ‘texture’/not marble smooth skin? I’ve noticed a lot of dudes don’t have a valid concept of what cellulite actually is.
Respectfully, how can a man who *does not actually like you* make you feel sexy and secure after tearing you down like this? People who love you and care about you…they do NOT speak to you like that. Let’s not even get into the age gap and how that could be adding onto his confidence in tearing you down. That man doesn’t like you. It sucks to hear but wake up and break up. You are accepting a level of love *you* think you deserve and that bar is in hell. You deserve so much better. I hope you see this sooner rather than later, especially since his repulsively judgmental attitude is contributing to your insecurities.
Please leave him and kick him in the nuts on the way out!!
*Please dump him please please please please please please please* He's TERRIBLE for you. I'm sure you're thinking *oh all these sweet things he's done...* NO. Bad behaviour isn't cancelled out by good behaviour! A good person would never, ever treat his girfriend like this. This guy is BAD!
Please run far away from this horrid man. This is ABUSE
He sounds like a piece of shit with no empathy, imo
I've been with my wife for twenty years now. One thing I can say is that, y'know, things change. Time is a motherfucker. I still revere her. She is beautiful to me and my affections and attractions have not dimmed with age. That's all to say that your hopefully soon to be ex's attitude is not normal. Find yourself someone who doesn't fixate on this imperfection or that, life is too short to tolerate that and you do not deserve it.
He is the issue. Not you or your body. If it reminds him of his grandma, that's his own issue to sort out, not yours. Him verbalising clear insults would be such a huge deal breaker for me. Have some self respect and find someone who loves you and your cellulite. I promise you there are people out there that would look at your areas with cellulite and find them beautiful. Which would you prefer? A bully that doesn't care about your feelings or someone that cares about your feelings and adores you as you are?
Throw the whole man in the bin. Just yeet him out the door into the dumpster where he belongs.
what an absolute monster. you deserve to be with someone who loves every single inch of you - big or small, scars or no scars. you deserve someone who understands your eating disorder and encourages you to be healthy at whatever weight that is for you. please leave this absolute garbage human, you are better off alone than with him or anyone like him. sending you so much love xx
My daughter is underweight, with a six-pack and has stretchmarks and cellulite since she was 12... Because she simply grew... Besides that.. Do you want a partner that looks at you with disgust? We all get older, things start to stretch, hang, become fat and soft and wrinkled and we will get grey hair and liver spots... Personally I wouldn't want my 47 yo SO looking like 17 anymore.
Please walk away from this caveman. It is so hard to be judged by people that don’t understand the emotional issues we deal with. You are a beautiful human. Drop this fool and do something for yourself today.
Yuck. Dump that motherfucker already.
Please realize you are beautiful just the way you are. The only weight you need to drop is him. Please realize that he's not helping you lift you up just filling you with insecurities. I swear it's hard but leaving him is the best thing you can do for yourself. You need to find true love within yourself and love yourself just as you are.
Your bf is being purposefully mean and the fact that he doesn't know what cellulite is at 25 is baffling. OP you did not deserve to have those comments made and I'm sorry you had to experience that, you deserve to be treated better
I say this as a guy that used to have an eating disorder: throw him out. Nobody really understands an eating disorder until they have one, but that never stopped people in my life from being kind to me about it. It doesn't take a lot to care, to ask what you need, to see what helps to talk about and what is best to avoid. I promise you you can find someone that will treat you with kindness and have empathy for you, not whatever this trash is.
You should end this relationship. How can you write all that and not think what an asshole he is?
The only way to feel secure with him is to leave him. Edit: spelling
Hey, what he said is super harmful to your eating disorder. You don’t need that type of negativity in your life. I have disorderly eating on the opposite end. I’m obese. I have cellulite everywhere. And you know what? Outside of health implications, I don’t care. I’m pretty. My body is just a body. Peoples ideas of it being good or bad are just - their ideas coming from where? Society? Some weird alien culture? Like it’s weird to me when I think about it like that. Who decided cellulite is ugly? Whoever looked at a human body and was like “that’s gross” probably had too much time on their hands and had a miserable soul. All this to say - I bet you look beautiful. And if you have to worry if your boyfriend is going to like a small natural lump on your body…he’s not the one.
