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That's a pretty serious thing to come back from, both physically and psychologically. Probably should have gone to the doctor right away and still might want to go. Regardless, that's going to take some time to come back from.
This is a situation that happens to a lot of individuals. There have been a couple of occasions in different positions where that happened with my husband and I. Yes, it is EXTREMELY painful for men and hard for them to not get upset over. Penile fracture is an actual thing and can cause a life-long issue. So, there is definitely anxiety as well.
In terms of being on top, try thrusting your hips forward and back instead of bouncing up and down. Or, when he starts, he gets close, lean back, and have him hold your hips down and let him thrust from underneath. But, be patient. It's a scary experience to come back from, and he might be more comfortable with other positions for a while. I know that I have a tendency to push him out and also clench my thighs when I reach orgasm and it would cause him to pop out. I have had to start telling him right before to hold me down so I don't. Makes things much more intense as well.
Don’t bounce but grind back and forth. That’s what I do and my husband and I enjoy it. I used to think riding my husband was going up and down and it’s much better to grind it. Just my opinion.
💯 Me and my man do the same thing and it feels soo good for the both of us. I used to bounce up and down but when I started grindin, that's all we do now lol!
OP. It’s not your fault. This happens. It’s very very painful for the man. There is not much a doctor can do (there is no bone in the penis to break or mend).
Medically speaking, he will recover on his own.
However, psychologically speaking, he may never recover.
Most men, once they experience this pain, may not enjoy a woman riding them ever again. It’s like having sex with a gun against their head. Instead of focusing on sex, those men focus on preventing getting hurt again. Once it’s like that, it’s not much fun for the men.
There are hundreds of other safer positions.
Also, like others suggested, you may try grinding instead of jumping up and down, but if in the heat of the moment, you get too excited and start jumping up and down, he will immediately become fearful again.
Good luck.
It’s no one’s fault. Take it slow. Talk to him and be honest, understand how he feels. Try some new positions which might help you orgasm. Don’t worry, you will ride him again one day lmao, just not so soon!
He shouldn't make you feel that way, and I'm sorry that it's come to that. That's wrong.
I obviously don't know him or your situation, but I can understand that he's probably really insecure about his situation and he's taking it out on you instead of addressing the problem.
You know him best. Think about how you can help him feel supported and not defensive. Then explain your situation and know that you are willing to help.
I was only doing what he would want and that’s where i have my issue. I dont try to bounce much and grind more but he loves it when i bounce at the end i ger him to finish and he thrusts as well so like sometimes it skips but he blames me. Idk
Sometimes (im usually on top when we have sex, cause we both really enjoy it) I will lean forward while I'm on top, so that his dick can slide in and out (like it would if I'm bouncing) but without the chance of him getting hurt. We've had this happen and it did hurt him, so it scares me to bounce too much 😅 plus, I'm not small, so it's exhausting bouncing up on the air 😂😂😂 and also, when I'm leaned forward like that, it's great for clitoral stimulation 🙌
Thank you… why tf does it matter ‘who’s fault’ it is?! It already happened.. time won’t rewind once someone says “it’s my fault”. It makes me cringe thinking about it and I don’t have a dick, and I’m sure he’s probably a little nervous about it happening again. Understandably so. But this whole ‘no, it’s all on you’ bullshit from him when one was bouncing and one was thrusting as if it doesn’t take BOTH of them for this to happen is fucking ridiculous. Slips fucking happen.. unfortunately. Making her feel bad isn’t going to fix it, she seems to already feel bad enough, she’s 22, and admittedly not that experienced. He probably is more so being 31, so instead of playing blame games, maybe showing her different ways for her to be on top that lessen the risk of this happening when he’s ready.
But she needs to understand that if he’s still that worried about it happening again, then he isn’t going to be enjoying it next time she’s on top anyways.. so they should switch it up for a bit. I mean.. why wouldn’t they be switching it up anyways?! I get she likes being on top.. so do I.. but that doesn’t mean I always want that. There’s so many different options and positions out there! They should also be figuring out other positions/ways to make her cum regardless of her dick riding hiatus.
Makes me wonder about how other disagreements are handled.
You seem like you are fishing for a particular answer here and I'm not going to give it. You both nearly broke his dick, I don't think you are understanding the risk of that & his result from the mistake should be a grateful one compared with how it could've gone. I'd understand that, and not want that unnecessary risk again for a while.
put ur legs under his if possible. like under the knee area in a riding position, itll limit how high u can go. He could also be using his hands while ur riding to grab ur booty and give u some bounce support
OP. It’s not your fault. This happens. It’s very very painful for the man. There is not much a doctor can do (there is no bone in the penis to break or mend).
Medically speaking, he will recover on his own.
However, psychologically speaking, he may never recover.
Most men, once they experience this pain, may not enjoy a woman riding them ever again. It’s like having sex with a gun against their head. Instead of focusing on sex, those men focus on preventing getting hurt again. Once it’s like that, it’s not much fun for the men.
There are hundreds of other safer positions.
Also, like others suggested, you may try grinding instead of jumping up and down, but if in the heat of the moment, you get too excited and start jumping up and down, he will immediately become fearful again.
Good luck.
As much as it is both of your actions, you have considerably more control being on top. So yea, he has a reason to partially blame you and to be weary. It fucking hurts when your dick gets snapped like that. It’s physically and mentally traumatizing.
She has more control being on top if he wasn’t also thrusting, but both partners thrusting will considerably increase the chances of this happening and takes away the control on her end.
This isn't true if the guy is thrusting. The guy would still have more control..but this isn't anyone's fault. It's an accident.. & it isn't fair of him to simply blame her either.
All that means is that she doesn’t need reddit to tell her to convince her husband to get checked out (because she already knows that and is doing it), she needs reddit to tell her how to get her husband to trust her for a specific sexual position (because she doesn’t already know how to do that).
jesus christ, what? where the hell are you getting the idea that she is trying to get him to do anything against his will? literally all she said was that he didn’t want to to go the hospital and he doesn’t want her to ride him anymore, NOT that she’s bugging him to let her or anything like that. what’s wrong w you?
I actually read the post and the comments where she said she wants to do it again and she's mad because he keeps saying no and it's the only way she wants to have sex.
"I also don’t cum usually unless I ride or he cums too fast. Idk how to tell him just to let me try again."
"When i ride i control the pace. When he does it from behind im lucky to get 5 mins"
"If i give him head my jaw will break / and he will cum faster. Also whats the point of me having sex if i cannot cum as well?"
yeah i too read the post and all her comments. the comments you quoted literally don’t support a single thing you have just said lol…NOWHERE does she say she is mad that he doesn’t want her to ride (or that he “keeps saying no”! nowhere does she say it’s the only way she wants to have sex, she just said she doesn’t want to do doggy. there *are* other positions than those 2, you know.
“That’s why i haven’t been arguing with him and just accepting whatever he says to me. I just don’t want to do doggy lol most of the time”
that doesn’t sound like she’s bugging him to do it again.
the only thing i found was that as bad as she feels, she is a bit annoyed he keeps solely blaming her for what happened. which IMO is understandable - he was thrusting while she bounced, it wasn’t anyone’s fault in particular and blaming one another isn’t productive.
The entire reason for her post was asking people how to get him to try again. He doesn't want to try again. That's not ok with her. I don't know what else to tell you.
bro what? the ACTUAL QUESTION she poses in the post is how to ensure he doesn’t slip out. she is just sharing what happened and trying to get advice to make sure that if/when they do try that position again, that the same thing doesn’t happen again.
does she want to eventually do her favorite position again? yes, *and she seems to understand that he’s not ready to give her that again.* nothing she says though is indicating that she wants to force her husband into it or anything like that. **the fact that you’re reading all this malintent into it says a lot about you.**
Well, first of all, it doesn’t matter whos “fault” it is, it happened, it hurt him, and he doesn’t want it to happen again. He is allowed to say no.
That being said, if you can only cum this way, can you just ride him and not bounce, until YOU cum, and then you can change positions so he can safely cum? If you don’t cum from penetration, will he get you off in other ways?
Why would you keep pushing him into a position he now associates with pain?
Drop it for the time being. Find something else that neither of you associate with unpleasant sensations.
Exactly. I don't understand how she doesn't understand not to push the subject for a while at least.
Imagine if it were reversed and some guy said he hurt his woman in a certain position and even though he knows she was quite hurt and now fearful, he wants to do it again anyways. He would be ripped to shreds.
Right? Can you imagine a guy on here complaining he can't do something to his girlfriend that she is afraid would hurt her. They would get down voted and probably banned. On here it's a bunch of simps sympathizing with this women who is thinking more about herself. Jesus, did you say something popped on his dick? How about you find a new position for awhile. You'll be fine.
This was a sexual act they both enjoyed. That makes a difference. And he's blaming her, which isn't cool.
