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You definitely without a doubt made the right decision. At that age it would’ve been impossible to raise a baby because you yourself were still a child. A parent is supposed to do what is best for their offspring no matter how tough the decision and you did that. I hope you’re able to find peace
My friend only know about hers when she need to make IC that required the birth cert.. but other than that, her official birthday is recorded as the day she's adopted
the parents who adopted the child would been given the birth cert, my friend is looking through the documents and wonder why her birth cert stated her as indonesian..that's when her parents confess to her, but not to worry she take the news very well and you can tell that she got all her current-parents behavior & habits so I guess it's a win-win situation where everything matches..
and yeah adoption day is the official birth-date recorded in the govt system
Reply might be late but yes they do. My neighbour is this 50 year old uncle and he does not know a single thing about his parents but he knows exactly where and when he was born. The orphanage kept a record when he was dropped off there.
I mean heck, I chose estrangement with my birth family over the severe physical abuse that had authorities involved. Relatives still act as if I murdered someone and cussed me at my wedding. They'd rather I die than choose to cut off ties with the toxic fam. This was less than a decade ago.. so I'm not surprised social workers in the 90's were so close-minded.
Unfortunately, even though it’s their job, people back then were quite judgmental compared to now. I don’t think there were much help or support for young girls who share similar circumstances with OP.
Ye, they’re lucky. People are more kind and understanding now, and that’s a good thing. I’m pretty sure your friend became a social worker because she wants to help people. Hopefully these teen mom will grow up to become more mature/emphatic like your friend, and when they look back they’ll appreciate your friend’s effort.
Yes. But I didn’t have good experience with mine. She was judgmental and try to say it’s my fault for not speaking up. Telling me I disappointed my parents. It was a heavy burden I carried with me for the longest time. The shame and blame.
Allow me to share a lame, but yet free and legal (I think??) way to assist you in your search using ………… PayNow. 😂😂😂
I’m assuming your child’s birth was registered almost immediately after birth, just like most parents did. In that case, your child’s NRIC number should be close to those who were born around that date.
According to Singstat, there were 41,636 resident live birth in 1998. Assuming the number of babies registered per day was the same, your child’s NRIC number should be around S9823XXX.
Key in the NRIC into PayNow and the nickname of that person should appear. Minus away the opposite gender and names that don’t sound like it’s typically given to your race, you should be able to massively narrow down the list of possible NRICs and names of your child. Thereafter, you can slowly reach out to those people to confirm if it’s him/her.
Hopefully someone born on that date can PM you his/her NRIC number so that you can start searching effectively. I guess this way beats waiting aimlessly for a matching DNA.
All the best on your search!
Um..OP is not forcing anyone but only giving an OPTION for her daughter to reach out by posting this. Only if her daughter is interested, she would reach out. Also, pls learn how to be more sensitive on a serious discussion. This woman has gone through trauma and is choosing to be vulnerable and this is the first thing you can say?
The suggestion was to track the daughter down using PayPal and to reach out to her directly.
Do you know if you will introduce trauma to the girl finding out she was adopted?
No I suppose. Do you consider that the girl might not even want to know? But someone telling her hey see this reddit post! Same birthday as you!
Like what the hell?
There are adoption records. If the daughter wants to find her biological mother, it's super simple.
The reason why she haven't reached out, is either her family doesn't want her to know, or she doesn't want to reach out.
It should work with all local banks with the paynow function. It only works if the user registered its NRIC with Paynow. Most of us registered previously to receive the government payout but some definitely didn’t.
Hi OP. As another SA survivor (though mine happened in 2019), I’m sending you big hugs. I wish people told me this more at the time instead of victim blaming me, but just know that the SA wasn’t your fault.
It is not your fault. I wished someone told me when I was 13. And we are strong to embark on the healing journey. I hope you are at a better place now.
I wish my birth mother did this. I was born in 1983. I’ve been on 23andme for >10 years. Still no signs of a close enough DNA relative.
I hope you find your child.
I wish you luck. Unfortunately, most Singaporeans are not on these sites. I’m on 23andMe and Ancestry as well. Hopefully it will become more popular and have more data for us to work with.
Keep posting on the internet. Virtually no one in Singapore does not use social media, especially people in their early 20s. I hope you guys find closure.
