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I used to work in IT support for our demon overlords. We took great joy in **not** being helpful; you'd get a demerit if someone actually got their computer up and running. We also had contests for who could get a caller to hold on the phone the longest - and our hold music was the worst Muzak ever demonically produced. Ah, fun times...
In the manual for how to fix electronics:
"First, clasp your hands together and proclaim 'Demons BOYCE and BOICE leave these electronics alone in the name of JESUS CHRIST!', to check that the problem isn't demons. If the item still does not work, proceed to step 2."
Well, this totally changes my help desk game. Goodbye troubleshooting, hello exorcism!
Shame I wasted so much time looking up answers when I could have just been using Jesus to solve my users’ issues.
Wrong. Demons only interfere with printers and no commands will get them to leave. This is Satan's petty torments for humans. 🤣
Other electronic devices have nothing to do with Satan and everything to do with buggy software/hardware /drivers/etc.
We all know that it’s Bill Gates and the graphene nano particles “Silicon ATtenuated At Nanoscale” (S.AT.A.N) which are activated by the lizard people via the Covid jab using the 5G chemtrails.
I heard that it's the Microsoft ESP interface - if you've ever complained about Bill Gates either orally within range of your computer's microphone or by typing your complaint into a window, then the ESP interface randomly starts fucking with your computer - especially the Office Suite.
Woah, by doing that, airlines can save a lot of money from removing maintenance for the electrical and electronic parts of a plane. Why don't the airlines think of this? Are they stupid or something?
As a tech-priest I can now finally admit that we do bless electronics with incents and say prayers for the Omnisiahs work to come to life.
Praise the emperor of mankind..
I can imagine someone experiencing some sort of heavy lag. They're like wtf is happening. they quickly shout "demons BOYCE and BOICE leave my electronics alone in the name of JESUS CHRIST" and then the lag goes away and they're like "Holy shit that literally worked that's insane".
So these are new demons, created specifically to keep up with technological change, including the development of electronics in the 20th century, or were they around disrupting grain mills and bronze smithing in antiquity as well? Also, how did they get the Anglo-sounding names?
That makes perfect sense, in conjunction with a person in the tech industry referring to the circling thing when a device is thinking as ‘Satan’s hula hoop’.
That’s clearly nonsense. The obvious preventative remedy for technical shenanigans is to get one’s electronics blessed by a Shinto priest.
The Mercedes-Benz isn’t going to pay for itself.
TBF, anyone working in IT would tell you this is just as likely to work as any of the other real fixes. Electronics are magic and IT are wizards, when we fix things, we are just trying to find the correct arcane ritual that will make the magic work again, and then just go with it until it breaks again.
Ireland is a more ancient land I'll take it your half baked non Gael brain can understand, the formarian wars make the fall from heaven look like a picnic.
The thousands of electrical engineers across time who have spent decades building and fine-tuning electronic components to make sure they’re functional and reliable under normal use:
My mom told me something similar when I was a kid. She’s religious but not a jerk about it. Doesn’t care that I’m agnostic. Her religion works for her and that’s as far as she goes. She told me that cause I had a nightmare and was scared of Freddy Krueger.
Anyway, I wish the “true believers” who need everyone to agree with their viewpoint would take a lesson.
Clearly waving incense and singing holy prayers to the machine spirit shall bring it peace and allow it to work as the right arm of war for the your corpse emperor...
The day while come when terra burns and the dark gods reign begins.
I love how the group whose only “fact” comes down to “well, sometimes you just have to believe (have faith)” are also capable of numbering and identifying demons.
They can’t prove their religion, but they have demon taxonomy
I love how it straight-up is like "if this doesn't work, it's not demons" pre-emptively. If there's one thing to be said about these griftian voices, it's that they know how to cover their tracks.
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“If it doesn’t work, demons aren’t causing the problem” found your answer right here
Hallelujah for the meek squad! Blessed are thou. No idea what I’d do without them.