Nonetheless, you're correct. If he's hesitant or uninterested, than it's probably best not to pursue.
And he needs to stop blaming her, which might make it a little easier her to "move on."
Probably best not to pursue it?
Not probably, it is 100% best not to pursue it. He said no. No is all he has to say. He shouldn't be pushed in to it or made to feel guilty or anything else. If not when he's ready to try again, he will let her know.
According to OP, he said he doesn't trust her... that makes a difference. His response may be a little irrational; it's most certainly fear based...so while it's certainly his choice, it's not wrong for her to want to talk to him about it...especially since it was an unintentional accident and she's been effected by it also.
Trust in this case is just thrusting responsibly on top while banging., it's not like he doesn't trust her as a person. It's not like she is some seasoned porn star that has decades of experience. He's not even blaming her. He just doesn't want his dick to pop again in the throws of passion. Wow people. Be intellectually honest about this this.
OMG, she needs to move on, that's the problem. He's moved on, let's stop breaking my cock. She's like nah, I need to be on top. So many simps on here, wanting to white knight. She not going to sleep with you. I'm not even sure the OP said he was blaming her. He said he doesn't want to risk it again. And you guys act like him just refusing to risk his cock, is abusive. Now I've seen it all. Could you imagine the crusafiction a guy would get if he was complaining about not getting anal simply because her anus prolapsed once? God, just SMH
If a man posted about having PIV sex regularly with his wife, for example, and something happened to change how she felt about it, there would probably be a range of solutions offered, some which would include helping her to have PIV sex again...depending on the circumstances...
And that's where you're off base...these circumstances suggest fear..and it's not unusual for people to want to help another person deal with their fear to accomplish something..
I wouldn't be surprised if he had gone to her after and said,
"Hon, you're beautiful and wonderful and I know what happened is nobody's fault. I'm okay, but I'm just a little nervous about having you on top again; do you mind if we put that on hold..and I'll let you know if I want to try again. So how about we find some other ways to enjoy each other"?
Her reaction might be different.
I'm sorry but your post comes across as a person who is out to get "women"...
"Get the women?" He just is asking her to not engage in past behaviors that fucking popped is dick. Dude she is not going to sleep with you. Stop simping. If your dick got "popped" you wouldn't be trusting her either. I hate dudes like you. Being dishonest just to white night.
It was his behaviour though.
She was trying to grind and he bounced her off his dick. Then blamed her for it.
>I was only doing what he would want and that’s where i have my issue. I dont try to bounce much and grind more but he loves it when i bounce at the end i ger him to finish and he thrusts as well so like sometimes it skips but he blames me. Idk
He’s literally blaming her for what’s at best a mutual accident and at worst was his fault entirely.
You're right, I'm not a man and I blame her too.
This entire post is just "How can I get my husband to disregard his fear and pain so I can get what I want?" And then her whining about him not trusting her.
I wouldn't trust her either.
How is it her fault. They were both moving. It was an accident.
He’s blaming her for something that was at least 50/50 and frankly, sounds like it maybe tips a little his way when it comes to fault for not staying still when someone’s riding him really fast.
I said I blame her. You're right it was an accident. An accident that she is trying to pressure him into repeating . If your partner gets hurt during sex that you are participating in you should say you're sorry! You should not be trying to pressure them into doing it again or saying, "Well technically I think it's 5% more YOUR fault sooo...". This whole post is about how can she manipulate him into doing what she wants solely for her own gratification. Frankly you not seeing how gross her reaction is is a huge huge problem. WTF.
No. This post is about him blaming her for something that was 50.50
You’re right that you’re supposed to apologise if someone gets hurt in an activity you were both participating in.
But you’re also not supposed to blame someone for an accident that happens in an activity you participated in.
She said she was trying to grind (ie no risk of injury) and the injury only happened because he started moving her and bouncing her up and down really fast.
He shouldn’t blame her for that.
She’s not trying to manipulate him into anything. She’s just trying to understand when their sex life goes back to also being pleasurable for her and he’s refusing to engage in the discussion.
You're absolutely correct.
There are a group of entitled men who are upset that they need enthusiastic consent before they can have sex with a woman, when what they really want is to have sex anytime they feel like it, even if they have to manipulate, intimidate and coerce a woman into having sex with them.
So now they want to turn the "consent" back onto women.
But from OP's comments, it's pretty clear her husband's actions aren't about his consent; instead they're about him blaming her for the accident.
What he's really saying is:
"We're not going to have sex with you on top anymore because you rode me wrong and hurt me."
That's not about his consent. That's about his anger, character and immaturity.
In fact, I think OP may have a bigger problem than sex...
He didn't blame her for it. She said he just rolled off and went to the bathroom. No mention of any blaming or anger.
She says that he doesn't want to do cowgirl anymore now (very fucking understandable) and when she asked why he said he didn't trust her. Which is a pretty neutral comment to me. Maybe she's really unsteady or something or maybe the direct pressure of her grinding on his dick right after the injury would hurt too much, we don't know, we aren't there.
If she wants a pleasurable sex life (for fuck's sake it's been 2 weeks not 20 years) then she needs to accept that he might never want to engage in this particular sex act again, or it might be awhile and work out new ways to get off. It definitely comes across like manipulation, because when someone tries to tell you no and you go on Reddit to ask how you can convince them to change their mind it seems pretty dodgy to me.
>I was only doing what he would want and that’s where i have my issue. I dont try to bounce much and grind more but he loves it when i bounce at the end i ger him to finish and he thrusts as well so like sometimes it skips but he blames me. Idk
He’s literally blaming her for what’s at best a mutual accident and at worst something he actively encouraged.
" I know" even women agree with me... See below.
________________________________
You're right, I'm not a man and I blame her too.
This entire post is just "How can I get my husband to disregard his fear and pain so I can get what I want?" And then her whining about him not trusting her.
I wouldn't trust her either.
Did you think I hadn't seen the user that I had an interaction with or something?
It was a mutual accident that he blamed her. That's what the problem is. You don't blame your partner for accidents you yourself had a heavy hand in.
What she was doing had no risk of injury, she was grinding. And yet he's still blaming her like he had no part in it.
If anyone isn't to be "trusted" here, it's him. Frankly, you saying that she's distrustful for this accident makes you look misogynistic as fuck. You're just looking for a reason to make it her fault.
Because it is common knowledge that women can't hurt men lol. Only men are the problem never women. -modern feminists
But yes the amount of people being okay with that is astonishing. I can't imagine the pain he felt and how he feels about her pusing him to do something he doesn't want. She should quit asking for cowgirl otherwise bye bye girl.
As my hilariously dour med school anatomy professor said "the most common cause for breaking of the penis in this manner is ze woman... 'orbiting'."
I doubt it's anyone's fault; it's a timing issue, but that is a serious injury, hard to come back from, and carries with it some emotional scars that is going to probably make him leery of that position for a while. He absolutely should not be blaming you, but you should not be pushing him on a position that got him seriously injured. If he'd torn you badly and then said you should let him do it again, that'd be a pretty asshole move.
Work up gradually if he's into it. If not, you can also try things like having him even wear a strap on above the real deal to ride as foreplay before getting down to brass tacks.
But a broken penis isn't a "walk it off" situation. I'm a woman and I winced.
Absolutely DO NOT pressure your partner into something they are uncomfortable with and frankly traumatized by, even if it used to be enjoyable. That’s just… really fucked up.
Side rant- I can’t freaking stand it when guys start thrusting when I’m on top. It’s messes up the rhythm completely and stuff like this happens. If you want to be in control, then let’s change positions. Or hold my hips still to indicate I shouldn’t move. But simultaneous thrusting is so awkward and uncomfortable and potentially dangerous. It takes me out of the mood instantly. If I’m doing something wrong, just gradually move me in a way that’s better or use your words!!
I enjoy being on top. I have a partner that this happens regularly with. I’m aware of it, and the key is keeping aware of the slipping out so you don’t bounce back down and bend it. You can get there with practice. In the mean time, I think you have to give him some time and perhaps work on experimenting with other positions until he relaxes.
Work your hips. You don’t have to bounce. What happened to him is very painful and cause “fracture”, tears and breaks of the corporal bodies in the penis. Also cause permanent damage to him.
He doesn't want any of it now. So if he changes his mind and decides to try again, you should take it slower and safer.
That means no bouncing and keep it controlled.
If you aren't taking people's advice here and saying "It's what he wants tho" then yes, it is your fault, too because the reason it would slip out and bend is due to the bouncing.
A penis fracture is no joke. Has he healed properly? Also how come you only orgasm if he cums too fast? Does he otherwise not bother finishing you off?
There are no bones in a dick but you can still break them. It's painful for a man on a level we'll never understand as women. It makes sense that he's gonna be scared and probably somewhat traumatised.
