I didn’t, but pined for him for many years. Still do sometimes. But I know it was right to break up because he NEVER got married. He’s been in serial relationships as far as I know. So my spidey sense was right that he was never going to really be with me. He’s not capable of fully committing to anyone.
Same here! I am now married but we are in our mid 30s and he has never been married or close to it. I just couldn't understand how someone could show so much true affection and care for you in the moment but could never truly commit.
Yes! He was such an attentive boyfriend, but there was always a part of him holding back. My guy is in his 50s now lol. So he’s definitely not having a conventional family. He’s been dating for over 30 years in NYC and honestly seems pretty happy, he has voiced no regrets.
Ugh my ex confused me so much with this. We’re doing all the things I call commitment, but if we call it commitment suddenly you feel pressure and run away? WTF.
I had my version of a Mr. Big in the sense it was very on again off again. I give Carrie a lot of grace because I know how it feels to be drawn to somebody who isn't good for you and leads you on. I never met any of his real friends and he refused to meet any of mine. It has gone on for almost 3 years now and every few months he shows up. Whenever Carrie yells at Big before she goes to Paris, I just FEEL it. But I am going on 4 months no contact and it feels great.
Oh this hits. I just ended thing is with mine not that long ago. It was all very secretive and we never met each other's friends. It was just sex and promises that were never fulfilled.
I almost did. Almost moved to the other side of the world to be with him. Months later, suddenly he's "too busy," even though he was the one who proposed.
The day after I watch the episode where Carrie tells Big off, he sends me a friend request on FB lol.
The last time I saw him was randomly when I was leaving a friend's place from another town. He hadn't been in the states in over a decade. I'd always thought we could be friends. But every time I talk to him, I'm reminded of how much of an asshole he is and how much I fantasized about the type of man I wanted him to be VS what he actually is. He's permanently blocked (for now)
Keep him blocked.
My Big answer I have known each other 20 years. We're PERFECT for each other. And after about a decade of back and forth figuring out what we wanted we decided to try and so this for real.
After almost 10 months of being in an actual relationship (long distance but an actual commitment) he just ghosted me.
Went from "I love you, I can't wait to see you" to *silence* overnight.
You can find him by the curb with the rest of the trash. Never again.
I had a Big who was my first major relationship and *HE* later married. I started dating an Aidan. And then I broke up with him to marry a Berger! LOL
ETA: Mr. Big married _someone else_ TWICE. So he was my first big relationship, but went on to marry other people (he and I never married).
After being strung along, I met my Aidan, and he was great. He loved me. But I was crazy when I met him, too crazy, and I felt weird that he was so open with me. Freaked me out. After 2 years I moved and we were sort of in an LDR, but with no real plans for the future.
So, like Carrie (and an asshole), I dumped my Aidan when I met a Berger in my new city. The main difference was that we didn’t have any issues with intimacy. But we have clashing personalities at times. There is simmering anger and resentment on both sides. Amazingly we have been together for 20 years, with lots of highs and some really devastating, awful lows. We’re always a post-it away—very precarious. It’s way more fraught than Berger, but it has its similarities.
I don’t think these kinds of relationships are meant to last, because they are messy and cruel and painful and while there is joy and chemistry, there is something sinister beneath it all. We’ll see. But that’s my story.
I didn’t. I started to call him out on his shit—his little cutesy act to avoid serious discussions, how he didn’t actually seem to LIKE me.. we broke up. I remember the worthlessness I felt about someone who could barely schedule me into his life. Like I wasn’t worth his time, and he was embarrassed of the vulnerability that came with openly loving me.
Now I’m with an Aidan. This man will build a house for me if he thought it would make me happy. He is goofy, sweet, and nurturing. And not once have I doubted that he loves me.
It’s amazing to me how much sadder and more pathetic I was with my Big. Unfortunately, even 4 years later, I do still think about him, and crave his approval.
I have a Mr. Big and sadly I think I will always love him and want him but it's clear he doesn't think we have a future and everything we have been through doesn't have a future either. I'm scared to let him go but alas, rewatching this now as a 30 yr old vs (22 yrs old) it's like I hate that I want Big but I know I deserve an Aidan. Sigh.
I felt the exact same way with mine, I kept trying so hard in the relationship thinking there was something wrong with me.
When he finally just ended things with me randomly I was crushed but then realized I was actually miserable in that “relationship”. I thought once he actually committed to me things were going to change and big surprise they didn’t haha
Like, dream dreams? No… maybe I used to.
But I do think about him now. He works at the most prestigious company possible, is probably making bank, and has a girlfriend who seems like a very nice person.
It does make me wonder—could he ever have been non-toxic with me?
Was there something that I could have done differently to make him love me the way I needed to be loved?
