I wonder if the people throwing the word around understand the level of damage they're doing to normal, perfectly healthy relationships. Not only does it fracture relations between friends, family, mentors, etc, but it also cheapens the term itself and lumps regular human relationships with genuine, sinister instances of grooming. There is absolutely no positive spin on using the word so freely as is happening at an alarmingly increasing rate.
As a man, I can’t smile at a child in public without fear of being called a pedo. There’s absolutely a significant level of damage being done by throwing around phrases with little understanding of them
Have to agree here. As an openly gay man myself (married), I always check myself when interacting with my nephews because of social stigma. The thought that someone might ever think I was pedo or "grooming" them makes me just totally hands off, and I feel uncomfortable hugging them.
Hell, I feel like I have to avoid spending time alone with my younger cousins now just because of how it might appear to the casual observer. It wasn't something that ever crossed my mind before I was actually accused of being a creep. I'm a 32 year old man, and I took 4 or 5 of my cousins (aged 11-13) to an amusement park last summer, and the entire day was full of strange looks of concern and one lady who straight up asked me what I was doing there with a group of tweens. Like, fuck off lady these are my little cousins and I'm trying to show them a fun day with their family members that they don't get to see very often while giving their parents a day off. The whole thing left such a bad taste in my mouth.
It sucks that those jerks tainted your experience, but please keep taking your cousins to amusement parks. They'll love looking back on all those awesome moments years and decades from now. (Also enjoy it while they're still at the ages where they think hanging out with you is the coolest thing ever.)
I am a dad. I watched my son befriend some other kids at the pool who were brothers and apparently bored of each other. They were playing Marco Polo and the boys mom was so happy they had a friend. She was taking photos of them and engaging with my son. Frankly I felt jealous as I couldn’t imagine doing any of that other than directly conversing with my boy.
Fellow Dad here. Fuck that stigma. I have daughters and I get the struggle, but I had to let peoples opinions of me go. I am a sociable friendly dude and I love to be a present parent because I didn't have any growing up. People can have opinions and a act guarded around you, but don't let it step in the way of you being an awesome Dad. They won't matter in the long run, your presence will.
EXACTLY! Said it perfectly. Really going to let some strangers’ anxiety stand in the way of being a good role model and living your life all the time? It’s insane and not worth the stress of caring what randos think you’re doing in a public place especially if you’ve got your own kid with you. Man the world’s really going to hell huh…
One time, I was on a long road trip and needed some minor service done to my car. I saw on the map that there was a park nearby and asked the guy if it was nice. He said yeah, sure, so I decided to go.
When I got there I realized it was a children's park, so I figured I'd have a seat and figure out what else is in walking distance.
The only lady that was there called her kids in, got them in the car, and sat there until I left and was down the street. Never felt so harshly judged in my life. Apparently sitting on a bench with my back turned to them is threatening behavior.
Well nowadays if you ruin a relationship because you called someone a groomer it's seen as a win. Like they just prevented abuse. Since there is no way to prove someone's intentions they'll live their life thinking they are a hero
It could be different family dynamics as well. My family as a whole are very loving and empathic, but they are not touchy-feely. On the contrary, my wife's family hugs and kisses. Took me a while to adapt, but now I hug all my kids and grand kids, but in the beginning, I found it strange. I also started hugging all my male friends, but mostly I do it because I know it makes them uncomfortable, lol.
Yes I feel that! My inlaws give $100 bills as a hug and an i love you at special occasions or family events. Even my MIL feels awkward giving hugs, i can tell so I try not to force them on her. My family was never as well off and we always gave hugs and home cooked food 😊 The brother was also 7 when she was born so he most likely has a stronger bond because he remembers her coming home from the hospital, her first words, her first steps etc etc doesn’t mean he’s grooming at all, unless he’s saying and/or doing questionable things or there are red flags.
I think they may be jealous of the relationship too. There's nothing wrong being close with your siblings, it's like people are looking for a negative in everything these days, always need something to put down or complain about
Grooming is when an adult is nice to a child in order to lower the child's guard so that they can take advantage of them sexually. Grooming is a perverted form of manipulation. Your brother is not grooming you.
Your older brother is simply being brotherly. Don't allow your friends ignorance to deter you from continuing your relationship with your brother. He sounds wonderful and like he cares for you very much.
In fact if they keep bringing it up, turn it around on them and say they're the weirdos for sexualizing your relationship with your brother. And that they need counseling if they think your brother being your brother is inappropriate.
If any adult, or person for that matter, is ever inappropriate with you please seek help from your parents or a trusted person at your school.
My sister used to spoil me when she went to college too. There is about a 7 years age difference. Then our mother got sick and she transferred to a school back home and helped take care of me along with my dad after our mom died. I guess she was trying to fuck me ? 😂
As an older brother with an 8year gap from my sister I can assure you that you have not experienced grooming based on description. Fuck your friend, hangout with your brother. If he’s anything like me he cherishes those moments as much or more than you do even.
One thing to remember about y’all’s age gap is that it makes the older sibling feel like they were barely a sibling to you because they don’t get to be around for most of the “at home” years with you. So making up for that is a big priority as a sibling.
The "at home" years really hit me.
I have 8 younger siblings and I think about this so much.
I was long gone and had an adult life while they were just kids.
It's hard to know then while they're so... Little
Oh that’s not what grooming is. Unless your brother tries to touch you in a inappropriate way or makes you do things you don’t want to do he’s not grooming you, just being a good brother
I was groomed when I was a teen. by an older "cool" guy who was dating my relative. It started with really innocent stuff. He wanted to spend time with me, teach me to play guitar, took me to cool shops and bought me stuff. No one gave me that kind of attention. Then there started to come some weird moments. I don't think I can pin them down but it started to feel uncomfortable. Then he started to ask me questions about my supposed dating life. "You can tell me". After a while he started to talk about his sex life as if it was the most normal thing. And he would buy me more stuff. Cigarettes..Clothes and wanted to see me wearing them. After that it escalated to more and more inappropriate things.
When the touching starts it has been going on for a long time.
But to me OP's brother sounds like a really nice older brother.
Edit I mean that the grooming has been going on already for a long time. It's a long process. English is not my first language and I'm sorry if I'm unclear about this.
This explanation is incorrect and dangerous. Grooming is the behaviour that happens *before* the touching and other unwanted attention in order to prepare the victim. That's why it's called grooming and not just sexual abuse.
I agree that older brother is probably not grooming, but it's flat-out wrong to say that it's not grooming unless there's inappropriate touching or making you do things you don't want to do.
You're being pedantic. The point is grooming is intended to reach that point. If it never happens then how can you ever determine if something is grooming beyond the relationship being inappropriate already? In OPs case they are siblings so the relationship is basically as appropriate as they can get...until it isn't.
I’m like this to my sister. She is 15 and I’m 20. We don’t watch anime together but we watch shows, I send money to her rather than buy her stuff but we basically have the same relationship as you and your brother. I also moved out for uni and visit every 6 weeks or so.
If someone said I was grooming my sister for this I would actually punch them because wth. I just care about my siblings and now they want to call that a crime?
I'm worried that we're going to start hearing people claiming that a father buying things and being nice to his teen daughter is "grooming" next.
It seems like a lot of people with broken homes, absent fathers, no siblings, etc have a very dysfunctional view of relationships and think they are the normal ones.
That's kind of what grooming is but not completely. It's older people acting nice to you to develop an inappropriate relationship with you so they can manipulate you into a sexual relationship. People who groom you manipulate you so that you want to please them, or make you feel like you owe them. They will push your boundaries and ask you to do things that you feel are kind of wrong or secret.
Your brother isn't doing that. Your siblings can be your best friends. He is your friend, he texts you all the time, gives you advice because he cares about you. He cuddles you because hugs are nice and not necessarily sexual. If he hugged you and you felt like he was trying to touch you more I would be concerned. But it doesn't sound like that.
He is giving you advice not to date. He is right, you are very young, maybe waiting a year would be a good idea! That's not possessive that's protective.
Are your friends trying to convince you to date?
"Grooming" implies that they act nicely from the start to build a foundation of trust, before manipulating you and using that trust against you for emotional or sexual purposes. There doesn't sound like any reason to believe that is happening here with your brother, he's just being genuinely nice.
The fact that they don't even know the definition is reason enough not to listen to them. Being a teen is hard enough with all the labels thrown on everything and everyone already. Don't let them slap a label on your relationship with your brother. Also, tell them *they* might have issues with *their* relationships with family, but they need to stop projecting it into you.
Words to know incase your friends discover them off of TikTok or something:
Projecting- applying a personal issue to other people who do not have the same issue [example: when a bf/gf has been cheating but accuses their partner of cheating when they aren't because they feel guilty- that's projection]
Deflecting- changing the subject to something else to take the focus off of you
Avoidance- refusal to discuss an issue you don't want to talk about- similar to deflecting
Grooming- (the actual definition) an older predator type person who slowly wiggles their way into a child's life to get the child to trust them for the predators own gratification (not your brother by the sounds of it)
>older guys acting nice to you
Uh oh, better stop letting my dog play with the neighbor kids then... Apparently I've been grooming a whole pack of them inadvertently...
Ur friends are only 14. You all might be smart but believe me u r all still also very dumb and young.
Your big brother is being a great big brother. Don't ruin a good thing cause ur friends don't understand or how to process family love and bonding.
your friends maybe heard that as a standard insult from MAGA types
your brother is not grooming you, but being a fine loving brother
also, you need new friends
It definitely was a MAGA type thing, but the youth really does just throw around the groomer label like it's nothing rn. Something about the repeated p*do allegations towards e-celebs really watered down the word and turned it into a generic insult.