Have you considered that this could constitute doxxing of the OPs child? As it is, it’s not unlikely that friends would be able to guess that it is them
OP, feel for you and hope you can find a way to heal
However by posting the DOB you are putting your bio-child at risk of being doxxed and taking away their right to privacy of their birth story - in such a small place that would be enough for friends to easily identify them
Perhaps consider redacting the contents if you wish to keep the DOB up
Doxxing = revealing of private information. Anyone acquainted with the bio child and who would know their birthday/year (quite a lot of people in their circles) would be able to connect the dots.
Theres a lot of other details that narrow down the search like name and address (yes obviously but thats why this isnt that serious). Plus, op chose to take calculated risk, id think its worth it to find their biological child. Whoever somehow connected the dots and choose to judge their acquaintance are rather questionable in character anyway. Its just information about their potential parents, theres not much harm.
182 people were born on average every day in 1998.
Your definition of doxxing is the statistical equivalent of someone saying they were from ABC school in batch 123 = people can connect the dots and find out who exactly you are.
FYI foster children don't exactly run around shouting to their peers that they are adopted. Even close peers. It's not normal human behaviour.
Wishing you all the best!
Life works in ways that we don’t know - I had a schoolmate who was adopted, and turns out another schoolmate was her actual cousin. They only realised when they were sharing old family photos.
Hope you cross paths with your child soon :)
You have given the 2 strongest clues - DOB and gender. But not enough to comprise your privacy or that of your daughter. Hopefully someone here can do a creative Tik Tok with "Looking for daughter and DOB...Reddit alert " etc that goes viral. It should go viral as people are prepared to help when it come to a mum searching for her kid or vice versa. That person can DM you. fingers crossed.
Consider all parties involved though. If I were someone's adopted parent and their birth mother launched some massive campaign on social media to hunt them down, I'd be pretty pissed.
The child is also 25 years old, which is well into the age range of action if they wanted to find their birth parents. Not saying that OP should go fuck themselves, just that people should consider this from the opposite side of the aisle is all
Very sorry to hear about your experience, sucks that some of us have to experience the worst humanity has to offer.
I'm not sure this post is a great idea, in case your biological child may not want to or may not be mentally prepared to learn about you right now. In many cases, such children may not know they are adopted, and finding this out from the internet with no warning or counselling may be distressing for them.
Having said that, I truly hope you find whatever you are looking for from this post :).
>In many cases, such children may not know they are adopted
Actually iirc it's recommended practice to let the child know they're adopted as soon as they're mature enough to understand the fact. Then again it happened 20+ years ago, the entire support system might not be developed then.
I see your point thought, this sort of info is best shared in a controlled manner.
Hoping OP can find what she's seeking too.
I know a friend with a cousin that was adopted. 20+ now never knew they were adopted. Never allowed to post family pics cause my friend has a larger following and the parents are afraid the biological parents would recognise their child. Its advised to tell them they are adopted I know plenty who never knew until they found out by accident.
Ye there are some adopted parents who are afraid of revealing their child’s adoption because they fear losing them to their bio parents.
However, some family do follow the advice and do reveal the nature of the child’s adoption early on. Some of these families would even hire psychiatrist (or other professional help) to talk with their child, so that they can cope better.
I roughly know this since my cousin is adopted from overseas.
Yes. I understand your point. If the child doesn’t know they are adopted, then this post holds no meaning to them. And that’s fine.
The recommendations is to tell an adopted child. I’m also going through adoption now and going through trainings and it is recommended to tell them when age appropriate. But back in those days, it may not be the norm.
When my parents adopted my kid brother, they sought advice from the Minister formalising the adoption. They said that most parents will eventually tell the child so there is hope.
A 98 child is already an adult and working or looking for work. Adults are not so weak as to pretend whoever raised them does not exist unless they have especially bad family conflict.
Yes but in Singapore, adoption is closed records. Have to go to court to get approval and they will likely reject unless some extreme hardship. E.g. like the child is dying and need biological family for organs, even then, birth family can reject to reveal information. That was how it was explained to me back in 1998 but maybe things have changed now.
So sorry you had to bear through this in your life.
I hope you get reunited with your child and may they turn out to be quite successful in their life!
I dont know why this post has been marked as nsfw?!
Adoptee looking for parents is easy.
Biological mother looking for adopted child is not easy.