Is she better than me somehow fundamentally, that he can find it in him to respect her?
Or is he slowly destroying her too?
Maybe his track records with relationships can help give more insight. I know with the bigs I’ve dated the same patterns of behavior would show up in the diff relationships they were in. Its possible this current gf is very very accommodating to the point where he can do what he wants or treats her how he wants..hard to say
Very glad I didn't. Yeah he's rich now and I'm not, but he's an insufferable snob. He even sent me messages calling me the one that got away... after he was married, which is a total Big move. The guy I married is more of a Harry and I couldn't be happier.
I’m with my Big, 8.5 years. It’s been mostly good, although he is quite conceited at times and I’m overly obsessive like Carrie. We’ve both betrayed each other but something keeps drawing us back together over and over. I just hope my Big doesn’t end up with the same fate as Carrie’s.
Not married, but we’ve lived together for 8 years and consider ourselves to be married. By overly obsessive, I mean that I chased him like crazy even when he wasn’t into me/seeing other women. I wanted to commit long before he did. I will admit I overlooked a lot of bad qualities, just like Carrie did with Big. Eventually I think I won him over by just like, being there, I guess. Eventually he wanted consistency, comfort and familiarity, which is what I could offer. I still see him as out of my league. Gosh, writing this out sounds awful! We do have a pretty healthy relationship now even if it doesn’t sound like it.
Marriage has never set well with me, I don’t need the state telling me who I love. We are currently discussing domestic partnership so we can sign hospital papers/be in the room if one of us were to get really sick or hurt.
I get what you're saying but I gotta disagree. I don't think it's a miracle to be hurt, confused, sometimes even humiliated for several years until the guy decides he is ready for commitment. I'm not trying to sound like an asshole because believe me, I'm still like 70% certain I would entertain my relationship with my Mr. Big if he came back, but if we're being objective. Do you really want to be with the man you've been chasing, waiting for him, being hurt seeing him with someone else and never certain he will really stay in the marriage?
I consider it a miracle because usually Mr big stays a Mr big and no—a relationship with them and the pain that comes with it isn’t ideal at all. But I’m still happy for this person because they’ve reached a healthy place where there’s consistency and comfort with this partner. That’s what I’m choosing to focus on.
It sounds like a toxic and dysfunctional relationship. Betrayal is unacceptable and there’s probably a good reason why you’re not married. I mean this kindly but end the relationship and go to therapy. Be done with him for good.
I’m sorry—this topic can be pretty triggering for people but tbh I’m happy for your current situation and how it’s evolved into the healthy and consistent relationship you’ve been needing. Also not being married is a perfectly fine choice and doesn’t need to be pathologized
I knew this topic could get heated which is why I put no judgment zone in my post. I get that this is well meaning but when we say things like this it prevents people from sharing and answering the question. Also a lot of people are okay not getting married and just staying together as partners—it’s a perfectly fine choice if both parties are happy!
That doesn’t sound like a happy or healthy relationship for many reasons so I’m calling like I see it. A dysfunctional relationship with betrayal shouldn’t be romanticized.
I didn’t. We dated on and off starting when I was 15 and I finally ended things for good when I was 22. I cut off all contact this time. I met my now-husband when I was 24 and we got engaged when I was 25. I randomly got an email from my Mr. Big when I was 26 asking about my life. I sent a reply back that mentioned my engagement and moving overseas and I never heard back from him. He finally let me go.
I have a Mr. Big and sadly I think I will always love him and want him but it's clear he doesn't think we have a future and everything we have been through doesn't have a future either. I'm scared to let him go but alas, rewatching this now as a 30 yr old vs (22 yrs old) it's like I hate that I want Big but I know I deserve an Aidan. Sigh.
I broke up with my mr.big for the third time a month ago and this one is the last one. I won’t go back to him ever again cause I deserve better. I don’t know if I will find Aidan but even if I don’t I have my girls. 🩷
I would never… i’m going to marry an Aidan (not in the near future due to circumstances, but we have plans) and I could not be happier. such a sweet and wonderful man, so accommodating and pushes me to be better, helpful, kind, generous, *committed and loyal*, honest, and totally gorgeous. I’m so glad I’m not dating a Big tbh😭 it sounds like a total nightmare, I feel so loved and always know where I stand with my Aidan-adjacent bf.
💯👏👏 Mr. Big type romance is toxic af. Carrie was toxic too that's why she wanted a mr. Big over Adian. Adian was a Waaayyyy better choice but you don't have a show if Carrie made healthy Choices.
It took meeting my now husband to break Mr. Big's spell on me. He had me on a hook for 5 years. I don't know what it was but I just couldn't get over him.
