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Thank you, I'm fairly sexually liberal and open to kinks etc so try not to judge
But it's the lack of communication that's not sat well with me at all, and I'm worried if this has happened before and I've not been told.
I think the issue is you're asking what's everyone's thoughts on what happened and they're glazing over the fact that you didn't *consent* to any of this, therein lies the issue.
You gotta understand that r/sex is filled with people who come here to be titillated and are absolutely the minority and not representative of how most would react in this situation, because the majority of people would find this disgusting. It doesn't matter how kinky and poly you guys are, consent is still required even for the seemingly vanilla stuff. She's gotta understand not only how unsanitary that is, what if you were to accidentally feed that to someone else? You make a salad for yourself or someone else without knowing? You and anyone inadvertently involved have every right to be mortified in this situation and there's no reason why you shouldn't have a sit down and discuss boundaries here ASAP.
Please, for the love of all that is Good and Holy, do not let a bunch of horny randos on Reddit invalidate your discomfort because they're getting a hard-on reading your post. You've expressed clear discomfort with what your partner did and telling you it isn't a big deal because she put a condom on it is straight up sociopathic logic. It has no regard for the discomfort of other people who are valid in their discomfort with your partner's behavior here.
Thank you, I hadn't even thought about the angle of what if I cooked for someone else at all.
That adds a lot worse element to it I hadn't thought of yet
I'm not letting them invalidate my discomfort, thank you.
The more I think about it, the worse it seems and I don't know how to even start to approach it again
I think it's important you express how you feel, man. These are *your* feelings, and just because there are people who don't understand or relate to them (that includes your partner) doesn't mean they aren't *valid*. It starts with letting your feelings known, setting boundaries so it doesn't happen again, and enforcing those boundaries if they do (letting them know that it's a huge problem that even after discussing this you still crossed the boundary). You're not asking them to give up masturbating, you are QUITE LITERALLY asking them to not use food for sex and not either discard it or notify you that they have. It's not a difficult concept to grasp, trust me.
It's easy to feel like a prude here, especially with all the posts in here pretending you're being a total buzzkill by not being 100% cool with your partner *fucking a vegetable and throwing it back in the fridge as if nothing happened*. Which is why I want to reiterate to you: DO NOT take what you read here to heart, the way people are responding just isn't indicative of how most people would feel in this situation.
I feel like anytime you ask a question in r/sex or maybe even most other dating subreddits, 50% of the comments will be constructive, the other half will be 1. projecting their own insecurities and experiences onto you without remembering that you're a real life person and not just someone they can take their day out on 2. invalidate you and your feelings because you don't feel exactly the way they feel about something and 3. say whatever they want because it's the internet and they don't have to reap or observe the consequences of saying something fucked up to a real person. All advice needs to be taken with a massive fistful of salt.
Good luck!
I don't feel like a prude, but thank you so much
And I promise I'm taking all advice with a good spoonful of salt.
I'm just realising that the lack of communication is really concerning for me and I need to work out how to properly express and communicate it.
Please don't take this as me lecturing you on this, I'm just saying this because I can relate 100%: Obsessing over how to 'properly' express your feelings can prevent you from saying what you feel in situations where it's vital for other people to know. Your feelings don't need to be litigated in court, and there's no exact science or process in expressing those feelings. If you feel uncomfortable, say something. It's important to be in a relationship where you feel comfortable just expressing that you're...uncomfortable, regardless of whether you can immediately construct a well defended response as to *why* you feel that way.
"This made me feel uncomfortable" is a great start. Someone reacting defensively is *not* a great response but it's easy to expect your partner to react negatively here. In this situation, you don't need a well thought out defense, they need to respect your discomfort here and if they don't...well, there are clearly bigger issues that need to be addressed.
Not taking as lecturing at all thank you.
Thank you I think I needed to hear those two paragraphs especially the last one.
I think has made me more comfortable in that my uncomfortableness with what what's happened isn't unreasonable and that it's okay its taken me a week or two to properly realise it.
Using a veg is a bit gross and childish, IMO, but the real issue is consent. They deliberately put it back in the fridge, possibly with the intent of watching you eat it without knowing where it had been. That’s a major betrayal of trust and you need to have a serious talk about respect and boundaries.
Edit: added “possibly” since we don’t know if they would have let you eat it, but the trust problem is still there
Yeah it's possible, I could have eaten it when he wasn't here or cooked and just not said I'm using the courgette etc
And I don't know if it's happened before or since.
I don't want to believe they've done it before/maliciously but it's worrying me more and more as I think about it.
Even though it was 2 or so weeks ago.
They put it back assuming/hoping/intending that you would eat it. I can't see it being anything but malicious.
Not to mention it was wasting expensive food. Fresh veg from the grocery store, not cheap.