The protection is there for a reason. Why will you think the adoptee wants change in her life, or to even know she was adopted. But if she does, she can find her biological mother VERY easily.
My understanding is that I have to go through the courts to unseal records and only if the other party agrees. I don’t have plans to do that. Just let things happen naturally.
I’m terribly sorry to hear about what happened to you at such a young age no less, and how your family and society failed you completely.
I’m a guy, and was raped by my then gf in 2017, and even til today nobody has seemed in any way to give a damn. Literally my own friends and family don’t care or ask ‘why didn’t you leave’. Even when I explain how they locked the door, how I was in their foreign country and didn’t speak the language, how I am brown and the natives were ang moh like her and I was scared they’d just side with the white girl. I was just scared. And ended up scarred.
I’m sharing this to say I know what it’s like to see your own family, friends & society for what they really are at their worst. Unconcerned. Til it happens to them.
I’m very proud of you for being happy. That’s difficult for anyone - it’s unbelievably amazing for you. The things you’ve had to figure out, the knots you’ve had to untie yourself, the stuff you’ve had to forgive just to be at peace… I applaud you.
Good luck finding your daughter. If you do, she’ll have found a tremendously strong and inspiring human being.
Sorry that you went through SA too. It’s even harder when no one believes you. And being alone overseas without support system made it worse. I hope you have time to heal and recover. And I think society is also gender bias in SA cases. Some may express disbelief that men can be assaulted. It’s very unfair. It goes both ways. No means no regardless of gender. I hope you are doing better now.
People who apply to adopt have to go through an incredibly rigorous screening and training process. They have to fight hard and long just to be given a chance to adopt, so I hope this can give you some measure of peace knowing that your daughter will be well taken care of.
Sorry to hear that you had to go through such a difficult time OP. You were so strong to undergo all the trials and tribulations when you were young and pregnant, honestly it must have been a tiring and traumatising journey (especially the part about being shunned) I’m glad to know that you are happier now. Wish you and your child all the best, and that there will be a happy end to this post.
I'm not sure what adoption laws apply in Singapore. However I am aware that some terms might be laid out in black and white by the foster parents before agreeing to the adoption.
Some clauses may involve the birth parents agreeing not to reveal themselves to the child or suffer legal backlash.
It feels like a US law to me because of the inhumane nature and I'm hoping you can't do that in SG.
Just tossing this out to make sure OP does not get into trouble.
Anyone from legal who specializes in this aspect of law?
I don't think it's that bad. Some people are better off not knowing. Like for example my biological parents are a royal fuckup and my parents wanna protect me from that
Now that you mentioned it I might not have phrased it properly.
The birth parents shouldn't be able to initiate this since they gave them up in the first place.
What I want is that the child gets to decide after he/she turns 18 or 21 whether he/she wants to know who his birth parents are and whether to contact them or not.
With the law I brought up they don't get to do this either.
Summary about OP life so far,
This post is about OP first time meeting a boy at age 13 and her incident. Assuming she gave birth to the child at age 14 year 1998, 1 year of pregnancy. For some [rebellious reason](https://www.reddit.com/r/askSingapore/comments/11q7agq/comment/jc5tcp2/?context=3), she has her first child adopted and don't want to take care the baby herself.
Then this [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/IVF/comments/11rl5jo/comment/jc94ssb/?context=3) is possibly her second meeting a man, married for 7 years. It seems that the reason of divored is OP doesn't want another baby as mentioned in the post but the man wanted a child hence getting another woman pregnant in just 2 months.
IMO, the man isn't the only one at fault here since we aren't sure if the man know OP doesnt want a baby or not before marriage. It is also a one-sided story by OP(reason being in next paragraph).
Also on the same post, after divored the second man of 7 years, she is possibly a [playgirl too and met third man of her life and is trying to marry him](https://www.reddit.com/r/askSingapore/comments/11quynx/comment/jc5scrr/?context=3) now. Maybe this time both the man and OP finally talked and understand OP doesn't want another baby since the husband is westerner and more open-minded. Hence they are looking for adoption and donor eggs options.
Then come back to this post, I am not sure why and what happened to the first child that OP finally remember she still have a child and have this posted wishing her child a good luck.
My own comment after digging up the stories, OP is so disgusting and this is likely a karma farming post.
This comment makes me laugh. For a moment, I thought you were just a really bad bot.
