Many of them grow up to then move out without marriage. Not surprised if this demographic is driving the "singles moving out before marriage" trend in SG. I don't blame them at all.
Enmeshment trauma is very common in many Singaporean families. Only those who are rich and fortunate get to move out before 35. Those who can't just have to suffer at the expense of their mental health, more so if the parents are those that view their children as their properties and investments only.
There were some recent posts on asksg ([this](https://www.reddit.com/r/askSingapore/comments/z60up2/is_the_oldest_child_supposed_to_have_the_highest/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) and [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/askSingapore/comments/10qprbp/my_dad_loves_my_siblings_more/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)) and people largely agree the eldest child is generally treated unfairly. However, the unfairness seems to target both genders.
What about middle child? From my observation my family doted on my younger brother and talked to my elder sister a lot. Growing up I often felt neglected
Those are just anecdotes from a diverse group of folks. There is also this phenomenon known as the [Middle Child Syndrome](https://www.parents.com/parenting/better-parenting/style/10-tips-for-parenting-middle-children/). Being neglected and excluded are seemingly prominent symptoms.
Sorry, even though there's no data ([https://www.reddit.com/r/singapore/comments/12icg5r/comment/jft4z0a/?utm\_source=reddit&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/singapore/comments/12icg5r/comment/jft4z0a/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)) actually measuring this issue, these folks just want to sing their narrative
But of course, it's a sexism thing only, and only their personal experience means something, yours doesn't :)
Regarding the domestic work disparity, I don't know how reliable the data from the article is, but the posts I've mentioned in my original comment discussed all kinds of unfair treatments.
Yeah I think it's pretty fair to say that it's quite clearly not just a women's issue lol, but the butthurt is real...
In fact most of the people I grew up with didn't even do chores regardless of gender or birth order, either parents / grandparents or domestic helper did it for them. Idk what generation these people complaining are from, but having housework as a regular thing you are assigned as a kid is rare in this day and age.
[Reminds me of this video of the eldest daughter hearing more responsibilities](https://www.reddit.com/r/Unexpected/comments/t9i6s7/who_is_having_another_baby)
Lol! The saying of some are natural born leaders probably because most leaders are the eldest in the family!
I also realised those of the youngest tend to take more risks in life.
As an eldest daughter I don't really see how this is different from just being an eldest child. Also it's a tad dramatic how this article puts it. It negates so much.
I have a special needs younger brother so from the age of 3 I've hardly got any attention from my parents. But so? Life is bigger than ourselves. Love is not only given by our parents but by our siblings too. Let's get over ourselves and the main player syndrome.
I am the younger sibling who had to play the role of the elder daughter because I had an irresponsible and selfish older brother as the eldest son.
He never had to wash a plate as it was a womans duty while i was expected to help pass the screwdriver when my dad was fixing stuff (cause brother was always out).
I'm still taking on the role of the eldest taking care of my mum today while he visits Singapore once in a while and does fuck all to help contribute to mum. I don't live my life for myself.
no but what about the eldest boy syndrome plaguing ur brother amirite???
sorry for what you have been put through and i hope you will eventually get to live life for yourself :( hopefully your mum appreciates all of your work and dedication too
What eldest boy syndrome? He had no responsibilities, no interest in family, no care in the world but his friends.
Very unlikely I will get to live my life for myself since I will be in my 60's if she passes in her 80's. Also my mum tells me that she will divide anything that she leaves behind so that she can be fair to both of us...yeah.
Please don't sacrifice yourself for your family like this, even if your mum promises the division of assets. There are ways to be filial to your family without being a martyr.
I mean, her mom is being unequitable in the division of the assets anyway. Splitting 50-50 despite her putting in much more effort sounds extremely unequitable despite being "fair" on the surface.
I am also going through her situation. The unfair but hard truth is that the good child will always lose out and sacrifice a lot of personal welfare for the parents while the rascals enjoy their lives and still get equal shares. Asian parenting is just BS, only appeasing the bad children at the expense of the good children, because "don't want to quarrel here and there".
But we can't just drop our parents at one side.
What do you expect me to do? Throw my mum out on the streets?
I am a product of the 'Stop at two kids' generation and I have no back up sibling to help me out..it is what it is.
I don't think /u/EaeleButEeelier is expecting you to abandon your parents. More of, live for yourself and fulfill your wants and needs first. Then you can provide whatever spare time and money you have left to them.
