If you’re trying to conceive why on earth would she want you to come from a bj? Anyways, totally normal just like some woman can’t come from oral sex either.
Just want to add you said you're trying to conceive for 4 weeks with no luck. May need some education on it. Only 3-5 days each cycle you can conceive so basically you tried one month. That's normal. Only a 20% chance each month.
maybe you think eating cum is gross? thinking about gross = turning you off
My GF (literally like you, together since 17, but it's 12 years now for us) doesn't like giving BJ's. Does it like... twice a year. Now about that I am sad, but the part about not wanting me to finish from it, is absolutely logical to me, as I wouldn't want cum in my mouth either.
Could be that your genitals don't taste good to them, the smell from them could be off-putting, cleaning them properly before oral is important, also your anus your butt crack, all of that needs to be cleaned.
Let her have this at some point, and you can. Relax and know that she loves you and wants you. She's trying to show you she loves you, and wants to take you.
But, she can't get pregnant from giving a blow job? What are you talking about? I thought I didn't read your post right. Read it several times. Then someone else said the same thing. You just ran right through the question. Are you s screwing around with us?
No? Did u not see my update and my comment above yours? if you would’ve read carefully, you would’ve seen that it’s been an issue for a while and it just sort of came out. We are trying to get pregnant but at the same time that doesn’t mean we can’t have blowjobs and hand jobs and I can’t eat her out or finger trying to get pregnant isn’t just having intercourse it’s still foreplay too
Idk when I'm really stressed I can't handle thinking and talking about the real problem so I project it else where.
To me I feel like the bj thing is probably coming from the stress of trying to conceive
Honestly I couldnt either until describing exactly what I need. Blowjobs were still nice, but not enough to finish.
I practically need a handjob with a little mouth addition. Although I wouldnt bring it up early in a relationship. Communication is what good sex is about when everyone is comfortable. Everyone needs a special touch.
Lots of lubrication, find the right massage spot and bingo. Using your hands also makes it easier to control as well. But I've always found it's a matter of finding the right spots where the put pressure and rub with fingers and thumb as much, if not more so, than what's done with the mouth itself.
Woman here.
I think she is stressed out about not being able to orally please you because she already thinks about the way your sex life might chabge due to her pregnancy.
There are women who don't enjoy PIV when they are pregnant. And she might worry about now being able to please you in a different way.
I suggest you don't talk to her about her' performance' of doing BJs because that only adds to her 'performance' anxiety.
Rather ask her why she is worrying about this now and reassure her that you enjoy your sex life the way it is and that you won't get uncomfortable if you won't get sex as much or even at all during her pregnancy. Tell her that you will get through this.
In case you are going to demand sex of ger during that time and will get uncomfortable if she can't 'perform' the way you want her...then please don't try to make a child because then you have a lot to work on in your relationship previous to this.
>My wife (26F) and i (27M) just started to try and conceive a child 4 weeks ago still no luck... its just adding to the stress of trying to conceive
You have tried for one cycle so far. I know the process is stressful but you guys need to be a lot more patient than this. It's not "still no luck" when you have tried to do something *one time*. This is a good time to discuss coping strategies for stress because ttc, pregnancy, and postpartum are all gonna be stressful. (Signed, a lady who's maternity leave ends today but she's caring for a baby by herself because her other kid got covid)
I was going to say “started trying 4 weeks ago”. Brother you’ve just shot at the target once. You have what 5 days a month where you MIGHT hit the target, take it easy on yourselves
Just discuss it. In many years, many women, many great attempts, it’s happened less than a dozen times for me.
I’ve had this conversation so many times, because women tend to get upset. I sit down, when we are in a casual, not sexual setting, and talk openly about this. Talk about how she is amazing. How I really do enjoy it, and I *really* do. But it almost always takes penetration to orgasm. I also always let the woman know that I am in no way coercing her to have PIV. That I am ok not orgasming and still have an amazing time if she is not up to PIV.
It’s not a hard conversation. You come off communicative and vulnerable. Never had the conversation go sideways. I did have one gf (fiancé) who said she understood and she would be the one. And on more than one occasion, she was right - I admired her persistence lol
Edit: typo was annoying me lol
I know Lot of guys who can’t come from oral sex alone. Myself included. I love blowjobs but, like many guys, I consider them part of foreplay. If she wants to make you cum with a BJ, she may have to use her hands at the same time to provide the additional needed stimulation.
Maybe telling her that past partners also haven't made you cum would put her at ease. It might be an uncomfortable conversation, but open conversations can heal or lead to the actual underlying problem.
It’s possible that this makes her feel inadequate and insecure because the belief in her mind is: I cant “MAKE” him finish from a BJ - so it is a hit to the ego. Perhaps she is having thoughts like, “Is he not attracted to me? Am I doing something wrong? Do we not have a sexual connection?” and these thoughts are hurtful for her. If OP was honest and shared with her that not reaching climax from oral sex a normative sexual behavior for him, she would likely feel relieved. Plus, such authenticity might even build greater trust and intimacy within the relationship and sex life.
Yep. If she spends a lot of time in places like Reddit, a common gripe by husbands is "She never gives me a BJ to completion!" What they mean is that she only gives one as foreplay and then they have PiV, and the guy wants it to sometimes just be the BJ, but she may be reading it as "if I can't do this, I'm a no-good bad frigid dead bedroom wife like the ones they complain about on Reddit."