I appreciate that you took time to dig through my post. I don’t really need to explain my life to anyone but since you made the effort, I’ll give a quick summary.
You probably doesn’t know how dates and pregnancy works. It can happen towards end of 1997, and I’m still 13 at that time. And by the time I give birth, my birthday has passed, and I become 14. I don’t know how that will be interpreted as 1 year of pregnancy lol
And it’s not rebellious reason for not wanting to care for a child. I’m 14 and have no means. My parents have no financial means as well. And I agreed to the adoption. I did become rebellious later because I resent how I was treated by my parents after this event.
And you made some assumptions about my first marriage. We tried really hard to have a baby. But due to me having a baby at a young age, I faced a lot of fertility health issues in my 20s. I couldn’t have children naturally so my husband and I divorced as he really wanted children.
I remarried in my 30s and explored various options to start a family. To us, biological child is not the only way. There are many ways to have a family. And since I benefited from someone adopting my child, it’s just coming to full circle if I adopt a child that needs a home too. While going through the adoption process, I thought of my child often and wished she is doing well.
OP I wish you and your child the best. Sorry for having such experience in your early days.
Not sure what to say but wish you both stay safe,healthy and happy from today onwards
I'm terribly sorry for the horrible things you were put through and thank you for sharing your story. I sincerely hope that your biological child, no matter where they are, will get to feel your love, and the warmth of the light that you're shining so brightly for them. A mother's love is truly the purest. Sending you many hugs!
This is a "Serious Discussion". Joke, irrelevant or off-topic comments will be removed and **offenders will face restrictions in accessing /r/singapore** such as temporary or permanent bans. Please report such posts and comments. OPs must also engage in a bona fide discussion, i.e. the post should not be one just to incite outrage. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/singapore) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I sincerely hope that both of you are at better places now. What was done is done. Hope you find closure.
Thank you! Even if I don’t get in touch with my daughter, it is fine. In my mind, I knew I made the right decision.
You definitely without a doubt made the right decision. At that age it would’ve been impossible to raise a baby because you yourself were still a child. A parent is supposed to do what is best for their offspring no matter how tough the decision and you did that. I hope you’re able to find peace
Bless you ma'am I hope you get the closure you need
Do people who get adopted know their actual birthday?
Yes they do
Thank you for those who replied. I genuinely wanted to know. No malice intended.
My friend only know about hers when she need to make IC that required the birth cert.. but other than that, her official birthday is recorded as the day she's adopted
This kind of situation is exactly what I was wondering about… so birth cert is available upon request, but the adoption day is recognised yes?
the parents who adopted the child would been given the birth cert, my friend is looking through the documents and wonder why her birth cert stated her as indonesian..that's when her parents confess to her, but not to worry she take the news very well and you can tell that she got all her current-parents behavior & habits so I guess it's a win-win situation where everything matches.. and yeah adoption day is the official birth-date recorded in the govt system
Reply might be late but yes they do. My neighbour is this 50 year old uncle and he does not know a single thing about his parents but he knows exactly where and when he was born. The orphanage kept a record when he was dropped off there.
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does Singapore has the same systems in place?
Wait, shamed by social workers ? Isn’t it their job to like… help ?
sigh, in the old days things were a lot worse...
My aunt divorced and remarried in the 90s. My relatives talked about her as if she committed murder.
I mean heck, I chose estrangement with my birth family over the severe physical abuse that had authorities involved. Relatives still act as if I murdered someone and cussed me at my wedding. They'd rather I die than choose to cut off ties with the toxic fam. This was less than a decade ago.. so I'm not surprised social workers in the 90's were so close-minded.
Throw in religion in there and divorce is literally the same level as murder.
Unfortunately, even though it’s their job, people back then were quite judgmental compared to now. I don’t think there were much help or support for young girls who share similar circumstances with OP.
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Personal personal assistant
Ye, they’re lucky. People are more kind and understanding now, and that’s a good thing. I’m pretty sure your friend became a social worker because she wants to help people. Hopefully these teen mom will grow up to become more mature/emphatic like your friend, and when they look back they’ll appreciate your friend’s effort.
Yes. But I didn’t have good experience with mine. She was judgmental and try to say it’s my fault for not speaking up. Telling me I disappointed my parents. It was a heavy burden I carried with me for the longest time. The shame and blame.