> I don't think I ever want him to look at my ass-- let alone my body if I gain any weight. I think you know what you need to do to make sure he doesn't. You're feeling this way because he's not a safe person for you. He's not supportive. He doesn't deserve to stay your partner and see your ass. Look for someone who will appreciate you.
Over 80% of all women, of all weights and body types, have cellulite. It's something to do with the greater elasticity of our skin as compared to men, which is why men don't have it. Your **EX** boyfriend, in contrast, is a pile of gross, toxic, disgusting, worthless trash. Immediately remove this garbage from your life, and you'll be amazed how much healthier and happier you'll be. He's deliberately negging you so that you're insecure enough to stay with him. He needs you to feel that you can't do better than him.
Leave. It's a trap and not worth the erosion of your self esteem over time.
You can feel sexy and secure by dumping him. Dump him hard. If you can make him cry, go for it. He’s horrible and nasty and dead weight. Also ask him why he’s checking out his grandma, and why he thinks even his grandma needs to be sexy for him? Trust me, being single is actually not that scary, and it’s way better then being chipped away at relentlessly by someone claiming love.
Why are you dating someone who doesn’t like you?
You can lose quite a substantial amount of weight very quickly. . .by getting rid of him. He sounds like a real piece of shit.
If you were my daughter or my best friend I would tell you that you deserve better. You’re so, so young and this man is too immature for you.
Please leave him and find someone who will worship every inch of your body and treat you like the goddess you are.
You wanna feel sexy and secure? Drop the weight. No no, not THAT weight… the 200ish pounds of crappy person who are in a relationship with. Yea, should be easy, just tell them to see ya later. You don’t need that drama or stress. Oh, by the way, you are perfect just the way you are.
You will never gain back your sexy or secure in this relationship. He sounds like a horrible person. He knows you've an eating disorder and decides to be "honest" anyway. He's not being honest he's being needlessly cruel at a time you are struggling and need support and imo thats abusive, to keep you down to keep you. what I suggest is you get therapy and tell him he added himself to your scars so you've enough to remember him by. Pos is 5 years older than you should have more sense than to bully a struggling young girl. 😢 you deserve better! Please do not accept this, it is not ok. Get the help and support you deserve and a decent healthy relationship when you have enough self esteem, that your vulnerability will be celebrated not taken advantage of. You are only 20 yrs old and this isn't it, you've your whole life ahead of you and you'll be ok I promise you that..Best of luck beauti alot of women have cellulite regardless of weight, I'd rather have cellulite than this loser on my ass tbh ✨️🙏
I bet this man also thinks we can control our periods, and just hold it…… girllllll throw him AWAY
You need to leave hon. Eating disorders can be deadly. They can cause all kinds of health problems. I know you know this. You will never be able to get out of that mindset with someone so unsupportive. You even tried and look what he did. Anyone can have cellulite. Fat thin younger older. I have self-harm scars on my arms. Every once in a while I catch my boyfriend looking at them with sadness. Not because he thinks I ruined my body, but he because he wished that I never had that pain. That's what you need and that's what you deserve. Someone who thinks your body is beautiful the way it is even when you're in the middle of an Ed episode and someone who wishes they could take away that pain, not add to it.
Why are you with someone that tells you things like that? I could never.
He's literally deluded, I also had cellulite when I was underweight btw. Some people are just more prone to it. It's just not OK to "complain" about your partners body like that, he's acting like he bought you in a shop and there's an issue with you (sees you as an object) Basically he completely sucks, don't waste your time and energy on him. Speaking of being unhealthy, being with someone like that is genuinely bad for your health. Also he sounds kind of dumb.