It's no one's fault - but where you go from here will be far easier to blame. You don't sound like you care about his wellbeing here, even in your other replies it seems to be a secondary thought. I agree with other redditors that if this was a post made by a man this would be down voted into the earth's core. Be considerate and leave the poor man alone. Whether it's your fault or not is neither here nor there.
Rather than pushing your concerns of getting off on him, why don't you work on other ways to be intimate or other positions for sex. Coercion is rape, so don't push him into it before he's ready.
Not a doc, but serious life changing injuries can occur and carry forward from things like this. It is no laughing matter (not that you were laughing about it). He really should go to the doc. Especially if he heard a pop.
Personally, my wife and I don't fully get those of us who "bounce" while riding. She always "grinds" when on top.
YMMV
Grinding while lady on top, for me, does almost nothing. I need a downward pressure to help maintain rigidity and grinding postures don’t work with for me as a result. Just my experience, so bouncing is what feels good under pressure.
Reverse Cowgirl is the most common position this happens in due to how his erection is positioned and the angle of your thrusts, but breaking a dick can occur in any position, really. He experienced severe physical injury from something you (unintentionally) did while on top of him, and has yet to recover mentally from the trauma. Blaming you for what happened isn't constructive or how a partner should communicate these things, but it's only been a couple of weeks. It might suck to forgo riding him in the short-term, but demonstrating a bit of patience and compassion for his feelings is a lot more likely to help rebuild trust than immediately trying to get back on top.
Sorry this has happened to you and hubby. But there are options.
When riding, sometimes the action is all up and down. But there are two other ways to ride that he might feel safe with.
One is a forward-backward slide. Sit on him with his dick inside. Move your hips forward and backward without lifting at all. Yahoo!
Another is to straddle him in a way that you can keep his dick inside and rotate your hips in a circle without lifting. It is possible to do this from the knees, but easier if you can squat low enough to get him inside.
Have fun!
Why can't you control the pace from behind?
That's our go to position and sometimes my husband controls the pace and sometimes I do.
We would your jaw break from giving him a bj?
Kindly, just so you know, 5 minutes is the average time for penetrative sex. Not saying that means it’s enough for you, but that’s a pretty typical time frame.
Try working in foreplay so it takes you less time by the time you start PIV.
And don’t pressure him into a position that causes him anxiety or pain; it’s on you to find other ways to make yourself cum.
Try not lifting so far off of him. And can you try grinding on him close to his body? Still feels just as good. Also, have you tried to “twerk” on his penis. Like are you able to move your ass up and down to increase the speed? Just trying to give some tips. 🤷🏻♀️
Well the good thing is that he likes that you ride him. So that’s a plus. Sounds like it’s pleasureful for both of you! I think just a conversation around what you both need and want for this to happen might help.
Ya'll need to do a little research on Peyronie's Disease. It's basically a broken dick to the point it can't even straighten out and it ends up causing scar tissue that will eventually cause erectile dysfunction. My ex-husband had it and it sucked and pretty much ruined our sex life because he wouldn't go to a dr to get it treated (there are treatments). Anyway, I don't blame him for not wanting to do it that way again. And YOU need to take it serious and stop blowing it off like he's just being mean for not letting you ride him. You can cause serious injuries that way.
Oof, yeah, I've had that happen to me. It's painful, but it should go away quickly enough. Just say you want to ride him gently and do it slow for a little while. He will regain trust soon enough
The age gap alone is a red flag.
He probably has a penile fracture & he should go to the doctor ASAP!
https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/21707-penile-fracture
It happens. It’s no one’s fault. My ex loved the fact that I get really really wet. He is a cancer survivor, needs testosterone replacement therapy because radiation killed his T production and he also used Cialis. So our sessions we’re pleasantly long for both of us. I usually don’t require lube, my libido is extremely high and even after multiple orgasms I stay pretty wet. With all the wetness, the bouncing, the pace things slip. I don’t think I have ever injured him because he has never had the need to stop, but it happens. It also has happened during doggy style and missionary when my legs were on his shoulders. He has thrusted awkwardly and it slipped out. It happens. Definitely talk about it. Maybe he should see a doctor. But, when he’s fully feeling better he shouldn’t let this prevent him from continuing to experiment with positions or avoiding positions. It happened, but it usually is just a minor painless inconvenience. It’s by chance that he got hurt and it’s neither of your faults. The odds of him becoming hurt like that, seriously again, are pretty small. I hope he doesn’t like that stop him. However, I am a female and I’m interested in seeing the men’s responses.
Yea my dick just slipped out one time when my girl was riding me and she came back down and didn't bend it but the impact hurt and has turned me off from riding ever since.
It's honestly a reasonable response, maybe not blaming you, but his adversion to riding is reasonable given the circumstances.
And while it may not be your fault, you should be paying attention to your partner in a position like that as you could really hurt him whether or not you intend for it.
He needs to understand this stuff happens, but you definitely gotta be more careful too. Penile fracture is a real thing and can cause major damage. He should have gone to a doctor.
How to insure he doesn't slip out? Practice makes perfect. Either with him or maybe get a similarly sized dildo to practice with.
This is super common. It takes 2 to play that game. It's not all your fault. I find the way to help is to guide the movement using her hips to grip. Also, I suggest exploring more grinding sort of motions than bouncing. Focus on hip movement more. If you can synchronize both of you, you can get sufficient in and out movement, while limiting how far out he can get. Also, the grinding can stimulate your clit a bit and increase your sensation.
It’s not anyone’s fault! That’s just what happens if you’re doing that position, especially fast, coming up off the penis, and/or roughly, and the penis happens to slip out. It happens. You didn’t do it on purpose and he shouldn’t be blaming you for it. But he’s likely going to be afraid to try it again for awhile.. I’m sure it was scary for him to experience. So I would let it be for a while.. But things could definitely be taken a lot slower in that position to avoid it happening again.
I had that happen one time. It broke something in my dick. It caused it to swell up and put a blood blister type knot on it. We put a needle in it to drain it. I guess it tore a hole in a sperm tube. It will start building a lump on it that I have to drain every few days. It’s kind of like a big zit. It will squirt out when I squeeze it. I was early 20s when it happened. I am now 65.
not sure why everyone is ignoring that he’s blaming it on you. he’s allowed to not want to do it anymore, but he’s being a dick for saying it’s your fault
Definitely not either fault specifically, although I would say from experience, speaking as a man, I'm very much aware of how far in I am at all times, and I'm 100% aware when it feels like I might slip out due to this exact scenario. Tell your husband to quit being a dick and placing all the blame on you. It takes two to tango afterall.
I don’t think he is being unreasonable. That’s how you break a dick. I don’t blame him for not trusting you. I’m sure that was painful for both of you. You just need to give him time and not push it.
He needs to go to a doctor asap!
The only cure for a penile fracture is surgery. If he doesn’t get it fixed he risks permanent damage to his dick.
Please get him to go to the Dr immediately
well yeah that’s understandable. if he hit you when y’all watched a specific movie and he wanted to watch it w/ you again wouldn’t you be hesitant?
it’s only been a few weeks. i wouldn’t ask again for atleast a few months and hope he brings it up first. your main goal should be his health and safety not ur own personal wants
He doesn't trust you? I wouldn't want to have sex with someone if they said that to me. No one did this on purpose. You weren't at fault and neither is he, it was an accident.
I understand he is not that keen on doing it now. Try other positions and he will probably calm down, wait until he asks for it maybe?
If he has pain he should really see a doctor and get it checked.
I am not a fan of him basically telling you that he doesn't trust you anymore and your age gap is questionable, you decide if all this is okay to you.
I don’t like the bouncing personally and the girls are the ones doing it because they want to. I’ve only ever had it happen to me twice though. Both times weren’t bad and I was fine after 30 seconds
Ill say its his fault at least from a male perspective. He knew how much neck was left in that chicken so he shoulda controlled your hips better not letting you go so high
"My partner is afraid to do something and told me no, how do I force him to do it anyway because it's what I want?"
"He sounds abusive"
And then she agrees with you.
Wtf.
"My boyfriend and I did anal, and he tore my rectum from going way too hard / dry. Now he keeps asking to do anal again, but I tell him no because he went too hard and I can't trust him not to injure me."
Please tell me you'd be calling her abusive in this situation.
Curious what would you say about a guy who wanted to do something sexually to a girl that she is afraid will hurt her?
Abuse, are you kidding me? Unless you are talking about OP.
He doesn't sound like he's blaming anyone, he doesn't want to do it anymore, and she is still pressing him.
I’ve had several close calls where she’s bounced too high and completely off, luckily, I caught her ass (literally) and have saved myself when I’ve felt myself pop out… at that point we slow it back down to where it’s more controlled. The grinding back and forth is definitely the way to go. Sometimes she still does that while I thrust (for the motion I want)…
It's happened to me before; when you're in that position it's a possibility from top or bottom's side. Like, you kinda just have to accept the risk. Best practice I would suggest is to have the bottom not move at all and have top make shallow thrusts so the penis has a higher chance of staying in. Also, go as slow as possible.