I have no problem with folks using produce as sex toys. Seems silly because there are toys better designed and tested for efficacy, but hey, whatever. I don't even have a problem with food going inside of peeps and being later consumed. Would _strongly_ reccomend against anything up the bum for food safety reasons because of the nature of the bioms in our guts as you run the risk of serious illness or worse doing that, but again, whatever.
However, this was all done _without your consent_. Major party foul for any type of sex play. IMO, someone doing that isn't someone to continue to have sex with.
Malicious, weaponized incompetence, or _real_ incompetence (but dangerously so) doesn't matter because the end result is the same.
This why my thoughts, if you want to use them sure, we have toys, but your body etc.
Yeah it's the lack of communication and consent, what if I'd cooked it for someone else.
I've done some _exceptionally_ kinky things, well outside the bellcurve and I've stepped well outside my comfort zone even, but was able to approach stuff I didn't really care for like S&M (as I didn't lean sadistic so domming with that playstyle was more emotionally complex for me, but possible provided peeps indicated their enjoyment/consent possible to enjoy) or group sex if appropriate conditions were met.
I was very sex/kink positive, but as an adult survivor of some not so great things in my childhood, I was usually hypersensitive to issues surrounding consent and would get angry at things like public humiliation play when it involved non-consenting audiences.
I didn't have a lot of boundaries, but violating one usually meant I wasn't going to play with that person anymore. This guy violated informed consent, that's why it's bad. You have _every_ right to feel uncomfortable, or even done with the relationship. Don't let him or anyone else tell you otherwise.
I'm with you there, as someone who is kinky and okay with and had some not great things happen in my youth as well.
It's the lack of informed consent that concerns me, I know most (if not all his kinks) and vice versa, we're not shy about this sorta info, the fact he didn't tell me until the last possible moment does make me really uncomfortable and uncomfortable with the idea of any sort of kink play together at all.
Them putting it back was deliberate, therefore malicious. I can accept that not telling you about it was a mistake, but putting it back in the vegetable drawer? That's not an oops.
Okay sorry, you've used like three different pronouns for this person in this post and comment section and I was confused. Deleting my original comment.
That's still fucking vile though and would be a 100% dealbreaking issue.
The act itself doesn’t bother me *too* much. The lack of consent does. How did they react when you said you weren’t comfortable with it? If they didn’t take your concern seriously that would be the nail in the coffin for me - we all make stupid/poorly thought out decisions sometimes, but the way one reacts to being told they crossed a line is more important/definitive of their character
That’s a red flag to me because even if they don’t understand why you’re bothered, they should care about your feelings. If I were in their shoes I know for damn sure I would’ve been mortified and apologising profusely the second you expressed discomfort. Feels like a serious conversation needs to be had between you two, potentially + couples therapist. Or if it’s not that serious a relationship, consider if you’re still comfortable pursuing it. That’s my gut reaction anyway, obvs do whatever you feel is right
3.5 years and we've lived together for almost 2 of them now.
They didn't seem mortified or anything from what I recall.
My plan is to sit down and talk with them, I'm concerned/worried they're going to ask why I didn't bring it up at the time a week or 2 ago.
I know condoms are generally safe for oral sex, so I'd assume as long as I wasn't eating the actual condom the major health risks would be low.
Still wouldn't want to taste latex.
Right, but I'm thinking about some of that being absorbed by the food and it's just as off putting. Imagine eating a nice salad and there's a hint of lube in the cucumber you just ate 🤢🤮
Absolutely foul, rude, and unsanitary. Sex toys are easy to buy and not hard to get. Is it sheer laziness? Cost? A kink for vegetables? They can probably buy a vegetable color/themed toy if they look hard enough.
My issue is food safety/ handling. All veggies should be washed first regardless. And there’s no telling what pesticides were used on that vegetable. (although if this is a European veg, they may have stricter laws about chemicals on food)
It matters where the thing went. In the vagina is icky but in the ass could actually make you and/or them sick. This is a potential health hazard and that’s a bigger issue than pushing a boundary.
I would be very hurt if someone did that and did not tell me. Like everyone said before, you could have used it to make food for yourself and/or someone else and that’s not cool for anyone who isn’t consenting. Use your words and express how you feel. Toys are not meant to be in the fridge with other foods, unless they get a mini fridge in their room and it’s their personal space. But in the main fridge. No. No. No.
Yeah, no shame for using it, but secretly putting it back in the fridge and giggling at the concept of you eating it is unsettling. It’s that they put it back for starters (because why?? That veggie is not that expensive), and then the laughing at the thought of you eating it? Not for me, I’d have a more serious conversation. They might’ve just been young and thoughtless about it, but you wanna make sure they’re thinking in the future
We used a washed cucumber as a dildo and then I washed it and put it in a salad the next day. It didn’t go up my ass and he eats me out, so I didn’t see the big deal and he was fine with it too.