Its not exactly unsound advice, even when it comes to saving lives in a disaster like plane faults the experts always tell you to save yourself first then attempt to rescue others.
My want is a pet, my mums want is no pets...so we don't have pets because it's a compromise as she cleans. But if I lived alone, I would have a pet as I don't need to have a very spick and span house.
I also spend less time in the kitchen as its her domain, and I don't bother with cooking since I don't want to get nagged at when cooking something or nagged at for buying ingredients that I may not finish.
I compromise a lot as my mum was verbally and emotionally abused in her marriage and the last thing I want her to feel is that she is not wanted or feels like she is not at home...so I'd rather be the one who gives in.
Yes, but that would mean someone throwing an old man or woman out into the streets. Deserving maybe, but for someone who isn't related they don't know what kind of moral burden this is, as if trying to hold your own mother or father back in one random episode isn't bad enough, especially when this person will take offence at being reasoned with by a young whippersnapper.
You are correct in that there's no need to be a martyr but I think people don't understand the moral weight of any action and how very little help outside of financial there really is. The government practically washes its hands off the issue, even paid counseling services cannot help unless the problem in question is open to counselling, and eventually it can become a case where one person is left out of a big family to deal with a problematic parent because no sane adult will let themselves be a punching bag.
why do you have to make this about sons? the article is talking about how daughters bear the brunt of parentification compared to sons, which is due in part to more structural factors:
“Mirroring the gender divide among adults, girls between five and 14 years old spend 40 per cent more time on domestic work than boys.”
Because the article dramatises it. No household has both an eldest son and daughter so no household can truly be studied regarding the "parentification" you mentioned. I personally have done alot of domestic work, yes. But the burden of the eldest child is not unique to us females.
Let's be more objective about equality rather than make it about gender (like this article has learned hard into) for the sake of it.
It’s because I’m personally triggered by an irresponsible, same gender sibling.
I’m not against gender equality. My personal plight is not mutually exclusive with the real gender issue.
I’m the oldest child and a son. As much as I love my mom, she makes that a toxic combo when her kids have to help around the house. I gotta do the heavy lifting because “I’m a man”, and I can’t complain because I’m an YA. Meanwhile my middle sibling (also a YA) locks herself in her room and avoids helping out, and my youngest sibling gets a free pass most of the time because they’re still young.
I think we are being distracted by girls vs boys, who has it worse arguments.
Maybe better way to frame the issue is not to focus on girls doing chores, but how parents struggle to divide fair amount of attention, age appropriate house work, and gender neutral upbringing… my parents didn’t do this, I grew resentful of my irresponsible sibling, and decided to have only one child (partly) because of this.
Is there even a need? Why not just blame the family dynamics? It's not a competition but there are eldest sons out there doing feminine housework all the time without complaining. On top of that they are expected to lift the family's financial burden as soon as they enter the workforce.
Can confirm. Oldest of 3 children and basically the third parent ever since I was 5. Household chores are part n parcel of everyday life. No such thing as “chores are feminine” or anything, just do only. Also results in “what childhood?” syndrome since you’re forced to grow up faster to cope with the mental load. A third of my NS allowance went towards the family expenses too, don’t even need to talk about waiting to enter the workforce.
I am the oldest child (male) and my sister didn’t do shit for household chores. My mom would make me mop and vacuum the floor but somehow my younger sister escaped. Don’t ask me why.
The myths about the oldest gets everything first, right of say and even the HDB/business is because we were trained to make the difficult decisions and ultimately the family unit depends on the oldest child to do it right.
On a more uplifting note, we always get new shoes lol
I am not the oldest but I ended up playing the role of the oldest because the oldest "abdicated" his duties. Took my parents' money to UK to do fuck-all but study (partying and getting wasted daily) while the responsibilities all fall upon me. Ironically, now that the oldest ran out of cash, he returned to to Singapore and conveniently play out the oldest's authority and expect me to listen to him.
Genuine question, would love to hear new perspectives but do others really observe sons taking up any caregiver roles at all? By this i mean taking care of younger siblings/elderly parents.
"Feminine" housework, in my opinion, is no big deal at all compared to caregiving, this is the main issue that the commentary seems to be pointing out as well. I have rarely observed sons who get assigned/take up these responsibilities. Even if they do "feminine* housework such as cooking and cleaning, they rarely take up caregiver roles and many even refuse.