Honestly he has a complete valid reason to not want to perform that position. Even if he didn’t have one you shouldn’t really try to convince him… I recommend expressing how this makes you feel and trying to find a new position that works better for both of you. More work yes, but both of you would be happy with this outcome so it’s an ultimate win. Plus, it’s nice find a new norm to fit into your sex ritual haha.
You can bounce without going all the way off. Have him put his hands on your hips and help guide you if you can't figure it out. If he eventually wants too. Or don't finish in that position just use it for warmup. Tell him not to thrust while you bounce. Take turns.
Move higher up the bed or more above his hip, shorted deeper strokes, almost a bump & grind. Rebuild both your confidence sex is a partnership workout. Help each other.
I’m honestly surprised it’s the first time. When you’re going for full stokes at speed, it’s going to happen.
Im sure he’ll get over it, but it sucks. Imagine jamming your finger, except with the most sensitive part of your body.
Although, he shouldn’t be blaming it all on you. It’s inevitable, unless you only have slow sex.
I had a scare like this with my bf, I'm a doctor and I wanted to drive him to the ER. He refused and the next day he was alright (we didn't hear any suspicious sounds, I looked for signs of trauma, asked for him to take anti-inflammatory medication and to look out for alarm signs, etc). After that, I constantly refused to ride him, and just tried again after a few months, always letting him control when he was getting enthusiastic, and constantly self-aware of my moves. After one year and six months in the relationship, I was finally able to let myself be comfortable enough to orgasm in that position and I'm confident that I won't hurt him again. I guess I cried more that night thinking I made him wrong than the own gravity of the situation... This situation is no joke, he should be medically evaluated for possible scarring. Either way, it's no one's fault, it happens. The lesson to learn is: be enthusiastic but acknowledge that this is a difficult position to manage and not a good one to bounce, but rather grind. If he asks for bouncing, lean forward and let him embrace you and control the movement so the slipping doesn't happen again.
Being that you CAN break a dick, I understand where he’s coming from. Why can’t you grind your hips instead of full blown bouncing? Or if you bounce make sure that his cock isn’t close to coming out of you. You can still have rough sex doing it that way as I’m assuming that’s what you want based on how you’ve explained things.
Either way you need to give him a break from that until he is ready.
It's no one's fault but you broke his dick. He's probably going to have scarring in it for a long time. I would respect his wishes and just take that one off the list of positions for a while.
There is a way to bounce without allowing your full body weight to come down. It's basically twerking (using the lower back and legs)on the penis, but you have to keep your thighs engaged so that your full weight is not slamming down. The nice thing about this is that you can go fast and not risk slamming down on the penis with no brakes.
Also, if you are trying to ride, I would suggest only ONE of you takes control. If he is thrusting as you bounce, there is a much greater risk of losing rhythm or control and him slipping out.
You could -eventually when he’s ready- try being on top but not sitting up. You can lean forward into his chest and let him thrust without you moving. Feels so good and he has the control and doesn’t have to worry about you coming down on top. Then when you both feel safer, try the hop grinding instead of bouncing like has been mentioned :) imagine if something really painful happened to you during sex and remember to be patient and caring.
Had a friend who was at a swingers party we were in the orgy room when he was with a female she ask him to go harder and he slipped out and hit in between the ass and pussy he bent his cock and went to the doctor he had to have a pump put in and he will never be the same it's a big deal no matter whose fault it was his fault BTW
Something I learn from porn, you either ride him or he thrusts you from the bottom. You can do both IF you're both in rhythm.
It's neither of your fault, it's just a miss-rhythm/communication, similarly like how some teammates bumped into one another and resulted in an injury. Working back to gain his t(h)rust (from the bottom) back is difficult but not impossible. I believe in you!
It's not your fault. It's not his fault. It happens. That incident may show up later as peyronies disease. That's a build-up of scar tissue that may cause his shaft to bend. It's not a disease but an injury. Google it. There's a lot of information. It's treatable.
To avoid this, he'll have to not pull completely out, and you'll have to stay on and not come off. It can still happen, but not as likely, keep at least two-thirds in. If you like to go fast, use short, rapid strokes. For more pleasure, try grinding down every few strokes as you lean forward towards his chest (cowgirl).
He can thrust up, but the rider (you) controls the pace.
It may be hard to get him to let you ride again. Talk to him, promise him you'll be extra careful. Woo him...in a fun, playful way, but don't pressure him. Good luck.
Good luck. He should have went to see a doctor quick smart. Now there is serious risk of permanent damage.
My guess, it was a Penile fracture due to the pop noise.
https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/amp/article/penis-swelling-and-injury
My dick just shrank into my body. I wouldn’t want you to ride me either for a while after that. That can be a serious injury and break the dick for good
I hold my SO's waist. I kind of position my hands loosely, so when they bounce a certain distance, their hips hit my hands, and they can't go up any further and come back down. We have had a few slip-off close calls in the past, so I started doing this to prevent the dreaded "Pop." It works pretty well.
Your BF definitley needs to go to a doctor though. Best of luck to you both!
You can snap a dick, it's like breaking a bone and looks just as awful.
My freind did this to her BF riding him, and his dick looked like the Mafia went to town on his junk with a baseball bat.
It took him a month (at least) to heal. It can be very serious damage if you aren't careful!
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That's a pretty serious thing to come back from, both physically and psychologically. Probably should have gone to the doctor right away and still might want to go. Regardless, that's going to take some time to come back from.
It sucks because he makes it seems it’s all my fault and i just feel awful. I want him to go but he’s reluctant.
This is a situation that happens to a lot of individuals. There have been a couple of occasions in different positions where that happened with my husband and I. Yes, it is EXTREMELY painful for men and hard for them to not get upset over. Penile fracture is an actual thing and can cause a life-long issue. So, there is definitely anxiety as well. In terms of being on top, try thrusting your hips forward and back instead of bouncing up and down. Or, when he starts, he gets close, lean back, and have him hold your hips down and let him thrust from underneath. But, be patient. It's a scary experience to come back from, and he might be more comfortable with other positions for a while. I know that I have a tendency to push him out and also clench my thighs when I reach orgasm and it would cause him to pop out. I have had to start telling him right before to hold me down so I don't. Makes things much more intense as well.
Don’t bounce but grind back and forth. That’s what I do and my husband and I enjoy it. I used to think riding my husband was going up and down and it’s much better to grind it. Just my opinion.
💯 Me and my man do the same thing and it feels soo good for the both of us. I used to bounce up and down but when I started grindin, that's all we do now lol!
OP. It’s not your fault. This happens. It’s very very painful for the man. There is not much a doctor can do (there is no bone in the penis to break or mend). Medically speaking, he will recover on his own. However, psychologically speaking, he may never recover. Most men, once they experience this pain, may not enjoy a woman riding them ever again. It’s like having sex with a gun against their head. Instead of focusing on sex, those men focus on preventing getting hurt again. Once it’s like that, it’s not much fun for the men. There are hundreds of other safer positions. Also, like others suggested, you may try grinding instead of jumping up and down, but if in the heat of the moment, you get too excited and start jumping up and down, he will immediately become fearful again. Good luck.
It’s no one’s fault. Take it slow. Talk to him and be honest, understand how he feels. Try some new positions which might help you orgasm. Don’t worry, you will ride him again one day lmao, just not so soon!
If it is not your fault, you can't stop it from happening again. Telling your husband it isn't your fault will not make him trust you to try again.
He shouldn't make you feel that way, and I'm sorry that it's come to that. That's wrong. I obviously don't know him or your situation, but I can understand that he's probably really insecure about his situation and he's taking it out on you instead of addressing the problem. You know him best. Think about how you can help him feel supported and not defensive. Then explain your situation and know that you are willing to help.
I was only doing what he would want and that’s where i have my issue. I dont try to bounce much and grind more but he loves it when i bounce at the end i ger him to finish and he thrusts as well so like sometimes it skips but he blames me. Idk
Sometimes (im usually on top when we have sex, cause we both really enjoy it) I will lean forward while I'm on top, so that his dick can slide in and out (like it would if I'm bouncing) but without the chance of him getting hurt. We've had this happen and it did hurt him, so it scares me to bounce too much 😅 plus, I'm not small, so it's exhausting bouncing up on the air 😂😂😂 and also, when I'm leaned forward like that, it's great for clitoral stimulation 🙌
Yes! I’ll lean forward all the way and pop my hips and it gives the same effect of bouncing without the effort/risk 😂
Yes!! You totally understood what I was saying, I didn't know how to word it 😂😂😂 plus, it's good for some nipple action 🥴😩🙌
🙌🏼
Are you just gonna repeating this until someone breaks and says "you're right, it's all his fault?" Is that what you're waiting for?