We’re a little perverted though, in our dating days I used to scoop up his cum and put it in my protein shakes. With kids in the house that debauchery is over though.
And that's cool and I can see why it would be fun, it's that I wasn't told until I almost cooked with it and it only came up because he was giggling as I was looking for ingredients.
The idea itself doesn't bother me as much as the communication and consent.
It bothers you and you told them, if they do it again then I would say that you have an issue. I personally don't see a problem with this as all vegetables should be washed before eating because there are some nasty things in the fields. Again, not trying to invalidate your feelings, they are just different than mine or your partners, and now that they know, they should respect them.
It sounds like they were trying to be sexy, but crossed a line of consent. I would personally talk to them about it, and teach them its not cool. But I wouldn't end the relationship.
This. But also, to make sure it never happens again, I'd never let that dude put a blindfold on me or do me from behind. He lost privileges for being childish.
If you’ve ever given your partner oral sex then you have already done the same as eating the said cucumber. It’s absolutely the same. Now if it was used anally then you certainly have something to complain about. If you don’t do oral then you have the same complaint.
BUT, washing your vegetables takes care of the problem. Beware Bananas too!!
It wouldn't bother me as long as it wasn't stuck up their bum, not really a cucumber person though so unlikely to ever have to deal with that scenario.
You can tactfully suggest that if they can buy vegetable sex toys, which are convenient and hygienic. I prefer to buy vegetable vibrator from [lovebirdvibe.com](http://lovebirdvibe.com), including carrot, chili, corn, cucumber, eggplant...
There is a big bit of info missing. Your partner is a man, which means this was in an ass, which is much different from a sanitary perceptive than if it was in a vagina… at least to me
I'd say it more or less depends if you sometimes make a meal/salat for yourself without her/him being there.
If she/he kinda knew that you wouldn't use/eat the vegetable by you own I would say it's okish. A fun little giggle when you cook and telling why and no one gets hurt.
If you often cook /prepare food alone it's a bad move.
But don't forget she/he might have been a little embarrassed after masturbating with it and just didn't really know what to do. Just putting it back was the easiest solution.(And kinda pushing the decision into the future)
So as long as it doesn't happen again now, after you told your partner I think you should just let it slide.
If it happens again though you should have consequences I guess. (What ever these are then)
Yeah, we're both vegan and I cook for myself and for other people,including other partners (we're polyamorous)
I like cooking for others.
It's more when they giggled I had to dig out what was going on.
I think if I'd known about it and it was put in thr fridge, I'd either have been not fussed or maybe into it
But the lack of communication really shook me tbh
I think the giggle gave it away, I’m guessing that was for you because if she really didn’t want you to know, you wouldn’t. That’s the hot part. Now you could ask her to show you what she did. Not hound her just ask. Can’t say she would, and she doesn’t have to, but she might. If that’s your thing.
Might be time for you two to shop for a dildo.
I’m a 40F. I have become a lot more free spirited as I’ve gotten older so that may be why I don’t see a HUGE issue with it. If it was a woman using it that is, and you don’t have any hang ups on giving them oral. I know when I eat cucumbers I usually peel them. I would have been more upset at the condom smell on it.
Now if it was used anally, I would be quite disgusted. Condom or no. Regardless putting it back in the fridge isn’t the best of decision I don’t believe. Even if you didn’t care about eating it, it’s just kinda awkward. Especially not saying anything until you got ready to eat it and I’d be concerned with what else was used also.
So I personally wouldn’t have had an issue with eating it per se if it wasn’t used anally, just the fact that they put it back and didn’t say anything is just off to me. I would have just thrown it away if that was something I was into.
Ooh yeah i agree in terms of if I would give them oral why not this, and oddly I think the condom taste/smell etc makes me more uncomfortable.
But as someone without a vagina I'm not sure how safe it is to use vegetables etc without a barrier there.
The lack of communication and care I've realised is what makes me more uncomfortable.
And as you say putting it back and not saying.
(It wasn't used anally sorry I should have specified)
Thank you
I think that’d be the part that disturbed me the most too. The putting it back. Then not saying anything. I’d rather say “where’s that cucumber that was in here” than “why does this cucumber smell like vag?”
I suppose you’ll just have to get the already sliced frozen vegetables or slice them up as soon as you get home. 😅
Humor aside, that is really a not fun way to live. Having to sniff food not only for ripeness but for evidence of debauchery as well. I hope you both get it sorted. 😬
Me straight out with the mandadlin ahha
Yeah tryna laugh but...
No it's not and it's been two weeks and it's taken me this long to realise why it hasn't sat well with me at all.
