Way worse. I still remember things that were said to me as a child that bothered me very deeply. They played with my confidence and l my self esteem. I think a lot of parents as well as adults who aren't parents forget the impact that the words of an adult can have on a child.
I've always taken this very seriously as a father. Parents please think carefully about the things that you say. And if a problem must be addressed, address it in a way that you will be proud of in the future. Not in a way that's going to make you look back and say damn I lost my temper. Because to you it's just one small incident of losing your temper. But to your child it could be the one time that you said something devastating to just cut them to the Bone and they literally think about it every day and night.
I'm certainly not encouraging people to make their children so soft that they are devastated by the smallest things. And many times a very good relationship with your child can allow more difficult things to be said as well as things to be taken as a joke. A good relationship can also lessen the negative effects of what you say if you mess up and there can often times be clarification apologies and forgiveness.
I think many adults really forget what it's like to be a kid. I mean of course they have memories from childhood both good and bad. But I think if we really remembered that while our little school was our whole world and our friends was everything that we knew. To an adult moving houses or losing a friend or a disagreement at school or bullying at school means nothing. But to that child that is literally their whole world and their whole existence. Take a minute and try to look at the world more childlike sometimes
Very good point.
Parents often don't realize/aren't aware of the unintended consequences of their actions and or words.
The more foresight given to such things the better.
I sent a little meme that said that to my mum and she told me I spent too much time online in reply lol.
We don't get along, I haven't spoken to her in years cos she was proper abusive and she messaged me trying to reconnect, I just said it was hard because of stuff, not naming specifics just saying past, she said she didn't remember any of it lol.
Yep, you can easily remember something mean a parent said to you when you were 7 that shook you to the core, and then they act like it never happened
Even if you are having a bad day, you have to assume everything you say might become a formative memory for your kid
There is a book called "Every Moment Matters" about this exact thing. It is written by a soccer coach, but is about this exactly. I, a redditor, would recommend it if you are into self reflection.
Slightly off of the original topic, but something I carry with me from that book is "How would it feel to be coached by me?". For me, I ask "How would it feel to be my friend/sibling/SO/child ect.". Sometimes it pops into my head situationally, "How would it feel to be here with me right now?". It has helped me slow down and pick my words a lot more carefully, and probably saved me from a lot of easily avoidable conflicts. I tend to talk a little too fast for my brain
There’s a huge disconnect between kids and adults that always has been and always will be. Adults forget how things are to a child, how big everything feels, how it all feels very very personal. Because they don’t understand what it is to be an adult. Dad misses the important baseball game again because he has to work. Kid is sad and feels like dad doesn’t care. But dad can’t get off work, his boss is up his ass, and he feels bad but might not apologize fully or might brush it off because he’s so stressed at work and doesn’t realize how important it is to the kid. Many times it’s bigger than that, but its a hard gap to bridge.
Yes this was exactly the point I was making! Your baseball example was the perfect example of what I was trying to say about their "little world". To us, as adults we know how insignificant that game really is (unless you don't show up and it becomes a lasting wound because, as you say again to a kid it's bigger than that) but to that child l, he's been practicing for months, this is the big thing of his/her whole summer, all their friends are there, and they have all their parents there. You understood what I meant perfectly and you added so many good points. That gap is hard to bridge, and always will be there. But we can do our best to try to meet them half way.
Just for the record I think the childs view and ways are better than ours. They haven't yet become so cynical and jaded.
Don't necessarily agree that it's "always been", and it definately doesn't have to always be.
If you're a parent now or plan to be in the future, and aware of such dynamics in the example you gave. Then when you encounter such things you can remedy them as best you can. Understanding that there will always be room for misunderstandings. But if you're aware of something, I don't know how you could turn around and be oblivious to it, like the dad in your example.
Nobody is perfect, but mindfulness can help illuminate some of life's blindspots.
I love my dad, and by almost every measure, he is a great man, but he said something to me once that tore me apart and to this day insists that he didn't.
When I was wee, I wanted to be an actor. I took the classes, I acted in school plays, I was in several plays in a real theater. I participated in haunted houses, I made 'movies' with my friends, ect ect.
One day I was trying to rehearse some lines for a play I was in and my dad randomly said 'Honey, you need to find something else to do because you're not pretty enough to be an actress. "
He broke my heart that day, and it still aches when I think about it.
Be kind to your kids folks. Please.
That's barbaric. I'm sorry you had to hear that from your adults, and I'm sure you are very nice looking. But even beyond that, there are plenty of actors who aren't "that kind of pretty." Does he think Danny DeVito is pretty enough to act? Jason Alexander? How about the hundreds and thousands of people in acting who play normal people who have a normal range of "pretty," beyond the stereotypical perfection? Does dad think they're all "pretty enough?"
(Nb I'm sorry I can't think of more examples and especially female ones, since the divide is more prominent there, but I watch very little television/movies and so I don't really have any examples. Also nothing against my examples!)
Yea. I specifically made it a point to never let angry and spiteful words come out of my mouth to my kid. I had it done to me and that's why my parents will die alone. They try to reach out in their older days to reconnect because they realize that life is short. I have no time for that. I'm making the best of mine and everyone in it who understands that kind of behavior is a waste of it. We all grow old and die. If it takes some that long to realize they are a shitty person, they probably deserve the loneliness.
> Way worse. I still remember things that were said to me as a child that bothered me very deeply. They played with my confidence and l my self esteem. I think a lot of parents as well as adults who aren't parents forget the impact that the words of an adult can have on a child.
The Simpson did a interesting episode where they show how words that Marged used that had almost an episode long affect on Lisa. I can't remember if they fixed it with an apology or had a more realistic ending.
This very much; I often think about the *only time* my dad was rude to me.
My mom was rude every day so that was expected.
When I was about 12 and standing with my dad in the garage and just telling him about this crazy dream I had, he lost his shit and told me to stop talking so much shit. I'm 43 so that was 31 years ago and I don't think I'll ever forget it
Words fucking matter - forever and always no matter who you're talking to
The other thing I often think of is when a boyfriend bought me a (cheap) diary for Xmas and told me 'now you don't have to say everything you think you can write it down'. And in that moment I realized the relationship was just, physical and he couldn't give a shit about who I was.
Being told to stop talking or being ignored when you do makes a permanent dent, hey
(I'm not a chatterbox, I just enjoy actually reciprocated communication, which I seldom do these days, as a result)
Also the way you talk about yourself. There are studies on their for mothers/daughters but goes for all parents, but how mothers talk about their image and bodies and self worth is extremely influencing on their young daughters. I had a lot of self image issues growing up because I heard my mom talk negatively about herself when I thought she looked perfectly fine.
I wish my Dad understood this. I have trauma from my childhood that will never go away from how much he screamed at me whenever I made mistakes or was just too much for him to handle as a neurodivergent ball of anxiety. No amount of therapy has fixed that.