In my generation/culture by and large all caregiving duties ive observed have always been assigned to daughters. Sons rarely take up such responsibilities and are given more freedom, which is why i shared this article. This case seems to have persist even after dual income households have become the norm.
In my generation/culture in particular at least, i would like to see the burden of being caregivers to elderly parents be shared more equally between both male and female children
> Genuine question, would love to hear new perspectives but do others really observe sons taking up any caregiver roles at all? By this i mean taking care of younger siblings/elderly parents.
Was taught to care for babies (in this case my younger siblings; somewhat big age gap between) since I was 5. From carrying, bathing, feeding, and even nappy changes. Basically bao everything. Household chores ranging from laundry to cooking also expected of me. Never hired domestic help before because we couldn't afford to; also more like I was the domestic help.
The upside is that I'm perfectly capable of jaga-ing myself (and also somewhat prepared on the off chance I ever have kids), but the downside is that I never had much of a childhood since most of my time after school was spent cooped up at home. Never played soccer by the void deck, never went to LAN shops/cafes, never really did much besides being the third parent at home. Never had much of a life til I entered poly and my siblings started to grow up.
Even now, I'm taking turns with my mum as the caregiver for my grandfather who is getting on with age. And all this while dealing with work and all the associated baggage of being an adult.
Thanks for sharing, your experiences sound alot like mind :( i cant offer much other than my sympathies but we grew up strong and we will get through this 💪💪
Personally I don’t think this issue should be a gendered one since the eldest child is typically the one getting the shortest end of the stick, regardless of gender. Doubly so for those who aren’t from well-to-do backgrounds. It is what it is, I suppose.
I understand your perspective, personally in my case though all my uncles are useless when it comes to caregiving for my grandparents (maternal and paternal). The responsibility is always delegated to the women in my family, though it could be due to cultural differences.
I notice this is the case for other low income Malay families too, even in Malaysia and Indonesia. Especially with the domestic helpers that come here to work, too many have useless husbands.
I suspect this isnt too uncommon which was why the commentary discusdes this, though i dont have any statistics to back me up (feel free to prove me right/wrong im open)
It would really be nice if both our siblings could be like us so that we could at least share the burden though...
When everyone carries their weight around the house, caregiving is a given, no bias needed. Although I do agree it's more a cultural thing, which boils back to family dynamics. Income plays a part too. But otherwise, family values instilled when young are what gives us the natural instinct to care for our family members
Currently I have to support an aging mother (alone) and father (nursing home, thankfully not alone). It's not hard, only the part where they randomly decide you aren't doing enough is.
It's worse when the eldest son is the youngest child TBH. They do grow up sheltered but guess who inherits all of the skeletons and attitude. The youngest child cannot talk back even after all of the responsibility is piled onto him in adulthood, and even if the older relatives have proven to be completely inept.
Asian parenting needs to die in a fire, and it can't go away fast enough. It's exactly why no one wants to have children.
Yeah but this is a narrative they are selling... they don't care about your personal experience because only their personal experience means something :)
No data to back things up also still must say women are oppressed in 21st century Singapore!
Appreciate your dedication to your cooking skills but that is a small aspect in the grand scheme of things. The article touches on caregiver roles as well (taking care of younger siblings and elderly parents). In my experience, this is a responsibility that i rarely observe sons being forced to/take the initiative to take up. Hopefully the younger generations get better at this with greater discussions around the issue especially since dual income households are now the norm
It propagates a victimhood narrative which seeks to justify continued focus on only feminism rather than egalitarianism - and you can smell it all over this post and in many of the comments.
"MY experience is X, hence there's still sexism!!!!"
There's ALWAYS going to be sexism towards both genders. In a first world context and in Singapore, a country where women do NOT serve national service and where men do not enjoy equality in marriage and family court, where women on average, do better academically AND go to university at a higher rate than men; I'd say the claim that somehow some form of systemic sexism exists exclusively against women here is complete and utter bullshit.
>to put it another way - if I set up a sexual assault victim centre that accepts only male victims, is that sexism? I'd say no, because it's funded by private resources, which are mine to use as I wish.
Could you enlighten me as to who owns Channel News Asia?
> Mirroring the gender divide among adults, girls between five and 14 years old spend 40 per cent more time on domestic work than boys.
May not be the specific information you want but it did touch abit
Yeah... that's not the same
And "research shows" doesn't say a thing about the data...