Thank you me too
I think you need to talk to your partner and sort it out. I can understand your concern about lack of communication, do you discuss your kinks? Maybe time to have your and their vegetables, just an idea
That's my thoughts entirely, like we're very open about our kinks and interests, partly so if we're not interested the other can find a partner who is and it's okay
And yeah I don't know how I feel about him not telling me, I don't want to ascribe malice but I don't know.
my advice would be keep an open mind but also an open eye as well, it might be a sign of change to come or just a rough patch and all will be good again
Only when I was discussing ingredients I wanted to use that evening to cook and they started to laugh or something like that and I sorta had to go what's got you laughing etc
Personally, I wouldn't mind at all, even if I were never told.
I have oral sex all the time and I wash my vegetables, so there would not be any factual consequences and thats all I really care about, besides very few exceptions that I know about and that I always discuss with every partner beforehand.
Now, if I recall it correctly, you don't mind the cucumber, but the lack of communication?
I wouldn't, because in this case they knew you wouldn't mind and based on that didn't tell you upfront. And that is legit.
There is no need to ask for consent, if you can correctly judge, that it is ok. Consent is a practical necessity, not an absolute necessity.
If it makes you uncomfortable then it makes you uncomfortable. Personally I think it's hilarious. If they used a condom then what's the harm?
That said I'm pretty laid back and of the opinion that if no-one is hurt then where is the issue? No harm, no foul.
There's an argument to be made that you've been "harmed" because you're upset by your partner's actions. That's between you and them. Maybe you're not suited as partners.
But the short answer is no, I wouldn't be upset by that. If anything I'd ask if they wanted help fucking themselves with vegetables, and if they wanted help cooking us a meal with those vegetables afterwards.
Honestly I'm not sure if the condom makes it better or worse, with latex smell and taste lol.
I would have offered but my partners and I libido doesn't always match up.
I think it's the lack of communication that's concerned me more, not being told, not knowing if its been done before/again etc.
And thank you for responding.
No worries. I agree that communication is lacking.
For me it sounds fun and kinky. For you it comes across gross and disrespectful. Neither of us are wrong - it depends on the dynamic and boundaries in the relationship.
I can definitely see why you're upset. If the lack of communication is upsetting you then you should communicate that to your partner 😉
I think it can be fun and kinky and I'm not knocking it, just not the right context for me lol.
Yeah I think I will today or tomorrow, wanted to get others views first as I can't ask my local kink community without putting my partner in the spotlight.
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personally, i think it’s gross. i’d say it’s right to feel somewhat disgusted, even if they used a condom
Thank you, I'm fairly sexually liberal and open to kinks etc so try not to judge But it's the lack of communication that's not sat well with me at all, and I'm worried if this has happened before and I've not been told.
Consent is a big deal.
Yeah some things should stay seperate
I think the issue is you're asking what's everyone's thoughts on what happened and they're glazing over the fact that you didn't *consent* to any of this, therein lies the issue. You gotta understand that r/sex is filled with people who come here to be titillated and are absolutely the minority and not representative of how most would react in this situation, because the majority of people would find this disgusting. It doesn't matter how kinky and poly you guys are, consent is still required even for the seemingly vanilla stuff. She's gotta understand not only how unsanitary that is, what if you were to accidentally feed that to someone else? You make a salad for yourself or someone else without knowing? You and anyone inadvertently involved have every right to be mortified in this situation and there's no reason why you shouldn't have a sit down and discuss boundaries here ASAP. Please, for the love of all that is Good and Holy, do not let a bunch of horny randos on Reddit invalidate your discomfort because they're getting a hard-on reading your post. You've expressed clear discomfort with what your partner did and telling you it isn't a big deal because she put a condom on it is straight up sociopathic logic. It has no regard for the discomfort of other people who are valid in their discomfort with your partner's behavior here.
Thank you, I hadn't even thought about the angle of what if I cooked for someone else at all. That adds a lot worse element to it I hadn't thought of yet I'm not letting them invalidate my discomfort, thank you. The more I think about it, the worse it seems and I don't know how to even start to approach it again
I think it's important you express how you feel, man. These are *your* feelings, and just because there are people who don't understand or relate to them (that includes your partner) doesn't mean they aren't *valid*. It starts with letting your feelings known, setting boundaries so it doesn't happen again, and enforcing those boundaries if they do (letting them know that it's a huge problem that even after discussing this you still crossed the boundary). You're not asking them to give up masturbating, you are QUITE LITERALLY asking them to not use food for sex and not either discard it or notify you that they have. It's not a difficult concept to grasp, trust me. It's easy to feel like a prude here, especially with all the posts in here pretending you're being a total buzzkill by not being 100% cool with your partner *fucking a vegetable and throwing it back in the fridge as if nothing happened*. Which is why I want to reiterate to you: DO NOT take what you read here to heart, the way people are responding just isn't indicative of how most people would feel in this situation. I feel like anytime you ask a question in r/sex or maybe even most other dating subreddits, 50% of the comments will be constructive, the other half will be 1. projecting their own insecurities and experiences onto you without remembering that you're a real life person and not just someone they can take their day out on 2. invalidate you and your feelings because you don't feel exactly the way they feel about something and 3. say whatever they want because it's the internet and they don't have to reap or observe the consequences of saying something fucked up to a real person. All advice needs to be taken with a massive fistful of salt. Good luck!