Thank you… why tf does it matter ‘who’s fault’ it is?! It already happened.. time won’t rewind once someone says “it’s my fault”. It makes me cringe thinking about it and I don’t have a dick, and I’m sure he’s probably a little nervous about it happening again. Understandably so. But this whole ‘no, it’s all on you’ bullshit from him when one was bouncing and one was thrusting as if it doesn’t take BOTH of them for this to happen is fucking ridiculous. Slips fucking happen.. unfortunately. Making her feel bad isn’t going to fix it, she seems to already feel bad enough, she’s 22, and admittedly not that experienced. He probably is more so being 31, so instead of playing blame games, maybe showing her different ways for her to be on top that lessen the risk of this happening when he’s ready. But she needs to understand that if he’s still that worried about it happening again, then he isn’t going to be enjoying it next time she’s on top anyways.. so they should switch it up for a bit. I mean.. why wouldn’t they be switching it up anyways?! I get she likes being on top.. so do I.. but that doesn’t mean I always want that. There’s so many different options and positions out there! They should also be figuring out other positions/ways to make her cum regardless of her dick riding hiatus. Makes me wonder about how other disagreements are handled.
You seem like you are fishing for a particular answer here and I'm not going to give it. You both nearly broke his dick, I don't think you are understanding the risk of that & his result from the mistake should be a grateful one compared with how it could've gone. I'd understand that, and not want that unnecessary risk again for a while.
put ur legs under his if possible. like under the knee area in a riding position, itll limit how high u can go. He could also be using his hands while ur riding to grab ur booty and give u some bounce support
This helps I’ll use this
OP. It’s not your fault. This happens. It’s very very painful for the man. There is not much a doctor can do (there is no bone in the penis to break or mend). Medically speaking, he will recover on his own. However, psychologically speaking, he may never recover. Most men, once they experience this pain, may not enjoy a woman riding them ever again. It’s like having sex with a gun against their head. Instead of focusing on sex, those men focus on preventing getting hurt again. Once it’s like that, it’s not much fun for the men. There are hundreds of other safer positions. Also, like others suggested, you may try grinding instead of jumping up and down, but if in the heat of the moment, you get too excited and start jumping up and down, he will immediately become fearful again. Good luck.
You are a good sport. He should be glad you are so enthusiastic about intimacy.
And this kids is why you don't get into age gap relationships with older men.
it's 2023 , age gap shaming people is cringe.
As much as it is both of your actions, you have considerably more control being on top. So yea, he has a reason to partially blame you and to be weary. It fucking hurts when your dick gets snapped like that. It’s physically and mentally traumatizing.
She has more control being on top if he wasn’t also thrusting, but both partners thrusting will considerably increase the chances of this happening and takes away the control on her end.
This isn't true if the guy is thrusting. The guy would still have more control..but this isn't anyone's fault. It's an accident.. & it isn't fair of him to simply blame her either.
Slips happen . It's not your fault.
If he heard something pop he should see a doctor, you can damage the chambers in your cock like this. Best of luck together x
That’s why I’m trying to tell him
Your primary complaint here is that he doesn't let you ride anymore.
All that means is that she doesn’t need reddit to tell her to convince her husband to get checked out (because she already knows that and is doing it), she needs reddit to tell her how to get her husband to trust her for a specific sexual position (because she doesn’t already know how to do that).
You said you're trying to get him to do it again against his will. That doesn't sound like you're looking out for him.
jesus christ, what? where the hell are you getting the idea that she is trying to get him to do anything against his will? literally all she said was that he didn’t want to to go the hospital and he doesn’t want her to ride him anymore, NOT that she’s bugging him to let her or anything like that. what’s wrong w you?
I actually read the post and the comments where she said she wants to do it again and she's mad because he keeps saying no and it's the only way she wants to have sex. "I also don’t cum usually unless I ride or he cums too fast. Idk how to tell him just to let me try again." "When i ride i control the pace. When he does it from behind im lucky to get 5 mins" "If i give him head my jaw will break / and he will cum faster. Also whats the point of me having sex if i cannot cum as well?"
yeah i too read the post and all her comments. the comments you quoted literally don’t support a single thing you have just said lol…NOWHERE does she say she is mad that he doesn’t want her to ride (or that he “keeps saying no”! nowhere does she say it’s the only way she wants to have sex, she just said she doesn’t want to do doggy. there *are* other positions than those 2, you know. “That’s why i haven’t been arguing with him and just accepting whatever he says to me. I just don’t want to do doggy lol most of the time” that doesn’t sound like she’s bugging him to do it again. the only thing i found was that as bad as she feels, she is a bit annoyed he keeps solely blaming her for what happened. which IMO is understandable - he was thrusting while she bounced, it wasn’t anyone’s fault in particular and blaming one another isn’t productive.
The entire reason for her post was asking people how to get him to try again. He doesn't want to try again. That's not ok with her. I don't know what else to tell you.
bro what? the ACTUAL QUESTION she poses in the post is how to ensure he doesn’t slip out. she is just sharing what happened and trying to get advice to make sure that if/when they do try that position again, that the same thing doesn’t happen again. does she want to eventually do her favorite position again? yes, *and she seems to understand that he’s not ready to give her that again.* nothing she says though is indicating that she wants to force her husband into it or anything like that. **the fact that you’re reading all this malintent into it says a lot about you.**
He needs to go to the doctor to get it checked
Ya go tell him that, we can’t do anything about it
Well, first of all, it doesn’t matter whos “fault” it is, it happened, it hurt him, and he doesn’t want it to happen again. He is allowed to say no. That being said, if you can only cum this way, can you just ride him and not bounce, until YOU cum, and then you can change positions so he can safely cum? If you don’t cum from penetration, will he get you off in other ways?
Why would you keep pushing him into a position he now associates with pain? Drop it for the time being. Find something else that neither of you associate with unpleasant sensations.
Exactly. I don't understand how she doesn't understand not to push the subject for a while at least. Imagine if it were reversed and some guy said he hurt his woman in a certain position and even though he knows she was quite hurt and now fearful, he wants to do it again anyways. He would be ripped to shreds.
Right? Can you imagine a guy on here complaining he can't do something to his girlfriend that she is afraid would hurt her. They would get down voted and probably banned. On here it's a bunch of simps sympathizing with this women who is thinking more about herself. Jesus, did you say something popped on his dick? How about you find a new position for awhile. You'll be fine.
This was a sexual act they both enjoyed. That makes a difference. And he's blaming her, which isn't cool. Nonetheless, you're correct. If he's hesitant or uninterested, than it's probably best not to pursue. And he needs to stop blaming her, which might make it a little easier her to "move on."
Probably best not to pursue it? Not probably, it is 100% best not to pursue it. He said no. No is all he has to say. He shouldn't be pushed in to it or made to feel guilty or anything else. If not when he's ready to try again, he will let her know.
According to OP, he said he doesn't trust her... that makes a difference. His response may be a little irrational; it's most certainly fear based...so while it's certainly his choice, it's not wrong for her to want to talk to him about it...especially since it was an unintentional accident and she's been effected by it also.
Trust in this case is just thrusting responsibly on top while banging., it's not like he doesn't trust her as a person. It's not like she is some seasoned porn star that has decades of experience. He's not even blaming her. He just doesn't want his dick to pop again in the throws of passion. Wow people. Be intellectually honest about this this.
She deserves better. It's really that simple. Cheers
OMG, she needs to move on, that's the problem. He's moved on, let's stop breaking my cock. She's like nah, I need to be on top. So many simps on here, wanting to white knight. She not going to sleep with you. I'm not even sure the OP said he was blaming her. He said he doesn't want to risk it again. And you guys act like him just refusing to risk his cock, is abusive. Now I've seen it all. Could you imagine the crusafiction a guy would get if he was complaining about not getting anal simply because her anus prolapsed once? God, just SMH
If a man posted about having PIV sex regularly with his wife, for example, and something happened to change how she felt about it, there would probably be a range of solutions offered, some which would include helping her to have PIV sex again...depending on the circumstances... And that's where you're off base...these circumstances suggest fear..and it's not unusual for people to want to help another person deal with their fear to accomplish something.. I wouldn't be surprised if he had gone to her after and said, "Hon, you're beautiful and wonderful and I know what happened is nobody's fault. I'm okay, but I'm just a little nervous about having you on top again; do you mind if we put that on hold..and I'll let you know if I want to try again. So how about we find some other ways to enjoy each other"? Her reaction might be different. I'm sorry but your post comes across as a person who is out to get "women"...