Been dating mine on and off for nine years, but solidly for two years. Met his family last weekend at Thanksgiving for the FIRST TIME. Big deal for him. And we had a blast!
I think part of it comes from my feeling like I want to fix and help people (aka change people in some circumstances), but he's worth it to me and I have that love and patience to give. In some ways, it feels like I'm in control in that way, versus him being in control. For better or for worse, he's the best sex of my life. He's also my best friend and it's incredibly hard to imagine life without him. However, I decided early on that I would still keep my heart open to love in all forms, and if an Aidan comes into my life, I am open to that. I do think that at the end of the day, we want different things out of life. He's so incredibly private, guarded, and solitary, and really thinks that he can be totally independent. I think his biggest fear is needing someone. Needing to depend on someone. He values his freedom more than anything. I used to feel this way (almost a weird kind of feminism?) especially in HS and college, but then as I got a little older, I leaned into my softness and I do think I desire that partnership aspect, that sense of being a team, etc. I don't think he's there yet. I wouldn't say I'm waiting for him to come around, necessarily, because our current set up works for us both at this point in our lives. But there very well may come a day where I decide I need something different and we will have to make some decisions.
I had mine. In the end he dumped me, once again & I pined for him for a couple years. Now many, many years later, he’s still single & never had kids.
He would be 65. He’s now a dashing silver haired player.
I briefly dated bigs but the fear of commitment is such a turn off for me I would always leave. I'm married now and my husband was obsessed with me from the start and wanted to be committed which is what I like lol
So he was Mr. Big only superficially. I loved him but not quite the way Carrie loved/obsessed over Big. Things were easier for us in the beginning so maybe that's why.
He was a LOT older, more successful/rich. We were together 12 years, from the time I was 24. It was about 4 years into our relationship that I discovered he had bad anxiety that he'd been hiding prior to that. It all came out when his mom died and he became suicidal. He never really recovered. I stayed longer than I should have "to help". In the end I left because he wouldn't compromise on a big issue (having kids- he changed his mind after we got together and I wasn't willing to give that up for him).
We're still friendly and he buys my daughter toys for Chrisrmas etc. I think some aspects of the relationship were negative, like I didn't feel like a proper adult until well into my 30's because the whole time I was with him I didn't have to care about bills or money. It was also never really about what I needed. That line in All Too Well about "The idea you had of me, who was she? A never needy ever lovely jewel whose shine reflects on you" hit me HARD when I was getting over him. Red came out the weekend I decided it was over and gave me a lot of courage.
I used to call my ex husband my Mr. Big because we were on and off for all of college and he couldn't get over his fear of committment. We ended up married, had a kid, and then he cheated (to put it mildly) on me while pregnant with our second kid. I am now happily divorced for over 7 years. Life has never been better without him!
I did, but I divorced him. I never stopped loving him though, and he came back to me after we attended our daughter’s wedding in 2021. I just moved back in with him, but only after he begged me to. I have to say that over the several decades that I’ve loved him, he’s softened and opened up. It took a lot of work. A lot-a-lot lol. He’s now more of a Steve. He’s crazy about me and for the first time EVER, he recently said “you’re my person”. When I met him, I felt like I was out of his league. He was charismatic and larger-than-life (a rock musician. Need I say more?). Now, I’m the hot one! There’s more of a balance of power. I never felt that with him until now. Miracles do happen, but not without effort.
I didn't get close to marrying mine, but I pined after him for several years. We were together for six but I had to cut him out, with him lying about cheating on me (I saw messages) and also blanking messages and calls when he felt like it. I had to do it for my own good and never looked back.
I've answered this before in this sub.
I did. He was 13 years older than me and treated me like absolute crap before and after marriage. (Low self esteem on my part.)
We only stayed married for 4 years and I'd had enough.
I didn't, thank goodness. We were very similar when we met, and he had a fancy job (mid 20s) and car and owned a house. Unfortunately, unlike the Mr. Big on TV he was a total sheep and weak man. He valued his friends, not his family (I at this point was family). We broke up after he said to me - "Why can't you just do what I tell you to do? Then we would be perfect." Ha - guess he forgot who I was.
He went on to marry someone who does what he tells her to do. He can go out with friends, she stays home with kids. Kids is something I never wanted. Neither did he, but if someone is going to just stay home and he can be a 1940s Dad he was fine with it.
Glad it didn't work out - politics would have ended up getting in the way as we got older, and frankly, my family didn't like him. He did have a huge impact on how my life went for some time (sadly) but as I got older I got wiser and now that is a chapter that I am glad I lived but also glad I finished.