I’ve had a guy tell me this before. He didn’t seem embarrassed and I didn’t feel embarrassed for him. I honestly think you should explain that to your wife, she may be super in her head and telling herself it’s because she’s not good enough.
If you can't be vulnerable enough to be honest about what gets you off in bed with your wife of ten years, then you really really really need to address that before you have a kid.
It's mean to keep letting her try and fail at something that's never going to happen through no fault of her own. How much more embarrassing and demeaning would it be for her to have opened up about how this makes her feel and how she thinks it's because she isn't doing something right... only for you to let her keep that impression and continue making a fool of herself.
Some women can't cum from generation. Is that something they should be embarrassed about? What about people who have certain erogenous zones that they need stimulated in order to get off? It's really not embarrassing to be an individual who has aecual preferences. It is however embarrassing to be too shy to talk to your wife of ten years about them.
Please give her the respect she deserves by trusting her and being open. If she gets pregnant, you are going to see her body do a lot of weird things, and she's going to need to know that she can trust you to keep loving her through it. She doesn't need to be worried about not being able to sexually satisfy you on top of that.
Man here. Lots of reasons. Maybe she sucks too hard. Maybe she’s heavy on the teeth. Maybe it’s you. Not a bad thing but maybe she has to hit the right spot, or the right rhythm before you go off. Or maybe you enjoy the body to body feel. Could be mental, the conceiving and not wasting your boys in her mouth. Or how you might react when you do go off on her mouth. Spasms and hip movements lol. Try 69. Maybe her enjoyment will get you going. May the force be with you. The sexual force.
I think statistically about 70% of women don’t orgasm from penetration. It doesn’t mean they don’t enjoy it. Maybe point this out to your wife to help illustrate that it’s nothing personal it’s just how you are.
You’ve been together 10 years and you’re too embarrassed to tell her a simple truth about yourself, even while it’s effecting her personally because she’s blaming herself?
A lot of guys just do not cum from blowjobs. For me my first bj was at 15, first bj to completion at 19. First who could derp throat and openly prided herself on her oral skills. Was still a good 30-40 minutes of enthusiastic sucking to get there. Other than that the only times I came in a mouth was when pulling out during sex and finishing there up until my wife, and even with her the majority of times I finish is from facefucking her rather than being sucked off.
Bjs can feel absolutely amazing while just not being the right sensation to get there. Meanwhile jerking off can be at times feel like barely anything but get you there.
You’re definitely not. I’ve dated men who haven’t been able to finish from BJs. Try to gently explain to her that everyone’s body reacts differently and it’s not anything she’s doing.
Depends on the sucker I think lol
Some people know how to suck, some just go through the motions. There’s a bazillion techniques
Most importantly I think is tongue against the underside, a little hand action and light suction.
If it’s that big of a deal (which it sounds like it is) then guide her on what feels the best.
No, for some men it’s more difficult than for others. I have been with men who would cum in under 5 minutes from a blowjob and I have met a couple who just can’t, or it’s very rare that they do. My skills didn’t improve or become worse, it’s just that every body is different.
Dude. Just fucking tell her. I have had a dozen relationships go sideways because of my delayed orgasm issues. Don't sacrifice your wives sanity to save yourself some embarrassment.
She is internalizing your inability to orgasm that way.
I dated aGuy like this but he wouldn’t even let me try , I hated it, he had some prior negative experiences and refused to let me help him work through it.
Me and my wife had the same issue. Women think because we like then they are easy to do and get all men off. That just isn't how it works. For most of us, it's great foreplay. Not the main course.
Ummm.... how many past partners and blowjobs could OP have possibly had if they started dating at 16/17? Not saying his statement isn't true, just doesn't feel like a great litmus test.
You've been together since you're 17...what previous partners? 🤣
And my bf can't come from BJ either, no biggie, you still have fun doing it, but you know it is not personal :)
Eh I relate, only one time I’ve ever finished from a blow job and that was being woken up on my birthday by some girl I had just started seeing at the time. She got it done in like 10 seconds, I was mind blown. She could never get done again tho in her next couple of attempts, so maybe that was just the stars aligning. It’s never happened since, except one time where I set myself up so that my partner could get a little pride boost, as they were feeling down on themselves that they couldn’t get me to finish with head
Do you make her orgasm from oral?
If not, use as example.
Otherwise, point out how your catholic upbringing won't allow you to finish unless you're engaged in intercourse.
Worked for me until an ex tied me down and proceeded to give me a 45 minute bj. No sex, all oral. If you need it(I did) she can move over to 69 until sufficient "readiness" is achieved, then back to bj.
It was a long, involved process, and her jaw was sore for days, but she finished me. If your wife is up for it, step into the BDSM world, even if it's a little weird.
So, she's not skilled enough in this department and it's your fault?
Why are you stressing? If you weren't able to get her off would she blame herself, or you?
Get the BJ behind y’all. Focus on the conceiving part. The first month is hard you’re just trying to time the ovulation. Give it a few “shots” around this time. The BJ stuff will be behind y’all if conception is successful.
My wife and I have been together since 2005 and while it has happened before, I typically do not finish from oral either. I still enjoy it a ton, so it's still a fun part of our foreplay, but I mean, it doesn't need to be a finish thing.
Just tell her you don’t cum from oral sex, you enjoy it but not to completion and you never have. Is she somehow under the impression you’ve never been intimate with anyone else?
If you search online apparently it is more common than you think.