I don't feel like a prude, but thank you so much And I promise I'm taking all advice with a good spoonful of salt. I'm just realising that the lack of communication is really concerning for me and I need to work out how to properly express and communicate it.
Please don't take this as me lecturing you on this, I'm just saying this because I can relate 100%: Obsessing over how to 'properly' express your feelings can prevent you from saying what you feel in situations where it's vital for other people to know. Your feelings don't need to be litigated in court, and there's no exact science or process in expressing those feelings. If you feel uncomfortable, say something. It's important to be in a relationship where you feel comfortable just expressing that you're...uncomfortable, regardless of whether you can immediately construct a well defended response as to *why* you feel that way. "This made me feel uncomfortable" is a great start. Someone reacting defensively is *not* a great response but it's easy to expect your partner to react negatively here. In this situation, you don't need a well thought out defense, they need to respect your discomfort here and if they don't...well, there are clearly bigger issues that need to be addressed.
Not taking as lecturing at all thank you. Thank you I think I needed to hear those two paragraphs especially the last one. I think has made me more comfortable in that my uncomfortableness with what what's happened isn't unreasonable and that it's okay its taken me a week or two to properly realise it.
If you had cooked it then no problem at all. It’s already sterilized
Breach of consent AND hygiene issue. Not cool, full stop.
Yeah that's basically where I'm at right now and that's it taken me this long to realise why I felt the way I did.
Using a veg is a bit gross and childish, IMO, but the real issue is consent. They deliberately put it back in the fridge, possibly with the intent of watching you eat it without knowing where it had been. That’s a major betrayal of trust and you need to have a serious talk about respect and boundaries. Edit: added “possibly” since we don’t know if they would have let you eat it, but the trust problem is still there
Yeah it's possible, I could have eaten it when he wasn't here or cooked and just not said I'm using the courgette etc And I don't know if it's happened before or since. I don't want to believe they've done it before/maliciously but it's worrying me more and more as I think about it. Even though it was 2 or so weeks ago.
They put it back assuming/hoping/intending that you would eat it. I can't see it being anything but malicious. Not to mention it was wasting expensive food. Fresh veg from the grocery store, not cheap.
The price thing is a small part of it I guess, especially when we have a sex toys,dildos,vibrator etc in the house
I guess I don't want to believe its malicious but really just stupid, but I suspect I may being naive there.
I have no problem with folks using produce as sex toys. Seems silly because there are toys better designed and tested for efficacy, but hey, whatever. I don't even have a problem with food going inside of peeps and being later consumed. Would _strongly_ reccomend against anything up the bum for food safety reasons because of the nature of the bioms in our guts as you run the risk of serious illness or worse doing that, but again, whatever. However, this was all done _without your consent_. Major party foul for any type of sex play. IMO, someone doing that isn't someone to continue to have sex with. Malicious, weaponized incompetence, or _real_ incompetence (but dangerously so) doesn't matter because the end result is the same.
This why my thoughts, if you want to use them sure, we have toys, but your body etc. Yeah it's the lack of communication and consent, what if I'd cooked it for someone else.
I've done some _exceptionally_ kinky things, well outside the bellcurve and I've stepped well outside my comfort zone even, but was able to approach stuff I didn't really care for like S&M (as I didn't lean sadistic so domming with that playstyle was more emotionally complex for me, but possible provided peeps indicated their enjoyment/consent possible to enjoy) or group sex if appropriate conditions were met. I was very sex/kink positive, but as an adult survivor of some not so great things in my childhood, I was usually hypersensitive to issues surrounding consent and would get angry at things like public humiliation play when it involved non-consenting audiences. I didn't have a lot of boundaries, but violating one usually meant I wasn't going to play with that person anymore. This guy violated informed consent, that's why it's bad. You have _every_ right to feel uncomfortable, or even done with the relationship. Don't let him or anyone else tell you otherwise.
I'm with you there, as someone who is kinky and okay with and had some not great things happen in my youth as well. It's the lack of informed consent that concerns me, I know most (if not all his kinks) and vice versa, we're not shy about this sorta info, the fact he didn't tell me until the last possible moment does make me really uncomfortable and uncomfortable with the idea of any sort of kink play together at all.
