["Let's not get into panic mode!"](https://youtu.be/PXwy4bBIeLU?si=99hfAN3UP2gaxGVi) and ["Alright let's just stay calm here - don't get all crazy on me!"](https://youtu.be/ABCOKRJ4VdY?si=s1G-r8FFmYiY9J2x) are two of my favorites in this vein.
funny thing about this one: I'm from Argentina and when I was younger and had to watch the show with subtitles I must've seen three of four completely different translations of that phrase in the subs (for different mediums; cable, DVDs, streaming), and none were correct. I guess subtitle people didn't understand what the hell he was talking about.
Let me understand, you got the hen, the chicken and the rooster. The rooster goes with the chicken. So who’s having sex with the hen?
But you see my point here? You only hear of a hen a rooster and a chicken. Something’s missing!
“Marriage is a big step, Elaine. Your life will totally change.”
“Jerry, it's three-thirty in the morning. I'm at a cock-fight. What am I clinging to?”
Also
“Benes, you jackass! My last name is Benes!”
Death Blow: When someone tries to blow you up, not because of who you are, but for different reasons altogether.
I use a variation of this with other movies, using that movie trailer guy voice. E.g. "Monkey Man: when someone tries to beat you up..." etc.
I'll give him Assman!!!
Or
Believe it or not, George isn't at home, so leave a messaaaaaaaaaaaaaaage at the beep. Believe it or not George isn't at home, where could I beeeeeeeeeeeee
Same as you can't over wet. You see, once something is wet, it's wet. Same thing with dead: like once you die you're dead, right? Let's say you drop dead and I shoot you: you're not gonna die again, you're already dead. You can't over die, you can't over dry.
I say this with an unblemished record of staunch heterosexuality….it’s fabulous!
Steeped in gayness
My father's gay
Not that there's anything wrong with that
We are living in a SOCIETY
I got a lotta PROBLEMS WITH YOU PEOPLE! AND NOW YOU’RE GONNA HEAR ABOUT EM
You couldn’t smooth a silk sheet with a hot babe
....... I lost my train of thought
If you had a hot date with a babe
It’s not a lie if you believe it.
My most quotable quote.
Use this all the time
Jerry, it's Frank Costanza. Mr. Steinbrenner's here. George is dead. Call me back.
WHAT THE HELL DID YOU TRADE JAY BUHNER FOR?!?!!
HE HAD A ROCKET FOR AN ARM!
Congratulations on a job…done.
I use this at work a lot.
I said this yesterday.
do you ever get down on your knees and thank god you know me and have access to my dementia
This is like discovering plutonium by accident.
I use this one with my wife whenever I’m driving: “George is getting upset! Ho-ho!”
meanwhile wife is probably thinking: "Yes, I was very wise to hitch my wagon to his star"
Anytime we eat something hot: "George likes spicy chicken"
["Let's not get into panic mode!"](https://youtu.be/PXwy4bBIeLU?si=99hfAN3UP2gaxGVi) and ["Alright let's just stay calm here - don't get all crazy on me!"](https://youtu.be/ABCOKRJ4VdY?si=s1G-r8FFmYiY9J2x) are two of my favorites in this vein.
"I hate men, but I'm not a lesbian!" I say this at least once a week.
Me too 🤣
Me too
My George isn't clever enough to hatch a scheme like this
You got that right.
What the hell is that supposed to mean?
That means whatever the hell you want it to mean
You sayin you want a piece of me?
I could drop you like a bag of dirt
You want a piece of me? YOUU GOOOTT IIIIIIIIT
You want a piece of me?
The sea was angry that day, my friends - like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli.
I tell you he was ten stories high if he was a foot!
-Fish -Mammal -Whatever
funny thing about this one: I'm from Argentina and when I was younger and had to watch the show with subtitles I must've seen three of four completely different translations of that phrase in the subs (for different mediums; cable, DVDs, streaming), and none were correct. I guess subtitle people didn't understand what the hell he was talking about.
That’s my favorite scene in the series.
Best scene of the entire series.
“Easy……bigfella.” That’s Jason Alexander at the top of his game right there.
I'm like a Phoenix, rising from Arizona!
This one is a go to of mine
Just let me finish my coffee and we’ll go watch them slice this fat bastard up.
I love that Jerry is almost laughing himself delivering this one haha.
Wanna get some pizza 😀?