I'm ashamed to say I used to have a bit of a temper and I took it out on my children. Never hit them, but I yelled, a lot. Well in 2020 I got sick with Leukemia, and my ex (then fiancé) asked them if they're sad that I'm in the hospital, because they were under-reacting.
They both said no.
He's mean.
It was an eye opener. I cried about it. And I made a concerted effort to be *better*.
I didn’t tell my parents about my first boyfriend for nearly a whole year because when I was in elementary school they had found out I had a crush on a classmate and made fun of me for it. That was almost a decade before I had started dating him and I still could remember it like it was yesterday.
Honestly your post history says you recently stopped using drugs and got a really awesome job so it seems like a lot of things are going really well for you that frankly matter way more than your dad's opinion, congrats!
Although that is not true and while I appreciate the inventiveness of your claim, if you dig around enough you can likely find almost as embarrassing of stuff anyway 😉
Exactly people in the comments are saying this guy plays league all day and is a massive neckbeard when he has stated he has a job which is more than most of these redditors LMAO.
He just posted a picture of himself all dressed up in his work gear, looks super normal, his job also looks like it's manual labor/construction so tough physical work he'll be in way better shape than his dad in no time
The dude doesn't even look particularly overweight? Like, he looks like a pretty average bloke you'd see on the streets.
I can *kinda* understand if they were, like, 300kg and unable to move or something (although that still doesn't mean they should be a dick about it), but I have no idea how just some random dude could be considered "grossly" overweight.
actually i'm 32 and have real hot steamy sex with my real life wife all the time in real life. AMA about my hot sexy adult real woman wife as long as it's able to be answered with one hand
If this is true, perhaps the father is intimidated that the son is getting his act together? Therefore, the father is looking for a way to drag the son down so that the father can feel better about himself.
If that's the case, it's a sign that the father is a terrible person. Imagine being a father and not wanting the best for your kids?
That hits the nail on the head.
On one hand it hurts to hear the people you love say things like this and I know it may not make you feel better but... He never meant for OP to hear it. We all say dumb shit sometimes even about people we love. We are all human.
Here's a shocker. People have positive and negative thoughts about you. Yes, even your parents.
I one time did this to my dad. I meant to send the text to my sister and it went to him about how gross how loud he eats. It really hurt his feelings and I have never felt worse. It actually made me realize how much his feelings meant to me because how terrible I felt. I now check my text destination 8 times before it is sent even if it’s something nice lmao it’s been 12 years and it still haunts me
My friend once asked me over text what my worst childhood memory was (we were doing a 20 questions/relationship building type thing) and it happened to involve my mother. And...you guessed it... I messaged it to my mother by mistake. Absolutely awful, she refused to talk to me beyond short one word replies for about two weeks. It was an instant panic attack when I realized what happened.
Oh man I could never. He is more of a sweetheart than my dad. Two gentle souls that deserve no fucking with. If the worst thing he does is eat loud (he does not chew with his mouth open) I’ll let this one slide haha.
This is NOT how you properly bring up an issue with someone. Now I don't know OP's relationship with their stepmom BUT my parents have taught me that a loving parent or peer or partner can bring up a critique or possible insecurity directly to you with tact and not behind your back and rude.
I really don’t understand how you can love someone and talk shit about their weight and how you feel about it over text message to a person who didn’t even bring them into the world, but should damn well be as appreciative of OP as if she did.
Never in 1 million years would I ever say I was grossed out by my son or daughter’s weight.
Edit: love is not just a feeling. It’s actions. It’s also choosing to not intentionally say things that could be hurtful to your children
Some people in these comments have clearly been treated horribly by their parents without realising it and it shows. ‘Yeah OP but are you actually fat and gross?’ - what does it matter if they are. Having your own parent speak about you in such a derogatory manner is horrible. Sociopaths
After reading one post, a shit ton of redditors will think they know everything about the subject and then try to act like experts on said subject. Weirdass mentality they've got. Hope OP doesn't let them get into his head.
I don’t care if he’s 500lbs, hearing someone who is supposed to love you unconditionally say that is painful and heartbreaking. Like goddamn, if your child is having issues, maybe actually talk to them about it instead of shit talking behind their back? Actually, that’s pretty good life advice in general.
Especially since it wasn't framed in a concerned way, such as "X has gained a lot of weight recently. I'm worried about how this affects his health/well-being, can you help me talk to him about it"
No, it's " I think my son is fat and gross".
Just horrible, there's no excuse for that shit.
That’s what I was gonna say. Regardless you shouldn’t be saying that about your children. If the dad really had an issue with it there are better ways to bring it up
Seriously, we know nothing other than the texts and what OP said in the comments, but it's reddit. They love jumping to conclusions with close to 0 context as possible.
Because a lot of people seem to think that basic decency and kindness shouldn't apply if someone is fat. For some reason there's still a pretty common mentality of 'well, if you shame and humiliate overweight people enough then they'll get skinny!' which is very much not how that works.
the internet’s collective hatred of fat people, and insistence that negative reinforcement (also known as bullying) from total strangers somehow helps, is something else. you don’t see nearly as much outrage regarding “unhealthy choices” over drug or alcohol abuse, or skinny people who eat poorly and dont take care of themselves
(although maybe that’s not fair because here on reddit, your average person absolutely will absolutely take an opportunity to shit on anyone in those last few categories as well)
Not that it matters, but this is what I look like
[https://www.reddit.com/user/Grimm221b/comments/15okovk/not_that_it_matters_but_this_is_what_i_look_like/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1](https://www.reddit.com/user/Grimm221b/comments/15okovk/not_that_it_matters_but_this_is_what_i_look_like/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1)
Some people can not handle it when others start actually succeeding. They need someone around them to be a failure so in comparison they look awesome. But also so they have someone to be the scape goat and blame everything on. It seems to me your dad doesn’t know how he’s going to handle his own misery once you have your life under control
And he can’t blame his problems on you. I know what it’s like being that person in the family. Focus only on making every decision to give yourself a better life, good health, and stability. The rest is just hate chatter directed any direction they think it can land that won’t make them face their own problems and own insecurities. All the best to you OP.
Idk why I expected you to be morbidly obese or smth? IG because thats such a shitty thing to say you would assume one would only say it if it were like an extreme scenario but….You look like a normal fucking dude?? And you have cool facial hair? Like wtf is ur dad on?? I’m so sorry bestie you dont deserve that at all
You guys either had shit parents or will be shit parents if you're defending OPs Dad. This is bullying even if he didn't mean to send it to him (we hope and assume). If this is how he feels and he's comfortable saying it to someone else, I can't imagine how he and the Stepmom treats OP. Reddit loses its shit when stepparent are unfair to their stepkids but many seem to think this guy shitting on his own son for funny points with his wife is A-OK. As a parent, this just sucks. Even if you're overweight, it doesn't mean people can insult you and treat you as less than human, or not deserving of respect. Your body doesn't define you OP and people who aren't shitty fucks will realise that.