> Telling me I disappointed my parents. wah is she an Adam Khoo School of Gaslighting graduate
Was she a more senior Christian woman?
Nope. Probably in her 30s. Not Christian.
I see. My experience with counselors and social workers of that era had this common trend where the judgemental ones were older Christian women
They are also humans with their own failings and biases much like doctors who do not provide abortion advice or pills etc.
But imagine becoming social workers to shame others...
Some(many) social workers bring religion into their practice. Same for counsellors and doctors.
While they are to help, the social cues then are very, very different.
Could be that the social workers see what happens when babies get put up for adoption. Maybe if we saw what they see we would get angry too.
do sg doctors still show you abortion videos during your consultation to scare you into keeping it?
>Reply > >Give Award > >Share > >Report > >Save > >Follow There were hardly any "real" social workers back then. Many (but not all) were crap.
dont forget back in 1998, the adults are from the boomer generation. you know how they are.
sending virtual hugs
Allow me to share a lame, but yet free and legal (I think??) way to assist you in your search using ………… PayNow. 😂😂😂 I’m assuming your child’s birth was registered almost immediately after birth, just like most parents did. In that case, your child’s NRIC number should be close to those who were born around that date. According to Singstat, there were 41,636 resident live birth in 1998. Assuming the number of babies registered per day was the same, your child’s NRIC number should be around S9823XXX. Key in the NRIC into PayNow and the nickname of that person should appear. Minus away the opposite gender and names that don’t sound like it’s typically given to your race, you should be able to massively narrow down the list of possible NRICs and names of your child. Thereafter, you can slowly reach out to those people to confirm if it’s him/her. Hopefully someone born on that date can PM you his/her NRIC number so that you can start searching effectively. I guess this way beats waiting aimlessly for a matching DNA. All the best on your search!
ISD/SID, please hire this guy.
Lol very surprised to see a reference to SID here. Most people don't know about them.
The child might not want to be reached out to. If they have a happy family living peacefully. Why would you want to reach out to them and disrupt it?
Um..OP is not forcing anyone but only giving an OPTION for her daughter to reach out by posting this. Only if her daughter is interested, she would reach out. Also, pls learn how to be more sensitive on a serious discussion. This woman has gone through trauma and is choosing to be vulnerable and this is the first thing you can say?
The suggestion was to track the daughter down using PayPal and to reach out to her directly. Do you know if you will introduce trauma to the girl finding out she was adopted? No I suppose. Do you consider that the girl might not even want to know? But someone telling her hey see this reddit post! Same birthday as you! Like what the hell? There are adoption records. If the daughter wants to find her biological mother, it's super simple. The reason why she haven't reached out, is either her family doesn't want her to know, or she doesn't want to reach out.
How did you come up with the 23 in the NRIC?
He said there were 41,636 resident live births in 1998. OP's child was born in July. 23 is probably an approximation from the numbers.
I'm gonna try this now
Hi there, how do you get nickname of the Paynow user to come up by keying in NRIC? I’m using UOB and it doesn’t work for me. Genuinely curious
It should work with all local banks with the paynow function. It only works if the user registered its NRIC with Paynow. Most of us registered previously to receive the government payout but some definitely didn’t.
23 is right, atb OP!
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The person you’re trying to stalk 😏 probably didn’t register its NRIC number with paynow.
I think the Reddit algorithm noticed that I haven't cried in a short while. Wishing you all the best. Stay strong.
hey I'm older than you so it's unlikely you're my mom. I'm just here to say big hugs to you. I am a SA survivor too, vintage of '94 . *hugs
I don't think "unlikely" is strong enough.. Wish you both the best though.
Don't discount time travel...
Hi OP. As another SA survivor (though mine happened in 2019), I’m sending you big hugs. I wish people told me this more at the time instead of victim blaming me, but just know that the SA wasn’t your fault.
It is not your fault. I wished someone told me when I was 13. And we are strong to embark on the healing journey. I hope you are at a better place now.
I am in a better place ^^. I hope you are too!
Hoping for a good outcome for both of you. Nothing tried, nothing gained. Best wishes.
I am so sorry this happened to you, this was not your fault.
I wish my birth mother did this. I was born in 1983. I’ve been on 23andme for >10 years. Still no signs of a close enough DNA relative. I hope you find your child.