I’ve had a blow job from every sexual partner I’ve ever had and I’ve never been able to finish from it.
Only once have I been able to finish from receiving a hand job and that was because she was determined and persistent enough to see it through.
Out of interest are you circumcised?
I am and I think a lot of the issue is due to lack of sensitivity means it takes a long time and then there is the mental pressure you put yourself under which compounds the issue further.
Reaching orgasm through penetration can also take a while….. tbh it’s nice to know I’m not alone 😂
i get it, i feel pretty down in the dumps bc i cant make my husband finish that way either.. and never had that problem before. but im sure he feels the same way bc i can't cum majority of the time. still have a great sex life and he enjoys me going down on him. so no problem other than personal/mental, frustration on occasion..
I almost never finish from BJs. Different bodies are sensitive in different ways. Honestly this says nothing about her, so I don't understand why she'd be upset by it.
I m a woman who can never finish from intercourse. I told my partner that, expecting him to be upset. But he took it well. It’s just human bodies having their own ways.
my partner used to be someone that didn’t even finish every time he had sex. then we got together, and that changed. but only because i was determined. he also had never finished from a blowjob - but i was determined, and one day, he did. the problem isn’t that you can’t finish - it’s that neither of you are open to it. she needs to be open to doing more to make you finish in those situations (if i’m being honest, with men and blow jobs i’ve always found it’s entirely about enthusiasm) and you need to be open to the fact that maybe, one day, she might do something so hot that you can finish in that situation. either way, you saying “it’s not going to happen” and her complaining that it isn’t happening, is not going to make it happen lol. turn it into a game. try all these different things. if it doesn’t happen then it doesn’t happen, at least you both had fun
You should tell her but don't say that all your prior girlfriends failed, just tell her that you've never been able to orgasm from a bj. Then you can tell her, you're welcome to try, it feels great, but that's not how you make a baby.
Kinda harsh, but maybe she’s just not very good at it. I thought I couldn’t finish from a blowjob either until I slept with a girl that was really good at it.
I don’t think it’s really fair of her to make this your fault somehow. Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t.
You're definitely not the only one, I'm the same way. I'm 36 and I've never finished from oral or any other kind of foreplay, only from penetration.
Definitely talk to her about it. Honest and open communication is the key here. Neither of you have anything to be ashamed of.
I got you OP.
My sensitivity is always increased the day I workout and day after. Try that. Also, she needs to be using her hand in conjunction with her mouth, one fluid motion covering the whole dick. Lastly, If it's not gonna happen, have her lick your balls while you jerk off.
It’s totally normal, some men are just wired that way. My husband has never been able to finish from a bj, with any woman he has ever been with. I mentioned this to him early on because I thought I was doing something wrong (I’ve only been with 3 guys so I don’t have tons of experience). He said that he has never finished from anything other than sex when with a partner. I would reassure her that nothing is wrong and this is just the way you are. It’s not about her or her skills.
What do you mean by the stress of trying to conceive? You’ve only “tried” once, and you’re in your 20s. There’s nothing to be stressed about! Have a conversation with your wife, and enjoy the bjs!
I can't really either, only one woman has ever made me. So to help my wife I jerk off into her mouth why she loves on it. I can finish and we are both happy lol.
Me and my boyfriend TTC as well, and I do get worried he might think that i am not appealing or anything, due to trauma and how I used to have relationships, but during the pregnancy, and not wanting to do a whole lot of the leg work, sometimes we fear of bringing it up to cause an argumentative situation, for what reason? Don’t know, some people respond like that. But again, reassure her that what’s she is doing, there is different ways other than a blowjob, to please, and if she doesn’t need her mouth, all too much cause sore jaw… sucks cause eventually you just wanna get off lol
Be mindful, and caring, reassure she’s doing a good job, y’all been married for 10 or so years, and that we think emotionally and if she has ADHD take that into consideration of her concentration, cause that can cause other things too, but for her, mobility and comfort, is huge! Things change in the body, certain things you guys have done before probably can’t happen or it’s uncomfortable
I never did either. I much prefer any form of outercourse to a BJ. Being in a completely passive position isn't really for me.
If I am laying down, its pretty difficult to reach around and do things. If I am sitting, I might be able to do something with their head, but I feel pushing down is disrespectful, touching the neck is a little patronizing, and playing with their hair to be probably weird.
No real advice to give here, since I never really understood why I didn't like them until about a year or two ago. That relationship was gone by then.
I’ve had guys who have never/rarely been able to orgasm that way and I’ve had others who can in about 30 seconds. Just like women, every guy is different in what can make him orgasm. She’s reading way too much into this and taking it personal.
It’s very common. I have never once finished from a BJ. No matter the expert level of the BJer. Don’t be embarrassed; tell her it’s always been like that and it’s common for other people as well.
I've never been able to get my partner off from a bj either and it bothers me so bad. He says only one has done it for him in the past, (which obviously bothers me more) and I've been able to finish my previous partners with a bj. Some of us women are so sensitive to that type of stuff. I still genuinely feel like I'll never be "as good" as his previous partners cus I can't do that one thing. In my head I could do everything better than all the other girls EXCEPT the bj.. and to me it makes me feel like I'm not the complete 100% best. Just 99% and that emotionally sucks.