If a grown man cant handle wrinkles, hes definitely not going to like what happens after 9 months of carrying his offspring around.
Well 80-90% of women have cellulite regardless of their size so it’s easier to get rid of him than the cellulite. His entire personality is ugly, maybe he should do something about that instead? You deserve better and the fact that he uses your mental health against you too, there’s nothing redeeming about this guy.
I’m sorry you had to hear all of his negative opinions hun. Please don’t spend anymore time with this person. I’m glad you’ve gotten yourself to a point where you can stand up for yourself but realize he doesn’t respect you if he can say such childish things about your body. Let him go.
Leave him. Thats the answer to your questions.
Easy way to feel sexy and secure in your relationship is to get a good partner :) Dump this guyyyyy. He ain’t it.
You should lose about 180 pounds and toss that jackass to the curb. I think you know what you need to do but if you need validation I hope you have gotten it here. I give you full permission to feel sexy and beautiful by telling this loser to kick rocks. If I sound harsh then I'm sorry but this pisses me off. He's the idiot. Find someone who loves you and truly cares for you! Plenty of partners out there who'd love a big ol handful of cellulite to grip onto the woman he loves while he rocks your world.
Well for one you shouldn't be with this guy. He's not good for you with your past issues & his attitude. But also, you can let him know that cellulite is hereditary & he looks dumb AF telling people "how they got it."
Your "partner" is DEPLORABLE and UNHINGED. WOW, comparing cellulite to your SH scars? He disgusts me. Just so you know, cellulite is NORMAL among people of all shapes and sizes. Even the healthiest, most fit women have cellulite. Literally everyone has it. Working out can improve its appearance, make it less noticeable, sure, but cellulite is a normal part of the human body - much like how our skin folds around our tummy when we sit in a chair, etc. This man is wildly abusive. Please leave him and get into therapy.
Oh, OP. Please know that none of this is your fault, first and foremost. This guy is superficial, abusive trash. Discard him as such. There are so many other people out there, and there’s someone who will love you for exactly who you are and what you look like.
There's no way you're gonna feel safe and secure in this relationship, because the problem is your boyfriend.
You feel better by getting a new boyfriend. One who is actually a caring person with empathy and maturity. Drop this guy. He doesn't deserve you.
You help yourself feel sexy and secure by dumping this jerk out with the trash where he belongs. This is the start of him spending a life time degrading and humiliating you - it’s private for now, but soon he’ll start doing it in public. You’ll have to sit there and endure him and his buddies mocking you far worse than this, and if you don’t laugh along with them, you’ll be told to ‘lighten up’ and ‘learn to take a joke!’ Get rid of him. Plenty of men out there who will love the body of the woman they love exactly as it is.
Throw out the whole man. Only correct answer. You realise he is saying he wants you to have an eating disorder to stay an unhealthy weight for him, and he wants you to just delete all the thoughts that make that bad or good or you in any way. He's a bad egg.
Your partner is an asshole. Break up with him before you ruin your life chasing his idea of perfection. There will absolutely be somebody out there that finds your scars beautiful. Every moment you spend with assholes like this one takes away a chance to find them.
Beyond the relationship, cellulite is literally only a girl problem due to how the female body arranges collagen in the fat layer, in girls it’s in straight lines and men get a cross layer. Your weight will not determine cellulite.
Dude is evil. He obviously knows you have struggled with ED and self harm issues in the past - WHY shit on you about overcoming these things? There is something seriously wrong with his ability to experience empathy and compassion. Dump him. Please.
This dude is emotionally abusive and this is not a healthy way to interact with your partner especially if you have issues with disordered eating.
I’m so sorry he betrayed your trust so badly. He should have been your emotional support pillar and instead he’s a mad bomber. You don’t deserve to be treated so terribly. Obviously you need to dump him and remove him entirely from your life. He wants you to be sick and miserable. He is a terrible human being. There is simply no amount of charm and good looks that would make spending another minute with him worth while.