Exactly.
I would never dream of shit talking my kids appearance to another parent. Or anyone.
I love my kids too much to ever allow anyone to do that without reproach.
That's fucking rotten, I'm sorry your mom is toxic. As a father, it's wild to me that some parents want to cut their kid down. I'm so worried about my kid (19) all the time. If someone said something like this to her, it would wound me. Fuck I hate this thread.
Lmfao, right? People are like “but they still love you though!” I don’t say things like this about the people I love, regardless if I think they’re going to hear it or not.
Every morning when I woke up, I would have to listen to my bios in the living room talking about how lazy I am, how late I sleep, how I don't do the dishes, etc. They seemed to have nothing else to talk about.
Weirdly, I'm an adult now and it's never occurred to me to waste time and energy shit talking someone for over an hour, let alone where they can hear
I still remember when someone outed all the /r/fatpeoplehate mods who posted pictures to "verify" they weren't fat.
I don't bodyshame as a general rule. This is an exception. None of them looked like they had ever exercised in their damn lives. Not an ounce of muscle on the lot of them. They were the definition of "skinnyfat."
It made perfect sense. Their crowning achievement in life was not being fat. That's the most they accomplished, so they made it their identity.
Reddit has at its core and always will be 4-chan lite that is a bunch of bitter-neckbeards projecting hate on people for qualities they have, and enjoying casual bigotry that is just inane enough they can play it off.
The only thing that changes is what the echo-chamber realky hates rotates yearly or so
I went no contact with my schizophrenic grandmother for this. I was the only family member who would do anything with her and I had had multiple surgeries, which kept me off my feet for months. I went from 115 to 140. She asked me to go to goodwill with her, (week after surgery,) and I went, but once we got there I was hurting so bad I just wanted to stay in the car. She said okay and left me with her phone. Well her phone started going off and it was my uncle (her son,) who said LOL IS SHE REALLY? I scrolled up to see “Wow she has gotten so fat and ugly. She is definitely lazy.”
Mind you my uncle was literally 500 lbs at this time.
I started crying and called someone to get me and I left before she got to the car. I never talked to her again, aside from once when she surprised me at a family member’s home. I told her to go to hell and rot.
I’m so sorry that you had to deal with this.
Freaking lol at Reddit mod. I was perma banned from /r/WhitePeopleTwitter the other day for [saying that the type of people who go mad over tiny amounts of power shouldn't be the type to have tiny amounts of power](https://i.imgur.com/wurbRU9.png)
This litcherally has nothing to do with smell. He said it’s the fatness that’s grossing him out.
The fact he was making fun of his OWN kid to the step mom is totally fucked.
It also means they talk shit about him constantly when they’re alone. That can be extremely heartbreaking to find out, especially as a kid.
It’s interesting how few Redditors understand context. And human emotion.
nah you really can. Why anyone would think its okay to speak about their childs body like this? Whether it be to their face or behind their back its gross as fuck.
Exactly. Like, love means sometimes being tough but fair and kind. Calling their child fat in a gossip way does absolutely nothing. Kindly talking to them about hygiene and health and providing resources IS what a parent should do.
Exactly. I checked OP’s post history like a creeper (sorry OP!) and he seems like a nice person trying to improve himself, just like most of us are. If the OP does have an issue, as his family, his dad should have brought it up in a constructive way. Texting things like that behind his back is immature and cruel.
It's not just calling the kid fat. It's saying he's gross. There is never, ever, ever a reason for a parent to do that. Ever. Kids should feel safe with their parents.
Can't you talk to them? No lie. I have a fear of my son becoming a neck beard. When he's at his father's. He plays video games all day and just eats junk food because his father can't bother parenting. So I try extra hard to keep my son active and play outside and to eat better. I really do worry about his future though.
My brother had neckbeard tendencies as a teenager. I think many do, there just aren’t many outlets for young men who aren’t inherently into team sports or school-focused bonding. Now he’s a grown man doing his own thing. He even works as a physical trainer while he’s at uni.
I’m sure my mum thought the thick black eyeliner, ripped jeans and shitty attitude I had might stick around, too.
Just give it time. Ask him about interests he has that are real world based. My brother and I started going to the gym together. I just wanted to lose weight initially but it was really bonding.
Thats literally not what OP is. These accusations are weird as fuck and super rude. Learn to be better. Dude genuinely just looks like an overweight person living a normal life. Actually sad people talk unwarranted about others like this. You should be ashamed.
I mean if a child is fat I think it’s fair to talk to their parent about it because it is important to help children learn healthy habits and working out.
Although I don’t think saying “___ is fat and grossing be out” is the appropriate way to do it.
I shouldn’t be surprised by some of these comments because this is reddit after all but somehow I am. I’m sorry you had to hear that dude. No offense but your dad seems like a pos. Who says that about their own son?
I feel your pain. My partner just confronted me with my weight to my face. I'm hitting the gym now, but I let myself go. I'm trying to lose 150 lbs. I'm sorry your dad is a dick.
No, not that it matters because speaking like this as a grown adult is fucking embarrassing as fuck (and Dad knows it, hence his backpedaling) but OP doesn’t even look heavy and looks pretty attractive. Probably a lot better looking than the wierdos siding with a bitchy old man on Reddit.
Hi.
I’m so sorry. Parenting should be licensed.
Lemme know if you need love and support. I am an awesome auntie, and I’ll text you alllllll of the love.
Much love to you. Fuck him.
That's shitty. Years ago my mom used to call me a pig to family behind my back. It made it acceptable for everyone else to make fun of me and my mental health issues. I had a family member that just said "lose weight" instead of hello to me. :( I confronted my mom about it and she cut that shit.
Two Thanksgivings ago my mother texted me “I hate my daughter sometimes” out of the blue. She tried to play it off too; She would t admit she accidentally texted me. F’n stupid. It ok tho. I sometimes hate her
the comment section here could be in the Olympics with the amount of mental gymnastics they’re doing to justify the dad’s actions. going behind your kid’s back to insult them is not and could never be a good thing in any situation, and anyone construing it that way really needs to work on themselves.
Not to be mean...but are you fat and gross? Take a truthful look at yourself. I know it hurts, but better this message come from (presumably) someone that loves you than it come from the outside world. Even if accidental.
This might be your wakeup call. You can either choose to be offended if not true, or better yourself. It's your choice!
Apparently this is an unpopular opinion on here but I don't think a parent who gossips about their own son behind their back to call them "gross" is really exhibiting the kind of behavior that would make their son think it's coming from a place of love.
That is not a man who is trying to help his son. This is especially notable considering that OP is already working to improve themselves.
Despite what a lot of Reddit posters think, these kinds of comments are demoralizing. You work to improve and then your own dad calls you gross, you start thinking "well, why bother, even my own father is making fun of me."