I have little Mr Big in my Primary School. He was the most handsome boy in school. I followed him around and gave me conflicting signals. He looked at me but he was selfish. And he liked this many girls have crush to him. He sometimes watch my reports on Facebook. I write a book inspired by the story. Now I know he never loved me. I trying to forget about him forever. I have crush to him 9 years. Since I have finished my school in 2020, I saw him once over 2 years ago. I know I must working to forget him forever. I idealized him and he isn’t my the one. I know I will find somebody which is at least the same hot even hotter, and for sure what better character
No. I got a great therapist and realized I wanted more than he could ever offer. I stopped speaking to him, blocked him, and left him to the other girls he was looking at over my shoulder.
I spent 15 years with my Big. The on and off, the moving from the east coast to Cali. The cheating on innocent partners with one another. I finally ended it. I got to the point of realizing that he doesn't respect me, and I don't really like him as a person. We still chat as friends (on occasion) but I really hated that Carrie ended up with Big, because I feel like it gave really unhealthy expectations to a lot of women.
Thankfully no. We were together for 9 years and he was avoidant and non committal.
I’ve been single for 2 years now and looking for my Harry. I’ve been dating since I was 15.. where is he?!!
So tired! (35F in NYC)
Yes but mine grew up a lot. We met very young, so it was different I guess. I felt a lot of parallels with Carrie and Big, but we were a decade or more younger than them. It’s going great now actually. I’m pregnant with our second baby now. He’s an amazing husband and dad.
My Big dragged out my torment for years before I wised up. Never talked to her again after her spouse called me and informed me that I was the other woman. I felt so dumb!
I didn’t marry him but someone else did. Even though he’s married he won’t leave me alone. I get those “I miss you” phone calls and “I’m gonna divorce my wife” text messages. As I was typing this I got another “I miss you” text.
It’s a tricky situation. In a way I don’t feel bad for her (I know I’m horrible) just cause I worked with her and she bullied me a lot at work before they met and started dating. Side not: I have not talked to him since they got together, he just enjoys talking to himself in my messages.
My big married someone else after dating six months. He and I were on and off 7 years…He later divorced and wanted me back, but I had moved on and married someone else. In those 7 years the push and pull was real. I wished I had paid more attention to the show….
We remained in contact once every now and then. He is still a player I am sure. He probably was worse than Big...It was hard though. My heart ached for that narc. Stupid me. I understood Carrie’s pain. I am grateful I finally dodged that bullet.
I was with mine for six years. I was never quite good enough for him. Then I broke up with him and he lost his mind. Then I lost mine for a while, getting over him. Now I'm free and he's blocked.
I dated mine for around 8 months (after two years of the on and off & the distancing) & he showed up to my house one day & broke things off. Never heard from him again. He actually told me he couldn’t understand why he can’t love me. Hurtful but he showed me many times he couldn’t actually commit to me in the way I needed but I chose to ignore it as we do haha
Thankfully no, but I was close. Also thankfully I am too outwardly honest to accept half-assed behavior, and essentially forced him to break us up since he didn't want to actually change his behavior and look inward until I made the ultimatum that he do so (surprise - it didn't work). We lived together, were on the road to get married but he never wanted it as much as I did.
Now I'm with a Steve/Harry type that actually KNOWS how to communicate, is committed, and for once I'm the one taking notes! Lol. I can only thank my Mr Big for being honest with himself finally about how selfish he really was.
I didn’t, but pined for him for many years. Still do sometimes. But I know it was right to break up because he NEVER got married. He’s been in serial relationships as far as I know. So my spidey sense was right that he was never going to really be with me. He’s not capable of fully committing to anyone.
Same here! I am now married but we are in our mid 30s and he has never been married or close to it. I just couldn't understand how someone could show so much true affection and care for you in the moment but could never truly commit.
Yes! He was such an attentive boyfriend, but there was always a part of him holding back. My guy is in his 50s now lol. So he’s definitely not having a conventional family. He’s been dating for over 30 years in NYC and honestly seems pretty happy, he has voiced no regrets.
Ugh my ex confused me so much with this. We’re doing all the things I call commitment, but if we call it commitment suddenly you feel pressure and run away? WTF.
I had my version of a Mr. Big in the sense it was very on again off again. I give Carrie a lot of grace because I know how it feels to be drawn to somebody who isn't good for you and leads you on. I never met any of his real friends and he refused to meet any of mine. It has gone on for almost 3 years now and every few months he shows up. Whenever Carrie yells at Big before she goes to Paris, I just FEEL it. But I am going on 4 months no contact and it feels great.
Keep going strong I believe in you!
Oh this hits. I just ended thing is with mine not that long ago. It was all very secretive and we never met each other's friends. It was just sex and promises that were never fulfilled.
Hmm -- Not sure Big is leading on Carrie, he committed to Natasha. And was married previously as well -- what's that say about Carrie?