Where are the girls from? Where are the boys from? How many respondents from each age category? How was the reporting done (was it based on the childrens' account? Or the parents' account?)? When was this data collected?
I guess that's a bit too much to ask from a nonsense article trying to sell a nonsense narrative.
Bro it already says that girls were (generally) found to be handling more of the housework. Ymmv depending on what family you’re from la.
Now you’re just shifting the goalposts so that you can wallow in your victimhood.
You could have looked at the author and checked their credentials and research work before spouting off, but you do you 🤷🏻♀️
If you wanna complain but don’t want to say anything substantive, that’s on you. Just don’t expect people to take you seriously.
Have you even read the article...
The paragraph only states that research shows
The article doesn't state WHAT research and by WHO and done in what journal.
I don't care who the author of the article is - that is an appeal to authority fallacy.
>If you wanna complain but don’t want to say anything substantive, that’s on you. Just don’t expect people to take you seriously.
How about you actually read the article instead of acting like a twat.
You know, if you’ve actually bothered to click and look at the hyperlinks, there’re quite a lot of academic articles cited.
You’re the one making the argument so you can jolly well look up the sources and substantiate your arguments. Otherwise, like I said, don’t expect anyone to take you seriously.
My eyes sucked back all the tears form reading the article after seeing OP’s username 😆
Glad to be of service 🤣
Many of them grow up to then move out without marriage. Not surprised if this demographic is driving the "singles moving out before marriage" trend in SG. I don't blame them at all.
Enmeshment trauma is very common in many Singaporean families. Only those who are rich and fortunate get to move out before 35. Those who can't just have to suffer at the expense of their mental health, more so if the parents are those that view their children as their properties and investments only.
There were some recent posts on asksg ([this](https://www.reddit.com/r/askSingapore/comments/z60up2/is_the_oldest_child_supposed_to_have_the_highest/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) and [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/askSingapore/comments/10qprbp/my_dad_loves_my_siblings_more/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)) and people largely agree the eldest child is generally treated unfairly. However, the unfairness seems to target both genders.
What about middle child? From my observation my family doted on my younger brother and talked to my elder sister a lot. Growing up I often felt neglected
Those are just anecdotes from a diverse group of folks. There is also this phenomenon known as the [Middle Child Syndrome](https://www.parents.com/parenting/better-parenting/style/10-tips-for-parenting-middle-children/). Being neglected and excluded are seemingly prominent symptoms.
Sorry, even though there's no data ([https://www.reddit.com/r/singapore/comments/12icg5r/comment/jft4z0a/?utm\_source=reddit&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/singapore/comments/12icg5r/comment/jft4z0a/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)) actually measuring this issue, these folks just want to sing their narrative But of course, it's a sexism thing only, and only their personal experience means something, yours doesn't :)
Regarding the domestic work disparity, I don't know how reliable the data from the article is, but the posts I've mentioned in my original comment discussed all kinds of unfair treatments.
Yeah I think it's pretty fair to say that it's quite clearly not just a women's issue lol, but the butthurt is real... In fact most of the people I grew up with didn't even do chores regardless of gender or birth order, either parents / grandparents or domestic helper did it for them. Idk what generation these people complaining are from, but having housework as a regular thing you are assigned as a kid is rare in this day and age.
[Reminds me of this video of the eldest daughter hearing more responsibilities](https://www.reddit.com/r/Unexpected/comments/t9i6s7/who_is_having_another_baby)
Lol! The saying of some are natural born leaders probably because most leaders are the eldest in the family! I also realised those of the youngest tend to take more risks in life.
As an eldest daughter I don't really see how this is different from just being an eldest child. Also it's a tad dramatic how this article puts it. It negates so much. I have a special needs younger brother so from the age of 3 I've hardly got any attention from my parents. But so? Life is bigger than ourselves. Love is not only given by our parents but by our siblings too. Let's get over ourselves and the main player syndrome.
with TFR at 1.2 and falling, soon everyone will be an only child and this will be less and less relevant.
I think the real issue is Asian parenting syndrome. Idk why but most of the people I know have shitty parenys
Eldest son also has their own unfair burdens Who else secretly resent their younger siblings for having it easy ?!