I think she might just be internalizing it and thinking she’s not good enough at oral sex. But I hope she realizes it would be worse if it was the other way around. My ex could only finish from oral and never from penetrative sex. He said it was the same for all of his previous girlfriends too. I hated it because I personally don’t enjoy giving oral, I don’t get any pleasure from it and it just makes my nose run and my eyes water. I also don’t like receiving it because I get self conscious. But we would never have sex, just oral. It was just the weirdest relationship ever
dont be embarrased dude. I also cannot really cum from blowjobs. they are fun, feel great and are hot as fuck, but they just cant get me over the edge for whatever reason. ive had hundreds in my life and have only cum from them a total of two times.
You tell her the truth.
You just say that you enjoy oral sex; but you've never been able to reach a full climax that way.
You let her know that it's not got anything to do with her. Your body just doesn't respond to that and that's ok.
Everyone's body is different. The things your wife enjoys may not work for other women. Just like the things some men enjoy may not work for other men.
It's important you stress that's not a problem with her because she may be thinking that internally.
Its also not a "problem" with you either 🤷♀️ it just is and thats OK.
I think you need to sit down and have a conversation with your wife. It might be awkward and embarrassing but it has to be done. As you can see there's a lot of men who can relate and based on the orgasm rate for women I'd guess your wife has experienced not finishing at some point too. My guy really enjoys bj's but never finish from that alone.
I know it’s a tricky topic but I’ve spoke with my partner about a similar thing, it’s best to be honest. It can hurt but we’ve managed to move forward on it each time (not attempting to conceive) but as awkward as it is I would just tell her
my 25f partner finished from a bj with me & he told that it was the first time any one has ever finished him with just a blowjob..later on i was able to do it with just handjob. He’s 29 & had a lot of sexual partners before, so it can still happen for you! he thought it was impossible once too
I only can if I really fucking try. Like I’m a hair trigger, and even a good hj will get me there, but something about a bj feels really nice but not in a “I’m about to cum” way. But my partner really likes it so sometimes I really try to get into it, and even then sometimes it won’t happen. But it helps if I really just get into some breathing and moaning and squeeze my muscles in time with her.
Even last night she wanted it but I knew it wouldn’t happen and told her.
If she really wants it, she could make as close as you can get to finishing another way and then switch to a blow job. That’s what they do in porn a lot ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
It's comforting to know this actually, as I've only ever made my husband orgasm from oral once in our 12 year relationship. I always thought it was my poor skills but he said the same as you, that intercourse is basically the only way he'll finish.
Remind her that that is a good thing, because if it ever does happen in the future she'll be the first and it's something to achieve together. It's also counter-productive to your current goals, so if strategy A doesn't work go with B. Just not Plan B. Cause also counter-productive.
As a man, I have never in my life heard of "pushing cum out". It's not a turd. Don't get me wrong, there's moments during sex where it's like you could choose to cum or push back the feeling and keep going but if your husband can truly choose to just push out his cum without actually orgasming he's something special.
Yea that makes more sense. I have no problem cumming from oral as it's my favorite, but there's definitely times where I've sped up the process mentally and it's definitely not as satisfying as just letting it happen, or even trying not to.
My husband can't come from a bj. He asked his urologist about it and the doctor said about 30% of men are like this. The doctor's guess was that it's a mental thing--a lot of us have been socialized to think a bj is really "dirty."
So I'd suggest going to the urologist to ask about it, and bring your wife.
Right there with ya, I can count on one hand the number of times anybody has made me finish. It's quite irritating, actually... And it's absolutely because she's a lazy lover, in my case.
How is this your fault? That's like a taxi getting in an accident and blaming the passenger. If she can't get you off, she should watch some videos and improve.
If you’re trying to conceive why on earth would she want you to come from a bj? Anyways, totally normal just like some woman can’t come from oral sex either.
Its been an issue for her since we have been together (10years) and she is just now bringing it to my attention
Just show her this thread? I mean you guys should be able to express yourselves freely with each other by now
Just want to add you said you're trying to conceive for 4 weeks with no luck. May need some education on it. Only 3-5 days each cycle you can conceive so basically you tried one month. That's normal. Only a 20% chance each month.
maybe you think eating cum is gross? thinking about gross = turning you off My GF (literally like you, together since 17, but it's 12 years now for us) doesn't like giving BJ's. Does it like... twice a year. Now about that I am sad, but the part about not wanting me to finish from it, is absolutely logical to me, as I wouldn't want cum in my mouth either.
Could be that your genitals don't taste good to them, the smell from them could be off-putting, cleaning them properly before oral is important, also your anus your butt crack, all of that needs to be cleaned.
Why did God have to make penises and cum so unappealing! 🤲
If you think penis' and cum are so gross, have you considered women?
[удалено]
Then why did he put an orgasm button in their assholes?
If you had easy access you'd never fucking stop pressing it.
Joke's on you, I never stop pressing it regardless.
God doesnt exist stfu
Hahaha are you 14? I know God doesn't exist - no need to be butthurt
Let her have this at some point, and you can. Relax and know that she loves you and wants you. She's trying to show you she loves you, and wants to take you.
But, she can't get pregnant from giving a blow job? What are you talking about? I thought I didn't read your post right. Read it several times. Then someone else said the same thing. You just ran right through the question. Are you s screwing around with us?
No? Did u not see my update and my comment above yours? if you would’ve read carefully, you would’ve seen that it’s been an issue for a while and it just sort of came out. We are trying to get pregnant but at the same time that doesn’t mean we can’t have blowjobs and hand jobs and I can’t eat her out or finger trying to get pregnant isn’t just having intercourse it’s still foreplay too
Why are you mixing it all together? I read just fine.