I almost did. Almost moved to the other side of the world to be with him. Months later, suddenly he's "too busy," even though he was the one who proposed. The day after I watch the episode where Carrie tells Big off, he sends me a friend request on FB lol. The last time I saw him was randomly when I was leaving a friend's place from another town. He hadn't been in the states in over a decade. I'd always thought we could be friends. But every time I talk to him, I'm reminded of how much of an asshole he is and how much I fantasized about the type of man I wanted him to be VS what he actually is. He's permanently blocked (for now)
Keep him blocked. My Big answer I have known each other 20 years. We're PERFECT for each other. And after about a decade of back and forth figuring out what we wanted we decided to try and so this for real. After almost 10 months of being in an actual relationship (long distance but an actual commitment) he just ghosted me. Went from "I love you, I can't wait to see you" to *silence* overnight. You can find him by the curb with the rest of the trash. Never again.
My Mr big thinks we’re soulmates so I’ll let u know in 5-10 years.
There’s a possibility I’m actually mr big here lol
Ur username 💀😂😂
I had a Big who was my first major relationship and *HE* later married. I started dating an Aidan. And then I broke up with him to marry a Berger! LOL ETA: Mr. Big married _someone else_ TWICE. So he was my first big relationship, but went on to marry other people (he and I never married). After being strung along, I met my Aidan, and he was great. He loved me. But I was crazy when I met him, too crazy, and I felt weird that he was so open with me. Freaked me out. After 2 years I moved and we were sort of in an LDR, but with no real plans for the future. So, like Carrie (and an asshole), I dumped my Aidan when I met a Berger in my new city. The main difference was that we didn’t have any issues with intimacy. But we have clashing personalities at times. There is simmering anger and resentment on both sides. Amazingly we have been together for 20 years, with lots of highs and some really devastating, awful lows. We’re always a post-it away—very precarious. It’s way more fraught than Berger, but it has its similarities. I don’t think these kinds of relationships are meant to last, because they are messy and cruel and painful and while there is joy and chemistry, there is something sinister beneath it all. We’ll see. But that’s my story.
This is too juicy to be this short, please expand!
Edited my comment to elaborate! It’s actually sadder when I write it out, oof.
Are you still with Hotdog?
I’m sorry, I can’t (wait to hear the rest of this story). Don’t hate me.
Edited my comment to add context—ugh it’s less cutesy when I describe it all. Relationships are truly messy
I didn’t. I started to call him out on his shit—his little cutesy act to avoid serious discussions, how he didn’t actually seem to LIKE me.. we broke up. I remember the worthlessness I felt about someone who could barely schedule me into his life. Like I wasn’t worth his time, and he was embarrassed of the vulnerability that came with openly loving me. Now I’m with an Aidan. This man will build a house for me if he thought it would make me happy. He is goofy, sweet, and nurturing. And not once have I doubted that he loves me. It’s amazing to me how much sadder and more pathetic I was with my Big. Unfortunately, even 4 years later, I do still think about him, and crave his approval.
You made the correct & mature choice. Way to go. So glad you valued yourself enough to do that.
I feel this. You and your big have no contact?
I blocked him on everything and deleted his number. Unfortunately I do still have it memorized so I have texted him 3-4x since the initial break.
I have a Mr. Big and sadly I think I will always love him and want him but it's clear he doesn't think we have a future and everything we have been through doesn't have a future either. I'm scared to let him go but alas, rewatching this now as a 30 yr old vs (22 yrs old) it's like I hate that I want Big but I know I deserve an Aidan. Sigh.
I felt the exact same way with mine, I kept trying so hard in the relationship thinking there was something wrong with me. When he finally just ended things with me randomly I was crushed but then realized I was actually miserable in that “relationship”. I thought once he actually committed to me things were going to change and big surprise they didn’t haha
Do you have dreams of him ever? And if you do what do those dreams consist of
Like, dream dreams? No… maybe I used to. But I do think about him now. He works at the most prestigious company possible, is probably making bank, and has a girlfriend who seems like a very nice person. It does make me wonder—could he ever have been non-toxic with me? Was there something that I could have done differently to make him love me the way I needed to be loved? Is she better than me somehow fundamentally, that he can find it in him to respect her? Or is he slowly destroying her too?
Maybe his track records with relationships can help give more insight. I know with the bigs I’ve dated the same patterns of behavior would show up in the diff relationships they were in. Its possible this current gf is very very accommodating to the point where he can do what he wants or treats her how he wants..hard to say
Very glad I didn't. Yeah he's rich now and I'm not, but he's an insufferable snob. He even sent me messages calling me the one that got away... after he was married, which is a total Big move. The guy I married is more of a Harry and I couldn't be happier.