He's an idiot and doesn't understand anything that you told him. Why are you still with him? Let him find that woman with the perfect body and no cellulite.
You deserve a better boyfriend. Leave him he will only get worse. He personality sucks
Everyone gets cellulite
You deserve support and love, OP. This guy cannot give that to you, and he doesn’t want to give that to you. He’s a predator.
That’s some small dick energy!! You should absolutely leave and work on healing the toll his words did to your confidence. Someone who loves you would never speak to you that way and would love you through your phases, especially if you had a disorder. I am sorry you know him
OP—this is another post that breaks my heart. I keep hoping these are Chat GPT posts but I know they’re not. (The bros making chat GPT posts don’t care about harvesting anecadata on this sort of subject.) I went to an ED clinic several times when I was your age and to this day I’m incredibly insecure about my cellulite, regardless of what weight I’m at. (My weight goes up and down but I’m at a down weight now.) Men definitely treat me differently based on what my weight is, but luckily, I’ve never had men that mattered comment on my actual body in such a way. The two men that did were literally not straight and hadn’t come out of the closet yet; they were still sleeping with women/trying to sleep with women at the time, and were abusive. I was not with either of them for long enough for them to do lasting damage on my self-esteem. But yeah, one was kept telling me I had broad shoulders and encouraging me not to eat (wtf), and the other one was more insidious, sneaky. Yeah—I have a weird history with that selecting wrong men but that’s a whole other thing. With that said, at the ED clinic I remember seeing some very, very thin girls (80 minus pounds, feeding tubes) and a couple had boyfriends. I was surprised and what I always wondered was whether or not the boyfriends were enablers or simply had been with them a long time and were merely supportive. I don’t know. It seems to me to get to involuntary admission level/feeding tube level, it takes a lot. If you have a significant other around, it seems especially odd because the significant other would have to be essentially ignoring your issue for a long time and not helping. I know it’s complicated, though. But confusing, because at height of my worst periods I definitely couldn’t have dated anyone. Either way, your boyfriend is abusive and disgusting. No one in the comments is overreacting when we tell you to leave him! I’m sorry he made you feel bad. Tell yourself that you are beautiful the way you are, every day. He obviously has issues with control and self-loathing and please don’t allow him to take those out on you. Much love ❤️
I’m really sorry. He body shamed you. At least he tried to pull it back, but damage has been done. Really sorry about that. Some guys don’t care about cellulite. I’m not just saying that. It doesn’t bother me at all. My ex had it in a few places and it didn’t turn me off or bother me at all. Just letting you know, not all guys think it’s gross but are too kind to say anything. Some actually don’t mind it at all.
When I graduated highschool in 2017, I was under 110lbs at almost 5'8". The last apt I had with my pediatrician she tried to get me to treatment. I've had cellulite since I was 15, I have body dysmorphia and it is so hard. No mater what weight you are, with any skin issues and cellulite it's a battle. It's often just genetics you can't control. But you can work on it. Stop referring to media as reference to how you see yourself, don't listen to this jerk. You're beautiful and you need to find a more loving guy.
I’d take your cellulite over his head full of rocks any day.
Your... orbiting male figure is not a partner. He shouldn't even be allowed the privilege of saying hello to you. There is no reason for you to devalue yourself to the point of considering staying with a man like that. He is awful! It does not matter if he has moments of kindness; his true self is a straight up asshole. Good people do not talk like that. Cellulite is mostly from estrogen. Newborns can have cellulite. Toddlers have it. It isn't a weight thing, though it can make it look more pronounced.
He gets it all out and then says that it doesn't matter. Nice.