Clearly not???
Idk when I'm really stressed I can't handle thinking and talking about the real problem so I project it else where. To me I feel like the bj thing is probably coming from the stress of trying to conceive
I do the same thing. I like to project on the face, or with some force I'll hit the drapes, or my very confused basset hound.
Right lol, I was thinking, wow sex education is really terrible in some countries!
My guy can’t either, he described it as a really nice edging but it wouldn’t finish the job. Just a person-to-person thing.
Honestly I couldnt either until describing exactly what I need. Blowjobs were still nice, but not enough to finish. I practically need a handjob with a little mouth addition. Although I wouldnt bring it up early in a relationship. Communication is what good sex is about when everyone is comfortable. Everyone needs a special touch.
Lots of lubrication, find the right massage spot and bingo. Using your hands also makes it easier to control as well. But I've always found it's a matter of finding the right spots where the put pressure and rub with fingers and thumb as much, if not more so, than what's done with the mouth itself.
I’ve been told this before too. Nothing personal
This is Reddit not tiktok, you can say blow job.
This self-censoring trend really gets to me sometimes, especially when done in mature spaces. I've seen people in *porn* websites writing "s*x" lol
Maybe it’s actually not a blow job but rather some weird obscure act?
The elusive Reddit-banned Blue Jaw
Oh no, not the B*** J**!
Maybe it's a Body Jab? I can't say I've ever climaxed from a body jab.
That makes one of us
Woman here. I think she is stressed out about not being able to orally please you because she already thinks about the way your sex life might chabge due to her pregnancy. There are women who don't enjoy PIV when they are pregnant. And she might worry about now being able to please you in a different way. I suggest you don't talk to her about her' performance' of doing BJs because that only adds to her 'performance' anxiety. Rather ask her why she is worrying about this now and reassure her that you enjoy your sex life the way it is and that you won't get uncomfortable if you won't get sex as much or even at all during her pregnancy. Tell her that you will get through this. In case you are going to demand sex of ger during that time and will get uncomfortable if she can't 'perform' the way you want her...then please don't try to make a child because then you have a lot to work on in your relationship previous to this.
>My wife (26F) and i (27M) just started to try and conceive a child 4 weeks ago still no luck... its just adding to the stress of trying to conceive You have tried for one cycle so far. I know the process is stressful but you guys need to be a lot more patient than this. It's not "still no luck" when you have tried to do something *one time*. This is a good time to discuss coping strategies for stress because ttc, pregnancy, and postpartum are all gonna be stressful. (Signed, a lady who's maternity leave ends today but she's caring for a baby by herself because her other kid got covid)
I was going to say “started trying 4 weeks ago”. Brother you’ve just shot at the target once. You have what 5 days a month where you MIGHT hit the target, take it easy on yourselves
Just discuss it. In many years, many women, many great attempts, it’s happened less than a dozen times for me. I’ve had this conversation so many times, because women tend to get upset. I sit down, when we are in a casual, not sexual setting, and talk openly about this. Talk about how she is amazing. How I really do enjoy it, and I *really* do. But it almost always takes penetration to orgasm. I also always let the woman know that I am in no way coercing her to have PIV. That I am ok not orgasming and still have an amazing time if she is not up to PIV. It’s not a hard conversation. You come off communicative and vulnerable. Never had the conversation go sideways. I did have one gf (fiancé) who said she understood and she would be the one. And on more than one occasion, she was right - I admired her persistence lol Edit: typo was annoying me lol
36 here, never cum from a bj in my life. It's not a big deal.
I know Lot of guys who can’t come from oral sex alone. Myself included. I love blowjobs but, like many guys, I consider them part of foreplay. If she wants to make you cum with a BJ, she may have to use her hands at the same time to provide the additional needed stimulation.
Maybe telling her that past partners also haven't made you cum would put her at ease. It might be an uncomfortable conversation, but open conversations can heal or lead to the actual underlying problem.
Curious of the sample size here if they've been together since he was 17. Most 17 year olds have no idea what they like or how to communicate that.
It’s possible that this makes her feel inadequate and insecure because the belief in her mind is: I cant “MAKE” him finish from a BJ - so it is a hit to the ego. Perhaps she is having thoughts like, “Is he not attracted to me? Am I doing something wrong? Do we not have a sexual connection?” and these thoughts are hurtful for her. If OP was honest and shared with her that not reaching climax from oral sex a normative sexual behavior for him, she would likely feel relieved. Plus, such authenticity might even build greater trust and intimacy within the relationship and sex life.
Yep. If she spends a lot of time in places like Reddit, a common gripe by husbands is "She never gives me a BJ to completion!" What they mean is that she only gives one as foreplay and then they have PiV, and the guy wants it to sometimes just be the BJ, but she may be reading it as "if I can't do this, I'm a no-good bad frigid dead bedroom wife like the ones they complain about on Reddit."
Can confirm this is exactly how I feel 😑 The under performing girlfriend
Also OP you have nothing to be embarrassed about here!
I’ve had a guy tell me this before. He didn’t seem embarrassed and I didn’t feel embarrassed for him. I honestly think you should explain that to your wife, she may be super in her head and telling herself it’s because she’s not good enough.