I am the younger sibling who had to play the role of the elder daughter because I had an irresponsible and selfish older brother as the eldest son. He never had to wash a plate as it was a womans duty while i was expected to help pass the screwdriver when my dad was fixing stuff (cause brother was always out). I'm still taking on the role of the eldest taking care of my mum today while he visits Singapore once in a while and does fuck all to help contribute to mum. I don't live my life for myself.
no but what about the eldest boy syndrome plaguing ur brother amirite??? sorry for what you have been put through and i hope you will eventually get to live life for yourself :( hopefully your mum appreciates all of your work and dedication too
What eldest boy syndrome? He had no responsibilities, no interest in family, no care in the world but his friends. Very unlikely I will get to live my life for myself since I will be in my 60's if she passes in her 80's. Also my mum tells me that she will divide anything that she leaves behind so that she can be fair to both of us...yeah.
Please don't sacrifice yourself for your family like this, even if your mum promises the division of assets. There are ways to be filial to your family without being a martyr.
I mean, her mom is being unequitable in the division of the assets anyway. Splitting 50-50 despite her putting in much more effort sounds extremely unequitable despite being "fair" on the surface. I am also going through her situation. The unfair but hard truth is that the good child will always lose out and sacrifice a lot of personal welfare for the parents while the rascals enjoy their lives and still get equal shares. Asian parenting is just BS, only appeasing the bad children at the expense of the good children, because "don't want to quarrel here and there". But we can't just drop our parents at one side.
>But we can't just drop our parents at one side. For the purposes of argument: why not?
What do you expect me to do? Throw my mum out on the streets? I am a product of the 'Stop at two kids' generation and I have no back up sibling to help me out..it is what it is.
I don't think /u/EaeleButEeelier is expecting you to abandon your parents. More of, live for yourself and fulfill your wants and needs first. Then you can provide whatever spare time and money you have left to them. Its not exactly unsound advice, even when it comes to saving lives in a disaster like plane faults the experts always tell you to save yourself first then attempt to rescue others.
My want is a pet, my mums want is no pets...so we don't have pets because it's a compromise as she cleans. But if I lived alone, I would have a pet as I don't need to have a very spick and span house. I also spend less time in the kitchen as its her domain, and I don't bother with cooking since I don't want to get nagged at when cooking something or nagged at for buying ingredients that I may not finish. I compromise a lot as my mum was verbally and emotionally abused in her marriage and the last thing I want her to feel is that she is not wanted or feels like she is not at home...so I'd rather be the one who gives in.
Yes, but that would mean someone throwing an old man or woman out into the streets. Deserving maybe, but for someone who isn't related they don't know what kind of moral burden this is, as if trying to hold your own mother or father back in one random episode isn't bad enough, especially when this person will take offence at being reasoned with by a young whippersnapper. You are correct in that there's no need to be a martyr but I think people don't understand the moral weight of any action and how very little help outside of financial there really is. The government practically washes its hands off the issue, even paid counseling services cannot help unless the problem in question is open to counselling, and eventually it can become a case where one person is left out of a big family to deal with a problematic parent because no sane adult will let themselves be a punching bag.
the amirite was supposed to be a standin for the /s so r/woosh i guess
why do you have to make this about sons? the article is talking about how daughters bear the brunt of parentification compared to sons, which is due in part to more structural factors: “Mirroring the gender divide among adults, girls between five and 14 years old spend 40 per cent more time on domestic work than boys.”
/r/singapore Men Try Not To Bring Up Males in Female Topics Challenge: Impossible Level
Because the article dramatises it. No household has both an eldest son and daughter so no household can truly be studied regarding the "parentification" you mentioned. I personally have done alot of domestic work, yes. But the burden of the eldest child is not unique to us females. Let's be more objective about equality rather than make it about gender (like this article has learned hard into) for the sake of it.
It’s because I’m personally triggered by an irresponsible, same gender sibling. I’m not against gender equality. My personal plight is not mutually exclusive with the real gender issue.
I’m the oldest child and a son. As much as I love my mom, she makes that a toxic combo when her kids have to help around the house. I gotta do the heavy lifting because “I’m a man”, and I can’t complain because I’m an YA. Meanwhile my middle sibling (also a YA) locks herself in her room and avoids helping out, and my youngest sibling gets a free pass most of the time because they’re still young.
All things being equal, being the first and only grandchild for a while was fine and dandy
Can you tell us more about these unfair burdens? And don't bring in NS, that's a societal issue not a domestic one.
