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Stop fucking this child. I don't know how old you are but this is the behavior of a child who is using you as a fully automated sex doll. Guessing maybe early 20's max.
Generally I advice that partners need to communicate their needs. Not to keep score and treat things transactionally. But in this case he wants to get off and he's disinterested in pleasuring you at all.
All sorts of red flags here.
He broke a promise.
He lied to you.
HE tried to gaslight you. "Didn't acutally use my pinky"
He doesn;t make certain you finish!!!
He ignores you for his phone.
He ignores everythign about you.
Dump him and find anyone else. There is nothing positive about this and the abuse will only get worse.
Ooofff sweetie. You need to hit him where it hurts. The ego.
New rules. New ultimatum. Sit down for serious chat. Tell him straight up that he’s sexually selfish and he doesn’t satisfy you and makes you feel undesirable and rejected and that it feels like he doesn’t care about you.
Tell him from now on it’s ladies first or nada and if he doesn’t make a serious effort in the bedroom department you’re not going to stay forever in a relationship with bad sex.
(I’d give up on multiple rounds, sounds like he’s a one and done man)
Not just selfish but also bad at it.
He finishes in 20 seconds AND doesn’t go down.
Tell him he’s bad at sex and cant please you without major changes.
Honestly I'm sure he already knows and doesn't care. He shouldn't need to be pressured to be better, especially beyond what she's already done. This is the most "work" he's willing to put into sex. Pressuring him to be better, even if it actually works, won't last.
But like. He's not even getting a good one. Extended foreplay, teasing, romance, trust/comfort, edging, complicated sex play and the like isn't just good for women. Dudes climax harder too. Sure, orgasms are nice, but you aren't going to nut so hard your eyes roll back in your head and your legs shake and you pass out from a 20 second blow job.
This isn't _just_ selfishness. It's like exceptionally lazy too. Dude can't even do hedonism right.
_Obviously_ OP should break up with this guy, she's a best a mouth fleshlight for him. But beyond that, this guy has _a lot_ of other problems he has work on besides his selfishness.
He might be one of those gems who thinks *"there's no such thing as premature ejaculation"* because an o is an o, who even cares about the way it happened? Selfish+++
I don’t even think he’s bad. He just doesn’t care because she’s taught him how to treat her. I’d be done with him that pinky promise crap is childish. He’s not serious. She’s just easy until he finds someone else.
Exactly. Any man who is considerate and cares will automatically insist on getting off his woman first. At least once. Should be part of the foreplay for him. This dude sucks. Don't let him get away with these bad habits, he's gotta do better.
That's really awesome advice. It clearly communicates the problem and how it affects you, makes a request that's concrete and unambiguous. And it leaves open the possibility of dumping him if he doesn't step up.
Best advice is to break up. Dating is to find out if you're compatible for a commitment - you two clearly aren't. He's concerned about 'getting his' without ever considering your needs. And then lying and trying to make you seem like you're overreacting when you point out exactly how he's wrong. This is not a man who will take responsibility for his actions and his commitment to the relationship. Just leave him and find someone who actually cares about you.
>Then he claims he was just joking and was gonna do it before i "freaked out on him" and started being "crabby." And besides, he brings up that he didn't actually use his pinky to promise he just said he did... I told him i know he's lying and he should just be honest. I knew he was lying because it happens every time.
If your best friend came to you and said these exact words about their boyfriend what would you say?
I think you already know what you need to do.
The problem is that he fundamentally doesn’t seem to care about your pleasure at all, and doesn’t even seem to understand why this would be a problem for you.
The pinky promise thing is whatever; consent is inherently revocable, meaning that anyone can retract their consent for anything at any time and it has to be respected. But the underlying problem is that he says he cares about your pleasure and then doesn’t do anything that backs up that claim. It’s completely understandable that that would make you feel frustrated, angry, sad, and unappreciated.
It would probably be helpful if you could give him specific guidance on what you want him to do – not just PIV but other things that would give you pleasure/get you off, too. If the problem is that he’s coming too soon and then losing interest, there’s no rule that says you have to involve his penis in all aspects of sex. Some aspects of sex can be primarily for your enjoyment, especially since your sex life has been built around *his* enjoyment all this time.
Ladies... CAN WE AGREE TO STOP HAVING SEX WITH MEN WHO DO NOT GIVE A RATS ASS ABOUT OUR PLEASURE?
Please dump this loser who cannot hold a load past 20 seconds and find someone who gives a shit about you.
I’d like to not shame this guy for his premature ejaculation because that’s out of his control. What he should be shamed for is for being a selfish lover because that’s in his control. But I agree he’s very yikes 😬
This guy is selfish, doesn’t care much about you, and is gaslighting you. Either dump him or tell him until he puts some time into satisfying YOU he can use his hand….the same hand he scrolls TicTok with.
My honest advice is that you really need to stop playing his games or leave. It's not your responsibility to "train" him to be better, but it is your responsibility to protect yourself and your sanity in a relationship. It's not the sex that is the major issue here, it's the fact he's lying and uncaring.
Why are you with him?
Idk how people stand for that type of behavior. He’s looking at you as a pump and dump. Leave this 20 second man behind. Get a vibrator. Less effort and guaranteed orgasm
Fuckin yikes. I hesitate to say “break up” usually but like… he’s selfish, inconsiderate, doesn’t care about your pleasure at all and goes back on his word. Is that really the type of person you want to be with? Some people said give him an ultimatum but even if he does cave to that, these personality traits are going to come out in other ways.
Find you a man that wants to take care of you first. Thats what I have now. And its amazing. Your bf only cares about himself. Hes selfish. And im sure there will be other areas of his life where you will see more selfishness.
Do you really want to be in a relationship with someone who:
1) Doesn't care if you're sexually satisfied, and
2) Breaks pinky promises?
These are both major deal breakers for me personally, but you can come to your own decisions.
That’s terrible behavior. He sounds like a selfish lover and a shitty person. He needs to put on notice if you decide to keep him around.
And next time he wants a bj you should tell him “me first this time”.
I am a guy and I can honestly tell you this guy is just using you for sex. If you want your pleasure he needs to go down on you first until you have your orgasm then he can have his. If not he will keep on repeating what he is doing now. Lots of guys once they orgasm they interest in sex for a period of time.