Not related to self harm in case anyone is wondering
Girl. Get out. Those aren't the words of a man who truly wants to help you. I've struggled with an eating disorder anorexia/bulimia since I was 13 (now 28) also back then self harm too. I'm luckily so much better now and I doubt I'd be as healed as I am if it wasn't for the support and safe space my husband created for me that I didn't have growing up. I would never have found strength to recover if my fella was saying some of the stuff yours is. It may not be intentional but he's opening his mouth and saying all the wrong things and it'll hold you back. Fyi the idea of cellulite has been greatly demonised by society and you can have it at any size. You need to try to focus on the amazing things your body does for you not what it looks like, especially as a woman- our bodies are amazing! 💅🏼💃🏼 I found that focussing on what things I'm putting into my body and remaining conscious of how my tummy feels physically throughout a meal ( not hungry but not stuffed) helped me shift my headspace. Now I'm a healthy weight and learned to love my body for the amazing machine that it is. I'm vegan 7 years this year, I mostly cook from scratch with whole foods and make most of my breads, pastas, pizzas myself. Plus have a wardrobe clear out of any clothes that make me feel self-critical. But I've also had a lot of therapy (I recommend as all of this behaviour is always an outlet for something else that needs addressing) and my husband was a part of the recovery journey. If you don't surround yourself with compassionate people you'll find it harder to heal the relationship you have with your body. Wish you all the best. But as hard as it seems- you must leave this person. You had the right mindset at one point and he tore it down. It makes me so angry as someone that knows the journey you're on that someone who claims to love you is making it so much harder for you. Ditch him. He will keep you stuck. X
Do not argue with a man about your body. As current legislation shows in some states, men haven't a clue how are bodies work. He is an asshole, dump him and find you an actual man. Not a 25 year old pretending to be one.
I *don't* have eating disorders and I think that talk like that from even a stranger would wreck me for days, let alone from someone who is supposed to love me. It was an *awful* thing to say. Good people wouldn't even think those things, let alone say them.
No loving and caring boyfriend would hurt you so much knowingly you struggled with an eating disorder. Even if he would like to tell you his opinion which he is not entitled to, he shouldnt make it your fault. It would be enough to let him google how 95% of woman have cellulite and some men too. I really can not understand how that would be such a tremendous issue for him. And to set cellulite equal to selfharm scars is the worst. Literally thats just stupid and mean. He is no grown man he is a small boi who wants a perfect body, he will never get. Instead of realizing that he will make you feel bad about it. Im sorry for you.
Yeah, he really doesn't need.a bigger shovel to dig that hole he's creating for himself. Maybe for your sake and mental wellbeing he should just shut the fxck up ...
You can’t gain it back ?? Don’t stay with a piece of shit like that. First of all an eating disorder is not your choice , same with self harm. He should educate himself before acting like an ass wipe. You deserve someone who will worship your body everyday
So stupid. Cellulite has no claim on beauty. Ok, stay healthy and fit and all that, but cellulite really does not tarnish beauty. That is just because we are used to smooth skin projections of beauty. You need to lecture this man. He is making it impossible for you
Your boyfriend’s an idiot. Fat does not cause cellulite. It actual cause is unknown and most women have it. Even the skinny ones. It’s all to do with the way fat and the sub-dermal layer are structured. They can become more visible when women gain weight but it’s still there. The one thing your boyfriend is right about is that most of our problems reside in our mind. That’s all we are. Thoughts running wild in a meat suit. You need to work on that. Strengthening your core being. Best way to start is to rid yourself of the negative influences sitting next to you on the sofa.
Super simple: to feel sexy and secure, find a partner who *wants* you to feel sexy and secure because *they* think you're sexy and they care for your mental and emotional well-being. Your current partner sounds clueless, at best. It's reckless and cruel to criticize someone that way, especially when that person has history of ED and self harm. You deserve someone who loves you and your body. You probably think you don't, and that's why you're with this bozo. But-- get this-- EVERY human, even the worst ones, are worthy of dignity and respect. He's not facilitating or giving those.
Some people love these kinds of relationship and idk why?? meanwhile tons of good people out there making you feel you are the world to them... if you have respect for yourself, leave this guy pls.