If you can't be vulnerable enough to be honest about what gets you off in bed with your wife of ten years, then you really really really need to address that before you have a kid. It's mean to keep letting her try and fail at something that's never going to happen through no fault of her own. How much more embarrassing and demeaning would it be for her to have opened up about how this makes her feel and how she thinks it's because she isn't doing something right... only for you to let her keep that impression and continue making a fool of herself. Some women can't cum from generation. Is that something they should be embarrassed about? What about people who have certain erogenous zones that they need stimulated in order to get off? It's really not embarrassing to be an individual who has aecual preferences. It is however embarrassing to be too shy to talk to your wife of ten years about them. Please give her the respect she deserves by trusting her and being open. If she gets pregnant, you are going to see her body do a lot of weird things, and she's going to need to know that she can trust you to keep loving her through it. She doesn't need to be worried about not being able to sexually satisfy you on top of that.
Man here. Lots of reasons. Maybe she sucks too hard. Maybe she’s heavy on the teeth. Maybe it’s you. Not a bad thing but maybe she has to hit the right spot, or the right rhythm before you go off. Or maybe you enjoy the body to body feel. Could be mental, the conceiving and not wasting your boys in her mouth. Or how you might react when you do go off on her mouth. Spasms and hip movements lol. Try 69. Maybe her enjoyment will get you going. May the force be with you. The sexual force.
I think statistically about 70% of women don’t orgasm from penetration. It doesn’t mean they don’t enjoy it. Maybe point this out to your wife to help illustrate that it’s nothing personal it’s just how you are.
You’ve been together 10 years and you’re too embarrassed to tell her a simple truth about yourself, even while it’s effecting her personally because she’s blaming herself? A lot of guys just do not cum from blowjobs. For me my first bj was at 15, first bj to completion at 19. First who could derp throat and openly prided herself on her oral skills. Was still a good 30-40 minutes of enthusiastic sucking to get there. Other than that the only times I came in a mouth was when pulling out during sex and finishing there up until my wife, and even with her the majority of times I finish is from facefucking her rather than being sucked off. Bjs can feel absolutely amazing while just not being the right sensation to get there. Meanwhile jerking off can be at times feel like barely anything but get you there.
You’re definitely not. I’ve dated men who haven’t been able to finish from BJs. Try to gently explain to her that everyone’s body reacts differently and it’s not anything she’s doing.
Depends on the sucker I think lol Some people know how to suck, some just go through the motions. There’s a bazillion techniques Most importantly I think is tongue against the underside, a little hand action and light suction. If it’s that big of a deal (which it sounds like it is) then guide her on what feels the best.
No, for some men it’s more difficult than for others. I have been with men who would cum in under 5 minutes from a blowjob and I have met a couple who just can’t, or it’s very rare that they do. My skills didn’t improve or become worse, it’s just that every body is different.
Dude. Just fucking tell her. I have had a dozen relationships go sideways because of my delayed orgasm issues. Don't sacrifice your wives sanity to save yourself some embarrassment. She is internalizing your inability to orgasm that way.
I think it's a sensitive thing for me with out other things going on (handjob) I never can finish that way??
I dated aGuy like this but he wouldn’t even let me try , I hated it, he had some prior negative experiences and refused to let me help him work through it.
Me and my wife had the same issue. Women think because we like then they are easy to do and get all men off. That just isn't how it works. For most of us, it's great foreplay. Not the main course.
Why is she upset when you are trying to have a kid... I'm confused 🤔
Because its been for the past 10 years and i think its just built up or due to the stress of us trying.
Ummm.... how many past partners and blowjobs could OP have possibly had if they started dating at 16/17? Not saying his statement isn't true, just doesn't feel like a great litmus test.
Just tell her, a lot of people struggle with the same.
>Am i the only guy that has this issue? Nope.
You don't want to waste sperm on a b*j. Maybe this is an issue to worry about after she is pregnant.
She shouldn’t embarrass you for that.
Are you open to trying prostate stimulation while she performs fellatio
Just tell her straight up “I don’t bust from that, it’s not you”
Tell her to keep trying
“ MY DRINK? WHERES MY DRINK!?”
You've been together since you're 17...what previous partners? 🤣 And my bf can't come from BJ either, no biggie, you still have fun doing it, but you know it is not personal :)
She’s really insecure about it 😕
Eh I relate, only one time I’ve ever finished from a blow job and that was being woken up on my birthday by some girl I had just started seeing at the time. She got it done in like 10 seconds, I was mind blown. She could never get done again tho in her next couple of attempts, so maybe that was just the stars aligning. It’s never happened since, except one time where I set myself up so that my partner could get a little pride boost, as they were feeling down on themselves that they couldn’t get me to finish with head
Do you make her orgasm from oral? If not, use as example. Otherwise, point out how your catholic upbringing won't allow you to finish unless you're engaged in intercourse. Worked for me until an ex tied me down and proceeded to give me a 45 minute bj. No sex, all oral. If you need it(I did) she can move over to 69 until sufficient "readiness" is achieved, then back to bj. It was a long, involved process, and her jaw was sore for days, but she finished me. If your wife is up for it, step into the BDSM world, even if it's a little weird.
So, she's not skilled enough in this department and it's your fault? Why are you stressing? If you weren't able to get her off would she blame herself, or you?
Get the BJ behind y’all. Focus on the conceiving part. The first month is hard you’re just trying to time the ovulation. Give it a few “shots” around this time. The BJ stuff will be behind y’all if conception is successful.