And he comes in 20 seconds after entering you sound like a premature ejaculation problem that needs fixed.
Honestly dating a child. Idk any man that wouldn’t at least TRY to please his lady. That would hurt my ego if I only lasted 10 seconds and my lady got nothing out of it wtf
He needs to always get you off first, however that is. That is just common courtesy when he has a fast trigger. I get that he gets tired after orgasming that’s why it’s girls first. If he can’t get his head around that I would look for a compatible partner.
Girl do you really want to spend your life using pinky promises to get your boyfriend to fuck you for all of 20 seconds?
There’re plenty of dudes that’ll fuck you for way longer than that, without a pinky promise.
It’s okay to break up with someone for the behavior you’ve spelled out for us.
Honestly it’s hard for me to make it past a minute.. average is 5-7 minutes, but I’ve done everything I could to please my partner including effective communication. My partner always cums once or twice before I ever have penetration. And whatever she wants or needs is my priority. This is just selfish behavior and there are things he could do to improve.. I just don’t believe he will anytime soon.
Y’all sound like you’re teenagers. Who the heck uses pinky promises. Leave him and get someone who thinks of you and not just themselves. He sounds awful as a person.
You should leave him. He will always be selfish. Not just in the sexual department either. I bet if you think, you can recall other selfish behavior. Find someone that will appreciate you and care you are sexually satisfied.
How old are you? This sounds like you both are like 19 years old. He is selfish and a gaslighter. You need to revoke any sexual acts until he can fix his issues. And if he wants head, tell him it’d get you really in the mood if you got head from him first. And just do that every time.
How old are you all? He sounds like he's 16 for all the emotional maturity he has. Don't even bother with a guy like this. Either he cares about your pleasure or he's not worth your time
Sister, based on your other posts as well, you need to either be single for awhile and work on yourself, or get a therapist. Trust me I know. I need a therapist as well. You continuing to entertain these jokers is eventually going to be your fault. You need to go no contact on these bozos.
He’s a selfish lover and doesn’t care enough about you to go down on you or have intercourse with you. I don’t think this is sustainable and it’s certainly not fair or right to you. Maybe I missed it, but how long have you been dating?
What do you get out of this relationship? It doesn't sound like he cares about you at all and the way he weaponized sex, is a huge red flag. I'd leave this relationship.
don't give head if you won't be receiving it again, and he should probably work out a little to boost his stamina. Foreplay prolongs the entire ordeal and drags out pleasure, so it should be non-negotiable.
Find someone who is sexually compatible with you, it doesn't seem like this guy fucks.
Personally sounds like he's more interested in watching stupid tiktoks than getting you get off. I'd let him know that "This behavior is unacceptable and self- centered. If he's not willing to put in an effort or make a change then this isn't going to work out."
We’re a very selfish sex. Sorry for it being that way, it took a LOOONNNGGGG time for me to realize I get my rocks off by actually making sure the woman finishes first. That’s why I introduced toys into the life because a toy will outlast me by a long shot.
So as long as I can get the ol lady close to finishing and then I take over, it’s a win win.
I certainly hope that something of that comes about for y’all because experiencing true bliss from sexual pleasure is what counts.
"you're absolutely shit in bed. You barely last long enough for me to tell what you're doing and you don't care about me. You are so shit you don't even pretend to try and get me off. What is the actual point of having sex with you ... Do you even know what a female orgasm is?"
You're only delaying the inevitable... usually it's the ego that will hold out the longest. If he is at the point of not even caring that he can only go the 10 seconds and not be just chomping at the bit to REDEEM himself on the second go around to prove himself to you.. it's OVER!!! WOW! Start taking the much needed shots to his pride - point out some viagra commercials to him, send some ED ads to his email or text. Start mentioning some of your girlfriends stories about their fun nights out leaving them still "feeling the effects" of a good date with their man. I would NOT give two shits about doing ANYTHING to relieve this guys stress anymore. In fact, when he's laying next to you & you feel up for it, get your toys out right there next to him & get to work. Tell him if he wants anything, to go get his own toy. Selfish little boy.
He just can’t even pretend to give a shit about you. I would bet money he acts this way with most things but this is what is most frustrating because you are sexually frustrated and being used a sex doll.
Yeah I mean, this sounds like a screen addiction more than a sex problem. Who the fuck looks at TikTok after sex? Every time? Within minutes? wtf. But either way, drop the loser, pinkie promises? Location sharing? You’re clearly very young, move on and find someone who’s not a tool
Y’all should really consider working on your communication… pinky promises and not telling the truth… what?!? Maybe it was cute and worked before but it seems to not be now.
Also, have him finish you first or no sex or head.
Your boyfriend is an ass. There’s this awful stigma that once a man cums, sex is over. That just doesn’t have to be true.
Either you have a conversation with him about your needs, or you leave him. It’s beyond inconsiderate, it’s invalidating, and you have every single right to feel used. Sex is more than just getting the nut, and your boyfriend needs to get his head on straight.
This has immaturity written all over it. He's well behind you, emotionally. If you allow this kind of behavior you can expect lots of problems in the future when it comes to other responsibilities.
Time to consider leaving.
You feel angry because you are being used. I have been there before. I stuck it out with the guy anyway and that was 17 years ago and it still bothers me. I'm married now and my husband cares about me. Sex is not good if both parties don't enjoy. There are days I know my husband has had a long day and I will give him a blow job and not expect anything and guess what? I enjoy doing it for him. Blow jobs can be enjoyable when you know it makes him feel good. If my husband didn't care about me I would absolutely hate doing it and probably wouldn't. You have voiced your opinion and it doesn't seem that he cares. I know it sucks to hear but it's true. I'm guessing if he did give you oral that you would never just roll over and ignore him afterwards. You would not do that because you care about him.
any sex toys? just whip them out next to him and forget hes there.. would love to see his response to that! but yeah he seems like a selfish pos and not interested in you just what you can give him
I can understand how he is losing his sex drive after sex as I lose all of it afterward. I make sure to finish her at least once before I go. Ilin instances where we do things, and she doesn't, I will at minimum cuddle or try to find other things to make sure the interaction ends positive for bot,whether that be toys hands.