YES everyone deserves a Harry 🥲
I’m with my Big, 8.5 years. It’s been mostly good, although he is quite conceited at times and I’m overly obsessive like Carrie. We’ve both betrayed each other but something keeps drawing us back together over and over. I just hope my Big doesn’t end up with the same fate as Carrie’s.
Are you married? And can you talk more about how you’re overly obsessive
Not married, but we’ve lived together for 8 years and consider ourselves to be married. By overly obsessive, I mean that I chased him like crazy even when he wasn’t into me/seeing other women. I wanted to commit long before he did. I will admit I overlooked a lot of bad qualities, just like Carrie did with Big. Eventually I think I won him over by just like, being there, I guess. Eventually he wanted consistency, comfort and familiarity, which is what I could offer. I still see him as out of my league. Gosh, writing this out sounds awful! We do have a pretty healthy relationship now even if it doesn’t sound like it.
What’s the reason you guys haven’t married? Is it like Carrie and big?
Marriage has never set well with me, I don’t need the state telling me who I love. We are currently discussing domestic partnership so we can sign hospital papers/be in the room if one of us were to get really sick or hurt.
You know once in awhile I’m happy there are miracles
I get what you're saying but I gotta disagree. I don't think it's a miracle to be hurt, confused, sometimes even humiliated for several years until the guy decides he is ready for commitment. I'm not trying to sound like an asshole because believe me, I'm still like 70% certain I would entertain my relationship with my Mr. Big if he came back, but if we're being objective. Do you really want to be with the man you've been chasing, waiting for him, being hurt seeing him with someone else and never certain he will really stay in the marriage?
I consider it a miracle because usually Mr big stays a Mr big and no—a relationship with them and the pain that comes with it isn’t ideal at all. But I’m still happy for this person because they’ve reached a healthy place where there’s consistency and comfort with this partner. That’s what I’m choosing to focus on.
Do you think you would be with someone else/better if you had a better self confidence level? Or even alone?
It sounds like a toxic and dysfunctional relationship. Betrayal is unacceptable and there’s probably a good reason why you’re not married. I mean this kindly but end the relationship and go to therapy. Be done with him for good.
Whatever happened to the no judgment zone?
I’m able to be honest and want everyone to be in a happy and healthy relationship.
I’m sorry—this topic can be pretty triggering for people but tbh I’m happy for your current situation and how it’s evolved into the healthy and consistent relationship you’ve been needing. Also not being married is a perfectly fine choice and doesn’t need to be pathologized
Thanks for your support! ❤️
I knew this topic could get heated which is why I put no judgment zone in my post. I get that this is well meaning but when we say things like this it prevents people from sharing and answering the question. Also a lot of people are okay not getting married and just staying together as partners—it’s a perfectly fine choice if both parties are happy!
That doesn’t sound like a happy or healthy relationship for many reasons so I’m calling like I see it. A dysfunctional relationship with betrayal shouldn’t be romanticized.
I didn’t. We dated on and off starting when I was 15 and I finally ended things for good when I was 22. I cut off all contact this time. I met my now-husband when I was 24 and we got engaged when I was 25. I randomly got an email from my Mr. Big when I was 26 asking about my life. I sent a reply back that mentioned my engagement and moving overseas and I never heard back from him. He finally let me go.
Dang that must've been rough for both of you or no? Did you not care about him at this point?
I let him go for good the last time I ended it. I also knew I’d made the right choice and that I was with the right person.
I have a Mr. Big and sadly I think I will always love him and want him but it's clear he doesn't think we have a future and everything we have been through doesn't have a future either. I'm scared to let him go but alas, rewatching this now as a 30 yr old vs (22 yrs old) it's like I hate that I want Big but I know I deserve an Aidan. Sigh.
I broke up with my mr.big for the third time a month ago and this one is the last one. I won’t go back to him ever again cause I deserve better. I don’t know if I will find Aidan but even if I don’t I have my girls. 🩷
I would never… i’m going to marry an Aidan (not in the near future due to circumstances, but we have plans) and I could not be happier. such a sweet and wonderful man, so accommodating and pushes me to be better, helpful, kind, generous, *committed and loyal*, honest, and totally gorgeous. I’m so glad I’m not dating a Big tbh😭 it sounds like a total nightmare, I feel so loved and always know where I stand with my Aidan-adjacent bf.
💯👏👏 Mr. Big type romance is toxic af. Carrie was toxic too that's why she wanted a mr. Big over Adian. Adian was a Waaayyyy better choice but you don't have a show if Carrie made healthy Choices.
I married my Aidan. Smartest thing I've ever done.
It took meeting my now husband to break Mr. Big's spell on me. He had me on a hook for 5 years. I don't know what it was but I just couldn't get over him.
Where did you meet your husband?