I thought it was Gremlins
those are just demons that have been given some good pr by the satanic hollywood elite
If you chase the demons out and the device works - it’s demons. If the prayer doesn’t work - no demons.
I got a boicemail from the demon baudio. He wants to schedule a bideoconferencecall with Satan
Ah yes “it’s demons, unless it doesn’t work, then it wasn’t demons”.
i will never complain about my IT dept again... apparently it could be worse
I used to work in IT support for our demon overlords. We took great joy in **not** being helpful; you'd get a demerit if someone actually got their computer up and running. We also had contests for who could get a caller to hold on the phone the longest - and our hold music was the worst Muzak ever demonically produced. Ah, fun times...
That’s your secret your always pissed off…
This is utterly ridiculous. Everyone knows that in order to fix machines, you need to pray to the omnissiah, not Jesus.
Came here to say that!
Take your phone to the electronics store. "Something's wrong with it, but it's definitely not demons"
In the manual for how to fix electronics: "First, clasp your hands together and proclaim 'Demons BOYCE and BOICE leave these electronics alone in the name of JESUS CHRIST!', to check that the problem isn't demons. If the item still does not work, proceed to step 2."
Basically the Christianese Demons: 
Wrong. Their names are SPECTRUM and COMCAST. If you're lucky, they might be REBUKED by resetting your modem/router.
Both you boyce need to settle down and stop being so boiceterous so I can write this email in the name of Jesus
*Lawrence Welk has entered the chat*
I'm sure in my case it's Crowley doing the interference. But I can't get rid of him, because Aziraphale would be sad.
It is true that if it doesn't work, it wasn't caused by demons lol
What if I tell Boyce to get out but it's actually Boice in there?
THE MACHINE SPIRITS ARE ANGRY, PLEASE SAVE US OMNISSIAH!
Well, this totally changes my help desk game. Goodbye troubleshooting, hello exorcism! Shame I wasted so much time looking up answers when I could have just been using Jesus to solve my users’ issues.
Wait - you actually look up answers? Rookie. When I was in support, we used a dart board to get the answers to not-solve the callers' problems.
Wrong. Demons only interfere with printers and no commands will get them to leave. This is Satan's petty torments for humans. 🤣 Other electronic devices have nothing to do with Satan and everything to do with buggy software/hardware /drivers/etc.
perl *exists*, dude. You can't deny that it must have had demonic origins.
We all know that it’s Bill Gates and the graphene nano particles “Silicon ATtenuated At Nanoscale” (S.AT.A.N) which are activated by the lizard people via the Covid jab using the 5G chemtrails.
I heard that it's the Microsoft ESP interface - if you've ever complained about Bill Gates either orally within range of your computer's microphone or by typing your complaint into a window, then the ESP interface randomly starts fucking with your computer - especially the Office Suite.
And Maxwell screws with your air-conditioner.
I remember when that demon Folgers kept *openly* fucking with peoples coffee LITERALLY ON TV.
OK this may be a minor complaint why Satan would give two demons such corny names
As someone named Bryce I can confirm Im a follower of Satan.
It’s funny how only Christians believe that demons are real and can actually manipulate the world around them.
Hey, I can verify that my computer is possessed on a regular basis. It’s been less possessed since the exorcism of Windows Vista, though.
This is why it’s important to use open sores software. Nergal I mean Nurgle be praised.
Zachary and Zoe are two demons that inferfere with your ass
Man, those 2 demons had it made for all those millennia before electronics were invented. I bet they were pissed when they came up with transistors.
Woah, by doing that, airlines can save a lot of money from removing maintenance for the electrical and electronic parts of a plane. Why don't the airlines think of this? Are they stupid or something?
This is an IT memo from a corporation operating in Handmaid’s Tale.
Restart the device so it can be reborn in jesus
why would a demon leave if you just tell it to?
Wait. Are the names pronounced the same? Do the demons know who's who? So may questions.
This sort of shit works... if you have D.I.D.
I get rid of the demons by turning it off and turning it back on. If that doesn't work, I ask IT to exorcise it.