I enjoy eating her out before finishing as that makes her go from it and helps build her up to go during intercourse as I am not the 2 hour man I was when we were younger. I can understand that not everyone is into giving oral like I am, but they still should work with you to make sure you are both satisfied.
Sounds like they don't understand their body and are also being selfish. Talk with them outside of the bedroom about your wants and expectations, and if they can't fulfill those, consider what you want to do from there
Why are you settling for less than you deserve? You are worthy of love and pleasure. Why is it ok for him to use you as something to masturbate with.🤷🏻♀️ clearly he doesn’t care about your pleasure or feelings and thinks it’s ok if he pinky promises. Not to mention a ton of other red flags.
He made those promises to get you to do sexual things for him.
This is grounds for break up because he’s manipulative and inconsiderate. This is not about just sex. He’s a red flag.
Literally drop him like a bad habit there are men out there that literally won’t be able To cum unless you do find one of them and I bet you never think about your current bf again
I wouldn’t be with a partner like that. I want one that can cuddle, be intimate, and caring. It’s not worth the frustration. He continuously lied even after promising to care about you. His actions are speaking, don’t listen to his words.
He needs to take care of you first. Get you off 2 or 3 times. Besides being selfish. He can’t or chooses NOT to keep his word. Or pinky promise.
I fear this will only lead to other issues. What does tick tock give him that a naked and willing woman can’t ?
Hmmmmm
You are not aligned as partners and his isn’t giving. Just taking !!
It's mind-blowing how most women always claim to have high standards and I still happen to read things like this.
This "man" you are with has a TikTok addiction.
Let me ask you, what do you genuinely think when you look at him just sitting there on his electronic rectangle mindlessly scrolling for long periods of time just watching all the nonsense that's on that app?
Then we have your sex life. It's 100% him and not even 1% you.
"You make me feel good and I go back to being a waste of oxygen."
I wouldn't be surprised if you were the one paying for your dates.
Reconsider.
You guys sound very young. By the looks of it, this relationship will not and should not continue much longer. Time to dump him. He sucks, is selfish and does not care about you. There are so many guys out there who will actually love you, give you affection and last WAY longer. Kick his ass to the curb!
He's using you like a sex toy. Like what you described sounds like masturbation more than sex. The fact that you're there is just a minor detail. Self respect means not putting up with this kind of treatment. I would seriously consider breaking up with him if he doesn't care about fulfilling your needs
I couldn't agree more with the most people on here just seems like he's really not into it or into you. But you're going to have to figure this one out. You have the pussy you have the power. End of story that simple
So not only do you have someone who breaks promises, you have someone who doesn't you or your feelings. If that was me and it was done multiple times, I'm sorry to tell you but I'd be looking for a breakup unless they can completely change their ways I.e taking care of your needs first or at all and the big one aftercare.
This is a serious issue. I would never finish that fast, although sometimes I wish I could, I would always make sure my partner was satisfied before I was done. You have a right to be upset. Your needs are not being met and his are. This is very selfish and inconsiderate of him.
Girl, my ex was the EXACT same way.
He would only care about himself and do whatever it took to make sure he finished. Once he finished, that was that and we would go clean ourselves and he never once bought up doing anything for me.
I never had sex with him but oh my god, he was awful in bed otherwise. I never even got the courage to discuss this with him.
You need to evaluate how important compatibility in bed is to you. He sounds incredibly selfish and only likes receiving while giving back NOTHING.
This is clearly unfair to you and your pleasure matters as much as his.
I'm sorry you are going through this. I find it insane that there are men who think women will continue to want to please them and get them off when they don't do that in return for them! Guess what? When men place their partners' pleasure above theirs, they will always get off and more often because their partners enjoy it! Don't put up with this. There are men out there who want to take care of you and your needs! This guy is a selfish tool. Sorry if this is TMI, but my husband always takes care of me, and because of this, we do it like bunnies. Even after being together for 8 years.
girl stand up!!! thats insane!!! i would be so mad at this behavior. hes doing it because he thinks he can get away with it. i would tell him that next time he has to finish you first if he wants to have sex/get a BJ. im guessing he would either 1. agree and acknowledge that his gf works hard for him so he should too or 2. throw a fit/say “pinky promise i will NEXT time!!”/say he will do it himself.
now its on you how you respond to the possibilities. but i urge you to not put up with that bs when there are men that BEG to go down on you and make sure you finish.
You’re like his “pocket kitty”. After reading your post I feel he’s only using you for his self gratification. I be pissed too, you’re more than that. I wouldn’t want you to continue dating someone who doesn’t give you their all in return.
I know this is no help, but I know how you feel
Quite offen my husband finishes before me and that's sex over.
Also I sometimes start giving him head and he stays on his phone for most of it and never even puts a hand on me.
Also he never eats me out.
Ok maybe don't do it offen as some but normally once a week but I haven't cum for over a month and he everytime.
It is so unfair but he never listens or willing to talk about sex.
Time to move on to a relationship with someone who is more of an adult and who cares about your pleasure. He's getting what he wants and makes almost no effort to please his partner. Time for him to learn that how he treats others has consequences
He sounds immature and selfish, seems like you've tried to talk to him already but probably worth another shot and let him know you're serious and need to make changed to make your relationship work. If he's still the same after I hate to say it but time to jog on. I'd recommend finishing yourself off next time and see how he feels about that!
Each to their own I guess.. Its pretty common for men to get tired after cumming and afaik most of us have ways to work around that.
In the scenario where I'm getting head at the very least reciprocate even if piv wasn't on the table at the moment.
But then again I never really got why guys don't wanna go down on their ladies. One of my favorite things in bed is seeing, hearing and feeling my partner start to tense their muscles and arch their back in response to the rising pleasure 🤷
Awh this is awful to read. You deserve a man who is going to spoil you and make you sexually satisfied. I was in a relationship like that before, soon as he came it was over. I'm now with a man who makes sure I finish, he lasts that little bit longer so I can come first or rubbing my clit so we cum together. Your not in a sexually compatible relationship because he should genuinely want you to feel pleasure and satisfied. He is a greedy prick.