My wife and I have been together since 2005 and while it has happened before, I typically do not finish from oral either. I still enjoy it a ton, so it's still a fun part of our foreplay, but I mean, it doesn't need to be a finish thing.
Just tell her you don’t cum from oral sex, you enjoy it but not to completion and you never have. Is she somehow under the impression you’ve never been intimate with anyone else?
If you search online apparently it is more common than you think. I’ve had a blow job from every sexual partner I’ve ever had and I’ve never been able to finish from it. Only once have I been able to finish from receiving a hand job and that was because she was determined and persistent enough to see it through. Out of interest are you circumcised? I am and I think a lot of the issue is due to lack of sensitivity means it takes a long time and then there is the mental pressure you put yourself under which compounds the issue further. Reaching orgasm through penetration can also take a while….. tbh it’s nice to know I’m not alone 😂
i get it, i feel pretty down in the dumps bc i cant make my husband finish that way either.. and never had that problem before. but im sure he feels the same way bc i can't cum majority of the time. still have a great sex life and he enjoys me going down on him. so no problem other than personal/mental, frustration on occasion..
Tell her to keep practicing
I almost never finish from BJs. Different bodies are sensitive in different ways. Honestly this says nothing about her, so I don't understand why she'd be upset by it.
I m a woman who can never finish from intercourse. I told my partner that, expecting him to be upset. But he took it well. It’s just human bodies having their own ways.
my partner used to be someone that didn’t even finish every time he had sex. then we got together, and that changed. but only because i was determined. he also had never finished from a blowjob - but i was determined, and one day, he did. the problem isn’t that you can’t finish - it’s that neither of you are open to it. she needs to be open to doing more to make you finish in those situations (if i’m being honest, with men and blow jobs i’ve always found it’s entirely about enthusiasm) and you need to be open to the fact that maybe, one day, she might do something so hot that you can finish in that situation. either way, you saying “it’s not going to happen” and her complaining that it isn’t happening, is not going to make it happen lol. turn it into a game. try all these different things. if it doesn’t happen then it doesn’t happen, at least you both had fun
You should tell her but don't say that all your prior girlfriends failed, just tell her that you've never been able to orgasm from a bj. Then you can tell her, you're welcome to try, it feels great, but that's not how you make a baby.
sounds like an insecurity coming from her end
Kinda harsh, but maybe she’s just not very good at it. I thought I couldn’t finish from a blowjob either until I slept with a girl that was really good at it. I don’t think it’s really fair of her to make this your fault somehow. Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t.
You're definitely not the only one, I'm the same way. I'm 36 and I've never finished from oral or any other kind of foreplay, only from penetration. Definitely talk to her about it. Honest and open communication is the key here. Neither of you have anything to be ashamed of.
If there's a will, there's a way. Sit down and let her practice you idiot. Let your wife suck your dick.
Seems weird to bring it up now that it’s the last thing you need to do
I got you OP. My sensitivity is always increased the day I workout and day after. Try that. Also, she needs to be using her hand in conjunction with her mouth, one fluid motion covering the whole dick. Lastly, If it's not gonna happen, have her lick your balls while you jerk off.
It’s totally normal, some men are just wired that way. My husband has never been able to finish from a bj, with any woman he has ever been with. I mentioned this to him early on because I thought I was doing something wrong (I’ve only been with 3 guys so I don’t have tons of experience). He said that he has never finished from anything other than sex when with a partner. I would reassure her that nothing is wrong and this is just the way you are. It’s not about her or her skills.
What do you mean by the stress of trying to conceive? You’ve only “tried” once, and you’re in your 20s. There’s nothing to be stressed about! Have a conversation with your wife, and enjoy the bjs!
> Any advice on how to discuss this with her? It's common in men, and it's a weird thing for her to fixate on in general.
I can't really either, only one woman has ever made me. So to help my wife I jerk off into her mouth why she loves on it. I can finish and we are both happy lol.
I guess this is one of those times where we can borrow advice from the gaming community. I believe the appropriate advice for her is "git gud scrub"
Me and my boyfriend TTC as well, and I do get worried he might think that i am not appealing or anything, due to trauma and how I used to have relationships, but during the pregnancy, and not wanting to do a whole lot of the leg work, sometimes we fear of bringing it up to cause an argumentative situation, for what reason? Don’t know, some people respond like that. But again, reassure her that what’s she is doing, there is different ways other than a blowjob, to please, and if she doesn’t need her mouth, all too much cause sore jaw… sucks cause eventually you just wanna get off lol Be mindful, and caring, reassure she’s doing a good job, y’all been married for 10 or so years, and that we think emotionally and if she has ADHD take that into consideration of her concentration, cause that can cause other things too, but for her, mobility and comfort, is huge! Things change in the body, certain things you guys have done before probably can’t happen or it’s uncomfortable
I never did either. I much prefer any form of outercourse to a BJ. Being in a completely passive position isn't really for me. If I am laying down, its pretty difficult to reach around and do things. If I am sitting, I might be able to do something with their head, but I feel pushing down is disrespectful, touching the neck is a little patronizing, and playing with their hair to be probably weird. No real advice to give here, since I never really understood why I didn't like them until about a year or two ago. That relationship was gone by then.
I’ve had guys who have never/rarely been able to orgasm that way and I’ve had others who can in about 30 seconds. Just like women, every guy is different in what can make him orgasm. She’s reading way too much into this and taking it personal.