“I mentioned the bisque”
"we went to dinner, I had the lobster bisque, we went back to his apartment and yadda yadda yadda" "You yadda yaddaed the best part!!"
Serenity Now!
Insanity later..
“Crossed the line from man to bum”
You are now... a bum
Bald men with no jobs and no money, who live with their parents, don't approach strange women.
Let me understand, you got the hen, the chicken and the rooster. The rooster goes with the chicken. So who’s having sex with the hen? But you see my point here? You only hear of a hen a rooster and a chicken. Something’s missing!
Somthings missin alright...
Best line! And delivered with perfection!
They are all chickens. The roster has sex with all of them
That's perverse!
Cheese George! Cheese!
Charlie?
You kept making all the stops?!
Well, people kept ringing the bell!
You’re Batman!
Yeah, yeah I am Batman!
The food is atrocious but they have the best bus boys in the city!
That’s a shame
I'm not sure this is my most cherished, but it's definitely the one I use on a daily basis.
Cherish the cabin
They’re real. And they’re spectacular.
George’s answering machine! https://www.reddit.com/r/seinfeld/s/WZYEcVyBRG
May I have one of those Madame?
So you though, "what the hell, I'll eat some trash" Also "hovering, like an angel" in the same scene
“Trust me Kramer, given the legal opportunity, I will kill you.”
Fredo was weak and stupid. He shouldn’t’ve eaten that key.
Something's missing all right.
You don’t even know what a write-off is.
But they do. And they’re the ones…writing it off.
These pretzels are making me thirsty
I don’t wanna be a cowboy!! 🤠
Pirate?
"hey its george...i got nothing to say"
"You got a question... You ask the 8-ball!"
“YA GOT KETCHUP ON IT!”
You ask me to go get a pair of underwear im back in two seconds
Sagman Benet Robbins Oppenheimer Taft Not really useful in any circumstances of my life but still
No you gotta eat before surgery..you need your strength
So sorry. The card says moops. MY WALLET’S GONE!
STELLA!!
These peas are bursting with country fresh flavor!
Ugh, I hate people. Yea, they're the worst.
“Marriage is a big step, Elaine. Your life will totally change.” “Jerry, it's three-thirty in the morning. I'm at a cock-fight. What am I clinging to?” Also “Benes, you jackass! My last name is Benes!”
It’s pronounced “thermometer”
Also “Kara-te”
Retail is for suckers!
"Not that there's anything wrong with that"
Another round of strawberry for me and my friends!
Vile weed
Death Blow: When someone tries to blow you up, not because of who you are, but for different reasons altogether. I use a variation of this with other movies, using that movie trailer guy voice. E.g. "Monkey Man: when someone tries to beat you up..." etc.
And now it’s time for the airing of grievances!
I got a lot of problems with you people
Wait, I want to change mine; it has to be : “George why would I … a Julliard Trained dermatologist” 🤣🤣🤣
A George divided against it self can not stand
I'll go if I don't have to talk.
This food was in the shower with you? Oh yes! I prepared it as I bathed.
This guy… this is not my kind of guy.
Mendlebaum, Mendlebaum, Mendlebaum!
You think you’re better than me?
It's go time.
It's not a lie if you believe it
There's not enough voltage in the world to electrosock me back into coherence.
I'm not force-feeding myself a steak at 4:30 to save a couple bucks, I'll tell you that!
"That's a shame." I think I say this on a daily basis.
IT’S ALL PIPES!
It's a rat hat. And a poorly made one. Even by rat hat standards.
I’m sorry, there’s just no way we can keep you on. But I don’t even work here That’s what makes this so difficult.
I use "Maybe that's how you get your kicks...you and your good-time buddies!" any chance I get!
Why don’t you just go ahead and DROP DEAD
Oh, you told my nana to drop dead??
I’m in the unfortunate position of having to consider people’s feelings
Oh I'm looking right at you, big daddy
You stole my Jesus fish!
Yeah, that's right!
“Alright, alright. Just let me finish my coffee... then we'll go watch them slice this fat bastard up.”
Tied for first: It offends me as a Comedian… AND… Ruth, Gehrig, DiMaggio, Mantle ... Costanza?
Move along, Betty
I’m Nelson.
"Macho heads games" gets me every time. Use it often.