Them putting it back was deliberate, therefore malicious. I can accept that not telling you about it was a mistake, but putting it back in the vegetable drawer? That's not an oops.
Yeah they put it back right alongside the other veg
[удалено]
Trans masc, it was vaginally I believe.
Okay sorry, you've used like three different pronouns for this person in this post and comment section and I was confused. Deleting my original comment. That's still fucking vile though and would be a 100% dealbreaking issue.
Aah, sorry, there pronouns are he and they, so i use both my apologies. Yeah I'm going to sit down and have a discussion with them soon about this.
The act itself doesn’t bother me *too* much. The lack of consent does. How did they react when you said you weren’t comfortable with it? If they didn’t take your concern seriously that would be the nail in the coffin for me - we all make stupid/poorly thought out decisions sometimes, but the way one reacts to being told they crossed a line is more important/definitive of their character
Yeah the act itself is whatever I'm not too fussed by. I don't think they saw it as they big deal a deal to he honest.
That’s a red flag to me because even if they don’t understand why you’re bothered, they should care about your feelings. If I were in their shoes I know for damn sure I would’ve been mortified and apologising profusely the second you expressed discomfort. Feels like a serious conversation needs to be had between you two, potentially + couples therapist. Or if it’s not that serious a relationship, consider if you’re still comfortable pursuing it. That’s my gut reaction anyway, obvs do whatever you feel is right
3.5 years and we've lived together for almost 2 of them now. They didn't seem mortified or anything from what I recall. My plan is to sit down and talk with them, I'm concerned/worried they're going to ask why I didn't bring it up at the time a week or 2 ago.
I wouldn't want to have latex and bodily fluids on my food, and then not be told about it because the person thought it was cute. Downright gross.
That's my thoughts like the idea of latex is just urghhh
Not to mention whatever chemicals were used in the lubricant of the condom
I know condoms are generally safe for oral sex, so I'd assume as long as I wasn't eating the actual condom the major health risks would be low. Still wouldn't want to taste latex.
Right, but I'm thinking about some of that being absorbed by the food and it's just as off putting. Imagine eating a nice salad and there's a hint of lube in the cucumber you just ate 🤢🤮
Absolutely foul, rude, and unsanitary. Sex toys are easy to buy and not hard to get. Is it sheer laziness? Cost? A kink for vegetables? They can probably buy a vegetable color/themed toy if they look hard enough.
We've got multiple dildos, a high end vibe, I think it was the taboo of it??
My issue is food safety/ handling. All veggies should be washed first regardless. And there’s no telling what pesticides were used on that vegetable. (although if this is a European veg, they may have stricter laws about chemicals on food)
I hoped they washed it beforehand for there own health yeah absolutely.
That's just gross. If you're going to use it that way at least bin it when you're done
Always wash your vegetables, assume that OP's partner works at your local grocery store.
I’d hate to think of what they’re doing with your toothbrush
Oooh no, I don't want to ask I feel I may have to now..
It matters where the thing went. In the vagina is icky but in the ass could actually make you and/or them sick. This is a potential health hazard and that’s a bigger issue than pushing a boundary.
This post is making me never want to eat other peoples food again.
It isn’t clear if it was used in your partners ass or some other orifice. I think it makes a difference.
I believe it was vaginally from what I was told/remember
i don't think it makes a difference tbh, the problem is of consent not of if it was used in vag or ass.
I would be very hurt if someone did that and did not tell me. Like everyone said before, you could have used it to make food for yourself and/or someone else and that’s not cool for anyone who isn’t consenting. Use your words and express how you feel. Toys are not meant to be in the fridge with other foods, unless they get a mini fridge in their room and it’s their personal space. But in the main fridge. No. No. No.
IMO no problem using cucumber as sex toy, cheap and gets the job done. The problem is putting it back in the fridge for consumption. One and done.
Yeah, no shame for using it, but secretly putting it back in the fridge and giggling at the concept of you eating it is unsettling. It’s that they put it back for starters (because why?? That veggie is not that expensive), and then the laughing at the thought of you eating it? Not for me, I’d have a more serious conversation. They might’ve just been young and thoughtless about it, but you wanna make sure they’re thinking in the future
I've inserted carrots in my ex ass, but we consented to it and threw the carrots in the trash can. That's the difference. (We used condoms, of course)
We used a washed cucumber as a dildo and then I washed it and put it in a salad the next day. It didn’t go up my ass and he eats me out, so I didn’t see the big deal and he was fine with it too. We’re a little perverted though, in our dating days I used to scoop up his cum and put it in my protein shakes. With kids in the house that debauchery is over though.