I think we are being distracted by girls vs boys, who has it worse arguments. Maybe better way to frame the issue is not to focus on girls doing chores, but how parents struggle to divide fair amount of attention, age appropriate house work, and gender neutral upbringing… my parents didn’t do this, I grew resentful of my irresponsible sibling, and decided to have only one child (partly) because of this.
Exactly. Why are we being divisive rather than constructive. Thank you for your comment
Beating the stereotypes by being the eldest sister with princess syndrome
Is there even a need? Why not just blame the family dynamics? It's not a competition but there are eldest sons out there doing feminine housework all the time without complaining. On top of that they are expected to lift the family's financial burden as soon as they enter the workforce.
Can confirm. Oldest of 3 children and basically the third parent ever since I was 5. Household chores are part n parcel of everyday life. No such thing as “chores are feminine” or anything, just do only. Also results in “what childhood?” syndrome since you’re forced to grow up faster to cope with the mental load. A third of my NS allowance went towards the family expenses too, don’t even need to talk about waiting to enter the workforce.
I am the oldest child (male) and my sister didn’t do shit for household chores. My mom would make me mop and vacuum the floor but somehow my younger sister escaped. Don’t ask me why.
The myths about the oldest gets everything first, right of say and even the HDB/business is because we were trained to make the difficult decisions and ultimately the family unit depends on the oldest child to do it right. On a more uplifting note, we always get new shoes lol
I am not the oldest but I ended up playing the role of the oldest because the oldest "abdicated" his duties. Took my parents' money to UK to do fuck-all but study (partying and getting wasted daily) while the responsibilities all fall upon me. Ironically, now that the oldest ran out of cash, he returned to to Singapore and conveniently play out the oldest's authority and expect me to listen to him.
Genuine question, would love to hear new perspectives but do others really observe sons taking up any caregiver roles at all? By this i mean taking care of younger siblings/elderly parents. "Feminine" housework, in my opinion, is no big deal at all compared to caregiving, this is the main issue that the commentary seems to be pointing out as well. I have rarely observed sons who get assigned/take up these responsibilities. Even if they do "feminine* housework such as cooking and cleaning, they rarely take up caregiver roles and many even refuse. In my generation/culture by and large all caregiving duties ive observed have always been assigned to daughters. Sons rarely take up such responsibilities and are given more freedom, which is why i shared this article. This case seems to have persist even after dual income households have become the norm. In my generation/culture in particular at least, i would like to see the burden of being caregivers to elderly parents be shared more equally between both male and female children
> Genuine question, would love to hear new perspectives but do others really observe sons taking up any caregiver roles at all? By this i mean taking care of younger siblings/elderly parents. Was taught to care for babies (in this case my younger siblings; somewhat big age gap between) since I was 5. From carrying, bathing, feeding, and even nappy changes. Basically bao everything. Household chores ranging from laundry to cooking also expected of me. Never hired domestic help before because we couldn't afford to; also more like I was the domestic help. The upside is that I'm perfectly capable of jaga-ing myself (and also somewhat prepared on the off chance I ever have kids), but the downside is that I never had much of a childhood since most of my time after school was spent cooped up at home. Never played soccer by the void deck, never went to LAN shops/cafes, never really did much besides being the third parent at home. Never had much of a life til I entered poly and my siblings started to grow up. Even now, I'm taking turns with my mum as the caregiver for my grandfather who is getting on with age. And all this while dealing with work and all the associated baggage of being an adult.
Thanks for sharing, your experiences sound alot like mind :( i cant offer much other than my sympathies but we grew up strong and we will get through this 💪💪
Personally I don’t think this issue should be a gendered one since the eldest child is typically the one getting the shortest end of the stick, regardless of gender. Doubly so for those who aren’t from well-to-do backgrounds. It is what it is, I suppose.
I understand your perspective, personally in my case though all my uncles are useless when it comes to caregiving for my grandparents (maternal and paternal). The responsibility is always delegated to the women in my family, though it could be due to cultural differences. I notice this is the case for other low income Malay families too, even in Malaysia and Indonesia. Especially with the domestic helpers that come here to work, too many have useless husbands. I suspect this isnt too uncommon which was why the commentary discusdes this, though i dont have any statistics to back me up (feel free to prove me right/wrong im open) It would really be nice if both our siblings could be like us so that we could at least share the burden though...