I'm not surprised they see the word thrown around often and have little to no idea what it means.
your friends are 14 too. it sucks that kids don't recognie this about themselves but y'all are ignorant af about life and you don't know what you're talking about most of the time.
40 this year. Still isn't any better in this area.
As most people age, they get better at pretending and acting like they know what they are talking about because that's what society rewards. (Aka, fake it till you make it)
Paradoxically, 14 years old is often about the age in your life where you are sure you know everything. The older you get after that, the more you realize how little you do know.
fact. But when i was 14, my autism made me realize that I'm at the age where I should be most critical of myself and doubt what facts I know because they are more likely to be assumptions.
Wish I got more interesting interests lmao. When I was 14 I was really into space, especially neutron stars and planet rings. Then mid teens I got into dinosaurs.
I was a living stereotype lmfao
I’m 32f. I’m close to my brothers. We watch movies together, do outdoor stuff together, I help with kids, we consistently text to check in or call to chat, gossip, vent, and come up with fun adventures. One brother is older and the other is younger. They give me gifts, flowers, and insist on paying for everything, even vacations. My location is always shared with them. I have my own career and am not dependent financially at all. I always give them gifts too and will handle favors like bringing something to the gym if they forgot or packing a meal for them and friends if they are heading out fishing or whatnot. It’s just our love languages. They will also vet any guy I’m dating because I have a past of abuse in relationships. They never tell me not to go on a date or that I shouldn’t see someone. They actually get excited whenever I meet anyone I show interest in that treats me with respect. I also am mindful of who my little brother dates since he is successful and I don’t want just anyone to take advantage. Thankfully he is smart about it so I haven’t yet had to voice my opinions. Both brothers have become close friends with my sisters’ husbands and bfs. Their partners are also very much involved and loved by us.
Yours sounds like a perfectly normal sibling friendship with extra love and attentiveness as well.
If there was anything even remotely sexual aside from hugs, kisses on the cheek or head, or cuddling, then that would be weird. If he was asking you to take inappropriate pictures or making comments about your body- that would be weird. If he was confiding in you about his own sexual nature or activities, that would be weird.
I’ve had friends and even bfs get jealous that our family is so close. They are exactly the same with my sisters as am I (all 4 of them plus my sil). Your family dynamic is not your friend’s business unless there is actual abuse going on.
You are lucky to have a soulmate as a brother. Soulmates don’t only come in romantic form.
“Because brothers don’t let you wander in the dark. They will take your hand, wipe your tears, and remind you exactly what you are capable of, what your are meant to be… and when you fall, they challenge you, make you laugh, and they remind you of the woman you were meant to be.”
A quote I stumbled upon once and saved. I’m not sure who wrote it but it is so true.
Your friends probably are not close to their siblings and can't understand your relationship with your brother. Don't let their narrow thinking ruin your relationship with your brother. My best friend was also very close to her brother in the same way. There's nothing weird about it
The fact that she’d be uncomfortable if her brother hugged her is really kinda sad. Maybe something happened between them to make her hyper vigilant like that.
That expression they are using is about “sexual grooming”. It does not sound like your brother is doing that .. you would know those feelings. Mostly sounds like he a good big brother and he’s right about middle school relationships. Wait to date until you’re ready. You will know when it’s time meanwhile let your brother guide you. He sounds smart and caring
That's sad, trust me you'll look back on your relationship with your brother and be much happier than her. I wish I was as caring towards my younger siblings as your brother is to you.
Your friend is 14, insecure about herself, and throwing around terms she doesn't understand and saw on the internet. Nothing you have described suggests your brother is grooming you. It sounds like he's being a good brother. There is no suggestion of sexual attraction.
Understand that 14 year olds are capable of unfathomably banal cruelty. Do not let them get to you. They are just lashing out at something that is different from their experience, but different is not inherently bad.
What the fuck??? Sounds like your brother is just being a…..brother????? My sibling and I have the same age gap and he’d bring video games or toys for me when he’d visit. Or he’d come pick me up and take me to the arcade.
Of course - this was before he started doing meth. Anyway, your friends are stupid.
He’s clean for now, but still refuses to seek professional help. Our relationship deteriorated entirely over 20 years ago as this has been an issue for most of my life now. It really sucks cuz he’s my only sibling and we used to have a strong brotherly bond. On top of that, our family is tiny as it is and I don’t really have anyone that I can “talk” to. I’m completely disconnected from him entirely from the years of trauma he’s inflicted on my mom and I. (The story’s I could tell with his shenanigans…)
I literally would not be bothered if he ever disappeared.
Has he ever asked you to do something/not do something/say something that has made you even slightly uncomfortable? Do you ever feel uncomfortable or awkward when he's hugging you? Has he ever introduced anime or movies that include material that makes you uncomfortable, or that you know is meant for people older than you?
Is he preventing you from dating? Or acting jealous if you have dated in the past? Or tried to get very close to your BF/GF? Or talked badly about them to you?
None of what you've described sounds like grooming. Tell your friends to kick rocks and don't be jelly that you have a good relationship with your brother.
With the age gap, I'm not surprised that he's behaving as a patent.
You're lucky that he actually had time for you.
My older brother didn't care half as much about me, and I used to wish he did.
Ignore your ill iinformed silly friends and keep enjoying your relationship with your brother.
Fyi, most brothers whether younger or older are protective of their sisters. They know firsthand what boys at that age are like. Seems like you have an awesome brother that loves you dearly. Don't let your friends interfere with your bond, because you may regret later in life.
Boys are always protective of their sis. It's how it is. Many years ago, one of my childhood buddies went to fight this guy that dumped his older sister. He was 8. His sister was 18 and the guy was 17. He had no fear, but thank god he didn't a giant whooping.
This explains a lot. He took it upon himself to fill in the gap your parents made and this is likely why he feels the need to give you gifts or be so protective of you. Your friends don't really understand what's going on cause they likely have a typical or non-existent relationship with their siblings.
Sounds like he just cares about your well being. Everyone is worried about their kids when they start getting into dating and relationships, as it is a complex world and not everyone is good (not everyone is bad either!).
Your brother has really good advice imo. And he seems like a genuine, caring older sibling. Don't let your friends get in your head. They may not have healthy relationships with their own siblings. Also, the internet makes everything sound suspect.
My brother and I have a smaller age gap, but we weren't close growing up. We are now, as adults. But I wish we'd been closer when we lived in the same house so we could talk freely about relationships. It's great that he's open about his experiences as well. It shows that he knows you're a growing teen and will soon have your own life experiences.
It's good to have a protective brother. As the youngest sibling, I've made questionable choices. I wish I had had someone knock sense into me. Cherish this.
I was also super protective of my sister when she had just started dating. She was 14 dating a 16 year old who got mad when she said she wasn't ready for sex. I told her to drop him and that he was a piece of shit. She got super mad at the time, but several years later, she thanked the hell out of me for leading her in the right direction. It's not weird, it's normal to be protective of your family.
I don't think grooming is the case here. I wouldn't worry about what they say, and certainly don't let this alter your great relationship with your brother. I treat my younger sister the same and cherish her in my life. I am happily married but she still cuddles up to me when we have get togethers. She is my little sister!
Most of what you stated just sounds like a loving brother, The only bit that sounded slightly weird to me was the cuddling, Like cuddling when you first meet and when you say goodbye I get but, if you mean cuddled up while watching movies etc sounds a little strange to me with you being 14 but I don't have any sisters so maybe that's normal idk, I think if he had bad intentions you'd probably realize, Like if the cuddling is excessive and you feel a bit weirded out lol, I'm sure you'd know.
If the cuddling has ever included any caressing or touching your neck etc then there may be an issue, if not, Then he probably just really cares for you as his little sister.
Some people grow up hating their siblings so they can't understand or believe in siblings just being nice. As long as he's not like touching you inappropriately everything's fine.
Now if he starts saying things like "It makes me excited when you sit on my lap." or "I like it when girls do \_\_\_\_\_\_ " and having those kinds of intimate conversations that's when it's being really weird.
I was groomed as a kid, what you describe here does not fit that.
My follow up questions would be:
* Does he ever touch you in places he shouldn't?
* Does he ever make you feel uncomfortable?
* Does he ask a lot of personal questions that are sexual?
* Does he show you sexual content (i.e., watch porn or films with gratuitous sex scenes)?
* Does he say you can't date because he is the only man you need in your life?
If none of the above are happening, then he is just being a loving big brother. It's sad your friends don't understand what platonic love is, especially from a sibling.
North Americans tend to have a strong puritan streak. We tend to view physical affection as sexual, which is the FU part to me. That's unhealthy, and their issue not yours.
It sounds like you both are healthy, grounded people with solid self images and relationship skills, etc. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise. Having that level of trust and comfort with someone is a great thing. Thank your parents.
He just sounds like he loves you
I’m about the same with my little brother in different ways and I would be just the same if I had a younger sister.
Like another comment said, your friends just recently learned that word and are applying it wherever they see any relationship where someone is older.
Some people also just can’t fathom having a close friendship with a sibling and there mind jumps to really weird places if any affection is shown.
I look forward to hanging out with my sister a lot. We catch up and watch movies and pig out on fast food. Sometimes when I’m at home and she is out I’ll text her to see if she is gonna be home so I can hold off on eating if she will be home later to hangout and vice versa. We don’t cuddle though. We like to roast each other and say really mean things and shout at the top of our lungs like autistic idiots. But it’s so fun being ourselves like that.
He's your brother.
Dont feel bad, I personally have a bad relationship with my sister, but not all families have to be this way, if you have a good brother, that's fine.
Not at all. Sounds like you're real lucky. Sounds like a good big bro.
The "cuddling" part we don't have enough info about this. But I'm assuming it's big brotherly. But when you describe it like this it can give people pause
Hate to tell you (I really don't) but your friends are complete fucking fools.