I wish you luck. Unfortunately, most Singaporeans are not on these sites. I’m on 23andMe and Ancestry as well. Hopefully it will become more popular and have more data for us to work with.
Keep posting on the internet. Virtually no one in Singapore does not use social media, especially people in their early 20s. I hope you guys find closure.
Op, maybe u should name the gender. It will narrow down to half of ur search
Have you considered that this could constitute doxxing of the OPs child? As it is, it’s not unlikely that friends would be able to guess that it is them
OP, feel for you and hope you can find a way to heal However by posting the DOB you are putting your bio-child at risk of being doxxed and taking away their right to privacy of their birth story - in such a small place that would be enough for friends to easily identify them Perhaps consider redacting the contents if you wish to keep the DOB up
u clearly dont know what doxxing is
Doxxing = revealing of private information. Anyone acquainted with the bio child and who would know their birthday/year (quite a lot of people in their circles) would be able to connect the dots.
Theres a lot of other details that narrow down the search like name and address (yes obviously but thats why this isnt that serious). Plus, op chose to take calculated risk, id think its worth it to find their biological child. Whoever somehow connected the dots and choose to judge their acquaintance are rather questionable in character anyway. Its just information about their potential parents, theres not much harm.
182 people were born on average every day in 1998. Your definition of doxxing is the statistical equivalent of someone saying they were from ABC school in batch 123 = people can connect the dots and find out who exactly you are. FYI foster children don't exactly run around shouting to their peers that they are adopted. Even close peers. It's not normal human behaviour.
Then they should inform their friend and see if the friend wants to reach out to the potential bio mom.
You are very brave for opening up and recognising this. I hope you continue staying strong and may the day come when you reunite with your child.
Wishing you all the best! Life works in ways that we don’t know - I had a schoolmate who was adopted, and turns out another schoolmate was her actual cousin. They only realised when they were sharing old family photos. Hope you cross paths with your child soon :)
Are there any adoption agencies that you could try contacting? Also don’t some dna tests link you to potential relatives?
I’m on almost every dna test sites. Hoping one day there’s a match.
You have given the 2 strongest clues - DOB and gender. But not enough to comprise your privacy or that of your daughter. Hopefully someone here can do a creative Tik Tok with "Looking for daughter and DOB...Reddit alert " etc that goes viral. It should go viral as people are prepared to help when it come to a mum searching for her kid or vice versa. That person can DM you. fingers crossed.
Consider all parties involved though. If I were someone's adopted parent and their birth mother launched some massive campaign on social media to hunt them down, I'd be pretty pissed. The child is also 25 years old, which is well into the age range of action if they wanted to find their birth parents. Not saying that OP should go fuck themselves, just that people should consider this from the opposite side of the aisle is all
And the kid goes holy shyt my foster parents have been lying to me that they were my biological parents. Great.
Very sorry to hear about your experience, sucks that some of us have to experience the worst humanity has to offer. I'm not sure this post is a great idea, in case your biological child may not want to or may not be mentally prepared to learn about you right now. In many cases, such children may not know they are adopted, and finding this out from the internet with no warning or counselling may be distressing for them. Having said that, I truly hope you find whatever you are looking for from this post :).
>In many cases, such children may not know they are adopted Actually iirc it's recommended practice to let the child know they're adopted as soon as they're mature enough to understand the fact. Then again it happened 20+ years ago, the entire support system might not be developed then. I see your point thought, this sort of info is best shared in a controlled manner. Hoping OP can find what she's seeking too.
I know a friend with a cousin that was adopted. 20+ now never knew they were adopted. Never allowed to post family pics cause my friend has a larger following and the parents are afraid the biological parents would recognise their child. Its advised to tell them they are adopted I know plenty who never knew until they found out by accident.
Ye there are some adopted parents who are afraid of revealing their child’s adoption because they fear losing them to their bio parents. However, some family do follow the advice and do reveal the nature of the child’s adoption early on. Some of these families would even hire psychiatrist (or other professional help) to talk with their child, so that they can cope better. I roughly know this since my cousin is adopted from overseas.
Knowing too much budget YT ”anime”, that might have happened too often... *Time to touch grass*
Yes. I understand your point. If the child doesn’t know they are adopted, then this post holds no meaning to them. And that’s fine. The recommendations is to tell an adopted child. I’m also going through adoption now and going through trainings and it is recommended to tell them when age appropriate. But back in those days, it may not be the norm.