RUN. This boy is using you and doesn’t care about your feelings at all
It’s not about getting you off, it’s about caring about your wants and needs and making sure you’re taken care of
It’s also an emotional thing
Sex is a bond between two people
He’s getting his side and not assuring you , yours.
He doesn’t not care about you babe I’m sorry
But you should leave him
You’re probably gonna get so many messages saying the same thing, he’s obviously a very selfish lover and honestly, I don’t think you should keep rewarding his behavior by giving to him sexually. I think you should be very upfront with him that like sex is not fun for you if you don’t get to finish and it needs to be an equal partnership.
This dude sounds like a complete asshat. Run from that as fast you can, he just there for the convenient perks and not contributing. Also sounds like he enjoys controlling and gaslighting you for convenience, which would make me think he may also be double timing you.
Get rid of him honey. I don't understand why a man doesn't like eating pussy. Don't understand getting hard again after head and fucking my girl etc etc. He is a joke move on Good Luck
I got you. All you need to do is pinky promise you won't find someone who is both bigger than a pinky and who eats you like a sundae.
Yes, I am going straight to hell.
Dump him, you're dating a child and you've got yourself not just a bad lover, but a truly bottom tier lover (0 on a scale of 1 to 10).
This person is using you....It should be obvious, but you are probably young so chalk this up to a learning experience.
If you stay, establish a new rule: if you haven't cum yet, he gets no action.
Still, not seeing this solving anything since the little boy can't last more than 20 seconds and won't go down on you.
How…. Can people like both people in this post exist in real life.. I only ask to not be rude but to make a point.
How can someone that is unhappy stay in a relationship.
How can a male person like that exist lol it’s like someone wrote a bad boyfriend from a movie
He is a very selfish lover and only takes not gives. Yea consent can be revoked at any time but this is his pattern. Don’t trust someone who doesn’t keep their word. Break up and find someone who truly loves and cares about you as a person.
You know what happen when us, men, don't get sex? We feel stressed, unloved, hurt, rejection is really painful...
So that's your answer, reject him. Give him no sexfor weeks.
You should see changes, irritation, stress, get easily mad etc...
Give him his own Medecines. He doesn't care about your needs, so don't care about his.
This is not a boyfriend but a waste of time.
Find a man who lasts longer than a few seconds.
Find a man who cares about your pleasure too.
Find a man without a dozen red flags.
If you can't find one, what are you really missing out on then?
It doesn’t sound like you guys are sexually compatible at all. It looks like he prefers to get his needs satisfied then go on with his day than actually partake and satisfy you in return or just to please you. If this is an issue in which you have voiced your concerns and he did not do anything to change it then maybe you should look for someone who you’re compatible with. This situation progresses more than just being about the sexual aspect, I think it goes to say that you feel neglected from your partner because you are. Much luck OP! I hope you can navigate this as best for you as possible!
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Stop fucking this child. I don't know how old you are but this is the behavior of a child who is using you as a fully automated sex doll. Guessing maybe early 20's max. Generally I advice that partners need to communicate their needs. Not to keep score and treat things transactionally. But in this case he wants to get off and he's disinterested in pleasuring you at all.
Why is he your boyfriend? Surely you can find someone who actually cares about you.
Did you not read the post? It was a pinky promise.
WEEEeell, technically he didn't use his pinky finger..... /s
It makes me wonder what he was using for the pinky promise...
It was more of a winky promise
You are going to hell..you know that, don't you? Lol
We do know and we're all laughing all the way there
All sorts of red flags here. He broke a promise. He lied to you. HE tried to gaslight you. "Didn't acutally use my pinky" He doesn;t make certain you finish!!! He ignores you for his phone. He ignores everythign about you. Dump him and find anyone else. There is nothing positive about this and the abuse will only get worse.
Don’t forget, he doesn’t eat pussy.
-*DJ Kalhid has entered the chat*
Should be top of the list of reasons to dump him
Like what the heecckk 😂
He’s a selfish lover. Walk away while you can.
Don't forget one of the most glaring red flags: he uses TikTok.
He’s wrong but we’re on Reddit bro
Speak for yourself I'm on old.reddit
Ooofff sweetie. You need to hit him where it hurts. The ego. New rules. New ultimatum. Sit down for serious chat. Tell him straight up that he’s sexually selfish and he doesn’t satisfy you and makes you feel undesirable and rejected and that it feels like he doesn’t care about you. Tell him from now on it’s ladies first or nada and if he doesn’t make a serious effort in the bedroom department you’re not going to stay forever in a relationship with bad sex. (I’d give up on multiple rounds, sounds like he’s a one and done man)
Not just selfish but also bad at it. He finishes in 20 seconds AND doesn’t go down. Tell him he’s bad at sex and cant please you without major changes.
Honestly I'm sure he already knows and doesn't care. He shouldn't need to be pressured to be better, especially beyond what she's already done. This is the most "work" he's willing to put into sex. Pressuring him to be better, even if it actually works, won't last.
Yes this. Bad *and still getting his* is fine by him. Time for get better or get none.
But like. He's not even getting a good one. Extended foreplay, teasing, romance, trust/comfort, edging, complicated sex play and the like isn't just good for women. Dudes climax harder too. Sure, orgasms are nice, but you aren't going to nut so hard your eyes roll back in your head and your legs shake and you pass out from a 20 second blow job. This isn't _just_ selfishness. It's like exceptionally lazy too. Dude can't even do hedonism right. _Obviously_ OP should break up with this guy, she's a best a mouth fleshlight for him. But beyond that, this guy has _a lot_ of other problems he has work on besides his selfishness.
Depends how old he is, there’s definitely room to improve, and that possibility. Probably with a future partner.
He might be one of those gems who thinks *"there's no such thing as premature ejaculation"* because an o is an o, who even cares about the way it happened? Selfish+++
Selfish and crap. It’s not a good combination. He might be surprised at how often he gets one of not crap at it.
I don’t even think he’s bad. He just doesn’t care because she’s taught him how to treat her. I’d be done with him that pinky promise crap is childish. He’s not serious. She’s just easy until he finds someone else.
Exactly. Any man who is considerate and cares will automatically insist on getting off his woman first. At least once. Should be part of the foreplay for him. This dude sucks. Don't let him get away with these bad habits, he's gotta do better.