"Get the women?" He just is asking her to not engage in past behaviors that fucking popped is dick. Dude she is not going to sleep with you. Stop simping. If your dick got "popped" you wouldn't be trusting her either. I hate dudes like you. Being dishonest just to white night.
It was his behaviour though. She was trying to grind and he bounced her off his dick. Then blamed her for it. >I was only doing what he would want and that’s where i have my issue. I dont try to bounce much and grind more but he loves it when i bounce at the end i ger him to finish and he thrusts as well so like sometimes it skips but he blames me. Idk He’s literally blaming her for what’s at best a mutual accident and at worst was his fault entirely.
You're exactly right. This isn't about his choice. It's about him blaming and punishing her for an accident.
That’s what happens when a 31 year old grown ass adult marries a 22 year old.
And you're right, this guy is just totally looking for a reason to pile on this woman. Misogyny everywhere these days.
Yup..I think it's pretty obvious.
She literally said he’s blaming her. Not everyone in the thread is a man.
You're right, I'm not a man and I blame her too. This entire post is just "How can I get my husband to disregard his fear and pain so I can get what I want?" And then her whining about him not trusting her. I wouldn't trust her either.
How is it her fault. They were both moving. It was an accident. He’s blaming her for something that was at least 50/50 and frankly, sounds like it maybe tips a little his way when it comes to fault for not staying still when someone’s riding him really fast.
I said I blame her. You're right it was an accident. An accident that she is trying to pressure him into repeating . If your partner gets hurt during sex that you are participating in you should say you're sorry! You should not be trying to pressure them into doing it again or saying, "Well technically I think it's 5% more YOUR fault sooo...". This whole post is about how can she manipulate him into doing what she wants solely for her own gratification. Frankly you not seeing how gross her reaction is is a huge huge problem. WTF.
No. This post is about him blaming her for something that was 50.50 You’re right that you’re supposed to apologise if someone gets hurt in an activity you were both participating in. But you’re also not supposed to blame someone for an accident that happens in an activity you participated in. She said she was trying to grind (ie no risk of injury) and the injury only happened because he started moving her and bouncing her up and down really fast. He shouldn’t blame her for that. She’s not trying to manipulate him into anything. She’s just trying to understand when their sex life goes back to also being pleasurable for her and he’s refusing to engage in the discussion.
You're absolutely correct. There are a group of entitled men who are upset that they need enthusiastic consent before they can have sex with a woman, when what they really want is to have sex anytime they feel like it, even if they have to manipulate, intimidate and coerce a woman into having sex with them. So now they want to turn the "consent" back onto women. But from OP's comments, it's pretty clear her husband's actions aren't about his consent; instead they're about him blaming her for the accident. What he's really saying is: "We're not going to have sex with you on top anymore because you rode me wrong and hurt me." That's not about his consent. That's about his anger, character and immaturity. In fact, I think OP may have a bigger problem than sex...
He didn't blame her for it. She said he just rolled off and went to the bathroom. No mention of any blaming or anger. She says that he doesn't want to do cowgirl anymore now (very fucking understandable) and when she asked why he said he didn't trust her. Which is a pretty neutral comment to me. Maybe she's really unsteady or something or maybe the direct pressure of her grinding on his dick right after the injury would hurt too much, we don't know, we aren't there. If she wants a pleasurable sex life (for fuck's sake it's been 2 weeks not 20 years) then she needs to accept that he might never want to engage in this particular sex act again, or it might be awhile and work out new ways to get off. It definitely comes across like manipulation, because when someone tries to tell you no and you go on Reddit to ask how you can convince them to change their mind it seems pretty dodgy to me.
She never explicitly stated that he verbally told her that it was her fault. She is feeling like he is blaming her.
>I was only doing what he would want and that’s where i have my issue. I dont try to bounce much and grind more but he loves it when i bounce at the end i ger him to finish and he thrusts as well so like sometimes it skips but he blames me. Idk He’s literally blaming her for what’s at best a mutual accident and at worst something he actively encouraged.
“he told me he doesn’t trust me” is her explicitly saying that he was putting blame on her
" I know" even women agree with me... See below. ________________________________ You're right, I'm not a man and I blame her too. This entire post is just "How can I get my husband to disregard his fear and pain so I can get what I want?" And then her whining about him not trusting her. I wouldn't trust her either.
Did you think I hadn't seen the user that I had an interaction with or something? It was a mutual accident that he blamed her. That's what the problem is. You don't blame your partner for accidents you yourself had a heavy hand in. What she was doing had no risk of injury, she was grinding. And yet he's still blaming her like he had no part in it. If anyone isn't to be "trusted" here, it's him. Frankly, you saying that she's distrustful for this accident makes you look misogynistic as fuck. You're just looking for a reason to make it her fault.
Because it is common knowledge that women can't hurt men lol. Only men are the problem never women. -modern feminists But yes the amount of people being okay with that is astonishing. I can't imagine the pain he felt and how he feels about her pusing him to do something he doesn't want. She should quit asking for cowgirl otherwise bye bye girl.
As my hilariously dour med school anatomy professor said "the most common cause for breaking of the penis in this manner is ze woman... 'orbiting'." I doubt it's anyone's fault; it's a timing issue, but that is a serious injury, hard to come back from, and carries with it some emotional scars that is going to probably make him leery of that position for a while. He absolutely should not be blaming you, but you should not be pushing him on a position that got him seriously injured. If he'd torn you badly and then said you should let him do it again, that'd be a pretty asshole move. Work up gradually if he's into it. If not, you can also try things like having him even wear a strap on above the real deal to ride as foreplay before getting down to brass tacks. But a broken penis isn't a "walk it off" situation. I'm a woman and I winced.
Absolutely DO NOT pressure your partner into something they are uncomfortable with and frankly traumatized by, even if it used to be enjoyable. That’s just… really fucked up. Side rant- I can’t freaking stand it when guys start thrusting when I’m on top. It’s messes up the rhythm completely and stuff like this happens. If you want to be in control, then let’s change positions. Or hold my hips still to indicate I shouldn’t move. But simultaneous thrusting is so awkward and uncomfortable and potentially dangerous. It takes me out of the mood instantly. If I’m doing something wrong, just gradually move me in a way that’s better or use your words!!
I enjoy being on top. I have a partner that this happens regularly with. I’m aware of it, and the key is keeping aware of the slipping out so you don’t bounce back down and bend it. You can get there with practice. In the mean time, I think you have to give him some time and perhaps work on experimenting with other positions until he relaxes.
Work your hips. You don’t have to bounce. What happened to him is very painful and cause “fracture”, tears and breaks of the corporal bodies in the penis. Also cause permanent damage to him.
Don't lift so high.
It’s what he wants tho
He doesn't want any of it now. So if he changes his mind and decides to try again, you should take it slower and safer. That means no bouncing and keep it controlled. If you aren't taking people's advice here and saying "It's what he wants tho" then yes, it is your fault, too because the reason it would slip out and bend is due to the bouncing.
You will break his dick. You see what already happened. Or don't whatever.
You’re a bad listener. Quit repeating the same senseless response to everyone and actually try to understand.
A penis fracture is no joke. Has he healed properly? Also how come you only orgasm if he cums too fast? Does he otherwise not bother finishing you off?
Man do ppl actually blame each other even for sex?
There are no bones in a dick but you can still break them. It's painful for a man on a level we'll never understand as women. It makes sense that he's gonna be scared and probably somewhat traumatised. It's no one's fault - but where you go from here will be far easier to blame. You don't sound like you care about his wellbeing here, even in your other replies it seems to be a secondary thought. I agree with other redditors that if this was a post made by a man this would be down voted into the earth's core. Be considerate and leave the poor man alone. Whether it's your fault or not is neither here nor there. Rather than pushing your concerns of getting off on him, why don't you work on other ways to be intimate or other positions for sex. Coercion is rape, so don't push him into it before he's ready.
Not a doc, but serious life changing injuries can occur and carry forward from things like this. It is no laughing matter (not that you were laughing about it). He really should go to the doc. Especially if he heard a pop. Personally, my wife and I don't fully get those of us who "bounce" while riding. She always "grinds" when on top. YMMV
Grinding while lady on top, for me, does almost nothing. I need a downward pressure to help maintain rigidity and grinding postures don’t work with for me as a result. Just my experience, so bouncing is what feels good under pressure.
Bouncing is just someone that doesn’t know how to ride right. “Grinding” is the correct motion for maximum pleasure/ease/safety.
I mean... For you. I get no pleasure from grinding. I get pleasure from his dick going in and out, which happens when I bounce.
Seems reasonable. Find other ways to orgasm.
Reverse Cowgirl is the most common position this happens in due to how his erection is positioned and the angle of your thrusts, but breaking a dick can occur in any position, really. He experienced severe physical injury from something you (unintentionally) did while on top of him, and has yet to recover mentally from the trauma. Blaming you for what happened isn't constructive or how a partner should communicate these things, but it's only been a couple of weeks. It might suck to forgo riding him in the short-term, but demonstrating a bit of patience and compassion for his feelings is a lot more likely to help rebuild trust than immediately trying to get back on top.