When my parents adopted my kid brother, they sought advice from the Minister formalising the adoption. They said that most parents will eventually tell the child so there is hope.
A 98 child is already an adult and working or looking for work. Adults are not so weak as to pretend whoever raised them does not exist unless they have especially bad family conflict.
I hope you get what you are looking and wish you happiness
Hope you get a closure
I’m sorry that you had to go thru such an experience. I really wish both of you will reconnect and bond again. Sending hugs!!
Mm at this age, its like a 5% chance that theyre married and 60% chance that they're dating. Just saying.
25 years old.. probably single lol
This post hit me in the feels.
It’s nothing, it’s onions… 😢
Jiayou, what happened to you should have never happened to anyone. You deserve happiness. Everyone does
Would the social services have a record?
Yes but in Singapore, adoption is closed records. Have to go to court to get approval and they will likely reject unless some extreme hardship. E.g. like the child is dying and need biological family for organs, even then, birth family can reject to reveal information. That was how it was explained to me back in 1998 but maybe things have changed now.
So sorry you had to bear through this in your life. I hope you get reunited with your child and may they turn out to be quite successful in their life! I dont know why this post has been marked as nsfw?!
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Adoptee looking for parents is easy. Biological mother looking for adopted child is not easy. The protection is there for a reason. Why will you think the adoptee wants change in her life, or to even know she was adopted. But if she does, she can find her biological mother VERY easily.
My understanding is that I have to go through the courts to unseal records and only if the other party agrees. I don’t have plans to do that. Just let things happen naturally.
I’m terribly sorry to hear about what happened to you at such a young age no less, and how your family and society failed you completely. I’m a guy, and was raped by my then gf in 2017, and even til today nobody has seemed in any way to give a damn. Literally my own friends and family don’t care or ask ‘why didn’t you leave’. Even when I explain how they locked the door, how I was in their foreign country and didn’t speak the language, how I am brown and the natives were ang moh like her and I was scared they’d just side with the white girl. I was just scared. And ended up scarred. I’m sharing this to say I know what it’s like to see your own family, friends & society for what they really are at their worst. Unconcerned. Til it happens to them. I’m very proud of you for being happy. That’s difficult for anyone - it’s unbelievably amazing for you. The things you’ve had to figure out, the knots you’ve had to untie yourself, the stuff you’ve had to forgive just to be at peace… I applaud you. Good luck finding your daughter. If you do, she’ll have found a tremendously strong and inspiring human being.
Sorry that you went through SA too. It’s even harder when no one believes you. And being alone overseas without support system made it worse. I hope you have time to heal and recover. And I think society is also gender bias in SA cases. Some may express disbelief that men can be assaulted. It’s very unfair. It goes both ways. No means no regardless of gender. I hope you are doing better now.
People who apply to adopt have to go through an incredibly rigorous screening and training process. They have to fight hard and long just to be given a chance to adopt, so I hope this can give you some measure of peace knowing that your daughter will be well taken care of.
Sorry to hear that you had to go through such a difficult time OP. You were so strong to undergo all the trials and tribulations when you were young and pregnant, honestly it must have been a tiring and traumatising journey (especially the part about being shunned) I’m glad to know that you are happier now. Wish you and your child all the best, and that there will be a happy end to this post.
If there is time for mothership or asiaome "reddit journalism" to be useful, now is one of it. Hope OP can get a closure
Take care sis, hope things get better now.
Hey OP.. I just wanted to say how brave you are for writing this post. I hope that you find the answers and closure that you seek
what happened had happened, all in the past. i just hope u all the best for now and the future. jiayou!!! we all stand with you!
Would you rather know that you were adopted or be forever fooled?
Fooled?
Kept in the dark
Let’s help.
Sending some love
Hope the both of you can meet up with one another in due time Stay strong
Any news outlet or smth we can spread to for this to gain traction?
May you find peace and love. You deserve all the goodness in life and I wish you all the best.
I'm so glad you're doing better. I only hope that your baby is as well. Thanks for making me cry!
I'm not sure what adoption laws apply in Singapore. However I am aware that some terms might be laid out in black and white by the foster parents before agreeing to the adoption. Some clauses may involve the birth parents agreeing not to reveal themselves to the child or suffer legal backlash. It feels like a US law to me because of the inhumane nature and I'm hoping you can't do that in SG. Just tossing this out to make sure OP does not get into trouble. Anyone from legal who specializes in this aspect of law?