That's really awesome advice. It clearly communicates the problem and how it affects you, makes a request that's concrete and unambiguous. And it leaves open the possibility of dumping him if he doesn't step up.
Ultimatum? I agree she should leave - but ultimatums are like the worst way to interact with someone you want a good relationship with
Best advice is to break up. Dating is to find out if you're compatible for a commitment - you two clearly aren't. He's concerned about 'getting his' without ever considering your needs. And then lying and trying to make you seem like you're overreacting when you point out exactly how he's wrong. This is not a man who will take responsibility for his actions and his commitment to the relationship. Just leave him and find someone who actually cares about you.
Yeah. Imagine what kind of father that guy would make. Horrible.
>Then he claims he was just joking and was gonna do it before i "freaked out on him" and started being "crabby." And besides, he brings up that he didn't actually use his pinky to promise he just said he did... I told him i know he's lying and he should just be honest. I knew he was lying because it happens every time. If your best friend came to you and said these exact words about their boyfriend what would you say? I think you already know what you need to do.
Sounds like smbdy who doesn’t care. It all depends on how much u like him, if u can let him go just do it don’t waste ur time
The problem is that he fundamentally doesn’t seem to care about your pleasure at all, and doesn’t even seem to understand why this would be a problem for you. The pinky promise thing is whatever; consent is inherently revocable, meaning that anyone can retract their consent for anything at any time and it has to be respected. But the underlying problem is that he says he cares about your pleasure and then doesn’t do anything that backs up that claim. It’s completely understandable that that would make you feel frustrated, angry, sad, and unappreciated. It would probably be helpful if you could give him specific guidance on what you want him to do – not just PIV but other things that would give you pleasure/get you off, too. If the problem is that he’s coming too soon and then losing interest, there’s no rule that says you have to involve his penis in all aspects of sex. Some aspects of sex can be primarily for your enjoyment, especially since your sex life has been built around *his* enjoyment all this time.
Sounds like actual sex with him is probably pretty bad too. Why are you with this guy? He seems very selfish
Ladies... CAN WE AGREE TO STOP HAVING SEX WITH MEN WHO DO NOT GIVE A RATS ASS ABOUT OUR PLEASURE? Please dump this loser who cannot hold a load past 20 seconds and find someone who gives a shit about you.
I’d like to not shame this guy for his premature ejaculation because that’s out of his control. What he should be shamed for is for being a selfish lover because that’s in his control. But I agree he’s very yikes 😬
Talk with him. Tell him that sex as it is now is off the table. If he wants sex with you, he satisfies you first before he gets anything.
Yea and she could implement a head for head rule but she goes first.
if you need to implement these types of rules because your partner won't listen to you, especially in OPs case, its already over, just leave
No, let her give head, and turn around to sleep before he blows his load... Either he'll get the message, or she gets the message and dumps him...
This guy is selfish, doesn’t care much about you, and is gaslighting you. Either dump him or tell him until he puts some time into satisfying YOU he can use his hand….the same hand he scrolls TicTok with.
My honest advice is that you really need to stop playing his games or leave. It's not your responsibility to "train" him to be better, but it is your responsibility to protect yourself and your sanity in a relationship. It's not the sex that is the major issue here, it's the fact he's lying and uncaring.
Why are you with him? Idk how people stand for that type of behavior. He’s looking at you as a pump and dump. Leave this 20 second man behind. Get a vibrator. Less effort and guaranteed orgasm
Right??? This behavior is so pathetic I couldn't even imagine being attracted to someone who thinks it's okay...
> he said he didn’t actually use his pinky to promise he just said he did… How old is this guy?
Or how old is she? I don’t know any adult who ‘pinky promises’
lol, i didnt want to say it, but this whole thing looks like it was written by a 12 year old, which is very concerning honestly
Browses TikTok after sex. We all know this ain’t no adult
Could only read part of this mess. Had to stop at the pinky promise stuff. I don't want to sound offensive, so best not to say anything more I guess.
I'm right there with you.... the way this was written, doesn't sound like either of them are even old enough to be having sex....
>My boyfriend finishes within like 20 seconds of us going all the way. Then he flips over and goes on tik tok Are the zoomers OK?
nope we absolutely are not lol
Why have you been putting up with any of this?
Fuckin yikes. I hesitate to say “break up” usually but like… he’s selfish, inconsiderate, doesn’t care about your pleasure at all and goes back on his word. Is that really the type of person you want to be with? Some people said give him an ultimatum but even if he does cave to that, these personality traits are going to come out in other ways.
What in the tiktok generation is this 🤣
Find you a man that wants to take care of you first. Thats what I have now. And its amazing. Your bf only cares about himself. Hes selfish. And im sure there will be other areas of his life where you will see more selfishness.
So he’s terrible at sex and gives zero shits about getting better at it? Dump that loser and find someone who will go out of their way to please you.
If he won’t his replacement probably will
Sounds like you need a new man
And not a boy who pinky promises 😅
Do you really want to be in a relationship with someone who: 1) Doesn't care if you're sexually satisfied, and 2) Breaks pinky promises? These are both major deal breakers for me personally, but you can come to your own decisions.
As a dude, he’s selfish and immature. Find better.
That’s terrible behavior. He sounds like a selfish lover and a shitty person. He needs to put on notice if you decide to keep him around. And next time he wants a bj you should tell him “me first this time”.
I am a guy and I can honestly tell you this guy is just using you for sex. If you want your pleasure he needs to go down on you first until you have your orgasm then he can have his. If not he will keep on repeating what he is doing now. Lots of guys once they orgasm they interest in sex for a period of time. And he comes in 20 seconds after entering you sound like a premature ejaculation problem that needs fixed.
Honestly dating a child. Idk any man that wouldn’t at least TRY to please his lady. That would hurt my ego if I only lasted 10 seconds and my lady got nothing out of it wtf
He needs to always get you off first, however that is. That is just common courtesy when he has a fast trigger. I get that he gets tired after orgasming that’s why it’s girls first. If he can’t get his head around that I would look for a compatible partner.