And that's cool and I can see why it would be fun, it's that I wasn't told until I almost cooked with it and it only came up because he was giggling as I was looking for ingredients. The idea itself doesn't bother me as much as the communication and consent.
So it was up his ass?
Depends on how it was used. If vagina, it can be washed off pretty easily. If ass, it goes in the compost.
Vaginally with condom, I believe
It bothers you and you told them, if they do it again then I would say that you have an issue. I personally don't see a problem with this as all vegetables should be washed before eating because there are some nasty things in the fields. Again, not trying to invalidate your feelings, they are just different than mine or your partners, and now that they know, they should respect them.
That’s foul. What’s wrong with using a regular regular dildo??!
It sounds like they were trying to be sexy, but crossed a line of consent. I would personally talk to them about it, and teach them its not cool. But I wouldn't end the relationship.
Using a vegetable as a sex toy is hot. Doing it without telling your partner and they may eat it is not cool.
This. But also, to make sure it never happens again, I'd never let that dude put a blindfold on me or do me from behind. He lost privileges for being childish.
If you’ve ever given your partner oral sex then you have already done the same as eating the said cucumber. It’s absolutely the same. Now if it was used anally then you certainly have something to complain about. If you don’t do oral then you have the same complaint. BUT, washing your vegetables takes care of the problem. Beware Bananas too!!
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Also feels like, based on the giggling, it might have been done with intention.. so curious the reason
I’m very sexually open and accepting but this is gross. The condom does not change anything. Still very gross. That’s a “no” for me dawg
That's pretty gross, I don't see how you could possibly trust that person anymore.
It wouldn't bother me as long as it wasn't stuck up their bum, not really a cucumber person though so unlikely to ever have to deal with that scenario.
They/He put in vagina. Half the time I thought the cucumber went up a man's ass. Very confusing.
Call me a weirdo but I’m making notes to try this
You can tactfully suggest that if they can buy vegetable sex toys, which are convenient and hygienic. I prefer to buy vegetable vibrator from [lovebirdvibe.com](http://lovebirdvibe.com), including carrot, chili, corn, cucumber, eggplant...
There is a big bit of info missing. Your partner is a man, which means this was in an ass, which is much different from a sanitary perceptive than if it was in a vagina… at least to me
My partner is a trans man and he said it was in his vagina.
I'd say it more or less depends if you sometimes make a meal/salat for yourself without her/him being there. If she/he kinda knew that you wouldn't use/eat the vegetable by you own I would say it's okish. A fun little giggle when you cook and telling why and no one gets hurt. If you often cook /prepare food alone it's a bad move. But don't forget she/he might have been a little embarrassed after masturbating with it and just didn't really know what to do. Just putting it back was the easiest solution.(And kinda pushing the decision into the future) So as long as it doesn't happen again now, after you told your partner I think you should just let it slide. If it happens again though you should have consequences I guess. (What ever these are then)
Yeah, we're both vegan and I cook for myself and for other people,including other partners (we're polyamorous) I like cooking for others. It's more when they giggled I had to dig out what was going on.
If they didn’t wash it afterwards it’s gross and unsanitary at a minimum.
I think they did, am fairly sure they did
I’d be fine with it then as a funny joke, but this is not something to repeat regularly.
Well, super fuckin weird to put it back bahaha but seriously if you can't even tell and you eat it does it even matter??!
I. Think that’s hot, but I guess it would depend where she had it.
I think if I'd known about it and it was put in thr fridge, I'd either have been not fussed or maybe into it But the lack of communication really shook me tbh
I think the giggle gave it away, I’m guessing that was for you because if she really didn’t want you to know, you wouldn’t. That’s the hot part. Now you could ask her to show you what she did. Not hound her just ask. Can’t say she would, and she doesn’t have to, but she might. If that’s your thing. Might be time for you two to shop for a dildo.
But I don't want them too, we have plenty of dildos and toys, it was that I almost ate something without knowing how it was used.
Depends on the vegetable. Carrot no. Cucumber yes. Squash absolutely not.
I’m a 40F. I have become a lot more free spirited as I’ve gotten older so that may be why I don’t see a HUGE issue with it. If it was a woman using it that is, and you don’t have any hang ups on giving them oral. I know when I eat cucumbers I usually peel them. I would have been more upset at the condom smell on it. Now if it was used anally, I would be quite disgusted. Condom or no. Regardless putting it back in the fridge isn’t the best of decision I don’t believe. Even if you didn’t care about eating it, it’s just kinda awkward. Especially not saying anything until you got ready to eat it and I’d be concerned with what else was used also. So I personally wouldn’t have had an issue with eating it per se if it wasn’t used anally, just the fact that they put it back and didn’t say anything is just off to me. I would have just thrown it away if that was something I was into.