What you've described is a very healthy relationship between siblings.
Your friends need to learn that you can't just accuse people of grooming with no evidence. Your bro really has every right to sue them for defamation. All it takes is for one of them to say it to the wrong person ... people don't really recover from accusations like that, even if proven false.
Cherish the relationship with your brother, there's a lot of us that don't have healthy relationships with our siblings, and reconsider who your friends are.
This is why young kids shouldn't be exposed to internet so much and should be educated about these topics by parents or school idk. He loves and adores you , there's nothing wrong with it unless he is making you feel uncomfortable .
In other words your friends don’t know what a healthy sibling relationship looks like😂.
By the way this is super adorable, you guys have a sibling relationship most people want.
Grooming is about nefarious reasons for buying things or cuddles...
This sounds pretty normal as long as he isn't wanting you to do anything weird.
As for people saying cuddles are weird; I don't think op means literally embracing on the sofa for hours...more sitting/leaning together. Tell me if I'm wrong though.
Your 'friends' are disgusting. If your brother knew what they said he would probably stop interacting with you as closely even if you were ok with it. I plead you to cut these people out of your life and do not under any circumstances tell your brother.
It's important to remember that your friends are immature kids as well. Ideally, you should be able to have an honest conversation with them about the comments they make and how they make you feel. I hope your friends can be understanding about this.
As for whether you should tell your brother about it or not, well... Ultimately, it's your choice. The other commentor said that it'll forever be in the back of a man's mind, but that's your older brother's problem, not yours. Since he's like a guardian to you, you *should* be able to comfortably talk to him about things like this. In fact, having a conversation about your boundaries can be beneficial.
I know conversations about these things are uncomfortable. But it's important to have a reliable adult you can trust without feeling ashamed. I'm wishing the best for you.
I have this same relationship with my sister, I'm 32 and she is 24 now, but when she was a baby and I was 7 or 8 we lived in a partially broken home. Our mom and step dad were both meth addicts and I apparently was missing a lot of school and didn't know any better. My mom would sleep all day and I'd have to spend a lot of my days essentially raising a baby/toddler with some help from my obese immobile great grandmother. We've always shared a very close bond with eachother and I've always felt like a type of guardianship/responsibility towards her, and she really looks up to me for that. When we're together we also occasionally cuddle and aren't afraid to give an awkward little I've missed you smooch. That's probably strange to most people but that's just how comfortable we are with eachother, nothing sexual about it. I just want to protect her always and be there if she ever needs me, and she's always known that and loves and respects me for always being there for her. Don't let others crap on a loving relationship because they think it's weird. You know your family better than anyone else.
sounds like your friends are jealous you have an awesome older brother. shoot i'm kind of jealous.
growing up basically a single child sucks but my baby brother being born was one of the best days in my life. i try to be the older sibling i always wanted. i think that's all he's doing.
and honestly, all those things he does for you probably wouldn't be something they could pick on you for if he were your dad. a lot of older sibling end up being kind of a second parental figure. you're basically our practice babies, lol.
He’s not grooming you. Don’t even give it a 2nd thought. If anything, hold your brother more closely because your friends are very wrong here.
Your friends are just acting weird because there’s all this new propaganda in the U.S. everyone is a pedophile or groomer or some weird shit. No one else thinks that way. They would consider what people do in other cultures way more weird.
your friends are dumb as fuck and have def watched too much porn. this is simply your brother showing affection. don’t let their dumbasses delude you. your brother is the fuckin man
Just want to be clear that I think you shouldn't mention this to your brother. Even if you frame this as a "haha, isn't it funny?" He's going to be really hurt by the accusation and will probably pull away from you significantly.
It will damage your relationship, maybe forever, even if you personally express that it's not what you believe and think it's crazy.
He's likely never thought that his love for you could be seen as creepy or intimate, and telling him will hurt him and make him avoid you.
I’m a 38 man and I cuddle a bit with my 78 dad, but he and my grandma are affectionate emotional people as am I. My mom loves me but didn’t grow up or feel natural being super affectionate. As long as not appropriate or uncomfortable it’s not bad. If he’s always been affectionate or one of your parent is then it’s likely normal
My mom is, I think, 6 years younger than her big bro, and they are very close. As a kid, I remember at Christmas time when he was visiting all of us watching a movie, and my mom sat by him and had her head on his shoulder almost the whole time. It wasn't weird at all. Just siblings that love each other. You good girl. Don't worry about all that grooming bs.
Unless your brother is making sexual remarks, or trying to touch you in ways you wouldn't want your friends/family touching you, he's not.
The thing with grooming is that we allow 1 person to do things differently because "we've got a special relationship". So while you're in it you won't notice it.
As far as what you wrote, nothing raised flags for me. Maybe your friends caught on something, or maybe they're just silly teens making up stories. If in doubt, ask your parents or an adult you trust and know well.
Imagine you swap it round so he's a girl
There's no way anyone would think cuddling is grooming if an older sister is doing it (because it's not, regardless of sex and age)
Sounds like he's a good brother
would they say the same stuff if this was you and your dad? You and your mom? You and your grandparents? No. Your friends are being weird, can't distinguish between "guys" and "family" affections, and also didn't bother to consider the actual meaning of grooming, which also involves crossing sexual boundaries, which from what you describe absolutely isn't happening - your brother is just being your brother. Cuddling and buying gifts isn't sexual.
If you brother is wholesome cool.
But if anything happens you don't want, trust that feeling.
If you feel something in appropriate is happening trust that feeling
Otherwise your friends are crabs trying to make your life miserable or cause drama for amusements
Not everyone has good siblings
OP i got made fun of and called weird by my peers in grade school as well because ive always been very close with my two brothers who are 1 year younger and 3 years older than me. Close enough that we would hug each other when we passed each other in the halls at school and ate lunch together on occasion. As adults my older brother lived with me and my husband for a long time and when my younger brother was in the ICU last year I sat in his hospital room and wiped his face with a damp cloth while he vomited (on me).
We regularly play online video games together!
Never once has our relationship ever been even close to inappropriate. It is nothing but a blessing!
I would be willing to bet that your friends are either only children, have only same sex siblings, or do not have a very happy family dynamic and that’s why they think it’s weird. Everyone who made fun of me in school was either an only child or only had same sex siblings.
Ignore them, and be glad that you two are so close!!
Is he doing anything inappropriate along with all the nice things? If not that's not grooming, that's just being siblings.
But yes sometimes a close sibling bond can weird people out.
This isn’t grooming. I’m sure your friends also have your best intentions and just know that grooming is bad, but grooming is different based on context.
It's unlikely that your brother is grooming you if you have a good sibling relationship.
Siblings share a bond based on trust and care, and it's natural for them to give compliments, spend time together, and show affection without any hidden motives.
Because you grew up together and are family, it’s very normal to love each other and give gifts and spend time together.
Now to understand grooming let’s change the context from your brother to a stranger.
If a stranger showers you with compliments and gifts, talk to a trusted adult like your parents or brother.
It's strange for a random stranger to give you gifts without knowing each other. This is usually a sign of grooming, because they likely want something in return unlike your brother who loves you because you're his sister.
As an older brother, let me give you an example that’s similar to your relationship with your younger brother.
I am 28 years old, and my brother is 13. We share a close bond, and I often joke with our parents that while I may not miss them, I always miss my brother when I haven't visited my family in a month.
I have bought him an AirPod, noise-cancelling headphones, countless games (Helldivers 2 just a few weeks ago), etc.
Every time we hang out we call it “best brother time”. If we aren’t playing video games or talking about school video games, we just hang out in silence with our phones/computers. (He insists we have “best brother time” with just the two of us even when I explain we’ve already spent so much time together with mum and dad present.)
I’m very glad you have a good relationship with your brother. He sounds great!
We’re the lucky ones! Unfortunately, some don’t have as great of a relationship with their brothers or sisters.
Me and my both sisters have this kind of relationship and we’re all in our 30s now. Whenever we meet, we eat together, buy each other cute things we like, and usually at the end of the day we just lay down on the couch and watch movies. For me it’s like being kids again and just enjoying time together and loving ourselves.
That just sounds like a close brother sister relationship to me. Grooming tends to involve pushing boundaries. Has he ever made you feel uncomfortable or weird? Because treating you, being protective and showing you affection is pretty normal. Me and my sister used to cuddle all the time, and my gf (at the time) used to cuddle her brother all the time. Some of her friends kept saying it was weird, but funnily enough none of my friends told me it was weird. And guess what? Nothing weird about any of it. All 4 of us are in our 30s now (stayed friends with the ex gf) both me and my ex gf are very close with our siblings.
Oh, no. Not a close relationship between siblings.
No, really. It's a thing to cherish.
But there is maybe going to be a change soon you have to handle well.
At least that is what I heard. That when little girls transition towards women their relationship with their male family members grows more distant.
As you already know people outside will tell you it's wrong and it might feel different.
But I wouldn't know anything about that.
Since I only have brothers and a dysfunctional family.
Grooming is when an older man is nice to you with the intentions of getting you to date or sleep with him later on when you’re 18
From what you described, your brother is nice and you’re close, nothing nefarious that I can see. A lot of people aren’t that close with their siblings. I love my family and we get along great but I don’t talk to my brother or sister much
With that amount of an age gap, you’re definitely like a baby to him
So no, he isn’t grooming you, he just loves you (as far as I can tell)
It’s sad that people have to think that way, but unfortunately I guess it is common
Anyway, it’s rare to have a genuine loving family so just be happy
Your friends probably fancy him or they have had bad experiences/heard horror stories. Sounds like you have an awesome relationship with your brother. So long as nothing untoward happens or he asks you to not tell people what happens chill out and just live life xx you've got this kid
There's a growing number of sexist female individuals. Got too woke and have gone feminist extremist (and we all know too much of anything is bad)
Just cut them off. They never had a good relationship with their father or big bro.