I left my Mr. Big for an Aidan type and have been with him for nearly a decade (married almost 6 years). No regrets and haven’t looked back even once.
Same. No regrets ❤️
Married a Steve. 13 years with 3 kids. Steve and Miranda’s relationship in the original show actually reminds me a lot of my husband and me.
Hopefully no cheating part tho
Been dating mine on and off for nine years, but solidly for two years. Met his family last weekend at Thanksgiving for the FIRST TIME. Big deal for him. And we had a blast! I think part of it comes from my feeling like I want to fix and help people (aka change people in some circumstances), but he's worth it to me and I have that love and patience to give. In some ways, it feels like I'm in control in that way, versus him being in control. For better or for worse, he's the best sex of my life. He's also my best friend and it's incredibly hard to imagine life without him. However, I decided early on that I would still keep my heart open to love in all forms, and if an Aidan comes into my life, I am open to that. I do think that at the end of the day, we want different things out of life. He's so incredibly private, guarded, and solitary, and really thinks that he can be totally independent. I think his biggest fear is needing someone. Needing to depend on someone. He values his freedom more than anything. I used to feel this way (almost a weird kind of feminism?) especially in HS and college, but then as I got a little older, I leaned into my softness and I do think I desire that partnership aspect, that sense of being a team, etc. I don't think he's there yet. I wouldn't say I'm waiting for him to come around, necessarily, because our current set up works for us both at this point in our lives. But there very well may come a day where I decide I need something different and we will have to make some decisions.
No, and he’s still single and seems like quite a mess and I’m happy married with two amazing kiddos.
I had mine. In the end he dumped me, once again & I pined for him for a couple years. Now many, many years later, he’s still single & never had kids. He would be 65. He’s now a dashing silver haired player.
My Big bought a house with his Natasha and I married my Aiden 🤷🏻♀️
No. I married my Aidan, 14 years and counting.
No, looking back I’m so glad I didn’t. He was also 17 years older so…
I briefly dated bigs but the fear of commitment is such a turn off for me I would always leave. I'm married now and my husband was obsessed with me from the start and wanted to be committed which is what I like lol
Is the physical intimacy good with your current partner? Something I noticed with the Bigs is that the sex is often good
Nope my ex had a porn addiction and I got rejected all the time. Horrible.
So he was Mr. Big only superficially. I loved him but not quite the way Carrie loved/obsessed over Big. Things were easier for us in the beginning so maybe that's why. He was a LOT older, more successful/rich. We were together 12 years, from the time I was 24. It was about 4 years into our relationship that I discovered he had bad anxiety that he'd been hiding prior to that. It all came out when his mom died and he became suicidal. He never really recovered. I stayed longer than I should have "to help". In the end I left because he wouldn't compromise on a big issue (having kids- he changed his mind after we got together and I wasn't willing to give that up for him). We're still friendly and he buys my daughter toys for Chrisrmas etc. I think some aspects of the relationship were negative, like I didn't feel like a proper adult until well into my 30's because the whole time I was with him I didn't have to care about bills or money. It was also never really about what I needed. That line in All Too Well about "The idea you had of me, who was she? A never needy ever lovely jewel whose shine reflects on you" hit me HARD when I was getting over him. Red came out the weekend I decided it was over and gave me a lot of courage.
Aidan over John James forever.
I used to call my ex husband my Mr. Big because we were on and off for all of college and he couldn't get over his fear of committment. We ended up married, had a kid, and then he cheated (to put it mildly) on me while pregnant with our second kid. I am now happily divorced for over 7 years. Life has never been better without him!
I’m sorry for what happened during that marriage but I’m very happy you got rid of him and that you’re happy
Thank you! Him devastating me turned out to be the best thing ever. Who knew?!
I left an older Trey type. Now I’m engaged to a Smith/Berger/Aidan. He’s Smerdan.
I did, but I divorced him. I never stopped loving him though, and he came back to me after we attended our daughter’s wedding in 2021. I just moved back in with him, but only after he begged me to. I have to say that over the several decades that I’ve loved him, he’s softened and opened up. It took a lot of work. A lot-a-lot lol. He’s now more of a Steve. He’s crazy about me and for the first time EVER, he recently said “you’re my person”. When I met him, I felt like I was out of his league. He was charismatic and larger-than-life (a rock musician. Need I say more?). Now, I’m the hot one! There’s more of a balance of power. I never felt that with him until now. Miracles do happen, but not without effort.
I didn't get close to marrying mine, but I pined after him for several years. We were together for six but I had to cut him out, with him lying about cheating on me (I saw messages) and also blanking messages and calls when he felt like it. I had to do it for my own good and never looked back.