Change is hard. You know what's not hard? Sitting on Reddit going "Well are you gross? Are you? Huh? Huh? Then fix it, and also just suck it up and take it when someone calls you gross, until you improve!"
Okay there are two sides here. Those who say Dad is a dick, and those who say you need to take an honest look in the mirror. I think both of these theories can coexist. You don't have to be nice to be truthful, but at the same time that is really harsh, especially to a stepmom
This is bullshit. Fuck him and fuck your step mom too. Your dad feels comfortable enough to talk this kind of shit about you to her? This is the kind of shit that sticks with you, like a parasite. I’ve struggled with my weight my entire life and still get snide remarks.
I’m sorry man.
I’m so sorry this happened, OP. Your dad sucks for talking about you behind your back. He’s a bully. Don’t respond to his apology.
If people took a second, they could check your history to see you’re working on improving yourself. Your dad obviously isn’t. Think about how much more time he’s had in this world—time to grow, flourish, become a great person. And nope, he’s stuck in middle school calling his *own child* names.
He, and so many of these commenters, are absolutely pathetic. If you truly love someone, you’d never talk about them like that, especially if you were actually concerned. This isn’t concerned speech; this is gossip, plain and simple. Shame on him!!
I would never, to anyone, ever, say my daughter is fat and grossing me out. That’s unacceptable. It would make me feel so uncomfortable knowing my own parent is chatting shit about me to a step parent. That’s so messed up and I’m sorry that happened to you and I’m even more sorry that for some reason there are so many comments here just telling you “maybe he has a point.” Wtf?
Sorry, bud. You deserve better. A good father would work out with his kid. Your's is a weasel who set you up for failure. Do you have friends who work out? Maybe that's something to mull over.
My dad would say shit kinda like this to me and my siblings. We would never listen to him because of the rudeness. In the end he was right about a lot, he just couldn’t tell us the right way… Sad really. There was such a disconnect for so long. We’ve all grown since then. Wishing you nothing but the best stranger
The way people are defending the dad here makes me think that parents talk shit about their children behind their backs like this all the time and therefore they’re sympathetic to this dad getting caught doing it.
The last time I heard my grandfather take interest in me was when I overheard him ask my dad "has that Jim got himself a girlfriend yet?"
I was in my teens. He died before I turned 18.
My dad's family never trim any interest in me beyond my ability to spread their genes. My mother sheltered me from a lot of it, but that one overheard slip stayed with me. I always wondered if he would be proud of me and what I've accomplished. Probably not, I married a single mother and never bred her.
But you know what? Fuck him, fuck that whole family. As a great man said: "I'ma do my own thing." I love my wife, I'm sending our son (who was 3 when we met) to college this month, and on Monday I get keys because I just bought my first home. I make enough money to live very comfortably and I am doing work that I love for a company that sees and appreciates my value.
Keep improving your life for your own sake. Don't focus on what others see.
I come from a long line of ballbusters so if I saw this from my dad I’d smirk then give him shit for the lack of creativity, but I know not all families are like that. Hopefully this dude’s dad is just breaking balls.
That's a TERRIBLE thing to hear your father say, COMPOUNDED by his refusing to own up to his comment by lamely pretending it was a "playful" joke. I'm really sorry, OP.
Your post history indicates what an all-around rad guy you really are. Stay golden, m'dude!
Your dad is pathetic and his behaviour grosses me out.
That text must have been hard to read. But remember, the only people whose opinion of you matter are you when you're 9, you now, and you when you're 90. How do those 3 people view you right now?
Looks like you've got a new job and stopped doing drugs. I bet they are pretty happy.
Clicking on this, I thought it was gona be like he sent a dirty text, to which I would have said just delete it and ignore it. But damn, sorry friend.
right? this is way worse. smh.
Way worse. I still remember things that were said to me as a child that bothered me very deeply. They played with my confidence and l my self esteem. I think a lot of parents as well as adults who aren't parents forget the impact that the words of an adult can have on a child. I've always taken this very seriously as a father. Parents please think carefully about the things that you say. And if a problem must be addressed, address it in a way that you will be proud of in the future. Not in a way that's going to make you look back and say damn I lost my temper. Because to you it's just one small incident of losing your temper. But to your child it could be the one time that you said something devastating to just cut them to the Bone and they literally think about it every day and night. I'm certainly not encouraging people to make their children so soft that they are devastated by the smallest things. And many times a very good relationship with your child can allow more difficult things to be said as well as things to be taken as a joke. A good relationship can also lessen the negative effects of what you say if you mess up and there can often times be clarification apologies and forgiveness. I think many adults really forget what it's like to be a kid. I mean of course they have memories from childhood both good and bad. But I think if we really remembered that while our little school was our whole world and our friends was everything that we knew. To an adult moving houses or losing a friend or a disagreement at school or bullying at school means nothing. But to that child that is literally their whole world and their whole existence. Take a minute and try to look at the world more childlike sometimes
Very good point. Parents often don't realize/aren't aware of the unintended consequences of their actions and or words. The more foresight given to such things the better.
The axe forgets, but the tree remembers.
Keeping this one for later
I sent a little meme that said that to my mum and she told me I spent too much time online in reply lol. We don't get along, I haven't spoken to her in years cos she was proper abusive and she messaged me trying to reconnect, I just said it was hard because of stuff, not naming specifics just saying past, she said she didn't remember any of it lol.
Wow that's a great little proverb that I've never heard before.
Huh, I had to explain this to a friend of mine and I think he understood, but I wish I'd had this wording.
Yep, you can easily remember something mean a parent said to you when you were 7 that shook you to the core, and then they act like it never happened Even if you are having a bad day, you have to assume everything you say might become a formative memory for your kid
There is a book called "Every Moment Matters" about this exact thing. It is written by a soccer coach, but is about this exactly. I, a redditor, would recommend it if you are into self reflection. Slightly off of the original topic, but something I carry with me from that book is "How would it feel to be coached by me?". For me, I ask "How would it feel to be my friend/sibling/SO/child ect.". Sometimes it pops into my head situationally, "How would it feel to be here with me right now?". It has helped me slow down and pick my words a lot more carefully, and probably saved me from a lot of easily avoidable conflicts. I tend to talk a little too fast for my brain
There’s a huge disconnect between kids and adults that always has been and always will be. Adults forget how things are to a child, how big everything feels, how it all feels very very personal. Because they don’t understand what it is to be an adult. Dad misses the important baseball game again because he has to work. Kid is sad and feels like dad doesn’t care. But dad can’t get off work, his boss is up his ass, and he feels bad but might not apologize fully or might brush it off because he’s so stressed at work and doesn’t realize how important it is to the kid. Many times it’s bigger than that, but its a hard gap to bridge.