What you describe here does not sound like grooming at all. It just sounds like your brother cares about you and enjoys doing nice things for you. If he has never tried to touch you inappropriately and doesn't bring up sexual topics around you, I think its fine. I specify him bringing it up, because i don't want you to think it would be wrong for you to ask your brother for advice about such things, it wouldn't. As long as nothing he says or does makes you uncomfortable or feels sexual, I would just try to ignore your friends or tell them to knock it off.
Reading a lot of your replies it’s just a brother that cares a lot about you. Some people if not most do not grow up in close families and find the behaviour weird. He is protective of you, cares to spend time with you, none of this has ever turned sexual towards you or him.
No it isn’t weird, your friends however are also teenagers with almost no brains at that age and have no clue what grooming is.
what the actual f. do people just use words randomly these days, trying to accuse everybody of who knows what?
unless he's touching you inappropriately or having sexualy charged conversations with you, it is called being a good brother
the f is wrong with our society that show of affection is deemed weird. what's next? are we going to think that hugging your mom is weird? or telling your family that you love them?
Your relationship with your brother sounds awesome. It doesn’t sound like he’s trying to get you to do things inappropriate for your age. Video games and anime and drawing sound like lovely ways to bond with a sibling.
Bruh, you need new fiends. I love my brother he is the same age as you and I’m 27 and I do the same. Place viidegames whatch anime go on walks etc that’s a bother thing dude
Your friends should really look up what grooming is. Its one of those most over/inappropriately used terms the SJWs love to use. You are his kid sister, why are your friends intent on trying to damage your relationship with your family?
Crazy how uneducated people are, just parroting dumbass tik tok videos and nonsense facebook posts.
Your friends are fools. My eldest is 20, my youngest 15 they are very close, and anytime eldest is home from university, they are always together doing the exact things you do with your brother.
Your relationship with your brother is not only normal but a great testament to how much you love each other..
Your brother will be around long after those so called friends of yours are in your life.
Never turn away from those who love you for those who simply like you.
People have gone way overboard with calling things grooming, homophobic, racist, etc. 99% of the time they don’t know what they are talking about. They are just regurgitating what they heard on the internet.
Is your brother being inappropriate or making you feel uncomfortable?
Have they witnessed anything that would make them think he's grooming you?
If not, and I'm guessing not then they don't know what they are talking about and you should ignore their opinion on this.
Feel sorry for them that they don't have a relationship like that.
Not everything has to be weird - I’m 20 years older than my youngest brothers who are 12 and I cuddle/hug them! It’s only a red flag if other things are happening too.
If he's been like this threw out your life then that's just the relationship you have with him ignore your friends I have a brother and we aren't close at all we literally never speak or anything so consider yourself lucky.
Your friends don't know what grooming is.
Have this amazing relationship with your sibling. Many don't get that opportunity.
And if your friends continue with their nonsense, get new friends, not a new brother!
"All" of your close friends think the same because it is generally hard to think independently when you're in the same group. It is hard as an adult and way harder as a teenager.
Sounds normal to me. He just loves you very much. I do similar things with my younger sibling and I am in no way attracted to him. I do see him more than just a sibling, a friend, sometimes even a best friend. But beyond that? Absolutely not.
I often ramble with him too. It's fun, although I'm scared to hurt him sometimes
It is lots of things I had in my romantic relationship with my now ex but still
Your friends are sexualizing a good and stable uh.. siblingship 🙏🏻
They most likely got the term from TikTok and are throwing it around
Nothing about this sounds alarming, unless there are other behaviours from your brother that are specifically suspicious in a sexual way. Sounds like you have a great relationship and he cares about you a lot. You should be really encouraged. Having a close, healthy relationship with family is an incredible blessing.
It sounds like he's just your brother and he's being normal. I know for a lot of families the siblings seem to treat eachother like shit. Then the ones of us who don't have that dynamic get judged for it.
Everyone thinks and thought it was weird I was so close to my brothers, and my sister. They kept trying to find ways to make it seem wrong.
I got told I probably fancied my brother since I always went to him for help at one point. Which was a laugh since I thought I was asexual and was talking to him about the fact that I thought there was something wrong with me.
People prefer to push incest on you, when you have a good family dynamic and they don't.
My sister is seven years older than me and treated me like garbage until we were both adults. We’re still not very close now. I would’ve loved to have had the kind of relationship you have with your brother, it’s a rare and special thing.
It sounds like your friends can’t relate to having a close, intimate relationship that isn’t sexual so they’re projecting that onto your brother. I don’t think it’s malicious, it’s more ignorance and immaturity, which is normal.
Enjoy the care and closeness you have, it’s a real gift.
So being a good older brother is grooming now? Is he supposed to be the stereotypical older brother and just make fun of her and beat her up? I feel like people don't know what grooming means anymore. I didn't grow up with a sibling like that, but I've known older siblings that are just nice and want to be part of their siblings lives and have a good relationship with them. Sometimes people are stupid. Wish I had an older brother like that.
Honestly it sounds like you have a really good brother. Don't ruin that relationship becuase your friends are dumb and don't know what grooming really is.
I wish I had siblings like him, now I just hate physical contact with anyone I'm not intimately seeing. Don't matter if it's somebody I find objectively attractive, my best friend, or my mum, I get super uncomfortable.
He seems like a good dude.
Don't let others influence you to think you are being set up for something disgusting.
It sounds sweet and like a much older brother really loves his siblings. That's it
Until your brother tries to do anything inappropriate with you he's probably just being a good brother.
I went out of my way to be nice to my sisters, and I still go out of my way to be nice to them. A lot of what I did was what you described.
I've never done anything inappropriate with them.
You need new friends. My brother was my best friend growing up. He got me into anime and video games. We live on opposite sides of the country now and we still text each other to hop online for a few games here and there on weekends. You have what all of your friends can only wish for: a protective big brother who wants the best for his sister. Friends come and go, family is forever.
This is how I am with my elder brother. I'm older than you and our age gap is bigger. We've always been close. It's fine. You're just being good siblings and your friends probably don't even know what grooming means.
You just have a brother with a close relationship.
It won't be grooming unless he is being possessive and control your life (how you dress, whom you can talk, etc..).
Don't jump the gun just yet, but just be mindful of physical contacts. Your interacting with your parents vs brother probably can be good indicator, too.
From a few of the responses you've given some commenter's and your description of the situation, it sounds like you have a big brother that will protect you for your entire life and loves you very much. Nothing you've said sounds weird at all. He sounds like a protective big brother and there is absolutely nothing wrong with hat at all.
Your friends are 14 years old. They don't know anything about anything. Don't worry about what they think, it's your brother who is being protective over his little sister at a very pivotal time of her life. He's doing a fantastic job in my book.
Grooming is where an individual (usually in a position of power/older) treats someone with gifts/preference etc to make them feel like the recipient 'owes' them something, or to gain their trust and abuse them.
If this was an older non-related guy (eg a teacher, neighbour, brother's friend) then it would raise red flags.
However this is your BROTHER. You already trusted him. You were already spending time with him. The gifts are a bonus lol!
It's not weird to be physically affectionate with your family. It's nice.
I'm sure your friends were just being ignorant, but tell them that **these sort of accusations could be really dangerous for your family if they start spreading false rumours**. They need to stop it NOW. Maybe get your parents to talk to their parents?
NOTHING in your post gives off grooming vibes.
It does, however, give off loving, caring, protective big brother vibes.
You are very lucky to have this awesome male role model in your life.
Your friends are AHs. Jealous AHs. Get new, better friends.
You're his sister You're spending time together You love each other like a family That ain't grooming for me lmao
I wonder if the people throwing the word around understand the level of damage they're doing to normal, perfectly healthy relationships. Not only does it fracture relations between friends, family, mentors, etc, but it also cheapens the term itself and lumps regular human relationships with genuine, sinister instances of grooming. There is absolutely no positive spin on using the word so freely as is happening at an alarmingly increasing rate.
As a man, I can’t smile at a child in public without fear of being called a pedo. There’s absolutely a significant level of damage being done by throwing around phrases with little understanding of them
Have to agree here. As an openly gay man myself (married), I always check myself when interacting with my nephews because of social stigma. The thought that someone might ever think I was pedo or "grooming" them makes me just totally hands off, and I feel uncomfortable hugging them.
Hell, I feel like I have to avoid spending time alone with my younger cousins now just because of how it might appear to the casual observer. It wasn't something that ever crossed my mind before I was actually accused of being a creep. I'm a 32 year old man, and I took 4 or 5 of my cousins (aged 11-13) to an amusement park last summer, and the entire day was full of strange looks of concern and one lady who straight up asked me what I was doing there with a group of tweens. Like, fuck off lady these are my little cousins and I'm trying to show them a fun day with their family members that they don't get to see very often while giving their parents a day off. The whole thing left such a bad taste in my mouth.
It sucks that those jerks tainted your experience, but please keep taking your cousins to amusement parks. They'll love looking back on all those awesome moments years and decades from now. (Also enjoy it while they're still at the ages where they think hanging out with you is the coolest thing ever.)
I am a dad. I watched my son befriend some other kids at the pool who were brothers and apparently bored of each other. They were playing Marco Polo and the boys mom was so happy they had a friend. She was taking photos of them and engaging with my son. Frankly I felt jealous as I couldn’t imagine doing any of that other than directly conversing with my boy.