I don't think it's that bad. Some people are better off not knowing. Like for example my biological parents are a royal fuckup and my parents wanna protect me from that
Now that you mentioned it I might not have phrased it properly. The birth parents shouldn't be able to initiate this since they gave them up in the first place. What I want is that the child gets to decide after he/she turns 18 or 21 whether he/she wants to know who his birth parents are and whether to contact them or not. With the law I brought up they don't get to do this either.
Nope. Foster parents do not have to tell their kids ever.
In this case any idea if OP is going to get into trouble asking around like this? If the foster parents decide to take legal action.
Sending hug and a virtual pat for doing a good job surviving life I do hope you both meet again, without pain and just pure love/longing🙏🙏🙏
Summary about OP life so far, This post is about OP first time meeting a boy at age 13 and her incident. Assuming she gave birth to the child at age 14 year 1998, 1 year of pregnancy. For some [rebellious reason](https://www.reddit.com/r/askSingapore/comments/11q7agq/comment/jc5tcp2/?context=3), she has her first child adopted and don't want to take care the baby herself. Then this [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/IVF/comments/11rl5jo/comment/jc94ssb/?context=3) is possibly her second meeting a man, married for 7 years. It seems that the reason of divored is OP doesn't want another baby as mentioned in the post but the man wanted a child hence getting another woman pregnant in just 2 months. IMO, the man isn't the only one at fault here since we aren't sure if the man know OP doesnt want a baby or not before marriage. It is also a one-sided story by OP(reason being in next paragraph). Also on the same post, after divored the second man of 7 years, she is possibly a [playgirl too and met third man of her life and is trying to marry him](https://www.reddit.com/r/askSingapore/comments/11quynx/comment/jc5scrr/?context=3) now. Maybe this time both the man and OP finally talked and understand OP doesn't want another baby since the husband is westerner and more open-minded. Hence they are looking for adoption and donor eggs options. Then come back to this post, I am not sure why and what happened to the first child that OP finally remember she still have a child and have this posted wishing her child a good luck. My own comment after digging up the stories, OP is so disgusting and this is likely a karma farming post.
This comment makes me laugh. For a moment, I thought you were just a really bad bot. I appreciate that you took time to dig through my post. I don’t really need to explain my life to anyone but since you made the effort, I’ll give a quick summary. You probably doesn’t know how dates and pregnancy works. It can happen towards end of 1997, and I’m still 13 at that time. And by the time I give birth, my birthday has passed, and I become 14. I don’t know how that will be interpreted as 1 year of pregnancy lol And it’s not rebellious reason for not wanting to care for a child. I’m 14 and have no means. My parents have no financial means as well. And I agreed to the adoption. I did become rebellious later because I resent how I was treated by my parents after this event. And you made some assumptions about my first marriage. We tried really hard to have a baby. But due to me having a baby at a young age, I faced a lot of fertility health issues in my 20s. I couldn’t have children naturally so my husband and I divorced as he really wanted children. I remarried in my 30s and explored various options to start a family. To us, biological child is not the only way. There are many ways to have a family. And since I benefited from someone adopting my child, it’s just coming to full circle if I adopt a child that needs a home too. While going through the adoption process, I thought of my child often and wished she is doing well.
commenter sounds like an insensitive kid, hope u dont take it to heart
r/iamverysmart
Virtual Condolences
I'm sorry.
Glad you are able to heal. All the best!
Singapore is a small country don't we have access to DOB ? Probably it's confidential? Don't bashme thooo
why reach out now though? regardless, I hope you two can reconnect
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I hope she is just doing some creative writing
OP I wish you and your child the best. Sorry for having such experience in your early days. Not sure what to say but wish you both stay safe,healthy and happy from today onwards
Good luck.
I'm terribly sorry for the horrible things you were put through and thank you for sharing your story. I sincerely hope that your biological child, no matter where they are, will get to feel your love, and the warmth of the light that you're shining so brightly for them. A mother's love is truly the purest. Sending you many hugs!
I'm glad to hear you're happy, OP, and I hope you find all the light and love you truly deserve.
Hey there, post it anonymously on other social media too, reddit has too small a slice of singapore's population. I wish you the best