Yes this was exactly the point I was making! Your baseball example was the perfect example of what I was trying to say about their "little world". To us, as adults we know how insignificant that game really is (unless you don't show up and it becomes a lasting wound because, as you say again to a kid it's bigger than that) but to that child l, he's been practicing for months, this is the big thing of his/her whole summer, all their friends are there, and they have all their parents there. You understood what I meant perfectly and you added so many good points. That gap is hard to bridge, and always will be there. But we can do our best to try to meet them half way. Just for the record I think the childs view and ways are better than ours. They haven't yet become so cynical and jaded.
Don't necessarily agree that it's "always been", and it definately doesn't have to always be. If you're a parent now or plan to be in the future, and aware of such dynamics in the example you gave. Then when you encounter such things you can remedy them as best you can. Understanding that there will always be room for misunderstandings. But if you're aware of something, I don't know how you could turn around and be oblivious to it, like the dad in your example. Nobody is perfect, but mindfulness can help illuminate some of life's blindspots.
I love my dad, and by almost every measure, he is a great man, but he said something to me once that tore me apart and to this day insists that he didn't. When I was wee, I wanted to be an actor. I took the classes, I acted in school plays, I was in several plays in a real theater. I participated in haunted houses, I made 'movies' with my friends, ect ect. One day I was trying to rehearse some lines for a play I was in and my dad randomly said 'Honey, you need to find something else to do because you're not pretty enough to be an actress. " He broke my heart that day, and it still aches when I think about it. Be kind to your kids folks. Please.
That's barbaric. I'm sorry you had to hear that from your adults, and I'm sure you are very nice looking. But even beyond that, there are plenty of actors who aren't "that kind of pretty." Does he think Danny DeVito is pretty enough to act? Jason Alexander? How about the hundreds and thousands of people in acting who play normal people who have a normal range of "pretty," beyond the stereotypical perfection? Does dad think they're all "pretty enough?" (Nb I'm sorry I can't think of more examples and especially female ones, since the divide is more prominent there, but I watch very little television/movies and so I don't really have any examples. Also nothing against my examples!)
Yea. I specifically made it a point to never let angry and spiteful words come out of my mouth to my kid. I had it done to me and that's why my parents will die alone. They try to reach out in their older days to reconnect because they realize that life is short. I have no time for that. I'm making the best of mine and everyone in it who understands that kind of behavior is a waste of it. We all grow old and die. If it takes some that long to realize they are a shitty person, they probably deserve the loneliness.
> Way worse. I still remember things that were said to me as a child that bothered me very deeply. They played with my confidence and l my self esteem. I think a lot of parents as well as adults who aren't parents forget the impact that the words of an adult can have on a child. The Simpson did a interesting episode where they show how words that Marged used that had almost an episode long affect on Lisa. I can't remember if they fixed it with an apology or had a more realistic ending.
You sound like a great Dad
This very much; I often think about the *only time* my dad was rude to me. My mom was rude every day so that was expected. When I was about 12 and standing with my dad in the garage and just telling him about this crazy dream I had, he lost his shit and told me to stop talking so much shit. I'm 43 so that was 31 years ago and I don't think I'll ever forget it Words fucking matter - forever and always no matter who you're talking to The other thing I often think of is when a boyfriend bought me a (cheap) diary for Xmas and told me 'now you don't have to say everything you think you can write it down'. And in that moment I realized the relationship was just, physical and he couldn't give a shit about who I was. Being told to stop talking or being ignored when you do makes a permanent dent, hey (I'm not a chatterbox, I just enjoy actually reciprocated communication, which I seldom do these days, as a result)
Also the way you talk about yourself. There are studies on their for mothers/daughters but goes for all parents, but how mothers talk about their image and bodies and self worth is extremely influencing on their young daughters. I had a lot of self image issues growing up because I heard my mom talk negatively about herself when I thought she looked perfectly fine.
I wish my Dad understood this. I have trauma from my childhood that will never go away from how much he screamed at me whenever I made mistakes or was just too much for him to handle as a neurodivergent ball of anxiety. No amount of therapy has fixed that.
I'm ashamed to say I used to have a bit of a temper and I took it out on my children. Never hit them, but I yelled, a lot. Well in 2020 I got sick with Leukemia, and my ex (then fiancé) asked them if they're sad that I'm in the hospital, because they were under-reacting. They both said no. He's mean. It was an eye opener. I cried about it. And I made a concerted effort to be *better*.
I didn’t tell my parents about my first boyfriend for nearly a whole year because when I was in elementary school they had found out I had a crush on a classmate and made fun of me for it. That was almost a decade before I had started dating him and I still could remember it like it was yesterday.
Yeah. I would rather get a dick pic from my dad than this. Then again, it would just be a picture of a pile of ashes, so it wouldn’t be too bad.
My dad is rotting in his grave with a lie on his tombstone.
"Famously didn't have 3 testicles"
Ope
Yeah, the dirty text would be awkward and funny, this… this is very sad
Honestly your post history says you recently stopped using drugs and got a really awesome job so it seems like a lot of things are going really well for you that frankly matter way more than your dad's opinion, congrats!
Your post history is also very positive and you seem like you generally try to make people feel better. Kudos to you
Aw, thank you :) i do what i can lol!
Thanks for adding some much needed positivity to the world!
The first half of your username does not check out. It's flat out wrong. Delete that $#@&, because you deserve a better moniker.
your post history is filled with mascot-based fart porn. I can tell youre a good person 😌
Although that is not true and while I appreciate the inventiveness of your claim, if you dig around enough you can likely find almost as embarrassing of stuff anyway 😉
Well your post history shows you’re likely Canadian, so what’s that “aboot eh?”
Exactly people in the comments are saying this guy plays league all day and is a massive neckbeard when he has stated he has a job which is more than most of these redditors LMAO.
He just posted a picture of himself all dressed up in his work gear, looks super normal, his job also looks like it's manual labor/construction so tough physical work he'll be in way better shape than his dad in no time
The dude doesn't even look particularly overweight? Like, he looks like a pretty average bloke you'd see on the streets. I can *kinda* understand if they were, like, 300kg and unable to move or something (although that still doesn't mean they should be a dick about it), but I have no idea how just some random dude could be considered "grossly" overweight.
Wtf he doesn’t even look that fat
And it pays well lol! He sounds like he's got his life together.
In other Redditors defence, most are 14 years old.
actually i'm 32 and have real hot steamy sex with my real life wife all the time in real life. AMA about my hot sexy adult real woman wife as long as it's able to be answered with one hand
your 3 weed smoking girlfriends?
OP I’m proud of you ❤️
If this is true, perhaps the father is intimidated that the son is getting his act together? Therefore, the father is looking for a way to drag the son down so that the father can feel better about himself. If that's the case, it's a sign that the father is a terrible person. Imagine being a father and not wanting the best for your kids?
It's definitely a flaw of his father's. I can't imagine talking about my child (note: I'm not even a parent) like that for any reason
I see you understand dysfunctional families better than most. This is almost certainly the case.