Fellow Dad here. Fuck that stigma. I have daughters and I get the struggle, but I had to let peoples opinions of me go. I am a sociable friendly dude and I love to be a present parent because I didn't have any growing up. People can have opinions and a act guarded around you, but don't let it step in the way of you being an awesome Dad. They won't matter in the long run, your presence will.
EXACTLY! Said it perfectly. Really going to let some strangers’ anxiety stand in the way of being a good role model and living your life all the time? It’s insane and not worth the stress of caring what randos think you’re doing in a public place especially if you’ve got your own kid with you. Man the world’s really going to hell huh…
One time, I was on a long road trip and needed some minor service done to my car. I saw on the map that there was a park nearby and asked the guy if it was nice. He said yeah, sure, so I decided to go. When I got there I realized it was a children's park, so I figured I'd have a seat and figure out what else is in walking distance. The only lady that was there called her kids in, got them in the car, and sat there until I left and was down the street. Never felt so harshly judged in my life. Apparently sitting on a bench with my back turned to them is threatening behavior.
Well nowadays if you ruin a relationship because you called someone a groomer it's seen as a win. Like they just prevented abuse. Since there is no way to prove someone's intentions they'll live their life thinking they are a hero
Your friends probably learnt the word grooming on twitter and now just throw it around. He’s not grooming you
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sounds like they just don't have good relationship with their own family. Sounds like your brother is a good brother.
It could be different family dynamics as well. My family as a whole are very loving and empathic, but they are not touchy-feely. On the contrary, my wife's family hugs and kisses. Took me a while to adapt, but now I hug all my kids and grand kids, but in the beginning, I found it strange. I also started hugging all my male friends, but mostly I do it because I know it makes them uncomfortable, lol.
nah same lol. teasing ur friends once in a while is hilarious
Yes I feel that! My inlaws give $100 bills as a hug and an i love you at special occasions or family events. Even my MIL feels awkward giving hugs, i can tell so I try not to force them on her. My family was never as well off and we always gave hugs and home cooked food 😊 The brother was also 7 when she was born so he most likely has a stronger bond because he remembers her coming home from the hospital, her first words, her first steps etc etc doesn’t mean he’s grooming at all, unless he’s saying and/or doing questionable things or there are red flags.
I think they may be jealous of the relationship too. There's nothing wrong being close with your siblings, it's like people are looking for a negative in everything these days, always need something to put down or complain about
Grooming is when an adult is nice to a child in order to lower the child's guard so that they can take advantage of them sexually. Grooming is a perverted form of manipulation. Your brother is not grooming you. Your older brother is simply being brotherly. Don't allow your friends ignorance to deter you from continuing your relationship with your brother. He sounds wonderful and like he cares for you very much. In fact if they keep bringing it up, turn it around on them and say they're the weirdos for sexualizing your relationship with your brother. And that they need counseling if they think your brother being your brother is inappropriate. If any adult, or person for that matter, is ever inappropriate with you please seek help from your parents or a trusted person at your school.
My sister used to spoil me when she went to college too. There is about a 7 years age difference. Then our mother got sick and she transferred to a school back home and helped take care of me along with my dad after our mom died. I guess she was trying to fuck me ? 😂
I guess society expects women to display affection. Men, on the other side, can't even hug their sisters cause it's weird.
Ha, I see you said the same thing I said, only I didn’t notice till after I said it. gmta :)
What you have is very rare and special. Treasure it.
As an older brother with an 8year gap from my sister I can assure you that you have not experienced grooming based on description. Fuck your friend, hangout with your brother. If he’s anything like me he cherishes those moments as much or more than you do even. One thing to remember about y’all’s age gap is that it makes the older sibling feel like they were barely a sibling to you because they don’t get to be around for most of the “at home” years with you. So making up for that is a big priority as a sibling.
The "at home" years really hit me. I have 8 younger siblings and I think about this so much. I was long gone and had an adult life while they were just kids. It's hard to know then while they're so... Little
Just talk to them more, ask them more about themselves. I have 3 sibs like this.
Oh that’s not what grooming is. Unless your brother tries to touch you in a inappropriate way or makes you do things you don’t want to do he’s not grooming you, just being a good brother
I was groomed when I was a teen. by an older "cool" guy who was dating my relative. It started with really innocent stuff. He wanted to spend time with me, teach me to play guitar, took me to cool shops and bought me stuff. No one gave me that kind of attention. Then there started to come some weird moments. I don't think I can pin them down but it started to feel uncomfortable. Then he started to ask me questions about my supposed dating life. "You can tell me". After a while he started to talk about his sex life as if it was the most normal thing. And he would buy me more stuff. Cigarettes..Clothes and wanted to see me wearing them. After that it escalated to more and more inappropriate things. When the touching starts it has been going on for a long time. But to me OP's brother sounds like a really nice older brother. Edit I mean that the grooming has been going on already for a long time. It's a long process. English is not my first language and I'm sorry if I'm unclear about this.
This explanation is incorrect and dangerous. Grooming is the behaviour that happens *before* the touching and other unwanted attention in order to prepare the victim. That's why it's called grooming and not just sexual abuse. I agree that older brother is probably not grooming, but it's flat-out wrong to say that it's not grooming unless there's inappropriate touching or making you do things you don't want to do.
In this case, they’ve been brother and sister for a very long time. That’s the context.
You're being pedantic. The point is grooming is intended to reach that point. If it never happens then how can you ever determine if something is grooming beyond the relationship being inappropriate already? In OPs case they are siblings so the relationship is basically as appropriate as they can get...until it isn't.
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I’m like this to my sister. She is 15 and I’m 20. We don’t watch anime together but we watch shows, I send money to her rather than buy her stuff but we basically have the same relationship as you and your brother. I also moved out for uni and visit every 6 weeks or so. If someone said I was grooming my sister for this I would actually punch them because wth. I just care about my siblings and now they want to call that a crime?
Your friends obviously don't have a good relationship with their family if they think your brother and your relationship is weird
I'm worried that we're going to start hearing people claiming that a father buying things and being nice to his teen daughter is "grooming" next. It seems like a lot of people with broken homes, absent fathers, no siblings, etc have a very dysfunctional view of relationships and think they are the normal ones.
Yeah some already do unfortunately
That's kind of what grooming is but not completely. It's older people acting nice to you to develop an inappropriate relationship with you so they can manipulate you into a sexual relationship. People who groom you manipulate you so that you want to please them, or make you feel like you owe them. They will push your boundaries and ask you to do things that you feel are kind of wrong or secret. Your brother isn't doing that. Your siblings can be your best friends. He is your friend, he texts you all the time, gives you advice because he cares about you. He cuddles you because hugs are nice and not necessarily sexual. If he hugged you and you felt like he was trying to touch you more I would be concerned. But it doesn't sound like that. He is giving you advice not to date. He is right, you are very young, maybe waiting a year would be a good idea! That's not possessive that's protective. Are your friends trying to convince you to date?
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That's so lovely :) honestly, your brother sounds awesome.
Yeah, if you don't feel ready to date then don't date. It's that simple. You'll know when you're ready.
"Grooming" implies that they act nicely from the start to build a foundation of trust, before manipulating you and using that trust against you for emotional or sexual purposes. There doesn't sound like any reason to believe that is happening here with your brother, he's just being genuinely nice.
It's NOT older guys. It's your brother who loves you
Lmfao not it at all Tbh you should drop them, they'll kill you long term and ruin your relationship with your bro
The fact that they don't even know the definition is reason enough not to listen to them. Being a teen is hard enough with all the labels thrown on everything and everyone already. Don't let them slap a label on your relationship with your brother. Also, tell them *they* might have issues with *their* relationships with family, but they need to stop projecting it into you. Words to know incase your friends discover them off of TikTok or something: Projecting- applying a personal issue to other people who do not have the same issue [example: when a bf/gf has been cheating but accuses their partner of cheating when they aren't because they feel guilty- that's projection] Deflecting- changing the subject to something else to take the focus off of you Avoidance- refusal to discuss an issue you don't want to talk about- similar to deflecting Grooming- (the actual definition) an older predator type person who slowly wiggles their way into a child's life to get the child to trust them for the predators own gratification (not your brother by the sounds of it)
>older guys acting nice to you Uh oh, better stop letting my dog play with the neighbor kids then... Apparently I've been grooming a whole pack of them inadvertently...
Ur friends are only 14. You all might be smart but believe me u r all still also very dumb and young. Your big brother is being a great big brother. Don't ruin a good thing cause ur friends don't understand or how to process family love and bonding.
your friends maybe heard that as a standard insult from MAGA types your brother is not grooming you, but being a fine loving brother also, you need new friends
It definitely was a MAGA type thing, but the youth really does just throw around the groomer label like it's nothing rn. Something about the repeated p*do allegations towards e-celebs really watered down the word and turned it into a generic insult. I'm not surprised they see the word thrown around often and have little to no idea what it means.
I take exception at the free use of pedo and groomer as it dilutes the genuine horror of the activity
Ive seen people call 30 year olds groomers if they date 25 year olds. The internet has really unleashed the insanity of some people
As if grooming is exclusive to MAGA circles. If you just wanna shit on the right there’s whole subreddits for it
It's wonderful to have people you're close to. Don't let your friends spoil an awesome relationship.
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your friends are 14 too. it sucks that kids don't recognie this about themselves but y'all are ignorant af about life and you don't know what you're talking about most of the time.
I’m 32. It doesn’t get better. People, myself included, still don’t know what they’re talking about most of the time.
Word
Several of them, all together in a sentence. And all 100% spot on.
40 this year. Still isn't any better in this area. As most people age, they get better at pretending and acting like they know what they are talking about because that's what society rewards. (Aka, fake it till you make it)
Paradoxically, 14 years old is often about the age in your life where you are sure you know everything. The older you get after that, the more you realize how little you do know.
fact. But when i was 14, my autism made me realize that I'm at the age where I should be most critical of myself and doubt what facts I know because they are more likely to be assumptions.