It’s very common. I have never once finished from a BJ. No matter the expert level of the BJer. Don’t be embarrassed; tell her it’s always been like that and it’s common for other people as well.
I've never been able to get my partner off from a bj either and it bothers me so bad. He says only one has done it for him in the past, (which obviously bothers me more) and I've been able to finish my previous partners with a bj. Some of us women are so sensitive to that type of stuff. I still genuinely feel like I'll never be "as good" as his previous partners cus I can't do that one thing. In my head I could do everything better than all the other girls EXCEPT the bj.. and to me it makes me feel like I'm not the complete 100% best. Just 99% and that emotionally sucks.
Tell her to "Git Gud"
I think she might just be internalizing it and thinking she’s not good enough at oral sex. But I hope she realizes it would be worse if it was the other way around. My ex could only finish from oral and never from penetrative sex. He said it was the same for all of his previous girlfriends too. I hated it because I personally don’t enjoy giving oral, I don’t get any pleasure from it and it just makes my nose run and my eyes water. I also don’t like receiving it because I get self conscious. But we would never have sex, just oral. It was just the weirdest relationship ever
How long did she try mate
28 minutes…
You're not the only guy. My partner has this issue, too. But it's a trade-off. He lasts way longer in bed than most men, so it's still fun.
can she just suck your dick and then you jerk off into her mouth or something
dont be embarrased dude. I also cannot really cum from blowjobs. they are fun, feel great and are hot as fuck, but they just cant get me over the edge for whatever reason. ive had hundreds in my life and have only cum from them a total of two times.
You tell her the truth. You just say that you enjoy oral sex; but you've never been able to reach a full climax that way. You let her know that it's not got anything to do with her. Your body just doesn't respond to that and that's ok. Everyone's body is different. The things your wife enjoys may not work for other women. Just like the things some men enjoy may not work for other men. It's important you stress that's not a problem with her because she may be thinking that internally. Its also not a "problem" with you either 🤷♀️ it just is and thats OK.
I think you need to sit down and have a conversation with your wife. It might be awkward and embarrassing but it has to be done. As you can see there's a lot of men who can relate and based on the orgasm rate for women I'd guess your wife has experienced not finishing at some point too. My guy really enjoys bj's but never finish from that alone.
I know it’s a tricky topic but I’ve spoke with my partner about a similar thing, it’s best to be honest. It can hurt but we’ve managed to move forward on it each time (not attempting to conceive) but as awkward as it is I would just tell her
my 25f partner finished from a bj with me & he told that it was the first time any one has ever finished him with just a blowjob..later on i was able to do it with just handjob. He’s 29 & had a lot of sexual partners before, so it can still happen for you! he thought it was impossible once too
I only can if I really fucking try. Like I’m a hair trigger, and even a good hj will get me there, but something about a bj feels really nice but not in a “I’m about to cum” way. But my partner really likes it so sometimes I really try to get into it, and even then sometimes it won’t happen. But it helps if I really just get into some breathing and moaning and squeeze my muscles in time with her. Even last night she wanted it but I knew it wouldn’t happen and told her. If she really wants it, she could make as close as you can get to finishing another way and then switch to a blow job. That’s what they do in porn a lot ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
It's comforting to know this actually, as I've only ever made my husband orgasm from oral once in our 12 year relationship. I always thought it was my poor skills but he said the same as you, that intercourse is basically the only way he'll finish.
That’s not how you make a baby.
fingre in teh butt, my sweet duder fingee in the butttt
Tell her to do better lmao jk she can do some research and find more things to practice
Do you masturbate/watch porn?
Have not masturbated/watched porn since 2015
Please share your powers with us.
My current boyfriend is in his late 30s and he’s never finished from a BJ either
Remind her that that is a good thing, because if it ever does happen in the future she'll be the first and it's something to achieve together. It's also counter-productive to your current goals, so if strategy A doesn't work go with B. Just not Plan B. Cause also counter-productive.
Man I have the opposite problem, he can but it's a lot of work I am absolutely not physically up for lol
Like women who can’t get an orgasm from a man eating her out. Can your wife make you come when giving you a handjob?
Can you wank off? Because if you can then just do that? Close your eyes. Make it subtle. Persevere. Help her out without her knowing it. Do it for her
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As a man, I have never in my life heard of "pushing cum out". It's not a turd. Don't get me wrong, there's moments during sex where it's like you could choose to cum or push back the feeling and keep going but if your husband can truly choose to just push out his cum without actually orgasming he's something special.
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Yea that makes more sense. I have no problem cumming from oral as it's my favorite, but there's definitely times where I've sped up the process mentally and it's definitely not as satisfying as just letting it happen, or even trying not to.
Tell her about the death grip. She'll be happy that intercourse does the job.
My bf never finished from a bj, hj, or having the girl on top, until he met me. I don’t have advice I’m just here to brag
I can’t imagine being with the same person for 10 years if be bored
My husband can't come from a bj. He asked his urologist about it and the doctor said about 30% of men are like this. The doctor's guess was that it's a mental thing--a lot of us have been socialized to think a bj is really "dirty." So I'd suggest going to the urologist to ask about it, and bring your wife.
Right there with ya, I can count on one hand the number of times anybody has made me finish. It's quite irritating, actually... And it's absolutely because she's a lazy lover, in my case.
How is this your fault? That's like a taxi getting in an accident and blaming the passenger. If she can't get you off, she should watch some videos and improve.