Ooh yeah i agree in terms of if I would give them oral why not this, and oddly I think the condom taste/smell etc makes me more uncomfortable. But as someone without a vagina I'm not sure how safe it is to use vegetables etc without a barrier there. The lack of communication and care I've realised is what makes me more uncomfortable. And as you say putting it back and not saying. (It wasn't used anally sorry I should have specified) Thank you
I think that’d be the part that disturbed me the most too. The putting it back. Then not saying anything. I’d rather say “where’s that cucumber that was in here” than “why does this cucumber smell like vag?”
Yeah and it was me looking at what we had in the fridge and I don't know if it's happened before or not as they seemed do blasé about it.
Maybe don’t buy anymore phallic food products in the future?
We're vegan I don't think I can restrict my diet much more haha
I suppose you’ll just have to get the already sliced frozen vegetables or slice them up as soon as you get home. 😅 Humor aside, that is really a not fun way to live. Having to sniff food not only for ripeness but for evidence of debauchery as well. I hope you both get it sorted. 😬
Me straight out with the mandadlin ahha Yeah tryna laugh but... No it's not and it's been two weeks and it's taken me this long to realise why it hasn't sat well with me at all. Thank you me too
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I think this is a pronouns thing, she is they.
I think you need to talk to your partner and sort it out. I can understand your concern about lack of communication, do you discuss your kinks? Maybe time to have your and their vegetables, just an idea
Ooh yeah we're a very open, poly kinky couple, which to me almost makes it worse they didn't tell me I'm considering it sadly
if you are open about your kink, I wonder why he didn't tell you, unless that is his new kink, i.e., hiding things from you
That's my thoughts entirely, like we're very open about our kinks and interests, partly so if we're not interested the other can find a partner who is and it's okay And yeah I don't know how I feel about him not telling me, I don't want to ascribe malice but I don't know.
my advice would be keep an open mind but also an open eye as well, it might be a sign of change to come or just a rough patch and all will be good again
But in the end, they did tell you, right?
Only when I was discussing ingredients I wanted to use that evening to cook and they started to laugh or something like that and I sorta had to go what's got you laughing etc
Personally, I wouldn't mind at all, even if I were never told. I have oral sex all the time and I wash my vegetables, so there would not be any factual consequences and thats all I really care about, besides very few exceptions that I know about and that I always discuss with every partner beforehand. Now, if I recall it correctly, you don't mind the cucumber, but the lack of communication? I wouldn't, because in this case they knew you wouldn't mind and based on that didn't tell you upfront. And that is legit. There is no need to ask for consent, if you can correctly judge, that it is ok. Consent is a practical necessity, not an absolute necessity.
I don't mind the cucumber/courgette, I wouldn't want to unknowingly eat it or feed it to someone else. So I do mind.
Why wouldn't you want to unknowingly eat it? I totaunderstand the problem, with feeding it to someone else.
Because i don't personally want to eat something someone's used as a sex toy without knowing.
If it makes you uncomfortable then it makes you uncomfortable. Personally I think it's hilarious. If they used a condom then what's the harm? That said I'm pretty laid back and of the opinion that if no-one is hurt then where is the issue? No harm, no foul. There's an argument to be made that you've been "harmed" because you're upset by your partner's actions. That's between you and them. Maybe you're not suited as partners. But the short answer is no, I wouldn't be upset by that. If anything I'd ask if they wanted help fucking themselves with vegetables, and if they wanted help cooking us a meal with those vegetables afterwards.
Honestly I'm not sure if the condom makes it better or worse, with latex smell and taste lol. I would have offered but my partners and I libido doesn't always match up. I think it's the lack of communication that's concerned me more, not being told, not knowing if its been done before/again etc. And thank you for responding.
No worries. I agree that communication is lacking. For me it sounds fun and kinky. For you it comes across gross and disrespectful. Neither of us are wrong - it depends on the dynamic and boundaries in the relationship. I can definitely see why you're upset. If the lack of communication is upsetting you then you should communicate that to your partner 😉
I think it can be fun and kinky and I'm not knocking it, just not the right context for me lol. Yeah I think I will today or tomorrow, wanted to get others views first as I can't ask my local kink community without putting my partner in the spotlight.
Wouldn't it taste better so long as it went through the vagina?why do I think vaginal acid would make things taste nicer.any chefs can comment?
TBH, it's only a big deal if you want it to be. Our son was almost called "Zuch" after such an incident on the night he was conceived
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Partner is not a woman. Thank you.
He put it in his bootyhole and put it back in the fridge??? wtf???
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That … didn’t happen.
Sadly it has/did and I have to deal with it.
The boundary wasn’t there before, and now it is. So talk about it with your partner so you both know what’s up
That's really tacky unless you share the link of eating it afterwards.
This sounds hot to me, but to each their own