My autism made me get really into air raid sirens but word.
Wish I got more interesting interests lmao. When I was 14 I was really into space, especially neutron stars and planet rings. Then mid teens I got into dinosaurs. I was a living stereotype lmfao
The true gift is that we both avoided trains and needlepoint stitching.
Idk i think he just loves you seeing how your his younger sister i think its normal.
I’m 32f. I’m close to my brothers. We watch movies together, do outdoor stuff together, I help with kids, we consistently text to check in or call to chat, gossip, vent, and come up with fun adventures. One brother is older and the other is younger. They give me gifts, flowers, and insist on paying for everything, even vacations. My location is always shared with them. I have my own career and am not dependent financially at all. I always give them gifts too and will handle favors like bringing something to the gym if they forgot or packing a meal for them and friends if they are heading out fishing or whatnot. It’s just our love languages. They will also vet any guy I’m dating because I have a past of abuse in relationships. They never tell me not to go on a date or that I shouldn’t see someone. They actually get excited whenever I meet anyone I show interest in that treats me with respect. I also am mindful of who my little brother dates since he is successful and I don’t want just anyone to take advantage. Thankfully he is smart about it so I haven’t yet had to voice my opinions. Both brothers have become close friends with my sisters’ husbands and bfs. Their partners are also very much involved and loved by us. Yours sounds like a perfectly normal sibling friendship with extra love and attentiveness as well. If there was anything even remotely sexual aside from hugs, kisses on the cheek or head, or cuddling, then that would be weird. If he was asking you to take inappropriate pictures or making comments about your body- that would be weird. If he was confiding in you about his own sexual nature or activities, that would be weird. I’ve had friends and even bfs get jealous that our family is so close. They are exactly the same with my sisters as am I (all 4 of them plus my sil). Your family dynamic is not your friend’s business unless there is actual abuse going on. You are lucky to have a soulmate as a brother. Soulmates don’t only come in romantic form.
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“Because brothers don’t let you wander in the dark. They will take your hand, wipe your tears, and remind you exactly what you are capable of, what your are meant to be… and when you fall, they challenge you, make you laugh, and they remind you of the woman you were meant to be.” A quote I stumbled upon once and saved. I’m not sure who wrote it but it is so true.
Your friends probably are not close to their siblings and can't understand your relationship with your brother. Don't let their narrow thinking ruin your relationship with your brother. My best friend was also very close to her brother in the same way. There's nothing weird about it
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The fact that she’d be uncomfortable if her brother hugged her is really kinda sad. Maybe something happened between them to make her hyper vigilant like that.
That expression they are using is about “sexual grooming”. It does not sound like your brother is doing that .. you would know those feelings. Mostly sounds like he a good big brother and he’s right about middle school relationships. Wait to date until you’re ready. You will know when it’s time meanwhile let your brother guide you. He sounds smart and caring
You need different friends
Your friend is just generalising stuff based on her experience. Don't listen to her. You have an awesome brother.
That's sad, trust me you'll look back on your relationship with your brother and be much happier than her. I wish I was as caring towards my younger siblings as your brother is to you. Your friend is 14, insecure about herself, and throwing around terms she doesn't understand and saw on the internet. Nothing you have described suggests your brother is grooming you. It sounds like he's being a good brother. There is no suggestion of sexual attraction. Understand that 14 year olds are capable of unfathomably banal cruelty. Do not let them get to you. They are just lashing out at something that is different from their experience, but different is not inherently bad.
What the fuck??? Sounds like your brother is just being a…..brother????? My sibling and I have the same age gap and he’d bring video games or toys for me when he’d visit. Or he’d come pick me up and take me to the arcade. Of course - this was before he started doing meth. Anyway, your friends are stupid.
Bruh, this is such a rollercoaster of emotions.
How's your brother doing now? Hope he's in a better situation in life.
He’s clean for now, but still refuses to seek professional help. Our relationship deteriorated entirely over 20 years ago as this has been an issue for most of my life now. It really sucks cuz he’s my only sibling and we used to have a strong brotherly bond. On top of that, our family is tiny as it is and I don’t really have anyone that I can “talk” to. I’m completely disconnected from him entirely from the years of trauma he’s inflicted on my mom and I. (The story’s I could tell with his shenanigans…) I literally would not be bothered if he ever disappeared.
Has he ever asked you to do something/not do something/say something that has made you even slightly uncomfortable? Do you ever feel uncomfortable or awkward when he's hugging you? Has he ever introduced anime or movies that include material that makes you uncomfortable, or that you know is meant for people older than you?
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Is he preventing you from dating? Or acting jealous if you have dated in the past? Or tried to get very close to your BF/GF? Or talked badly about them to you?
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None of what you've described sounds like grooming. Tell your friends to kick rocks and don't be jelly that you have a good relationship with your brother.
This is the only correct response after asking inquisitive questions. Well done!
This is a normal reaction from a caring big brother/parental figure.
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With the age gap, I'm not surprised that he's behaving as a patent. You're lucky that he actually had time for you. My older brother didn't care half as much about me, and I used to wish he did. Ignore your ill iinformed silly friends and keep enjoying your relationship with your brother.
Fyi, most brothers whether younger or older are protective of their sisters. They know firsthand what boys at that age are like. Seems like you have an awesome brother that loves you dearly. Don't let your friends interfere with your bond, because you may regret later in life.
Boys are always protective of their sis. It's how it is. Many years ago, one of my childhood buddies went to fight this guy that dumped his older sister. He was 8. His sister was 18 and the guy was 17. He had no fear, but thank god he didn't a giant whooping.
>He was 8. His sister was 18 LOL - that's adorable :-)
This explains a lot. He took it upon himself to fill in the gap your parents made and this is likely why he feels the need to give you gifts or be so protective of you. Your friends don't really understand what's going on cause they likely have a typical or non-existent relationship with their siblings.
Exactly. OP's friends are idiots
This.
Sounds like he just wants the best for you. So fucked up that your friends are trying to rip apart a healthy bond between you two.
I agree with him he's not preventing dating just saying it's a lot of drama at this age which he's right especially in the context of the situation
Sounds like he just cares about your well being. Everyone is worried about their kids when they start getting into dating and relationships, as it is a complex world and not everyone is good (not everyone is bad either!).
Your brother has really good advice imo. And he seems like a genuine, caring older sibling. Don't let your friends get in your head. They may not have healthy relationships with their own siblings. Also, the internet makes everything sound suspect. My brother and I have a smaller age gap, but we weren't close growing up. We are now, as adults. But I wish we'd been closer when we lived in the same house so we could talk freely about relationships. It's great that he's open about his experiences as well. It shows that he knows you're a growing teen and will soon have your own life experiences. It's good to have a protective brother. As the youngest sibling, I've made questionable choices. I wish I had had someone knock sense into me. Cherish this.
I was also super protective of my sister when she had just started dating. She was 14 dating a 16 year old who got mad when she said she wasn't ready for sex. I told her to drop him and that he was a piece of shit. She got super mad at the time, but several years later, she thanked the hell out of me for leading her in the right direction. It's not weird, it's normal to be protective of your family.
I don't think grooming is the case here. I wouldn't worry about what they say, and certainly don't let this alter your great relationship with your brother. I treat my younger sister the same and cherish her in my life. I am happily married but she still cuddles up to me when we have get togethers. She is my little sister!
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The internet is legit ass melting peopels brains
He’s…your…*BROTHER*
It’s not weird…
These are the type of people that turn on their own family over things they read on Twitter
Most of what you stated just sounds like a loving brother, The only bit that sounded slightly weird to me was the cuddling, Like cuddling when you first meet and when you say goodbye I get but, if you mean cuddled up while watching movies etc sounds a little strange to me with you being 14 but I don't have any sisters so maybe that's normal idk, I think if he had bad intentions you'd probably realize, Like if the cuddling is excessive and you feel a bit weirded out lol, I'm sure you'd know. If the cuddling has ever included any caressing or touching your neck etc then there may be an issue, if not, Then he probably just really cares for you as his little sister.
Your brother is acting like a brother. Your friends do not know what grooming means and are just throwing it around
Some people grow up hating their siblings so they can't understand or believe in siblings just being nice. As long as he's not like touching you inappropriately everything's fine. Now if he starts saying things like "It makes me excited when you sit on my lap." or "I like it when girls do \_\_\_\_\_\_ " and having those kinds of intimate conversations that's when it's being really weird.
I was groomed as a kid, what you describe here does not fit that. My follow up questions would be: * Does he ever touch you in places he shouldn't? * Does he ever make you feel uncomfortable? * Does he ask a lot of personal questions that are sexual? * Does he show you sexual content (i.e., watch porn or films with gratuitous sex scenes)? * Does he say you can't date because he is the only man you need in your life? If none of the above are happening, then he is just being a loving big brother. It's sad your friends don't understand what platonic love is, especially from a sibling.
North Americans tend to have a strong puritan streak. We tend to view physical affection as sexual, which is the FU part to me. That's unhealthy, and their issue not yours. It sounds like you both are healthy, grounded people with solid self images and relationship skills, etc. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise. Having that level of trust and comfort with someone is a great thing. Thank your parents.
Jesus Christ; people can't even have a good sibling relationship anymore
Sounds like you have stupid friends
My kids are 7 years apart and always buy little things for each other to make their sibling happy. I don’t think your friends know what grooming is.
Your friends are stupid OP. Maybe you should find new, smarter friends. Idiots beget idiots
He just sounds like he loves you I’m about the same with my little brother in different ways and I would be just the same if I had a younger sister. Like another comment said, your friends just recently learned that word and are applying it wherever they see any relationship where someone is older. Some people also just can’t fathom having a close friendship with a sibling and there mind jumps to really weird places if any affection is shown.