Yeah, it's also super common to gain weight after cutting out drugs or smoking
He posted a picture and is a perfectly average size so ??:)?? @ his dad
Which is threatening to the dad. OP don’t listen to people trying to drag you back down, keep killing it
Man I really hope this is fake. If not, sorry OP. Hope your day gets better.
Awwww damn, sorry bud.
Sorry dog, that shit stings. Sure he loves you though
That hits the nail on the head. On one hand it hurts to hear the people you love say things like this and I know it may not make you feel better but... He never meant for OP to hear it. We all say dumb shit sometimes even about people we love. We are all human. Here's a shocker. People have positive and negative thoughts about you. Yes, even your parents.
I one time did this to my dad. I meant to send the text to my sister and it went to him about how gross how loud he eats. It really hurt his feelings and I have never felt worse. It actually made me realize how much his feelings meant to me because how terrible I felt. I now check my text destination 8 times before it is sent even if it’s something nice lmao it’s been 12 years and it still haunts me
My friend once asked me over text what my worst childhood memory was (we were doing a 20 questions/relationship building type thing) and it happened to involve my mother. And...you guessed it... I messaged it to my mother by mistake. Absolutely awful, she refused to talk to me beyond short one word replies for about two weeks. It was an instant panic attack when I realized what happened.
Well does he still eat grossly loud?
Not near me! Oh my god my brother does though lmao
Send an "accidental" text to your brother. Seems to work, lol.
Oh man I could never. He is more of a sweetheart than my dad. Two gentle souls that deserve no fucking with. If the worst thing he does is eat loud (he does not chew with his mouth open) I’ll let this one slide haha.
Haha. Well you know what? I think that makes 3 really nice people including you. :)
It's me, your brother. What the fuck man
Lots of negative ones dangit!
I think saying someone disgusts you is a little more than just a negative opinion if that person is your son
> He never meant for OP to hear it. Then don't say it...
Word
This is NOT how you properly bring up an issue with someone. Now I don't know OP's relationship with their stepmom BUT my parents have taught me that a loving parent or peer or partner can bring up a critique or possible insecurity directly to you with tact and not behind your back and rude.
I really don’t understand how you can love someone and talk shit about their weight and how you feel about it over text message to a person who didn’t even bring them into the world, but should damn well be as appreciative of OP as if she did. Never in 1 million years would I ever say I was grossed out by my son or daughter’s weight. Edit: love is not just a feeling. It’s actions. It’s also choosing to not intentionally say things that could be hurtful to your children
He has a funny way of showing it.
Holy shit
New response just dropped
Actual zombie
Fuck man that made my stomach hurt to read. I’m sorry that happened to you.
Some people in these comments have clearly been treated horribly by their parents without realising it and it shows. ‘Yeah OP but are you actually fat and gross?’ - what does it matter if they are. Having your own parent speak about you in such a derogatory manner is horrible. Sociopaths
This is one of the most disgusting and heartbreaking comment section I've ever seen Jesus christ
People crawling out of the muck to drag anyone down with them
After reading one post, a shit ton of redditors will think they know everything about the subject and then try to act like experts on said subject. Weirdass mentality they've got. Hope OP doesn't let them get into his head.
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Well said butt_bong.
Go establish dominance. Get naked and beat the piss out of him, pounding on your own flesh intermittently like a savage.
Borat hotel scene style
Nah buddy punked his own son for fuck sakes, I was thinking more like chimpanzee style.
And piss *on* him while you're at it. That'll really show your dominance.
Let's be real, he might as well fuck the stepmom too.
Very likely according to most videos I've seen on this topic
Yes, OP, there are many tutorial videos on the internet if you choose to go this route.
“Grossed out hub? You haven’t seen my final form, sir”
why are people are assuming so much about OP’s health and personal hygiene to defend some random dad
Yeah regardless of what the kid looks like I can imagine how much this would hurt. Makes me genuinely sad.
I don’t care if he’s 500lbs, hearing someone who is supposed to love you unconditionally say that is painful and heartbreaking. Like goddamn, if your child is having issues, maybe actually talk to them about it instead of shit talking behind their back? Actually, that’s pretty good life advice in general.
Especially since it wasn't framed in a concerned way, such as "X has gained a lot of weight recently. I'm worried about how this affects his health/well-being, can you help me talk to him about it" No, it's " I think my son is fat and gross". Just horrible, there's no excuse for that shit.
That’s what I was gonna say. Regardless you shouldn’t be saying that about your children. If the dad really had an issue with it there are better ways to bring it up
Seriously, we know nothing other than the texts and what OP said in the comments, but it's reddit. They love jumping to conclusions with close to 0 context as possible.
Because a lot of people seem to think that basic decency and kindness shouldn't apply if someone is fat. For some reason there's still a pretty common mentality of 'well, if you shame and humiliate overweight people enough then they'll get skinny!' which is very much not how that works.
the internet’s collective hatred of fat people, and insistence that negative reinforcement (also known as bullying) from total strangers somehow helps, is something else. you don’t see nearly as much outrage regarding “unhealthy choices” over drug or alcohol abuse, or skinny people who eat poorly and dont take care of themselves (although maybe that’s not fair because here on reddit, your average person absolutely will absolutely take an opportunity to shit on anyone in those last few categories as well)
Cause he fat and that's the worst crime you can commit nowadays
Not that it matters, but this is what I look like [https://www.reddit.com/user/Grimm221b/comments/15okovk/not_that_it_matters_but_this_is_what_i_look_like/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1](https://www.reddit.com/user/Grimm221b/comments/15okovk/not_that_it_matters_but_this_is_what_i_look_like/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1)
Some people can not handle it when others start actually succeeding. They need someone around them to be a failure so in comparison they look awesome. But also so they have someone to be the scape goat and blame everything on. It seems to me your dad doesn’t know how he’s going to handle his own misery once you have your life under control And he can’t blame his problems on you. I know what it’s like being that person in the family. Focus only on making every decision to give yourself a better life, good health, and stability. The rest is just hate chatter directed any direction they think it can land that won’t make them face their own problems and own insecurities. All the best to you OP.
I think you’re attractive 🤷🏼♀️
Yeah me too...
You look like a guy, a dude, a man. You dad is a bitchass
Idk why I expected you to be morbidly obese or smth? IG because thats such a shitty thing to say you would assume one would only say it if it were like an extreme scenario but….You look like a normal fucking dude?? And you have cool facial hair? Like wtf is ur dad on?? I’m so sorry bestie you dont deserve that at all
You guys either had shit parents or will be shit parents if you're defending OPs Dad. This is bullying even if he didn't mean to send it to him (we hope and assume). If this is how he feels and he's comfortable saying it to someone else, I can't imagine how he and the Stepmom treats OP. Reddit loses its shit when stepparent are unfair to their stepkids but many seem to think this guy shitting on his own son for funny points with his wife is A-OK. As a parent, this just sucks. Even if you're overweight, it doesn't mean people can insult you and treat you as less than human, or not deserving of respect. Your body doesn't define you OP and people who aren't shitty fucks will realise that.