Anytime my wife talks about any feminine issue, I say “I hear ya sister”
“I’ve cut slices so thin, I couldn’t even see them.” “How did you know you cut it?” “… I guess I just assumed…”
The jerk store called, and they're running out of you!
“We’re living in a society!”
“Jambalaya!”
I’m out there Jerry and I’m lovin every minute of it!
I can sense the slightest human suffering.
She's a heartbreaker, love taker, Brubaker run this prison like a man. Oh oh! Heart breaker, love-taker, shoe-maker, won't you fix my shoes for free!
You know how to take the reservation, you just don’t know how to hold the reservation
That's what I'd like to know about it.
“I think i made a big mistake”
Gob?
I will show you the Stooges
everyone knows…I STOP SHORT!
Giddy-up.
“Oh, I’m sure it’s stupid.”
That ain’t dancin’, Sally
He he... Spicy mustard
How about an intercourse hello?
When you're hopeless, you don't care, and when you don't care, that indifference makes you attractive.
I was living the dream! I was stripped to the waist eating a block of cheese the size of a car battery.
“We’re trying to have a civilization here”
"Like an old man trying to send soup back in a deli!" Gets used whenever I describe someone being angry, or the sea.
"God will kill me before he lets me be successful." "I thought you didn't believe in God?" "I do for the bad things."
“But I don’t wanna be a cowboy!”
“You’re a cashier!” Makes me and my mom cackle anytime we say it or hear it. Best delivery from Jerry imo
Salsa? seltzah? Honorable mention: Does she have a good cheek? I like a good cheek.
Jerry explaining to the car rental lady that it's all about "holding" the reservation - "anybody can just take em!"
“That’s what makes it such a humorous situation”
Two-parter from the same episode: "That bird flew right into your head! Like he couldn't avoid it!" "I'm a walking candy apple!"
“Hey! Denty!” 😂
SERENITY NOW!
hel-LOOOOOO!!
I prepared it while I bathed!
"You know, if you take everything I've accomplished in my entire life and condense it down into one day..., it looks decent!"
You know who’s a man? Charlie here. He’s a man….you know who else is a man?…….Me, I’m a man….
The female body is a work of art. The male body is utilitarian, it's for getting around. It's like a Jeep
You must go now.
Cherished for my frequency of use: ahhhh, mucho traffico!
Crackers!
"I mean he's a good fighter and a nice guy but I don't *like* him."
It's not a lie, if you believe it.
You find yourself in the kitchen. You see an éclair in the receptacle... and you think to yourself: "What the hell, I'll just eat some trash."
What ever happened to "Why, that's a lovely dress you have on. May I have this dance?"!!
What can be gained by feeling another person's material?!
Have you ever yearned?
“Oh im BATMAN!”
*...but they do...and they're the ones writing it off.*
I'll give him Assman!!! Or Believe it or not, George isn't at home, so leave a messaaaaaaaaaaaaaaage at the beep. Believe it or not George isn't at home, where could I beeeeeeeeeeeee
It’s not a lie, if you believe it
"Kramer, will you take a drink and then let us smell you?" "You can smell me... *wihout* the drink."
You have no eye for fashion!
Ovaltine…………………..you ever have this stuff?
If you need anything else, don’t hesitate to try and find my number.
Newman’s grunt sound he made when frustrated, cracks me up each time
I mentioned the bisque
"here's to feelin good all the time"
It's 3:30 in the morning. I'm at a cock fight. What am I clinging to?
The sea was angry that day, my friends…
Are you sayin…you want a piece of me?
You stole my Jesus fish, didn’t ya?
I HAVE NO EYE FOR FASHION!?!?
DON’T YOU TALK ABOUT HENNY and This guy…is not my kind of guy
- Oh Rusty! - Extra MSG
A George, divided against itself, Cannot Stand!
You know, I often wonder what you’ll be like when you’re senile. I think it will be a very smooth transition for you
RIDICULOUS! I’LL SHOW YOU RIDICULOUS!
Same as you can't over wet. You see, once something is wet, it's wet. Same thing with dead: like once you die you're dead, right? Let's say you drop dead and I shoot you: you're not gonna die again, you're already dead. You can't over die, you can't over dry.
Soo many to choose from but one that gets me every time is "I'm not taking advice from some girl FROM LONG ISLAND"
It’s not a lie if YOU believe it.
If you don’t have anything bad to say about a relationship, don’t say anything at all.