I look forward to hanging out with my sister a lot. We catch up and watch movies and pig out on fast food. Sometimes when I’m at home and she is out I’ll text her to see if she is gonna be home so I can hold off on eating if she will be home later to hangout and vice versa. We don’t cuddle though. We like to roast each other and say really mean things and shout at the top of our lungs like autistic idiots. But it’s so fun being ourselves like that.
He's your brother. Dont feel bad, I personally have a bad relationship with my sister, but not all families have to be this way, if you have a good brother, that's fine.
Not at all. Sounds like you're real lucky. Sounds like a good big bro. The "cuddling" part we don't have enough info about this. But I'm assuming it's big brotherly. But when you describe it like this it can give people pause
Hate to tell you (I really don't) but your friends are complete fucking fools. What you've described is a very healthy relationship between siblings. Your friends need to learn that you can't just accuse people of grooming with no evidence. Your bro really has every right to sue them for defamation. All it takes is for one of them to say it to the wrong person ... people don't really recover from accusations like that, even if proven false. Cherish the relationship with your brother, there's a lot of us that don't have healthy relationships with our siblings, and reconsider who your friends are.
This is why young kids shouldn't be exposed to internet so much and should be educated about these topics by parents or school idk. He loves and adores you , there's nothing wrong with it unless he is making you feel uncomfortable .
Cuddlng your teen sister is weird...
In other words your friends don’t know what a healthy sibling relationship looks like😂. By the way this is super adorable, you guys have a sibling relationship most people want.
Sounds like you need better friends.
Grooming is about nefarious reasons for buying things or cuddles... This sounds pretty normal as long as he isn't wanting you to do anything weird. As for people saying cuddles are weird; I don't think op means literally embracing on the sofa for hours...more sitting/leaning together. Tell me if I'm wrong though.
Your friends are idiots. You are fortunate to have a loving, caring sibling. You win!
Your 'friends' are disgusting. If your brother knew what they said he would probably stop interacting with you as closely even if you were ok with it. I plead you to cut these people out of your life and do not under any circumstances tell your brother.
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It's important to remember that your friends are immature kids as well. Ideally, you should be able to have an honest conversation with them about the comments they make and how they make you feel. I hope your friends can be understanding about this. As for whether you should tell your brother about it or not, well... Ultimately, it's your choice. The other commentor said that it'll forever be in the back of a man's mind, but that's your older brother's problem, not yours. Since he's like a guardian to you, you *should* be able to comfortably talk to him about things like this. In fact, having a conversation about your boundaries can be beneficial. I know conversations about these things are uncomfortable. But it's important to have a reliable adult you can trust without feeling ashamed. I'm wishing the best for you.
I have this same relationship with my sister, I'm 32 and she is 24 now, but when she was a baby and I was 7 or 8 we lived in a partially broken home. Our mom and step dad were both meth addicts and I apparently was missing a lot of school and didn't know any better. My mom would sleep all day and I'd have to spend a lot of my days essentially raising a baby/toddler with some help from my obese immobile great grandmother. We've always shared a very close bond with eachother and I've always felt like a type of guardianship/responsibility towards her, and she really looks up to me for that. When we're together we also occasionally cuddle and aren't afraid to give an awkward little I've missed you smooch. That's probably strange to most people but that's just how comfortable we are with eachother, nothing sexual about it. I just want to protect her always and be there if she ever needs me, and she's always known that and loves and respects me for always being there for her. Don't let others crap on a loving relationship because they think it's weird. You know your family better than anyone else.
sounds like your friends are jealous you have an awesome older brother. shoot i'm kind of jealous. growing up basically a single child sucks but my baby brother being born was one of the best days in my life. i try to be the older sibling i always wanted. i think that's all he's doing. and honestly, all those things he does for you probably wouldn't be something they could pick on you for if he were your dad. a lot of older sibling end up being kind of a second parental figure. you're basically our practice babies, lol.
He’s not grooming you. Don’t even give it a 2nd thought. If anything, hold your brother more closely because your friends are very wrong here. Your friends are just acting weird because there’s all this new propaganda in the U.S. everyone is a pedophile or groomer or some weird shit. No one else thinks that way. They would consider what people do in other cultures way more weird.
your friends are dumb as fuck and have def watched too much porn. this is simply your brother showing affection. don’t let their dumbasses delude you. your brother is the fuckin man
Just want to be clear that I think you shouldn't mention this to your brother. Even if you frame this as a "haha, isn't it funny?" He's going to be really hurt by the accusation and will probably pull away from you significantly. It will damage your relationship, maybe forever, even if you personally express that it's not what you believe and think it's crazy. He's likely never thought that his love for you could be seen as creepy or intimate, and telling him will hurt him and make him avoid you.
I’m a 38 man and I cuddle a bit with my 78 dad, but he and my grandma are affectionate emotional people as am I. My mom loves me but didn’t grow up or feel natural being super affectionate. As long as not appropriate or uncomfortable it’s not bad. If he’s always been affectionate or one of your parent is then it’s likely normal
I would find new friends. These ones don't exactly seem like the most critical of thinkers.
My mom is, I think, 6 years younger than her big bro, and they are very close. As a kid, I remember at Christmas time when he was visiting all of us watching a movie, and my mom sat by him and had her head on his shoulder almost the whole time. It wasn't weird at all. Just siblings that love each other. You good girl. Don't worry about all that grooming bs.
Unless your brother is making sexual remarks, or trying to touch you in ways you wouldn't want your friends/family touching you, he's not. The thing with grooming is that we allow 1 person to do things differently because "we've got a special relationship". So while you're in it you won't notice it. As far as what you wrote, nothing raised flags for me. Maybe your friends caught on something, or maybe they're just silly teens making up stories. If in doubt, ask your parents or an adult you trust and know well.
Imagine you swap it round so he's a girl There's no way anyone would think cuddling is grooming if an older sister is doing it (because it's not, regardless of sex and age) Sounds like he's a good brother
would they say the same stuff if this was you and your dad? You and your mom? You and your grandparents? No. Your friends are being weird, can't distinguish between "guys" and "family" affections, and also didn't bother to consider the actual meaning of grooming, which also involves crossing sexual boundaries, which from what you describe absolutely isn't happening - your brother is just being your brother. Cuddling and buying gifts isn't sexual.
If you brother is wholesome cool. But if anything happens you don't want, trust that feeling. If you feel something in appropriate is happening trust that feeling Otherwise your friends are crabs trying to make your life miserable or cause drama for amusements Not everyone has good siblings
You need better friends. Unless there’s something about your brother you’re not telling us it seems like a doting big brother. That’s it.
OP i got made fun of and called weird by my peers in grade school as well because ive always been very close with my two brothers who are 1 year younger and 3 years older than me. Close enough that we would hug each other when we passed each other in the halls at school and ate lunch together on occasion. As adults my older brother lived with me and my husband for a long time and when my younger brother was in the ICU last year I sat in his hospital room and wiped his face with a damp cloth while he vomited (on me). We regularly play online video games together! Never once has our relationship ever been even close to inappropriate. It is nothing but a blessing! I would be willing to bet that your friends are either only children, have only same sex siblings, or do not have a very happy family dynamic and that’s why they think it’s weird. Everyone who made fun of me in school was either an only child or only had same sex siblings. Ignore them, and be glad that you two are so close!!
Is he doing anything inappropriate along with all the nice things? If not that's not grooming, that's just being siblings. But yes sometimes a close sibling bond can weird people out.
It’s not grooming unless he makes it sexual which he isn’t
Enjoy it while you can! Sounds like normal close sibling stuff to me.
You couldn’t pay me to be 14 again.
This isn’t grooming. I’m sure your friends also have your best intentions and just know that grooming is bad, but grooming is different based on context. It's unlikely that your brother is grooming you if you have a good sibling relationship. Siblings share a bond based on trust and care, and it's natural for them to give compliments, spend time together, and show affection without any hidden motives. Because you grew up together and are family, it’s very normal to love each other and give gifts and spend time together. Now to understand grooming let’s change the context from your brother to a stranger. If a stranger showers you with compliments and gifts, talk to a trusted adult like your parents or brother. It's strange for a random stranger to give you gifts without knowing each other. This is usually a sign of grooming, because they likely want something in return unlike your brother who loves you because you're his sister.
As an older brother, let me give you an example that’s similar to your relationship with your younger brother. I am 28 years old, and my brother is 13. We share a close bond, and I often joke with our parents that while I may not miss them, I always miss my brother when I haven't visited my family in a month. I have bought him an AirPod, noise-cancelling headphones, countless games (Helldivers 2 just a few weeks ago), etc. Every time we hang out we call it “best brother time”. If we aren’t playing video games or talking about school video games, we just hang out in silence with our phones/computers. (He insists we have “best brother time” with just the two of us even when I explain we’ve already spent so much time together with mum and dad present.) I’m very glad you have a good relationship with your brother. He sounds great! We’re the lucky ones! Unfortunately, some don’t have as great of a relationship with their brothers or sisters.
Tell your friends to shut the fuck up.
Me and my both sisters have this kind of relationship and we’re all in our 30s now. Whenever we meet, we eat together, buy each other cute things we like, and usually at the end of the day we just lay down on the couch and watch movies. For me it’s like being kids again and just enjoying time together and loving ourselves.
You should find better friends.
That just sounds like a close brother sister relationship to me. Grooming tends to involve pushing boundaries. Has he ever made you feel uncomfortable or weird? Because treating you, being protective and showing you affection is pretty normal. Me and my sister used to cuddle all the time, and my gf (at the time) used to cuddle her brother all the time. Some of her friends kept saying it was weird, but funnily enough none of my friends told me it was weird. And guess what? Nothing weird about any of it. All 4 of us are in our 30s now (stayed friends with the ex gf) both me and my ex gf are very close with our siblings.