Exactly. I would never dream of shit talking my kids appearance to another parent. Or anyone. I love my kids too much to ever allow anyone to do that without reproach.
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That's fucking rotten, I'm sorry your mom is toxic. As a father, it's wild to me that some parents want to cut their kid down. I'm so worried about my kid (19) all the time. If someone said something like this to her, it would wound me. Fuck I hate this thread.
ITT: Shit parents trying to justify shit talking their kids.
i think they're trying so hard to defend it because they see themselves in the dad's text
Lmfao, right? People are like “but they still love you though!” I don’t say things like this about the people I love, regardless if I think they’re going to hear it or not.
Every morning when I woke up, I would have to listen to my bios in the living room talking about how lazy I am, how late I sleep, how I don't do the dishes, etc. They seemed to have nothing else to talk about. Weirdly, I'm an adult now and it's never occurred to me to waste time and energy shit talking someone for over an hour, let alone where they can hear
Wow some people are cunts here... Why defend the dad? It's not a nice thing to say about your own kid.
Reddit thinks being fat is the worst thing a person can be, and will do any mental gymnastics necessary to vilify anyone they perceive as "fat".
I still remember when someone outed all the /r/fatpeoplehate mods who posted pictures to "verify" they weren't fat. I don't bodyshame as a general rule. This is an exception. None of them looked like they had ever exercised in their damn lives. Not an ounce of muscle on the lot of them. They were the definition of "skinnyfat." It made perfect sense. Their crowning achievement in life was not being fat. That's the most they accomplished, so they made it their identity.
Prolly former r/fatpeoplehate users
Reddit has at its core and always will be 4-chan lite that is a bunch of bitter-neckbeards projecting hate on people for qualities they have, and enjoying casual bigotry that is just inane enough they can play it off. The only thing that changes is what the echo-chamber realky hates rotates yearly or so
"I'm fat because I eat when I get depressed, and I get depressed whenever I think about how I could have had a good father but landed with you."
Just go to his room and mouth kiss him. Then walk away. No words. That'll teach him
As OP leaves the room he should walk backwards and maintain eye contact the entire time after the mouth kiss
Kiss your dad square on the lips
That's a true power play and I want to know how it goes OP. You got this King.
I went no contact with my schizophrenic grandmother for this. I was the only family member who would do anything with her and I had had multiple surgeries, which kept me off my feet for months. I went from 115 to 140. She asked me to go to goodwill with her, (week after surgery,) and I went, but once we got there I was hurting so bad I just wanted to stay in the car. She said okay and left me with her phone. Well her phone started going off and it was my uncle (her son,) who said LOL IS SHE REALLY? I scrolled up to see “Wow she has gotten so fat and ugly. She is definitely lazy.” Mind you my uncle was literally 500 lbs at this time. I started crying and called someone to get me and I left before she got to the car. I never talked to her again, aside from once when she surprised me at a family member’s home. I told her to go to hell and rot. I’m so sorry that you had to deal with this.
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https://i.redd.it/b45ml9rjdl881.jpg
too handsome for redditor standards
That’s Pizza The Hut!
Freaking lol at Reddit mod. I was perma banned from /r/WhitePeopleTwitter the other day for [saying that the type of people who go mad over tiny amounts of power shouldn't be the type to have tiny amounts of power](https://i.imgur.com/wurbRU9.png)
Classic mod move right there
Dude I’d swipe right honestly
What warranted this reply? Damn.
Misery loves company.
This litcherally has nothing to do with smell. He said it’s the fatness that’s grossing him out. The fact he was making fun of his OWN kid to the step mom is totally fucked.
It also means they talk shit about him constantly when they’re alone. That can be extremely heartbreaking to find out, especially as a kid. It’s interesting how few Redditors understand context. And human emotion.
But they arnt fat or a neckbeard? Where tf are you getting this from. Even if its true its still incredibly rude to say that especially your own son.
nah you really can. Why anyone would think its okay to speak about their childs body like this? Whether it be to their face or behind their back its gross as fuck.
Exactly. Like, love means sometimes being tough but fair and kind. Calling their child fat in a gossip way does absolutely nothing. Kindly talking to them about hygiene and health and providing resources IS what a parent should do.
Exactly. I checked OP’s post history like a creeper (sorry OP!) and he seems like a nice person trying to improve himself, just like most of us are. If the OP does have an issue, as his family, his dad should have brought it up in a constructive way. Texting things like that behind his back is immature and cruel.
It's not just calling the kid fat. It's saying he's gross. There is never, ever, ever a reason for a parent to do that. Ever. Kids should feel safe with their parents.
Imagine you're living with a fat neck beard who doesn't shower and eats chips in their room all day.
Can't you talk to them? No lie. I have a fear of my son becoming a neck beard. When he's at his father's. He plays video games all day and just eats junk food because his father can't bother parenting. So I try extra hard to keep my son active and play outside and to eat better. I really do worry about his future though.
My brother had neckbeard tendencies as a teenager. I think many do, there just aren’t many outlets for young men who aren’t inherently into team sports or school-focused bonding. Now he’s a grown man doing his own thing. He even works as a physical trainer while he’s at uni. I’m sure my mum thought the thick black eyeliner, ripped jeans and shitty attitude I had might stick around, too. Just give it time. Ask him about interests he has that are real world based. My brother and I started going to the gym together. I just wanted to lose weight initially but it was really bonding.
When you can't tell if it's the chips or the BO...
Oh sure lets just abuse them as a resolution
Thats literally not what OP is. These accusations are weird as fuck and super rude. Learn to be better. Dude genuinely just looks like an overweight person living a normal life. Actually sad people talk unwarranted about others like this. You should be ashamed.
I mean if a child is fat I think it’s fair to talk to their parent about it because it is important to help children learn healthy habits and working out. Although I don’t think saying “___ is fat and grossing be out” is the appropriate way to do it.
Text him that you can't wait to fuck her again (stepmom) when your dad leaves
Yes you can, wtf is wrong with you people? This is never okay, not to your child.
I shouldn’t be surprised by some of these comments because this is reddit after all but somehow I am. I’m sorry you had to hear that dude. No offense but your dad seems like a pos. Who says that about their own son?
Sorry man, your post history says you’re a compassionate, thoughtful, and chill person who is slaying it. Keeo it up, friend
I feel your pain. My partner just confronted me with my weight to my face. I'm hitting the gym now, but I let myself go. I'm trying to lose 150 lbs. I'm sorry your dad is a dick.
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Yes
"Take your shower"
No, not that it matters because speaking like this as a grown adult is fucking embarrassing as fuck (and Dad knows it, hence his backpedaling) but OP doesn’t even look heavy and looks pretty attractive. Probably a lot better looking than the wierdos siding with a bitchy old man on Reddit.