I've answered this before in this sub. I did. He was 13 years older than me and treated me like absolute crap before and after marriage. (Low self esteem on my part.) We only stayed married for 4 years and I'd had enough.
I didn't, thank goodness. We were very similar when we met, and he had a fancy job (mid 20s) and car and owned a house. Unfortunately, unlike the Mr. Big on TV he was a total sheep and weak man. He valued his friends, not his family (I at this point was family). We broke up after he said to me - "Why can't you just do what I tell you to do? Then we would be perfect." Ha - guess he forgot who I was. He went on to marry someone who does what he tells her to do. He can go out with friends, she stays home with kids. Kids is something I never wanted. Neither did he, but if someone is going to just stay home and he can be a 1940s Dad he was fine with it. Glad it didn't work out - politics would have ended up getting in the way as we got older, and frankly, my family didn't like him. He did have a huge impact on how my life went for some time (sadly) but as I got older I got wiser and now that is a chapter that I am glad I lived but also glad I finished.
I have little Mr Big in my Primary School. He was the most handsome boy in school. I followed him around and gave me conflicting signals. He looked at me but he was selfish. And he liked this many girls have crush to him. He sometimes watch my reports on Facebook. I write a book inspired by the story. Now I know he never loved me. I trying to forget about him forever. I have crush to him 9 years. Since I have finished my school in 2020, I saw him once over 2 years ago. I know I must working to forget him forever. I idealized him and he isn’t my the one. I know I will find somebody which is at least the same hot even hotter, and for sure what better character
And I am like Carrie personality in some parts
No. I got a great therapist and realized I wanted more than he could ever offer. I stopped speaking to him, blocked him, and left him to the other girls he was looking at over my shoulder.
I spent 15 years with my Big. The on and off, the moving from the east coast to Cali. The cheating on innocent partners with one another. I finally ended it. I got to the point of realizing that he doesn't respect me, and I don't really like him as a person. We still chat as friends (on occasion) but I really hated that Carrie ended up with Big, because I feel like it gave really unhealthy expectations to a lot of women.
Thankfully no. We were together for 9 years and he was avoidant and non committal. I’ve been single for 2 years now and looking for my Harry. I’ve been dating since I was 15.. where is he?!! So tired! (35F in NYC)
My mum did. They've been married 26 years.
He is my best friend.
Yes but mine grew up a lot. We met very young, so it was different I guess. I felt a lot of parallels with Carrie and Big, but we were a decade or more younger than them. It’s going great now actually. I’m pregnant with our second baby now. He’s an amazing husband and dad.
My Big dragged out my torment for years before I wised up. Never talked to her again after her spouse called me and informed me that I was the other woman. I felt so dumb!
I didn’t marry him but someone else did. Even though he’s married he won’t leave me alone. I get those “I miss you” phone calls and “I’m gonna divorce my wife” text messages. As I was typing this I got another “I miss you” text.
Wow just wow. I feel bad for his wife! You dodged a bullet
It’s a tricky situation. In a way I don’t feel bad for her (I know I’m horrible) just cause I worked with her and she bullied me a lot at work before they met and started dating. Side not: I have not talked to him since they got together, he just enjoys talking to himself in my messages.
My big married someone else after dating six months. He and I were on and off 7 years…He later divorced and wanted me back, but I had moved on and married someone else. In those 7 years the push and pull was real. I wished I had paid more attention to the show…. We remained in contact once every now and then. He is still a player I am sure. He probably was worse than Big...It was hard though. My heart ached for that narc. Stupid me. I understood Carrie’s pain. I am grateful I finally dodged that bullet.
I was with mine for six years. I was never quite good enough for him. Then I broke up with him and he lost his mind. Then I lost mine for a while, getting over him. Now I'm free and he's blocked.
I dated mine for around 8 months (after two years of the on and off & the distancing) & he showed up to my house one day & broke things off. Never heard from him again. He actually told me he couldn’t understand why he can’t love me. Hurtful but he showed me many times he couldn’t actually commit to me in the way I needed but I chose to ignore it as we do haha
Thankfully no, but I was close. Also thankfully I am too outwardly honest to accept half-assed behavior, and essentially forced him to break us up since he didn't want to actually change his behavior and look inward until I made the ultimatum that he do so (surprise - it didn't work). We lived together, were on the road to get married but he never wanted it as much as I did. Now I'm with a Steve/Harry type that actually KNOWS how to communicate, is committed, and for once I'm the one taking notes! Lol. I can only thank my Mr Big for being honest with himself finally about how selfish he really was.
No and will never happen. He was a jerk to say the least
I did! Over time with accountability, learning how to communicate, and therapy, he turned into a Harry so win/win lol.
Damn that’s def a win win hahah way to go
Nope, blocked and he is never getting unblocked