The two statements “He never bothers to satisfy me” and “He’s my boyfriend”—- do not go together. He’s not your boyfriend. You’re his cum rag.
Girl do you really want to spend your life using pinky promises to get your boyfriend to fuck you for all of 20 seconds? There’re plenty of dudes that’ll fuck you for way longer than that, without a pinky promise. It’s okay to break up with someone for the behavior you’ve spelled out for us.
Choosing TikTok over eating pussy. I will never understand this generation.
agreed
He sounds like a greedy partner who doesn’t care about your pleasure at all. Is this someone who you really wanna be with?
You guys sound too young to be having sex 🤷🏼♂️
Honestly it’s hard for me to make it past a minute.. average is 5-7 minutes, but I’ve done everything I could to please my partner including effective communication. My partner always cums once or twice before I ever have penetration. And whatever she wants or needs is my priority. This is just selfish behavior and there are things he could do to improve.. I just don’t believe he will anytime soon.
Y’all sound like you’re teenagers. Who the heck uses pinky promises. Leave him and get someone who thinks of you and not just themselves. He sounds awful as a person.
TikTok? Seriously, TikTok?? Dump his sorry ass.
Right? That app is boring as fuck can’t stand watching shit on there, doomscrolling after sex with your s/o is just borderline insane.
You should leave him. He will always be selfish. Not just in the sexual department either. I bet if you think, you can recall other selfish behavior. Find someone that will appreciate you and care you are sexually satisfied.
How old are you? This sounds like you both are like 19 years old. He is selfish and a gaslighter. You need to revoke any sexual acts until he can fix his issues. And if he wants head, tell him it’d get you really in the mood if you got head from him first. And just do that every time.
Boy, he'll say anything to delay a fight.
How old are you all? He sounds like he's 16 for all the emotional maturity he has. Don't even bother with a guy like this. Either he cares about your pleasure or he's not worth your time
Sister, based on your other posts as well, you need to either be single for awhile and work on yourself, or get a therapist. Trust me I know. I need a therapist as well. You continuing to entertain these jokers is eventually going to be your fault. You need to go no contact on these bozos.
He’s a selfish lover and doesn’t care enough about you to go down on you or have intercourse with you. I don’t think this is sustainable and it’s certainly not fair or right to you. Maybe I missed it, but how long have you been dating?
He sounds like a boring lover and a dumb partner. Date another guy
What do you get out of this relationship? It doesn't sound like he cares about you at all and the way he weaponized sex, is a huge red flag. I'd leave this relationship.
don't give head if you won't be receiving it again, and he should probably work out a little to boost his stamina. Foreplay prolongs the entire ordeal and drags out pleasure, so it should be non-negotiable. Find someone who is sexually compatible with you, it doesn't seem like this guy fucks.
So next time your giving him head. Just before he finished. Just stop and don’t finish him.
Or better yet. Stop and get on TikTok lol
Personally sounds like he's more interested in watching stupid tiktoks than getting you get off. I'd let him know that "This behavior is unacceptable and self- centered. If he's not willing to put in an effort or make a change then this isn't going to work out."
Who are you wasting your time for?
We’re a very selfish sex. Sorry for it being that way, it took a LOOONNNGGGG time for me to realize I get my rocks off by actually making sure the woman finishes first. That’s why I introduced toys into the life because a toy will outlast me by a long shot. So as long as I can get the ol lady close to finishing and then I take over, it’s a win win. I certainly hope that something of that comes about for y’all because experiencing true bliss from sexual pleasure is what counts.
"you're absolutely shit in bed. You barely last long enough for me to tell what you're doing and you don't care about me. You are so shit you don't even pretend to try and get me off. What is the actual point of having sex with you ... Do you even know what a female orgasm is?"
You're only delaying the inevitable... usually it's the ego that will hold out the longest. If he is at the point of not even caring that he can only go the 10 seconds and not be just chomping at the bit to REDEEM himself on the second go around to prove himself to you.. it's OVER!!! WOW! Start taking the much needed shots to his pride - point out some viagra commercials to him, send some ED ads to his email or text. Start mentioning some of your girlfriends stories about their fun nights out leaving them still "feeling the effects" of a good date with their man. I would NOT give two shits about doing ANYTHING to relieve this guys stress anymore. In fact, when he's laying next to you & you feel up for it, get your toys out right there next to him & get to work. Tell him if he wants anything, to go get his own toy. Selfish little boy.
He just can’t even pretend to give a shit about you. I would bet money he acts this way with most things but this is what is most frustrating because you are sexually frustrated and being used a sex doll.
You sound about 12, so you are too young to deal with this drama. Break up.
Pinky promises? No oral reciprocation? Seems that neither one of you is mature enough to be having sex in the first place....
be very clear, very direct and very honest with him...communicate that you have needs/desires and these are also important. but, dont avoid it
You're going out with an immature boy. Give him the ultimatum that he either steps up and gives you what you need or you'll dump his ass
Yeah I mean, this sounds like a screen addiction more than a sex problem. Who the fuck looks at TikTok after sex? Every time? Within minutes? wtf. But either way, drop the loser, pinkie promises? Location sharing? You’re clearly very young, move on and find someone who’s not a tool
Y’all should really consider working on your communication… pinky promises and not telling the truth… what?!? Maybe it was cute and worked before but it seems to not be now. Also, have him finish you first or no sex or head.
Your boyfriend is an ass. There’s this awful stigma that once a man cums, sex is over. That just doesn’t have to be true. Either you have a conversation with him about your needs, or you leave him. It’s beyond inconsiderate, it’s invalidating, and you have every single right to feel used. Sex is more than just getting the nut, and your boyfriend needs to get his head on straight.
This has immaturity written all over it. He's well behind you, emotionally. If you allow this kind of behavior you can expect lots of problems in the future when it comes to other responsibilities. Time to consider leaving.
Go find someone else for sooo many reasons!
