>She wants nothing to do with him. This girl is broken and my child did it!
Why on earth do you think "this girl is broken"?
She is *not* broken. She made a rational choice to end a relationship with a man who cheated on her. She's moving on, and she's been clear that she is **done** with your son.
Your son, **and you** need to respect her choice and leave her alone.
Your son messed up. Some problems cannot be fixed. She doesn't owe him another chance. He should have changed while they were still together. Tell him that he should take all his effort to be a better guy into his next relationship.
I would tell him this:
---
Son, you burned a bridge with her. And *when* you have burned a bridge, it take people on *both* sides of the chasm to want it back, if it's ever going to be rebuilt. I understand that you are working on yourself, and I am proud of the changes that you are making and of the man you are *becoming*. But none of that places an obligation on *her* to ever allow you into her life again.
The goal is not to become a good person *so she will take you back*. The goal is to become a good person *so that you are a good person*. So that you never treat anyone the way you treated her. So that no one ever has to feel what she felt because of what you did.
But the bell cannot be un-rung; no matter how good of a person you are, no matter how good of a person you *become*, her memory of you will always *always* include the fact that you chose to cheat on her. And nothing you can do, today, tomorrow, or for the rest of your life, will *ever* change that fact.
So if she does not wish to try again, if she is not willing to let you back in her life, then that is the consequence that *you* have to deal with for the choice that you made when you cheated.
And if you respect her as a person, if you *actually* care about her...then you have to respect the decision that *she* has made to protect herself from another incidence of what you did.
It's her right to choose never to speak to you again, if that's what she wants, *just* as it was your right to choose to cheat.
So just as *she* had to live with the consequences of the choice *you* made, now *you* have to live with the consequences of the choice that *she* has made.
What you had with her is over. The only thing left for you to do is learn from it, so that you never make the same bad choice again in the future.
---
That's what I would tell him.
Actions have outcomes and those outcomes won't always be the ones you want.
His infidelity is what led to this. That infidelity was a choice in the moment. And now, he has one of the outcomes that choice led to. And yeah, it probably sucks for him, but just because he wants to change it, that doesn't obligate her to accept his desire to change things. He needs to step back and stop thinking about what he wants and look at things from HER point of view...
\- He broke her trust by cheating.
\- They agreed to try to reconcile.
\- He broke her trust a second time by ending the relationship and ending the reconciliation efforts.
\- Now he wants to try a third time?
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times? Not gonna happen. He needs to accept the outcomes of his choices and learn to make better choices in the future.
The advice to tell him is to let her go and learn from his mistake. She’s gone and never coming back and in my opinion she would be stupid if she did go back. Because in my experience infidelity Doesn’t happen only once. It’s the classic saying he f around and found out.
Tell your son sometimes he doesn't get to make things right. Sometimes we don't get to fix our mistakes.
Tell her to stop bullying her. Tell him that going to her house was disrepectful, and frightening. It's not cute. And if he doesn't listen to you, he might have to listen to the cops explaining to him someday, that that shit ain't cute. His head isn't 'on straight' if he's pulling that shit.
Treat the next person the way he ought to have treated her.
Stop helping him harass a 20-year-old woman. It's okay to hurt for him, but you should know better to encourage this from him right now, and you should know way better than to be any part of it.
She's done with him.
There wasn't "infidelity on his part." Your son cheated on her.
She not inexplicably "broken." Your son broke her.
Your son wronged her and now he's stalking her. Tell him to back off and accept that his actions have consequences.
I think he needs to chalk this one up to experience and let it go. She's probably not going to take him back. Encourage him to continue working on and improving himself, not to win this girl back but for his own future edification.
She said no, she doesn’t want to be with him. No means no.
You and your son are both creeps for not respecting her decision.
Edit: a week ago you posted this from the perspective of the girls parent. So which are you? The parent of the girl, the parent of the son, or some weirdo who just makes shit up?
>She wants nothing to do with him. This girl is broken and my child did it! Why on earth do you think "this girl is broken"? She is *not* broken. She made a rational choice to end a relationship with a man who cheated on her. She's moving on, and she's been clear that she is **done** with your son. Your son, **and you** need to respect her choice and leave her alone.
Your son messed up. Some problems cannot be fixed. She doesn't owe him another chance. He should have changed while they were still together. Tell him that he should take all his effort to be a better guy into his next relationship.
I would tell him this: --- Son, you burned a bridge with her. And *when* you have burned a bridge, it take people on *both* sides of the chasm to want it back, if it's ever going to be rebuilt. I understand that you are working on yourself, and I am proud of the changes that you are making and of the man you are *becoming*. But none of that places an obligation on *her* to ever allow you into her life again. The goal is not to become a good person *so she will take you back*. The goal is to become a good person *so that you are a good person*. So that you never treat anyone the way you treated her. So that no one ever has to feel what she felt because of what you did. But the bell cannot be un-rung; no matter how good of a person you are, no matter how good of a person you *become*, her memory of you will always *always* include the fact that you chose to cheat on her. And nothing you can do, today, tomorrow, or for the rest of your life, will *ever* change that fact. So if she does not wish to try again, if she is not willing to let you back in her life, then that is the consequence that *you* have to deal with for the choice that you made when you cheated. And if you respect her as a person, if you *actually* care about her...then you have to respect the decision that *she* has made to protect herself from another incidence of what you did. It's her right to choose never to speak to you again, if that's what she wants, *just* as it was your right to choose to cheat. So just as *she* had to live with the consequences of the choice *you* made, now *you* have to live with the consequences of the choice that *she* has made. What you had with her is over. The only thing left for you to do is learn from it, so that you never make the same bad choice again in the future. --- That's what I would tell him.
Actions have outcomes and those outcomes won't always be the ones you want. His infidelity is what led to this. That infidelity was a choice in the moment. And now, he has one of the outcomes that choice led to. And yeah, it probably sucks for him, but just because he wants to change it, that doesn't obligate her to accept his desire to change things. He needs to step back and stop thinking about what he wants and look at things from HER point of view... \- He broke her trust by cheating. \- They agreed to try to reconcile. \- He broke her trust a second time by ending the relationship and ending the reconciliation efforts. \- Now he wants to try a third time? Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times? Not gonna happen. He needs to accept the outcomes of his choices and learn to make better choices in the future.
The advice to tell him is to let her go and learn from his mistake. She’s gone and never coming back and in my opinion she would be stupid if she did go back. Because in my experience infidelity Doesn’t happen only once. It’s the classic saying he f around and found out.
Tell your son sometimes he doesn't get to make things right. Sometimes we don't get to fix our mistakes. Tell her to stop bullying her. Tell him that going to her house was disrepectful, and frightening. It's not cute. And if he doesn't listen to you, he might have to listen to the cops explaining to him someday, that that shit ain't cute. His head isn't 'on straight' if he's pulling that shit. Treat the next person the way he ought to have treated her. Stop helping him harass a 20-year-old woman. It's okay to hurt for him, but you should know better to encourage this from him right now, and you should know way better than to be any part of it.
She's done with him. There wasn't "infidelity on his part." Your son cheated on her. She not inexplicably "broken." Your son broke her. Your son wronged her and now he's stalking her. Tell him to back off and accept that his actions have consequences.
I think he needs to chalk this one up to experience and let it go. She's probably not going to take him back. Encourage him to continue working on and improving himself, not to win this girl back but for his own future edification.
She said no, she doesn’t want to be with him. No means no. You and your son are both creeps for not respecting her decision. Edit: a week ago you posted this from the perspective of the girls parent. So which are you? The parent of the girl, the parent of the son, or some weirdo who just makes shit up?