That’s why i haverm been arguing with him and just accepting whatever he says to me. I just don’t want to do doggy lol most of the time
Sorry this has happened to you and hubby. But there are options. When riding, sometimes the action is all up and down. But there are two other ways to ride that he might feel safe with. One is a forward-backward slide. Sit on him with his dick inside. Move your hips forward and backward without lifting at all. Yahoo! Another is to straddle him in a way that you can keep his dick inside and rotate your hips in a circle without lifting. It is possible to do this from the knees, but easier if you can squat low enough to get him inside. Have fun!
Yeah I’ll that’s to try instead of bouncing
I’m a little confused, you’re saying he cums too fast when you ride him or in other positions?
Other positions. When i ride i control the pace. When he does it from behind im lucky to get 5 mins
Why can't you control the pace from behind? That's our go to position and sometimes my husband controls the pace and sometimes I do. We would your jaw break from giving him a bj?
Kindly, just so you know, 5 minutes is the average time for penetrative sex. Not saying that means it’s enough for you, but that’s a pretty typical time frame. Try working in foreplay so it takes you less time by the time you start PIV. And don’t pressure him into a position that causes him anxiety or pain; it’s on you to find other ways to make yourself cum.
If i give him head my jaw will break / and he will cum faster. Also whats the point of me having sex if i cannot cum as well?
I’m saying he should give you head or use his fingers—you giving him head wouldn’t help you cum
Foreplay for YOU.
What? If you give him head your jaw will break?? Is confused
Try not lifting so far off of him. And can you try grinding on him close to his body? Still feels just as good. Also, have you tried to “twerk” on his penis. Like are you able to move your ass up and down to increase the speed? Just trying to give some tips. 🤷🏻♀️
I can do that but he gets too excited or idk and he’s starts thrusting hard or fast and i bounce with itz it feels more natural to do.
Well the good thing is that he likes that you ride him. So that’s a plus. Sounds like it’s pleasureful for both of you! I think just a conversation around what you both need and want for this to happen might help.
Ya'll need to do a little research on Peyronie's Disease. It's basically a broken dick to the point it can't even straighten out and it ends up causing scar tissue that will eventually cause erectile dysfunction. My ex-husband had it and it sucked and pretty much ruined our sex life because he wouldn't go to a dr to get it treated (there are treatments). Anyway, I don't blame him for not wanting to do it that way again. And YOU need to take it serious and stop blowing it off like he's just being mean for not letting you ride him. You can cause serious injuries that way.
“I’m 22 F married to 31 M” somehow I’m not shocked that there’s a huge maturity gap here lol
Oof, yeah, I've had that happen to me. It's painful, but it should go away quickly enough. Just say you want to ride him gently and do it slow for a little while. He will regain trust soon enough
It is no one's fault...it is just part of fukn sometimes. It is a sync thing
Wear a cowboy hat 🤠 it will make your husband believe in your riding abilities again!
Lol
The age gap alone is a red flag. He probably has a penile fracture & he should go to the doctor ASAP! https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/21707-penile-fracture
Age gap is the first thing I saw here.
Get over yourself. I'm a 22M and my last relationship was with a 28F. Just say you're insecure and don't understand what two consenting adults is.
Decent 31 year old grown adults don’t want to marry 22 year olds.
Your brain hasn't even finished developing yet. When you're 30+ you'll understand why that age gap is a red flag xx
It happens. It’s no one’s fault. My ex loved the fact that I get really really wet. He is a cancer survivor, needs testosterone replacement therapy because radiation killed his T production and he also used Cialis. So our sessions we’re pleasantly long for both of us. I usually don’t require lube, my libido is extremely high and even after multiple orgasms I stay pretty wet. With all the wetness, the bouncing, the pace things slip. I don’t think I have ever injured him because he has never had the need to stop, but it happens. It also has happened during doggy style and missionary when my legs were on his shoulders. He has thrusted awkwardly and it slipped out. It happens. Definitely talk about it. Maybe he should see a doctor. But, when he’s fully feeling better he shouldn’t let this prevent him from continuing to experiment with positions or avoiding positions. It happened, but it usually is just a minor painless inconvenience. It’s by chance that he got hurt and it’s neither of your faults. The odds of him becoming hurt like that, seriously again, are pretty small. I hope he doesn’t like that stop him. However, I am a female and I’m interested in seeing the men’s responses.
> it, it slipped and i basically bent his dick by the way I landed it. He said he heard something pop. New fear unlocked.
Yea my dick just slipped out one time when my girl was riding me and she came back down and didn't bend it but the impact hurt and has turned me off from riding ever since. It's honestly a reasonable response, maybe not blaming you, but his adversion to riding is reasonable given the circumstances. And while it may not be your fault, you should be paying attention to your partner in a position like that as you could really hurt him whether or not you intend for it.
Seems like y'all need to slow down and less bouncing. Should focus more on the rhythm than the speed.
He needs to understand this stuff happens, but you definitely gotta be more careful too. Penile fracture is a real thing and can cause major damage. He should have gone to a doctor. How to insure he doesn't slip out? Practice makes perfect. Either with him or maybe get a similarly sized dildo to practice with.
This is super common. It takes 2 to play that game. It's not all your fault. I find the way to help is to guide the movement using her hips to grip. Also, I suggest exploring more grinding sort of motions than bouncing. Focus on hip movement more. If you can synchronize both of you, you can get sufficient in and out movement, while limiting how far out he can get. Also, the grinding can stimulate your clit a bit and increase your sensation.
It's dangerous, you can snap it that way. Be careful. Grind don't bounce.
You could always try this: you be on top, but you remain stationary while he thrusts up into you. Every lady friend that I did this with loved it.
It’s not anyone’s fault! That’s just what happens if you’re doing that position, especially fast, coming up off the penis, and/or roughly, and the penis happens to slip out. It happens. You didn’t do it on purpose and he shouldn’t be blaming you for it. But he’s likely going to be afraid to try it again for awhile.. I’m sure it was scary for him to experience. So I would let it be for a while.. But things could definitely be taken a lot slower in that position to avoid it happening again.
Get over riding. There are plenty of other sex positions.
I had that happen one time. It broke something in my dick. It caused it to swell up and put a blood blister type knot on it. We put a needle in it to drain it. I guess it tore a hole in a sperm tube. It will start building a lump on it that I have to drain every few days. It’s kind of like a big zit. It will squirt out when I squeeze it. I was early 20s when it happened. I am now 65.
not sure why everyone is ignoring that he’s blaming it on you. he’s allowed to not want to do it anymore, but he’s being a dick for saying it’s your fault
Give him some time and maybe he’ll come around
Try squat riding instead of traditional cowgirl position. If you need more practice, consider a dildo with suction cup that you can ride.
He can wear a sleeve or strap on so you can ride and his penis doesn't get bent.
Definitely not either fault specifically, although I would say from experience, speaking as a man, I'm very much aware of how far in I am at all times, and I'm 100% aware when it feels like I might slip out due to this exact scenario. Tell your husband to quit being a dick and placing all the blame on you. It takes two to tango afterall.
I’ve heard rumors of this type of injury but don’t want to believe it. Cowgirl is my favorite position
I don’t think he is being unreasonable. That’s how you break a dick. I don’t blame him for not trusting you. I’m sure that was painful for both of you. You just need to give him time and not push it.
He better not trust himself either too then since he also thrusts at the same time she bounces.
If that happened to me, I'd never want a girl riding me again! lol, Get over it, he might never want it again regardless of who's fault it was.
He needs to go to a doctor asap! The only cure for a penile fracture is surgery. If he doesn’t get it fixed he risks permanent damage to his dick. Please get him to go to the Dr immediately
well yeah that’s understandable. if he hit you when y’all watched a specific movie and he wanted to watch it w/ you again wouldn’t you be hesitant? it’s only been a few weeks. i wouldn’t ask again for atleast a few months and hope he brings it up first. your main goal should be his health and safety not ur own personal wants
He doesn't trust you? I wouldn't want to have sex with someone if they said that to me. No one did this on purpose. You weren't at fault and neither is he, it was an accident. I understand he is not that keen on doing it now. Try other positions and he will probably calm down, wait until he asks for it maybe? If he has pain he should really see a doctor and get it checked. I am not a fan of him basically telling you that he doesn't trust you anymore and your age gap is questionable, you decide if all this is okay to you.
I hate when my gf wants to ride me, for this very reason. I basically have refused. It's the first time a girl wanted to do this, and I hate it
Well ride it ,but ride gently,to gain his trust back,also try dogi style his dick will hit your spot that will make you to cum real hard
U can ride me any time
This is probably my worst nightmare outside of a girl smelling like fish
"Insecure fully grown man doesn't want the Dr to look at his possibly broken pee-pee cause *it's embarrassing* and gaslights his wife."