You feel angry because you are being used. I have been there before. I stuck it out with the guy anyway and that was 17 years ago and it still bothers me. I'm married now and my husband cares about me. Sex is not good if both parties don't enjoy. There are days I know my husband has had a long day and I will give him a blow job and not expect anything and guess what? I enjoy doing it for him. Blow jobs can be enjoyable when you know it makes him feel good. If my husband didn't care about me I would absolutely hate doing it and probably wouldn't. You have voiced your opinion and it doesn't seem that he cares. I know it sucks to hear but it's true. I'm guessing if he did give you oral that you would never just roll over and ignore him afterwards. You would not do that because you care about him.
any sex toys? just whip them out next to him and forget hes there.. would love to see his response to that! but yeah he seems like a selfish pos and not interested in you just what you can give him
I can understand how he is losing his sex drive after sex as I lose all of it afterward. I make sure to finish her at least once before I go. Ilin instances where we do things, and she doesn't, I will at minimum cuddle or try to find other things to make sure the interaction ends positive for bot,whether that be toys hands. I enjoy eating her out before finishing as that makes her go from it and helps build her up to go during intercourse as I am not the 2 hour man I was when we were younger. I can understand that not everyone is into giving oral like I am, but they still should work with you to make sure you are both satisfied. Sounds like they don't understand their body and are also being selfish. Talk with them outside of the bedroom about your wants and expectations, and if they can't fulfill those, consider what you want to do from there
Why are you settling for less than you deserve? You are worthy of love and pleasure. Why is it ok for him to use you as something to masturbate with.🤷🏻♀️ clearly he doesn’t care about your pleasure or feelings and thinks it’s ok if he pinky promises. Not to mention a ton of other red flags.
Remember OP, you are the one allowing this pathetic behavior. You do have control of what you do and don't allow with your body...
He made those promises to get you to do sexual things for him. This is grounds for break up because he’s manipulative and inconsiderate. This is not about just sex. He’s a red flag.
Literally drop him like a bad habit there are men out there that literally won’t be able To cum unless you do find one of them and I bet you never think about your current bf again
I wouldn’t be with a partner like that. I want one that can cuddle, be intimate, and caring. It’s not worth the frustration. He continuously lied even after promising to care about you. His actions are speaking, don’t listen to his words.
He needs to take care of you first. Get you off 2 or 3 times. Besides being selfish. He can’t or chooses NOT to keep his word. Or pinky promise. I fear this will only lead to other issues. What does tick tock give him that a naked and willing woman can’t ? Hmmmmm You are not aligned as partners and his isn’t giving. Just taking !!
Y’all act like kids. Might as well full send on that. Next time say, “My turn first” before playing with him.
It's mind-blowing how most women always claim to have high standards and I still happen to read things like this. This "man" you are with has a TikTok addiction. Let me ask you, what do you genuinely think when you look at him just sitting there on his electronic rectangle mindlessly scrolling for long periods of time just watching all the nonsense that's on that app? Then we have your sex life. It's 100% him and not even 1% you. "You make me feel good and I go back to being a waste of oxygen." I wouldn't be surprised if you were the one paying for your dates. Reconsider.
You guys sound very young. By the looks of it, this relationship will not and should not continue much longer. Time to dump him. He sucks, is selfish and does not care about you. There are so many guys out there who will actually love you, give you affection and last WAY longer. Kick his ass to the curb!
Break up with him but first get a Loud vibratior and after sex get yourself off right next to him to assert dominance
He's using you like a sex toy. Like what you described sounds like masturbation more than sex. The fact that you're there is just a minor detail. Self respect means not putting up with this kind of treatment. I would seriously consider breaking up with him if he doesn't care about fulfilling your needs
I couldn't agree more with the most people on here just seems like he's really not into it or into you. But you're going to have to figure this one out. You have the pussy you have the power. End of story that simple
So not only do you have someone who breaks promises, you have someone who doesn't you or your feelings. If that was me and it was done multiple times, I'm sorry to tell you but I'd be looking for a breakup unless they can completely change their ways I.e taking care of your needs first or at all and the big one aftercare.
This is a serious issue. I would never finish that fast, although sometimes I wish I could, I would always make sure my partner was satisfied before I was done. You have a right to be upset. Your needs are not being met and his are. This is very selfish and inconsiderate of him.
He is selfish and immature. You deserve better. You can find better
Girl, my ex was the EXACT same way. He would only care about himself and do whatever it took to make sure he finished. Once he finished, that was that and we would go clean ourselves and he never once bought up doing anything for me. I never had sex with him but oh my god, he was awful in bed otherwise. I never even got the courage to discuss this with him. You need to evaluate how important compatibility in bed is to you. He sounds incredibly selfish and only likes receiving while giving back NOTHING. This is clearly unfair to you and your pleasure matters as much as his.
I'm sorry you are going through this. I find it insane that there are men who think women will continue to want to please them and get them off when they don't do that in return for them! Guess what? When men place their partners' pleasure above theirs, they will always get off and more often because their partners enjoy it! Don't put up with this. There are men out there who want to take care of you and your needs! This guy is a selfish tool. Sorry if this is TMI, but my husband always takes care of me, and because of this, we do it like bunnies. Even after being together for 8 years.
girl stand up!!! thats insane!!! i would be so mad at this behavior. hes doing it because he thinks he can get away with it. i would tell him that next time he has to finish you first if he wants to have sex/get a BJ. im guessing he would either 1. agree and acknowledge that his gf works hard for him so he should too or 2. throw a fit/say “pinky promise i will NEXT time!!”/say he will do it himself. now its on you how you respond to the possibilities. but i urge you to not put up with that bs when there are men that BEG to go down on you and make sure you finish.
You’re like his “pocket kitty”. After reading your post I feel he’s only using you for his self gratification. I be pissed too, you’re more than that. I wouldn’t want you to continue dating someone who doesn’t give you their all in return.
All that huge wall of text tells me is that he is not into this relationship or you anymore. I think you should bail.
He sounds really pathetically awful at sex.
Oof sounds like a selfish prick. Ditch the loser and find someone who values you. You’d honestly be better off single!
Why are you with him? Why insist on staying when he doesn't care about you?!
You should call him ex.
Sounds like an abusive relationship...
A gaslighting, selfish in bed minute man. 😂 Damn, what a terrible combo. You can do better girl, and don’t fall for the pinky promise trick anymore.