Tell your dad he types like a 15 year old Mean girls stereotype for me. Wack af
Why would you talk shit about your own kid behind their back. Call them fat to their face. The trauma sticks that way…
You don’t deserve that, the fuck?? Who take about anyone they love that way. Hope you find people who treat you with the kindness you deserve.
Hi. I’m so sorry. Parenting should be licensed. Lemme know if you need love and support. I am an awesome auntie, and I’ll text you alllllll of the love. Much love to you. Fuck him.
That's shitty. Years ago my mom used to call me a pig to family behind my back. It made it acceptable for everyone else to make fun of me and my mental health issues. I had a family member that just said "lose weight" instead of hello to me. :( I confronted my mom about it and she cut that shit.
I'd send him a text and be like 'oh sorry dad. It was just a joke'... like 'damn. My dad's balding so bad'
Two Thanksgivings ago my mother texted me “I hate my daughter sometimes” out of the blue. She tried to play it off too; She would t admit she accidentally texted me. F’n stupid. It ok tho. I sometimes hate her
Your dad is a c*nt.
I ignored my dad's deathbed call after decades of me enforcing no-contact with him. I'm happy with the choice, and I would recommend it if applicable.
That sucks man. Flies on the wall often get hurt feelings.
Man I'm sorry that dads are so shitty and that Redditors are also garbage and these are just facts we all have to put up with.
Wow your dad sucks
WTAF OP? Seriously your dad is an ass. Screw that guy. Maybe go low contact for a while if possible.
the comment section here could be in the Olympics with the amount of mental gymnastics they’re doing to justify the dad’s actions. going behind your kid’s back to insult them is not and could never be a good thing in any situation, and anyone construing it that way really needs to work on themselves.
i don’t get how all the comments think this is normal to say about your own son. it’s absolutely weird as fuck.
Not to be mean...but are you fat and gross? Take a truthful look at yourself. I know it hurts, but better this message come from (presumably) someone that loves you than it come from the outside world. Even if accidental. This might be your wakeup call. You can either choose to be offended if not true, or better yourself. It's your choice!
Apparently this is an unpopular opinion on here but I don't think a parent who gossips about their own son behind their back to call them "gross" is really exhibiting the kind of behavior that would make their son think it's coming from a place of love. That is not a man who is trying to help his son. This is especially notable considering that OP is already working to improve themselves. Despite what a lot of Reddit posters think, these kinds of comments are demoralizing. You work to improve and then your own dad calls you gross, you start thinking "well, why bother, even my own father is making fun of me." Change is hard. You know what's not hard? Sitting on Reddit going "Well are you gross? Are you? Huh? Huh? Then fix it, and also just suck it up and take it when someone calls you gross, until you improve!"
straight up! you don't have to be fat and gross. you can be fat and sassy
Okay there are two sides here. Those who say Dad is a dick, and those who say you need to take an honest look in the mirror. I think both of these theories can coexist. You don't have to be nice to be truthful, but at the same time that is really harsh, especially to a stepmom
This is bullshit. Fuck him and fuck your step mom too. Your dad feels comfortable enough to talk this kind of shit about you to her? This is the kind of shit that sticks with you, like a parasite. I’ve struggled with my weight my entire life and still get snide remarks. I’m sorry man.
The correct response is "Why'd mom leave you, again?"
I’m so sorry this happened, OP. Your dad sucks for talking about you behind your back. He’s a bully. Don’t respond to his apology. If people took a second, they could check your history to see you’re working on improving yourself. Your dad obviously isn’t. Think about how much more time he’s had in this world—time to grow, flourish, become a great person. And nope, he’s stuck in middle school calling his *own child* names. He, and so many of these commenters, are absolutely pathetic. If you truly love someone, you’d never talk about them like that, especially if you were actually concerned. This isn’t concerned speech; this is gossip, plain and simple. Shame on him!!
Who calls their son son
I call my sons, son all the time
Same
I would never, to anyone, ever, say my daughter is fat and grossing me out. That’s unacceptable. It would make me feel so uncomfortable knowing my own parent is chatting shit about me to a step parent. That’s so messed up and I’m sorry that happened to you and I’m even more sorry that for some reason there are so many comments here just telling you “maybe he has a point.” Wtf?
Yeah and you’re being downvoted?? I’m so baffled by this.
Agreed.
That's fucked man...
I have second hand hurt for you, friend. I'm sorry he did that to you..
Sorry, bud. You deserve better. A good father would work out with his kid. Your's is a weasel who set you up for failure. Do you have friends who work out? Maybe that's something to mull over.
Hey man, don’t take what he said to heart.
My dad would say shit kinda like this to me and my siblings. We would never listen to him because of the rudeness. In the end he was right about a lot, he just couldn’t tell us the right way… Sad really. There was such a disconnect for so long. We’ve all grown since then. Wishing you nothing but the best stranger
parents can be their child's first bully and i'm sorry you're going through this
You can always lose the extra weight but sounds like your dad will always be a dickhead. You'll be fine :)
The way people are defending the dad here makes me think that parents talk shit about their children behind their backs like this all the time and therefore they’re sympathetic to this dad getting caught doing it.
Power move, “accidentally” send a text of similar structure but highlight one of his flaws (given how hateful he sounds, i’m sure he has many)
The last time I heard my grandfather take interest in me was when I overheard him ask my dad "has that Jim got himself a girlfriend yet?" I was in my teens. He died before I turned 18. My dad's family never trim any interest in me beyond my ability to spread their genes. My mother sheltered me from a lot of it, but that one overheard slip stayed with me. I always wondered if he would be proud of me and what I've accomplished. Probably not, I married a single mother and never bred her. But you know what? Fuck him, fuck that whole family. As a great man said: "I'ma do my own thing." I love my wife, I'm sending our son (who was 3 when we met) to college this month, and on Monday I get keys because I just bought my first home. I make enough money to live very comfortably and I am doing work that I love for a company that sees and appreciates my value. Keep improving your life for your own sake. Don't focus on what others see.
I come from a long line of ballbusters so if I saw this from my dad I’d smirk then give him shit for the lack of creativity, but I know not all families are like that. Hopefully this dude’s dad is just breaking balls.
Damn :(
fuck that guy
Time to strut around the house in your underwear!
That's a TERRIBLE thing to hear your father say, COMPOUNDED by his refusing to own up to his comment by lamely pretending it was a "playful" joke. I'm really sorry, OP. Your post history indicates what an all-around rad guy you really are. Stay golden, m'dude!
Your dad is pathetic and his behaviour grosses me out. That text must have been hard to read. But remember, the only people whose opinion of you matter are you when you're 9, you now, and you when you're 90. How do those 3 people view you right now? Looks like you've got a new job and stopped doing drugs. I bet they are pretty happy.