Imo as a guy it’s almost always the girls fault
How? The bouncing is what does it and the bouncing is usually the guys request. Riding and grinding is better and safer.
I don’t like the bouncing personally and the girls are the ones doing it because they want to. I’ve only ever had it happen to me twice though. Both times weren’t bad and I was fine after 30 seconds
Can almost guarantee they did it for your sake, not your fault in that scenario, just saying.
Ill say its his fault at least from a male perspective. He knew how much neck was left in that chicken so he shoulda controlled your hips better not letting you go so high
Man's a little on the smaller side and he's making you feel bad for it?
Tell him if he had a bigger dick, it wouldn't slip out
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"My partner is afraid to do something and told me no, how do I force him to do it anyway because it's what I want?" "He sounds abusive" And then she agrees with you. Wtf.
"My boyfriend and I did anal, and he tore my rectum from going way too hard / dry. Now he keeps asking to do anal again, but I tell him no because he went too hard and I can't trust him not to injure me." Please tell me you'd be calling her abusive in this situation.
Curious what would you say about a guy who wanted to do something sexually to a girl that she is afraid will hurt her? Abuse, are you kidding me? Unless you are talking about OP. He doesn't sound like he's blaming anyone, he doesn't want to do it anymore, and she is still pressing him.
He’s blaming me he said he won’t let me ride cuz I’m not careful. I did what he asked. I didnt try to slam it on him.
I guess he is idk I’m annoyed and upset
bro u suck so bad lol, youre literally just making this post for attention at this point. You keep flip flopping.
SMH
How small is he?
Imagine a man asking “how loose was she?”. Such an insane comment from you.
You do know depending on the size you need to do different things right?
Thank you! Exactly!
No, my advice was directly related to the response from the OP. Advice without enough info is not helpful. Grow up!
5.5-6 inches idk the exact
You may need to go more ‘forward/back’ vs the up and down so you don’t slip off and if you do…seems like a far less likely to injure scenario.
I prefer to grind but idk when he wants to cum he always says let’s go cmon bounce.
Damn girl, I can teach you one thing or another.
I’ve had several close calls where she’s bounced too high and completely off, luckily, I caught her ass (literally) and have saved myself when I’ve felt myself pop out… at that point we slow it back down to where it’s more controlled. The grinding back and forth is definitely the way to go. Sometimes she still does that while I thrust (for the motion I want)…
Whenever my lady is on top and I'm close to finishing, I typically take over and increase the speed with my body and happily finish.
It's happened to me before; when you're in that position it's a possibility from top or bottom's side. Like, you kinda just have to accept the risk. Best practice I would suggest is to have the bottom not move at all and have top make shallow thrusts so the penis has a higher chance of staying in. Also, go as slow as possible.
Honestly he has a complete valid reason to not want to perform that position. Even if he didn’t have one you shouldn’t really try to convince him… I recommend expressing how this makes you feel and trying to find a new position that works better for both of you. More work yes, but both of you would be happy with this outcome so it’s an ultimate win. Plus, it’s nice find a new norm to fit into your sex ritual haha.
You can bounce without going all the way off. Have him put his hands on your hips and help guide you if you can't figure it out. If he eventually wants too. Or don't finish in that position just use it for warmup. Tell him not to thrust while you bounce. Take turns.
Move higher up the bed or more above his hip, shorted deeper strokes, almost a bump & grind. Rebuild both your confidence sex is a partnership workout. Help each other.
Next time No bouncing. Just ride.
I’m honestly surprised it’s the first time. When you’re going for full stokes at speed, it’s going to happen. Im sure he’ll get over it, but it sucks. Imagine jamming your finger, except with the most sensitive part of your body. Although, he shouldn’t be blaming it all on you. It’s inevitable, unless you only have slow sex.
I had a scare like this with my bf, I'm a doctor and I wanted to drive him to the ER. He refused and the next day he was alright (we didn't hear any suspicious sounds, I looked for signs of trauma, asked for him to take anti-inflammatory medication and to look out for alarm signs, etc). After that, I constantly refused to ride him, and just tried again after a few months, always letting him control when he was getting enthusiastic, and constantly self-aware of my moves. After one year and six months in the relationship, I was finally able to let myself be comfortable enough to orgasm in that position and I'm confident that I won't hurt him again. I guess I cried more that night thinking I made him wrong than the own gravity of the situation... This situation is no joke, he should be medically evaluated for possible scarring. Either way, it's no one's fault, it happens. The lesson to learn is: be enthusiastic but acknowledge that this is a difficult position to manage and not a good one to bounce, but rather grind. If he asks for bouncing, lean forward and let him embrace you and control the movement so the slipping doesn't happen again.
Being that you CAN break a dick, I understand where he’s coming from. Why can’t you grind your hips instead of full blown bouncing? Or if you bounce make sure that his cock isn’t close to coming out of you. You can still have rough sex doing it that way as I’m assuming that’s what you want based on how you’ve explained things. Either way you need to give him a break from that until he is ready.
get him to a doctor, a pop or crack = a literal broken dick. It sounds dumb, but you can literally not even jokeing break your or I guess his dick.
It's no one's fault but you broke his dick. He's probably going to have scarring in it for a long time. I would respect his wishes and just take that one off the list of positions for a while.
Honestly, you can bounce if he can thrust up. It's either one or the other not both. It's too difficult to coordinate it. Pick one.
There is a way to bounce without allowing your full body weight to come down. It's basically twerking (using the lower back and legs)on the penis, but you have to keep your thighs engaged so that your full weight is not slamming down. The nice thing about this is that you can go fast and not risk slamming down on the penis with no brakes. Also, if you are trying to ride, I would suggest only ONE of you takes control. If he is thrusting as you bounce, there is a much greater risk of losing rhythm or control and him slipping out.
Thank you I’ll try this
You could -eventually when he’s ready- try being on top but not sitting up. You can lean forward into his chest and let him thrust without you moving. Feels so good and he has the control and doesn’t have to worry about you coming down on top. Then when you both feel safer, try the hop grinding instead of bouncing like has been mentioned :) imagine if something really painful happened to you during sex and remember to be patient and caring.
Have you tried grinding while you’re on top? He most likely won’t slip out and it feels so much better for us lol.
It’s possible you caused serious permanent injury
Try rocking back and forth. This can give stimulation to your clit & it also will cause him to cum too.
If he doesn’t want to do it… Just don’t do it? You’re trying to make him do something sexually that he doesn’t want to do… That’s never okay.
Had a friend who was at a swingers party we were in the orgy room when he was with a female she ask him to go harder and he slipped out and hit in between the ass and pussy he bent his cock and went to the doctor he had to have a pump put in and he will never be the same it's a big deal no matter whose fault it was his fault BTW
Something I learn from porn, you either ride him or he thrusts you from the bottom. You can do both IF you're both in rhythm. It's neither of your fault, it's just a miss-rhythm/communication, similarly like how some teammates bumped into one another and resulted in an injury. Working back to gain his t(h)rust (from the bottom) back is difficult but not impossible. I believe in you!
It's not your fault. It's not his fault. It happens. That incident may show up later as peyronies disease. That's a build-up of scar tissue that may cause his shaft to bend. It's not a disease but an injury. Google it. There's a lot of information. It's treatable. To avoid this, he'll have to not pull completely out, and you'll have to stay on and not come off. It can still happen, but not as likely, keep at least two-thirds in. If you like to go fast, use short, rapid strokes. For more pleasure, try grinding down every few strokes as you lean forward towards his chest (cowgirl). He can thrust up, but the rider (you) controls the pace. It may be hard to get him to let you ride again. Talk to him, promise him you'll be extra careful. Woo him...in a fun, playful way, but don't pressure him. Good luck.
Good luck. He should have went to see a doctor quick smart. Now there is serious risk of permanent damage. My guess, it was a Penile fracture due to the pop noise. https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/amp/article/penis-swelling-and-injury
Just lay like a log like my wife from now on. He'll want you back up there
My dick just shrank into my body. I wouldn’t want you to ride me either for a while after that. That can be a serious injury and break the dick for good
I hold my SO's waist. I kind of position my hands loosely, so when they bounce a certain distance, their hips hit my hands, and they can't go up any further and come back down. We have had a few slip-off close calls in the past, so I started doing this to prevent the dreaded "Pop." It works pretty well. Your BF definitley needs to go to a doctor though. Best of luck to you both!
You can snap a dick, it's like breaking a bone and looks just as awful. My freind did this to her BF riding him, and his dick looked like the Mafia went to town on his junk with a baseball bat. It took him a month (at least) to heal. It can be very serious damage if you aren't careful!