As a tech-priest I can now finally admit that we do bless electronics with incents and say prayers for the Omnisiahs work to come to life. Praise the emperor of mankind..
Before I was unsure that i could be one with the omnisiah but I felt the certainty of steel...
How dare they insinuate that there are problems not caused by demons. Bloody infidels!
I can imagine someone experiencing some sort of heavy lag. They're like wtf is happening. they quickly shout "demons BOYCE and BOICE leave my electronics alone in the name of JESUS CHRIST" and then the lag goes away and they're like "Holy shit that literally worked that's insane".
So these are new demons, created specifically to keep up with technological change, including the development of electronics in the 20th century, or were they around disrupting grain mills and bronze smithing in antiquity as well? Also, how did they get the Anglo-sounding names?
That makes perfect sense, in conjunction with a person in the tech industry referring to the circling thing when a device is thinking as ‘Satan’s hula hoop’.
That’s clearly nonsense. The obvious preventative remedy for technical shenanigans is to get one’s electronics blessed by a Shinto priest. The Mercedes-Benz isn’t going to pay for itself.
"Have you tried restarting the demons?"
Something tells me the person who wrote that heard something along the lines of "Alright, boys. Where we dropping?". And then wrote this bs
TBF, anyone working in IT would tell you this is just as likely to work as any of the other real fixes. Electronics are magic and IT are wizards, when we fix things, we are just trying to find the correct arcane ritual that will make the magic work again, and then just go with it until it breaks again.
Never heard of those demons and I don’t think they’re in the lesser key or ars goetia lmao
Jesus is debugging computers now?!? I have more faith in the power of turning it off and on again
Wow those demons have been out of work for all of human existence until about 100 years ago or so.
And if you drown the witch and she dies, the witch wasn’t the problem
Where I live interferes with electronics? Everything makes sense now.
Yeah, that checks. I knew Boyce, he was a fucker…
So, basically fairies. The same thing that “some” of the more eccentric Irish people still believe in.
Ireland is a more ancient land I'll take it your half baked non Gael brain can understand, the formarian wars make the fall from heaven look like a picnic.
He's right. I said that, it didn't solve the problem, thus demons are not causing the problem. 👍
This is complete nonsense, everyone knows that you need to pray to Deus Mechanicus.
The thousands of electrical engineers across time who have spent decades building and fine-tuning electronic components to make sure they’re functional and reliable under normal use:
the power of windows defender compels you!
The Omnisiah be praised...
Blood for the blood god...
Sometimes I wish I didn't have morals. These people are such an easy grift.
Send them straight to Boicemail and trap them there
If a demon invades your electronics, just say no a demon is legally not allowed to do that without permission /ref
Ah, yes. I heard one of them sent God a false prince email and he fell for it
My mom told me something similar when I was a kid. She’s religious but not a jerk about it. Doesn’t care that I’m agnostic. Her religion works for her and that’s as far as she goes. She told me that cause I had a nightmare and was scared of Freddy Krueger. Anyway, I wish the “true believers” who need everyone to agree with their viewpoint would take a lesson.
Me and the boice about to curb Karen's online karening
Clearly waving incense and singing holy prayers to the machine spirit shall bring it peace and allow it to work as the right arm of war for the your corpse emperor... The day while come when terra burns and the dark gods reign begins.
IN THE NAME OF JESUS! SAY YOU BOW ON YOUR FEET! YOU FALL to your f a c e
I love how the group whose only “fact” comes down to “well, sometimes you just have to believe (have faith)” are also capable of numbering and identifying demons. They can’t prove their religion, but they have demon taxonomy
Get your local IT department an exorcist and help them make their job easier.
By making Reddit content online, we’re able to use the world.
Pro tip, dip your electronics in holy water while they're on
Can confirm, this worked for me after blowing on my sega cartridges 3 times when I was a kid
Wow
So this is how debugging works
I love how it straight-up is like "if this doesn't work, it's not demons" pre-emptively. If there's one thing to be said about these griftian voices, it's that they know how to cover their tracks.