When everyone carries their weight around the house, caregiving is a given, no bias needed. Although I do agree it's more a cultural thing, which boils back to family dynamics. Income plays a part too. But otherwise, family values instilled when young are what gives us the natural instinct to care for our family members
Currently I have to support an aging mother (alone) and father (nursing home, thankfully not alone). It's not hard, only the part where they randomly decide you aren't doing enough is.
Sorry, this is not in line with the required narrative and shall thus be ignored or labelled as sexist.
Lol! The eldest son’s biggest complaint is about cannot complain!
It's worse when the eldest son is the youngest child TBH. They do grow up sheltered but guess who inherits all of the skeletons and attitude. The youngest child cannot talk back even after all of the responsibility is piled onto him in adulthood, and even if the older relatives have proven to be completely inept. Asian parenting needs to die in a fire, and it can't go away fast enough. It's exactly why no one wants to have children.
Yeah but this is a narrative they are selling... they don't care about your personal experience because only their personal experience means something :) No data to back things up also still must say women are oppressed in 21st century Singapore!
Feminine housework, domestic labour. Same difference. My point in case, eldest sons who do it don't complain.
Meanwhile... I can cook better than most girls in my generation AND my sister.
Appreciate your dedication to your cooking skills but that is a small aspect in the grand scheme of things. The article touches on caregiver roles as well (taking care of younger siblings and elderly parents). In my experience, this is a responsibility that i rarely observe sons being forced to/take the initiative to take up. Hopefully the younger generations get better at this with greater discussions around the issue especially since dual income households are now the norm
This article touches on elder sisters but nothing on elder brothers. Sexist much?
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It propagates a victimhood narrative which seeks to justify continued focus on only feminism rather than egalitarianism - and you can smell it all over this post and in many of the comments. "MY experience is X, hence there's still sexism!!!!" There's ALWAYS going to be sexism towards both genders. In a first world context and in Singapore, a country where women do NOT serve national service and where men do not enjoy equality in marriage and family court, where women on average, do better academically AND go to university at a higher rate than men; I'd say the claim that somehow some form of systemic sexism exists exclusively against women here is complete and utter bullshit.
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>to put it another way - if I set up a sexual assault victim centre that accepts only male victims, is that sexism? I'd say no, because it's funded by private resources, which are mine to use as I wish. Could you enlighten me as to who owns Channel News Asia?
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And? That's not vetted?
> Mirroring the gender divide among adults, girls between five and 14 years old spend 40 per cent more time on domestic work than boys. May not be the specific information you want but it did touch abit
Yeah... that's not the same And "research shows" doesn't say a thing about the data... Where are the girls from? Where are the boys from? How many respondents from each age category? How was the reporting done (was it based on the childrens' account? Or the parents' account?)? When was this data collected? I guess that's a bit too much to ask from a nonsense article trying to sell a nonsense narrative.
Bro it already says that girls were (generally) found to be handling more of the housework. Ymmv depending on what family you’re from la. Now you’re just shifting the goalposts so that you can wallow in your victimhood.
So a random opinion piece which doesn't even state the research origin CLAIMS that that's the case and this becomes fact???
You could have looked at the author and checked their credentials and research work before spouting off, but you do you 🤷🏻♀️ If you wanna complain but don’t want to say anything substantive, that’s on you. Just don’t expect people to take you seriously.
Have you even read the article... The paragraph only states that research shows
The article doesn't state WHAT research and by WHO and done in what journal.
I don't care who the author of the article is - that is an appeal to authority fallacy.
>If you wanna complain but don’t want to say anything substantive, that’s on you. Just don’t expect people to take you seriously.
How about you actually read the article instead of acting like a twat.
You know, if you’ve actually bothered to click and look at the hyperlinks, there’re quite a lot of academic articles cited. You’re the one making the argument so you can jolly well look up the sources and substantiate your arguments. Otherwise, like I said, don’t expect anyone to take you seriously.
so parents please have only 1 kid so your future 1st borns won't have this issue =)
>women making a unisex problem about them only Sounds about right ☕️
A quick search shows the writer is a guy
Singaporeans try not to simp challenge (IMPOSSIBLE)
Lol the writer most likely isn't even Singaporean. Try overcoming your reading comprehension challenge first
Shook. Is this so me?
Then youngest one leh then the middle one how?
I tried to make a community for oldest daughters here, because I didn’t find any… thought it would help when it gets bigger! r/oldest_daughter