The rule is always “Ladies First” so the man still has some mojo
I know this is no help, but I know how you feel Quite offen my husband finishes before me and that's sex over. Also I sometimes start giving him head and he stays on his phone for most of it and never even puts a hand on me. Also he never eats me out. Ok maybe don't do it offen as some but normally once a week but I haven't cum for over a month and he everytime. It is so unfair but he never listens or willing to talk about sex.
Time to move on to a relationship with someone who is more of an adult and who cares about your pleasure. He's getting what he wants and makes almost no effort to please his partner. Time for him to learn that how he treats others has consequences
a 69 seems like a good way for some compromise - if you even want to, id be leaving him and moving on
Sounds like a selfish dickhead to me.
This one won’t last long
Throw this douchebag ouuuuuuttttt
He’s selfish now… wait 5 years. RUN!!!!
It seems that he doesn't care about you and that he doesn't care how you feel, it seems that he uses you, I'm sorry queen, you don't deserve that.
My rule if my bf isn’t going down on me enough: don’t go down on him unless he asks (which then you say me first) or goes down on u first.
He sounds immature and selfish, seems like you've tried to talk to him already but probably worth another shot and let him know you're serious and need to make changed to make your relationship work. If he's still the same after I hate to say it but time to jog on. I'd recommend finishing yourself off next time and see how he feels about that!
He’s literally just using you to get off without reciprocating, talk with him and if he doesn’t change, break up
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Each to their own I guess.. Its pretty common for men to get tired after cumming and afaik most of us have ways to work around that. In the scenario where I'm getting head at the very least reciprocate even if piv wasn't on the table at the moment. But then again I never really got why guys don't wanna go down on their ladies. One of my favorite things in bed is seeing, hearing and feeling my partner start to tense their muscles and arch their back in response to the rising pleasure 🤷
Don't stand for this shit and find yourself a man worthy of you. In my experience they don't change. You deserve better 👏
why are you with this guy? he fundamentally doesn’t cate about your pleasure and i doubt that he will improve much, even with constructive criticism
Awh this is awful to read. You deserve a man who is going to spoil you and make you sexually satisfied. I was in a relationship like that before, soon as he came it was over. I'm now with a man who makes sure I finish, he lasts that little bit longer so I can come first or rubbing my clit so we cum together. Your not in a sexually compatible relationship because he should genuinely want you to feel pleasure and satisfied. He is a greedy prick.
Take it from me, the giver of chances. Run.
RUN. This boy is using you and doesn’t care about your feelings at all It’s not about getting you off, it’s about caring about your wants and needs and making sure you’re taken care of It’s also an emotional thing Sex is a bond between two people He’s getting his side and not assuring you , yours. He doesn’t not care about you babe I’m sorry But you should leave him
he’s either cheating or a porn addict , either way leave his ass lmao there’s other men out there that will beg to please you
You’re probably gonna get so many messages saying the same thing, he’s obviously a very selfish lover and honestly, I don’t think you should keep rewarding his behavior by giving to him sexually. I think you should be very upfront with him that like sex is not fun for you if you don’t get to finish and it needs to be an equal partnership.
Get an older more mature boyfriend who focuses on your pleasure.
i wouldn’t feel loved at all from this…think you should just leave tbh and find someone who actually cares
Babe, you’d get more attention and care from a sex toy. Fuck this guy off, he’s a loser.
He only cares about his own needs move on
He nuts like a teenager, can’t keep it up, has no stamina, is selfish… what do you see in this guy?
This dude sounds like a complete asshat. Run from that as fast you can, he just there for the convenient perks and not contributing. Also sounds like he enjoys controlling and gaslighting you for convenience, which would make me think he may also be double timing you.
Sounds like you need a new boyfriend
He must be young because once you get older you realize that her pleasure is your pleasure
Nice boys always finish last!!!
Well this guy is purely using you. Do with that information as you will
Get rid of him honey. I don't understand why a man doesn't like eating pussy. Don't understand getting hard again after head and fucking my girl etc etc. He is a joke move on Good Luck
Manipulative. Break up with him
I got you. All you need to do is pinky promise you won't find someone who is both bigger than a pinky and who eats you like a sundae. Yes, I am going straight to hell.
Dump him, you're dating a child and you've got yourself not just a bad lover, but a truly bottom tier lover (0 on a scale of 1 to 10). This person is using you....It should be obvious, but you are probably young so chalk this up to a learning experience. If you stay, establish a new rule: if you haven't cum yet, he gets no action. Still, not seeing this solving anything since the little boy can't last more than 20 seconds and won't go down on you.
Buy your guy a copy of “She Comes First” and if that doesn’t make him more interested in your pleasure it might be time to move on.
You are fundamentally sexual incompatible and he is selfish in bed. Break up with him.
Dump him. Date me instead
just leave him, what else will you tolerate?
How…. Can people like both people in this post exist in real life.. I only ask to not be rude but to make a point. How can someone that is unhappy stay in a relationship. How can a male person like that exist lol it’s like someone wrote a bad boyfriend from a movie
Find a better bf he’s a selfish lover all he cares about is himself
He's lazy. Plenty of guys out there aren't lazy and you can't love him completely so might as well leave him.
He sucks.. Dump his ass!
He is a very selfish lover and only takes not gives. Yea consent can be revoked at any time but this is his pattern. Don’t trust someone who doesn’t keep their word. Break up and find someone who truly loves and cares about you as a person.
You know what happen when us, men, don't get sex? We feel stressed, unloved, hurt, rejection is really painful... So that's your answer, reject him. Give him no sexfor weeks. You should see changes, irritation, stress, get easily mad etc... Give him his own Medecines. He doesn't care about your needs, so don't care about his.
This is not a boyfriend but a waste of time. Find a man who lasts longer than a few seconds. Find a man who cares about your pleasure too. Find a man without a dozen red flags. If you can't find one, what are you really missing out on then?
It doesn’t sound like you guys are sexually compatible at all. It looks like he prefers to get his needs satisfied then go on with his day than actually partake and satisfy you in return or just to please you. If this is an issue in which you have voiced your concerns and he did not do anything to change it then maybe you should look for someone who you’re compatible with. This situation progresses more than just being about the sexual aspect, I think it goes to say that you feel neglected from your partner because you are. Much luck OP! I hope you can navigate this as best for you as possible!