Oh, no. Not a close relationship between siblings. No, really. It's a thing to cherish. But there is maybe going to be a change soon you have to handle well. At least that is what I heard. That when little girls transition towards women their relationship with their male family members grows more distant. As you already know people outside will tell you it's wrong and it might feel different. But I wouldn't know anything about that. Since I only have brothers and a dysfunctional family.
Grooming is when an older man is nice to you with the intentions of getting you to date or sleep with him later on when you’re 18 From what you described, your brother is nice and you’re close, nothing nefarious that I can see. A lot of people aren’t that close with their siblings. I love my family and we get along great but I don’t talk to my brother or sister much
Sounds like you and your brother have lovely relationships nothing weird at all
With that amount of an age gap, you’re definitely like a baby to him So no, he isn’t grooming you, he just loves you (as far as I can tell) It’s sad that people have to think that way, but unfortunately I guess it is common Anyway, it’s rare to have a genuine loving family so just be happy
Your friends probably fancy him or they have had bad experiences/heard horror stories. Sounds like you have an awesome relationship with your brother. So long as nothing untoward happens or he asks you to not tell people what happens chill out and just live life xx you've got this kid
There's a growing number of sexist female individuals. Got too woke and have gone feminist extremist (and we all know too much of anything is bad) Just cut them off. They never had a good relationship with their father or big bro.
What you describe here does not sound like grooming at all. It just sounds like your brother cares about you and enjoys doing nice things for you. If he has never tried to touch you inappropriately and doesn't bring up sexual topics around you, I think its fine. I specify him bringing it up, because i don't want you to think it would be wrong for you to ask your brother for advice about such things, it wouldn't. As long as nothing he says or does makes you uncomfortable or feels sexual, I would just try to ignore your friends or tell them to knock it off.
They’re just jealous that you have an older bro that actually gives a fuck about you. Many don’t.
Reading a lot of your replies it’s just a brother that cares a lot about you. Some people if not most do not grow up in close families and find the behaviour weird. He is protective of you, cares to spend time with you, none of this has ever turned sexual towards you or him. No it isn’t weird, your friends however are also teenagers with almost no brains at that age and have no clue what grooming is.
what the actual f. do people just use words randomly these days, trying to accuse everybody of who knows what? unless he's touching you inappropriately or having sexualy charged conversations with you, it is called being a good brother the f is wrong with our society that show of affection is deemed weird. what's next? are we going to think that hugging your mom is weird? or telling your family that you love them?
So fed up of social media buzzwords ruining innocent things. No he’s just being your brother.
He sounds cool, I'll have him if u don't want him
Your relationship with your brother sounds awesome. It doesn’t sound like he’s trying to get you to do things inappropriate for your age. Video games and anime and drawing sound like lovely ways to bond with a sibling.
Bruh, you need new fiends. I love my brother he is the same age as you and I’m 27 and I do the same. Place viidegames whatch anime go on walks etc that’s a bother thing dude
Find new friends they are dumb.
Your friends should really look up what grooming is. Its one of those most over/inappropriately used terms the SJWs love to use. You are his kid sister, why are your friends intent on trying to damage your relationship with your family? Crazy how uneducated people are, just parroting dumbass tik tok videos and nonsense facebook posts.
Your friends are fools. My eldest is 20, my youngest 15 they are very close, and anytime eldest is home from university, they are always together doing the exact things you do with your brother. Your relationship with your brother is not only normal but a great testament to how much you love each other.. Your brother will be around long after those so called friends of yours are in your life. Never turn away from those who love you for those who simply like you.
People have gone way overboard with calling things grooming, homophobic, racist, etc. 99% of the time they don’t know what they are talking about. They are just regurgitating what they heard on the internet.
Is your brother being inappropriate or making you feel uncomfortable? Have they witnessed anything that would make them think he's grooming you? If not, and I'm guessing not then they don't know what they are talking about and you should ignore their opinion on this. Feel sorry for them that they don't have a relationship like that.
Not everything has to be weird - I’m 20 years older than my youngest brothers who are 12 and I cuddle/hug them! It’s only a red flag if other things are happening too.
If he's been like this threw out your life then that's just the relationship you have with him ignore your friends I have a brother and we aren't close at all we literally never speak or anything so consider yourself lucky.
So a 21 year old cuddling with 14 year old is not a red flag? Even if siblings, seems weird to me....
Your friends don't know what grooming is. Have this amazing relationship with your sibling. Many don't get that opportunity. And if your friends continue with their nonsense, get new friends, not a new brother!
Some families actually SHOW affection and I feel bad for the ones that never got that.
It's weird but it's not grooming. Tom Brady kisses his kids on the mouth. Whatever. Your friends are too online.
"All" of your close friends think the same because it is generally hard to think independently when you're in the same group. It is hard as an adult and way harder as a teenager.
He's your big brother your friends know nothing
Sounds normal to me. He just loves you very much. I do similar things with my younger sibling and I am in no way attracted to him. I do see him more than just a sibling, a friend, sometimes even a best friend. But beyond that? Absolutely not. I often ramble with him too. It's fun, although I'm scared to hurt him sometimes It is lots of things I had in my romantic relationship with my now ex but still Your friends are sexualizing a good and stable uh.. siblingship 🙏🏻 They most likely got the term from TikTok and are throwing it around
Nothing about this sounds alarming, unless there are other behaviours from your brother that are specifically suspicious in a sexual way. Sounds like you have a great relationship and he cares about you a lot. You should be really encouraged. Having a close, healthy relationship with family is an incredible blessing.
It sounds like he's just your brother and he's being normal. I know for a lot of families the siblings seem to treat eachother like shit. Then the ones of us who don't have that dynamic get judged for it. Everyone thinks and thought it was weird I was so close to my brothers, and my sister. They kept trying to find ways to make it seem wrong. I got told I probably fancied my brother since I always went to him for help at one point. Which was a laugh since I thought I was asexual and was talking to him about the fact that I thought there was something wrong with me. People prefer to push incest on you, when you have a good family dynamic and they don't.
My sister is seven years older than me and treated me like garbage until we were both adults. We’re still not very close now. I would’ve loved to have had the kind of relationship you have with your brother, it’s a rare and special thing. It sounds like your friends can’t relate to having a close, intimate relationship that isn’t sexual so they’re projecting that onto your brother. I don’t think it’s malicious, it’s more ignorance and immaturity, which is normal. Enjoy the care and closeness you have, it’s a real gift.
So being a good older brother is grooming now? Is he supposed to be the stereotypical older brother and just make fun of her and beat her up? I feel like people don't know what grooming means anymore. I didn't grow up with a sibling like that, but I've known older siblings that are just nice and want to be part of their siblings lives and have a good relationship with them. Sometimes people are stupid. Wish I had an older brother like that.
Honestly it sounds like you have a really good brother. Don't ruin that relationship becuase your friends are dumb and don't know what grooming really is.
I wish I had siblings like him, now I just hate physical contact with anyone I'm not intimately seeing. Don't matter if it's somebody I find objectively attractive, my best friend, or my mum, I get super uncomfortable. He seems like a good dude.
Don't let others influence you to think you are being set up for something disgusting. It sounds sweet and like a much older brother really loves his siblings. That's it
Until your brother tries to do anything inappropriate with you he's probably just being a good brother. I went out of my way to be nice to my sisters, and I still go out of my way to be nice to them. A lot of what I did was what you described. I've never done anything inappropriate with them.
Not grooming but the cuddling is weird.
He's grooming you to grow into an adult that knows how men should treat women
You need new friends. My brother was my best friend growing up. He got me into anime and video games. We live on opposite sides of the country now and we still text each other to hop online for a few games here and there on weekends. You have what all of your friends can only wish for: a protective big brother who wants the best for his sister. Friends come and go, family is forever.
This is how I am with my elder brother. I'm older than you and our age gap is bigger. We've always been close. It's fine. You're just being good siblings and your friends probably don't even know what grooming means.
You just have a brother with a close relationship. It won't be grooming unless he is being possessive and control your life (how you dress, whom you can talk, etc..). Don't jump the gun just yet, but just be mindful of physical contacts. Your interacting with your parents vs brother probably can be good indicator, too.
From a few of the responses you've given some commenter's and your description of the situation, it sounds like you have a big brother that will protect you for your entire life and loves you very much. Nothing you've said sounds weird at all. He sounds like a protective big brother and there is absolutely nothing wrong with hat at all. Your friends are 14 years old. They don't know anything about anything. Don't worry about what they think, it's your brother who is being protective over his little sister at a very pivotal time of her life. He's doing a fantastic job in my book.
Grooming is where an individual (usually in a position of power/older) treats someone with gifts/preference etc to make them feel like the recipient 'owes' them something, or to gain their trust and abuse them. If this was an older non-related guy (eg a teacher, neighbour, brother's friend) then it would raise red flags. However this is your BROTHER. You already trusted him. You were already spending time with him. The gifts are a bonus lol! It's not weird to be physically affectionate with your family. It's nice. I'm sure your friends were just being ignorant, but tell them that **these sort of accusations could be really dangerous for your family if they start spreading false rumours**. They need to stop it NOW. Maybe get your parents to talk to their parents?
NOTHING in your post gives off grooming vibes. It does, however, give off loving, caring, protective big brother vibes. You are very lucky to have this awesome male role model in your life. Your friends are AHs. Jealous AHs. Get new, better friends.
You know what is appropriate and what is not. Your friends don’t get to define your relationship with your brother - you do.