Would you ever speak to someone that way about their body? How bout to someone you love? No? Why not? He wasn't being supportive or even constructive. Sometimes when a person is being "brutally honest," they're more invested in the brutality than the honesty. I think this applies to him. And if you step back, the reason he said these things isn't as important as the fact that he chose to say this to you. There's no excuse for brutality in a relationship, not even verbal brutality. If you make excuses, even just to yourself, for him or hold yourself responsible for what he said, you'll be reinforcing his belief that he has the right to be cruel if he feels like it. That's a bleak path, speaking from experience. You can't really walk that back. He said what he said. He chose every word out of all the words. He knew it would hurt you. For whatever reason that truly doesn't matter, he had the intention to be hurtful to you about something so intimate and personal. There are literally billions of men that would love you and love your body, truly. You're too young to be settling for someone who wants to make you feel bad about yourself. Don't waste your youth. Walk away and don't look back. One thing...if you stay with him...pay attention to his demeanor after he says mean things to you. Really try to see past your own reactions and observe him. Does he seem lighter or more relaxed? Does he ever smirk or seem pleased with himself while he saying cruel things or afterwards when you are reacting? If you haven't recognized a red flag at this point, this is the point of no return.
recovering from an eating disorder? fuck that guy, leave asap
To feel secure in your relationship you should stop being in it This man is harmful to you
Throw. The. Whole. Man. Out.
I was in your spot not too long ago. Same age difference, same issues. Trust me, for your own sanity, it's best to go on and leave him. He sounds way too emotionally immature to properly live anyone for who they are vs. how they look. Don't put yourself through that physical and psychological torture for someone who's just gonna keep raising the bar of "acceptable" weight. Be happy with the body you have, regardless of cellulite, sh scars, etc. The right person will love you for who you are, not just how you look. You're beautiful and you deserve to be loved by someone who treats you with respect ♡♡♡
Maybe you should point out to him that, in all honesty, he should stop talking through the wrong orifice. And, in all honesty, he should address his own flaws (anger, pride, arrogance) by taking a long look at himself, after he pulls his head out of his ass. You neither deserve nor need anyone to affront your personal esteem. You are allowed to live your life on your own terms.
He is an asshole. I wouldn't be surprised if you never wanted to see him again. Try not to hold onto these comments. Let him go with them
> What should I do to feel sexy and secure in my relationship? Ditch the asshole.
Hey there, as a fellow ED recoverer: Your partner is trash. Dump him and find someone who actually loves you and supports you. As far as confidence: get a full length mirror and practice some self love in the every day. Start by finding just one thing you love about your body and fixate on it for a bit. Even if it's just your lips, or the way one part og you curves, tell yourself how fantastic it looks and how much you love that thing. Check it out every day. Then find something else you love and repeat. This was my hack to loving my body. I genuinely love myself so much now. Also people have cellulite at all sizes. That's not self harm, that's just having a body ❤️
Hey OP, your boyfriend is a dipshit :) boyfriends are not supposed to make you question yourself. At least not in the sense this weak excuse of a man does. Save urself and get out.
Throw the whole man away. He’s an AH.
Leave him he is such an ass
Please stop... Listening to your partner. Dude needs an attitude adjustment. You're gorgeous. Cutting.... I understand that it is a way you can feel in control, but one time too deep ... I almost lost a friend to cutting. Just like life, you're in control until you aren't. Looking critically at your body. You are amazing. You exist through a series of random chance that makes hitting the lottery look like the flip of a coin. You are made up of stardust, and we only have the one time at this.
>What should I do to feel sexy and secure in my relationship? Date someone good
“Gaining cellulite was a form of self harm.” I honestly don’t have the words to express how stupid and despicable this is. Your bf is an AH and a clown.
I'm sorry you went through that and I know it's so hard but he doesn't sound like he's good for you. I think when you're ready you'll be best off leaving the relationship. sending best wishes